#like I know people are gonna complain to me for critiquing a novel aimed at children

[kachikirby]

Kirby: Mysterious Incident on the Pupupu Train! - Chapter 4: The Great Sandwich Incident!

Previous Chapter

In the early morning, Chef Kawasaki got to work right away. While he was cooking in the kitchen car, Kirby came.

“Good morning, Chef Kawasaki!”

“Good morning, Kirby. You’re up early.”

“Bonkers’s snoring was so loud that it woke me up!”

Kirby let out a sigh.

“Bonkers snores a lot, has a bad sleeping pattern, and is a real pain! And yet, whenever I hummed a little, he would wake up suddenly and get really angry! That’s awful, isn’t it?”

“Y-yeah.”

Chef Kawasaki’s smile was wry. Kirby’s singing had terrifying destructive power. Even if he was humming a little tune, someone sitting next to him would probably flinch. Bonkers’s snoring versus Kirby’s humming. It was a showdown no one wanted to get too close to.

“It’s strange. Even though Bonkers really liked me so much that he insisted on rooming with me...”

“Bonkers probably doesn’t feel well in the mornings, so he hates them.” Chef Kawasaki comforted the disappointed Kirby.

“...that’s right! More importantly, let’s make breakfast early! I’ll help you!”

“N-no thanks. I’m good.” Chef Kawasaki’s smile was more and more strained.

Kirby’s cooking skills were just as destructive as his singing ability!

“You don’t have to worry! I’ll mix natto, strawberry jam, and eggs! If you put it on toast, it’ll be delicious!”

“It’s fine, Kirby! Leave the cooking to me! First, I have to make breakfast for the crew!” Kawasaki shouted with all his might.

“Ok! What are you making?”

“Something that you can easily pick up with one hand while working... I think a sandwich would be good.”

“Waah! Sounds good! What are you gonna put in them? Sashimi? Pickled radishes? Gyoza?”

“Ham and cucumbers. Kirby, would you mind going to the food car and getting some ham from the refrigerator?”

“Got it!”

Kirby ran to the food car. Meanwhile, Chef Kawasaki opened a wooden box on the floor and took out a cucumber. He then spread some butter on the bread and put on the sliced cucumber and ham that Kirby brought. Then he put on some mayonnaise and salt for seasoning and cut off the crust.

“Waaah! Looks delicious! I wanna eat it, too!”

“You can’t! This is for the crew! If you have a bit, there won’t be enough for them!” Kawasaki said to the drooling Kirby.

“Oh, that’s right!”

“I’ll make you plenty of them when it’s your turn later. Would you mind delivering these to the driver, the conductor, and the maid?”

“Suuuree!”

Kirby took one plate in each hand and one on his head before tottering out of the kitchen car.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The first place Kirby went to was the conductor’s room behind the food car.

“Good morning! Please open the door!”

Kirby shouted. The door opened and the conductor’s face peered out.

“Oh, Mr. Kirby. Good morning. What can I do for you?”

“I brought you breakfast!”

“Hm? For me?”

“Yup! It’s Chef Kawasaki’s specially made sandwich!”

The conductor’s eyes sparkled.

“Waah! Ham and cucumber! My favorite! I’ll have it after checking the machine. Please put it on the table over there.”

“Okay!”

Kirby put the plate in the conductor’s room and left. Next, he headed for the maid’s room. The maid was well dressed and had a broom in her hand.

“Oh, good morning, Mr. Kirby.”

“Good morning! Here’s a sandwich made by Chef Kawasaki!”

“Ahh! Is this for me? It looks delicious!” The maid smiled. “I was about to go clean everyone’s rooms. I’m so happy to be able to eat such a delicious looking sandwich before work.”

“Good luck with your work! See you!”

The last place he headed was the cab at the far front of the train. The driver sat in his seat, staring at the screen.

“Good morning, Mr. Driver!”

“Hm? Oh, good morning, Mr. Kirby.”

The driver stretched his arms as if to relax his body. Although he occasionally swaps with the conductor to take a nap, he usually stays in the driver’s seat for most of the trip. It’s an exhausting job.

“Do you need something? The train is running smoothly and there’s nothing to worry about!”

“That’s good to hear! I brought you a sandwich made by Chef Kawasaki!”

“Hm? For me?”

The driver smiled.

“Waah, it looks delicious! Thank you so much!”

He took a small piece of the sandwich, opened his large mouth, and took a bite. Kirby, having a rare opportunity in the cab, looked around.

“That’s a really big screen. So that’s how you know what’s going on outside. Is this a speedometer? These numbers... are how far we are to the destination?”

The driver spoke while munching on the sandwiches.

