#life is generally kind to me so i cant complain but this week has been draining

[kaurwreck]

this is just a tiny addition to my last ask (i’m only beginning to read through the pdf again but can't help but share this already, i apologize T — T)

there is a possibility that BSD Yosano’s fiery loyalty to her objective to save the lives in front of her, which is quite too heroic of a goal for an 11-year old kid might be derived from this aspect of the real Yosano’s early childhood: her father is ignorant to her existence for most of her childhood however there is one activity that her father approves of—reading. reading to his children, and seeing his children read.

and when he does read to Yosano and her siblings, he reads to them stories of heroism!! allow me to insert a pic from the pdf hehe:

But Yosano herself has, already, this sense of empathy and concern for the life of others!! again, another direct photo from the pdf uwu:

Later, that night the fire did actually happen to a Sake Brewery, and there weren't numerous casualties, however, there was still a girl who wasn't able to escape the fire at all. The people around her felt relief and gratitude that they were not the one in the girl’s position. Despite this, young Yosano’s heart felt for the girl, for her life that was taken—here’s another photo supporting this:

BSD Yosano’s grief, sadness, and guilt for not being able to save, and watching the lives of the people she tended to slip past her fingers in the most horrific traumatizing way feels so much more,,,idk, tangible?? reading this about the real Yosano gives a whole new intensity to what BSD Yosano felt, no wonder it ruined her psyche so much because if we apply the real Yosano’s childhood to her, then from the moment she could comprehend stories she has always wanted in almost a vision-like way to save. She bore within her so much empathy and sacrifice.

I think if we apply the real Yosano’s life again, and specifically the feelings she possessed about the girl who died in the fire, she would rather that the takemura home (i think her sister was mentioned to live nearby) burned down if it meant that the girl would still be alive—we can understand better why she’d rather live in isolation, and sacrifice the years of her life just so that the life of others will not be devalued and disrespected and in her own words be cheapened ever again.

sorry if this makes little sense but i had to let this out HSHHSSHSH HOPE LIFE HAS BEEN KIND TO U LATELY <333

Thank you for sharing 🤎 I'm loving learning about itty bitty Yosano and how she intertwines with bsd!Yosano!

[renewingagain]

monday 2 october 2023 // 10:38pm

sooooo the inevitable happened and rhys messaged me saying he doesnt he feels how he was feeling before and that he doesnt feel the romantic connection progressing.

i am annoyed that it took him a while to say that - however i acknowledge he is a busy individual i just wish i knew sooner so i wasnt fretting about. however im comparing a bit to when i felt the same towards max - i knew i wanted to tell him and be honest, but i wanted to do it when i actually had the time to think about what i wanted to say

i cant complain really - this is the dating game and this is how it works! you go on dates with people and see the vibe. people are allowed to change their mind, i have done it myself. i am just not used to being on the receiving end - in fact im pretty sure this is the first time this has ever happened to me so the feelings i am feeling right now feel weird and new

the message he sent me was actually nice. he mentioned he did genuinely have a lovely time with me and that i am a nice person, and said thank you for the mems. it is true - had a lovely time everytime i saw him, especially over pride. pride was wonderful and really good vibes. i got a bit carried away in my head about us because he made me realise that he has a lot of qualities i want in a person - especially things like someone who isnt shy, loves meeting people, and has a big heart to help people and someone who demonstrates selflessness

i figured it was when he first came over that i was a bit boring or something - but we then agreed to see each other again and he would tell me he misses me etc. then i went to his for a night in manchester - tbh i didnt have the best time just because the club was a bit boring. but dinner was nice and i enjoyed hanging with him and his friends. part of me is like uhhhhhh so when did it change. and also i acknowledge that we are in different cities - but in order to see if there is a romantic connection you have to put in some effort? which i dont really feel like i was getting after that manchester day. idk, my head is a bit spun over it. however he could have been feeling this whenever. there is 0 point in me trying to pinpoint when things changed and evaluate - im sure if i did something wrong he would have said. but he said he genuinely had a good time so its done now innit. i did really like him but i know i will get over it

if i was chatting to someone else in my position i would be like listen yeah, take the L, at least u know where u stand, and that there are over 8 billion people in this world - someone somewhere will literally love you for exactly who you are and you will find your person

SHOULD i even be looking for a relationship right now? see im conflicted on this - i totally do want a relationship, however, i am so so soooo busy with stuff and also i dont want to develop a relationship while im unsure as to where my life is going in terms of my career. i think this will become much more clearer once this job interview passes - i really hope i get it! gotta put in the work though!!!!!!!

once again, i want to be more loving to everyone, & in everything i do. 1 Corinthians 14:1 states to let love be your highest goal. how do i keep this attitude in everything i do? i don't want my mood to influence my actions and the way that i love and choose to love in certain moments. i really want to love wholeheartedly and selflessly in everything i do. i want to be kind. i know i am generally a kind person but i could be kinder and nicer. i love to make people feel good, loved, happy, encouraged. if they are feeling shit i want to make them better. people deserve happiness

on the flip-side i may be seeing lewie to chat through stuff as that kinda deaded off a bit but not in the way i intended. i do care about him, and he is owed my honesty

anyway im tired, but lets make love, fitness, and job interview the priorities these next couple weeks. i went on another run today and even did a couple pull-ups - boy do i feel so much better for it! it really helps my mental health

peace and love G

[ethereiling]

this is just one of those days where my brain decides to be upset about everything huh 

[mymedlife]

Guys, the pandemic has broken me. Every time we seem to be making any progress I feel like we get set back again.

Sorry for the long rant ahead, but I feel like I need to get it out of my head.

Back in the beginning, last March or so, when the state I'm living in shut down, I felt like I could do it. Daycare shut down for almost 3 months to prevent spread.

My husband's job changed his hours to 10a to 8p since everyone was working remotely so they could all be working on the same time zone.

My cofellows were generous enough to switch shifts so I could work all nights and weekends and watch my kiddo during the day. Which kind of sucked, because she doesn't play independently for very long, o was tired, hubby wanted it quiet, and everything was closed so there wasn't anywhere to go to break up the monotony.

Work was filled with frequent changes around what protective equipment we have and what is required to be worn where. I got fitted for 3 different N95s because we kept running out, despite having to check them out and have them sterilized between uses.

I had frequent discussions about how COVID is real with families who refused testing. Parents lied about their symptoms to be allowed into the hospital with their kids, including one who collapsed mid visit due to respiratory failure. Several people ended up having to quarantine because they weren't wearing their N95s during the resuscitation as it was unexpected (at the time we were only wearing N95s during aerosolizing procedures including bagging). This lead to a new rule on not stopping in to help until you have the proper equipment on (which makes sense, but but is so hard).

Early on I spent some time volunteering for the COVID hotline for my state. Most of the questions I got were people upset that things were closing. There were very few health calls.

My aunt died. My sister, a psychologist, argued with her boss she should get a raise for being a frontline worker. My other sister, who is immunocompromised, was mad that all her friends continued to party guilt free and we kept telling her to stay home. My husband began to enjoy his new schedule to the point that he would stay up until 3am playing games after work (the kid was asleep and I was working) and sleep until he had to work at 10 am. My friends talked about their new lock down hobbies, including my co fellow who spent her time creating a new lecture series for the residents. I felt like I was trending water, I started getting behind on fellowship things and I was so tired. My kiddo was happy that I was spending more time with her, and it all was temporary, right?

Eventually things started opening up again. Daycare returned. Two days later my husband was fired. Thankfully he found a job within a few months, but during that time was quick to anger and his staying up all night playing games and sleeping most of the day got worse. He dismissed anything I had to say about it and frequently promised to sleep earlier, later saying he had to stay up because the kid had a nightmare that I slept through.

During this time, many of my pediatrician friends were called to see adults due to high patient volumes and doctor shortages. Luckily I only had to see kids, but there was still a lot of mystery surrounding symptoms and the discovery of the multi system inflammatory syndrome.

My kiddo got sent home a few times from daycare for vague symptoms that necessitated a COVID test, and at one point she was at home with me for 2 weeks due to a COVID positive exposure in class. My husband's job was new so he couldn't take off time to help. At some point things shifted so I was now doing all the daycare pickup and drop-off as well as all the bedtimes (unless I was physically at work).

Following Breonna Taylor and George Floyd there were large scale protests around the downtown area, where my hospital is located. I wholeheartedly support the movement, but someone told my kid it was dangerous to go downtown, and she became fearful of me going to work. This combined with the break in at our home lead to sleep refusal. Something I had to help he with, leading to bedtime taking hours, because my husband would yell at her. Most nights I was too tired after getting her to bed to do much, which lead to more work piling up.

Job hunting was not as fun as I had hoped it would had been. I had one in person interview, everything else was virtual. Thinking about working at a place I've never seen was terrifying.

Many places simply ghosted me. Lots weren't hiring. A few went on a hiring freeze after my interview.

Every interview asked what hobby I developed during lockdown. I admittedly could have answered this question better, and explained that I survived the lockdown with a toddler and that was an accomplishment.

My home institution decided to go with my co fellow over me. When I asked my mentor why she said they felt she had more to contribute to medical education than I do. I'm convinced that in part this has to do with all the lectures she wrote during lockdown.

I was able to get a job, but it's at a smaller community ED where we have a few beds in an adult ED. I mentioned to my associated program director I was a little disappointed, and suddenly everyone is telling me to be thankful for what I have.

I can be thankful and disappointed at the same time.

I think the biggest thing is a fear that if I hate this job I wont ever be able to find another one.

I also kind of resent my kid and husband, if I had more support or time to focus on fellowship things may have been different.

But life goes on. The vaccine was created, things opened up, and now those who aren't vaccinated can stop masking.

The my body my choice people who previously refused to mask are pleased, and now there are barely any masks when I go out (despite a not great vaccination rate in my area).

My kid is 3 and cant get the vaccine, so we still wear them. She loves to whine about how the others don't wear their masks. "It's not fair."

No, it really isn't.

Masks are still required in the hospital, which parents complain about daily. Recently every time I recommend a COVID test it has been refused. The pandemic is over. Kids can't get COVID. And other nonsense.

Kids as young as 12 can get vaccinated. However there is real concern about post vaccine myocarditis. Now everyone who comes in with chest pain wants to complain, even if they are unvaccinated.

Things have been stressful, and my kid is picking up on that. She still has trouble sleeping and has started having tantrums. We recently had a meeting with daycare and they want us to have seen by psych to get her evaluated.

I've found that I've lost interest in most of my hobbies, not that I have a lot of time for them. Fellowship finished and I have the next two weeks off before starting my new job. I was planning on spending it sleeping, cleaning the house, getting out the baby stuff as we are expecting a new little one in a couple of months, and rediscovering my hobbies.

Today I had an awful migraine. I cant take the meds I usually take because of the pregnancy, and my OB wont prescribe anything because he is worried about masking signs of preeclampsia. My husband refused to get up to watch the kid because he was tired, so I pushed through until he was ready to get up.

I lay down to try to get a nap and I get a call that there has been a case of COVID at daycare, and they will be closing for 2 weeks. They will open up the day I start my new job.

And this my friends is what has broken me.

I was so looking forward to finally have time for self care, and now I get to play stay at home mom again with my kid who is in isolation.

After that call I got up and left the house. I'm sitting in my car at the park writing this, and while I know I will go back home eventually, I'm tempted to drive off and let my husband deal with this for a change.

[justsomefluff]

Good Morning with Ateez

Summary: the title pretty much explains it all lmao

A/N: Sorry that I haven’t been writing! School has been crazy with everything going on, and I have to work as well. Hopefully, I will be able to write more in the coming weeks.

*Members after Joong are below the cut*

Hongjoong: 

ok, waking up in the morning with joongie is wild

If he wakes up first, he’s all giggly

bugging you

kissy kissy all over your face

he’s practically on top of you 

it’s not that he wants to get up or anything, he just prefers when you are awake at the same time

“Let me sleep, Joongie”

“but iM LONELY”

If you’re really tired though he’s gonna be cute with you and let you sleep all you want

he will just lay with you and stroke your hair and kiss your hands and ugh im soft

BUT

if you wake up first

he expects the same

so, if you wake him up with anything other than smooches he’s gonna whine and complain so much

“GIMME KISS”

“no, you have morning breath”

“so what you're saying is you hate me”

SO dramatic

if you manage to slip out of bed before he can trap you

he will jump out of bed and latch onto you

LEECH

tries to steal your energy through his hugs

but overall a cute bb who likes a calm, sweet wakeup with his love

Seonghwa:

(THIS GIF I CANT BREATHE)

So, our precious baby Seonghwa

ALWAYS awake before you

like how does he do it???

why does he do it???

whenever he wakes up, he’ll kinda check on you a little bit

make sure you’re in a comfortable position, give you a kiss and all that

but then he’ll slip out before you wake up??

rude.

