#like 5 minutes early ok. 10 minutes bro what. 30 MINUTES EARLY?? you fuck head. anyone actually waiting till the actual time is fucked

[causalityparadoxes]

If you as a company say a ticket presale is at a certain time? And then you release the tickets early? Please know i am killing you with my mind. I am killing you with hammers You are now dead a millllliiiiiion times over. You are in the ground early. Much like your ticket sales.

[starr-finn]

Hi girlie what's up :>

Headcanons for how Sokol, Dallas, Hoxton and Bain sleep with their s/o?

(sleep with as in, zzzzzzz)

Hiiiiiii!!! I'd love to write this for you!! hope you don't mind but I decided to throw in Wolf and Houston to make this more interesting!

Prompt: how Dallas, wolf, Houston, Hoxton, Sokol, and Bain sleep with their S/O

Author's note/ warnings???: Absolute fluff, literally tooth-rotting, absolutely nothing but fluffy stuff ngl, mentions of the web series, and Dallas' day job in his (aka manager at first world bank, imma say he only works there on Saturdays and Sundays, weekdays he's on heists)

Dallas

Homeboy is a workaholic

but when he knocks out, he is fucking out

So, when you do drag him to bed, he's out in seconds

normally, you're laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around you

Normally, it's super quiet, like super quiet, so quiet you can hear every little sound outside and inside, it's weird

Dallas doesn't care about how you sleep, as long as you're with him tbh

ok, so he sleeps with one of those super thick weighted blankets, why? because they tend to be warm and he likes that

hope you like being toasty in the middle of the night cuz oh god-

sleeps with the AC on tho, at least he does you that courtesy

he wakes up at 6 on days he works at the bank, 8 on days he works on heists

all and all, he's cuddly when he's sleepy

Wolf

Wolf is normally in bed by around 10-12, he will drag you to bed when he's sleepy, so I hope you have a schedule in place

he either sleeps laying on top of you or with his arm wrapped around you

bro sleeps with the AC on the coldest setting it can be on and then he has like 2 thick blankets, bro didn't have 2 blankets before, when you moved in tho, he bought like 8 super thick blankets

he wants you to be comfy after all ❤️

he sleeps in his boxers because fuck pajamas tbh

does not care if you sleep in your underwear

he drools in his sleep, also growls sometimes, and just makes noise in his sleep

bro is also a fighter in his sleep

he tries not to flop all over you, but if your fine with it, he'll probably lay on your chest

he's so soft with you tho

Houston

Now this boy is so nervous to sleep with you at any point

so, how do you handle it? his arm is tucked under your head and you're just snuggled into his chest

He's so shy about it, like omg this cute ass man blushes like a damn fool every time you snuggle into him

he sleeps with a thin ass blanket, but he has the heat on, he normally keeps his house pretty cool, but his room is incredibly warm, its super cozy

he has like 5 water bottles on both bedside tables because when he sleeps, he sleeps like a rock

he also rolls around a lot while sleeping, pretty boi here happens to wake up laying on your stomach

this dude sleeps in a tank top and sweatpants

He wakes up at 7:30 because he runs on a very, VERY tight schedule, he will not make you follow it through, wake up whenever he doesn't mind

he talks in his sleep, it's cute to hear

he also stays in bed an extra 30 minutes just to stare at your sleeping face, he thinks you look adorable

Hoxton

He sleeps whenever the hell he passes out

drag him to bed when you're ready to sleep, and he'll just stare at you, smiling like an idiot because he thinks your cute

Bros the big spoon, all the time, either with you facing him or facing away from him

he often hums to you while you sleep, maybe actually singing every so often, he has one he sings for you specifically he calls 'an angels lullaby'

he enjoys burying his face into your hair

he keeps the bedroom cool, its nice, and he has this nice fluffy white blanket he sleeps with

sleeps in his boxers and a tee shirt, he doesn't care what you sleep in

he snores a lot, not loudly, but he does snore

he wakes up at 6 am, normally he just stares at you until you wake up

when you do he's smiling like an idiot, he loves you

Sokol

Sokol has a weird sleep schedule, he sleeps early and wakes up at like 5 to go on a run, he's very strict about it

He'll drag you to bed at like 8, he normally accidentally wakes at 5, or when he takes a shower at 7 when he gets home

you eventually get used to his schedule

Anyways, he normally sleeps with both his arms wrapped around you, holding you against his chest with your face buried in his neck

he normally hums you to sleep, running his fingers through your hair, kind of smiling to himself

he never really tired to get dressed for sleep, he doesn't care really

he tries to stay awake later to talk to you, but he just can't

he sleeps with an incredibly soft blanket, it feels so nice

more often than not he wakes up tangled into you, almost like as close as he can get is never close enough

he always kisses your forehead before he leaves to go on his morning run

Bain

oh lord he's not used to this

Bain is so anxious about cuddling with you, every night, even if its been years since you both god together

he sleeps cuddled up to you, he kisses your forehead every 10 seconds until he falls asleep

sleeps in a grey sweater, and red flannel pajama pants

he has the AC on, 24/7, because he's so hot all the time

he sleeps with weighted blankets, no reason why he just likes them

he's either laying on top of you/you laying on top of him, or he's on the exact opposite side of the bed, with no in-between

has a few knives next to his bed because he's paranoid

he spends a few hours on his phone in bed

he's normally asleep by 1 AM, despite having been in bed since 9 PM

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hope you like this one guys! this one took so long ;-;

tag list:

@honeychromb

@foxqueen10777

@iwillstealyourtoes-wattpad

[kbstories]

impression//expression

"It’s not like Kirishima had come all this way to U.A. to immediately break the promise he made to himself upon arrival.

It’s just that Bakugou is as feral as they come, and the moment Kirishima recognizes it’s fear he felt crawling up his spine that day, he makes it his personal mission to face it head-on until it’s gone."

(Or: Being friends with Bakugou Katsuki is anything but a linear experience. Kirishima Eijirou would have it no other way.)

Tags: Kirishima POV, Developing Friendships, Protective Kiri, Soft Baku, Chatting

Chapter 1. No additional content warnings apply. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.

***

The routine goes as follows:

Bakugou waits for Kirishima at the front door, arms crossed and a varying degree of pissed off depending how late he's running. Kirishima complains about the train being postponed or too full or delayed in some way – which is true, damn it, it’s like the universe has doomed his train line and none other in all of Japan to be the statistical outlier in an otherwise spotless record of punctuality – and begs for forgiveness, usually by bribing Bakugou with some post-workout coffee.

