#like 50 more serpents

[boycritter]

guys fun fact if you put in active work to a goal you get closer to finishing it

the stardew monster slayer goals are like. the main thing keeping me from perfection

[apoemaday]

Mrs. Faust

by Carol Ann Duffy

First things first -- I married Faust. We met as students, shacked up, split up, made up, hitched up, got a mortgage on a house, flourished academically, BA. MA. Ph.D. No kids. Two toweled bathrobes. Hers. His. We worked. We saved. We moved again. Fast cars. A boat with sails. A second home in Wales. The latest toys -- computers, mobile phones. Prospered. Moved again. Faust’s face was clever, greedy, slightly mad. I was as bad. I grew to love the lifestyle, not the life. He grew to love the kudos, not the wife. He went to whores. I felt, not jealousy, but chronic irritation. I went to yoga, t’ai chi, Feng Shui, therapy, colonic irrigation. And Faust would boast at dinner parties of the cost of doing deals out East. Then take his lust to Soho in a cab, to say the least, to lay the ghost, get lost, meet panthers, feast. He wanted more. I came home late one winter’s evening, hadn’t eaten. Faust was upstairs in his study, in a meeting. I smelled cigar smoke, hellish, oddly sexy, not allowed. I heard Faust and the other laugh aloud. Next thing, the world, as Faust said, spread its legs. First politics -- Safe seat. MP. Right Hon. KG. 50 Then banks -- offshore, abroad -- and business - Vice-­chairman. Chairman. Owner. Lord. Enough? Encore! Faust was Cardinal, Pope, knew more than God; flew faster than the speed of sound around the globe, lunched; walked on the moon, golfed, holed in one; lit a fat Havana on the sun. Then backed a hunch -- Invested in smart bombs, in harms, Faust dealt in arms. Faust got in deep, got out. Bought farms, cloned sheep, Faust surfed the Internet for like-­minded Bo-­Peep. As for me, I went my own sweet way, saw Rome in a day, spun gold from hay, had a facelift, had my breasts enlarged, my buttocks tightened; went to China, Thailand, Africa, returned, enlightened. Turned 40, celibate, teetotal, vegan, Buddhist, 41. Went blonde, redhead, brunette, went native, ape, berserk, bananas; went on the run, alone; went home. Faust was in. A word, he said, I spent the night being pleasured by a virtual Helen of Troy. Face that launched a thousand ships. I kissed its lips. Things is -- I’ve made a pact with Mephistopheles, the Devil’s boy. He’s on his way to take away what’s owed, reap what I sowed. For all these years of gagging for it, going for it, rolling in it, I’ve sold my soul. At this, I heard a serpent’s hiss, tasted evil, knew its smell, as scaly devil hands poked up right through the terracotta Tuscan tiles at Faust’s bare feet and dragged him, oddly smirking, there and then straight down to Hell. Oh, well. Faust’s will left everything -- the yacht, the several homes, the Lear jet, the helipad, the loot, et cet, et cet, the lot -- to me. C’est la vie. When I got ill, it hurt like hell. I bought a kidney with my credit card, then I got well. I keep Faust’s secret still -- the clever, cunning, callous bastard didn’t have a soul to sell.

[dunkooro]

The Whb Kings Full Monster Forms (1/2)

Just some concept designs and notes with a little bit of retcon from my first post on my design version on the Whb kings (especially for Mammon). I did also use some inspo from biblical lore for the design. For the height comparison, I’m using my MC, Sunny (6ft tall, ~183 cm) to show how tall they are.

(☀️Spoiler for Mammon’s backstory in the game and Beel’s Bath card☀️)

SATAN

Literal Goatman

Hair is just fully flames now

Transforms more often than the other kings

Still the shortest compared to the other kings monster forms (RIP)

HEIGHT: 21 ft 10 in tall, ~666 cm tall

LAST TRANSFORMATION: Heated argument with Mammon

MAMMON

A big sphinx (fits for his Lion King backstory)

Purrs sound like a jet engine (RIP to MC’s with sensitive ears)

Whenever he transforms, the entirety of Hell turns to gold (except for the devils)

Sparkly golden mane, with literal skin made out of gold

HEIGHT: 40 ft tall, ~12.2 meters tall

LAST TRANSFORMATION: Breaking out of prison after Metatron’s takeover

LEVIATHAN

Full on sea serpent

Due being a literal sea creature, after he transforms the area around him is flooded like a torrent ocean

The largest out of all the kings

HEIGHT: 200 ft long, ~61 meters long

LAST TRANSFORMATION: Escaping Heaven’s torture camp as a child, flooding Heaven for centuries

BEELZEBUB

Gigantic fly-looking creature (based off the biblical drawing of him)

Acts like the No-Face monster from Spirited Away

Has visible stomach pockets that contain extremely strong acid that erodes anything he’s eaten in a instant

Still has fly swarms but he releases them from his back

HEIGHT: 50 ft tall, ~15.2 meters tall

LAST TRANSFORMATION: After Bael was attacked by a couple of Seraphim, he went on a rampage on Heaven—eating 3 out of the 7 Seraphims.

[pendragonsclotpole]

building on my idea that merlin takes on the name ambrose pendragon after arthur’s death, like imagine it’s 50 years later.

everyone from camelot is dead. the anglo-saxons have won, historical conquests of britain are continuing on as they did and here remains merlin, previously known as emrys, neither name really a surname and the latter always more of a title, but both representative of a world that no longer exists, a kingdom that has fallen apart, a servant with no master, a half without that which makes it whole.

so maybe merlin leaves. he explores. first he travels the isle and perhaps when people ask him who he is he defaults to an ancient practice. people, you see, have often been known by what they do or who they serve or where they come from. for a while, for the decades that pass wherein people remember the rule of the pendragons and the great kingdom of camelot and the failed prophecies of albion, he is not Merlin of Ealdor but Merlin of Camelot.

but people die. memories fade. time passes. merlin remains. and after a while, he cannot call himself Merlin of Camelot. not only do people forget his old kingdom, they forget his name, they bring along new languages and then around 300 years after arthur’s death, a collection of stories begin to be written, about magic, about merlin, about—

Arthur.

people you see, have often been defined by what they do or who they serve or where they come from. when the stories of arthur begin to be told anew, and remain with merlin through the tide of centuries, merlin resolves to forge a new name. he devises first the name in the style of a servant or of some of the common folk.

Merlin of Pendragon.

merlin toys with that idea, wears it for a few decades but something in those words rings false, sounds wrong, and unsettles his blood, as if he lays claim to a dynasty that shall never be his and will never rise again. when he uses it, people laugh and think him an uneducated fool playing at legend. it feels trite and awkward and wrong.

Merlin Pendragon sounds better, more forgivable if not entirely presentable. It makes merlin sound like he is a Pendragon, but only one sorcerer has ever laid claim to the Pendragon name and her name had not been merlin. (it makes merlin a Pendragon, and not even when Arthur lived had merlin considered such a fate a possibility, that Arthur could ever consider—)

merlin continues thinking, and by the time he settles on a replacement it is out of obligation and urgency. he cannot be nameless while he works as a healer and travels the world and serves other people as best as he can. he cannot be merlin Pendragon if the only man who could have conferred that name to him is dead.

instead he becomes Emrys Pendragon, and for a while, that name becomes a second skin. but like the serpent he has always been, merlin eventually sheds that skin. centuries have passed and those who once bore the name emrys, the last descendants of the druids and the people of Camelot, now only recognize that name in legend. the name once more marks him as stupid fool in love with the romantic notion of chivalry. besides, the languages have shifted and a name that once rolled off the tongue has become clotted and stuck in the mouths of people. no one can say it as it had once been said nor as it once belonged by arthur’s side, if only in secret.

merlin again returns to the drawing board, and luckily by that time he is aware of the translations of his many names. on a visit to rome, the grand imperial capital Arthur once dreamt of seeing as a young man, merlin thinks of a perfect substitute. His final name.

Ambrose.

Ambrose Pendragon.

it is emrys, but not quite.

it is merlin as he is forced to live without Arthur.

it is what Arthur could have been if he had lived at merlin’s side.

it is, written shorter, A. Pendragon.

it is a simple name. it is a stupid name. it is a name that breaks his heart and reminds him of his failings and keeps the faith alive within him.

years after adopting the name, merlin wakes up and walks to his desk and sees the name written on the outside of an envelope and he imagines it’s a letter from arthur.

a thousand years later, he sees it written on the sides of coffee cups and envelopes, monogrammed on his coats and cufflinks, inked on his essays, emblazoned on the side of his shop, and merlin imagines that when Arthur returns, he will return to a world already familiar with an A. Pendragon.

It shall be a welcoming world, as if across all these centuries, by some miracle, Arthur Pendragon had lived all along.

