#like 'everybody do the dinosaur' or 'poof!'

[wp100]

people are really saying FNAF was "OG Markiplier"?

Try SCP Containment breach. Or Slender. Or even Amnesia, Dark Descent.

I feel so old seeing people say that btw, and I'm 24. Lmao

[sweetredbeans]

Christmas Future

I wasn’t going to post this originally, but I was specifically requested to. And it got a lot longer than I had it to begin with.

But here is at tale of Christmas Yet to Come.

Zel

It was Christmas Eve night at the Andrews' and it had been a crazy day. Zel had only just managed to get Miles to bed—practically having to tie the 6-year-old to his bed frame, and then when she went downstairs Marie was still up, making sure that every last little thing was “Perfectly Perfect.” Zel had to smile at her Princess—before sending her very firmly to bed/

“Santa will love your cookies, I'm sure, but he can't come until you're sound asleep/”

And now that the younger two were in bed—maybe not asleep, but hopefully working on it—she had to go check on the older two.

Addy and Roy's room had been silent, the cousins now old enough to still be excited, but also know to be good. Very quietly, Zel pushed open the door. Roy, her golden boy, was curled up in his bed, nothing but his fluffy golden hair visible, and breathing softly—she smiled; already asleep

Addy, however, was nestled on the window seat, hugging his dinosaur stuffie and staring out at the snowy, star-spangled night.

“Addy?”

The dark-haired boy started, nearly falling off the window seat as he turned, wide-eyed, to her, “Oh...Aunt Zel.”

She steeled herself—even after three years of taking care of Addy, she still had issues with his demon parentage, but she did her darndest not to show it—and walked over to sit next to him, “Why are you still up? Don't you know that Santa will only come if--”

“I know. I'm gonna sleep,” His eyes flickered back to the window though, and Zel gently shook her head in amusement.

“Come on, Addy, into bed.” She started to get up/

“I thought...I thought since it's a special Christmas, since there's a full moon like in Prancer something magic might happen.”

“Magic...?” Zel paused, staring at Addy, who leaned forward to press his little button nose—almost exactly Roy's, except Addy's nose had a little elfin tip to it—against the cold windowpane/

“I thought...maybe I'd see Mom and Dad...”

Zel's heart hurt, and it was enough to override her head and make her sit back down again, wrapping an arm around Addy's small shoulders, “Oh...Addy...”

He sniffled just a bit, but didn't cry. “This is only your second Christmas with them gone, isn't it?”

He nodded, resting his chin on Strawberry's head/.

Zel sighed, hugging him close. After the Sins had gone, it had only been a year before Red had come to her, nervous, and explained that without Britton, “Someday, someone will come looking for me. And if they find Addy—I don't know what will happen to him, Zel, but it won't be good Please...can you take care of him?” And of course she had agreed without hesitation, and a few months later, Red had vanished and Cel had come to take his place as the factory fell into chaos.

But Addy didn't know any of that—to him, his parents had gone somewhere they weren't coming back from ad he was shipped off to live his with Aunt and cousins.

Zel patted his back soothingly, “Know, Addy, that your parents love you so, so much—and they always will, okay?”

He nodded.

“And Roy and Marie and Miles and Grandpa Dan and I love you too—and of course Tavros and Uncle Dream and Violet—everybody does.”

He looked at her and almost smiled, “I know/”

He hugged her, snuggling into her with his dinosaur, and Zel took the opportunity to swing him up and around—landing on his very red bedspread.

“So you remember that, okay? You're awesome and tomorrow is going to be a great Christmas, but right now you need to go to sleep, all right?”

“Mmm...kay,” Addy yawned, and snuggled under his blankets a s Zel tucked him in.

“Sleep well, and Merry Christmas Addy.”

“Mm...I love you Aunt Zel,” the little boy murmured, and Zel felt a flicker of pride as she tiptoed out of the room.

