#like EA has smutty stuff but they dedicate special weeks to churn out fanart and fanfics

[kwamiwayzz]

Why I Left...Then Eventually Came Back (Vent)

Geez...I don’t know how I came to this, but I wanted to vent this out after looking at the last thing I posted before I abandoned took a long-ish hiatus from this Tumblr. 

It’s gonna be kinda long since it’s gonna go over a bit of history on the way I felt towards shipping Elsanna back when I was still deep in the fandom and why this account was made...

Warning: A lot of personal baggage under the cut [and I guess you could put mentions of suicidal contemplation] 

A bit of background on how I even got around to shipping these two in the first place. I’m not the kind of person to ship things so easily; it may come from the fact that I’m partially asexual/aromantic, who knows? I’ve had smaller ships on the side throughout high school and part of college like KiGo, FlutterDash, Korrasami, and Pearlmethyst (and I guess Bubbline sorta counts?) but the only major ships I’ve ever had in the past were Negitoro (MikuxLuka - Vocaloid), YumiKuri (YmirxChrista - Attack on Titan), and eventually Elsanna (ElsaxAnna - Frozen 2013). 

In my junior year of high school I had this huge crush on a friend who I thought I could trust with my feelings despite knowing they could never be reciprocated. She said it was fine at first but not long after she kind of turned around and said she was uncomfortable around me and didn’t want to be seen with me. I was really confused as to why she wasn’t honest in the beginning, but as a young teenager who was still getting used to the feeling of constant rejection it didn’t sit well with me and I panicked a lot because I got really scared of losing a friend also. She wanted to distance herself from me which I reluctantly agreed with, the went on a horrible breakdown that nearly led me to wanting to commit suicide. Holy shit...and this happened when the school year was starting also. 

I went along my days hoping the year would end. I was honestly so dead on the inside and didn’t think anything would help me get out of that even though my friends were there trying to cheer me up. I came across Frozen and after seeing the way the sisters interacted I don’t know...I guess it came from what I wanted in a relationship; not necessarily romantic, I just happened to ship it in a romantic way also. So, naturally I gravitated towards that and it distracted me and helped me get out of a 2-month long depression. And it really made me happy...for awhile.

Fast-forward, I came across some buddies on what’s now known (and possibly now-dead) as the ECC, the ElsannaCollabCorner, out of enthusiasm for wanting  write and collaborate with other people in this ship. It was pretty fun, I met awesome people like canitellusmthin, not-rotting, the-wandering-quill, and many others, despite not contributing as much as I would have liked (I was still iffy on my writing skills for that particular ship so it was difficult for me to actually put something out there).

I ended up making this account, and to be honest, I also may have lied a bit to some people on the ECC when I mentioned this account is my first experience on Tumblr. It’s not. Previously, I had another account which I’ve long abandoned due to it being associated with so much negativity directed towards Frozen/Elsanna. And I thought making this account would be a fresh start being involved in the fandom. 

There was a particular issue that I noted to myself time and time again that explains why I kept disappearing, then reappearing again and it mainly came from me trying to distance myself from the ship and the Frozen fandom in general because of how unhealthily attached I got to it. As much as I loved this pairing (and still do to a certain extent) I hated the way I got super stressed out over not being able to find new content or finding out other people who I’ve followed who shipped it, have lost interest/left the fandom. The biggest blow, I remember, was when one of my favorite EA artists, Patronustrip, had packed her bags and left the fandom completely due to her issues with the fandom itself, issues with the movie franchise, and slow disinterest in the pairing. To me, she was a bit like the Frozenmusings of the EA fandom, so having to see her leave on a bit of a bad note was really depressing, especially since I still wasn’t over what happened to me in junior year.

It was pathetic and horrible and the ship that was once seen as something I took comfort in to get away from heartbreak back in high school, from both rejection of that person and losing them as a friend afterwards, ended up turning into the equivalent of me being trapped in a ridiculously unhealthy, maybe abusive, relationship. That was how I spent most of my college freshman days and in the end I knew that I had to get away from it. 

Even after my messed up attachment to this pairing started to dwindle significantly, it didn’t feel right coming back to an account that mostly revolved around Frozen/Elsanna. And seeing nothing but that on my dash...I don’t know...stressed me out in a way? In the end, EA stuff just feels like a bit of a chore and it might be due to the fact that I’m so overexposed to it or that I’ve been spoiled enough by it that it doesn’t really feel like EA anymore. 

That’s why after I recently started shipping Saber/Irisviel, it really put things into perspective how spoiled I was being in a popular ship like Elsanna. A large fandom can sometimes attract not the greatest people and those people end up making the ship itself look bad. Lord knows how many times I’ve dealt with seeing bullshit Kristanna vs. Elsanna or Helsa vs. Elsanna bitch fights that went on when I was still in the fandom. Like, KA fandom has their stupid moments, but there were times I sometimes felt like the EA fandom would shift the blame away from themselves (some people, not all). So, in a way, the fandom was one of the few things that drove my interest away from both the pairing and movie for a while. It was a combination of that and me getting sick of running into certain NSFW art and fics that would clog up my dash even though I could easily blacklist it (kinda). It wasn’t always on Tumblr, but some people I recall on Reddit have made remarks on just taking whatever even if its low-quality, which I understand in way but doesn’t entirely apply to EA since the fandom is technically in abundance. I have other issues with the fandom as well, looking back as someone who is no longer really in it anymore, but I’m not sure if I want to go into detail about it right now for the sake of not extending this post any longer

I ended up coming back after curiously wondering what’s been up with some people I’ve been following, and after spending time away from my previous fandom, it’s kind of refreshing that I’m no longer really tied down to it anymore.

In the end I guess I came back because I missed the interactions I would have with some followers and having fun with that on Tumblr. I know I have my other account but I tend to be quiet on that one since I don’t focus on a specific fandom over there. I might not be into EA as much as I used to but I didn’t really have to abandon this account entirely...or the people I somewhat talked to on here. 

TL;DR: Left because EA was becoming toxic for me, needed to take a break, came back because I wanted to know how y’all were doing :)