#lets forget abt the tragedy between them.......

[acerathia]

two birds || Act II

Summary:

Hanahaki: A disease stemming from bottling up romantic feelings, as these decide to grow inside the lungs and the blood system of the sick person, resulting in flowers. Thus the first symptoms are the coughing up of flower petals accompanied by pain and breathlessness, as the flower continues to grow as long as the affected does not confess their feelings. Alternatively, the growing flower can be removed via surgery, but it may affect the ill person’s ability to feel love in various forms. Or How do you react with falling in love with no real chance? Simple, a tragedy in five acts.

Wordcount: 2.8k

Read on AO3 || Masterlist

Pairing:

Obito Uchiha / Reader

Tags/CW:

features of a tragedy, hanahaki disease, childhood friends, some degree of isolation, No War AU,

Note:

Please note that I choose to not tag some stuff, as it contains heavy spoilers, proceed with caution and with the knowledge that everything is either connected to the tragedy aspect, or the hanahaki disease itself. !! I didn't forget abt this!! Here!!

Scene I. – YOU, KAKASHI HATAKE, RIN NOHARA and MINATO NAMIKAZE, and afterwards OBITO UCHIHA, sitting between the grass, enjoying the cool breeze of remembrance

The scene: The training field, the whispers of the trees around you, where everything truly started.

The grass blades tickle your wrists as you lean, rest yourself on them, face stretched towards the sun, eyes closed flashing orange. Someone shifts behind you, shoulders brushing, tipping your balance, barely. A pop cracks, the joints of Kakashi shifting after this wait, minutes laying down on you heavy as hours. 

“I can’t believe he’s actually late. Again,” a husky voice starts, Kakashi, his expectations bleeding through his complaint. 

And you can’t help but turn to look at him, his face pulling a straight line to Rin, trying to connect, convey something. Instead, you’re the one answering. “Hm, you know as well as we do that he just gets busy, you know? Teaching a team and all that.”

Don’t you know how exhausting being a team is. Well, Minato-sensei does, but whoever belonged to that team had lived with the quarrels and arguments of the two boys, men. As much as they had learned to trust each other all these years ago, they still keep a hand deep in each other's hair, ready to drag, to rip, to tear. So you have every right to protest and to protect. It’s not fair otherwise. 

His head had turned to look at you, his dark eyes bore into you, searching for something in the blemishes of your skin. Maybe he found something, as his jaw works and opens, but before the words could even coat his tongue, the grass crunches, alerting you of the newcomer. A pair of sandals start nudging your hips and you look up, meeting an embarrassed grin and a hand rubbing the back of a neck. 

“Hey, sorry for my tardiness, the kids wanted to try one last mission today, and I couldn’t refuse them,” Obito immediately apologizes, eyes wandering over the spread group before landing on you. But only for a brief moment, as it jumps back to Rin. 

You unlink from whatever argument is currently arising, taking a swing to lift yourself onto your feet, standing up, stretching until you hear a couple of tiny pops. Continuing with your movements, you work on the musculature, feeling the pull in your calves, hips, arms. 

After you feel ready, you simply grab Obito’s arm, disrupting the heated fight about their ideals and expectations, dragging him to the middle of the field. Depositing him in a spot before taking your place a couple of steps away. 

“C’mon, like we used to do!” you demand, sliding your foot behind you, lifting your hands in front of you. No weapons, no Jutsus. Just raw power, just the two of you. 

The pout caused by Kakashi melts off and a bright, excited grin takes its place, and he too takes his position, bending slightly forward. His arms flex with each movement of his wrists, his thighs tauten, the band of the little bag around it stretching. You let your eyes roam over his shoulders, waiting for any indicating flinch, proceeding to glide over his biceps, his neck, only to stop over his plush lips, still puckered into that grin of his. You feel yourself trip, freefall, your heart drops, and yet you remain in the same position. 

You take a breath, trying to calm your heart down, the beat rising to your head, thumping words into your ears, whispering something you cannot discern. The echo only intensifies as you glance over his nose, his eyelashes squinting over his dark eyes, as if space had taken residence inside them. And you can’t help yourself but drown in them, the stars inviting, coercing you. 

And the taste of iron coating your tongue rips you back, out of that thought. You have been biting the inside of your cheek, tearing the tissue apart, popping blood vessels. Only because you have been distracted for a moment. But you’re glad about it, as it brought you back to your senses. 

So you couldn’t miss the kick aimed against your head, blocking it, grabbing his ankle, and yanking him to the ground, trying to gain some time. But he catches himself with his hands, kicking his other foot, and barely missing your chin, as you let go of his other leg to take a step back. Taking advantage of his open position, you decide to throw some of your own kicks in, trying to make him lose balance. And he does, but he’s able to latch onto your lower leg, pulling you onto the ground with him. You immediately just grab his hair, attempting to put him into a triangle chokehold. To your misfortune, he has a talent for evasion, leading to him being able to grab both of your wrists, pinning you down, knees heavy on yours, pressing on a nerve. 

His face lingers above yours, grinning, gloating about his win. His breath fans over your face, herbs and spices, and your eyes jump from his pearly smile to his crescent eyes, to his arm stretched over you. And you finally understand what your heart has been telling, thumping you all along. 

I love him. I love him. I love him

The air escapes your lungs with this realization and you have to force yourself to calm down, to act like your breathlessness is due to that fight. Yeah, there’s no other reason for you to almost choke on the air around you, his presence suddenly too overwhelming, pressing over your insides, squirming. 

Acting like nothing is wrong you swing forward to act like you want to bite him, or to headbutt him. Thankfully he takes the hint and he releases you from his hold, flopping onto the grass beside you. You have been observing him, and you don’t miss the way his eyes immediately jump to Rin, and the echo in your head gets warbled, wrong. You knew of his crush on your friend, it’s obvious, and he’s been looking at her like that for years at this point. And you also knew, the conversations under the clouds, just the two of you, Rin had started to reciprocate those feelings. And who are you to interfere with this blooming relationship? With this you decided to keep the thumping of your heart a secret, may it travel along your veins and unfurl between your bones, until it withered with time. 

You stay laying on the ground, watching as Obito finally stands up to join Rin, both their smiles brilliant under the shining sun, complementing each other, eyes roaming and accepting. With a snort you avert your eyes, staring at the clouds passing by. Of course you won’t tell, won’t even think about whispering those words to him, your pride heavier than the echo between your ribs. Your friendship heavier, your dignity heavier. You don’t dare think about the repercussions of these simple words, what could shatter, what could break. You aren’t even sure how you would handle the rejection, the rejection which is certain as the grass beneath your fingertips. 

Something nudges your ribs and your gaze wanders to the source. Grey hair meets you, not the ones you want to see, but you grin nonetheless, heaving yourself into a seated position. 

“What? You wanna make fun of me for losing?” you ask with a small giggle, aware he wouldn’t outright do so. Rather he would simply tell you what you did wrong, maybe offer you to show you how to execute whatever move he explained to you. 

But he just sighs, shaking his head. “Let’s fight.” Was the only thing he says, cocking his head to tell you to stand up. And you do, you’re almost glad for the distraction, and you wonder if he has noticed something, but his gaze to the conversation at the edge of the field tells you something else. 

You bump slightly into him, bringing him back to the current situation, exchanging a quick look, to which he frowns. You don’t give him enough time to truly grasp the situation and get into position at the other end of the field. He eventually does too. 

This fight is more intense, as you could concentrate a bit tiny better, than you earlier had. Doesn’t mean you necessarily win, rather Kakashi actually used the same move you wanted to use, to end this fight, indirectly showing you how to actually carry it out without worrying about slippery enemies. You have to tap out of the chokehold because you knew if he had been serious, you would be passed out by now. 

He releases you and you just flop, going limp on top of him. A scoff escapes him, the equivalent of a giggle for him, before he shoves you off not ungently. Your face meets the sandy ground and you close your mouth to not inhale any grains, and you had no other choice but to actually move and roll around. In this movement you catch sight of the pair still deep in their conversation, his hand on her knee, her body leaned towards him. 

A sudden urge to cough overwhelms you, and you clear your throat. It seems like you still inhaled some sand. You raise to your feet to grab some water, helping with the tickle at the back of your throat. While you were almost drowning in your water, Kakashi had joined the other two, vying for her attention in his own way. And you can’t help but snort, surpressing a laugh. Then your eyes meet Minato-sensei’s, his eyes laughing and yet overwhelmed, almost like the very first day he met that particular group. And now you can’t help but giggle, the tickle in your lungs just bursting out, almost forgetting everything troubling you, almost feeling like a little kid again. 

So you quickly join the group, leaping at Obito’s back, trying to convince him to carry you to Ichirakus, and he’s attempting to throw you off, complaining about how you always make him carry you, and how you never carry him, how about that?

That’s how you end up jumping off, grabbing him and throwing him over your shoulder, despite his larger frame. You laugh and just begin walking with him like that, answering his complaints with the reasoning he gave you, you never carry him, and now it’s your turn. 

Scene II. – The foregoing, the smell of herbs an echo of the past, the taste of promise coating the tongues

The scene: Ichirakus, the imprints of your shared history, the place where everything happened

On the way to the ramen place, you were forced to put him down, as his movements made it near impossible to properly carry him al the way, so you had no other choice but to comply, at least for now. 

That’s how you still ended up at Ichirakus with no bruises or empty laughter. Because you’re quite sure he would have started tickling you if you refused to put him down, and that would’ve lead to you both tumbling down the road. But you showed restraint and so you both could sit at the booth with no aching bones. 

As usual the boys frame around Rin like a rim from the outside world, you and Minato on the outside, forming concentric rings around her. And you all order whatever you’re craving at the moment. Waiting for your food another argument breaks out, and you miss the reason, but you help Rin and Minato-sensei to calm them down nonetheless. And due some miracle, they actually stop, even if both turn their noses up. 

Once the food arrives everyone gets chatty again, surrounding the center like a magnet. But your gaze wanders back to Obito, his back turned on you, a smile as bright as stars, eyes only for her. And you grin cheekily, trying to come up with something to tease him with, hinting about their feelings in the most obvious, most embarrassing way possible, when you suddenly have a cough fit. Your lungs rustling with every inhale, with every rasp they tickle. 

With watering eyes you try to grab some water, but there’s no glass of water on the table yet, and you have to turn around to avoid disturbing the others. It seems like you’re actually getting sick, rather than having inhaled some sand. Some kind of luck you have. At least you manage to grab your water bottle, letting the warm rest rinse your throat. 

You turn back around to see that your food has been served. Digging into your ramen, you momentarily forgot about your cough, not giving it more meaning than it probably has. And you try your best to ignore how barely anyone had noticed your problem just a few moments ago; only Minato-sensei has send you a worried look, to which you slightly waved with your hand, mouthing the words ‘sick’. With that he reluctantly nods, steering his focus to his own food, as the two fighters are momentarily distracted. 

Usually you would initiate some kind of eating contest, but you feel tired and drained for some reason, so you stuffed yourself full, enjoying the spiciness of the food, the way it fills your craving insides, almost like calming something inside of you. 

Warm and comfortable, you pay for your meal and stand up, telling the others that you’re going to head home. And you repress a flinch, as Obito decides to join you, you don’t know why, he always joined you home. 

So you make your way home, the street lamps slowly flickering to life. And what else are you doing but pestering him? 

“Man, you’re really whipped for her, aren’tya? Getting really bad at this point, ugh,” you act as if you’re gagging, until he slightly shoves you aside, hand in neck, skin pink under the dim light. 

“Hm, do you think she would accept if I ask her out?” he asks instead of denying it, because for how long you two had known each other, he would wonder more about why you wouldn’t know about his feelings. You always have been good at reading him. 

You hum, acting as if you’re deep in thought, even though you knew her response very well. But you wouldn’t tell him, that’s a secret you got, and who are you to share it? “Well, who would want to go out with you,” you finally answer in jest, not able to stop your shit-eating grin from emerging at his pout, before avoiding another shove. 

And you try to avoid the thumping inside of your head. I would. I would. I would

“Hey, I’m being serious here!”

“Me too! You eat like a little kid! No one wants a person who eats with their cheeks.” You stick your tongue out and giggle at him feeling his face, looking for the nonexistent food there. 

Upon realizing you’re making fun of him again, he stops and groans in frustration, only for a grin to spread over his face as he suddenly pounces on you, hands on your ribs, luring screams and laughs out of you. And you immediately start running away, trying to get him to stop tickling you. 

“Fine! Fine! Stop! Please, I will tell you what you wanna hear!” you beg as he has you locked between his armsl, torturing you with his nimble fingers, as you try to kick and shove him away. 

