#like (hater moment) the ideal way to play is to have grown up with it and having monumentally ugly or Nada Que Ver

[skunkes]

i need more AC and Magicians Quest life sim "clones" in the way of like

I don't need realistic graphics!!! Just a simple cute player character and lots and lots of clothes (easier to put on simple characters!) and furniture...and I also think life sims with dating Now are kinda polarizing wrt art styles and (lack of) diversity which is why I do actually wish u cld date in AC and such (well not anymore since the franchise has gotten a bit sour to me)...

this isn't even just me "being a furry" since a lot of characters in magician's quest are like. living objects. i was dating a TV when I last played 😭 but ykwim...it's less about being a furry or w/e and more it's much easier to project traits onto "Universal" cute designs and silhouettes than hoping that 1. the art style for the human characters is pleasing to you 2. hoping there's a character that's your type 2a. picking between potentially samefaced characters 3. why's there always just one non white person 4. where are all the fat and old people 5. -

[recreationalfanfics]

Record of Justice: Wonder Woman! Reader HCs

I am so gay for Diana.

- Brunhilde doesn't HESITAITE to choose you as one of her champions, seeing as you're both demi-gods who come from a warrior race of women, I can see you and her honestly having a lot in common together.

- But yeah, no, Diana's whole thing is that she wants to save the world of man so even of Brunhilde didn't choose her, you would have still chosen to fight because it was your duty.

- So Wonder Woman has multiple origins: Her original one being that she was born from clay by her mother but there are versions she has a dad which kinda switches between Hades and Zeus. Zeus will be your father in this case because I genuinely like the idea of him blowing his fucking gasket when he sees you enter in the side of humanity.

- "YOU KNOW HER, YOU LOVE HER: LADIES AND GENTLEGODS, GIVE IT UP FOR THE AMAZONIAN PRINCESS AND SAVIOR OF MAN: (Y/N)!!!"

- Ares and Wonder Woman have so much beef in the comics so you and him definetly don't see eye to eye now. In fact, Ares would fight you himself if he could but like, you're also kinda scary when you're mad.

- Zeus and Poseidon are literally about to blow a fucking gasket when they see you. Zeus is more subtle as usual as he's all: "Oh, well she's always been the black sheep of the family!" but in reality, he feels deeply betrayed. Poseidon isn't surprised honestly, he genuinely believes you should have grown up with the Olympians instead of on Themyscira because then maybe you'd learn to look down on those pathetic humans instead of protecting them.

- Tbh, Poseidon does have a bit of a soft spot for you as his niece because you're the only one whose ever DARED to back talk him despite knowing his power. He wishes your mother, Hippolyta, wasn't such a stubborn woman. I can totally see moments when you're absolutely destroying Gods and Poseidon just smiling proudly at you but then quickly scowling so no one can see him.

- However the Greek Gods who explicitly still care for you are definetly Hermes, Hercules, and Aphrodite.

- Aphrodite, being your big sister, absolutely adores you even if you two aren't on the same side. She smiles when she sees you and if she can, she will try to catch you in the hallways and pull you into a hug, meanwhile you're kinda suffocating in her bosom. She compliments you on what a strong and beautiful woman you've become, the only reason she isn't upset with you for "betraying" the family is because...well, you've always been like that. It's just nice to see you again♡

-As for Hercules, you both are Demi gods and while you acknowledge humanities faults, you welcomed him with open arms and appreciate his dedication. You two might not be bound by blood but the way you carry each other's ideals and respect and tease each other, its very clear you two have an unbreakable bond.

- Hermes adored you since you were born. Despite Themyscira's laws that men weren't allowed on the island, he was a God, and would happily come and see you to play with you. Taking on a big brother role in your life, he smiles softly as you glare at your father and he thinks you're just as cute as when you were a little toddler struggling to walk on the sandy beach coast of your island.

- As for the human side, they're all in literal wonder of you...which makes sense regarding your hero alias, but when they watched you at work: you impressed everyone while Brunhilde smiled at you and it pissed Zeus off even more when you both shook hands and sent him smug smirks on your faces.

Enemies/People Who Dislike You:

- Ares is a huge hater as I stated before, maybe you humiliated him in the past in front of Zeus, or maybe it was that one time you stole his helmet in a fight and became the New Goddess of War for a while but either way: you and him should never be in the same room together because not even the Gods can predict that disaster.

- Loki thought the rope thing was kinda hot but found out the hard way WHY it was called the Lasso of Truth. Even when he is shaped shifted, he will revert to his normal form if you ever catch him with it AND YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO. He also can't even try and mislead you by telling you half truths because he just blurts out the truth right away. Everyone absolutely adores you for it, ngl since Loki doesn't even bother pulling tricks when you're around and when he sees you fight for humanity, he throws a huge tantrum...He still finds the rope thing hot tho...

- Zeus. He has conflicted feelings for you, he does love you but he wishes you wouldn't always go against his wishes...though he supposes thats what he gets for having your mother raise you instead of him. You show him respect but you clearly harbour bitter feelings for him betraying your trust and wanting to wipe out humanity and he understands that. It still doesn't give you the right to laugh about him with Brunhilde and he'll be sure to get you back for it.

Allies/Friends Who Trust You:

- Brunhilde is honestly a good friend of yours, I genuinely think she sees you the same way she sees Hercules but she relates to you a little more. (The Valkyries and Amazon's would have martinis on the beaches of Themyscira, fight me on that-)

- Shiva, honestly. He likes that you're strict but you can definetly be fun and silly in your own way. You honestly remind him of Rudra, who he totally tries to set you up with so because you two really have a lot in common!

- Obviously Hercules, Hermes, and Aphrodite but also: Poseidon, surprisingly...sometimes. Again, he does soften a bit when it comes to you and he wonders if you're simply stubborn and brave or stubborn and stupid. You are his favorite niece but also, the one that causes him to roll his eyes the most.

- Honestly, all of the Valkyries. When you heard about Brunhilde and her Völundr's, you knew that it was clever but also: that you couldn't just stand to let your fellow sisters in battle fall, the odds being against them. Also, the will all hug you and tackle you to the ground.

- Sasaki Kojiro is a human you take a liking too, he reminds you of a friend whose clad in all black...except he's more cheerful and happy and might have lost in life, but still: he never gives up. You admire those skills in a human and he gets all shy and flustered when you compliment him but I can totally see the both of you practicing sword fights and even moments where he beats you, which you're proud of him for doing, honestly.

- Adam. He genuinely just is the dad Zeus never was, even though you're not one of his own children, he'll fight like you are. Tbh, the only man that deserves to set foot in Themyscira and the other Amazon's would agree. Eve also gossiping with your Hippolyta in the crowd and complimenting her on raising such a wonderful daughter and they talk about mom things.

Admirers/Characters Who Have a Crush on You:

- Thor, just straight up. Since you're a fellow immortal, you two have somewhat known each other, you didn't really care much for the godly affairs so it wasn't often, but he's had the biggest crush on you. When he saw you fight so fearlessly in the crowd, those feelings came back 10 fold. Definetly wants to fight you because that's his way of flirting. Zeus and Odin 100% want to pair you two together to create an official alliance and while Thor wants you to choose him out of your own volition, he will suggest that it is a good idea.

- Jack the Ripper. HE HAS BISEXUAL PANIC BECAUSE HERCULES WAS ALREADY SOKIND TO HIM BUT YOU?? OH, YOU'RE TRULY DESERVING OF THE TITLE OF GODDESS, your color is so gorgeous; filled with such love and passion. After his battle, after he killed Hercules, he is ashamed to face you. But, amazingly, you do not look at him in disgust or shame. You kneel down and gently hold his face, you are in mourning, but you still kiss his head gently and tell him: "You fought well. Rest." and he just short circuits as you begin to carry him.

- BUDDHA, BABY. He loves how serious you are but also, that you can be pretty goofy honestly. Also loves how you stand up to Zeus constantly. Not to mention he certainly has a thing for strong women. But also, he finds your work inspiring, trying to guide humanity to a better life of enlightment. HIPPOLYTA ALSO TRYING TO SET YOU TWO UP BECAUSE SHE'S A COOL MOM AND SHE'S ALL: "You know, that Buddha has been staring at you~" and you have to be all: "MOTHER!" And he walks over to you and offers you a snack and you take it. Zeus hates him because he thinks Buddha would be a "bad influence" on you.