[kingcriccket]

(via prev)

coworkers is honestly just one of the most interesting and fucked up things two people can be

[lowkeyrobin]

SWEET PEA ; dating hcs

summary ; dating headcanons w sp :)

warnings ; language

word count ; 631

masterlist

you often go on bike rides together

if it's a warm weekend, really long ones, sometimes into surrounding state/s

he never raises his voice at you EVER

he'd rather die than do that

if he does, you're probably both playing around acting like dumbasses

if you're fresh into serpent life, he's holding your hand the whole way through til you're completely adjusted

he never allows you to wander around the wyrm alone, for justified reasoning

he's lowkey a little gossiper

so when tall boy got banished, he went straight to you to spill the beans lmao

if you make patches / pins for him, he's 100% putting them on his denim jacket

not the leather one cause it's hella expensive and they won't stay on

if need be, he slaps some on his school bag too

he's so in love with you

80% of his thoughts are about you

he craves seeing the world with you

he often writes in his school notebook about you / doodles on homework that are you n him centric

he was honestly really nervous to ask you out

he needed some serious hyping up from his friends beforehand

jughead was more of the level-headed, reasonable one, toni being the 'they'll say yes 100%' one, and fangs being the 'if they say no, it's whatever'

basicallt 50/50/100 thoughts, all his feelings summarized by his friends if that makes sense

he found his guts though... and threw them straight at you

he could NOT play it cool, he was rambling and trying to hide his fidgeting hands in his pockets

you said yes tho

you obviously steal his Serpent jacket from time to time, especially if you don't have one

riverdale gets really cold in the winter 😔

he also shares his rings if you want to, he thinks you look attractive in his style

his love language imo is quality time

he just wants to spend every waking moment with you and he's always dragging you around

he's always looking out for you, making sure the decisions he makes are best for both of you

well.. maybe not always? most the time

cause trashing riverdale high obv wasn't one of those 'always' moments

I can't decide what type of music he'd be into ngl

I feel like he'd like alice in chains & eminem if you feel my drift

and as a character, he 100% fits songs like nextime's, like ride like lightening and save the world w we are not friends

he looks like he listens to 90s/2000s grunge & hip hop

he doesn't listen to music that much, he mostly does on his bike

he averages ab 500 minutes a week

he has 8 different playlists for different genres / occasions and that's how it'll always be

they're all just 'playlist *number*', no title or anything 😭

for the one for riding, it's a pic of his bike

but half of them don't even have covers

if you have fun with / are good at any sort of digital design, he allows you full control of what his spotify / phone looks like, he rlly doesn't care

he loves chilling with his friends and you, his chosen family

like he can't be more happy like that

you often hang out at the wyrm, play pool til unruly hours of the night, go home, and watch movies

you love watching funny cat videos together

he loves seeing you show up to his basketball practices / games

he feels so supported 💔

he just craves having your support and love because he thrives off of it, not in a toxic way but in a 'you make me a better person' typa way

[ancientnapdragon]

First Post | Second Post

My last set of ramblings I left off on a loose cliffhanger... which will stay that way! I kinda wanted to pull apart the Food Peak itself and how it functions/how they actually Cultivate there! It seems like a fun exercise on developing the world this AU takes place in c: Maybe a few ship crumbs in there, but since I DO love to yap, expand that read more at your own risk! Hehe!

Food Cultivation is, on the surface, exactly what it sounds like. You eat stuff and it helps fortify your body, soul, and strengthens your Core! Not just ANYTHING works, though, and it's more than just finding a Chicken Faced Serpent's liver and choking it down.

Food Cultivation is seen as a super easy way to Cultivate, maybe even scorned a little bit, and can be indulged in by people who don't even usually Cultivate that way. But, it's almost impossible to get to a Golden Core stage without a LOT of money or a LOT of knowledge/work. One of those low basis to learn, high skill ceiling sorta things. Usually, the only people outside of Sects who get to that stage are very very wealthy Nobles; and even then, they're not really strong.

Food Cultivators don't need a lot of Qi or natural talent to start cultivating. The techniques that are taught specifically on CQ are all about strict control. You use what Qi you have in a very precise way to make little shields, blades, to enhance certain parts of your body, or occasionally heat or cool things. It's short, controlled bursts. Most of the really good 'talent' goes to the 'higher' Peaks so they've really gotta master what they've been given on the Food Peak.

With Food Cultivation, you can't just eat your way to success even if that's what it might sound like so far. You need to keep your body strong and master various skills before you can even hope to learn to channel Qi into them to improve them. You still need to meditate and put in the elbow grease to get you anywhere worth being.

Food Cultivation expects you to eat a lot of different things. Not everything you eat will help you grow your spirit. Plus, you can only eat the same thing so many times before it doesn't really do anything for you. Spiritual Foods, when eaten on the regular, have diminishing returns. You get a super strong Flower and eat it; the first time is a nice boost, the second time is just ok, the third isn't much, any time after that would be wasted on you, ect ect. The best that eating that flower would do for you after you've got all the 'boosts' is just helping replenish your Qi if you're low. Since you can only eat stuff a few times before it stops boosting you, it becomes sort of like a puzzle. Say you got a Strawberry and it boosted you by '20 Points' (which is probably what the System would tell SY). Then you got a piece of cheese and it boosted you by 20 points. If you cooked them together, you would get-! 15 points total! That's less than just eating them! BUT, if you dipped that Strawberry in Chocolate (20 Points, too), you might get 50 points! More than both! So, you can either eat things as they are or try and experiment and get even more of a benefit! But, you'd also have to think about stuff like cooking techniques, how long until the thing you want to eat goes bad, plus all this other stuff which can make the Boost you get higher or lower. If you just chew through everything that crosses your path, your Cultivation will suffer! You have to plan ahead on top of getting really lucky with the more rare stuff!

On the Peak itself, younger and newer disciples are given basic reading, writing, arithmetic, and basic cooking classes. The cooking classes teach basic skills like how to hold your knives properly and how to care for them, some easy recipes, ect ect! All disciples have, also, their basic Peak upkeep chores like laundry, cleaning, and lots and lots and LOTS of scrubbing.

After you've proven yourself capable enough to not slice your fingers off or set (too many) fires, disciples are expected to head down the mountain into the nearby city and set up what is basically a food kitchen. It's used to help cement basic fundamental skills! After all, you get really good at chopping something up if it's all you do for like 4 hours and slightly under duress. Usually the newer disciples handle the basic prepwork while a few of the more advanced ones will actually cook. This is overseen by a few seniors who make sure everything goes smoothly and who actually hand out the food! (I imagine that the Qian Cao ALSO do something similar nearby, except for healing. They get free food in exchange for helping out any unfortunate accidents!)

As for the more senior disciples, I think they have a few more intensive duties! Other than the Head, there are at least eleven more 'upper' Seniors. Each of these Seniors is the head chef for each of the other Peaks. When you're at a high enough skill to not fuck it up, you get rotated to act as a Chef under these Seniors at each Peak; Each Peak has their own food needs, after all! (Side note: around this time is also when you would be expected to get your Spiritual Sword) For Seniors who aren't the 'Head Peak's Chef', though, there is a secondary duty- but I gotta explain that giant pot of soup I briefly mentioned in the first post.

That Giant Cauldron of Soup is, like, more important to the Food Peak than anything else. It's some special kind of spiritual metal that the OG Founder worked to craft and stands over this massive fire pit that is constantly burning. It's HUGE, with a whole facility like half built over and around it; gotta keep the rain and snow out of the SOUP. I love stuff like Hunter's Stews and stuff like that, so this is basically what this is- this pot of soup has been stirred and tended since the OG Peak Lord first lit it. Part of a senior disciples duties is to keep the soup topped up, tasting good, and filled with stuff to help fortify your Qi.

The Soup is a huge cultural thing on the Peak. You're expected to have a giant bowl of it, with sides, every morning- even the Peak Lord. The stuff in it helps to strengthen the new/weaker disciples as well as fortify anyone older. It's a Qi superfood, even with dimishing returns. It's usually only allowed to be eaten by people on the Food Peak, though; only in emergencies will people off-Peak get any. Even the Sect Leader doesn't have the right to demand any. (SY is going to of course try and sneak some to his fussy boyfriend) Okay, so we got all that, but what about SY's obsession with the recipes that the System keeps teasing him with? Well, part of your study on the Food Peak isn't just learning to cook or even the spiritual food dance- you're training to be become a skilled chef. There is a lot of study to master the recipes from the Food Peak itself, but the disciples are also tasked with learning as much as they can and try to develop their own recipes. The skills overlap; you never know when learning to make the perfect Scrambled Egg will allow you to maximize some weird spiritual ingredient you found.