“You can look at it, but don’t... touch... anything...”

His words were interrupted. Kirby, wondering about this, looked at him. The driver was laying face down on the control panel.

“...huh?!”

Surprised, Kirby called out to the driver. “What’s wrong, Mr. Driver!? Are you ok?!”

There was no response. It seemed like the driver lost consciousness.

“Wh-what happened?! Is everything ok?!”

He shook the driver, but the driver did not move.

“Th-this is bad...! I gotta call someone!”

Kirby rushed out of the driver’s cab in a panic. As he ran into the passageway, an even more shocking sight caught his eye. The maid was lying down, her broom still in hand.

“Huuuuh?!  Ms. Maid!? Ms. Maid, hang in there!”

Kirby shook her, but her consciousness did not return, just like with the driver. Except it was right in front of the Waddle Dee room. The door opened to reveal Bandana Waddle Dee.

“What’s wrong, Kirby? Why are you shouting so...”

Upon seeing the maid laying on the floor, Bandana rushed over.

“Ms. Maid?! Wh-wh-what’s wrong!?”

“I don’t know! This happened with the driver, too! They suddenly fell over!” Kirby answered.

“Huuuuuuhhh?! Even the driver!?”

Bandana turned pale. Some Waddle Dees heard the noise and rushed out of the room.

“You guys stay with the maid! I’ll let his highness know! Kirby... that’s right! Call the conductor!” Bandana quickly said.

“Got it!”

With that, Kirby and Bandana headed off in their according directions.

~~~~~~~~

Kirby knocked at the door to the conductor’s room violently.

“Mr. Conductor! Mr. Conductor! Open up! There’s a problem!”

However, there was no response from inside.

“No way...even the conductor?!”

Kirby quickly opened the door. His bad feeling was correct. The conductor was sitting slumped over in the chair, unconscious. On the table was an empty plate. It seems like he passed out because he ate all of the sandwiches.

“The sandwich...?! No, it’s because they all ate the sandwiches...?!”

Kirby ran out of the conductor’s room. Chef Kawasaki had to know about this!

~~~~~~~~

The news spread all over the train in the blink of an eye. The passengers gathered in the dining car and made a big fuss.

“What’s going on? Did the maid faint?”

“I heard that the driver and conductor also lost consciousness. What’s happened?!”

Everyone looked at each other with worried expressions.

Chef Kawasaki stood still with a blank look on his face. In front of him was York, King Dedede, and Meta Knight.

York raised his voice. “Calm down, everyone. First, let’s sort out this situation. What happened?”

“The driver, conductor, and maid all passed out!” Kirby said.

“The three crew members were taken to their rooms and are sleeping in bed. The three of them looked fine, were breathing normally, and appeared to just be sleeping. But no matter how much you would yell or shake them, they wouldn’t wake up.” Bandana said.

“H... hey! Never mind the conductor or the maid, if there’s no driver, then the train shouldn’t be moving! If there’s no driver, how is the train moving...” King Dedede shouted.

Upon hearing what the king shouted, the passengers panicked.

“If there’s no driver, then the train is running with no one at the controls...?! It’s a runaway!”

“Oh no! We’re in danger!”

“Kyahhh! Kyaaahh! I’m scared!”

“This is an emergency. Stop the train and return to Dream Land.” Meta Knight said to York.

“We cannot do that.” York shook his head.

“You can’t? Why?”

“When this train departs from its station, it uses a device installed at the station to accelerate the train. It is not possible to stop or start the train at a place that is not a station.”

“What do you... so you mean that without a driver, it will continue to run?”

Even Meta Knight was at a loss for words.

“Everything will be fine. This train has a self-driving device. Even if there is no driver, it will continue to run on the line. Unless something very bad...” York said emphatically.

“No, wait, wait!” Dedede shouted. “The train absolutely needs a driver!”

“It’s fine. The self-driving device...”

“Can you really trust a device? Leave it to me!”

“...huh?”

York was dumbfounded.

“King Dedede? You can’t be saying that you can drive the train, can you?”

“I’ve never done it before, but there’s nothing that I can’t do! Don’t worry, everyone!”

Dedede rushed out of the dining car in a confident manner.

“...seems more like he just wants to drive it.” Knuckle Joe said.

“Will it really be all right?”

“There’s an automatic driving device, so it’ll work out somehow, right?”

While the passengers murmured, Meta Knight spoke.

“I still feel uneasy without a proper driver. We have to do something to wake them up. But first, we must investigate how and why they fell asleep.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea.”

Chef Kawasaki stepped forward.

“The three of them ate the sandwiches that I made.”

“...what?”

“Everyone fell asleep after eating my sandwiches. I thought it was my sandwiches’ fault...!”