It works surprisingly well. A month into this and Kirishima is about ready to join one of those conspiracy theory servers Kaminari is so fond of because Bakugou is actually pretty lenient, death threats and crackling palms aside.

(That being said, Kirishima enjoys life and living and chasing after his dreams, so he will never breathe a word about that particular observation to anyone, least of all Bakugou himself.)

They usually got the gym to themselves, the employees on the early shift always looking vaguely relieved that at least someone is making use of their opening hours. Kirishima’s never been a regular anywhere aside from perhaps the manga store a few blocks from his home, so it feels a bit special to have this implicit claim to the training area made for heat-based quirks every Saturday morning.

Bakugou snorted when Kirishima told him that, muttering what sounded like fucking nerd under his breath.

The rest is pretty straight-forward. Kirishima’s been on a daily workout schedule for a good year by this point, and it’s clear Bakugou is used to it too. They stretch, do some warm-ups (in Bakugou’s case, quite literally) and off they go.

The thing is: It’s fun. Like, really, really fun. Really loud, too, especially when Bakugou’s got his sweat on and comes at him point-blank and flashy like fireworks personified. By the first session, Kirishima already realized it’s a lost cause trying to talk during training because all Bakugou replies with is an exasperated “Hah?!” no matter what he says.

It’s not like Kirishima could’ve heard himself speak anyways, his ears always left ringing something fierce from all the close-quarter explosions. Bakugou is a stranger to the concept of holding back or taking things by half measures, that much hasn’t changed.

Elsewhere, it might’ve taken a while for Kirishima to push his quirk to the point where his skin breaks out in cracks and ridges, his arms and shoulders and hair turning unyielding and clear-cut like miniature mountains. Not here, though: Not when the choices are to put his best foot forward with every move, or have Bakugou tear his throat out for daring to waste his time. There’s something so freeing about letting loose like that – a thrill that sends Kirishima’s heart on a war path and his pulse soaring until all that’s left are his instincts and quick reflexes.

Like this, every time he gets a hit in or a blast manages to leave a mark on his body, Bakugou grins and Kirishima grins back. Like this, the bruises and lost hours of sleep pale in comparison to just how bright Bakugou’s eyes can shine.

*

Kirishima brushes off the last traces of carbon dust off his arms to start massaging the sore muscles there. With U.A.’s Sports Festival a mere handful of days away, both of them kept going until their quirks started to sputter.

A strange comfort, to sit in mutual exhaustion like this. It’s not even noon but Kirishima could totally go for a nap, right there on the black, fire-proof tiles. Leaning back on his hands, he hums and asks:

“So. What’s the deal with Midoriya?”

A few feet from him, Bakugou pauses in rolling his shoulders. The black tank top he’s wearing is positively plastered to his body with sweat, his track pants saved from the same fate by how bulky they are.

“What?”

Too late, it occurs to Kirishima to feel nervous. The sensation is dim against the warmth still clinging to his skin though, that minute ache that comes with becoming stone for too long. “Being around him pisses you off. What’s up with that?”

Bakugou stares at him. His expression is hard to read, firmly within the realm of his default frown. “The fuck, Shitty Hair. What’s it to you?”

Uh oh. Kirishima sits up, mostly to raise his hands in a placating gesture, palm-up. “Just curious, bro. Honest. Been wondering for a while so I thought I’d ask, y’know?”

As bold as Kirishima aims to be, lying Bakugou in the face when his gaze is sharp enough to cut a bitch would be a monumentally stupid move. Bakugou seems to come to the same conclusion, even if his scoff is plenty aggressive.

“None of your fucking business, that’s what’s up with it. Fucking… Deku, bah.”

To say the silence that follows is loaded is the understatement of the century. Kirishima chews on his tongue, about a thousand questions balancing on its tip; it’s like the Midoriya he sees is the polar opposite of the one Bakugou blows a fuse over on a regular basis, and the why behind it is kind of starting to haunt him. (It doesn’t help that everyone in 1-A treats him as some sort of expert in all things Bakugou instead of interacting with the guy directly.)

One glance at Bakugou and he swallows it all down. Only now, with any and all traces of it gone, does Kirishima realize how calm he had looked. “…Coffee?”

Bakugou picks himself off the ground and leaves without another word.

*

Baku 💣💥

it’s bullshit dude (sent 18:23)

u know that right? (sent 18:23)

right? (sent 18:48)

like the whole chains + muzzle thing was ass i’m still fuming (sent 19:10)

and the press can go duck themselves lol (sent 19:12)

fuck** (sent 19:12)

it’s ur right to refuse the thing if u don’t want it (sent 19:15)

idk man it just sucks (sent 19:20)

baku? (sent 19:35)

:( (sent 19:55)

-

i know (received 19:56)

stop blowing up my phone (received 19:57)

-

baku!! ❤️  (sent 19:57)

sry haha (sent 19:57)

u ok tho? (sent 20:00)

-

fuck off (received 20:01)

-

sry sry (sent 20:01)

(my moms say hi btw 💪🏻💪🏻) (sent 20:32)

((and congrats but i told em u don’t wanna hear it lmao)) (sent 20:33)

-

hi back (received 20:40)

 -

💪🏻  (sent 20:42)

*

Lord Explosion Murder?? (Baku 💣💥 )

so like (sent 6:20)

ur hero name (sent 6:20)

-

? (received 6:21)

-

oh! morning lol (sent 6:22)

ok so. it’s a bit of a mouthful (sent 6:24)

manly! (sent 6:24)

but y’know (sent 6:24)

-

k (received 6:25)

-

what about nitro? or smth (sent 6:30)

it’s snappy and cool! like u hehe (sent 6:33)

WAIT NO (sent 6:33)

LIKE (sent 6:33)

UM (sent 6:34)

 -

kirishima (received 6:34)

-

yea? (sent 6:34)

OH SHIT DID U JUST (sent 6:36)

pls don’t kill me (sent 6:36)

bro? (sent 6:40)

bakubro? (sent 6:48)

nitro? 👀  (sent 6:53)

… (sent 6:57)

at least lemme say bye to my dog man (sent 7:00)

-

no (received 7:00)

-

RIP in pieces me (sent 7:00)

*

Nitro!! (Baku 💣💥 )

oi dipshit (received 8:02)

-

?? 👀  (sent 8:02)

-

you owe me coffee (received 8:03)

-

!!! (sent 8:03)

[train_view.jpg] (sent 8:18)

omw 💪🏻  (sent 8:19)

-

k (received 8:19)

>>Chapter 3

[idnek83]

Aid - Chapter 2/13

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham

Tags: Alternate Universe - Island Mode, No Game Spoilers, Masturbation,  Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, Grinding, Wet Dreams, Anal Fingering,  Friends With Benefits,  Getting Together, Internalized Homophobia, Anal Sex

Summary: Everyone is hot and half naked because of their beach vacation. Soda is horny and tries to do something about it. Gundham tries to help and does. It all gets a little out of hand.

