#life lifeupdate

[averlym]

[4everinsane]

I’m engaged!!

On June 3rd my boyfriend of 6 years asked me to marry him!!! Finally! This has been so long coming and I won’t lie, I was NOT waiting patiently, lol. But I’m so happy now that I get to marry my absolute best friend in the world. We are getting married September of next year and I am so excited! It’s gonna be a Harry Potter themed wedding! Hope everyone is well!

[thephdpensieve]

🌻Morning routine & mixed feelings✨

Today, I feel hopeful and excited.

I have been on a rollercoaster the past few weeks - with some big wins, confusion, pressure from every side, support from unexpected people, roaming directionless, and also good guidance. It was such a mixed feeling - being not able to celebrate my wins, trying not to get too excited, and at the same time working to make that dream true.

I know I am being cryptic but bear with me. I have something big coming up and you guys will be first to know when it actually happens. ❤️

Right now I am preparing for that Big Thing, and building my reading/writing habit is the first thing I am doing. Reading journal articles is such a soothing activity for me and it also gets my brain working. So I have chosen to do that first thing in the morning, every day.

The night before, I select an article to read in the morning and I try to finish the AIC - Abstract, Introduction, and Conclusion - within my one-and-a-half-hour reading time. If that paper is interesting and if it looks relevant to my study, I will bookmark it and spend more time on it. And because of that, I won't be able to read one paper every day (which is actually the goal). But, no perfectionism. Go with the flow. Right?

Do you guys have a similar morning routine? I would love any tips on how to keep this up in the long run - any advice is welcome!❤️⬇

[hervellalife]

Hi! It's been awhile since my last update.

Currently cannot sleep due to overthinking. I can't focus on my review because I have to help babysit my nieces. I just got tired complaining, that's why I'm starting to lift it up in prayers for God's guidance and strength for all this struggles I'm keeping.

I already filed my leave from work for my ALE. I still have until Monday to set up and plan for my way to prioritize my review somewhere I can focus and be at peace. Maybe at the library or at shore. I'm still figuring it out. Been to a lot of cafeterias too - weird because I don't drink coffee. But I have to look for a place to review, so I did visit some to figure it out if it might help. I think it can.

I am so grateful for our DE (District Engineer) for helping me out on my financial crisis unexpectedly. I just visited him for an approval of my leave but he lend me financial support and inspiring speech that the company is happy to welcome me back after.

I feel the pressure, but I want to fight this and start being serious about reviewing already. I only have a month left to focus. So help me God.

[superaznchick]

life update #13

it's 12:14am im actually genuinely Very Tired right now but my body is still just shaking from all of the frustration that i have had to hold onto today so im gonna dump until i pass out

I'm shaking because. I just finished having an offsite with my team for the last few days and it is mindblowing how numbingly painful our meetings are. We met Tuesday through Thursday, had 1 team-bonding event for like 2 hours, and the rest of the days were just back to back meetings about basically nothing.

By "nothing" it's like, very vague roadmap discussions, which fine okay I'll bite. Maybe 2ish hours of this, okay fine I'll do it. But

UGH it's so fucking hard to put into words but I really think I need to start learning how to articulate better so I'm gonna try REALLY hard to explain this and explain exactly why I'm frustrated

I have 5 people on my team including me, so 2 guy engineers and 3 girl engineers. And you guessed it, the conversation is usually dominated by the 2 guy engineers. There's 1 girl that also dominates the conversation a bit. I'm frustrated because these are engineers that LOVE to talk, that love to hear themselves talk, that revel in discussing big complex vague ideas, that love getting more words in and sucking more air out. It almost feels as though the more words they spew, the more they feel like they are winning, they are influencing, they are saying something of substance, something important, something so consequential that everyone else in the room just needs and has to listen to everything coming out of their mouth and I am SICK. SICK OF IT.