[sprinklesandshatters]

A Review on NCT 127′s 3rd Album <Sticker>

So NCT 127 just came back with their 3rd Full Album <Sticker> and this is my first 127 comeback since I became a fan last year! Neozone is such a special album for me as it was their first album that I explored entirely. I've known NCT as the group who never fails any expectations so I've kept mine up although I know they'll exceed it anyway. And guess what, they did! I absolutely love their new album hence this review~

This isn't a technical music review—as I am not a musician myself—but rather a listener's honest takes, goofy notes, and interpretation on each of the tracks in the album. I admit I've also struggled to build my own opinions on some of the tracks until I listened to them over and over again.

I have also heard there are mixed opinions on the title track <Sticker> and a lot says it's another acquired taste. But I think it's not just that, as it can be a grower, just like how most of NCT's songs were for me. Maybe after a few listens and a right passage of time, it will grow on those people. The bottom line here is, I like it a lot! 😛

So I listed down the songs according to their respective track numbers and followed each with a bulleted list of my opinions and interpretations.

(Viewer/reader discretion: before you continue, minors, do not interact as there are few 18+ contents under the cut. Thank you.)

1. Sticker

THEY DIDN'T JUST PUNCH A NEW NOTCH ON THE BELT LIKE THAT

THIS SONG SLAPS, LITERALLY SLAPS… AND WHIPS 

The recorder at the intro boyyyy I thought something was wrong but then I remember it’s NCT lmao

It already stuck in my head from my first listen from the Instagram audio.

With Taeyong opening the verse with his divine rapping, I knew I'm in for a new ride.

STICK-UH STICK-UGH STICK-UGHGHGH

To those complaining it sounding like noise music, imagine it sounding generic. I don't think it would fit as the title track. Not a b-track or in their repertoire, even. They are called NCT because they define the NEO in the music culture and music technology!

It honestly was an unorthodox, just like all of their title tracks, which I’m inherently here for.

Literally, no one does it like them!

The growls and the vocal flexes and adlibs! (You can tell it has Yoo Youngjin's brand.)

The crisp metronome sound that’s consistently ticking except for the pre-chorus and the dance break adds depth to the soundscape. I love how it’s used instead of the usual snaps.

The production quality blew my mind. Like how can someone think those melodies would sound so exquisite? CAN I CALL THEM GENIUS?

The piano at the back, oh my God—Yes! It adds this mystifying element to the song.

I'm not sure if it's a midi violin at the pre-chorus, but it added thrill to the song. It was a great transition from the bass line in the verses to the combination of the flawless harmony with the same instrumental.

"You treat me like a boy, like a grown-up child chasing a dream" JUNGWOO BABY NO MORE HUH

Taeil, Doyoung, and Haechan—the bridge vocal trinity!

But why the heck are they cowboys? I dig the concept, but why? LMAO

BTW GUNSLINGER MARK I’M ON MY KNEES YEEHAW

This is easily one of my favorite tracks from NCT 127's entire discography 💚

2. Lemonade

(⌐■_■)

Jaehyun starting off this song with his deep voice eee

The song opens to a verse oozing with chill confidence. They're like, yeah you're lurking because we’re cool.

This is such a huge slap to their haters. NCT's not chillin' like a villain, nah they're the main characters!

Well maybe they’re villains, but still ya not cooler than them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Funny enough how they could have just referred haters as simply lemons whose sour/bitter to the taste, but 127 squad's success is sweeter than all the haters' spiteful remarks so yeah, SIPPY SIPPY LEMONADE 🧃

"WOOF"

I might have just barked too wOW

Yuta’s vocals hooooO his voice just sounds so glamorous mhmm

Also Mark referencing their previous title tracks such as: Firetruck, Cherry Bomb, and Regular (it's Irregular in the lyrics) in his rap part 👌💅

I just love Mark's energy when he raps. HE RESOLUTELY BITES AND STRAIGHT UP EATS EVERY TIME HE DOES.

3. Breakfast

Now breakfast time, oh jeez!

AAAHAHFU—

Summer 127's bestie!

If Summer 127 talks about dancing all night long, Breakfast is the morning after.

You know what it is.

"Even if I gulp and drink you, it's not enough for me." oho Taeyong no you ha—STOP

Sexual innuendos aside, isn't it just sweet if someone tells you they'd want to have breakfast with you every day?�� Okay maybe I'm melting at the thought 😩🙈💞

And I can see myself dancing to this song as I make breakfast (in the afternoon or at midnight bc I’m crazy)

This was an okay b-track for me at the first skim on the album, but boy it grew on me wildly.

Honestly one of my favorite tracks in this album.

4. Focus

Did I just invade a private call? LMAO

The analog voice filters make it like so.

Dude, this feels intimate in the level of eavesdropping a phone call between seasoned lovers. Then you realize you hear them whispering their kinks over the line and you're ooh, that's sexy! hfgklhfhf

My first listen to this, I almost went feral because,

"I can't wait to eat you…" when it's actually "I can't wait 'til we chill…" aahaha

"Baby call me when you want me." OKAY!

This sounds relaxing and chill. I'd love to play this on a late night drive or just before bed time along with Fly Away With Me, Sun & Moon, My Youth, and Long Flight.

Belongs to ‘make out session’ playlist  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That was lowkey a playlist recommendation, huh?

I'd be kidding if I don't say I could touch myself while listening to this song AHAHAFGHFJFJ

I didn't know this would grow on me this much lol I love love LOVE THIS!

5. The Rainy Night

Ooh, the holy melancholy!

Piano at the intro—I knew I'd cry to this.

This song isn't just about break-up, but the heartbreak after one.

The yearning; the remnant pieces from the shattering of what was once there.

I think I crumbled from this one.

This hit so hard I felt like I fit in the shoes with the lyrics throughout the entire song.

What’s fascinating is I clearly forgot the title when I mentally said this sounds like a sad rainy day song from the first listen.

Something I’d turn up when it suddenly rains, just because I want to feel the blues.

Taeil and Haechan singing in lower register? I wanna cry :( they’re just one of the best vocalists in K-music industry right now.

Could have been also nice if they added Yuta to the vocals.

"My selfish heart who waits for you to come back," OKAY WHO HURT THEM?

And the fact that they sang it so good that it translated every ounce of the emotions well even before I looked up for English translations is the reason why I love this song too.

6. Far

Hmm… What the hell?! Do I like this? Wait...

Alright!

The jumpy vibe from the first verse to the pre-chorus set the mood for this song. It sounds merry and heavy. It was honestly too much to take until I’ve reached the chorus part.

Honestly, I think this song could fit NCT Dream better, as it gives off a vibe similar to Hello Future's b-tracks. If some credible source say this could have made HF’s track list, I might believe you too fast.

Also Dream’s Deja Vu where they go na nananananana na na na~

Playful yet confident! That’s what I mean!

As usual, the vocals are insane! Vocal flex from left to right!

I swear Jungwoo sounded a bit like Taemin at the second verse that I had to replay it hahaha

I love hearing Johnny as a vocalist! SM, how many signs do you need until you utilize his vocal talent???

Taeil's part where he sings, "go nuts, go nuts, 'til we go bust, go bust" IDEK BUT I SNORTED A LAUGH AT FIRST LISTEN HFCAHKFHK

Not my favorite, but still great though!

But wait it’s actually stuck in my head???

7. Bring The Noize

Yes, they never beat those noise music allegations

HERE'S SOME NOIZE, BITCHES

I love me some noisy percussions. AND THE BASS YO

This screams so much confidence!

The build up from the pre-chorus to the chorus—FIRE!

This song reminds me a lot of SuperM's Super Car, especially with the engine roar samples and the battle cry-like singing at the chorus.

