#like ‘is everyone okay if take this insomniatic rumination and write it down so i can look at it later?’ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elevenfifths · 2 months ago

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absolutely no idea if i’ll ever feel comfortable identifying as a system (unfortunately unless someone super pointedly gives me express validation and permission to do so [no i don’t know why…ableism maybe?][also someone in here is horrified of being ‘different’ which is just a door for rejection]) but i will say using the tools and language around internal systems sure seems to be cracking open some uhhhh idk exactly….solace? a way to talk to myself? a way to possibly understand what’s happening?

#especially when it’s coming to like a system-wide check in before taking an action #like ‘is everyone okay if take this insomniatic rumination and write it down so i can look at it later?’#and then rolling over and feeling like everyone is helping me remember the internal conversation to document it #rather than rolling over and immediately losing my entire train of thought #i feel like i’m on the inside collecting interviews and just trying to direct this meat suit forward in a way everyone is happy with #(i don’t know what happened and why it felt like all of a sudden i had to form a new ‘host’ exactly #but using the language of what i keep reading that’s what this feels like #new birth of The People’s Host)#the idea of normative plurality is i think what’s really fucking me up #like everyone has parts #but at what point does ‘normative’ become ‘not normative’

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