#lexa says clarke's name three times in this scene

[catty-words]

every time lexa says clarke’s name: 34/?

[bluemoose86]

Characters I Adore Despite Never Having Seen a Minute of Their Shows

DISCLAIMER: As it says in the title, I’ve never seen any of the shows I talk about in this post. Because of this, some plot points/character traits/etc. that I talk about might not be accurate. I do plan on watching these shows at some point so I’m trying to avoid too much spoilery content, which is why I haven’t done much extra research. I apologize if I offend anyone somehow, this is just something I thought would be fun :)

Hey all! My name is Moose, and for no reason in particular, I thought I would compile a list of characters whom I really like yet know next to nothing about. Does anyone else ever feel connected to/intrigued by a character without having seen the show or movie they appear in? Let me know! Also, please bear in mind that all I know about these characters/shows is what I’ve seen from fan posts on Instagram, and there will be slight spoilers. Without further ado, enjoy the post!

Dani Clayton and Jamie Taylor – The Haunting of Bly Manor

Their love is something that can actually be so personal. I know Bly manor is a horror show, or at least has prominent horror elements (which is something I don’t enjoy), but seeing them together makes me want to watch it anyways. Even if you don’t believe in soulmates, you can’t see even one screenshot of them together and tell me they aren’t meant to be together. Even in this gif they have heart eyes for each other. Dani is an American au pair–a live-in nanny, basically–who was hired to take care of the children living at Bly Manor, and Jamie is the manor’s gardener. They were both intrigued by each other when they first met, and their relationship progressed very naturally. They’re so comfortable with each other–Dani goes through some rough times as far as I can tell, but Jamie is always there by her side to comfort her. I also love how attracted Dani is to Jamie, no matter how much time has passed (the “you could...come back 🥺” scene kills me). And I KNOW what happens to them already but please,,,,let me live with the illusion of their perfect love story.

Clarke and Lexa – The 100

Yet ANOTHER tragic love story. The gays really can’t get a break, huh? Clarke and Lexa are from very different worlds, yet they work perfectly together as allies and lovers. The 100 takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, where Earth is no longer inhabitable and the rest of humanity lives on a space station called the Ark. Because of reasons, 100 teens from the Ark, including Clarke, are sent down to Earth and have to fight to survive on the ruined planet. Later, they meet Lexa, who leads one of the Grounder clans–people who survived the apocalypse and still live on Earth. There’s immediate tension between both groups, but circumstances require them to work together. Clarke and Lexa become closer as a result and eventually fall in love. Even though they’re only together briefly because #buryyourgays, what I love most about them is how enduring their love is. Clarke has other partners, but no one ever makes her feel the way Lexa did. Lexa really was Clarke’s whole universe; I think one of the other characters even says that Lexa was the greatest love of her life. And Lexa was so smitten with Clarke that she literally went against all her training and customs of her people just so she could make a pretty girl happy. We stan. Their relationship is only onscreen for like a season but I know that Lexa comes back later so I swear I will watch all 6 seasons of this show just for them. I will do it.

Quinn Fabray – Glee

Ok I know that’s not what she normally looks like but that look makes me so gay Jesus Christ 🥵🥵 Anyways, I know the Glee writers really did her dirty even though I haven’t made it past bitchy Quinn from season one. The fact that she was supposed to be a flat, mean antagonist for the whole show but was only saved because of Dianna Agron’s brilliant acting astounds me. She has particularly erratic moments (especially in the season where she gets this haircut), but for the most part she seems like a sweet person. She starts off as a very troubled girl who is under a lot of pressure from her cheer team, her parents, and herself, but after joining the Glee club she becomes more confident and learns how to accept who she is. She comes to care for the other club members as friends and relies on them. I love her development, and I love how Dianna portrayed her despite the writers trying to shove her back in the “stereotypical evil cheerleader” box multiple times. Also, her smile is so cute and so pure 🥺 I’m in love.

Izzie No-Last-name – Atypical

Your Honor, I love her. I clearly have a soft spot for troubled characters, as Izzie starts off much the same as Quinn does. She’s confrontational and just downright mean to Casey Gardener, one of the main characters, after Casey transfers to her school. The two eventually find a way to get along and become friends, and Casey finds out that Izzie struggles with balancing her grades, running track, and taking care of her three (?) younger siblings in lieu of her unreliable mother and absent father. Izzie’s better traits also come to light: she’s strong, independent, and fun-loving, if a bit wild at times, as well as incredibly loyal to Casey. She loves Casey’s autistic brother, Sam, whom most people do not understand or try to get along with. And she’s utterly in love with Casey, which is apparent by their immediate chemistry. She seems like such a fun and complex character. Plus, cute girls smiling is one of my greatest weaknesses and her smile is absolutely adorable.

Waverly Earp and Nicole Haught – Wynonna Earp

Finally a relationship on here that has a happy ending–and a wedding, no less! I love them both, but I feel more connected to Waverly than Nicole. Maybe I’ve just seen more content of her. Waverly is the younger sister of the titular Wynonna Earp, and she helps her defeat supernatural threats to their town of Purgatory (yes, that’s actually the name of their town). That’s all I know about the actual plot of the show lol. Nicole Haught is the deputy and later sheriff of Purgatory and has a crush on Waverly right out of the gate. However, Waverly was dating a man (ew) at the time and somehow thought she was straight. Nicole, of course, was very respectful of Waverly and never tried to pressure her into anything. Even though she knew she might never have a chance, that never stopped her from helping Waverly or Wynonna when they needed it. And they needed it a lot. Of course they eventually fall in love, and while their relationship does have its ups and downs, they always come back to each other. They are also the definition of soulmates: they go through a lot together and are always there to support each other through fights, near-death experiences, and shocking revelations. They utterly adore each other and that adoration never fades no matter what. And I love how they get their happy ending! It’s quite a welcome change from most wlw relationships in media.

And there you go! Sorry this post was so long lol, I didn’t intend for it to be. I hope you all enjoyed, and let me know what you think of these characters. Much love, and stay safe 💙

[insanelycooljk]

Yooooo we gettin Jackson from The 100 appreciation out here??? He was truly a “heres ur gay character sorry he gets one line every other episode and didn’t have a name for three seasons” king

literally 😔 The show was really like “sorry for killing Lexa, but here’s a token gay character who’s only relevance to the plot is to be Miller’s love interest (who gets just as little screen time as Jackson anyway) and to be the token doctor when the main characters are hurt❤️ hope that makes up for it.” smh. No but the thing that gets me about is Jackson is that he had so much potential to be a very interesting character, they just never bothered to give him any depth.

(Gotta preface this with saying that I haven’t watched the show in forever, and I never finished the last season bc... it sucked I simply couldn’t finish it 😔 but anyway lol)

- for starters, holy shit he’s one of only TWO doctors on the whole ark! (unless there’s unnamed characters I forgot about lol), but there’s a story in that alone! Like god the amount of responsibility and pressure that must be? I do like the very minimal backstory they gave him about deciding to become a doctor after his mum died, and I think that definitely adds a lot to his and Abby’s relationship. Like, their relationship is clearly a lot more than a strictly mentor/mentee kind of thing, he loves Abby and I feel like over the course of the show we see the relationship shift from one where he obviously sees Abby as a mentor but also maybe a maternal figure, to one where they’re close friends as Jackson grows up and becomes more independent/sure of himself and needs less guidance from Abby.

- which leads me into my next point. Jackson has a lot of strong and interesting relationships with the main characters, so it feels like a missed opportunity that the only one that was ever expanded on was his relationship with Abby. (And even that I feel like could have been explored more). Like !!!! okay so his mum dies and he decides he wants to be a doctor so Abby takes him under her wing and starts training him. So are you telling me that he didn’t grow up like an older brother figure to Clarke!? Also like damn as one of the only doctors (and like.. in that later season scene with Maddie it’s kinda implied that the doctors on the ark are also therapists to at least some extent) he must have had relationships with the majority of people on the Ark.

- he’s the only character (that I can think of) in that awkward in-between age of the original 100 and the adult characters, which offers a different perspective than literally all of the main characters. Like, in the early seasons the kids seem to view and treat him the same way as they do the other adult characters, except he’s still fairly young and barely an adult himself. He’s too old to be accepted by the delinquents and too young to be fully respected by the adults. (By that I mean obviously he’s respected as a medical professional and no one ever doubts his ability or loyalty, but no one really comes to him to discuss politics or important decisions). As the kids grow up, and especially over the time jump, I guess that age difference seems less unbridgeable and the dynamic changes as the kids view him more as a friend as opposed to like [oh adult] because they’re all adults now hdjdhd. But still, the point stands. Jackson has a different perspective to most of the main characters and I think it could have been interesting to take advantage of that.

- he’s one of the very few characters who remains a pacifist through out the entire show (unless something crazy happened in the last season that I never saw 😭), which is a stance that increasingly less and less characters still hold as the show progresses, because all the pacifists either die or end up doing something horrible/against their own morals in the name of survival. I suppose you could argue against me here with the whole cannibalism plot lol, but he’s still a pacifist in the sense that he hates violence and even when violence is the only option, he tends to freeze up and has to be saved by other characters.

Anyway lol, the tldr is that I think Jackson is a very sweet and kind-hearted character, who has a unique perspective that would have been interesting to expand upon if the writers actually gave a shit about him at all lmao 😔

[sir-silly]

The Last War fan review

So, our beloved show has ended. And while I wish things would have gone differently, I did cry with relief when Clarke looked over and saw everyone already waiting for her.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the finale.

1) Going right into the title sequence kind of shocked me. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but I was just immediately like “oh.” It was a bitch-slap in the face that they left a gap in the credits for Bob Morley. Why you gotta do us like that?

2) Murphy screaming “come on” while they used the defibrillator on Emori was heartbreaking. And his little whispered encouragements were so freaking cute.

3) Clarke rampage? Yes, please! I love me a badass woman. However, unlimited ammo is a sin in writing. The moment Octavia picked up the sword was a big “oh yes.”

4) Did Cadogan not care about his son like at all? Lmao. Why is he so hung up on Callie and not his other kid (who I can’t even remember the name of). I don’t care if they explain in the prequel, that’s still a shitty parent choosing favorites. Along with his wife, like, was she not his greatest love? It was Callie? Kinda fucked up.

5) Why the fuck could Jordan figure out it was a test and not a war in 5 seconds when the Disciples were studying that shit for decades? I know he’s Monty’s son, but he’s not a genius or anything.

6) Thoughts on the test: I think Cadogan would have failed and the human race would be destroyed. Why bother asking questions if you already know all the answers?

7) Why wasn’t Gaia in the finale like at all?? Like, what the fuck. She was hunting??? For what?? That really annoyed me because I’ve grown to really like her and there was no point in her not being involved in the last episode. They seriously couldn’t have thrown her in there? Like, come on! Even Niylah was there! (not saying that I don’t like her, it’s just that Gaia has felt far more important to the story than her).

8) I do think that Jasper and Hope are cute together, and I know they spent the majority of their lives either alone or only with their parents, but GOD I can’t stand how awkward they are. Also, I know ya’ll have feelings for each other and shit, but is now really the time to be making out?? Why do people think that’s okay in literally the worst situations? I know it’s a show, but come on.

9) And how the fuck did Jordan throw and catch that sword? He’s a child who’s never fought a day in his life. Unless they suddenly want to tell me that Harper and Monty were secret ninjas and taught him all their tricks, I don’t believe that.

10) I’m being pissy and bringing up things from the past, but I don’t care. Why the fuck couldn’t Harper and Monty gone into cryo? I know they were happy and shit, but I’M NOT. How the fuck did it take so long for him to get into the files for Sanctum? His ass has done that shit a thousand times before in about two minutes and suddenly it takes him 80 years? Bullshit.

11) I’m still being pissy, but how the fuck does Jordan know what a magician is? “For my first trick, I will make an army appear.” Bruh, no. Monty wouldn’t have known what a magician was either. If they weren’t being taught what a Navy Seal was, there’s no way they knew what magicians were. Calling bullshit on that one as well.

12) I was pretty surprised that the Disciples didn’t start firing on Wonkru immediately. Like, this is the war they’ve been gearing up for forever and they don’t attack as soon as possible? Also, where the fuck did Wonkru get their war paint? Do they just constantly have it on their person? Or did their asses literally spend time making their paint before going to Bardo?

13) I fucking love Miller and Jackson. They’re freaking adorable. Murphy’s flat “I am glad you are safe” was so fucking funny. Also, saving Emori in one scene just to kill her in the next is bullshit. They should have just killed her the first time and done the same thing anyway. Murphy screaming at Jackson to do something and sobbing was heartbreaking. Fantastic acting on Richard Harmon’s part.

14)  Octavia putting on Lincoln’s same warpaint again was once again, so sad. I miss that man. He was too good for his own good. And while I do think that her and Levitt are very cute together, I’ll always prefer her with Lincoln. But I think that he would be really happy that she has found someone new to love.

15) Apparently whatever Echo “did” to Levitt was so forgettable that I don’t even know what she’s talking about. Bad writing. I shouldn’t forget that in just a few weeks, I should remember as soon as I see the two of them in the same room.

16) Lexa. Just all of it. There were some suspicions that she would show up for the last episode, but I didn’t really believe them because I didn’t understand how she would be integrated. I’m glad that they did bring her back, but I’m also not. It was amazing to see her back by Clarke in all of her armor and glory, but knowing it wasn’t actually Lexa was just a punch in the face. It wasn’t her mind, so it’s almost like they didn’t bring her back anyway. I honestly would have preferred if they used someone else for her Judge, because that just really didn’t do it for me. Their hug was sweet, but it didn’t even count as her returning. I personally think that her Judge should have been Bellamy or Madi instead, as they both certainly could fill the role of “the subject’s greatest teacher or the source of their greatest failure...it can be their greatest love.” This is just my preference. Believe me, I know how much Lexa meant to Clarke, but as a fan, bringing our favorite Heda back in that way wasn’t the best way to do it. As a writer, it makes sense, but it doesn’t as a fan. The writers can’t just think of what is the best storytelling, they have to think of what those watching will think.

17) I’m confused about the mindspace? Why did Clarke wake up in her solitary room with her memories painted all over the walls, but Emori woke up in the castle with a view of the desert? Why wouldn’t it have been her and Murphy’s cave? Is there a reason it was the bedroom and not the cave?

18) I know this isn’t canon in any sense, but could you imagine if Murphy and Emori fought over John’s body and she won, and then suddenly woke up with a penis? How fucking funny would that be? Just had to throw that out there.

19) Can I just again reiterate how fucking cute Miller and Jackson are?

20) I’m curious about the location of the test. Why did Cadogan’s take place on a pier, while Raven’s happened on the Ark? If it was their favorite place, wouldn’t Raven’s have been actually out in space? Like during a spacewalk? I’m confused about that.

21) I knew that Raven was somehow going to be involved in the test just because of the trailers we got for the final episode. My two guesses for who the judge would be were Finn and Abby. Though I am happy that we got to see Abby again, I would be curious to see if the scene would have played out any differently if it had been Finn.

22) Where was the full line that was given in the trailer? Because that was amazing. “We’re selfish, and we’re violent, and we have destroyed too much, but we survived.” I loved that line far more than what we got instead, which was simply, “Have we made mistakes? Yes. Clarke, me, all of us, but we were just trying to survive.” I definitely would have chosen the former over the latter. Poor choice on the editors’ parts.