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

Read on Ao3

This Chapter: Soda isn't really sure where he stands with Gundham right now, but he's not going to worry about it. The boys bond over hamsters.

_____________________

All in all, things had been way less awkward than Soda thought they would be.

After catching his breath and cleaning up the mess Soda had made on his stomach, Gundham simply left the beach house, stating that he needed to “construct fortifications worthy of The Four Dark Devas of Destruction,” grabbing a bucket and small plastic shovel on his way out of the storage room.

Soda had given himself a moment to think about how weird, and maybe slightly cute, Gundham was for making his hamsters a sandcastle, before leaving out the back door of the beach house.

After that he didn’t see Gundham again until dinner, where he took the seat beside Soda silently and began to eat his meal.

This caught Hajime’s attention, and when he asked about it Gundham spoke up for the first time that meal.

“Kazuichi has elected to ally his body with mine on my dark crusade through this mortal realm. Is it so unnatural that I deign to be near those who I consider my confidants?”

‘Ally his body with mine’? Did Gundham actually just admit to everyone that they had… we’ll they didn’t really fuck, but they had gotten each other off and that was still super awkward to just announce in the middle of a group dinner.

“Oh, so you two are buddies now then?” Akane offered through a mouthful of meat.

Sonia, who seemed to have the uncanny ability to perfectly understand what Gundham was saying at least 50% of the time, narrowed her beautiful eyes and raised a perfectly shaped brow, her gaze shifting between the two of them.

“Uh, yeah. Haha, you got a problem with us being bros, Hajime? Promise I’ll always make time for my soul buddy, so ya don’t gotta be jealous.” Soda forced an exaggerated laugh to try to hide how nervous he felt under Sonia’s stunning gaze. “So, uh, anyways, Hajime, who ended up winning that game of chicken?”

With the topic safely changed the rest of the dinner was pretty unremarkable, aside from Soda constantly replaying what Gundham had said in his mind, and trying to figure out just what exactly the fuck he had meant. It had to be just weird Gundham speak for ‘we’re bros now’ right? There’s no way he would just come out and tell everyone they got each other off, even in his weird cryptic way of speaking, right?

Everyone ended up just heading back to their cabins after dinner, and Soda found himself sleeping better than he had since they arrived on the island.

When they met up for breakfast the next day Gundham sat next to him again, bantering with their classmates in the same strange way he usually did, no strange maybe-confessions of hooking up to be heard. Soda relaxed and let himself join the conversation like normal.

The rest of the day passed without note, Soda spent most of it fiddling with various knickknacks he had found around the island and wishing he could have brough his bike to work on instead. When dinner rolled around Gundham once again took his seat beside Soda, and he accepted that this was just the way it was gonna be from now on.

Except that now he’s been sitting in the hotel restaurant for like 20 minutes, having finished his breakfast a while ago, and the seat beside him is still empty.

Where the hell was Gundham?

Well whatever, dude can do what he wants, it’s not like they made a promise to eat together or anything.

Soda picked up his plate and took it over to the kitchen to be washed later. When he turned around Gundham was behind him.

“Shit!” Soda jumped back before calming down a bit “D-don’t fucking do that man, you scared me.”

“Apologies, my companion. I did not mean to frighten you, it had slipped my mind just how dulled mortals’ senses are. I will be sure to alert you of my presence next time.”

Soda rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed by how startled he had been. “Whatever dude. Where were you anyways? You missed breakfast.” Right when he had just gotten used to him being there too.

“Ah, I must apologize again.” Gundham actually bowed slightly this time. “I was cleansing impurities from the lairs of my Dark Devas, and it would appear that I fell prey to some fiendish time anomaly.”

Cleaning his hamster cages and lost track of time, got it.

Gundham stood upright again. “However, now that the Devas’ lairs have been properly cleansed, it would be safe for a mortal such as yourself to lay eyes on them.”

Gundham seemed to be waiting for Soda to say something. Oh, was that his way of inviting him to check out his hamster cages? Soda didn’t really know a lot about caring for hamsters, so he wouldn’t mind going back to Gundham’s room and-

Oh.

Gundham’s room.

Shit was Gundham propositioning him? It was still pretty early, but maybe Gundham was more of a morning guy when it came to getting off. Ok, yeah, he could work with that.

Soda could feel himself blushing. “S-sure.”

Gundham simply raised an eyebrow.

Right he didn’t actually ask Soda to come ‘look at his hamster cages,’ he just heavily implied that Soda should ask him if he could ‘look at his hamster cages.’

“Right, I mean, if it’s safe and whatever do you think I could take a look at your ham- uh, Devas’ lairs?”

“If that is your wish, I will accompany you their lairs once I have found sustenance.”

Right, you shouldn’t bone on an empty stomach. That’s probably a thing people say, right?

“Cool, I’ll just, uh, be in my room then. So just come get me once your… sustained?” Look, he was trying alright?

Gundham spared him a nod before moving to find his own breakfast. Then Soda left the hotel to go sit in his room like a dumbass who definitely should have just stayed in the hotel cus what the fuck was he gonna do in his room for the like 10 minute it would take Gundham to eat?

He entered his cabin and flopped onto his bed. Should he like, put on sexy underwear or something? Did he own sexy underwear? All his boxers fit him pretty much the same, and even if they were slightly different, they were all covered in similar random splashes of neon colors, so none of them really seemed any sexier than the others.

What the fuck were you supposed to do while waiting for a hookup? He couldn’t, like, get things started on his own cus he still had to walk over to Gundham’s cabin and he wasn’t gonna risk getting caught with a hard-on again. He wasn’t sure if he had enough time to shower either… not that it’d really matter since he’d just be getting all hot and sweaty again soon anyways...

Nope, can’t think about that right now, still have to make that walk.

Soda stood and walked over to the mirror in the bathroom. He combed out his hair with his fingers, fiddled with his braid, and checked his teeth for food. Great, he had killed like 30 seconds.

Why was he so nervous damnit! They had already seen each other naked, hell he had Gundham’s dick in his mouth! He swallowed his cum! There was nothing to be nervous about!

Unless… what if Gundham wanted more this time? Soda hadn’t really thought too much about actual sex with a dude yet. Like, what exactly would Gundham expect him to do? Would he be into it if Gundham put his dick in his-

There was a knock at the door and Soda jumped.

