#lets not forget about our suffering brothers & sisters rn though

[jaes1lvr]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH JAE BABIES! I LOVE YALL & BLESS UP <3

[redpumpscadillacblues]

Coming of witch

Hi friends!

I’m reasonably sure that I don’t have too many followers, and that’s totally ok. This is more for myself and for posterity reasons. I’ve had a lot of things happen in my life. I’m going to get some detail in here, but I won’t worry about my ENTIRE life story. It's still going to be long, hold on for the ride!

I mean, I guess I should start at the beginning since this is where all stories start. So here goes.

It really all started when I was little. I grew up catholic. As a child, I didn’t really have an opinion of religion, but overall, I felt far more connected to the native american religions than anything else and tended to embrace the wild side of life as most children do. I stayed in the faith at a distance (making my first holy communion there) until the end of high school and converted to protestantism at the behest of my boyfriend at the time. 

I made confirmation in the protestant church I was in. I went on a mission trip to Mexico over a Thanksgiving break and got out of working black Friday in retail. I felt great, I was on top of the world. I was active in the youth group and with the church. My boyfriend and I broke up. I still stayed with my new family in the church (I still keep in touch with some of them). I spent several years in the church. I had some people of faith who were rather awful and had some traumatizing experiences. I started distancing myself from the church in my pain. Bless the good folks, as they all tried to keep in touch and keep me involved. I became an agnostic.

I moved to California and back for a relationship and to get away from the abuse I suffered. My dad has always been a great support and lovingly took me back in at home. I started going back to the church again, looking for a semblance of normalcy all the while not following a lot of the tenets of being Christian. I was in my wild mid-20s.

Another trauma later, I was a few more relationships down the road, partying, and had met another guy. Things moved quickly, we moved in together, I quickly learned his drug abuse was not a thing of the past, but the darkness my life was thrown into. I worked with him to help him through, offered support and tried to help. My payment? He tried to steal, sell my stuff, and emptied out one of my bank accounts. One of his former best friends helped me move out. 

We were thick as thieves, me and this girl. We became fast friends, doing almost anything together. I was in nursing school, she was in EMS. I met her two roommates, one who was her boyfriend, and the other another single male. All three of them were in EMS. She was into Wicca, and sort of practiced, though I don’t remember seeing much while in the house. After several months, I started dating the single roommate. More months later, I moved in. the four of us were inseparable and always going on adventures. My new boyfriend worked an hour + from home and took the train, many nights, it was my best friend, her boyfriend and me. I was always dragged along for various antics. It was a great time. It was around this time I started to look into Wicca and identified with it (going so far as to change my facebook profile religion to this), but not actively practicing. I had nursing on my plate (if anyone has been through nursing school, you understand me), and was working 3 part-time jobs.

I met so many people through my roommates. Eventually, I felt a strong connection with a friend of theirs. The relationship I was in was headed south quickly. I had previously dealt with some awful drug abuse, slander, and other awful things, and was now dealing with an alcoholic who was financially using me. I now had an ex-boyfriend and a new boyfriend quickly. In the transition, I was clearly not totally innocent, and looking back, I would change the way this happened and be more upfront and honest, but the past is the past.

New boyfriend and I also moved quicker. Within 6 months, I had now graduated from college and become an RN and moved 6 hours from home to a new job, a new life, and my other half. He supported me through many changes, including my bachelor’s degree in nursing and most recently my master’s degree and board certification to become a nurse practitioner. We got married (now almost 4 years ago) and bought a house. We are blissful (still, after 7 years together and just about 4 years of wedded bliss). I married a catholic man.

Due to the nature of our initial connection, you can assume he works in EMS. It’s almost easier that we’re both in the medical field. We can both relate to the kinds of bad days we have and share a very similar dark and twisted sense of humor. We get along stellar, with only minimal tiffs. No major fights or arguments here yet. No secrets. Communication flows freely and honestly.

I am still essentially agnostic at this point but leaning towards a more pagan path.

