#life's cycles r truly insane

[melissa-titanium]

can i get your thoughts on gourmand rainworld from downpor dlc

the lights dim. i smirk slightly as i look up at you from my claws which are clasped together on the table that suddenly materialized and What the fuck why are we in an interrogation room. any ways. you indeed *can* get my thoughts on gourmand rainworld from downpour dlc . . .

ok SO :) gourmand is fucking awesome .like straight up thats my #1 thought about them but FOR FUCKJNG REAL THEY ARE JUST SO COOL. SLUG THAT CAN LITERALLY CRAFT LIVING ORGANISMS AND COULD BARREL TOWARDS YOU AT MACH SPEEDS AND CRUSH YOU BEFORE YOU COULD EVEN SEE THEM. awesome momdad that takes care of an entire colony and would totally be a really good babysitter and overall very sweet and kind and life's #1 fan. despite all of the hardships and death and the CYCLES there is always something worth living and gourmand is a testament to that amongst the sadness of the rest of the (rain) world. i haven't played their route yet (but my increasing obsession with them that was already at it's peak before i even got the GAME will certainly change that soon,) but the dialogue for pebbles when you enter his puppet chamber made me so EMO. OH MY SHIT.

"

We all want a way out. However, your particular...

. . .

rotundness,

might well imply how little you seem to care. A simple animal ignorantly accepting its existence.

"

i'm not all that good with character analysis but i always imagined this was pebbles speaking with bitterness -- frustrated and confused at how a creature who has seen the horrors of this world can truly just ACCEPT how things are, not wish to change, not wish for an escape. and THAT is why gourmand is so incredible to me. "ignorantly accepting its existence" or rather Looking at the simple joys of the world and accepting the bad that comes with it! again, i'm no good with words but i LOVE how much gourmand cares , they care for an entire colony for fucks sake oh my GODDDDDDDDDDD !!!!! YAYYYY!!!!!!!

but in terms of just them as like. Them? holy shit. they r a fucking POWERHOUSE , able to crush creatures just with their mass + fucking DEFLECT SPEARS WITH THEIR MOMENTUM WHILE ROLLING (which i just learned today, that's so awesome!!! i need to learn how to roll properly hahaha) AND HAS SPEAR DAMAGE 3X THE NORMAL SLUG. "oh but gourmand gets exhausted so quickly!" uh, yeah? no SHIT??? they throw spears with the power equivalent to a bullet from a gun (at least that's what i believe) JUST with their physical power , of course you'd have to sit down for a second after doing some thing so bat shit insane and powerful.

they're the leader of a colony, an incredibly physically powerful slugcat, good with kids, master chef and artisan, and out of all the slugcats, i think they're the wisest. hahahaha you'd think saint , but i don't think they really understand life is worth living -- rather believe that ascension is inevitable . though i do like the head canon that saint revolts against their purpose (that being "ascend every living thing") that's not really what this is about. i know i keep repeating myself but gourmand really does under stand that despite all the hardships life is STILL worth it!!!!!!! yeah yeah yeah yeah!!!!!!!!!!!

i wrote a fucking HUGE headcanon post a while back and i think that shows how i think about them better than this hahahaha

[ferrocyan]

answering some otp ask game questions abt lighthunter just bc i want to and i love thinking abt them

1. who fell for the other one first?

tart did! she was interested in reeq bc he's cute and his excitement reminded her of the good ol days of adventuring

2. was it love at first sight?

yep. this happens a lot w tart ww

3. was it lust at first sight?

nah not really. tart's more of a romantic than a horndog

4. what physical traits do they love the most about each other?

tart: reeq's hands!! they're so soft and smooth and smell good and nice to hold!!!

reeq: tart's ears, they're v expressive, much more than her face. and she always wears beautiful earrings that complement her outfits, seeing them is always such a treat. also she's awfully ticklish there >:3c it's the most fun for teasing

5. what personality trait do they love the most about each other?

tart: reeq's strength of will. despite everything, he knows his duty and sees it done at all costs. he never gives up on what he wants to do even when everyone else gives up on him. tart finds this side of him admirable

reeq: tart's considerateness. she gives everyone the time of day, even while being the hero who must save the world. she cares a lot about so many people; she helps everyone however she can; she gives those who wrong her a second chance, always; she pays attention and sees you for who you truly are. there are many, many more things to admire about tart; reeq chooses the one she doesn't see

6. what random everyday object/activity makes them think of each other?

tart: she keeps a drawing of reeq in her journal (drawn by alphinaud) and looks at it every night :)

reeq: the sun, the moon, and every star on the night sky!!! tfw your gf restored the day/night cycle of the world so every sunrise and sunset remind you of her :'3 (the other hunters find him so insufferable, yes)

7. what is something they'd want to change about the other if they could?

tart: reeq doesn't give up on anything... except his relationships to others. he's quick to assume that one mistake burns the entire bridge at once and ends up severing friendships that could've been mended. tart wishes he'd see more value in himself and not think everyone wants to discard him when they see fit...

reeq: tart's considerateness very rarely extends to herself. she gives up far too much far too willingly and has no limits. having "selfish motives" does not matter if the thing it motivates you to do is sacrificing your life for the sake of the world!! it's still extremely selfless and insane and you shouldn't have done it!!! also you need to eat more, make time for meals before helping people!!!!!

both: can you wash the fucking dishes when it's your turn and not leave it to whoever's next, aka me. god

8. do they get along with each other's friends and family?

tart: oh yeah she thinks of ms olvara and the virtue hunters as family. she's so fond of them and comes to visit everyone often. actually when reeq moved to the crystarium to join the hunters tart scolded him for leaving ms olvara alone but it was actually for the best bc reeq isn't good at keeping up w chores and is just adding to her housework... she loves him but just move out already son....

reeq: he finds the scions kinda.. intimidating... he doesn't wanna butt into tart's relationships and is content watching from afar

9. do their friends and family like their significant other?

tart: uhh not really;;;; the scions overall don't rly know reeq and don't care to, lol. alphinaud is the only one who's gotten to know reeq and likes him. as for family... well they can't meet bc of the "living in different worlds" situation. but if they do... man i should ramble abt this in another post but the gist of it is that hubert adores reeq and would adopt him as a son. why? because this is the funniest outcome possible and i write lore based on comedy first and foremost

reeq: definitely, ms olvara adores tart and the virtue hunters are her besties too

10. have they had romantic partners before?

tart: yes, she had 3 partners before reeq. and is still casually seeing one of them (kurenai) after getting together w him

reeq: no, he's gone on dates and had sex w others but no one that can be called a romantic partner. before tart his relationships were pretty much all transactional (what about lanbyrd? well. i always call him reeq's ex but honestly i'm undecided. maybe his feelings were unrequited by reeq, and though lanbyrd thought of him as a romantic partner it didn't go both ways)

[love-songs-for-emma]

okay im literally so emo. im looking at these entries in my 4th grade notebook where i talk about my older brother's girlfriend kelly who i thought was soso cool && i want yall to know that children look up to u & love u even if they dont say it enough out loud. like u are so cool & pretty & funny & if u are kind, children will know it before anyone else

[kikuism]

here are the books i've read lately that i want to talk about!! all of them are debuts too.

the witch's heart: a story about the giantess angrboda, whose union with loki produces three unnatural children: the wolf who will swallow the sun and moon, fenrir; the world serpent, jormungandr; and the keeper of the realm of the dead, hel. they live their life at the edge of the world, away from prying eyes, in domestic idyll bliss...until angrboda’s visions plague her, and she sees her children responsible for a large part of the destruction that ragnarok—the end of times—will bring about. are her children monsters? how far does a mother's love go to protect her unnatural children destined for destruction? these are the questions at the heart of the book and they really truly tugged at my heartstrings. i wasn't prepared for how emotional this book made me feel. at its heart it is a story about family, about motherhood most of all. my budding interest in norse mythology also greatly upped my enjoyment of this book. i'm definitely going to keep an eye out for more books by this author in the future. i can't believe this is her debut!

these feathered flames: inspired by russian folklore, twins asya and izaveta are thrust apart by two separate destinies: asya trains to become the firebird that keeps magic in check in the realm, and izaveta trains to be the next queen. however, tragedy brings them back together: the death of the queen. suddenly izaveta is crowned the new queen, and asya prematurely must take on the role of the firebird. tensions rise between the sisters, who not only have not seen each other in years, but whose new positions have never really worked in tandem with each other before. the sisters must navigate growing political tensions as well as try to figure out what—or who—killed their mother.

in my personal opinion this book promised more than it delivered, and i think if the execution were a little sharper I'd have enjoyed it more. i wanted to get more of a feel for the characters. it was there, but i wanted more. i admit i enjoyed izaveta's parts more than asya's—i think i have a thing for ice queens trying to navigate their new roles (god....not to bring up frozen, but i was so excited for elsa's character and....they just didn't do anything with her). izaveta reminds me of what elsa would be like. also, i'm sorry, but...the f/f enemies to lovers romance that was a big part of this book’s hype absolutely failed to do anything for me. i so wanted to like it, but unfortunately i couldn't care for it. and i know it's because i didn't care enough about the characters that i couldn't get invested in their romance. if i can't care about them as individuals, how can i care about them together? also, the pacing of their relationship was just not it. i also expected this book to be steeped in russian folklore and culture the way the bear and the nightingale was—with that book, i felt like i had truly stepped in medieval russia; it was dripping with culture. but with these feathered flames, it felt like just a little dip into what should have been a richer world. yes, there is russian food and clothing and names, but i still felt the impression i was reading about some vague european setting rather than a fully established russian one. all in all, it wasn't terrible, but it didn't really do much for me. i give it a generous 3.5/5. i might pick up the sequel.

ariadne: ariadne and her sister phaedra are princesses of crete, who have grown up hearing the thunderous bellows of their brother, the minotaur, in the massive labyrinth underneath the palace. every year fourteen tributes are brought over from athens to be sacrificed to the beast. until one year, one of the tributes turns out to be the legendary theseus, who vows to defeat the minotaur and end this cycle of violence and bloodshed (yes! suzanne collins was inspired by the myth of theseus and the minotaur). ariadne falls in love with theseus and aids him in killing her brother. but what does this mean for her—is this betrayal worth it?

i enjoyed this book. i think by now i have a soft spot for mythology retellings (thank you madeline miller 🤍), and the writing in these kinds of books is close to my own style, so i love that. i had originally thought the entire book was going to be about the maze and the minotaur, but it's just the first part! i won't say what happens, but...things happen. like all mythology retellings, this story too takes place over the course of the subject's life, so there's a sense of the passing of time. i must say that the writing is gorgeous and so expressive. it was a real treat to read. i think the overall reason i don't Love this book though is because 1) the ending was rather abrupt, and 2) the main theme, to me, really just boiled down to 'men ain't shit'. which....yeah, valid, but also i sort of wish it was a little more substantial than that. i wish it had something more to say too. i remember sometime around the middle of the book i just paused and was like, ‘okay but what's the point? what is this book trying to say?’ but regardless, i really and truly sympathized with the women in these book, mortal and immortal alike. they had it rough....we still have it rough....the universal timeless experience of being a woman.

the poppy war: *shrieks* i'm so glad i gave this book another chance. i could not put this down. it's the better 'orphan goes to boarding school' story. in fact, the first part tricks you into thinking it's going to be cutesy boarding school antics. but holy shit....no. no. this is a horrific story about war.

the poppy war is a historical military epic inspired by the second sino-japanese war and overall china’s bloody twentieth century. knowing a bit about east asian history myself i could actually recognize some of what was going on in this book. main character rin aces the keju, a nationwide exam that seeks to root out only the most talented youth—and is accepted into the most prestigious military academy, sinegard. however, tensions are fraught just across the sea as the federation prepares to make its move against nikan, her home. rin soon realizes she has an affinity for shamanism, a mythical power that calls upon the gods, and which might just be the key for winning this war and saving her people. but is this great power worth the even greater cost?

the best way i can describe the writing in the poppy war: it's a shounen anime come to life. the action is so amazingly written and explosive, from the swords to the magic, especially the way it's interspersed with the emotional moments. the way everything is written, i can see everything happening so clearly in my mind's eye. it's such a visceral experience. the writing just flows.

but this book is about war, first and foremost, and all the horrors that come with it, down to every last garish detail. it takes a lot for a book to unnerve me, but this one did and more. it made me uncomfortable and disturbed and horrified. this book delves into war intimately, not a small dip but rather a full submersion. there's a section detailing carnage in a city that's just going to stay with me forver. it's like that scene in mulan where they abruptly fall silent as they reach the massacred village, except every inch of that carnage is described in full intimate detail. it's not for the faint of heart. at one time i clapped my hand over my mouth because i couldn't believe what i was reading.

and it asks questions about war, too. who's right, who's wrong? is any of this justified? is vengeance the way to go? and the thing is....it's not. duh. venegance is Not the way to go. we all know this. but oh my god the way r. f. kuang writes, you want Nothing more than pain and death for rin's enemies. you want to see them suffer in the worst way possible. like rin, you want to get back at them in the worst possible way. and it's like...yes venegance is not the answer but you want her enemies to hurt So Badly. you start thinking, maybe it's okay, because they're so horrible and vile and inhumane, retaliation is the only possibly course. vengeance Must be served. but then.....what does that make you? what is the cost of vengeance? can you pay it? can you ever? is it worth it?

this book is insane and epic in the best way possible. i'm so glad i gave it another chance. the world building is so rich and lavish and the cast of characters is huge and i care for each and every one of them and i'm just. So Invested in what's going to happen next. SO MUCH happened in this first book, i'm still reeling, i feel like i've read two books in one sitting. i can't even predict what's waiting for me in the next book, which is a whopping 650 pages....i'm going to be fed so well.

also, here is a list of triggers. please exercise caution going into this book as it deals with some very dark themes:

[shaded-hawke]

