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familiarscars · 1 month ago

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Lost In Control | Bad Omens | CHAPTER 13

adult content | minors do NOT interact.

⋆ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Bad Omens X ex-girlfriend and singer!Reader.

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. You and Noah had a difficult ending, but you still need to support each other for the band.

⋆ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒). melancholy, ex-boyfriends, difficult relationships, alcohol abuse, swearing, drug addiction, violence.

It's okay to not agree with the characters' attitudes during the fic. It's good to remember that the story is fiction from the author's sick mind, and of course they will make dubious decisions according to my fantasies. Nothing is done to be compared to reality.

Michigan, October 31, 2019

“Hey, we’ve landed.” He said softly, leaning close to your face while nudging your side. “You can open your eyes now.”

You cracked one eye open to check if you were still alive and in one piece after that flying machine had shaken so much on the way from Los Angeles to here. You felt his body shift with a faint laugh. Once you were reassured of your mere safety, you opened the other eye. Finally, the plane had touched down, and you could let go of Noah’s arms, which you’d been clutching onto like a monkey on a branch.

Bad Omens had released their second album just a few months ago. Finding God Before God Finds Me was the perfect blend of everything they’d worked on while locked in the studio for nearly two years, experimenting with new paths until they achieved the final result. The band had crafted a set of tracks that combined melodic elements with heavy riffs. They managed to balance the sound, carving out their unique identity, and leaving behind the comparisons to other bands from their debut album.

Since its release, the critics’ reviews couldn��t have been more positive.

The band’s rapid growth since their debut, along with the approval of both old and new fans, secured them a spot at another festival. A gathering of bands celebrating Halloween and the famous Devil’s Night—a local tradition, as you’d researched online.

“That was awful. I never want to fly again in my life!” You grumbled, adjusting in your seat and crossing your arms. “I can’t believe anyone still has the energy after surviving that turbulence that almost killed us!”

“GOOD MORNING!” Folio shouted, standing on the seat behind you, his high-pitched yell shaking your eardrums. “BAD OMENS IS GONNA DESTROY DEVIL’S NIGHT, BABY!”

You and Noah exchanged a glance and simultaneously rolled your eyes.

“Of course, he’s happy. He snored through the whole damn flight!” Your tone threatened to turn sharp as you were still annoyed, but it softened as you threw the neck pillow you were using at your friend, a smile tugging at your lips. “Pipe down, will you?”

Folio tossed the pillow back, hitting you in the neck with the fluffy object. Your mouth opened as if that action were a direct invitation to war. Once again, you hurled it at his face. While all the normal adults were lined up to exit the plane, you two were playing as if you were at home.

In one of your attacks, the pillow hit Noah’s face. The way he grabbed it, slammed it onto the other seat to end the game, and turned his attention back to his phone was enough to tell you something was wrong. Folio pursed his lips and abandoned the battlefield, retreating to his seat like a well-behaved child after a scolding.

He’d decided it was better to bother someone else.

Maybe Matt.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, nibbling on your lower lip as you tucked your leg under yourself and leaned back into the seat.

“Look at this…” His voice was filled with indignation, and his eyebrows drew together. Noah shoved his phone into your hand, and you took it slowly, seeing a single post on the screen. It was the lineup announcement for the Halloween festival, and initially, you couldn’t spot anything wrong.

“Sorry, but what’s the issue?”

“Gerard said we’d be the headliners of the night, but Landon’s band’s name is bigger than ours.” His eyes narrowed, his expression tense. Noah’s lips thinned, and his perfectly sculpted nose flared slightly.

“And this is a problem for us?” You squinted, puzzled. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the time zone change, but you genuinely couldn’t grasp where he was going with this.

Noah had always been the first to say you were too critical of Gerard, seeing problems where none existed.

“It’s a problem for me when they use my band’s name to sell tickets but place us on the same level as an inferior band on the poster. In what world does Landon’s band, which has only one viral song, deserve to have their name above mine?” His tone hardened. “In the initial announcements, the festival didn’t even mention their name in the banners, and now, after tickets sold out quickly, a new band magically appears on the lineup?”

“I think you’re putting too much energy into an issue that’s not that deep.”

Noah laughed bitterly, slapping his thigh in disbelief and shaking his head. It wasn’t news that out of all the members, he’d developed a bit of an ego issue over the years. Sure, Bad Omens had more hit songs, more listeners, and were better known than Landon’s band. But from an outside perspective, his tirade honestly sounded identical to a case of inflated pride.

“Hey!” Tapping his arm lightly with your fingertips, you managed to grab his attention again. It broke your heart to see him upset, but the little pout he made, puffing out his cheeks, was unbearably cute.

Slowly, you leaned over him, resting your chin on your hands on his broad shoulder covered by his hoodie. Like a needy puppy, he tilted his head and accepted the string of kisses you planted along the warm, soft skin of his face.

“If the problem is the font size they used for our name on there, I’ll make a new poster where Bad Omens will be the biggest name of all, and the other bands will be so small you can barely read them. How’s that?” Your question came with raised eyebrows, and it was impossible not to smile when he gave in, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye, trying to suppress a grin.

“The biggest of all?”

“Yep.” You followed up with another kiss on his cheek. “And you can stick it on your wall as a keepsake.”

Your fingertips traced a slow path from his neck to his face. Noah chuckled reflexively from the ticklish sensation and startled you when he suddenly turned around, pulling you into his arms and pinning you near the window. Hovering over the divider between the seats in an awkward position, he refused to let go.

With your faces close enough to share the same breath, you felt warmth bloom in your stomach again as his expression regained its usual light. Some days, peace seemed to bless you both like a divine gift, and seeing him radiant was enough to make your body react.

In a shamelessly unfair move, he attacked you with a flurry of quick, loud kisses all over your face, finally stopping at the tip of your nose and pressing his forehead against yours.

“Will I get your autograph on it?” he asked in a hushed tone, as if sharing a secret.

“Have I ever said no to you?” you whispered against his lips, which then brushed yours in a tender kiss.

“Thank you,” he murmured with a soft smile, grazing his nose against yours. Knowing him as well as you did, you could tell from his low tone that a slight emotion was laced in his voice. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Your life would definitely be a total bore,” you teased, watching his smile grow.

For a moment, it felt like you weren’t on a slow-disembarking plane but rather caught up in one of your silly, casual conversations in a park. The way he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear sent shivers through your skin, stirring your flesh and igniting your veins to pump furiously toward your heart in an almost unbearable rhythm.

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t even remember what life was like without you,” he confessed, his bright eyes tinged with melancholy, and his brows knitted in a pained expression. “I caught myself thinking about it last night for no reason, and I couldn’t shake it. I know for sure that without you, I’d be nothing more than a breathing body, living on autopilot, just waiting for the next day. You’re part of me—you guide everything—and I’d never know how to do that without you. Without you, I wouldn’t even be Noah.”

Wrapping him in your arms didn’t feel like enough. You silently begged some divine force to merge the two of you into one at that moment, so overwhelming was your need to shield him from his fears. With the touch of your skin, you promised to always be there; with your lips on his, you vowed never to let anything tear apart what you had.

You found it equally terrifying to imagine life without him. You knew you’d be no more than a breathing body too. You wouldn’t be anything. You’d much rather self-destruct than endure being separated from the one thing that saved your life when even you didn’t believe in it.

He was as much yours as you were his, and nothing in heaven or hell could change that.

“I love you, little storm,” he whispered against your lips, his eyes still closed.

“I love you, my love,” you replied with a smile that always blossomed whenever those words left your lips.

“Jesus Christ, I can’t believe we’re running this late, and you two are making out on the plane instead of moving! Do I have to babysit you all the time?” Matt bellowed, smacking Noah’s back. You and Noah exchanged glances, rolling your eyes as you muttered something incomprehensible before standing up. “I don’t remember getting paid for this! Move it! Move it! Let’s go!”

The show was in full swing, adrenaline running high. You and Noah couldn’t have been more in sync with the audience, which was the largest you’d performed for to date. Everyone screamed, shouted lyrics, and responded well to the interactions.

It felt cliché to say, but you felt even more alive up there, as if the stage’s euphoria sustained you. Every break between songs to catch your breath and take a sip of water filled your lungs with air and gave you the energy to keep giving your best.

They deserved it.

You focused on keeping your tone steady during the penultimate song, gripping the microphone tightly with your eyes closed. It was impossible not to wear a smile every time you heard them finish the lyrics for you.

In a swift motion, you opened your eyes to keep moving across the stage, but something in the crowd caught your attention, freezing you in place. Your voice faltered, and the smile disappeared instantly as the drums continued to beat feverishly in the background. Amidst the sea of faces, you saw only one—his. It was as if the others were dimmed, and his presence was the only one reflecting the light.

Wearing a cap, dark sunglasses, and a turtleneck, he seemed to be trying to blend in. But you would recognize him anywhere, even in a crowd of millions, even if your vision was impaired. Your body reacted instinctively. Your hands grew cold and clammy, making it hard to grip the microphone, your right eyelid twitched faintly, and your jaw locked so tightly you feared your teeth might crack.

Snapping you out of your hypnotic state, Noah took over the rest of the song, his voice gradually becoming a distant noise as the walls seemed to close in around you. Dark and claustrophobic, you felt like you were swimming against the current when, in reality, you were in the middle of a whirlpool pulling you down by the legs. Slowly, your breathing grew erratic, and your heartbeat pounded in your ears at a frantic pace.

The microphone slipped from your trembling fingers, and with hurried steps, you left the stage behind without even checking if what you saw was a delusion or if he was truly there. It didn’t matter—this time, you had the choice to run, and you took it.

Panting, you gripped the sink tightly, splashing water on your neck as you stared at your reflection in the mirror. Nothing seemed to calm the agony his presence in the same space caused—a mix of fear and despair that paralyzed your body. It didn’t matter how many years had passed or how far you had traveled; he still felt so alive in your skin that you could sense every memory as if it were yesterday.

The years hadn’t masked the torture of living in a body like yours. After being violated, it was never the same. No matter what you did to erase the traces of your former self—tattoos, surgeries, nothing could remove what was beneath your skin, coursing through your veins, lighting up every time something reminded you of him, no matter how small.

Your first reaction, after staring at your flushed, red reflection for what felt like an eternity, was to trigger an endless wave of vomiting into the cleaning bucket nearby. Everything in your stomach melted into a green liquid. The disgust was so overwhelming you kept inducing the next wave with your fingers until the acid from your stomach was the only taste on your lips.

You were desperate to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. The absence of release led you to lash out at yourself, scrubbing your mouth aggressively, scratching your face with the tips of your nails. The memories tangled, blurring the line between past and present. Both hurt so much you pressed your chest with all your might, your fingers clawing at your scalp, yanking your hair mercilessly. Low, hoarse screams tore from your throat.

You couldn’t make noise. You couldn’t forget this was your problem to bear.

After erasing the streaks of powder from the sink, you raised your face, breathing heavily as your heart pounded fiercely in your chest, heating the blood coursing through your veins. Slowly, you wiped the smudged makeup from the corners of your eyes and forced a smile, tucking your hair behind your ear. But your eyes remained sorrowful.

Pain.

Something hurt.

You just wanted to go home.

“Finally found you!” Noah said, placing his hands on his hips when he saw you leaving the bathroom. He was leaning against the couch in the dressing room, eating an apple. “What was that? Were you still feeling sick from the flight?”

From a distance, you observed him in silence. He didn’t seem angry about you leaving the stage or for being here. His bright eyes only showed concern, but the walls of your mind were compressed under such intense pressure that you wished he would disappear for a few seconds.

Before you realized it, Noah approached. In your peripheral vision, you saw him reaching out to touch your arm, but you sidestepped him, walking to the other side of the room.

"Okay, I got it!" He raised his hands with a smile, treating it like a joke, and something about that made you feel even worse. "We've got some people outside wanting to take pictures. Let's do a quick interview, and it’d be nice to talk to them on the way."

"What people?" You turned to him, stopping the massage on your neck. Noah narrowed his eyes slightly, analyzing the hesitation in your voice. "Where did they come from?"

"They’re fans who came to see us. I don’t think I can memorize every face..."

He could be among them. He could be among them.

Your mind repeated the thought as your hand moved from your neck to your hair. Your gaze fixed on a spot on the floor, and it was as if a projector replayed the scene in your head. He was there in the crowd, watching you, and now he wanted to pass himself off as one of your fans.

"I’ve told you before, I don’t like when you do that—you’ll hurt yourself." Noah startled you by gently pulling your fingers away from your hair at the back of your neck, where you had been tugging at it.

Carefully, he positioned himself beside you, lifting your chin with his finger. Softly, his hand wiped the dampness under your eyes, and you looked at him with something stuck in your throat, words failing to escape.

"Please, don’t make me go out there and take pictures with them," you whispered, clutching Noah’s torso so tightly your nails dug into his shirt. "Please, please, please... I don’t want to go."

Desperation and disorientation. Your eyes couldn’t settle on a single point, and your voice came in gasps as if you were running a marathon.

"Alright, but Gerard won’t let us leave without doing the interview. It’s part of the event coverage, and he thinks it’s important we talk to them." Noah explained, running his fingers over the top of your head as if the gesture might calm you. Something landed there—a kiss between your hair. He rested his chin on your head and sighed deeply. "Think you can handle it? Three or four questions, and then we’re free to go back to the hotel."

"Promise?" You asked, lifting your head after sniffing. Noah smiled and kissed the tip of your nose, resting his forehead gently against yours.

"I promise."

Facing yet another woman with dyed hair and fishnet tights. Interesting.

Since arriving at the makeshift studio where a camera and sound equipment sat on a table, the interviewer had only said a brief "hi" to you. You could tell she genuinely cared about the band, but that interest was entirely directed at one vocalist.

"This is Bad Omens’ first time as a headliner at a festival like this, and I wanted to know, what were your expectations, Noah?" The girl with the red-dyed hair and microphone in hand directed her sixth question to him. "Were they met?"

It wasn’t surprising anymore that they ignored the fact the band had five members, including two vocalists. Most interviews only requested one of you, and when the label forced you to accompany the poster boy, it was obvious you’d be overlooked.

To them, Noah was the centerpiece, and in their minds, everything Bad Omens had achieved was thanks to him alone. As if you and the other members were merely the crust of the pizza.

"I thought it was amazing!" He began. "From backstage, we could feel the energy of the crowd, and it got us pumped to get on stage. It’s the first time we’ve played for such a large audience, and I won’t lie—I was nervous."

"Do you usually have any specific preparation for that?"

"I like to take a few minutes alone to focus. I think it helps me stay grounded," he replied, and you rolled your eyes.

Playing with the microphone cord was already becoming tedious.

"We have to talk about the new album! It definitely has a different vibe from the last one, and people say you did that to put an end to online comparisons with another famous band. Is that true?"

He hated discussing it that way, and you noticed his discomfort as his smile faded slightly.

"It’s normal to compare—we were newcomers, and no one knew what the hell Bad Omens was." You jumped in, cutting Noah off before he could answer. "But this album truly shows who we are and what we’re here to do, putting an end to any comparisons by those who can’t tell the difference between styles. Without identity, we’re just another small-name band on a festival flyer, and we’re definitely not that kind of band."

Maybe you sounded arrogant. That’s what being around him does.

"That’s really cool!" She responded, nodding in agreement. "But Noah, how was the creative process for the softer songs, considering you guys weren’t used to that?"

It couldn’t just be your imagination, but something about her gaze said otherwise. Sure, you were used to being ignored in interviews as though you were a production assistant, but she not only directed all her questions to him but smiled sweetly and looked at him with a glimmer of fascination that made your chest throb.

All that irritation doubled as you gripped the microphone handle tightly, letting out a heavy sigh.

"Maybe your question would be answered if you directed it to the songwriter who worked on every soft track alongside Jolly." You interrupted again. "I don’t recall Noah announcing a solo career."

"Hey," he murmured, trying to calm you.

Of course, he didn’t want you to say anything. Something stroking his ego was still appealing, but you weren’t in the mood to play a supporting character today. You didn’t even want to be there, not when your heart pounded so hard it felt like it might consume your entire body.

"I’d really like to be seen as a vocalist in the band I’ve worked in for five years, and I’d appreciate it if you acknowledged me here to ask questions about the album I helped create instead of asking dumb questions to my pretty boyfriend!"

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Noah chuckle softly, quickly composing himself. The interviewer shifted in her seat, trying to smile discreetly to mask the blush spreading across her cheeks.

"I’m sorry..."

"But I won’t be sorry next time when I rip your eyes out for focusing too much on someone else’s boyfriend instead of doing your job. Misogynistic bitch."

In a fit of anger, you stood up and hurled the microphone at her face before storming out like a furious thunderbolt. For the first time, something felt off as you marched back to the dressing room, hearing the girl say the cut on her brow was minor. You felt rage, discomfort, like being trapped in clothes far too large for your body.

For the first time, you started to hate all of it.

⭑ @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard ; @iluvmewwwww75 ; @anarchydomainglory ; @foliosgirl ; @lma1986 ; @chey-h ; @supersquirrel1996 ; @zozaline ; @just-randomm-stuff

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crossfandomskylines · 2 months ago

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In the Space Between Us: Chapter 3

OTHER CHAPTERS:

Chapter 1 I Chapter 2 I Chapter 3 I Chapter 4 I Chapter 5

Chapter 6 I Chapter 7 I Chapter 8 I Chapter 9 I Chapter 10

Chapter 11 I Chapter 12 I Chapter 13 I Chapter 14 I Chapter 15

Chapter 16 I Chapter 17 I Chapter 18 I Chapter 19 I Chapter 20

Pairing: Glen Powell x OC

Summary: Gabby prepares for a cozy evening at Glen’s home. Despite a delayed start, the chemistry between them sparks as they dive into an evening of home-cooked meals and laughter. As they bond over shared stories and Glen's impressive cooking skills, the connection deepens, culminating in a sweet dance in the kitchen that leads to their first kiss. Later while wrapped in a blanket on the couch they watch a movie, blissfully unaware of the outside world.

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: None.

A/N: Please let me know your thoughts with Hearts, Comments, and Reblogs!

Tags: @djs8891

Gabby was bustling around her apartment, making the final touches to her outfit. She had picked out a soft, white tank top and denim shorts, perfect for a cozy evening at Glen's place. Just as she finished applying her favorite lip gloss, her phone lit up on the countertop, breaking the calm of the moment.

With a quick glance, she saw Glen's name flashing across the screen. Excitement bubbled up inside her as she swiped to answer, “Hey, Glen!”

“Hey, Gabby,” he replied, his voice slightly tinged with regret. “My last meeting ran longer than I thought it would and now I’m running late. I won’t be home as soon as I thought I would. Is there any chance we could push our plans back by an hour or two?”

A small frown flickered across Gabby’s face, but she quickly masked it with understanding. “Of course! I can be there around eight instead. Just let me know when you’re home.”

“Thanks for being flexible,” Glen said, relief evident in his tone. “I really appreciate it. I’ll see you soon!”

As she hung up, Gabby couldn’t help but notice how Glen’s career sometimes intervened in their plans. She thought back to their coffee date, where he’d had to cut their time short due to a meeting. And now tonight with his meeting running late. It was a reminder that his lifestyle came with its own set of challenges, but she admired his dedication to his work. She wasn’t going to let something like an hour or two ruin her excitement. He still wanted to spend time with her, and that was what mattered.

Plus, she appreciated the way he had communicated openly with her both times about what was going on, which made her feel valued.

With a determined smile, Gabby decided to make the most of the extra time. She tidied up her apartment, made sure Willow’s food and water were topped up, and even threw in a few minutes of reviewing her notes for the classes she was taking.

Flexibility had always been a part of her nature, and she found that it was a necessary trait in the ever-shifting world of Hollywood, especially if she wanted to keep things easy and light with Glen.

As the clock ticked closer to eight, Gabby took one last glance in the mirror, adjusting her hair before heading out the door, ready to embrace whatever the evening had in store.

Arriving at his place, she parked and took a deep breath, readying herself for the evening. She walked up to his door, her anticipation building with each step. When she knocked, she felt a giddy thrill shoot through her, and before she could second-guess herself, the door swung open.

“Hey!” Glen greeted her with a warm smile, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her. He pulled her into a gentle hug that felt reassuring and familiar. “I’m so glad you made it.”

“Of course! I brought your shirt,” she said, holding it up as she stepped inside.

The cozy warmth of his home enveloped her, filled with the subtle scent of something delicious simmering in the background.

“Thanks.” He took the shirt from her, and as he turned to take it to his room, Gabby’s attention was drawn to a fluffy ball of fur bounding excitedly toward her.

“This is Brisket!” Glen said, smiling over his shoulder. The dog—a scruffy mix—skidded to a halt in front of Gabby, tail wagging furiously as he sniffed at her feet.

“Hey there, buddy!” Gabby knelt down, extending her hand for Brisket to sniff. He immediately leaned into her touch, nuzzling against her fingers. She laughed, her heart warming as Brisket licked her palm enthusiastically.

Glen watched with a soft smile, the sight of his dog instantly taking a liking to Gabby bringing him joy.

“Looks like Brisket approves of you,” he teased, bending down to scratch behind Brisket’s ears.

“He’s adorable!” Gabby replied, giving Brisket a good scratch along his back.

Gabby followed Glen into the kitchen, and the moment she stepped inside, she was hit with a delightful aroma that made her stomach rumble. The rich scent of tomatoes and spices danced in the air, making her instantly hungry. Her gaze fell on a pot bubbling on the stove, steam swirling upwards as it simmered. Curiosity piqued, she leaned closer to the counter, where she noticed a mound of dough waiting to be transformed.

“What are you making?” she asked, her eyes bright with interest.

“Pasta,” Glen replied, a hint of pride in his voice. “I’m working on a homemade red sauce to go with it.” He moved back to the counter, rolling the dough between his fingers.

“Wait, you’re really making pasta from scratch?” Gabby asked, incredulous. She had not been expecting homemade pasta tonight.

“Absolutely! It’s one of my favorite things to do,” he said, nodding with enthusiasm. “Have you ever tried making it yourself?”

She shook her head, a smile spreading across her face. “No, I haven’t. I usually just boil the store-bought stuff.”

“Come here; I’ll show you how it’s done.” He motioned for her to join him, and Gabby stepped closer, excitement bubbling inside her.

As they stood side by side, he demonstrated how to knead the dough properly, his hands deftly working it until it was smooth. Gabby watched closely, trying to follow his lead. The close proximity was both comforting and thrilling, the warmth radiating from him as they shared the task.

“Now, grab the rolling pin,” Glen instructed, positioning himself behind her. His arms brushed against hers as he guided her hands, showing her how to apply just the right amount of pressure to flatten the dough. Gabby’s heart raced, but she couldn’t help grinning at the unexpected intimacy of the moment.

“Like this?” she asked, catching onto his rhythm.

“Exactly,” he murmured, his breath warm against her ear. “You’re a natural.”

With his hands guiding hers, they worked together to get the pasta thinner, before using an attachment for his KitchenAid mixer to create perfectly shaped noodles. The kitchen filled with laughter and playful banter as Glen teased her about her novice skills while she marveled at his culinary finesse.

“I have to admit, I’m impressed,” she said, glancing up at him. “I didn’t expect you to be this good at cooking.”

He chuckled, a hint of bashfulness creeping into his expression. “I had to learn sometime. Living on takeout got old pretty fast.”

As they continued to shape the pasta, Gabby felt a genuine connection forming between them, solidified by laughter and the delightful shared experience of cooking.

Once the pasta was boiling away, Glen stirred the sauce with a wooden spoon, the vibrant red color reflecting the warm glow of the kitchen lights. He glanced over at Gabby, who was still admiring the perfect strands of pasta they had created together.

“Do you want something to drink? Water? Wine? Something else?” he asked, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel.

“I’d love some wine,” she replied, feeling a wave of relaxation wash over her.

“Red or white?” he asked, his fingers already reaching for a bottle perched on the counter.

“Red,” she said, smiling as he grabbed a corkscrew and popped the bottle open with a satisfying thunk.

He poured some of the wine into two glasses, the rich liquid swirling as he filled them. “This is a favorite of mine,” he said, handing her one of the glasses. “Hope you like it.”

“Let’s find out,” Gabby replied with a playful smile as their glasses clinked together in a cheerful toast. “To good food and new friends!”

“Cheers!” Glen echoed, taking a sip. The deep flavors of the wine danced on her palate, and she savored it, glancing over at Glen, who looked pleased.

“This is nice,” she said, feeling the warmth of the wine and the moment enveloping her.

“Yeah, it is. I’m glad you’re here,” he replied, leaning against the counter with a relaxed smile.

As the pasta finished cooking, Glen drained it before moving to plate their dinner. He carefully twisted the strands of noodles onto two plates, the steam rising as he topped each one with the rich, homemade red sauce.

“How do you like your sauce?” he asked, glancing up at her with a playful grin.

Gabby thought for a moment, then replied, “Light sauce, definitely. I don’t want to drown the pasta.”

“Agreed,” he said, nodding as he drizzled just the right amount over her noodles.

Next, he reached for a block of parmesan cheese. “How about some cheese?” he asked, holding it up.

“Yes, please!” she replied enthusiastically.

“Okay, just tell me when,” he said, starting to grate cheese onto her plate. Gabby watched as the snowy flakes tumbled onto her pasta, and she finally said, “Okay, that’s good!”