Immediately releasing you, he asks: “Yeah? Tell me how awesome I am!” A cheeky grin sits on his face, illuminated by the moon. 

And you only sneer at his request, just staring at him with disgust until he relents. 

“Okay, okay. Just… Tell me if it would work out?”

You sigh, clearing your throat, your breath tighter than it’s supposed to be, than you’re used to after such a small exercise. And you curse this random sickness. 

“Well, I think it wouldn’t hurt to try, yeah?” you rasp, throat suddenly feeling clogged, but you manage to swallow just fine, getting your voice back. “Trust me, just do it.”

He brightens up at your response and it feels like you stepped into the sun, blinking and squinting. You gag and continue your walk home, which surprisingly doesn’t take much longer anymore. 

At the door he wraps his arms around you, a goodbye hug, like always, like your bodies are used to. But this time it doesn’t feel like every last time you hugged him. Your heart is working overtime, screaming at you, and you hope he can’t hear the choir of confessions. And he doesn’t, as he breaks the hug with a bright grin and a goodbye, before going his merry way. 

And you stand in front of the door, trying to dilute these words into your veins, trying to push them out with every breath of yours, every hurting breath, every tickling, wheezing cough.

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

see i take "doomed by the narrative" to mean a character who is doomed (either dead or stagnant with no hope of any trajectory) by the narrative (the nature of the work existing as a story puts unique pressure/limitations on the characters through the medium of choice, where the fact that its a story with a weaker fourth wall is a deliberate choice). Doomed by the narrative meaning the constraints of narrative/genre/medium actively prevent the character from getting out of a cul de sac, and the character pushing against this metatextual boundary is part of the conflict and futility of the exercize. but i see "doomed by the narrative" applied to characters who dont die, break free from their constraints, or go stagnant at all, let alone in metatextual fashions.

what i mean is like. truman and utena are doomed by the narrative in the sense that the narrative is an oppressive force that has put them in a lose-lose situation, no matter how much they object, and the only move left for them is to exit their respective stories. the only things left for them in the narrative are death, or playing by the rules and stagnating. so they bring the curtain down. this is also the intended functions of the truman show and of RGU, to deliberately invoke the fact that the world is a closed narrative and not let you-- the viewer-- forget it, in order to make a point, or a lot of points. The Truman Show and RGU categorically can't be interacted with an audience looking for an experience where they can be sufficiently immersed into a story that they don't need to think about it as something someone else made. (Tangentially, i feel like a lot of shallow criticisms of virtually anything could be remedied by reminding them that the works they complain about were created on purpose by real living people and did not spring fully flawed out of the void.) Thats not to say that kind of story or audience is wrong-- there are countless stories that work better without the looming reminder of fictionalization hanging over someone's head. But it's just-- ugh, you get me. onto another example.

Antigone is doomed by the narrative because the complicated poetry of her small world is of the understanding that this is a tragedy, and the hero of a tragedy must die, no matter how much they try to fight it. The laws of her world are defined entirely amd immutably by the genre it takes place in. The characters implicutly know this. The best thing she can do is die on her own terms. No matter how many times the play is put on, the end result is the same. The characters of the world of OFF are doomed by the narrative because OFF is painfully aware that it is a video game, and many of the characters know it, or at least they know there is a higher power watching it spool out. And if you are an adversary in an RPG standing between the protagonist and his progression, there is only one end for you, and its your HP reaching zero. Finishing OFF means finishing them off. The game has multiple endings but to even get to the end you gotta kill basically everyone. By then its too late. There is not a circumstance where these characters survive bc the rule of the medium does not permit it. This is the category of fridged women.

As for stagnation this is for characters that are by edict of the limits of the narrative are neither permitted to die nor improve their situation nor even leave. They have reached a point of no return. This may or may not be their fault. I think this is a pretty rare character type. Creon also from antigone goes here. Zacharie, also from OFF. Any protagonist of an abandoned webcomic lol. WD Gaster.

i just feel like if ur gonna talk abt a character who is doomed u better actually mean a character who, no matter how many times you reroll the dice, is going to be irreparably fucked. And if its at the hands of a narrative you better mean its at the hands of the narrative, and that its part of the point, an active pressure and limiter.

[salaapaoo]

PECULIAR QUESTION

Have you ever read any soulmate fics that have their deepest, darkest thoughts about themselves written on their soulmate's body? And when they finally begin to think differently the writing turns gold?

What do you think Cale's soulmate would have?(I know my boi is traumatized as f u c k-)

Maybe you could make it found family somehow where the thoughts are split up between people and they haven't figured out which set of writing belongs to Cale-

but I really want to know what everyone else would think- like, there would probably be some horrifying crap there.

(would a majority of the writing on Cale be golden already-? [Like obviously not ALL of it but still-])

Sorry, I rambled a bit there 😅

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SO HARD !!! I DIDN'T FORGET THIS!!

my brain is kinda fried after finishing my finals, but!! I feel like Cale's would end up being smth kinda vague like "it should have been me." Orrrr smth about not deserving everything ??

Like yes... It's p straight forward, but imagine how they'd feel after learning about his past?? IF he opens up??

But also... Imagine the soulmate thing kinda doubles as healing..? If that makes sense? Just think about it... If one person believes something about themselves, but their soulmate is the only person who is able to help them heal themselves??

Nono!!! Keep going !!! I honestly haven't thought too much about the word soulmate aus 🤔 I had a moment where I was obsessed w like found family, and each person unlocking a colour for him (each person bringing a new colour into his world) or red string of fate (I had smth abt ws X Cale but tragedy??)

So ... I am , THIBKING SO HARD!!!

just ?? Imagine the kids?? Them having something seemingly simple like "I'm too weak" or smth about being "unwanted freaks" and then comes Cale...

Who gives them as much love as they need, patiently listening to them and letting them be kids.. ugh!!! Just?? They feel so safe with him and he helps quiet these negative thoughts so easily?

To others it might be obvious, but to them these "small" problems are massive boulders in their way... And the way Cale reassures them... It's so natural. No hesitation. Ugh I love them .

Just imagine if they appear w a searing pain? Or maybe for Cale, it feels the same as papercuts... Imagine the guilt he feels when his thoughts show up on the people he cares about... And it's just a cycle of self loathing.. where he thinks they would have been better off without him and then it shows up-

Uughgh... Just picturing him hating himself for the pain he brought to the kids because of his thoughts ...

NGL I read this wrong the first time BC I am, usually sleep deprived but like I thought it was like a lie. Like imagine someone having "living is best" show up on them but it's because Cale repeated it so much it became like a curse? He lived by those words because if he didn't then he wouldn't be able to keep going maybe?

Idk if I'm making sense anymore fjdkkfdkg

"I should have died" seems .. very likely for my brain

But if it's smth where it turns gold when they stop believing it... Imagine them all telling him he was meant to live and he just smiles and nods .. and it stays??

-

As for recommendations 🤔🤔 there was this one fic that was ogchch, soul mark au, forced cohabitation and I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! I think I'm gonna go back and read it again

Come back anon 🥺🥺🥺 open Ur brain up n feed me Ur thoughts 🙏💖 I hope you enjoy this a bit 👉👈

[eurydicees]

More haikyuu!! pacific rim AU info please!!! (esp the Oikawa details you wanted to share!)

YESSSS thank you for asking !!!!!!!!!!! ok so here’s the deal, but under the cut bc this got. Long. 

oikawa joined the jaeger program because iwaizumi did and he wasn’t about to let iwaizumi do it alone. that’s the primary reason, even if he won’t admit it. he will tell people his reasoning is stuff like i want to do my part to protect tokyo etc etc. ur typical hero stuff, yk? which is all partially true! but also a lot of the influence in the decision really was “i can’t let iwaizumi die alone.” he loves his best friend very much and wasn’t about to let him go into this dangerous world without someone at his side. Anyways.

so the fic starts with them drifting for the first time! it is in this first drift attempt—which is ultimately successful—that oikawa realizes iwaizumi’s in love with him. 

which, really, is something he should have realized a LONG time ago. but he had very much been choosing to not think too hard about all the little signs iwaizumi had given, and so this kind of comes out of nowhere for him (and, honestly, for absolutely no one else). 

so the first bit of the fic is him kinda coming to terms with that and trying to navigate their relationship while DEEPLY in denial that he loves iwaizumi back. there’s some internalized homophobia stuff here but more than that, there’s the fear that he’ll have iwaizumi and then iwaizumi will get killed. and oikawa can’t deal with that—with maybe having him and then losing him. 

he can be brave about a lot of things: he can fight kaiju if iwaizumi is his other half, he can have verbal sparring matches with kuroo and come out unscathed, he can make fun of iwaizumi’s bedhead in the morning without being afraid of the resulting playful punch, he can face down death in this war against the kaiju. 

but he can’t be brave about this. the idea of losing iwaizumi is unthinkable, the idea of loving so deeply someone who is lost even more so. 

so he tells himself that they’re both happy with what they have. he tells himself that he’s satisfied with this friendship-bordering-on-more-but-they’ll-never-say-it-out-loud. he tells himself that iwaizumi’s satisfied with it too. and they just bear it, that tension between them, until it all snaps. 

oikawa’s arc though the story (which is getting much longer than intended lol) is about learning to accept being loved and learning to love! he’s getting there! it just takes…some tragedy, first. i love him so much. 

so the second bit of the fic is about him realizing that he does love iwaizumi and that’s the only thing he’s really sure of in life. it’s him realizing, oh. what’s the point in denying this when we could be happy for whatever amount of time we get? 

then the last bit of the fic is , like, actual movie plot LOL. other plot stuff is happening while oikawa is having his crisis i promise, but like. you asked abt my most specialest character and so i simply must provide and forget about everything else that matters. 

also u didn’t ask for this but i want to share so here’s a silly excerpt from the scene after the first time they drift: 

Iwaizumi grins at him, unhindered by any worry, so unlike his strained smile before they had started. He had been more nervous than Oikawa, but that nervousness seems to have fallen away and all the tension has released from his shoulders. He looks calmer. “We did it.”  “I don’t know what the big fuss was,” Oikawa laughs, nudging Iwaizumi’s shoulder with his own. “We had that completely under control.”  Iwaizumi laughs a little. They’re walking towards the Mission Control room to do a debrief of their first attempt. Beforehand, they had been told to do so in order to talk about what they need to do better. But this felt good.  Then Oikawa’s smile falters. “Iwa, what I saw, what I felt from you, about, um, about me—”  Iwaizumi swallows, shaking his head, and Oikawa cuts himself off. “I don’t want to talk about it.”  “Okay,” Oikawa says quietly. He thinks he could push the subject further, but he doesn’t want to ruin this any more. If Iwaizumi doesn’t—doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, then they won’t. Simple as that.  Not talking about them, though, doesn’t make them go away. It isn’t going to change the fact that Iwaizumi is in love with him, and Oikawa doesn’t love him back. 

if this so compels you, there’s more stuff in my pacrim au tag !!!

[minteayoongimakesmewoozi]

I never knew I needed an arranged marriage au until now 😩

i've been pretty busy with picking up some additional shifts the last couple days, so this has been sitting in my mind for a bit but yes 😔 arranged marriage au!