Other than non-spiritual food and The Soup, disciples are encouraged to do a lot of their Food Cultivation on their own. They are encouraged to go on Night Hunts with other Peaks for the chances to gain stuff for their own Cultivation. The Bai Zhan kids only care if they slayed the beast, so go ahead and grab it's heart for yourself, ect ect. You can, of course, trade stuff around or sell it at your leisure. Whatever will get you more gains! It's seen as either really stupid or flat out courtship to offer someone else your spiritual food you make, especially if you can still make use of it yourself. This is something that will 10000% go RIGHT over SY's head when he starts to offer stuff to SJ. They'll be about 18/19 at that point, so everyone from SY's peak will squint when they realize what he's doing. (Even though I have some Evil Plans for after they all become Peak Lords, I think that SJ would still be really welcome on the Food Peak despite how everyone else looks down on him. Everyone there 'knew' that SY was 'sweet on him' kinda thing. They don't believe that SJ is the reason SY.... hehe :) )

taps chin. okay, i thiiiiink that is enough yapping about that for now? I wanna write up a brief lil thing about how SY would be around the other Future Peak Disciples, as well as how his relationship with SJ will eventually complicate things. I know that SQH would figure out SOMETHING was up with SY when he was suddenly served, like, a blueberry waffle. But that's for another post!!! AS ALWAYS ty for reading my ramblings. I'm very slowly working on getting a more strict outline up and ready for the fic I would really like this to be. I'm a menace to myself and others, so it will be a slow burn and I'm dragging you all down with me. >:)

[tsspromptmonth]

Cafe Menu Drop!

Hey Babes, we'll be hiring baristas next week starting on the 21st, so watch out for my truly insufferable number of posts about that. On that day we'll post a link so you can send in your application or like whatever.

Now since this is a cafe we figured y'all would want a menu, but like fanfic has so many options so this is just the basics, more will probably come.

Important Deet: Our baristas can't work for free and you pay in comments! Writers are needy bitches who need encouragement. Our hand-crafted stories will run you 1 comment per 100 words, so for a 500 word request, you'll 'pay' in 5 comments on any Sanders Sides story.

The Sleepy Bean Café serves up a range of story sizes: you get to request the size you're craving! The biggest size the machine can handle is a quintuple shot: 5000 words. (That's 50 comments for you big spenders out there!) Sometimes, our baristas are having such a blast mixing up your request that they add a little extra and go over the size of your original request. Consider that a bonus and the managers will look the other way.

Full text under 'read more'

Our baristas think they're creative and might add a little somethin extra from the menu, so if there's anything you just can't stand, better tell us up front.

And for all you barista hopefuls, six days til the hiring process begins. I'm gonna need a lot of bitches to make all these drinks.

~Remy XX

Sleepy Bean Fanfic Cafe Menu

More options available by request.

Drinks (Setting or AU)

Brewed Coffee = Canon Verse Steamed Milk = Soulmates Latte = Human AU Hot Chocolate = Parental AU Herbal Tea = Magic AU (Modern day or fantasy) Machiatto = Time Travel Cappuccino = Gods AU Green Tea = Merpeople

Milk (Tone)

Skim = Hurt/No comfort 2% Milk = Hurt/Comfort Heavy Cream = Fluff Oat Milk = Ambiguous ending Coconut = Crack taken seriously Olive Oil = Crack

Syrup (Characters)

Starfruit = Janus Loganberry = Logan Peach = Patton Kiwi = Remus Cherry = Roman Cranberry = Virgil

Toppings (Tropes)

Whipped cream = Only one Bed Caramel drizzle = Childhood Best Friends Chocolate sauce = Fake Dating/Marriage Chopped nuts = Arranged Marriage Burnt sugar = Time Loop Chocolate Shavings = Mutual Pining Honey = Sick Fic Cinnamon = Enemies to Lovers Nutmeg = Love after Loss Blended = Found Family

All drinks are 1 comment per 100 words with a 500 word minimum.

Specials

The Serpent God

A cappuccino with 2% milk, starfruit, and crushed raspberries. (Gods AU, hurt/comfort, featuring Janus, and hiding a fatal injury.)

Space Jam

A boba with starfruit, kiwi & Loganberry jellies, blended with honey. (Space AU with Janus, Remus, & Logan, found family sick fic.)

Peach Berry Sweet Treat

Peach/Loganberry Cobbler Latte, with ginger cookie crumbles. (Human AU, only one of them knows they are dating with romantic Logicality.)

Melting Clocks Crumble

A macchiato with burnt sugar topped with whipped cream. (A time travel AU with only one bed, time loops and a choice of characters.)

Lost in Space

Boba tea with steamed skim milk, kiwi/peach boba. (Soulmate Space AU, romantic Intruality, hurt no comfort.)

Winter's Comfort

A mocha with 2% milk, topped with caramel drizzle, nutmeg, and chocolate shavings, syrup to taste. (Parental human AU, hurt/comfort, childhood best friends, mutual pining, and love after loss, any characters.)

A Classic

Herbal tea, with 2% steamed milk. (Human magic AU, hurt/comfort, any characters.)

Cinnamon Sunrise

Steamed milk with cinnamon. (Human AU, with enemies to lovers. Your choice of characters, tone, and tropes.)

[dunmeshistash]

Dungeon Meshi - "Dungeon Meals" from volumes 5 to 8

More info under the cut

These are from chapter 29 to 56 (Volumes 5 to 8)

1 to 4

There were a total of 24 'Meals' this time in 28 chapters, for more info on the counting check the first post

Here's the meals of each chapter and who made them.

Chapter 29 - Red Dragon VII Meal: Boneless Dragon Ham Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 30 - Good Medicine Meal: Orcish Decoction Cooked by: Leed

Chapter 31 - Dryad Meal: Jack-O-Lantern Potage & Sauteed Dryad Buds with Cheese Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 33 - Sea Serpent, part 2 Meal: Portable Meal Set For Adventurers Cooked by: ? (ready made rations)

Chapter 34 - Cockatrice Meal: Eisbein-Style Cockatrice & Dyad Bud Sauerkraut With a Side of Grilled Anti-Petrify Herb Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 35 - Cleaners Meal 1: Cockatrice & Egg Ankake Cooked by: Senshi Meal 2: Stone Dish Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 36 - Dried with Sweet Sake (Mirinboshi) Meal: Eastern Style Cuisine Cooked by: Maizuru, Senshi and Chilchuck (Benichidori, Hien and Tade helped with prepping)

Chapter 38 - Chimera Meal: Omelette Made With a Harpy Egg Cooked by: Laios with Senshi's help

Chapter 40 - Shapeshifter 2 Meal: Memories of the 5th Floor Pilaf, Sweet Dyad and Whole 5th Floor Piccata Cooked by: Shapeshifters, Senshi, Marcille and Chilchuck

Chapter 41 - Hag Meal: Risotto Made From Mushrooms Collected at the Graveyard & Cheese from the Orcs Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 42 - Nightmare Meal: Nightmare Steamed in Alcohol Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 43- Ice Golem Meal: Ice Golem Chawan-Mushi & Cooked Fish that was Inside the Ice Golem Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 44 - Barometz Meal: Barometz Balut (Alternative Name: Barometz Chops) Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 45 - Egg Meal: Souful Eggs Benedict Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 46 - The Golden Country Meal: Vegetables in Jellied Slime, Rack of Beef Ribs, Bladefish Loaf, Potato and Rabbit Soup Cooked by: Golden Country Citizens

Chapter 47 - Griffin Meal: The Breakfast Senshi Made (Pancakes, Sausage, Pumpkin Soup, Scrambled Eggs) Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 48 - Familiars Meal: Skyfish and Chips Cooked by: Laios

Chapter 49 - Griffin Soup Meal 1: Griffin Soup (Upper Body), Griffin Soup (Lower Body) Cooked by: Senshi Meal 2: Hippogriff Soup Cooked by: Laios

Chapter 50 - Dumplings 1 Meal: Hippogriff Dumplings Cooked by: Senshi, Laios, Marcille, Chilchuck and Izutsumi (everyone)

Chapter 51 - Dumplings 2 Meal: Changeling-Dumplings via Fairy Ring Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 55 - On Floor One 3 Meal: Hamburger Steak with Changeling sauce Cooked by: Senshi and Marcille

Chapter 56 - Bicorn Meal: Crispy Crunchy Mushroom Sandwich Cooked by: Senshi?

The chapters that had no "meal is done" panel were:

32 - Sea Serpent Part 1

37 - Harpy

39 - Shapeshifter 1

52 - Bacon and Eggs

53 - On Floor One 1

54 - On Floor One 2

Again most of them are the multi parts. chapter 47 originally didn't have the title and stats but the panel looked just like a food is done panel so I went to check on the official release and they added it so it's here. Chapter 37 I think its so far the only non multi part chapter where no food is prepped or eaten, in chapter 52 they make and drink tea even tho there's no special panel.