As he set the grater down, she noticed something odd. “Hey, wait. You didn’t put any cheese on your plate,” she said, tilting her head.

Glen shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah, I don’t eat cheese.”

Gabby raised an eyebrow, surprised. “Wait, like at all?”

“Not really,” he admitted, his tone light. “I was never a big fan of dairy as a kid. Just never liked the texture of most cheeses. Unless it’s a small amount mixed into something, I usually avoid it.”

“Wow, I can’t believe that!” she said, shaking her head in disbelief, but a smile lingered on her lips. “You must miss out on a lot of pizza toppings.”

He chuckled, “I still eat pizza as long as it’s not straight cheese. I’m not that crazy.”

With dinner plated, they moved to the dining table, and as they sat down, the savory aroma of the meal enveloped them. Gabby took her first bite and her eyes lit up. “Oh wow, this is amazing! You really nailed the flavor,” she exclaimed, genuinely impressed.

Glen beamed at her praise. “Thanks! I’m glad you like it,” he said, taking a bite of his own.

She leaned back in her chair, laughing lightly. “Honestly, my pasta alla vodka with store-bought pasta can’t compete with this.”

“I’d still love to try it sometime,” he said with a wink, enjoying the banter. The conversation flowed easily as they savored their meal, laughter mingling with the clinking of forks against plates, making the evening feel warm and inviting.

After they finished eating, Gabby stood up, gathering hers and Glen’s plates. “I’ll take these into the kitchen,” she said, heading toward the sink.

Glen quickly rose to his feet, a hint of protest in his voice. “You really don’t have to do that. You’re my guest, remember?”

Gabby smiled at him over her shoulder as she placed her plate in the sink. “But the least I can do is help clean up. It’s only fair.”

He watched her for a moment, appreciating her willingness to pitch in. With a resigned sigh, he followed her into the kitchen. “Okay, okay. If you insist,” he said, moving to help her with the clean up.

As they began to wash the dishes, the warm, cozy atmosphere lingered in the air. Glen rinsed his plate while Gabby filled the dishwasher, handing him the dishes as they went along. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone so willing to do dishes after a meal,” he said, chuckling.

Gabby shot him a playful look. “Well, I guess I’m just an overachiever,” she replied, laughter sparkling in her eyes. “Besides, I can’t just leave you with all the mess!”

They continued to work side by side, the lighthearted banter flowing easily between them. Glen started wiping down the counters, stealing glances at her as she focused on loading the dishwasher. The way she effortlessly moved around his kitchen made him appreciate her presence even more.

“So, do you always cook for your guests?” she asked, a teasing lilt in her voice. “Or am I just special?”

“Let’s just say I usually don’t do this much,” he admitted, grinning. “But I’d definitely do it again for you.”

Gabby smiled, a blush creeping up her cheeks as they finished loading the last of the dishes. “I’ll hold you to that,” she said lightly, feeling the chemistry between them grow as they shared a comfortable moment of laughter and connection.

As they finished tidying up the kitchen, a comfortable silence settled around them, broken only by the faint hum of the dishwasher. Glen glanced over at Gabby, a hint of playfulness in his eyes. Without a word, he reached for a small remote sitting on the counter and pressed a button. Soft music filtered through the speakers, filling the room with a gentle melody that gave the kitchen a warm, intimate atmosphere.

Gabby’s eyebrows lifted, and she gave him a curious look. "What are you up to?" she asked with a laugh.

Glen set the remote down and turned to Gabby, a playful glint in his eyes as he reached out to take her hand. “Come here,” he said, gently trying to pull her toward him.

She looked at his outstretched hand, then back up at him, feeling a flutter of nerves. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” she admitted, shifting her weight. “I’m not exactly… a dancer.”

Glen's smile only grew, his gaze soft and encouraging. "Trust me," he said, his voice warm and reassuring. "I’ll lead."

Hesitantly, she placed her hand in his, letting him gently pull her toward him. He wrapped his arm around her waist, his hand resting lightly on her back, and began to guide her in a slow, easy rhythm that matched the song. At first, she focused on not stepping on his feet, feeling a little self-conscious. But his gentle hold and the way he was watching her — with a quiet warmth and a hint of mischief — made her gradually relax.

“See? You’re doing great,” he murmured, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

She smiled, meeting his gaze. "I guess you’re not a terrible teacher.”

They swayed together, her movements becoming more natural as she grew comfortable in his embrace. When he felt her easing into the rhythm, he lifted their joined hands and spun her slowly. She laughed in surprise, her eyes sparkling as she let herself get caught up in the moment. When she came back around, he pulled her in closer, his arm steadying her as they continued to move together in time to the music.

With a small grin, he added a little dip at the end, and she let out a delighted, breathless laugh. As he lifted her back up, their eyes met, and the energy between them shifted, becoming something softer and deeper.

He still held her close, their faces only inches apart. His gaze dropped to her lips before returning to her eyes, and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I’ve really been wanting to kiss you,” he said, his voice low, almost a whisper.

Gabby’s smile softened, her heart racing. She let her hand slide up to his shoulder, then, closing the gap, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his, feeling the warmth and tenderness in his kiss. He wrapped his arms around her a little tighter, drawing her even closer, and time seemed to slow as they shared that first kiss, deep and lingering, each moment stretching as they savored it.

It felt electric—his lips were soft, yet firm, and she melted against him as he cradled her face with one hand, the other still resting on her waist. The taste of the red wine lingered between them, enhancing the sweetness of the moment.

Her heart soared as she leaned into him, feeling the strength of his body and the warmth of his embrace. Glen’s fingers tangled in her hair, his touch gentle yet possessive, pulling her closer.

Gabby’s mind raced with a whirlwind of thoughts—this was happening, it felt so right, and she couldn’t help but smile against his lips. She had always dreamed of moments like this, and here she was, lost in the magic of their connection.

As Glen pulled away, their breaths mingled in the small space between them, the moment hanging heavy with unspoken feelings. Gabby’s heart raced, her cheeks flushed as they locked eyes, a smile spreading across her lips that mirrored Glen’s. Glen rested his forehead against hers for a beat, his hand trailing down her arm as he took her in.

“Wow,” he murmured, still in awe of what had just transpired. Just as she was about to respond, he leaned in again, catching her off guard with a second kiss, this one deeper. It sent butterflies fluttering through her stomach, igniting a spark that made her crave more.

When they finally broke apart, Gabby’s expression shifted to one of playful curiosity. “So, what do you want to do next?” she asked, a grin playing on her lips.

“How about just watching a movie?” he suggested, her eyes brightening at the idea.

“Sounds perfect,” she replied, her enthusiasm infectious. He took her hand and led her to the living room, where the soft glow of the lamp cast a cozy light over the space.

Glen settled onto the couch, leaning back and resting his arm along the top cushion, leaving a gentle invitation open for her to move closer. Gabby sat beside him, a small, polite space between them, feeling a bit of nervous energy settle in her stomach. They both seemed to look anywhere but at each other for a moment, until Glen broke the silence, glancing at her with a grin.

“So, any movie requests?” he asked, his eyes warm as they held hers.

She hesitated before smiling, feeling a bit bold. "Maybe… a rom-com?" She could feel her cheeks warm as she said it, half-expecting him to cringe at the suggestion.

Instead, he raised an eyebrow, his grin widening. “Actually, I have a soft spot for a good rom-com,” he admitted, his voice easy and light.

Her face brightened in surprise. "Really?”

He shrugged with a playful grin. “Hey, some of them are classics. Besides, I can’t resist a good happy ending.”

They scrolled through the options, landing on one of the timeless ones. As the familiar opening scene started to play, Gabby felt herself relax, leaning just a bit closer. She glanced sideways, stealing a quick look at Glen, who caught her gaze and smiled. Gently, he moved his arm from the back of the couch to her shoulders, pulling her in a little closer with a soft, unspoken invitation.

“You comfortable?” he murmured, his tone gentle as his arm settled around her.

She nodded, settling comfortably into his side, a feeling of ease blooming between them. His hand rested on her shoulder, his thumb absentmindedly tracing soft circles that made her feel even warmer, more relaxed.

Just as she was beginning to lose herself in the comfort of being close to him, Brisket trotted over, eyeing the spot where she sat with mild curiosity before making a decision. Without hesitation, Brisket leapt onto her lap and nestled in, his head resting against her arm.

Gabby laughed, instinctively reaching to pet him. “Looks like I’ve been chosen,” she said with a smile, looking up at Glen.

He chuckled, shaking his head in mock betrayal. “He usually doesn’t pick other people. I guess you’re the exception.”

Glen reached out to ruffle Brisket’s ears, but Brisket stayed contently in Gabby’s lap, settling in with a sigh. Glen’s hand lingered on her shoulder as the movie began, and they both relaxed further into the moment.

Gabby felt a sense of warmth enveloping her—not just from the blanket they shared or Brisket’s presence on her lap, but from the connection she was building with Glen. She glanced up at him, her heart swelling with a mixture of excitement and affection. This was just the beginning, and she couldn’t wait to see where it would lead.

As the movie played softly in the background, Gabby and Glen both gradually succumbed to the warmth and comfort of each other’s presence. The rhythmic sound of Brisket’s soft snores filled the room, providing a soothing backdrop that made it easy to drift off. Gabby nestled deeper into Glen’s side, the blanket cocooning them in a cozy embrace, and before long, her eyes fluttered shut, surrendering to sleep.

Just as the movie credits began to roll, Gabby stirred as the warmth of the blanket and the quiet hum of the living room began to pull her gently from sleep. She became aware of Glen’s arm draped across her, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder, his warmth radiating through the soft fabric of her sweater. Without even thinking, she instinctively snuggled closer, her head nestling against his shoulder as she allowed herself another moment of comfortable, dreamy contentment.

Glen, not quite awake himself, responded by pulling her a little closer, his fingers grazing her arm in a gentle, absent-minded touch, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

For a fleeting moment, Gabby thought of how perfectly right it felt to wake up like this—curled up with him, his steady breath against her hair, and the quiet calm surrounding them. She caught herself smiling, not wanting to move, not wanting to break the spell of their closeness. Part of her wished she could freeze this feeling, to let herself fall back into the cozy haze of sleep with him there beside her.

As she finally stirred enough to lift her head, Glen's eyes blinked open, still soft with sleep. He looked at her and gave a slow, drowsy smile.

"Hey," he murmured, his voice quiet and warm.

“Hey,” she whispered back, feeling herself smile even wider.

His hand, still resting on her shoulder, gave a gentle squeeze, as though reassuring her that he felt the same warmth between them.

“You fell asleep on me.”

“I guess I did,” Gabby replied, stifling a yawn and brushing a few stray hairs from her face.

“Feel like staying a little longer?” he asked softly, his eyes never leaving hers. She could feel the comfort and sincerity in his gaze, and for a moment, the idea of staying sounded tempting, like something she might even want.

She hesitated, a blush warming her cheeks as she finally managed to murmur, “I... I should probably get going.” It was too soon, she thought, for the kind of tenderness that staying might mean. But as much as she knew it, part of her still didn’t want to move from his side.

Glen nodded with an understanding smile, though she noticed a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "I’ll walk you out," he said, his voice gentle.

He gave her one last little squeeze, his hand lingering on her arm for just a beat longer. Then he helped her stand, his touch never far as they both blinked away the remnants of sleep.

Together, they made their way to the front door, Gabby’s heart warming at the simple gesture. As they stepped outside into the cool night air, she glanced back at Glen, his eyes shining under the soft porch light.

“Thanks for tonight,” she said, feeling a rush of gratitude. “I had a really great time.”

“Me too,” he replied, taking a step closer. “I’m glad we got to spend it together.”

The moment hung between them, charged with an unspoken understanding. Glen reached out, pulling her into a warm hug, holding her close for a moment longer than necessary. As they broke apart, he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, the sweetness of the moment lingering in the air.

“Goodnight, Gabby,” he whispered, his breath warm against her skin.

“Goodnight, Glen,” she replied, a smile blooming on her face as she stepped back toward her car.

As she slid into the driver’s seat, she took one last look at him, and he gave her a small wave, his expression a mix of happiness and hope. Gabby couldn’t help but feel a flutter of excitement as she drove away, the night still fresh in her mind.

#Glen Powell #Glen Powell Fic #Glen Powell Fanfic #Glen Powell Fanfiction #Glen Powell Series #Glen Powell x OC #Glen Powell x Original Character

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drdemonprince · 9 months ago

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I am feeling very conflicted because I want to do more activism but I live in a very isolated area, and the one organization that works here that I even remotely align with politically has had some issues with the people it's supposed to serve (immigrants in this case) complaining that it doesn't provide many services needed and some people in it are dicks. Also, the options they have to collaborate are very much not autistic friendly. At the same time, I hate the thought of sitting back and doing nothing -beyond what I already do, which is limited to people I know- because the option to do something is not perfect. What would you recommend?

It sounds as though the organization you are looking at is a nonprofit that provides social services. I would not consider working with such an organization to be activism, usually. They will present volunteering your time with them as "activism," but it's really just free labor, somewhere on the spectrum between being charitable with your time and labor exploitation.

There is very little that most nonprofits do to advance any kind of social or political change of any kind. For the most part, nonprofits function to maintain their own operations, with a side hustle of dispensing very limited resources to marginalized people who will remain just as marginalized afterward.

More on this:

If you'd like to be involved more in your community in a way that feels meaningful and that works with your disability, I would encourage you to think far more broadly than merely joining an existing easily-findable organization. That kind of search will tend to skew toward liberal, nonprofit-led, politically toothless efforts. Instead, think of what you can do to make greater contact with the people in your area who are marginalized and share struggles with you.

Can you give homeless people meals in the park and ask them how they're doing? Can you get involved in your local parks or nature reserves? (there if you're volunteering your time, at least it can be for something enriching and beneficial). Is there a local Food Not Bombs chapter? A local Muslim community center that could use safety marshalls? A local abortion clinic that could use the same? Do you have neighbors who are single parents and need childcare help? Dogsitting? Does the senior down the street need their lawn mowed?

Is there a local Facebook group where you can offer help to people in your community in need? Start saying hello to people. Asking them about their day. Asking about what's going on in the neighborhood. What needs done, who needs help, what problems are plaguing the area that nobody is doing anything about? Are there any local businesses that are discriminatory and need to be taken to account publicly? Are there forests you can help protect from deforestation with tree spiking? Is there a jail near you where you can provide jail support, handing out food and clothes and water and letting released prisoners make phone calls?

Some of this stuff might not seem like activism in the most obvious, in-your-face, picket-signs-and-banners-in-the-streets sense. But it's a lot more impactful than a lot of that is on its own. It's community building. I'd also recommend reading some stuff on the Anarchist Library website about building one's own affinity groups. You don't need a big formal organization to make a difference -- in fact, for many structural and economic reasons, it can be harder to make a difference within a large group that faces public exposure and the risk of legal censure. A few new homies in your town who care as much as you do can do a whole lot of good.

Some reading:

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taxreturnslut · 5 months ago

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Just posting this so I have an idea of where all the pieces are at the end of Egghead:

(for real, don't read this if you haven't caught up with chapter 1123)

1 - the strawhat pirates, *Lilith, Bonney, Kuma and the giant pirates are now heading to elbaf.

2 - Trafalgar Law & Bepo are at some unknown location, heavily beaten, the rest of the crew remains at large. Their pirate ship has been sunk.

3 - Eustass Kidd & his crew's current status is unknown, but they were last spotted near Elbaf. (I am assuming they are still alive because this is one piece.) ((Potential reunion with the strawhats incoming?))

4 - the Marines, Kizaru and St. Saturn are at Egghead. (This arc definitely seemed to be sowing seeds of doubt into Kizaru's resolve in the Marines.) They could possibly head to Elbaf, like the fleet is still at Egghead and they know the giant pirates are with Luffy so it would make sense to continue pursuit. But they also may stick behind to clean up Egghead. It is also worth noting that they thought they destroyed the civilian ship that was leaving. I am not sure if this will be brought back up, but afaik they don't think there are any civilian survivors from egghead.

4.5 - SWORD, recovered Koby and left Garp behind. Currently discussing their next steps while Koby resolves to stop Luffy.

5 - Vegapunks. All dead except for Lilith and York. York does not know Lilith is still alive.

6 - The Revolutionary Army is still at Kambakka Island. Sabo has informed Dragon & Iva about the existence of Imu. And VP's broadcast confirmed Sabo's story about Lulusia so they have no reason to doubt him.

7 - the world knows about an ancient weapon, the rising sea levels, the disappearance of Lulusia, & that the void century exists.

8 - Perona was last seen on Hachinosu trying to free Moria but we don't know the results of that.

9 - the Cross Guild is hyping themselves up to find the one piece thanks to Buggy strengthening his resolve.

10 - Shanks, annihilated Kidd and then presumably bounced from Elbaf, whereabouts unknown.

11 - Blackbeard is about to learn a lot of thanks to Caribou. It's unclear if he has returned to Hachinosu and seen the aftermath of the raid. *Blackbeard is confirmed not at Beehive as of 1121, doubtful he's made it there within the last two chapters.

12 - Smoker was last seen leaving the SWORD HQ presumably after talking with X Drake, current destination is unknown. *I take this back up on further review it seems like Smokey is heading towards the hospital/SWORD

13 - it is worth noting that the gorosei (minus Saturn) have returned to Mary Geoise. We also keep getting small frames of the dude with moon shaped hair who's name I'm forgetting. So something will presumably happen with them + him and his other holy knights.

There are so many moving parts and I still feel like I'm forgetting something. If anyone knows something I messed up or knows a person or group I missed pls let me know.

14 - we got a new silhouette a chapter or two ago. Man marked by flames?

15 - CP0. We know Lucci, Kaku & Stussy are still on Egghead. It's unclear but it seems like their loyalty to the WG is starting to waver.

16 - Vivi & Wapol are aboard Big News Morgan's airship. Vivi is wanted by Imu & we learned she is a bearer of the will of D & Wapol witnessed King Cobras assassination as well as the forms of the gorosei. We do not know what part of the world they are flying over.

17 - The Straw hat grand fleet is currently out and about in the world. I mention them because at the end of Dressrosa we were told they are the cause of some historic event, so we shouldn't forget about them.

18 - the og Stussy is on Sphinx island with Marco. We saw Weevil captured by greenbull and it seems like Marco is being pressure to save him.

* Thank you @brookstolemybrand for the help! I really appreciate it!!

** Please read through the comments. I did not remember this all on my own and had a lot of help. I appreciate everyone who mentioned something.

#one piece #one piece spoilers #op #op spoilers #one piece 1123 #alice.txt #alice.op

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homeofthelonelywriter · 4 months ago

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Let's call it Fate | Part 6

(A/N) Not me digging out my old Latin textbook for this chapter. Istg. Also, I think I'm getting a hang on the chapter lengths, kinda proud of myself for that one.

Pairing: Cardinal Copia x Reader (no Y/N)

Warning: google translate translations, abusive parents (especially mother), arranged marriage, age gap, bullying, talk of grandparents and death of a grandparent, misstreatment of Ghouls

Over the next few days, you established a simple routine.

Wake up and get ready, before going to breakfast. After that classes until lunch and then join Papa Primo in the greenhouse. And when it’s time for dinner, accompany him back up and meet Lila for the daily gossip trait. After dinner, find your spot in the library and study until it was time for bed.

Most of the time studying was spent on Latin since it was giving you the biggest troubles, but you also like to review whatever you had learned in the other classes. And from time to time, Copia would join you, either to work on his own things in silence or to help you learn Latin. Either way, you enjoyed spending time with him.

It was just another day, Friday of the first week to be exact. You were excited because you had the weekend off and on Sunday you’d join the first black mass. Lila immediately noticed your good mood when she joined you at the usual table for dinner.

“Any plans for this weekend?”

You shrugged as you were shoveling food into your mouth. Work had been exhausting that day. Exhausting but fun.

“I’ll probably explore the Ministry so more. And I promised Swiss and Dew that I’d meet their friends, have a picnic, or something like that.”

As soon as you mentioned the Ghouls, Lila made a face. Since she’d been raised by people who subscribed to the whole ‘The Ghouls are our servants’ way of thinking, you spent a tremendous amount of time showing her in how many ways that was wrong. And she was starting to understand and change her way of thinking, but she still reacted weirdly whenever you mentioned them.

“Lila…”

“I know, I know. It’s just…it’s weird to hear someone talk so casually about them. And to be honest, they kind of scare me. Especially the tall one.”

You giggled when she mentioned Swiss. And you understood why she might be afraid of him. He was tall and strong, and his constant grinning and showing off his canines wasn’t helping.

“He is harmless, I swear. He gives really good piggyback rides.”

The moment you mentioned the piggyback rides, she choked on the water she was drinking at that moment, making others stare and you burst out laughing. Once she had calmed down, she shook her head, before looking at you with a lopsided grin.

“You are something else.”

She hesitated for a second.

“Don’t ever change, okay?”

You grinned and nodded, reaching out and grabbing her hand in yours.

“You neither Lila.”

You were soon done with dinner and bid Lila a quick goodnight, before you rushed out the mess hall and to the library. The woman at the counter smiled at you, as you waved at her and the Ghoul, you think his name was Aether. He didn’t talk much.

By now, you had the way to your table memorized. Straight ahead, fifth bookshelves turn to the right, continue for two bookshelves before turning left, and then straight ahead until you reach a little hidden nook. As usual, you were the first to arrive. So, you took out everything you needed and started working on reviewing the vocabulary you learned that day.

“Magnus - big. Non - not. Laudat - to praise. Et - and. Summus…ahm…shit. Summus…summus…”

“The highest.”

You smiled, turning to look at Copia who stood behind you with a stack of papers in his hands. He was also smiling, slowly walking up to the table. Once he was in reach, he gently sat down the stack of papers and fell into the chair beside you.

“Paperwork?”

“Si. Things my fratello didn’t have time for today.”

Copia rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed.

“Let me guess, he spent his entire day on the couch surrounded by his lovers.”

He chuckled and nodded.

“You’re not wrong, he did spend most of his day like that. But he did have time to go over and agree upon one thing. His clothes. For the black mass this Sunday.”

Copia sounded so done, but at the same time amused, that you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well, when you’re Papa those are the difficult decisions you’ll have to make.”

He turned to look at you, his eyes wide in surprise.

“You think that I’ll be Papa one day?”

“Of course. Why shouldn’t you be?”

Copia shrugged, averting his eyes to the paperwork.

“Most in the clergy think me too…imbarazzante, timido. They don’t think I have what it takes to be Papa. Well, my mother thinks I do, but she is my mother, and-”

”And she is right. Hell, you’re already doing most of the work that should be taken care of by the Papa. Plus, you’re smart, kind, caring but also strict when needed. You know how to lead people but you’re not power hungry. I think you’d be an amazing Papa. Plus, you look really good on stage. Kind of jealous of that one fan.”

At some point during your rant, your eyes had drifted back to the book in front of you, scanning the vocabulary. But when Copia didn’t respond or move, you looked up, concerned you said something wrong. Instead, you found a blushing Copia with tears in his eyes.

“You…you- I uh…I mean…thank you, cara. You don’t know how much these words mean to me.”

He gently grasped your hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a firm kiss to your knuckles, while looking you in the eyes. You immediately felt your cheeks heat up and averted your eyes, before looking back up. Copia squeezed your hand, before carefully setting it down and turning to his stack. But as soon as he turned his attention there, he looked miserable.

“Let me help you with that.”

He looked up, slightly confused, and was about to protest when you stopped him.

“You always help me, now let me help you. It’s only fair. Plus, there are no classes tomorrow, so I can sleep in.”

After a second of consideration, Copia agreed and handed you about a fourth of the stack. He quickly explained what you had to do, before both of you started working in silence. After an hour you understood why Papa Terzo didn’t want to take care of this stuff. It was boring and exhausting and after that one hour, you had to take a break, rest your eyes for a second. You carefully placed the paperwork a bit further up the table before resting your head on your arms and closing your eyes.

“If I fall asleep, wake me in like ten minutes, okay?”

Copia just hummed as he continued reading and before you knew it, you were asleep.

Hushed voices were what woke you up.

“I brought the paperwork to your office, Cardinal.”

The voice was unfamiliar, you wondered who it was.

“Grazie, Phantom. If you could just open the door to her room for me in un secondo?”

“Of course.”

The voices stopped, as you felt a sense of security and care wash over you, falling back asleep.

“I got it from here, thank you.”

“Of course, Cardinal. Good night.”

You heard footsteps retreating as you suddenly felt something soft underneath you. Instinctively, you nuzzled against the cool fabric, twisting your body until you were lying on your side. A familiar chuckle reached your ears and you automatically smiled.

“Buona notte, cara mia.”

You felt soft lips meet your temple and immediately you wished they’d stay there for just a moment longer. But they quickly left your skin as familiar footsteps walked away from you before a door was shut gently.

You wanted to get up and chase after that feeling of security and love, but before you could, sleep took over you again.

Translations: Si...yes fratello...brother imbarazzante...awkward timido...shy cara...dear Grazie...thank you un secondo...a second Buona notte, cara mia...Good night, my darling

Please consider reblogging and following me! It helps a lot!

Ghost Masterlist

Master-Masterlist

Tags: @antoniamarie1989

Like what you're reading? Buy me a coffee!