They are saying NOTHING of substance. You know how I can tell? Because 1 of the engineers literally joined what, like 5 months ago? And he hasn't worked on any major project, and yet he is the one talking the most about "ideally" this and this should work like this, how he has "so many ideas and thoughts" about how things are gonna go and should work out.

The other guy engineer is old and just has a rambling way of talking, one thought or idea that should take 2 sentences he makes it into a whole song and dance. He says the most basic shit but because it takes him fucking 5 minutes to say it, trying to decipher what the fuck he's saying takes so much fucking brain power I can't stand it.

The girl is fine. She's responsive, not pushy. She gives her opinion when prompted and doesn't over extend herself, but some of the stuff she says I can just fucking tell she's trying to imitate the way the guys in the room are talking. Half the time it's still not that important the stuff she's saying

Why am I so frustrated at this? Because these people don't understand the power of shutting the fuck up and listening and absorbing. If you don't know shit about the codebase, you need to shut the fuck up and listen to people that do. If you have a simple thought to say, you need to shut the fuck up and THINK, really USE YOUR BRAIN and CONDENSE that shit!!!! It takes a ton of effort to pick the right words and orchestrate the right things to say, you can't just vomit words at us and waste our fucking time.

But listen. I GET IT. I understand that people, especially engineers, are like this and that's just the way it is. Believe it or not, even though I just spent a bunch of time wailing on them I actually don't blame them!! Like YES, I get it, that's fine, it annoys me but what am I gonna do right.

So the real kicker here, and second layer to my frustration, is this: what the fuck is my manager doing?

For some context, my manager is one of those people that really wants his subordinates to like him. He has no vision, no plan for the team, no thought of how things *should* be. He is not a strong leader. He is concerned with knowing things about the team, knowing how things work, and trying really hard for all of us to like him. He is introverted, he is relateable, he is nice, but he is not a good manager. This is so fucking frustrating because he really should NOT be letting a bunch of engineers pow around and going around asking everyone "oh, what do YOU think we should have on the roadmap? what do YOU think we should prioritize?" bro. This is literally your job. Your job is to put us on the map and get us on the most exciting projects and set us up for success. It is your fucking job to have a vision for the team and edit us the way that we need to be to succeed. It is your job to set expectations and correct us when we do not meet them. I should NOT have to sit in a stuffy room for 9 hours with a bunch of engineers yapping about literally NOTHING IMPORTANT and wasting my fucking time.

I'm not done yet. My THIRD layer of frustration: and UGGGHHH I really think this is what sent me over the edge today I'm literally shaking even more as I write this but. Today, Thursday, the last day of the offsite, I asked to go home early. We were supposed to have a half day of *more* meetings today from 9:30am to 1pm to do even more talking about nothing and everything, but I wanted to go home early BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE MY MANAGER LOOK GOOD. I'm representing our team as part of a big high-visibility cross-functional engineer effort to do work and I committed to being code complete by Friday. Of course he didn't know about this commitment because he doesn't go to these separate standups and I guess I could have told him so my bad, but I was under the impression that I could handle it. After Wednesday, which was an ENTIRE day of dealing with these people, listening to them talk about nothing and jostle for control over the conversation and talking over each other and debating on pure theoreticals and literally nothing concrete, I was at my wits' end. I couldn't get any fucking work done and I was only halfway done and I really wanted to pull through for Friday. But this morning I asked to go home early and he told me that "it'd be really nice if you could come to these conversations!" and I was like "okay fine but that means I'll have to push back delivery to monday for my code" and he was like "oh I don't remember that we had committed anything but monday should be okay right?"