Shit, no more time to think about it.

Soda opened the door, kinda hoping it wasn’t actually Gundham who had knocked, but there he was, in all his weird, handsome glory.

“H-hey.” It would be rude to back out now, right? Like they had that whole pact thing Gundham had mentioned so…

“I have reconstituted this mortal shell, so let us make haste. The Devas have granted you access to their lairs, Kazuichi, it would not do to make them wait.” Gundham turned and walked away.

Ok, shit, he could do this, he’d be fine. He didn’t even actually know if Gundham was gonna try to fuck him, like, they were probably just gonna mess around again, right?

Soda took a deep breath, slowly exhaled and followed Gundham to his cabin.

Once inside Soda made sure to lock the door behind himself. He needed a moment, so he pressed his head against the solid wood of the door and took another deep breath.

“Are you unwell, my companion?” Ok yeah, Gundham was gonna notice that and he was dumb for not realising it.

“I’m good, just-“

Gundham was behind him when he turned, like, right behind him. The sheer closeness of him made Soda blush, and he couldn’t manage to look Gundham in the eye. However, Gundham apparently wasn’t going to let him hide.

Soda felt Gundham place his finger below his chin, and gently lift his head so he could see his face. God, he thought they were close before, but having their faces, their mouths, so near each other made the distance feel unbelievably smaller somehow. Soda didn’t know what to do, his eyes were locked on the mismatched set currently examining his own face and he was frozen.

He felt Gundham shift, bringing his other hand up towards his face as well, and Soda couldn’t help but close his eyes, not certain what was about to happen, but anticipating it anyway.

The press of lips against his-

Gundham placed his hand on Soda’s forehead and hummed, shaking him out of whatever the hell he was imagining.

“You feel quite warm. Are you certain you are not unwell? I am positive the Devas will grant you access another time if you are not yet ready for their splendor.”

Was he ready?

“No, really I’m fine. I’m just, uh, excited I guess?” Might as well just get it over with, at least figure out what exactly Gundham wants from him before he freaks out about it. “So maybe we can just like… get right to it?”

“Such enthusiasm” Gundham’s voice was low, approving, and still so damn close that Soda could swear he felt it vibrate through his body. “Very well then.”

Gundham stepped backwards and gestured grandly to the room “Behold!”

Soda was still reeling from the tonal whiplash his own stupid thoughts were giving him, so the dumbfound look on his face, as he surveyed the colorful sprawling tubes winding their way across the floor, into a large cage and back out the top of it, was genuine.

“Impressive, is it not? The Four Dark Devas of Destruction demand not but the best in all things. This lair may be but a fragment of their true dwelling, but it is still magnificent! Do you not agree?”

Soda continued to stare at the strange structure before him, he was literally speechless.

Wait so, when Gundham asked him to come look at his hamster cages… he had actually just meant he wanted him to look at his hamster cages?

“Ha! It seems your mortal mind was not yet ready to behold such a marvel! Fear not, my dear companion, the Devas power shall not harm you while I am here! Should you still feel overwhelmed, however, you need only let me know and I will return you to your own domain swiftly.”

Gundham crossed his arms and hid the bottom half of his face in his scarf. It looked like he was starting to get embarrassed by Soda’s continued silence. Shit, he didn’t want him to think he thought it was dumb or something, time to tell his confused dick to shut up, and get his equally confused brain to start making words.

“Oh, sorry dude. I was just, um, super surprised! I mean, this stuff takes up like half your room. You must be really dedicated to taking care of your, uh, Devas if you’re willing to give up so much space for them. Like, damn dude.”

As Soda spoke, he watched as Gundham practically inflate with pride again. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to see it.

“Well of course, a proper environment is important to all creatures, both large and small, but I do not consider the lost space a determent to my own domain, rather-“

Gundham began to monologue about the importance of varied and enriching environments, before delving deeply into different aspects of proper hamster care. Soda couldn’t really keep up, but he was enjoying watching Gundham talk so animatedly about something he was obviously passionate about. As Gundham talked, Soda crouched down and began to examine the tubes up close. They didn’t exactly look like they were hard to connect, but the thought of Gundham painstakingly placing them, ensuring they were properly connected so his hamsters didn’t escape or get hurt, made him smile and feel a warmth in his chest completely different from what he had felt earlier.

Gundham crouched down beside him, pausing his monologue, and immediately a hamster skittered through the tubes and stopped in front of them, as if summoned. Soda looked from the hamster to Gundham, and made sure to commit the soft smile that appeared on Gundham’s face to memory.

“Ah, Jum-P, you appear to be at full strength once again.” Gundham gently disconnected a section of the tube and allowed the hamster to crawl into his hand, before carefully reconnecting the tunnel.

“Full strength? Was he sick?”

“Jum-P was waging war with an unidentified demon late into the night. By this morning, the demon had been banished, but Jum-P was left weakened by the battle, I… was worried the battle may have been to fierce.” Gundham’s face was sober as he spoke, he was carefully examining the hamster in his hand at the same time, probably checking for any signs of remaining illness or injury.

Oh, so that was why Gundham had missed breakfast, he must have been up pretty late taking care of his hamster. In fact-

“Gundham, did you… did you get any sleep last night?” Now that he was looking, there were definitely dark circles under Gundham’s eyes. Gundham did not look away from the hamster.

“I could not rest while one of my Devas fought such a fierce battle. Though, I fear there was little I could do without knowing the true identity of the demon.” Gundham looked sad as he began to pet the hamster. “I apologize, Jum-P, I was unable to assist you in your time of need. I have failed as your guardian.” God, he had never seen Gundham look so miserable before.

“I’m sure that’s not true…” Gundham raised his miserable gaze to Soda “I-I mean, even if you couldn’t, um, fight the demon for him, I’m sure just having you there helped, right? Animals are supposed to be sensitive to that kinda stuff, aren’t they? I’m sure he knew you were there worrying about him and it, like, helped him fight better!” He was having a hard time sticking to Gundham’s battle metaphor, but he looked a bit less miserable, so Soda kept talking. “Sometimes all you really need is someone there to support you right? Everything’s a little less scary that way, so I’m sure you helped Jum-P more than you know! Uh, right?”

Gundham smiled softly again, this time while looking at Soda, and he was pretty sure he was going to die any second from how goddamn handsome this man was. When Gundham looked back at his hamster Soda was both relieved and disappointed.

“I have misjudged you, my dear companion, it appears you possess great wisdom, incongruous with your outward appearance. I thank you for your words, friend.”

“Hell yeah I’m wise, and don’t you forget it!” Soda was pretty sure Gundham had said he looked dumb somewhere in there, but whatever, he’d let it slide for now.

