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starstruckkittensweets · 4 years

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Chapter XLIX (“A Wolf with Wings”)

A/N: Here is the next chapter! Sorry for the cliffhanger on the last chapter, but I hope you guys enjoy this one! I’m going to try to have the next one posted next week around the same time, but nothing’s set in stone yet. My schedule’s getting busier, and it’s hard to balance my writing with my real-life responsibilities. But I’m trying my best! With that said, I hope you guys enjoy! :)

Fandom: Attack on Titan Pairing: Levi x Mia (OC) Words: 8.8k

Taglist: @omg-lexiloveyou, @ataraxia101, @super-peace-fangirl, @mr-robot-x, @unusversuscanicula, @may8344

|XLIX|

It's cold.

My eyes wouldn’t open. I blinked a few times, but my vision didn’t change. Darkness swallowed the space around me, shielding me in shadow.

Where am I? Why can’t I move?

I couldn’t move my arms or legs. In fact, I couldn’t even move my head. I was glued into place, as if a heavy weight was holding me down and pressing on my chest.

And yet, at the same time, I felt weightless. Like I was floating.

What's wrong with me?

I wracked my brain for answers, to try to remember what had gotten me in this situation in the first place. I remembered the Forest of Giant Trees, and the battle with the Titans at the edge. I remembered Murphy screaming, Gunther catching him, Erwin leading the charge, my wire snapping, Levi’s hand slipping from mine, the Titan’s jaws in my thigh—

And then, nothing. My memories came to a halt, just like that.

Dad had told me about a similar experience, back when he lost his legs in the field. In the weeks following his accident, when he was cooped up in his bed with that damn brown blanket draped over his knees, I had snuck into his room right after one of his naps. Ma was busy folding laundry outside, and Ben and Leyna were busy with their friends. Ma had told me not to bother him, but I couldn’t help myself.

So I crawled into what was left of his lap, and he wrapped his arms around me. I motioned to the stubs his legs now were, and I asked him if it hurt when the Titan bit him.

Surely if Ma had heard me, she would’ve scolded me for asking such an inconsiderate thing. But Dad only shook his head, a smile plastered on his face.

“To be honest, I don’t remember a thing! One moment they were there, and the next they were gone. I didn’t feel any pain. All I remember was floating around, in a place where no one could touch me.”

Where no one could touch me.

Was I in that place right now? Had my father experienced a similar state, back when that Titan bit off his legs?

My stomach churned. And what about me? Did the Titan manage to bite my leg off completely? Was I going to end up just like my late father, bedbound until an infection came to finish me off?

I glanced down, where I believed my leg was. I still couldn’t see anything, it was so dark. I grit my teeth and wiggled my toes a bit. I could still feel them moving around in my boot.

I heaved a sigh of relief. I still had my leg. Now all I had to do was figure out where the hell I was.

I squinted my eyes against the darkness, praying for them to adjust. I swung my head around, searching for any sliver of light, anything to indicate where I was or what was happening to me.

Am I dead? Or am I just unconscious? Where are the others? Where are Levi and Hanji, and our squads?

My heart raced. Where are my kids?!

I straightened my body out. Some of my weight was returning to me; I could feel it in my arms and legs. So I stretched out my fingers and angled myself upward. Nothing was under my feet to prop me up, so it was hard to tell if I was actually standing on anything. For all I knew, I was still floating in midair, flailing my arms about.

I still couldn’t see anything. Couldn’t hear, couldn’t smell. Hell, I even opened my mouth to taste the air. Sometimes I could taste the smoke from the factories in Wall Sina or the steam from the washroom in the girls’ barracks. But right here, right now, it was just cold, empty nothingness.

I gave a whistle, expecting it to echo. But it didn’t. The air around me swallowed it up, leaving no trace of its existence.

Another sigh left my lips. I didn’t like this. I didn’t like not knowing where I was or where the others were. And more importantly, I didn’t like being on my own. I never did well when I was left to my own devices like this. When I had no one to keep me company, but my own bad memories and doubtful thoughts.

“Mia?”

My eyes nearly popped out of my skull. I flung my body around, eyes wide and mouth agape as I searched for the source of the sound. For the owner of that voice.

I know that voice.

“Mia, wait up!”

There it is again! Coming from the right! With a harsh swallow, I took a step toward the voice.

“I’m here.” My own voice was soft and worn out, nothing at all like I was used to. “Where are you?”

There was a pinprick of light in the far distance—a tiny golden dot at the edge of the darkness. That’s when I broke out into a sprint, finally regaining feeling in my legs and feet.

“Mia, stop it! You’re running too fast!”

That was another voice, much different than the first. My heart soared.

“I’m coming! Hold on, I’ll be right there!”

The light was starting to fade away. No matter how fast I pushed myself to run, it was still slipping from my grasp, further and further away from me.

I held out my hand, desperate to grab onto it. “Wait!”

There was a flash of light. I squeezed my eyes shut, skidding to a halt and draping my hands over my face.

“…Mia?”