Prompt: Another Life

Divergent Paths:   Slip into a reality where a crucial decision you’ve made was made differently.   Meet a version of yourself that made a choice at a pivotal point in your life that differs from the choice you made.  What is their life like?   Do they regret it?   Do you wish you’d made the choice they did?  Confront what might have been to slip back to reality.  -- prompt created by @velerodra-valesinger  The mirror had appeared despite his best intentions to avoid every place he had heard the Countess and others mention they would appear, it had been easy enough to avoid the lines of magical power he felt with every pulse of his heartbeat, but unfortunately for Mavas the magic that controlled the strange area of Duskwatch seemed keen to have him be entertaining, and he had little time to stop himself as the cool portal had appeared and he had slid through it.  The first thing he felt was the carefully curated hum of arcane magic laced with light that always let him know he was home. Most Sin’dorei considered Silvermoon their home, and while he had wandered far and wide on Azeroth for work and his own personal journeys, there was something about returning to the hum of the magic that had birthed him that set him normally at ease.  This time, though, as he studied the crumbling structures of the ruined parts of the city, the paths that flitted with moving shadows he knew no doubt by name, fel eyes narrowed as he studied the road towards the Conclave. This was a homecoming...but what home would he be coming to? Reports from the others flitted in his mind, stories of facing choices, of seeing alternative paths and even whole new worlds came and went as he cycled through his options mentally. They all said the same though, they had faced whatever oddity that was this other world, and had returned. His face set with determination, Mavas began to walk. One foot in front of the other, barely disturbing the dust beneath, he stood to his full height and strode straight to the heavy wooden doors that lead into the Conclave, pushing them open and letting them close behind him with a heavy thunk before he could question his sanity too closely on returning to such a place, even in an alternative world.  It was different. The darker hallways and shadows had been illuminated by wall sconces, glowing an eerie green fire that made the rooms look ghostly in their light. There were members sitting in chairs or couches, all staring at him silently as he moved through, following the deep red carpet beneath his feet, the only carpet in a sea of black marble flooring. Mav got the unsettling feeling he had interrupted something, but that strangely enough he was expected which made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, fingers twitching faintly but managing to stay away from the hidden dagger hilts at his hips. His silent steps lead him through the room into a hall, two more rooms much the same as the first if only a change in furniture position, and then finally the black ornate doors that lead to where his ex-leader would hold his so called 'court'. Mavas had always hated the heavy dark wooden feel of the room, the raised throne and the shadowy pillars on the sides that he knew contained a dozen ways to kill him when he passed each one, the oppressive knowledge that he breathed because he was permitted had made him despise being called to this room especially, the reminder of his invisible chains had always grated to his very core. As the doors open and he stepped in, fel green eyes widened. He hated it even more. He hadn't thought it was possible. Where there had been darkness, there was now near blinding light. The floor was no longer black but a checkerboard pattern of black and white stone spreading the illusion that the room was much larger than it was. The walls were draped in deep crimson fabric, and from each low dip hung a black chain and cauldron, the same eerie green fire burning, though it was mostly for show as the room seemed to be illuminated from bright glowing orbs in the ceiling, chasing away shadow and leaving Mavas feeling painfully exposed.  In the center of the room was a round set of three tiered steps, a massive gleaming throne upon it, either painted or pure silver with black and red velvet along the back and seat in diagonal stripes. And sitting upon it was himself. Well, perhaps seated was a misnomer, Mavas would only be able to give the position as draped, his other self had his legs up on one arm, leaning back into the side of the chair, arms crossed over his chest, burning green eyes staring at him curiously. As the doors closed quietly behind him,  Mavas stepped three more measured paces in, and then stood there, meeting his own gaze steadily, letting the silence stretch until it nearly filled the entire room. “You. Are not what I expected." His doppelganger (or was he the doppelganger? Mavas did not think too carefully on that) At any rate he remained silent, not moving forward or really at all, waiting. The Mavas on the throne sighed, long legs covered in tight leather and familiar worn boots sliding from the armrest they had been on as he moved to stand, his movements fluid and near seductive. It put him on edge, but years of being in this room with another who moved much the same way had him holding still as the other approached him. As this Mavas got closer, he could see along the edges of his temples small cracks in his flesh, glowing green striping along his cheeks and his neck. Even this one's eyes were much more contaminated than his own...how much had this one fallen to his Fel madness? Mavas stood still as the other him stopped in front of him, forcing himself not to lean back as the other leaned in to study him curiously. Finally the silence was broken once more as his other self spoke once more.  "Where did you come from?" He asked casually.   "A weakening between our two worlds. I imagine I will return swiftly now that we have met." Mavas replied, voice more clipped and sharp. His other smiled, and Mav tensed. Smiles were not pleasant to him, not on people like him. Every friend or loved one he had let into his life in the past years seemed to get joy when Mavas smiled or even laughed, and Mavas could never explain why it was such a rare commodity, but staring at himself smiling at him, he suddenly realized what it was. To him, a smile was dangerous, it was teeth bared and an animalistic warning that he had never been quite able to see as anything but a harbinger of pain and harm.  "I think you'll return once I let you return. Tell me, what name do you go by?" His other asked, head tilting curiously.  "Mavas." He replied, there was no reason to lie, the question could only come from himself. Only he would understand what it truly meant. "Mm...I wonder then, when you remained Mavas and I returned to Shade. Tell me, Sparrow, who is your important person?" Shade asked, and Mavas tensed...he hated that this creature knew what to ask him. It was himself, he was being interrogated, and he knew if he did not answer there would be repercussions. "What is yours?" He replied by way of another question, knowing it would throw him off if someone questioned him, and he was glad to see it still worked in this world as his other self frowned suddenly, as if not expecting something like that. And really, who had ever questioned Mavas when he had started his gentle interrogations? To others he was merely curious, gentle pluckings of information were easily done and the target rarely realized what was happening. "That...is certainly a question. Would you believe if I said I did not have one?" Shade replied, amusement in his tone. The emotion in his voice made Mavas twitch internally, he could not follow where this warm tone came from, it sounded too much like his ex-leader, like his so-called Mother, like the people he had spent years getting as far away from as he could without causing outright war. He took a quick breath to calm himself, raising his chin faintly. "I would not, Gabri-"  "I slit his throat." Shade replied easily. "Name them...go forward. Thoen? Dead. The others? Dead. Not one left living in my path to dominance...Mother, Father...well they had always wanted me to return to power. After the pirate's death what was there to stop me from returning? Though I suppose they did not imagine me returning with my own army...and the power of my Behemoth at my back."  Mav was tense, stunned into silence as he found himself trying to catch up. He pushed aside the aching pain as those who had once held his heart were named dead so easily, trying to focus logically. Death..pirate's death. "Kurel." he said suddenly. "Kurel is dead?" Shade blinked, having expected there to be more of a shock at his confession of his rampage but he suddenly smiled again. "That's what it is?" he laughed suddenly. "You brought him back!" Mavas grimaced at the sound of the laughter, it was sharp and loud, it held an edge of insanity that made his skin crawl, that his body and himself could produce such a maddening sound. "It was never in question." he growled, anger burning in his chest. Shade leaned back, shaking his head. "It was...after he gored me and nearly killed me, I stared at that body so full of potential, and then at the Soulstone that had his being trapped where we had sent it. What was our single question to him, do you remember? Do you want the power or not...he responded he wanted it. Unmitigated strength fueled by me and you know what I saw when I went to his soulstone...do you know what I found? Peace." His face turned to a sneer. "Weakness, once again I had been abandoned to weakness. He would disappoint me again if I brought him back, I knew that now...with that woman, with the next woman, with a thousand betrayals he would perform over the years." he smiled then, almost in mocking as if he knew he should feel sad when he continued, "When I crushed the stone and dispersed his soul to the Maw...I felt disappointment. But then I remembered...I had my greatest creation...and now I could do whatever I wanted with it." Mav felt his blood freeze as he listened, the words laced in malice and disgust making him feel nauseous as they flowed from his counterpart. The world from that one point slid in his mind, all of the people, the things that had been created and destroyed, had been forged and made better because of his one choice...he didn't notice he'd stepped back until the other him made a soft cooing sound, as if trying to calm his raging mind. "Oh...I should introduce you to him." Shade said, reaching up and snapping his fingers. From the far end of the room the sound of chains being removed and falling to the stone floor was heard, and loud steps slowly crept from the shadows as the Behemoth monster that lived beneath Kurel's skin, the beast Mav felt his connection to and helped lend his power to tamp down...he could feel it now, the same marks that glowed fel green across the creature, and he had lashed in his flesh when he had first done his binding spell burned as the power from the beastly demonic construct stopped almost docile beside the other him. Shade reached up, gently patting the beast's arm. "This is what you could have had. This creature, power beyond imagining...the ones that started this body's transformation had little knowledge of what they were truly creating...the power latent within the pirate's form mixed with mine? He's unstoppable." Shade grinned madly. "And isn't that what you've always wanted? Power...that's what we've always wanted, truly deep down." Mavas stared at the monster in front of him, he could feel it’s power as if it were his own, the control his Other had a thousand times stronger but he could wrest it...he could... “No.” Shade raised a brow, eyes gleaming as he had expected some kind of struggle. “No?” he questioned.  Mavas raised his head, tearing his eyes from the hulking monster that had been the flesh of his brother, settling his gaze upon his Other as he spoke. “I would not trade the thousand small betrayals, the loss, the destruction, and the utter frustration that is Kurel An’Diel for anything. Not for power, not for glory. His life is far more precious, and far more valuable to me, and my life, and my path, than any who have or will come. You have your creation, but you have lost more than you will even be able to fathom.”  Shade sneered, eyes flaring as he moved swiftly into Mav’s face, glaring at him nose to nose. “And what do you think you could ever have that would be worth more than my kingdom I have created?”  Mav paused, head tilting to the side, a movement mimicked by his Other. He finally smiled, a soft smile that did not show teeth, that crinkled the corners of his eyes and it pleased him at how utterly baffled and even afraid his Other looked to see such a peaceful expression on his own visage.  “I have myself, and those I would die for. I have love, which is something you will never have.” Mavas replied simply, and stepped backwards. His back  did not collide with the door, but instead into open air as the familiar scent of Duskwatch assaulted his nose. His gaze did not falter from the outraged scandalized gaze of his Other, until with a pop the mirror portal vanished into the air. He stared into nothing, before some part of him realized how ridiculous he looked out in the middle of the street, and he managed to get himself moving to his lab. Once behind safe walls Mavas could fall into his seat and process what had just happened...he just had to get there.  ( @kurel-andiel for many mentions)

[ofcloudsandstars]

Hey Everyone! I don’t know if this would be interest here too but I have a little Witchy group FB page for witches in London where we meet up around the city, share magic tips and events to get in touch with the local nature and magic but anyway, weekly I post a celestial forecast and I can forward these posts to here too. 

The posts may be a bit GMT/UT -centric as the target audience is London witches lol (also the weeks here begin on Mondays and from time to time I might mention ‘The Heath’ which is this beautiful wildish park here in North london but anyway) I thought of sharing this week’s Monday through Sunday events cause the energy is CLIMATIC and you may want to have a look at what’s going on! Below I talk about each day’s celestial transits and the recommended magic for them. 

Celestial Forecast! ✨

Week 2 of January {6th-12th}

Overview:

This is going to be an INSANELY powerful week! We might end up absorbing a lot of energy from the cosmos before we get slammed by the Full Moon Eclipse and other cosmic energies on the 10th that will lead us out of Eclipse season. It's time to ascend and let go of what no longer serves us and lay down powerful foundations as we dive into the New Year.

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6th

moon void of course from 12:08pm-2:11am (GMT)

moon in Taurus

Energy: The moon in Taurus will be void of course for most of the day (once again Void of Course meaning the moon will have made it's last aspect at 12:08PM and will venture into the next sign not making any aspects or aligning with any other planet or cosmic energy) creating a pretty chill and lazy liminal space. Get as much done as you can in the morning otherwise the afternoon and evening will be a time to be chill and unproductive. It's good to take time to rest and with the mood plateau-ing especially in lazy Taurus, you won't have much energy to get a lot done anyway. You will need the time to chill before the big eclipse on Friday!

Recommended Magic: journaling, resting, bath magic (cleansing), meditating, chilling out

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7th

Moon in Gemini at 2:11AM  (GMT)

Sun (Capricorn) sextile Neptune (Pisces)

Energy: With the sun having a harmonious aspect with Neptune, the two energies flow together like a chord setting the tone of heightened sensitivity and psychic connections for the day. Empathy will be heightened along with non-verbal communication, emotional sensitivities, spiritual connections and intense dreaming. Meditation, occult work and spiritual work will be favored on this day and might bring inspiring insights leading to greater self understanding and contentment. The moon in Gemini will hone in our desires to communicate and explore our inner mental world and connect our experiences to other through communication. This day might also bring spiritual 'downloads' from the cosmos if you open yourself up. The moon in Gemini might create the mood for us to be curious to explore our spiritual realms and with the harmonious nature of Neptune and the sun we may discover a lot of incredible things. This would be a great day to document our experiences through journaling or expressing them through art.

Recommended Magic: Dreaming, astral traveling (like mugwort tea or anything that helps you to fly), channeling, art and expressing your spiritual side through artwork, doing any magic, connecting to spirit guides, divination, freewriting, journaling, energy work, writing in your grimoire.

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8th

Mercury (Capricorn) sextile Neptune (Pisces)

moon void of course 9:15pm  (GMT)

Energy: This will be a lovely sequel to the previous day which can help us digest any psychic or intuitive information we may have received. This transit which is a harmonious transit now with the spiritual and mysterious neptune mixing with the mental realm of mercury means the world of art and spirituality will be harmonious with our mental world and we will find it easy to express our spiritual pursuits with ease. We might find the words to explain our epiphanies or enlightenment and can easily put them in the forms of art or words. This is also a great day for experiencing colorful dreams and picking up spiritual information through meditation, spirit guides, chance encounters and dreams or sudden thoughts. It's not a great transit for anything technical, but perfect to do creative artwork of any kind. In the evening the moon will be in void of course transit so the energy will quell by then.

Recommended Magic: Art, Dreaming, meditating, trance, reflection, journaling, connecting with guides, listening to music that moves you, shufflemancy, divination

__________________________

9th

moon enters cancer (7:43 AM GMT)

Energy: This moon position has much healing potential. Our emotions run deep and with the moon transitioning into it's full moon phase, we may feel our emotions running high and bringing to the surface what truly motivates us. It'll be wise to focus on the lessons we've learned on the days before and not get swept up by the high emotional tides of the near-full moon in Cancer. Full moon energy brings the two complementary yet opposing natures of the sister signs at harmony. With the moon in Cancer opposing the Sun in Capricorn, it will illuminate what motivates us emotionally and what makes us feel safe which will be the driving force for us to build stronger foundations for.

Recommended Magic: shadow work, chanting to align your energy, cleansing the space, shielding (as energy will run high), protective charms, free writing as a form of release.

__________________________

10th

Full Moon in Cancer Lunar Eclipse

Uranus direct in Taurus - Freedom and grounding

Sun (Capricorn) conjunct Mercury (Capricorn)

Energy: Where to begin... At first glance you can see the universe is screeching TIME FOR A CHANGE BITCH!! With the eclipse and Uranus moving direct you can experience sudden transformations to a higher version of yourself. With the sun and mercury conjunct, the energy of the two planets are fused where our thoughts, communications and what's going on in our inner realms is in the center of attention therefore edging away from the powerful spiritual transformation of this day is inevitable.

Uranus retrograde previously meant that Uranus's energies were inverted. If you were trying to make a change or initiate change, you might have felt blocked with Uranus's cycle of sleep beginning on August 11th. With Uranus Rx you would have gone on an internal journey creating changes within yourself that will help you create the external changes you seek. Often the changes we need are for personal freedom and Uranus retrograde lets you process things internally before you manifest the external change once Uranus turns direct. Now with Uranus direct on the full moon eclipse we can expect sudden powerful changes, epiphanies, and bursts of freedom that will come to a climax with this full blood moon. If you for example REALLY WANT A JOB or REALLY HATE YOUR JOB AND WANT TO CHANGE IT or REALLY HATE YOUR LIVING EXPERIENCE (this amplified as it's full moon in Cancer) or DON'T FEEL STABLE, SAFE AND LOVED IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU WANT TO BE FREE AND FEEL GOOD FOR ONCE!!

This is the moon to RELEASE that magic on. With eclipses, the full moon eclipse is extra powerful as it dredges up emotions from our deep subconscious to the surface that we have been bottling up for god knows how long aging like an old forgotten fermenting smoothie that is about to fizz and burst open everywhere. It's a good day for protective charms and energy as you can imagine some people might really let their emotions loose without care for others and you don't want to be on the receiving end especially if your own emotions are high and you're not tryna find trouble by popping off.  It's also, obviously a GREAT day for MANIFESTING as all full moons are, but specifically manifesting your truest most rawest desires like go full feral wild in the heaths howling at the blood moon and burning shit cause the energies will be at the highest pitch to thunder down your most passionate visions of your most idealistic reality like the Kool-Aid man bursting through the cosmic fourth wall to deliver you to your dreams.