JAEHYUN RAPPING? You mean Jaehyun the visual, the vocalist, the actor, the model, the funny dude, aka my everything?! (markie bb look pls look away for a moment)

THEY DELIVERED IT STRAIGHT FROM NEOCITY THAT'S SOME NCT MUSIC RIGHT THERE NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM

When I said I'd play Focus on a late night drive, and if I add this in the playlist, VROOM VROOM SPEED LIMIT WHAT

OUTTA MY WAY

“We got no shame” ouh TAEYONG’S FLOW IS JUST VERY HIM AND HE’S IN A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN

You know what's so clever about this song? It's how it ended with Mark's final rap without any instrumental, leaving you  standing there with a doppler effect-like post experience.

A super car on a super speed just whooshed past you and you look its way as it zips through the road. It's gone in an instant but you're floored dumbfounded at a sidewalk. That's how I describe this song.

8. Magic Carpet Ride

This song… Wow. Oh gosh it's so beautiful.

Their harmony in the chorus—it makes me want to kiss someone so passionately that I'd cry.

This makes me want to feel love that transcends the universe. Literally, just please take me on a magic carpet ride :(

The background harmonies too oh my goodness—HEAVENLY.

Jaehyun's voice is so warm and soulful it fits perfectly with songs of this genre.

Okay alright Doyoung Grande!

And Taeil makes me feel like I'm listening to old school R&B.

The first time I heard this from the track video, I can't stop replaying because it's just that great.

This makes me want to love. I think that sums it up.

9. Road Trip

This is such a soothing song for me, especially how I easily become nostalgic thinking about the road trips I've had.

Whenever I listen to this, my brain immediately conjures up thoughts of my ideal getaways. Gazing at the sky through the car window, stirring up from a nap in the middle of the ride, and   eventually reaching your destination.

Oh, to travel around anywhere... (curse you covid-19)

Okay that's it. I'M PACKING UP.

But where do I go—

I could also imagine Mark playing this on the guitar and the other members sing along together, something like that.

Just Wholesome™ vibes.

I love how it evokes such a nice emotion within me effortlessly.

This isn't my favorite, but I still love this.

10. Dreamer

Eyyyy such a refreshing song!

This song is so bright it makes me want to dance. I play this first in the shower!

It reminds me so much of Elevator (from Neozone)

The horns make it more lively I think!

Yuta and Jungwoo's voice suits lively songs like this.

The background vocal in low register in Taeyong's part in the first verse is so good ahhfhf

Taeil, the R&B vocal king you are...

There's this part where Doyoung and Johnny harmonized, that at first listen they seemed to clash, but it sounded actually fine after a few listens. Maybe it's just that I've never heard them do it before.

And I think it's Doyoung's laugh at the end of the bridge? Oh my goodness I really love this too!

11. Promise You

MY FIRST LOVE AND MOST FAVORITE SONG IN THE ALBUM!!!

The first time I heard this from their NCIT Sharehouse Sitcom, I fell in love with the song already.

It sounds like something you'd feel from a warm, welcoming hug.

The lyrics are so beautiful and endearing. It's definitely a be-there-for-you type of song that will touch your heart.

It definitely sounds like a promise.

A song about platonic intimacy.

This really fits to be the closing song of the album. It's like the end of it but holds a promise that says “see you soon.”

Because they cherish their fans like that.

It's also like I've watched a movie with a happy ending, where the camera pans up to the clear sky and this song starts playing.

Speaking of ending, I would love to hear them sing this as an encore stage in their concert. You know, that moment just before the stage lights die down at the end of the concert where they send final blows of flying kisses to NCTzens. Then you come home smiling and crying.

This wasn't supposed to be this long since I originally planned to write this with just simple phrases and emojis but I got too engrossed lol. I also meant to include my own ratings but I figured it’s pointless since I can’t really decide about them hahaha

I really enjoyed the whole album and I love how they're progressively defining what NEO means by breaking through standards. It's not NCT music if it doesn't make you say "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" But then you realize it’s stuck in your head and you’re enjoying it already.

✨ OVERALL RATING: 127/10 💚

if you’ve reached until here, thank you for letting me share you a braincell or two 💞

[drunken-drengr]

Morrigan and Sera for the character ask thing?

Yes! Thank you! My two favorite girl bosses! The goth babes(spiritual in Sera’s sense)! The society haters! The gatekeepers! The gaslighters! The

Morrigan

First impression

Oh boy, for Morrigan, this goes way back. Technically I got my first impression of her back when I was way younger and saw my dad playing it. He romanced Morrigan, and the only thing I remember of her is seeing the ritual scene. Needless to say I didn’t see Morrigan again after that. So yeah, very first impression of her was scandalous. But when I got older, I saw more of her character in Inquisition when I played it for myself. So second impression was sarcastic knowledge hungry goth swamp witch babe. I was wary of her to say the least.

Impression now

Playing Origins, I generally see her in the same light, but I understand why she is the way she is, why she holds her ideals, and I see that she actually changed for the better from Origins to Inquisition. I love her a lot more now to say the least. I swear Im not gay I just- Morrigan…

Favorite moment

Oh boy there’s a lot actually. I’d say, jokingly, the iconic ‘Tis cold in my tent…’ but seriously, I loved the Fade scene where Morrigan encounters Flemeth. I think it properly showcases how she has grown as a person and as a mother. It’s just so satisfying to see her stand up to her Mother.

Idea for a story

I wanna know how Morrigan raised Kieran! In the wilderness and in the Winter Palace! That would be so interesting

Unpopular opinion

Ohoho, I have a hot steamy unpopular opinion, ripe for potential discourse. With that being said, please don’t attack me, this isn’t meant to be offensive in anyway, but- Morrigan never gave me lesbian vibes. Yeah I said it, big deal cause I look in the Morrigan x Warden tag and it’s mostly just Morrigan x Women Wardens. Nothing wrong with that, I just really don’t get the impression that she’d be lesbian.

Favorite relationship

I enjoy Morrigan and Alistairs love-hate platonic relationship, their bickering never fails to make me crack up. Forgive me but I also must mention Morrigan and Ragnar… I just… love them so much….

Favorite headcanon

I love that one analysis that motherhood didn’t really change Morrigan that much. I forget the details but it really brought up some nice points about her.

Sera

First impression

Gremlin. Spunky gal. I was questioning her sanity, but I liked her vibes. Didn’t mind her flirting with me, a surprise when I first played.

Impression now

Still a spunky gremlin. One of my favorite characters, and I’ve really taken her character to heart. I love everything about her, including her flaws, to a fault. I’m totally romancing her next play through, so sorry Baewall

Favorite moment

Boy where do I start? Her shooting dude in the face when we first meet? Letting her literally beat that noble to death in her personal quest? The rooftop scene? Literally all of her banter with Blackwall and Solas? I fucking love everything she does, okay?

Idea for story

Story about she and Inky after Trespasser, assuming Inky joined the Red Jennies. I must know about their wacky adventures, terrorizing nobles and whatnot.

Unpopular opinion

She’s the best. That’s it. And I know it’s an unpopular opinion cause I know how many people absolutely loathe her.

Favorite relationship

Sera and Blackwall, love their friendly dynamic! Also SeraxAdaar and SeraxCadash, Cause she loves big muscly women. Woof…

Favorite headcanon

She’s fucking god awful at cooking. Also immune to bee stings, she’s probably been stung so many times already. Cough cough also.. I think the Sera=Andruil theory is very interesting….