#ghost #ghost band #copia #copia emeritus #cardinal copia #cardinal copia x reader #copia x reader #copia emeritus x reader #copia fanfiction #ghost fanfiction #the band ghost #ghost band fanfic #papa copia #papa copia x reader

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andthekitchensinkao3 · 1 month ago

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Fic Writing Review 2024

Thanks for the tags @loki-is-my-kink-awakening @kcscribbler and @lokimobius

I should warn you, I'm a Debbie Downer when it comes to numbers even when comparing them to my own stats, so be prepared. These are some shitty stats, right here.

User subscriptions are for all years, not just 24. Not sure why that's static, but hey ho. Six years gone, 35 people keep tabs on my fic. Don't ask me why.

Words and fics:

198,186 words posted on AO3. Let’s not look at how many words I’ve actually written, it’ll give people nightmares. Possibly especially since English isn’t my first language.

Don’t know which month was my busiest, but I finished Tapestries of Time, my first Lokius fic in exactly 28 days, totalling 41 014 words.

24 773.25 is my average words per month (since May this year = eight months)

14 fics (WiPs and finished), including drabbles, one-offs and multi-chapter stories.

Words written per fandom:

Loki (including the Baldur’s Gate mashup) - 180 009 (since May of 2024. MAY)

Dragon Age: The Veil Guard - 1 557 (since November 2024)

Fics and words published:

14 fics published, out of which are as follows:

7 multi-chapter

7 one shots

2 drabbles included in the one shots

198,186 words published

Published fics per fandom:

Loki - 82.4%

Dragon Age: The Veil Guard - 17.6%

Top 2024 fics per kudos:

Tapestry of Time (181 kudos, multi-chapter, finished) - Loki

Loose Ends (78 kudos, multi-chapter, in progress. The sequel fic to Tapestry) - Loki

Want (70 kudos, a Emmrich/male Rook drabble) - DA: Veil Guard (lol for the amount of effort I put into that fic, I got more kudos in a single day than I have with any other fandom or fic. Makes me wonder why I even try to write full-fledged stories.)

The Second Kiss (62 kudos, a Lokius one shot and tumblr ask game fic) - Loki

Sledgehammer (58 kudos, multi-chapter, finished) (Loki)

Top 2024 fics per comment threads:

Tapestry of Time (10 chapters, post-s2 fix-it fic; 41)

A Promise Kept (13 chapters, BG3 crossover, Lokius Fantasy Romance; 35)

The World’s Fair Hotel (WiP, Lokius versus H H Holmes horror fic set in 1893; 24)

Loose Ends (WiP, sequel to Tapestry, 16)

We Die with the Dying; We are Born with the Dead (Vampire AU one shot; 13)

Kudos, hits and comment threads in 2024:

Percentage of kudos per views: 7.9% (768 kudos divided by 9703 hits) Yaaaay, less than ten percent of people who read my fics like themmm… Why do I even write to begin withhhh

Percentage of comment threads per kudos, assuming everyone who left a comment also kudos’d: 24.8% (191 comment threads divided by 768 kudos)

If we instead compare it to hits or views: 1.91%

Fandom events in 2024:

Lokius Reverse Bang

2024-11: Wanksgiving the Third: Lord High Admiral of Smut

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some qualitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

Artists and gif makers, please also join in with any quantitative or qualitative stats or facts you want to share about your year.

No-pressure tags in no particular order for @thosegayoldmen @elodiah @impulsemuppet @blackbirdofasgard @distracteddream @devilbearingtrouble @mobiusismycomfortcharacter @mobiusisawholemood @mobiuscutemustache @mobius-m-mobius @mirilyawrites and anyone else whose username I can't recall, sorry.

#ao3 fanfic #ao3 fic stats #ao3 #lokius fanfic #lokius #dragon age fanfiction #dragon age the veilguard #emmrich x rook

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ecargmura · 6 months ago

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Wind Breaker Episode 13 Review + Final Thoughts - Second Season Announced For 2025!

With the way this episode ended, there’s definitely no way they wouldn’t announce a season 2 and they did—it’ll come out in 2025! It’s to be expected because this was one of Spring 2024’s biggest hits. I certainly enjoyed this and it’s high up on my midyear anime list that I’ll be posting next week!

Meeting with the Four Kings of Bofurin is going to help Sakura open up a lot more, even though he’s still taking baby steps. The Four Kings have such cool designs. We all know Hiiragi, but there’s also Tsubakino (he’s male), Mizuki and Momose who are very cool on their own! None of them speak, unfortunately. The purpose of the meeting with the Kings and the Grade Captains to let them know that they will always have people supporting them so it’s fine to let them rely on their senpais. Umemiya always knows how to ease someone’s spirits!

Sakura’s taking baby steps as leader of his class! He actually decides to take on Anzai’s matters into his own hands and the rest of the class tags along too because they’re a team. It’s so nice to see Sakura, who was super distrustful, slowly grow into someone who can be relied on! I really liked the scene with him talking with Anzai’s childhood friend Tsuchiya. He normally doesn’t try to start a conversation towards others, so for him to initiate talk is such a novel but welcome feeling! I even liked how Sakura was thinking about Kotoha’s advice on leaving the matter to him. If you look at Sakura at the beginning to the finale of the first season, there’s some solid growth there.

Anzai may be a bit of an obscure classmate in Sakura’s class, but It’s obvious that, while he’s a nice guy, he’s trying too much to take things by himself. He’s also a bad liar to the point that the gullible Sakura can see right through him.You know you’re a terrible liar when Sakura knows you’re lying. His story with Nagato was really sad. It’d break my heart if I learned my childhood friend was hanging out with the wrong crowd. I hope that things can patch up between him and Nagato once Furin goes to beat Keel’s ass. This might be a bit of rambling, but I just learned that his voice actor is Shogo Sakata, who’s known for voicing Aki Hayakawa from Chainsaw Man. I didn’t know he can produce such a childish voice.

Speaking of Keel, the gang is so creepy. Even when I was reading the manga, they gave me cult-like vibes. The member that Sakura meets on patrol is voiced by Junya Enoki. I’m as shocked as you are! I always familiarize Enoki with heroic roles like Totomaru Isshiki from Ron Kamonohashi: Deranged Detective that it’s sort of hard to imagine him as a villain, but he’s here in Wind Breaker as a villain. This will seriously be a treat to watch because this is probably one of the rare times he’ll voice a villain and I can’t wait to hear it! Rambling aside, Keel is very cult-like because they have such a terrible method of discipling their members. If someone failed to do something, they get hit. It’s seriously awful. I do wonder how Nagato got entangled in all of this.

Even in the finale, the animation still is amazing. The way Anzai was fighting off Keel members and even the part where he was catching the purse thief, who turned out to be Nagato, were so good. My favorite part was when Sakura was chasing after Anzai and the camera pans to him going down the stairs and then jumps down to cut him off. Cloverworks really likes showing off why they’re so good with animation.

I seriously cannot wait for next year. It’s crazy how Wind Breaker is getting a second season already! If you’re curious about what happens next and want to read about, please start from Chapter 42, which is the beginning of Volume 6! Season 1 covered the first 5 volumes! I wonder how many volumes the next season will cover. What are your thoughts on the finale?

Final Thoughts

To be very honest, Wind Breaker was one of those animes that I wanted to watch primarily because of the stellar voice cast and that I had a very sour experience watching Bucchigiri, which was also about gang fighting. However, it slowly became one of the most exciting anime watching experiences I had. It’s because of Wind Breaker that I got a lot more online friends! It’s always nice to meet new people who watch the same things as you! While the anime is fun, I think what I gained these past three months feels as precious. Seriously, it’s such an amazing feeling.

Wind Breaker may be a straightforward story about gang fights and action, but the writing is a lot more heartwarming than you expect. It’s more about seeing the characters, specifically the MC Sakura, learn and grow. We learn why Sakura is the way he is and how being around people is beneficial for him. The concept of him going to a delinquent high school, but it’s also a place where the delinquents also have double duty as police officers of sorts. I also love that the fighting is just pure action and not crazy magic stuff. I love that it’s a little different from the usual delinquent stories in that it focuses more on characters and not fighting all the time.

The characters are the highlight of the show. Each of them have their own unique design and personality. It’s just so nice to see how well they mesh together. Not only does Furin have intricate designs, but Shishitoren does too! My favorite part of the characters is learning that their names have a theme! Bofurin characters’ names all revolve around plants. Shishitoren’s names revolve around animals. I can tell the author took so much time and effort to name these characters. As a writer myself, naming characters is both the funnest and the most tiresome aspect of the writing process.

Cloverworks did an amazing job with the anime adaptation. From the memorable first episode where Sakura goes all out against a gang by himself to animating the Shishitoren fights were so great. Though, my favorite part of the animation was seeing the studio elevate some of the characters’ backstories. I really loved how they animated Togame and Choji’s backstory! Togame got a backstory extension and Choji had such quality detail in his! Let’s just hope they keep that quality next season and not turn it into a mess like The Promised Neverland Season 2. Don’t f*** this up, please. The music was also really nice! The OP and ED songs were catchy and the OST were good! I especially loved the song Stronger! I love how there’s a piano remix of it too whenever something emotional happens.

The voice actors are seriously amazing. They legit casted extremely star-studded voice actors for this anime. We’ve got Yuma Uchida as Sakura, Nobunaga Shimazaki as Suo, Koki Uchiyama as Sugishita, and even Yuichi Nakamura as Umemiya. Look at those names! Shishitoren got some big names too like Yuichiro Umehara as Togame and Chiaki Kobayashi as Sako. If they’re going all out for this season, I can’t wait to see who’d they cast for the Keel characters because having Junya Enoki as one of the members is INSANE!

Like I said before, if you want to start reading the manga, start from Chapter 42 because Episode 13 ends on Chapter 41. I hope that you all had a wonderful experience with this manga! I hope that energy returns next year!

#wind breaker #windbreaker #sakura haruka #Anzai masaki #tsuchiya #nagato #keel #Tsubakino tasuku #Mizuki saku #Momose takumi #Hiiragi touma #review #anime #anime review #final thoughts #ecargmura #arum journal

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afreakingdork · 2 months ago

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Soft Spot - Chapter 13

RotTMNT Donatello x Reader

Chapter 13, it's almost Halloween, and I recently watched Kuroneko? Gotta bring @grumpytheunicorn in for that kind of spooky shenanigans in this week's chapter art!

Rated: Explicit

Warnings/Tags: Romance, Established Relationship, Married Couple, Married Life, Aged-Up Mutant Ninja Turtles, Villain Donatello (TMNT), Love, POV Second Person, Babies, Pregnancy, AFAB reader, Vaginal Sex, Rough Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Creampie, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Fertility Issues, Pregnant Sex, Pregnancy Kink, Reader-Insert, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Cum Eating, Turtle Noises (TMNT), I have a Biology Degree and I’m Using it, Menstruation, There WILL NOT be any Miscarriages

Synopsis: First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes the next step about as smooth as the others arrived. The baby-oriented sequel to Weak Spot.

Also available on Ao3

First 💜 Previous

You were sitting in the waiting room of an OBGYN. Your husband was folded up in the seat next to you and you were left to look around. The room was tidy and modern. It read recently redone even though there was no new lingering scent of construction. There was a clear vision of interior design, but the markers of style were washed out by neutrality. Any interesting patterns were swallowed by their grey and purple tones in a way that read that this business had followed the trend of homogenization.

By the many people waiting alongside you, you doubted it mattered.

From what you had glimpsed online, the reviews further offset the idea.

When he had called yesterday, the staff had initially dismissed Donnie’s request for a new patient appointment until he reiterated his name.

This was a coveted practice to work with, you knew that for sure.

“L/N.”

You had to switch sides of the room to find a nurse peeking out of a door.

She smiled and waved at you with her clipboard. “Come on back.”

You moved to stand and found Donnie was not doing the same.

You were fully to your feet before you touched his arm and he finally animated.

“They called us.”

He felt the need to check that there was actually a nurse waiting before he unfurled. “Right.”

You slid your hand down his sleeve until you caught his hand.

He squeezed you tightly as he unraveled his legs and used his free hand to shove himself upright from the armrests.

He trailed behind you with a twitchy demeanor.

“His first time?” The nurse spoke breezily and she let you pass through to the back first. “Height and weight over in the corner.”

“Yep.” You released Donnie so your measurements could be passed along.

He had a roving eye, especially for your recorded weight.

“Alrighty, right over here.” She led you to a room.

Donine stalked behind you like an ominous shadow.

“You can hop up on the table. No changing quite yet and I’ll get some details.”

You took your seat in a familiar chair that creaked with its attachments and Donnie held firm in standing off to the side instead of taking one of two awaiting chairs.

“Y/N.” The nurse nodded to you before looking at your partner. “And you’re Donatello?”

He gave a bare nod.

“It’s alright to be nervous. We’ve seen all sorts.” She turned in her rolling stool and glanced over her clipboard before folding it down in her lap to fully address you. “Maybe not new to the office procedure, but looks like we’ve got first timers all around?”

“Yes.” You adjusted your posture.

“How long have you two been trying?”

“Since November…?” You glanced at Donnie.

He again only barely bobbed his head.

“No problem, the ballpark is fine. When was the date of your last menstruation?”

You shrank a little into yourself. “April 10th…”

Her eyes widened a little. “And I hear you took a few tests?”

“Seven.”

“All positive?”

“Yeah…”

She nodded slowly and was clearly tempering her smile. “Well there’s always room for error, but we’re going to figure out exactly what’s going on today.”

“Thank you.” You felt refreshed that she hadn’t jumped to any conclusions.

Both for yourself and your mate.

“Of course.” She scooted over to you to touch your knee and make a connection. “Don’t worry. You’re in real good hands with Dr. Kuro. I’ve been with her for five years now and she’s like no one else.” She glanced at Donnie. “And not just in that way.”

You knew what she meant, but still spared Donnie the same look.

He was stone faced.

The nurse smiled on. “Any other questions and concerns?”

“I don’t think so.” You didn’t bother checking with your partner.

“Alright then!” She patted her legs once before kicking off so the chair was out of the way. “Now’s the part where you strip! That’s everything off and there’s a basket for your shoes and the rest of your clothes, bag, what have you, right over there. There’s a robe right behind you. It’ll open to the front and feel free to tie the tie on your hip and then another folded blanket that goes over your lap. We got a curtain here to block the door just in case. The doc will knock when she’s ready and you just holler if you’re ready, sound good?”

“Yeah…” You took one breath. “Sounds good.”

“See you soon.” She slipped out the door and pulled the curtain in front of it for you as she left.

You sat in stasis for a moment before you animated. Donnie finally sat and you were methodical in taking your clothes off. You examined the cleanliness of the baskets before folding your undergarments inside your clothes to dump them in there. You wriggled down to just your socks and padded over to get the robe. It unfurled with soft maroon cotton and you slid it on, one arm at a time. You found the tie and tied it off appropriately before hopping back onto the chair and wriggled in place before dragging the blanket over your lap.

“Your socks.” Donnie mentioned.

“I can keep them on.” You demonstrated by moving your toes against the cotton.

He frowned because that had clearly been against the instruction.

“Trust me on this.” You gave him a wry smile. “You have permission to gloat if I’m told otherwise.”

He accepted the bargain with a small nod and not too long after there was a soft rapping at the door.

“Yup!” You called out.

“Coming in…” A voice ushered along with the door opening.

There was a billow of the curtain before a hand slipped into view to catch it. It drew it back with a slide on the track above and a kind-looking, petite woman with fine lines across her face appeared.

“Hello!” She grinned and dragged the curtain back into its concealing place behind her.

Your head tilted. “Hello.”

“Nice to meet you! Dr. Kuro.” She held out her hand, but her fingers were curled.

You hesitated in reaching out to shake.

She noticed her folly and laughed. “I’m getting ahead of myself!”

Her mitt unfurled and you both gave a firm shake.

“Donatello.” She nodded to him without bothering with the same pleasantries.

He gave his clearest nod of the day.

“You’re quite different since our last talk! Is this what excitement does to you?”

His mood soured.

She tittered with a wrinkled gaze that turned on you. “Can I assume he’s told you everything?”

“Pretty much.” The grin was infectious. “You’re the best obstetrician here or in the-”

You suddenly hesitated just in case.

The doctor went on smiling and took a few steps back.

“It’s always like that at first.” She double checked the curtain. “Playing the game of who knows what out of safety. Other worlds and all that!”

Her back turned to you and she tugged the curtain hard even though it was already closed.

There was a clunk sound that seemed to indicate there was a locking mechanism in the track.

She stood with her back facing you and appeared to lounge in the moment.

“Voted best here and in the Hidden City.” She pressed the last two words and turned with some shadows catching her features.

It etched out the wrinkles in her skin and, for a moment, a shine from the fluorescents above caught her eyes to give her a fiercely feline appearance that caused your nerves to flicker.

She finally made rotation back to you in a dust cloud of mysticism.

What walked out was a regular sized black cat that stepped easily on its hind legs. She adjusted her glasses on her snout and it accentuated those same facial lines you had seen. Her crisp blouse along with her doctor’s coat had shrunk down to accommodate her new size and she breezed over to the stool. A single hop and she landed on it to retrieve the clipboard that was left for her. “That’s better. More comfortable than you are I’m sure!”

You gave an awkward chuff.

“I was told you knew?” She lowered the board and gave an obvious berating glance to Donnie. “That I’m a bakeneko?”

“I did… I just…”

She waited.

“I’m sorry, you just… shrank…!”

She laughed brightly and her eyes wrinkle with joy. “I’ve heard a lot of things, but that’s a funny one!”

You apologized again.

“Oh!” One of her back paws came up and she expertly kicked against a counter to push herself perfectly up to your side. “The height is fluid. I barely think about shape shifting these days and can keep my so-called human-form as long as I need! The amount of times I’ve fallen asleep in it!”

She laughed again and you awkwardly joined in.

“This would be what you could call a ‘true-form’ so it’s the most comfortable. Would you prefer bigger?” She grew straight into her human-height while still looking like a cat.

“N-no! That’s alright!”

She gave her cat-like grin and shrank right back down. “Most people worry about the fur! I’ve been asked to wear a hair net!”

“That seems rude!”

“Far ruder than being surprised by height!” She giggled on.

Donnie stirred.

Her ears pivoted to him before her eyes. “Impatient Donatello. I heard you changed, but some of your reputation precedes you.”

“You agreed.” He broiled.

“I agreed to see your spouse? I did.” She addressed him easily. “It’s an understatement to say that it’s not every day you get the chance to safely bring the first ever human-mutant child into the world.”

The horror of a chance confirmation of your pregnancy without proper testing snapped his mouth shut and his spine straight.

“Let’s not bother with the middle man.” She turned to you. “I would prefer to introduce myself. Let’s start over.”

You gave a tight nod.

“Endora Kuro, MD.” She introduced herself with an offered paw.

You shook it firmly.

“I’m approximately 800 years old, give or take, but who counts after 400?!”

You laughed with her.

“Born in the Hidden City, I’ve always had a fascination with healing. I’ve studied medicine most of my life. New teachings in the early Edo period took me topside where I may have garnered a bit of a reputation myself.”

Her green eyes flashed with mischief.

You swallowed hard and she seemed all the more amused by it.

“There hadn’t been a point before then. Sengoku’s warring states and all, but the aftermath was a rebirth of medicine! I was fascinated with bodies. My own included and had a knack for shape-shifting that others didn’t. Emperor, Shogunate. It made no difference to me. I changed appearance to get where I deemed necessary. I learned and learned, traveled the human world to be on the forefront when that became possible. Saw the damnation of the world wars which took me to the states. I despised the internment camps and did what I could. I moved to New York some 30 odd years ago with the emergence of mutants. Wholly new beings that crossed the human-yokai divide?”

You saw kindness tick over in her expression.

“What interest to me! I became a general practitioner with a specialty in mutant care. The American health system is a travesty. I still see mutants, but there was so much help needed in the women’s sector that I eventually shifted to gynecology. My specialty is still with mutants, but I have quite the number of yokai patients these days as well. One’s who have been here, new ones with the better laws of the state regarding non-humans. The distinction blurs.” She waved a paw.

You nodded.

“And here we are. I have a pair of bonded pigeon mutants who are expecting their first clutch and now you. That’s our mutant second generation. Shape-shifting yokai, however, are no stranger to mating with humans though all our progeny comes out the same. The yokai prevails, strong genes. They never have a drop of human DNA. The elasticity of transformation is too potent.” She winked. “Your husband got in contact with me last year about your attempts and he sent me his findings. If you two have conceived and your child comes to term, you would be the first to actually cross the species divide without mysticism.”

“No pressure.” You rattled out.

“Not at all.” She put her paw on your leg. “Your safety is my prime concern. Your husband pressed the same. I will do everything I can for you.”

Her honesty had you a little misty eyed.

“So… That’s me…”

“It’s nice to meet you.” You choked out.

She sympathized. “We’ll be getting real close, but let’s start with a physical exam first and work our way up from there. Sound good?”

“Yeah…”

“Lay back and scoot down. Butt to the bottom here.” She tapped the end of your chair and then pulled out a side panel which she used to walk around you.

Through slits in your robe she examined your breasts and you did your best to separate thoughts of how she was kneading biscuits as she felt into your skin with her paws. She explained in soft little coos that things were alright and she moved forward. She felt over your belly with some pressure that she verbally asked you to speak on, but nothing read as pain to you.

Satisfied, she walked straight off her platform and into a human form where she thoroughly washed her hands. “You’re looking fantastic. Nothing at all that’s concerning.”

You could feel Donnie’s stress leak through your wedding band.

“Pelvic exam and then a transvaginal ultrasound, we still doing okay?”

“About as good as these always are.” You cleared your throat.

“Of course. Good job keeping up with your well womans.” She dried her hands and got gloves. “We warm the gel.” She showed you the speculum. “Looks scary, but I’m gonna go real slow. Start with my finger.”

She was soon between your legs and feeling inside you.

A twist and turn and you could tell Donnie was aching to get behind her to look for himself, but he held back.

You sent him some gratitude for his troubles.

He accepted it with anxiety.

“You’re doing great. We’ll switch now. Here comes the pressure.”

You tried to relax and felt the speculum press into you before it clicked with its widening. “Gonna get a quick swab too.”

You twitched as more than one long q-tip object poked your nethers and she capped them all off for study.

“Still looking great!” She patted your leg with a dry glove and removed her tools. “You sit up for a bit, take a breather, and I’m gonna get the monitor in here.”

“Okay.” You pulled your feet out of the stirrups and closed your knees together.

She peeled off her gloves to give them to the trash before slipping around the curtain.

“Can she feel anything from that?” You asked as soon as the door clicked shut.

“Too early.” Donnie told you.

“You okay?”

He said nothing, but gave you a thin expression.

“They usually don’t draw blood until they have to after the exam.”

He didn’t seem to agree with that logic, but stayed silent.

“They also don’t usually do more than one swab…”

He gave you a sharp look.

You returned and heard a knock.

You hailed in the nurse and doctor who rolled in a cart with a screen attached. A few things were plugged in before the nurse parted again and the doctor showed you the transducer wand. It was a formidable tube that would be inserted into you. She waved around a little too crass in your opinion before lubing it up and switching the adjacent machine on.

It sent out black images on its little screen.

“Lay back again for me.” She urged your legs.

You got your feet returned to the stirrups and joked in your head about a round two.

“Benefits of this sucker.” She touched your inner thigh to show she was going to insert it. “More detailed images of the pelvic cavity and we don’t have to get by those guts of yours with the belly kind. It helps at this stage, which by the notes you gave, could be anywhere from 6-8 weeks. We are about to find out… Breathe and relax for me.”

You did that the best you could and tried not to think about how this was the final moment.

You would soon know for sure if you were pregnant or not.

All those months.

It hit you with a wave of tears that you barely held onto.

You didn’t feel anything as the wand was inserted and only realized it was when she pressed a gloved hand down onto your mons.

Donnie took a sharp breath and you chased not him, but the monitor.

Amongst rounded grey walls was a mostly black void.

In the center of it, beside a small perfect circle, was a little two pronged blob.

“Congratulations, you two…” Dr. Kuro murmured warmly.

Your hands flew up over your mouth and a few tears loosed.

Donnie was at your side in an instant both to be closer to the screen and to catch one of your shoulders.

You removed one hand from your face and grabbed him.

“That’s your little kidney bean. That’s the size it is now. We got one and I put you at eight weeks.” The doctor continued on.

You nodded and sniffled.

Donnie jarred slightly, but shook something off.

“I see good movement which means.. Let’s hear that sucker…” She flipped a knob and a churning noise started up.

It had the speed of a washing machine and thumped wetly over and over.

“That’s-!” Your throat cut you off.

“The heartbeat.” Dr. Kuro clarified. “Nice and fast for where it is development wise.”

You shot blurry vision toward Donnie.

A few tears were openly sliding down his cheeks and he dropped to you in a waft of his coat.

His beak buried into your cheek and he barely offset his churr so you could sit on the sound.

“Few adjustments.” The doctor whispered and moved the angle. “Taking pictures.”

You nuzzled closer to Donnie.

He wiped your tears before his own.

You shared a smile.

“Alright, we’re all done with this…” The doctor warned before carefully removing the wand.