“Would you like to hold him?” Gundham extended the hand holding Jum-P towards Soda. The hamster was tiny, and had apparently just recovered from some disease, Soda was a little worried about hurting it by accident, but if Gundham trusted him…

“Can I? I mean is Jum-P cool with letting a mortal like me hold him? What if I, y’know, accidently hurt him or something?”

“You require great dexterity while attending to your constructs do you not? I trust your hands to be capable of managing Jum-P, he is the most tranquil of my Devas. However, if you are nervous, I will lend you my aid.” Soda blushed at the word, and he couldn’t be sure, but he thought Gundham did as well. “Hold your hands like so.” Gundham cupped both his hands together, creating a sort of bowl for the hamster to rest in.

Soda copied him, and Gundham placed the hand not occupied by Jum-P below Soda’s, supporting them as he gently placed the hamster into Soda’s palms, petting him lightly after he let go. Jum-P felt warm and ridiculously fragile in his hands, and Soda immediately began to panic. He was absolutely going to hurt this hamster somehow and Gundham was going to hate him.

“Relax.” There was that low voice again, so close, and this time Soda was certain he felt it reverberate through his body. He took a deep breath and focused on keeping his hands steady as the hamster sniffed his palms.

“Do I stink or something?” Soda let out a nervous laugh.

“Your scent is quite pleasant, Jum-P is simply familiarizing himself with it.” Gundham once again began to pet the hamster in Soda’s hands, still supporting them from below with his own.

Soda flicked his eyes up to Gundham’s face, and there was that stupid soft smile again. Soda suddenly became aware of their position. They were basically holding hands around the hamster, sitting with their knees touching and their heads bent together, foreheads no more than an inch apart. Had Gundham just said he smelled nice? He felt that weird warmth from earlier again, the one that had nothing to do with his dick and sat heavy in his chest. He swallowed and looked back down at the hamster.

“Oh! Is he asleep?” The hamster had curled up in his palms and looked to be breathing peacefully.

“Yes, it would appear Jum-P has deemed you worthy of his trust. You should be honored.”

“Oh, thanks little dude.” He giggled a bit “So do we have to sit here like this until he wakes up, or?”

Soda was enjoying himself, but his knees were starting to hurt, and he had no idea how long hamsters slept for…

“That will not be necessary, Jum-P is a sound sleeper, he will not be disturbed by being relocated to his lair. Would you like to do it, or shall I?”

Soda was pretty flattered that Gundham would trust him enough to carry the hamster across the room the cage, but he didn’t trust himself not to trip over one of the hamster tubes on the way.

“You should probably do it, I’m still pretty worried about dropping him.”

“Very well.” Gundham scooped the hamster from his palms, and Soda had to admit he kinda missed the feeling of its furry little body in his hands.

Almost as much as he missed the feeling of Gundham’s hand on his.

He wasn’t really ready to think about what that meant just yet.

Next Chapter 

[sixspeed]

WEEK 5

weekend recap

saturday

went on a hike/adventure with cindy, went to sabercat creek hiking place (secret garden) took a shortcut down, ended up taking a longer time than if we actually just went down the normal way.

she’s scared of plants and fungi??

aaron’s grandpa died, he was kind of sad

sunday

did some guitar research. a bit too much.

went to mt, we are learning ch 10 but we’re on ch11, that’s weird

tried to do math hw at night, failed

talked to aaron, the dude asked me if he should move on? and honestly yeah i think so. for him it still kind of hurts? and he said he wanted to balance it, to talk to me. it doesn’t hurt for me at all? also talked about what we wanted from a relationship, what we want to get out of it. i don’t think i want one or need one lmao.

monday

learned that “5 minute” was omitted from the syllabus and we have 5 min quizzes that are 25% ha HA

25 quizzes, 30 participation, ends 2 weeks before APs

kind of sad that my grade is stuck where it is now.

got into uminn!

maybe try plan? i like todoist though. cons: todoist premium ends eventually :(

struggled to turn in grad night forms but did it !!

KBrO4 = kay bro!

https://www.amazon.com/Yamaha-FS800-Concert-Acoustic-Limited/dp/B01GRO2D3E/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1548746874&sr=8-4&keywords=yamaha+fs800

https://www.amazon.com/ChromaCast-Acoustic-Guitar-6-Pocket-Sampler/dp/B00A716FB0/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1548746211&sr=8-2&keywords=chromacast%2Bcase&th=1

tuesday

song of today: nights like this

joined squat and squad yesterday — saw ronuk and kristine! i have 9 friends in there and i guess we’ll just never…talk about it.

was going to read chem textbook but just did lab calculations. will do them today during read or 5th per.

probably spent too much time looking up guitars, found a cool guitarist named yvette

maybe switch to plan?

in my brain, my cringe moment with joon always comes up, with that document i sent to him about rice and culture. more fondly however, i think of my conversation with walter. i probably need to get more in tune with things and not cry? every time. lmao.

i also don’t like talking to aaron about like extracurricular stuff? like great, his harvard interviewer really loved him. i shouldn’t seek someone out just because they’re going to a good school. also the kid is doing usabo chem only, and physics and maybe i should start studying for usabo!!

also maybe i should exercise.

today we thought there was going to be a five minute quiz but there really wasn’t.

so i think i have to fix my life now… how should i go about doing it?

wednesday

took awhile to wake up today. i was supposed to wake up early and study for 5 min quiz, but i didn’t.

lazy day.

i messed up on my quiz though, i forgot improper integrals and also the domain restriction!

*** you don’t need to add restrictions if they don’t ask for it!

it was easy though, probably need to review and get good since it’s 25% of grade :(

i completed HG Count during lunch though!

fry is absent today. we had the same sub during econ, he was kind of a yikes. we went to get our gov books and i bumped into prey who took an interesting picture of me!

when is a trig sub necessary?

after school: i binged stevie and ally videos and im SAD and i also want a girlfriend :(

also i’ve been lw seeing random gay couples around ????????????????

like HOW do you do that what th e fuck

OK how much time do i waste on the internet looking at gay stuff? ?????????????

niki is getting laid off :(

also i was checking my MIT portal and then bam i get an interview request

thursday

sooooo i failed a trig quiz. i also got a 99/100 on my cs final! :)

without me was playing near the A wing. tiffany wants to go somewhere out of state?