[thornsofdeath]

phf rants

as i’ve made clear im rlly impacted by this book. dont mind my lowkey venting

damn this is long

mista's coldness towards fugo / the stadium scene as a whole

it really really hurt me to see mista treating fugo, his old partner, his old friend like a dangerous enemy. i know he had his valid reasoning, but that very specific kind of angst shatters me. mista had his gun pointed at fugo for the entire stadium scene, not wavering for even a second. the worst part? it seemed like mista was trying to purposefully incite fugo to snap by right out insulting him and his stand, saying he was glad when fugo didn’t get on the boat. it seemed like he was egging fugo on just so he had an excuse to kill him, to get one more thing off his list of concerns. fugo as a person meant nothing at all to mista. when mista said “kill these traitors, or we’ll kill you” i wanted to cry. mista goes on about hoe fugo is a massive threat because purple haze is unhinged and can wipe out the enitre population if he wanted. fugo politely corrects him, as PH only has 6 capsules and can only attack 6 times in a day. did i see myself in that scene and feel fugo’s pain of just wanting to be left alone and not have to think about the past or the future, silent and melancholic during intervention and just feeling like the only way out is to kms right then and there? thats a secret ill never tell.  phf makes me smad.

there were some little details in purple haze feedback that got me thinking as well. in the 6 months between fugo’s leave and his cold reuniting with mista, fugo was playing piano at a bar. Most of the people who bring this up refer to it as just some cool trick he could get because he’s a rich kid. he is not. in flashbacks, it’s shown that bruno only knows how to cope with distress by isolating himself and bottling everything up. god, did i feel that. sheila e’s life goal was to kill illuso (to avenge her sister) and swore her life to giorno after finding out he killed him, it’s ironic though because in reality fugo had killed him, and in the first part of the book, they weren’t exactly friends. 

another part that really just made me wanna sob and bash my head into a wall was seeing fugo’s pure self hatred. since he was a child, he had it drilled into his head that if he couldnt produce results, he was worthless. after being disowned and thrown into jail with no future, he was completely hopeless. even after bruno came and took him in, he was never free of his liabilities. no matter what he did, he couldnt help seeing himself as some monster, failure, and burden. (kinnie moment) it worsened when he had to abandon bruno’s gang, his only saving grace was bruno, his light, hope, and acceptance. now he was stripped of that, gripped in fear knowing too well that betraying passione would end horribly. deep in his heart he wanted so badly to join them, to join his found family, but the logic he had drilled into his own head of knowing that betrayal was foolish and futile wouldnt let him have his way. hes back on the streets, just like how he was (or wouldve been after getting out of jail) after being disowned. he got a piano gig at a bar, and let himself wallow in grief and depression for 6 months. throughout the events pf PHF, we still see him clinging to memories and trauma. they say “what you let consume you will define you”, and i couldnt begin to describe it any better. putting all of the guilt and blame on his own shoulders, feeling he deserved it all and more. 

either i wasnt paying enough attention (this bitch got some rereading to do) or the purple haze distortion scene was kinda underwhelming. his character arc felt kinda rushed, like most of the book was establishing his bad state and constant flashbacks, and then all of a sudden he has confidence in his abilities and believes in himself. of course, im overjoyed he did get growth, and had a happy ending (depends on how you interpret it). stan fugio

vittorio’s fascination with pain really got me feelin. hgghhhhhhhh hh hnnhhhhh. he describes it well, wanting to feel his life force/energy in the form of pain so that he didnt ‘go extinct’, and the writing of it just saying straight up ‘cutting himself’ ‘hurting himself’ ‘self harming’ made my skin crawl. as someone who suffers with shit like that its both painful and relieving to know a character who has similar habits, whether it’s for the purpose of activating his stand or just to cope. 

2 times in phf, fugo does some kind of suicide attack. of course, he survives both. it’s never made clear whether or not he intended to die/didnt mind dying as it was a way of accomplishing his mission, but either way it got me heavy breathing. the last one especially, when he bites a virus capsule to kill volpe. did he know he’d grown and purple haze would miraculously save him with his own genius plan, or was he going out with a bang? luckily for me it wasnt really gone over like ‘hey you couldve died from that are you doing ok mentally’ or else i mightve felt nauseous reading it. im all for angst, but idk how much more i can take when its day 87 of quarantine and im numb as fuck just waiting to break down. 

angelica’s stand night bird flying (is probably not that complicated im just fuckin dumb) made fugo and everyone else hallucinate/dream. in fugo’s dream, it was pretty much an ideal au.  he was permitted to see his grandma when she was near death (preventing the professor scene), met bruno (fisher boy with fisher dad) on a boat and they became friends, nara went back to school and was doing good overall, abba remained a cop but didnt do any bad things, the whole group was all just good friends having a fun time. god i would licherally sell my body and soul for them all to be happy like that and all live. 

the concept of abandonment also messed me up, just the feeling that everyone say fugo as someone who abandoned the group in their hour of need out of selfishness made me wanna cry angry sad depression tears. hes a good man! let him be ok and happy i will fight all fugo haters no cap

every time i think back to the fugio restaurant scene i just. idk man it hurts me. the pessimistic bitch in me says that it would be unrequited and fugo would only be more sad because even through his efforts, he’s just another pawn working for giorno. on the other hand, it makes me soft n giddy because?? omyfucking god giorno asks fugo to call him giogio when NOBODY ELSE IN THE BOOK had referred to him as that. the fuckin “if grief anchors your feet, let me share it” part makes me wanna jusyt. complete my kin transformation into fugo and be a sobbin g  shaking mess in his arms as he tells me its all gonna be ok. was that a vent? absolutely. anyways, its pretty damn special for the don of the mafia to invite you to breakfast at a fancy restaurant before the place opens and its just the two of you. giorno fixes fugo’s injuries and tells him that he’s proud of his growth, and that he knew fugo could do it. dude?????? if i didnt already know i was a lonely affection/affirmation/attention starved bitch that wouldve done it for me.

holy fuck that was longer than i expected it to be. i do feel better tho

[shadyb00ts]

How 2020 Turned Me Into A Swiftie Again

If you’d told me a few years ago that I’d have not one but two Taylor Swift albums in my year-end favorites list, I would’ve thought you were out of your mind. Then again, stranger things have happened in this hellscape of a year.

I’m really not sure where the first time I heard the phrase “Life is too short to pretend to hate Taylor Swift” was. I have no idea who originated it, but it stuck with me when I started to unpack that about a year ago, during her Lover era. By then, my perception and feelings about Taylor had been very... inconsistent, to say the least. I started out as a full-on stan, then it dwindled from there overtime until I basically became a hater, which then turned into indifference but silent respect. Now, I’m pretty much on the road to becoming a stan again. Revisiting her catalog, analyzing her lyrics, watching interviews, the works. 

I wanted to examine what it was that made my opinions about her go through so many steep rises and falls within this entire decade. Part of it was her shift in musical style that I didn’t quite mesh with, but another part was owning up to the internal biases I had when I was younger and how gullible I was in going along with whatever the media or the popular conscious was saying about her and the kind of person she is. 

I’m somebody who’s incapable of separating art from the artist. I simply don’t listen to artists when I don’t like them as people or don’t agree with their actions. Examples include but are not limited to Kim Petras, Melanie Martinez, Azealia Banks, Grimes, just to name a few. I have my own personal reasons for just not wanting to engage with any of their music, and if you still want to, that’s none of my business.

At some point in my life, I think Taylor got on that list. Looking back on it now, I find that completely ridiculous, because she never really did anything or acted in a way that warranted that reaction out of me. So I wanted to delve into how that even came about in the first place.

With that said, I want to take a trip down memory lane and go back through her eras, and go through the timeline of my strange relationship with Taylor Swift’s body of work as well as her public persona. Fair warning, it’s gonna be really cheesy and emotional at parts, but it is fully my truth. Thank you in advance if you manage to read the whole thing.

Part 1: The Country Era

It’s 2010 and I’m in eighth grade. I’m in an extremely Muslim country, the only son of an extremely Muslim family that enrolled me in an extremely Muslim school. I’m getting bullied by the boys in my class for being too feminine and being ignored by the girls for being a boy. The last close friend I had from elementary school had just moved away the year prior, and I’d never felt more alone in my life.

I was a closeted gay kid still trying to figure himself out and hating who he was. I escaped to cringey online chat sites like IMVU and catfished as a girl, because at the time I thought the only way to get boys to like me and want to be with me was to pretend to be someone else, someone I actually liked.

When I think back on this era, I mostly remember the girls in my class obsessing over these three albums and singing her songs with each other all the time. I desperately wanted to join them and fangirl with them over her music, though of course they never gave me the time of day. I remember I would memorize so many of her songs and write them all down on a special notebook I kept. When I wasn’t paying attention in classes, that’s what I would do; scribble out a collection of all the songs of hers that I knew by heart.

To me, these three albums represented a certain kind of vivid fantasy. Taylor’s songwriting has obviously grown exponentially over the past decade, but even back then she was always so damn good at storytelling and detail, painting you a very clear picture of a scene and placing you right there. For a miserable, self-hating fourteen-year-old gay boy that was always seeking escapism from a homophobic environment, this was the perfect outlet for me to live out a different kind of life, to play pretend.