The light vanished. When I opened my eyes, I was no longer in darkness. Or alone.

Standing in front of me was a young girl, about nine or so in age. She stared straight back at me, the wind mussing up her reddish-brown hair, and the sun glinting against her amber eyes.

I knew this girl’s face. I had seen it so many times before, whenever I gazed into the lake behind the base or the mirror in my own office.

“Mia, don’t run so fast! I don’t want to lose you!”

The girl turned around just as another familiar face ran up to her. My throat clenched at the familiar blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. Dressed in her usual pink dress and red sweater, Leyna swiped the smudges of dirt off my younger self’s skirt.

“You can’t just go off like that,” she scolded, already sounding just like our mother. “It’s not safe. Wait for us next time, alright?”

I blinked. Could they see me? Or was I invisible to them? I gazed at my hands, but they seemed normal to me. They weren’t see-through, so I knew I wasn’t a ghost. Then again, neither of the girls were drawing any attention to me. They didn’t even know I was here.

For the first time since the darkness disappeared, I took in my surroundings. All too familiar red-tiled rooftops and dirt paths were all around me. In the distance I could hear voices, both men and women, conversing with each other at the nearby market. The scent of smoke and coal filled the air; as it passed through my nose, my throat tightened painfully.

We were in the back roads of Shiganshina, just a few blocks away from my house.

My house. I’m home.

Leyna took my younger self’s hand in her own and began leading her away. “Come on, we have to head home. Ben’s already heading back at the house.”

This time, my eyes grew warm with tears. Ben? Where is he?

The girl in front of me stuck out her bottom lip in a pout. Nevertheless, she allowed her sister to guide her through the dirt paths of Shiganshina, straight for the little house we shared with our parents.

I stretched out my arm. “Wait—”

Don’t go!

But the two of them vanished, and the darkness returned once more.

“No, wait!”

My hands trembled at my sides. Where did they go? Where were Leyna and Ben? Where were Ma and Dad?

I’m not… I’m not dead, am I?

I swallowed hard. Maybe that’s why I had seen my younger self. This was a memory I knew all too well. Was this my life flashing before my eyes? Had I really reached the end of my line, just like that?

The sound of a cough startled me, and I turned around to face it. The darkness gave way once again, revealing the small bedroom of a one-story house, right on the outermost part of Shiganshina District.

My hands flew to my face, in a desperate attempt to hold back my sobs. “Dad?”

Indeed, my father was lying in his bed, with the covers pulled up to his chin, and a cool wet rag draped across his sweaty forehead. He was alone, his face flushed a sickening shade of red and his chest heaving rapidly. His hair, the same kind my brother and I had inherited from him, was matted and damp, splayed across the pillow in stringy reddish-brown locks.

“…Dad?”

He didn’t answer. I stretched out my hand to place it on his, but it fell through his skin at once. Of course I couldn’t touch him. He wasn’t really here—just a figment of my imagination.

A memory that lingered in my mind, until the day I died.

There was another cough in the distance, followed by a chorus of sniffles. Casting one last look at my father—and desperately wishing I could kiss his cheek one last time—I turned away and headed down the hall.

Ma was curled up on the floor, swaddled in three sheets and that brown quilt her mother had made for her all those years ago. Meanwhile, Leyna was splayed out on the couch, breathing heavily and reaching out to the empty air with her tiny fingers. An older man, with dark brown hair and a white cloth pulled up over his face and nose, held a cup of water out to her, and she gulped it down in a few seconds flat.

I remembered this. In the spring of the year 832, a mysterious plague had swept through Shiganshina district, killing infants and elders alike. One out of every five people died from it—and knowing those odds, at no more than ten years old, I feared I would be walking away from this without either a mother, a father, or an older sister.

The man, Dr. Jaeger as I remembered him, had been our main defense against the plague. It was thanks to his brilliance and medical techniques that Shiganshina recovered from the plague at all. I was forever in his debt for saving the lives of Ma, Dad, and Leyna.

But judging by the state my parents and sister were in, this memory wasn’t a happy one. Oh no—the plague was just getting started.

The doctor turned to my mother, who pressed a trembling hand to her forehead. “Where are your other children? They haven’t been exposed, have they?”

She shook her head feebly. “Ben and Mia are fine. We didn’t—” a cough “—we didn’t want them to catch…catch anything.” She coughed violently into the crook of her elbow, and my heart squeezed at her pitiful state. “My…my husband’s sister should be…should be at the gates by now. That’s where…that’s where they are.”

Oh, that’s right. In order to keep me and my brother safe, Ma and Dad had arranged for our aunt Sophia to take us back home with her to Ehrmich District. At least then we would be far away from the plague, and we wouldn’t run the risk of getting infected. Hell, it was a miracle we didn’t get infected alongside Leyna. But our parents didn’t want to risk putting more of their kids in danger.

Still, Ben and I hadn’t been thrilled with the arrangement. Our parents and sister needed us. Our place was here, at home in Shiganshina. Not in some stuffy apartment in Ehrmich District.