Addy

As soon as she left, Addy's eyes snapped open, and he wriggled out from under the comforter, scurrying back to the window seat. The view wasn't spectacular—there were other houses and a road in front—but in the snow, under the full moon, everything looked serene and magical

And what Aunt Zel didn't know about was a piece of paper, stuffed between Strawberry and his red fuzzy pajamas. And now, he carefully pulled it out again.

It was wrinkled and slightly crumpled from being handled and hugged and read over and over again. It was written on rose-pink paper, and smelled like sugar cookies, and written on it, in perfect, beautiful print, was a message:

Dear Addy,

I can't believe you 9 years old now! That's a fun age—I hope you enjoy it Gumdrop. This Christmas looks like it will be a special one, and we will try our very hardest to come see you—we promise. We love you so, so much Adriel. More than the Earth itself/

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Mom and Dad

The letter had appeared on his bed three weeks ago on his birthday, along with a pile of presents including a red polka-dot bow tie for Strawberry, which the dino was currently wearing.

Addy hugged Strawberry and the letter again, careful not to crumple the paper too much—although Roy was very good at sleeping through minor chaos, living with Miles and Marie—and snuggled into the poof of the window seat.

The stars and the snow both sparkled, glowing with street and Christmas lights. Addy blinked slowly—it was very late and his eyelids were feeling so heavy, but he had to stay awake to see if his parents came...he had....to...

Addy woke up to the smell of pancakes. He wrinkled his nose, inhaling the heavenly scent for a second—he'd though Grandpa Dan would be too busy to cook this morning—before slowly stretching and opening his eyes.

And then he sat bolt upright, staring all around him. He wasn't in his and Roy's room, but in his house—his old house and his own room, with its burgundy red walls and plush red carpet and window looking out into the back garden. For a second, he just stared, eyes saucer-wide. And then there was a soft knock at the door, and an equally soft voice, “Addy? Are you awake, Gumdrop?”

“...Mommy?”

The door opened...and there they were. Exactly as he remembered them.

His Mommy, tall and willowy and soft, with his cotton-candy fluff hair, and candy cane striped eye patch, and his Daddy, just as tall, but a little harder, but that made his glowing smile and brilliant green eyes all the warmer.

“Merry Christmas, Addy!”

In half a second, Addy had exploded out of bed and thrown himself into his parents' arms, hugging as much of them as his little arms possibly could, “You came! You came!”

His Daddy chuckled, warm and rich, “Of course we did, sugarbeet. We wouldn't miss seeing you for all the world.”

“You've grown so much Gumdrop!” his Mommy exclaimed, kissing his cheek, “You're quite the handsome young man now!”

Addy blushed, giggling, but did not let go—he never again wanted to let go, until his Mommy said.

“Do you want some food Gumdrop? We made all of your favorites.”

That was enough to get him to move. He tried to take both his parents' hands while still keeping hold of Strawberry, until his Daddy took the dinosaur and booped Addy's head with it, “I'll keep an eye on Strawberry until we get downstairs, okay?”

“Mhmm,” Addy nodded, and, clinging to his parents hands, led the way downstairs to the large, airy, warm kitchen.

Piled on the kitchen table were pancakes and parfait and strawberries with cream and sausages and bacon for Red, and and the whole thing smelled absolutely amazing. Addy scampered to his chair, dragging his parents with him. Only when he was settled did he finally, reluctantly let go, as his Daddy set Strawberry in the dino's own spot next to Addy, but neither of his parents moved away. Instead, they hovered next to him.

“What do you want to eat Addy?” His Daddy asked.

“Mmm...parfait and pancakes and strawberries!”

His Mommy laughed as he carefully made up Addy's plate, “A bit of everything then Gumdrop?”

“Mhmmhmm!” Addy nodded, practically bouncing in his chair, until he felt his Daddy's warm, gloved hands on his shoulders, and he looked up, blowing  a stray strand of hair out of his eyes. Red smiled, finally, and tucked the hair behind Addy's ear/

“We're so happy to see you, sugarbeet. We get to have a proper Christmas—anything you want to do, we'll do.”