Recommended Magic: gurl issa full blood moon Uranus direct eclipse.. go wild.

__________________________

11th

Moon void of course until 11:16am  (GMT)

Moon in Leo

Energy: The day will start out a bit relaxed with the moon void of course which will create a chill radio-silence which is the peace needed to calm the electric magic storm of the evening before. With the moon in Leo however the spectacle might just move to Act 2 instead of dissipating completely. The moon in Leo creates a desire for drama (and for some of us with natal chiron in Leo, painful traumatic realizations), yet also creativity and sparking our inner child. In order to process this energy positively you can use the day to process your emotions you've experienced throughout the week into art and sharing your creations on social media. You might find a place where your experiences are welcomed and you might find extra validation. Either way today would be the day to focus on the self and expressing yourself and looking on the path that you'd like to take yourself, especially with the aftermath of the full moon and what it could have surfaced for you.

Recommended Magic: self love, art, self reflection, divination, shadow work, sharing art.

__________________________

12th

Mercury, Saturn + Pluto Conjunct (Capricorn)

moon in Leo

Energy: Today is going to be a rude day but it will be needed. It will be the harsh grounding force of the dreamy week coming to an end and the psychedelic trip, cathartic full moon storm being grounded into the deep earth and force you to put what you've learned onto the material plane. With Saturn, Pluto and Mercury conjunct, all three energies are fused to create an energy where we must focus on the material world (all of our thoughts will revolve around this as well) and what is not working for us anymore. Something in your life has outlived it's usefulness and is holding you back and with the deep earthly Saturn being pushed with Pluto which brings things to an end (or transforms them) you will put down the ground work to finally get rid of these things or change your circumstance (especially with Uranus now direct you will seek freedom and the change to do so). If something is broken you will need to fix it or toss it out, and you will be unwise to ignore it and resist the powerful forces of Saturn AND Pluto, cause lets be real they will whoop your ass so it's better to work with them then against them. Along with the moon in Leo, making things more dramatic than they need to be, instead of realizing something simply doesn't work out for you anymore, it might be a dramatic rude display loudly trumpeting in your face that it's time Is Now Over and you need to take action.

It is best to approach the coming change by accepting the inevitable and do what must be done or else if you stubbornly refuse to change, you risk complications that will make your life extremely difficult for a long time cause that's especially the way Saturn works and it's in it's home sign of Capricorn so it's not here to play games. Especially since Saturn is deeply earthly you will risk making your foundations in life deeply unstable which can result in suffering for years to come. I like to imagine Saturn energy as the big bad wolf and your actions being like the three little pigs. Use the time to put down the hard work and foundation to build a brick house or else Saturn powered by Pluto will come to blow them twigs away.

Recommended Magic: use all the materials you've written in the past for journaling, vision boards, reflections etc. and take action on them. The magical focus will be less in the ethereal plane and more on the physical today. Additionally: shadow work and divination as guides.

[the-yerkes-dodson-curve]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE NEW SANDERS SIDES VIDEO

This is gonna be a long post. I have a lot of thoughts about this episode. There is going to be some serious talk about my own personal experiences with violent intrusive thoughts and also me just appreciating this amazing episode. 

I was one of the people that was convinced it was going to be about depression. I am so glad it wasn’t. A lot of people have talked about depression, but no one, at least as far as I know, have really touched upon intrusive thoughts. I had the exact same dilemma as Thomas last year where I thought I was going insane because I couldn’t control my own brain and I had a horrible mental breakdown and I was convinced I was a horrible person because of my intrusive thoughts. I cried and talked to people about it and through doing so it was made clear to me that these intrusive thoughts were just that, thoughts. Nothing more. They hold nothing over me. I still suffer from them, but now I know what they are.

I was also certain there wasn’t going to be another side introduced. It’s been a year since Deceit was introduced, we’ve only just gotten to know Deceit a little better, there won’t be another side. BOY WAS I WRONG

The episode starts with Thomas, Virgil and Patton trying not to think about the intrusive thoughts he was having that kept him awake. I have intrusive thoughts like that all the time. I vividly imagine my family members dying, or even myself dying. I vividly imagine someone breaking into the house and killing me. My brain does what Virgil and Patton do, freak out and try to think about something else. This video has made me realise how much I repress thoughts like that.

My anxiety also makes me have intrusive thoughts. Whenever I have an anxiety attack I vividly imagine myself killing myself in gory detail because I’ve gotten into this cycle of hating myself whenever I have an attack. I get scared, what if I lose control one day and these thoughts become reality?

I love how the audio became muffled and the intrusive thought creeped in. I like to think of the mind like a radio, tuning in and out of different frequencies, and sometimes, or most of the time like for me, you can’t control the frequencies it jumps to. And suddenly you’re imagining your loved one being killed or dying.

I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER WHEN THOSE HANDS CREEPED OUT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NEW SIDE AT ALL

I WAS SO TERRIFIED

HOLY SHIT THAT CHARACTER DESIGN I AM IN LOVE STRAIGHT AWAY 

BUT AAAAAAAA WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHAT THE HELL

When he smacked Roman in the head and knocked him out I was so shook, this Sanders Sides has stepped into totally new territory

LOOK AT HIM OMG HE HAS A MOUSTACHE I WASN’T EXPECTING A NEW SIDE TO HAVE FACIAL HAIR HOLY SHIT 

THE DUKE

HIS VOICE

HE HAS A DIFFERENT VOICE

THERE IS NO ENDING TO THOMAS’ TALENT

The way the song starts is eVeRyThInG

THESE EFFECTS I CAN’T DEAL AAAAAAAAA

I FUCKING SCREAMED

HIS SIX ARMS I LOVE IT REMUS’ SASSY STANCE I AM LIVING FOR IT

If you shared those musings with your friends, I doubt they would forgive you.

Gosh. I relate to this too much. I was so scared that I would somehow reveal these bad thoughts to people and they would hate me and everyone would hate me and think I was an awful person.

Even though everybody sins, everybody dies.

FAVOURITE PART OF THE SONG HANDS DOWN THOMAS’ VOICE IS AMAZING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Why deny yourself knowledge, say, knowledge of yourself!

These lyrics are amazing. They encapsulating what I was thinking when I had really bad intrusive thoughts. I still have them, but when I first started noticing I had them I spiralled so far down. “What if this is who I am...what if I’m not the nice person I think I am?”

hELP I LOVE HIM BUT I HATE HIM BUT I LOVE HIM

I always love the villain. I hate everything they’ve done and don’t condone any of it, but I absolutely love them, especially if they are as fabulous as the Duke Remus.

These sorts of things are only thought in the mind of a man whose soul is truly rotten.

Oof. I relate to that thought process.

So let all your hopes of heaven be forgotten, ‘cause your head’s not in the gutter, pal, it’s in hell!

I wasn’t expecting religious imagery. I really love that. I don’t relate to the religious ideas brought up in this episode as I am not religious, but I do love the fact that he talked about them. Also, when Deceit said, “Wow, Thomas, it seems that your moral compass is pointed south, towards hell!” that was definitely foreshadowing for Thomas to spiral into this. That’s why Patton reacted so viscerally to that comment.

Remus: Juicy butthole!

Me:

Me:

Me: what...what is happening in this Sanders Sides

THIS FACE I LOVE IT

THE JAZZ HANDS AND THE HIGH VOICE AAAAAA WHY DO I LOVE HIM AND HATE HIM

Patton did a real good job!

Oh my goodness, this precious boi.

How about...DEMENTED?

I  C H O K E D

What is my deal? Um, bitch? What is YOUR deal?

My exact thought process. “Am I actually a horrible person because I’m having such awful thoughts like this, there’s definitely something wrong with me...but I can’t stop it...”

Oh no....oh no!

My heart broke at the horror and sadness that washes over Thomas’ and Patton’s face.

another good remus screenshot

Oh my goodness, the way he tortures Logan throughout the episode was awful for me to watch cause MY BABY LOGAN, but I love how Logan doesn’t react. I love Logan’s determination.

You bastard.

IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING HELL YES VIRGIL

I’d love to see the bloopers for this bit, oh my gosh.

Ooh! How fun! You know who could help us with that?

AWW MAN YOU GOT MY HOPES UP XDD

That’s what repression is!?

I love Patton’s reaction, cause I had the same reaction. Repression is so easy to do cause you often don’t know you are doing it.

This is not about me wanting to be listened to. You all are not listening to Thomas.

THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OH MY GOSH

Virgil: But what if he’s lying?

Logan: I can assure you, he’s not. You’re just para- expressing an unhealthy amount of concern. Thank you for being on guard. But for now, you must listen.

I love this part so much. It calls back to when Roman almost called Virgil paranoid, but then switched it to vigilant. Logan realised he was getting too worked up and angry and so stopped himself. This is great development from when he lashed out at Roman in Learning New Things About Ourselves. Calling Virgil “paranoid” is destructive and will make Virgil not feel listened to. He is aware of that. He is making sure Virgil still feels like he’s a valued part of Thomas’ mind.

another good remus screenshot

THAT IS WHY I SAY IT!

GOSH I LOVE LOGAN SO MUCH YES LOGAN GO OFF

I love being given two d’s at once!

Me:

Me:

Me: ...again what is happening

When Logan revealed that the problem was within Patton and Virgil, my heart dropped. I wasn’t expecting that.

Record scratch!?

I LOVE HIM AAAAA

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AM I COOL DOES THIS MAKE ME COOL

OMG PRECIOUS BOI AAAA

I WAS SO SHOOK WHEN HE SAID HIS NAME JUST LIKE THAT

ALSO THAT SLY DIG AT VIRGIL AAAAA

oof. this sad boi. :”(

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine!

OMG I JUST REALISED THIS IS WHAT ROMAN SAYS AT THE END AAAAA

I  S C R E A M E D

we just witnessed a side die guys

the angst fanfiction is coming to life

The Duke only has power over you because Virgil and Patton believe that he does.

Hit me hard. I’ve never related more to a Sanders Sides episode.

This. THIS. So poignant and brilliant! This is how it feels!

good logan screenshot

Virgil was right. Not all thoughts are meaningful.

This idea is what helped me better deal with intrusive thoughts. Your brain just fires random thoughts at you, they don’t necessarily mean anything.

I mean, look at him now! He barely got any rest due in large part to you two chastising him all night!

I love how Logan tells them off. UGH I LOVE HIM

And that is why the Duke feels like such a threat, in part, at least. The feeling that you may be a bad person who doesn’t have control over yourself or your destiny, causes you to fear that you may actually act on these thoughts.

Gosh this episode is hitting me hard. 

It’s okay.

Everything is okay.

Logan’s soft voice as he said that made me emotional. His whole speech here is so lovely and helpful. It is okay to have these thoughts cross your mind. You are not a horrible person.

His talk about going to therapy is amazing too. It’s so inspiring. It has encouraged me to want to go back to the therapy because of my recent increase in violent intrusive thoughts.

Oh my goodness, Patton’s realisation and development. This is lovely. 

You tickle me, emo!

...was that a tickle me elmo reference

Good seeing you again, Virgil! It was just like old times!

Me:

Me:

Me: wAIT A MINUTE--

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine! NO! Ugh...I mean...I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean that.

THERE’S SO MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IN THIS EPISODE I CAN’T DEAL

Thomas: You’re really...cool.

Logan: ...heh.

Me: ACTUALLY SOBBING

THESE TWIN BROTHERS OH MY GOODNESS YES

It shows you...everything you don’t want to be.

There are some really hard hitting lines in this episode.

I’m a little disappointed in myself.

The others. I thought I knew how to handle them.

Yeah, but, I should know better.

Because I was one of them.

Virgil being insecure about his power and how much he can protect Thomas almost makes me cry. That last line...oh my goodness. Thomas and his team really know how to write a narrative. It seems that we’re gonna get some lore and backstory at some point after all.

Thomas and his team have done such a good job with this episode. It is my favourite Sanders Sides by far because of the fact that this topic has not really been talked about much, and they talked about it and showed what it’s like so brilliantly. I respect Thomas so much for pushing the boundaries of his channel to talk about this. Thank you, Thomas. I and and so many people needed this.

I realise that I need to go back to therapy. Thank you, Logan for encouraging me.

[coronation-eyes]

This is off-topic when it comes to this blog but I’mma rant about Game of Thrones for a second because if anyone knows what its like to get utterly betrayed at the one yard line, it’s you guys.

(major spoilers for GoT under the cut)

They just...they took a heroine that millions of women look up to......and they turned her into a psychotic villain at the last second. 

Danaerys was the Breaker of Chains, okay. Her mission in life was to free slaves and make the slavers pay dearly for being horrific to other human beings. She totally had a “savior complex,” wanting to just whoosh in and free people and be done with it. But instead of getting her shit together and heading to the seat of power she wanted to overthrow, she made the mature, wise decision to stay in her most recently liberated city and learn, not only what it means to rule, but what it truly means to free people. She dealt with the aftermath, she learned from her mistakes, she saw the nuances behind the culture she wildly disrupted. She took several huge steps to not just being a queen, but a thoughtful, powerful, knowledgeable monarch with respect for her subjects. And where did her motivation come from? From her own history of being sold and used like cheap cattle, of having to reclaim every inch of personal and royal power literally from the ground up. For many years and 7 out of 8 seasons, this was her story. She didn’t want to be like her father, mad with power and wantonly laying waste to innocent people. She wanted to be better.

And then, in TWO out of THREE episodes left in the entire series, she goes fucking insane. They shoved tragedy at her to try and justify her heel turn, nevermind that she has weathered worse in season one, and (plot twist) it didn’t work. She was Danaerys one minute--fierce and compassionate and A+ at doling out poetic justice to those who deserved it--and a repeat of her crazy father the next, literally laying waste to thousands of not only innocent, but innocent and surrendering people. Now she’s the villain they get to try and cut down for the series finale.

Some people point at certain things as “foreshadowing” of her “inevitable” fall to madness over the seasons, namely how whenever her family was mentioned someone was bound to bring up the old saying about how a Targaryen would be born and “god would flip a coin” as to whether they’d be batshit or not. And, like, that never once occurred to me as being remotely foreshadowing because, fucking excuse me for believing in women, but the entire point of Dany’s entire character was that she was one of the good ones. That the other characters who would lean on that saying out of fear or reticence did so because they didn’t know what the audience knew--that Dany was d i f f e r e n t. She wanted so desperately to break us free from our cycle of despots and drunkards and greedy assholes, and to do so realistically and with time-period appropriate strength and brutality (’cause tyranny isn’t brought down with polite requests). 

I would have accepted a lot of different endings for Dany that didn’t include her becoming queen. This is Game of goddamn Thrones, after all. Nice Things are very few and far between. I was ready for her to die before claiming the throne for any number of reasons. Hell, I’d almost accept these past two episodes as canon if, in the finale, she wakes the hell up and realizes what she’s done + she doesn’t deserve the throne after all. Because then at least she’d still be Dany in the end, for fuck’s sake.

AND ANOTHER THING: look me in the eye and tell me we don’t need messages about embracing flawed-but-good leaders right now, 18 months from an election where we can kick a real despot out of office. And instead, what’s the message over ten million people are watching right now? “Even the leaders who really seem decent, different, and wanting to help you, they’ll wind up being just like everyone else.” Fuck that wildly incorrect cynicism. Fuck the character assassination of a woman I have loved and looked up to for eight years. Fuck the straight dude showrunners who have explicitly told us over the years that they don’t listen to their audience, period. And honestly, fuck 2019 and it’s inability to have ANY satisfying fictional endings fucking ANYWHERE thanks to every professional writer wanking off at the feet of sUbVeRsIoN.