FUCK I didn’t write my applicant update. i had the excuse of waiting for grades to update. my lit grade finalized and ima sad boi.

friday

for keynote on tuesday ig: go to terminal and enter

Mac/Linux: nc towel.blinkenlights.nl 23

Windows:

pkgmgr /iu:"TelnetClient"

Restart command prompt

Telnet Towel.blinkenlights.nl

FRQs to do

2016 Q2

** 2016 Q3

2015 Q5 C13

2014 Q1

2014 Q7 Rate, Half-ilfe

2013 Q3 Rate

2013 Q2 moles

keep your head up keep your heart strong - lil bev’s fave song

????????? went to sleep early

[meanwhileinoz]

People Share The Grossest Things That Have Ever Happened To Them During Sex That’ll Make You Barf

Let’s face it. Everybody love sex. The experience of sex is distinct and truly one of its own kind. Honestly, life would be so boring without it. However, even though sex is as great as it can get, it does “come” with some situations that can sometimes get awkward and very unpleasant. Here are some of the stories from Reddit that people have shared.

CAUTION: THIS IS HIGHLY NSFW.

#1 Reading this by fineblushlane will make you want to think TWICE before randomly giving head to someone you don’t know.

So a few years ago I had brought a new girl back to my apartment after being out drinking all evening. We were too drunk to make the beast with two backs so we passed out until morning.

When we awoke we started kissing and canoodling and I decided to go down on her. This is one of my favorite things and generally will do it as long as it takes to make a girl orgasm…

Anyway, I head down south and pull down her panties to see the hairiest bush i’ve ever seen in my life. Not only is it hairy but the hair is very long and also messy looking, kind of bedraggled. Like a homeless guys beard or an abandoned birds nest.

Slightly less enthused but still determined I plunged in face-first and started getting busy. The taste of this beaver, if possible, was worse than it looked. It was fetid and bitter and to make matters worse I had numerous pubic hairs caught in my throat which were tickling me and making me cough.

I decided to pull back for a second to regain my composure. I thought if I pulled open her lady-bits I might be able to have a better angle of attack on her clit. I opened up her pussy to a terrible sight. There were multiple lumps of what looked like cottage cheese dotted around her pussy lips and clit.Each lump ranged from a few millimeters in width to half a centimeter in size. It looked like some sort of fungus was growing there.

Needless to say I was fucking revolted and started gagging. I knew that despite my love of pussy I could not go down on her again without puking my guts up. I mumbled some excuse about a headache and not feeling good and fled to the bathroom, whereupon I spent ten minutes washing my mouth out and brushing my teeth.

Even now I shudder when I think back upon “cottage cheese pussy girl”.

Edit: A friend just pointed out to me that the girl from my story is now the Lehman Bros of spank bank material. Perhaps if you ever have a boner and want to lose it sharpishly you can think of cottage cheese?

#2 This story by SisterNamedJan took the famous phrase “Giving someone the taste of their own medicine” to a whole new level.

  He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

  #3 Aaaaaa667’s girl is definitely a keeper

  I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabbid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

  #4 This one by kidmonsters almost made me puke.

  I was in a band in college and we played a show this one weekend. I was pretty smashed after drinking for free all night, and this surprisingly cute chick saunters up and started with the whole, “oh my god, you like write songs and stuff?” Despite the fact that I am usually a bit shy in situations like this, she had her arm around me and is doing all the work. “Fuck it, let’s do this,” I think to myself. While she is mid-sentence, I grabbed her hand and started walking her out the door.

We headed back to her apartment, and things started to heat up. We were on her bed, ripping off eachother’s clothes. Suddenly, in one swift move, she pounced me, knocked me onto my back, jumped on top of me, spun around and started sucking me off, 69 style. I was totally into it, and started reciprocating. Only a few moments pass before I felt a tap on my forehead. My face was fully between her legs, yet there was this tap tap tap on my forehead. Every couple of seconds, tap tap tap. This tapping continued and started to take me out of the moment. I pried my face from between her legs to get a better view of what was going on. To my horror, I witnessed, dangling from her asshole, a fucking tape worm, bouncing like a fettuccine noodle with every excited movement she made. I was totally disgusted, but kind of in shock, and she had no idea what is going on, just gobbling away down there. Before I knew it, I had thrown her off of me and I was stringing together a long series of “fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” as I put on my pants and ran out the door.

  So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

  #6 That has got to hurt. _NetWorK_ hope its ok now.

I had this happen to me too, got home from working a night shift 8pm to 8am went at it with the wife then noticed a bit of blood, figured oh she started her period got off went to the washroom to clean up then noticed blood on the bathroom floor figured I must of have not wiped the underside, my stomach churned when I saw that my frenulum (banjo string) was now in two pieces. This is when the pain starts…

Had to call my friend who worked close to my house get him to get out of work 30 minutes early to drive me to the hospital. Here’s the main content of our conversation.

“Hey John, it’s Mike can you drive me to the hospital? I think I broke it.” “Broke what?” “IT man” “Oh shit I’ll be right over”

The trip to the hospital was another story within itself, ended up having a to have it packed with surgical skin graph (they are special bandages that are meant to promote skin repairs) and not use it for 5 days… I waited 3 and now it’s all messed up it can pop out whenever it wants and where it’s suppose to stop it just keeps rolling back… I really should have waited to extra 2 days 🙁

#7 That accelerated quickly. Darzel’s experience is more of a lesson.

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stiches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life

  #8 Love is in the air, is it not mads-8?

Sixty-Nine. She came. She farted. My hair blew in it’s fetid breeze.

  #9 When you are really determined, you do what apatton19 did.

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

  #10 Oh my, you don’t see that every day now do you? By amaacct.

I work in an emergency room. One time we had a patient who had a colostomy (for those who don’t know, this is a surgically placed hole in the abdomen where shit comes out of after the colon is rerouted away from the ass)

Anyway, some girl comes in once with an infection in her stoma (abdominal shithole). Turns out it was gonorrhea. Her husband had been cheating on her, picked it up and had been fucking her in her stoma

  #11 Parallel universe version of ‘don’t forget to pull out’ by hong_kong_phooey

  Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

  #12 Tellme_areyoufree ‘s poor roommate will never think about this the same way again.

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a stream of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

#13 Quite not what Pict was expecting..

Sucking a chicks nipple in the dark. She was loving it. All of a sudden there is liquid.. Lactating.. sick. So keep going, she seems to be loving it.

Lights come on, dun dun dunnn, I had been sucking the pus out of a boil.

  #14 This story by TI-83 doesn’t have a happy ending.