23) How the fuck did Octavia and Echo go out to the field and get Levitt with Echo only being shot once? With all the bullets, the three of them should have been torn apart, I don’t care how much Indra could cover Octavia. Calling bullshit on that as well.

24) Bringing this up kind of late because I’m giving my reviews as I’m rewatching the episode, but what they had Eliza do was really fucked up. Her and Bob suffered a miscarriage during the filming of season seven, so the scene of her holding Madi and crying “my baby” is like 10 times more heartbreaking. If they made her film that after having a miscarriage mere days, weeks or few months before, that’s really, really messed up.

25) They really played-up Sheidheda’s bringing back of “jus drein jus daun” in the trailer. In reality, it was far less intense. I would have preferred what I had been expecting, which was him coming to help convince Wonkru that they would be able to win. However, I am super glad that he is dead and Indra finally got to kill him. I love how that bigass gun just turns people into mist lol.

26) The beginning of Octavia’s speech was literally like “what the FUCK guys” and it was hilarious. And I swear to god if I hear her say “we are Wonkru” or “you are Wonkru” another time, I’m gonna scream. I know it was legit the last episode but I’m sick of it by now lol. When Indra was like “I hope you know what you’re doing,” Octavia’s face was just like “omg me too” and it was really funny.

27) Bellamy. His situation was a whole problem itself. He deserved a hell of a lot better and wHY DID HE CUT HIS HAIR I LIKED IT THE LONG WAY. Anyway, you can bet your ass I’ll be writing a different ending where he didn’t die because FUCK THAT. When I do, I’ll be sure to share it.

28) I’m fucking confused about Murphy and Emori both transcending. Because, what the fuck. Emori died. The dead don’t transcend. Her mind wasn’t even in her body, it was in Murphy’s. So how the fuck did she end up alive and in her own body again. I’m glad she’s alive, but I just don’t understand. It would have made way more sense to have either not had her die in the first place, or to have Murphy, Miller, and Jackson keep pumping her heart so she technically “lived” anyway like Echo.

29) If Madi had decided not to transcend, would she still have been paralyzed? I mean, I would assume not because Levitt and Hope’s gunshots were healed, as was Emori, but I’m curious. Also, wouldn’t Raven’s leg have been fixed? Because if they only fix recent wounds and not old ones, that’s stupid.

30) On the point of Madi deciding not to transcend, why did she? Why didn’t so many other people choose not to? Like, not one Eligius prisoner or person from Sanctum chose to live? No one else from Wonkru? Why didn’t anyone else other than the main cast and guest stars not transcend? I totally understand the Disciples transcending, but seriously, nobody else wanted to live? That’s really weird. Madi and her friends really couldn’t have chosen to live on Earth with Clarke and the others? I just think it’s really unrealistic that not one single person outside of the group chose not to transcend.

31) I was really surprised that Murphy and Emori chose not to transcend, because as the Judge said, they would eventually die and not join them in the infinite. It shocked me due to their fear of dying and wanting to be immortal, but I’m really proud of them.

32) I’m disappointed that those who don’t transcend can’t have children. There were suspicions that Emori might have been pregnant (which were never confirmed), but the idea of her and Murphy having a kid together was adorable. They’d have their teeny tiny families with those two, Hope and Jordan, and Octavia and Levitt.

33) This isn’t as much me pointing out a problem as me wondering, what was Clarke going to say to the Judge when she turned around? What else did she have to say or ask? Was it about Madi? Or maybe Lexa? Or just transcending in general?

34) It’s pretty shitty that some of our questions went unanswered due to the fact that there will be a prequel. On the other hand, I live for lore, so I’m just glad that they eventually will be answered. But still, that doesn’t excuse shitty writing.

35) I want to see a stupid edit of Picasso taking the test where the Judge is Madi.

I think we all know that season seven was really not what we wanted it to be. We’ve been really disappointed by the writers and unfortunately, this is what we got out of it. I believe they really could have done a better job, but I am at least glad that everyone ended up together.

The writing was lacking. Too many questions were left unanswered, I don’t care if you’re making a sequel or not. Plot holes. It really could have been a good season if it was done better.

My ranking of the seasons is as follows: 3, 2, 4, 1, 6, 5, 7. Seasons 4 and 1 are kind of interchangeable for me in spots three and four, as are 6 and 5 in the two spots behind them, whatever the order may be.

But I still love the show. I love the characters, their development, and many things about it. It has been quite the journey and I am glad to have been a fan of the show.

May we meet again.

[kiintsugi]

Vagrant's Rhapsody

“You can't change the wind but you can set your sails.”   ― Billie Joe Armstrong 

“Sometimes the world decides it doesn’t need you. Sometimes you decide you don’t need the world. But, you... fuck, I need you.”

+

Drink because you’ve got nothing better to do than wallow in self-pity on a Saturday night. Drink because you’re letting the straights play jump rope with your nerves. Fling your glass across the bar so you have to watch the whiskey run down your distorted, cracked reflection.  

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

+ 

Train hopper modern au. aka the road trip quarter-life crisis au no one asked for but i’m writing anyway

EXCERPT:

“Shit. What’s the order again?”

“Me. Nyko. Lexa. You.”

“See. This is why you should have done a rehearsal.”

“Rehearsals cost money, Anya.”

“So do weddings, asshole.”

Lexa pinched the bridge of her nose and gave Anya a shove through the open door. “I think you just proved his point.”  

“Shut up, Lexa,” Anya sneered as they filed through the door and down the hall. “Who’s on Octavia's side?”

“You’re walking with Raven.” Lincoln pulled at his tie. He had adjusted it at least a dozen times in the past ten minutes.

“Linc, you gotta stop doing that.” Lexa reached over Anya’s shoulder and grabbed Lincoln by his jacket to restraighten his tie.

“Who the fuck is Raven?”  

“Don’t worry. You’ll like her,” Lincoln assured. “And thanks.”

Nyko was waiting for them, already standing in position with Octavia’s brother as the first pair to walk. They wore the same matching black slim fit suits as Lexa and Anya with a pink collared shirt and matching tie under a gray waistcoat that was accented with a pink pocket square and matching boutonnière. But where Bellamy was clean shaven with hair styled in a short, curling curtain fringe, Nyko’s had a long beard and equally long hair tied back with braids.

He waved to them, and Lexa’s chin bobbed in response. She was supposed to be next but there was no one standing beside Octavia’s brother to indicate themselves as her other half.

“What about me?” She asked, looking around for someone else who might be marked with a pink boutonnière.

“You’re with Clarke.”

Anya slumped, pouting. “Can we switch? I love emasculating men.”

“No, you can’t.” Lincoln pressed his palms into their backs and marched them forward. “And Clarke’s not a guy.”

“What?” It was rhetorical, but she knew Lincoln would answer her regardless. She wished he wouldn’t.  

“Clarke,” he told her. “She’s right over there. Go get into position. Both of you.”

Anya clapped a hand on her shoulder. She felt it, so it must have happened. Just like she knew Anya shoved her forward. She felt herself moving, felt someone’s hands in her back, marching her down the hall. She could feel it. She could see it.

So why was her brain screaming at her to wake up?

The room was spinning, the world moving around her at a hundred miles an hour. Everything was a twisting blur that made her stomach flip and her head spin and she could hear Anya trying to get her attention through it all but, all Lexa could do was blink.  

Waiting for them were two women in silvery grey dresses with their hair drawn up into similarly styled loopy buns. They had their backs turned, heads bobbing with happy chatter as they shared something between them on their phones. One of them had a black and silver walking cane and dark hair, the other was blonde; not the pale sort of blonde or the dishwater sort of blonde, the golden kind.

“Oh, no.” The word escaped her like a whisper, as if saying it would change the truth; change gold into lead. She stepped back, her shoulder hitting something – Anya probably – sending them both stumbling.

“Watch where you’re going, Lexa. Shit.”  

Clarke’s phone hit the floor; her hand suspended – frozen – in time as the blues of her eyes are blown away. Clarke refused to budge; Lexa couldn’t. Blue eyes now black as night, staring.  

Something clicked in her head, time started to move again, Lexa’s lips slipped apart and before she could even think about what she was doing the halls echoed with her voice saying “Hello, Clarke.”

And then Clarke was cursing.  

“Fuck,” she spat, her body surging into a shaking frenzy as she snatched her phone from the ground and tried to do anything that didn’t involve looking at Lexa.  

Anya slung her arm around Lexa’s shoulders, squinting at the women as she gave them one of her infamous once overs and then looked at Lexa with those same judging eyes. “I expect an explanation later,” she said and then she unhooked herself from Lexa and strolled forward to meet Raven.  

Clarke was still cursing, still fumbling with her phone, still avoiding looking at her. 

Lexa swallowed. She deserved that.

“Clarke! Lexa!” Nyko’s voice hissed. “Get into position. We gotta go!”

Everything moved in a blur. Her feet were moving, music playing, but all she could hear was the thumping of her heart in her chest. There were lights, doors swinging open and music blasting even louder into her ears and then...

Clarke was touching her arm.

Lexa sucked in a breath, her spine going stiff and the room began to swirl around her. Nyko was gone. A push from behind. Clarke wasn’t touching her anymore. Octavia was there. Across from her was Lincoln, tears rolling down his cheeks. More music. Applause.  

The whole wedding done and over and all Lexa could remember was the sound of her heartbeat.

She came too sometime between the end of the ceremony and the reception, around the time that Anya had decidedly abandoned her in favor of the woman named “Raven”.

“Sorry,” she offered.

“No, you’re not.”

“You’re right. I’m not.”

Anya blew a kiss turned one finger salute and sauntered off to the buffet of food where Raven was standing in line and Lexa was left sitting alone at the table, watching as people she didn’t know gathered in celebration.

Lincoln and Octavia had their own table, as per some wedding tradition Lexa didn’t understand and everyone else had been assigned a table number that Lexa had no memory of reading. Still, she had the place card, “Lexa Woods, Table 3” clasp between her fingers, running her fingertips over the embossed lettering as she tried grasp the missing memories from her mind. But when she closed her eyes, all she could see was waves of gold, and the fury of winter.

She opened her eyes and sucked in a sharp breath when something clapped against her shoulder. She whipped herself around, tearing herself free from the unwanted touch, looked up... “Lincoln,” she breathed, relieved. “Congratulations.”

“Are you okay, Lexa?” Lincoln pulled out a chair next to her and sat himself down. He had two plates piled in one of his massive hands, one he set down in front of him and the other he placed before her. “You’ve been acting weird for hours.”

Lexa shook her head, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. “Yeah,” she lied. “Im fine. Just... Coming back here is harder than I thought it would be.”

Lincoln smiled softly. “I know,” he said. “I it’s a rough transition. I shouldn’t have asked you to be a part of the wedding knowing how jarring all this can be.”

“No,” Lexa rushed to correct. “It’s not that. It’s... I know Clarke.”

“You do?” he asked, stabbing at a piece of steak and shoving it into his mouth. “How? She’s hardly ever around.”

“Northfield. Minneapolis. Boston.” Lexa shrugged. “Around.”

“Small world.” Lincoln said between bites. “Octavia thought you two would hit it off.”

Lexa poked at her food. “That’s putting it mildly.”

“For real?” Lincoln leaned over the table to try and force Lexa to look at him.  

Lexa waved a hand and pushed Lincoln away. “It’s fucking nothing. Alright? Don’t worry about it.”

Lincoln sighed as he grabbed his plate and pushed away from the table. “Alright,” he said. “But try to eat something, okay? A lot of something. We got a buffet and an open bar for a reason so, make it worth it.”

Lexa grumbled and shoveled a fork full of food into her mouth. She had forgotten how good food could taste, her eyes rolling to the back of her head with delight.

Anya plopped down in the seat next to her with three piled plates of meat, sides and bread ready to be devoured. She glowered at Lexa, sizing her up as she hunched over her food. “I’m not sharing,” she announced.  

“I’m not asking,” Lexa said, taking another bite of her own food.

With a mouth full of bread, Anya sneered. “Good.”

Raven pulled out the chair next to Anya and dropped a single, mountain piled plate onto the table. “Table three,” she endorsed with a smile before her eyes trailed from Anya to Lexa. Her opened her mouth sucked in a breath.  

“Sit down, Raven,” came another voice; husky and familiar.  

Clarke sat down across from Lexa; her eyes glued to her phone and Lexa was sure she was avoiding eye contact until Clarke dared to stare directly at her from across the table. She had a small plate by comparison to everyone one else and a glass of either really flat beer, or an impressive amount of scotch that she was drinking with more than a hint of rage.

Lexa suppressed the urge to shudder from the bite of the icy blues across from her. “So, you’re friends with Octavia,” she said to no one in particular in a half assed attempt to steer the conversation away from the tension between her and Clarke.

“Not for long,” Raven said in a sing song voice.  

“What do you mean?” Anya asked.

“We sort of have this thing,” Raven started, her arms drawing a scene as she explained. “Like a box of long-term bets that we only open up on really big occasions when we’re all together. We take it really seriously and some of us are two hundred percent fucked.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and dived deeper into her glass of alcohol. “Thanks for reminding me.”

Lexa leaned her elbows onto the table. “Oh really,” she toyed. “Tell us more.”

Raven wrapped her arm around the back of her chair and pointed to a rusty red toolbox with a small rectangular slit cut near the top and a combination lock dangling from the latch that sat on Lincoln and Octavia’s table. Atop the worn red paint, the words “long term bets” were painted on in a glittery blue and there were several band stickers that were slapped onto the sides. “Normally, I'm the appointed commissioner. But my gift to Octavia was to let her be the judge of all that tonight.”

“You have a long-term bet box and an official commissioner?” Anya asked.

“Yeah.” Raven said flatly.

Octavia noticed them eyeing the box and she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and gave the box and excited rattle.  

Anya smiled. “I’m liking this Octavia person more and more by the minute.”

[aphrodites-law]

The Clarke Show

(A take on The Truman Show)

Nia Reign is as imposing as Lexa imagined. Her suit is a dark green with silver cuffs, nothing that Lexa could ever hope to afford. 

"Why Clarke?"

She isn’t the only live show, but she's certainly the most popular in the nation. Arkadia's darling. Arkadia's golden child. Lexa has never had the time or luxury for escapism, but everyone knows that even the nation's prince, Lincoln, trails Clarke in views by millions.

"Because Clarke is getting restless. It's a phase I'm sure you're familiar with––the yearning for the world you've never been a part of. She wants spontaneity. Adventure. We've scripted something that’ll show her the grass isn’t always greener. It'll make for a thrilling story arc."

Lexa looks at the hundreds of screens, each one a frame of the town built for Clarke and the twelve other Selected. The grocery store she shops at; the movie theater she goes to; the streets she walks on; the beach; the offices; the coffee shops; the parks; the neighborhood––every single place ready to spring to life should the Selected decide to take the trams there. It's an exceptionally well-oiled machine.

"What role would I play?"

"You'll be the dark horse. The wild card Clarke never thought she'd hold. You'll take her places she's never been­––new sets we've built. You'll win over her heart and then you'll break it, right in time for us to introduce Finn."

"Finn?" Lexa asks, still gazing at a screen where a bird briefly flits in front of the camera. She wonders if its species is native to the area or if it's even real at all.