- llllllet's saaaayyyy that's ayame and tanjirou are betrothed months before the tragedy in okutama. ayame is newly thirteen, tanjirou is almost thirteen and they both agree that a marriage between them would be... well. not quite beneficial, but definitely something that would make their families happy, considering the recent tragedies that befell them (akihiko's death and tanjurou's waning health)

- their marriage is shelved for when they're older, although when exactly "older" is isn't exactly specified. maybe it's just for when they get to know each other more (or when they hopefully fall in love with each other)

- kie and tanjurou married for love, after all, so they at least want that for tanjirou. hanabi and junhiko know that a betrothal can have love blossom, so they want that for ayame

- both sets of parents are aware that their kids are awkward and probably wouldn't get married otherwise cksndkwmwow

- giyuu's confrontation with tanyame would go a little different. ayame would immediately step in to protect nezuko, since that's her future sister-in-law, oni or not

- would ayame still have a crush on giyuu? hard to say. i think she would, but there would be more guilt associated with it. people would definitely tease her about it a lot less, especially considering they know she's tanjirou's fiance

- this does mean that shinobu would tease ayame abt tanjirou a lot more, yes

- tengen would also be a little less critical about her during the hashira trial too. after all, it isn't just some boy, but her betrothed. that's a hard call to make either way

- he would be more critical of tanjirou during rld though. mostly about how he failed to protect ayame with the whole okami-san and danna-san punishing her (but at the same time he'd kinda???? respect him more too????? because he trusts his betrothed to manage herself through it all. listen, fits tengen has very complicated feelings all the time make him stop)

- now... *enitsu

- u know zenitsu would just be more livid from the onset. it's one thing for tanjirou to travel with two pretty girls, but it's another thing when he's betrothed to one of them and they still haven't gotten married yet what the fuck is wrong with you

- zenitsu would go feral biting any potential suitors of ayame much sooner tho

- genya... just watch out for zenitsu's teeth. ur teeth might grow back, but zenitsu's won't. pls remember that

- let's just... put aside the genyame in this au. cos it'll make me sad. they're est buddies though! (genya is frantically trying to forget he used to have a crush on ayame)

- ayame and tanjirou in this au would be a lot shyer about sharing a room though. which is. ridiculous. u guys are ENGAGED what do u mean u're embarrassed to be sharing a room!!!!!! that's literally ur future spouse

- u know what would be funny? if kyoujurou pretended he didn't know tanjirou was betrothed to ayame. ayame knows he knows, but tanjirou doesn't, and he's going to milk it for the entirety of mugen train

- :( his final conversation would include his wedding congratulations tho :( :( :(

- and his letter from chapter 96 too 😭 😭 😭

- but also tanjirou just casually introducing ayame as his betrothed 🥺 🥺 🥺 stop it tanjirou, ayame is blushing and it's ruining her image

- swordsmith village would be less sad though. cos they'd probably start properly dating - or, well, courting - after that kiss. but ayame doesn't go on that date with genya :(

- no shinazugawa "steal yo girl" genya in this au guys

- post-ssv zenitsu would be both livid and ecstatic. will keep pushing them to get married from the moment they return

- i think inosuke would still kiss ayame in kinstugi though. cos he's chaos in a boar mask

- that being said, would fracture even happen????? maybe they'd just yell at each other and separate to sulk until ayame gets hit with the kitsune oni anthrax attack

- then it's just tears on both ends

- "I'm Kamado Tanjirou, and this is my betrothed, Higuchi Ayame!"

"Tanjirou... you - you don't have to keep adding that we're betrothed..."

- this would also make the shinjurou hinting at ayame to marry senjurou thing be even funnier. like u know he's trolling, but zenitsu heard and gasped so loud that aoi thought he was having an asthma attack

- then he sends shinjurou scandalised looks the whole night

- listen. he did offer for senjurou to be her second husband (he's such a troll smh)

- don't ask me how chapter 97 will go. i'm not gonna think about it.

- the first time ayame introduces tanjirou as her betrothed - probably in asakusa - and his heart goes doki doki so hard that even nezuko is worried

[funsizedcrow]

Who is your favorite oc and what's their deal, and who are their friends?

ok first of all thank you for asking about my ocs I love to talk abt them even though I don't really do it a lot. they r so real to me...the plot and story is like mostly fully formed inside of my head (although only partially written down.) and i forget sometimes that they aren't real characters that everyone knows about...but now you can know about them! (sorry this is kind of rambly and not all that coherent. I have a lot of thoughts jumbling around in my brain)

(the rest is under a cut bc i wrote a lot)

so my main oc story (which is called teen spirit for now, but i might change it in the future) has a main cast of 5 people. Cat, (they/them) Caleb (he/him), Juno (she/they), Nathan (he/him), and Ellie (any/all). But out of all of them my favorite will always be Cat <3

Some fun facts abt Cat: they exclusively dress in warm winter clothes, no matter the weather. Puffy jackets, thick pants, boots with fur lining. They claim not to feel the heat. One time they end up in arizona and almost die of heatstroke. Cat pretends to be the braincell of their group but the truth is that they are just as impulsive as the rest of them, and its honestly a miracle they haven't been arrested yet. Anyways plotwise Cat has some sort of connection to the supernatural.

Ok first of all heres some basic lore. So there’s a mortal realm (regular old earth) and a spirit realm. Basically when someone dies they’re given five years as a ghost to tie off any loose ends. The only people that can see ghosts are people connected to said loose ends. Spirits are immortal beings that live in the spirit realm. Their job is to watch over the ghosts in the human realm, and run the real afterlife.

Anyways so Cat is connected to the supernatural. And later in the story this leads to them basically becoming a ghost magnet, which leads to fun things (losing the ability to distinguish whats reality and whats not) but anyways at the beginning it is easy things, such as finding a ghost in the basement of their school, where they broke into with their friends caleb and juno (i'll get to them. later.) and anyways the ghost they found was nathan, cast member number 4!

Cast member 5 is relevent now. Her name is ellie (any pronouns) (ellie is not his actual name, her real name is unpronouncable to humans.) So Ellie is a Spirit, but was punished by being sent to earth to live among humans as a mortal because she did the forbidden, brought a person back to life. (said person was juno's mother actually which leads to a lot of drama and tension between them.) So Ellie ends up crashing in Cat's backyard, creating a crater that is. difficult to explain to their parents. And ellie's appearance is not very long after they discover Nathan's ghost in the school basement. This is interesting because Nathan's death was not, in fact, due to natural or normal causes. It's because he, like Cat, was connected to the supernatural, and ended up seeing things that he was not supposed to be able to see. So the afterlife system decided the best thing to do was kill him! But he still has to get his five years on earth over with for his loose ends. (there was debate in the bereuacracy over whether they should bother with that or just send him straight to the afterlife, but they ultimately decided that the circumstances of his death were unusual enough that they should stick to standard procedures instead of changing more things.)

Anyways proximity to Cat allows Juno and Caleb to also be able to see nathan. And Caleb and Nathan specifically become very close. (its the tragedy u see. Nathan is dead. Nathan can't stay on earth forever, he's going to have to leave. He's not alive anymore but being with caleb makes him feel more alive than he ever was. They love each other but nathan continuously pushes back, doesn't let himself get too close because he knows it won't last.)

(i am talking a lot more than i intended to. oops) anyways the main plot is well it starts out with them trying to help Nathan tye up his loose ends so that he can just go to the afterlife sooner instaed of just hanging around for another couple years but then it shifts to realizing the fundamental issues within the afterlife system, which is exacerbated by Cat's interactions with the ghosts that they encounter (btw can u tell that the good place is one of my favorite shows.) They also just do fun high school shenanigans for the other half of the plot because my favorite genre is when something is a comedy with serious and tragic elements.

Characterwise the main dynamic between the original trio (cat, emily, and caleb.) Juno comes up with the dumb and reckless ideas. She is the one that encourages them to break into the school's basement in the first place, because she wants to see if the ghost rumors are true (they are). Cat is the one who makes the actual plans, who ensures that they don't get into any real trouble. Caleb is the anxiety, he's the one who actively discourages the plans, who voices the concerns. Except for when it comes to certain things, such as his not-so-secret obsession with the paranormal. When it comes to that he and juno are opposites, Juno is terrified of ghosts and hates the supernatural, caleb loves it, while with nearly everything else Juno is fearless and Caleb is terrified, and Cat provides the middle ground between them, as well as negotiating with the cops when they need to, which happens more than their parents would like.

I have more things I could say but this is getting out of hand so i will wrap this up but i love my ocs so much <3 I really should start talking abt them more lmao.

Anyways here is a collection of drawings of (mostly) cat from the past year:

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

dria i ran out of tags for this 💔💔💔 so im just gonna write out all my thoughts!! absolutely ADORED this piece <333

ok so honestly i feel a little bit ill. PDHDJDH IM JUST??? kinda awestruck LIKE… the way u wrote this……. rearranged my brain a lil.

i know ive said it before but ur writing rly is so so pretty. the way u describe emotions and movements and just… Everything rly had me so hooked!!!! and i adore the way u characterize sugu… he feels so real and kinda vulnerable? like he really is just that lonely boy deep down. who just wanted someone to reach out for him :(

AND READERRRR WOW. i was so enamored w them i love love LOVE when writers take the time to give their reader a distinct personality/vibe and u did that so effortlessly…. theyre so fun and interesting and such a cool contrast to sugu!!!!

"i broke the lock." you reply with a shrug - and the two of you mirror each other's grin.

THEYRE SO FUNNY SPDJDK… and the dynamic here!! between them!!!! im genuinely sooo in love w it dria. its unspoken and affectionate and comfortable and playful… u can really sense their history!! so vividly!!!!!

"wouldn't want anyone comin' to snatch you in the middle of the night..." 

”isn't that what you came to do?" 

^ LIKE???? THEYRE SOOOO……….

”he's never been the type to mistreat gifts. especially a gift from you.”

🥺🥺 and this…. it made me go so soft LOL the fact that he keeps the picture frame… sugu will always be a big ol softie to me. a sentimental sap. i rly do think he was lonely after he left!!! :<

but!! back to reader!!! them wanting to save sugu…. aaaa idk its just so… refreshing to have a reader that takes that assertive role!! didn't you want me to come take you away, suguru?……. T_T sob.

but honestly more than anything… the entire final convo????? i literally died dria its so GOOD. sorry in advance im abt to copy paste 50% of this drabble’s dialogue PDBDBD I WAS SO MESMERIZED BY IT OK…… 💔💔

"i have to get there first," he whispers, and the raw emotion in his voice almost makes you recoil in shock. 

”where’s there?” (…) "tell me, suguru. is there the place you die alone on this crusade? is there the place you gave up everything for?"

(is there the place you'll finally be happy? happier than you were with me?

what, was i not strong enough to take us there together?)

"it's catharsis," he rasps, dipping his head, tip of his nose grazing the curve of your jawline, and you watch as he screws his eyes shut, in a world of his own. "there is release from this — this hell of an existence — this sinkhole of a world."

JUST. (MUFFLED SCREAMING) DRIAAAA 💔💔💔 this genuinely killed me i fell to my KNEES. incredibly normal abt this. 

nono bc u have the biggest brain ever. like…. catharsis traditionally being the endpoint of a tragedy…. where the misguided hero gets what they deserve………. (explodes) can u tell im starting to lose it. im in love w everything abt this. geto is just soooooo protagonist of an ancient tragedy coded…… so doomed by the narrative…….

also the fact that he RASPS it??????? stop. dont make me think abt this man’s voice i cant take it 😭😭

and aaaaa ’this sinkhole of a world’…………….. i cant tell u how much i adore this choice of words

AND THEN READER AGAIN…. them being so headstrong and decisive and also a little misguided maybe? in a ”lets just watch everything burn and be happy” way…

"forget the world. (…) where being found is the only road to take — what do you see?” 

”you. and me. and there is no world — only us."

THIS DIALOGUE??? FLOORED me. shattered me. AND READER PULLING HIS HAIIIRRRRR????? oh i love them so much theyre so fun and interesting and subversive hhhh

"then the world just has to go then."

^ AND AND AND… THIS LINEEEEEEEEEEE DRIA……. wowowowow. wow. the visceral reaction this gave me. u dont understand.

i said it already but i rly do adore the reader/character dynamic here :’3 both of them choosing to reject the world… and reader pushing sugu to leave everything behind!! its SUCH an interesting concept to me. it also rly DOES read like a stsg fic LMAOO

AAA this got long but i just!! love this <3333 genuinely made me a bit insane (as u can probably tell PDJDJD)… tysm for writing it!!! <333

folie a deux — geto suguru.

"and here i was, thinking you didn't have a heart."

suguru freezes, the cigarette he was nursing just moments before you walked in has slipped between his fingers, dissipating into ash beneath his feet.

your gaze lingers on a downturned picture frame on his coffee table, the rubber stand at the back is just as stable as it was the day you bought the frame for him — maybe shame finally caught up to suguru.

"you're persistent." he murmurs beneath his breath. and his gaze follows yours, he has to hold back the urge to turn the photo frame upright, he's never been the type to mistreat gifts. especially a gift from you.

it's been a long time.

and yet, it's like nothing has changed. but everything has at the same time.

"i locked the door," suguru mumbles and despite himself he crosses the threshold to meet you halfway, no more than a few feet between you two. "i broke the lock." you reply with a shrug, and the two of your mirror each other's grin.

"you should really tell your landlord about that," you say, and the distance between you and suguru grows smaller and smaller. "wouldn't want anyone comin' to snatch you in the middle of the night..." your words trail off, and he towers over you.

he's taller than he was before. he looks like he hasn't slept — or maybe it's the cigarettes, you don't know. you wonder if he's changed much on the inside. does he still like sour candy? does he still keep that one stretched out hair tie in his pocket?

does he still...

"isn't that what you came to do?"

suguru's voice comes out in a whisper, and you can taste him. he's so close you can feel his cursed energy thrumming in your veins.

you half expected he'd chase you away. tell you that he left for a reason, that he didn't want to be found. and yet, when you look at him, you see that same scared teenage boy.

didn't you want me to come take you away, suguru?

he doesn't wait for you to say anything, he already knows.

