#li haoling u evil genius

[catguangcorner]

yingdu finally giving us lu guang's pov is wonderful and heartbreaking because we're constantly reminded of his grief in these small moments — the way his eyes widen in shock when he sees cheng xiaoshi for the first time again; how it must ache when moments before he saw that now smiling face grimacing, and the life leaving his eyes. my heart broke when he instinctively grasped cheng xiaoshi's wrist, insisting he was okay (in other words, pleading cheng xiaoshi to stay where he can see him, not wanting to part after he's just gotten him back). the ache of cheng xiaoshi's uninhibited joy as he's reminded of his reason for doing this: to prevent that smile from fading. he can never settle into the 'present' moment because he's done it all before and will do it all again, and again, and again, because how can he bear to let something so beautiful go?