"Clarke's future husband if all goes according to plan. Finn is a perfect match for her in every way. Your opposite."

Lexa turns to the control room below the glass panels. There are hundreds of employees in headsets pressing hundreds of buttons, rushing from right to left, biting into sandwiches and yawning while they craft the details of Arkapolis. There are workers in shirts designing objects on large screens; workers in lab coats testing liquids in vials; workers with grease smears tweaking the settings of androids. There is so much energy and talent being poured into a fake world. Lexa wonders why these people couldn't better their real world instead. Lexa’s neighborhood in Arkadia is crumbling apart, the infrastructure rusting and rotting, and yet here she is watching engineers design sets with swimming pools and amusement parks.

"No offense meant," Nia says behind her.

Lexa shakes her head. "I'm no princess."

"But you can be charming.”

Lexa turns to her. "I'm not a good actress."

Nia sits in her leather chair, utterly in control of the room and the conversation.  "I've seen the women you seduce. They don't hold a candle to our Clarke. Surely it won’t be difficult for you to muster some passion."

What Nia means is that prostituting herself for entertainment should come easily. Lexa knows that's exactly why she was picked for the role.

"Clarke made a whole nation fall in love with her the moment she opened those blue eyes onscreen for the first time," Nia reminds her. "Right now there are millions of souls watching her and yearning to spend time with her. Time you'll be afforded. You don't need to be a good actress, Ms. Woods, you need to be exactly who you are: a lowlife drifter who seduces lonely women to get something out of them. In this instance, more money than you've seen in your entire life."

Anger boils inside Lexa, but the words aren't all lies. "You think you know everything about me based on police records?"

Nia chuckles at Lexa's naïveté. "I don't care to know everything about you. I know what's necessary. You need the money and you’ll do anything for it. Am I wrong?”

Lexa thinks of her sister Anya and the medical bills sticking out of drawers; the leaks in her apartment; the skittering of roaches on their floor. She thinks of her nephew and niece––Aden's gaunt face and Marla playing with dolls made out of cans and wires. She thinks of the floor she sleeps on in the corner of Anya’s room, cold and damp.

"When do I start?"

Nia smiles victoriously. "You’ll go through scrubbing and fitting first. An implant will be placed in your ear canal; it’ll be used sparsely but I will be communicating with you when needed. It’ll also track your location. Training will take three weeks––you’ll need to know Arkapolis like the back of your hand, not to mention your new profession. You’ll spend time with your new best friends, Raven and Costia, for familiarity purposes. We’ll have Clarke meet Lexa in a month’s time.”

Lexa’s eyes flash at her own name being used so strangely, as if she isn’t the one being referred to. As if she will exist separately from the character they have made up for Clarke, the Lexa who’ll take pleasure in seducing and using and discarding the nation’s sweetheart. She wonders how hated she will be coming out of it. 

"I want the money, a weekly stipend, sent to my sister," Lexa tells Nia, looking at her with a set jaw. "You control so much of the media––I want a guarantee my family will be kept out of it. No one bothers them. No one even mentions them.”

"We can do that." Nia looks up and smiles, the once cruel curve of her lips turning tender. "Look."

Lexa glances back at the screens, watching as Clarke walks out of her small house with her dog. She waves at her neighbor and grins. Her life is so simple that Lexa feels some anger toward her. Why couldn't Anya have been one of the Selected? Why did Aden and Marla know more about suffering than Clarke did? All she will know of pain is an orchestrated heartbreak before true love swoops in.

Lexa doesn't pity her. If it keeps her family safe and fed, she'll lift Clarke Griffin to unimaginable heights before dropping her. She'll be the villain her story needs; take her heart and crush it with a smile.

"Do you stream everything live?" She asks Nia.

Nia seems bored now, the formality of convincing Lexa over and done with. "Clarke's channel is family friendly, with a slight delay in the feed. We expect you to alert us at the beginning and the end of explicit footage. The public knows Clarke is only broadcast live for eighteen hours a day. It'll make our lives easier if you'd ensure physical intimacy happened within the closed window, but if not the delay gives us time to cut to our planned programming. Obviously you won’t start conversations that further the storyline within those six hours either. There is nothing more frustrating to the public than missing out on milestones.”

Lexa rolls her eyes as she watches the ants hard at work in the control room. "How romantic," she drawls. "Bet those guys enjoy the show when it goes offline."

Nia hardly contains her disdain at Lexa's crassness. "We have a number of protocols in place for private scenes."

Lexa vaguely recalls that bathrooms have no cameras, but ‘private’ has an entirely different meaning for the Selected. Surely it was private when Clarke’s father passed away onscreen, followed by a close up of Clarke’s sobs. Surely it was private when she kissed a girl for the first time and embarrassed herself with a sneeze, not knowing the entire nation was laughing at her clumsiness. 

But if it bothers Lexa that Nia talks about someone's reality as footage and scenes, she reasons she should get used to it fast. Soon she'll be a part of the show too, and her life will be nothing more than snapshots stitched together for the purpose of entertainment. Nia suddenly stands by her, surveying the control room like a Queen would survey her land from her castle's highest tower.  

"Believe me, the novelty of working behind-the-scenes wears off quickly. These people aren’t different from you. All they want is to get the job done so that they may go home to their families. Surely you understand that."

Lexa looks at Clarke again, her body in a medium shot as she walks her pet with no worry in the world. In a month things will change for her. For both of them. Lexa takes a deep breath and nods, knowing exactly what she would sacrifice for her family’s sake.

[tsthrace]

What does a girl do when she realizes she needs to cut an entire chapter from her WIP because it doesn’t fit? She posts it to tumblr. 

So yeah, this starts to build a scary world that might look a little too close to our world. It might introduce you to this badass trauma surgeon, Dr. Griffin, who needs to make a quick escape. And then it might leave you hanging. Forever. 

Well, not exactly forever. This is now Clarke’s backstory for my WIP. She’ll resurface years later on a church-turned-farmstead. Guess who’s the priest of this church? So yeah...

Content warning: mention of rape (but no rape itself) and just general hits-too-close-to-home: you know—fascism, totalitarianism, misogyny, toxic masculinity. Oh, and Clarke swears a lot.

It’s angsty. That’s what I do.

3,260 words. No tagging for Clexa, because Lexa doesn’t come on the scene yet.

It’s also posted over on ao3 if you’d rather read it there.

---

We all thought it couldn’t happen here, even as it was happening here.

Clarke had been running for so long that she wasn’t sure if she was still being chased. She had spent the last six years wandering through parts of Washington she never knew existed. First to an abandoned sawmill a few miles east of Mansford in the mountains. It was a glorified barn, really, but a community of refugees from Seattle had been gathering there, doing their best to patch up the building’s roof and walls. Then, there was still enough gas to transport what they needed if they rationed properly. But they were all adjusting to life without electricity, without phones, without any sense of who they were without those things. 

She was there only three months when word came that a militia had materialized in Darrington and was registering children and looking for doctors and healers. Healers. That’s what they called women with Clarke’s skills. People who had gone to school for 13 years, who had prioritized their craft over their health, their family, their relationships for a grueling residency followed by an only slightly less grueling fellowship. They called men doctors, even if they were less educated, less skilled, and less practiced.

Fuck them. Clarke’s response had become reflexive. It was her internal response when the police came that first night of what some called the Resistance but what the police called the Riots. 

Unrest had been brewing for months, but It was when the President “temporarily” suspended the First Amendment right to assemble that all hell broke loose. Thousands of protestors became tens of thousands, even in small cities like Spokane and Tacoma. Police traded rubber bullets for real ones, patrol cars for tanks, pistols for AK-47s. Dozens of people landed in Clarke’s hospital, some gone before they were taken out of the ambulance, ripped apart by the people sworn to serve and protect them. 

That was the night two officers were trawling the halls of her ward, looking for “resistors” to arrest. 

“They’re unconscious,” Clark said slowly. “They’re sedated because they’re waiting to go into surgery.” She knew it was a bad idea to talk to them like they were kindergartners, but she couldn’t stop herself. What these men were doing was sick. Her patients were here because of them. Some of them filled with bullet holes, their lives barely clinging to them, others with collapsed lungs caused by broken ribs, others with simple fractures who would be out to fight another day. But Clarke wasn’t going to tell these guys that.

“Is there someone else we can talk to?” The officer said. His name badge said Blakely. “Maybe your boss?”

Clarke felt her fingernails digging into her palm. “Officer Blakely—”

“Corporal Blakely.”

Clarke went on as if she didn’t hear him. “I’m the person with the highest seniority here right now. If you’d like me to call the Chief of Surgery...”

Blakely pulled out a pad and pen. “What’s his name?”

“Her name is Dr. Marris.”

Blakely scoffed but wrote down the name.

“Is there a problem?” Clarke bent a little to catch his eye with her glare.

“Not at all.”

After that night, everything changed. The President sent in federal troops. There were tanks outside police precincts, and men in uniform carrying AK-47s stood at every corner in downtown and Capitol Hill. They rode the light rail, searching for enemies and booting out anyone who fell asleep on the trains. Curfews were instituted. Clarke had to have her ID and a letter from the hospital ready after every shift. The same soldiers (or were they cops?) stopped her every night, even after the sixth time when everyone knew everyone’s names. She had written theirs down. Because fuck them.

Two months later, the Seattle PD renamed themselves Washington’s 1st Militia when the President had encouraged all “patriots and protectors of freedom to band together, arm, and fight for American values.” Police departments across the country took this as a rallying call. They traded their police uniforms for military fatigues. They tore off their city badges and replaced them with a thin blue line. Bros before everything else, even democracy. 

They pulled her out of the OR as soon as she wrapped up a craniotomy. It was her third surgery of the day, and her hands were stiff, her scrubs covered in sweat. The two soldiers’ assault rifles startled her, but she’d seen enough gore in her time to know how to keep a straight face. Blakely was back, but this time he was dressed like he was serving in a desert war zone.

“Officer Blakely.” She remembered he was a corporal but fuck him.

The corner of Blakely’s mouth lifted in a sharp smirk. She watched as his eyes glided down her body. “Congratulations, Ms. Griffin, you’ve been recruited to Washington’s First. We are in need of fine healers like yourself.” 

Fuck you. The words raced through her mind, but she kept her mouth shut. She understood by now that those words aloud could do nothing but put her in danger. “How can I be of service?” she asked evenly, looking him straight in the eye. She had heard rumors that the militias were taking medical workers from their hospitals and clinics to set up their own facilities, but she thought they’d only take men for their specialists and surgeons.

“You need to come with us,” Blakely looked down at the sweat stains under her arms.

Clarke didn’t move. “What kind of healers are you looking for?” she asked in her most neutral tone. 

“A variety, ma’am.” Blakely’s jaw stiffened.

A small crowd of the floor’s staff had gathered at the nurses’ station, halfheartedly pretending to work while they watched the interaction.

“Like nurses? There are a lot of nurses here who are much better at their jobs than I would be.” Clarke laughed lightly and glanced at the nurses. “I’d make a terrible nurse.”

A few of the nurses nodded, their eyes smiling because smiling with their lips might bring trouble.

“We already have healers for that kind of work.” Blakely took in a breath and looked around the floor, frustrated. He knew he’d said too much. “Maybe we should go somewhere—”

“Then I can’t possibly think why you’d need me. I’m sure there are doctors who can meet your needs.”

“Ms. Griffin—”

“After all, there are two other trauma surgeons on staff here more suited to your, uh, preferences.” Clarke glanced down at Blakely’s groin.

“I was sent to find you, Ms. Griffin.”

The more he called her “Ms.,” the more her resolve solidified. “I just can’t imagine what anyone would want with little old me.” She covered her voice in maple syrup. “Dr. Lee and Dr. Bancroft are very fine surgeons, very respectable. Dr. Lee graduated top of his class from UW. I’m supervising his fellowship, and he’s very skilled.” Clarke let the words roll like waves along a beach on a calm day. “And Dr. Bancroft is who we call whenever we need a feeding tube done right the first time. His focus on fundamentals is exceptional—”

“They want you,” Blakely said more loudly than he intended.

Say it, she taunted him with a sharp look, though the words that came out were light. “I’ll call Dr. Lee. I’m sure he’d be more suitable to you—”

“Ms. Griffin—”

“You’d rather have Dr. Bancroft? Sorry. I thought you’d want the more skilled surgeon, but to be honest, we do perform a lot more feeding tube placements than major—”

“We know you’re the best.” Blakely growled, giving in. 

Clarke had won, but she still felt empty. “You can’t even call me a doctor.” 

“Protocol.” Blakely refused to look at her. “Come with us, ma’am.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“You can appeal on grounds of pregnancy or motherhood.”

Clarke scoffed. “Of course.” She didn’t even try to hide her disdain, though she knew she had to play along. She looked down at her scrubs. “I need to change.”

“Of course,” Blakely said. His smile was sharp, an insult. “Though we’ll need to supervise.”

Clarke bit down hard. She had not joined the Resistance, but she’d been obsessively keeping track of their Instagram posts at @emeraldcityjustice. Militiamen never raped, she’d learned, especially if the woman was white and of marrying age. They didn’t call it rape, though, they called it “sexual theft.” They were not to spoil another man’s property (or potential property), and that meant no touching. This restriction forced men to get creative, find new ways of dominating without ruining the goods. Resisting, the posts said, meant speaking the militia’s language. 

“But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Clarke had memorized some key verses, and she said this one loud enough for everyone around the nursing station to hear it. “Matthew 5:28. I think those are words in red. You know, Jesus. The son of God himself.” She would not let these fuckers anywhere near her. 

Blakely squinted and his face turned to stone.

“The locker room is on the second floor,” she said. “You two are welcome to wait outside the door, if you like.” Clarke strode towards the elevator. Blakely glared at her a few moments before nodding at his partner. They followed her into the elevator. Clarke looked at her watch. 10:15 p.m. Shift change. The locker room would be packed. 

“We need to sweep,” Blakely said as they stepped off the elevator and approached the locker room door.

Clarke sighed loudly. There was no use in arguing. Blakely nodded towards the key swipe. Clarke swiped her badge and a little red light on the handle turned green. Blakely opened the door then turned conspicuously so that his back was facing the opening.

“This is Corporal Blakely of Washington’s First Militia,” he shouted into the room. The volume of his voice made Clarke jump. “Private Cooks and I will be doing a sweep of this locker room in two minutes. Those who are not appropriately covered at that time will be taken into custody.” Blakely let the door close behind him and set a timer on his Apple watch.

Are you fucking kidding me? Clarke didn’t say out loud.

Five minutes later, Blakely and Cooks were back out in the hallway. Clarke knew they wouldn’t find anything. The locker room was a windowless space that was mostly concrete and tile. It had one exit, a fire hazard long ignored because that part of the hospital had been built 140 years ago. The only other door was a closet full of cleaning supplies.

Blakely nodded at Clarke to go inside. 

“You have five minutes,” he said, fiddling with his watch again.

“I’d like to shower.”

“Four minutes and fifty-seven seconds. If you don’t come out on time, we will come in.”

Clarke swallowed and pushed through the door. Dozens of annoyed eyes lifted as she walked in. She just shook her head as she walked past them. 