I honestly can’t explain what it is about her style of songwriting but she always made me feel like I was genuinely experiencing everything she was talking about. Things like kissing in the rain, riding around in the truck of the boy of my dreams in a tiny one horse town, shedding teardrops on a guitar that I definitely didn’t own, experiencing crushing heartbreak. This was stuff that my sheltered ass couldn’t comprehend.

Taylor perfectly captured that ideal, that small town girl with big dreams and storybook romances. I was in love with her discography at the time, having memorized pretty much the entirety of Fearless because that was my favorite of three. Middle school was hell for me, but her music was definitely something that helped me pull through, because she sent my imagination into overdrive.

This was a time in my life where I didn’t really care yet about an artist’s public image or the media’s portrayal of them, It was purely about the music for me. Of course, when looking at these albums now, there were a few questionable choices she made lyrically, I have to admit. Particularly with songs like “Better Than Revenge” and “Innocent”, both having aged terribly with the former being bafflingly misogynistic and the latter being about Kanye. As of my writing this, Taylor is currently in the process of re-recording her old catalog, and I assume that she would skip these two songs in particular, as well as several others that haven’t exactly aged well.

This era really got me through some tough times and she provided much-needed relief for me within each of these three albums. I’ll always have an attachment to them because of the bittersweet memories they represent.

Part 2: Red

Red I decided to put in its own category, because this was kind of a weird era for Taylor. Even back when I was an ignorant teenager that barely had any critical thinking skills, I felt the dissonance of this album and its Max Martin produced singles. This album represented Taylor dipping her toe into pop music, which she made abundantly clear when she decided to release We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together as the lead single.

I actually remember this moment quite clearly. She premiered the single at some kind of fan event that I believe was streamed live on YouTube, and either I watched it live or I watched the full recording of it later on. At the time I remember feeling it was kind of bizarre to hear Taylor adopt this style of music, because it was so drastically different from her previous work and it took me a while to adjust. Obviously I enjoyed pop music at the time as much as I do now, but I just hadn’t been expecting it to come from Taylor. 

Fortunately it was just the three singles that were full pop, and the rest of the album still had her signature DNA and also includes some of her best work. All Too Well, for example, is I think one of the best songs she’s ever made, if not the best. I think if I were introducing Taylor to someone that’s totally unfamiliar with her, that would be my first choice, because it’s a masterwork in songwriting and emotionality.

I do think the thing that irked me the most about this album and era, even to this day, was the lack of cohesion. Of course I figured that she would eventually venture into pop music, but the way in which she did it just felt a bit too jarring to me. Perhaps if the album had a more even distribution of pop songs and country songs, it would’ve been slightly more palatable for me. It’s not even that the three pop songs were bad; they were quite good for their time. Though to be completely honest they’re the songs I barely ever return to any time I listen to Red now. They’re the kind of catchy pop songs where it’s difficult not to get sick of them at a certain point in your life. I’ve grown to really dislike the lead single, and even 22.

Her image was also starting to get much more scrutinized by the media around this time. I think this era probably marked the sharp rise of the “Taylor Swift has too many boyfriends!” argument people loved to throw around. I wish I could say I was smart enough to not buy into that shit at the time, but I wasn’t. While it didn’t bother me, it was something that I wondered about, why she dated and broke up with so many guys at such a young age. It was something that I judged her for. Obviously I didn’t yet understand that it was normal for people her age to date around. Plus it gave her some great material.

By this time, Taylor was making the gradual transition of country sweetheart to pop star, and while Red was kind of a rocky start to that, naturally she managed to pull it off. But not quite flawlessly.

Part 3: The Pop Era

Okay, I have a lot to say about these girls.

I think this era started off strong with 1989. It was a more fully realized version of Taylor’s little pop experiment, and it actually had the cohesion that I needed to be able to fully adapt to this new style she’d cultivated. She wrote yet another one of her best songs with Blank Space, which I like to think was a precursor to Reputation (and dare I say that one song did Reputation’s concept better than that album as a whole?).

However... Shake It Off. I’m sorry, I just hate that song.

WANEGBT, the first single off of Red, isn’t exactly the best song either but it made sense as to why she chose that as the first single. It was to signify her dabbling into pop. Reputation’s first single I also am not the biggest fan of, but again, made perfect sense as an introduction, but I’ll get to that later. Shake It Off, though? For the life of me, I have no idea why this song was the first single. Or to be frank, why it was even on the album at all. 

I’m sorry y’all, I just hate it. Everything about it. The verses, the chorus, the appalling rap bridge. She should’ve kept that song in the drafts and released Blank Space as a first single, and that’s a hill I’m willing to die on. Sorry Shake It Off stans, but I’m sure all three of you will get over it. ❤

That said, 1989 had some excellent songs, and I was finally starting to get used to Taylor doing pop. However, my excitement and enthusiasm for her music started to falter due to my weak mind at the time once again getting swayed by the media. 

This time, I began to see Taylor as someone that seemed to be very calculated and conniving in the way she curated her image. Something that didn’t sit well with me was the “girl squad” stuff, and how all of the women she surrounded herself with were essentially these supermodels with unattainable beauty standards, and also believing the rumors about how certain famous women were given private requests to join Taylor’s “squad”. And then of course, the Kim and Kanye thing happened. #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty trended worldwide, and that was probably my earliest exposure to an instance of a celebrity getting canceled, so I was just happy to join the bandwagon. My opinion of her shifted like that, and it’s crazy to think about it now, how I barely had the capacity to form my own opinions and was easily influenced by everything I heard.

Despite me kind of joining the Taylor hate train, I did like Reputation as a concept. I liked how she disappeared from the public eye and came back being like, “You want me to be the villain? The snake? Fine.” Look What You Made Me Do, as I mentioned before, was the perfect choice for the first single despite the song itself being sonically....not the best. The music video and the line about how the old Taylor couldn’t come to the phone was an iconic moment in pop culture, I have to admit that.

I didn’t listen to the album as a whole until later, though. I was having my own hang-ups about Taylor that I think are silly now, but at the time when I didn’t like an artist I would mostly avoid their work. When I did listen to the album, though, I thought it was... okay. There’s one standout track to me and that is Getaway Car, and it’s the only song from Reputation I can say I fully adore to pieces. The other songs on there I either just like, or I find to be meh at best. (Also I know Ready For It is objectively a bad song but I really enjoy the chorus, don’t @ me, @ god)

A few years later, Lover happened and.... Once again, horrible first single. ME! is a genuinely atrocious song, and I have no idea how esteemed, prolific songwriter Taylor Swift managed to reach a point where she had a song with the phrase “spelling is fun!” in it. I feel the exact same way about this song as I do about Shake It Off. It had no business being in the album whatsoever.

As far as Lover the album goes, this came out around the time where I was kind of feeling indifferent toward Taylor (which is hilarious if you know what the first track on it is). I was much more politically aware and had learned not to put too much faith in white women, and I was focusing on other artists so much that Lover barely even came onto my radar. I listened to it once, thought it was meh, and moved on. I revisited it earlier this year and realized I was a bit too harsh on it the first time around. Sure it was her weakest album overall, but it wasn’t bad by any means. It was perfectly alright, and there were songwriting moments within it that were still quite strong. The title track and also Miss Americana comes to mind as standouts.

She started to become more vocal politically around this time. A lot of people thought it was too little too late, which was a fair point. However to me it made sense that she stayed tight-lipped about politics when she was younger, considering she was operating within the realm of country music. Plus, upon watching her documentary, it was pretty clear she had old white men behind the scenes telling her what she should or shouldn’t say, to make sure she maintained that all-American country girl sweetheart image. Still, I do agree with the people who thought that she should’ve used her platform sooner.

Oh and for the record, I think You Need to Calm Down is a terrible song. The video was cute, and the message behind it is fine, but I just hate it sonically.

At this point my interest in Taylor was probably at an all time low. The era started off strong with 1989, but it progressively got weaker. She just wasn’t really giving me much in terms of lyricism, and her pop productions were starting to blend together to the point where a lot of them were sounding very same-y. Lover to me marked the point of stagnation in her music; it was solid enough, but it just wasn’t going anywhere. We’ve seen Pop Taylor, she was cute for a while, but what else? Where does she go from here?