[luciahunter6]

Favourite moments of 2018

Just before the year closes out, I thought I’ll run through my best moments of 2018. Here they are in chronological order:

End January: Extensive 4-day Numazu pilgrimage. This wasn’t my first trip down here, but it was my first one after they introduced the stamp rally. Also, it was the longest I ever stayed down there. Freezing my ass off on the cold Senbonhama beach, visiting Mission Bay for their fluffy pancakes, a whole lot of cycling until my butt hurt. It was a genuinely relaxing experience after a stressful event I helped organize, the town’s vibe is really just soothing when you’re into LL. 

Early Feb: Taiwan for Aqours Fan Meeting. I never thought I would fly to one of the East Asian countries just for a Fan Meeting level of event, but I absolutely did not regret this one at all. Excellent production value, superb selection of fan-letters, questions and mini-games, as well as a really great team of translators that TLed and retained nuances of their sentences and jokes without delay. My seats were plenty decent so it was a good view, and I also distinctly remember all the fan projects they set up. I was awed by the love of the local fan community, they’re good people. Also I’ve never been to Taiwan before so it was a good experience seeing new things. There was also a post-apocalyptic vibe in the night cityscape after the rain which I have fond memories of.

Mid May: Running into Wendy online over Discord again after 4-5 years apart? This seems like a weird thing to include here but basically back in the day when we were into Love Live!, we were both authors who would talk about our fics. And then subsequently she invited me into a LisaYuki server where I’ve met some really great people- people I’m not close to by any means, but they still show me more support than I deserve. All in all, I’m really grateful for this chance encounter for all the wonderful people I’m thankful to have met. Mid May: BanG Dream! 5th Live. This isn’t a good moment, but a painful one. I’ve talked a lot about how my planning for 5L DV started since last year, but this was one of the first moments that actually cemented my personal, emotional commitment to it. I cried a lot during this period after watching the videos, even if I hadn’t been following them beforehand. I’m still not sure why. I guess this was when I truly became fully devoted. This might also be the first time I acknowledged and put into words just what I had been doing up to that point: my personal mission to show other people the dreams that I was once shown.

Early-Mid June: Aqours 3rd Live trip. This was a hurricane trip starting with 3L Saitama, /r/LL offkai, a Numazu pilgrimage and then 3L Osaka. I really loved staying at Awashima Hotel- with a suite split between four people, it’s honestly not that bad price-wise. Having cars for us to do our pilgrimage was also pretty cool, I got to hit up spots I never would’ve been able to do otherwise, such as that mountain-top parking lot. 3L Osaka was also decently good, definitely better than Saitama. I mean overall 3L was pretty bad setlist-wise, but at least the experience was improved. But my favourite memory of 3L Osaka was our two Airbnbs: I was staying at ONIBE Airbnb on one end, and Whales Airbnb was a 5-minute walk away. On the last night, most of us just crammed around the Whales’ dining table and talked for a couple of hours. I was distinctly struck by the feeling of this Sado concept, 一期一会 (lit. One chance, one meeting). Every single meetup is precious, every moment is once in a lifetime. I love these people, and times like this is when I realise how insanely cool it is that such a connection can happen between people from such diverse walks of life around the world. That’s the power of our hobby.

Early August: BanG Dream! 5L DV in SG, Japan Park. The moment of catharsis here was real, watching everything come to fruition after a lengthy struggle. This was definitely my most impressionable moment and my achievement of the year. Finally being able to set that burden down was such an impossible relief. And the gifts and fan messages I received- irreplaceable. There were many things that could’ve gone wrong along the way, but were fine thanks to support and guidance from the people around me. Given the chance, I would like to challenge myself in similar ways in the future to see where I can further improve.

Mid September: Roselia Fan Meeting. I had committed to this one shortly after hearing about Akesan’s graduation. After being unable to attend 5L, I knew I didn’t want to sit by idly and be unable to witness this happening all over again. And thankfully, I made it into the night session with my own code from my own CD (my 3 donated ones failed heh). Night also kindly provided me with a ticket for the day session, so I was able to attend both. This was actually my first time witnessing a Roselia performance live. I still remember the excellent pacing of the sessions, and the fun questions and fanmail. And the live segments- watching Yukki’s performance was the first time I was truly able to accept her as Lisa in my eyes. Seeing them perform was amazing. Of course, those hand-written messages during the end of the night session, which caused literally everyone to break down aside from Akesan. And their final appearance back on stage as a band of four, asking for permission to turn their next event into a live performance. It was one of Roselia’s most powerful moments that I was grateful to have witnessed first-hand.

Early November: Writing my first fanfic in years. This is a minor one but something else I’m proud of. Writing a new piece was one of my goals for 2017 that I hadn’t been able to complete. I was glad I could do this again in 2018 with the help of Bandori.

Early November: Roselia Live Vier. Specifically, the reveal of Shizaki Kanon for the encore. Even though I knew what was coming beforehand, I was caught up in the hype: there was a seriously epic moment when the audience realised what they were in for as her back appeared in the pre-encore video. The noise went off the charts, and it only went even crazier as the staff came out onto stage to wheel the drums to one side. Absolutely lovely production.

Mid November: CharaExpo USA. Another insane rush with the costume project. This was honestly one of the most stressful things I had to do, almost as difficult as Japan Park & 5L DVs. But we pulled through together in the end, as a team, as a community. Of course, finally being able to meet a whole bunch of people I’ve been waiting to meet was amazing as well. And the fan messages I got, which I was really thankful for- they give me the courage to keep pushing on, to do what’s best for everyone. And oh, that moment when Nonchan made her surprise appearance on stage as well. I made sure I was there to witness the crowd’s reaction from the back and it certainly didn’t disappoint. Was even crazier than Vier’s audience, honestly.

Early December: BanG Dream! 6L Day 1: Brave New World by RAISE A SUILEN. Sneaking in just at the end of the year, RAS's live was a surprising contender for memorable moments of the year. I’ve always liked Electronic and House music, but damn, that was a show alright. A DECLARATION OF XXX was impossibly hyped on site. I can’t wait for them to release it.

Overall, a lot of things might have changed in my life, but I feel like the most visible changes were in the last few months.

It might have been the release from a lot of stress, having been working towards JPSG and BD 5L DVs. Or maybe it was having those exact things under my belt, having actual experience that gave me a little bit more confidence. Having been through all these things gives me not only precious memories in the past, but also more certainty in knowing what I am doing.

Honestly, 2018 has been a really good year to me, a pleasant change from the shitfest that was the year before. I’m thankful for all the opportunities that were given to me, all the awesome people I met along the way, and all the challenges that I was able to conquer.

I hope 2019 will be a good year for us all, too.

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

Between the Shadow and the Soul - Hermione Granger x Draco Malfoy

Request: @cute-yet-dangerous could you write a fanfic where Hermione falls in love with Draco instead of Ron. You can choose the time-frame and the "ending" is up to you just like everything else ( though if you feel like it just a liiiitle bit of smut wouldn't be bad 😇) Thank you ❤

Warnings: My English, language. Gifs and pics aren't mine. Credits to their original owners. Also, I am very sorry if it’s not that great. 

A/N: Happy -early- Birthday, Ria. May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.

Word Count ~2.6k+

MASTERLIST

Pending Requests

Falling in love was not rational. It was madness. A beautiful, wonderful moment of magnificent insanity. His sharp edges, somehow only made him softer in a way that she could never understand...not entirely. His broken heart only beat louder in the silence and it would be easier, to not love him if she didn’t know how bright his smile could be, if she didn’t know that his touch could be gentle... it would be easier, to not want to save him if she didn’t know how reassuring his words were, if she didn’t know that he’d sacrifice himself so she could live. One thing was for sure... It wouldn’t it make it easier for him, not to love her if she wasn't all those missing pieces that his soul was longing for.

She touched him and it was like war. The burning sensation in her bones overpowered her mind and her heart pounded like the drums that were calling soldiers to join, willingly, the bloodbath. It felt violent and visceral and she sensed some part of her was latching onto to his skin - a mark left on her for the stars to find when they would uncover their r sad, epic, poetic... mad story. He smiled at her and the stars became surpassed in what could bring her light. It was all teeth but there was a hint of joy in the way his mouth moved around her. The sun’s blaze turned to ash and she felt warm and wanted. She was living in the darkness until his grin found hers and from that moment, everything in her was created by his echoes.

Her voice became his compass, his true north. His voice was the one she could pick out in the middle of the crowd, in the middle of the battle because it was the map that led her home. The sound of his name coming off her lips was his anchor and without her voice, he would drown, down to the bottom of the endless ocean, and perhaps he deserved it but he was selfish and couldn't lose her too. Her eyes were dark enough to fall in. His eyes held the torment he had been through and she wished that she could heal his scars but she knew that she could only try to take away some of the ache. Her eyes would make the deities of the ancient world throw themselves into the pit to prevent any more loss. His eyes found hers and the colors of the universe seemed brighter, seemed softer, seemed more beautiful, seemed not enough to describe the flames that consumed them.

She loved him. That was what the pounding of her heart was singing. He loved her from this universe to the next one and the constellations would yearn to chart their story and the history books would place their names side by side and it will never be enough, because they loved each other and even after death, they would find their way back to each other's galaxies. It was all so brutally fake and honest at the same time. When she saw him for the very first time, she suddenly felt like the earth wasn't spinning on its axis but instead, somehow, he had conjured the stars and a whole new sky had replaced the old one. When he saw her, he began to question everything he was 'taught', every single socially constructed stereotype about her kind. What if things weren't just black or white? What if there were more?

But they clashed in a storm of fire and ice and it took them what seemed like a lifetime to realize that they had changed each other in a way that no one could ever suspect.

"You filthy little Mudblood" he hissed at her. She had grown used to it by now, but it still hurt her. Not because somebody was calling her that name - something that she would never hear in a civilized conversation - but because he was calling her that. The disappointment in her eyes cut him like a knife that kept twisting inside the wound. He, however, couldn't help it. It was the only wall that she hadn't managed to burn down to the ground. He had to appear cold, evil... pathetic as Potter had once called him. He was. He was so damn -

She kept her mouth shut but her eye spoke louder than any word could have. She didn't know what to think of him. She truly wanted to believe that somewhere within him, a better him was hidden. She had seen it - seen him being gentle and soft. Something extremely rare when it came to the Prince of Slytherin. 

The seasons succeeded one another in a constant, never-ending, cycle. He was growing all the more distant. She was growing all the more worried.

They say that love comes easy. It took breaking, sobbing in the middle of the night, screaming without muttering a word. It was painful yet beautifully chaotic, mesmerizing like the sky that made them think that they were just two more souls inside that vast and evergreen universe. It was an accidental meet under the velvet canvas and the magic of the Astronomy Tower. It was one night that changed destiny's path. It was that moment, where he saw her looking at him, not like she could save him, oh, no. She wasn't that much of a fool. She was aware that she couldn't save him, not like that. But she was able to recognize the shadows that were dancing on his skin, on his arm, the faint bruises and clenched fists and the ache inside his heart. And the world grew quiet as if it was giving this moment the weight it deserved. The moon was hidden behind dark clouds and the stars almost burnt out. And it was in the darkness that they realized they could change the universe. A single phrase made her head spin.

"I am sorry" he whispered. For the first time, he looked at her without removing his gaze. She wasn't prepared for anything like that. The next thing she knew was his hand tucking a loose strand behind her ear. What was happening?

"I get it. Just... be less your father and more...you. I think you are yet to discover how truly magnificent each person can be" she softly told him. She had found the courage to talk to him like that - or at all. He was a bit shocked but he smiled at her, melancholy spreading through her veins. It wasn't a happy smile. She had never seen him happy. She forgot to ask logic, instead listened to emotions and offered him her cup of tea. A mixture of black and green with caramel and almond which was always able to calm her down and keep her company through endless nights. He was never shown any kind of sympathy and he truly believed he didn't deserve it - especially from her. But he was grateful.

They sat there, in silence at first, staring at the almost fairytale-like sky. As soon as they started talking, things could never go back to black and white. And it wasn't until a certain potion that they started to realize what was truly going on. It was just... not expected. They kept meeting each other every other night, talking or not, drinking tea or not, staring at the sky or at each other. But not that night. He was angry. Furious. Mainly because he didn't want to feel the way he did. Every time he saw her, something inside him was dying but in a good - a very good- and a bad - very bad- way.

"Why are you pretending? You grew tired of being called mudblood and you felt sorry for me? What are you playing at?" he feverishly accused her before her eyes made him weak again. Her eyebrows shot to the sky.

"Excuse me? Where is this coming from?" she fired back. She hadn't heard him calling her that in a very long time and it felt so...bitter. He knew that he was lashing out and she had done nothing wrong. Just because he had a mission that the Dark Lord had assigned him... He had screwed up his entire life. She saw the change in his eyes. She understood that something wasn't quite alright but she had also figured him out. He would try to hide it.

"I'm sorry. I'll just go to bed. Goodnight" he stiffly informed her and ran off. Literally. 

It was probably the worst decision she had ever made. It was probably the one thing she did right in her entire life. She wasn't thinking as she walked towards the Slytherin's dormitories. She was fully aware that it was forbidden by not only the rules but herself as well. Yet, she did it anyway. Thankfully, the common room was empty and thanks to Lucius' cockiness, Draco had his own dorm. Right before she knocked his door, she froze. What on earth was she about to do? She wasn't this person. She didn't do things... spontaneously. She was organized and had plans and goals and ... she thought she had her life figured out. That whatever she had planned would work out exactly the way she had imagined. Draco, on the other hand... he showed her what different meant. How not possible to plan your life was. He made her question her existence and everything she was standing up for. He showed her that things may not always be what the seem to. With her heart pounding in her chest, she just opened the door and walked in, ignoring every single rule. "You’ve felt it, haven’t you? Those feelings that seem to get so big in your chest, like something is so beautiful it aches?" she asked him before he could even register her presence in his room. "Go away. Please" he murmured, not once looking at her. He knew that if she stayed a bit longer in the room, if her perfume mixed with the air for just a second more, things would get out of hand. He craved her in a way he never believed possible. He bushy hair, sparkly eyes, and that beautifully chaotic mind... made him feel things he... didn't even know existed.

"No" she firmly answered, standing her ground. She knew how he felt because she was experiencing the same. He wasn't able to think before acting upon his feelings. He got up from his bed and pinned her against the cold wall of his room, in a matter of seconds.

"I told you to leave" he threatened her but his voice latched on to her like satin. "And I told you, no" she deadpanned but it was a mere whisper. It was now or never. He just crushed his lips against hers and that moment all the voices in his head stopped talking. And Merlin, her taste was intoxicating him - a hint of chocolate mixed with tea. It started out as angry and heated kiss but it slowly became gentle and kind and... they both had poured their hearts into. He carefully swept her hair off her neck and she gave a sharp intake of breath at his unexpected kiss. She would be lying if she was to say she hadn't thought about that moment over and over again. There was an urgency to his kiss, making her feel wanted and utterly desirable. His hands roamed her body, starting at her neck, running down her back until he grabbed her hips and pulled them closer to him. The thought of what followed terrified her but also excited her, it made her go weak at the knees. Her heart was beating furiously now and so was his. He took a step back, looking at her with a burning question in his eyes.

