#lightningtosplitthesun

[ablogwithaview]

Hello Olivia! I've been struggling a lot with my mental health lately. I have depression and although I've been medicated for over a year I still find it very hard to find joy in the most important thing in my life: reading. I'm an English undergrad and I intend to pursue a career in academics but for the past couple of months I have no joy in reading, no matter the book, essay, poem... Do you have any advice? Thank you, take care!

Aie, that feeling is the absolute worst. If you can afford it, I’d say take a little break, even if it’s just for the weekend or soon, over the holidays. Only read if you really feel like reading. Only read things you really want to read. Do other things that make you happy, even if it’s watching Netflix or baking or sitting there luxuriating in doing nothing. Stop forcing yourself to want to read because forcing yourself rarely works and can easily lead to more frustration and burnout. Take however much time you need, and don’t feel obligated. Eventually, read some things that made you fall in love with reading in the first place, even if (especially if) they’re old childhood favorites. 

I will also say something likely unwelcome: while a love of reading rarely truly goes away forever, it’s also okay if that love comes back in a different way. Reading may have been the most important thing in your life until now, but if you’re doing better with the rest of your life and still haven’t had the joy come back to reading, then that’s also okay even if it may not seem like it. Sometimes we change, and that’s absolutely okay. If someone had said that to me like three years ago when reading + academic plans were not only the most important but practically only things in my life, I would have snapped and been furious at whoever said that for not understanding... but it’s true. My love of reading has changed over the past few years and while it’s still important, it’s no longer The Be All and End All Most Important and Driving Factor of My Life, and I spent a lot of unnecessary time torturing myself for that change. I burned out, and I came back from it with a renewed love of reading... but one that is more appreciative and enjoyable than academic. And I was angry with myself for a long time. Point being: it’s okay if your love of reading changes over time.