Now for stats.

Senshi made/worked on 17, 18 if you count the Crispy Crunchy Mushroom Sandwich and 19 if you count the small help with the omelet, I'll count the sandwich so 18.

Chilchuck worked on 3 meals

Marcille worked on 3 meals, one of them she was making a potion but it got used in a sauce

Laios made/worked on 4 meals, 2 of them by himself! And one of them with minimal Senshi help.

Izutsumi helped with the dumplings, you go izutsumi.

Out of the 24 meals in these 4 volumes, 22 were food and 1 was medicine and 1 was a goopy brick

Out of the 22 foods Senshi worked on 17 of them (1 of his was the brick), 3 of them were Laios, 1 of them was ready made food and 1 was the golden kingdom citizens

The eastern style meal was mostly made by Maizuru but Senshi helped.

There was a few panels that were small/had dialog in them but I counted cause they had the meal title, dragon ham title appears twice but I only counted as one meal.

Once again, I'm bad with numbers if I got anything wrong feel free to correct me!

[thecreaturecodex]

Yule Cat

Image © PBS, by Samuel Allen. Accessed at his ArtStation here

[Part 3 of this year's Christmas series, following the Yule Lads and Grýla. I love this image; it's good at stressing that this is a giant domestic cat, not a "big cat" like a pantherine, indicates scale delightfully, and is a very recognizable feline behavior. Although in context, much more sinister. Bad kitty!]

Yule Cat CR 13 NE Magical Beast This creature resembles nothing so much as a fluffy domestic cat the size of an elephant. Its fur is gray with white mottling, and its eyes are wide and yellow.

Once upon a time, on a distant planet, a god of strength was challenged to perform seemingly simple tasks by a trickster titan. These tasks were all impossible but disguised with illusions, and one of them was to lift the giant’s cat—in actually, the Midgard Serpent, a primordial beast that encircles that globe. When the god tried to lift the serpent, and managed to get one paw off the ground, a kitten was born that was a metaphysical echo of the immovable cat. That kitten kept growing and growing the more she ate, until she was the size of a wagon. This is the Yule Cat.

The Yule Cat is a predator of small game, like any domestic cat, only due to the Yule Cat’s size, “small game” is Medium and Small humanoids. The Yule Cat prefers the taste of succulent young flesh, but hates the taste of newly made clothing. Thus, she preferentially attacks the impoverished and already suffering. In places where the Yule Cat roams, children are given gifts of clothing in the winter in order to make them less palatable to the great cat. The Yule Cat cannot be moved unless she wants to, and can be an impassible obstacle if she decides to set herself in front of a door or bridge and just wait for prey to pass by

The Yule Cat is “owned” by the fey troll Grýla, but like all cats, is as much an associate as a dependent. The Yule Cat stays in Grýla's cave for most of the warmer months and goes off hunting in the colder ones, but always manages to be by Grýla’s table in the winter to demand a portion of her finest human stews. Of Grýla’s children, the Yule Lads, she likes Stumpy the best, and will occasionally let him ride her. Rumor has it that the Yule Lads, Grýla and the Yule Cat once all lived on a distant world called Earth, but a ritual spell intended to force that darn cat to get up and move had the unforeseen consequence of sucking the whole monstrous clan through a portal and depositing them on Golarion. That said, the actions of gods and monsters can send distant ripples throughout the cosmos, and reports of “jotunn cats” may indicate that the Yule Cat is merely the most prominent member of a whole species.

Yule Cat CR 13 XP 25,600 NE Huge magical beast Init +10; Senses clothing sense,darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, Perception +12, scent

Defense AC 28, touch 14, flat-footed 22 (-2 size, +6 Dex, +15 natural) hp 175 (14d10+98) Fort +16, Ref +15, Will +9 DR 15/magic; Resist cold 20, fire 20; SR 24 Defensive Abilities immovable

Offense Speed 50 ft. Melee bite +21 (2d6+9 plus grab), 2 claws +21 (1d8+9) Space 15 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks pounce, rake (2 claws +21, 1d8+9), swallow whole (Medium or smaller, 2d6+13 bludgeoning, AC 17, 17 hp)

Statistics Str 27, Dex 23, Con 24, Int 8, Wis 17, Cha 12 Base Atk +14; CMB +24 (+28 grapple); CMD 40 (60 vs. bull rush, overrun, reposition, 68 vs. trip) Feats Acrobatic Steps, Combat Reflexes, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Nimble Moves, Power Attack, Skill Focus (Perception) Skills Acrobatics +16 (+24 when jumping), Climb +17, Perception +12 (+8 if target is in new clothes, +16 if target is in old clothes), Stealth +12, Survival +6 (+2 if target is in new clothes, +10 if target is in old clothes); Racial Modifiers +4 Acrobatics, +4 Climb, +8 Stealth, +4 Perception and Survival if target is in old clothes, -4 Perception and Survival if target is in new clothes Languages Giant (cannot speak)

Ecology Environment cold mountains and forest Organization unique Treasure incidental

Special Abilities Clothing Sense (Su) The Yule Cat gains a +4 racial bonus on Perception and Survival checks to detect or track a target wearing clothing six months old or older, and can detect and pinpoint these creatures at twice the normal distance with scent. The Yule Cat also suffers a -4 racial penalty on Perception and Survival checks to detect or track a target wearing clothing a month old or newer, can only detect these creatures with scent at half the normal distance, and cannot pinpoint such targets by scent. Immovable (Su) The Yule Cat can become nearly impossible to move as an immediate action. When it does so, it freezes in place, even in midair, until it decides to move again. When frozen in this way, it can still attack, but cannot move from its square unless it chooses to render itself mobile as another immediate action. The Yule Cat gains a +20 racial bonus to CMD against bull rush, overrun, reposition and trip combat maneuvers (this bonus does not require an action to activate or deactivate).

[sanctus-ingenium]

What role/niche do dragons fulfill in their environment? Or, if that is [secret]/redacted/Unknown [by universe parameters], are there other, smaller beasts - creatures not within our world, but common in theirs?

I've been meaning to draw a lot of these for a while now and this was a nice prompt thank you :)

Dragons support a large and surprisingly diverse community of animals. The primary producers are the unique photosynthetic cyanobacteria which are found lining the transparent flotation sacs of cloud fleas. 'Cloud fleas' can refer to any type of airborne zooplankton - that is, animals which do not actively fly but rather drift. Pictured is a daphnia type but there are a few others. The bacteria produce lighter than air gases as a byproduct of photosynthesis as well as nutrients for their hosts. The daphnia type pictured retain their large claws and use them to cling onto other individuals, sometimes producing really large structures which can form fantastic shapes at times. This is how they reproduce also (unlike in the water, they can't just externally fertilise eggs because gravity exists)

When they aggregate in large numbers (swarms reaching billions and billions of individuals), they become easy prey for dragons. The dragons capture the fleas using a dense array of rictal bristles. Living in and among the bristles are the monkey birds, a unique species of flightless bird which act as kleptoparasites, stealing the clumps of fleas bound up in dragon mucous before they can be transported to the dragon's mouth. The bristles are so dense that in order to get in there where the fleas are most concentrated, you wouldn't be able to fly. They spend their lives clinging among the bristles with their feet and wing claws, and they make their nests out of woven strands of mucous. New individuals join the birds' colonies when dragons are mating and their bristles come into contact with one another. Bird populations are controlled by hive serpents, who pick them off for a nice snack.

Barnacles and other filter-feeders are common on the windward-facing side of the dragon (what you'd call the front of the dragon). These do not harm the dragons and offer not much useful food for serpents while being very annoying to eat so they're usually left to their own devices.

The vampire chiton exoparasites can be found basically all over a dragon. They find a piece of cuticle that is thin enough to pierce and drill their siphons down into it to suck the watery connective tissue beneath. They are about a foot long and the main food source for hive serpents.

The serpents themselves are mammals. Nearly every dragon hosts a hive. Despite spending most of their lives on their hosts, they are quite strong fliers; they need to be, in order for the young queens to set out to make their own hives. The 'hive' consists of a reproductive pair and 20-50 of their offspring, with the queen being 1.5x larger than the others and by far the most aggressive. They have one tooth, a single elongated tusk which is used like a crowbar to lever the chitons off the dragon's cuticle. When working on the underside of a dragon, it takes a certain amount of skill to catch the chiton before it falls away. The serpent's neck and legs are very strong to produce enough force to dislodge a chiton, which are often so deeply attached that a human with a pickaxe would struggle to knock one off. The chiton is swallowed whole, and the shell digested.