Because it was an old hospital, doctors—female doctors, even surgeons—shared the locker room with nurse supervisors, charge nurses and other medical staff who had seniority. (Male doctors, especially surgeons, did not share a locker room with anyone, of course.) It bothered Clarke on principle, but for the most part she liked being around the non-doctor staff, and it didn’t hurt to have a friendly relationship with the nurses when she was on the floors. 

The women’s eyes quickly went back to their tasks of leaving. Between the unrest and a new virus no one seemed to know anything about, the hospital, which was already under-resourced, had been over capacity for weeks now. Everyone was tired, stressed, and getting more and more afraid. They just wanted to get home as soon as possible. The later at night, the more aggressive the patrols got. 

Clarke walked to her locker and took a few deep breaths as she quickly spun the lock to its numbers and pulled it open. She took off her white coat and hung it on the hanger inside. She pulled out her backpack and checked that her phone charger was inside. She pulled her wallet out and stared at her driver’s license for a long moment, not sure if it would be a liability. She decided to bring it, along with her curfew papers, and a used copy of The Obelisk Gate she’d picked up from Horizon Books a few weeks ago but never opened. Next, she stuffed her street clothes inside along with two sets of clean scrubs (only later would she wonder why she took the scrubs). Finally, she grabbed the two boxes of protein bars and four bottles of Gatorade that she kept there to keep her energy up on long shifts.

Clarke almost laughed at how much could fit in her small backpack. 

She looked at her watch. Three minutes left. Shit. She almost forgot to switch watches. She pulled off the little cheap thing she used at the hospital and replaced it with her dad’s chunky but sleek metal piece. It was heavy on her wrist, but that’s what she liked about it. Somehow she felt safer with it on.

She swallowed. She needed to move, but to move meant everything would be different. She threw her shoulders back, lifted her hands in front of her, palms up as if making an offering, and took in a deep breath. It’s what she did whenever she was about to make a first cut. She closed her eyes, felt the ground solid under her feet, felt her heart slow to steady saunter. 

Clarke smiled to herself. It was a heavy smile, sad and defiant. Fuck them.

She grabbed her backpack, slung it over her shoulder, and walked to the broom closet.

“You alright, Dr. Griffin?” A voice rang out. Veró, the charge nurse from the post-op wing, looked up as Clarke was about to go inside. Her eyes were nervous.

“I will be,” Clarke replied as she closed the door. “Take good care of yourself, Veró. Be safe. You didn’t see me, okay?”

Veró nodded. “You stay safe, Clarke.” She closed her eyes for a long moment. Her smile was heavy with concern. “I didn’t see nothing.” 

Clarke held Veró’s eyes for a long moment, then nodded, stepped into the closet, and closed the door behind her. It was a small space, but large enough for two people to fit—a fact Clarke had exploited with Lu, a nurse from the Telemetry unit, several times. There was a small, dirty, pointless window at the top of the closet that she and Lu had covered with a tray from the cafeteria so that the janitors in their breakroom across the alley couldn’t watch them taking their break. During the day, thin streaks of light leaked in around the edges. Clarke was grateful it was so late and that the alley outside got so little light. The metal shelving served as the perfect ladder, sturdy and wide. She disrupted the toilet paper and big bottles of cleaner as she climbed, leaving hints of her escape, but there was nothing to be done about it. The top shelf was blessedly empty, too high up to be useful.

She pulled the tray out of the way to reveal a window that was smaller than she expected. She turned a small latch and pushed the window. It didn’t budge. She pushed it again, harder this time, though she didn’t have much leverage. Nothing happened. The shelf wobbled minutely under her.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

It held steady as she gingerly pulled her full body onto the top shelf. She barely fit up there. She checked her watch. She maybe had a minute. Probably less. Clarke hit the base of the window with the flat of her palm. Nothing. She hit it again. Still nothing. She took a breath and closed her eyes. 

Please.

She hit it again and heard a tiny scrape. One more push, and the window swung open with an achy shriek. It might have been shut for decades. Clarke was lucky. The drop from the second floor window to the sidewalk was short. The alley swept upwards from 9th Ave., ending at the top with the fifth floor’s windows being at street level. 

She was out, and she had no idea what to do. By now, Blakely and Cooks would have noticed that she hadn’t come out. Maybe they’d give her another minute. She remembered the Apple watch. 

Her mind churned and tumbled. She had opened holes in skulls with drills and saws. She had cracked ribs to expose hearts that stopped beating in front of her eyes. But now, on this warm summer night on an empty sidewalk, she didn’t know what to do. So she ran. The hospital was a mess of old buildings connected by narrow alleys—easy to get lost. But Clarke had done her residency and fellowship here—spent nearly a quarter of her life here—and while she didn’t know the alleys, she knew the buildings, recognized the skyways above linking everything together. She slid from shadow to shadow in the direction of the interstate. It was an intuitive decision, the way she knew exactly where to find the bleeding in surgery. 

She kept moving, the rolling rumble of the highway getting closer. Finally, she found herself at the parking garage and knew exactly where to go. She walked calmly through the first level reserved for people going to the ED. She was careful to avoid the security booth where Mitch would be. He was a good guy, and Clarke didn’t want to bring him any trouble. She moved quickly towards an emergency exit which brought her to a fire escape facing the interstate. During her first year as resident, she and Dr. Salem used to meet there to smoke a joint after a 30-hour shift. 

She paused. Think. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts. Her breath caught when she came across her mom’s contact. You could have called, she could already hear her saying. We would have figured it out. Even if there was enough time for her mom to get from Whidbey Island to the city—and there wasn’t—it wouldn’t be safe. Anyone she called could be implicated and punished. Unless she chose to crawl back into the hospital, she was now an RRL, a Resistor of the Rule of Law.

This is moment everything changes. The thought cracked across her mind like lightning and disappeared just as fast. The thunder would roll on for years and years.

She closed her contacts and opened Instagram instead. She went to the @emeraldcityjustice profile. Her grin was grim as she hit the Message button. How ridiculous this world had become.

“Canada or the mountains?”

“What?” Clarke shook herself out of a haze. The driver hadn’t spoken since he picked her up from a dark corner under the interstate where @emeraldcityjustice had told her to go. They immediately turned east over the lake to Bellevue.

“You’ll have to decide at the drop point in Everett,” the driver went on. “They can either get you on a ferry to Canada or you can head to a refugee community in the mountains.” He glanced over his shoulder to the back seat where she was lying down to avoid facial recognition cameras on the interstate. “Do you want to escape or do you want to fight?”

THE END. THAT’S IT. I’M SORRY.

[fairytaleslayer]

The ask I just sent S H A N for FM series and A L E X for almost 3

@chuckleshan lol that feels like cheating but fine. @super-rangers since she’s using you you better get in here too.

Fight Me series:

S - Fandom trope I can’t resist is giving Lexa the last name Woods

H - My style is...realistic. That’s what I shoot for, even when writing fantasy. Emotion, growth. Not angst for the sake of it or trauma because I can. Everything has a reason.

A - Title was easy since it was supposed to be a one shot - Lexa just really liked saying Fight Me

N - Is there something I want someone else to finish for me...not really. Sometimes I’ll want to see more of how a character deals with trauma - generally the one half of the favorite who is deemed to be ‘not as traumatized’ and so we don’t really see fic of them recovering. I always love seeing the less written for character being allowed those emotions too.

Almost Three:

A - Title, I’m not great at titles. Lexa had been alive almost 300 years and that just was the best I could come up with that sounded vaguely mysterious and intriguing enough for people to click on.

L - I revise countless times. Some scenes I reread because I really like them, others because they’re missing something. Each chapter gets a thorough read through before going into AO3, and then another once it’s in the formatting of the website as well, to catch anything else I might have missed. 

E - A sequel to Almost Three would be about...probably their experiences finally growing older after so long stuck as teenagers. The little things they’d missed out on, they’re two kiddos growing up. Soft stuff.

X - Well there aren’t too many characters in Almost Three for me to make suffer, so I guess Clarke. She kind of goes through the ringer in that one.

[bellamygateoldblog]

best and worst relationships?

There’s a lot of varables to consider here, and I’m feeling sick and bored out of my mind, so i’m going the long way round. This is a nightmare to read on mobile, im so sorry.

‘Best’ and ‘Worst’ labels depend on a number of things:

— Story of the pairing

— General intrigue and how enjoyable their dynamic is to watch

— Chemistry of the two (or more) characters

— Presence (or lack of) valuable relationship qualities (is this relationship healthy according to the world it exists in?)

and the importance of each of those differs from person-to-person.

Note: Sticking to popular relationships. I’ve blocked names, but I’m also throwing it under a Read More because it’s long and negative. It’s largely anticlarke because she’s a terrifying character and her mere existence derails most of her dynamics. Ship and like whatever you like, I hate fandom gatekeeping. But you asked so let’s go.

There’s also no order to this. Welcome to chaos land.

Best ‘Best’ List: objectively good relationships

— Linctavia

— Marper 

— Spacekru

— David and Nate Miller

— Raven and Sinclair

Unconditional love, mutual respect and support, found family, would die (and live) for the other. I can’t find fault in them.

Memori

I had a bit more to say about this one because there’s something so highly romantic in two people abandoned by their clan, cast out, finding each other in a literal desert wasteland. Like they’re each other’s oasis. In meeting Emori, Murphy finally found acceptance after spending far too long alone, and being told he was worthless by people who’s approval meant something. And Emori having someone prepared to do whatever it takes to protect her and make her happy is everything I could’ve wanted for her. They’re so deeply in love.

Best List

Becho (pre-season six)

Your local enemies-to-lovers. partnership over co-dependency. Compromise. Affection and emotional support from both sides. Willing to throw themselves right into line-of-fire for the other. A cut ‘i love her’ scene which i’ve personally decided wasn’t cut. I LOVE THEM.

Arguments against:

- ‘killed’ Gina (moreso she aided her death) while acting on orders from her superiors

- ‘killed’ Octavia while acting on orders from her superiors

- killed Ilian/ attempted to help Roan win conclave over Octavia

- almost killed Clarke (season five)

- happened offscreen

Arguments to discredit previous arguments because I’m sick and tired of seeing them in the pro tags:

- Echo was Bellamy’s enemy through those first three listed events. Bellamy had no reason to expect loyalty or respect, or anything else from her. She was always looking out for her people just as Bellamy was his own. That was quite clear.

- In fact she actually tried to help Gina because she was important to Bellamy, apologised that she couldn’t and did save Bellamy’s life despite their enemy status.

- ‘killing’ Octavia was not in cold blood. It was actually an accident.

- This one is nonsense. She wanted to kill Clarke during season five “even though she’s important to Bellamy”…after she just left him to brutally die and held Echo and her family at gunpoint and threatened to kill them. Context matters.

- not a fan of the time jump either, but if you’re able to accept the Madi-Clarke relationship which also developed offscreen, you can deal with this one.

Hard to talk about this one without defending it. Echo deserves better than season six Bellamy, who would abandon her in order to chase a woman he knew for 6-ish months 6 years ago. I say it’s his loss.

Jonty

It was a beautiful relationship and then a beautiful breakdown of one. I really enjoyed their dynamic. About to get controversial and suggest Monty could’ve taken a different approach with Jasper. I’ve never committed genocide and had to learn to live with it while watching my best friend suffer from the decision, but I do have clinical depression and somewhat relate to Jasper. There was this scene, where in the background you see Jasper go to hug Monty goodbye and he avoids it. It was such a small but sad detail. I felt Monty wanted Jasper to deal with his grief in a certain way and got frustrated when he didn’t. Sometimes he could be insensitive and blaming, and i think had there been more communication their friendship could’ve been very healing for the both of them. I think we learn at one point Jasper actually thought Monty was “fine” and didn’t even realise or understand that Monty hurt too. Jasper had this tendancy to only consider his own feelings, and this put a rift between them. Tough love doesn’t work for everyone, and I think Monty’s sometimes cold approach held that rift in place. The simple fact that both sides are so easy to understand and empathise with, and that this gradual undoing of what was once an incredibly strong bond was inevitable, made watching it all wonderfully bittersweet.

Zaven

This was good, but it was so rushed it made me bitter towards them. While it was Raven being thrown with yet another random guy, this did strike me as much more meaningful than her fling with Wick and I think it would’ve been a lovely relationship had it been able to continue. I think this was that love Raven deserved. It’s a damn shame it was used as just another level of torture for her. I think if they had let it develop more naturally and not been so full-on so soon, and of course if the actor hadn’t opted to leave the show, this would’ve been up on my best ‘best’ list.

Dropping this here: being intelligent isn’t actually important when pairing Raven up. Fandom acts like she needs someone “on her level” or “at her speed” (shudders), someone to challenge her, which has always come across as very demeaning of characters with less intellectual capacity, as if they’re less than Raven because of this when they are absolutely not. This mentality also denies Raven of partners that can value her and treat her well just because they aren’t Stephan Hawking. A romance isn’t a competition or a class project. Shaw was good for her, not because of what his brain could do, but because of who he was.

Bellamy and Octavia

This bitch toxic, YEET. I adore it. I really do. It’s such an intriuging and complex dynamic. The poisonous nature of their relationship is neither of their own faults, they’re both a victim of their own circumstances and, in Octavia’s case, a lack of socialisation and, by extension, non-understanding of grey area is also intrinsicaly linked to it. They truely love one another, but aren’t learned in how to show this in healthy ways. Makes that back-and-forth an entertaining watch.

Main grievance:

Beating your brother bloody while he’s chained down and unable to defend himself against you is disturbing and inexcusable in any context, and whether or not you’re grieving is irrelevant.

Neutral List

C//exa

Placing this one here just because i don’t care about this relationship, but did like bits and pieces. I think this one ended before it even started. For me most of it’s appeal is in the gradual moulding of the dynamic and the many phases it went through. I did find intrigue in that journey. However the fact the show reminds me at least a few times a season that Lexa was the one has me digging my heels in. I hate being told what to think.

I don’t really remember it all that well so I don’t necessarily have strong opinions. I know some people do. At this point in the show I was growing more and more annoyed with Clarke, and eventually i went from liking Lexa to being indifferent to her, so a dynamic consisting of them both was the least interesting thing in the world to me by the time it started heating up.

I will say this is probably one of the only significant relationships Clarke has where she doesn’t ultimately have more power than the other half. There isn’t a mechanism there that allows one to use to do harm to the other to advantage themselves; Lexa is the commander, but Clarke is constantly pushing back and Lexa respects and listens to what she has to say. There is literally a shot of Clarke backing the most powerful person on the ground into a table. I think Clarke was a positive influence on Lexa, but during this time Clarke was slipping into worse and worse versions of herself.

Some thoughts:

I found it was innappropriate for Clarke, as a leader of her people who’s primary concern is supposed to be what’s best for them, to have become romantically involved with the commander of the people they hadn’t a stable relationship with, and who ultimately has the power to strip them of all freedoms. It’s so easy for those romantically and sexually charged feelings to cloud and confuse what are extremely important considerations to be made about the people back home. It wasn’t a very responsible relationship.

On the flipside of that, from this relationship Lexa was convinced to grow into peace. Which is quite obviously a positive affect. Though I found it was odd that Clarke, just a random teenage girl from space, would be (successfully) telling the commander how to manage her people when she herself was not at home overseeing the climate of her own. It just has some very weird implications.

Lexa’s betrayal at mount weather, actually a very silly and counter-productive decision, was what forced Clarke to lose her humanity in what was the most traumatic event of her entire life. The fact it was forgiven so easily was hard for me to get over.