But as usual, we had no say in the matter. And sure enough, as I gazed into the bedroom the three of us shared, most of Ben’s clothes and my toys had been removed from the area.

Another painful cough filled my ears. My throat tightened as I made my way back to my parents’ bedroom, where my father still rested, huddled among the blankets of the bed. The memory of seeing him so weak, so helpless, had permanently etched itself in my brain. In all my life, I had never been so scared to lose him as I was in that moment.

Out of all my sick family members, I feared for Dad’s life the most. Ma always got sick, but she always bounced back and recovered within the week. Leyna was young and strong, and tougher than the adults gave her credit for. The two of them could handle this, I was sure of it.

But Dad was a whole different story—and it wasn’t just because of his injured legs, or what was left of them. The sickness had affected him differently, and instead of just a fever and chills and a headache, his whole body went from hot to cold in a flash. Anything he ate he would throw up not even an hour later. When Dr. Jaeger came by our house for the first time, I heard him whisper to himself that he was surprised Dad had lived this long.

That’s why I didn’t want to leave my family. I didn’t want to be carted off to the interior with my aunt and brother. I wanted to stay here, where I could keep an eye on my parents and sister. Where I could help them out if they needed me.

Where I could say goodbye to my father if he didn’t make it out of this alive.

I stretched out my hand and placed it along his cheek. Just as I suspected, my hand fell through, nothing but a shadow against his own. My father stiffened, but he didn’t open his eyes to look at me. For all I knew, a cool breeze could’ve passed by.

The scene around me began to change, the walls of our house falling around me. When I turned around again, I saw the streets of another town—no, a city.

I wasn’t in Shiganshina anymore. The roads were paved with cobblestone and lined with fancy shops and stands. Horse drawn carriages made their way up the streets, the horses’ golden coats glimmering in the afternoon sun. Well-dressed men and women scaled the sidewalks and smiled at each other, as they hopped from store to store, chatting about the most recent news in the government. They passed right through me, unaware I was standing right there in the middle of the streets.

This was Ehrmich District. While not as fancy as the capital of Mitras, it was still a city held in high regard. The citizens here were considerably richer than the ones in Shiganshina, or even the ones within Wall Rose. Here, they were safe from the plague in Shiganshina, safe from the threat of the Titans that scratched at the outermost gate of Wall Maria. The same Titans I could hear so early in the morning, as the sun rose over our little house.

Here they were, living a life completely different than mine.

Where was Aunt Sophia’s apartment again? Wasn’t it in the eastern part of the district? Or no…maybe it was the southeastern?

I wracked my brain for answers. It had been so long since I’d stepped foot in Ehrmich District, much less visited my aunt who lived there. Finally, with a defeated sigh, I headed down the streets and in the direction I hoped her home would be in.

Aunt Sophia lived in an apartment complex, much like the one my parents used to live in before we moved to Shiganshina. The houses in Wall Sina were extremely pricey, so only a few privileged individuals ever got to live in them. The rest were stashed away in apartment complexes, and while they were nice and cozy in their own right, they were much too cramped for children our age.

Ben and I used to snatch every opportunity we could to get out of the house and explore the district around us. As much as we loved our aunt, we loved the outdoors even more. She understood our curiosity to an extent, but she always scolded us for coming back home with torn sleeves and scratched knees. In fact, one time she had given us a real talking-to when Ben and I had come home drenched in mud and dirt. She didn’t believe for a second that the neighborhood bullies had pushed us into the mud puddles, and instead chalked it up to the two of us being rambunctious and reckless. But Ben and I didn’t mind that day; we had chased down those bullies and pushed them right into a few mud puddles of our own. So it was all even, at the end of the day.

I smiled at the memory. Those days cooped up in Ehrmich District were far from perfect, but Ben and I made the best of them. There was still the constant worry of our parents and sister back home, but Aunt Sophia did her best to take our mind off of that. Of course, it had to be hard for her, too. Her brother was currently fighting for his life, miles and miles away from Ehrmich. And she wasn’t even allowed to visit him to wish him well.

The smile turned bitter in a flash. Dad didn’t deserve to get sick. Neither did Ma, and neither did Leyna. None of them deserved those five months of pure hell, of being locked in their house with only poor Dr. Jaeger to come check up on them every few days. They didn’t deserve to be kept away from me and Ben. Ma and Dad didn’t deserve to be locked away from two of their children, while the third hovered over death’s jaws. Leyna didn’t deserve to have such a serious brush with death, while at the same time, watching her parents suffer around her.

I shook my head and forced myself to keep walking, through the crowd of people that flooded the streets. I couldn’t wait to get out of here—seeing Ehrmich District again and remembering my family’s illness just brought back bitter memories.

Memories that deserved to be locked away and forgotten forever.

I turned the corner, and that’s when I saw it: the familiar apartment complex with a golden-tiled roof. Four stories high and dotted with glistening windows, it screamed of Wall Sina wealth. Not my cup of tea at all.

“Damn it, come back here!”