Serpents viciously defend their dragons, controlling parasite populations and fighting off and attacking humans or large metal creatures they perceive as a threat. The name 'serpent' is given to them in the Mezian theocracy because they are associated with sin; hive serpents can be among the most dangerous combatants a holy beast might face. When the dragon has been killed, its serpents will flee and, more often than not, restart their hive on the ground if they aren't killed first. Outside of the theocracy, humans do raise serpents and use them for various tasks - a baby queen is taken from the wild (by killing every other hive member) and raised to imprint on humans. If their diets are not heavily supplemented with calcium carbonate, they fail to thrive.

[masterqwertster]

So I've been thinking on and off about how Matt said in his fireside chat that had Bells Hells/Imogen failed the Persuasion roll for the Rites of Catatheosis, he would have random table rolled to see which gods stay and which ones go. Which, I agree with many other people that that was an insane thing to plan to do when the gods have clear personalities and priorities that would dictate who was more or less likely to agree to the Rite. And honestly Matt knows this too as exemplified by him also commenting that Asmodeus hates being mortal, hates what he agreed to. But apparently Matt didn't want to make the priority list?

And I'm kind of glad I haven't tried to actually make/post the list until now, because Divergence definitely shifted some stuff.

Anyways, here's the list I would use for the priority of who turns mortal and who runs, starting with those who turn mortal. And some are going to be less numbers and more a grouping where, if you really want that randomness, feel free to roll on that level.

Matron of Ravens- she made the Rites, she told Bells Hells she wasn't leaving even if Predathos was just loose on the grounds that she felt clever enough to get by, and she was formerly mortal and kind of misses it.

Sarenrae the Everlight and Sehanine the Moonweaver- both thrived in the mortal lives they took before, loving their families. They loved being mortal and would happily do it again.

Melora the Wildmother- as Taliesin said in 4-Sided Dive or Cooldown (possibly both), she has invested too much of herself into Exandria to really even consider leaving. Maybe not entirely enthused by being mortal, but she won't leave

Moradin the All-Hammer and Bahamut the Platinum Dragon- Bahamut isn't afraid of going mortal to look out for people, as exemplified by Divergence. And Moradin literally took a mortal life to build the Divine Gate (and a lot of more normal stuff besides). Both of them are not exactly attached to going mortal, but certainly aren't going to have a problem with it.

Pelor the Dawnfather and Erathis the Lawbearer- Pelor also loves mortals dearly, but he also wants to be their guardian and defender, which is harder to do in mortal form, but not impossible. Erathis has her duty to the mortals, and her wife.

Ioun the Knowing Mistress- is probably interested in all that could be learned by leaving, but as she's wounded, is also easy prey and thus at greatest risk if she runs

Kord the Stormlord- likes a challenge, which leaving would provide. But staying is also a challenge, and allows him to use his strength to help others

Vecna the Whispered One- the one "Betrayer" that would be even mildly okay with mortal reincarnations for forever. He knows how to do mortal. Undying mortal, even. But he's also going to be pissed as hell that after a millennium of working on becoming a god, it only lasted 30 years

Avandra the Changebringer and Corellon the Arch Heart- Avandra is a goddess of wanderers and luck and change, why wouldn't she be half interested in running off into the wild unknown? And Corellon already expressed interest in leaving and seeing what else is out there. But he's also one to change his mind, so he's going 50/50 chance of leaving here with Avandra.

Bane the Strife Emperor and Gruumsh the Ruiner and Tiamat the Scaled Tyrant and Torog the Crawling King and Zehir the Cloaked Serpent- I'm not sure we know many of the Betrayers well enough to get a pecking order of who kind of likes Exandria and/or mortals enough to want to descend and stay instead of trying something new elsewhere. But they definitely like it all less than the Primes.

Lolth the Spider Queen- not enthused to rely on the power of the Luxon to do this since she hates it for getting the Kryn Dynasty out from under her

Asmodeus the Lord of the Hells- first to go. He loathes mortals and hates that to be born as one means that some mortals must stand above him until such a time as he's matured enough to take control.

It's maybe not the best list, and a couple could easily be shifted around. But it's definitely better than random selection.

[yunsbunnie]

SCARLET LETTER

↳ three : i’d taste even sweeter

synopsis ⮕ in which park sunghoon has to stay in his childhood crush's apartment, one who just so happened to have the same nails as his favourite camgirl- the ones that he requested. at first, sunghoon had no problem keeping his recent epiphany to himself but as fast as the secrets came spilling out, opportunities came rolling in. and so they made a deal. yn, also known as scarlett, would teach sunghoon everything she knew about how to pleasure a woman, but in return? she’d get to stream it all.

warnings : profanity, smut, masterbation (f+m)

wc : 1.9k

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sunghoon began shifting in spot as the timer ticked down to the last second, his excitement growing with each passing tick.

and it all stopped.

you were sat painted in your sin, your body glowing against your fluorescent pink lights. you looked almost a little bit too angelic with the you presented yourself, a twisted sense of innocence looming above your all but innocent self.

“i missed you all so much.” the sweetness of your voice was what pulled them in, which was something you knew all too well. you knew exactly what they needed- and exactly how to give it to them.

“i wish you could be here instead, touching me…” they needed to feel wanted and the only place they could truly indulge in their unrealistic fantasies was here- with their hands in their pants as they pleasured themselves to the idea of you.

sunghoon knew that feeling all too well, it might’ve been the only reason why he kept coming back to you- well to her. scarlett gave him everything he’s ever wanted from the real you, he felt needed, desired. 

with each dollar he spent on scarlett the more he got pulled into the thought of what she’d be spending it on. the idea of her spending his money on the pretty little ruffles adoring her pretty thighs- that’s what really did it for him, he was hopeful. maybe there was even a chance that you’d bought today’s pretty lingerie with his donations? he was enamoured. 

and that’s why sunghoon watched with bated breath as your hand slowly slid up your body, his eyes watching the way your bra’s ruffles moved with your long nails- you were quite a sight to see. his body has never agreed more with his mind than at this moment, his every cell burning with life as they were left scampering all across his lower regions.

the pretty set wrapped around your cleavage was so evidently a new one. the unstretched fabric practically melted against your unmarked skin, a serpent of lust. it was tight around your chest- your cleavage almost spilling over the seams.

his pants grew tighter at the realization, there was just something so… seductive about the way your body adored all these pretty new sets.

he was unable to look away when you used your hands to push your chest together, the straps of your bra falling down your shoulders as you leaned closer to the camera. 

the camera started at the base of your chin and cut off right under your belly button, a frame your viewers have grown all too fond of. 

sunghoon’s hands moved to push his pants down his thighs, his back pressing further into his chair as he changed positions. but instead of pulling off his boxers, he left them on. he didn’t want to touch himself yet, not without your permission. 

“i didn’t want to tease very much tonight but after a bit of consideration,  i decided to leave it up to you.” another one of your tricks- allowing your audience to believe that they have complete control over your body. 

a quiet ding came from your monitor signifying a donation coming through. 

suk613 donated $50 : “don’t tease us, show us your pretty panties”

sunghoon’s jaw clenched at the familiar username, his hands following along as they wrapped tighter around his chair’s arms. until today sunghoon has been the only one out of his friend group to donate to you- and by hyunsuk doing that, it almost felt like he was taking away the one thing sunghoon had over them.

it was already bad enough that his friends started watching you, you were his first. “hm… only $50?” at your displeased tone a smirk grew on sunghoon’s lips, he would’ve never donated an amount that low. he knew better than anyone that pretty girls like his yn, like scarlett, deserved the worlds riches. he’d empty his pockets until all he had left was dime if it meant that scarlett could live the way she deserved. 

an identical ding sounded once again, your hands halting against your swelled chest as you read the donation out loud. 

callmehoon donated $300 : “tsk, our girl deserves more than a lousy $50.”

but sunghoon wasn’t done yet, his fingers already loudly typing against his keyboard before you even finished reading off his message.

callmehoon donated $700 : “but that doesn’t mean that i don’t agree. lay back and spread those pretty legs for us, hm?”

sunghoon watched with a newfound confidence once you complied with his request without an audible response. it was now when he finally decided to  push down his boxers, his cock slapping against his stomach the moment it was free from it’s confinement. 

he bent forward to turn his volume up higher, your voice echoing across his room without shame. he didn’t care enough to try to hide the sounds coming from his part of the hallway because he knew that hyunsuk too was watching the same live. 

you were now spread out across the top of your bed, everything except for your face out for everyone to see. the camera highlighting your half nude body in a perfect contour between your earlier innocence and your hypnotic curves. 

by the lack of sounds coming from sunghoon’s monitors, he was certain that just like himself, everyone was frozen in time. your livestreams brought a mix between pain and pleasure. pleasure because of their hands offering a familiar tightness around their leaking cocks. and pain because everyone, even the lousy men who were far too self righteous to donate, wanted nothing more than to cum with you. and your streams were nothing if not for your teasing touches. 

a loud mewl left your lips when your fingers ghosted over your clothed clit, your legs spread wide open for the viewers to watch your every movement.

you pressed your index and middle finger against the growing damp spot on your panties, spreading them apart as if there was no barrier between your fingers and bare cunt. it was torturous for the viewers and monitors alike- and if there was one thing that they all shared in common it was definitely their hatred against your pretty panties. your garments had already had their two seconds of fame, but now everyone wanted nothing more than to watch the way your slick attached to the fabric as you slid it down your thick thighs.