And now my fourth layer of frustration: He. doesn't. fucking. get it. NOBODY on my team fucking gets it. Nobody GETS. IT. "Gets it" as in like, just understands what it takes, what it's like, what needs to happen for us to achieve excellence. We need VISION. We need guidance, we need priority, we need a fucking leader to just stand up and just DO IT!!!! We don't have the fucking time to sit around, talking and talking and talking about nothing. How can they not see what a big fucking waste of time this is??? How can they not hear themselves when they're talking and they sound like literal idiots. "hurr durr let's try and do this and that with this team, we should grab someone and have them do a code walkthrough" BRO we were literally trying to "anticipate" our future plans with merging with a different team but we know nothing about what their code looks like, WHATS THE POINT of doing all this talking when WE. DONT. KNOW??? Why not make a solid plan, like just send someone from our team over to their team and work on their stuff, explore their codebase, get a solid understanding, and then bring that knowledge back? Or it doesn't have to be like that, but do ANYTHING, ANYTHING at all instead of sitting around, talking for hours, when we DON'T FUCKING KNOW???? How do they not see this?? How does this not drive them crazy?

Maybe now a fifth layer of frustration: I'm just fucking tired. I'm done. I'm so exhausted. I'm exhausted from being surrounded by people like this all the time. These people on my team, they talk so much, they have no vision, they are not self aware, and perhaps worst of all, they are all sensitive to criticism and are not open minded to learn and listen. In fact, most of them don't even see the value of listening. All they want to do is talk and dominate the conversation, as if that will give them some sort of higher influence, like rubbing elbows with success when success isn't even in the room. I feel like I'm the only seeing-eye person in a room full of blind idiots. It's tiring, I feel like I'm insane. The only way I'm staying sane is by being deliberately delusional, by believing that it's not me, it's them.

And you know what? I'm no genius. I'm not that smart. I'm no exceptional leader or holder of power. I believe I have substance and I am deserving of respect, but I do not believe that I am so above anyone else. I don't think I'm all that. But today, this week, made me feel like I was in the bottom of some sort of crucible. I feel evaporated, like the life has just been sucked out of me and all I am now is just a trembling pile of ash. I feel like crying. I feel like screaming.

I harbor no ill will, no hatred, no violence against these people. Because again: I get it. But GOD. DAMN. I'm just blown away. I can't believe that these people can sit there, go through the same experience I did, and not see anything wrong. I'm scared shitless. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this because the social blowback would be insane. Like what, I'm just supposed to tell my manager that he's useless? That he needs to get his shit together?

I've given people constructive feedback before and the social consequences are so fucking real. There's no way I can say anything and not get punished IMMEDIATELY. I'm just so tired. I just want to say the truth. I just want them to see what I see. But now I have to be a loser and just sit in this soiled diaper and not say anything. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate having to deal with people like this - not just my team, but nearly everyone I know. Almost nobody I know around me in my direct line of vision is a "safe" person. I have to tip toe and eggshell and whisper and kiss and be sweet. I have to be so nice all the time. I'm sick of it.

When is it gonna be some else's turn to edit themselves for me?

Fucking hell man. I'm still just trying to digest the fact that my fucking manager forced me to push back a timeline because he genuinely thought that having long meetings about nothing was more important than company optics. It makes me nervous. What the hell else is going on in his brain? If he can pull something like this, I feel like I can't trust him with the direction of the team in his hands. All I wanna do is zone the fuck out and collect my paycheck with the trust that everything we do will mount to something. I can't have any peace like this.

I have to sleep now but I'm still fuming. may or may not come back to this topic later. hope i can actually sleep in peace. good night.

[thepathwaytohealingz]

Embracing New Beginnings: My Journey Back to Dating

Hello, my fellow readers! It’s been a minute since I caught you up on my life, so here we go! Since my last post where I talked about my sister and the mystery man, Russell, a lot has changed. Russell and I are no longer together. The man I thought I knew changed, but I guess it was all for the best, right? So, here I am, still juggling school, work, kids, and now, dating. I hope y’all didn’t…

[userm4x]

.

[krystelprado]

The one where I got pregnant

My hands are shaking the moment I flipped the pregnancy test kit and I saw two solid lines in it.

As a PCOS girly, taking pregnancy tests aren’t new to me – positive ones, specifically. I have been diagnosed with PCOS since 2019 and every time I had hormonal imbalance and visit my OB, she’d let me take pregnancy tests. And yes, most of the time it appears to be false positive.