A blur of blue and white crossed my path, nearly knocking me to the ground. I dug my heels into the pavement to catch myself from falling, just as another blur of color fluttered past my eyes. But before I could follow them, they disappeared into the crowd of people around me.

“Damn it! Ben! Mia! Get back here right now!”

My head swiveled to the side. That voice—I hadn’t heard it in years. And sure enough, my chest tightened as I saw a familiar woman jogging toward me, her brown eyes huge with fear. She was panting hard, unable to keep up with the blurs that had just vanished into the crowd.

Aunt Sophia.

My jaw dropped as I pieced it together, from her heaving chest to her scrunched-up features. Then that meant…

Those two blurs were me and my brother.

I turned on my heel and ran through the crowd, not even caring if I was breezing through different people. My eyes were wide, frantically searching for the two kids that had just ran past me. Two small heads, both topped with reddish-brown hair.

And finally, out of the corner of my eye, I found them, cloaked in the shadows of a large store.

“I’m sick of it!”

The voice was all too familiar as I approached the alleyway. Curled up against the wall of the store was the girl, pressing her forehead against the rough stone wall. She slammed her fists against the stone, one after the other, grunting with each strike. The boy stood a few feet behind her, wincing as she struck the walls with her fists.

“H-hey, cut it out.” Tears sprung into my eyes at the familiar voice of my brother. “You’re going to hurt yourself—”

“I don’t care!” the girl screamed, still banging her fists into the stone. Her skin was starting to blister, and little drops of blood began to slide down her knuckles. “I’m sick and tired of this place already! I want to go home!”

My throat clenched at her words. Or rather, they were my words. I had said them when I was eleven years old, after three months of being cooped up in this damn city, with no one but my brother and aunt to keep me company.

I took a step forward, joining them in the alley. The rest of the crowd breezed by, not even passing a glance at the pair of children in the shadows. The girl pressed her forehead to the stone, sliding her fist down the wall. She sobbed softly, before clutching the ends of her white sweater and tugging them to her chest.

The boy wasted no time in rushing to her side. She fought against him at first, pressing her bloodied hands to his chest, in a futile attempt to shove him away. But he held her close, pressing his cheek to the top of her head, pulling her into his chest. And soon enough, she gave up and sank deeper into his arms, burying her face in his shoulder.

I remembered this day. Sophia had just finished her weekly shopping at the store, dragging me and Ben along for the ride. Neither of us wanted to go, but she couldn’t exactly leave us back at home. We were still too young to be left on our own.

I remembered why I had run off from her in the first place. Upon exiting the store, I watched as a wealthy family crossed the streets, smiling and laughing with each other, without a care in the world. A husband and wife, and their three children: two boys and a girl.

Maybe I was overreacting, but I was angry. Why could they be together, and my family couldn’t? Why did they get to live in the pristine city of Ehrmich District, in the comfort of Wall Sina? Why did they get to spend their days here, far away from the plague that threatened to take not just my parents, but my older sister, as well? Why were they allowed to go on with their lives without experiencing any sort of hardship? Why did they get to live in here, where they never had to worry about putting food on the table, while my parents often went hungry back at home, just to make sure my siblings and I were able to eat dinner?

It wasn’t fucking fair. And when I brought it up to Aunt Sophia, she hushed me and turned away. And that’s when I lost it and ran off.

“I hate this place,” my younger self muttered into Ben’s shoulder. “I wanna go home. I wanna see Ma and Dad and Leyna again!”

Ben said nothing, but I knew he felt the same way. He just wasn’t as outspoken with his feelings as I was.

Something warm slid down the side of my face. When I reached up and touched my cheek, a drop of water gathered on my fingertips. Was I actually crying?

Of course I was. How long had it been since I had been able to see my brother? Even if this was just a memory, it was enough for me. I hadn’t heard his voice or seen his face in almost three years. The last memory I had of him was his death, of his blood spraying out of that Titan’s mouth in the ruins of Shiganshina. It was nice to see a younger version of him, still innocent and safe from the horrors of the world.

I held my hands out to them, even though I knew I would just faze through them. And sure enough, when I tried to pull both kids into my chest, I nearly fell through them both. No matter how hard I tried, I still couldn’t touch them with my own hands.

“Stop crying, Mia. You always cry over the little things, don’t you?”

My eyes snapped open. Suddenly, the kids vanished from my arms, and I was left in darkness once more.

I knew that voice. It was the same one I heard in my dreams, in my memories. The same one that begged me to run and save myself, to leave him behind on that fateful day in Shiganshina.

“…Ben?”

Something brushed against my shoulder. I whipped my head around—and I nearly collapsed at the sight before me.

He smiled at me, his amber eyes shining so bright they looked like the sun itself. His hair was messy and unkempt, just as it always was, with his brown locks tinted with red. He was dressed in his familiar uniform, with a brand new jacket with the twin roses of the Garrison sewn onto the sleeves.

Fresh tears bubbled up in my eyes. I was dreaming now. I had to be. I had seen him die, right there in Shiganshina. I had watched him get eaten by a Titan, watched him burst open like a berry! How could he be standing in front of me, looking as though nothing bad had happened to him?