 I started making new friends and becoming friends with his coworkers. One day, he came home and told me that he wanted to bring me by someone’s house one night for a bonfire. He assured me that he hadn’t told this person anything about me other than that I was the most incredible person he had ever met. We go over, I meet this coworker and his wife. His coworker greets me to his home with a hug and a firm handshake. He looks my husband dead in the eye and says to him “Shit, you married a natural witch man, good for you”. This caught me by surprise. We sat around the fire and talked. The conversation turned towards religion. Dear husband loves a debate and good intelligent conversations. My views of religion and spirituality were questioned and I answered some really uncomfortable questions for me. I finally realized my beliefs were pagan.

I tossed this idea around for a while, bought a couple books and read only a few chapters of each. I wasn’t too serious about it but liked the idea of pretending to be. I’d get curious and join some Facebook groups, post some questions, read through. I started a year and a day class through one of the groups. I made it for 8 weeks. School was in the way (at this point, I’m in my master’s program working nights and life sucks). I still hadn’t made any great strides with my spiritual life at this point.

The fall came around. School required me to make a trip to Boston to sign off on some skills prior to starting the next part, which was clinical rotations. We made a long weekend of it and checked out Gloucester and Salem. Dear husband has lived in and worked in Gloucester and Salem respectively. I had my tarot read in a well-known shop. I’m on the right path, awesome.

Flash forward to the end of the year, I start the year and a day class again. I’m doing well, I make it 12 weeks. I can’t hang with the work. I’m embarrassed to practice in front of dear husband (not for lack of support, but I keep a lot of me private). I’m still casually practicing.

 It’s now May 2019, I’m graduating from school (I went online, I already had my degree at this point, but wanted to walk due to the huge achievement). We trek back to Boston. My parents meet us separately (they’re divorced) and we go to the ceremony. It’s nice. Madonna ThunderHawk speaks and received an honorary doctorate for her work advocating for native americans in her life. Her tribe presents her with the Lakota Star Quilt. I’m crying. We go to Salem again the next day (because I love it there and missed the town).

I get another tarot reading at the same place. I meet the reader, who is incredibly intense, but comforting. /He shakes my hand firmly and looks me in the eye. “I’m so happy to read for a witch, I love reading for witches, you guys are my favorite. I wish I didn’t have another reading after you, I would spend more time with you”. I’m shocked. We sit down. He asks who my deities are. I tell him that I’ve not really identified who it is. He asks what pantheon I’m particularly interested in. I’m really enjoying learning about Norse culture. He smiles and tells me he figured and has some interesting news to share.

My reading delves more into my spiritual side. Essentially, Odin wants to work with me, he’s hanging around. the first card he turns over is the hanged man - one of Odin’s names. He tells me that I need to manifest and manifest large. He recommends picking up tarot (tells me to get a more basic deck for beginners), and suggests to also work with runes. I’m told I’ve been working magic in my sleep and likely don’t realize it. He recommends books. Now the reading is done. My head is spinning. I grab a Rider-Waithe deck. I’m pleased and we leave.

I’m so forgetful, and I forget the name of the book. I contact some Wiccan/pagan friends for help on finding information about Odin. This leads to another conversation and I’m called out AGAIN as a witch. She tells me she knew the first time she met me that I was a witch, and was surprised I didn’t know it.

That brings us to here and now. I’m reading up a storm, I’m working through the Poetic Eddas right now. I received my runes in today (they look awesome by the way). I’ve been pulling a tarot card daily and letting my intuition guide me. I’ve been journaling. I’m trying to work on remembering my dreams. I’m logging everything that I can at this point and I’m diving in whole-heartedly. I’m partially out of the broom closet at this point. I live at the top of the bible belt, and my “kind” aren’t welcome around here. I don’t always shy away from saying yes, I’m a witch when asked; however, I do try to keep it personal. I’m in the public eye and have to worry about how patients will perceive me if this information got out. However, I’m going to make the best of it that I can at this point!