Well... She went into the woods.

Part 4: The Cottagecore Sisters

When I heard about Taylor dropping a surprise album, I suppose I was intrigued. She is one of the few artists that are successful enough to be able to make a move like that and cause a lot of buzz and excitement. I didn’t think much about it though, because my 2020 at that time was still inundated with SAWAYAMA and Ungodly Hour on repeat. On a whim, though, I decided to listen to it one day, not expecting much out of it.

Earlier when I was talking about her country era, I mentioned that Taylor’s storytelling and her penchant for detailed descriptions were my favorite parts of her writing. Her innate ability to transport me into other worlds, to provide escapism when my life became too much to deal with. I feel like these aspects were missing in the several years that Taylor focused on pop music. There were flashes of it in some of her later work, sure, but very few. She was becoming a huge mega superstar and her songs started to lose that sense of relatability that had been easy for me to latch on too. These things definitely contributed to my loss of interest for her work in general.

And then Folklore managed to bring me back to that place of fantasy I described before, but heightened. Elevated. Evolved. This is why I think that Folklore is Taylor Swift’s magnum opus.

Storytelling is without a doubt her strongest skill as an artist. To be able to construct not just a narrative but an entire world through songs is not something anyone can pull off. Throughout her pop era, there was always that something missing because I knew that she was capable of more. I couldn’t explain it well back then, but despite her penmanship still being commendable during those years, it still felt oddly lackluster. I knew she could do better, but I didn’t have the proof yet.

This is it. Both Folklore and Evermore showcase exactly what I knew she was capable of. This is Taylor Swift at her most creative, at her full power.

I think in a recent interview I watched (though I can’t remember which one), even she herself acknowledged how it would’ve been a disservice to continue strictly writing autobiographical songs, and so she decided to write from the perspectives of multiple different characters while also occasionally inserting herself and her life experiences into these narratives. She essentially created her own folklore and managed to make me invested in characters that don’t even exist.

I have to talk about the love triangle trilogy: cardigan, august and betty. It’s a testament to her songwriting ability that these fictional characters feel like real people. The story of Betty, James and Augusta/Augustine is just so well done to the point where I forget that it’s Taylor Swift singing. When I listen to these songs, I am fully imagining the characters she conjured up. 

The song that I find the most profound out of the three, and also happens to be my favorite song on the album, is august. To me, it is the most heartbreaking song out of all of them. I relate so much to that girl who’s hopelessly in love with someone that just doesn’t give a shit about them and is merely using her for a summer fling. And it’s not even like I’ve experienced something similar to this in real life, Taylor just somehow made it relatable with the sheer power of her pen game. It’s even more heartbreaking considering we don’t know what happened to this girl, if she ever managed to find happiness, because in the Long Pond Sessions Taylor mentioned that Betty and James eventually got back together. They got their happy ending, but what happened to Augustine?

I can’t believe she’s got me this deep in my feelings over non-existent teenagers, I swear to god.

Just when I thought Folklore was going to be the end of this new side of her for a while, she releases Evermore in December, its sister album. While I don’t think it’s quite as strong as Folklore, it still delivered immensely in terms of lyricism, productions and vocals. Evermore’s release pretty much solidified the realization that I was basically becoming a Swiftie again, a whole decade later.

I was embarrassed by that thought at first, but honestly now I’m at a point where I don’t think there’s anything to be embarrassed about. Taylor is too skilled of a songwriter for me to consider her a guilty pleasure. I just needed something to help me come to that conclusion, and these two albums did just that. She finally gave to me what I was waiting for.

Final Thoughts

I don’t really stan artists the same way I used to now, which I mentioned previously in my review of Chromatica. I don’t deify them or hold them to an impossible moral standard they could never live up to anymore. I see them as flawed human beings that have the capacity to make great art. So when I say I’m becoming a Swiftie, I’m still fully aware that Taylor Swift is a thirty-one year old rich white woman who is bound to have shortcomings and missteps as a person. In my mind, she hasn’t done anything drastic enough or stupid enough for me to become uncomfortable in listening to her work. I had my own ideas about how she could’ve been fake, conniving, manipulative or whatever else the media was trying to convey about her, but there really is no way of knowing who she truly is as a person.

Celebrities and influencers have the power to curate their image however they want. The relationships they have with us, the audience, are entirely parasocial, so of course we base our judgments of them based on very limited knowledge, or just the surface-level view of what they’re like. I don’t know if Taylor is as down to earth and genuine as she appears to be now, and I honestly don’t need to know. If she does things I disagree with or acts a certain way that deserves criticism, of course I’d still call her out, and depending on the severity of what it was she said or did, it might end up with me not wanting to engage with her work anymore.

But the reality is, as a person, I’ve realized that she is just fine. I was holding on to a certain idea of her in my head where I think at one point I dubbed her “the Anne Hathaway of music”, meaning someone that comes across too perfect to the point where it seems calculated and disingenuous. But honestly, I just don’t feel that way about her anymore. I don’t feel particularly attached to her as a person, either. 

But I do feel an attachment to her music. At the end of the day, that’s where I’m standing now when it comes to her. I don’t have any expectations or delusions about her as a human being, and I’m not going to remain devoted to her if she does something dumb, but I believe that she is an insanely gifted artist who has written so many songs that genuinely speak to me and make me feel intensely. She lost me for a while, but now I’m right back in it.

So yeah, like I said in the beginning of the post, life’s too short to pretend to hate Taylor Swift. I’d rather just pretend to live in a mystical small town as a sad gay witch. And I’m at peace with that.

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Taylor Swift Lover Reaction

The day's here. Taylor Swift released her new album Lover, so I'm going to talk about it. I've been super hyped for this album ever since Me! was released and I was excited to see what Taylor was going to do after Reputation. It definitely looked that after the darker tone of Reputation, we were going to get more of a lighter tone for the TS7 era.

How I'm going to do this, with each song, I'm just going to give some thoughts I have on it. Some songs, I have more to say and others, I have less to say.

1. I Forgot That You Existed

It's an interesting song to start the album with. The first part of the journey into the Lover era is moving away from the toxicity you've experienced which makes sense, once you move away from the hate, you can begin to love. Interesting to see where it'll lead. And I totally feel Taylor on this. It really is a magical moment when you've been bothered by someone so much but then bam! a moment hits and you realize you don't care about them anymore. It really is kind of freeing.

2. Cruel Summer

Hello, Speak Now days! How I've missed you! I've never really complained about Taylor's change in genre, I really liked both 1989 and Reputation but I still do carry a flame for Speak Now when she had that mix of country, rock, and pop and I'll always miss those days. So to hear the style come back a little bit in the form of the wide, all-encompassing bombastic sound this song had, well, it was a real treat for sure.

3. Lover

A song I'm familiar with. This was released early as a single so it's gotten some radio play. It's a cute song and I love the slightest echo she puts on her voice in post production to create the sound. It really gives something to the overall vibe of the song. With all that said, Lover is not a song I'm too terribly "in love with", pardon the pun. I don't mind it, I think it's cute and I'll sing along with it on the radio, but it's not something I'll go out of my way to listen to. It's actually kind of interesting that I feel this way for the titular track on this album because I felt the same way for the titular track on Speak Now. But it's not a slight on either of the albums. The songs may not be the best imo, but the themes they represent over the course of their albums is why they're titled that way so I completely understand why they were used. So maybe Taylor is using a lot of inspiration when writing the Lover album that came from the Speak Now era.

4. The Man

We got a fast-paced song here that's super catchy. I like it.

5. The Archer

It's track 5. The fabled Track 5. If you're familiar with Taylor Swift and how she sets up her albums, you know track 5 is usually reserved for an emotional, hard-hitting track. So Reputation had Delicate, Red has All Too Well, Speak Now has Dear John, Fearless has White Horse, and the self-titled first album has Cold As You...all are just gut-wrenching emotional. I did leave out 1989 because for me, that one seems more like it was an exception to the rule but maybe there are folks out there who thought All You Had To Do Was Stay was gut-wrenching.

Everytime I listen to The Archer, it chokes me up. As much as I hate it because I want Taylor to be happy, she does heartbreak real well and she knows how to bring out those emotions with her writing in the best ways. There's just something so bittersweet and defeated in the overall vibe of The Archer and it's heart-breaking.