“Ben,” I repeated, and his smile grew wider. That’s when I lost it completely.

I didn’t faze through him, like I did with the other people in my memories. Like I did with my younger self and Ben’s younger self. He was warm and solid against my fingers. When I realized he wouldn’t disappear, I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tightly. He returned the hug, his arms coming around my waist and pressing me against his chest.

What was happening right now? Was I really dead? Was that why he wasn’t disappearing? Was I a ghost or a spirit like him now?

“…Am I dead?”

He chuckled against my hair. “Do you want to be?”

Not yet. But the idea didn’t seem all that terrible, now that Ben was here with me.

“I’ve missed you.”

He hummed, burying his face in my shoulder. “I’ve missed you, too. I’m so proud of you, Mia. And I know Ma and Dad are, too.”

I broke away from him at the mention of our parents. “Where are they? Can I see them?” It had been years since I’d seen either of them.

Ben’s face softened. “Not right now. They couldn’t come here today.”

“…What, are you here to deliver me to the afterlife?”

That got a real laugh out of him. “Not unless you want me to.”

Was he serious right now? Was he really leaving the decision up to me? But I had no say in whether I died or not. At least, that’s what I had told myself, from the day I joined the Survey Corps with Hanji. Whether or not I died on the battlefield wasn’t up to me. I could prolong it for as long as I could, as long as I trained hard and prepared myself, but in the end, I knew I was going to die.

“But that Titan—my leg!” I glanced down at my thigh, but the bite mark was nowhere to be seen. “It grabbed me. It almost bit my leg off. And then…”

That light. I remembered seeing the sun through the trees, and admiring its beauty. Even though I was bleeding and running out of time, I still smiled at the sight of it.

“…Aren’t I already dead? There’s no way someone can survive that kind of injury. We’re too far away from Trost.” I ran my hands through my hair, casting my eyes downward. “…I think I’m a goner, Ben.”

He remained silent through my little speech. Suddenly, a warm weight clasped over the top of my head, and he began mussing up my hair. My throat tightened at the motion. Oh, how I missed his head pats like this…

“Not necessarily,” he muttered, a sad smile etched on his face. “It’s up to you. Do you want to stay here, or do you want to go back?”

Wait, I had that choice? “But—”

“Think about it, Mimi.” I wanted to cry at the old childhood nickname. “Whatever you decide, I won’t hold it against you. And neither will Ma and Dad. We just want you to do what’s best for you.”

Was he really telling the truth? Did I really have the option to go back to that world, with the rest of the Scouts?

No, that wasn’t the question I should’ve been asking myself. The real question was, did I even want to return to that world?

Ever since I joined the Scouts, I had seen nothing but horror and bloodshed. Comrades were killed right before my eyes, screaming and reaching for their friends as they were stuffed into a Titan’s mouth. Others died horribly slow deaths in the medical wing, from amputated limbs and self-inflicted wounds. Some of them couldn’t even take the pain of their nightmares, and we ended up finding them in the forest the next morning, hanging from a tree with a rope around their neck.

All my life, I had wanted to get away from it all. I wanted a new world, one where I didn’t have to worry about the Titans all the time. One where I could simply relax and enjoy the remainder of my life. And now, I finally had the chance to be in that kind of world.

“…Who else is there?” It was hard to keep my voice steady as I looked him in the eye. “Who would be…waiting for us?”

His eyes softened. “A lot of people, Mia.”

My chest stung. That’s what hurt about it: I had lost too many people to count, I couldn’t even name them all.

There was Ma and Dad. Probably my grandparents, too. And maybe my dad’s sister, the one he always talked about. The one who died so young in her life.

Who else would there be? Rosalie and Emmett? If I saw them, would they be able to forgive me for what I had done to them that day? Would they hold it against me, or would they welcome me with open arms?

Maybe I would see Charles, too. Then I could tell him all about Anna and their baby boy. Little Tobias had to be about a year and a half old by now. And what about the other Scouts we had lost over the years? Hanna and Lilly, and Peter, Sebastian, and Elias? Would they be there, as well?

And Isabel and Furlan? What about them?

I pressed my palm to my mouth. More than ever, I wanted to be able to see those two again. They had missed out on so much. I wanted to tell them all about Levi and how he was doing, and how he had been promoted as captain of his own elite squad.

Wait, Levi!

My mind flooded with familiar faces—but not of those I had lost over the years. Instead, they were people that were still alive, that were trapped in this hellish world alongside me.

Leyna, my own sister, living in the capital of Mitras. Hanji, my best friend in the entire world. Reggie, Gretel, Evan, and Murphy—my four kids, the ones I swore to protect with my life. Johanna, the woman who had taken care of my mother in her last few days, and the one who still wrote me letters from time to time. And what about Commander Erwin, and Mike and Nanaba? What about Ness and Moblit? They still relied on me. They counted on me to make it home after every expedition.

And Levi. Oh God, Levi.