You were passed something to wipe with and she did the same to her equipment.

There was a single knock, but the person didn’t seem to wait. “Doctor.”

“Stay there. One moment.” Dr. Kuro set her instruments down and gestured to you and the screen. “Feel free to keep looking. It’ll spit out some images in a second. Sit up, clean up, you get dressed when you’re ready. I’ll be right back and we’ll talk about all this.”

She departed and for a long moment you stared at the image of your baby on the screen.

Donnie first brought your baskets over before he moved to stand right in front of the machine. His beak nearly touched the glass as he stared hard into the image. He soon located the printer from the sound, but left those images in favor of the digital one. You glimpsed him looking over the dials as you finally moved to dress.

Once you were fully clothed, you sat beside him. “What do you see?”

He pointed to the little circle by the embryo.

“What’s that?”

He shook his head.

“Don?”

“Yolk sac. Not uncommon in humans.”

You rattled out an anxious puff of air. “Don’t delay like that.”

He had a nervous twitch to him.

“What is it?”

He seemed to steady himself, but right when he appeared ready to relay there was a knock.

He moved away from the monitor and you called that you were decent.

The doctor came in. “Hey, kids. How’re we feeling?”

“Good…” You checked with Donnie.

Dr. Kuro immediately took into the pair of you before moving straight to the machine. “Your pictures.”

She passed them off to you and you held the pair.

“Just tell me if you need more.”

You gave a nod and stared at the still image.

“I’ve got my findings. We ready?” Dr. Kuro walked straight onto the stool while shifting into her cat-form.

Donnie faced her openly.

You nodded.

“Okay, first off. We’ve got a heartbeat. We’ve got a little wiggle. This reads to me as nothing of immediate concern.”

Donnie went on high alert.

“Is there… a ‘but’…?” You murmured.

She raised a paw and lowered it slowly. “You’ve got something totally new in you. Something no one thought was possible. Something that, as far as I know, has never been recorded to have happened before.”

You chewed your lip.

“So that’s going to come with some oddities. Is that dangerous? We can’t know for sure yet, but I’m using my expertise to figure it out. What we do know is what you’ve got is exhibiting usual signs of growth and health and we can make educated guesses.”

You could hear Donnie’s breathing.

Dr. Kuro’s ears flicked. “Okay, starting with your physical exam-”

“You said it looked good.” You straightened. “The other swabs-”

She raised her paw again.

Donnie inhaled with sharp annoyance.

You yielded.

“You do look good. Everything down there is technically exactly how it should.” She braced herself. “However, that doesn’t mean there wasn’t some abnormality.”

“I personally monitor cervical health.” Donnie barely withheld a growl. “Y/N’s usual obstetrician has given a similar clean bill!”

Dr. Kuro leveled her glasses with him. “And I got those records. Rush faxed them and scheduled an impromptu meeting with Dr. Carlin earlier this morning.”

Donnie’s chest bounced him to attention.

“With Dr. Carlin, Y/N’s last exam was done prior to your trying, am I to understand that correctly?”

“Yes…” You interjected.

She smiled at you. “Dr. Carlin passed along that you were not on birth control, but Donatello was?”

“That’s right.”

“But she didn’t know which.”

Your eyes shot away.

“One of my own design.” Donnie offered bitterly.

“I have a hypothesis, but I need you to share with me the method. I am aware of Genius Built and their subsidiaries. I know you have a pharmaceutical division, but-”

“It is a specific formula designed for my morphology. Injection. Inhibits tail production in sperm.”

“And you’ve been using this for how long?” Dr. Kuro asked.

“The entirety of our sexual relations.” Donnie spoke clearly.

Dr. Kuro leaned back a little. “Well, that fits my thoughts.”

“What?” Donnie pressed.

“Gradual changes are difficult to see in partners. We see them every day and because of this it’s hard to notice small change.”

“Change?” You asked in a hollow voice.

“You also can’t visually see the womb. Now I can’t be medically certain yet. Our lab here can test for routine things, we have a bigger lab that we send off to for the stuff that’s not, but what I can tell you is from experience and my heightened facilities, your reproductive system appears by most accounts completely average, but I would not say it was average… for… well… humans.”

“W-what…?” You warbled on the words.

“I will be frank. From smell and feel, I can’t help but compare your current internal microbiome to that of a Kappa.”

You couldn’t blink.

You felt your mate stagger slightly.

“Now.” She looked at both of you. “I say Kappa because I’ve dealt with generations of them. Taking care of them. There’s a huge family of them living by the East River. I haven’t dealt with turtle yokai in years and have not encountered a turtle mutant thus far in my practice so they’re the closest species comparison I’ve got.”

You made an odd noise and your head moved to the side.

“Are your insides anatomically different? No. Every person is unique in some way and your parts are as you would imagine…”

Donnie scrubbed a hand down his face.

“That said, you’re running cold. Obviously colder than the rest of your body. There’s also scent. When I examined you, I smelled a make-up that I commonly get from reptile or reptile adjacent species. Your discharge gives me a similar sense of déjà vu.”

“I-I don’t…!” You waffled.

“What are you saying?” Donnie asked starkly.

Dr. Kuro patted her paws together. “I’m saying based on what I’ve just found out from your exam-” She gestured to you. “-about your birth control-” She gestured to Donnie. “-what I know from your records, and my talk with Dr. Carlin, a change has occurred since you started trying to conceive. I believe that Donatello’s mutated sperm has been altering your physiology.”

It was your husband’s turn to stare.

“Mutation is finicky! Whatever was stored in those mosquito-like creatures had a cocktail of DNA. It can give animal’s human intelligence. It can splice animal DNA into humans. It can even jump kingdoms as we’ve seen plants gain sentience or humans become plant-like! It gives all these creature’s mystic powers for Head’s sake!! It’s volatile! It’s unstable. It’s a wonder mutated beings function at all!”

Donnie’s head shot to you and his expression read dismay.

Dr. Kuro dropped down long enough to push her stool and jumped on as it rolled over to Donnie.

He addressed her as if ready to lash out.

“I do not think you are mutating your spouse!” She told him firmly.

He didn’t seem to believe her.

“We are going to run a full blood work up. Everything. Every hormone. We’ll do a damn DNA test, but we are not seeing any other signs! Excuse my language, but let’s consider the facts. Y/N has presumably been getting a direct and non-stop injection of your genetic material to a specific orifice on an exact basis for months now, am I not correct?!”

Donnie gave a watery nod.

You felt like you couldn’t move.

“That’s half the equation. You’re familiar with gametes?”

You both managed some form of confirmation.

“Good. Then I highly, highly, doubt Y/N is getting mutated. It’s more likely due to the sperm’s lifespan; their lingering in the body is causing change. They’re reproductive material, but they are also more. The mutative substance is meant to restructure beings! It exists to create more mutants and is potent enough that a single small injection carried by a bug can rewrite existing DNA structures. It is not a stretch to surmise that part of that DNA alone would carry some of that transformative property.”

Donnie sent his sorrows to you.

You reached for him.

He couldn’t manage touching you and only wearily looked on.

“Maybe it will go away in time. Maybe Y/N has been fundamentally changed, but I won’t know for sure until the swabs and blood work come back. We’re drawing blood after, by the way. A full blood workup. My thoughts, based on what we know, is that Donatello’s genetic material has been making Y/N’s womb more hospitable for their needs and therefore for conception.”

Donnie wheezed on a breath.

“This brings me to your ultrasound.”

A worried jolt went through your body as you sensed a further correlation. “What did you see?” You looked at your mate. “Both of you?”

“You saw it too?” Dr. Kuro looked at Donnie.

He shook his head not out of disagreement, but distress.

Dr. Kuro gave him a pitying look before she walked into her human-form so she could reach the monitor still displaying your ultrasound. “Here.”

You rotated your body so you had a good view of the screen.

“Now to the untrained eye, this looks like nothing, but blobs. I recognize that. However, for those used to reviewing these images, we see everything. I can see an amniotic sac even when there seemingly isn’t a hint of a line and that isn’t due to my eyes. That’s why ultrasounds are done. You see the movement. You pick up on fluids, pressures, and other things that aren’t immediately captured in photos. We look at the embryo itself.”

You nodded, having followed so far.

“You…” She licked her lips and pointed to the smooth back of your embryo. “At this stage, embryonic, we expect to see basal construction. Blood vessels are forming along with the placenta. Basic structures are emerging and sometimes the image captures the pocket where the brain will grow in…”

You checked the static image, but it just looked like a solid colored curve on one side with an indent bisecting it on the other.

“This is too dark.” She pointed to the solid area. “This curvature and color reads to me like…Well like an egg shell.”

You paled.

Donnie caught your chair with the weight of his body, but you didn’t move as the entire thing clattered.

Dr. Kuro only gave an understanding exhale. “But I also clearly saw an amniotic sack and we shouldn’t see the separation here-” She pointed to the bisection. “-if it were all shell. It seems to me there is an accumulation of albumin mimicking an egg shell along the back of your baby while a placenta is building up in the front.”

“What does that…?” You managed quietly.

“It’s both.” She looked at you openly. “Just like the two of you. It’s a mix of human and turtle embryonic growth. There are few studies of the embryonic development of turtles because biologists have yet to agree on the number of stages. That’s not even mentioning the differentiation in species or elemental effects like temperature, but a turtle’s carapace typically forms in the later stages of embryonic development and occurs against the wall of the egg shell. You do not have the necessary anatomy to make an egg shell, but you have analogous substances in your body. You may not have aragonite, the eggshell producing calcite magnesium cluster, but you absolutely have calcium carbonate and magnesium. That appears to be acting as some sort of substitute. I am theorizing, but it seems the buildup we’re seeing is your body’s attempt to replicate the conditions so a carapace can grow.”

“A carapace…” You spoke a little horrified as you remembered your thoughts on trying to give birth to one.

The doctor seemed to read your mind. “Turtle carapaces are only partially developed when they hatch, similar to human baby skulls. It’s the same thought process. They need to pass out of the parent’s body without killing them.”

“But if I can’t form what’s necessary…” You stressed.

“I’ll be honest. We, and in this case I mean your husband, can calculate your genetic compatibility, but measuring you bringing this embryo to term, let alone to a fetal stage is not something anyone can quantify. We, and now I mean me and the yokai community that cares about supporting mutant-kind, have been of the mind that it is not possible for mutants to reproduce. Mutant DNA is too unstable and dissimilar to others, even shape-shifters. My pigeon parents are set to lay three eggs and that is because they were mutated simultaneously, in the same way… Heck! In the same nanosecond! They were tending to their pigeon coop and apparently had both given their tamer bird’s kisses. They then happened to kiss each other at the exact moment one of those mosquito-bugs pricked them. The story goes that it went through both of their lips and enacted the dander residue all at once! They are exactly compatible because of it and are treated as an outlier. Any other combination… Who knows? Cross species viability outside of mutation is a difficult study because even those that reproduce have more abnormalities than with regular species. Everything that’s occurring now is completely new, non-replicable, and may never happen again.” Dr. Kuro sank into a cat shape on her stool.

The silence after her monologue oppressed the room.

All you could think about was Donnie.

You had some connection to the thing on screen, but it was hard to feel attached to the blob.

You had hope, that was without question, and you had joy.

You were finally pregnant and, in a way, you relished that.

You also heard the gravity of the doctor’s words.

You’d spent over half a year dealing with the highs and lows of conceiving.

You had learned the hard way to temper your expectations.

You’d weathered the last 24 something hours well because of it.

Seven positive pregnancy tests were just that until you had confirmation.

Even getting that yes and hearing that heart beat wasn’t commitment.

You had seen worrying signs and continued to wait on allowing happiness.

Your mate was something else entirely.

You were completely devoted to him.

You were mystically tied.

You had spent months walking with him through his grief.

You believed you could handle the loss of this embryo if it couldn’t come to term.

You weren’t sure the same was possible for Donnie.

You were slow to turn and coax him to you.

He came fearfully and only because you didn’t give up.

Once you had him, he wilted into your scent as his only comfort.

“So, I’m getting you on the usual vitamins and an extra big daddy calcium pill that is going to be a nightmare to swallow.” Dr. Kuro suddenly spoke. “We gotta make sure that proto-shell doesn’t leech all the minerals you need.”

You looked at her with wide eyes.

“Then we’re talking at least weekly visits. You can pay or not. I don’t care. I’m doing this for you. Not science. I’m doing this for you and your nugget if you’re in. If you’re up for it, I am going to be your all-star offensive tackle. You are going the distance with me so I ask, do you want this?”

You already knew your answer, but took a moment to pet your mate.

You saw him.

You felt him.

You saw that future that you liked to glimpse.

A little him.

A little carapace.

Your heart soared as big baby eyes looked up at you expectantly.

Waiting for you.

“I’m in.” You told her with full certainty.

She grinned wide until her needle-like teeth caught the light. “Excellent. Let’s do this.”

“Okay. Vitamins. Extra calcium. Blood tests. Weekly visits.” You listed off items to begin committing them to memory.

“Diet and lifestyle change. Even more than the usual no raw meat or unpasteurized milk. I’m talking, you need to be as fit as a fiddle because your body is going to be doing stuff we can’t begin to predict. Having you in peak physical health is going to give us nothing but an advantage against whatever it throws our way!”

“Okay. Okay.” You almost wished you had a pen to write this down.

“I’ve got pamphlets out the wazoo!” Dr. Kuro hopped off her stool and grew human-like.

“I haven’t had morning sickness!” You spoke the thought suddenly.

It caught her mid transformation and she turned mostly without fur, but whiskers pocked her cheeks and cat ears twitched on her head. “Interesting. We’ll need to hear back on your hormones, but I can guess that has to do with those.”

“Am I making turtle hormones?” You patted Donnie for his attention.

He had clearly been listening, but was still dour.

“Doubt that.” Dr. Kuro chuckled into a full human face. “Remember, I think your body is largely unchanged. Morning sickness is an odd one! Humans are the only species who have it. 20% don’t so there’s a chance you’re lucky, but I have a feeling it has more to do with what’s being used in your womb.”

“Yeah?” You asked and felt Donnie prepare himself to move.

“Yes. You’ve clearly got a marked amount of HCG, human chorionic gonadotropin or the thing that prepares uterine linings for embryonic growth, which is what pee tests measure in spades to predict pregnancy.”

“Ah.”

“And some science says that’s what causes morning sickness. Others say excess oestrogen. Someone else will say it’s all the cocktail of wild hormones going nuts. No one knows for sure yet, but if you’re not utilizing the same amount of hormones or you're using them differently, it reasons that you might not experience the same effects.”

You smiled to yourself as Donnie got upright. “’Could be nothing… Could be something’”

“Oh! I like that!” Dr. Kuro chirped. “Doesn’t that just describe pregnancy?! Could be a problem! Could be gas!!” She laughed loudly.

You and Donnie shared a look.

“There’s much to do!” Dr. Kuro returned to her movement which included gathering up the ultrasound machine.

There was growing strength on your mate’s face.

He did adore detailed planning.

You held your hand out.

He took it with a solid grip and helped you off the bed.

“Come on, you two! We got a baby to form!” Dr. Kuro waved at you and drew back the curtain.

💜 NEXT 💜

For the record, all the spooky things is coincidence because it was planned ahead of time, but the scariest thing is that my buffer is gone so me and my darling betas @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83 are gonna have to haul ass! 😱

#softspotfic #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #donatello hamato #donnie x reader #rise donnie #rise donnie x reader #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt Donnie #me #fanfiction #my fanfiction

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the-conversation-pod · 6 months ago

Text

Second Rate Second Chance: The Letdowns of Love is Better the Second Time Around and Living With Him

And we're back! We brought our good friend @twig-tea back to talk about how two Japanese BLs should have been 10s but absolutely flopped for us. This week we're talking about second chance romances, long-term pining, and their roles in queer narratives. Join us to break down what it's like to watch a show fall apart in real time.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Intro 00:02:38 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: What Worked 00:13:31 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: What Didn’t Work 00:23:32 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: Final Thoughts and Ratings 00:26:54 - Living With Him: How it Started 00:36:33 - Living With Him: Where it Went Wrong 00:44:40 - Living With Him: Final Thoughts and Ratings 00:52:03 - Why The Queerness Matters

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Intro

Ben

And we're back. This week, we're gonna be unpacking two Japanese shows that really let us down this season in our Second Rate Second Chance episode. We've brought our friend twig-tea back to the podcast.

Say hi, Twig.

Twig

Hi everyone.

Ben

We brought Twig back on because Twig and I have been watching Japanese BL and Japanese cinema for a long time. We have seen a lot of the good and bad of Japanese BL, and unfortunately both Love is Better the Second Time Around and Living with Him fall into the bad column for us.

We both have a genuine fondness for the way that Japanese teams often execute queerness with a lot of approachable specificity that really lets both of us connect to the queer truth of these characters.

That's personally important for me because, beyond these shows kind of fumbling the bag, they also undercut the queer narratives they're telling with some of the mistakes they've made. This is something that's becoming a burgeoning issue for me and Twig in our discussions about the state of global BL, and so we're going to also get into that towards the end.

00:02:38 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: What Worked

NiNi

Let's start with Love is Better the Second Time Around. Ben, what is Love is Better the Second Time Around about?

Ben

Love is Better the Second Time Around is a second chance Japanese BL about two guys in their earlyish 30s who were very close in their teens when they were in school together, broke up, and are now running into each other again as a result of work.

Our main character's name is Miyata Akihiro. He is an editor for some sort of business and economics magazine and he is assigned to work with this writer and professor, who happens to be his childhood boyfriend. They were supposed to be very serious, and then they had a really painful breakup at a crucial moment. Iwanaga Takashi has clearly still been in love with Miyata this whole time and is flirting relentlessly with this man. They work through some, but not all of their issues and are able to start going out together again before the show absolutely shits the bed.

Before we get to that portion of it,Twig! Walk us through the early developments when we were initially responding positively to the show and what we were really dialed in on.

Twig

The first four episodes of this show were some of my favorite television this year. Which is why I’m so upset about the last two, but we'll get there.

When they meet each other as adults, the messiness of their past is established right away, and you can feel the tension between them. The grudge that Miyata holds is really fun to watch. Iwanaga is a real flirt. He leans into the sort of playboy personality that was also really fun to watch.

It immediately felt adult. Iwanaga admitted to having casual sex with his assistant. Miyata made fun of him for it. They had a kiss in that first episode. It was so good. Miyata decided that he was an adult now, and he wasn't gonna be pushed around by his senpai from high school anymore. The assistant, Shiraishi, was a bitch. A really fun bitch to watch. [laughs]

Ben

[laughs] He really was. He was a real bitch for like, the first four or five episodes. I loved it.

NiNi

I enjoyed that.

Ben

He was played by Takamatsu Aloha, who was in Tokyo in April Is… playing Ren there. It was really fun to see him again.

NiNi

He really nailed the whole bitchy, “Who is this new person? Why are they around this person that I am perceiving to be my man? I need to get rid of this person quick, fast. What is the fastest way that I can do that?” Mm, loved it. It was so, so bitchy. Perfect.

Twig

And it played so well to what felt like the point of the story, which was that the main characters are older now, and to have this younger person around acting younger really helped highlight the fact that these older characters are a little bit more mature and so they're making slightly more mature decisions. [laughs] I won't say very much more mature, but a little bit. He actually worked really well to help emphasize that part of the story.

And we learned early on that Miyata was trying to get engaged; we also see him [laughs] fail at it so badly. That scene is one of my favorites, where he's opening the ring box and Fukuda-san, she won't let him propose. She keeps closing it in his face.

Ben

That was honestly one of the most enjoyable meta moments about BL, where the girl who doesn't deserve this sees a very bad proposal coming and physically restrains [laughs] restrains [NiNi laughs] the main character from opening the ring box so he can't propose.

NiNi

It was super funny. So good. She was just like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Twig

It was perfect. And then, of course Miyata then called Iwanaga to complain about not being allowed to propose, which was perfect and gave more opportunities for extreme flirting.

I loved so much that these two characters started having sex again while Miyata was still mad and still unwilling to be in a relationship with Iwanaga. Miyata confirming that the sex did not mean anything.

NiNi

I loved that he was just like, “I wondered if you were good at this. I'm so mad at you right now.” [NiNi and Twig laugh] That was so funny!

Ben

That was also kinda hot, let's be real.

Twig

Yes! Ben and I had a whole conversation about how finally a scene with tension in yukatas pays off and we see people actually have sex.

Ben

Let me tell you. The real sign that you've been in Japanese BL for a while is when you see two fuckin’ boys in yukata sharing a room together and you know no one's gonna fuck.

Twig

Right? [laugh]

Ben

There's a fun one for the listeners. Sound off in the comments. List all of the Japanese BL that put those boys in yukata and then did not deliver.

Twig

But we got it in this one, finally. And we also got that iconic line, “If you love me, don't apologize.” Which is also, whoo.

NiNi

I did enjoy that. “Do not apologize for this because I'm ‘bout to have a good ass time.”

Ben

I wanna do a quick follow up on one of the comments you made about the maturity of these characters relative to Shiraishi in the story. This is a moment where Shiraishi intentionally doesn't deliver a message about an updated deadline to Iwanaga for the column he's writing for Miyata’s magazine. And it causes a real problem because now Miyata has to go rush to Iwanaga, who was away on a work trip, and get him to hurriedly write this article. It leads to an important sex scene, which is great for us and the yukata delivery that we were very happy about. But I really like that Miyata is so done with Shiraishi. When he finally confronts him about it, he's like, “I don't care if you don't like me, but you're fucking up other people’s lives when you do shit like this.” He wasn't angry at him, the just jaded disappointment cut that man to the fucking bone. He was not ready for it.

Twig

It both illustrated Miyata being more mature and also wasn't letting Shiraishi get to him, that you're not actually a threat, but you're now a problem, so you need to stop. It really highlighted how young and petty he was.

Ben

I really love the way you sum that up. “You're not a threat, you're a problem” is so succinct. And that's really what hurt him in that moment, he realized he had really fucked up. There's no winning at that point. There's only the huge loss of face on his part.

Twig

Exactly.

And then we got Miyata jerking off to Iwanaga’s face in the shower.

Ben

It was really accessible sexuality in this show that was actually really surprising for us because we've been dealing with a lot of cutesy BL lately, it feels like, so it was really refreshing to have these guys have access to their own sexuality and be able to express that and act on it.

Twig

There are ways in which sex is handled in BL. Sometimes it's held back to add tension to a story, but it's often also done in a way that makes the story feel puritanical. From episode 1, we knew that they wanted to fuck. By episode 3 they were fucking.

That just felt so refreshing. Yeah, these are grown ass adults who have had a previous relationship before. They know each other, so there's some level of familiarity there. They're attracted to each other. They want to bone down and so they do. That seems perfectly reasonable. It's actually ridiculous it doesn't happen more often.

NiNi

From the moment that Iwanaga sees Miyata again, it's game on. He's like, “Okay, this? This is happening. I don't care what it's going to take for this to happen, but this is absolutely happening.”

Twig

He bought that man cufflinks.

NiNi

He did what needed to be done, absolutely. He was not playing around. He decided that this is what they're doing and he made it happen.

Ben

So I think what I really wanna highlight here about this particular show with the second chance component is we were actually super dialed in on how seriously the show was taking that part of the premise. Iwanaga comes from a very wealthy family and he was dealing with some shit and he was like, we're gonna run away. Normal, stupid kid shit. The two of them planned to meet at the train station and get out of there and go make it in Tokyo. A stupid character we'll talk about later complicates the situation by convincing Miyata that Iwanaga is just toying with him. Miyata is hurt and embarrassed by this, and does not show up to go on the train. The two of them end up separated by Iwanaga’s family circumstances, and that was their big break.

So when they meet up again, Miyata has real beef with this man. And the show doesn't downplay the seriousness of Miyata’s hurt. That was such a real relief. If the characters have done real harm to each other, we do need to focus on the reconciliation that's critical for this relationship to work this time, and that was something that this show was handling so seriously. Even though Iwanaga wasn't actually giving Miyata all the things that we, the audience, were like, he needs to do these things if it's gonna work. His charm was enough that Miyata was wanting for them to complete the reconciliation.

We don't get second chance like this where the breakup was actually the fault of one of the guys, even if it's complicated by familial homophobia stuff. They were serious about each other at the time, but Iwanaga was doing this playboy shit even then. And so Miyata can't feel secure with him because it's the same bullshit again. I like that their 30 year old selves were not fundamentally different from their younger selves. They were just more experienced.

Twig

The last thing on my list of when I was still really vibing with the show is the “feelings-off,” as I like to call it. Miyata challenged Iwanaga, “You never felt as strongly about me as I felt about you” and Iwanaga said, “Try me.” And so Miyata challenges him, “Did you ever cry about me into your pillow? Did you think about me when I wasn't there? Do you jerk off to me, ‘cause I did.” He gives him four or five things to say, “Were you this embarrassing about me, because I haven't seen you be embarrassing about me.” And Iwanaga says, “Yes. I was.” And that's finally the thing that allows Miyata to give him another chance.

00:13:31 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: What Didn’t Work

NiNi

So we build all that up. We're having a great time. Everybody's vibing with the show. And then it all turns.

From the time that the family started showing up, that was when the show went, to me, off the rails. I was just like, all of this is interesting, but not the same story that they were telling all the time.