“i’ve been waiting for this a-all day…” your pretty gasps of pleasure caused a tingling wave of desire down sunghoon’s body. his cock was now twitching non stop at your infamous teasing touching and he’d almost given in to the temptations until your voice rang out once again. 

“you aren’t touching yourself, are you?” sunghoon’s hands were white with self restraint as his head nodded along to your words. if he closed his eyes in the perfect way he could almost imagine you were talking to him and him alone.

“touch yourself the exact same way i am but imagine that your pleasure is mine. make yourself experience the way you’re making me feel.” sunghoon’s chest deflated in relief at your order and in the state that he was in, he knew that he’d do anything you told him to. it was for that reason that one of his arms were now wrapped around the back of his headrest whilst the other went down to work on his cock.

he copied your movements with acute expertise, his thumb circling his leaking tip at the same time that your middle finger rubbed along your engorged clit. a quiet sound left his pursed lips as he watched the way your panties grew damper with each swirl, his mouth practically watering as he imagined his fingers replacing yours.

httpschan donated $800 : “take off your panties, let us see how wet you are for me.”

httpschan, sunghoon’s self proclaimed “biggest enemy”, there was no one he hated more.

in sunghoon’s humble opinion, the streamer was nothing more than an egocentric excuse of a man. he was always in the way and it pissed sunghoon off. 

but as much as he hated him, he appreciated him so much more because in a way he would make sunghoon look oh so much better. sure httpschan has been your top donator for the last few weeks but that was only because sunghoon was out of town. but now that he’s back, he was here to double it. 

sunghoon saw the way your lips pulled up into your signature smile, the white shade glistening brighter against your coloured lips. the rest of your face was covered by a laced mask, ribbons adoring each end of the intricate design. 

your lips were perfect. they weren’t huge but they definitely weren’t thin, and if there was one thing that sunghoon agreed with the rest of the comments on- was that you truly did have the perfect cock sucking lips. 

he’d spent too much time pretending that the globs of spit landing against his aching cock came from your mouth. he’d imagine that his rough, calloused, fingers were actually your tongue. it wasn't hard to pretend, as he’s been doing it his entire life. 

sunghoon could tell that you were growing irritated with the inability that your tight panties brought, which is why your panties were off within seconds with your clumsy hands haphazardly tossing them across your bed. sunghoons eyes glistened along with your now exposed cunt. his mouth watered at the possibilities that pushed themselves into his mind, he could only imagine the way you’d taste against his lips. 

even though he’d never actually seen a pussy in real life, he’d heard enough stories that he could create his own scenarios, versions of his life where he’d suffocate himself between your thighs. whether that be scarlett’s or the real you, he didn’t care. 

now that your entire bottom was bare of restant you could now move as freely as possible. “look how wet you’re making me.” your plump lips pulled down into a faux frown as you played into the part. sunghoon’s hands moved faster against his cock as he watched the way you pulled two fingers up towards your face, your fingers soaked until it reached your knuckles. 

your tongue rolled out from your mouth as you raised your hands closer towards your chin, holding it in place while you moved your head forward. your tongue licked from your knuckles to the fingertip, your mouth wrapping around the entirety as soon you reached the top. 

You moved your head whilst keeping your arm as still as possible. small strings of spit leaked from the sides of your lips as you took your fingers down your throat, your head turning to the side as you pulled your head back up. 

sunghoon’s hand followed your rhythm, down whilst twisting to the left, up while tightening around the center, and repeat. a loud smack echoed across both of your rooms once you pulled your fingers from your lips, his heavy breathing matching your panting. “i tasted so good, i wish you could taste it too. i bet i’d taste even sweeter on your tongue.” and once again, your pout was back. 

callmehoon donated $1300 : “do me a favour, hm? reach over to your discarded panties and put them between your pretty lips.”

sunghoon caught tyr teasing smirk you shot towards the camera before you leaned over to pick up your discarded panties, your back purposely arching in a way that showed off your lower back tattoo. 

once you had sat back up, with the same smirk kissing your lips, you purred out your response, “maybe dreams really could be more.”

 sunghoon watched with his jaw dropped as you laid back down, only this time you had your soiled panties pushed between your lips. 

note : hai, sorry for disappearing… ive been working on smt for my other enha writing acc (🤫)

taglist ⮕ OPEN! comment on the mlist to be added @arunabrak @jjhmk @nshmrarki @ak4e7a @sunnysidesins @mitmit01 @hisfataltrouble @jiyeons-closet @jakeswifez @winuvs @toodeloosoo @streammoonstruck @meowmeowhoon @renne-s2 @blushbunini @pochaikeu @x0x0isa @mwahvvis @xxxnrigi @lexawoah13 @yongbokified @starsenha @insommni4 @shuichi-sama @minjizx @heelovesmeknot @g0niki @elyxirq @jiawji @kkamismom12 @onlyhyunjin @enhaz1 @vveebee @isabellah29 @velvetkisscs @d-dilemma @woorcve @nikiswifiee @bunnihhoon @rikidaze @rubybby22

[noirscript]

sanctum | chapter three

Pairing: Yandere Preacher x Reader Description: You came because your friend said it would help—just a quiet retreat, a place to clear your head. But from the moment you stepped through the gate, you felt it: the way Father Caelestis looked at you, not like a stranger, but like someone he'd been waiting for… someone he'd already claimed long before you ever arrived. Warning/s: Yandere | Religious themes | Cult-ish | Brainwashing | Manipulation Note/s: Enjoy reading! Chapters 4 to 7 are now available on my ko-fi (it's currently locked and only accessible to supporters ^^).

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Chapter Three | A Garden Without Serpents “There is no temptation in sanctified soil.”

• ─────⋅☾ ☽⋅───── •

The gardens stretch endlessly in every direction, a labyrinth of perfect beauty that leaves you disoriented. You’ve been walking in circles for what feels like hours, each turn bringing you face-to-face with more pristine roses, more marble saints, more paths that lead nowhere. The air smells sickly sweet, heavy with the perfume of flowers and something else—something metallic that lingers at the edge of your senses.

You pass a statue of a saint whose faceless head tilts toward the heavens. The word sanctity is etched at its base in elegant script, but the longer you stare, the more the letters seem to blur, twisting into something unreadable. The chanting from the main hall is faint but insistent, its rhythm burrowing into your mind like a melody you can’t escape.

You’re not sure why you keep walking. There’s nowhere to go. Every time you approach the edge of the gardens, someone is there—a gentle but unmoving wall of white robes and serene smiles.

“The world beyond the garden is not yet ready for you, Mother,” Grace had said earlier, her voice as soothing as the petals of the roses she tended.

Her words replay in your mind now, grating like static. Not ready for you. The phrasing feels deliberate, like a feint to obscure the truth: that you’re the one not ready, that you’re unfit to leave.

“You seem troubled, beloved,” Father Caelestis’s voice cuts through your thoughts like silk on steel.

You startle slightly, turning to find him standing a few paces away, his hands clasped in front of him. He looks as he always does—serene, unruffled, as though he’s never known a moment of doubt in his life.

“I’m fine,” you say quickly, too quickly, and his faint smile tells you he doesn’t believe you.

He steps closer, his presence filling the space between you like an encroaching shadow. “The Vessel cannot carry doubt, beloved,” he says gently. “Tell me what weighs on your heart.”

You hesitate, your gaze flickering to the faceless saint beside you. Its blank features offer no refuge, no guidance, and you find yourself speaking before you can stop.

“My friends,” you say, the words spilling out in a rush. “They warned me about this place. They said it wasn’t… that it wasn’t safe.”

Father Caelestis’s expression doesn’t change, but something in his posture shifts, subtle but unmistakable—a sharpening of his focus, like a predator catching the scent of prey.

“The voices of the outside world are tainted,” he says, each word heavy with sorrow. “They planted poison in your soul, beloved, because they feared your light. They saw in you what they lacked in themselves, and they couldn’t bear it.”

“That’s not true,” you protest, though the conviction in your voice falters under the weight of his gaze.