The man I was sure I loved with all my heart. The one who made me feel safe and protected, but at the same time, the one who made me feel strong and confident in myself. The one who brought me tea in the dead of night, rubbed my shoulders when they were sore, and planted soft kisses on my forehead whenever he felt like it. The same man who held me in his arms whenever I cried, and woke me up with kisses across my neck in the morning. He knew me inside and out by now, and he trusted me enough to show that sweet, vulnerable side of his. And in return, I did the same for him.

I couldn’t leave him. Hell, I couldn’t leave any of them behind in that world! Leyna still needed me. Sure, we were in a rough spot right now, but I wasn’t about to leave her alone in that Titan-infested world. We still needed each other—we were sisters, after all. Nothing would ever change that. And Hanji? I had promised her time and time again that I wouldn’t die on her, that I wouldn’t turn my back on this life. What kind of friend would I be if I broke that promise and never came back to her?

The Scouts needed my strength. My kids, my squad, still needed me to lead them. I still remembered Reggie’s tear-stained face in my office that day, after I returned home from that awful winter expedition last year. I promised him I would protect him. That I wouldn’t leave him alone to fend for himself.

I lifted my head and stared my brother in the eye. I knew my answer already.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go back. They still need me.” Please understand.

After all these years, I finally had a chance to be with Ben and the rest of my family again. And it felt like I was throwing it all away. But I knew my place wasn’t here. It was back in that world with those Titans, with those soldiers I had pledged to protect. There were people back there who still needed me, and I wasn’t going to let them down.

Ben nodded slowly. Maybe it was a glimpse of the light, but it looked like his eyes had filled with tears.

“I get it. That sounds just like you, Mimi. I shouldn’t be surprised at this point…”

Before I knew it, his arms were around me again, and he held my head against his chest. I strained my ears, hoping to hear the faint thrum of his heartbeat.

But there was nothing. Just dead silence.

That’s when I knew I couldn’t stay here. This place, as wonderful as it seemed, was a fantasy. A dream. And I didn’t belong here. At least, not yet. I still had unfinished business back in the real world.

“Tell Ma and Dad that I love them,” I mumbled into his jacket. “Tell Charles that Anna and Tobias are fine. Tell Rosalie and Emmett that I’m sorry. And tell Isabel and Furlan…” I swallowed hard. “…Tell them that Levi and I think about them every day.”

He stifled a laugh against my hair. “Anything else you’d like me to pass on?”

I rolled my eyes, desperately trying to hold back my tears. “No, I think that’s it. If there’s anything else, I’ll let you know.” I tightened my grip on his shoulders, bringing him in as close as I could. “Oh, and one more thing. About that day, when Levi…”

But he shook his head. He seemed to already know what I was about to say. “It’s alright. I don’t hold it against either of you. If anything, I’m glad he saved you that day. He protected you when I couldn’t. Keep him close, alright?”

If it was even possible, I hugged him even tighter. “I will. …I love you, Ben.”

His lips pressed against the top of my head. “Love you, too, Mia. Now go back out there. I think they’re waiting for you.”

The darkness was coming back, closing in all around us. I gave him one final squeeze before pulling myself away. It was hard to meet his amber eyes, but I managed to do it. At least I was able to talk with him, even for just a few precious moments.

“See you soon.”

He squeezed my hands with his own. “Yeah, see you soon.”

But his eyes said something different: Not too soon.

I held onto his gaze as long as I could, until the darkness swept over us. And all the while, I held onto his hand, until it vanished from my grasp altogether.

|~|

It took me a while to come to my senses. At first, all I could see was darkness, and for a moment, I was worried that I had died after all. But then my eyes opened, and I felt at ease once more.

I wasn’t in the medical wing, back at the Survey Corps base. No, I didn’t recognize this place at all. The walls were a stark white color, decorated with little shelves that held spare bandages and bottles of pills and alcohol. The room was silent, save for a few soft hums in the far distance. Must be the night nurses tending to the patients in the other rooms.

It was dark outside, with the full moon standing brightly against the night sky. The air was cool, but the sheets around me were warm, albeit a bit scratchy. My right thigh was throbbing, but when I wiggled my foot, I could still feel it beneath the blankets. At least I still had my leg, even though my thigh was practically on fire right now.

Both of my hands were resting on the top of the sheets—but one felt warmer than the other. So I glanced down to find out why.

My right hand was covered with someone else’s, their fingers closed over my knuckles. I followed their arm up to their face, and I bit back a smile when I realized who they were.

Levi was hunched over in the chair beside the bed, with his elbows perched on his knees, and one hand on his forehead. His other hand was draped over mine, and every now and then, he would give it a gentle squeeze with his fingers. He kept his eyes down, and his black bangs hung so far down that I couldn’t see his face at all.

He wasn’t dressed in his usual military uniform; instead, he wore that handsome black suit that I always loved to see on him, complete with his usual gray shirt and the black jacket I had bought for him all those months ago. His cravat rested on the edge of the mattress. To be honest, it was a little weird seeing him wear the suit without it. But he still looked handsome all the same.