Thanks for reading. It was long, somewhat drawn out on occasion, but this is me and where I’m at currently.

Blessed Be brothers and sisters. <3 

[toxic-lucky]

Can i just ask for family fluff with the first character that comes to ur mind rn?

Did I hear,,,,,, proposal?!?!?!

Below the cut because this is three pages long-

“Kate!” Vincent yelled, picking up the youngest of the Ambers who was currently trying to catch a butterfly and nearly fell into a rose bush.

Ace chuckled at his dad’s worried boyfriend, full well knowing that the rose bush would let Kate pass and not hurt her.

“She’s fine Vince! L-Let her down!” Ace yelled from the table where he was slowly drinking his energy drink- Rockstar. Kate kicked around in in the older man’s arms. Vincent just gave Ace a confused look but put her down anyways and let the little 7 year old run about again in the park with the dog- Bambi, an English Mastiff- that barked and chased her.

Zane grumbled something incomprehensible, sounding like ‘this is bullshit’ from where he sat opposite of Ace.

“Oh shush you,” Ace poked Zane’s forehead earning him a slap on the hand, “dad needs us to k-keep him bu-usy while he’s out with Amelia preparing everything.”

“Doesn’t make any of this less stupid,” Zane huffed, “why make such a big deal?”

Ace slapped Zane’s arm lightly, “Zane!”

“I’m just spitting facts.” Zane defended.

“Your sp-p-pitting us unwanted.” Ace grumbled as Zane flipped him off. Ace was about to continue but Vincent woke up so he shot a 'be quiet’ look at Zane who merely rolled his eyes.

“How do none of you sleep yet have so much energy?” Vincent huffed, sitting down as Kate and Bambi continued to run around.

Ace just raised his energy drink as if to give a cheers, “it’s a family secret.”

“You lot have too many of those.” Vincent chuckled.

Ace shrugged as Zane became much more focused on his phone.

“Dad wants us back home.” Zane announced, turning off the screen before looking up at the two.

“This early? I thought he would still be at work?” Vincent hummed, standing up anyways, “I’ll drive you all back, I need to pick Kia up from a friend’s house and it’s on the way.”

“Please?” Ace smiled at Vincent, “I know Dad’ll be ha-appy to see you.”

“I’d hope he be.” Vincent smiled back as Zane got up and whistled, gaining the attention from both the dog and his little sister.

“Home time!” Zane snapped, motioning for the both of them to come over. Bambi was quick to start bounding over but Kate huffed and just sat down on the grass, refusing.

“I’ll get h-her,” Ace sighed, “just give me a minute, I’ll meet you two by the car?”

Vincent and Zane nod, heading off. Ace silently hoped Zane wouldn’t let anything slip.

“Kate, it’s time to go home…” Ace crouched by the girl who just crossed her arms and huffed louder.

“Come on, you’ll get to see Kia and Dad.”

“I don’t wanna go home.” Kate mumbled.

“Why not?” Ace asked.

“'Cause Dad’s gunna propose and then forget about us and get a new family.” Kate confessed, causing Ace to shake his head, just a little bit amused and boggled at how children’s minds worked.

“Tha-at’s not how proposals work…” Ace reassured, “Vincent is a nice dude, and Dad really loves him. That doesn’t mean that D-Dad doesn’t love you too, it’s just a different kind of love.”

Kate merely puffed out her cheeks in response.

“If you want, I can talk to Dad for you,” Ace offered, “I c-can tell him how you feel if you don’t want to tell hi-im yourself.”

“…Fine.” Kate mumbled, standing up, “you better not be wrong.”

“When am I wrong?” Ace asked, grabbing Kate’s hand and leading her to the car.

“When you try to help me with my geography homework.” Kate responded without missing a beat, “and when you said the cookies had to be baked for 20 minutes instead of 10, and-”

“Alright, alright, I get it.” Ace chuckled, “I am wrong a lot, but not on this. People I understand, distance? Not so much.”