"i told you i wasn't ready." he says, dark eyes boring into your soul, a shiver running up your spine. liar, you've always been good at pretending to be okay, suguru.

"you also said you didn't want to be alive anymore, that you couldn't live in this world," you're past reasoning, and you lift your head to meet his gaze with your own pointed stare. "that you couldn't live with me—" but in suguru's mind, your eyes give you away. you're pleading.

"in a world like this— i'm living for you."

"then die already!"

he pauses, mouth agape. and he looks at you, hands falling limp at his side. "i have to get there first," he whispers, and the raw emotion in his voice almost makes you recoil in shock.

consume. consume. consume. consume—

everybody's so wretched and twisted in this world. monkeys and sorcerers and sorcerers and monkeys. they're all the same.

you're the same.

"where's there?" you press, and just as you move to get a step closer, his larger palm clasps around your wrist, stopping you. "tell me, suguru. is there the place you die alone on this crusade? is there the place you gave up everything for?"

is there the place you'll finally be happy? happier than you were with me?

what, was i not strong enough to take us there together?

"it's catharsis," he rasps, dipping his head, tip of his nose grazing the curve of your jawline, and you watch as he screws his eyes shut, in a world of his own. "there is release from this — this hell of an existence — this sinkhole of a world."

but we lived in this world too, didn't we?

we lived in this world together, suguru.

you and i.

"forget the world," you say, and he clenches your wrist a little tighter. despite this your other hand finds the nape of his neck, dipping under the collar of his shirt. "forget jujutsu and everything we learned. forget everything you know. forget what we were made for."

"where being found is the only road to take — what do you see, suguru?"

"you."

you grab a fistful of his hair and tug, his head lolls back and he looks down at you with hooded eyes, and your gaze meets him in tow. "what do you see?"

"you," he repeats, and it's weaker this time, his voice is breaking. "and me. and there is no world — only us."

"only us?" you repeat, and he leans in, his tongue traces your bottom lip. "only us," he whispers, and your mouths meet in a kiss like none you've shared before.

"then the world just has to go then."

notes ; wrote this during my soci lecture, it reads like a satosugu fic im so ill rn

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 109

-The Tragedy of a an episodic format attempting to connect narrative in a series: (Tohru’s Background or Kyo’s Focus?)

One of my issues with se03, ep6 (other than it being 3 chapters combined horribly with new material added for shock value) is that it was weakly undecided who would be the focus? who would the narrative follow?: Is it tohru’s own pov abt herself? is it the gramps giving boring exposition abt tohru over weak still images of flashbacks or is kyo thinking abt tohru’s pain?

The truth is, it was all the above in the manga, but the manga gave each a chapter focus so that the chapter is well-directed with focused narrative. The anime weakly jumbled the 3 chapters together as they always do. You mix chapters & tada~ you got an ep, you only need a broad weak theme that connects the dots! here: it is tohru! & that’s it. As long as the 3 chapters discuss tohru in any form & manner, nothing will seem off if we put them next to each other in a 20 minute ep! right? riiiiiight ????

.. this was never a correct way. Just like a chapter needed a narrative direction, the ep is the same!!

ch 107: The beginning of tohru’s pov on her realization abt loving kyo.

ch108: tohru’s full pov of shock upon reaching the conclusion that she loves him & the beginning of her mom’s issues & abandonment.

ch109: Kyo’s pov abt tohru’s pain & his involvement, guil & the sheet hug.

ch110: (completely cut from the anime!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Kyoru’s part: the aftermath of kyo & tohru crossing the line of being in the most vulnerable & intimate, building towards a more crushing impact of the climax. The stronger & more painful their love is, the more it will hurt. Also a yuchi buildup?!!!!

-so, you see each chapter has a direction i& a narrative it follows independently that is weaved together to make a connected tissue of the overall plot. The anime puts the 3 chapters next to each other & we are lost on who to follow? kyo or tohru or the gramps. That’s why it feels tohru is weak & her two chapters worth of pov is stolen from her cuz it cut or shortened to include the grandpa, kyo, isuzu, shigure & let’s not forget (kazuma, yuki & haru) at the beginning, the dramatic shock value addition & OP & ED. All these take valuable screen time. The ep shocks us by moving from tohru to kyo. One minute she’s crying with him on the streets, next he’s at the grave & she’s visiting isuzu.

Kyo said he isn't going to the grave in the ep, upon seeing him actually going, I just assumed he wanted to avoid, hana, cuz I’m so invested in his story that I remember sth happened in se1, ep 14.. ages ago, The anime didn’t even allow kyo to inner talk abt avoiding hana... In their weird mind, kyo only inner talks in dramatic situations..See the difference!

Not only the writer (a) reminds us why kyo avoided the grave visit, she also (b) seized the opportunity to shine lifht onto an issue that will be the center of kyo’s struggles: Running away!

The anime introduce this in kyo’s pov only when kyo confronts tohru. Only when it was needed & couldnt be avoided. This is sth that will be the core of all the climax & the aftermath as well! Kyo running away.. How bad are you if you avoid inserting one line only that can be said in few seconds & establish great deal & foreshadow plenty!!!!!!!!!! I can’t for the life of my understand why short lines are cut from kyo when in the anime they have him be standing silent in the graveyard. Like slap the line above the silent scene!!!!! But doing so means the anime team understands tohru & kyo’s issues. They don’t. Not the slightest.

-Ep 6 signals the beginning of the anime moving from episodic format of se1, 2 & 5 eps of se3 & entering a connect plot. The anime doesn’t know how to do that & screwed tohru in the process. The protagonist’s main issues are one ep worth only. The antagonist main issues are one ep only (ep7).  Ep 6, was treated as a stand alone ep (minus the inserted shock scene to create a lingering issue that needs a following ep to explain. TOLD YOU they don’t know how to make a series!). Thus the following ep 7 is akito’s focus. Everything that was established in ep 6 was pit on hold until akito reaches the craziest mindset for the climax. See why ep 6 was so bad? it is Should NOT be a stand alone ep.

-The plot connects kyoru emotional & physically: (Kyo’s chapter with a tohru’s focus:

Unlike the anime, the chapter knows what it’s presenting 7 where it’s going. Kyo’s issues. This ch focuses on him uncovering parts of his past as it connects with tohru’s. Unlike the anime, we know why kyo's connection to kyoko’s past. The anime is hiding this for the climax, no problem, it can still work both ways. However, hiding kyoko /kyo connection doesn't necessarily mean hiding kyoko/tohru connection. But the anime is cutting this to milk it in an ova or series next year~ no problem,  it can still work if you handle this ep’s  flashback better. for all the artistic creativity they inserted in the added scene, they failed miserably in tohru’s flashback portion. how?

By choosing a frontal pov shot in tohru’s grandpa flashback as if the audience are the ones who abandoned tohru or opening the door to find her alone. it does NOT work at all. why? the audience are encouraged to be like tohru since ep 1 as tohru is the mother, angel, fixer & endearing hopeful girl. The audience will NEVER abandon tohru, that’s why tohru’s story felt disconnected & weak in the anime. Not knowing what kyoko did, who would abandon such child?! differently not us. so why use the frontal pov shot? -_-’

-tohru confesses her pain to kyo without being ushered by isuzu, without any outside factor. She simply visited the grave & came home. hiding her pain. once again. like she always do. One question by kyo, prompts her to “ complain a little” call back to se1, ep5 as he advised. we see tohru get out of her shell little by little. NOT SCREAM OR SLAP. She opened up. why? cuz the story is abt “ opening the lid” not abt “ snatching the lid”. No need for shocks. Yuki opened his lide slowly, tohru even slower, kyo is resisting opening his altho it is cracking in this chapter. When your story focuses on character buildup it pays!

-I’ll give the anime credit when it due. The hug scene is so good both in manga & anime. but so awesome in animation, colors, music & voice acting. It’s breathtaking & painful. The most beautiful kyoru scene in the whole anime.

-It represents their mutual vulnerability, understanding, pain & determination to love the other but not also let go. kyo has made his mind to be locked in order not to hurt tohru & tohru has made her mind that she can’t let go of her mom.

You see, the scene’s meaning hits different between manga & anime; In the anime: tohru has already challenged the sohmas & screamed to be with kyo, while kyo is still decided to leave her. In the manga: they’re both at the same spot (undecided). I like both interpretations but I’ll choose the manga’s version. Simply cuz it means tohru is still uncovering her issues which means more focus on her, & more explanation of why cant tohru love her mom & kyo at the same time.

-This expression on tohru’s face is a the complete opposite of the shock value expression in ep 6! T_T. I do’nt even hate the shocked scene addition itself that much, I just think (a) this is NOT its time! Tohru deserved better spotlight! (b) kyo didn’t friggen forget! ah! THIS I HATE! (c) the whole shocked scene was so wasted in ep 7. tohru return to her stupid dumb lalala~ land, cooking & forgetting kyo. what growth? what determination & screams to isuzu? what enduring kagura’s slaps? nope! just happy & cooking, lalala~ no one was freaking over her mom’s picture~ lalala~ & kyo just slept it over~ shhhh... its okay. he’ll forget again... see? totally wasted!

The anime knows nothing abt connected narrative! augh!

Side Notes:

We see kyo asking the gramps why he’s offering him info abt tohru which is so logical! XD. I love it.

I’ve read ch 110 & wanted to insert the kyoru scene in ch 110 here, & put yuchi alone in a different post, then I realized I’ll need to talk abt it again once I analyze yuki’s own expressions! XD. so, I’ll put all ch 110 together in one post. It kinda half written by now, so I’ll publish it very soon in two days time. I didn’t read ch 111 yet tho.

I hope ch 110 is the last I feel this much disappointments in furuba’s anime & by ch 11, it hopefully be be minor changes altho I doubt that cuz the manga needed to dwell into tohru’s mindset & the anime kinda stopped after ep 6. so, yup! more big changes coming!

The sheet hug is so brilliant in theory & application! so romantic & so endearing! love it so much! The anime did it so well, too!

I love kyo’s narration & pov cuz it’s so refreshing change from the anime where he rarely does!

I really wish they kept the kyoko abandoning tohru part in the anime... sigh~ it has nothing much to affect her story with katsuya. so it won’t ruin the spin off/ ova or whatever it’s called. 

I love the light focus on tohru in this chapter & how organic & natural it is opposed to how forced the plot seems in the anime....

[felikatze]

Just wanted to say thank you so much for all the brainworms you have been giving me and my friends for the past few hours about Ayin and all the analyses you've been doing about him.

I have been losing my mind in the middle of the night thinking about all the things you've said, turning it over like crazy and trying to compare it with the gameplay I've had of Lobotomy Corporation and Library of Ruina.

Please do more analysis and share more of your ideas! Please? Please, with cherry on top? Please, I beg of you?

Especially if you have in-depth ideas of analyses for the Sephirah and how it relates to both their own characters and Ayin and Angela.

I thank you greatly in advance!

the implication that i've infected an entire friend group with my brainworms is power that will 100% go to my head i feel amazing. what else is analysis posting except trying to inflict people with the same thoughts bouncing around your skull on repeat

i DO have shit on the sephirah but mostly netzach, because i love netzach, and i in fact found my discord ramble about him (and chesed)

i dont have things on how they relate to A and Angela specifically because I mainly kept thinking abt Reverbaration Ensemble parallels... i have so many thoughs abt Netzach and Bremen.

(but if you want me to talk about, say, a specific core supression, or floor realization... i have a lot of thoughts on floor realizations.)

First off I am so sorry that you seem to think I'm smart because that means i have the perfect opportunity to inflict you with this

okay now we can get to the serious stuff

[transcript:

containment breach:

quick ramble abt lor again but i love the ensemble receptions so much. i'm at chesed's rn, and i know he's been chill the entire game, but him just refusing to comment on jae-hoon's tragedy seems, out of context, a dick move, but also is so important for chesed to do? he recognizes that another's suffering is not related to him, that he can't do anything about it, and that this is fine. The closest i'd describe chesed in lobcorp would be "activist burnout." Due to betraying the lab from garion's pressure, chesed was so consumed by guilt, he just blamed himself for everything and became more callous because it's already his fault, right? There's nothing he can do. But in lor, he knows what his responsibilities are, and allows himself joy where he can find it. I love the ensemble receptions bcuz they are just examplary of each patron libriarian's growth and i iqbfjc (sobs)

GOD this sure is a paragraph

also have to salute netzach for carrying his scene all by himself as the musicians of bremen just (animal noises) :pray:

ykno being online i realize that i'm not quiet at all i am a complete and utter chatterbox /end]

[transcript:

containment breach:

thinking abt netzach's scene where he doesn't talk to bremen, because he can't, but recognizes this who has not only lost themself in their own art but also their own suffering

i just i love netzach so much his entire character arc is abt learning to live with depression and learning to want to live again

so he becomes unable to understand, really, why someone would sacrifice themselves for their own art

when he started out just, similar yet different from bremen, completely submerged in his own misery

musicians of bremen reminds me i still have bremen bon bons at home i should eat those. they r tasty /end]

i wanna specifically dig into this scene more because i love that scene, a lot.