I remember this story happening to an acquaintance a few years ago.. So said acquaintance meets up with a few friends and they roadtrip for a night of drinking and debauchery in Canadia. The group ends up at a strip club and the protagonist of the story ends up picking up one of the strippers by the nights end. For some unknown reason, this guy thought it was a good idea to go down on the stripper before they do the nasty. They all drive home the next day and all is good. The day after driving back, the guy wakes up in the morning and can’t open his eyes and proceeds to freak out. Paramedics are called. Turns out that the stripper he had gone down on had crabs. The crabs had gotten into his eyelashes and surrounding areas. Literally his eyes were crusted shut from the various liquids his body expelled (blood, plasma, etc.) as a result of the crabs feeding off his lifeblood. Horrible stuff.

  #15 Pay heed to what Sobe86 says at the end.

I was going out with a girl, and one night we got drunk and had sex without protection. She wasn’t on the pill, so she had to go to the pharmacy and get a morning-after type thing.

So a few days later, we were fooling around in the dark. I fingered her a bit, went down on her. I noticed it tasted a little weirder than normal, but didn’t say anything. She repaid me in similar fashion. Afterwards I go to the bathroom, and turn the light on. My whole face and arms are covered in blood. I look like a vampire after a feeding frenzy. Initially I thought it was a cut on my face or something, but I couldn’t find anything wrong. Also, the blood was not like any blood I’d seen before, like it was really thick and gooey. So I go back to the bedroom, turn the light on, and her entire lower regions are bathed in this syrupy horrible red gunk. It’s all over the bed sheets, and all down the side of her legs.

She understandably freaks out. We call emergency services etc. At first we thought I cut her down there with my fingernails or something. But it turns out when a girl uses emergency contraception, it can wreak havoc with her menstrual cycle. And I spent 5 minutes lapping up her period blood. We never spoke of it again. Remember kids: if she isnt on the pill, use a fucking condom.

  #16 I-330‘s guy will never keep a pet cat.

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

#17 What emorrow64 shares is more than just a bad experience.

Goin down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like bein force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheez smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

  #18 An all-time classic story by rivalthecreator but just as unpleasant at the same time.

Steve and his girlfriend Samantha went off to college in August. She went to Florida State, he went to Penn. So, she decides to fly to PA to visit him. He was really happy to see her so he decided to give her some oral action.

He had done this numerous times before and he always enjoyed doing it…but for some reason, this time, she smelled really horrible, and she tasted even worse. He didn’t want to offend her though because he hadn’t seen her in months…so he put a Jolly Rancher in his mouth to cover it up, even though it didn’t do much to help.

In the course of eating her out, he accidentally pushed the candy inside of her… and stuck a finger in to grab it out. He took it out, and put it back into his mouth and bit it. Only…it wasn’t the Jolly Rancher.

It was a nodule of gonorrhea.

As in, the blister-like structure that gonorrhea makes filled with diseased pus was the size of a fucking Jolly Rancher and the poor guy BIT it. I guess it was really dark in the room. He freaked out and started vomiting all over the place when it exploded in his mouth…

He demanded to know what was going on, turns out she had cheated on him at a club like, the first week of college, and fucked some random guy and the stupid bitch had no clue what was wrong with her. She noticed a strange smell though.

So now, Steve is freaking out that he now has gonorrhea of the mouth and God knows what else.

#19 The description by Criscoxl is actually gross, but the thing as a whole is very cute!

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little human being comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

http://ift.tt/2fytvHN

[nataliejean2412]

Thoughts during the Nintendo Switch presentation 01/12/17

While waiting to watch the presentation, I realized I really wanted to write down what I was thinking. So, here are my thoughts during the presentation. I haven’t really done anything like this before, so it may seem a bit odd. Note: Every one of these reactions were real. A few of these were typed while the video was paused, which I think worked out better than typing while watching. Either way, these are best read alongside watching the video, linked here.

Enjoy!