The passengers gasped.

“What were in the sandwiches?” Meta Knight asked.

“Just ordinary ham and cucumbers.”

“Cucumbers... it can’t be...” York, who was listening to the conversation, muttered.

Meta Knight overheard what he had said.

“Do you have an idea what’s going on here, York?”

“N-no. It’s nothing.”

York turned his back as if deceiving. Meta Knight turned back to Chef Kawasaki.

“Will you allow me to investigate the kitchen car?”

“Of course.”

The two of them headed to the kitchen car.

“I baked the bread myself. The ham was stored in the refrigerator. The cucumbers came from this wooden box. Then I put on salt, mayonnaise, and butter.” Chef Kawasaki explained.

“Was there an ingredient that made them sleepy...?”

“Impossible! I didn’t even use slumbercumbers!”

“Slumbercumbers?”

“It’s the name of a vegetable. It looks and tastes the same as regular cucumbers, but eating them causes you to be overwhelmed by intense drowsiness.”

Meta Knight’s eyes lit up.

“Would that box of vegetables happen to be sleep cucumbers?”

“That’s impossible! I picked the usual cucumbers from the usual field and packed them in the box myself!”

“But I want to check just in case.”

“Understood, though I think it’s useless.”

Chef Kawasaki took out a long green vegetable from the box placed on the floor. He then cut it in two with a kitchen knife.

“See? It’s just a normal cucumber...”

But at the next moment, his eyes widened.

“...huh?! This scent...!?”

He sniffed the vegetable and shouted.

“This is a sweet smell...! This isn’t a normal cucumber! It’s a slumbercumber!”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes...!” Chef Kawasaki said, dumbfounded.

“If you don't pay close attention, you won't notice, but slumbercumbers have a different, sweeter smell than normal cucumbers. I wasn’t paying attention when I made the sandwiches! Why were these things even in the kitchen car...?!”

Meta Knight stared at Kawasaki with sharp eyes underneath his mask.

“Is it possible that you mistook them with normal cucumbers when you brought them on?”

“Absolutely not!” Chef Kawasaki shouted. “Slumbercumbers only grow in the southern grasslands of Dream Land! There’s no way it can become lost in a field of regular cucumbers!”

“Did you carry the box on yourself?”

“I didn’t, there was just so many ingredients. I packed up everything I had prepared and shipped to the York Railroad Company.”

“...how long will the people who eat the slumbercumbers be asleep for?”

“It depends on how much they ate, and the amount used in those sandwiches... it’ll be about ten days.”

“Ten days...?!”

Meta Knight was surprised.

“What will happen to them if they sleep for ten days? They won’t be able to eat during that time and their bodies will become weak...”

“It’ll be fine. They won’t need to eat or drink anything while they’re asleep. It’s like they’re hibernating. So, there’s no need to worry.”

“...I see. That’s good.”

Meta Knight’s voice calmed down.

“Is there any way we can wake them up?”

“No. The slumbercumber’s effect is strong. Until ten days pass, they won’t wake up no matter what you do.”

“...and there’s four days left until we reach Baspa. So, the crew will be asleep until we reach the last stop.”

At that moment, York entered the kitchen car.

“What did you think? Did you find anything out?” He asked in a worried voice.

“...Mr. York.”

Meta Knight explained everything to him about how slumbercumbers look similar to normal cucumbers and how they somehow got into the kitchen car. After hearing everything, York turned pale.

“...I see. But why...”

It was a small whisper, but Meta Knight heard it.

“Mr. York, what did you just say?”

“Huh? Oh, no, it’s nothing... ahem!”

York cleared his throat.

“Why is something like that in the kitchen car?!”

“Chef Kawasaki said he doesn’t know. Do you have an idea, Mr. York?”

“Of- of course not! I have no idea!” York looked confused.

Meta Knight responded. “But it seems that you can only get the slumbercumbers in the south grasslands of Dream Land. It’s impossible to accidentally mistake it for normal cucumbers and carelessly bring it on. Someone put slumbercumbers in this box and brought them into the kitchen car.”

“What...” York said while sweating profusely. “Who would do something like that?”

“I don’t know. But Chef Kawasaki said that he left it to the York Railway Company to pack the ingredients.”

Chef Kawasaki nodded.

“York, of course, knows about that. I left the food I had prepared to the York Railroad Company to carry it into the Pupupu Train.”

“That’s correct.” York nodded. “The food car is used for items that need to be frozen or refrigerated. Seasonings and ready to use vegetables go straight to the kitchen car...my workers followed Chef Kawasaki’s instructions exactly.”

“...hmph.”