6. I Think He Knows

Such a retro but also very modern sound and also the perfect song you need coming out of The Archer. It's fun and upbeat and cute.

7. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

I don't even know how to describe this song and my feelings for it, it was that good definitely on par with my love with Getaway Car from the Reputation era. I really like it, I'm definitely going to listen to it again, and the metaphor used for this song was implemented perfectly.

8. Paper Rings

Another fun, cute song that I'm going to have fun singing and dancing along with as I listen to the album over again.

9. Cornelia Street

I think this might be my favorite song of the album. It was just a perfect mix of the new Taylor sound with the old Taylor writing style.

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

Definitely not my favorite on the album and certainly Cornelia Street was in no danger of being replaced. This song isn't bad, it's a song that's just kind of there, but if it wasn't, I probably wouldn't miss it. It doesn't really illicit any kind of emotion in me.

11. London Boy

Taylor is just on a roll in this album with her quirky, happy, upbeat kind of songs. I feel like she was really try to perk us up after The Archer. But I'll definitely listen to London Boy again.

12. Soon You'll Get Better (feat. Dixie Chicks)

Of course, since I made a comment about how fun and quirky the songs have been since The Archer, that means Taylor has to bring us back down to another heavy-hitter, and it's featuring the Dixie Chicks so I expected nothing less than a soul-crushing track. This song is hard to sit through with dry eyes. The hopelessness of the situation Taylor is lamenting about but still clinging onto hope because that's all you have is really truly gut-wrenching and I can see myself listening to this song over and over again and crying each time.

13. False God

For a song that made a few references to NYC, I kept on getting hardcore New Orleans vibes from the instrumentals in this song. Maybe that was a part of the metaphor as this song is about a relationship that is out of flux, not quite matching up with the ideal so the instrumentals having the same vibe makes sense. But even if that wasn't intentional, who cares. That's my interpretation and I'm going with it.

14. You Need To Calm Down

Another song I'm very familiar with, another single. It's a fun, summery kind of song despite all the controversy it had. I had a lot of fun laughing at the irony of the situation within the controversy as I'm sure Taylor did as well -- the song is about not putting all of your energy into something you hate and that's exactly what the Taylor haters did when this song was released, thereby proving Taylor's point and it was hilarious for me to watch unfold.

15. Afterglow

Still not quite on the level as Cornelia Street but I can see this one definitely making it into my Top 5 for this album. I know this song is going to be in my head for a while.

Speaking of songs that get stuck in your head, we've finally gotten there, let's jam to Me!.

16. Me! (Feat Brendon Urie)

The first single released and I love this song, I know the lyrics by heart. I was super obsessed with it when the single released. And spoiler alert: it definitely will make it into my Top 5 for this album. But I am sad Taylor went back into the recording and took out the "spelling is fun" part of the audio. I don't appreciate the censorship, I'm just saying. The "spelling is fun" line was cute and was a really nice segway into -- girl, there ain't no "I" in team, but you know there is a ME, you can't spell "awesome" without ME. It fit perfectly with that verse and anyone who hated it or thought it was cringy simply has no taste...that's right, if you don't like the things I like, you have no taste😛.

But Taylor and Brendon was just the perfect combination of artists I didn't know I wanted a collab with until I got it. They both are just so weird and dramatic in their own ways and it really shined through in this song. I hope we get more collabs from them in the future.

17. It's Nice To Have A Friend

I love the instrumentals and harmonizing going on in the background of this song. It was actually really hard to pay attention to the lyrics because I kept on getting distracted with the cool sounds going on in the background.

18. Daylight

What a great song to end this album on. The entire album has been exploring the theme of Love and all the different facets and shades it comes in and it all culminates into Taylor reminiscing through this song the trials and tribulations she's been through and how now she can see everything clearly because she's finally found the daylight. It's just a great way to end the album. And there's a little message at the end of the song where Taylor is speaking, "I want to be defined by the things I love, not the things I hate...you are what you love." And that's such a great message to send. Too often, we all get caught up in negativity and the things we hate when we should be putting all of our energy into things we love. And it kind of takes you full circle to the first track which was I Forgot You Existed where Taylor was making the decision to move on, to end the hate, and just be apathetic towards that person. It was such a great way to end the album.

So overall thoughts in the album? This is definitely something I'm going to have to listen to a few times to really have any definite feelings on. I mean, we're talking 18 tracks here, this was a huge album and this wasn't even the deluxe version. When I get my hands on the deluxe version, we'll see what that one has. So yeah, there is a lot of material to sift through on this album. But I guess premature thoughts? It's a cute album. I don't know if it's my favorite. Speak Now probably still holds that title but this album is definitely enjoyable to listen to particularly if you do like Taylor Swift. If you were a hardcore fan of Taylor's older stuff and you weren't really feeling the genre change, have no fear, you might like this album. It still has that very modernized pop sound but there are definitely elements of her country roots here that you'll probably enjoy. Ultimately, this album, soundwise, is a real nice amalgamation of all of Taylor Swift's different sounds just like lyrically, this album is the culmination of everything she's learned and grown through over the course of her previous albums. This album is really aptly named and I'm so glad to see Taylor release this kind of album. She feels things so much, whether she's happy or sad, and music is her outlet. She really is a Lover who wants to share that with the world and I think we're incredibly lucky to have her.

So my Top 5 currently for this album is as follows.

5. Afterglow

4. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

3. The Archer

2. Me!

Was there any question what my favorite track on this album was going to be?

1. Cornelia Street

Awesome job, Taylor! As per usual, you never disappoint. Another fantastic album.

[eddiespagheti]

you can hear it in the silence

Rosa tells him, When you know, you know. It’ll come to you and just because it hasn’t yet doesn’t mean it never will.

It all starts after Teddy’s gone. He’s sitting in the break room, eating a donut and Rosa asks, “Aren’t you kind of upset?” He shakes his head, confused by the question. He’s upset the precinct might be shutdown. He’s upset that he attended actual hell on Earth also known as jazz brunch.

But, not really.

So, he shrugs, takes another bite of his donut.

Rosa rolls her eyes, turning the chair around and sitting on it backwards. “Jake, he beat you to it.”

“What?”

“Yeah, you know, Teddy asked her to marry him before you did”

“Ah..” Jake doesn’t have an answer to that. He truthfully hadn’t thought of that before Rosa mentioned it but now that she has, Jake feels queasy. In the midst of all the uncertainty about the precinct, he hadn’t really thought of the fact that, wow, someone proposed to his girlfriend.

That someone being her ex-boyfriend and he did it in front of him. And Jake just stood there.

Wow, the self-loathing comes quick.

Rosa winces and starts to stand, patting his shoulder in sympathy. Jake grabs onto her arm in desperation, holding her in place. Rosa groans under her breath.

“I guess I hadn’t really thought of it.” he begins. Rosa tries to squirm out but Jake has a firm grip on her arm. “Getting engaged, that is. I mean…our relationship is steady, like super rock-steady.”

“Uh-huh.” Rosa tries to pry his fingers off, to no avail.

“Like, I could probably do like a hundred jumps on it and it wouldn’t cave in. That’s how steady it is.” He looks up to her, something akin to desperation in his eyes.

“Okay, I get it, Jake. I regret bringing it up.” Finally, in a brief moment of thoughtful Jake, she undoes his hand. She dances away before he can grab her again. Jake stares at the wall, lost in the forest of his thoughts. Rosa sighs again, knowing that she won’t be able to leave him here without a rock of guilt in her stomach.

She sits again, a little farther this time, and sighs before she says, “It’s not a big deal if you’re not ready to ask. Just because someone asked her doesn’t mean you have to.”

“Yeah, I know that.” He rubs his face and below hands pressed to lips he says, “I don’t think I’m ready though.” He drops his hands in guilt. “I mean, I know I love Amy but…I guess I’m…” he winces, ashamed. “not ready to be married.” He groans. “What if I’m never ready?”

He drops his eyes to the table and Rosa groans, hating the goddamn caring feel in her chest.

“Jake, I am going to tell you a very personal detail of my past and I will seriously kill you if you tell anybody this.” she says through gritted teeth. Jake widens his eyes, looks more serious than he’s ever looked in all of his life.