Art as we get to know it in the City is irrevocably tied to violence. Puppets are made of human bodies, music is played on bones and sinews. To the artists of the City, to create art is to make someone suffer. Rewatching Netzach's story bits, Roland describes it as doing nothing but seeking stimulation and being provocative.

Furthermore, there is a direct comparison between art and alcohol. To paraphrase more, the Pianist must've been one hell of a stimulant, like getting hit by a strong booze. A performance some are still hungover from.

Netzach's main struggle was addiction because of depression, and his growing appreciation for art is a continuation of that arc. He says himself that art and alcohol are linked.

However, alcohol is a step down from hard drugs. Netzach hasn't quit, but just that step down shows he learned moderation, which makes me very proud of him.

Moderation is what the other.. let's just call them artists, lack. I said in the screencaps above, initially, Netzach was lost in his own suffering, and the musicians of bremen are lost in their art. And if art is seen as equal to suffering, that just means Netzach and Bremen are more similar than expected. (Especially considering what we see of the musicians previously; they’re always trying to chase the same high they experienced listening to the Pianist by any means necessary. The addiction parallels are not suprising.)

I rewatched most of Netzach's lor scenes, and what rlly gets me is that in his first one, he seems almost the exact same as in lobcorp. He doesn't want to work, he got dragged into this against his will, he feels as if his accomplishments are futile.

But! He eventually invites Roland for drinks. He's not drinking to forget alone anymore, he's doing it as social activity. Furthermore, the more time he spends as Patron Librarian of Arts, the more he grows to appreciate art. Art is tied to suffering, still, but it is an expression of suffering. It does not produce any. Or should not, in any case. He sure wishes it wouldn’t.

So we arrive at his Ensemble Reception. This one makes a rather interesting comparison: art as the pursuit of the light. Let me elaborate.

To quote, “Honestly, I wanna tell people to stop doing the kind of art that requires ‘em to immolate themselves and others. Although, on the other hand... I can kinda see where they’re coming from. Art narrows your vision, after all.

You stop caring about the things around you. That’s how most artists seem to act, I think. And so, you indulge in the craft, not realizing that you’re throwing yourself and your surroundings into the fire you started.”

I pose this: Netzach speaks of his experience as Giovanni. Giovanni was a researcher who, when push came to shove, willingly sacrificed himself to advance the project, in hopes of seeing the light, seeing Carmen, again.

Though he dislikes Bremen’s actions, he does not judge them for it, because he recognized that it would be hypocritical. Even so, what shows that he’s grown is that he.. doesn’t want to see people harm themselves anymore. The focus here isn’t if Bremen hurt other people, which they have, but how much of themselves they’ve given up for their performance. He condemns the act, and not the people.

“If I can see that light once more... If I have to muster up the courage to reach it, I’ll gladly do it. It’s easier said than done, though; you need a lot of fearlessness for it.

And I guess you saw the same kind of light I was so desperate to see, yeah? Even if yours was a twisted creature... [...] Though, I don’t think I can tell you off like the others. At least I can see the reason behind it.”

He even explicitly mentions the light. The funny thing is, both Giovanni and Bremen tried to reach the Seed of Light, and Carmen. It’s tragically hilarious that we know Carmen is the voice the Distortions hear.

Hell, the more I think about it, the more you can just compare the Ensemble as a whole to the Outskirts Lab crew, down to Angelica’s puppet body and Carmen’s desecrated corpse.

“And I know pretty well that we have no right to devilishly pick apart each other’s way of art. I’m not very proud of mine, really...”

Netzach just.. gets it. I can’t remember atm, but I don’t think the other Patron Librarians really draw parallels like that. I’m seeing all the parallels now and I can’t unsee them ever. Bro.

His “art,” his way of protecting the light, is still violent. But he sees that perhaps it didn’t have to be, or rather shouldn’t be. I fucking love Netzach so much. His arc just means a lot to me personally, and I’d wager a lot of people who’ve struggled with mental illness would agree.

I’m not gonna get into Netzach’s floor realization here because this post is already long enough, but like, look at the specific flashback of Angela shown in Netzach’s story bits and contrast it to his arc of learning to want to live, and. Yeah.

[yomiurinikei]

*affectionately pesters u for kanata hcs bc dra fandom constantly forgets she and kakeru exist*

miss inowi...

~*~

•really likes more soft types of styles, things heavily themed after nature and the like, but feels like it's too stereotypical for her

•doesn't stop her from wearing her green dresses and her butterfly clips but does stop her from rlly wearing it out much

•guys she's genuinely so fucking smart. she could tear tsurugi a new one in debate but she's too nice.

•oh she and kakeru have little friendly debates though. kakerus sure to stay calm and relaxed and not super saiyan, helping kanata feel more comfortable!

•really likes to play board games but lost her classmates don't want to play them and she feels awkward asking

•decently strong. nothing crazy, but you will never catch her asking someone to open smthn for her

•absolute favorite thing to do is just. get comfy on a couch with a fuzzy blanket. it very specifically has to be fuzzy, it can't be smooth or anything.

•she'll sit and do anything, read, study, watch a show, eat, and the experience gets 100% better on a couch with a blanket

•oh a lot of her medical knowledge is limited to physical health so she constantly has to be lovingly bonked and reminded to indulge sometimes for her mental health

•really likes fruit flavored ice creams/gelato. likes the cold of it, and the flavor

•!! and kanata loves her name, and is glad (while she loves her dad) that she has it to connect her to her bio parents

•has a really extensive pinterest. everything is super organized, and she's really good at saving a lot of stuff, but not so much she can't find what she's looking for

•a pretty decent seamstress! though there's definitely a difference between stitching clothes, and stitching wounds.

•values comfort over style but luckily for her, she thinks a lot of comfy things are cute/look good on her. (she's absolutely right)

•goes through flashes of being really warm, then really cold if she changes anything about her surroundings.

•if she takes off her jacket, she's in pain because of how cold she is. if she puts it on, she's abt to pass out from overheating

•really enjoys lighting candles/burning incense for the smell. she just likes the vibe of it, and prefers them over automatic air fresheners

•again. she's bad about her inability to indulge, but she rlly likes gummy candies when she lets herself.

•her bed is genuinely the most comfortable thing in the world? she knows how important rest is so she's like... invested in making sure she can sleep well.

•it's probably like... a canopy bed because it makes her feel more safe, with a mountain of pillows so she can rotate different shapes/materials as she needs to

•leaving the school during the tragedy was really hard for her. she felt so bad leaving behind people who were hurt/in danger

•she can't rlly have many heavy scents going on while working, so she generally smells like a light vanilla, something of that sort

•speaking of, her hair could be really nice, but it's got some split ends/is a bit damaged because she's usually really tired when she finally has the chance to shower

•hikaru makes sure she's not given long shifts, difficult tasks, and that she's given apt breaks though!

[sunflowerhae]

Omfg the story of us is one of my fav Taylor songs so can you write that with mark 🥺🥺 thank youuuuuu

|📣 ▹▹ brooo it’s one of my favorite too 😩😩 I hope u enjoy! 💕🌙 ok tbh I don’t really like the ending so sorry abt that😔😔

Send in your music requests! ✨👼🏻

“I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us How we met and the sparks flew instantly And people would say, "they're the lucky ones’”

“Jesus you two are so lucky” Yeji couldn’t keep her comments in as you turned away from Marks retreating frame and to the green-eyed girl sitting in front of you at the library desk you two were currently occupying. Late night study sessions for the upcoming college exams called for loyal boyfriends to bring coffee from the campus starbucks for you and your best friend, effortlessly gaining brownie points with you.

“What do you mean we’re lucky?” You snickered as you handed her coffee to her and immediately sucked in your own cold, bitter sweet; feeling the coffee practically revive your body.

Yeji sighed with an elongated eye roll to express her clear annoyance at your confusion. “Y/n, everyone knows you and Mark are the cutest couple on campus. I mean you two met at what, a frat party?-“

“-yeah” you mumbled.

“-Yeah, and you two immediately clicked. I mean your two year anniversary is coming up, right? I won’t be surprised if you two are telling your children how you met in 10 years.” She laughed at the end of her sentence as you gasped and balled up an empty piece of paper in front of you; throwing it at her giggling and arm-protected frame as you whisper yelled,

“Yeji - shut up!” The light pink hue undoubtedly covered your face and ears at her claims as you both went back to the notes in front of you. Yeji - quickly forgetting the conversation - started complaining about the riparian plants of the San Joaquin (“-like we’re not even at the San Joaquin-“) but your mind was too preoccupied with the previous conversation, and a smile slowly etched it’s way onto your face as her words settled deep into your heart -

Unfortunately setting you up for heartbreak.

“Oh, a simple complication Miscommunications lead to fall out So many things that I wish you knew So many walls up I can't break through”

“Well you were supposed to come over and help me pack!” You couldn’t help your voice from failing you and slightly raising in accusation and anger, and you cringed at the annoyance of your tone. You could hear Mark sigh on the other side of the receiver - even over the sounds that occupied his side of the call.

“Y/n, I know, I’m sorry. I thought you meant later. I didn’t know you needed the help right now.” You wanted to ask him to come over now; to drop whatever commitment he was already at and come be with you like he said he would, but the idea of stressing him more than the situation already is, you’re sure, left a twisted feeling in your stomach, and a metallic taste in your mouth. And, with yet another sigh - maybe the 40th one through out this entire, 6 minute call - you told him that it wasn’t a big deal and he could make it up to you later. You both mumbled your I love you’s before he hung up first - leaving you in complete silence.

Your heart burned at the thought of yet another conversation passed where you refused to let out the feelings that were too overgrown for the space of your chest. There was so much you wanted to say to Mark; so much that you wished he knew. Usually, you wouldn’t hesitate to tell him how you feel - but lately the conversations seemed strained and overworked, and you had reserved yourself to the insecure thoughts that maybe Mark didn’t want to hear how you felt, and maybe it was best for your relationship if you kept them in.

You spaced out your gaze as you looked around your almost empty dorm room. It was the end of your junior year of college, and you and Mark were supposed to be packing up your room. Mark, however, forgot about it and chose to instead spend his time hanging out with his frat brothers (like he always did).

No. You slapped the side of your head and shook it back and forth while trying to get rid of the jealous thoughts. It’s okay. It’s not that deep. You’re fine.

To distract yourself, you shot Yeji a text to come help you with your room. At this, your thoughts wandered back to that late night in the school library, and your frown deepened.

You’re fine. We’re fine.

“Now I'm standing alone In a crowded room And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know Is it killing you like it's killing me yeah I don't know what to say since the twist of fate When it all broke down and the story of us Looks a lot like a tragedy now”

The music blasting through the speakers of the party was giving you nothing short of a migraine, and the unknown, red alcohol in your cup was doing nothing to soothe it. In your defense, it’s not like you wanted to be here. You would have preferred to be back in your new apartment, unpacking your boxes with a romcom playing, a candle burning, and your new cat, Ivy, cuddled up on the couch. Yet, when Yeji all but bullied you through text to come to the first party of your last year of college, you didn’t have much of a choice other than to attend. You hoped that maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as your mind was playing it up to be, this thought being reinforced by your best friend. The minute you walked through the doors of the quite familiar frat house, however, you instantly regretted ever showing your face in these hallowed halls.

You knew almost everyone in this room, yet also felt like you knew no one. Lately, that was a pretty normal feeling for you. You had spent the majority of your college experience being friends with the people that partied all around you; getting to know them at events not so different than this one. Yet, you - ever the shy one - wouldn’t have even known them, if it weren’t for a certain person that occupied the majority of your thoughts. The very same person standing across the room from you, playing beer pong with his fellow frat members.

This summer had not been kind to you.

Your uncertainties about your relationship with Mark bled into the summer heat, and were reinforced by the distance you two shared. Calls became far too in between, and texts were sporadic and short; usually just quick check-ins and awkward hellos and goodbyes.

Those were all okay for you. Well, they weren’t okay, but they were better than nothing; better than not having him.

The climax of the summer, however, came mid July, when you called and he did not answer. This wasn’t a new thing, so you left it. Yet when you called him a second, third, and fourth time (in the span of 24 hours) and he never answered, never texted you, never even acknowledged you, you knew something was wrong. You didn’t want to be the annoying one in the relationship (always so insecure), so you left it once more.