M//rphamy

Season five was good for them. It seemed as if they’d grown, were much closer, more respectful, and more affectionate. Then season six happened, and Bellamy was back to treating Murphy like he was beneath everyone. He started again to talk about how therapeutic it would be to hurt him, as he has, physically, many times in the past. Just tearing open old wounds at this point. In season five he reminded Murphy he wasn’t worthless, that he did belong with the group, but in season six he went back on all that, and put Clarke ahead of him at every turn, and prioritied her feelings over his very real pain. They’ve had a complicated history of violence, usually coming from Bellamy’s more hot-headed side.

I put this here because it’s an immensely compelling dynamic. These characters work well together, there’s heaps of chemistry and allure in each of their interactions. It’s just an entertaining time whenever they share scenes. But despite that, I don’t know where I stand with them and I don’t know where they stand with each other as of season six.

Worst List

Be//arke

There is a mess of negative thoughts inspired by this relationship about proportionate to the amount it’s shoved in my face. Clarke is just no good for Bellamy. Is the concise way of putting it.

Here’s a list of some of them which I usually like to bury deep inside my head for sanity purposes:

Ignoring whether or not actions were for the people/the only option and focusing solely on how the relationship is affected by them regardless

- Clarke has a tendancy to view the most important person (pre-season five) in Bellamy’s life as necessary collateral damage. She has brought/almost brought harm to Octavia on multiple occasions, the two most notable being TonDC and the conclave. Both while being on the same side as Bellamy from a political standpoint, and both while his friend who he had reason to expect affirmation, consideration, and loyalty from. Clarke betrays those key values. This happens again in season five when Clarke’s Plan-A solution is to “take her out.”

( this is also what sets her apart from Echo, who was never in the position to make her own choices. Clarke has that agency and control that Echo’s superiors had, but never Echo. )

- and saying that, I think it’s incredibly hard for Clarke to maintain any meaningful relationships being in the position she’s in. How do you have friends when you have to always put them second?

- speaking of the conclave, Clarke held Bellamy at gunpoint in order to prevent him saving his sister’s life. She said she “didn’t pull the trigger” and that was that. All is forgiven. However she did pull the trigger in what was an attempt to scare him into submission so I really don’t even know what to say here. The writers kinda forgot?

- they aren’t equal. They haven’t been co-leaders since season one. He was demoted almost immediately to second-in-command beneath Clarke. Clarke is the leader, the literal head. She makes the choices while Bellamy gets her out of the trouble she usually gets herself into, risking himself and others in the process. It’s a racist trope. It’s the ‘white princess and her brown knight.’ She has agency and power and he’s her loyal soldier, subordinate. Inequality isn’t inherently a bad thing but this power imbalance between them is utilised in harmful ways.

- speaking of “the good knight by his queen’s side,” this comes across as codependency. Clarke relies on Bellamy’s support, validation and loyalty, while ‘the heart needs the head to tell it to beat.’ That’s paraphrased from season six, that’s an actual line in the show. Bellamy needs her to guide him, to “keep [him] centred,” that’s another line from the show. That’s still not enough? He literally tells us in season six that he needs her, and has needed her in the past if his psychosis episode is anything to go by. He has impeccably low self esteem and views himself less than. I mean if you need further convincing of they’re inequality, just look to their places on the ark which are quickly reinstated once it reaches the ground. Clarke is upper class, she’s later the daughter of the chancellor, she comes from a loving family, from one of (if not, the) more well-off stations, she’s educated and she has passions, but Bellamy? From the poorest ark station, raised by an emotionally abusive mother, a janitor, his whole motivation his entire life has been to love and protect Octavia. I think a lot of this devotion he has for her comes from a place of idolisation, of seeing something in her he wants for himself.

- now this ugly trope could also come from an absense of Octavia. The moment they get to the ground Octavia is on a journey of self-discovery. And eventually, she becomes her own protector, and she finds a home in Lincoln. So naturally Bellamy looks for the closest relationship he can find that resembles that old one. It’s Bellamy and Clarke. Now, instead of Octavia, he’s driven by and found purpose in protecting Clarke. In fact, the Clarke-Bellamy dynamic has so many similarities to the Octavia-Bellamy one I can absolutely see the sibling like quality to Be//arke.

- Clarke abandons Bellamy after mount weather. She leaves because she can’t bare the reminder of “what [she] did to get them here.” So she leaves and instead Bellamy is the one forced to see the faces of the 48 every day, reminding him of what he did to get them there. Clarke comes across as completely oblivious in this entire situation. Bellamy and Monty are both written using the word “we” to refer to the mount weather genocide, but Clarke? It’s “I” and “me” every time. It’s as if she truely believes she’s the only one suffering from it, she’s bearing it so they don’t have to, except that isn’t true at all and that fact is so painfully clear. Later she tells him she knew she could leave because the people had him, but who did Bellamy have? He dealt with that weight and that grief alone because the only other person who could possibly understand, the one who pulled the lever with him, ran away. After she had convinced him not to in season one. She then comes back informing him she’d been acting on behalf of her people in Polis, without the people’s own knowledge or consent, but i digress, and he’d just ruined everything. So much for co-leaders. And he blows up at her, and we see how badly this action hurt him.

- In season five she leaves him to die out of spite and took her daughter to the people he saved her from at the beginning of the season. It could’ve been avoided, but she decided to punish him. That’s all it was. Don’t give me none of that “I had to!!!” she screams in season six to mindspace!Octavia. Bellamy was forced into role of father at just 6 years old and has proved time and time again he was prepared to risk it all in order to protect his child, there was nobody more equipped to handle Madi than him and her yelling in his face that he couldn’t understand was perhaps the biggest betrayal of them all.

- In season five she tortured and almost murdered his entire family. After switching sides again at the end of the season, all this pain inflicted was meaningless. You can talk all you want at me about Clarke’s *reasons* but all she did was take the path of most destruction towards the same end-point. It was just unnecessary violence caused because she had this desperation to take the wheel.

- all of this works because the writing is always in Clarke’s favour. The show is framed in a way that makes Clarke sympathetic, emphasises how much causing others pain hurts her, and that means that she’s never held to any of these actions, she might get a stern talking to but she’s forgiven insanely easily and allowed to go on with no actual change.

Pr//ncess M//chanic

Unfortunately, from what i’ve gathered, there’s a lot of racism in this one just as there is in Be//arke. I mean the entire nature of the relationship relies on the elevation of Clarke and the narrative power to demote Raven to ‘second best’ and prop over and over again. Raven, a girl who works her ass off to make most of the victories in the show possible, actually spoke the words “she saved us again” after launching a pod from an exploding planet into space and fixing the ark while space walking. It’s mindblowing. Raven’s (and others’) successes are handed to Clarke on a silver platter and we’re just meant to eat that up and blindly accept that Clarke is our one true saviour. I’m not going into this because it makes me feel sick and Raven deserved better.

Unrelated thoughts:

I don’t see their relationship as friendly at all post-season two. I got the impression Raven actually didn’t like Clarke, but it was all very complicated.

I also think it’s terribly convinient Raven never found out the true nature of Clarke’s relationship with Lexa because I don’t believe she would’ve ever been okay about Clarke again if she had (if the writers were going for realistic).

Madi/Clarke/Abby

Clarke strapped a torture device around her daughter’s neck for means of control and activated it under the guise of protection and that isn’t okay in any world or any context. Madi is a little girl who is dependant on Clarke and Clarke betrayed that trust. Those shock collars were used on her early in the season, she experienced the torture herself and still used it on her child. A lot of Clarke’s more unfavourable and/or unhealthy behaviours and characteristic are also present in Abby, which leads me to believe those are a product of her upbringing. Like mother like daughter, Abby also electrocuted Raven. Abby and Clarke have this strange rival-like relationship and I find it particularly cold, maybe because they’re so similar.

Abby and Raven

Abby has physically harmed Raven more than once. Out of anger and spite, or out of desperation. People hurting each other on this show is pretty standard and while this isn’t as overwhelming a mistreatment compared to others, her hitting Raven while she was acting chancellor was a pretty gross abuse of power. Its a visual display, with Abby’s imposing figure looming over a sitting and emotionally vulnerable Raven. We’re supposed to view this, i think, as mother-daughter. Abby says very early season one that Raven reminds her of Clarke, but she’s never shown treating Clarke in the way she does Raven. I liked the relationship during season one. From then and with Abby’s slow descent into villainy, not so much.

Ontari and Murphy

*She raped him. Next.

Cl//phy

Clarke is a cause/reason, whether direct or indirect, of a huge chunk of Murphy’s suffering, all of which she’s never been held accountable for due to Murphy’s position as undesirable. I, along with Murphy, had to be told she cares about him in season six because her otherwise complete disregard for his life has been pretty apparent.

Notable mention:

Chaining up him and Emori like dogs and promising to sacrifice the woman he loves, against her will, for the greater good after he saved her life. He has to beg her, plead with her and her almighty god complex, and it’s all quite uncomfortable and eery. (She later draws a picture of this event in her sketchbook which is…kinda weird.) And, in true Clarke fashion, she refuses to accept responsibility for this action and hides behind the same old trend of gaslighting and screaming “i had to!!!” I can’t root for a friendship between these two no matter how fun their back-and-forth can be. Especially since I can’t recall a single time they’ve shared a nice moment. Oh, and here’s a post about why Clarke and Murphy will never bond over isolation and survival.

*The clashing of Ontari and Murphy’s personalities was hilarious and I enjoyed watching them on screen together.

[283livesforone]

6x04 OH HELL NAH!

I have never been so mad for such a long period of an episode of anything ever.

Ever.

*also this is the first time I’m writing this as I watch it so watch me be 1773917391 times more intense than normal*

1. It starts off soft. Here I am all happy and shocked that none of my stans are being tourchered...

2. Diyoza talking to her daughter is the cutest thing we love a dedicated bad ass mother

3. Okay so this is getting low key flame-cult-ish again....

4. Delilah and Jordan are absolute cute softies look who’s taking after his parents footsteps in being the softest ship alive!!

4b. My boy moves fast though... damn...

5. Hey moderately cute doctor guy... stop flirting with my gal Clarke!

5b. Oof I think he’s actually being an interlectual human and trying to help??

6. Okay they’re DEFINITELY spitting an A.I in someone.

7. Lol why are spacekru so awkward, watch Clarke and Jordan happily skip off to make new friends while them three awkwardly stand and try not to look defensive

8. Raven. I hate you.

8b. No like seriously.

8c. You used to compete with Clarke for my favorite character and you were very much one of my all time favorite females but now-

8d. Leave.

9. High key wanted Clarke to remind Raven about how they also left her behind to die and it was just god damn lucky she had night blood and there was such a slim chance of that even working but she still sacrificed herself because that’s what the real hero of this story does.

10. You have no idea how badly I want Madi to go to school. That hurt.

11. Echo calling Murphy out on being an alcoholic mess. An icon.

12. The last few episodes echos been growing on me more an more. I’m happy with this.

12b. I never said be cho was though!

13. That whole opening ceremony thing on the balcony was high key disturbing... they are definitely doing some weird A.I shit

14. That one guy who low key seemed to be helping Octavia kinda reminds me of Lincoln. I don’t know how I feel about that. This better not be another love interest I’m sorry but she has such an important plot line as it is Jason’s really going overboard with the new ships at the moment and it’s too freaking much.

15. Octavia looks more like old O and I’m living for it.

16. Ouchy. Forgiveness bellarke content. This hurts. Woah. I miss you. *bellamy’s face when Clarke calls him family hehe*

17. Is it just me or was that the weirdest bellarke hug ever. The way the just pulled apart as if they wanted nothing more than to not be touching was really weird and kinda uncomfortable to watch. I do not approve. It seems forced. Nope. *jason trying to convince us bellarke isn’t real by making the hug short*

18. But I must say I’m really enjoying all these bellarke x sharing parenting tips scenes

19. So at this point I’m only 18 minutes in and my blood is already boiling. Can’t get much worse. Oh wait-

20. If this is another Raven love interest I am suing. I’m sorry Jason but. There. Is. A. Point! You can’t just keep throwing more and more ships at us till we like one! It doesn’t work that way!

21. Low key seeing some old Raven here. I like that. Maybe she can be redeemed after all. Maybe.

22. Ughhh I do not want another Clarke love interest! You cannot mention lexa every other episode, give her a child who is the most important person in her life, put her in the position of trying to fix countless old relationships and give her a new one entirely! It’s. Too. Much.

23. We see you Jordan. *fetus meets his first female he’s not related to* -five minutes later- *has lost his V, is in a physical and emotional relationship, thoroughly taking part in the whole pda thing*

24. Oof... becho fight.... trouble in paradise? What. A. Shame.

25. Octavia and Rose make me so happy. I see some real Octavia slipping through the cracks!! Hope is not lost!

26. DONT KILL THE SMALL HUMAN! Well great. The one good thing Octavia does and you take it away from her. You will be hearing from my lawyers Jason!

27. Diyoza and Octavia is a duo I am living for.

28. Woah Clarke!

29. She is definitely getting an A.I.

30. Don’t make my boy Jordan sad! Not allowed!

31. Ah... so doctor guy is the spy. Okay I get this now. Low key creepy that he has to have drawings of everyone it would be a much better use of his time to just write their names but you do you I guess

32. OKAY HELL NO! DONT YOU GOD DAMN DARE HURT MY GIRL! NO! NO! WHERE ARE THEY TAKING HER!

33. Oh damn... she doesn’t even know who Jordan is anymore....

34. This is the becho I can deal with. Give me actual development like this and I’ll learn to live with it I guess

35. I do like echo a lot more now though.

36. I’m mad. I’m mad. I’m really mad.

37. Okay so while I’m not okay with the whole putting an A.I with Josephine I’m it inside Clarke and everything but we all know she’ll be okay in the end so here’s a big thing to make space kru actually realise Clarke needs their freaking help not just their complaining and hate. Let them get worried about her for once. Let someone have to save her for once. Let them see how hard she’s worked saving their asses for so long. Let. Them. Miss. Her.

38. *Josephine looks down towards Clarke’s cleavage* “I can work with this” I CANT DEAL THIS IS HILARIOUS I STAN.

Okay so all in all this is my favorite episode so far. For once a lot actually happened and I finally watched an episode on the day it cake out. I spent most of it superrrr mad but if Raven gets her head out of her ass, Bellamy and Octavia sort out their problems and Clarke gets some appreciation I’ll be fine

*watch none of that ever happen*

Feeling: stressed, impatient for next week, full of love for Clarke and Jordan, mad at Raven.

[catty-words]

every time lexa says clarke’s name: 27/?

[osleyakomwonkru]

Failure of Crowds: Wonkru and the Fall of Octavia Blake

So I’ve previously written about the failure of experience and how Team Adults failed Octavia, as well as the failure of empathy and how Team Delinquents failed Octavia.

Now we’re at part three: How Wonkru failed Octavia. And they did, specifically in 5x10. And what’s worse - none of it makes any plot sense. (Which is all building to my magnum opus post, coming in the next few days.)

Now, yes, there’s more to Wonkru than just Grounders, but given that Skaikru only held 99 of 1200 spots, that means that Grounders were in the vast majority (especially given that about a tenth of Skaikru died on day 46), and from what we saw, most of Skaikru had very clearly integrated into the Grounder lifestyle while in the bunker. So most of this is about Grounders and Grounder perspectives.