Kate nodded, squeezing her brother’s hand. They walked together in silence before a car honked its horn at them, and Ace glanced over at Vincent and Zane- who was sitting shotgun.

“Come on, hop in.” Vincent smiled at the duo, who did as told.

“Traitor.” Ace huffed as he passed Zane.

“First come, first serve.” Zane rolled his eyes in response.

The car ride was silent otherwise, occasionally filled with the old 70’s music Vincent played and Kate laughing happily whenever Bambi did something- most of that was trying to climb up to sit on Ace’s lap before barking in his face. They stopped at Kia’s friend’s house to pick her up, though the Ambers remained in the car and let Vincent deal with his 5 year old daughter and her friends. Once Kia was buckled into the car, they continued, but this time Kia and Kate started talking about Winx club, and other kids shows but it was mostly Winx club.

Once the group pulled into the driveway, Ace was quick to get out of the car and help the younger kids out.

“You know we’re just staying for a minute, right? Why are you so excited?” Vincent asked Ace who shrugged.

“Maybe I just want to go take a nap.”

Vincent just nodded at that information as they all entered the house. Well, not all. Amelia came out of the house a bit rushed and tried to slow down Vincent from entering. Ace and Zane, who knew 100% of what was going on and the plan, remained unbothered and lead the tiny kids inside and into the family room to watch the show they’ve been talking about the entire ride to give the adults some space.

Pine was sitting nervously on the stairs when Zane came back to the front, and gave his Dad a reassuring smile.

“What’s taking Vince so long?” Pine asked quietly, the nerves were obvious in his voice.

“Amelia thought you needed some time to… mentally prepare yourself,” Zane shrugged, “she’s talking to him about cars.”

“Ah…” Pine nodded, fidgeting with his sleeves.

“Chill Dad, it’s just Vince, you two have been dating for like, 3 years now.” He attempted to reassure, though it didn’t seem to calm the tired adult. Zane patted his Dad’s arm before leaving the room, hearing Amelia and Vincent still chatting as they came to the front door.

“I believe you two have something to discuss…” Amelia trails off as she closed the front door, smiling at the two men before also leaving them. In an instant, Pine was standing and finding himself at a loss of words.

“Oh… is something the matter?” Vincent asked, looking at his boyfriend with worry.

“No- no, everything is great- it’s wonderful,” Pine shook his head, “I just-”

“…Just?”

“You know I love you, right?”

“Of course, and I love you too.” Vincent nods, giving him a more confused look.

Pine smiled, a bit of pink tinting his cheeks, “let me speak.”

Vincent only nodded, yet to notice Pine’s hands behind his back.

“I love you more than I thought I could- more than I though I ever would love someone. Whenever I get the chance to see you, I feel like I’m suffering from cardiac arrest-”

“I don’t think that’s healthy…” Vincent chuckled.

“Chut,” Pine hushed, “you know what I mean.”

“Do I?” Vincent raised an eyebrow, causing Pine to puff out his cheeks in annoyance. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, continue, go on.”

“Thank you,” Pine sighed, glancing literally everywhere but Vincent, “I would do anything for you, and I know it’s hard sometimes to find some time to sit down and take a breather because our lives are hectic, which is why I’m stopping myself from going on and on for ten hours-”

“Ten hours?” Vincent mumbled.

“About everything about you that I fell in love with, and other cheesy things because I don’t want to embarrass you…” Pine paused, taking the small box he was hiding behind his back and kneeling down.

“Pine…” Vincent mumbled, tearing up as a smile started to grow on his face.

“But I figured I can save all that for a wedding,” Pine opened the box, revealing a sapphire cut into a heart on a silver band that looked like a wreathe. “Vincent Greens, I love you more an anything in the world, I am so lucky I have met you and that you’re in my life. Will you make me the happiest man in the universe and let me have the honour of calling you my husband?”