Ben

It was confusing. We were in this really solid second chance romance arc where we were focused on the guys rebuilding their relationship with each other. And then it feels like they didn't know what to do with the guys once the “fuck you, don't touch me” barrier falls away. They immediately complicate that by trying to reintroduce Iwanaga's family trauma as this sudden barrier.

This is the common theme with the two shows that we’re gonna talk about, introducing contrived bullshit barriers to keep the characters apart and fuck up their ability to talk to each other when the entire arc is built upon these guys improving the way they talk to each other. That's the real fundamentally unsatisfying aspect of all of this. I'm usually a defender for the way people interact in Japanese cinema. We talk about trying to bring a level of cultural competency to watching Asian media, having been raised in the west. Respect the way that these cultures handle some of their communication protocols when they're engaging with each other. We talk about respecting the way honorifics work in these languages and how that impacts the way these people talk about each other. Listening to some of the tones they use with each other, about how certain terms immediately signify things, and these things don't always translate well. You just have to be able to hear and understand these things. I don't really wanna give these two shows that we're gonna to continue talking about here a lot of credit for this.

This show was in the middle of a really satisfying second chance romance arc of rebuilding a relationship and then completely throws that out the fuckin’ window. Iwanaga is now the male scion of a wealthy family that disowned him for being a homo, but now needs him to come back because his sister is like, “Yeah, fuck all this Japanese nonsense. I'm marrying a foreign man and we're gonna r-u-n-n-o-f-t. That's fine as an arc on its own, but I kinda wish we had like an extra episode or two for these guys to move further along their arc before we introduced that, and it was doubly frustrating because Iwanaga immediately regresses in a way that is not satisfying because he isn't our main character. If Miyata was the one who was suddenly regressing, we have been in that man's head. We were in the shower when he was beating his dick to this dude. We get it. We know what this man is going through. So if he were the one to regress, we would be down with it. We would understand the emotional complexities that he was facing. But the difficulty with Iwanaga being the one to suddenly back off in the middle of all this family nonsense is we never understood the family nonsense. So reintroducing that with this shit heel of a cousin who really wants to fuck Iwanaga was just so deeply unsatisfying, and honestly kind of offensive, because they don't even dwell on it. They're relying on the shorthand of us just going, “Well, they're gay, right? Homophobia. Whatchu gonna do?”

NiNi

[laughs] What I was gathering the story was leading up to the family coming in at that point in time, is that at this point in the story, maybe their romantic feelings had gotten ahead of their commitment. So they're feeling a lot of things, but they haven't talked about a lot of things. They haven't decided what they're gonna do or who they're going to be to each other. They're just sitting in the moment enjoying being together, enjoying having sex and all that kind of stuff. But they haven't really decided what they're gonna be. And then all this family shift comes in so you're just like, oh, okay, they're out over their skis. They don't know what they're doing. All this stuff is happening at exactly the wrong time because it's throwing them back into a history that they haven't really dealt with. Okay, this is good.

But then instead of focusing on that, they focus it towards Iwanaga’s family and what actually happened back then and how it affects Iwanaga, and that doesn't really work? I don't care about that at this point in time. I want to know what's happening with Miyata and Iwanaga’s relationship.

Twig

I think there's room for where we could have cared about it, but we weren't given time or space. There's a story there of Iwanaga so alienated from his family that he wanted to run away with his boyfriend, and they found out about it, and he took all of the blame and didn't let anyone know who Miyata was so that he wouldn't get in trouble. And so his family disowned him. He was cut out of the family registry and cut out of his family’s life. There's a really tragic story there and we're given almost no time to sit with that or care about it. His hurt isn't given any time.

Instead, we just find out that Iwanaga made the decision to let Miyata think he was the butt of a joke and stay heartbroken for years, decade, rather than admit that Iwanaga had family problems when they were kids. And then we see him be willing to let Miyata go again for the exact same reason as adults. And so all of the work we'd seen Miyata do to process what had happened in their relationship in the past and decide to trust Iwanaga again. Iwanaga betrayed that trust, frankly, by not allowing himself to be vulnerable with Miyata. We find out in the very last episode that Miyuata actually fell in love with Iwanaga in a vulnerable moment, he saw him crying alone on the pier, and that was where his feelings turned to love. So we know that Miyata cares about Iwanaga as a person who is not perfect, and he wants Iwanaga to be less cool. And Iwanaga has not learned the lesson.

So, I left this series feeling like I can't trust this relationship to continue in any other way than exactly the way it's happened twice before. It's very frustrating.

Ben

There’s this moment in, like, episode 5 or 6 where Miyata goes and confronts Shiraishi, who decides to stop being a bitch at the final moment. Why?

Twig

I was disappointed.

Ben

He should have been a bitch the whole time. [laughs]

Twig

I just needed to see this man be mean to Miyata one more time and they didn't give me that.

Ben

That's the point, because Iwanaga never has that important vulnerable moment with Miyata. The emotional reveal has to come from the not-rival, which is not satisfying.

You know what? I'm not done bitching. Let's talk about what the show thought it was doing with the cousin. I feel like the cousin is meant here to be the stand in for what trying to be queer and closeted inside of this family does to you. So we get this vile man in Sugimoto who is just so gross and playing these goofy, manipulative games trying to achieve some sort of position for himself or his branch of the family. Is what I think they thought they were doing? It did not land for me at all.

Twig

Yeah. At some point, it seemed like we were supposed to believe that Sugimoto was secretly on Iwanaga and Miyata’s side the whole time. And he was, like, testing them and that test was supposed to be some sort of thing that they should be grateful for. I was like, no.

Ben

I'm gonna do that the next time I get called on some bullshit. You passed the test!

[all laugh]

NiNi

I legit don't understand, like I actually don't narratively understand what happened there. Not just in terms of what they thought they were doing thematically, but narratively that whole part of the story is so confusing.

Ben

NiNi is correct. The first four episodes we were like, “This is a banger. This is gonna be a 10. We gotta tell all the other girlies you need to watch this.” Episode 5 happens, we were like, “Whoa, what the fuck?” And then by the time episode 6 ends, we're like, “Never mind, girls. You don't need to follow us in this one.”

Twig

Shiraishi and Sugimoto have the same role and arc in that final episode.

Ben

Like, we already had a bitch. We didn't need another one!

Twig

Two bitches is too many bitches. [laughs]

Ben

And they didn't even team up and have, like, nasty sex or something.

Twig

Oh my God, I could have forgiven everything if that had happened.

NiNi

First of all, “Two bitches is too many bitches” is perfect, but the other thing is it feels like they thought they needed to have a bitch in the past and a bitch in the present.

Twig

Do you want me to tell you my theory?

Ben

Oh, bestie, I want to hear all of your theories. Go for it.

NiNi

Tell us. Tell us. Spill the tea.

Twig

So I tried really hard to find the manga for this because I needed to know what had gone wrong in the adaptation and I couldn't find it. If anyone out there has it, please send it to me. What I do know is that there are three volumes and that it's still ongoing. One of the things that Japan likes to do, usually one of its worst mistakes when they do an adaptation, is they try to squeeze together at least two volumes into what should be one volume series adaptation. And so we get one really good arc, and then an entire volume or two squeezed into the very end, feeling rushed because they are rushed. So that's my totally uneducated, but based on experience, guess about why this felt like two different shows and two different arcs. Because it probably was?

00:23:32 - Love Is Better The Second Time Around: Final Thoughts and Ratings

Ben

Unfortunately, that is gonna end it for this show. I really want you all, if you've taken the time to listen to us, to really understand that…end of episode 4, we were like 10s, 10s all around. This show is doing some great shit. There's some hot messes here that need to be resolved, but the way that we're being led through this with these characters, the way they're talking to each other, the way we're in it with them was so, so satisfying. Before this show shits the bed.

I am a queer cinema critic who really loves BL and the role it fulfills in the global queer cinema landscape. My goal is to connect other queer people to meaningful stories that they can enjoy. And sometimes that means that we have to say a show really fucked up, guys. If you do watch it, please understand that we loved the show for four episodes and then it transitions in a way that is not satisfying at all. But the first four episodes were still some of the best shit we've seen in a long time. And with that in mind, let's rate this motherfucker!

NiNi?

NiNi

I get to go first. Oh me, oh my.

Ben

We love J-BL, so you get to rate without us giving our ratings. [laugh]

NiNi

I will give this a 6.5. Disappointing me at the end is always gonna hurt me more than something that was wobbly from the start.

Ben

Twig-tea?

Twig

I gave it a 7. After I first finished it I gave it an 8, but the longer it sat with me, the madder I got. So I’ve downgraded it.

Ben

It is also a 7 for me, because where this show goes wrong is very obvious. I think BL viewers would learn a lot about the genre from watching this and understanding where some of us have come from. With that in mind, I'm giving this show a 6.9 from The Conversation because the sex was good in this show.

[NiNi and Twig laugh]

NiNi

Producer privilege rearing its head, I see you, I see you.

Twig

We didn't talk about how pretty Iwanaga is.

Ben

You know, we have not simped over these men. Let's talk about how fuckin’ beautiful Furuya Robin and Hasegawa Makoto were. Holy shit! We have needed some older guys in J-BL—older being 30, for fucks sake. [NiNi laughs] But these guys are fucking beautiful.

Twig

He put on his reading glasses and I [goofy voice] swooned.

NiNi

Hasegawa Makoto was a delight to look at.

Ben

Holy shit! As we're recording this, it is Furuya Robin’s birthday. Happy birthday, sir.

Twig

Happy birthday!

NiNi

Happy birthday, indeed. Keep aging like fine wine.

I'm so mad, though, this show was at 10 right up until, like episode 5, and then it went from a 10 to 6.5.

Ben

It really was. NiNi’s rating is not off. If I didn't think the show was useful to talk about for people, I would have given it probably a 6.

NiNi

Love is Better the Second Time Around gets a 6.9 from The Conversation, recommended with severe caveats.

00:26:54 - Living With Him: How it Started

NiNi

Let's move on to the next show that disappointed us: Living With Him. Ben, what is Living With Him about?

Ben

[deep sigh] Living With Him is about how we will never get the roommates BL that we deserve. [NiNi laughs] All of the energy that we were supposed to get out of roommates BL was lost to the Philippines during the quarantine period. We blew all of that energy on lockdown stories. Goddammit!

Living With Him is about two college freshmen who are going to live together because they were once childhood friends, and their moms think it might be financially beneficial and emotionally beneficial for the two of them to reconnect, since they're both going away to start school away from home and they would like for them to have someone to live with that they also know. We're primarily following Natsukawa Ryota, who is so excited to be going to college. He has dyed his hair brown. He is no longer gonna be doing house chores and taking care of his little sisters. He is ready to spread his little wings and figure out who his actual personality is going to be. He is living with his childhood friend, Tanaka Kazuhito, who is obviously gay and obviously has had a huge crush on Natsukawa for a long time. Kazuhito is also dealing with some major changes in his life—he was a national competing level baseball player in high school who can no longer play baseball due to a shoulder injury. It's very clear that Kazuhito has feelings for Natsukawa, and Natsukawa picks up on this fairly quickly, particularly because all of Kazuhito's friends are being real shady about it.

And I was really excited about what this show was going to be, because this was about two childhood friends reconciling and dealing with this major thing between them. What was really enjoyable about this show—now that we covered the premise of two childhood friends moving together, one of them has a crush, the other one picks up on it—is they talk about this crush in episode 3, and we were primed for the rest of the show to deal with this crush being in the open and reconciling what that change in your relationship is gonna look like.

Where this show goes wrong. After episode 3, episode 4 is them being awkward around each other—a completely reasonable reaction. They come to some sort of agreement by the end of that, and decide they’re going to go on a trip together in episode 5, but they do nothing with that. Episode 6 is a useless fuckin’ flashback episode about shit we already knew to lead into the seventh episode where Kazuhito decides to preemptively reject himself for Natsukawa's benefit, who suddenly can't open his fuckin’ mouth. Into stupid forced separation nonsense for a whole fuckin’ episode and then Japanese track star run for no reason, don't link up with each other, and then pick up episode 8 not dealing with the failed Japanese track star BL run. And we end on this perfunctory note where they wanna suddenly get us back on track in the finale.

Gone on an extensive ramble there. I apologize for you having to edit that, NiNi.

NiNi

I was just lettin’ you cook, fam.

Ben

I would like for you to unpack your experience coming behind us and catching up with our disappointment.

NiNi

As usual, when it comes to the shorter BLs, I like to binge, so I started Living With Him loving everything about it, loving the emotional core of what it is. One of the big things that really got to me is that they do, throughout the show, have flashbacks to their childhood, and there's a lot of good The Knowing content in there. I was just like, “Oh yes, this is so good. He's been feeling this way for such a long time. We're gonna delve into that. It's gonna be so good. It's gonna be so emotional.” [sigh]

And then they don't really do anything with that. For five episodes, the show had me. Kazuhito is teasing Ryota, saying-not-saying the thing. Ryota basically figures it out with the help of Kazuhito’s friends. He's now starting to think, “Okay, well, what is this?” To have a conversation about it. And then you're getting into episode 4 and episode 5, where they’re turning these things around in their heads, and then the last thing that happens in episode 5 that I really responded to, they have like a physical movement where he tells Kazuhito “You can hug me,” basically. And that moment was so heavy. It was so good. And I'm looking forward to having the outgrowth of that moment. And instead we get a fuckin’ flashback. [laughs] And then we get weird sort of casual-homophobia-not-homophobia from Kazuhito's mother.

Ben

Worse, we got compulsory heterosexuality.

NiNi

And then it's like that didn't happen in the end like, okay, that's a digression that we went on. We don't know why we did that. We're going back to the main story now. But now I've lost the emotional thread. They're doing all this stuff and it's cute or whatever, they decided they're going to be together, great, but it's not landing anymore. They've lost me. They've broken the tension. They've broken the emotional thread. I don't feel it anymore.

Okay. So, Ben and I have both talked a lot. Twig you step in here. What are your thoughts about this? How did you feel that the show went wrong? What did you think the show did well?

Ben

Walk us through your process, Twig.

Twig

It’s so, so bad. [laughs]

Ben

Walk us through it, bestie.

Twig

All right. Okay. I was so invested in these two. We start with Natsukawa and the show sets up so well that he's excited to be on his own, and he's unsure about his childhood friend Kazuhito being there. Kazuhito is immediately weird in ways that throw Natsukawa off, and which the audience, or at least the gay audience, immediately clock as, “Oh, this man is gay and catty about it.” NiNi, you called it teasing. Oh, it’s more than that. I was having so much fun with Kazuhito and the way he was like, “Mmm. I wonder what it could be. Why would girls always be unhappy with me as their boyfriend? I wonder.” This man. [laughs]

NiNi

It was so good. He was basically like, “I am trying to tell you in every way possible that I am A) gay and B) into you, and you are just not picking this up, sir.”

Twig

And he was mean about it in a way that wasn't mean mean, but when they go on their adorable not-date, which was some of the best domesticity we've had in a while, Kazuhito says to Natsukawa, “It's all right, you wouldn't get it.” The way he was just calling him out for being obliviously heteronormative without actually calling him out, it was beautiful. And the best part about that was he was wrong. Natsukawa did figure it out, and so Kazuhito being so sure that Natsukawa was too straight to get it, actually blew up in his face in a way that I loved.

The way that they were so honest with each other and the way that they cared about their relationship, this is one of the things that this show does really right about friends to lovers. Even though they're a little bit unsure with each other cause they haven't talked in a while, they still really care about this relationship between the two of them, and they don't wanna fuck that up. But rather than not fuck it up by holding it all in, they actually talk to each other about it ‘cause both of these men have an understanding that communication is actually important. Both of them say to each other at one point or another, “I think you've misunderstood something that I said. I'm gonna clarify that.” Or, “I said that that was a joke, but I was actually lying about that. I did mean it.” The fact that we got to a place where Kazuhito owned his feelings and said, “Listen, tell me if you're uncomfortable, but I'm happy to just keep things as they are” and Natsukawa immediately empathized with him and said, “Wow, this must have been so hard for you. Is there anything I can do to make this better for you?” That was beautiful. It was such a loving moment, even though it wasn't romantic yet? Their relationship was so good and then the show fucked it up so badly. [laughs]

The other thing I loved about this show, before I move on to why I'm so mad at it, was the way they used the friendship group to establish that Kazuhito had clearly talked about this man before, when he wasn't around, [laugh] to the point where his friends recognize who he was and how important he was to Kazuhito. So they met Natsukawa—they treated him like he was a minor celebrity. Like, “This is Natsukawa?”

NiNi

He reminded me of What Did You Eat Yesterday? When what's-her-name finally meets Kenji.

Twig

Oh yes! Yes.

Ben

I would like for you to note that NiNi is the one who brought up What Did You Eat Yesterday? this time, not me. [Twig and Ben laugh]

NiNi

Duly noted. It's delightful. He doesn't even have to introduce himself. Yoshida is like, “Oh, you must be Natsukawa.” And he's like, “What?” and she's like, “Shhh shh shh shh shhhh. Don't worry about how I know that.”

Twig

Kazuhito gets called away and he's like, “Come on, guys. Let's go there.” And they’re like, “No, we're good. We're gonna stay and talk to this man.” [Twig and NiNi laugh]

NiNi

The gossip is here! Why would you go where you are, this is where the good stuff is.

Twig

[sigh] And then.

00:36:33 - Living With Him: Where it Went Wrong

Ben

And then! Take us in, Twig.

Twig

Okay, so, episode 4 happened, and I did appreciate sitting with the awkwardness after the intensity of those emotional conversations and the uncertainty of what things were gonna be like now. That actually felt true. But the problem was it started to feel slow. This is where I think it started to drag.

Episode 5 was clearly filler. We go camping. Okay, there shoulda been a kiss. I'm still mad about it. What it seemed like they were trying to do with the camping episode was establish some of Natsukawa's insecurities. He wants to seem a little more competent and cool in front of Kazuhito. That already felt a bit weird to me because in their apartment he's the one who cooks, so he already has established himself as someone who does things that Kazuhito can't. He also in the flashbacks, in the earlier episodes to their childhood, was established as the one in Kazuhito's life who didn't see him as perfect. Who liked him as he was and as not perfect. So for him to suddenly be caught up in Kazuhito as a perfect guy didn't feel true to the character we'd gotten to that point?

NiNi

I felt like this episode was really about Natsukawa trying to flirt. I feel like Natsukawa has certain confidences, but the insecurities that Natsukawa is dealing with here are about his romantic potential. It's not that he sees himself as smaller or less, but it's more like when it comes to romance and sex and all those things he doesn't feel as confident in that way.

Twig

I agree with you, which is why it was so weird that so much of the camping thing was about how Natsukawa learned all of these camping things so that he could give Kazuhito a good time and then couldn't get the lighter started and so they had to rely on these girls. It felt like they were focusing on the wrong parts of him that he didn't have confidence in.

NiNi

But if he's trying to flirt with Kazuhito in this way, then maybe it's more like, “I'm trying to flirt and I'm failing at it” kind of thing.

Ben

See and this is where things could have been really interesting. Here is the problem: Natsukawa wanting to take care of Kazuhito as his primary way to respond to their situation made total sense. The only skills he's really developed outside of studying are domestic chores. Being unable to deliver on that front when they went camping was totally reasonable and there was something potentially interesting there, but they don't really deal with that properly. There's this actually kind of satisfying moment at the end where he says plainly, “I want you to rely on me more,” that lands pretty smoothly from where we were in episode 3, where he was like, “You must have been holding this for a long time. How do I help you?” And ending on “rely on me more, dummy,” was absolutely fine.

The big problem for me was episode 6. If the thematic point and the thrust of episode 5 is “rely on me more, dummy” the byproduct and answer to that in episode 6 should have been that man waking up and saying, “I've always relied on you.” But instead, the show backs off from them entirely by having Kazuhito break up in the next episode because they don't know what the fuck else to do. I guess. The natural response to that fucking long-ass flashback telling us that this man has always thought about this man, that he has defined a huge part of his adolescence, was for him to wake up and say it. And he doesn't. This leads to the finale episode where finally he says what he has to say and Kazuhito's like, “This is the happiest moment of my life. Let's dead fish kiss” and I'm like, absolutely not! This man has been horny for 10 years. I need to see that being released now.

The thing about me with this is, like—Shan and I joke about this. We are real haters. But like a big part about being a hater is being a lover! You love these shows. You love what they do really well, and where they fuck up is so obvious sometimes. The obvious fuck up of this show is Ryota saying clearly “rely on me more” and then Natsukawa not talking to him for basically two episodes after that, the end of episode 5 is a very clear request from one of our romantic leads to the other that the other romantic lead does not respond to. The guy who has been in love with this man the whole fucking time receives a direct request from him. The guy who was apparently the reason why he was able to get his fucking life back together, and he does not respond to that clear stated request, and because he can't respond to that, it shuts down Natsukawa's arc for the rest of the show about who is he beyond caring for other people. It's so deeply unsatisfying.

NiNi

Twig, in terms of where it breaks down for you, is that similar to where Ben's talking about or do you have a different place where things start to break down?

Twig

Episode 6 is definitely the waste of an entire episode, just illustrating things that they'd already told us through conversation. Show, not tell, but there's no point in showing us what you already told us. That's a waste of time. Natsukawa, his arc got completely fucked up by all of the wasted space in this show. That's why it feels so confusing and unsatisfying, because the order of what he goes through internally no longer makes any sense.

What we see him do in this show is he starts confused, uncertain about what's going on with Kazuhito. He has a realization about what's going on with Kazuhito, and they have the conversation about it. He has time to reflect on it and think about what his feelings are. He accepts his feelings. We see him realize that he likes Kazuhito, he wants to be with him. Then we see him hesitate about that, “Because I like you, it's actually really hard to tell you,” which is not how they've been communicating to date, but okay. And then he goes from that to concern about homophobia, which makes no sense to have as a thing to happen after you've already gone through acceptance and hesitation. And then it gets resolved. It was a confusing clusterfuck because it didn't make any sense, and the only reason why his arc happens that way is because they had those two filler episodes of his acceptance and hesitation in the middle that weren't in the manga. I did read it to figure out what the hell went wrong.

Ben

Twig, walk us through the experience you had reading the manga to get some clarity.

Twig

A lot of the things that I thought didn't necessarily work or I was confused by in the show, worked perfectly in the manga because of the order in which they happen and the lack of space between them. Natsukawa’s arc in the manga is, he reunites with Kazuhito, is confused by what's going on with Kazuhito, he has a realization and the conversation with Kazuhito about it. He's left to think about it. He immediately goes from that to his concerns about homophobia and then it's resolved.

So all of the moments where he realizes he feels good with Kazuhito, he wants him in his life, he misses him when he's not there, those happen after the concern about homophobia. It made a complete difference. Things that I hated in the show worked perfectly well in the manga because they made sense in terms of an order of events and the emotional arcs that people went through. It was a really good illustration of understanding the overarching arc you're telling and not just the moments, because they kept all of the moments of the manga, they're all in the show, but by moving them around a little bit and adding so much in between them, it completely changed how they landed for the audience.

00:44:40 - Living With Him: Final Thoughts and Ratings

NiNi

The show feels like it wanted to touch on a lot of things, but it also didn't want to touch on a lot of things, so we get some of Natsukawa’s arc regarding the way that he feels about having spent his teenage years looking after his sisters and some of the things that have come out of that. His family is a decently big part of the show. And there's some things there with his mom and how his mom may feel guilty and like she needs to make up for certain things. And then his sisters are still asking him for stuff even after he's moved out. They're still buggin’ him all the time. There's stuff in there that's swirling around, but it never really gets concretized.

And then there's stuff around Kazuhito's mom that again, swirling around and never really gets concretized. And I just feel like the show wanted to do all of these things, but they weren't serious about any of them. And then they spend all this time in the middle, these two entire episodes, pulling in a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with any of this.

Twig

I wanna pick up what you said about the parents. The show spent time with both Kazuhito and Natsukawa’s moms. We Natsukawa’s mom clock immediately that there was something wrong with Natsukawa because he was making something deep fried, which is a sign that her son is going through it. And I thought that was a really beautiful way of showing that his mom understood him. And then we got the conversation with Kazuhito's mom when the comphet happens where Kazuhito's mom asks Natsukawa to let her know if Kazuhito meets anyone so that she can find out about his love life because he never tells her anything.

And then the final episode, we get a moment with both moms where they clearly clock that something's going on with their sons and seem happy about it? And that was so unearned and made me so angry. Natsukawa’s mom at least seemed like she knew her son, but Kazuhito's mom was fully oblivious, and for her to get that moment of, “Oh good. My son is now happy with his boyfriend” to the point where—I took in these yukatas so that they can have this yukata moment—mmm, to bring that back.

Ben

There it is. Sorry, listeners, you won't get to count this show when you list them out.

[all laugh]

Twig

So they get these yukatas taken in so they can have them permanently. And nod to, “I know that you guys are gonna be a thing,” a quiet without having to say it aloud, “I'm cool with your relationship” and she makes an offhand comment that Kazuhito is so much happier now, like he was when he was younger, that indicates that she knows that Natsukawa is making a difference in Kazuhito’s life and she's happy about it.

Where the hell was that energy when she was talking to him before, where did this come from?