He exchanged a glance with Britton, who added, “But it's dark outside, and cold, so we should stay in,” as he set Addy's plate down with a flourish.

“M'kay,” was all Addy managed before he started shoveling in food, feeding his own Gluttony. It was all so good—he'd forgotten how amazing his parents' cooking had been: it was no wonder he was a little chubby from all this. The pancakes were warm and perfectly golden, and his Daddy drizzled strawberry syrup on them. The parfait, his favorite food, was a perfect mixture of sweet and tart, making his tongue tingle, and the strawberries were so juicy and sweet that they barely needed the cream—although Addy ate that anyways too. While he was eating, he parents did too, but they were a bit better at multitasking, so they talked while they did so.

“Let's see—we have some movies, and Christmas lists, and music and games...” Britton ticked off on his fingers, “And I have to take a lot of pictures!”

Addy grinned, and pretended to feed a strawberry to Strawberry. His Mommy giggled, and his Daddy smiled, and Britton snapped a few photos on his phone.

“Are you done, sugarbeet?” His Daddy asked, “I promise, there will be more treats.”

Addy considered. On the one hand, everything was SO TASTY but on the other, even with Gluttony in him, he felt stuffed, “I'm good...for now.”

“All right; what do you want to do now then sugarbeet?”

Addy scrunched his face in thought and then brightened, “Can we play Chutes and Ladders?”

His parents both smiled, “That sounds wonderful Gumdrop,” his Mommy said, “Why don't you and your Daddy go set it up, and I'll put the food away?”

“M'kay!” Addy skipped out of this chair, grabbing his dinosaur and Red's hand, and scurrying off into their living room. It was deliciously warm and cozy, with a fire crackling and Addy's Christmas tree and presents piled around it. Addy practically squealed, running to the tree—much bigger and more organized than Aunt Zel's—staring up at the sparkling ornaments and tinsel and garlands.

The rattle of game pieces distracted him, and he turned to find his Daddy sitting on the floor with the game. Addy plopped won next to him, helping to unfold the board and pick pieces. Typically, his parents were green and blue, or yellow and blue, because Addy always picked red, even though that was his Daddy's name. Red never seemed to mind—Addy had offered him the red pieces a couple of times but was always told, “I'm not going to steal your color, sugarbeet.”

As soon as they finished setting u, Britton came in from the kitchen to settle next to them.

They played three games—Addy won the first tow, but then he felt bad and managed to lose the last one to his Mommy. Red grinned, “I'm just surrounded by talented game players,” and kissed both Britton and Addy's heads, leading them to giggles.

After that, they played a dinosaur game where you try to get specific types of food and not die as a dinosaur; Addy won that too, as a Triceratops, “Cause Strawberry told me triceratops secrets!” Addy giggled.

His Daddy smiled as he cleared away the game, and then his parents exchanged a glance and he asked, “Addy—what do you want most for Christmas? More than anything else?”

Addy furrowed his brow, and squished Strawberry as the thought—somehow he felt that this was a much more important question than it could be. Finally, he looked up at the expectant faces of his parents—wide caring green and blue eyes.

“I...I want a picture. Of us, tonight.”

They nodded, and his Mommy said, “I think we can definitely arrange that. Come here you two.”

All of them squashed together by the Christmas tree, and Britton took at least half a dozen pictures, “I'll find the very best one for you Addy,” he smiled at the happy little boy.

They played more games, including hide and seek; they opened a few little presents, nothing too fancy because, “After all, it's not properly Christmas yet, is it sugarbeet?” And Addy had to agree that no, it wasn't. Then they all piled on the couch and watched Addy's favorite movie, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 even though it wasn't a Christmas movie. Addy curled up on his parents' laps, warm and cozy and perfectly content, Strawberry cuddled up to his chest.

After the movie, his Daddy went and got his guitar, and settled back next to them, “What shall I play for you?”

Addy was so sleepy, but he managed to mumble, “Play some Chris'mas songs...”

