#levidale

[bireggiemantle]

Would Transitioning Save Her: A Sliding Scale of the Impact of MTF Transition on Riverdale Character

(Ranked from Best impact to Worst Impact)

1. Archie - should've been a dyke from the get go. I could write a billion essays about this

2. Reggie - being freed from toxic masculinity would fix her

3. Moose - considering how deeply repressed she is I think seeing the tv glow would save her.

4. FP - transitioning could save her marriage. this would not improve her alcoholism. BUT ! it might help her stop bottling so many of her issues up

5. Munroe - transitioning just fits into her plot of self acceptance to me. wlw prison archie + munroe would fuck crazy

6. Sweet Pea - this is solely based on vibes

7. Original/50s Dilton - big cock t girl representation for the win!

8. Hiram - this would make veronica leagues worse. could you imagine if her daddy issues became mommy issues

9. Clay - relatively unaffected by transition. I think she's already pretty open and honest about who she is, and it wouldn't take much for her to admit this about herself

10. Fangs - no impact. already a lesbian in my eyes

11. Jughead - canonically transgender but also it would absolutely make her worse and more insufferable. this could save s1 jughead (and briefly s5 jughead) but s2 jughead on is the queen of repression and it would take a lot of force to get her to come out. if she's repressing something after all

12. Chic - win for weird girls everywhere. would drastically improve her relationship with betty

13. Bret - stonewall prep plotline but it's toxic lesbians bret and jughead. she would try to fuck donna but donna would NEVER stoop so low

14. Kevin - considering how much of her sense of self is reliant on her identity, transitioning could either really help her or force her further into a world of identity politics. she'd be the world's worst kind of white feminist for sure though

15. Charles

16. Dilton - also vibes

17. Hal - sorry betty

18. Fred - not saving her marriage but would allow her to connect better with archie and I believe she'd be a better parent to her

19. Uncle Frank - could free her but would probably do irreparable damage instead

20. Sheriff Keller - this is a cisgender man

21. Jason - I don't even want to imagine what his relationship with cheryl would have looked like if he was a woman. huge win for incest freaks I guess

22. Julian - five steps back for lgbt rights

[bireggiemantle]

next week on riverdale: tabitha is declared the patron saint of pop's, meaning that pop's is now legally recognized as both a historic landmark and a church, so percival extra can't tear it down. this briefly causes cheryl to switch sides though out of jealous rage, since she believes that should've become riverdale's first girlboss saint. meanwhile betty is accessing the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind via her childhood diary and accidentally discovers she has the power to resurrect the dead when she sees zombie hal waltz on through her front door. (this issue is resolved before the episode ends, though, because alice brutally remurders zombie hal.) toni and fangs try to take gay kevin to court for their custody battle, but he tells them that he's no longer interested at the last minute, revealing that he's having a baby of his own with percival. this baby does turn out to be the mpreg antichrist, but that isn't relevant until a later episode. veronica becomes addicted to seducing and killing men, and she and reggie end up getting back together after he begins seducing and killing men as well. archie is also there. he's busy looking very pretty.

[bireggiemantle]

okay. hypothetical jughead coming out episode. the episode takes place after jughead has rejoined society (or is interacting w people about as much as jughead normally does anyway) and it begins in the middle of his dream. in his dream we see him and tabitha asleep beside each other which all nice and normal and then slowly the camera pans over to reveal archie with his big strong biblical arms slung over both their waists. jughead wakes up in a cold sweat. he doesn't want to bring the dream up to tabitha and potentially make things awkward so he makes the even worse decision of going to betty about this. while discussing his dream with her we get another flashback to the dream, this time showing the aftermath of dream jabarchie stirring awake and the three of them exchanging kisses. betty is unfazed by this, even though her boyfriend is involved. she just assumes it's a run of the mill bisexual dream because she always assumed jughead was at least a little gay. jughead does not take this well and leaves, but he has the same dream later that night, prompting him to finally bring it up to tabitha. tabitha informs jughead that she has also been having the same dream as him, and after some conversations and dream experimenting, we learn that jughead's superpower has evolved again and he can now both summon people into his dreams and he can enter theirs. it's very kristen noes3 of him. anyway I think this dream power is EXTREMELY plot relevant, since he has to use his dream hopping abilities to help take down percival, and during the big war it gets revealed that archie was also being subconsciously summoned into the threesome dream. betty stops being unfazed at this point and she calls jughead a homewrecking whore over it. jughead's sexuality is never mentioned again.