Ben

You're right, man. After two episodes of angst in episode 6 and 7, they rushed the shit out of the resolution in episode 8.

Twig

This show had too little material to work with, was too cowardly to add very much at all. The little bit that they did add was not good, so maybe for the best that they [laughs] didn't try to do too much, but they wanted to keep the main beat in the same place, which meant that they shoved a bunch of filler in the middle that fucked up the entire emotional arc and then rushed the ending. They just shat the bed on it. The part that I was actually really interested in—which is, what is this relationship going to look like once it gets off the ground?—we didn't get any of that.

Ben

This show was good for like 30 percent of its run, tolerable for about 62 percent of its run.

NiNi

62 percent, that was so specific.

Ben

It’s what 5 divided by 8 is. [Twig laughs] It's just math.

NiNi

Sir. Sir. Sir!

Ben

Anyway, this is from the same team that brought us Old Fashion Cupcake, so we're trying to understand why the people who have made a five episode banger decided to take what should have been a five episode banger and make it an eight episode fart.

Twig

Talk that talk.

Ben

This show was so vacant. They clearly ran out of the great source material by the end of episode 3 and did not know what to do for the rest of the show. Spending this much time in one character having intense angst over another character not ending in a satisfying release of that tension is extremely disappointing. If Kazuhito was holding these feelings for 10 years, that perfunctory little dead fish kiss was so unsatisfying. I rebuke it.

NiNi

We shall not speak of it.

Twig

The one thing that did keep me going through that last episode were the performances specifically of Sato Ryuga and Sakai Sho. The performances in this show were good and I would like to see them in something else.

Ben

I would very much like them to try again.

NiNi

I absolutely agree, even through all the nonsense I think that the acting was solid and I would like to see these boys do something again. [sigh] I don't wanna talk about this show anymore.

Ben

Let’s rate it!

NiNi

[laughs] Let's rate this sucker.

Ben

It's a 6. It's a 6. It was not exactly offensive, but this show made the egregious sin of being boring. How do you make a Japanese BL boring? That is the reign of Thailand, with its 50 to 100 fuckin’ minute episodes.

[Twig laughs]

NiNi

I'ma let you cook. For now.

Twig

The worst part about it is it's so close to being so good. You can almost fix it just by watching 1-4 and then 8.

NiNi

No.

Ben

No.

NiNi

No.

Ben

No.

NiNi

No.

Ben

No.

Twig

No?

Ben

[laughs] No. Absolutely not.

Twig

Ha! [Twig laughs]

NiNi

I would be right there with you normally, but 8 is not good.

Ben

I love you, Twig. [laugh] I will be back-to-back with you against anyone in this fandom. But I can't be with you on this, sis. Episode 8 fucking sucked because it doesn't complete either character’s actual character arc! Mm-mm.

NiNi

It doesn't pick up on the stuff that was going on up to episode 5, and then it also doesn't pick up on the stuff that they were doing in 6 and 7. So it doesn't follow either of the arcs that they were going with.

Twig

This is my point. You have to cut out all the shit it didn't pick up on [laughs] and then it's fine.

Ben

[laughs] You're gonna make it the five episode BL it should have been.

Twig

That’s what I’m saying!

NiNi

No. I'm sorry, even if you wanted to do that, I'm sorry, those lame ass kisses at the end? Forget about it.

Ben

NiNi! Rating.

NiNi

It was a 7 until this conversation, now it's a 6.

Ben

Twig-tea!

Twig

Yeah, I'm with you all, it’s a 6.

Ben

It's a 6 from The Conversation.

00:52:03 - Why The Queerness Matters

Ben

Both of these shows got less than a 7 from The Conversation, and the conversation about them is different. Love is Better the Second Time Around was actually so fucking good for the bulk of its run and then clearly jettisoned to go be something else instead. With Living With Him, it's very clear that they didn't know what to do with the amount of runtime they had. You can see this show falling apart in real time. This show was not it and it should have been. The potential was sky high and the show really let me down. It went from being a 10 to a 6. That is a terrifying fall. I don't think I've ever had such a turn with a show in my experience in BL.

NiNi

So, the thing about these two shows, why we ended up placing them together, aside from the fact that they started strong and flopped. The flop happened for both of these shows in trying to go for a flashback. Trying to go to time prior to the show to tell us… what, exactly? And I think that's the thing that really I'm taking away from this. If you're gonna do a flashback in a story, the flashback has to give you something, it has to mean something, it has to illuminate something. And for both of these shows, I do not feel illuminated by the flashback. I didn't feel like the flashback gave me either new information narratively or new information thematically and emotionally. I just feel like the flashbacks were there because they wanted to flash back to a different time for whatever reason, but there's no real reason in either of these stories for the flashback to exist.

Ben

It's because they're making the mistake of not recognizing what western M/M romance understands, that if you're going to break the characters up in a meaningful way, do it at the 60% mark.

Twig

I want to pick up what NiNi said, too. The flashback has to accomplish something and we should learn something from it, but also the character should have learned something since, and it should set us up for them to move their arcs forward in a way that makes sense from what we had before the flashback.

NiNi

Absolutely, yes.

Twig

In both of these cases, the flashback did not fill in the information to allow us to follow that character arc in any way that was meaningful or satisfying.

Ben

I'm not always keen on flashbacks in romance. I gotta be honest. The problem with romance flashbacks a lot of the time is, unless you're contextualizing something that the audience has picked up on the whole time, you're just retconning your show.

Twig

Yeah, I agree. For the most part. I think sometimes shows seem like their goal is to trick the audience and that most of the time should not be your goal except in very specific genre circumstances. Most of the time, your audience should be able to at least anticipate sort of what's coming-ish and be excited about it. The how and the why is the part that's interesting, not the, “Oh, you did something that you didn't tell me you were doing for the last however many hours of my life.” It shouldn't be a surprise.

NiNi

For me, that's not entirely it. I have enjoyed before a midstream flashback that tells me something brand new that I have to go back to the beginning and be like, “Oh a twist!” Like, I've enjoyed a twist flashback before. It's not even a question of that. It's a question of, the flashback has to have a purpose. It has to have a reason, it has to give me something, sooomething that I did not already know. Like I said, whether that's narrative, whether that's thematic or emotional, but it has to illuminate something new for me. It has to have a reason for being there. And I just feel in both of these cases the flashback had no reason for being there.

That said, I have enjoyed this episode. For many reasons.

Ben

It's because we dunked on Japan. That's it. [NiNi laughs] That's it.

NiNi

You can't even let me have the fun of saying it.

Ben

No, no, no. You don't get to have it. ‘Cause I love Japanese BL. This dunking is me trying to grab them by the shoulders, like James T Kirk grabbing people by the shoulders, and being like, “What are you doing? I need you to get it together. [laughs]

NiNi

I am enjoying this episode because sometimes I do feel sort of alone in my little “Eh, I'm not entirely feeling it” bubble on some of these Japanese shows, so it's nice to have company for a change, is what I was saying. I was not trying to shade you.

Ben

Here's the thing, let's unpack this. Japanese BL works for me the most often because their romance stories often track for something very specifically queer about them. All the Japanese BL that I constantly bring up on this show has romantic angst that also taps into my very specific concern as a queer critic. And that's particularly why I get frustrated when these shows fuck it up.

As Twig pointed out, Living With Him introduces a compulsory heterosexuality moment after the character has made the big emotional turn and recognized that he does want to remain close to his friend after he learns an important queer detail about him. That is a huge queer fuck up! The big fuck up with Love is Better the Second Time Around is, these guys went through the task of getting back together and trying to be open with each other and being vulnerable and kind of embarrassing with each other. When the homophobia rears its head again and is gonna separate them, the show does not reward us or the characters for the growth that they've been trying to achieve by letting them have that moment together to become a battle couple.

That's the real problem with it, ‘cause, like, in a normal fucking heterosexual romance, who gives a shit if the straights are gonna stay together? The whole world is going to help them stay together if they want to, or let them divorce if they don't. We're the only ones who're going to give a shit about each other when the boots come marching again. And so when I'm watching BL, I'm watching from the queer part, and when these shows fuck up on the queer part is when I turn against them so aggressively. That's why you’ve seen Japan not even catch strays this time. I'm sniping at them for these shows because this is not correct. [NiNi laughs]

This is the true fuck up. This is the crux of my disappointment here. They fucked up on the queer front, not on the romance part. I can take it or leave it on the romance part. Writing romance is not as easy as people think it is. People fuck that shit up all the time. But if you can do something that feels queer in a way that feels truly correct to me, I'll be very forgiving about some romance missteps. But both of these shows fucked up on the queer part of their romance arcs and I do not forgive that.

Twig

After they were doing so well, that's the part that hurts. They started getting the queer part so right and then got it so wrong.

Ben

I truly get you, why you don't always vibe with these shows, NiNi, because they're not always satisfying in that way as romance stories. I totally get you on that. But what always works for me in the shows that I want to advocate for when we get together is that these shows have a real kernel of queer truth that is worth connecting to and worth advocating for for people who want to engage with queer stories. It's why you and I were able to bond so strongly over I Told Sunset About You, I Promised You the Moon, and Bad Buddy. Those shows are satisfying romantically and also as queer cinema. The shows that we both love the most on here are very good at both of those things. But the queer part of their storytelling is non-negotiable for me in a genre about boys kissing each other.

NiNi

I hear you. I'm with you. This episode is gonna air right at the end of June. I think this is a great way—

Ben

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

NiNi

—for us to—

Ben

Oh yeah.

NiNi

—end Pride month.

Ben

Happy pride, bitches!

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

NiNi

Because it is important to remember that among everything else, amongst all the love and romance in this genre, that this genre is a queer genre and the queerness matters.

Ben

Any final thoughts you'd like to share with the audience, Twig-tea?

Twig

I don't have anything to add. That was right. Correct! That's what I have to say to that.

NiNi

That is going to wrap us up on Second Rate Second Chance! Twig, thank you so much for being with us.

Twig

Thank you for having me.

NiNi

We will see you guys next time. Until then, we out. Say bye to the people, Twig.

Twig

Dispatch!

Ben

Dispatch!

NiNi

[laughs] Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

#ben and nini's conversations #podcast #the conversation #on art #lgbtq #bl series #japanese bl #summer series #summer 2024 #love is better the second time around #living with him #kare no iru seikatsu #koi wo suru nara nidome ga joto

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starillusion13 · 6 months ago

Text

FRIENDS!? Chapter 13

🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

Series ML

Pairing: poly!ateez × f!reader (An ATEEZ Office AU)

Genre: Mature, Angst, Yandere

Warning: mention of memories (nothing much just go with the flow), mention of hostage and crying, fear.

W.C: 3.4k Network: @k-vanity

[Reblogs and Reviews are always appreciated. Thank you for reading and have a nice day ahead. Please always take care of yourself everyone.]

Hello, Can we be friends please?

>.<

“Yunho…” you sobbed uncontrollably. Your eyes slowly fluttered open as you rubbed it to look at the door if he was there but there was no one. Complete darkness covering your surroundings, only a tiny night lamp lit in the corner of the room. You wiped your tears before staring at the door for a few seconds and decided to sit up straight.

I should end everything.

However, something was blocking you. Your heart and your mind are conflicting with each other. You scoffed at yourself. How could you even think about them this way? No one cares about you. It’s just a show for them and you are a puppet. The darkness should engulf you and make you disappear forever.

It would end your misery.

You stood up and went straight towards the book-shelf. The first thing they gifted you after moving into the house with them --- all your favorite books you wanted with the ordered shelf. The anger bubbled inside you and hot tears slipped down your cheeks, you grabbed the first book and threw it against the door, followed by the second one. You threw every book and items decorated on the shelf around the room, wanting to end their façade of love visible to you.

Whatever you could see in the dimly lit room, you threw it away. There were loud thud sounds with each banging effect and you were sure one of them had heard you. Is that going to make them angry?

You immediately reached out for the lamp and when you were about to throw it, the door slammed open. Your hand trembled, heart beating fast and your breath heaved. A tall figure appeared in the doorway, you couldn’t see his face but his aura was calming yet dangerous. He didn’t speak a word but took a step forward, you gulped and raised the hand with the lamp towards him.

“don’t take a step ahead. I will hurt you…I will kill you.”

He again took a step but paused, “you are not going to do anything, y/n. You are a good person.”

You shook your head, “I don’t want to be a good one. I want to be freed from here.”

“I can’t let you go.” He calmly said.

“Yunho, please…” the light falling on your face, revealing your pained expression, more to say it was tiredness all over your face. Your bloodshot eyes, tear stained face and cuts all over your cheeks and arms. Somehow, it made his heart ache and he inhaled deeply.

“y/n…listen to me.”

“NO! I won’t.” you shouted at him.

“You never want to hurt me. I know we are bad. But you shouldn’t be bad like us. Calm down. Listen to yourself. Look at the mirror beside you. This is not who you are.” Your face turned towards the mirror beside you, the lamp in your hand illuminating your teary face. The tired and angry tears streaming down. You have to go.

This is not you, y/n. they have made you like this.

A large grip held your forearm and snatched the lamp from you. Your wide eyes looked at the figure in the dark standing in front of you.

“are you out of your fucking mind? What were you trying to do?” Hongjoong’s loud voice echoed inside the room but you didn’t flinch, neither said a word. You kept staring at him. when did he enter?

“I trusted you, Joong.”

He was breathing heavily. It was clearly evident that he was furious at the moment, “then don’t do this stupid stuff. What mess have you made here?”

“you messed up my happy life.”

He licked his lip, brushing his hair before replying, “y/n, listen to me. You are safe here and we are here to protect you. We love you.”

“Then why are you hurting me?” you looked straight into his eyes and then glanced towards Yunho standing just a few steps behind him. Hongjoong asked him to turn on the lights but he didn't. He was glued to his spot and blankly watching you both. A third figure appeared at the doorway. He leaned against it and picked up a frame near his tip of the boot.

The ring in his finger made it clear that it was San. What is he doing here? Is he going to lock you up again? Or do that…your body shivered on the thought. Hongjoong held your shoulders tightly and ordered, “go freshen up, yourself and I will bring you dinner.” He turned his face, “ask the maids to clean this room quickly. She will sleep in my room tonight.”

“I won’t be staying with you in your room.” Your loud voice made him look towards you. He was calming himself not to mess the situation anymore. You again muttered, “I want to go somewhere. Far away…far away from here.”

“and where?” The other two male’s present there had their attention on you as well.

“anywhere but not here.”

“Y/n…”

“San, take Hongjoong with you and leave from here. I need some time alone with her.” Yunho cut off Hongjoong’s words and the eldest poked his tongue at his attitude. He nodded and stared at you. San stepped forward, keeping the frame on the table and placing a hand on the eldest’s shoulder and urged him to leave you with Yunho. Hongjoong shrugged his hand away, leaving your shoulder and glared at you before leaving the room. Before turning back, San glanced at you, he wanted to say something but he didn't. He kept quiet, just watched you looking at the doorway from where he left.

He couldn’t say anything because he shouldn’t.

He turned around and quietly left the room.

Leaving behind only Yunho and you.

“Why are you making it hard for us, y/n?”

Your gaze fell on his tall figure. He was walking towards you. You didn’t stop him, neither say anything nor showed any emotion. Just blankly staring at him. but you did hear his question…’making hard for them’…how?

He stopped in front of you, cupping your cheeks to make you look up, “please love us back, y/n.”

How? You all don’t even love me then…what are they expecting from you?

You looked into his orbs. Tears were lining the vision. He was crying. The moonlight peeking inside the room and falling on both of you so that at least you could see each other’s face.

“Please talk to me, y/n. don’t be quiet.”

“Will you say everything to me? why and how?” you whispered to him but he could hear you as he nodded.

“I will tell you everything you want to hear from me.”

“Then tell me…why am I here? Please be honest with me.”

His thumb caressed your cheeks, “you belong to here. To me. to us.” You shook your head, didn’t want to hear the same words again and again. You held his wrist to remove his touch but he gripped it tighter. “look at me and listen to me.”

“I don’t want to hear those same things.”

“don’t you appreciate our friendship? Our efforts to make you happy and make you feel special. Everyone in the school is jealous of you. Do you know that? They wish to be in your place. You are so lucky, y/n.”

“no, I’m not. You all are monsters!”

He chuckled, “yes we are. We keep it secured to us when we want something. And we want you.”

“please let me go. I miss my home.”

“and I will miss you. If I let you go, what will happen to me, y/n? don’t you care for me?”

“NO! I don’t care about anything. We were friends, Yunho. We were good friends. I accepted you all. I liked being with you all. It was so nice and comforting to spend time with all of you but you all have changed. It was just a plan for you to get to this point.”

He remained calm and quiet. Just the way you hate them. You know they won’t speak any of the things you wanted to know. If he is not going to say anything then you would say all you want.

“Why did we become friends back then? You all played with my innocence. You all made my childhood a lie. All those happy memories of us…those fun and promises. Those were fake, right? What do you even want from me? I was just lonely and wanted some friends to share my days…and I really did make the worst decision.” You were glaring but your tired eyes were betraying you and the tears made your vision blurry. The way he was disappearing in the vision, you wanted him to go away from there like that.

But you did love him……maybe a little bit.

“y/n…” his hands fell from your cheek to the wrists, holding it firmly, not caring about your raging eyes but bringing your palms to his lips and softly kissed them, “you are everything to us, y/n. We are doing this for you. Why can’t you accept it? You are having a misconception about us. We are not as bad as you think. It’s you who is making it seem like something else. I love you.”

“No, Yunho…NO…don’t tell me I’m wrong. I know this is going to end in the worst way and one day…you all will regret what you have done.” You snatched your hands from him and stepped back, he carefully watched your attempt to search something.

You bent down and quickly grabbed a tiny object before he could get the grip of it, you held it in front of you, “I will end this today. You all can’t keep me here. Never.”

“y/n, calm down..” he raised his hand but not stepping in your boundary, “you are not going to do anything stupid. You don’t want to hurt me.”

“hurt you?” you laughed, feeling stupid and anger rising with every second, “I really don't do stupid things like hurting you…I wont hurt you because I love you, Yunho and I don’t hurt someone I love.” You took deep breaths, “I’m going to end myself.”

“No!” It was a piece of broken glass.

He immediately reached out his hand at you and held your wrist, turning you around and a small yelp you let out when he threw you on the bed, holding your hands above your head and you were crying and wiggling under his hold.

“y/n, please don’t do this. Please…”

He was crying on top of you. You didn’t say anything as you laid frozen. You lightly tried to push him away but he didn’t budge and he was staring at you, promising a lot of dreams. Again those fake promises.

You looked away from him but as soon as you did, his lips landed on you. Your breathing stopped but you didn’t fight back. You remained surprisingly calm and felt his body weight moved above you. You shut your eyes and he was still staring at you. Titling his head, he got more access. You weren’t kissing back since you’re afraid and lost. He became rough but sometimes slowed down. It was like he was arguing with himself.

“I love you, y/n.”

Not a single reply came out of you. You were just closing your eyes and silently crying. He moved to his side, sitting up and pulled you to his embrace, cradling in his lap and lulled you to sleep, you didn’t protest. You always felt secure in his arms and you hated it the most. As he felt your breath even out and weakly lying in his embrace. He stroked your hair a few times and kissed your temple. Standing up with you in his arms, he went outside the room and walked through the passageway towards his room, where he knew Hongjoong was waiting for him and… you too.

But the thing he didn’t notice was someone standing at the end of the passageway, curling his fist tightly and clenching his teeth. He was not liking the view of his friend carrying you. He hated it. to say it more, he wanted to be him. He should be there. Not him. not them. No one else. Only him.

A hand placed on his shoulder, “Yeosang, what are you watching?”

“I want her.” He turned to his side, “San, I want to keep her with me forever.”

San shook his head, “the stupidity of including her in our life will end us forever someday. And you will regret it. we should have just let her be our friend. not more than that.”

“She is meant to be ours.”

>>>><<<<

Time must have passed well. The boys…well your boys are always kind towards you. Well, sort of. Sometimes, they make you nervous and afraid of them but rest aside, you are really comfortable --- just a reminder that some of them are still not in your go to list.

Even though you are laughing with them, going out with them, getting looks from others because of them and to say less, they have fired some employees because apparently, they heard nonsense about you from them. They are a bit possessive, too much and do you complain about it? of course not. You feel so special and developing feelings for them is an addition to it.

You have gained so many new memories. Some even you remake them. You were afraid to death to convince Seonghwa, San and Hongjoong but surprisingly you didn’t have to work hard because Hongjoong was the first one to tell others to support your ideas.

Just like two months back, you all went to a playground…say it childish but you enjoyed to your fullest and one thing you can’t deny that they all were admiring you. As if you are the person, they always wanted to look at and to have in front of them forever. This really made you wonder why you then left them. Wait! Why did you change your school back then?

One thing you are sure that you grew up in an orphanage but there was a family whose silhouette you could see – not fully but it felt as if you were close to them yet not. Apart from that, you have remembered your life during middle school. Why did you forget them? The memories are so comforting and filled with joy. How you wish to not forget them again!

Wooyoung, Jongho, Mingi and Yunho really told you everything about those times and it did help you more to regain memories fast. Well medicines are playing a huge part too. You haven’t told them about the weekend's check-up with your psychiatrist but you doubt Seonghwa knows about it.

“Are you okay?”

You smiled, showing how comfortable you are with him, “I’m alright.”

But inside, you are fangirling him and freaking out. He is all in a denim outfit with a sunglass resting on top of his head. Can he look more attractive and handsome than he is? You pat your cheek to calm yourself and watch him moving around his cabin.

“I didn’t ask you to stand the whole day. You can sit if you want.”

You laughed suddenly, he looked at you weirdly but returned back towards the shelf. Your slow embarrassing steps take you to the chair and place yourself on it. Why did you laugh? You don’t forget a chance to present yourself like a fool in front of them. Especially in front of Hongjoong. tapping your feet a few times while curiously watching him. you didn’t notice the person standing behind you.

“Is he that interesting to watch?”

“what the fuck!” you placed a hand over your chest and turned your head around. Wooyoung was standing with a wide mischievous grin on his face. You swear you will throw him away from this building If he doesn’t stop scaring you like this. “can’t you make your presence known before you open your mouth?”

He laughed out aloud and soon got a smack from Hongjoong with a file. Ah! The handsome man returned back to you.

“I am that irresistible to watch. And I am so blessed to get her attention on me this whole time.”

Nevermind, he is handsome but he speaks like stupid like others.

“Am I right, y/n?”

“huh?” he raised a brow at you, tilting his head to the side and waiting for your reply. You nod your head, agreeing with him without even knowing to what but still you replied correctly, moreover to boost his ego, “you are looking handsome today, I must say.”

Hongjoong smirks to which you roll your eyes and he swiftly turns to his right to sit on the chair across you around the table.

“You look beautiful, like always.” You blink at him, but soon reply with a light ‘thank you’ and a little smile. An utterly handsome man complimenting you in a very sincere way is just like in fairytales and you are living that dreamy life. You won in life. You are so blessed to get these good-looking best friends --- wait lovers?

He passes you a few files to start with the work for the day.

One thing is to think about, you could remember the first kiss you shared with Yunho at the rooftop, still not sure of the second kiss --- was that really Seonghwa? You can remember the times spent with each one of them. But San --- you haven’t spent enough time with him. why? Was he always this distant from you? But why? But you could feel something is different about the times you have spent with Wooyoung and Yunho then it’s different with Mingi and Jongho and then Hongjoong and San, and in the last Seonghwa and Yeosang. Were you really close with each of them?

Mingi and Jongho had the innocent times with you, the laughs, the silly times at the playground and running around the neighborhood. But the times with Yunho and Wooyoung, there are those secret glances, the admiration, the blooming innocent love --- of course you loved them back then. Right? Forget about it.

Then comes Yeosang, you have bittersweet memories with him. He was always the dual personality type. He would snap at you all someday and the other day, he would again treat you like the most precious one. You loved him but somehow this feeling raised goosebumps on your skin. why?

Now comes the rest three --- you do believe they have the most part of your forgotten past.

Anyways, it’s past, not that it matters to you at the moment.

They are the family you have and you love them.

You are just being paranoid again.

But what if you had a family? There’re still some mysteries apart from all the happy memories. You are just one step behind from knowing all those pasts.

Just the nightmares one. Where you can see people comforting you yet you can't feel the warmth of it. where you can see someone smiling at you but you are scared of it. you can see someone caring and protecting you still you want to run away. Why can't you see the faces? And why do they seem so familiar?

Then you can hear screaming, crying, running away and …home.

Your scared and lost eyes do get noticed by Hongjoong.

It’s clear you are zoning out while helping him out with paperworks. Meanwhile, Wooyoung left when he got a call from San.

“y/n? hey…” he noticed tears flowing down your cheeks, he quickly got up from his chair and got to you, turning your chair around. You flinch on how tightly his grip holds your wrist. Your teary eyes staring at him. He put the pen away from you and wiped the tears. His touch and gestures are so soft and careful not to scare you more. “Why are you crying?”

You blink while shaking your head sideways as you feel salty tears slid into your lips. You immediately wipe it with your fist before smiling again. He again held your wrist and calmly asked, “tell me, y/n. what happened?”

“nothing. It's really nothing, Joong.”

You are crying. This is not good. You can’t cry in front of him.

Not again.