From season one, we’ve been built up one picture of the Grounders: They’re quick to judge, quick to anger, quick to war. What Lexa was doing in seasons 2 and 3 with making alliances and deals and all that was the groundbreaking thing - and ultimately what got her killed, because pursuing peace was a risky strategy. No one else was on board with her plans.

This carries on in the bunker. It is why Octavia has to rule with an iron sword - people needed to be more afraid of her than of each other. That’s how she could keep the peace. That’s why the gladiator arena was the best compromise for population reduction and punishing crime, because Grounder punishments were already violent (either death or banishment, and you can’t banish someone in a sealed bunker), as was the Ark’s punishment of floating. By comparison, the arena was actually merciful, allowing someone to live and rejoin the society, and also provided a vital aspect of the panem et circensis (bread and circuses) that kept the populace in check.

The time of the Commanders is over, but with Gaia’s careful crafting of the Blodreina cult as a replacement, they’ve found a new leader to pour their hopes and dreams into, as Lexa said to Clarke way back in season 2. And they did. They knew she bore their burdens so they didn’t have to. They knew that she’d give all of herself to save them. If you were Wonkru, Octavia would fight for you. She would sacrifice her soul and her humanity for you. She would die for you. If you were an enemy of Wonkru, it was your ass on the chopping block. It was a very simple system.

Then the bunker opened.

Through 5x04, everything is still fine. Bellamy, Clarke and the prisoners are unnerved by the devotion that they show Octavia. One of Wonkru even jumps in front of Octavia and is vaporized, saving her from the sonic cannon.

In 5x05, Wonkru is ready to march. No issues in getting the first battalion to march into the wasteland, and they all protected their queen in the sandstorm. Quite a few died for it, but they didn’t give up. This was, however, what planted the seeds of dissent for later.

Because now suddenly in 5x06, some members of Wonkru are starting to turn against Octavia, because of their defeat in the wasteland. This much at least tracks with Grounder mentality - losses are bad, politically speaking. This is a time when Octavia needs to project strength, otherwise she’ll lose them even more.

And what happens to mess with that? Bellamy. He openly challenges Octavia in the street, immediately after Cooper’s told her that she needs to take back control. And he’s asking for something huge - for Octavia to forgive Echo, the woman who tried to kill her twice. In this moment, with this public audience, there is no way that Octavia can show mercy. Even if all Bellamy was asking for in this scenario was a sandwich, she wouldn’t be able to grant him that and still maintain control of Wonkru.

After a number of defectors are shot trying to flee to Diyoza’s ship, control seems to be back in Octavia’s hands, for the time being at least. We don’t see much of the common people of Wonkru again until 5x09, when Octavia is in a coma and Indra and Miller are trying to woo the crowd to their sides, as I outlined in this post here.

Along with everything I outlined in that post - namely, how they refer to Octavia and what that means for the message they’re trying to project - there’s one key takeaway from that scene: Despite the appearance of integrated clans, a fair number of the Grounders still have enmity towards Skaikru, as evidenced by the fact that Brell questions Miller’s leadership because “he’s Skaikru”. A fair number of people also appear to agree with her.

Remember this, it is important later.

Later on in the episode, we see that Flame devotees also still exist, as evidenced by the crowd when Gaia and Bellamy are performing the ascension ceremony on Madi. But their excitement is short-lived when Octavia and Clarke put a stop to things, and Clarke takes Madi away.

Back in the pit, Octavia says her speech, and it seems like most people are back on her side, ready to go to war. Not everyone is happy about it, the Flame devotees in particular, but with the Commander gone, what else is there to do?

Which brings us to 5x10, when Miller and Brell are advising Octavia on her best courses of action. Half the army won’t march, because of their devotion to the Flame and the Commander - despite the fact that the only place that Commander could have gone is the place that they’re due to march to. This is the first part that doesn’t make sense in this episode - if they want their Commander, they need to go find her. The only way to do that is march to the valley, so why not do that? There was no way Clarke would bring Madi back to Polis. So marching to war was the only way to reunite with the Commander.

Given that we see Brell as the leader of both the Flame faction and the anti-Skaikru faction, it stands to reason that most of the other Flame devotees have similar stances - and this makes sense with seasons past, because those who followed the religion of the Flame and the Nightblood didn’t like Skaikru bringing their science to the party (see 4x09 where Roan discounts Clarke as a legitimate Commander because she acquired Nightblood, rather than being born with it).

So if half of the army is loyal to Blodreina, and the other half of the army doesn’t trust Skaikru, why in seven hells would they all suddenly be all in on a plan proposed by a Skaikru man (Monty) that rests on science that would then ask them to stay in the place that’s been the source of horrors they lived through for six years? The place where the farm already failed twice, where it would have also been primarily under Skaikru management? This makes no sense.

Some people say “oh they were sick of war”. Really? You mean that after a hundred years of grounder clans fighting each other, even over ridiculous and pointless shit and literally just to have the opportunity to die a warrior’s death (see Polis during the latter half of season 4), 800 grounders were spontaneously ready to lay down their weapons and rely on the scientific know-how of a Skaikru man, when there was an ample and familiar valley there for the taking? 

Not in this ‘verse. That doesn’t make any sense at all. Literally the only reason for this is because plot demanded people to turn against Octavia, even if the reason for doing so was utterly ridiculous and there could be a dozen better reasons why if they really wanted to do it.

So why would the plot do this? Glad you asked. In short: Season five was a not-so-thinly veiled propaganda campaign against Octavia. Why? You’ll have to wait for my next post ;)

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 4x09 DNR

This episode is mostly about setting up the explosive developments of the last 4 episodes, it deals with four almost fully separate storylines. Three of them are mostly about characters dealing with their traumas and deciding what path they will take for the rest of their lives, and these storylines are all quite good. And then there’s the fourth storyline that’s all about Grounder politics… and I’m not fully sure how I feel about it.

The title “DNR” refers to the decision of Jasper and a group of others to stay behind in Arkadia, partying, and eventually dying on their own terms, instead of following Jaha to the bunker. Jaha, who’s somehow positioned himself into the role of leader in Arkadia again, even though he hasn’t been given any kind of official title, is again giving leadership speeches, and gets most of the people to join him. He still believes that all of them will have the place in the bunker. The new info that there is some sort of salvation has made Bellamy stop with the partying and join the group heading for the bunker. (As he explains to Monty:  “There was no hope, now there’s hope”). Some 400+ people, including Niylah, also join, but a number of other, including Jasper (who is kind of their leader), Riley, Bree and eventually Harper, decide to stay behind and have a party for the end of the world. This is really very understandable, and it makes sense that a number of people would make that decision, after everything they had gone through, and with such grim prospects. (And now that we know how horrible things ended up being in the bunker, and that 1/3 of people died in it, while another 1/3 died shortly afterwards – I can’t even say that Jasper and co. made the wrong decision.)

Jaha insists he won’t leave kids to die, and Bellamy points out he sent them to the ground to die – but now it’s their own choice. (At this point, there’s another touching moment when Jaha has another vision of his son who was the only one of the 100 who willingly went to the ground.)  Bellamy has understood that you can’t save those who don’t want to be saved (as Kane pointed out to him in 4x07). At this point, he understands that Jasper and the others have the right to decide what they want to do with their lives, even if they want to end it, and that it is not his duty or right to make those decisions for them.

“DNR”, Do Not Resuscitate, is what Jasper writes on his hand and shows through the glass to Jaha, Bellamy and the others, refusing to open the door and come with them. It is a very sad moment that says a lot about how Jasper feels about himself and his life – in spite of the outwardly cheerful, partying manner he adopted in season 4, he felt that he was like a person in a coma, already emotionally dead, only artificially kept alive.

However, Monty is not giving up on his best friend and his girlfriend, so stays behind with the rover, risking his own life, in case Jasper and Harper change their minds.

Raven has her own self-destructive journey, as she starts seeing visions of Becca, and decides to stay behind and try to spacewalk instead of going into the bunker. I don’t know how much “Becca” is similar to the real Becca, since it is just a part of the code that was left in Raven’s mind after the chip was taken out. I’m also not sure why it’s Becca that she keeps seeing, rather than ALIE – while the remains of the neural mesh in Clarke’s mind in season 6 made her see ALIE. Raven’s storyline gets more focus and is resolved in 4x11. But this episode has a very important and sweet moment between Raven and Murphy, who have finally become friends and even share a hug. Murphy finally apologizes to Raven for crippling her (that was a long time coming), but she replies it’s not his fault – it’s not the use of her leg that’s bothering her, it’s losing her mind. I wasn’t fully on board with the Murphy redemption/Murphy getting accepted into the group until season 4, when he started apologizing and trying to be genuinely helpful.

There are also some interesting Memori interactions and character moments for Emori. They are all waiting for Miller and Jackson will come back for them to take them to Polis to the bunker, but Emori doesn’t believe they will, and thinks that they won’t need Raven anymore now that her brain isn’t working properly – which says a lot about how Emori is used to seeing the world, based on her experience: people will throw you out as soon as they have no need for you. Murphy suggests they go to the lighthouse bunker, but Emori points out they will die since food would run out far before five years pass. (Just so the audience would know that this is not an option.) To their surprise, Miller and Jackson do come back. But Raven refuses to go.

This is the first time we see sparks between Jackson and Miller. Which confused me a lot the first time, as I was wondering “But where is Bryan?” Now I can see that Bryan broke up with Miller early in the season (4x02, in his last appearance), but this was so subtle that you could easily miss. In any case, this relationship still comes of the blue. I like the idea of it, but it would be nice if it wasn’t developed mostly off-screen. (The age difference may also be weird, but the show seems to constantly forget that Miller and the  otherDelinquents are supposed to be about 18 at most at this point – and wasn’t, at this point, doing anything to even try to make 30-something Jarod Joseph look younger.)

Meanwhile, Octavia is genuinely trying to live a peaceful life with Ilian on his farm. This relationship has unexpectedly developed into something warmer and more positive. As they cuddle at night, he tells her his beliefs in the afterlife and the cyclical nature of things. I really like these scenes and Ilian’s views, and I low-key shipped Octiilian: it was refreshing that they did not fall in love after knowing each other for a few days, they were just two screwed up people seeking comfort in each other, but there was still a genuine connection there that could have grown into real love – if the show hadn’t killed him off to leave Octavia single and propel her Octavia’s Blodreina arc. In any case, it certainly helped get Octavia into a more positive head space and even heal up to a point, going from her murder-period to trying to save people in the Conclave.

Still, Octavia was never going to go as far as to settle on a farm and have a peaceful life. She would rather be in Polis where a war is being fought. And when she learns Ilian is a trained warrior, you can see new admiration on her face. But to be fair, she was making a genuine effort to leave a peaceful life, but couldn’t escape her own past and reputation, in the form of three of Ilian’s acquaintances who attacked her and tried to kill her (after one of them recognized her, after seeing her in Polis, as “Skairipa”). She did try to avoid fighting at first, but those three were basically poking a bear. She could have tried to non-lethally subdue them – but going straight for the kill is what Octavia does, proving to herself once more than peaceful life really is not for her.

And now the storyline that slightly brings the ratings down for this episode, because I’m not sure what exactly I’m supposed to take from it. If it’s about relating to Clarke for being completely desperate and exasperated by everyone around her acting stupidly and waging a war a week before the apocalypse, and trying everything to get them to listen to her reasonable proposals – which explains her actions in 4x10? Yes, that works! Am I supposed to side with Roan feel that Clarke has crossed the line and insulted the Grounder religion? Sorry, I don’t care. Or was it just meant to play with the suspense of “will she or won’t she take the Flame?” Meh. I don’t think I ever believed that would happen.

To start off, at some point off-screen, the Arkers agreed with the Trikru to share the bunker between just the two of their clans, and to assassinate Roan. (Wait... so the moral, idealistic Kane agreed to an assassination?! He was usually the one negotiating with Indra.) Abby delivers that information to Clarke, who is upset and tries to stop it, because she considers Roan a friend. (Which shows what a low bar Clarke has for friendship – yes, they’ve been semi-friendly allies, but they manipulate each other politically 90% of the time, and he was threatening to kill her friends just a few episodes ago. But that’s a recurring thing for her – I guess with her life and the situations she is in, she will take even semi-friendly behavior as being BFFs. I laughed when she referred to Murphy in 3x07 as “my friend”, which was way weirder as they hadn’t even been friendly at all up to that point.) It turns out to be unnecessary as Echo is already there with Azgeda warriors, and they take Clarke captive, but Roan just pretends that Clarke is a captive in front of Echo, while freeing her and thanking her afterwards. They are some sort of friends.

Clarke manages to convince him to negotiate with Indra, who comes with leaders of the clans allied with Trikru against Azgeda – it looks like Azgeda are on their own, but are numerous and strong enough to fight a war by their own.  Clarke tries to convince everyone to share the bunker, which has space for 1200 people (so does that mean it’s more than any of the 12 Grounder clans by themselves? It’s certainly 800 spaces more than there are Arkers who want to be in the bunker), but they really hate each other and would rather continue with the war. Clarke tries to invoke Lexa’s name to convince Indra, but she retorts that a Commander could unite the clans, but there are no more Commanders. Clarke is clearly desperate at this point, and pretty much ready to do anything. So she has an idea – and goes to Gaia, telling her to make her a Commander. The only thing that can make Grounders listen to her suggestions.

They do quite a fake-out, as Roan, who knows how Clarke became a Nightblood, waits for the very last moment to expose her (oh Roan, how dramatic you are!), bringing Abby – who’s worried that the Flame would kill Clarke – to tell everyone that she made her daughter Nightblood through science. They’re all shocked that she would disrespect their religion so much… I mean, using science to create something that was created 90+ years ago through science, by a scientist who wanted to make sure people could get a computer chip in their head? Blasphemy! Roan points out that, if everyone can make themselves Nightbloods, they can’t trust the “black blood” to be special anymore (indeed, how terrible it would be if rulers weren’t special by birth and blood and anyone could become a ruler just because of, say, their capabilities?). Clarke tries to appeal to Roan, indicating that she’s trying to save everyone, and he accuses her of thinking of them as savages that need saving. I dunno, maybe she just thinks they’re being idiots. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to think that Clarke is bad for ‘disrespecting’ their culture? I find myself extremely not caring about their stupid culture that was made up 90+ years ago, probably by a bunch of nutty cultists who were way too much into GoT cosplay, especially when it means making idiotic decisions that could end up with the human race dying out. * Waiting for someone to protest that I’m culturally insensitive for disrespecting a silly fictional culture made up by The 100 writers*

So, Grounder leaders wisely decide that the question of who gets the bunker, which concerns the survival of the human race, just as every other important political decision, needs to be resolved by… people trying to kill each other with swords and spears. Nice, guys. Really makes sense. Indra wants war, but Roan instead proposes a special Conclave with a champion for each clan, repeating again his motto that it’s better for one to die instead thousands. Except he’s wrong, this wouldn’t be just one person dying – entire clans of those champions who lose would be left to die. (It won’t happen that way just because Octavia will propose that they share a bunker. What a great idea… oh wait, the same one Clarke suggested in this episode and the Grounder leaders just ignore. Too bad, Clarke, you may have good ideas, but you can’t fight with a sword…)

In the last scene of the episode, Clarke and Bellamy are in the same place and interacting for the first time since 4x06. Bellamy is worried that they have no one who can fight in the Conclave – they can’t use guns and need someone trained in Grounder combat – while Clarke points out they have to fight or they will die – when Octavia rides into the city and says she’s here for the war. Dum dum - here is our champion for the Sky people! Octavia would be a long shot if we were looking realistically, but being a main character and fighting for the existence of the protagonists gives her enormous Plot Armor.