[bireggiemantle]

next week on riverdale: tabitha goes to heaven on a business trip to ask god for advice before beginning the ultimate battle between good and evil while veronica and betty venture to hell together in order to enlist the help of their dead friends, but somehow end up kissing in the process which realllllly complicates things once they manage to ressurect dead archie. the four horsemen of the apocalypse also show up. kevin tries seducing one of them (its pestilence).

[bireggiemantle]

au where betty starts getting extremely into taxidermy and this trait is only revealed when archie, post the barchie sex bomb, has to move in with her. he opens the door to her bedroom and is greeted by dozens of dead/stuffed animals that betty has been hiding away from alice. eventually betty has more animals than she can store, so she begins to hand them off to cheryl. cheryl grows very attached to these taxidermied animals, especially the dead deer, and starts to view them as religious figures, announcing that they are to be declared patron saints in her first church of jasonanity. cheryl also begins to believe each deer corpse stores the soul of a dead resident of riverdale, and that helps decide what they are each the patron saint of. for example hal's deer is the patron saint of hopeless causes. anyway I think archie is terrified of these taxidermied animals, and he ends up moving out of betty's house because he can't handle waking up to the sight of her dead cat's soulless eyes. they don't break up though.

[bireggiemantle]

riverdale ferris bueller's day off episode in which tabitha (the ferris stand-in) notices that jughead (cameron) has stressed himself out to the point of illness and decides to take him and archie (sloane) out to new york city for a break. betty is the jeanie stand-in and when she discovers that tabitha has taken her first day off in the history of ever she is instantly suspicious and decides to break into archie's house because she believes tabitha has secretly been having an affair with him. tabitha also ends up stealing reggie's car because she mistakes it for veronica's and veronica offhandedly told tabitha that she's always welcome to borrow her things one night a month ago while drunk off her ass, so tabitha took that as permission to take her car for her inner city excursion (she did text veronica to let her know after the fact. dw, she's considerate). also yes tabitha does hijack a parade and yes she is dating both archie and jughead and yes she also commits identify theft to get them a table at the fanciest restaurant in nyc (dorsia).

[bireggiemantle]

next week on riverdale: archie accidentally starts a gang war that he decides to join, and, in the midst of a fight, he realizes that he can now fly. veronica copes with the guilt of patricide and becomes a nun in an attempt to repent. she still runs her casino and has premarital sex with reggie though. betty's power goes to her head and she renounces all contact with non-archie men. it's also revealed that she has been having dr. jekyll & ms. hyde (#feminism) style episodes and that she's actually the trash bag killer. alice runs an article exploiting this and tries to make millions off of her daughter's secret murder life. bingo starts speaking and develops an interest in science and theories. he starts studying the supernatural aspect of palladium and earns a nobel paws prize for his research. jughead suffers further. toni and fangs are forced to choose between their love of torturing ghoulies and their son. gay kevin becomes a deadbeat dad to a son that isn't even technically his. and tabitha starts her own version of pop's themed doordash called TateEats instead of repairing the diner.

[bireggiemantle]

next week on riverdale: penelope and cheryl decide they need to sacrifice organs to the river in order to appease jason's spirit and do this by taking kevin's other kidney, so he needs emergency surgery to survive and archie stops doing his vigilante justice to give kevin his kidney (kevin asked fangs first because he forgot he was also missing a kidney). while he's doing that uncle frank gets brutally murdered by one of the escaped convicts and betty goes completely insane and texas chainsaw massacres the trucker who has been stealing girls (and jughead who also counts as a girl) but jughead is still nowhere to be found. reggie and veronica become business partners and start a new company called girlboss incorporated. chad and reggie get into a fight and veronica interrupts to punch chad in the jaw. eric brings their ptsd dog to visit archie in the hospital. tabitha gets more than five lines.

[bireggiemantle]

okay. riverdale ratatouille au. when jughead was stuck in the rat infested sewers he read his entire book out loud right and while the rat king loved it, I doubt all the rats did. one of the rats there is an aspiring writer and hearing jugheads shitty work pisses him off because this guy is publishes but he, rat stephen king can't get his work out there. so he follows jughead back to riverdale after he escapes, and strikes up a deal with him. he'll use jugheads hair to control him and write for him, helping cure jugheads writers block and helping the rat live out his dream of being a famous author. in order to hide the rat from tabitha jughead digs up the time capsule with his bare hands and takes out his old hat. and now he has a beanie rat thats writing the next generation of cult classics using his name.