And then you wake up and you're kinda grumpy bc why would he leave you cold and alone when you could be cuddling rn

when you find him, he’s halfway through making you breakfast

and that makes up for it

he always tries to do things for you to make your mornings easier

It’s his way of making up for all the things he can’t do for you while he’s working

When he notices that you're awake omigod the biggest smile

Will deadass abandon his cooking to come give you a squeeze

your eyebrows are all furrowed and you’re pouting and you're hair is just the worst but he’s so in love with you, you big dork

Gives you a kiss and then makes you sit down

serves you breakfast, all proud

if it’s something he doesn't normally make, he will watch you take the first bite and cross his fingers that you like it

which you always do

Mornings with him will pretty much always be domestic and sweet

Yunho:

McSquishy

When he wakes up, his cheeks go poof

anyway you usually wake up before him on your days off

but he will wake up soon after you

it’s like he senses that you're awake and wants to join in on the party

so when he wakes up, he feels you stretching and wiggling around

Will make fun of you if you make any of those awkward stretching noises

“UGHHHHH AHHH”

like hush leave me alone

isn’t hard to wake up but he will 100% drag you out of bed as soon as he can

mostly because he wants food

if you don’t get up right away he’ll just make you

like the recent video where he just picks up San and moves him? Yeah exactly

will also do that weird shimmy dance he did in that video too just to show you how excited he is

like a golden retriever no lie

so excited to be with you all the time

“Baby, let’s go” “baby, let’s eat” *smoochies*

and you just kinda let him drag you all over the place because he’s cute

isn’t one for morning cuddles in bed, but will still make you sit on his lap during breakfast and stuff just to have you close

cute squish who just wants to be loved aw

Yeosang:

clingy baby right here

Will probably wake up before you

but he’s not totally there yet, you know?

like his eyes are open but he’s dead

kinda flounders for a second trying to find you in the bed

when he does, he’s sticking to you and not letting go

probably falls asleep again because he’s so comfy and warm

so, it’s up to you to wake up before both of you sleep through the day

he’s usually pretty happy when he wakes up

lots of sleepy smiles

nuzzling into you like crazy

even though he’s groggier than you, he will be the first to get up

probably to pee or something idk he just needs to move

eager to start the day

If you’re still in bed 5 minutes after he gets up he’s gonna judge you

“How dare you let me start our day together by MYSELF”

when you do get up, all is forgiven

the kind of person who likes to go out for breakfast rather than cook it at home

it’s not that he can’t, he just doesn’t want to lmao

always excited to dress up a little bit with you for breakfast dates

the perfect beginning to your day together imo

San:

SO WHINY

obviously you’re gonna have to be the one to wake him up

waking up is San’s least favorite part of the day

will trap you in bed for the entire day if you let him

“San, I know you’re tired but we slept ‘til noon”

“Let’s make it 2:00″

literally goes through the 7 stages of grief when he wakes up

Denial: “not morning yet, bye”

Guilt: “I’m so lazy”

Bargaining: “BABY, two more hours, it’ll be great”

Depression: “they started the day without me and I’m lonely”

Upward Turn: “maybe I feel a little more awake now”

Working Through: “ok I can do this, just one more stretch”

Acceptance: “Im up”

Like finally

definitely likes morning cuddles though so if you didn't give him at least that, then he’s gonna hate you for the day

loves starting his day with you and if you don't help him wake up the way he wants

Grumpy baby all day

just snuggle him dammit

Mingi:

ok so he’s not waking up I don't care

when Mingi sleeps, he’s comatose okay

until he has a genuine reason to get up, he is parked

likes to cuddle, but not gonna sacrifice sleep for it

so, if you get up and start your day, whatever he’ll stay

like he’ll ask you to stay and cuddle but he isn’t gonna have enough energy to argue with you over it lmao

you deadass need jumper cables to get him started

if he has to get up to pee or something minor, he will try to do it without you noticing so he can go back to sleep

“SONG MINGI, I SEE YOU”

“NO” and then he sprints back to bed

cue wrestling in bed because once he is fully awake he can’t sit still

like you’re trying to get him up and, while he’s awake now, he just wants to make your life a little harder

pulling you under the covers and everything while you're begging him to come eat with you

he will eventually give in because food

but with him, you kind of just have to let him wake up on his own

if you want to get him started that’s fine, but it prolly won’t help lmao

let him sleep, he’ll figure it out

Wooyoung:

Wooyoungie babyyyyy

When I wake up in the morning...it’s not as sexy as you think

contrary to popular belief, Woo does not wake up sexily

he wakes up friggin adorable

when you wake up first, he just makes you cuddle him until he’w ready to get up, no arguments

but if he wakes up first, he’s wiggling all over the place

another one who just cant sit still 

will stretch and bounce and just be a nuisance until you get up too

he will definitely smack you in the face when he’s stretching and then just laugh when you glare at him

when really he should fear for his life like you did not just wake me up by SMACKING ME

but will definitely be kissing you everywhere because he always says he wants to start his day by seeing you smile

cheeseball fr

also he’s loud

in case you didn't know

“JAGIYA WAKE UPPPPPP”

“SHHHHHHHHHH WOOYOUNGAH”

but his volume is contagious and then you're both yelling and its insane

but then you're both giggling and kissing and hugging and its a good morning because

no time spent with Wooyoung is wasted

Jongho:

(How could I not use this gif I mean really)

Jongho is so hard to wake up

like at least Mingi will wake up to shoo you away

but Jongho physically cannot

You could squeeze an air horn by his face and he wouldn't even flinch

basically he’s a heavy sleeper

But as you have more sleepovers, you’ll figure out a way to wake him up more effectively

whatever your method may be, he will be smiling as soon as he opens his eyes

always excited to see you

bc he’s a sweet baby

will make you hug him for a little bit and he’ll kiss your head

after a little bit he’ll sigh and be like “okay”

that’s when you know you can both get up

will follow you around and do pieces of his routine as you do yours

you're almost totally in sync its kinda creepy

but then he will offer to help you make breakfast and always lets you pick what you want to make

just soft for you in general and he’d give you the world

hell, he’s definitely strong enough

[anarchy-in-the-vent-blog]

creating this at the behest of a friend who may or may not just want to stop listening to me. cannot entirely blame them as i wouldnt want to listen to me either always complaining but it really piles onto my feeling that im not that close to anybody. today, and i dont know if this is what im really upset about or just a broken shoelace, i lost a writing contest over a script that i've been working on and off on for about a year. i did not expect to win necessarily, but the year before this i was a finalist in the same contest with a script i had spent only a few days on. im pretty devastated rn. i thought this would be a chance to get a foot in the door of professional comics, or at least a big ego boost, and i got fucking nothing after months and months and months of work and honing this story. i cant even think of anything i should have done differently, my story was good my presentation was incredible there were fewer contestants this year than last year i went the extra mile and threw in an entire edited polished script along with my pitch document and pitch video, i did a fucking somersault at the beginning just to get these anglo fucks' attention and i got nothing. this creative shit isnt working out at all. ever since i was a kid i just wanted to be some kind of artist, the particulars changed every couple of years. i wanted to be a novelist for a while, a filmmaker, a musician, blah blah fucking blah. ive been working the last two years writing short stories and comics, over and over, i spend countless nights just writing and editing and reading more so i can get better ideas and for fucking what. the short story market out there is abysmal. i cant even submit to most anthologies bc theyre so idpol focused that only 1/3 of them accept manuscripts from straight white guys, and the ones that do accept have only 1/2 a chance of responding to you at all when they reject you, and maybe 1/20 of the ones that send a rejection email actually give a reason why, even if a brief one. i've sent out about 100 submissions for a dozen or so stories in the last few years and i've only sold two to two of the smallest magazines that nobody's ever heard of. one of them went bankrupt immediately after the issue in which they horribly misprinted my story (1/3 of it got cut somehow "accidentally"), and the other one is a small run new zealand gimmick theme publisher that i actually lost money on just ordering myself a copy of. maybe it was a fucking scam, idk. but they only made $5. I've made less than $30 selling fiction unless that haunted doll counts and i'm fucking miserable. I'm keeping up other creative hobbies that are going nowhere too. I just finished and released an hour long album a few weeks ago that i put two fucking years of my life into planning, writing, recording, editing, re-recording, mastering, promoting. I've worked harder on this album than anything else i've ever actually released and i think maybe only 4 people in total have listened to it. My closest friends have given it a cursory glance. i dont make art entirely for attention but how the fuck am i supposed to keep going if im getting kicked in the ribs any time i put anything out. nobody ever reads my stories, when i get rejected i never find out why, nobody ever listens to my music. the joy of creating in itself is really slipping from me. nobody really cares about me. my friends keep insisting that they do but i dont know if they do much to show it. im an obvious third wheel half the time. my dad broke a 3 year sobriety. i swipe on bumble every day and havent gotten a like in weeks even though friends have told me that i look good. my grades are slipping. i'm out of work. i have no job prospects or any sort of prospects in general for the future. i haven't been in a relationship of any kind in almost two years. i havent been in a happy relationship since fucking high school. i have neither the time nor money for therapy. therapy has never worked for me in the past anyway. i am really considering suicide for the first time in a long while. i dont really

take any joy in anything anymore. even momentary physical pleasure like masturbating and eating unhealthy food feels like absolutely nothing. i feel scared all the time. i feel like im gonna get screamed at or beat up at any second, mostly from my dad but also from strangers. i feel like im always about to be verbally chastised by my friends. it kills me that i cant see things objectively, only from this shakey nervous point of view that i know is most of the problem. i cant help it. i dont know if ive forgotten how to socialize with people or if i never knew to begin with and im only losing my illusions now. i really dont feel like living. i havent felt good in years. not truly good, maybe not since i was 12. the last time i felt generally vaguely happy like everything was mostly okay was when i think i was 16. im never going to be a great artist. ill probably never have a girlfriend i actually care about. i find most people incredibly boring or cruel. ill never really know if my friends like me, or why they even tolerate me. im writing this while putting off an important essay i've barely started. my friends seem to get so much love and notoriety for the smallest artistic efforts. i feel too stupid to read whatever theory and manifestos it is i have to read in order to make things like they do for the people they do, but i dont even want that for myself. i just want to write comic books and short sci-fi stories and im too fucking retarded or hopeless to even do that for an audience larger than myself. im really really fucking hopeless, i really dont want to keep living if this is all life is. i have no reason to believe that there is anything else. most people cant stand to be around me and i dont like myself either, i cant stand being in the same body with me, i hate having to think my thoughts. i hate being stuck inside myself. i think im going to cry again. i guess ill put off the rest of this important essay for tomorrow and collect my B- with all the other fucking midwit nobodies.

[bhaleesi]

Im so glad you liked my art! But I had very little material to work out their exact form of relationship. At first I had imagined Selene to be the dignified one, aka the 'One who keeps others in Line' but a rereading of the crypt scene with Selene goading Arion on showed that clearly wasnt the case🤣. Arion, the clown can't take that role so I was sure it had to be our Ayden. I drew Ayden with a prim and proper attire (with no wrinkles in sight), the disciplined one of the group.

But what kind of relationship did Ayden and Selene exactly have (Is Aylene a good couple name🤔)? That was something I kept pondering on. Selene wouldn't have taking Ayden's constant hogging of all her work and she has quite a strong personality. But I cant imagine these people not constantly clashing. Selene would have been the free one with the children whereas Ayden the responsible parent. And what kind of mom was Selene to the twins?

Arion and Persephone seem pretty cool compared to the clashing couple above!

[P.S- Can I know more abt Aylene's wedding ceremony? I wanna draw them! (If you don't mind that is)]

"At first I had imagined Selene to be the dignified one" I snorted at this because Selene most definitely was *not* the dignified one of the group. None of them were quite "dignified" until adulthood, but I'd say the best match for that description would've been Ayden. A summary of their dynamic is:

Selene wants to do something wild and crazy

Arion supports her, the two of them cackling as they plan their latest scheme

Depending on the scheme, Ayden will either cautiously join in (while keeping an eye out for trouble) or will be like "nooo stop".

If Ayden says no, Selene and Arion will do it anyway and Ayden will get them out of trouble once they get caught 🤣

An example is from when they were in their mid-teens in Briar. Lady Fiona isn't a big fan of animals, but Selene found and secretly kept a cat in Briarlight. Selene and Arion would take turns hiding it in their rooms and feeding it so that Fiona wouldn't find it. Ayden also fed it, but he was a lot less enthused and was stressed every time it was his "turn" to dodge Fiona.

But then the cat would purr and he'd forgive Selene and Arion for dragging him into the mess

Aylene is such a pretty couple name! Honestly even as a proper name it's really lovely

I might jot it down and give it to a character one day...

Now I'm wondering what Quill and Ayden would be. Qayden? Aydill?? Quillden?? Not as pretty as Aylene, that's for sure

But what kind of relationship did Ayden and Selene exactly have (Is Aylene a good couple name🤔)? That was something I kept pondering on. Selene wouldn't have taking Ayden's constant hogging of all her work and she has quite a strong personality. But I cant imagine these people not constantly clashing.

You're on the right track with your analysis! They had a great relationship overall, and loved each other very much. They were on the same wavelength politically, since they grew up around each other. When Selene was first crowned, however, she was not a fan of the more ... tedious parts of ruling. That left Ayden free to hog her share while Selene contributed to the war effort.