Timeline: 6 days till Praimfaya – this means it has been 4 days since the start of episode 4x07. Two days are supposed to pass during the episode, because, towards the end of the episode, Clarke says that it’s 4 days  before Praimfaya.

Body count:

Three Trikru warriors killed by Echo’s archers

Three Trishanakru people who attacked Octavia and then got killed by her

Rating: 7.5/10

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 - 6x04: The face behind the glass review and predictions.

Before we get into the specifics, I’m a little scared of the rehashing of old narratives that comes to surface in this episode especially. Not sure how I feel about all the parallels. In my trailer analysis, I did point out the fact that it does not seem that much different than previous seasons: There are no good guys, we kill them so that we can live and blah, blah, blah. Even so, I’m interested and invested to see what types of unique twists and turns this story will throw at us. Jason Rothenberg, you better not disappoint.

The face behind the glass written by Charmaine DeGrate and directed by Tim Scanlan, who is known for directing the sex scenes on the show. Dead giveaway. Not my favorite so far, but a lot of things happened that has me excited for the rest of the season.

Is there a better way to open an episode than Diyoza joking with her unborn child? It’s no secret she’s in my top 5 favorite characters and keeps climbing the charts. So, the Sanctumites offer her a deal: Save Rose and we’ll take care of your baby, which she takes, to offer her child a life and it’s something to do other than trying to survive. But in known Diyoza fashion on condition of a gun and a bike. 

Then, Simone begs Russel to cancel naming day on account of spies inside the compund. They’ve already been deprived of three primes (Kaylee’s family) and Rose. Pushing them towards extinction at an alarming rate and it once again becomes obvious that Clarke will become Josephine, yet I’m now intrigued by Madi. The cultish way in which these people worship the primes are uncanny and wayward. But then again all cults are weird. I don’t believe in the divinity of the primes either.

Russel disagrees by saying: “If we cancel, Gabriel wins.” Last week I thought that Gabriel will be brought back to life in one of the hosts, but I think there’s something else going on there. It’s clear now that Gabriel and his children are against the revival of the primes, bringing about the question: How has he survived all these years?

Priya and Jordan share some sweet intimate moments where he tells her he feels guilty for becoming another taunting face behind the glass. Which was necessary to show he’s still grieving his parents even while having fun. Her referral to this line later before she becomes a prime is crucial though, meaning there might be a possibility for her to come back.

The four pillars of Sanctum: Repent, Renew, Rejoice, Rebirth. Accentuating rebirth very literally. We know from episode two that Russel Lightbourne does not believe in God, but by killing a person for no reason other than so that someone you love can live is playing god in the cruelest way imaginable.

Embracing their traditions, Clarke decides to repent for her sins. She tries to apologize to Raven who won’t have any of it and compares her to Octavia. For me, the biggest difference between Clarke and Octavia is the remorse she feels. She knows what she did was wrong and she’s trying to make up for it. Therefore she deserves forgiveness. I wonder how Raven will react to Clarke’s death? 

Gabriel? Who the f#@k are Gabriel and his children?

As I said earlier, the old man is definitely Gabriel. We don’t know if he’s dead or alive. It can’t be that he lives within a computer because then his existence would be known. 

My guess is the split within Sanctum came recently (using the term loosely). Gabriel had to be one of the 12 primes since he came with them and his blood was also altered. Meaning his conscience was also transferred into a host. He was against the hostile takeover of innocent bodies and decided to rebel by saving the hosts. 

If this happened sixty odd years ago, Gabriel could still be alive somewhere (perhaps in hiding due to a failed conviction) and old. Very, very old. I’m not sure whether his followers are literally his children or just those that have sided with him, but either way, they want to continue his cause. Which they’ve clearly lost sight of. Save the hosts, don’t kill them.

Or this anomaly they mentioned somehow extends life, only it’s dangerous. Who knows, I’m a bit boggled here.

Xavier purposefully left his bag out to save Octavia and Rose. I’m sure I’ve seen this before. Right, Lincoln kidnapped her and saved her simultaneously. I know this is such a retelling of their story, but I loved Linctavia and thus cannot help boarding this ship.

Another season one throwback to Bellamy and Charlotte. But I think I’ve voiced my concerns about these. Poor, poor Rose. That scene was heartbreaking. 

Boy oh boy Bellarke and their romances

Clarke apologizes to Bellamy and states her reasons even though Bellamy has already forgiven her because he would be a hypocrite not to. And they share what has now become known as a Bellarke hug since it’s all these idiots can ever do.

Clarke hooks up with Cillian (who turns out to be the spy) within two seconds, now I’m not sure about you, but I rolled my eyes. Oh, cute, Clarke has yet another lover added to her long list of previous ones. Finn, Niyalah, Lexa, and Bellamy always on the side. I’m glad it’s a guy though to showcase that she is indeed bisexual and not gay. Bisexuality really needs some appreciation.

No one can tell if Bellamy was only upset with the party as he stated or Clarke having fun with some random dude. Most will say it’s the former and it probably is, yet it’s filmed in a different way. Why did they put him in this scene in the first place? 

When he sees her having fun, he smiles, he’s happy for her. Then the doctor’s all over her and all of a sudden his attitude changes. I don’t want to read too much into it since I had to watch it like six times to draw this conclusion.

He’s hurt and grieving over a lot of things, especially his sister and then he witnesses his “platonic soulmate” in the arms of another man. She’s always known exactly how to get him to open up, what to say to make him feel better and even though he knows he’s not allowed to feel that way, he’s jealous, he realizes he still needs her. 

And that spurs the single tear and his fight with Echo. He even spares another glance over his shoulder when she asks what’s wrong. Or was that just random? Because once he’s calmed down he apologizes to his girlfriend and comforts her when she tells him her backstory after six years of being lied to.

I felt for Echo, her life wasn’t easy, but none of their lives were. Honestly, I just can’t find Becho’s connection. Even though I try, because at some point we have to accept the fact that this is possibly a long term pairing. I’ve made my peace, I’ll ignore them. Give Echo an individual storyline and I might just start liking her more. 

A Red Queen and a terrorist walk into a bar

First of all, I have to show my gratitude for the glimpses of Octavia’s humanity. She’s in there and she’s slowly swimming to the top. That thorned rose is blossoming once again, thank you, Bellamy, for your part in this.

This is a weapon of mass destruction if I’ve ever seen one. A pregnant terrorist and a former evil queen. Yes, this is what I’m talking about. I might just write fanfiction about it.

“The devils of earth become the heroes of Sanctum.” They’re set out to kill Gabriel, but I doubt that will occur. From all I’ve heard, he’s good. Enhanced by Cillian’s words: “There are two sides to every story.” So, they will most likely join forces against Sanctum in some way. Hopefully not blowing up another planet. Please do something interesting here.

Josephine!Clarke

Okay, my first take on Josephine Ada Lightbourne was very wrong. To me, she seemed smart, funny and confident. Now she looks like the devil in disguise (No pun intended.) 

Reverting back to my earlier assumption about Delilah/Priya. It’s evident that Delilah no longer exists within her body which sets Jordan on edge. But that small statement along with knowing the mind of the host is erased but the brain is unharmed propels me to believe they can come back. Somehow. Hopefully.

Simone says, “I’ll prep for insertion, you clear the host.” Did that mean Clarke’s mind might be stored in some device too? They must have a way of extracting consciousness to transfer it to a host. Thus Clarke Griffin’s mind will be backed up somewhere as well. Not for too long before it’s disposed of, I’m sure.

Come on Madi (Lexa and Becca), Bellamy, Abby, Jordan, Raven, Murphy. You have to figure this out and bring her back before its too late. I refuse to believe Princess Clarke is dead. If she is, my mind is blown in a bullet to the brain kind of way. 

One scenario is that Josephine will have to give forth a ruse of being Clarke and willingly accept the “honor” of becoming a prime. She’s been indulging in all their other conventions, why not this one, right? But Jordan now knows what happened to Delilah, so they will try to stop her. Most likely Madi or Bellamy will notice a difference within her.

The dangerous alternative will be for Josephine to simply embrace her new host by saying they brought her to life after Cillian murdered her. Sanctumites, you have no idea how much Clarke’s people care about her. This might even sway those currently mad at her for an investigation.

A few last things

Russel does feel bad about what he’s doing, but so did Dante Wallace.

Raven and Wick (Sorry the other mechanic) what is that? Five minutes after Shaw’s death. Or was it only the motorcycle. Why does this show give us seedlings of relationships that will have no chance of growing?

Is Shadeheda Cadogen and what will he bring to the table?

Madi tasting her first cookie was awesome!

I missed Murphy this episode. His presence is required at all times.

What will happen to Niylah on the ship? And when will Indra make her appearance?

Will Russel and Simone find out that Abby knows how to create nightblood? 

Let me know what you think.

[sorrowsflower]

Chemical Defect (The 100 AU)

This is an Adlock / Clexa / Supercorp AU, and there is no excuse for this AU other than my apparent compulsive need to make one GIANT crossover of my 3 most beloved OTPs. 

Also, I know not everyone likes these ships (especially with all my experience as an Adlock shipper) but please don’t shit on my AU if you don’t ship them. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to. I’m really just putting this up because it just will NOT get out of my fucking head!!!! and I need to be able to focus again.

So, basically an AU where Lexa is an Adlock child. Title is from Sherlock’s whole Love is a “chemical defect found in the losing side”. Which is basically a variant of Lexa’s “love is weakness”.

I adore Irene Adler, and I can’t get it out of my head that she’s Lexa’s birth mother, especially since The 100 never actually shows Lexa’s parents or gives any background from before Lexa became Commander. Here’s my Irene in this AU:

Not too much of a stretch to see her as Lexa’s birth mother. Also, their personalities are quite similar. They both have a commanding presence. They’re both highly intelligent, ruthless, calculating, and make an art form out of compartmentalizing emotions. And they’re just both really badass. Also, CHEEKBONES.

So, here we go...

As in the show, 97 years after nuclear war ravaged the earth, and rendered it supposedly uninhabitable, there are 3 groups of survivors:

The Mountain People/Maunon, who live in Mt. Weather, a bunker facility where diplomats and high ranking officials were kept. Three generations on, this is where Irene, Sherlock, John, Mary, Mycroft, Lestrade and Molly all grow up together. 

The Grounders, descendants of people who survived the apocalypse outside Mt Weather. In the show, the higher ups at Mt Weather kidnapped Grounders to use their blood (Harvest Project), since they have the immunity to radiation that the Maunon do not.

The Sky People/Skaikru, descendants of the people who survived the apocalypse in the space shuttle, the Ark.

Anyway, when Irene is in her early 20s, she and Sherlock find out about the Harvest Project, which was initiated by Mt. Weather’s President, Dante Wallace (in my hc, he was quite ruthless and cold as a young man, but became remorseful with age)

Irene distracts Dante Wallace, pretending to ally herself with him, while Sherlock investigates the experiments and tries to find out how to stop them without endangering their fellow Mountain people. Mycroft is part of the President’s advisory council and tries to deter Sherlock’s investigation.

Sherlock brings John and Mary into the investigation but doesn't tell them about’s Irene ruse because of course, John can't keep a secret. They both just think Irene betrayed them all by forming an alliance with Wallace.

Soon, rumors spread that Irene and Dante are lovers, which worsens this betrayal, and even Sherlock is affected by this.

Things accelerate when Irene finds out she's pregnant. Dante thinks the baby is his. Sherlock, plagued by doubt and jealousy, isn't sure what to think.

He thinks, and on some level, knows, that it's his. But there's that kernel of doubt - the grit in the lens - that says it's not. So he forces their hand and reveals to Dante that he knows about the Harvest Project.

This is extremely unfortunate because several months into the pregnancy, Irene discovers that the baby she's carrying has a genetic mutation.

In the show, the Grounders have a Commander, whose spirit they believe is passed from one Heda (Commander) to another. The Spirit/Flame is actually an AI that gets implanted in them

All Commanders, however, are born with black blood (they have to be, for the AI to work inside them). They're called Nightbloods / Natblidas.

During the course of the pregnancy, Irene (with Molly’s help) discovers that the baby is a Nightblood. Maybe a near miscarriage reveals this, when Irene starts bleeding black blood mixed with red, I dunno.

It's unprecedented, a child descended from Mountain people, having Nightblood. Irene knows that she can't deliver the baby inside Mt Weather, because the minute Dante and the others from the Harvest Project find out that Irene is growing a Natblida in her uterus, they'll want to experiment with her and the baby

Also, in my hc, carrying a Nightblood gives Irene an immunity to radiation (don’t ask me why, I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this AU). What this means is, unlike the other Mountain people (including Sherlock and Dante and the others), Irene can actually walk out of Mt Weather without suffering the effects of radiation

So, Irene reluctantly goes to Mycroft for help to escape Mt. Weather, and Mycroft reluctantly helps her (because it’s family, and the kid is his niece).

Irene flees Mt Weather and Sherlock is arrested. Outside the mountain, Irene meets a young native Grounder, Anya of the Trikru clan. I haven't thought up how yet, but she saves Anya's life. In return, Anya hides her until she gives birth.

^^(Though Anya would probably be much younger when she met Irene)

In the meantime, Dante has Sherlock arrested and wants to execute him, but Mycroft persuades him not to kill Sherlock, but imprison him instead

Dante then begins to hunt for Irene outside, and as he closes in on her, Irene begs Anya to take the Nightblood baby and hide her from the Maunon (the people from Mt Weather)

Before Irene is captured she gives Anya a sigil (from a necklace she got from her own mother) and asks her to give it to the baby.

It’s the one on Lexa’s forehead: she later wore it there when she was chosen as Heda

Anyway, Irene is captured but she's critically injured in the process and ends up in a coma. Mycroft tells Sherlock she's dead. He also destroys all evidence of the baby being a Nightblood, and for Sherlock's safety, all evidence of his investigation against the harvesting

John and Mary are effectively scared into silence when Rosie is threatened (yes, Rosie is in this). I’m thinking, maybe Mycroft told John that Sherlock was dead too, not just imprisoned, to deter him from investigating as well.

Outside the mountain, Anya takes the Nightblood baby to the Trikru clan, names her Lexa (Alexandria after her older sister), and when she's old enough, brings her before the present Commader so she can join the guild of young Natblidas

When Lexa gets older, Anya begins training her as a warrior, and Lexa becomes her Second.

There are 12 Grounder clans and they were all at war at the time young Lexa joins the guild of Nightbloods

When the Commander dies around the time Lexa is 11 or 12, she gets chosen as Heda when she beats all the other Nightbloods at a Conclave (literally a fight to the death in which she's the only survivor; this is canonical in the show, including Lexa’s age).

Upon her Ascension Day as Heda, Lexa begins to unite the 12 Grounder clans under a single Coalition.