“Okay, I’m all ears.”

Rosa sighs, looks up at the light bulb and wonders why she’s even sharing this with him. She decides because the scared look on his face was kind of pathetic and because, fine, she cares about him. Ugh, she hates having feelings. “I was engaged once.”

His eyes widen automatically, mouth forming a million and one questions. Rosa shuts him up with a look. Jake nods and keeps mum, but the questions remain behind his eyes. “She was my high school girlfriend. We got engaged right after high school. It was young love.”

“Wait, right after high-” Rosa’s death glare slaps the rest of the question off his mouth. He nods for her to continue.

“I broke it off because I knew that I wasn’t ready.” she shrugs. “Just as I know I’m not ready now.”

Jake nods, his eyes solemn and thoughtful. Rosa stands again, pats his shoulder a little too hard. He winces but tries to play it off. “When you know, you know. It’ll come to you and just because it hasn’t yet doesn’t mean it never will.”

She leaves him to sit in the information. He rubs his shoulder now that she’s gone. Jake’s eyes travel through the window, sitting on Amy as she talks with Terry. Her back is pin straight and he can tell that she’s correcting Terry on something by the sigh he emits.

Jake smiles.

He’s not ready yet but he’s more than sure he’ll be ready soon.

There are fleeting moments in which he this he’s ready. The arrival and meeting of her father, her sergeant’s exam, the time she watched Die Hard 4 without falling asleep. However, deep in the pit of his stomach, he knows that this isn’t it. He repeats the words that Rosa told him.

When you know, you know.

(But when he knows, he’s taken away from her.)

April 28, a day so insignificant any other year. But, this year, it’s when the fire inside his stomach glows, when it lets him know that he’s ready.

It’s after a long day at work, he cooks while Amy calls her family for their weekly phone-call. Jake pretends he doesn’t smell the cigarette smoke wafting towards the kitchen. They eat in almost silence and he plays Candy Crush while Amy showers.

It’s a simple night, a regular night. The stars don’t dance, the moon doesn’t shine on them like a limelight.

He’s playing on his phone, Amy’s doing her nightly crossword. He’s thinking of the case he’s working on and the fact that there’s no way in hell he’s going to pass level 25 without a cheat code.

But then, she says, “There’s a typo in this crossword puzzle!”

And he knows.

It’s such a mundane moment but yet, so monumental. It’s just them.

Now that he knows, he kind of wants to tell everybody, wants to shout it from the mountain top. But he doesn’t want to tell Boyle. He’s afraid his best friend’s heart is going to burst and Jake isn’t sure how he feels about that. Instead, he stews in it. Let’s it settle in and tries to think of the perfect proposal.

Ideally, the sun would shine like a spotlight, the birds would cease their singing as he got down on one knee and asked her. She’d say yes with tears in her eyes. There’d also be a horse drawn carriage that would take them to an empty movie theatre where they would watch Die Hard on a loop and make out.

But, funnily, life doesn’t work out that way.

Rosa finds out right away and doesn’t fully acknowledge it. She knocks into his shoulder as she walks into work, nods, says, “Finally.”

And he can’t stop smiling for days because, it’s really going to happen, he’s going to do it.

But then, Lieutenant Hawkins happens. Then, he’s in court and his future lies in the judge’s hands.

And then, he’s sent away. Fifteen years for a bank robbery he didn’t do. He sees his life with Amy slowly crawl down the drain.

“Sorry, dude.” Rosa whispers under her breath as they handcuff them and lead them away.

Jake already knows for what.

Prison is not as bad as he thought it was going to be. Okay, his cellmate Caleb is a weird dude and okay, he misses Amy like freaking hell but prison’s nice. He’s even grown a prison beard. Kind of patchy, but, whatever, Amy likes it. Every time he sees her, he thinks of the fact that he’s ready to live the rest of his life with her but he can’t. Probably never will if the squad doesn’t get off their butts and help him get out.

But, he knows they’re working hard. The dark circles under Amy’s eyes tell him that she’s spend long nights worrying about him and he just wants to wipe them away.

At night, when it’s just him and his thoughts (and Caleb), he dreams of days spent with her. He craves normal Saturday afternoons. How she would try to cook dinner every single time and how she would fail every single time.

The little disappointed look on her face at yet another uncooked chicken, at yet another batch of burned pasta.

He craves that little look on her face when they bet on something stupid. Like that one time where they bet one another that they could eat a whole basket of wings in under ten minutes.

Bad idea.

He reminisces of all the times he saw that dangerous glint in her eyes. Before they were together, even after, and most importantly, Halloween.

It comes to him. Halloween, the most festive day of the year.

He tries to jump out of bed but forgets he’s on the bottom bunk and hits his head. He ignores the throbbing as he sits on the ratty desk and grabs a piece of paper.

He begins to plan the heist. He knows that he’s probably going to rot in this cell but there’s no harm in imagining it. It’s the only thing that’s going to keep him company as he rots away in this dingy prison cell.

Amy and the squad get him out, just like he knew they would. (Okay, he did lose faith for a bit. Prison changes a person, even if you only go for a little over two months.)

His plan is back on as soon as he leaves prison, the little sketches he wrote hidden in his shoe. As soon as they hug one another for the first time, his heart almost bursts. God, is he ready.

He hides the pieces of his plan in one of his Die Hard DVDs, there’s so many that Amy wouldn’t know where to look. And also, she hates Die Hard so she would never open them. He seriously can’t believe he’s going to propose to a Die Hard hater.

He calls Amy’s dad Sunday morning, knowing he’s at Church and wanting to avoid him. He leaves a lengthy voicemail, talking about how much he loves Amy, how he’s going to propose, and okay, maybe even mentions her butt once.

Okay, twice. Fine, three times.

He calls him mom next and she answers first ring. He tells her everything, glad to get it off his chest. He mentions calling Gina and asking her to find a ring.

“No son of mine is going to buy a ring.” she urges and tells him to come as soon as he can.

As soon as he walks in she hands him a velvet box. At his look, she says, “It’s not the ring your father gave me. Think I would give bad voodoo to my son? It’s nana’s ring. Now come in and tell me everything. I bet you haven’t eaten blue cake since you got out of prison.”

there are many days where he just wants to grab the ring and ask her. like when she goes to the grocery store and she grabs that cereal she knows that he likes or the time they were struggling to find parking and she pointed at one. or when he wakes up and she’s already showered and ready, reading the morning crossword during breakfast. he wants to grab her hand and say, there’s nothing more I want in life than to spend the rest of my life with you.

literally, any time he looks at her but no, he has to wait for the heist. he wants it to be special.

That night before the heist, he gets home pretty late after a dinner out with Boyle, where they fixed the last details in their Halloween plan. He still hadn’t told Boyle about the proposal or his nana’s old ring. He knew that Boyle would never be able to keep the excitement at bay.

When he gets home, Amy is in the kitchen, going over a case. Her hair is tied up in a crazy bun, little pieces looking like feathers dusting her face. She pushes them back as she reads. Jake wants nothing more than to stand there and stare at her for hours, drinking every one of her movements in. Just one more day, he reminds himself. She gazes up at him and her eyes brighten dangerously at his gaze.

“Excited for the heist tomorrow?” she asks, her voice carrying the competitive edge he loves. “I’m going to obliterate you.”

“Oh, I think you’ll be surprised by what I have up my sleeve.”

“It’d have to be something really big because you really can’t surprise me anymore.” She shrugs a pointy little shrug, her eyes full of mirth and Jake grins.

You literally have no idea.

She kisses him goodnight later that night and knocks out quickly, her body prepping for the big day that lies ahead.

Jake tiptoes to the kitchen and reaches towards the back of the cupboard. He passes his old nudie mags and his signed Taylor Swift CD, past those old prized possessions, and grabs the little velvet box. He looks over his shoulder and cracks it open, the little hinge making the quietest sound and his whole face softens as he gazes at the ring.

Underneath the moonlight, the diamond looks almost purple and he smiles softly.

Remembering what Rosa said, about Teddy beating him to the proposal, he laughs. Yeah, Teddy was the first one to ask her but he is going to be the first one to get a ‘yes’.

[caseywoo76234-blog]

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