"I have felt it. I feel it every time I think of you. And trust me, the thought of you... doesn't leave my mind" he spoke softly of things she craved to hear. He kissed her again, but this time it was gentler with the need and desire more evident. Her hands found their way and got lost in his hair, roamed his back and her fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt but soon it just fell to the floor, revealing his pale and glorious torso. It came so naturally that it actually scared them but also made them realize how foolishly they had wasted so much time, hating each other. He took her hand and led her to his bed with soft and elegant moves. She wasn't even feeling awkward or anxious. She wanted this. With him. His mouth was everywhere, kissing her and undressing her at the same time. She was tracing patterns on his body when he slightly bit her behind her ear, making her question what was real and what was not. There was something else... She could actually breathe within the fire he had brought to her. He was a walking contradiction, a puzzle and she loved getting lost in a riddle. They just fell asleep afterwards, with her wrapped inside his arms. 

Things were not good. They hadn't even talked to each other. He ignored her and she put on her facade. Months passed them by. They had stopped visiting the Astronomy Tower. She thought that the stars stayed silent at their turning point because they didn't just want to watch them and witness their journey. No, they wanted to test infinity. Death Eaters and The Order. Good and Evil, supposedly. There were no good guys. They weren't able to break free from destiny. Not as fast as they would like. But what the stars hadn't quite understood was that loving each other had stopped being something that scared them. Therefore, the longing glances, the nights filled with tears and sorrow, the pain that became physical after a while. She had lost him to time and space, nearly to fate but he was going to grow as a fighter soon enough. He would come back to her. He felt it deep in his bones that their devotion to one another was greater than those of the fairytales because they were never guaranteed a happy ending, instead they had bent every galaxy to make that beautiful 'them' work out. But it didn't... Not yet. Lives were like lines. And some times, if people we're lucky enough, those line crossed paths. There, however, some exceptionally few... and their lines crossed paths over and over again. She always knew that in a crowd of thousands she would be able to meet his eyes and find you. He knew that the moment her name dropped from his lips, the story would begin again. They had to wait. Quite a while. They had to be tested by war and blood and other people. Just when they were both ready to give up, their lines crossed paths in the most unexpected way. No one was surprised in the slightest when Hermione decided to go back to Hogwarts... but everyone was left stunned by Draco's return.

Once their eyes met, their hearts were revived. Some emotions couldn't go away.

This time, the stars were in their favor. This time, they would be. No more wars and battles to fight, no more villains, no more heroes. Just them, picking up from where they had left off. Somewhere between the Shadow and the Soul. “Hermione...” his soft and shaky voice, his pained yet hopeful eyes, gave her purpose again. To live again. And be happy. 

“Draco”.

Tags: @orionsirivsblack @kapolisradomthoughts @nadinissavage @geeksareunique

[purplesurveys]

316

Hi college is eating me up and it’s finals week so there literally has been no time at all to sneak in a survey and I have been so miserable all week–all I want is to write my thoughts awaaaaaaaay. I do have this small break (although I shouldn’t even be having one; I have another PowerPoint presentation that I should be making right now) but I miss surveys way too much. Think back to yesterday, what were you doing around this time? I was having an early dinner with Gabie at this fried chicken place. They have the best umami chicken. What was the last thing you watched on the TV? I don’t watch TV anymore, but I watched Friends on Netflix last. Do you think pets can get annoying easily? No. Ever since having my dog, I’ve always liked having animals as companions. He drives me crazy when he goes in and out of my room at 3 AM though, but he’s still my son. Did you know that pickles have no calories? Cool, but has no effect on me because I hate pickles. Do you enjoy family get togethers? It’s alright when it involves going for out-of-town trips, but in terms of spending quality time together in the living room or just bonding with each other, the thought makes me uncomfortable. My family has never exercised that and just the idea of being emotionally close with family doesn’t exactly make me feel good.

In a group of three, do you often feel like the third wheel? Depends how close I am with them. Going out with people I barely know that also happen to be in a relationship sounds insanely boring. What color are your pants? The jeans I wore today were light blue, but I’ve since taken them off. Is there snow on the ground where you are? No. There is never snow anywhere near where I live, and there never has been. What is keeping you warm right now? Philippine humidity. Has anyone bought you a piece of jewelry? Yep. That’s my favorite form of gift, so my girlfriend has gotten me a couple of necklaces. How far away is your next birthday? 11 months away. I just celebrated it. Do you have plans for that birthday yet? Hahahahaha no. I guess a lot of drinks? Or maybe another beach trip. I dunno. Do you think it’s attractive for a man to wear eyeliner? I haven’t really seen a guy do that in a while so I wouldn’t know how to find it. When did you last take a shower? This morning, before going off to school. Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? I haven’t. It would be nice to visit it one day. Have you ever flown somewhere alone? Nope. Too scared to do that. I’d rather have Gab with me; she can take care of everything. Are you more serious or funny? Serious, but I have my funny side with people I’m close with.  Is there someone that annoys you but you haven’t told them? Yes oh my god. I thought I’d be the person that never gets peeved by their orgmates, but some are showing their true colors now that I’m a full-time member and they just getttttttt on my nerves and everyone else’s. When is garbage day in your area? Friday. I always see them out on that day when I drive out to school. Who/What was the last thing to really irritate you? It was really warm and humid awhile ago and I was in skinny jeans, and it was the most uncomfortable I’ve felt in a while. Do you think people either love or hate spongebob? No, I think a large amount of people not care. I genuinely enjoy SpongeBob and watch old episodes, though. Have you seen that new “Lie To Me” show? I have never heard of such a show. What is something you’d rather be doing right now? EATING. I’m starving. I was in a workshop all day and didn’t have room to eat. My last meal was last night’s dinner. Do you find that people are too hard on you? I don’t think so, no. Do you take surveys often? Oh man. I used to take like five a day. I’m busier these days, so I can’t take as many as I want as often as I want. I take an average of one every week and a half now. Who was the last person you yelled at? Maybe my girlfriend, but it was playful. Do you tend to slam things around when you’re mad? A little bit, yeah. My anger is more manifested through my driving though; I get dangerous and reckless. I need help with that. Do you know anyone who hates/dislikes chocolate? I know one who claims she does but I just think she wants to be special. > This made me smile. Haha, no not really. Gabie doesn’t eat chocolate but she doesn’t despise them. Do you know anyone who is racist? Welcome to the Philippines, where racism and sexism is propagated on a regular basis to the masses. Could you vote in this last election? I did. I turned 18 two weeks prior, so I was really lucky. Have you taken a shower today? Yep. Answered this already. How much sleep did you get last night? 6 hours. Do you have more girl friends or guy friends? Girl. What is your current mood? Hungry. Is there anything on your mind at the moment? Now that I know my mom is coming home with burgers, all I can think about is my order. Are there any movies out that you’d like to see? The Incredibles 2 and Ocean’s 8. Have you ever been on a website called Stickam? Doubt that. Have you ever hated yourself? For the past eight years, my friend. Are you hungry? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did your parents ever ground you? They used to whenever I would get bad marks, which in retrospect I deserved but I still feel that for most of the time, they went overboard with it. They took away every avenue for me to have fun and I just performed worse as a result. Thankfully I got out of that cycle and just had all my grades improve one day, and they haven’t grounded me since. Where was the last place you went out to eat? It’s this local fried chicken place called Bad Bird. Have you ever felt like you needed a better life than the one you have? I have. I still do. I feel that I deserve a better life at this point. Do you own an MP3 player of some kind? I used to own one of the fake kinds hahaha. Do you have a moment in your life you wish you could replay over again? Many, many. Have you ever been in a play? If so, did you like it? Yeah but only because my entire batch was required to take part in it. I’ve never had a solo part, nor do I ever want that. What is one musical artist you wish wasn’t making music? Meghan Trainor. When was the last time you cleaned something? I cleaned some dishes yesterday. Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? Yes, once. Do you like your smile? I can live with it. Do you have someone that you think truly understands you? Yes. When was the last time you doubted yourself? Right now. I’m doubting myself right now. I’m running for a position for my org’s elections and I’m thinking of the worst that could happen, as always. Is there anything currently bothering you? Yeah, this damned elections. Would you say that you’ve got something ‘special’ about you? Don’t we all have something that we could claim as our own? Who was the last person to cheer you up when you were down? Gabie. Are you scared of what you do not know? I think we all are to some degree. But I try not to let it affect me. > Pretty much. Is there anything in the next six months that you’re looking forward to? Yes, I’ll be going museum-hopping when this semester ends, and I will be seeing Paramore this August <3 Were you/are you popular in high school? I was in the popular crowd but I hated being in the spotlight. Do you really care what people think about you? No. Only the people that mean the most to me, and that’s not a very huge circle either. Do you find yourself treating others like you’d want to be treated? Yes. Whenever I find myself bordering on being a bitch to anyone I just sort of unconsciously remember how I would hate it if I was treated the same way. If anyone needs extra help with something I go above and beyond to help them out because I know I would appreciate it too if someone went out of their way just to assist me. Are you constantly envious of others? Yes but it just stays in my head. Are you more of a whiner with things or a do’er of things? I whine a lot but I go right ahead and do things. List three of your favorite TV shows: Friends, Breaking Bad, Kitchen Nightmares. Would your friends say you’re a relaxed person or stressed? Stressed. What do you find yourself worrying most about these days? I’m always worrying about my grades and whether I’d still be running for Latin honors by the end of the semester. Thankfully I’m in the running for magna cum laude, so I still have cum laude as a fallback if ever I do absolutely awful for one semester. Would you say it’s hard to earn your trust? Not really. I’m very generous with people to begin with, but it’s almost impossible to earn it back. There’s a difference. Who was the last person to compliment you? My girlfriend told me I looked good yesterday. Anything interesting happen this past week? I went to my first Community Journalism Workshop today! To explain, CJW is my org’s flagship campaign- go to a community-level school and teach them journ basics, hopefully get them to improve their media literacy. It’s the first CJW ever since I got inducted as a member so I made it a point to go to finally see what it’s like. When was the last time you felt scared? Awhile ago the driver of our van got into an accident with this dumb jeepney driver so I felt scared for a bit. What’s on your mind this very second? “When is my burger getting home?” Do you know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’? Cue Ross Geller screaming, “By the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means ‘you are,’ Y-O-U-R means your!”

Do you correct other people’s grammar/spelling when talking to them online? Not online, but personally. Is bacon one of your favorite foods? No, I’m quite tired of it already. Are you one of those people who like to sleep in on the weekends? When I can. Do you like things vampire-related? Just the Twilight Saga hahaha. Have you ever cussed at a parent or teacher? I’ve cursed in front of a parent, but not thrown the cuss word at them. I’ve never curse in front of a teacher. When was the last time you saw snow? Never. Have you ever felt stupid after saying something? Always. Do you find yourself cold at the moment? Never these days. Are your nails currently long? They’re pretty long for someone in a girl-girl relationship lmfao. They’re  objectively short though. Are you the kind of person who does not like talking about their past? Depends on what part of my past. > Yes. Do you have long slender fingers or short chunky ones? Slender ones. Do you think your foot size fits your body type? I guess? I’m generally a petite person and my body type is slim, so I guess? Are you the competitive type? Poisonously. Are you more of a mommy’s person or a daddy’s person? Neither.

[shindigger]

@whatevergreen

The only ones who are complicit with they own demise are those who were insane long before covid began. They are dying thinking that they are martyrs for their cause and they want you and others to celebrate, they want you to display intent of conflict because they know that that in itself will drive people to support their side. You are playing into their plan and you are supporting what they are doing.

@odinsblog

I'm a trained former warplanner with the DoD. I've had to watch hopelessly over the past two years as I predict what's going to happen, try to tell people, and then be ignored because I no longer have an office nor a title. The only ones who listened were the ones who were my colleagues and who couldn't interact or risk losing their careers, and who already knew what was up anyway. So my warnings all fell on deaf ears of strangers. But I can't watch as you take an innocent message of a dying mother who truly believed that all of this has been fake, an admission of guilt and wrongfullness, and turn it into a message of hate.

I've seen you on the front lines of the information war since the beginning of this thing. You've been doing a good job of keeping people informed of what's going on in the world. You have a lot of good people as followers. I admit, when I replied to your post I did so and used those words because I didn't realize that you were the OP; your message changed so abruptly and so drastically that I thought you had been dragged along by someone else. You've gone from spreading information to creating messages of hate and conflict. If you want to start a war then that's on you, I can block you and look the other way knowing that there's no innocent blood on my hands, but I can't standby and watch as you lead people down this warpath without knowing what they are getting themselves into.

My gut says you are naive in the ways of war, which is not a bad thing. I wish the entire world didn't know the horrors of warfare. My training tells me that you are an agent of those who have been trying to push this country into war and have just now activated your mission to corrupt people and tip the chaos into your claimed enemy's favor. You use words that indicate I "hijacked your post" while telling me to delete my blog. This is a move from the GOP playbook, complaining of censorship while trying to censor others in the same breath, claiming that only your message is worth hearing. You've taken a clearly innocent message and corrupted it. This is also a move from the GOP playbook, using absolutes to ecourage others to take on a warfare mindset of "us versus them." You've twisted my own words, claming that I am pardoning extremists for their moves when that's not what I've done. You have generalized what I said to mean that I am calling the leaders and manipulators of other cult movements innocent when I am saying that they are not. You are yourself moving towards an extremist mindset. The racists, the white supremicists, the anti-vax politicians are long-practiced and extablished cults of extremeness and conflict. The new wave of covid-deniers, the ones dying from the ant-vax propganda and spreading it by paroting others are not long-practiced cultists, they are confused, on the fence, trying to find some sense of leadership, and largely uneducated.

If death of the enemy must happen, then let it happen gracefully and see is as the tragedy that it is, that the corruption has taken another life and that we mourn the loss of human beings. To celebrate that death is to join those cultists, the insane who seek death and who seek for others to die. Life does not exist in a vaccuum. There has never been and can never be an instance of a single, solitary lifeform having evolved and grown on its own without other life. A philosophy that values death is a sane one that allows for the cycle of life to continue. A philosophy of celebrating conflict and death of others for the purpose of their plain demise and removal of them and their consciousness from life will, at its own far end of expression, end with the entire world dying. "Kill the weak" has no end. You will eventually be the weak one and you will be killed by your own culture of killing and death. This way only ends with one person living alone on a pile of corpses, that's what the end of capitalism looks like, that's what the end of superiority looks like, that's what the end of killing for the sake of killing looks like, that's what the end of killing for revenge looks like, that's what the far end of fascism looks like. No matter who you claim to be protecting, at the end of it, if you are successful on this path, you are all fighting on the same side, fighting against humanity, you're all part of the same larger cult, and you will all lose. All one of you will finally be on the same side and there will be peace in the world as the whole world lies in ash. But the last one won't really be one of you, won't be a fighter, they will be a witness and they will suffer most of all for things they didn't do. You fight, you kill, you lose.

By targeting covid sufferers, you push those undecided into the hands of your enemy. You are raising an army against yourself. Celebrating death is a declaration of war. If you encourage the death of others, if you seek the blood of others, then grab a weapon and keep it close at hand because others will seek your blood as well. If you start celebrating death of everyday people, then the families and friends of those dead will gain all the psychological justification they need to begin opening fire on you. You paint a target on your face. They will believe that it was in some way your fault that their family died because you're the one cheering as if you accomplished something. When you threaten someone's family, you gain their attention and they will want you dead. It's no longer political, it becomes personal and they will join whichever side is against you. You just gave your enemies more power. Again, these covid deaths are not seasoned cultists, they are confused individuals but you are the one pushing them into radicalization against yourself.