Pre-Start: Was this 30-mins of store-brand chillstep necessary? 33:33 - AAAAAAAHH! It's releasing too soon! My body is not ready! Help me, Reggie! Where are you? 35:42 - Nice, I actually expected a $400 price tag 36:13 - inb4 paid subscription 36:40 - Called It 37:14 - Hopefully Nintendo can help reverse the trend they started with region locking. I like the occasional imported game. 37:36 - Please tell me they aren't going to repeatedly snap for the next hour... 37:53 - Lol we think our audience doesn't know the term "Design Philosophy" 39:02 - Wait, where's the "DNA" of the Virtual Boy? Did it not get invited to the Switch orgy? I wanted VR gaming that would burn my eyes out within 10 minutes! 41:27 - 41:36 - I swear, Nintendo loves repeating themselv... WTF!? That is a shit battery life!!! 41:44 - Ok, it has a USB standard. I'm ok with the battery if I can get an external for it. (I'm calling it now, Charger bags for the switch are going to be a thing.) 42:10 - Nintendo sure wants its' demographic to leave the house. 43:33 - I can't get over these Joy-Con things. What are these, controllers for ants!? 44:35 - "Whoops, we forgot to program in our new sharing features. We'll put it in later." 44:52 - "Now you can shimmy shimmy shimmy with your new Nintendo Switch!" 45:10 - Yep, those shoulder buttons totally won't get broken being in the connector piece. 45:40 - "They fit in the palm of your hand" if you're a small child, yeah. Which, that's a good thing to bring up. They are not targeting kids in this at all. Everything i've seen is targeting the young adult crowd. 45:53 - See, this is what i'm talking about. "You can release the tension from your shoulders, and relax while you play." They're targeting the working crowd, not kids. ...well, I hope they're not targeting the working kids demographic... Also at 45:53 - "Mario Paint me like one of your French girls" 46:14 - What is this... 46:24 - Oh, look, the magic of hype marketing! 46:45 - Now you can shimmy shimmy shimmy without throwing your controller. 47:24 - Careful, Nintendo, Don't say the C-word. It's a trigger word for the Orwellians in the audience. 47:40 - ... 48:20 - I don't know why, but this whole part is making me uncomfortable. 48:36 - Nintendo seems to have a hard-on for galaxy-looking stuff nowadays. 48:51 - Yeah, this snapping thing is going to go on forever. 50:45 - Ok, now what the hell am I watching? 52:36 - Nintendo sure wants its' demographic to socialize. 52:55 - "4: Spend half an hour arguing over what to play. 5: Lament that Smash Bros isn't on the Switch. 6: Regret your early purchase." 53:54 - Oooo, some kind of fighting game, that would be interesting. They /did/ say it would be challenging. 54:00 - Office worker fighting a middle-school girl. This ought to turn out well. 54:34 - wat 54:45 - wat 55:20 - ...what am I watching? 56:08 - Arms? ARMS? Why would you name it that? They don't /have/ arms! 57:20 - Hmm, those are interesting controls. 59:20 - Arms: Because having a new idea ALWAYS means you should make it. 59:40 - Yep, wildly flailing your hands = Strategy and tactfulness, and they recommend carrying the game into public to wildly flail your hands at other people doing the same. Real social booster, Nintendo. You know your demographic well. 59:50 - Ah, Splatoon, it's so good to know Nintendo still has a hard-on for their new money maker. They totally won't repeat the mistake of letting other things fall apart from focusing on you too much. 1:01:50 - I would like to take this time to give a shout-out to whoever the English translator is in this presentation. He has just completely given up on trying to convey the emotional nuances in the presenters' speech, and it's making this much more enjoyable to watch. 1:03:07 - Oh good, now I can hurl my entire console across the room when I lose a game. It's what i've always wanted. 1:03:51 - Oh. My gods. I just saw that. That pose was actually a thing. Wait wait wait, i'mma rewind it. 1:04:25 - Well, no need. He did it again. 11/10 best dab 1:04:52 - [after that lame pan, I got up, went out for a cigarette, and contemplated life.] 1:05:05 - Ooo, another Jet Set Radio-style game? I'm down for that. 1:05:20 - wat 1:05:30 - wat 1:05:40 - Okay, so a Mario game in an urban setting? Eh, seems like a cool idea... 1:05:50 - or not 01:06:07 - Well, at least the graphics are really niDAMMIT!!! What is this low-poly nonsense? 1:06:26 - Ah, jump-roping. My favorite of classic Mario gameplay. 1:06:33 - All jokes aside, these landscapes are freaking beautiful! 1:06:50 - Ah, hat tossing. My favorite of classic Mario gameplay. Seriously though, that does add an interesting idea to the classic platform formula. 1:07:01 - 'Bowser & Peach: A Royal Wedding'. Wow. I wonder what that that kid would look like. I know Bowser Jr. turned out not to be her kid. Dammit, now I have the image of Bowser with long flowing blonde hair. 1:07:05 - Oh no, he crushed the hat. Good thing it isn't alive. 1:07:06 - Wow, Bowser Jr. and gang are looking a little white-washed. 1:07:25 - Well, Super Mario Odyssey looks pretty good. Pretty epic gameplay. 1:07:33 - AAAAAAAA! THAT THING HAS EYES! IT'S ALIVE! Mario: "Yeah!" 1:07:37 - AAAAAAAA! NOW IT HAS EYES ON THE LOGO TOO! 1:07:41 - AAAAAAAA! OH GODS NOW IT'S REAL! 1:08:32 - YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I NOTICED THEM! 1:09:28 - They're launching without a Mario title. Have they not learned their lesson yet? 1:09:50 - Oh good, another Xenoblade. [skips forward in the video] 1:10:06 - [stops skipping] Wow, the graphics actually don't look half bad. That framerate looks atrocious though. 1:12:07 - Oh look, another Fire Emblem trailer that tells me nothing [massages forehead] 1:12:35 - Oh boy, it's time for the yearly Third-Party Garbage Fire! 1:12:44 - Funny, I didn't know Unity and Autodesk made their own games. It's almost like Nintendo wanted to fill this image with whatever they could scrape up. 1:13:21 - Meanwhile, at Square-Enix headquarters: "Crap, we don't have anything to put on the Switch yet. Let's just port a few games over to it for now." 1:13:41 - Oh, an Atlus game. I'm actually excited! Maybe we're getting a new Shin Megami Tensei! 1:15:00 - ... Right, moving along. 1:15:44 - Ok, this actually looks really good. Mental note: keep an eye out for Octopath Traveller. Maybe this won't be the garbage fire i'm predicting. 1:16:36 - This snapping thing... I swear. 1:17:00 - This translator is so done. I can't stop laughing. 1:17:40 - Oh good, Bethesda can now pat their own back on Nintendo Switch. Seriously, I actually don't like that they remastered Skyrim. They could have put that effort into a new game. 1:18:50 - Ok, I feel bad for this guy. That was awkward as shit, and you can tell he immediately realized it. 1:18:54 to 1:19:05 - Ok, the translator literally stopped talking. You can actually hear him scoff at 1:19:01. This is the best part of the show. 1:20:00 - And here we see the garbage fire I was predicting. This presenter looks like he just got shoved out on stage at the last second, and has no idea what he's trying to say. Even the translator is having trouble understanding him. 1:21:18 - Thank the gods that's over. Moving on. 1:21:29 - Oh dear sweet zebra, it's EA. Hold on, I wanna guess this one. Some sports game, no footage, and we'll get to the end somehow having lost knowledge along the way. 1:24:37 - And nailed it. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached the end of the ride. Thank you for attending the 15th Annual Third Party Garbage Fire. Please keep all hands, feet, and accessories inside the vehicle until the vehicle comes to a full stop. Please exit through the Gift Shop on the right, and have a wonderful day! 1:25:05 - Ok, there's the montage. It's the standard signal that it's almost over. ...wait, where's LoZ? 1:28:28 - I like how they're talking about how it's going to have a version with colored controllers like it's a game-changer. 1:29:00 - Yay, let's jump to Nintendo Europe, where they get to hear about how they are getting no information yet! 1:30:15 - Oh gods, I was just kidding before. They really did get nothing. 1:30:27 - Oh, Reggie! I'm so glad you're here. I need help! My body isn't ready! 1:30:48 - Is that Miyamoto just chillin in the background? I think he may be stuck in the US now. He's been showing up on US television a lot lately. 1:31:55 - "If you listen carefully, you can hear it floating in the air. Yep, there it is. I'm high as fuck." 1:32:22 - Yep, it was Miyamoto. Why did I recognize him from the back of his head? 1:32:32 - They are talking to each other in their own languages. This is great. 1:32:44 - AAAAAAA! Why the hell are you just jumping out of a hiding spot like that? Don't you know that's like taking the express lane to gettin’ hit? 1:32:57 - "When are we releasing Loz?" "Idk, ask him." "Oh, idk either. Ask someone in another country." 1:34:29 - Yay, finally! LoZ! Time to find out if it's a launch title! 1:35:40 - Neat, full voice acting! 1:37:55 - Woo! Launch Title! Aaand that's the end of it. That was a bucket of fun, and every bit the train wreck I thought it would be. I personally think they are rushing the release of this console, and it looks like I can count on one hand how many games there will be at launch. Like I said at the beginning, this was the first time i’ve done something like this, and it was much more fun than I anticipated. I may do a video saying this over the presentation later on, i’m on the fence about it. I may just shelve the idea until another video.  Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!