“Selene was the fighter between us, the one better at inspiring the troops. She always said that,” Ayden’s voice rose, “a ruler is needed on the battlefield, and it should be me. The queen has more freedom than the king does on a chessboard.” He returned to his normal tones. “I know for a fact that she simply did not want to do paperwork.” (From the chapter West of West)

This arrangement works out great for both of them, because Ayden is free to be the micromanaging workaholic that he is and Selene isn't weighed down by things she dislikes. Periodically they'd switch - with Ayden being on the battlefield and Selene sitting the throne - but for the most part they kept to their niches. Selene didn't ignore her duties - she just wasn't at her happiest when dealing with them. So Selene wouldn't have complained if Ayden took over a boring meeting or two.

Towards the last years of her life, Selene takes a more active interest in the throne. This immediately causes her to clash with Ayden, who has repeatedly demonstrated that he doesn't share power very well. Plus, Selene started favoring a less aggressive approach to the war, putting her in opposition to Ayden. Thus they clash, Selene leaves to end the war herself, and ... yeah :(

Selene would have been the free one with the children whereas Ayden the responsible parent. And what kind of mom was Selene to the twins?

It's like you're reading my mind because the next chapter of AWAS will focus on that exact question!

Selene was the more relaxed parent between her and Ayden. Ayden isn't particularly strict himself, but being Sovereign didn't allow him to be as close to them as he would've liked just because he would've been so busy when they were young. While Ayden would be stuck in meetings all week, Selene would hang out with the twins, build a swing for Esme, play piano with Lucien, take them out on the river, etc.

I also feel like Selene might've had a slightly deeper bond with Lucien. Being Crown Prince isn't a role that Lucien is fond of, and sometimes wishes he wasn't. Selene would've understand that reluctance a lot better than Ayden, so she'd put a lot of energy into helping Lucien grow at his own pace and finding his feet with all the expectations people put on him. Whereas Esme is a bit of a social prodigy and so would've preferred to be with Ayden. Esme is also pretty adventurous and mischievous, so for sure Selene would've encouraged that aspect of her daughter.

Arion and Persephone seem pretty cool compared to the clashing couple above!

Arion and Persephone are a fun couple to write whenever they're in a scene together! It makes me happy just how much Arion loves his wife 🤣 It's also part of the reason why Arion wants to take a step back from being Suzerain and focus more on Briar~

[P.S- Can I know more abt Aylene's wedding ceremony? I wanna draw them! (If you don't mind that is)]

Sure! If someone is willing to use their time to create art based on my content, I’ll always be thrilled ♥️♥️

Ayden and Selene's wedding was fairly simple, as far as royal weddings can go. Ayden's father would have died not long beforehand, so the mood was generally somber. The war was at an all-time high, so it wouldn't have been a good look to be spending lavish amounts of money when the crown loyalists were technically losing. On top of that, Ayden's advisors would've cared more about Ayden having heirs and the wedding was just a step they had to take so the whole thing would've been organized quickly.

That being said, the style of the wedding would've been overall Eurydicean, not Briarean. Ayden and Selene spent more time outside of Ancient, so the Ironhillers would've partially viewed them as foreign. In order to settle into life in the capital must faster, they would've followed Ancienti customs. So the wedding would've been more Western in its inspiration, with a bit of Briarean influence as a nod to their former home.

The left image is a colorized picture of Tsarina Alexandra of Russia from 1908, to give you an idea of what Selene might’ve worn. The right is Tsar Nicholas II, her husband. Ayden and Selene got married in the equivalent of the 1900s, so you can play around with any particular designs from around that era!

[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area - Chapter Sixteen

Previous Chapter Here

Warnings: Language, scenes that are NSFW, angst, slightly annoying people

Tags: @kelbabyblue​ @jennmurawski13​

Notes: I am so sorry for being rubbish in posting this. I started writing it weeks ago and then work took over my life. Thanks for sticking with me and I hope this was worth the wait (somewhat).

Chapter Sixteen

“So, what do you want to do now?” Audrey asked, hands firmly planted on the Diner table in front of her. She had the same careful posture and look on her face as when she had to relay bad news to a family. It certainly wasn’t providing much comfort now. 

She tilted her head to one side and offered a soft smile to try and assuage Sarah’s anxiety but it was no use. This kind of information wasn’t deserving of a casual reaction. She’d pretty much dropped a bomb on her friend and she was expected to deal with the fall out. To Audrey’s credit, though, she appeared to be taking it in her stride which was a bit surprising to say the least. 

“Honestly? I have no idea.” Sarah shook her head despondently before her forehead connected with the table. 

Three Days Earlier… 

The convenient thing about being a nurse and working long and tiring hours, Sarah found, was that you almost always had the perfect excuse for getting out of plans. Or not replying to messages you were deliberately avoiding. “Sorry I didn’t reply earlier, I lost track of time” quickly becomes an acceptable code for “Sorry I didn’t reply earlier, I didn’t have a clue what to say.” 

No one would ever dare call you out on it. 

It had been almost a week since Sarah had arrived home and the questions from her family had yet to subside. For someone quiet and relatively lacking in a desire for attention, people sure did have a vested interest in her whereabouts. They wanted to know about the exam and when she was likely to hear the outcome. They wanted to know what would happen next and whether she could appeal it if she didn’t like the results. They wanted to know whether she would try again or if she was just happy doing what she was doing now, and please can you call your grandmother because she wants to hear about it, too. 

She was exhausted. 

But dealing with those messages was an absolute dream compared to messages Chris was sending her. She could copy and paste generic responses to all of the above but with Chris? That was going to take some more thought. 

Chris: You’re so pretty. I miss your face so much x 

Chris: …..And so many other things x 

Chris: It’s not the same waking up without you x Chris: Do you remember me waking you up last week………? 

Chris: Did you pick up my sunglasses?? I cant find them anywhere…….. 

Chris: Just found them! Duh! 

Chris: Have you seen the Last Week Tonight? I think you’d love this one……. X 

Chris: I’m thinking of getting a dog x 

Chris: Can you just tell me ur OK so I can stop worrying?

After coming home late one evening following a long shift, she found herself face-to-face with the most beautiful array of flowers she had ever seen. Sunflowers, glorious white roses, gerberas, tulips, peonies… Truly, indescribably beautiful. 

“Someone sure is popular.” Shanna called from where she was sat at the dining table. “They got delivered earlier today. I don’t mean to be a bad feminist but you should probably think about putting out for Greg ‘cos if you don’t, you can let him know that I am definitely up for it.” 

Sarah side-eyed her friend and tried to locate the card in amongst the substantial spray. “I can’t remember the last time someone bought me flowers that wasn’t my Dad.” Shanna barked out a laugh as Sarah pulled the card out, recognising the handwriting instantly. 

I really miss you x

Now she felt bad for her lazy response to him earlier that afternoon. The second-hand embarrassment was creeping up on her after she tried to casually allay his concerns with an “All good!! x” and regretted the double exclamation marks. That was bound to give the game away. 

She regarded the flowers standing proudly on ceremony and waiting for her to smile at them in utter joy so they knew they had done their job. They deserved that at least, but all she could manage was a sigh and a somewhat reluctant smile at their glowing beauty. 

“I mean there’s certainly no denying he likes you a lot.” Shanna crept up behind her and narrowly missed Sarah scrunching up the card in her hands. “You don’t buy flowers like this without making your intentions clear.” 

“Who says he has intentions?” Sarah playfully jostled with Shanna. “This isn’t Downton Abbey.” 

“Oh, come on!” Shanna regaled in disbelief, running her fingers over the large, open sunflowers. “You can’t fool me, Bernette. These are statement flowers if ever I saw them. He wants you baaaad.” 

She walked back into the kitchen and Sarah could hear her locate and clang the only two vases they owned in the apartment. Neither of them had much need for vases and even if they did, one thing that made them good flatmates was their mutual distaste for needless crockery lying around the place. Neither appreciated dusting as a chore; it was much easier this way. 

“Fuck. I’ll have to ask Mom to bring one over.” Shanna said. “We’re gonna need more to cope with that.” 

As expected, Chris was pretty proud of himself. She couldn’t deny him that as he saw the flowers blossom in and around her apartment. He had popped by under the premise of annoying his sister for the evening but flirtatious glances across the lounge gave away his true intentions. 

“You should be flattered, I don’t normally do flowers.” He joked when he sidled up next to her in the kitchen, tossing an apple back and forth between his hands. 

“You don’t “normally” do anything.” 

“Not true. I once sent a girl a peace lily that came in that nice, tall glass vase. That big blue thing.” 

“Wasn’t that just to replace the one you smashed at her mom’s place when you were trying to sneak out?” 

Chris froze on the spot, staring at her. “I actually can’t remember now, was it? Scott ordered it for me.” 

Sarah rolled her eyes before continuing to tidy around him, Chris evidently deciding not to make her job any easier by moving out of her way. It was the equivalent of him lazily lifting his feet off the floor while she tried to vacuum underneath. 

“Seriously, though, did you like them?” 

“They’re lovely, thank you." Sarah moved to the other side of the kitchen as she continued to dry and place back some wine glasses in the cupboard. “You really didn’t need to do that. It was kinda hard to explain them away.” 

“What did you say?” He rubbed at the back of his neck, turning serious for a second. 

“I didn’t really say anything. She just assumed they were from Greg.” She leaned against the counter across the room from him. He could make out the worry in her eyes. “Which makes me feel like I’ve lied to her twice.” 

It was hard to sleep that night. Chris had somehow got her to agree to meeting him the next day so they could talk some more but she refrained from agreeing to meet him at his place after work. She knew how that was likely to end and she couldn’t face being with him in that way right now so he had finally relented and agreed to a simple coffee at lunch instead. He was less than pleased when he left and Shanna spent half an hour complaining through the bathroom door about his “issues” as Sarah was trying to clean up before heading to bed. 

“He’s always been an entitled asshole.” She started before ending with a one-two punch of “He’s not happy unless he’s in control” and “I wish for once he would experience being told ‘no’” She wasn’t wrong but she also didn’t need to hear just how right she was in this moment either. 

*

A couple of things happened in relatively quick succession. 

The coffee was every bit as awkward as she knew it would be, only not exactly for the reasons she had anticipated. It was times like this she relished Chris’s ability to have it all figured out and to be able to express himself clearly and succinctly, but she should have known better. As a result, Sarah was left more anxious and unsure of what it was she was feeling. Guilt she figured, not just for the knowledge that she was lying to her best friend but also for leaving the man sat in front of her looking like he had not slept properly in days. 

He cleared his throat and shifted to sit up straighter in his seat. They were sat in the corner of the diner, as always, and barring a couple of people having a relatively animated conversation a few booths away from them – relatives of patients, she figured – it was pretty quiet for this time of the day. 

“So, time to be honest but there was a reason I sent those flowers.” He had the look of someone who had just been told off by a teacher. “I sort of thought you might have seen something but I guess it went away. I think Matt dealt with it OK.” 

Sarah put her cup down and looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“OK, don’t get mad but there may have been a photograph.” He barely looked up as he spoke. “Of us at the hotel.” 

Her eyes widened at him and she was about to panic out loud until she realised where she was. “A photograph?” 

“Well, technically a photo of me and an ‘unidentified female companion’.” He deadpanned making air quotes like it was nothing before finally making eye contact with her. He frowned but she knew it wasn’t directed at her. He looked down at the table again and then back at her when he realised she hadn’t said anything. “Don’t worry. It’s sorted. I explained things. I just figured someone might have put it on social media or something but I guess I owe him one this time, which he’ll love no doubt.” 

“Oh.” She knew it was a pathetic response. “What do you mean you explained things?” 

“It looks like a fan spotted me and took a picture at the right time. For them, obviously, not for me. Or us. A magazine picked it up. You actually look a little blurry so technically it could be anyone.” 

“Unless you know me. It’ll probably be really obvious then.” 

“Well now you don’t need to worry because it’s gone away. We’ll call it one of our nine lives.” He sipped his coffee again, slowly regaining his confidence now that he knew she wasn’t mad with him. She began rubbing her temple, a predictable move for when she was feeling stressed out and he realised he’d crossed a line. “Sorry.” 

“Maybe I should seek a career in espionage. Clearly I can hide in plain sight.” She finally spoke and he smiled softly at her in a way that would unnerve her under certain circumstances but for obvious reasons wasn’t having that same effect right in this moment. 

“Trust me, OK? I know how these things play out and people forget quickly. I’ve done this hundreds of times.” He was about to sip his coffee again until he was met with a sterner look from across the table. “That was supposed to sound reassuring but I, er, misjudged it.” 

“Does Matt know about me?” 

A few seconds of silence passed between them, Chris looking slightly to his left before making eye contact with her and pursing his lips, giving her the answer. 

He leaned in and spoke as quietly as he could manage. “But he won’t say anything. He’s a good guy and he looks out for me.” \

“Yeh, I know.” She nodded. “Just doesn’t feel great at the moment.” 