Except when she's around 15 or 16, she meets this girl, Costia, and she falls in love. Lexa is utterly devoted to her

BUT one of the Clans, the Azgeda (Ice Nation) is resistant to Lexa's Coalition. The Ice Queen, Nia, kidnaps Costia, tortures her, beheads her and delivers Costia’s head to Lexa’s bedside.

This is where Lexa begins to see that "Love is weakness" and becomes hardened to emotions. Despite Costia’s murder, she extends an alliance to Queen Nia, because it will unite the clans and prevent further loss of life.

As in the show, the space shuttle, where the Sky People live, is running out of supplies and oxygen after almost 100 years in space. So to see if the Earth is inhabitable, they send 100 juvenile delinquents to Earth.

Long story short, once they land on earth, one of the Delinquents becomes the leader. Clarke Griffin:

But at some point, Clarke gets captured by people from Mt Weather, who try and experiment on her to see if they can use Sky People for the Harvest Project too

In Mt Weather, Clarke meets Anya (who was captured by the Harvest Project too). They form a reluctant alliance, and try to get out. While trying to escape, they discover the Harvest Project, as well as Irene. Anya recognizes her.

I don’t know how but Clarke manages to wake her up, and Clarke gets the message to Sherlock that Irene is alive and they all attempt to escape Mt. Weather

Unfortunately, Anya gets killed in the attempt. Before she dies, Anya tells Clarke about the Commander who was once her Second, and that she needs to build a truce with the Heda to keep her and the Sky People and the Trikru safe from Mt Weather

In the meantime, Lexa sends 300 Trikru warriors to neutralize the threat of the Sky People (I mean, from the Grounders' POV, a piece of the sky just dropped down in their lands, bringing 100 potentially dangerous strangers in their midst; Lexa has to answer that threat)

So, anyway, the Mountain People (Irene and company) strike a deal with the Sky People, to help them free all the people in Mt Weather (cos there were other Sky People there) in exchange for blood transfusions, to enable the Maunon (Sherlock and the rest, Irene is still immune), to survive outside until their bodies adjust to the radiation

And since there are both Skaikru and Trikru trapped in Mt Weather, Clarke approaches Lexa for a truce.

So in the show, their alliance is a very fragile one, Lexa and the Trikru being ruthless and distrustful of strangers for their own survival (their clan motto is Jus drein Jus daun "blood must have blood"). A lot of shit happens.

The Mountain People and the Skaikru think the Trikru are savages. But also there’s bad blood especially, between Lexa and the Mountain People because Mt Weather has been kidnapping her people and harvesting them for blood.

When Irene, Sherlock and the rest of the Mountain people first approach Lexa with Clarke to help them bring down Mt Weather with minimum casualties, there's a scene where Irene tells Lexa what happened. That she had a baby who was born a Nightblood, and that her hope is to find her daughter.

Irene immediately recognizes Lexa on their first meeting when she sees the sigil on her forehead. But Irene knows she can't tell Lexa the truth yet on their first meeting, because she wouldn't believe her. Also because of Lexa's animosity towards Mt Weather.

Instead, to prove that she had indeed given birth to a Nightblood, Irene slices her own hand open in front of Lexa to show the black blood mixing with her own red blood

This is older Irene, btw:

In the show, Clarke and Lexa grow closer as they plan their assault on Mt weather. They're basically teenage girls called to lead their people,  with enormous responsibilities on their shoulders

Lexa, has been Heda longer than Clarke has been leading the Skaikru, so she offers Clarke advice. At times, the lessons she teaches Clarke are harsh and ruthless, but as she tells Clarke one has to make tough decisions to be a good leader, one her people look up to

One of my favorite scenes in the show is when she tells Clarke "The truth is, we must look into the eyes of our warriors every day and say, 'Go die for me'."

There’s a mutual respect between them and even if Clarke feels that Lexa's decisions are harsh, she knows they're right. That they have to make sacrifices in war for the greater good of their people

In the show, Lexa eventually betrays Clarke. On the night of their assault, Lexa and Clarke get separated, and one of the men in Mt Weather offers Lexa a deal, to get the Trikru inside out safely without casualties, if she'll deliver Clarke and the Skaikru to him. She took the deal, because it results in no casualties for her or her warriors or the Trikru hostages. As she says, Clarke would have done the same thing. Lexa leaves them at the Mt Weather, and Clarke is forced to irradiate everyone inside

I DO have a version where this happens, BUT for this AU, I prefer my other version, WITHOUT the betrayal because I just need to give my little baby gays a hug:

They develop a plan of attack that gets the Trikru and Skaikru out alive. (I feel like with Irene and Sherlock's help in there too, they could achieve that). It helps that Mycroft is still inside and quite high up the chain of command in Mt Weather.

As a compromise, since they helped take down Mt Weather, Lexa spares them (Sherlock, Irene, Mycroft and everyone else who helped) and all the children. Everyone else she has killed in a giant pyre.

They begin talks to make Skaikru (and the surviving Maunon) the 13th clan in Lexa's Coalition.

Lexa takes Clarke and several of the Skaikru/Maunon delegation (including Irene and Sherlock) to Polis (the Coalition’s capital city) to seal the alliance.

Quite a few things happen in Polis. 

First off, Lexa names Clarke the Ambassador for the Skaikru, and Irene the Ambassador for the Maunon. (The scene where Clarke kneels to Lexa, hell yeah, that’s happening).

THIS most definitely happens:

Also, shortly after this (because I keep wanting to spoil Lexa’s happiness), I have a scene where Irene tells Lexa the truth about her.

"That child I spoke of in our first meeting,” Irene’s voice is cautious. Quiet but firm. “The Nightblood child I bore and surrendered in exchange for her life..." Lexa holds her breath. Everything freezes, and she knows what the Maunon will say even before she speaks the next words. "Do you know the name of the Trikru girl I left her with?" Lexa holds up a hand, to stem the flow of words that make dread settle in her stomach. But Irene forges on. "Her name was Anya kom Trikru. She promised to care for my little girl. She promised to protect her with her life." Lexa whirls around, dagger in her hand, its tip pressed against the older woman's throat before she has even finished speaking. "Lies!" Lexa hisses, her eyes flashing dangerously. She has killed bigger prey than this slender Maunon with her fragile body unhardened by the harsh punishment of Trikru lands. "All lies!" Irene’s eyes are calm, displaying the same unshakable certainty that Lexa so often exudes with her own gaze. "You can kill me, but you know the truth. Just as I knew it when I first saw you, sitting on your throne with that sigil I left Anya on your forehead. I was so proud to know you were my daughter, just as I am proud of you now..." Lexa grits back tears as she presses the dagger's tip closer, but her tears are not summoned by affection or pride, but by denial. She all but spits out the next words at the older woman "You lie! I am not Maunon!"

Sherlock interrupts them before Lexa can harm Irene, bringing news that an Azgeda messenger has come with a message from Nia.

The Ice Nation disagrees with the Skaikru/Maunon becoming the 13th clan, and even though they brought down Mt Weather, the Azgeda see it as a weakness on Lexa's part - her teaming up with Clarke and the Mountain People and the Sky People to accomplish this. 

Also, her sparing some of the Mountain people is also seen by the Azgeda as weakness (since "blood must have blood")

Also, Queen Nia's always been out to destroy Lexa and wrestle control of the Coalition from her (which is why she killed Costia) so she's just looking for a way to ruin her

Nia sends some of her Azgeda soldiers to attack and kill Lexa. Lexa is shot in the chest with a gun, to make it seem as if it was a move from one of the Skaikru or the Mountain People (Grounders don't have guns) and she falls down a very high waterfall (no, not Reichenbach)

Everyone thinks she's dead. Including Clarke

(Because of course all Adlock children must "die" and come back to life at some point, otherwise their DNA is questioned)

Clarke is wrecked, after what happened to Lexa. But she knows she has to make sure that the Coalition and her people are safe.

In the show, Lexa trains her own guild of Nightbloods, to succeed her as Commander upon her death

In one version of this AU, Lexa's favored successor is an 8 year old Nightblood named Lena

(Because of course I need Supercorp in this as well)

Lena is Lexa's most promising Nightblood. She's a little prodigy, just like Lexa was. She has a sharp, strategic mind, she’s been training with her fellow Natblidas since she was a little girl and is quite mature for her age. Lexa sees a bit of herself in Lena, when she was that age.

I have a scene where Lena and Kara are playing together, along with the other Skaikru kids (Alex, Winn, and James. I’ve decided Brainy is a Mt Weather kid. Nia is Trikru and Sam is maybe Azgeda), and Lexa appoints Lena as her temporary successor in Polis before they attacked Mt Weather, which I might post later (this thing is getting too long as it is).

Upon Lexa's "death", Lena is appointed successor to protect Polis until the Conclave can begin, and a new Commander is chosen

But since little Lena doesn't have the Commander's Flame (the AI, which is still in Lexa's body), her power in Polis and the Coalition is fragile, so Clarke rushes to help her.

Lexa made all her Natblidas promise to honor her alliance with the Skaikru and the Mountain People, so Clarke has to protect Lena's place as the new Heda to secure it

Sherlock, Irene and John join the hunt to find Lexa's body, ostensibly so the Commander's Flame can be secured. But actually, Sherlock and Irene are still hopeful they can find Lexa alive (even though it seems impossible she could have survived the fall) and they bring John with them because he's a doctor

Molly and Mary stay behind to offer Clarke support and protection (respectively). Clarke decides to make a deal with the Ice Nation for safety of the Skaikru and the Maunon, as well as the rest of the Coalition.

Molly asks her why she's making a deal with the woman who had Lexa killed. Clarke responds "I'm doing what Lexa would have wanted. The same thing she did when her lover was killed by the Ice Nation. She would want her people to be safe."

Irene and Sherlock manage to find Lexa and rescue her from the waterfall. John has to dig the bullet out of her and stitch her up. He insists that she needs to rest, but Lexa is determined to go back to Polis. The other three accompany her.

Meanwhile, Clarke is attacked in another ruse by Nia, who knows that as Lena’s self-appointed protector, she is the biggest obstacle to the her takeover of Polis.

Basically, Lexa returns from the dead by saving Clarke SEE VID 1 (let’s just imagine those are Azgeda attacking her; I just need a badass return for my baby without actually KILLING her off): 

After it’s revealed that Lexa has “come back to life”, she calls out Nia as a traitor and issues a challenge to end their conflict. Nia summons her son, Roan to fight Lexa for her. (Also, that scene where Lexa says “I am the Commander. No one fights for me.” oh yeah, that’s totally happening) SEE VID 2

VID 1

VID 2

Yeah, so Nia dies. Titus dies (cos fuck you Titus, I might just have Irene kill him). AND THAT’S IT.  NONE OF MY BABIES DIE! LEXA IS HEDA AGAIN, LENA EVENTUALLY SUCCEEDS HER (at some point), KARLENA/SUPERCORP WILL EVENTUALLY BECOME A THING (that’s a whole ‘nother story, fuck) AND CLEXA CAN HAVE ALL THE SMUTTY SMUT THEY WANT WITHOUT ONE OF THEM GETTING KILLED OFF FIVE SECONDS LATER!

OH MY GOD, I finally got all of it out in one fucking long-ass post. At least I think that’s everything. I might post that scene with little Lena and Kara later, and then hopefully I will be rid of this AU for now. Congrats to you if you got this far down the rabbit hole. If you did, please tell me what you think, thanks!!!!!!!!

Now maybe I can get some work done. See y’all next time!

[eyessharpweaponshot]

Fun Q&A based on The 100

Tagged by @carrieeve <3

1. What station on the Ark would you be from?

Maybe Farm?

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

Stealing medicine for a family member - there’s pretty much nothing I wouldn’t do for them.

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

No - I definitely would have kept it on. They all deserved a chance.

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)

A half moon. I’m obsessed with them. Although I’d probably tell a boy like Finn not to bother, lol.

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?

Illian. I liked him.

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

Clarke, Bellamy, Diyoza, Raven, Echo.

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to you?

Probably Trikru, I love the woods.

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

Hmm, it’s hard because it’s a three letter word. Probably just Jen.

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

When I look back on the seasons, I don’t mind him at all. I think he had good intentions and even though he acted a little rash at times, he meant well. I could always see his side. But when I think of him now, I automatically think ‘asshole’ because he normally is one in everyone’s fics, lol.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

I would never have taken it. I struggle to take painkillers because I feel like ‘I need to battle it myself’ even if it’s just a headache. I don’t like putting anything artificial like that in my body.

11. What character do you relate to most?

Clarke.

12. What character do you like the least?

I honestly don’t know? I like them all. I guess things would be easier for my ship if Echo wasn’t in that exact picture but her as a character? Adore her.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)

Combat boots, the pants Raven always wears, Bellamy’s ark issued guard jacket and just a long sleeve t-shirt underneath.

14. Favorite type of mutant animal?

Two headed deer always stands out.

15. What would your job be on the Ark?

Something involving caring for people, or a teacher.

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

Probably not. I’m fine with blood, not so much with stretching skin.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive then who would have made the best commander?

I guess Madi would be pretty good, considering Clarke raised her.

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

I have no idea. I’ve never done drugs so I can’t even imagine.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach?

Bellamy. She needed to be helped, not outcast or killed.

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone?

Jake Griffin seems like a good man, from what we knew of him.

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis?

Kane’s, 100%. Saying that, it’s easy to say that knowing the whole picture. Bellamy only knew what was happening in Arkadia, he didn’t have the opinion of the Grounders that we did and he didn’t see the things we seen.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?

Real books and her iPod. For sure.

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?

Little symbols, just like I have in real life. Hairstyle - loved Octavia’s look in season 3 with pieces braided and pulled back. No war paint.

24. Favorite quote?

Ooh, hard one. I LOVE the entire ‘I got you for that’ scene. Melts me.

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning?

Octavia for sure.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

Least favourite ship: kabby. Like, they’re fine together. I just don’t care that much about them?

Favourite canon: that isn’t Bellarke, probably Memori.

Favourite non canon: going to contradict myself with the last point and say Murven. I love the thoughts of them being together just as much as I love Memori.

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

Lewis Capaldi’s ‘Lost on You’ or ANY of his songs would be perfect. As for a cameo appearance, maybe Landon Austin?

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

Drink and have the laugh.

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die?

Sacrificing myself?

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

Echo, for sure.

31. A character you’d bang?

Bellamy. Always.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?

I’d go up to Space, depending on where my love is going - ha.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?

I would to a point, but really it’s fight or die isn’t it? Just keep myself, write as much as I can.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits?

I have no idea, seriously.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with?

I’d definitely bond with Bellamy and Raven. Obviously Harper and Monty. Think it would take some time to warm up to Echo because I’d have to forgive her past mistakes and let her open up more.

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself?

I’d fight till the end.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do?

Observe.

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite?

Favourite: Diyoza. She’s a bad ass!

Least: Vinson. Creepy af.

39. Would you Spacewalk?

No, I’m a chicken shit.

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat?

Algae.

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it?

I wouldn’t start a war, I’d try to negotiate terms.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes?

Thumb drives all the way.

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia?

If my sister turned the way Octavia did and she needed to be stopped, possibly. Goes to show how much Bellamy loves Clarke.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper?

I’d sleep.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet?

The ones with their heads screwed on. Diyoza, Shaw, Raven, Bellamy, Clarke.

I’m not tagging anyone but if you want to do this, definitely feel free.