But this time, that one day I had a gut feeling I am really pregnant, I always get cold feet taking pregnancy test hence, intentionally forgetting to take it on the said day I should. You might ask, “Gut feeling? Why would you rely on your feelings?” BECAUSE, I AM NERVOUS! And also, aside from being nervous, my hormones are all over the place. I started to hate the smell of sauteed garlic, I always salivate (like a crazy dog from the streets!), and I had very bad breakouts. C’mon, I’ve had false positives before because of PCOS but these aren’t showing. And seriously, salivating?! It is really inconvenient. I proceeded to tell RJ about what’s happening to me and that I think I’m pregnant. He just smiled and said, “I know.” He later explained that his mind and heart already knew that I am pregnant and he just doesn’t want to pop my bubble and wanted me to figure it out myself.

So, okay... he's cool with it. He's not running away, so we're good.

We looked for another Ob-Gyne near us and found our angel doctor who took a little snip on what’s going on from the inside.

Our little fetus is there!

We then broke the news to our families and they’re thrilled! Also, my sisters kinda already knew because I am casually vomiting every morning. Lol!

RJ’s side of the family also gave our little fetus the warmest welcome. My shift of emotions are through the roof the entire pregnancy, so, yeah, just imagine my tears.

Planned or unplanned, as what my mama said, babies are a blessing and you’re blessed to be chosen to carry them. Savor every moment and enjoy the pregnancy journey.

I will try to enjoy, Ma. If this morning sickness won't stop, I'm gonna be a zombie before giving birth!

[kngcthinn]

Indefinite hiatus announcement.

Hello, long time no see. I've been in and out of The Sims fandom, but never outed completely. Now I'm here to announce that I'm officially on an indefinite hiatus.

Life has been a bitch to me, I'm forced to drop out of school due to my mom's gambling addiction going out of control. I have been eating one snack per day due to not having enough money to actually buy a meal. That's how bad it is.

I'm finding jobs right now. But jobs always require a degree. And I don't have money to go to school. Funny. No, part time job is not enough. A part time job is roughly $50 a month where I live, and the debts my mom got us requires we to pay ~$1000 a month. It's simply not possible to live with that salary.

It's irony that I sent a letter to myself a few years ago, hoping future me is in a better place but it's actually gotten so much worse.

"Will it gets better?"

Yeah whatever.

[wendiecastillo]

Hey there, I've made the decision to return to Tumblr and dive back into blogging. It's become my sanctuary, a space to preserve my sanity and jot down my thoughts in this very moment. This photo, snapped last year, is probably the only decent one I've got.

Here's the latest life update: I'm now a full-time teacher at a public school in my small town, also taking on the role of guidance coordinator. Life has taken a turn for the better compared to what I used to share here. My previous content mostly revolved around the uncertainties of life, but things have evolved.

At 22, my younger self would be proud—I've embarked on travels to two different countries. No, I'm not rolling in riches, but I can certainly afford to book a flight or two. At 29, I once thought I'd be married with a family of my own, but life's full of surprises. I'm happily single, relishing this season of my life. I've grown wiser and more confident, now capable of venturing out of the country and traveling solo.

From a shy introvert, I've transformed into someone eager to explore the world and connect with amazing people. It's surprising even to me that I can write this much in one sitting. Life is treating me well.

There's so much more I want to share, and don't worry, I'll be keeping up with the blogging. Stay tuned for more adventures and updates!

[purpleturtlenotes]

Well, that was a surprise. A truly surprising encounter with no other way to reach out to ask how you are? what are you currently doing? Based on your facial reaction, you were also surprised in seeing me that day. Was this a way where fate was trying to tell us, it's time for you to reach out again and there might be a need for it to happen again? Or was it just fate testing the waters with both of us?