At this point, Vincent was crying, trying to cover both his smile and his tears as he started laughing. “Pine… Pine, honey, I love you so much, of course I’ll marry you… But I thought I was going to propose first…”

At that, Pine was now the one that was confused, as Vincent dug into his jacket pocket and held a ring box. Now both adults were laughing, grinning like idiots, as Pine pressed soft kisses on Vincent’s face as they both put on the rings.

“I guess you’re my ex-boyfriend now…?” Pine mumbled, leaning against Vincent who chuckled with a sigh.

“We were having a moment, honey. You hit it with a sledgehammer.”

Pine just laughed, hugging Vincent tightly.

“I love you so much…”

[centurionking]

Data Dump

I’ve been meaning to make this post for a bit, but I think I’m at a good point where I can do it. So, mainly I want to just explain what’s going on with my shit because I (briefly) bowed out of Tumblr and left things in a queue, and also full-on left Discord. Pretty much in the past month or so I’ve had a number of different stress vectors hit me kinda one after another.  Working in a hospital overall can be just generally stressful, but lately the politics of things have been really amping up and getting on my nerves.  That’s not a huge thing, but it’s just been constant. Last month though, there was a code on my floor while I was on night shift.  I’ve been involved in rapid response scenarios but this was my first full blown Code Blue.  Unfortunately, the patient passed after being and intubated and receiving chest compressions for approximated an hour.  I had a good debrief with one of our more experienced RNs (he’s a former corpsman as well), and he said that I performed exceptionally during the code.  I felt like I did as well and that I kept my cool and let my training kick in.  I feel like I’ve been dealing with that okay, but at the same time that was my first time losing a patient.  I know that sadly it will probably not be my last, and that it’s an experience I will never forget. Not long after that, one of my brothers broke his hand pretty badly on a weekend I was home.  I always worry about him just because he’s my little brother.  Now he’s doing well and responding well to the physical therapy, but I can’t help but pray he gets full function back. About a week after that, a coworker committed suicide.  I’m not going to say I was friends with him, because I wasn’t.  I’m not going to say I worked with him a lot, because I didn’t.  But I had worked with him before, and I did know who he was.  He was a coworker and another servicemember. This isn’t my first time dealing with suicide in the military, and like losing a patient, I have to face the harsh reality that suicide in the military is more prevalent than in the normal civilian population.  Having this happen just reminds me of that, and brings up memories of the first military suicide I dealt with.  That one I definitely knew the guy a lot closer.  A part of it felt like a wound reopening. Two weeks ago, my dad got in a car accident.  He’s okay, the other person was okay, and their insurance is covering it.  I was home that weekend (and thank God it’s a small town) so I ran to the scene.  Getting their I was relieved to see my dad was okay, but the whole way their I had no idea what to expect.  While things turned out okay it just reminded me of the fact that I am 400 miles away from family, and I’m about to move to the other coast in the spring.  What would I do if something like this happened and things didn’t turn out okay?  What if I couldn’t come home? Last week my little sister had to go see a neurologist.  She’s had a number of concussions since she was in high school and got another one this past week.  She plays soccer in college in a competitive program, and she’s reaching that point where the “how many is too many?” question is floating around.  I know that’s a very hard thing for her to consider as a possibility.  She’s also Bio Chem though, so balancing that and soccer while suffering from a concussion is just... a lot. Pretty much, this is kind of what I’ve been dealing with.  I pulled back because I figured I had to try to work through things.  Talking with bae has helped a lot.  Not just because it’s her, but because she convinced my to finally go talk with my LPO and give them a heads up about the shit I’m dealing with.  I did that today, and just doing that I felt made a difference.  Knowing that someone in my chain is tracking what I’m trying to balance makes me feel like I’m not dealing with stuff alone. A lot of things are going well, and there are other things I didn’t talk about that are also stressing me out.  But I think I have a handle on it. In any case, just wanted to hang out the sheets. Still hard charging.  Still dropping that shoulder and pushing forward.