So Red did, strumming softly on the strings, and singing along in his rich baritone voice, “We Wish you a Merry Christmas,” followed by “Twelve Days,” and “Jingle Bells,” and “Sleigh Ride.” When he knew the words, Britton would sing along too, in his light airy tenor, and Addy snuggled into his Mommy's lap, as sleep finally overtook him.

The very last thing he heard was, “We love you, Addy. Merry Christmas...”

He woke up to the distant sound of rumbling feet, and the bright reflection of sunrise on the snow outside the window, which he was still leaning on. Addy blinked twice, looking around, and felt his heart sink a bit—it had only been a dream: pleasant, but it hadn't lasted. In half a minute though, he knew that his two younger cousins would burst into the room, shouting about presents, and Roy was already stirring in his bed.

Addy carefully padded over to make his own bed, patting down the pillow, when he felt something hard underneath it. He pulled out a wrapped present, done up in sparkling red paper with little pink snowflakes. Ripping the paper off, he gasped.

There was a picture frame, delicately carved wood, and in the middle, a perfect print of him and his Mommy and Daddy all smiling and giggling in front of their Christmas tree: the picture that Britton had taken. At the bottom, in curling cursive, was written, “Love you! <3”

For a moment, Addy just stared at the photograph, and he had to hold back a sniffle, before gently setting the picture down on his bedside table, arranged just so that he would be able to see it from bed. He suspected that no other present he got today would even come close to how much he loved this.

And he was right.

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/home-sweet-sparta/

Home Sweet Sparta

FIGHTING AWAY THE SADNESS

 I am just going to complete some new locations and try to find my treasure feathers to start off with just to work out a bit of this sadness. RIP Pickles and Phoibe. I spot a cultist nearby as I’m trying to suss out my treasure maps, and hey—I’m not passing these dudes up for later anymore. Vengeance is mine!

Eventually I just give up on figuring out the treasure maps and find a mirror island, that I try to solve, but— I can’t. I move on to more locations and maybe I’ll come back to that later. It’s kind of eating at me though, like the Sphinx puzzle in the last game, so we shall see.

I’m on some Dionysus themed island in some place called the Crane of Paxus and there is a Quest exclamation point calling to me, so let’s go see what that’s about rather than wandering aimlessly.

A RELEVANT QUEST

Your Mom Wuz Here

Okay, here are the deets:

“blood or change the Phoenix must choose” is the caption on graffiti nearby that some dude is angry about. This seems rather relevant to the mom quest, doesn’t it? Should the artist be silenced or not? Not obviously. 

Okay, well, I am hired to end the graffiti artist. He doesn’t want me to kill the artist though. Which is good, because I don’t want to do that either, even if this dude whom lives in a cave wants to incite violence against my pirate mom. I gather useless clues for some reason, because the art dealer tells me exactly where to find the guy before I even search for them, but search for them I must to complete this part of the quest.

After I gather all the pointless clues, I find him in a cave with an Alpha bear. My MO is now to tame these majestic beasts so I can complete the location, then let them go. If I need random pelts for upgrades I can just take out some boars and wolves. In any case, the artist is well protected by this bear, but I find his hidey hole and get him to confess. He won’t do it again, because he does actually like Phoenix. He was just commissioned by the Spartans and/or Athenians (I forget) to get rid of her. I make him pinky promise not to do any more graffiti and the matter is settled. 

Since I’ve stumbled my way back into the mom quest, I’ll just continue to look for Phoenix. I finish all the locations on the island first. I do find a sweet bow that turns all my plain arrows into poison arrows. After a minute I realize that this may be too cool of a thing and worry that I have another cursed object. It is not! Hells yeah! Just some sweet loot. nice. I get dressed up in my Sunday best (upgrade my Snake armor) to visit mom. She’s having a meeting of minds about protecting the town that I walk in on. Obviously she’s stunned to see her dead child. Lol, the first thing I tell her is about Kassandra. She immediately picks up that she’s cult brainwashed.

Phoenix, Myrrine, Mama!