What was I feeling that time? I was happy, excited, and truly surprised to see you that day. Did I wish to talk to you? Yes. A definite, yes. It felt like I was seeing an old face from the past which felt comfortable and familiar somehow. I am with someone right now and truly happy. But why do I feel like I need to speak to you and know how you are. How the hell are you anyway? You're already a nobody a certain no one who I should not be wasting any more of my time with. But maybe the feeling of seeing something or someone familiar brought me back to the past and gave me thoughts of the hundreds and millions of "What ifs" in my head again. Were you really that impactful in my past life? Probably. Why? probably because you were someone who I was not able to get the most time of. I was not able to test the waters with you. I was not able to get my closure as well. As I was left alone with more questions that I could ever thought I could ask myself.

Would I be able to see you again? I wish but I am not that hopeful. Why? I wouldn't want things to be complicated. You were the one who ended things anyway. Even though I am dying to get my closure and to get answers to my whys, I couldn't and wouldn't be able to get them. I'm sure of it. No, you made sure of it. All I wanted to know was, was I ever that important to you? Why did you leave me without telling me the reason? Was the reason me? or was it someone else or something else? With my overthinking head, the only thing I could think of is all these scenarios where they might, or they might not have happened to end things in my head.

I know I shouldn't. But I wanted to. Is this something wrong to ask? was this something I should not be thinking of? Is this clouding my judgement or giving me other emotions about my current situation? No. Will this change any decisions I would be making in my future? No. I don't think so.

I just wanted to move on with my life and close this chapter finally. How could I not even have that? How selfish of you. I wish I could just erase your face in my head and just move on from there. How I wish.

[mkizzle79]

Life update TW: Depression/Suicidal Thoughts text/call 988

My mom passed away on Tuesday, 3/15/22 due to complications with diabetes and kidney failure in Arkansas. I found out while streaming which I'm grateful to have. I had just taken my adopted son apartment-hunting in Austin, TX the day before. I couldn't call my mom on Monday but my son and I talked to her Saturday. Mom and I were making plans for when I moved back home in June to help take care of her. I had been living in Texas and since my adopted son was going to college, I was going to move back home.

I kept telling her to hold on. I couldn't waiting to move back home to be with her so I could finally spoil her the way she deserved. Unfortunately, she passed away before I could. I found out while I was streaming, I called my best friend since 8th grade who also happens to live in my current city, and thought of my mom as her mom. She came over and that's when my son found out that his adopted grandma had passed. His response still makes me laugh to this day, "Dead ass? Are you being dead ass right now?"

My brother, sister, and I spent the time cleaning mom's house that she rented from friends of ours. She had no insurance and we inherited nothing but items and pressure memories. I have some of her journals where she writes nothing but praise for God, prayers for others, and how grateful and blessed she was for pain and people in her lives, especially us her children. I still feel tremendous guilt that I wasn't there faster or that I didn't push harder about her health. She deserved so much and if I could trade places with her I would in a heartbeat. I hope that in my next life my mom is my mom.

I have always suffered from depression. I have had terrible things happen to me and abuse from others. I always hid my pain so that my parents wouldn't know what was happening to me at school. I always smile and put on an act. I still do even at my age. I literally feel like life is not worth living but I have learned that I the only reason to live is to live. Life is not something we can take away because it's not just ours. Even if you think no one will miss you, they will.

We didn't even have a funeral for my mom. We still can't. We just can't say goodbye. She is my mom and I don't want to share my pain in a room of people which is why we told people to do good in her name. I know I will see her again but I will wait my time until I do get to see her. My punishment for not being fast enough is to live life without her.