“Isn’t it?” he asks softly, his tone tinged with pity. He takes another step closer, his voice dropping to a near-whisper. “Tell me, what did they offer you, these so-called friends? Love? Freedom? Truth? All lies, beloved. All traps designed to keep you chained to their broken world.”

His words wrap around you like a vise, tightening with every syllable. You take a step back, but he mirrors you, closing the distance with a grace that feels almost predatory.

“They hurt you,” he says, his hand hovering just above your shoulder. He doesn’t touch you—he never does—but the proximity makes your skin crawl. “I can see it in your eyes, in the way you carry yourself. The world broke you, but you don’t have to carry those wounds any longer. Let me take them from you.”

“You’re twisting everything,” you manage to say, your voice trembling despite your best efforts. “I’m not broken.”

His smile deepens, but there’s a sadness in it now, an almost unbearable tenderness. “The truly broken never know they are broken,” he murmurs. “But that’s all right. That’s why you’re here. To be made whole again, slowly, lovingly. Trust me, beloved.”

You want to scream, to push him away, but your body feels frozen, heavy with the weight of his presence.

“I need to be alone,” you say finally, the words barely a whisper.

For a moment, he studies you in silence, his gaze unreadable. Then he nods, stepping back with a grace that feels like a calculated release. “Of course,” he says. “But remember, beloved: isolation breeds doubt. Doubt breeds darkness. And darkness…” He trails off, letting the implication hang in the air like a blade.

You turn and walk away, your steps unsteady, the sound of your retreat swallowed by the endless garden.

• ─────⋅☾ ☽⋅───── •

Later that day, as you wander aimlessly through the winding paths, a young woman approaches you. She’s small, barely out of her teens, with nervous energy radiating off her like heat. Her hands are clasped tightly in front of her, and her head is bowed low.

“Mother,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “May I speak with you?”

You nod slowly, unsure whether to be wary or relieved. She glances over her shoulder, her movements quick and furtive, before stepping closer.

“They’re watching,” she murmurs, her voice trembling.

“Who?” you ask, though you already know the answer.

She doesn’t respond. Instead, she presses a small piece of paper into your hand, her fingers brushing yours for the briefest moment. Her touch is cold, trembling, but there’s something electric in it—an urgency that sets your heart pounding.

“Please,” she whispers, her eyes darting around the garden. “Don’t let them see.”

Before you can respond, she’s gone, disappearing into the maze of roses like a ghost.

Your hands shake as you unfold the note. The words are scrawled hastily, almost illegible, but their meaning is clear:

“You’re not crazy. Get out.”

The paper feels heavier than it should, like it’s carrying the weight of all the fear and desperation she couldn’t say aloud. You clutch it tightly, the words burning into your mind like a brand.

• ─────⋅☾ ☽⋅───── •

You spend the rest of the day searching for her. You retrace your steps, scanning every face, every corner, every shadow for any sign of her. But no matter how many paths you walk, how many people you ask, she’s nowhere to be found.

Grace is the first person you approach, though you already know her response before you ask.

“I’m looking for someone,” you say, your voice strained. “A young woman. She spoke to me earlier.”

Grace tilts her head, her expression a perfect mask of gentle confusion. “I’m sorry, Mother,” she says. “I don’t know who you mean.”

“She was here,” you insist, your desperation creeping into your voice. “I spoke to her.”

Grace’s smile doesn’t falter. “There’s no one like that here,” she says softly. “Perhaps you were mistaken.”

You clench your fists at your sides, the note crumpled in your palm. “I wasn’t mistaken.”

She bows her head slightly. “If Father Caelestis wisher you to know, he will tell you,” she says, her voice calm but final.

You turn away before she can say anything else, your frustration boiling over into anger as you storm through the garden.

• ─────⋅☾ ☽⋅───── •

That night, when you return to your room, something feels… off.

The furniture is the same, the linens still white and pristine, but the air feels heavier, colder. It takes you a moment to realize why.

The locks.

They’re on the outside now.

You stare at the door, your pulse pounding in your ears. Your hand drifts to the crumpled note still tucked in your pocket, the words a mantra in your mind: “You’re not crazy. Get out.”

But as the chanting outside your window begins again, rising in volume like an encroaching tide, the walls seem to close in around you. And for the first time, you wonder if escape is even possible.

TBC.

noirscript © 2025

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[tygerbug]

Captain America: Brave New World- The former Falcon flies high but the MCU is on autopilot. Edited with a lawnmower and both dramatically and politically incoherent, the movie occasionally comes alive enough to be a 30-minute TV episode, but is deathly afraid to be ABOUT anything. It's watchable enough but anyone experiencing "Marvel fatigue" or "superhero fatigue" will not find the cure for it here.

The film appears to be 50% reshoots and ADR by volume. It's the kind of movie where every line of dialogue is followed by an over-the-shoulder shot which has clearly been redubbed in post, with a voice-over by the actor, sounding a bit different, explaining exactly what's going on in the plot right now. Then we cut back to the actor in a visibly different position and mood, as if a minute of edited footage has just been cut out. It goes on like this for 118 minutes. Film producers tend to assume that audiences are too stupid to notice when this is happening in a film, but even if audiences can't name the exact problem, they certainly notice that something is wrong to this degree. The film is edited like a reality TV show, and I personally don't like being treated as if the producers think I'm a moron.

A voiceover is explaining the plot at basically all times, and it's not hard to guess what the test screening notes were that led to these voiceovers. For example, at one point Sam Wilson has to make a tough choice and abandon his soldier sidekick, Joaquin Torres, who has nearly died. About a hundred awkward voiceovers and reshoots follow, seemingly edited in at random, assuring us that this was the right choice and everything is being taken care of and the medics are on their way. Boy, it stinks. Not to a "Madame Web" degree, but very little actual acting has survived the surgery.

This mess was originally announced as "The Serpent Society" with Seth Rollins and Rosa Salazar as baddies. (The previous film Civil War was also announced under this title.) You won't see them here. Instead Giancarlo Esposito shows up as Sidewinder, leading something just called Serpent, which is not elaborated on. Esposito memorably played Gustavo Fring in Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, and has clearly been hired here so that he can do the exact same thing without anyone asking further questions about who this guy is. That must have simplified things a bit. The film was then announced as "New World Order," which made it sound like an anti-semitic conspiracy theory. Production began in 2023 under the title "Rochelle Rochelle." Mark Ruffalo's Hulk was cast then uncast.

Anthony Mackie has a few decent scenes as Sam Wilson, now Captain America, with the subtext being that a black man without superpowers has a lot to prove. Mackie is charming enough, and so is the conceit that he is often getting injured and working through it. But anything that might be interesting about his performance is usually lost in an incoherent barrage of ADR and reshoots. Carl Lumbly is also often affecting as Isaiah Bradley, an aged super soldier jailed by the US government for decades, whose backstory is politically charged enough that the film has to make the story incoherent rather than get "political" with it, playing up the danger that Bradley might pose (even if the actor is 73).

Politics, or the lack thereof, is very clearly the problem here, as it was in the 2021 TV series The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I've made a lot of jokes about how that series was clearly intended to be political, but was so watered down by notes and reshoots taking it in a more right-wing direction that it ends up being politically incoherent. A subplot about an unleashed virus hit too close to home and was reshot out of existence. This film is even worse, as it makes no coherent political statements at all, to the degree that there's no point in it even existing. Having a black Captain America onscreen must have resulted in a flurry of notes and complaints from any right-wing person working anywhere at Disney and Marvel. With any hint of politics removed, we're apparently supposed to think that "both sides sure are crazy, and need to work together," without any understanding of what these "sides" are, what their motivations and goals are, and what they might represent. The film has no point of view, which makes it eminently skippable.

I'm also sorry to report that most of this film's good ideas were used up in that mediocre television series, including a larger role for Sebastian Stan's Bucky Barnes, who merely has an awkward cameo here. Daniel Bruhl's Zemo is also absent, along with anyone else I might care about. Instead, Sam Wilson is running around following up on plot threads from a 2008 Hulk movie everyone else forgot about two Hulks ago. The result has about enough plot for half a trailer.

And, to be clear, this is a movie where a black Captain America has to fight the President of the United States, who is a half-dead senior citizen and a big red rage monster, who wanted to lock Sam up and gets locked up himself. The jokes about how this transfers to our current politics write themselves. In real life, American democracy has been dismantled by fascists. But this film is afraid to come up with a political take more complex than "What if there were a red guy?"