We cry it out, obviously.

Myrrine vows to get Kassandra back from the cult.

ISLANDS IN THE STREAM

But first! There is an invasion from the neighboring island that we have to take care of and I learn that she has aligned herself with the Spartans because her rivals have Athens on their side.  We learn that the rival island used to be cool, but the new leadership has some manifest destiny ideas. Not cool. That’s why they’re fighting, they want to expand. 

She says I remind her of dear old Spartan!dad with my fighting; I choose not to tell her I know Nikolaus is not my bio!dad at this point. That’s the last thing I’m going to divulge just to get all the other dialogue options out of the way. Let’s see if she knows what the damn cult wants.

They’re just afraid of us and our badass genes I guess. Let’s “give them a reason to be afraid!”

WHO’S YOUR DADDY?

Now to the bio!dad question!

lol, okay, now the game acknowledges that I met Nikolaus as an adult. Myrrine makes sure to remind me that Nikolaus did raise me, so he is my dad. I mean, I would be cool with that if he hadn’t THROWN. ME. OFF. A. CLIFF. 

In any case Bio!Dad was in the picture before Nikolaus, and he was looking for Myrrine specifically I guess. Then he poofed away never to be heard of again. I choose to tell her it’s okay that she didn’t tell me, and–Cut scene over. That did not answer anything! We’re just moving locations, probably so Myrrine can be captured/killed just as we reunite and before I can get answers because Alexios must live a tragic life.

 I am choosing all the reunite my family replies, instead of bloodthirsty murder the cult options. I don’t know if this matters, but yeah. Nice guy assassin over here. *shrug* We still have not returned to the dad question. We’re probably going to have to battle rival island first, because her general arrives to announce a symposium. 

I wonder how this is going to differ  from Pickles’s Symposium. Should we take bets on whether or not Alkibiades shows up with a goat?

Alas, turns out I don’t get to attend. Maybe later though, because she has given me a few tasks to help defeat the rival!island. First, I must find her missing admiral that disappeared on a peace mission. Just kidding, Aspasia shows up to the symposium to try and convince Myrrine to leave, because that troublesome Rival!Island have sent assassins! Aspasia points me to a cave so I can defeat them, but I’ve already been there. Do I need to go back? Or are the bad guys going to respawn?

Of course they respawn, so I have to dispatch them again—though this time they are soldiers and not cultists. It seems like Rival!Island sent them at first, but it turns out that—well, they did, but also the leadership over there are cultists, and also the kings of Sparta might be cultists too. This explains a lot.

EVERYWHERE A CULTIST!

Now we are going to find the missing captain and weaken their defenses!

When I finally rescue cap he lets me in on his cult suspicions, but we already knew that. He goes back to tell Phoenix and I work on weakening the island by pillaging the quarry that I already pillaged twice already. I guess this is what I get for clearing locations before doing quests.

Done with that—now there is a blockade to deal with. 

C’mon, let’s uncover this cultist and let mom retire in peace with Aspasia and her right hand General, Tim (her name is also begins with Tim. Who knew there were so many Tims in ancient Greece?)

Alexios, who has never heard of the Hydra, wants to dismantle the cult by cutting off all the heads.

Myrrine wants to go back to Sparta to fix things from the inside, and it looks like she’s going to convince Alexios to come with her. Everybody is sad, like… the camera focuses on super sad General Tim. Are she and mom a thing? Head canon/possibly real canon accepted!

WHO’S YOUR DADDY? : TAKE TWO

Before I rejoin Myrrine in Sparta though, she wants me to find my bio!dad.

Is she going to finally tell me who he is instead of a vague idea of him?

Vague idea it is. She won’t tell me, because he is so hard to describe. She just gives me an island to find him and wishes me good Posidons for my journey. The game now gives me helpful hints on how to grind as if I haven’t been playing already for eleventymillion hours. 

Geez, maybe it’s just a hint that I need to be a higher level for the new Dad quest? I hope not. Should I try to find out how to work mirror island, or go straight to it? 