For a week.

A week had gone by without so much as a two letter word between each other. Deep in your heart, you knew the relationship was over at that point. But how could one admit that they had lost the love of their life so easily? So finally, after three weeks of no contact, you texted him a four letter message that hopefully explained everything you felt.

So this is it?

Mark responded.

I think so.

That summer was recorded as one of the hottest since 1946, but you never noticed. Your tears kept you cold.

“See me nervously pulling at my clothes And trying to look busy And you're doing your best to avoid me I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us How I was losing my mind when I saw you here But you held your pride like you should have held me”

If you could cross the room and pull Mark into your hold and hug and kiss him like you two never even broke up, you would do it at as fast as the speed of sound. But Mark didn’t want you anymore, he made that clear. He was laughing at something Haechan said, and he looked beautiful; you felt idiotic for staring. You prayed he - or anyone else, for that matter - didn’t notice you there, but after shooting a text to Yeji that you were leaving, and looking back up at him for the last time, you were surprised to see that he was already looking at you. His eyes were rounded larger than usual, and even from your corner across the room, you could see the shock in them at your presence.

Time stopped as you two stared at each other, before you finally let out a small cough and looked down at your shirt to “fix” it, while Mark quickly looked anywhere but you. Satisfied with whatever you were trying to do with your clothes, you looked at Mark’s awkward figure one last time through your eyelashes, before turning and walking out of the party. When Mark looked back to where he last saw you, you weren’t there anymore, and his heart became hyperaware of the ever present twinge of pain that seemed to constantly be there, whether he numbed it out or not.

To be clear, Mark isn’t too sure why he broke up with you. While he still was deeply in love with you, you and him didn’t seem to be on the same page anymore, and that was enough reason for him to leave you. He wished he could hold you, hug you, love you like he used to. But every time you came to his head, the cringe at the way you two ended things quickly followed, and he’s too embarrassed to even think about talking to you again.

With a sigh, Mark turned back to his friends, and spent the rest of the night trying to drink away the memory of your face across the room.

“The battle's in your hands now But I would lay my armor down If you'd say you'd rather love than fight”

The insistent knocking on your apartments door at 3am scared more than annoyed you, and you couldn’t help yourself from grabbing the bat next to your bed before slowly making your way towards the door. You had 911 on speed dial in one hand and your bat in the other. It was moments like this that made you especially miss Mark, because lord knows you couldn’t fight back if someone tried to break in (not like you wouldn’t try).

Trying to distract yourself from the fear, you thought back to the party a month earlier, and your terrified thoughts had you thinking ‘if this is how I die, I’m going to regret never talking to Mark again’ as you arrived at your door.

You slowly lifted yourself to your peep hole, and let out a gasp at who you saw on the other side. You quickly placed your bat on the ground and your phone on the counter by your door, and opened the door wide.

“Mar-“ you didn’t get far before Mark took one huge step towards you, cupped your cheeks with his hands, and smashed his lips onto yours. You both stumbled into your home before mark pushed the door closed and spun you both, slightly pushing you against the door. After about 45 seconds of intense making out, Mark broke away and placed his forehead on your own.

“Hi,” you giggled out, to which Mark laughed himself.

“Hi.”

[inthestars011]

the moon signs when they’re being a bitch or a dick

Love and appreciation for all moon signs but we all slip into moments when we are not our best selves, and certain moon signs that are not nice people have a certain vibe abt them that makes them alike. This is a toxic type thing and I’m not saying u have to be like this if this is ur moon signs. some moon signs are predisposed to certain types of bitchiness than others so let’s look at that shall we

To be clear this is toxic versions of moon signs when I say bitchy and being a dick. If you have a good heart and don’t relate and have this moon sign don’t take it to heart I’m not talking about every single person.

Aries- needs to talk and needs attention for hours but never really gives a shit when u got something to say. So fucking impulsive doesn’t care if they hurt people In the process. Type to make fun of u for something u like if they don’t like it because whatever they like is automatically correct right? Yeah fuck that and u

Taurus moon- hahahaha type to make u feel stupid because it’s funny to them. Their opinion is always right, so not open minded to new views it hurts. Never lets go of shit brings shit up u did in arguments that has nothing to do with the issue at hand and they just wanna fucking guilt trip u for it to get their way. Little brats. Will not forgive or forget as if ur fucking god get a grip shit happens we make mistakes we’re human.

Gemini moon- type to gas light u and make u think u didn’t say something just because they knew they seemed bad or wrong and want to win. So fucking bitchy but in a crazy way. They will victimize themselves to win. The manipulation is so fucked. Pent up daddy issues probably they need to take care of before trying to form connections and be a loving person

Cancer moon- so family driven they’d probably fucking kill someone if they looked at their mom or dad or brother in the “wrong way” and that’s insane. Literally wants to take care of people but also complains because they want to be the baby but also doesn’t wanna be babied. Holy shit decide ur role I can’t handle ur moods. Having a sad day? They’ll be sure that you know it even if it’s not ur fault whatsoever. resentful fucks.

Leo moon- their way is the fucking high way isn’t it? They are always correct. Shut up about your own feelings and maybe validate mine for once. They want to be princessed and hate when people disagree with them well deal with it it’s called the real world. either doesn’t say shit and fucking gets mad behind ur back or fucking explodes on u like learn how to deal with ur feelings properly.

Libra- Vicious and they cover that with pretty niceness. Which makes them more mean. They are fucking vengeful. And they will make sure to ruin your entire day with there moodiness and rants about what’s right and why they’re always mad at you. No ones ever enough for them are they?also never defends anyone.

Virgo- so fucking critical like they just laugh at u when they are so imperfect themselves it’s insane. never stops talking about negative shit and brings ur energy levels so down and meanwhile u can never be open about ur own shit, nope u gotta just be their person to lean on always. Fucking exhausting emotionally. They are anxious? They are going to be super bitchy to you maybe even cuss you out because something is bugging them and they are nervous about it. How fun.

Saggitarius- ur a snake. U fucking lie about shit and ur such a bad liar too. That, or ur brutally honest and not in a cool funny way. and thanks for reminding me I look like shit today and giving me anxiety rlly needed that. You the type to put people against each other. I don’t fuck w that.

Scorpio moon- so intense and depressing but you don’t seem like you care about anyone but yourself and ur own moods. No ones here for your bittersweet tragedy replay every god damn day. You can actually be fucking emotionally volatile vengeful and overall nasty and you are silent about that side of u at first because u don’t want ppl to know. That’s truly scary stuff.

Capricorn- cold hearted as fuck. Thanks for literally bringing up common sense into every conversation and never acknowledging my feelings. You constantly know how to make me people question if u care about them. You don’t appreciate love and you laugh at people that are different than u just like Aries moon. So stuck in ur ways it’s annoying. “ur doing it wrong”, ok pls fucking do it then.

Aquarius moon- just seems like you don’t care at all honestly. Like what is the diff between friends and strangers? Is there no meaning to ur connections. That’s how u make ppl feel, just like random people along the way. Ur centre stage tho aren’t u? Who gives a fuck about anyone unless they’re helping u get something? also u rlly care abt ur rep to the point where u don’t care you’ll do anything so sad.

Pisces moon- passive aggressive as fuck pls communicate and don’t be a baby. You act like a literal child and you need to grow up. Promises don’t mean anything to you it’s your own morals overal other peoples feelings. I’ll leave that at that. I don’t fucking trust u, u the type to always go behind my back.

[lavellane]

OTP TWENTY QUESTIONS - TRISS MADDOX / AVA DU MORTAIN

i was tagged by @goblin-deity​​ and @pillarsofeternity​​ thank u both !!! tagging @trvelyans​ @arlathen​ @solasan​ @lvllns​ @abelas​ @noonvvraith​ @lavelans​ @rosebarsoap​ and anybody else who wants to!

who can out drink the other?

who CAN but chooses not to? ava. who WILL but absolutely SHOULDN’T? triss 100%. neither one of them are big drinkers but put triss in a social setting and watch her instantly lose any and all ability to self discipline lmao

who says “i love you” more?

hmm okay so they both have their own individual and specific Issues around relationships, so neither of them rly say it all that much except during intense/intimate moments when it rly matters. but i think after a while (as in like a year or so into the rel when ava is used to it and comfortable) i think ava might say it slightly more than triss does, just in priavte together whilst Doting on her u know.....

who has trouble sleeping alone?

triss ! i mean even before they got together her nightmares were real bad :( but being w ava thru the night helps, to the point where theyre basically a non issue for her anymore. plus she’s a very cuddly person in private just in general and likes BEING cuddled fdjdjfkjf so not having bae w her during the long, cold nights is..... a tragedy luv 

who swears more?

oh triss djdjkffdkjfdk tho shes doesnt swear THAT much and never around ppl she doesnt know. usually just when shes distracted or with fwends having a goof...

who does more of the housework?

probably ava.................. triss is lowkey a messy bitch lol. not DIRTY or anything like her house isnt gross or whatever but she definitely just leaves shit lying around and never tidies lmao. when ava comes around she always ends up cleaning jsut bc shes Like that. as for things like dishes/vaccuuming/etc, mostly triss does that stuff bc its her apartment lmao,, tho ava will always end up helping her anyway bc, again, shes just like that

who forgets their anniversary?

triss :’’’’(((( shes RLY independent and before ava she took a very modern approach to dating so she rly doesnt.... consider those things too much. i like to think ava WOULD remember bc her memory is like. impeccable lol and she’d want to know these things bc shes somewhat old fashioned - but i also dont think she’d care enough to be upset by it. like she IS old fashioned in some ways but like ava of all ppl would probably agree that its not a big deal. regardless triss always wants to do smth together when she does remember lmao

who steals the duvet in their sleep?

TRISS AND SHES SO BAD ABT IT AS WELL. shes the MOST restless sleeper u will ever meet, absolutely throws herself all over ava during the night and if ava was as fuck-off-strong as she is, i have no doubt triss would succeed in pushing her out of their bed on multiple occasions

who keeps the other awake at night with their snoring?

neither, fortunately ! tho on the odd occasion when ava sleeps, she is sometimes woken up by triss sleeptalking during nightmares

who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?

honestly neither again, mostly bc triss is so busy and her apartment is too small for anything other than her bird. triss is definitely the type to pick out the ugliest/most feral stray animal she can find and gush abt how cute it is tho!

who usually makes dinner?

triss! she likes cooking even tho she’s not very good at it. she sometimes asks ava to help her in making recipes that ava likes or is more comfortable eating, bc of the whole sensory thing

who plays their music out loud?

triss again ! i have a hc that there is ALWAYS music playing at triss’s apartment, she always has her radio or her speakers playing smth bc she is uncomfy with silence, and also just bc she likes to dance around the house kfdjkdkf

who hogs the bathroom?

okay.........i HONESTLY think ava. idk why but i feel like ava takes rly good care of herself. whereas triss is a rat who will brush her hair and teeth and maybe put a moisurizer on if shes feeling it that day lol. ava at the VERY least spends a lot of time on her hair imo, washing it as well as making it look so damn Iconic

who gives the most compliments?

triss ! shes a very sweet bby and u cant rly get thru a convo with her without being complimented at least once lol

who usually starts/causes arguments between them?

definitely ava, tho i would argue - at least in the context of their relationship - that its actually a good thing, or at least a healthy thing. triss HATES conflict that involves voicing her own issues w something, and much prefers to just bury it down or pretend it doesnt exist. which isnt healthy at all ! so a lot of their arguments usually have to do with ava trying to get triss to have meaningful dialogue with her and not hold back so much.

who isn’t afraid to embarrass the other in public?

triss.................i feel so damn sorry for ava actually lmao

who gives the other cringe worthy pet names?

hmmmm, ava gives them unironically (like. triss’s cousin once overheard ava call triss “my love” or “my heart” once and NEVER lets triss forget it) but triss absolutely goes out of her way to come up w some truly creative ones. 

who fusses over the other when they get sick?

ava !!!!! i feel like after 900 years she would be Extra worried abt that kind of stuff, and severely catastrophises abt how absurdly fragile/vulnerable she thinks humans are. like triss will get a cold and ava will still partially act like its 1183 or whatever and her gf is literally at deaths door lmao.

who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long

hm both ! ava tends to get frustrated a lot at everybody in general, but triss has an annoying way of cutting thru all of that lol. whereas on the other hand, like i said, triss just doesnt get angry, and even if she does she tends to just move past it as quickly as she can because she doesnt want to argue

who clings to the other for comfort when they’re sad or scared?

i think both, but in slightly different ways ! triss always wants comfort from ava, whether shes happy or sad or whatever lol, but i do rly love the idea of ava relying on triss a little more for emotional support once they have been in a relationship for a while, and once and ava feels safe w that kind of thing............like just letting her be vulnerable with someone whom she trusts, just for a little while.... 

who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…)

again i would say both in different ways ! it rly depends on what the q means by passionate. like triss is very handsy and quite physical w her affection, and ava is more into the subtler stuff. but in saying that, when ava does get physical its WAY more intense and ‘passionate’ in that sense!