[bireggiemantle]

in episode 6x08 a very much alive hiram returns to town. he shows up at veronica's doorstep, very visibly upset. he explains to her that he had a secret evil twin brother, named lieram, who he had been trying to hide from her, and that lieram had been shot and killed in his place. this triggers one of those set in the 80s episodes featuring teenage lieram and hiram, and it is heavily implied hiram is glad his brother is dead. he's only upset that veronica had to find out about her uncle this way. after this story he simply gets up and leaves, bidding both reggie and veronica farewell before never being seen from again, aside from a few off-handed postcards sent from costa rica.

[bireggiemantle]

okay idk if yall have seen wwdits but if you haven't basically one of the character in the show dies and a baby with the adult face of that same character crawls out of his decaying corpse shortly after he passes. anyway I think this what should happen with archie. the barchie baby claws its way out of dead archie's stomach, solving betty's infertility problem and essentially resurrecting archie because this baby does in fact have kj apa's adult face.

[bireggiemantle]

secret riverdale episode called the daylight society which follows 50yo versions of the core four played by the parentdale actors. the plot is just them remeeting after decades apart at a campfire by sweetwater river and telling stories about their lives, which range from veronica talking about her and reggie's joint black widow killing spree through wallstreet to jughead becoming the author of gay twilight. notably archie isn't there until the last five minutes, where we see molly ringwald in drag, covered in dirt and branches as she emerges from the woods. archie ringwald says he got lost, and then just as he's about to open his mouth and tell his story, the credits roll.

[bireggiemantle]

season six plotline where charles and chic are chased by the police out of riverdale and into hackensack new jersey, where they are then cornered by the cops in a shoot-off to the death. with their dying breaths they transfer their souls into a pair of dolls they find at the scene using an amulet charles is wearing around his neck. the police proclaim them dead and charles is buried still wearing the amulet while the doll versions of chicles are taken in as evidence. they manage to break out of police custody and find their way back to riverdale though, and they con betty and archie into driving them to their graves in new jersey. along the way they rack up an extremely high body count but because betty and archie do not realize these dolls contain the deceased spirits of charles and chic, archie is convinced betty is the one committing the murders, causing a massive rift in their relationship. at the cemetery chicles reveal themselves and try to possess archie's body as well as the body of an on duty gravedigger in a desperate attempt to become human again, but betty manages to talk it out with charles and she decides to let doll chicles live with her until they find suitable non-archie bodies for them to possess. barchie does end up breaking up. alice does not question why her gay son and his husband are dolls now.

[bireggiemantle]

since cheryl has secret underground mines beneath her home that contain several corpses that means in mind it counts as both a diy crypt and an under-utilized storage space. once cheryl runs those mines dry of palladium I think she decides to convert it into a wine cellar/slightly less dingy crypt as a way of using the property and maintaing her weird little aesthetic. ANYWAY this is all leading up to her cask of amontillado plot in which nana rose finally goes too far and cheryl snaps and suffocates her behind a brick wall in the wine mine, leaving her there to rot among the other corpses for all eternity.

[bireggiemantle]

season 6b begins with cheryl waltzing into the town hall wearing a comically large red witch hat and a trailing cape. trailing behind her is a group of orphaned lesbians she's been accumulating over the past couple of days. they are dressed in pink mourning veils and carrying long unlit torches. they stop the entryway, congregating in a circle around the council with cheryl in the center. she waves her hands to each side of her and all of the girls light their torches in unison, raising them ever so slightly above their heads. "we,' cheryl begins, "are the daughters of the witches you could not burn." she demands the town come together to repair her precious maple orchard and atone for their past sins (lesbian witch-hunt), or else she promises to burn riverdale to the ground on abigail's behalf, forever cursing the survivors.

[bireggiemantle]

there's a version of rivervale where betty DID have the barchie baby and the barchie baby turned out to be the antichrist so she flipped out and decided to get rid of it. she couldn't bring herself to kill it though so she left it on the doorstep of pop's for someone to find in the morning. pop happened to be the person to stumble across it and he brought the baby inside, keeping it in the (not freezer i swear its not the freezer guys) storage room to check on periodically. notably he forgot to tell tabitha about this. she ended up finding the baby while searching for burger buns and assumed it was one of the employee's, so she started asking around about it. obviously the waitresses all said it wasn't theirs, but while she was interviewing the last employee, pop overheard her, and finally told her about how he found the baby. instead of finding out who the baby's real parents are, tabitha assumed that this baby wasn't wanted, so she and jughead started raising the baby themselves (with pop's help of course). since betty's their friend she did see the baby and she did recognize it, but she'll never tell them that it's hers. she'll die with that secret. but yeah jughead and tabitha ended up raising the antichrist barchie baby as their own and they never once thought to question where this baby came from.