I consult the map and discover that mirror island is also Dad island both my ideas have converged, so I might as well jump right in.

THE LOST CITY

Turns out Mirror island is super easy when it’s the right time to do it. I make it into the cave and Alexios is confused about how he’s going to find dad in this musty old place full of skeletons. 

Now I am in a volcano getting burned and sliding down inescapable tubes. I’m going to assume mom didn’t send me to certain volcano doom. Maybe dad is Haephestus? Nah.

When I’m through the volcano, I have found “Gateway to the Lost City” I hope there’s dinosaurs down here. Let’s see the cult try to stop me when I come ridin’ in on a T-Rex. Ahh, this underground city has a nice window to the sea and some old dude. 

What Lies Beneath This Triangle?

Some old dude that Ikaros is friends with. I call my bird a traitor and the old dude welcomes me to Atlantis. Okay, that makes way more sense then a journey to the center of the earth situation. I mean, we’re clearly not in the underworld. I already went down the Hades hole and there was nothing in there but cultists.

Alright, it’s Pythagoras himself, this old dude. Father of triangles, and father of me. Whoo, boy, if only my good friend Demokritus could see me now! Should I tell Pythagoras about Atomic theory?

Alexios (and me) are very confused, cos P◺is supposed to be very long dead. He doesn’t even explain to me how he’s still alive and living all locked up in Atlantis, but he does explain that he sent Ikaros to bodyguard me. This explains how a single eagle can take down an entire ass boar all by itself I suppose. 

In any case P◺ has no time for my want of a family reunion. He wants to seal away Atlantis so the bad guys can’t get hold of the knowledge here. Alexios is grumpy now. What is his part in all this scholarly nonsense?

P◺ tells me my purpose is to protect the secrets of Atlantis.

My Bird Has Betrayed Me!

Cool, cool, cool. It would surely have been nice for at least one person to tell me about this mission prior to, well…now. We are not happy about this, but of course I’ll help P◺. He is my dad supposedly, Myrrine seems to think I need to be here, so okay. (I can choose the ‘you haven’t earned my help’ option, but tbh that doesn’t fit my MO.) 

Wait–wait–wait!  P◺ is sending me on an adventure to find and discover some artifacts needed to unseal a door to the secret knowledge. They are in the hands of lesser beings and can corrupt the minds of the beholders as well as protect themselves.

Firt of all: Why are we unlocking the knowledge that you want to lock away, dadums?

Second of all: Is this not the plot of the Adventure Zone: Balance???

Okay, watevers. I’ll get your artifacts if only because I want to see what’s behind door number one for myself!

Oh, whoah! We’re back in the future.

LAYLA TIME!

It’s Layla!

Layla and the Dr. are the current times adventurers. I know I haven’t mentioned their names before. Anyway, she is super excited about this Atlantis discovery. The Doctor thinks she’s delirious from too much time in the memory machine. Layla makes the good point that none of this is any weirder than anything else that had happened, and clearly the staff of Hermes is what’s keeping good old P◺ alive. Why not.

We make the trip out to the middle of the ocean to find Atlantis and the staff I suppose. 

Hey, I wonder if P◺ is still down here! I do not find out, because I am Alexios again now. Time to get back to it, Ancient Greece style!

BACK IN THE DAY

First things first is to visit mom, and not blame her for not straight out telling me that she was shackin’ it up with a 150 year old math dude, because I obviously would not be believing that shit. Sure mom, long dead P◺ is my dad. Uhuh. I can understand the reluctance to come straight out and say it.

When I return to my mom Alexios does indeed ask if Mom knew he was old as hell. An awkward convo for mother and son indeed. We reminisce about Sparta now that we’re back. I’m going to say it doesn’t feel right to be here. I mean: A. Stepdad tried to kill me. B. I’m buds with an awful lot of Athenians now. The only Spartan I have befriended is a defector, so… Maybe I don’t want a happy Spartan homecoming, ma?