“You know I would love it if you talked to me about this.” He lowered his head so much he was now practically touching the table with his chin. “I feel like ever since we got back from New York things have been really weird and normally I would think I was overthinking things but I don’t think I am, am I?” 

She turned her cup a few times before she felt his hand connect with hers. She saw how small she looked in his and when she looked back up at him, she was met with his doe-eyed expression. The expression which all you could do was smile back, which she did, and she was glad she did because he seemed to lose some weight from his shoulders at that point. His fingers lightly rubbed across hers and she enjoyed the warmth spreading across her skin and up her forearms. 

“I’m sorry,” She spoke after a minute. “I didn’t mean to cause you any stress.” 

Surprised by her apology, he leaned back in his chair. “You don’t need to apologise to me, Bernette. I get it. It’s strange.” 

“I guess I just didn’t know where things would go after, y’know, everything. I wasn’t sure what to say.” 

“Well, I know where I want things to go but something tells me we’re not on the same page.” 

More silence. 

“Look, I get it, OK? Nothing about this is straight-forward.” He rubbed a hand over his beard and over the back of his hair. “But we’re doing OK, right? I mean, I don’t think this needs to end any time soon. We don’t need to make any rash decisions just yet.” 

“But how do you see this ending?” 

She missed his hands when he pulled them back and let them rest on the table in front of him. “Umm…” 

“Because truthfully, I figured it would have ended as soon as it started. You might have got bored or maybe you got a job and you left for months and we’d just…forget about it.” She shrugged back at him. 

“Forget?” He tried to mask the disbelief creeping into his tone. “I don’t think either of us could forget about this.” 

“But you think about our lives and how different we are and even if we take the family out of the equation, like, it was always going to be tough, right? We would have to figure these things out eventually. It would be naïve to think we could carry on as we have done without feeling guilty and…” 

“I don’t feel guilty. Do you feel guilty?” 

“Well, yeh. From time to time. It’s not so bad when we’re at yours because it feels like it’s out of sight, out of mind, and-” 

“-then we’ll just have to stay at mine more.” He raised his eyebrow at her in an attempt to bring some playfulness back to their conversation. 

“That’s not what I’m getting at.” She shook her head at him. Now it was her time to pull back as her head connected with the headrest. “This isn’t gonna last forever, is it? We need to be more rational.” 

“Well…” 

“And it’s only going to get harder and feel more…stressful.” 

Chris narrowed his eyes at her. “Why now?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, where is this coming from?” he asked. “We seemed to be OK and I thought we had a good time in New York. Then it’s days of near silence and now I think you’re trying to end this but you don’t have the guts to say it out loud.” 

He had her there. She didn’t feel particularly offended or caught off guard by his assumption and he saw that because, truthfully, he’d finally put a name to her thoughts. He wasn’t giving her a way out as such but he was at least addressing the elephant she had planted between them. 

He looked away from her and took in a sharp breath. “Look, I don’t want to have this conversation here, OK? I think we should have taken up my idea and spoken about this later at mine and in private. Will you please just come and see me later?” 

He didn’t give her the softer, more pleading tone she was normally used to when he was trying to make an appeal to her. She wasn’t expecting it given the circumstances but…it would have been nice. How was she going to get through the next few hours of work if she had this struggle to look forward to? 

“Because if you’re gonna dump me, I’d rather have a whiskey in me than whatever crap this is.” He flicked his cup away from him on the table and smoothed his hand over his beard again, still not making eye contact. “I’m gonna go. Just text me when you’re on the way, yeh?” 

So that was that, then.

*

She could have cried, it felt so good. 

She didn’t intend to let things get as far as they did. She was trying to figure out what to say to him. She spent a good portion of time standing outside his front door building up just enough nerve to knock. When she saw him, in a slightly-too-tight sweater, sweatpants hanging loose on his hips, eyes glossy from the alcohol she suspected he had started drinking as soon as he had arrived home, she couldn’t help herself. 

He looked gorgeous. He looked warm and comforting and soft and hot and…all the things that had become so familiar to her now. And when he held his hand out to pull her in, she willingly went to him. 

One thing that struck her as he was entering her over and over again was how tightly he held on to her. After she had finally managed to catch her breath from the onslaught of kisses and touches all over her body. His hands held hers firmly above her head as they fell onto his bed. God knows how they managed to make it that far. 

He hadn’t let her up for air as soon as his lips connected with hers. He pulled her inside his apartment and pushed her towards his bedroom. She knew the layout of his home like the back of her hand, knowing exactly when they passed his kitchen as he dragged her jacket from her shoulders and left it by the table. She felt the curtains in his hallway brush passed her hair and the breeze from the skylight in his bathroom reach the base of her spine, his hands having pushed up her t-shirt and exposed her skin to the brief chill. His arms wrapped around her and held her like he was scared she was going to fall away from his grasp. She can’t remember connecting with anything else after that point; she was focussed solely on the way he was loving her. \

Clumsily, he used to his leg to kick the bedroom open so she wouldn’t bang into it and he got her flat on the bed with minimal effort. He carefully removed clothes until she felt his hot skin smother hers and she realised she made the right decision in just going with it. There was a sweet hint of whiskey to his breath but she didn’t much care. As he looked into her eyes, resting deep inside her, she didn’t much care for anything. This was the power he held over her.

She could tell he was thinking of something to say. Something he had probably practiced in the few hours since they last saw each other but now was coming up short. She instinctively placed her hand gently over his mouth, an acknowledgement of sorts, and asked him to move again, slower this time as he made sure she could feel all of him moving inside her. 

She was on the edge of her orgasm for a long time. His breathing grew laboured, his hot breath fanning over her face and surrounding her before, without warning, he shifted them both in one fluid move so she was lying on top of him. 

“Ride me,” he whispered, a softness belying his request, and she complied.

She gripped at his upper arms so they would hold her weight as she moved purposefully on top of him. It was bliss. She couldn’t look away from him as he struggled to keep his eyes open, taking in everything she was giving him. They had experienced a few moments like this, moments that felt so tender if it wasn’t for the way his hands were gripping her hips to keep her going. 

After they had both come together, she collapsed down over him, her head resting over the top of his chest, him still inside her. She felt sure she had accidently bumped his chin but couldn’t quite manage the energy to vocalise an apology. He wrapped his arms securely around her to hold her in place when he thought she would try and move away from him. They’d slept like this in New York and he had decided he liked it more than the alternative. 

“If that’s the last time we do this, at least we went out on a high.” he sighed. 

“True.” She replied, equally as breathless.

He turned his head to look down at her, stroking a hand over her hair and the side of her face. “It doesn’t feel fair, though. Life’s gonna be a little bit shitter without you to look forward to.” 

“We’ll still see each other. We’ll find a way to make it work.” She shifted her legs from off his before turning slightly to take the rest of her body away from his and he reluctantly let her go. 

“Do you think we can?” He asked as he stared up at the ceiling. He already knew the answer in his mind but he wanted to hear her try and convince him. 

“We have to.” 

“That’s not what I asked.” 

She sighed heavily and rubbed a hand across her forehead, letting it rest it in her hair. “She’s my best friend. You guys are my family. We have to at least try.” 

Chris turned to look at her just in time to see a tear form in her eyes. She gently blinked and sniffed it away not realising he had already seen. 

“You’re gonna be a hard act to follow, Bernette.”

*

“So you slept with him again?” Audrey worried. 

Sarah nodded carefully, holding one hand in the other. “I know, I know…but when I saw him I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t pull away from him, it’s like he-” 

“Oh honey, listen, I get it. Completely.” Audrey’s eyes widened and she had to stop herself laughing. “I can imagine he’s been very supportive to you with everything that’s been going on but I think when all is said and done, maybe you both needed this?” 

“I wish it was that simple, Audrey. It’s not just the two of us that needs to consider things. Y’know, Shan actually apologised to me, saying she’d been a bad friend and that she would try to be more supportive from now on and…it hit me. It just knocked me for six that I’ve betrayed her completely and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to go back.” 

“It’s obvious this isn’t just sex. I mean, he drove to see you in New York and fucking…” She waved her hand around at nothing in particular. “…fucking tested you on fucking blood diseases and ECGs. Michael doesn’t even do that and I fucking married that guy! Come on, Sarah. If this was just sex, it wouldn’t be an issue, would it? You’d be able to close the book and move on. End of story. The only reason this is causing you strife is because you have feelings for each other. And very serious ones at that I might add.” 

“Ah well, that’s easy. You don’t go back. You don’t just forget the last few months. What’s done is done now and maybe there’s a better way out of this.”

“How?”

“Oh Sarah, I love you but you really are friggin’ naïve sometimes.” Audrey pointedly rolled her eyes for the tenth time since they sat down. It wasn’t something Sarah was appreciating right now, this feeling that she was continuously missing the damn point. 

If this was Oprah, the audience would be clapping and whooping loudly right now and Audrey would do her finger-snap that she reserved for drunken arguments in bars with ladies that pushed in line for the toilets. Instead, she took a sip from her sparkling water and raised an eyebrow at her, content in her response. Your move, she was saying. 

Sarah rubbed her eyes and painfully pulled at the skin on her eyelids. “I should have told you about this sooner. I’m sorry, Audrey. I’m sorry I’m landing this on your now.” 

“Well, while we’re being honest, I guess I should tell you that I kind of already knew.” 

Sarah looked at her incredulously. Audrey didn’t bat an eye and just sat looking back at her. 

“How long? When did you…?” 

“It’s not every day a movie star wanders into the reception of a crumbling ER department.” She said, matter-of-factly. “Plus, I saw you both outside the diner. Aaand I’m guessing the accident you had recently was because of him as well?” 

Sarah awkwardly bit at her bottom lip. She didn’t need to confirm anything; Audrey knew full well. She was astute as hell and while it didn’t feel like it right in this moment, Sarah was quietly relieved. 

“What do I do, Audrey?” 

She sipped her water again. “If you insist on being serious about this, you can’t let yourself be in a room with him alone. You know that much, hun. The rest is day by day. Maybe he’ll make it easy on you.” 

She nodded in understanding. Audrey took that at face value, giving her a sympathetic smile in return while mentally making a bet with herself about how well things would turn out. 

*

[brelione]

The Surfer And The Siren

Chapter Three:The Conspiracy Blog,The Investigation and The Shitty Sister In Law

Chapter One       Chapter Two

Warnings:Mentions of racism,homophobia

S0rry that this chapter is kind of short.The next one will be longer.

You didn't understand how you had never found out about this.The article was from 2012 by a conspiracy blog.There were dozens of photographs of you,a bright red circle showing where you was in group photos that were taken in the fifties and more from the seventies.There were a few photos of your large scales the size of quarters that had been found on coral reefs and posted on facebook with captions asking for someone to tell the finder what animal the scale belonged to.Another photo showed a photo of your fluke splashing out of the water.In some your hair had been tucked into your old red hat so the mess of blue waves wouldn't be seen.But somehow those photos had been linked to others from the bridge of your nose and the color of your skin.You kind of missed the old days before all the facial recognition technology.

You went through the photos to see paragraphs and paragraphs with quotes from the interview with Linden. “Linden Sislip,sister of poet and former pawn shop owner claims that her brother was in love with the sea monster of Outer Banks.For decades a murderous mermaid-like creature has haunted the waters and supposedly lured multiple men to painful water related deaths.Outerbanks is known as Paradise on Earth and is home to countless millionaires AKA the sea monsters preferred prey.Some think the creature has migrated elsewhere because of a string of similar deaths closer to California.What do you think?”That article had to be the most bull shit thing you had ever read.Luckily most of the comments agreed,calling the photos fake and saying the scales were that of a tuna’s.

That was pretty insulting to say the least but at least they didn't actually believe you were a serial killing sea monster.That made you feel better but knowing how much Linden hated you definitely hurt a bit.She had hated most people though.She hated the poor,people of color,lgbt+,cats and babies.What kind of sociopath hates cats and babies?You couldn't wrap your head around the fact that somehow she was raised by the same parents he was yet she ended up like that.He was ahead of his time.He was respectful and kind and he loved everyone regardless of social status,race or sexuaity.That’s what made you feel so close to him.Linden had always stared in disgust when he bought extra newspapers to bring to people who couldn't afford them or when he saved his food to bring to children whose parents worked three jobs and still couldn't pay for a decent meal.

You pitied Linden,you couldn't even imagine being that closed minded and ignorant.Things were much worse in the South for sure but you tried your best to get to people.After he had passed away Linden had forced the rest of the family to completely shut you out.You couldn't go to the funeral or even go into their home to grab things that you could remember him by.She blamed you fro his death when she should have blamed herself.It was a terrible thought because in reality there was noone to blame but he had spent so much time in his life trying to convince her to be a good person and convince her to respect people.It had been a waste of years trying to wear her down and make her good but you cant help them all.

The interview didn't really shock you that much.She had always been bitter about you and your origins bit what did shock you was the fact that she had a son in 1950.A son named Bellamy Maybank. “Shit.”You whispered under your breath.Richard waited for you to explain your shock but when you didn't say anything he grew impatient. “What?”He asked.You just nodded,trying to form words.This was real life.This wasnt some weird dream or a conspiracy.This was actually real.This article was published 8 years ago and you had never seen it.