[emikvs]

﹤𝙽𝙰𝙽𝙰 𝙺𝙾𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚂𝚄, 𝚂𝙷𝙴 / 𝙷𝙴𝚁, 𝙲𝙸𝚂 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴﹥; * - hello EMIKO " EMI " SATO. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you're TWENTY ONE, how you're a CLASSICS major,  and in fact.. how you LIE AND TELL EVERYONE YOU STUDIED ABROAD FOR A YEAR WHEN YOU WERE ACTUALLY IN REHAB. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn't it ? so let's play a game. 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴 ?

*itzy vc* hey hey hey ! SDBJWBDJW what’s up......its xan aha ... this is gonna be the biggest mess ever ...just winging it as i go. and u know what ? thats on on brand babey ! lets get it ...TW: drug use/mention, accidents/hospitalization ( just in case)

backstory

virginia born and raised babey ! she’s the youngest of five siblings and ...it shows. SJDBJWBDJW growing up would have been pretty chaotic had it not been for the fact that her dad was a pretty well-respected police officer in their town ! him & her mom were high school sweethearts which made no damn sense to emiko considering they’re still happily married...the concept just seems fake to her </3

while her parents had a lot of  mushy love for each other, when it came to their kids they opted to take a more emotionally distanced kind of parenting style bc they didnt wanna like spoil their kids or anything but.....it wasnt exactly the best plan ! emi and all her siblings just learned to be very good liars JDSBWBDJW as kids with strict parents do

being the youngest emi took a while to get into her rebellious phase. for a while she’d just watch her older siblings sneak out and party and do walks of shame and all that jazz...and while she was always down to help them get out of trouble none of them ever really trusted her ? since she was the baby they figured she’d be the most likely to snitch which just made her really ///: bc she wanted to be included so bad

flash forward to senior year of high school and finally emi’s like . okay fuck this it’s MY turn ! her dad had recently decided to get into politics with some encouragement from the police chief so he was busy with his career and her mom was busy helping him. it was the perfect time to do what she wanted since it was less likely she’d get caught

so she goes to this graduation party.....and it’s BAD like she gets fucked up & carried away so she calls her oldest sister ( who had come back into town for emi’s graduation ) to come pick her up & on the way to get emi from this house party, her sister ends up getting into an accident 

she didn’t die though JSBJDSBBWJDBWJDBJWDW just broke some stuff and ended up needing surgery ): and emi obviously got busted that night by her parents which ... wasnt pretty at all especially bc they low key blamed her for her sister’s accident which just made emi feel like pure shit babey ! 

visiting her sister in the hospital is what kinda sparked her fear of hospitals ! bc emi was like super guilty and paranoid that maybe her sister was gonna die or her surgery would go wrong and she’d essentially be at fault...it was just a lot of anxiety that turned into a genuine phobia of hospitals after that

but her sister made it she was okay and her dad used all the buzz and tragedy around his family to kinda boost his political career....which was ugly. her sister had been prescribed some pretty heavy pain killers for the pain & thats where things got.....messy

emi isnt sure when exactly it started but between the guilt she was harboring over her sister’s accident, the stress from her parents as her dad got further and further into virginia politics as well as college anxiety since she was about to start at the universoty of virginia.....she stole some oxy and thats what started what would be a very messy and tumultuous addiction  

as soon as she started college, emi felt as if some of the weight had been lifted. she was living away from her family for the first time and dorming so she promised herself she’d take these four years to grow and figure out who she is......except that didnt exactly happen. instead of exploring herself in a healthy way, emi was using drugs as a sort of escapism from her “old” self. she’s extremely smart and she loves her major, but her professors would often comment her papers had the energy of a “rambling and troubled mind”. by the time she was about to finish her sophomore year she was getting so high people would find her literally passed out in the dining hall. but no one was that worried bc for a good two years, she was a pretty high functioning addict. 

cue the summer after sophomore year when emi overdoses at a party. she woke up in a private hospital room with only her father sitting on the couch, the look on his face something she’ll never forget. while him and her mother knew exactly what happened to emi, they hadn’t told any of her siblings. or anyone at all, for that matter. instead her dad had informed the university emi would be taking a year off to privately study abroad and told emi that’s what she was going to tell people bc he’d just decided to run for mayor ! he essentially guilt-tripped her into thinking telling people the truth would be a selfish act, and one that would basically ruin the family reputation and make everyone really miserable JSDWDBWBDJW he also tells her she’s gonna be shipped off to rehab ! 

so she goes to rehab for a good seven months. everyone at school thinks she’s studying abroad in italy, and emi is literally just counting the days til she can go back home to her dorm bc she’s lonely !!! in rehab !!! and she gets that she should take it seriously but shes just so mad at her dad and herself and the world too ig ... just some good old fashioned angst ! but she finishes rehab and her dad got elected as mayor of her hometown in virginia and shes like good for u can i go back to school please JSBDWJDBJW and he says yes

so she’s back ! ready for the universe to give her a break.....ahaha.....

personality + tidbits

so emi......my baby......she’s a strange one. she’s that bitch that’s super nerdy but in the weirdest way like the stuff she’s into is so specific and just....generally stuff literally no one else would care about but to emi it’s like holy shit this is the coolest thing in the world JSBDJWBDJWBJD she knows a little about a lot so she has the tendency to come across as pretentious if you don’t know her outside of class when in reality she’s just read one too many random facts. also weird in the sense that she’s a STRONG believer in the paranormal and in aliens and in witchcraft and stuff like that as well as believing in things that seem “logical”. it can be confusing to people who view that stuff as silly that someone so smart would be into it. 

speaking of smart.....she’s a polygot which basically means she can speak a bunch of languages ! she’s self-taught, and since she’s a classics major some of her favorites to study include greek and latin ( dead language who ? ). she’s pretty chill about it though and if you wanted to learn she’d be the type that’s 100% down to teach you. she always learns the curse words first just you know....for the fun of it ! she probably has very specific “pet names” for everyone in the friend group in random languages 

anyway she’s also stupid. ASDJWBDWBJDBWJDWJD i mean like in the way that she makes the most .... impulsive decisions that usually have negative consequences. she’s the type to convince herself she knows exactly what she’s then come up with the worst plan you have ever heard in your life. an example of a dumb decision emi has made ? your girl ate a pot brownie the day after she got back in her dorm after rehab bc she convinced herself it was a good way to de-stress. some other dumb decisions include various drunk tattoos ( which thankfully haven’t been too bad save for the words eat me tattooed in small font on her ass ). also owns a stick & poke gun so she’s for sure tried to tattoo friends while intoxicated despite.....not being a tattoo artist ... she’s not even an art student .... SJBDJWBDJW....but she’s very very good at convincing people to join in on her dumb antics so be weary

big on photography !!! she loves taking pictures. always that one friend who reminds you to document the moment and you get annoyed but then when you want to post a picture on insta you’re thankful she was there <3 she has the energy of like .... the dad friend when you need support JSDBWBDJWBDJW she tries to be caring but it just turns into like ... emi high off her ass putting her hand on your shoulder and being like “you know fuck it man you’re amazing” not that good at the emotional stuff like she really wants to be but she legit doesn’t know how.......kinda accidentally turned into an emo kid bc she channels her feelings though some kick ass playlists and the notes app in her iphone instead of talking to people JSBDJWBJDBWJDBJ 

she’s high key struggling but she’s the type to be like no its fine this is fine life is a ride babey better hold on ! tries to keep things flirty and fresh 99% of the time but then you’ll witness the rare emi breakdown which.....involves a whole lot of tweets that will all be deleted within 24 hours and emi will in fact deny they ever existed

really a laid-back girl but the chaotic energy is there folks......she can also very easily get into her youngest child complex if she’s upset which just involves emi being a pain in the ass and everyone having to deal with it JSBDWBDJWBDJWBDJW  she likes to make it hard to say no to her.....not exactly manipulative but sometimes she can get close /: not listed in her fears but she is in fact scared of genuine love and affection ! it’s like she craves it so much she’s terrified abt what will happen if she ever gets it.......so she makes sure she’s never in danger of that by never getting into anything serious.....but then at night shes like damn . kinda want a freak to hold my hand rn and tell me they love me ... JSDBWBDJWBDJWBJDWJDW it’s all fun and games.............

ok thats it im done rambling.................this is so long..............and for what !!!!! i made her more of a clown than i intended but thats okay (: JSDBJWBDWJDBWJ emi might hate clowns but im embracing them ! 

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTERS 10 + 11

we had a week of peace and now we’re gonna get annihilated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no clue how long this liveblog may end up but hell and high water i’m combining them both

she tore the jade pendant from her neck and flung it into the darkness.

let’s give a warm welcome, to sadness,

i’m very excited for all-new cinder content hhhhhhh if u havent gathered by now I Love This Bitch and I Love Her Many Problems so im thankful for this gift 😞

Cinder was a ruin, her pride carved and served like slabs of meat.

i can FEEL diesel n kc rly patting themselves on the back for every bit of wet meat they can toss at me!!!!!!!!!! U HEAR THAT I CAN FEEL U!!!!!!!!!!! but also i still love this shit w/ all my heart!!!!!!!!!! IM NEVER GONNA STOP SAYIN IT

She had never looked at Glynda’s files.

im so sorry cinder baby but that whole thing? is still HILARIOUS oh my GOD i cannot believe you fucked up that badly. u shoved yr entire head into a beartrap. u absolutely crapped yr pants on that one. yr gonna be thinking abt that on yr deathbed,

/looks at the chapter title again

hhhhhhhh im. so pumped. its gonna be hard to talk abt most of this w/o doing a million fingerguns a minute but i’m gonna try my best

Cinder approached the mirror and touched its silvered face with black-tipped claws,

I SAID IM GONNA TRY MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was iron barbs beneath the nail bed, glowing coals underfoot, the singular capacity to do harm. She was a beast, armed with fang and claw and a deep, dark void where her compassion should have laid, and she was dressed for dinner.

HHHHHH god YES THIS IS THE CINDER IM THIRSTY FOR............ i literally cannot say anything that isnt a massive 👈😎👈 but AAAAAAA

like im reading thru this and i cant cherry-pick lines this whole bit? is SO GOOD...  kc n diesel are Yet Again obliterating me w/ their mastery of the narrative style of offal hunt and i just love all of this i rly wish i could explain how offal hunt is EXACTLY MY BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F U C K

The final touch on her mastercraft disaster: the four sawed-off horn stumps which grew among her silver-streaked hair.

HOOOO B O I i am. Losin it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER HORNS.......... CINDR...............

Wretchedly, she wondered: did Glynda even respect her now?

any other villain: my plan didnt work and im mad >:( cinder fall: my plan didnt work and now im mad but also mostly sad :(

CINDER’S TRYING HER BEST GOD.......... i literally hate how the remaster has made her So Soft, Actually... I BELIEVE IN U CINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YR BEST

Every part of her was hot and hollow. She was sick with loathing.

i LOVE HER.... CINDER I HOPE U KNO THAT YR LOVED... god tho i dont like how SAD I AM RN... cinder’s so small and the world is so big and wants 2 Shit On Her blease

honestly like. im rly- LOOK I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT. this is why im rly lovin the new cinder content because in the first version we only got glimpses of her internal machinations and now we’re in full-blown Always Sad territory and everything is suffering :)

She blinked. Her double did not.