Meta Knight said with a serious voice. “There are several possibilities. First, there is the possibility that an unscrupulous employee of the York Railroad Company secretly slipped in a crate of slumbercumbers.”

“That cannot be!” York shouted quickly. “All of my employees are serious and hard-working people! I know everyone who works here! There cannot be any unscrupulous individuals!”

“Then the next possibility. An unscrupulous passenger brought on the slumbercumbers and put them in the kitchen car...”

“I don’t think it’s that.” Chef Kawasaki said. “The passengers are all citizens of Dream Land, outside of you and your subordinates, Meta Knight.”

“...that’s right.”

“I know the people in Dream Land well, and I don’t believe that they would do something like that.”

“My subordinates wouldn’t do something like that either. Next possibility is that someone other than one of the original passengers entered this car...”

“That’s unthinkable.” York denied. “The Pupupu Train’s passenger check is strict. Those who don’t have a ticket will absolutely not be allowed on. No matter who tries to slip in, it’s impossible.”

“Hmm...” Chef Kawasaki uttered while thinking. “But Kirby was the one who was in charge of the ticket gate. It seemed he longed for the job and the station attendant let him do it.”

“That’s right.”

“Someone sneaked in while Kirby was looking away...that’s probably what happened.”

“...yeah...”

Meta Knight nodded, his voice lowering.

“There’s still too much we don’t know. The most important thing is to not let panic spread among the passengers.”

“That’s right.”

York quickly nodded. “Our company wishes for the most enjoyable travel on the rails for our guests. We cannot let them panic.”

“Mr. York, confirm for me again. Will the train be fine without the driver?”

“Yes, of course.” York puffed his chest up. “Our company’s self-driving device proudly uses the best technology in the galaxy! There’s nothing to worry about!”

“Anyway, we have no choice but to keep going. Cook Kawasaki, make a delicious breakfast that will calm everyone down.”

Chef Kawasaki nodded. “I’ll make sure that each ingredient is carefully selected so that this won’t happen again. The afternoon snack party will be held as planned.”

“Good idea. Sweets have a calming effect on the hearts of others.”

With that, Meta Knight and York left the kitchen car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Table of Contents

Next Chapter ->

[lexicals]

Aaaa okay I've finished the novels now too. Gonna put my thoughts down on them and how they compare to the tv version

So overall I think I like the novels better, the interiority you gain from the format adds a lot I think and it definitely benefits from not having to hold back on things like the gorey side of the supernatural elements (and yes, the gay as hell elements). I think that same lack of restraint in the writing adds a lot more comedy - while I thought the tv version was very funny, I found the books hilarious, and I think a lot of that is down to not having to pull punches on how outrageous wei wuxian gets to act, which is the core of the comedy so much of the time. I also felt that the ending was a lot more coherent, which makes sense given how much was cut out of it for the tv version, and obviously it's nice to have a confirmed post-canon marriage and continued adventures! The post-story cases were a lot of fun, I think some of my favourite parts were getting to see the two of them interact with their little gaggle of juniors and help guide them, it's very sweet.

As for criticisms, I have to be honest, the more mature scenes really weren't for me. I wasn't a fan of the blurry lines of consent (it felt like the aim was consensual non-consent, but... it still didn't sit right, especially some of the dream sequence stuff) and a lot of it felt fetishising to me, but then I suppose it's something to be expected from the genre, so I can't complain too much about it. I liked the fact that the in-universe homophobia was acknowledged and taken into consideration, but sometimes it felt like it was being played for titillation rather than taken seriously - again, though, genre conventions. It also felt like there was an underlying tone of colourism to the character descriptions, but honestly you could probably level that critique at the tv version as well. These were things that soured the experience a bit for me, but the overall read was still positive, and I did really enjoy the story even despite knowing what was going to happen already. It's a good tragedy when you're reading along thinking "maybe it won't happen this time" lol.

I find myself a bit confused as to what wei wuxian's actual cause of death was - obviously the tv version makes it very clear cut, but the book only calls it "spiritual rebound" and doesn't really elaborate or directly show anything from after the massacre, so it felt a bit vague. I suppose the idea is that he lost control during the siege and was torn apart by his own power? Not sure if I've missed something there or if it's just not very clear. It's not a huge annoyance but I was a bit surprised they didn't get into it more than passingly.

Anyway overall it was a really good read, and now I get to go read all the good fic that's out there :3 It's even poked my writing itch a little which hasn't happened in ages - idk if I'll actually follow through with it or just keep my musings to myself, but it's nice to have a nice big brain space to play in after a long time of not having one. I'm glad I finally got around to this after seeing other people talking about it for such a long time, it's been a while since I had a series grab me like this so it's been a lot of fun.