Do not delcare conflict until you are ready to kill your best friend. If a war breaks out, innocent people will die. There's no other way for it to be. You will have innocent blood on your hands. You will be just as guilty as the GOP pro-civil war people. When you are the one insitagating people to encourage death and to kill, then you hold the responsibility for your neighbors, your family, your children dying. Progress is being made. Biden is a piece of shit but people are waking up to the idiocy and lies in the government of this country.

Are you here to instigate a war or are you committed to keeping voters and activists informed of the truth of the situation? Are you a sleeper agent for the warpath or are you a free-thinking individual? You can still choose. This is not a game. Your words are not empty. You didn't hijack my post, my words are still my own. It's impossible for you to censor me. I've stared down Generals and convinced them to change their minds. I've brought corruption to the attention of the higher levels of military leadership and watched it be dissolved. I've identified white supremicist terrorist fundraising sites and watched them get taken down by appropriate agencies. You will not intimidate me with words you won't even let me read. Though you seem to have something to gain, some agenda, since you blocked me to where I can't read your words or view your blog and yet you seek out my own words of peace to try and twist my message when I haven't even tagged my posts. What are you? Are you naive or are you an undercover agent of war posing as an activist?

Is someone paying you to stir up trouble? After so much fine work you've done to keep people informed, have you been bought?

People chant "eat the rich" when they don't even know who the rich really are. But if the whole world is chanting "eat the rich", do you really think the rich would ever give up their security? The billionaires are made safe by the people who want to attack millionaires because those millionaires then feel threatened and are recruited to the billionaires' cause due to being faced with the same threat despite not having anywhere near the same power. It's because people aren't identifying their enemies clearly, people are just finding targets for their frustrations, people like you. The real enemies are protected by your confusion.

If you want to go to war, that's fine by me. I've dealt with that before. I dealt with it by leaving the situation, and I'll leave you, too. I took my talents and insight away from their goals. I defeated oppression by taking myself out from under their pressure and control. I'm not totally clear of the oppression because I'm still living in America, land of the oppressed, home of the corrupt. But my energy, my time, my efforts are not leading to war, bloodshed, and innocent deaths. I will not help them fight, and I will not help you ignite a new war. I reclaim my energy by doing this and I'm free of that angle of oppression. My needs are still behind a paywall, just like everyone else here. I have no right to life, my needs to survive are owned by someone else and must be bought, but my needs are not bought by blood.

What would you do with a person who does decide to leave a racist cult? What would you do to a person who needs help in order to leave? How would you handle the people who are trying to live a better life after being trapped in that life for a long time? What is your strategy for dismantling a cult? They need a safe place to live in oder to leave, they can't just stop on their own, and they can't just decide to do so within a vaccuum of one-sided influences. And if they think that only hatred and death are waiting for them on the outside, then they will only stay and remain your enemy. Those of us outside the cult must be ready to accept deserters graciously.

What would you do with a child who escaped a racst home? What about an adult? Is there an age limit on brainwashing? Are you ready to kill children?

If you say that ordinary people dying is a good thing to be celebrated, then you are saying that you are prepared for your own child to die in conflict. These things are connected, this is not an exaggeration, this is extremely dangerous.

If you think you're saving anyone then you know that there are people worth saving and who are sane enough to get through this if we all work together. Your strife is evidence of your hope. I know that you know there are good people in the world or else you wouldn't be trying to fight for them.

If a conflict erupts, it won't simply be "kill whitey and it's all over", it will be whatever faction you're trying to cobble together, against the white supremicists, and then the US Military will be against the both of you along with its many-billion-dollar budget. Every nation on Earth has investments in the USA; if Americans start fighting each other, everyone will get involved and you will be crushed before you can blink. You're about to poke your head out onto a world stage where world-class snipers are waiting in the rafters with you already in their sights. I'm telling you as an experienced warfigher: Stand. Down. Now.

Either cool off and stand down or clearly declare your intent to instigate a war. Let your followers know what you are truly about, do not deceive them. Stop leading them down the path towards a warfare mentality. You can choose to die a fool's death but I won't watch it happen. I had intended to extend an olive branch at the end of this post but I have to thank you for revealing to me that I'm just too exhausted to keep dealing with people like you. This whole ordeal has been too triggering. You'll be free to spread your own brand of fascism after this, I won't stop you. You can sprout a cult of your own. Enjoy your wargames while they last. I'll be curious to see who's left standing.

This post will be left up but only available to you for a time. Read it while you can.

Don't know who all needs to hear this but the anti-vaxxers are not dying on purpose by their choice. They are being lied to and being killed by their leaders.

[moonlitoutpost]

A Year of Games - 2017

It’s a new year! So why not get in on the action and recount the year previous, the last 12 moon cycles, just like everyone else with a top of the top’s list. They’re a fun way to catch up on things and stuff that may have slipped through the cracks, a shorthand, basically just cheating off your friend’s answers before a test. But there is no test, and we didn’t study either.

Having recently read through some great lists ourselves, we thought we’d write our own! Below are a few of our favorite games that we have played in 2017. These choices are unique in that they are not limited to the calendar year, more of things that we played during it :)

1. Summon Nights 5

Summon Nights 5 is a beautiful mix of bewitching artwork, endearing story, and sharp gameplay. An addicting brew of a finely sculpted battle system and lackadaisical leisure. For us, it was our dark horse of the year, an unexpected upsetter in the roster of contenders. A last minute entry, bought/purchase on a whim, that went on to rise it’s way to the top, as our game of the year.

Right out of its lush packaging, its mysterious and decked out box held our stare long before we officially put the cartridge in. And somehow after this, we were instantly hooked! The game initially was released in 2013 yet thanks to this english translation, we were able to enjoy the adventure in its full glory. It’s always our pleasure to encounter a sleeper hit that seems to have almost criminally gone under the radar. Most likely by happenstance, the graphics reminded us of a really sharp DreamCast game, and that only makes us like it even more ;)

Though the game’s scope isn’t massive, what is in view, is satisfying and rather comes off as quite focused. The amount of systems that they have given you to play with are so rewarding and joyfully exhausting when you really get a handle on them. Slyly unfolding an intricate depth when it comes to the combat, and conducted by a brilliant understanding of pacing.

If it were a candy: Summon Nights would be a rich nuggety strategic RPG, wrapped in the light airyness of a visual novel. A charming game from top to bottom, we can’t wait to play more in this series!

2. Asura’s Wrath

A game that offers no moderation, no holds barred, takes no prisoners, and leaves nothin’ on the table. Asura’s Wrath deals in grander rather than subtlety. It’s not often that a game’s vibe can be considered timeless, but strangely enough Asuras Wrath by all account balances that idea of strange classical timelessness and pull no punches insanity.  Every passing moment in it was just a new trip to revel in, as we blissfully savored every second.

It’s one of those oddities that you could say is by definition less than a ‘game’, but more than a movie.  It’s an experience worth having. A power nouveau of uninhabited ideas, truly one in a million.

3. Fortnite

If PUBG is the hard-R inescapable action flick of the summer, then Fortnite is the Saturday-morning cartoon spinoff complete with its own tie-in sugar-soaked cereal and line of action figures: some assembly required!

It’s fast, it’s frantic, it’s flashy, it’s vibrant! Mad-dash blitzing our way to surviving 98 other players has been a theme for us this year. While many multi-player games left victories ringing hollow, in Fortnite, the highs have never felt higher! Every moment has its own risks and rewards, with juuuust the right amount of luck sprinkled on top. Bang! Your team suddenly clashes head to head with another. You’re well stocked, but you could be better off. Shots are fired. Your team walks away from the fight - but just barely. Your emerging status to win has now been cut severely. It’s these calculated risks that makes the game more exciting! If you take them, you could come out worse for wear. But with a similar roll of the dice…you could come out king. And that has the potential to be in every fight, with the lasting effects rippling through the rest of the match.

We don’t know if we’ve felt like anything like this in any other multiplayer game. That’s what we like about it, and that’s where the best moments come from. from the hijinks of playing together and with friends, and the moments where it comes down to the wire, clawing your way to win an extreme underdog victory: it’s just a great flow!

Every match of Fortnite gives you the prospect to come away with a story. For many games it is often promised but rarely accomplished. However this is one that actually feels like it.

4. Hamtaro: Ham-Ham Heartbreak

The Gameboy is one of our most beloved systems, home to many of our all-time favorite games. Within its unassuming enclosure, there are many unique treasures and exciting surprises. This game is definitely one of them. If you are already familiar with the Hamtaro universe, you’ll recognize the perfect mix of adventure and adorability. If not though, get ready to embark on a game that is expressive, immersive and above all, heartwarming!

In this low-key adventure game you get to experience the world as the pint-size of a hamster. There’s a particular feeling it offers. Something about being shrunk down, tiny, a miniature evergladen, roaming through a world of macro amalgamations. You might say there’s an air of nearby secrets, or a peaceful openness, and this game lends to that atmosphere with a beautifully rendered playground of pixels. And like any fun adventure game, surprises are hidden behind every corner, making you want to poke and prod at everything in the world.

The pastel color palette is really pleasing and the art style is loose and free. Everything has so many different expressions and reactions to things, it really brings out the character, and goes a long way in tying the experience together. The animated Hamtaro show translates really well to the game, we found that like ‘wow, they captured it perfectly!’ Everything from the vibe to the design, is like you’re dropped into an episode of the anime itself!

In a world where so many recent visual novels and adventures games come with choices that hold the balance of life and death on the line, sometimes it’s nice to stop and smell the roses *hiff hiff*

No hamster will remember your choice..and that’s nice!

5. Persona 5

A long-awaited sequel to one our favorite JRPGS, Persona 5 improves on everything when it comes to the mechanics and the style of its predecessor. From the killer score to the fleshed-out battle system, a lot of it feels just grand! Each change that was introduced seemed to galvanize the strengths of previous work. It often feels like a combination of many smart changes and improvements, such as but not limited to: more meaningful fights, memorable dungeons/dungeon themes, more realized stealth mechanics, a more robust velvet room, increased save points, the addition of Momentos, more locations to visit, more interesting side quests, and more recreational activities than you have time in a day. The boss fights were super creative, leaps and bounds above what they had already laid out in 4. Dungeons feel like places, no longer just randomized tile sets of pre-fab pieces, making progressing through feel more significant.

For as many good things as we have to say about it, the experience is not without flaw. While it comes out hot at the gate, a long-winded pacing only serves to fatigue its excellence and only lessens the verocity of the latter half of the game. Going hand in hand with this, while it comes down to personal preference, both the story and characters, minus a few standouts, didn’t resonate with us as nearly as much as their Persona 4 counterparts. These two things combined made the final stretch in this feel more laborious and really made us wonder if dropping a dungeon or 20 hours would have made for a tighter experience. There is an art form to knowing when to end something. While it might be more evolutionary than revolutionary, Persona 5 is still one of the best RPG’s we’ve played in recent memory. It’s almost a compliment to say how hard it is to top yourself and how big an act Persona 4 is to follow. :)

Special Shoutouts:

1. Pocket Camp: We never played New Leaf, We Never Got to be mayor, we never got to design our own town, and we never got the 3DS. But we’re absolutely infatuated with Animal Crossing. This latest addition to the series is definitely an enjoyable one. It’s a little less full-featured, but you still get to interact with a motley crew of cute animals, and make that perfect decorating vision, and that’s just enough of a hit to stave off the encroaching cold grip of death before losing consciousness. It may not see like a big deal to people who cut their teeth in New Leaf, but for those who have missed their home away from home, Pocket Camp gave us just enough of a familiar taste of milk and honey, without the rule of a tyrannical higher power lording over you with monetary conflict..oh wait a minute…

2. HQ: Late last year we learned about a novel little app that changed our schedule completely. Twice a day we found ourselves dropping everything we did to pull out our phone in an attempt to win fabulous cash prizes. Whether it was calling live streams to halt, sneaking glances at it during work, or loosing track of time in public. Assembling the crew, nearby friends, anyone who would listen, in a huddle trying to remember what the progenitor of the Oreo was. (it’s the Hydrox cookie by the way).

HQ is the realization of a dream most people have, of being a contestant on a game show, all while being strangely futuristic. It’s more than an app, it’s a fun social drip of spontaneity.

3. Paragon: the game we spent the single most time with this year, We were interested in it more from an academic point than anything, and that eventually progressed into kind of liking it. We’ve played it a lot, and have had some pretty crazy moments, including a surprising amount of meeting new people while playing it. Even going as far as stumbling into seeing ourselves in someone else’s gameplay footage! :) It’s been the best year in our opinion for released heroes, and there have been many improvements both big and small. A lot of design choices still require smoothing out, but we feel it’s come a long way since then.

Due to very recent events, its days have now become numbered. Rumors had been swirling in the under realm for the past few weeks, and its future was pulled into question. Now with this latest announcement, the final nails have been put in the coffin. It’s sad to see a game with such promise pulled before the broadstokes really got all the details. A bit abrupt, though if you were literate it wouldn’t be hard to make out the writing on the walls. While it didn’t cast as towering a shadow as its contemporaries, its unique presence in the world of MOBAS will surely be missed.

This is actually the third time we’ve come back and written this last paragraph specifically. As news of Paragon’s decaying state were raised, we came back to re-amend it, each iteration getting a little more bleak, up until posting it today, having moments ago, with a tinge of morose irony, just finished filling out a refund form. So now that the final word has been given, now we’re here: as opposed to looking forward, we’re instead forced to look back.

New beginnings and new ends, the textbook definition of a new year

[landenhqcf035-blog]

Do you know everything about Grand Theft Auto 3

The GTA series has always been about working the good with the bad. On one supply, the open-ended character of the entertainment next the enormous city environments put together the ready a large thrill to tease. For the problem, the previous incarnations with the game were cursed with reduced mission propose that never really get you feel like you are working toward any type of greater goal. You just got around, causing problems, occasionally doing odd affairs for the area criminal masterminds until you had collected enough funds to continue. Rockstar's latest opening in the collection, GTA 3, reinvents the strings, replaces the idea for the latest initiation of consoles, and manages to keep every one positive view on the two previous activity. Before, to set that a new means, Grand Theft Auto III is one of the most amazing PlayStation 2 ready to be announced this year.

Before we leave any more, there's one thing everyone should know about GTA III before getting it. It is definitely the most "mature" M-rated game available today. More often than not, it is storyline circles around very violent achievement of offense, in case you run from the storyline and go on a crime spree of your personal, the game becomes an utter bloodbath. On top of to, the experience contains adult expression with locations, including drugs, prostitution, and a heaping helping of sex innuendo. If R-rated crime sagas such as Goodfellas or Warm are too much for you, then this isn't the game for you. The game and dialogue have taken place generated specifically with an adult audience, and it definitely isn't for adolescents.

GTA3 happens in a fictional metropolis known as Liberty City. Liberty City is a largely corrupt lay, with numerous warring criminal factions spread throughout the boroughs. You're a small-time crook that receives set up by your girlfriend during a heist. People bring the accident for the crime but manage to escape when a posse of heavy overwhelm the paddy car which you, plus a couple of other prisoners, are vacationing now. This is everywhere a person land ahead with the demolitions expert known as 8-Ball, who uses you to suffer a good friend from the beginning part with the game, that also works as a article of form to help you get adapted to the leadership with the planet. Which buddy is involved with the Mafia, naturally, after that he gives you jobs of growth difficulty. Each mission begin with a cutscene which program up your concern nicely, explaining why it being done to aid "the descendants" also grant the missions--which include such jobs while offering the object, trailing a suspected security leak, and removing shown the organizer of opposing gangs--a real good sense of use. As you progress, you'll meet other people in the business of destroying the law, who will have work for you. This provides options, as you can both make every available mission through every regarding your own contacts or skip about since boss to boss then sort out the mission in what buy you want. As one missions trigger plot points, this entirely potential to overlook some missions throughout the course of the game. As you proceed, other portions from the city may start, offering you access to contemporary missions, automobiles, and terrain.