As gently as I could, I shifted my hand beneath his. And when he tilted his head up and met my eyes, it took every bit of willpower I had not to burst into tears.

“Levi?”

He didn’t say anything at first. He just continued to stare at me, his eyes wide and his lips parted slightly. Honestly, I was starting to get worried.

“Are you okay? I—”

I snapped my mouth shut as he leaned back down on his elbows, curling his hand beneath my own and lifting it up to his face. His lips brushed over my knuckles, kissing them one at a time, before pressing them against his forehead.

“Stop it,” he mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m the one who should be asking you that, dumbass.”

I stifled a laugh. “I guess so…”

He kissed my hand again, more forcefully than before, holding it in place against his lips. I stretched my fingers out and touched his cheek, and at once, he held my hand against the side of his face. His skin was warm and soothing against my own.

“How are you feeling?”

“…Like shit,” I replied honestly. “My thigh hurts.”

“Figures,” he mumbled back. He glanced down at the lump of skin beneath the sheets, still keeping my hand on his cheek. “Do you remember anything?”

I wracked my brain for an answer. I remembered the battle in the forest, and the swarm of Titans that descended on us. I remembered saving Murphy, the arrival of the other Scouts, Levi saving me from falling, and my hand slipping from his.

That was it. The moment that Titan bit down on my leg, my vision went black.

“I remember enough. How long has it been since then? Is everyone alright?” My eyes widened at the thought of my kids. “What about my squad? Are they okay? Are they safe and—”

“Wolf, calm down.” He pressed down on my shoulders, keeping me against the mattress. “They’re fine. All four of them made it back. Hanji and Erwin are keeping an eye on them back at the base, aright? You don’t have to worry about them.”

Maybe not, but I wouldn’t be convinced until I saw them with my own eyes. “Fine, then. How many days has it been?”

This time, Levi diverted his eyes from mine. “About four days.”

My eyes went wide. Four days?! I had been out for that long? But it only felt like I had been out for a couple hours. How could that equate to four days?!

“We brought you back as soon as we could. Gretel and Hanji helped bandage you up, but it would only last for so long. When we got back to Trost, we handed you off to the doctors, and they stitched you back up.”

Oh, that explained the change of scenery. I was still in the hospital in Trost District, still miles away from the Survey Corps base. No wonder I didn’t recognize my surroundings.

“…At least I didn’t lose my leg, huh? That wouldn’t have been good…”

But Levi didn’t laugh along with me. Instead, he lowered his gaze and loosened his grip on my shoulders. He sat back down in his seat, and when I began to sit up to follow him, he pressed down on my chest to keep me in place.

“Stay still. You don’t want to injure yourself any further.”

Something was wrong, I could see it in his eyes. I knew he wasn’t the type to fawn over me and get physical, but I could tell he was trying to keep his distance. But why? Why did he feel the need to stay away from me like this?

“What’s wrong?” It was hard to keep my voice steady. “You’re not acting like yourself.”

He didn’t answer me. The lump in my throat only grew as I watched him stare down at the floor, his other hand curling into a fist on his knee.

“Come on, tell me. I can’t help you out if I don’t know what’s bothering you.”

Memories of our pre-relationship days were flooding back to the front of my mind. Of all those stupid fights we used to have, just because we couldn’t communicate properly. I didn’t want a repeat of those days. I wanted to work this out with him, to find out what was making him upset. I was here to help him, after all. We were here to help each other. And we couldn’t do that if one of us refused to be honest with the other.

“Levi.” My voice was firmer this time. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

He tilted his eyes up to meet mine, and I nearly jumped at how dark they were. I could no longer see that beautiful shadow of blue around his pupils.

“How can you act so fucking casual?” His voice was harsh, and it was hard for me not to flinch at the sound of it. “You nearly got your leg bitten off. You could’ve died, Mia. How can you still smile and act like everything’s okay?”

Where the hell was all of this coming from? He was used to seeing injuries like this all the time. We all were. It was just a part of life in the Survey Corps. We grieved, we suffered, and then we moved on. Why wouldn’t he think I’d do the same?

But then I thought back to the accident itself, before the Titan grabbed me and stuffed me in its mouth. Levi had been hanging from the tree, tangled up in the steel wires, trying his best to hold onto my hand.

And I had slipped and fallen. Right into that Titan’s grasp.

He didn’t…he didn’t blame himself, did he? But it was an accident! It was a common thing to happen on the battlefield. Surely he couldn’t be holding himself accountable for something like that, right?

But the look in his eyes confirmed my suspicions. Deep down, he was beating himself up over this.

“I let go of you.” He ran his fingers through his hair again, turning his head away from mine. “I let you fall. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be in here right now.”

“Shut up.” I couldn’t help it. I was pissed. “Don’t go blaming yourself for that. It’s not your fault, so stop acting like it.”

“Oh, it’s not?” He turned back to me with a sneer, his eyes dark with fury.

“No, it’s not. Shit happens, Levi. Sometimes we have no control over it. So no, it’s not your fault. I let go of you, remember?”