“Look at me,” Hongjoong firmly pulled your chin as his stern yet a softness hiding behind the eyes met your lost one, “is something disturbing you?”

“I am just……scared.” You confessed. There’s no point of lying in this situation. Your whole life is on the edge of truth and lies. Sometimes you know everything and sometimes you don’t know a lot more things than you think you know.

He pulls you up and shakes his head before pulling you in his arms. “don’t be scared. No one is going to hurt you.”

No one is going to hurt you.

He rubs your arms and back softly, you bury your face into his chest, “Joong…” you murmured in his embrace.

“hm?”

“Why do I feel like I have heard this before?”

He rests his chin on top of your head, “what?”

“that no one is going to hurt me. Has anyone hurt me before? Was I bad back then?” you raise your head to look at him, “were you bad back then?”

His figure still. His breath hitched when you asked the question while staring at him with scared eyes. No no. He did nothing. He meant nothing bad to you. Everything happens for a reason.

Hongjoong, the reasons are selfish.

You are selfish.

Everyone is selfish.

“We all are good and bad in some aspects.” A smile appears on his face and he continues, “but you are always a good person. And I will protect you forever. I will keep you safe.”

“Are you pretending to hide something? If not then why are you even doing this?”

His reply comes quickly, “because I love you, y/n. I can’t afford to lose you again. I am sorry for a lot of things but trust me I won’t let you go again.”

“Can I trust you, Joong?” he nodded to himself. You didn’t say ‘love you’ back to him. It’s okay. One day, you will. right?

“always.” He assures you and you hug him tightly, burying your face into his chest. He kisses the top of your head.

“don’t break it then.” You whisper.

Hongjoong’s grip loosened but soon he rubbed your back gently, meeting someone’s eyes standing at the door.

San stood there, staring at your figure wrapped around with Hongjoong’s arms.

We already broke your trust, y/n.

And, I feel it’s going to happen……again.

_________________________________________

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graysoncritic · 8 months ago

Text

A (Negative) Review of Tom Taylor's Nightwing Run - What Went Wrong? Bludhaven (PART 2)

Introduction Who is Dick Grayson? What Went Wrong? Dick's Characterization What Went Wrong? Barbara Gordon What Went Wrong? Bludhaven (Part 1, Part 2) What Went Wrong? Melinda Lin Grayson What Went Wrong? Bea Bennett What Went Wrong? Villains Conclusion Bibliography

Instead, Taylor readily abandons the statue just as soon as it is introduced. We don’t return to it, we don’t even use it as a set piece that can ground Bludhaven and make it feel like an actual place. It doesn’t make an appearance in any covers, nor in establishing shots. In fact, even its thematic symbolism is forgotten when Alfred’s statue is built. Such a decision is especially infuriating when one considers the fact that not only would Alfred hate having a statue in his honor, but that Alfred means absolutely nothing to the people of Bludhaven. He means something to the reader, but not the citizens of the city that Dick is meant to protect. In this, we see how once more Taylor’s online mindset interferes with his storytelling, replacing a set piece that was tied to the in-universe history of the city he was writing with fanservice.

By contrast, Humphrie’s Bludhaven is filled with specific locations that are unique to, well, Bludhaven. We have the different casinos

(Humphries, Sam. Ruthless, writer. Janson, Klaus; Campbell, Jamal, illustrator. Nightwing: Rebirth no. 37, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2018. pp. 22)

The Tiki District

(Humphries, Sam, writer. Chang, Bernard, illustrator. The Untouchable: Chapter Two: Relentless. Nightwing: Rebirth no. 36, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2018. pp. 13)

Which greatly contrasts the darkness of the docks…

(Humphries, Sam, writer. Chang, Bernard, illustrator. The Untouchable: Chapter One: Hunter. Nightwing: Rebirth no. 35, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2018. pp. 17)

And the melancholy of the sunken city

(Humphries, Sam, writer. Jimenez, Phil; Campbell, Jamal, illustrator. The Untouchable: Chapter Five:Face Off. Nightwing: Rebirth no. 39, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2018 pp. 05)

All of it is so specific that it makes Bludhaven feel alive. It gives Bludhaven an identity rather than keeping it a generic location.

Let’s take a closer look at the establishing shot of the sunken city and see how the page is laid out to emphasize the storytelling going on in the dialogue and enrich Bludhaven. There's something so visually poetic about that last panel. The intimacy between the Judge and Nightwing, the opulent throne atop a simple boat in a sunken, destroyed home.

It feels a bit like a visual metaphor for Bludhaven and corruption. Bludhaven is thriving because of the casinos, but they are also corrupt. And yet, despite their rich aesthetic, they are built on top of a tragedy, of a city that was lost and had to rebuild itself, taking advantage of a corrupt system that devastates its citizens while also being the only thing keeping them from drowning.

The lighting of the page is also so beautiful. Light coming in from above, appearing almost heavenly, and yet it makes the scene so still and lonely

During Dixon and Grayson’s runs, and during Taylor’s run, Bldhaven does not have an identity outside of Gotham and Nightwing. It is difficult to describe it without relying on those two factors. It is not impossible, of course, but those descriptions would be rather bare, relying on what one wishes Bludhaven could be rather than what is actually on the page.

In The Untouchable, however, Bludhaven can be described independent of Gotham and Nightwing. Yes, those elements are still crucial to its depiction, but rather than being all that there is to it, they serve to enhance what is already there. Dick’s interactions with people from Bludhaven further fleshes out the city while also demonstrating that they have their own lives outside of their meetings with Dick or Nightwing. Guppy, Svoboda, Lucy, Dick's clients at his gym... All of them are clear products of Bludhaven, they are affected by what happens in Bludhaven, and they interact with different parts of Bludhaven. Because they are characters with their own interiority, the reader really is able to feel the consequences of the Judge's actions.

Yet, Taylor and Redondo both refuse to pay Bludhaven any of the attention it deserves. They do not even give it the respect of making it into Gotham-light. Instead, they opt for the generic, lazy, and morally simplistic depiction that is yet more proof of just how little thought they give to anything remotely related to Dick Grayson.

Bludhaven, as it exists in The Untouchable, was built on top of a corrupt foundation, and its systems are so intertwined with the rot that you can't neatly separate them. There's no easy answer to this, no solution without a victim. It adds some nice stakes to the story, creates constraints which Dick must creatively work around, and demonstrates how Nightwing’s fight is far larger than just The Judge. It illustrates how even if Dick catches this one guy, he still has so much more to do, creating a perfect comic status-quo where the hero can progress and make a difference without eliminating conflict sources for future stories.

Through the Judge, we also get to see Bludhaven’s history, and through this evolution, we also get to see just how much Humphrey cares about Bludhaven. I have yet to encounter another writer who has devoted so much care to Dick’s city. I have yet to encounter a writer who put so much effort into making this city feel alive. Gotham is beloved by many writers and fans alike, and The Untouchable showed that Bludhaven has the potential to be just as great if only it was given to a writer who cares enough to develop it.

Needless to say, Taylor is not that writer.

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Redondo, Bruno, illustrator. Leaping into the Light Part 4. Nightwing: Rebirth. 81, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2021. pp 13)

While this may be wholesome, the truth is that by giving such a triumphant moment early on in the story, Taylor robbed his characters of any opportunity to change, and any opportunity for a well-earned pay off later. In turn, this robbed the story of its ability to engage with its themes by creating a very simple morality. Evil can be manifested in different ways and anyone is capable of it. Perhaps not all of us will be uppercase Evil, but we're all capable of the smallest acts of lowercase evil by letting our anger blind us to what is right, not helping others because we tell ourselves we have to survive, upholding unfair systems because they benefit us.

The city of Gotham does something similar. We have the evil of the rogues, but we also have the crime families, a myriad of corrupt institutions -- from the police department to the justice system to the politicians who are in the pockets of those on the top – and the ordinary citizens who have been disillusioned by the hardship they face. We have greed on a massive scale but also a small and personal one that is far more relatable, we have chaos of the Joker and we have more relatable pettiness, selfishness, apathy, and cruelty.

Some of these play a larger role than others, their influence has a wider reach, but it is the different layers that makes Gotham feel so difficult to tackle. There’s a reason why Batman's origin story works best when it's just about a mugging gone wrong, and when Joe Chill is just a simple man who fired two shots in a dark alley because he wanted a pearl necklace. There's a reason why Bruce stays in Gotham rather than trying to save the entire world all the time. Batman, after all, is not about fighting the just grander Evil, but about bringing justice to everyone, even in what may be perceived to be a small scale.

While I do not believe Batman: The Knight was perfect (and, indeed, I have a lot of problems with it and dislike Zdarsky’s current Batman run nearly as much as I dislike Taylor’s Nightwing), I do think that Zdarsky did a good job when having Ra’s Al Ghul confront Bruce on this matter.

In #09, Ra’s challenges Bruce to work on a macro scale, and Bruce explores that idea before deciding he needs to work on a more personal level.

(Zdarsky, Chip, writer. Di Giandomenico, Carmine. The Knight Part 9. Batman: The Knight. 09, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2022. pp 13)

Bruce’s world did not fall apart because of a war or an alien invasion, but that did not mean his pain is invalid. There might be far more important things than catching a mob boss who orchestrated the murder of two circus acrobats, but that doesn’t mean that their lives did not matter or that their son does not deserve to see justice. One of the beautiful things about the detective stories of Batman and of Nightwing is that they treat everyone’s trauma with equal respect. Batman and Nightwing aren’t just about catching the bad guy, they are about giving the victim a chance to heal by offering them closure.

You can also observe the dichotomy of these two evils in The Untouchable. The entire plot of The Untouchable is about the Judge using people’s desires to corrupt them, luring them into committing evil deeds. At the same time, the story does not condemn those who fell prey to the Judge’s promises. Instead, it portrays them as complex individuals, and this reaffirms the themes of corruption through desire and the necessity for forgiveness.

Lucy, for example, is not vilified for betraying Dick. She did the Judge’s bidding, but she is not a bad person. She is still Dick’s friend and cares deeply for him. And yet, her choices are not portrayed as excusable. The comic perfectly balanced having Lucy not be a bad guy for what she did while also making it clear that she was still in the wrong for accepting the Judge’s offer. She is not Evil but she made an evil choice and she needs to be held accountable for that.

This plays into the idea that to Dick, people are not naturally Good nor naturally Evil. They just are who they are, they have the potential for both, and it's their choices that dictate their nature.

(Humphries, Sam, writer. Chang, Bernard, illustrator. The Untouchable: Chapter Six: Deep Dive. Nightwing: Rebirth no. 40, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2018. pp. 18)

And as mentioned previously, Grayson also played with such ideas when she introduced the character of Sophia into the story.

Taylor flirts with similar ideas without ever committing to them. His Bludhaven supposedly has corrupt institutions, big men on top who oppress others in order to stay rich, but to lay every wrong and every sin in the city at Blockbuster’s feet is morally simplistic. It's flattening. Immature. It's, frankly, boring. It just doesn't work on a narrative level. Most importantly, it makes Nightwing's presence superfluous.

Once more, I must emphasize that I do not believe that one must incorporate a social commentary in the themes of one’s story. However, as Taylor's narrative seems to signal he wants to discuss these matters, I think it is only fair to point out how his actual writing is uninterested in examining the complications inherited in these subjects. Taylor wants those big, meaningful moments that claim to say something thematically important, yet he creates easy-to-take down strawman villains who can take the blame for everything while wrapping them in the trappings of social commentary.

Nothing in Taylor's supporting characters, conflicts, villains, or city were created to challenge Dick in any way. Part of the reason why you can feel Bruce's genuine love for Gotham is that that city is always challenging him, always giving him a reason to give up, but Bruce never does. Again and again, Gotham shows itself as a place that perhaps should not be saved, that is too rotten, literally cursed to bring out the worst of humanity. It would be easier to burn the whole thing down and start new.

But Bruce doesn’t do that. He still sees something in Gotham worth saving. No matter what he uncovers, Bruce won’t give up, and that makes us, the readers, root for Batman and root for Gotham.

Bludhaven should challenge Dick in a similar way. But in this run, it doesn't. Dick's assertion that the citizens of Bludhaven are good and there are only a few bad apples ruining it for everyone is never challenged. Dick is never asked to question his beliefs. When he decided that the solution to one of Bludhaven's biggest problems (homelessness) was just to create a shelter, Dick is never challenged for his savior mentality, he never faces push back from those above him or below, is never paralyzed by bureaucracy, never has to deal setbacks that force him to re-strategize. He's just... Proved right. And everything goes on smoothly.

Taylor’s approach gives Dick no room to grow and no room to stand his ground. I can’t help but think how much more powerful Dick’s own belief in Bludhaven and its people would have been if, during that earlier scene when the tent city was in flames, no one came to help. Nightwing and Robin would have had to save everyone on their own, and Dick would be faced with the difficult to swallow possibility that maybe he’s wrong. Maybe the people of Bludhaven are too disillusioned to do good. Maybe Babs and Tim, both characters who are known for being pragmatic, would even tell him so. But he refuses to accept that. As he looks upon the octopus statue, Dick affirms the resilience of the city and how it does not need to come at the cost of kindness. Bludhaven is worth saving, its people are worth saving, and Dick will continue to believe in them, even though he was just given a reason not to.

Again, I must emphasize that it is fine if a person is not interested in writing a story about this. Not every superhero story needs to explore these real-world, complex themes. One of my personal favorite Batman stories (and one I believe should be required reading for any Batman fan) is Murderer/Fugitive. While there are certainly themes of forging of identity, the story is far more concerned with what the forging of one’s identity means in the specific context of Batman rather than that of the real world. That is not to say you couldn't do an analysis on identity about Murderer/Fugitive, but the work as a whole serves more as a commentary on Batman, and it is in conversation with the popular idea that "Bruce Wayne is the mask that Batman wears."

And just because one wishes to engage with themes of class and economic inequality, it does mean one needs to tackle it directly. Again I must bring up the modern masterpiece that is Scott Snyder’s Court of Owls. That story beautifully uses the fantastical and noire elements of the Court and the creation of the Talons to engage with themes of wealth inequality and to explore Bruce’s complex relationship with Gotham. The secret cult, of superhuman assassins, and the murder mystery element provide enough distance between the real world issues and the story itself that Snyder has the creative freedom to play with his characters and narrative while the specificity allows him to dig deeper than he ever could should he have decided on going for a broad approach.

Taylor tries to ground his themes by using real-world issues, but he refuses to engage with what those real-world issues look like in, well, the real-world. He deals with them in the context of his morally simplified, perfect little society. As Braxis perfectly pointed out “When Dick starts a charity to help the homeless he never actually explains how that will be done, what causes homelessness, or what the homeless are asking for support.” (Braxi, Steve, “On Superman, Shootings, and the Reality of Superheroes” Comics Bookcase, September 2021)

Taylor’s Bludhaven demonstrates a frustratingly simplistic view on morality that prevents the story from engaging with these issues with the care they deserve. By not fleshing out the city, by denying Dick’s interactions with other characters, Taylor creates a world of simple morals. This means that rather than engaging with the progressive ideology he claims to care about he is simply creating the appearance of social commentary and rich themes. This demonstrates that he’s not actually interested in the work required to make that work, only the prestige that comes from it.

#nightwing #dick grayson #anti tom taylor #bludhaven

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liora-vespera · 27 days ago

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CHAPTER (3) - Ethernal Echoes

Genre:

Dark Romance, Rebirth, Revenge, Mystery, Drama

Warning:

Not much for now, but the age gap between the leads is 13 years.

<-Prev Present Next->

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The Kim Corporation’s skyscraper stood like a fortress in the heart of the city, its shimmering glass exterior reflecting the setting sun. Inside, the building buzzed with activity despite the late hour.

On the top floor, Taehyung’s office exuded an air of authority, its modern decor pristine and minimalist. He stood by the floor-to-ceiling window, gazing out at the city skyline, his mind racing through strategies to deal with the legal emergency that had landed on his desk just an hour ago.

Behind him, Mr. Han entered, holding a file.

"Mr. Kim, I’ve contacted Mr. Min. He’s on his way," Mr. Han announced, his tone professional but carrying an undertone of familiarity.

Taehyung turned, his expression unreadable. "Good. This matter needs to be resolved immediately. We can’t afford any delays."

Mr. Han nodded but hesitated for a moment, his lips twitching as if holding back a comment. Taehyung noticed but didn’t address it, focusing instead on the documents spread across his desk.

-------------------------------------------------------

Y/N walked beside her father, Min Jin-ho, holding a few shopping bags in one hand while scrolling through her phone with the other.

"Dad, you really didn’t need that new briefcase. The one you have is fine," she teased, glancing up at him with a playful smile.

Mr. Min chuckled. "You say that now, but when you start needing professional accessories for your boutique, you’ll understand."

Y/N rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "If our boutique ever takes off, I’ll consider it."

Just as they exited the mall, Mr. Min’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He paused, pulling it out and frowning slightly when he saw the caller ID.

"Work?" Y/N asked knowingly, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," he replied with a sigh, answering the call. "Mr. Kim, good evening. How can I assist you?"

Y/N waited patiently, stepping to the side to let other shoppers pass. She could hear her father’s tone shift from casual to serious as the conversation continued.

"I understand," Mr. Min said after a pause. "I’ll be there shortly."

He hung up and turned to Y/N with an apologetic look. "Emergency. I need to head to Kim Corporation’s office."

Y/N shrugged, smiling. "No problem. I’ll wait in the car."

"No," Mr. Min said firmly. "I don’t know how long this will take. You’ll come with me and wait in their lobby. It’s safer than being alone in the car."

Y/N sighed but didn’t argue. "Alright, lead the way, Mr. Workaholic."

-------------------------------------------------------

Taehyung’s sharp ears picked up the sound of the elevator doors opening, followed by Mr. Min’s steady footsteps. He rose from his seat as Mr. Min entered, his usual composed expression in place.

"Mr. Kim," Mr. Min greeted, extending his hand. "Apologies for the delay."

Taehyung shook his hand firmly. "No need to apologize. Thank you for coming on such short notice."

The two men sat down, diving straight into the matter at hand. Mr. Min listened attentively as Taehyung explained the contractual dispute, occasionally jotting down notes.

"This will require immediate legal action," Mr. Min said after reviewing the documents. "I’ll need to represent your company in court to file an injunction. It’s the only way to prevent further damages."

"Do whatever is necessary," Taehyung said. "I trust your judgment."

Just as they were finalizing the details, Mr. Han, who had been standing near the door, cleared his throat. "Mr. Min, if I may…"

Both men turned to him.

"You mentioned earlier that your daughter accompanied you today. Is she waiting downstairs?" Mr. Han asked, his tone innocent but with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

Mr. Min nodded, sighing. "Yes, she’s in the lobby. I was planning to take her home after shopping, but this came up."

Taehyung’s mind clicked instantly. His daughter is here? The faintest smile threatened to curl his lips, but he kept his composure.

"Mr. Min," Taehyung said, his voice calm but firm. "If it’s a concern, I’ll personally ensure your daughter gets home safely. You should focus on this case."

Mr. Min hesitated, glancing at Taehyung and then at Mr. Han. "That’s very kind of you, Mr. Kim, but I wouldn’t want to impose—"

"It’s no imposition," Taehyung interjected smoothly. "Your work is critical to resolving this matter. I’ll make sure your daughter is taken care of."

Mr. Han, standing to the side, coughed lightly, covering what sounded suspiciously like a chuckle. "Mr. Min, you couldn’t ask for a more reliable person than Mr. Kim to handle this. Your daughter will be in good hands."

Taehyung shot him a warning look, but Mr. Han’s face remained neutral, though his eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Alright," Mr. Min said reluctantly. "I appreciate it, Mr. Kim."

Taehyung nodded, his mind already strategizing.

-------------------------------------------------------

Y/N was doodling absentmindedly in her sketchbook when she noticed a tall, sharply dressed man approaching her. She recognized him instantly—the commanding figure from the engagement party.

"Miss Min?" Taehyung’s deep voice pulled her from her thoughts.

Y/N looked up, her brows furrowing slightly. "Yes?"

"I’m Kim Taehyung," he said, his tone polite but firm. "Your father asked me to ensure you get home safely. He’s tied up with an urgent matter."

Y/N blinked, momentarily caught off guard. "That’s… kind of you, but I can get home on my own."

Taehyung’s lips quirked into the faintest smile. "Your father insisted. It’s not negotiable."

Y/N hesitated, glancing around the lobby as if searching for an escape route. "Alright," she said finally, standing and gathering her belongings. "If you’re sure."

Taehyung gestured toward the elevator. "Shall we?"

As they stepped into the elevator, Y/N couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more to this encounter than simple kindness.

-------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Han leaned against the doorframe, watching Taehyung’s retreating figure with an amused expression. Turning to Mr. Min, he said casually, "Mr. Kim takes his responsibilities very seriously, doesn’t he?"

Mr. Min nodded, oblivious to the teasing undertone. "Yes, he’s quite professional. I’m grateful for his help."

"Professional indeed," Mr. Han murmured under his breath, barely suppressing a grin.

-------------------------------------------------------

Taehyung rarely drove anyone, let alone someone he barely knew—or rather, someone who barely knew him. As the sleek Genesis G90 glided through the city streets, he kept his face stoic and his movements measured, carefully maintaining the façade of professionalism.

Y/N sat beside him, comfortably oblivious to the man she was with. Her gaze was fixed on the passing world outside the window, the city lights dancing in her eyes. She hummed softly, a tune Taehyung didn’t recognize, and the sound, unpolished but sweet, filled the otherwise quiet car.

She hadn’t questioned why Taehyung himself was driving her home instead of arranging for someone else. After all, she barely knew him beyond being her father’s boss—a distant, authoritative figure.

But Taehyung’s thoughts were anything but distant.

From the corner of his eye, he observed her: the casual way she held herself, the way her oversized hoodie seemed to envelop her petite frame, the way her denim shorts revealed a pair of legs that weren’t crossed demurely but stretched comfortably, as if she were in her own space.

And then he noticed the faint red mark on her left thigh, just above the knee—a tiny blemish, almost like a mole. It shouldn’t have meant anything to him, but it pulled at a thread buried deep in his mind.

A scream. Pain. Blood. A girl’s voice begging for help.

Taehyung’s grip on the steering wheel tightened as the fragmented memory resurfaced. The car veered slightly, and he abruptly pressed the brakes at a red light.

Y/N jolted in her seat, snapping out of her reverie. "Is everything okay?"

He quickly adjusted his expression, schooling it back into calm neutrality. "The brakes are sensitive. My mistake."

She blinked at him, her brows furrowing slightly before she shrugged. "Okay."

She turned back to the window, clearly unbothered, and Taehyung exhaled quietly. His chest still felt tight, but he forced himself to refocus.

Taehyung exhaled deeply as the light turned green, forcing himself to shake off the memory. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him—not now, not ever. Keeping his focus on the road, he cast another glance at Y/N.

Her face was illuminated by the soft glow of the dashboard lights as she leaned her elbow on the window, resting her chin on her hand. She looked completely at ease, as though this ride was nothing out of the ordinary.

If only she knew.

Taehyung’s mind raced with thoughts he couldn’t voice. He knew exactly where she lived, even though Mr. Min hadn’t told him. He’d already learned everything there was to know about her—her habits, her boutique, her struggles. And yet, he had to act like this was all routine, like she was just another acquaintance.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Y/N’s voice broke through his thoughts.

Taehyung blinked, slightly caught off guard. “What do you mean?”

She turned to him, a playful glint in her eyes. “You’ve been quiet the whole drive. I thought people like you—big CEOs—liked talking about themselves.”

The corner of his mouth twitched, almost forming a smirk. “Not all of us.”

“Well, you’re missing out,” she teased. “I mean, I bet you have some great stories. Like, what’s it like running a company? Do you yell at people a lot?”

He raised an eyebrow, glancing at her briefly before returning his attention to the road. “I prefer not to yell. It wastes energy.”

“That’s so serious,” she said with a small laugh. “Do you ever have fun?”

Taehyung hesitated for a moment, unsure how to answer. “I suppose that depends on what you consider fun.”

Y/N tilted her head, considering his words. “I guess fun is... doing something that makes you happy without worrying about anything else. Like when I’m designing or playing badminton with my friend. it’s just... carefree.”

Her mention of her friend sparked a flicker of irritation deep within him, though he kept his expression impassive. “Carefree,” he repeated, as if testing the word. “I’m not sure I’ve experienced that in a long time.”

Y/N gave him a curious look, but before she could respond, her phone buzzed. She pulled it out, glancing at the screen.

“It’s my dad,” she said. “Probably checking to see if I got home yet.”

Taehyung didn’t respond immediately, his mind preoccupied with the idea of her carefree world—something so far removed from his own.

-------------------------------------------------------

The car finally pulled up to a modest yet elegant house nestled in a quiet neighborhood. Taehyung shifted the gear into park and turned off the engine.

“We’re here,” he said simply.

Y/N unbuckled her seatbelt, turning to him with a polite smile. “Thanks for the ride, Mr. Kim. I appreciate it.”

His gaze lingered on her for a moment longer than necessary. “It was no trouble.”

She opened the car door and stepped out, her hoodie slipping slightly off one shoulder as she adjusted her bag. For a fleeting moment, she looked back at him.

“Goodnight,” she said, her voice light.

“Goodnight,” he replied, watching as she walked toward the door.