While the missions in GTAIII are pleasure and a bit wickedly challenging, there's also lots of fun being owned with simply exploring the world all around you. Rockstar and DMA Design have clearly spent a lot of time adding tons of little moves on the game to, while almost completely unnecessary, become the world seem like a living, breathing place. Groupings of small face missions are incorporated, brought about by shooting into a specific vehicle. Lifting a taxi can allowed anyone get traveling and provide them for funds. Jacking a cop car enables you get on on vigilante missions to clean the neighborhood with eliminating specific criminals. Fire pickup and ambulances also have their own particular missions. Other little effects are graphical; the person can change the hen to any car which grows too all around people while crossing a road. If you start in a van with remove immediately, your identity will not have time to close the driver's-side door, keep that flapping open until you understand your finger down the chatter for an extra to offer him time to yank the door shut. Cars dismantle in spectacular ways as they get more and more beat up, spending hoods, trunks, doors, and bumpers as you try. A little vehicles get special features, including sirens on emergency vehicles, working water hoses on fire bus, and operating hydraulics with a given gang's make of lowrider that enabled people hurt switches to make the car step or roll around by three wheels. The game is track of any spectacular stunts you pull off in the van and grades them. Finally, while you can't go into many of the supplies and structures in the area, they have a realistic look that really adds to the tone with the game.

In addition to those touches, overlooking the assignment also gives you time to go on crime sprees of your. This sort of freestyle element isn't exactly rewarded in the game, but it's definitely one of the coolest things about GTA3. As you commit crimes, the police force get your trail. Hitting somebody with a bat while a lift is looking at is a positive way to get them on your own tail; stealing a car with laying this up on the sidewalk to cut down down a corner full of prostitutes is another. The game is track of your reputation with an arrest meter. Small offenses, like as rear-ending a police officer car, can get you lone star next to the six-star meter. While cops will do you if they look at you with this state, you can hide and ultimately the celebrity will disappear. Still live life beyond the law, also you'll find a couple stars, and so on. With each level comes a more severe response in the Work." In three stars you'll have cop cars travel in you away from nowhere. On some, they'll all but give up by trying to destroy a person with rather simply go to gun you down. Helicopters will be reported to ones site, assuring that you won't get away easily. On top blow up, the FBI can respond to the crime place, with with the highest blow up, the forces will get involved. There's really only one way to make your arrest turn happy that high: point cops. Pass over safe and crack up a few cars could get you three or four stars, yet to help truly anger the law, you have to take a few of them losing. The AI for control vehicles is fairly rough--they tend to practically destroy their own cars while chasing people into walls and other impassible obstacles. Outside of the car, the law fares somewhat better, but quite a few cases in which cops get stuck because they can seem to recognize the way to use a voyage of stairs so that an individual then easily encounter a border repeatedly, offering people all the time in the world to get rid of them.

Getting the cops in the end and then trying to run away is insanely fun, with the game gives you a pretty amazing arsenal to make sure that the police officer be busy. The former weapon will be a baseball bat, cool for robbing citizens by defeat them near murder, but it won't hold up in a fight. Eventually you'll get a handgun, which is when the game's lock-on targeting goes into play. Holding R1 can board a neighboring human being, and the L2 and R2 buttons can be used to cycle through another targets. As you outgrow the pistol, you'll gain the Uzi, giving you fully automatic fire while even live light enough allowing you to work. In addition, the Uzi is the only weapon that could be worked coming from within your vehicle. When you're getting, the L2 and R2 buttons let you look either trait of the car, and your Uzi can be fired out the side windows. That drive-by system is incredibly practical for slow-moving pedestrians but doesn't work well at all about cars because while you can see the drivers inside the cars, you can't run them directly. All hits into a car simply do generic damage to it, whenever it makes a certain damage reading, it strikes fire and eventually explodes. Since the Uzi is a relatively low-power weapon, this then to difficult to skyrocket cop cars as they try to push people away the street, forcing one to perform your serious battling on foot. In addition to those systems, you'll also encounter significantly heavier artillery, including assault weapons, a shotgun, grenades, a rocket launcher, along with a flamethrower. The tools are extremely settled, with every retains their place in the game. For instance, the rocket launcher can be used to take down police helicopters, also the sniper rifle contains a moving extent which enables you remove individuals in the relative protection of rooftops or out-of-sight positions for the block.

The previous Grand Theft Auto activity were engaged in from a 2D top-down perspective to appeared quite clear, but these were control in the total of realism and stroke they could display. Even though the video camera would focus out showing more on the highway ahead as you picked up speed, more frequently than not anyone rammed head-on into developing because turns simply seemed too rapidly. GTA 3 leads the strings into a polygonal world. That provides game a far more realistic, gritty look, changing the cartoonish, colorful appearance from the other games. DMA has in fact done an excellent career with the graphics in GTA 3. The appeals look great, the automobiles are entirely well formed and split apart extremely nicely, with total, the touch quality is quite nice. You will often see around things from the earth (vehicles and pedestrians, for example) fade in position as you approach, but that hardly noticeable and doesn't touch the gameplay. Also, the construction rate may take some really visible dives, yet this typically occurs not until the partition is packed with angry police, exploding autos, with a lot of other mayhem. By default, the game uses a tracerlike blur effect that gives the entire game a shade, dreamy beginning. That filter can be disabled on the options screen, if desired. Grand Theft Auto III contains a number of different cameras for the two travel with wandering pieces in the game. That defaults to a behind-the-back prospect for both, and you may switch the game distance, https://gtadownload.org/the-history-of-rockstar-games/ opt for a first-person view, go for a cinematic driving cam, or choose for the aged top-down glimpse on the big GTA games, which is a nice touch but isn't really advantageous to performing the game, as there are sometimes streets on top of streets and other level design parts to just do not production from which view. Different perspective problems include not being able to get after you actually while by base. While you can get a back view in pushing R3, this very easy for law with opposing team vehicles to just walk after a person then track people down before you possibly know what's going on.

GTA III sounds terrific. The lanes are populated with chatty pedestrians, and law enforcement include some great, typically macho-sounding lines. Rockstar pulled in some terrific voice talent to the game, and it gives off by making up the game's main characters extremely convincing. Celebrity voices include Frank Vincent (Casino, Cop Land), Joe Pantoliano (The Matrix, Bad Son), Michael Madsen (Reservoir Dogs, Free Willy), Michael Rapaport (Cop Land, Metro), Debi Mazar (Goodfellas, Space Truckers), Kyle MacLachan (Twin Peaks, Showgirls), and Expert from the rap group Gangstarr. Put to the aural portion in the game is a runs of seven radio stations, any of which can be switched in while you're in the car. The radio concept has been with the Grand Theft Auto series since beginning, but GTAIII really believes the concept to the next level. Each place fills a different type, including pop, classical, hip-hop, with an absolutely hilarious talk radio stop. The composition is licensed and involves courses by Start Shadow Records, tracks licensed on the soundtrack on the movie Scarface, and rap road from Game Records, including artists such as Royce Da 5'9", JoJo Pelligrino, with Black Rob. Finally, everything from the screech of rolls on the firm of a helicopter crashing in the ground sounds good and groups quite a punch.

Rockstar and DMA Design have definitely spent time ensuring that GTA III is a quality product, and that quality program in the lot, from the graphics, to the look, on the area things, for the gameplay itself. Unlike previous sport from the collection, the action is really fun whether you act it the way it happened plan to be performed or avoid the playoffs intended mission constitution and put down by your own to wreak havoc throughout the city. While the violent quality on the game can surely turn some people down with adolescents just shouldn't be allowed anywhere around that, GTA III is, fairly merely, a awesome encounter which shouldn't be lost with someone mature enough to manage that.

[isei-silva]

Dichotomy; The Cycle of Light and Shadow (ver. I)

As I’m shifting around more into priests cycling through Light and Shadow states I wanted to write down what I had so far. First thing’s first, that of course comments and discussion is always welcomed - love to see the input and ideas of others! Secondly, that I’m mostly going to use reliable lore sources (Chronicles, Wowpedia, in-game snippets...) as my cross-references for current lore as it is presented to us accepting that, yes, Blizzard has the final say in anything and can retcon or change their own lore at any time. Third, these are just fan-made lorecrafting theories and there may be loopholes and dead ends in some areas. I’m working with what I have.

The first half’s going to be more history/lore heavy, and the second part is diving right into the theory.

Cosmology

Light and Shadow: “Light and Shadow are the most fundamental forces in existence. Althought contradictory by their very nature, they are bound together on a cosmic scale. One cannot exist without the other.  Pure Light and Shadow dwell in a realm outside of the borders of reality, but shades of their presence are found in the physical universe. Light manifests as holy magic, while Shadow (also referred to as “the Void”) appears as shadow magic.” - Chronicles Vol. I

I think the most interesting detail to take from this is that the terms “Shadow” and “Void” seem to be interchangeable. 

So! Pretty straightforward. We have the Light, and we have the Shadow, opposite forces that must exist. Holy and Shadow magics are manifestations of these forces.

Void Lords

“The void lords are monstrous entities composes of pure shadow energy. These beings are cruel and merciless beyond mortal comprehension. Driven by an insatiable hunger, the void lords seek to devour all matter and energy in the physical universe. In their natural state, the void lords exist outside reality. Only the most powerful of these entities can manifest in the physical universe, and only for a limited amount of time. To maintain their presence in reality, the void lords must consume until amounts of matter and energy.”

Naaru

The naaru are benevolent creatures of living holy energy. They are perhaps the purest expression of the Light that exists in the Great Dark Beyond. The naaru have vowed to bring peace and hope to all mortal civilizations and waylay the dark forces of the Void that seek to engulf creation.

Old Gods

The Old Gods are physical manifestations of the Void. They are nightmare incarnate: mountains of blighted flesh and writing tentacles that grow like cancers within the world of the Great Dark. These malignant entities serve the void lords, and they live only to transform the worlds they infest into places of despair and death.

So now we have the Void Lords, the Naaru, and the Old Gods - of which the Naaru and the Old Gods are actual physical manifestations of Light and Shadow/Void. Keep in mind, so far, it’s pretty solid that Light and Shadow must exist. They are undeniable in their duality.

And now for the priests.

Priests

“Priests are devoted to the spiritual, and express their unwavering faith by serving the people. For millennia they have left behind the confines of their temples and the comfort of their shrines so they can support their allies in war-torn lands. In the midst of terrible conflict, no hero questions the value of the priestly orders. These masters of the healing arts keep their companions fighting far beyond their normal capacities with an array of restorative powers and blessings. The divine forces at the priest’s command can also be turned against foes, smiting them with holy fury. As light cannot exist without darkness, and darkness without light, some priests tap into shadow to better understand their own abilities, as well as the abilities of those who threaten them.” - Wowpedia, Class Overview

Priests are better known as holy preachers and healers, but they do not deny the Shadow ever present and some willingly tap into these eldritch, chaotic forces either as a combat preference or to better understand the dichotomy of Light and Shadow.

There are many creeds and followings in the world of Azeroth and those beyond it, but two most well known religious sects of these opposing forces are:

The Church of the Holy Light “ It is unknown when the Church of Light began, but its clergy is renown for spreading goodness. The vocation of a priest is one of spiritual growth and contemplation. The priests of the Light heal and restore in times of peace, protect in times of war. Paladins are the martial branch of the Church and seek to be an example of the Light's teachings as well as enforce its laws. These crusaders are called to protect the weak, to bring justice to the unjust, and to vanquish evil from the darkest corners of the world. The Clerics of Northshire once claimed their mission was to achieve "everlasting peace."

The Cult of the Forgotten Shadow “ The Light in which many priests bathe is brilliant and effervescent, granting them immense holy power. But the brightest light casts the darkest shadow—and from within this blackness, a rival power dwells. Shadow priests fully embrace this opposing polarity, their faith equally resolute as their holy counterparts—but focused on shadowy magics and mental manipulation. Like all priests, they dedicate much of their lives to worship—but they derive their power from the Void, straying dangerously close to the domain of the Old Gods. To truly understand such ancient, corruptive influence is to be driven mad. This is the state in which these dark priests thrive, embracing insanity and feeding off of the minds of their opponents to reach terrifying new limits.”

And, of course, the fanatical sects of both Holy and Shadow: The Scarlet Crusade [http://wow.gamepedia.com/Scarlet_Crusade] “Can you not see it, brothers and sisters? There is but one way to wipe the Scourge from the face of Azeroth. The Scarlet Crusade offers you the protection that you so desperately desire, and if you will pledge yourselves to us, surely we will reach our ultimate goal. Defy us, and you will be dispatched in a blaze of golden light unlike any you have every witnessed..."—Scarlet Commander Renault Mograine

And the Twilight’s Hammer/ Twilight Cult [http://wow.gamepedia.com/Twilight%27s_Hammer] “The Twilight's Hammer, also known as the Twilight's Hammer clan, Hammer clan, Twilight's Hammer cult, Twilight Cult, Cult of Twilight's Hammer or simply the Hammer, is a widespread nihilistic cult active across Azeroth that fanatically serves and worships the Old Gods and seeks to bring about the end of the world. Originally twisted from an orc clan into its current form by Cho'gall, the cult has been active since before the First War, but they became a major worldwide threat to both the Alliance and the Horde after Deathwing's return and the great Cataclysm shattered Azeroth.“

A well disciplined priest can almost tightrope walk in between both forces, summoning which either of the two manifestations he or she needs. The Light is summoned by willpower or in one’s ability to do so (not in the moral sense of right or wrong). While the Light is often said to bring about feelings of positive emotion - hope, courage, comfort - and the like, Shadow abilities are the opposite, able to impart feelings like despair, doubt, and panic.

LORECRAFTING TIME

But: What about holy priests that NEVER venture into the Shadow aspects of their craft? Oppositely, shadow priests that NEVER tap into Holy energies? 

I’m basically thinking in terms of “too much of a good thing”; too large an amount of a beneficial or useful thing or activity can end up being harmful or excessive.

I believe, theorize, that priests eventually go through a cycle between Shadow and Light. In fact, they MUST. - Humans, one of the first major sentient races to openly worship the Light, likely never lived long enough to trigger this cycle, thus falsely perpetuating the idea that a holy priest must remain holy and never venture into Shadow. A human priest could CHOOSE to step into the knowledge and magic of the Void, or was likely corrupted by an ancient remnant of the Old Gods. Seeing the malicious nature of the Shadow and their worshipers, and their cults, would serve to solidify the general idea that everything related to the Shadow/Void/Old Gods was “bad” and “evil”.

What about long lived races, such as elves and draenei? They would live long enough to see, or go through, this cycle themselves, no?

The draenei do have monks and priests in Auchindoun; the Auchenai priests that laid fallen draenei to rest and overlooked the spiritual peace of souls passing from the physical realm to the Light. There are shadow priests in this sect, though mostly kept to Auchindoun. The draenei in general do not fear from the Shadow nor hide knowledge of it, and seem to be the most responsive and open to this cosmic duality. 

Likely they take inspiration from the Naaru’s life cycle.