‘well’, thought murphy. ‘that’s terrifying.’

she’d only survived thanks to a keen instinct for danger, cultivated during her tenuous teenage years.

i NEED. I NEED. CINDER BACKSTORY. all these lil nuggets dont constitute a meal! I WANT A BIG MAC AND FRIES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS BABY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also again. the body horror of offal hunt? peak content. Im Lovin It

its getting harder to divine what is and what is not a 👈😎👈 because we got bits sprinkled around and theres only rly a spoiler potential if u glue em all together so im still being extra careful and the answer is blared in everyones faces so this whole kondor scene will go uncommented unless some Bullshit Happens which it will, so,

When she had become so invested in Glynda’s approval? When had a desire to be recognized as something inhuman, something ferocious, something black and terrible and capable of keeping up with Glynda Fucking Goodwitch turned into this?

oh! oh! i have the answer! i do! i know the answer! it’s you a lesbian,

The spectres of her youth haunted this city, owl-eyed children and fox-eared teens. They’d been a second sort of family, the only kind she’d had within these walls, and she’d wondered what had become of them in the past decades, but…

It was too sentimental, and she wasn’t meant to be a creature of sentiment.

oh boy okay wow

okay so actually this bit made me cry??? fuck OFF im losing it!!!!!!!! LET HER BE SENTIMENTAL!!!! LET HER HAVE PPL TO CARE ABT!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY CRYING IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

She would go barefoot from this point on, her heels clutched at her side. When she left the hotel room to steal into the night, she promised herself not to look back.

im sorry im just. so sad rn. i havent cried over a fic in YEARS and we still have another chapter ago i hate this SO MUCH..............

here comes chapter 11 

if i cry even once more im going to stab!!!!!! im not sure what BUT ILL STAB!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even without his wings, the Manticore would easily have been twice the size of any of the other Grimm, far outstripping them in sheer bulk.

HATI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATI HATI HATI

holy shit we actually get to see him this time!!!!!!!!!!! WE GET TO SEE THIS LEGENDARY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CHONCC,

also hes a manticore now which is, Radical, may i just say, and just a little bit sexy,

The effortless grace in each move betrayed power most Grimm would not live to achieve. Once he stood, he had to dip his head low to meet her eye to eye. His canines were the length of her forearm.

if u werent here for the remaster? we never even SAW hati but now hes here, hes Big, and rly thats all that matters,

Like a child who’d been allowed to lie and lie until at last they’d strangled themself in the web they’d spun, Cinder couldn’t speak. Could only wait on his verdict.

every single one of cinder’s inherent themes is killing me and this business w/ family? stop. im dying. this is rude

The scant space between them popped and cracked like an sparking flame, warm and effervescent, and this time, Cinder lingered, hugging Hati close.

IF I CRY ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U ASSHOLES MAKE ME CRY ONCE MORE I WILL DOXX YOU,

aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im loving this content i rly dont have words for it dhjfgsdfgjh i just, rly like the words, and the order theyre in, and i honestly keep forgetting to liveblog it cause i just wanna READ EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tempting as it was—as it always had been, ever since she’d left the relative safety of the wastes and learned what happened to scraggly-limbed teens with horns and fangs and gleaming eyes—

with every chapter i desperately have 2 kno more abt baby cinder i HAVE to know i am so. UNBEARABLY CURIOUS... baby cinder what happened... what happened 2 u....

A lantern’s glow warmed her, bleeding into the darkness leeching at them both. It was a gentle gold across her skin, and like an answering signal from a distant outpost, Cinder saw a flush of light through the dark fur lining Hati’s throat, as though flames licked at his insides.

i forgot. that cinder glows like that when she feels Loved or full of pride and you know what i dont like these chapters. they were made to hurt me and i Dont Like That (im mclovin it)

From the safety of Hati’s neck, she found it easier—after all this time, he was still her bastion.

WHEN YOU REALISE? THAT YR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?? STOP,

For a regular person, the machine would be able to draw out short bursts of power, the likes of which no Semblance could ever channel. The taxation would eventually destroy the soul so deeply, so thoroughly, as to leave it empty for good.

For a Witch? For—

the fact. she cut herself off before she could think ‘for glynda’. has me on the FLOOR. this bit is just So Much i dont like it

Glynda Goodwitch would not abandon this hunt. Cinder knew it, had read it from her palms like an open book—Glynda Goodwitch did not know how to stop. If it had been anyone else on Remnant, they might never return, might never pull themselves back into action after today—but Glynda did not have a shred of self-preservation.

me, knocking against cinder’s head: u kno for someone w/ so many schemes in yr brain yr pretty dumb and gay, huh,

firstly let’s talk abt cinder’s “””””””””””””””””””self-preservation””””””””””””””””””” instin-- whats that? not found? yes

[Glynda’s] eyes were empty, hungry, insatiable.

i feel like ive read this line before! lets jump back a chapter--

In [Cinder’s] eyes, there was a subtle, endless hunger.

WAKE UP CINDER SHE’S YR SOULMATE!!!!!!!!!!! THE COFFEE’S READY U CAN SMELL THE BACON FROM HERE WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With a fluid leap, they were in the air, the ground quickly shrinking beneath them. Pressing her face against his neck to shield herself from the wind, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come, trusting Hati to deliver her safely.

that said i ADORE my boy hati is literally the best part of offal hunt kc and diesel do not interact,

He was frozen in horrific anticipation, like watching an imminent tragedy and being absolutely helpless to stop it. Like all the tension was mixed with grief and hopeless, futile fear.

when will offal hunt be nice to me. when will any of these characters get to be happy. hello. im full of sadness.

The sound was like a saw working back and forth, but resonating inside her head, rattling every tooth in her jaw, deafening to her ears.

im literally gritting my teeth at this i can hear it in my own head and its Very Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay god i can barely handle to quote anything more this bit is hurting ME so lets swiftly move on before I Die

Cinder closed her weary eyes, sinking into sleep like a shallow grave.

BE NICE TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE NICE TO HER JUST THIS ONCE, PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU,

They only knew death, only ever sought death; fangs and claws slicked with blood, magic rending meat and marrow apart, and everywhere that choking, scalding heat, spilled blood like magma, like the core of a planet.

hmm... that seems like a 👈😎👈 ~reference~

They were all alert, ears pricked, hackles raised like Hati’s. They all fixed on the same spot, somewhere beyond the darkness of the cave opening, and though she could barely think, she knew:

She was out of time. The Witch was here.

oh no.

okay so THATS CHAPTERS 10 AND 11! i only cried ONCE and u kno what thats. a Victory. these two chapters were VERY GOOD i rly loved em and i can tell new readers r gonna have a blast w/ this shit!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile i, a veteran reader, am full of peril,

terrible.

[honeylikewords]

tell me abt the Good Boy Benny Lambo! let all the emotions out frond

oh boy oh boy thank you my lad

okAY SO DO YOU SEE THIS BOY

THIS BOY?

THIS IS A GOOD BOY

AND I’M GONNA TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM

So, because I’m about 100% sure no one who follows me has seen this movie (or, at the very least, only a handful of very dedicated fans have seen it, because this movie basically disappeared off the face of the earth, doesn’t have a Wikipedia entry, and its page on iMDB is about four sentences long and tells the reader NOTHING about ANYTHING), I’m going to give a synopsis of the movie and about my baby, Benny.

(If you wanna watch the movie, you can rent it here or on iTunes!)

This is going to get long, so I’m putting it under a read more for those of you who don’t want to suffer the excess on your dashboards.

The movie is based on a play called ‘The Mayor’s Limo’ (which was written by the guy who wrote the play/movie ‘Tony ‘n Tina’s Wedding’, which, oddly enough, ALSO starred Jon!). The premise is that Benny is a homeless man in New York, going under the name Banzai (which is terrible and I refuse to refer to him as such). He’s self-destructive, lonely and frustrated, determined to keep everyone and everything at a distance as he tries to get by on the streets.

His ‘friends’ in the homeless camp have learned that the nearby homeless shelter is being destroyed in a move from the mayor to buy out a church and its surrounding property for several million dollars, and the homeless are staging a rag-tag protest to try and keep the shelter open. Benny refuses to participate and instead walks around the streets, frustrated when he realizes that no establishments will let him in to use the bathroom.

He is kicked out of stores and buildings and eventually comes to the police precinct across from the homeless protest and asks an officer if he can use the bathroom. When he is rudely refused, Benny hears his friends calling to him, asking him to be part of the demonstration, as they’ve realized that the limo parked in front of the shelter belongs to none other than the mayor who is trying to buy out the church and shelter. Frustrated, angry, and in desperate need of relief, Benny decides to “protest” by hopping the divider between the protest and the limo, and, uh... he pees all over the limo. 

This is seen by numerous cops, journalists, priests and nuns of the church, and even the mayor himself. Obviously, they have Benny arrested and taken to the precinct, even though all of Benny’s homeless friends are both delighted that he took a stand and furious that he is being arrested. 

The rest of the movie plays out inside the precinct, where Benny is held in a cell (or ‘cage’ as he refers to it) inside the precinct and the three night shift detectives try to suss out anything about him. They have direct orders from the mayor to try and paint Benny as a dangerous man so that he won’t be held as a hero or martyr in the papers, so they’re trying to find any information they can to show that Benny is a bad, bad man.

Benny, however, is clearly struggling with severe mental illness. He lashes out at the detectives, has rapid mood swings, and is clearly terrified of being held in the cage. He oscilates wildly between emotional extremes and seems to have endured a great tragedy; when asked where his parents live, he grimly says “if there’s a heaven, they’re in it.” 

To cut to the chase, Benny’s parents and brother were murdered in an arsonist fire. Two men set fire to Benny’s house with all of them still inside, and only Benny survived. The trauma of the event has left him severely damaged, with a fear of fire, a determination to never live in a house again, and completely destructive internal guilt. He believes the house fire is his fault, as the two men who set the fire were trying to get back at him.

So, in a bout of rage, Benny went to find the men in their apartment and beat them within an inch of their lives before contemplating whether or not to set their place on fire, too. He ultimately decided not to, terrified of this part of him that had come out through the loss of his family, the grief becoming too much for him to handle anymore.

After that, he disappeared onto the streets, refusing to answer to his original name and desperately trying to forget who he was before.

The movie runs its course with the detectives finding out who he is but sympathizing with him, hoping that if he just keeps his mouth shut and nods along, they’ll be able to release him with just the minor infraction of public indecency. Unfortunately, the chief of police has it in for Benny and so does the mayor, and both conspire to expose Benny; they find his real name and the story of how he sought revenge on the men who killed his family, and they have the angle they need to portray Benny as a menace to society instead of an example of how the system has failed.

By the end of the film, they have illegally brought in photographers and journalists to the station, despite Benny begging not to be photographed, seen, or interviewed. The flashing from the camera bulbs sets Benny into a panic attack and PTSD-like flashback to the event of the fire, and he has to be taken from the precinct kicking and screaming, then placed in an ambulance. The film ends with the resignation that Benny has finally succumbed to his illness and has become what he previously stated he feared being: “a talker”, or one of the mentally ill people who stand on street corners, talking to the air as if someone is there, completely lost to their own mind.

The entire movie is actually really good, despite being pretty low budget. I honestly did only watch it for Jon and I have to say, it’s not pretty solidly in my top five Jon movies because he’s SUCH a good actor. He displays an incredible range in the movie and can really convincingly shift between emotions SO fast and give them all real depth and dimension. He plays “crazy” and yet there’s so much salience and awareness there, and Jon really knows how to display trauma in a realistic way. It’s incredible and Benny is now really high on my list of best Jon characters.

He’s very playful, almost childish, and while rude and coarse, it’s clear that this behavior isn’t who he is. He used to be a three-time state champion quarterback and was determined to go to college. He loved his parents, and especially his mother, who he regarded as a beautiful spirit and a kindhearted woman. He’s clearly very intelligent and quick-witted, and all of his dialogue can prove it. He used to get good grades and won a scholarship to a good school, but lost it due to an accident that left him unable to play football for a while. He was a really, really great guy who lost everything.

His family was taken from him in a tragic way and the men who did the act were never convicted, so of course Benny felt compelled to do what he did. It’s certainly not a good thing, but it made sense, and I can hardly blame him... Benny’s like a combination of Frank Castle and David and Shane (and maybe a sprinkling of BJ?), all pulling different aspects of them out and showcasing what a dimensional, complicated man Benny is.

Basically, I love him very much and want to give him a bath and a good square meal and a safe place to live and a million forehead kisses because he’s a big sweetheart who needs something to tether him to reality. Like, you can SEE how much he wants to be part of the normal world, but the only thing holding him back is his confused and self-damaging ouroboros of guilt and self-punishment. He’s convinced that he deserves nothing good, nothing happy, nothing safe. He’s determined to harm himself, but if he could just be given a chance to be happy...

Anyway, I basically just want to write about him being happy and being loved, despite his insistence that he does not deserve love, and about his journey back to being a part of something bigger than himself, because he deserves to be cared about and seen and helped and loved, just like everyone on earth. Just because he’s lost and hurt and scared doesn’t mean he’s beyond saving and not worth helping. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy and to do good for both themselves and those around them, and ESPECIALLY him when he did NOTHING wrong, in the grand scheme of things.

please someone just let me write about him being HAPPY

anyway i’m crying so please enjoy more gifs of this fluffy puppy

a puppy in need of comfort :’(

a happy laughy puppy!

a smirky puppy >;3c

anyway i love him

(source for gifs)