How could you have never seen it?You wondered if Richard knew and had hid it from you but that couldnt be.He knew just as little as you did. “You were right...but theres a time gap.How good are you at investigating?”You asked.A wide smile came across his mature,wrinkly face. “Are you forgetting about how I sunk Ward Cameron’s boat and completely trashed his plans in like...two hours?”He asked.You laughed quietly.Richard had always been so proud of that. “God,how could I forget?”You grinned,looking back up at the TV. “So what do you need me to find out?Make me a list in my notes app.You know which one the notes app is,right?”He teased.You rolled your eyes,opening the app and making a new note.

Close the time gap (after 50-now)

Learn about JJ,Pope,Kiara and the other one.

Check up on Ward’s plans

It had been a hot minute since you had Richard investigate someone.Last time had been nearly 20 years ago.Turns out Ward Cameron was hunting you down in attempt to kidnap and sell you.he was a fucked up son of a trout and you would most definitely say that to his face if given  the chance.You placed the phone down,looking back up at the tv.The main character was threatening a rude looking blonde boy with terrible fashion sense. “Could we drive around for a while?”You asked.He nodded,standing up from his chair.His feet were sore but he always pulled through for you.You two went back out to his car.He turned on your favorite CD that belonged to Billie Eilish.So much had changed since just a few years ago.Someone like Billie would absolutely be an outcast back when you were her age.

Something about the way that cars moved made you happy.It was strange to see the world shifting around you.How poor people rode horses and the rich had cars and how the tables had turned.You had seen so many wars and so many deaths yet you had watched multiple births.You watched segregation end and witnessed people of all races and ethnicities get the right to vote.You had seen the day that the lgbt community finally got rights.And you had helped with it all.You had experienced the life of the poor and of the filthy rich and you were only a quarter through your life.You had been a friend to Marilyn Monroe and saw the day that JFK was assassinated.You had seen so much that no one else had experienced.

You had heard so many old folks complain about the music of today and how it had been so much better back in their day but you could not disagree more.There was no reason to bash the modern ones music.All music is good music except for country music,of course.Richard drove through figure 8 so you could gaze at all the houses.It was quite disgusting that there were only an average of three people living in huge mansions with six bedrooms that they didn't need yet there were families of eight suffering in tiny houses made for three people maximum.The rich were greedy,bitter and overall selfish and annoying.

The poor were generous and grateful for everything they did have and were more likely to be kind and understanding.It was really just a sad place but you didn't want to go anywhere else.A lot of other areas had water that was far too polluted but definitely had better people and a better atmosphere on land.It didn't really matter how great the land was when you could only see it once a month anyways.Plus OBX had a great cave system and pretty nice weather.Richard turned his car,going back to The Cut.If you were to live anywhere in Outer Banks it would most definitely be The Cut.It had an all around better atmosphere,friendlier people and better hiding spots. “So how are the naiads?Have you heard from them?”He asked,purposefully driving slowly.You sighed,turning down the radio. 

“Not really,the only river entrance got blocked off by a ton of fallen branches.I haven't gotten any calls from them though so thats good.Its not that I don't like them or anything but they're just….god,they're so annoying.”You leaned back in your chair.He chuckled. “Does Esmerelda still have a crush on you?”He asked,turning down the dirt road.You nodded. “She’s just….she’s cute but she’s annoying,you know?”You asked.He nodded. “That ones always been kinda strange in the head.”He agreed.Once you got back to the house the sky was lightening up which meant you had such little time.You sat in the backyard in one of the camping chairs with your paper bag in your hand and the drawstring bag hanging off your shoulders.Blue sat with his head on your knee,staring up at you with his big shiny eyes.

He knew the drill by now,his drool making a dark puddle on your jeans as he whined for attention before you had to leave again.Richard had tried to bring the dog out to see you before but it never worked out.Blue got eager and excited and walked to fast for Richard and it wasn't safe for a dog to walk along rough and bumpy rocks.It wasn't exactly safe for an elderly man either but it sucks to suck.You stared up at the sky,wiggling your toes while you still could.As the sun began to come up over the horizon a similar aching pain spread from your heels to your thighs,your body feeling heavy. “I’ll see you next week,(Y/N).”Richard stood up to hug you.You hugged him back,tears pricking at your eyes.

Blue pawed at you,licking your jeans.You kissed his forehead lightly before limping down to the water.You dragged yourself into the water,collapsing when you were at your knees.Your legs tingled,your head slipping under the water as your legs knit together in a painful mess.From below your hips your tail grew,your hair falling in your face as all evidence that you had been human left you.Your hend clenched the deteriorating paper bag as you swished your fins,gaining control over your body again.The sun was now reflecting off the water,nearly blinding you.You ducked under the water,going deeper and deeper.

If you’d like to be added to the taglist comment a smiley face

@milamaybank @drewswannabegirl @teamnick @unmotivatedwritings  @danicarosaline @sexualparkour  @asaks6082 @mac-daddy-210 @prejudic3 @n1ghtsh4d3-67

[ao3gingerswag]

First of all: HUGSSSSSS I am so sorry you're having a bad day, I hope things turn around soon! Ok, so in an alternate universe there's no more big bads, the boys are semi-retired in that there's still hunts to go on, but it's not a full time job, and it's only one every couple weeks. There's also a big enough hunter network that no one's driving cross-country to hunts anymore, everything is localized! But that means they're somewhat settled into where they are, Dean and Cas and Sam still (tbc)

(cont'd) living in the bunker with Eileen there more than not as she and Sam settle into being together. Sam and Cas are besties! They go to the farmers market every weekend (they're regulars, some of the vendors look forward to seeing them every weekend because they know those big totes will be entirely filled up before they leave, buying all sorts of produce and local food stuffs, as well as the local knife guy constantly being brought new "decorative" weapons from their collection to (tbc)

(cont'd) sharpen, and this guy like kind of wants to ask how they procured so many rare and (sometimes) antique and (generally) extremely dangerous weapons but he's afraid they'd stop coming if he asked too many questions. They also have annual memberships at various museums across the couple states surrounding them, and always show up whenever there's a new exhibit. Sam has to keep Cas from trying to correct historical inaccuracies, and the curators kind of hate them. But their favorite (tbc)

(contd) museum is the one with the garden cafe (the museum's paired with a botanist or whatever) where there's all sorts of local flora and fauna overflowing and growing over the various benches and tables and Cas can watch the plants grow while Sam tries all the various local teas. Dean DOES NOT understand why he hates them having these days out so much, he ends up driving to visit Donna and have lunch with her and bitch about it while she tries not to just yell at him that's he's jealous (tbc)

(contd) and that he could easily take Cas out on dates if he just opened his stupid mouth and ASKED. She loves him, though, even if he's increasingly frequent lunch meet ups are starting to interfere with her dating life because everyone around town is starting to think she's dating that out-of-towner who shows up in that loud car at least once a week. Plus he's started showing up with home baked goods for her! (They don't realize he's started stress baking after every farmers market, using(tbc)

the fruit and honey and dairy products and whatever else Cas and Sam bring home because even if they're gonna have their weekly market non-date, he's gonna use whatever they buy to try to feel involved, despite being invited along every weekend and just refusing to go.) Sam meanwhile is well aware that his brother just hasn't figured out what he's feeling is being in love with Cas, and that Cas will never push Dean to change their relationship beyond wherever it currently is, so he flips (tbc)

(contd) between being insanely amused at Cas and Dean and being insanely frustrated. He skypes Eileen more and more frequently while she laughs at him. Whenever she's with the boys in person, she sends less and less subtle winks at Sam behind Cas and Dean's back, eventually just choosing to grab Sam by the hand and pull him away for their own alone time while Cas and Dean bicker and heart eyes at each other over some inane topic they've already covered a billion times. Obviously eventually (tbc)

(contd) had been waiting for MONTHS to tell them so it looks like it can finally happen! And everyone's happy and family dinners happen regularly and friends they made along the way are still alive and pop by for visits. Donna is THRILLED that her dating life is finally starting to pick up again now that no one mistakenly thinks she's dating Dean any longer. Claire wrinkles her nose at Cas and Dean but secretly is happy for them. And everyone's happy and alive and stays that way!

I think tumblr ate one of ur asks ;~; between the last and the second to last ;~; still tho i so agree and thank u so much these r lovely and made me happy to read!!!

yessss sam ans cas r besties!!! i love the idea of them being dorks and regularly going to the farmers market and to museums together yesss!!!!!! they’re such nerds omg!!!! and dean would pout every time and theyd be like u can come obviously??? but like he wouldnt. or he would once and spend the whole time complaining that hes bored and would be irritated that he cant make sam and cas pay more attention to him bc they like actually care about the farmers market/museums lol. so he doesnt go. but then he IS still like crazy jealous lol and it takes him forever to realize he can take cas on dates lololol. and yess the idea of him baking with the stuff they bring home from the market is so sweet :))))) ah this was so cute to read thank u so much <3 <3 <3

[carternate]

i really dont understand my own feelings

and im fucking terrified of myself.

i refuse to say im okay anymore. my head isnt okay

what im feeling isnt fucking normal

and i take it out on my girlfriend but in the same respect im terrified of telling her shit because i will be exposed. i trust her i want her and i love her more than anything. but i dont know how to explain my emotions anymore. i never did actually. im a fucking mess in general. i hate that i feel stuck in a prison of my own body. its not the dumb ass transgender feeling

its a literal feeling of a cage.

i hate the people in my past. i hate that they still have an impact

i hate that i cant control myself like i used to be able to and that i cant even take my medication because i tell myself im too tough for it lmao. i literally was so close to ending my life, but in an instant this time. not some pussy shit where i begged for help and then it was possible for someone to save me

i almost really just ended it. ended it because i didnt find value in it.

i dont feel good enough and everything seems wrong

but i want to be okay and be good and make it to heaven. i used to have a passion

i used to love god with all my heart but i cant even understand it anymore

its noones fault but my own

and that hurts even more

i cant even try to blame it on another its on me this time

ive lost control

i cant even think long enough to listen in my hour long class.

i thought i was broken before because of a family that degraded me

but whatever the fuck i feel now feels eighty times worse

but i keep it internal and i cant keep it in anymore

im going to fucking explode

im falling apart completely

and im going insane

and i dont feel that i belong here

i literally will sit in my car and think of scenarios

but when i actually start to FEEL its absolutely ridiculous and insane

and SO much.

i try to bring positivity and help anna

and i try to be sure that sentences like this dont happen

but flashbacks hit me hard

the hospital, that week. that first week was insane.

its fucked to say

but i felt like i belonged there. i felt like that could be my home. from the daily vitals,to the little kid that cried in the cornwr, to the creepy ass schizophrenic girl that was my roommate, to jenna, to my freak outs.

i was crazy. but i got to take it out and do it and have people who understood it and tried to help.

geneva ohio. is not a place where i can be okay and myself authentically

i cant even be myself at my fucking work place.

nobody understands shit other than the kids that were there

during our group sessions and even during school i felt like it was okay.

there is just a hole in my head that i can not find anything to fill

im curious about everything and i hve no idea what about

i have questions

so fucking many

and noone wants to hear them

i hate that i cant concentrate

i hate that when i tell my dad im not okay i cant even look him in the eye because all i can picture is coming out of the ambulance and seeing my mom and dad looking at me screaming what hppened

and i have never felt like that in my life.

i cant let go of that. i cant let go of the visual of mallory laying at the edge of my bed before i got sent away to laurelwood looking at me like “fuck dude. you really tried.” she looked sorry for me, but not the kind that people like want. not the kind of compassion

but the scared kind. she looked scared of me. nothing has been the same aince.i want to drown iut my thoughts

and my stupid fucking stutter

and i want to lay in annas arms and cry everything out

but i also want to fucking beat the shit out of someone

and thats not me. im not violent. but i want to like bEAT THE SHIT out of someone. anyone at this point. but whatever

i dont understand how things that are so fucking simple to other people are like fucking complete brain aches for me.

i cant go anywhere alone because i am scared of being physically alone but mentally ive never been more lonely and that scares me.

the story never ends i guess.

i hate how my mind can be spinning in circles and people that say they are there can be right next to me complaining and have no idea i want to jab a knife into my body lol

but then all i would be is a coward if i just ended it all. it would technically be the easy way out and i dont want to be that person. thinking about death doesnt really even scare me anymore, and that thought scares me more than death itself.

in a perfect world i guess everything would be fine

and i would be happy

and never necessarily need to think about things that hurt me or have those little bullets shot at my head with every turn i take.

but thats not reality, and realizing that alone needs

to be a priority that i take.

i probably wont ever live a life without triggers, depression, or anxiety.

and that fucking sucks.

especially because i know that people fake their mental illness just for the attention and they dont have to live with something that prevents them from doing everyday activities or being terrified of little shit

but in my opinion that attention people seek from illness or anything in general is the worst part about it. i hate when people find out about the hospital.

i get embarrassed regardless of how many times people will tell me its okay

like sure its okay. but its not normal. going to a mental institution shouldnt be something everyone does

or everyone knows someone who went. thats just fucked. and i hate that im someone that people will be like “oh emily went to one” or the questions i will get from people are absolutely morbid and NOT their business but i feel obligated to talk about it when people ask. its a fucked up world dude. and sometimes im really fucking sick of living in it.

i just want to be okay again, even if its for a second. just a second of peace and a second of understanding. a fucking break would be nice?

a vacation away with anna and my kitty? if i could get that right now my entire heart would be full. i need two weeks to mentally get myself okay again. but lucky for me that’s not possible, and some may say “welcome to the adult world” and that is such a fucking understatement.

this is never going to be over

and im always going to not be afraid of death and im always going to not know shit about myself and im always not going to treat anyone right and i cant fucking even breathe when im walking yet i still have to work daily. and im so sick of it from beginning to end. and i want my story to fucking end already.