To be fair, it is an impressive red guy. An ancient Harrison Ford seems awake enough, replacing the late William Hurt as Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross (Hurt died in 2022 during the movie's development). And the effects artists seem to almost be having fun recreating Harrison Ford as the Hulk. It's kind of a dumb idea but at least it's an idea. Meanwhile Tim Blake Nelson has some fun playing a villain, reprising a role from the 2008 Hulk movie with Edward Norton that we should have forgotten about by now. His role was clearly rewritten and reshot quite a bit, like everything else in this movie, as he has a handful of eccentric or clever character lines that seem completely out of place, when all the other dialogue is just flatly restating what is happening in the plot right now, as if the target audience are not watching the film. It's also unclear whether Nelson and Mackie were actually onset together during key scenes.

The film also spends a lot of time teasing the idea that Liv Tyler might also show up, because of a Hulk movie 17 years ago that hasn't been canonical since 2012. I just watched the movie and I'm still not 100% sure she actually did show up and talk to Mackie or Ford, although we hear and see something that might as well be her.

Our heroes include a bunch of interchangeable military men, which is uncomfortable and/or uninteresting. There's also Danny Ramirez as the soldier Joaquin Torres, who was in the TV series and wants to be the next Falcon. He's irritating, mainly because he's the sidekick to a sidekick to a sidekick to a sidekick, and you feel that with every line. Anthony Mackie has enough screen presence that you don't think about that. Mackie can play the lead, but Torres is just some guy.

There's also the matter of Shira Haas, playing tiny Israeli agent Ruth, based on the controversial comics character of Sabra. She's five feet tall and twentysomething, and looks about half that height and age due to childhood kidney cancer. It's not entirely clear why she's even there, although I can take a guess.

By comparison, the previous film titled "Captain America," 2016's "Civil War," introduced Black Panther and Spider-Man, two of the most popular Marvel heroes, as well as Ant-Man's Giant-Man persona, and a fight between all of the Avengers. What we get here doesn't compare. It's as if you'd booked Beyoncé Knowles for the Super Bowl, but she cancelled, and your niece who plays in the high school band was drafted as replacement.

Racism and sexism can manifest in a lot of ways. One of them is the feeling that when someone who isn't a white man is the lead on the poster, everyone else down the line is no longer bringing their A-game. Maybe the previous Captain America movie introduced Black Panther, Spider-Man and Giant-Man and had all the Avengers, but that was Steve Rogers and this is Sam Wilson. So we've got Joaquin and little Ruth and that's it. As far as I noticed, the film never calls itself "Captain America" either, onscreen. Maybe in small print somewhere at the end.

And to be very clear, this is also what the movie is about, to the extent that it's about anything. Anthony Mackie, Danny Ramirez and Carl Lumbly are very clearly acting their hearts out in a movie that's about how people of color have to work ten times harder to get any respect at all. And they're being set up to fail miserably by Marvel and Disney, as a movie studio, for that exact same reason. The movie is terrified about being about anything, but when the leads are allowed to act, it's about them risking their lives for a country that sees them as disposable, and a poor replacement for the real thing. You genuinely feel how this will probably kill them, and these scenes are genuinely good and affecting. The movie ends with one of those scenes. But the movie can't reckon with that for long, because it's doing the exact same thing. It can't care about a black Captain America too much because that's "political." We know that Steve Rogers fought Nazis, but Sam Wilson can't express anything like that because it's "political." There's no mid-credit scene because they're out of ideas, and the end credit scene has the villain kind of hinting about multiverses, something that every other Marvel project has already done while this one was delayed.

We do have Marvel fatigue right now, because after the big "finale" of Avengers: Endgame, the franchise took a more experimental approach, introducing new heroes and turning to television. Covid then delayed and confused things, and the result has been that Marvel has introduced at least seventy-five new heroes in the past few years, very few of which seem destined to do anything more at the moment. Every Marvel movie used to feel like a big event, back when they all starred blond white guys named Chris. Eventually, the most racist and sexist of the Marvel executives left, and I'm mainly talking about Ike Perlmutter here. And we started to get movies and TV series starring women and people of color. Lots of them. Almost too many of them to keep track of.

Like The Marvels, which is edited down to be one of the shortest Marvel movies, as if they're afraid audiences might turn on them at any moment. And there started to be a narrative that Marvel had lost its way, at the exact same time it started making movies and TV shows that didn't just star white blond guys called Chris. Mostly that's a narrative from idiots yelling on Youtube who don't watch the movies anyway. But sometimes you get the sense that people at Marvel agree, that they lost their way somehow and need to course correct. Not by making the movies feel special again, but by hiring Robert Downey Jr. again, and Chris Evans.

And that's Blernsball.

"A Leela of Her Own" is the 48th episode of Futurama. Leela becomes the first female Blernsball player, a confusing future replacement for baseball. She is hired as a novelty, because she's actually a terrible pitcher who "beans" the batters with a ball to the head. Rather than actually be a symbol of female progress in the male-dominated sport, she is being used as a joke to further show why it should remain segregated.

When the 82-year-old Democrat Joe Biden was considered (in the press) unfit to serve another term as President, he was hastily replaced in the campaign by his 60-year-old Vice President Kamala Harris, a woman of color. Voters were hugely excited about this possibly historic election for awhile, but as Joe Biden's staff took control of the messaging, Kamala ran to the right and largely promised not to change course from what the unpopular incumbent had done. The Democrats raised a huge amount of money for all of this, and seemed to conflate raising money with winning. That's not the same thing, and Harris did not take office as President. What I'll say next is a matter of opinion, but it seemed to become clear after the election that, behind the scenes, the Democratic staff lost interest once Biden was deemed unfit. They ran Harris to have someone to run, but many felt that they'd already lost by losing Biden, and were now going through the motions. They seemed to share none of the voter interest, in running someone new, a possibly somewhat left-leaning Dem rather than the old-fashioned and fading Biden.

Captain America: Civil War is about a fight between all the Avengers which digs up old buried secrets and divides the team in two. Black Panther and Spider-Man show up. The previous Captain America movies are considered among the best in the franchise. The Winter Soldier in particular has vivid, realistic fight scenes and balances superheroics with some of the tone of a grounded political thriller.

Brave New World, as it's titled onscreen, has the guy who used to be The Falcon doing Falcon stuff, and is about what if there was a red guy. It's watchable. It's also skippable. It's Blernsball. And I'd be curious about what kind of stuff they shot for this, but decided was too political or interesting to screen right now, as the USA falls apart during a second Trump Presidency, never to be the same again.

[tyrantisterror]

At Sea Without a Map Final Roundup

Read the Chapter 1: Deadset on Getting Fishy roundup here!

Read the Chapter 2: Tree Storks roundup here!

Read the Chapter 3: The Seaship Graveyard roundup here!

Read the Chapter 4: Tiger Boat roundup here!

Read the Chapter 5: The Madman and the Monster roundup here!

Read the Chapter 6: The Crocodisle roundup here!

Read the Chapter 7: Kiss of Life roundup here!

Read the Chapter 8: The Volcano God roundup here!

It took a while, but we finally made it to the end of this strange odyssey. Sailor, Calibani and Bob finally found their way to the depths of the Sea of Monsters, uncovered (some of) Spindle Inc.'s nefarious agenda, opened a portal to the "normal" universe, and confronted one of the true leviathans at the heart of the sea. Families were reunited, evil was vanquished, and a very important choice was made - our Sailor is home, if not perhaps the home we expected.

And that's it for At Sea Without a Map! Thank you for following this strange little tale, especially to those of you who engaged in the replies and reblogs! It was a very fun writing experiment for me, and I hope it was an entertaining one for you.

You can read up on At Sea Without a Map Chapter 9: The Mother Ocean in the links below. There will be some concept art after the cut, and I'll be posting a more in-depth post-script about the story later today (today being January 1st 2025, for those reading this after the fact). Thank you for reading!

Part 49

Part 50

Part 51

Part 52

Part 53

Part 54

Part 55

Part 56

Part 57

Part 58

Part 59

Part 60

I thought I was particularly clever making the sea station for Spindle Inc look like a literal spindle. At the very least it was a striking image.

Sycorax was somewhat easy to design, being one of many variations on Calibani's design - literally just her tail stuck on an eel's face. Most of my work on her was spent fine tuning that face a bit until it hit the right sea serpent sweet spot for me.

The true leviathan/Abyssal Mother had a bit of an odd development. Initially I considered making it just a big whale monster, since that was one sea monster archetype this story hadn't covered yet. But it felt a little underwhelming for that to be the "final boss" of the story, so I decided to go in a more Cthulhu-ish direction (and cover a different sea monster archetype in the process). I hit upon this look where the squid-head of the monster also kind of looks like a woman whose hair is obscuring her face - and, well, the visual similarity that had with our Sailor felt too juicy to ignore. The Abyssal Mother has no final design - I figured any inconsistencies between her depictions in the story would actually work in her archetype's favor, as a creature whose anatomy and nature is fundamentally unknowable.