“Bullshit. I should’ve held onto you tighter.”

“And what if you did, huh?! Then that Titan would have eaten us both!”

It was hard to keep my voice at a moderate volume. Hopefully the nurses outside weren’t listening in on our conversation. This was for Levi’s ears only. He had to know he wasn’t at fault for what had happened that day.

“Listen, you did your best. When my wire snapped, you saved me. And if it weren’t for that Titan, we would’ve both gotten out of there in one piece. It just happens, and you have to learn to accept it.”

How many soldiers had I watched die over the years? How many had been killed from the swing of a Titan’s arm, or stomped into the ground until they were nothing but a bloody pulp? These things happened, and they were out of our control, as frustrating as it was. But we had to make the best of it and move on with our lives. At least, that was what our fallen comrades would want.

“It shouldn’t have to happen in the first place,” he growled, turning away from me. As always, he was being such a stubborn prick.

An awkward silence settled over the two of us. Finally, when he spoke again, he brought both hands to his lap and curled them tightly together.

“…Maybe this isn’t working out.”

…What?

My stomach churned as his words sank in. “W-what do you mean?”

He didn’t look at me as he answered. “This was a bad idea from the start. I wasn’t thinking back then… Maybe it’s best if we stay away from each other for a bit.”

He wasn’t talking about breaking up, was he? No, that was silly. Surely he wouldn’t break it off over something so stupid and common, right? Everyone got hurt one way or another on the field, so it was silly to assume it wouldn’t eventually happen to me.

“Levi—”

“What?” He snarled, turning his eyes back to me. “What is it, Wolf? Don’t tell me you haven’t given it any thought.”

He was wrong. I hadn’t. Like the stupid little girl I was, I never once thought about what could happen between us that would lead to us calling our relationship off. And even if I had, a stupid injury like this one certainly wouldn’t be on my mind.

“You’re being irrational. We can work this out, I know we can!”

“Damn it, Mia, you almost died because of me! Because I wasn’t strong enough to save you!”

A chill ran down my spine at his words. So that’s where it was all coming from. He blamed himself, and therefore he didn’t feel worthy enough to be around me anymore. He didn’t feel as though he could protect me, like he always promised to do. So the only way to do so, at least in his mind, was to distance himself from me and break off whatever relationship we had.

It made sense, but I wasn’t about to agree with him. Not by a long shot.

He squeezed his eyes shut, but before he turned away, I could see a flash of silver at the corner of his eye.

No. He’s not winning this argument. Not this time.

“Look at me.” He refused, and my eyes grew warm. “Levi, look at me!”

When he didn’t, I sat up in the bed, wincing at the flare of pain that shot through my thigh. As he turned around to face me, I pressed both palms to his cheeks and brought him in for a fierce kiss.

His hands came up to rest on my upper arms, and for a moment, I feared he would try to push me away. But instead, he brought me in closer, with our chests nearly touching. I dug my fingers into his hair, scraping my nails against the scruff of his undercut.

When I pulled away, I kept his face right in front of mine. I grasped his chin in my hand, firm but gentle all the same. He was not going to get away from me this time.

“I don’t blame you for this stupid injury, and I never will. You did what you had to do. It was an accident, that’s all. And we’re both here now, alright? We’re going to be okay.”

But I knew my words could only go so far. Yeah, the two of us made it back this time, but what about the next expedition? What if I got injured again, or what if Levi did? There was no guarantee that we would be safe from that. Death came for everyone, at some point or another. It was inevitable, but that was just a part of being in the Survey Corps.

But I accepted my death the moment I admitted my feelings for him. I was concerned with the here and now, and right now, all I wanted to do was hold him.

I gazed into his eyes, hoping to see some sort of light flash through them. I wanted him to realize that I was okay, that I didn’t hold that day against him. It wasn’t his fault, and no matter what, I would never be convinced that it was.

But there was nothing. He just continued to frown at me, his eyes a dark gray shade.

“Please,” I whispered, leaning my forehead against his own, “I don’t want to lose you over something so…insignificant.”

He reached up and covered my hands with his own. “Your life is not insignificant, brat. I thought you knew that by now.”

But before I could reply, there was a soft creak at the door. Levi and I broke away at once, just in time to see one of the nurses come into the door.

“Oh, good! You’re finally awake.” She turned to Levi, a shy smile playing on her lips. “Um, excuse me, sir? Would you mind stepping out for just a moment? I have to check her vitals and see how the wound is doing.”

He nodded and raised himself up from his seat. But before he could walk away, I reached out and grasped his wrist in my hand. He peered down at me through those overgrown black bangs as I stared up at him with watery eyes.

“Don’t leave me.”

He gave my hand a squeeze before turning away from me completely. But I still heard his voice, even as he started to walk away.

“I’m not planning on it.”

Then he was gone, leaving me alone with the nurse in the room.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #slow burn #levi x oc #levi ackerman #mia wolf #oc x canon #romance #a wolf with wings #wolves of the walls saga #oc story #oc insert #levi x mia #volume i #aot fics

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