[katharinasophie]

Life update - Trennung, Klausuren, Reisen

[blablabrat]

Context

It's been 3 years since my last post, how time fuckin' flies. It's funny that I end up back here when my life turns to shit lol. I've had a pretty good 3 years, it's probably why I was too busy enjoying it to come back here and babble about it. I was busy being happy. Isn't it ironic how we want to remember those moments the most, the happy times, the best times, the good ol' days, but somehow I have only managed to record a few here and the rest is shit. Lol. I guess when I'm happy I don't think about writing it all down because I'm too busy reveling in the moments of my busy schedule and adventures in between. Which is a good thing too. I think when I'm happy, I'm more of a - let's take a picture or video of this moment so I'll remember it - kinda person. And when I'm sad, mad, or drowning in my thoughts, that's when I go crawling to a hole looking for a vortex to bury my thoughts in and keep them there so I don't have to keep them in my head. Maybe that's what this is. Well, I called this blog the Deep End for a reason. Anyway, here's a very short life update for you to get you back on track.

Now, I plan on actually writing more of this down in detail in the future, let's hope I follow through with that plan.

For now, here's the update.

In one month, I've managed to cut off my ex boyfriend, explore online dating, get a new boyfriend, quit my job of 4 years, get a new job opportunity, found out I got a golf sized cyst in my left ovary, travel to Cebu for free, lose all sources of income at the same time, quit my new job (2nd resignation in 1 month), get another job opportunity, be deadass broke, and now waiting to hopefully receive a confirmation that I got the fucking job or else idk how I'm gonna afford food for the next 30 days.

So yeah, that's all for the month of August 2023. Oh, btw I'm 30 now so good fucking bye youth. Nice knowing your dumbass, hope I'm not as dumb for the next decade.

By the looks of it, it's either I am still dumb as fuck, or maybe stepping out of my comfort zone could mean growth. Either way, let's call it character development for now. In a couple of years, I'll read back to this post and I will know the answer. Did I make the right decision? Lol. And the new guy, did it work out? Let's hope he did because if not, IDK why you even bother to open your heart up again. It's so fucked up enough already. I'm either learning from my mistakes and getting smarter or finding quicker ways to fucking fail.

Anyway, there's a lot to say and a lot on my mind which is why I'm writing this ridiculously long post. Maybe I'll spill my thoughts on a new post, but before that I wanted to add some context so I guess this is the context. So when I read back, I hope the above details are enough to jog your goldfish memory and remember what was going on. I'll end this here. More to say later. Bye bitches.

[ramiecutesy22]

First Post : A New Beginning!

hey tumblr, Ramie here*! you may probably know me from my previous accounts as abandoneblog2022 and ramieverse...

truth be told, ive been wanting to start over in a new acount for a while now because of how cluttered and disorganized my blog had became. even my side acount for my old blog barely helped.

alot of changes in my life have also happened since creating my 1st blog in 2014. i look at alot of my old likes and reblogs from years ago and literally cringe . and with so many posts to dig through, it became kinda a chore for me to even enjoy tumblr . so starting over feels like the perfect move

so yeah *shrugs* ! may this be the start of a new era for me. a new clean slate. gone with old and in with the new!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

*not really my REAL name, but a prefered nickname , nonetheless

[written-by-m]

Is this love or just an attachment?

I am talking to a guy for 4 months now, if you can remember, he was the guy in my previous note. We are still happy and talking everyday, sometimes we don’t have a good topic but still we enjoy each others virtual company (or is it just me?) 

Now, I am confused whether if I do like him or I was just attached to him. 

Whenever I think that one we might lose our contact, I feel very sad. I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want to put all our conversation in a waste... so I think I like him. 

But, we haven’t saw each other yet, we haven’t still done a videocall. We only have each other’s picture, so I really don’t have the idea what does he looks like now. Is it really possible to like someone just based on how he delivers his text messages?... in that instance, I feel that it was just an attachment.

I tried to read some blogs in the internet based on the differences of Love and Attachment.. But I feel like it will not help at all, I just became more confused. So I decided to just feel what I really feel for him and try to tell him that. 

All I know is I care for this person, and I feel like my soul is connected to him. I feel like we are aligned with each other and we have the same wavelength. 

I don’t know how will he react if I tell him that... I have feelings for him. I just don’t know yet if it’s love or attachment.