God if you can see this by some small celestial chance you actually give a shit about Earth and its inhabitants fucking help me.

[flower-of-the-desert]

Thoughts on 2gether ep12

I knew last episode was a false sense of security and now there’s

(I love this gif so much, it works for all kinds of things that cause pain)

but seriously though, I am here for the drama like I loved how soft and fluffy it was so far but now gimme a little bit of angst for the climax please and thank you; but dont forget that happy ending ok? OK?????

I said last week and I’ll say it again, I really do love that Tine and Wat’s problems are coming from their own character flaws and issues and like yes, there’s Pam but she’s not... really the core of it you know? Like obviously the real problems here are Tine’s insecurities and overhinking and Sarawat’s not being very forthcoming with things he thinks will embarrass him in front of Tine which is kind of fascinating to me cause we saw the same thing last ep when Wat didnt want to admit the clip was for Tine at first because he was embarrassed/shy and now with the song I’m guessing it’s the same thing and/or it’s not ready yet and Wat doesnt want to tell Tine until he’s got it perfected

but it’s the combination of those two flaws of their that’s driving the drama right now - Pam being just the catalyst - and it’s all going to backfire spectacularly on Wat next episode

.... and I am here for it, this is character drama I can get behind

speaking of Pam, I wonder if that’s not another misunderstanding there when she said I love you? as in I love you romantically or I love you as a dear friend? And she also says she wants to go back to how things were before but before she wasnt dating Wat, they were just closer as friends than they are now

I hope that’s what they’re going for like she misses having Wat as a friend and wants to get their friendship back and not that she’s in love with him

I think it would work better thematically with Tine being insecure and seeing things through that lense rather than what they are in reality

but omg, my man Mil really pull through! I’m so happy he’s finally moving on from his feelings for Tine and by giving back the bracelet he’s basically telling Wat to not waste the chance he has to be with Tine now by not being careful

I read a comment after last episode that I really really liked saying that Mil doesnt really seem interested in Tine anymore but what he was doing in ep11 was mostly just to get on Wat’s nerves and trying to be friends with Tine at the very least (trying to explain himself about the attack because he didnt want Tine to be scared of him/to think he was that kind of a person) and I think this scene absolutely proves that and I love it

also the fact that he remembered that today was Phukong’s exam and sent him an encouraging message 💖💖💖

I love how Tine and Wat are walking with their hands around each other

and now we’re taking a shower together O_o

I’m not complaining

you know, I’m not getting any deeper into the kissing/sex debate because like I said last week, yes I agree that it makes sense for them to be touching more as in the show has set it up that they want to do it but this episode absolutely semented for me that the implications are there that they do do it off screen but we’re not gonna see that and usually I would be upset about it because 1) I am horny bird with a dirty dirty brain, 2) I loooooooove touchy-feely couples in general and 3) it makes sense for your couple to be physically intimate from a pure writing POV unless you’ve set up some reason for them not to be which is clearly not the case here

but... I dont know, with these two it just doesnt bother me as much as it normally would; I dont know why, maybe it’s that I adore how well developed their emotional intimacy is (and like you cant find THAT in most couples in TV either so that’s already a big plus) and that they’re clearly comfortable touching/being near each other/getting in each other’s space like a couple WOULD do, it’s the heavier stuff that is left off screen and that’s a writing choice they apparently decided to go with and well, it is what it is

the only complaint I have is that they really should have had a few more kisses, like not on FTTT’s level of making out like your life depends on it but at least little pecks here and there, I think that would have been perfect

ANYWAY, so those are my finale thoughts on that matter, MOVING ON phew

Tine’s so gone he’s smiling at a picture of Wat while being in the same room as him which is frankly #mood

Tine’s just like I do not vibe with this so I’m removing myself from the situation the moment Pam opened her mouth and he just TURNED THE FUCK AROUND AND WALKED AWAY

I thought Sarawat was the one to look out for when it comes to jealousy but Mr I’m gonna punish you all night long here is actually the real deal

Type and Man are EXACTLY that cat/dog meme and I’m living for it, this entire scene is just so funny and Type’s little “open it” at the end is just 🤣

I like how they’re building up Tine’s insecurities over Pam little by little by having Tine find similarities between them and then with the talk about first loves and letting us see how he comes to the conclusions he does so it makes sense how it all happens

holy shit I did not expect Man/Type to break my heart too but HERE WE ARE

that dinner scene was so hard to get through especially because what Man is going through realising he’s got nothing much to offer Type at the moment, financially speaking and that he’s still a first year and he’s got  a lot of things left to do for his own future and life and just... that hits hard

unpopular opinion but I actually like that Type left with the asshole boss because 1) that’s gonna make him realise that he does miss Man when he stops coming to him next ep and 2) like from Type’s POV it makes sense? he barely knows this kid that’s been chasing him non-spot and annoying him and yeah, sure he’s helpful and seems genuine in his feelings and Type clearly is starting to melt a little but but he also wants to not lose his job and offend his boss (he might be a total jackass but he’s still Type’s boss) so he’s got no choice but to prevent the situation from escalating

also I like to think that maybe part of why he decided to leave  was cause he was trying to protect Man by not letting him get in a fight with the guy

also did I say how much I am here for the drama next week when Man really does stop looking for him and Type realises oh shit I did NOT want that and yells at Man for disappearing on him after making him feel these things

which is basically like how Tine decided to go about confessing his feelings  not like a normal Braincell-filled person but accusing Wat of not taking responsibility for making Tine fantasize about kissing him and OMG these two really are brothers, arent they?

I really was hoping Wat would say Tine was his first love but THEN he proceeded to snatch my wig with saying that what he felt for Pam was nothing like what he felt for Tine that day at the concert and being so ridiculously OFFENDED when Tine said he and Pam were alike he was like wHAt?? you are like her??? PLEASE YOU ARE THE WEIRDEST PERSON I’VE EVER MET AND I LOVE YOU PLS NEVER LEAVE ME

AND THEN TINE BREAKS DOWN COMPLETELY AT THE END THINKING HE’S LOST WAT LIKE FULL ON SOBBING AND HITTING THE WALL AND SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DENIAL AND I AM NOT OK

WHO LET ME WATCH THAT

I NEED A HUG

TINE NEEDS A HUG

anyway, I am fine

next episode looks like it’s gonna be choked full of some of my favourite tropes and honestly I canNOT wait

but dont forget that happy ending though OK??????

[danoo219]

I cant think of a title but it has a story that you’ll enjoy.

I should be thankful for all that I have during this horrible pandemic. People’s lives are falling apart, people are losing their loved ones and I have been complaining and dying on the inside hoping to find my forever person. I’ve written about this before but let’s attempt to see this from a different perspective.

I’m partially falling apart on the inside and I have no positivity left inside of me.

It’s monsoon here and it was pouring like crazy the other night and I was hoping and praying that somehow it would start raining all over the world at the same time and wash away the virus, disappearing as fast as it appeared.

Crazy to have such a thought, right? But just imagine if that happened. 2020 as we know it would take another crazy turn and become even more insane than it already is.

I want this heavy feeling from my heart to go away, I don’t like feeling this way because this is not who I am.

I haven’t let myself fall apart, because what will I get out of it, right? I feel shitty and keep saying that the world should end and that I’ll find my forever person in another life, because yes multiple lives do exist. 

It’s raining right now and I’m trying to navigate whether it’s the good kind of rain or the bad kind. You know when you’re in a good mood and it’s raining you want to have pakoras and jalebis and when you’re in a bad mood, the rain just makes your mood worse and you feel like you’re done with life.

I lose my identity.

This past month I’ve been busy with family members who were visiting and they left today. I don’t want to say that I’m relieved but I kind of am. I sort of forget my identity when they’re here and my life becomes more about them, it was back and forth from their place for the past month.

I’m kind of responsible for them and they rely on me for a lot of things and I comply which I like doing but then I lose my identity which is an extremist move to make. I belong to a family of extremists so it’s justified.

Extremists in a completely non-harmful way. An example about my mother. shes very health conscious, likes to stay fit, extremely energetic so to keep her self in check, she takes numerous supplements for digestion, thyroid and just general strength and anti-aging etc which she has been taking for years now.

She also loves experimenting with different sorts medication and whatnot so she went to this herbal doctor who suggested that she should leave ALL HER supplements, stop taking sugar, caffeine, milk among MANY other things.

He said if she stopped, all those things will ‘naturally’ start getting better.

So she got back from the doctor that day and immediately stopped taking everything.

Now the thing is, we don’t function without chai and she decided to give up that and every single supplement that she has been taking for over 10 years now.

What happened? Withdrawal, of course.

I came home that day to my mother and my aunt lying lifeless on the floor and one on the sofa because they had no energy due to the withdrawal of sugar or caffeine.

I’m not calling out any herbal treatments, I’m sure some work great but this was just ridiculous and undoable.

This lasted for about 2 weeks and then she finally gave in because she started having a lot of other issues to which the doctor still said ‘continue doing it’ but she stopped because I wouldn’t stop complaining about how stupid all of this was.

This is a lovely story of how extremism works in my family, just one of many many incidents.

So the message here is to take things slow and steady when leaving any supplements or medications or your body will start to go through unexpected things.

Mother, why are you like this? I say jokingly.

She’s healthy and happy taking all her supplements and having a slice of cake with her afternoon chai every single day.

26th July 2020. 

[copias-thighs]

Ignore me, I’m just complaining again as always. For the past month and a half I’ve been pressured into painting a wall for my sister in law and I mentioned before I don’t want to do this at all. Well anything artistic in general for her since she and her younger brother can be rude about it all some times. When she first found out I was artistic, she asked me to do a jungle mural on her wall for her daughter (who was 5 months about at the time) in her house she lived in during that time. Sure, no biggie. I didn’t mind. I was being paid for it, it would be done in time for Christmas, and was being given everything I needed for it, best of all I had no specific date to have it done by. She told me to do what I want, as long as I had 4 monkeys and a tree from the photos she sent me. That being said, I did what she asked and proceeded to draw on the wall she wanted on. Mind you, it’s the first time I’ve EVER painted a whole piece on a wall. I wanted it to be perfect and wanted to take make sure I drew it all correctly. She has a younger brother who was about 13 at the time and he is very, extremely vulgar and rude. He won’t care who you are, he’ll verbally harass you and feel no guilt. Even if you haven’t done anything wrong to him or anyone else. When I started drawing, he yelled, “So this masterpiece of yours is going to be a year long ordeal? Great.” Rolled his eyes and left. I knew what was going to happen, so I started showing up at her house with my noise cancelling headphones to tune him out while I finally started painting. A month passed as I was close to finishing the wall. I was tired, sore, I had a headache, and I had a lot of stress on me because I had so many personal issues eating away at me during that time. I just wanted to finish. My playlist started to buffer a little as I was finishing up painting what needed to be green. Grass, leaves, flower stems, that kind of stuff. I heard my sister in law go “Shhh! Cut it out! She’ll hear you!” Confused, I paused my music and tuned in out of curiosity. So much for noise cancelling, am I right? Her brother begins to get louder screaming, “I don’t fucking care. I don’t see why you’re paying that girl to fuck up your wall! She flat out ruined it! Hell- if you wanted to ruin your wall, I could’ve spread my ass cheeks open and shit all over your walls! You can pay me for it too!” I wanted to hide in a hole and cry. Have I really messed her wall? Was my first time painting something this huge a major fail? I felt horrible. I gathered up what was mine and ran out of there. My fiancé had to be the one to finish it. I got paid for it though, but for what? I didn’t want the money anymore, I wanted an apology that I never received to this day.

A couple of months later, her daughter’s first birthday began to approach. She was born in the summer and my sister in law had a set theme for it. A water theme to be more clear. She had a fancy camera and decided to have a special feature at the party. A backdrop with props. Which seemed pretty cool. She asked me for ideas and I told her some. Making fish using their handprints and glueing a fishnet on the backdrop, things like that. Well she replies with, “Oh cool, I didn’t know you knew how to make those! You’re doing the backdrop for me, right?” Well she never asked me, she just threw it at me.. so I said sure Ig... she told me that she needed the fish and all the backdrop stuff done before the 2nd of June. It was early May so I had plenty of time. Nope. Out of nowhere she calls saying that she needed them within the next few days, and I was nowhere NEAR done. She still demanded it and I scrambled to get it all done. I had to put the wall up on my own and it was barely the middle of May at that point, with the party still set for the 2nd of June. Didnt get paid for it and I literally had no money to buy what I needed since I didn’t have a job. I had to scrimp up about $5 for what you see that she couldn’t spare. At least she kept the decorations. She claimed her 1 year old daughter was upset that there was only ONE dolphin, even though that’s my sister in law’s favourite animal, and was she and her little brother were upset there wasn’t much done for the backdrop.