Before we can go visit our old house Myrrine wants to show me where she taught me to fight. Good times. We choose not to help some kids kill some wolves, which I regret, and then head on home. Myrrine reminds me of the ways of Sparta. I guess she can feel me getting too sympathetic. We are sharing some good family memories in any case at the old homestead when Brasidas shows up.

Cool dude. Where were you when I needed some cave backup, eh?

Anyway, he’s mostly here to exposit about how we can’t get the family home back because it is in Stepbro’s name now. Turns out, nobody likes that guy. To win back our home, have to go on a quest to get the king’s good graces by finding some Spartan ‘traitors’ who are providing armor to some rabble rousers.  I do not get a chance to tell everyone that I did not in fact assassin Nikolaus. *shrug* I guess it’s for the best that he just disappears forever.

Instead of doing this quest, I clear out all the locations on this section of the map including a “Boar Fight club”. Do people fight the boars? Or do the boars fight each other? I do not know!

The First Rule Of Boar Fighting Club Is–

Anyway, I get back to getting the traitors and now visiting my mom at grandpas grave where she tells me how great and awesome he was. Sure. I can agree with that I guess. Myrrine asks to see my spear and she magics some memories out of it.

We have some cultists talking to grandpa Leo. Ohh, he’s disagreeing with them and pissing them off.  The cultists want Xerxes in charge, and they promise to kill all Leo’s ancestors. 

That explains a lot.

FAVORS FOR KINGS

Pausanias Looks Like He’s Scheming

After those memories, a king shows up. His name is Pausanias. He thinks the laws that led to the whole cliffing thing are archaic. 

I say he sounds progressive. I mean it as a compliment, but he’s not having it. He says I’ve been hanging out with too many Athenians. And then he doesn’t stop talking for a while about Spartan laws and, really, I forget most of what he said. He’s co-king brother is the more conservative one who loves the old laws and Spartans are always killing everybody even their own selves, which was a reply to me wanting to live in a peaceful land.

Okay, whatevs. Seriously, do I have to get my old home back? Can I just get back on my boat and travel the lands? Well, if my mom wants to live here, I will help her out and also…Pretty sure I have to do these quests to advance the game. 

Now I have to go end to this Krypteia rebellion for Pausanias. These elite soldiers are just out there killing everybody for funsies. Alexios things that this is going to pit the king brothers against each other. TBH, Pausanias is probably going for that exact thing.

Right, so, after dispatching the rogue Krypteia, I report back to Brasidas who shows me to the kings. They are fighting it out in their chambers as you do in Sparta I guess. Conservative bro is Piiiiiiiissed when I’m introduced. Why, dude? All I ever did was get thrown off a cliff, and kill a bunch of your guys, but that’s seemingly besides the point in this game unless they are plot relevant guys. Did I kill any plot relevant Spartans?? Okay, I guess I did… Huh, also broke king grumpy pants’s nose, which Pausanias is eager to remind him of. Well—I guess I’ve been playing this game so long that I forgot what happened in the beginning.

King Fight Club

I stick up for my mom and tell the kings to blame me for everything of course. They give me two options now: A-Make Sparta my home. (no thanks?) B-Hunt down the betrayers! (The cultists?) I choose B, because, I know Ma is into it, but I’m not keen on putting roots down in Sparta. I’m sure you have concrete plans for me though, game. Le-Sigh.

King Grumpy-pants wants to know who I think the betrayers are. Probably him. Though maybe that’s what he wants me to think. *strokes chin thoughtfully*

Okay, well, both King Grumpy-pants and Pausanius give me tasks to prove myself. GP wants me to fight for Sparta in Boeta. I just argue with them and get yelled at, because fuck those kings. I have to go to Boeta anyhow, but not so fast! Pausanias has a task for me too.

He gives me–an ESCORT mission???? For Sparta’s Olympic champion–but I have to make sure he wins the event. What in the hell, dude???? Seriously, if these leads to me having to murder the entire Athenian squad, I’m going to be mad.