Now, we know naaru are beings of holy Light. As holy as Light can physically be manifested. But, as Light cannot exist without Shadow, the Naaru are also on the cosmic fence - and when they fall from the Light, they shift into its opposite force, the Void.

One of the most well known naaru to enter this void state is K’ara; known to the Shadowmoon Orcs (in Warlords of Draenor) as the Dark Star: “During the Genedar's crash several centuries ago, K'ara was injured, which caused it to enter the Void state of the naaru lifecycle. K'ara's final act was to convince the draenei to eject it from the vessel, but this was easier said than done. The Void energy instinctively caused K'ara to go to war against the other naaru aboard the vessel, D'ore and K'ure. Their violent clash of Light and Void threatened to kill any draenei who interfered, yet Prophet Velen stepped forward nonetheless. He used the Light to shield the other naaru and cast K'ara out of the vessel. But the battle sapped his strength, physically and mentally, and his visions of the future became unreliable. K'ara was ejected from the Genedar in the chaos of the crash, and came to be known as the Dark Star to the orcs of Shadowmoon Valley. Mostly because of the Void's power to defile the dead, but also because a few who accessed K'ara's shadowy power directly had their minds shattered,m the ancient chieftain of the Shadowmoon clan outlawed its powers after the discovery of the Dark Star.

During the rise of the Old Horde, Gul'dan and the Shadow Council cared little for and ignored the Shadowmoon's warnings. They conducted a ritual to call on the Dark Star in their war against the draenei and channeled it at Karabor, the draenei holy temple in Shadowmoon Valley. A pillar of Void energy ripped through the heavens and slammed down on Karabor, driving many draenei defenders to madness while many others died instantly. Velen called on his powers to keep the Void at bay and rally the survivors to Karabor's harbor, but the Dark Star had forever darkened Karabor, and it became known as the Black Temple and was taken by the orcs. The option for the Horde to harness the Dark Star was no longer available after this. What happened to K'ara after this, including whether she survived the destruction of Draenor in some fashion, is unknown.”  - K’ara on the Warlords of Draenor timeline: “Shortly before the War against the Iron Horde in an alternate universe, Ner'zhul was threatened by Grom Hellscream and forcibly coerced into breaking the ancient laws of his clan. He called upon the Dark Star's power, and he and his clan would gain access to Void magic, using it to raise undead and fight the draenei for the Iron Horde. Despite the efforts of Yrel and Velen, Ner'zhul successfully summoned the Dark Star. Velen then sacrificed himself in order to purify the Dark Star and bring K'ara back to the Light.K'ara, once again a being of Light, helped Yrel, Maraad, and the combined draenei and Alliance army in the Defense of Karabor annihilating the Iron Fleet.The naaru eventually blessed the Alliance commander and their ring. During the ceremony, it spoke and acted through the spirit of Velen.”

Another well known, is D’ore: “ D'ore is an ancient naaru who was mortally wounded when Oshu'gun crash landed on Draenor centuries ago. D'ore was only a dim speck of Void energies when the Prophet Velen and his draenei compatriots lifted his remains and brought them to Auchindoun. After much ceremony, his diminished form was laid to rest within the sarcophagus. D'ore's body became a shadowy void which attracts and consumes souls. It will regenerate its power from the Light over time, a process which has now lasted for hundreds of years and is said by D'ore itself to be almost complete.”

And, of course, the tragic story of M’uru: “ M'uru was once the sole naaru guardian of Tempest Keep, but was overcome by Kael'thas Sunstrider's forces and sent to Silvermoon. There, the blood elf magisters manipulated his energies and kept him bound, using him as a power source from which the Blood Knight order could siphon the Light. He was eventually drained of his essence and warped into a void god, but was defeated. Prophet Velen used his heart to revitalize the Sunwell.”

Directly this states that the Void is a natural part of the naaru lifecycle, however in these instances the naaru’s void state were triggered physically either through some sort of trauma. A Void Naaru is a dangerous, destructive and chaotic entity, but the draenei do not deny this cycle, and again, accept it as part of the duality of Light and Shadow. It is likely that they implement this duality into their worship as well. 

The key here is balance. So long as the priest is balanced between Light and Shadow, does not keep strictly to one and casts away the other, they are in a spiritual, cosmic peace within themselves. 

Holy priests that strictly keep to the Light are likely going to feel unwelcomed pressures of despair and loss, invasive thoughts and whispers - even physical manifestations of the Shadow forcing itself through the mind and body. The Light accepts this cycle; it has no sentience or morality spectrum, merely allowing a natural sequence to occur. Following the current pattern that naaru are forcefully triggered into the void by a trauma, the Void will likely invade the priest following a physical or mental trauma as well - when the priest is literally at their weakest.

Shadow priests are actually not going to feel such a dire, invasive need to turn to the Light. Why? Because of the very nature of Shadow itself. It is chaos and disorder, corruptive and inwards, likely WANTING the shadow priest to continue their practice and delve deeper and deeper into the Void until the Old Gods can sink into their minds and corrupt their sanity. The Shadow does not want you to leave. It is by the priest’s own discipline and ethic that they turn to the Light and restore their own balance less they lose themselves to the whispers of the Old Gods.

Other races likely have other aspects of their worship to take inspiration from for this cycle. The Night Elves likely see the changing cycles of the moon, its phases from Full Moon to New Moon, and adopt this cycle as well. Full Moon (Holy) and New Moon (Shadow); thus maintaining their own balance.

Priests. Beware of the fanaticism of Holy worship, and the divulgence of the Shadow. Keep yourself Disciplined.

Phew! And that’s that for now! Comments, ideas, corrections...? I’d love to hear them!

[depths0fdeceit]

Sincerely, The Mistress.

To the love before I, i think about your relationship with him a lot. i think about what happened. i think about what it means to me; what it means to him,  and what it means to you. however i can never really answer these questions, and so im left up all night with them, whenever they haunt me; which i will tell you, is more often than I'd like. it haunts me for many reasons you see, because given all that's happened since, i just can't make sense of it all. from all the lingering messages of yours that replay in my head, trying to make sense of your relationship, only to explain a situation i fell into the middle of. it haunts me asking why i was caught up in the midst of it all. in the midst of the both of you. why did it happen that way; a bond between two people that seemed to have a love so strong and a cycle that went on so long why was it me that was caught up in it all. i never meant to take part in something so fucked up, and somehow even without knowing at all, fucked it up even more, and myself along the way. tell me, how is it that it came to be this way? all i did was fall in love. little did i know. but to know him is to love him; i assume you know that all too well. often i regret even meeting him, or falling in love at all. if i knew what was between you both i never would have stepped foot into the middle of your relationship. sometimes i really wish i hadn't. maybe i was just stupid. maybe i was just too naive to trust my own instincts when i knew something wasn't quite right as i got to know him. but i swear i would have known if i saw the sorrow of your eyes burned into his when he gazed at me, but i did not. i saw nothing of another love that lived, lingering in his heart. a love that somehow I'm still unsure is there, even to this day. i swear i would have known, a large part of me wishes i did. so i wouldn't get caught up in any of it.  did you? you must’ve to some degree. or else how would it have gone this far if there weren’t some part of you that simply ignored it and trusted your claws sunk deep enough into each other for it to even matter. for that sometimes i blame you for it. being unable to take enough responsibility for yourself in your own relationship to walk away before any of this could have happened. for fucking it and him up so badly it took having me to be the one to catalyze and tear it wide open. without me even knowing. that's who I was to you. or that's who i think i was to you. i don't really even know who i am to you. what other half of the story you know that i don't. what part you played in my pain. The part i played in yours. after all, i was the other bitch. i was the side chick. i was the replacement. the secondary. the homewrecker. i was never the original. and that's what i still struggle with accepting. who really was the number one? i can only imagine how heartbreaking it must've been to experience me, a stranger who stole another man away, away from his first, his one and only first love in the making, for  s e v e n   f u c k i n g   y e a r s . did you really not know of me but at all? did it come as a shock to you? did you hate me? did you thank me? were you angry? were you relieved? do you love me? do you hate me? do you blame me?  I ask myself these questions every day.  i ask myself why the fuck did this have to happen like this. why did i have to choose and love a man whose past i am now jeopardizing, and a woman who's heart was breaking day after day he'd ignore your calls only to be spending the night with me. a situation i never wanted a single part of. stumbled upon and tangled in someone else's web. which is why i walked away the moment i knew. i wanted no part in your destiny with him. and yet, throughout everything that happened, he somehow still chose me. don't ask me why. in my world of things, i was the afterthought, and you were his forever. his past, his present, and his future. even when he was with me. so why is it still so hard to accept? i figured he'd gotten back together with you the moment i broke up with him for not being there for me when i needed it most. when in reality, he never stopped being with you in the first place. not once, throughout my entire time with him. i was under the impression it was you he could not live without. i was merely a temporary distraction. the temptation that lead him astray. and his home was right there with you. i was just the vacation, that had to inevitably end. how was that supposed to change, the moment he decided it was me from then on, and not you? that it was never really you. it was just a lingering attachment neither of you had the guts to let go in order to move the hell on. how am i supposed to believe that? i never even asked for that. i had thrown him out of my heart and my life long before he chased me back and told me it was me he could not live without. how do i suddenly rejoice that it's a future with me he wants, when he's still so adamant on not letting you go. that even though he claims it's me he cannot live without, somehow it's still you the one he can't let go. why? no matter what the three of us has been through since then; you, building a friendship built on the corrupt foundations of a relationship that still never fully ended. me, building a relationship on a foundation that was never even there to begin with, from the ashes of someone else's collateral and rubble. no matter what we built, it was still tainted with my memory of you two. and… somehow in the last 3 years i was still never fully convinced it was me. that somewhere, somehow, the both of you are still meant to be together once again. that i am only temporary. that none of it was real. and none of it was going to last. tell me, who is he to you now? do you still feel you will find your way back to one another someday? do you hold on to the passion, the love, and the memory that you are meant to be together? do you linger on that tiny speck of hope that lies buried deep within your heart? do you see me as an experiment of his? one whose time will eventually run out? that the moment when it ends, there you will be, ready to claim what is rightfully yours? is that the way you see me?  for a long time you were, and still are, the bane of my existence in this relationship.  sometimes when im really happy with him, i feel like im out of place. i feel like im living out the rest of someone else's relationship. that im not supposed to be this happy, at someone else's, expense. given the fucked up past of this relationship. i feel guilty being happy with him, like somehow it's not supposed to be me. i can't accept that he's chosen me, because he still constantly tries to choose you. our past is too fucked up to believe this is real. that this happiness is not supposed to feel genuine, because it took so much pain to get here. that im not supposed to be happy. because i was just so hurt. that i was just so betrayed. and that's never going to go away. that even after 3 years, it's not me that really is his destiny. that im just a placeholder for someone else meant to be in his life. and that person is you. none of this happened naturally. so it doesn't feel natural. how is it that im ever able to feel peace in my relationship? often times i doubt my decision to stay. you see, that's the affect of what happened to me. i was stricken with self doubt. i never trusted any of my decisions after that. my instincts. my insecurities. because while i decided to stay with him, it drove me insane knowing i was the reason i was hurt so badly. i chose this after i took him back. i chose the past he lead me into. on some level i think i knew. and it was true. i was right. i just never wanted to believe it because i thought he'd never want to hurt me because he loved me. but that wasn't true. i never really knew if he did love me at the time. but i do know he loved you.  and that is how he hurt me. how you both did. irreversibly cut wounds that even to this day are still left unhealed by the memory of it all. often times i don't even know how it got this messed up. all i know is that it's so messed up. how did it even get this way? how did everything end up like this… sometimes when im just so fed up and drained from it all i think that maybe i should just end things once and for all. that i should stop pretending. that if it's you he's meant to be with, you should both just be given the freedom to do so already. apart from me. a stranger who just came along and fucked everything up. i can't take away the past that you had with him. that is something i know i cannot do. but there's no possible way for me to be with someone who has such a deep rich history they're not ever able to let go of. i simply cannot live in the shadow of someone else within his heart. doing this will break me far more than i could ever survive. that's what it feels like being with him while he still has you. that how would a person choose me and choose to love me all while dangling their former lover over my head, taunting me, haunting me, every day reminding me of everything i just don't know and everything im afraid of, all while telling me they'd never want to hurt me again. all while hurting me now. that if it were truly over why can't either of them just let it go and move on. why must i be dragged through the pain and the memories day by day they still refuse to let go, and choose to hurt me for their own self interest. if it were really over why is it so difficult for either of you to let go? knowing how deep and unhealthy your attachment goes. ill never really know.

i just can't continue with this constant reminder of a time id really rather forget or erase.

i can't put myself through this with two people who don't understand the lengths that they hurt me by dragging me into a situation i did not choose. yet somehow still try to live within, and live past.

i was ready to let go of it all. to take myself out of the equation, therefore any future harm from the situation of the relationship between you two, could stay between you two.

i was done.

there was no need for me to continue hurting myself for two people who irrationally refused to let go. no matter how many others continued to hurt. but still. when i came to him with the choice yet again. it's either you or it's me.

still, he chose me. but it still makes me feel wrong. like im trying to slight you. to hurt you. when i am merely trying to take a stand for my pain. for my heart.and my suffering.

i never wanted to hurt you. in one in a million other outcomes the roles could have been reversed, and i could've been you. and you could've been me.

and yet, now it's you that kicks and screams and resents me for my stance and his decision. tell me, why is it you hate me?

who am i to you?

believe me, i do not wish to harbour any sort of ill feelings towards you. all i wish is to heal from the past. i tried to understand you. so many times. even to this day. the more i understood, the more i hurt for you. i saw myself in every sweet message you sent him. every ounce of love you poured into him. my heart hurt for you. i only wished to understand you further so that I’d know everything you both gave up when he chose me. so that i could honour it. and him. and you. honour how your love story came to its bitter end and why it did the way it did. i felt every cut he gave you. every cut you gave yourself. how he used me to shield himself from the guilt of hurting you. never wanting to let go. i can only imagine the hatred you’d feel towards me for taking something so dear to you and keeping it for my own. it hurt to know that’s probably how you saw me. i never wanted you to carry that with you. but what could I do? how could i live with that? live with the pain, the resentment and the heartbreak of someone else. the more i understood you the more i hated myself. i never wanted to be the source of someone else’s pain, the way i can only imagine i am yours. i never chose this. and yet it seems so unfair; what have i ever purposely done to you to deserve this? what have you ever done to understand me? do you seek to understand my pain? to absolve me? if you know how much your presence hurts me, why is it you refuse to let go? what is it you’re trying to do to me? if you really cared about his happiness, why is it so hard for you to accept me? why are you unable to be happy for him? for us? do you really wish to hold me in contempt forever? because believe me, it takes so much more pain to hold on to resentment than it does to free yourself of it. and yet, as much as i try, it is now your hatred of me that haunts me still. my happiness with him is tainted by guilt. that if you're really affected by this relationship and me so much, what does it still mean to you that it's no easier for you to let him go, so that we may be happy? so that you may be happy? what is still there for you, that is incomplete? ive tried to understand it. ive wanted to, if only to make sense of it all. ive even tried to let go so he can be free to live in his past with you forever or as long as he pleases, but still, he refuses to let me do so. so now what? what is our relationship if not a ripoff version, or just forever doomed to be tainted by the past, because not one of us can ever move past it. what is it ever or what will it never be because of it? if none of us can move on. for the life of me, i wish i knew... but i guess these are questions i’ll never know the answers to. i don't know; but maybe you might. Sincerely, The Mistress.