A year later, summer was rolling back in again and her daughter was turning two. Cute, happy, yay, happy feels. I was at my sister in law’s for a little get together, and she comes up to me, with me feeling dread as I knew what was going to happen. “Ohhh, I cant wait until she turns two! I have such a cute idea! I’m going to have a Mickey Mouse Club House theme with a backdrop saying “I’m TWOdles! Isn’t that cute?!” I uncomfortably smiled and nodded giving a weak “yeah” as a silent anxiety attack started kicking in. She stood there for a good few minutes as if she was waiting for me to ask to help her, which I obviously didn’t, getting flashbacks from how she demanded things to be done last second last time. So she huffed and said, “I need life size cut outs of Minnie, Mickey, Goofy, and Toodles. Do you think you can do that?” I really didn’t know how to, I honestly didn’t. I told her just that, but she didn’t let it go. She ended up telling me to make her just their heads and the words “I’m TWOdles” and how she needed them by June. This time I had a whole month. I wasn’t as anxious, I had time to figure out how to get it done. Well two weeks later she calls demanding it to be done before the day after. I panicked, seeing that I was having trouble colouring the heads nicely without being judged on how you you can see marker lines and such. And when I showed her what I had done, she was upset because it wasn’t enough to cover up the wall. She wanted more things to fill it up. So I hesitantly said large balloon flowers. She can make those on her own, while I finished the heads. NOPE! I had to be the one to do that too. I’ve never worked with balloons, I’m afraid of the sounds they make, I can’t stand them unless they’re the foil ones. I have a huge ass phobia about them and nearly cried as I made the balloon flowers. I flinched, winced, and the threw the balloons with each nasty rubber rubbing sound it made. My fiancé had to literally fucking hold me each freak out I had with those damn things. Well I had to get it all done because it’s my fault for suggesting balloon flowers to begin with. which I did. The day of the party, her family was wowed by it. Her little brother however, was angry I was getting compliments. So he began shouting that he did it all, and he worked really hard on it all. My sister in law was mad too that I didn’t get her daughter a present. Ig the wall wasn’t a good gift.

Now here I am currently, stressing over a wall plus more. My sister in law moved to a new home recently, and needed help painting walls. I painted all 3 rooms. I thought that was the end of that. WELL BUCKLE UP because she said some, “Oooo, guess what! My daughter has been asking for you to paint her walls! She really wants monkeys, lions, and elephants on her wall!” At this point I had enough. I asked, “SHE wants the animals? Or YOU want them?” She went quiet and said, “no, she’s been asking for you!” Pretty damn specific for a 3 year old to want, considering she can barely say anything. She can’t even say her own name. Here I am, sketching on the wall, with my sister in law coming right up to me telling me that she wants fish to be painted on the walls of the toy room after I’m done with the jungle crap. I got really annoyed and said she can easily use the fish stuff from her 1st birthday. She ignored that. After I drew all the crap on the wall in pencil, she stops me in the hall and adds, “Hey! So my hallway looks so bland! Any ideas on how to make it prettier? Like a tree with squares for photos?” I told her she can buy a tree decal on Amazon for cheap, but she cuts me right off screaming “Checked already, they’re $200.” I practically live on Amazon and told her no, they aren’t that expensive. Only to be cut off by her screeching “They’re $200, I don’t have $200! Give me ideas!”

Wow, ok.

So I said to do this: Put a large photo of her and her kids with neatly organised smaller photos of family moments around it. Like this:

Nope, she told me that it was “too messy and too thrown together.” Agitated, I told her it’s getting late and that I had to leave. She then started following me around when I gathered all my pencils and erasers, asking when I was coming back over to paint and if I could bring my own paint. I kept calm and said I didn’t have much money to spend to buy paint (I quit my job around November the year before) and that I’ll come over the next time she’s off work. Which turned out to be Mother’s Day. I told her I’m not coming in because I wanted to spend time with my own mom and she tried telling me all these “gifts” her 3 year old daughter was eyeing for her. Joke or not, I got annoyed because I stated multiple times that I have no job and little money to be spending on paint. I have to take care of my mom and siblings back home, buying food and house supplies with what I have. Well my dumbass absentmindedly said “This- This wall is your Mother’s Day present.” She gave me a face and said “I didn’t ask for this! This isn’t for me, my daughter wanted this!” With and eye twitch, I said that this is something SHE asked for and how HER DAUGHTER can barely speak. She can’t even say a full sentence, her name, my name, and if it’s hER DAUGHTER wanting this, what was requested for the wall was oddly specific for her to want. I told her bye and tried to leave as quick as I could to avoid any new “favours” she might have for me. As I start heading to the door, she yells after me, “come up with more ideas for the hallway for me! We’ll talk later!”

Another fun bit is that now she has a son. And for his first birthday photo shoot, she’s going to dress him up as a dinosaur, breaking out of an egg. Problem is, she doesn’t have a huge egg. She comes up to me and says, “So I need I giant egg, you can figure out how to do that, right?” I couldn’t even say no because her family was watching me, waiting for me to say “yes” even though I wanted to say no because I don’t know how to. Hell, I still don’t! I’m beyond scared to make it! When she decided for me that I was going to make her a giant dinosaur egg regardless, mother fucker adds in “Oh! I also need a life size Forky, Mr. And Mrs. Potato Head, Slinky, etc for my daughter’s birthday!” I WANT TO FUCKING CRY SHE NEEDS THE TOY STORY CRAP NEXT MONTH AND I DONT HAVE ANYTHING THAT BIG TO DRAW ON FOR IT AND I KNOW HER ASS IS GOING TO BITCH FOR IT THIS MONTH AND I KNOW IM NOT GETTING PAID FOR ANY OF THIS FUCKING SHIT FUCK ME

[ladyplantpots]

Fresh from discord and edited to read better, an AU where Hizashi runs a hair-styling YouTube account, and Shouta comes across it whilst looking up how to braid his adopted daughter Eri’s hair.

Shouta needs to braid Eri’s hair, because dammit she deserves pretty hair and a competent dad able to provide her with cute styles. He scours the internet for videos to follow along, as he’s a hands-on learner, but finds them all dull and confusing. Then he comes across a video from a man who practically yells a welcoming introduction before passionately explaining exactly how to do a simple braid. The man, who calls himself Hizashi, is upbeat, loud, and easy to follow. The ultimate opposite of Shouta, he thinks, but his instructions to braid hair are just so easy to understand, and Hizashi is so damn HAPPY as he braids his own soft and golden hair for the camera. Shouta soon successfully braids Eri’s hair, and her smile is blinding. And then he sees another one of Hizashi’s videos preparing to load. He should DEFINITELY turn it off now. He ends up watching all his videos. The man, Hizashi, is everything Shouta is not. Bright, funny, likeable, confident, and his long blond hair flows all the way down his back at the start of each video, before he decorates it with flowers, or braids it, or sticks it in buns - he always looks so goddamn flawless. Shouta has never been so damn enamoured, and especially with someone so utterly unobtainable. A month after he first finds the channel, he gets drunk with Kayama. Kayama teases him on his obvious crush, and Shouta is annoyed as hell. He doesn’t get crushes. He has no time for them. And anyway, those videos aren’t even hard. He could do his own hair like any of Hizashi’s styles easily.  The night slips away in a blur. What he wakes up to the next day, is a disaster. His hair is a gross mess, he has a killer hangover, and whats that on YouTube? A video of him, filmed by Kayama, drunk, and he’s glaring into the camera and slurring shit like 'stupid hot blonde perfect hair Hizashi, i bet he cant do this with VODKA' as he attempts to knot his own hair into a plait. It’s already went viral as ‘Drunk Guy Destroys Own Hair and Cusses Out Top Beauty Vlogger’ before he can even delete it. Shouta is mortified, and hopes for death. Hizashi has uploaded a new video the very next day. 'I Make Perfect Fishtail Braids Whilst Drunk!' Shouta is mad and definitely not panicking that Hizashi saw his video. Why would he even respond? Was he annoyed? Upset? Did he think Shouta was a total and utter idiot? Hizashi at the end of his video says something along the lines of 'Wow! I guess I CAN do perfect hair with vodka,' and signs off, but not before enthusiastically giving a wink to the camera. Shouta, damn it all, is smitten. Against his better judgement, Shouta uploads another video the next week. He’s gained a mass of followers despite deleting his first and only video, but he refuses to acknowledge them. He doesn’t need this dumb attention. He just needs to prove he ISN’T a drunk moron, and set the record straight. But that new video he uploads, his second ever one, is kind of just.... A rant. And he isn't drunk, but he is extremely, extremely tired after the longest day, and he'd just watched another video of sunshiney Hizashi just being lovely and jolly and perfect. So, Shouta borrows Kayama’s camera, and makes a video. The video shows him surrounded by coffee mugs, and his daughter Eri is in bed so his voice isn't loud, just, annoyed, but, it's all kind of... Hilarious? He has no set plan. He just complains about, 'Stupid sunshine people with stupid hair that isn't THAT pretty dammit and why cant sunshine people be NORMAL and hate life with everyone else?' It lasts 10 minutes, five of which is just Shouta trying not to fall asleep, and some of his hair dips into his coffee when he tries to take a drink just before the video ends. It, again, goes viral, because Shouta is a tired mess and makes zero sense, and the next day Hizashi uploads a new video. 'Doing your hair for non-sunshine folk. A normal boring guide.' In the video, Hizashi greets everyone in a flat, monotone voice, and he's wearing a stark black wig. His happy comments and general fun spark is replaced by thickly manufactured doom-and-gloom, his fingernails painted black and his clothes plain and dull. He then does a perfect set of space buns in the black wig, all whilst giving instructions in a complete and utterly boring drone. At the end of the video, he holds up a coffee cup, and in same unvarying pitch, says 'and remember. Coffee is bad for hair.' before breaking into the biggest, brightest laugh, and giving a cheeky wink. Shouta doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. And so, Shouta rants again. And Hizashi replies in a timely and fun manner. Shouta tries not to pay attention to the weirdly large following he has gathered, which for some unknown reason has opted to refer to themselves as ‘SleepyHeads’. Hizashi’s own following calls themselves ‘SunRays’. Shouta thinks it’s all completely ridiculous. After almost a solid two months of this back-and-forth via teasing and odd videos, Shouta finds an email in his inbox. No prizes for guessing who from. Hizashi is just as sweet in email as he is in video, and just as witty. Shouta’s crush couldn’t be bigger if he tried. But, the email asks something of Shouta that makes his heart stop. Hizashi asks to do a collab video, in which Hizashi styles his hair for him. Shouta should say no. This is getting way too out of hand, and it won’t help his dumb crush, and it’s just ridiculous to even consider it. Three days later, he’s awkwardly stood in front of Hizashi’s apartment.  And Hizashi? Yup, more beautiful in person than Shouta thought possible, dressed in a cosy mustard-yellow turtleneck, and his hair cascading past his shoulders as his wide grin warmly welcomes Shouta inside. And Shouta, he’s certainly made an effort to be more presentable - he’s wearing his favourite jacket, though it does have a cat face drawn on the front pocket in black marker by Eri, and he’s washed his hair in the most expensive conditioner he could find, in hopes Hizashi doesn’t cringe doing his hair.  There’s not much conversation before the video, Hizashi just gives him the basics of what he wants to happen before pushing Shouta towards his scarily professional setup, in front of an expensive-looking camera. Hizashi is like a precise whirlwind, knowing exactly what to hit next, and soon enough, Shouta is sat in a comfortable high seat, stony-faced and definitely not freaking out as Hizashi leans down and chuckles in his ear, ‘Oh yeah, by the way, we’re doing this show LIVE baby!’ Shouta has no time to object before Hizashi hits a button, and falls into his usual opening spiel. And Shouta? He’s ready to die. Its going to be him, sitting there, live, as Hizashi hates on his gross nasty hair and laughs about what an idiot he was in his videos. He wishes he had never come, he is SUCH an absolute fool, but then he feels a hand on his shoulder, pulling him out of his own head, and there’s Hizashi, smiling softly down at him. ‘Don’t look scared, this will be fun!’ And then, Hizashi is perched behind Shouta, at an angle that the camera can still see him too. Shouta tries not to look at the monitor in front of him, which shows exactly what the camera sees as hundreds of comments fly by.  Suddenly, there’s a brush going through Shouta’s hair, and Hizashi talks as if they’ve done this for years. ‘Now, my dear viewers, this is the infamous Aizawa Shouta, or Vodka King to his SleepyHead fans!’ Shouta cringes, but Hizashi just continues. ‘I have to admit, his first video shocked me! But I mean, who wouldn’t be shocked by such a handsome man not only challenging me, but ruining his own fantastic locks too!’ Shouta freezes, and he wonders if Hizashi notices. Handsome? He thinks Shouta is handsome? He must be joking. But Hizashi continues, loudly and happily, as he brushes Shouta’s hair and reaches for some bobby pins. ‘Doing my own Vodka Hair Challenge was the most fun I’d had in a long time! Though of course, no alcohol if you’re not old like me!’ Hizashi tuts at the camera, quickly pulling his hand away from Shouta’s hair to waggle it at the screen. ‘Anyway! I am just so so lucky to have this hilarious man here, and I can only hope to do justice to all of this gorgeous thick hair! I’m thinking a cute crown plait, and some red flower clips to keep it all in place, because viewers, it would be a CRIME to cover this gorgeous face!’ Shouta’s cheeks are burning. This is not what he expected. But, they’re live, he has to keep his cool, he can’t be dragged along at this loud idiot’s pace or he’ll have a meltdown there and then. So he drily says, ‘The only crime occurring here is the annihilation of my ear drums. You are WAY louder in person.’ Hizashi pauses his brush, and Shouta thinks ‘oh God no I fucked it all up’, before Hizashi is releasing the heartiest laugh Shouta’s ever heard. It’s as if the room moves with him, and Shouta wonders what he wouldn’t give to hear it again. He hopes nobody has picked up the pinkness of his own cheeks. Hizashi’s camera cant be THAT good. From there, Hizashi just talks to Shouta and occasionally the viewers as if it’s the most normal thing in the world, and Shouta quickly finds himself doing the same. Talking to Hizashi is surprisingly easy, and damn it all he’s actually laughing with the man over literally nothing. And then his hair is done. ‘Ta-da!’   Shouta stares at his reflection in the hand-mirror Hizashi hands him. He’s done a good job. A fantastic job. Shouta’s hair is sweeping up into a braid that crowns his head, little bits of hair artfully poking out, staying true to his naturally curly ‘do, and cute red flowers adorn the style - all different shapes and sizes. ‘A beautiful mess’ comes to mind, and Shouta can’t help but feel he doesn’t actually deserve to have hair so nice. Hizashi is silent for once, the camera still rolling, and he’s looking right at Shouta, for the first time looking vulnerable, before he quietly says, ‘Do... You like it?’ And Shouta bits his lip, lowering the mirror, before sighing and genuinely smiling, his expression warm. In that moment, he KNOWS he doesn’t want this man to leave his life, and it’s scary, and it’s illogical, and it’s thrilling. Hizashi’s face is the one that goes red this time, as Shouta speaks up in an undeniably admiring and genuine tone,  ‘It’s absolutely and utterly perfect, you wretched sunshine man.’

[dyslexicsquirrel]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies), Captain America (Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Characters: Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Happy Hogan, Pepper Potts, James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov (Marvel) Additional Tags: Mistaken Identity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Light-Hearted

Stony Bingo 2019 round 2 fill (square T5) Prompt: mistaken identity 

Steve was not sure how he ended up in this mess. And it was a mess because the people surrounding him had been expecting… a model? Or something, he still wasn’t sure. There was a lot of arguing going on. All this because of some man at the airport holding a sign that said ‘Rogers’.

Steve had been on his way out of the airport after he hit baggage claim to go flag down a cab or see if he could get a Lyft or something. The guy holding the sign had been wearing a suit, looking bored, and checking his watch and Steve had thought maybe his friends had gotten him a car home as a surprise? It wasn’t like it was so far out of the realm of possibilities. He’d been gone for the majority of the last four years in the army. They could have wanted to do something nice, so Steve walked up to the guy. “You waiting for Rogers?”

“Yeah, that you?” He looked relieved at the possibility of getting to leave the airport. Steve hated to disappoint the guy, but he also wanted to make sure he wasn’t stealing someone else’s ride.

“Steve Rogers?”

“Eh,” the guy said with a shrug. “I didn’t get a first name. You coming or not?”

“I guess I’m coming?” So, he’s followed the guy out of the airport, into the summer heat, which was a completely different type of heat than the type he’d gotten use to after three deployments to the Middle East.

He was led to a limo, and the man opened the door, holding out his hand. “I’m Happy, by the way.”

Steve switched his duffle to his other hand and shook Happy’s. “Nice to meet you.”

“You want to keep your bag with you are you want to throw it in the trunk?”

“Um.” Steve bent down to get a look at the inside of the limo. “Think I’ll keep it. Thanks though.”

“No problem. Hop in, I know where you’re going so just relax. I hear it was a long flight.”

“The longest,” he said with a sigh. It was what it had felt like at least. He slid into the limo, Happy shut the door behind him, and then got into the driver’s seat. The partition was up, so Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket to send a message to the group chat.

Steve: omw. Flight was fine. So tired

Bucky: great! Cant wait to see you. Nat made the thing with the pasta

Nat: Nat can talk for herself. But I made the alfredo thing is what he means. Also there’s garlic bread

Steve: you’re a saint and not just for putting up with Buck

Bucky: haha you think youre so fucking funny. I dont care youve been in the army I can still kick your ass punk

Steve shook his head. He’d missed them. He let out a slow breath, letting his loll against the back of the seat. This felt like the longest day of his life. He wanted a nap so badly. And why not? There was enough room for him to stretch out back here and the drive from LAX to Pasadena would take a while. Steve laid down across the seat, not even caring about the fact that it wasn’t all that safe, and closed his eyes.

*

Steve felt as if he’d just closed his eyes when someone started nudging his foot and he went from asleep to awake in a second. Pushing up in his elbows he could see Happy leaning in the open door of the limo frowning at him. “Come on, buddy. We’re already late. The boss is gonna have my ass.”

“Boss?” He asked, but Happy had already pulled his head back out and was standing by the open door, waiting for Steve to get out presumably. He shoved his phone, that had fallen onto the floor back in his duffle and slid out of the vehicle.

And froze.

“Where the hell are we?” His eyes scanned his surroundings. This was not Pasadena. This was not Nat and Bucky’s house.

Happy was still frowning at him. “The studio. Come on. Pepper and the makeup and wardrobe guys are waiting over on lot B.”

“I think there might be some kind of…” Steve started, but trailed off when Happy set off at a brisk pace, weaving through the crowd of people. Steve shut the door of the limo since Happy hadn’t and it seemed like he should then set off after Happy before he lost him and maybe his only hope of finding out what was happening.

*

“This is not the guy,” a red haired woman said to Happy for the fourth time, pointing at Steve, talking about him but not too him. That had been happening a lot since he followed Happy onto the lot.

“Pepper, he said his name was Rogers.”

“Ian Rogers, Happy. You were supposed to pick up Ian Rogers not—” ‘Pepper’ broke off and looked at Steve. “I’m sorry, what’s your name?”

“Steve Rogers, ma’am.”

“Right.” She paused for a moment, staring at him, but shook her head and went back to her conversation with Happy. “Not Steve Rogers. You need to go pick up the right guy. He’s still at the airport. His agent just called me, because Ian called him, and I don’t like getting yelled at for things I wasn’t aware were a problem.”

“But traffic is going to be murder,” Happy attempted to complain, but Pepper cut him off in a business-like manner that would have made some of his drills sargeants proud.

“I don’t care about the traffic.” She pulled something out of the folder she was carrying and handed it to Happy. “This is him. Please, go pick him up.” The words made it sound as if Happy had a choice in the manner, but her tone left no room for arguments. Happy looked at the picture Pepper had handed him (Steve took a peek and the only thing he shared with this guy was a last name) and slunk off. Steve felt a little bad for him. It hadn’t been completely Happy's fault, but Steve was a little too tired to work up full blown concern that the guy had to battle LA traffic again.

“Now,” Pepper said, pulling Steve’s focus pack to her. “Mr. Rogers, I’d like to apologize for this mix up.”

“It’s alright, ma’am. If I could just get a ride home, that would be great, though.”

“If you don’t mind waiting a bit longer I can have Happy give you a ride when he gets back,” Pepper said, and Steve did mind a little because he wanted to go home (to Nat and Bucky’s home where he was staying for the time being anyway), carb load on fettuccine Alfredo and garlic bread and then sleep for a week.

He was trying to think of a polite way to tell her he would just get a cab when someone behind him said, “Why is Happy leaving again?”

“Oh, Tony, there you are.” Pepper looked off to a point past Steve’s shoulder and he turned to see who she was talking to. He was wearing a pair of jeans, a Rolling Stones t-shirt and a pair of crazy looking sneakers that made Steve blink. They were bright orange hi-tops that looked like they had paint splatter all over them. His hair was gelled into one of those purposely messy styles that Steve could never pull off, but this guy made look both like he just rolled out of bed and right off a runway, and his goatee was precisely trimmed.

He should have looked like he was trying too hard, but he didn’t. The look fit him somehow and the fact that he was one of the most gorgeous men Steve had seen in a while didn’t hurt. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell wasn’t a thing anymore, but Steve still hadn’t spread it around that he was bi-sexual. And except for a brief fling with a British soldier he’d met in Afghanistan that ended when his deployment did, Steve had dated anyone since.m, if you could consider what he’d had with Peggy ‘dating.’

He hadn’t slept with anyone since either and that had been… more years than he cared to admit. Steve blamed that for the overblown reaction to the man in front of him.

“Sorry, I’m late, hun,” this Tony guy said, kissing Pepper’s cheek when she walked over to him. “Traffic from Malibu was crazy.”

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing all about the traffic today,” Pepper said with a sigh. “But there was a mix up. Happy picked up the wrong person at the airport.”

“What?” Tony’s gaze landed on Steve and he pulled his sunglasses off, a frown pulling down the corners of his mouth. The weight of his dark eyes only rested on Steve for a moment, but it was enough for him to still feel them when he turned away. “How did that happen?”

“Same last name. Tony, meet Steve Rogers.” Pepper gestured to Steve with one hand. Tony was looking at him again and Steve cleared his throat.

“Huh,” Tony murmured. He gave Steve a quick once over and pivoted back to Pepper. “Maybe we could—”

“No,” she interrupted. “Ian has a contract, Tony.”

“Ah, well.” Tony shrugged, tossing Steve a crooked  smile. “Had to try. You would have been perfect.”

“I—thank you,” he stuttered. “Where am I? No one has told me.”

“I’ve had plenty of days like that,” Tony told him in a conspiratorial tone. Steve stares at him blankly. “Anyway. Welcome to Stark Pictures. Sorry about this whole mess. We’re usually more professional.”

“It’s… fine.”

“I’m sure.” Tony didn’t sound convinced and Steve really didn’t want to try and convince him. The other man clapped him on the shoulder. “Listen, why don’t I drive you home. Where do’ya live?”

“Tony,” Pepper started, but Tony ignored her.

“Glendale? Burbank? What’s that one place from that one show?” He snaps his fingers a couple times, looking at Pepper expectantly.

“That’s not helpful,” is all she says.

It doesn’t seem to matter because Tony turns back to Steve. “West Covina. That’s it.”

“Pasadena.”

“Really? You don’t look like someone who’d live in Pasadena.”

Steve doesn’t know what that means. “I’m staying with friends.”

“Ah. Well, grab your stuff. I’ll take you home.”

“Tony, you should stay—”

“Pep, my favorite producer, light of my life, person who allows me to function.” He gripped her shoulders. Steve was really trying to figure out their relationship. “Happy isn’t going to be back anytime soon unless he runs all the red lights between here and LAX. Plus, you don’t need me here. I was just stopping by to stand around a look pretty.”

“Yeah, but Tony—”

“I’m just the owner of the studio, Pepper. You make the real magic happen,” he said, walking away backwards. “Come on, Steve.”

Steve’s desire to go home won out over anything else. “It was nice to meet you,” he tells Pepper, picking up god duffle from where he’d dropped it and double timing to catch up with Tony who was already halfway to the back entrance where he’s walked in.

When they made it outside, Steve stopped in his tracks because damn, this man had a nice car. Attractive, owned a movie studio, and he had great taste in cars? “Is that a—”

“Nineteen sixty-five Shelby Cobra? Yes, it is.” He popped the trunk and Steve stowed his duffle. “Did the restoration on this baby myself.”

“She’s beautiful,” Steve lightly ran his hand along the trim. Bucky was going to be so jealous.

“Thank you.” Something in Tony’s voice had Steve’s eyes popping up. He found Tony watching him. “This might sound a little crazy…”

“Yeah?”

“But did you want to get some dinner?”

“I’d love to,” he found himself saying before he could really think about it.

“Perfect. What are you in the mood for?”

“Honestly?” Steve and Tony climbed into the car. “I’d kill for a burger right now.” Coming almost directly off his last deployment, he hadn’t had a decent one in months.

“You’re in luck, I know where to get the best burgers in Hollywood.”

Tony started the car and drove out of the lot, the car purring. Apparently Tony’s hair hadn’t been styled that way; it was from driving with the top down. Steve could get used to this.