As she disappeared inside, Taehyung leaned back against the seat, his hand resting on the steering wheel. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts—plans, questions, and desires he couldn’t yet articulate.

One thing was certain: this was only the beginning.

---

The air in the luxurious estate was thick with tension. Selena paced back and forth in the living room, her heels clicking sharply against the marble floor. Her perfectly manicured nails dug into her palms as she clenched her fists, her usual poised demeanor completely unraveling.

“How dare he?” Selena’s voice trembled with rage as she glared at her mother, who sat calmly on the plush velvet sofa. “How could Taehyung humiliate me like this? He agreed to the engagement, Mother! Agreed!”

Her mother, Eunha, a woman of composed elegance, sipped her tea, her expression unbothered despite her daughter’s outburst. “Selena, darling, lower your voice. The staff doesn’t need to hear every word of your tantrum.”

“This is not a tantrum!” Selena spat, her eyes blazing. “Do you know what the tabloids are saying? That I wasn’t good enough for him! Me! As if Kim Taehyung is some kind of prize.”

Eunha finally set her cup down, folding her hands neatly in her lap. “Well, isn’t he? A multi-billionaire, the head of the Kim empire, and one of the most sought-after men in the world. You fought hard to secure this engagement, Selena. What went wrong?”

Selena’s lips curled into a bitter smile. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out. He gave no reason—just said he didn’t want me. After everything we did to make this happen.”

Her mother sighed. “You’ve always had a temper, my dear. Perhaps it was that.”

Selena’s face darkened further, her fury reaching its peak. “Temper? Mother, this isn’t about me! Something changed. Someone changed him.” She stopped pacing, narrowing her eyes as if the answer was within reach. “And I’m going to find out who it was.”

Eunha raised an eyebrow. “You think there’s someone else? That Taehyung left you for another woman?”

“I don’t know,” Selena admitted, her voice lower but no less venomous. “But if there is… if there’s even the slightest chance that another woman is behind this, I’ll ruin her. I swear it.”

Her mother’s expression remained neutral, but there was a glimmer of concern in her eyes. “Selena, don’t make a fool of yourself chasing after him. You’re better than this. You’re still the most powerful woman in Seoul if you play your cards right.”

Selena ignored her, already lost in her thoughts. She replayed the engagement party in her mind, going over every detail. Everyone had been there—business elites, politicians, celebrities. Everyone had seen her glowing on Taehyung’s arm.

But her mind kept circling back to a single memory: a girl, young and soft-spoken, who had fainted at the party. She remembered the subtle way Taehyung’s eyes flickered toward her, how he seemed… distracted after that.

“That girl,” Selena muttered, her brows furrowing.

“What girl?” Eunha asked sharply.

“At the engagement party. The one who fainted.” Selena’s lips twisted into a cruel smile. “I bet she has something to do with this.”

Eunha frowned. “Selena, don’t be ridiculous. She was just some random guest.”

“Was she?” Selena tilted her head, her tone dripping with malice. “Random or not, I’ll find out who she is. And if she’s the reason Taehyung humiliated me like this…” She paused, her voice growing darker. “I’ll make her wish she never existed.”

Eunha’s gaze hardened. “Selena, you’re playing with fire. The Kim family isn’t one to cross lightly.”

Selena sneered. “Neither am I.”

As her mother sighed and shook her head, Selena turned on her heel, her mind already working on her next move. If Taehyung thought he could walk away from her without consequences, he was gravely mistaken.

For the first time in her life, Selena felt powerless—and she wasn’t going to let it last.

To be continued...

#bts taehyung #taehyung imagine #taehyung smut #taehyung #kim taehyung #bts fanfic #taehyung ff #taehyung fanfic #taehyung fic recs #bts ff #bts fic #bts #dark asthetic #dark romance #love #fanfic

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luminouslywriting · 4 months ago

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Chapter 2: Toccoa, Georgia (The Prophecy)—A Band of Brothers Fanfic

A/N: I am so so so so SO sorry this is out late. This past week was super hectic! I hope that you really enjoy the chapter. I did my best to make it my own and different from other beginnings of BoB that I've seen, so you'll have to let me know what you think! Also, as a side note—I did, in fact, live in Toccoa area for 13 weeks a couple years back, so I actually do love that place!

Winnie could say that she had never been to Toccoa Georgia for any reason in her short lifetime and would probably have no desire to ever return. Though there wasn’t any snow on the ground here, it was just as gloomy as the rest of Georgia was in the winter months. Everywhere she looked, there were men in uniforms and people bustling towards the wartime factories that had popped up.

Her arrival at Camp Toccoa was a rather quiet affair, and so there she sat in a wooden chair inside a small waiting area. Occasionally, Winnie glanced over at the precipitation building on the windows. When she was a kid, she had long periods of waiting like this one—where her father was in jail or at some bar and she would just wait for him to come back home.

It would usually rain—and considering how the weather in Georgia changed as quickly as a summer breeze, Winnie had taken to counting droplets of water as a way to keep her focus on something that she could control.

The simple fact of the matter was that Winnie had precious little control over a lot of the circumstances in her life. But the things that she did have control over, she kept those things close to her chest; clung to them like they were her most precious possessions and no one would ever come close enough to take that freedom of control away from her again.

She clicked her heeled shoes together exactly once, eyes straying to the scuff marks on her simple church shoes. She wondered how her brothers were all faring in their training at the moment. If they were all coping with the reality of what war would be—if they were prepared to go and be on their own.

Richie wasn’t the one she was worried about. He was two years younger than her and was always rather serious. He worked harder than anyone else that she knew and wasn’t one to get distracted by a pretty face or lofty promises. Any day now, he’d be shipping out to go to the Pacific as a Marine and it made her truthfully want to follow him all the way down there and have his back with a gun herself.

They were Allens. And they trusted themselves and one another. No one else outside of their circle of siblings had proven to be someone that they would trust their lives with. But Winnie knew that they would never allow a doctor—and a female one, at that—to go down to the Pacific and be a part of the carnage and horrors there.

Robbie was in the same boat, proverbially speaking of course, as Richie. Set to go to the Pacific in a few weeks. He was always so quiet and watchful. Winnie hoped that it would serve him well to be on his guard and pick up on the things that the other soldiers wouldn't notice. They had yelled a lot back and forth before he had enlisted—she had told him to finish his degree and go into the JAG-Corp. He had told her to go to hell—which he had tearfully apologized for when she dropped him off at the train station.

Winnie stretched out her fingers over her lap, letting out a breath. It had been nearly thirty minutes of waiting to be allowed to see the Colonel—and this was just for him to review her application to join the Paratroopers as a Doctor and training officer for his medics. She wished that the level of urgency the war truly had would transfer over to her wait time.

Because if she needed to haul everything back to Buford, Winnie would almost certainly rather pick up and move to the Carolinas and try to sign up for a different branch of the military that would, in fact, utilize her. She hated being idle—hated being alone, even more than that.

The younger three boys were the ones that needed supervision—needed all the prayers of the good congregation of Buford’s Christian Non-Denominational Church. Nathan was the first problem in Winnie’s pleas to God. That boy had been raised wolf-wild by herself and Richie and Robbie. They hadn’t been much, but they had had each other. He was always picking a fight with an older boy—and she could only hope that this whole army experience was going to straighten him out.

Then there was Joshua, also set to end up in the Pacific as a medic. That had granted her a degree of peace, knowing that his evenings helping her study for school were going to come in handy where he was going. It might, in fact, just be the thing that ends up saving his life.

But Charlie? Charlie was, in every sense of the word, hers. She had raised him from the time of his infancy and so to Winnie Allen, Charlie was her child. Currently, he was in Texas and Winnie had never been more grateful for the fact that the Air Force programs were long. She would take those 9 months like a sacred gift from God that he wouldn’t be anywhere near the fighting—at least for a short while.

And then there was her. Just her—with no idea where she’d end up, with no clue what her side of the war would entail. Which of course, would be typical of her life thus far.

Just then, the door opened and a man stepped inside, clipboard in hand. “Dr. Allen?”

“That’d be me,” Winnie said, rising to her feet.

The man piqued an eyebrow, but said nothing about the fact that she was a woman. He just let out a weary sigh and gestured towards the door with his head. “If you’d follow me, ma’am.”

Of course, a moment ago she was Doctor, and now she was ma’am. God, she loathed the South.

Winnie obliged, following after the man with quick steps. As they crossed out of the building and onto a dirt path, Winnie caught sight of some of the trainees—some of them in the field and doing jumping jacks in the field, some of them running towards a trail through the trees. There weren’t too many of them at the moment, but that didn’t deter Winnie in any way.

“Are these the officers that are in training?” Winnie questioned, speeding up her stride to match the man in front of her.

He let out an annoyed breath. “You catch on quick. Sink will like that. Though I can’t account for how he’ll feel about a woman applying to train our medics.”

“I’m a trauma surgeon and doctor. I think my credentials speak for themselves,” Winnie retorted dryly.

No response from the officer this time, just a huff of air as he came to a stop in front of one of the buildings on the camp. “Wait here, please.”

Winnie just crossed her arms and waited patiently, inhaling the cool air. Not even thirty seconds later, the man had returned and gestured for her to enter the room. Winnie was grateful for the slight reprieve from the cold air as she entered the room. And there, sitting in a chair and smoking a cigar, was Colonel Sink.

“If you’d please take a seat, Doctor Allen,” he gestured at the seat across from his desk with his cigar. Usually quick to follow orders, Winnie slid into the seat, looking at Colonel Sink expectantly. It was another moment of silence before Colonel Sink set down his cigar and fully looked at her. “I’ll be honest, we don’t see too many female doctors come through the military.”

“I expect you’d see more nurses, sir.”

“Damn right, we do,” Sink stated. “This whole war—unpleasant business, not really meant for women.”

“If I can speak freely, sir?”

“I’d be appreciative of the honesty, if you did.”

“You’re right, it’s unpleasant. But those women are still going to bury husbands, sons, brothers, and fathers. It affects them just as much as it does the men.”

“I can’t say I disagree. Your point?”

“I’m not a married woman. I’m a trauma surgeon and head of the trauma department in Buford General. I was the top of my class and as it so happens, I don’t have any children or brothers—they’re all off in training to fight in this war. I don’t particularly like sitting on my ass or fancy myself a factory worker. But I can help you train damn good medics, sir.”

Sink stared at her for a long time. His gaze reminded her a lot of her mentor’s, from back in college. He was always trying to figure out her angles too. Trying to figure out if she was as good as she claimed to be.

“I’ll be honest with you, Allen. We’ve got hundreds—thousands—of men coming in the next few months to train to be paratroopers. Now I want them to be the best of the best. And if I want them to survive more than five minutes over there, then that means I also need the best of the best doctors to train my medics. So I’ll concede to your point. Your application was good—I’m a self-made man myself and I respect that work.”

“Sir?”

“But I’ll also be honest with you. This isn’t going to be pretty. It’s going to be bloody and long and tiring. This isn’t the type of place where you can just escape from whatever life you don’t want to live. At some point, you might be elbows deep in some man’s guts and I need someone unflinching.”

“October 27th.”

“Pardon?”

Winnie shifted in her seat, leaning forward. “October 27th, a man and his two daughters are brought into Buford General. Automobile accident. The man flung his arm in front of his daughter sitting in the passenger seat. His arm was hanging by a few strands of muscles and he was going to bleed out. Now the daughter in the passenger seat got impaled by a fence post—it went straight through her stomach. The daughter in the back was flung through the car and landed 15 feet ahead.”

“That’s both gruesome and tragic. Your point being?”

“I was the surgeon on call that night. I triaged. I assessed. I delegated. The father lost his arm but he kept his life. The daughter who flew through the car wasn’t going to make it. She was 11. We were short-handed and I had to tell the nurse assisting me that the little girl wasn’t going to make it and that she needed to focus on the other one. So she did. We lost the one—but she was mostly gone by the time she had arrived,” Winnie stated. “My point here is that I can give your men skills that they won’t get anywhere otherwise. Real life experience teaching practical application of the skills. Triaging, assessing, not hesitating in doing the work and saving lives.”

Sink leaned forward in his seat. “You’d be hard on them?”

“I’d be brutal. Because that is exactly what they are going to face out there.”

“You be the hard-ass doctor that trains my medics, then. But if you’re gonna be here, then you’re gonna train like my men train.”

“I’m not a fragile southern belle like Melanie Hamilton, sir.”

“No, I imagine you’re not. I’ll give you two nurses to assist with actual injuries on base—and based on performance, you and them might just end up traveling with us wherever we end up.”

“Sir?”

“What?”

“Thank you for letting me advocate my case. I won’t let you down.”

“You sure as hell better not. Or lots of good men are going to die and that’s going to be on your shoulders.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Within the first hour of being there, Winnie had selected her nurses from the pile of applications. It hadn’t been that hard of a choice to begin with—some were just practical eliminations, and the rest were a careful read-through of letters they had sent in along with the application.

Reba Garrett and Eileen Gray were the two chosen candidates that she had landed on. Reba was from New England and had been working as a nurse for well over five years now, placing her as one of the older and more experienced women applying for the position. But it wasn’t her experience that attracted Winnie’s attention—it was the letter, and the way in which she described wanting to do some real good in the war and that started with saving lives rather than ending them.

That sounded exactly like the type of person that Winnie wanted to have on her side.

Eileen, on the other hand, was from Savannah, Georgia. While her experience time of only two years wasn’t quite as well-established as Reba’s was, it was the picture that she had included of her brother that caught Winnie’s attention. Eileen’s brother had been stationed in Pearl and he had been one of the many men to be immortalized under the ocean there.

That gave her motivation, it gave her righteous anger—and in Winnie’s eyes, it was exactly the sort of thing that God would do—place Eileen in her path to ensure that justice was seen.

So Winnie penned her first letters to the two women that would soon be joining her here in Toccoa. And then she took those resumes straight to Colonel Sink—who wholeheartedly approved of the decision, though it was made in haste. Just another reason for him to see her as a capable doctor—as someone he could trust.

And in two weeks time, Eileen Gray and Reba Garrett would be joining her at Camp Toccoa. In the meantime though, Winnie’s own training was set to begin. And she’d be damned if she let herself be torn down by any man—her superior officer or not. She was determined to earn her place amongst the men here—and earn their respect. Consequences be damned.

#band of brothers #band of brothers fanfic edit #band of brothers fanfic masterlist #band of brothers fanfic #band of brothers oc #bob #original female character #winnie allen #ronald speirs x oc #ron speirs x oc #band of brothers x reader fanfic

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clevercatchphrase · 6 days ago

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2024 Year in Review~

Getting a head start and typing this on December 26th at 3pm, though I don't think I'll get it done on this same day. I'll probably get it up exactly on January 1st, though.

This is the sixth time I've made one of these retrospectives of my year. these are mostly just for me, talking to myself so I can look back at it later in the year. These recap posts always end up extremely long, and never get a lot of notes, but that's fine~ You're welcome to take a peak into my thoughts and read along if you'd like. I'll mostly be talking about the goals I set for myself, what I achieved, what I failed, and thoughts and feelings I had throughout the year.

Let's begin...

As always, I'll start with my New Year's Resolutions for 2024. this year I had 9 serious goals and 4 casual goals. The serious goals being;

Read twelve new books (one book a month)

Reach 312 pages of Ghost Switch by June 18th (the 6th birthday)

Build (and maintain!) a comic buffer of 8 pages

Go walking on 3 new greenways around my neighborhood

Go camping by myself

Make at least one new song comic

Finish 4 video games to as close to 100% as I can

Finish the first rewrite of my 2023 nanoproject, and

Write 4 one-shots for BSapT

The 4 causal goals were;

10. Get reacquainted with Neocities and make a personal website

11. Learn to code to improve said website/learn to make games

12.Listen to the entire royalty free youtube library for reasons

13. Research every d.o.n.g. ever featured on VSauce, for neocities reasons.

13 goals in total. Let's dive into them one at a time in the order of appearance.

Read twelve new books a month. I did this! I actually did double and read 27(OR, you could argue I did QUADRUPLE because I bought and reread the entire 27 volume set of Fullmetal Alchemist this year in October). I am mostly going to copy and paste the discord entry I made for the notes on each book, so please pardon typos. It was mostly stream of consciousness. The books I read this year were; 1) Whitefoot the woodmouse. Cute, average. Very similar to the johnny chuck book with the main character starting a family. I think this is the first t.w.b. book where a character used the word "idiot". I liked the short section with the rabbit, snowy owl and ermine the best.

2)The adventures of Benny Badger. Fine~ feels like an older book with the inclusion of a Mr. Fox character, no poems at the beginning of each chapter, and no hint of the next book at the end of the story. Almost thought the mouse at the end of this one would be eaten, but Thornton continues to stay pg for this series.

3)Dire: Feathers and Flame Fine. Needs more world building. Quite a few grammar mistakes. Griffin society doesn't make sense, and it feels like the characters are set up to fail. Bad names. Eural sounds like 'urinal' in my head.

4)Griffin QuestWritten by a 16 year old and it shows. Very short and very rushed. No grammar or spelling mistakes, but characters have little to no development/form relationships to quickly without any true connection shown.

5)The FifthOkay! Solid for a debut. Too many characters honestly, and some don't get enough development because of it. This world is too trusting. Polara was never challenged enough. Confusing that "dragon" is used as a catch-all term for people, and actual dragons are called drakes/wingless drakes. I don’t like the phrase “wingless drakes,” honestly. It makes them feel… lesser? Othered? Compared to the drakes with wings. It’s as if saying “having wings is the default, therefore, they are “normal” drakes, and we have to specify that you’re different.” If it was Winged Drakes AND Wingless Drakes, (both having the descriptor), this wouldn’t be a problem. Think of it like… the humans and the black humans. Why you gotta specify, right? Makes it sound like they don’t belong.

6)The adventures of Unc'a Billy Possum Pretty good! I like the different speech patterns used for billy possum. Gives billy possum a very distinct character compared to all the other animals.

7)The adventures of bob WhiteEasy going~ I feel all Thornton books are actually about 2 characters instead of just The one mentioned in the title. Peter rabbit showed up a good amount in this book, and then, like, the last 3 chapters switched to one of bob white's sons instead. Still a good book over all~

8)The adventures of Old Man CoyoteAn… Interesting one of Thornton's to be sure. Younger me would have spent days sorting out my feelings on this one without being sure why, but older me knows the true heart of the problem. I was not sure if this was an immigrant's story or a colonizer's. Thornton does a great job of balancing both ideas. Coyote is a predator and unashamed of it. He's crafty and sly. All the current residents of the green forest are wary and afraid of him and rightfully so because he will eat them with no hesitation. The other predators (granny and teddy fox) do not want him their because he competes for their resources. Their worries are justified. At the same time, he is just one coyote. He is an animal filling an unoccupied niche. He must eat to live and hunt to eat. That is not his fault he was made that way. Are the foxes merely being greedy and xenophobic? In the end, coyote stays and the status quo changes, but the current residents aren't subjugated. They dimply must learn to live with this new predator. A shaky kind of peace is formed between some of the forest people and coyote, like that between the porcupine and peter rabbit, but I know from Thornton's previous books that that peace only lasts as long as stomachs are full.

9)The Adventures of Prickly PorkyRather short? This book would have bothered me for accuracy reasons if I had read it as a kid. On the whole, Thornton's books to not anthropomorphize to a wild degree. But there were two instances in this book that stuck out to me. One was when prickly porky was choking and un'ca billy possum reached in his mouth and pulled the stick out of his throat. The other was insinuating that porcupines curl up and roll down hills as a method of travel. The latter became the focus of a good half of the book, too, and it kind of annoyed me by the end because nothing else creative was happening in the story.Just remembered a third thing that bothered me about prickly porky's book! There's a continuity contradiction! In old man coyote's book, he was a new comer meeting all the other characters for the first time, including prickly porky, who was written to sound like an established resident. But In porky's book, HE was the newcomer from the north meeting all the characters for the first time, including coyote, who was written to sound like an established resident. Which came first?? They cant both be the new guy while other has lived there their whole life. (According to Wikipedia, porky came first and coyote literally second as that's the order the books were published, back to back, but I think I like the idea of porky being there before coyote.

10)Griffin Quest 2Shallow and simple as the first. The reveal that both sora and draven are related to Helios and selene felt contrived. The whole concept of a city surrounded in flames didn't feel thought out. At least in the first book they mentioned the struggle the gryphons were going through just to get water and sleep in eternal day, but after helios takes over, are those not problems anymore? How is everyone not starving or dying of thirst? How is everyone BREATHING? doesn't fire burn oxygen? Or is it a magic fire that's just hot and doesn't actually produce smoke? Does ariana have ice powers too since she's also related to selene? Mel's character was dumb. Was he a gryph from another kingdom or just highborn? If the first one, then how the hell did he and draven go to school together? What was up with the blind spirit gryph in this book? She was never mentioned before, just showed up with some deus ex Machina, then fucked off. This book has no depth, no meaningful message and no compelling themes. Everything is so rushed and surface level. It's actually kind of fascinating how bad it was.

11)The Adventures of Danny Meadow MouseActually kinda forgettable? Not bad, but ive read better. Cant really remember much of it, even though I finished it less than a month ago. The use of fully voiced cast for each of the characters was actually more distracting than immersive.

12) Old Mother West WindFun! A short story collection. Very gentle and kind. Predators were even friends with the prey in this book, which was a nice change of pace.

13) Griffin in Light First 1/3rd was good, 2 third was a slog, final third felt like a retread of The Silver Griffin. I will read the second book when it comes out, though. I love all the fantasy races that lackey comes up with.

14) Hunters UnluckyFound this book by typing "xenofiction" into the Amazon search bar then looked it up on a book pirate website. It was pretty good! I'll probably buy the ebook to support the author. It's very long. Over 200k words, I believe. The first 10 or so chapters of the first "book" were very short and exposition-y and I did not like it at all, but it got better and less info-dumpy as it went along. Interesting creature creations, though an omnivorous ungulate that can climb trees feels a liiitle too improbable sometimes, and the cresea just felt like lions/pumas. The world building was fun if not a little too socio-political at times. Got a little confusing since these creative's social structures were so different from our own. Books 2 ad 3 were the best. Book 4 was probably the worst. Book 5 dragged with its sudden new pop up villain of treace, and then with the lishtees. But I'd like to read more stories from this world. Apparently has a small, active fandom on tumblr to this day!

15) Mother West Wind's Animal Friends StoriesBehold! The first Thornton w Burgess book I didn't like! I really did not care for the first 2/3rds of this book. It feels like a collection of his earliest stories where all the characters are way more human than normal. They talk about the animals wearing clothes in a very literal way, the characters used tools like baskets, which just pulled me out. The last couple of stories were fine, but I cant recommend this one as highly as the others.

16-26) Arc's 2 and 3 of Wings of Firereread the second and third arcs of wings of fire again (this time in audio book form) the second arc is just so slow?? I forgot how much time was spent in the school in moon rising (aka the whole book). I forgot how annoying winter was. Escaping peril still remains my fave of this arc. Turtle’s book was also growing on me this reread, but qibli's book was just so unnecessarily long that it hurts. The third arc (which I'm still in the process of listening to, but will def finish before the year ends) still holds up in books 1 and 2. I remember liking 2 the most for all the imagery (and 1 as well. Fun new places, even if I don't care all that much for push over blue) but the 3rd book is pretty sluggish. Sundew has so much pent up anger with no real outlet for it, and its starting to get annoying. Bumblebee is not cute. She is annoying, too, and while I'm all for gay relationships, I just do not like willow as a character. She does not support sundew enough or take her side as much as she should. She's too passive and complacent.Book 14- better than I remember! I think I even like it more than sundew's book. Book 15- just as bad as I remember. Pointlessly long like book 10, and the whole mindspace location is still just as confusing and nonsensical as I remember. I do not like freedom. She's not tragic, she's annoying, but at least less annoying than bumblebee.

27) Dragonfall I bought this book at the Barnes and noble grand opening. Interesting narrative style with first person direct, first person (regular) and third person. Sometimes I felt emotional or logical transitions were missing. Like, "I thought this character felt one way, but now we're doing something that contradicts it." Like…. Everen was excited to chase a prophecy and willingly jumps into a magic storm, but once he's in the human world he's mad that he was pulled through?? Like?? He knew the storm would take him there and he went on purpose, so why is he upset?? I like that arcady is a genderfluid protagonist (though the only reason I think Everen used 'you' pronouns for them was so the author didn't have to say "they") didn't realize this was a heist + enemies to lovers book. Didn't really care for the romance. Probably will not buy book 2. 3 stars from me.

28) Impossible creatures.Saw this one at the b&n grand opening as well, and glad I didn't get it. Too fast paced. Definitely for younger readers. Character personalities were a bit thin and shallow. Kinda just an over all sad book. 2 major characters die. A little too rushed. Not very deep or thought provoking. Nothing ever felt "dangerous". But the illustrations in the book? Fucking beautiful. 10 outa 10 for the artist.

Overall, a good year for reading! Griffin Ranger 4 came out this year, and I bought it as soon as I could, but I am still waiting patiently for 2025 to come around so I can read both books 3 and 4 of that series and have it count for next year’s reading list. Shadow Sun, the sequel to Rise of the Dragon Star, also came out in the second half of this year, and I will definitely be looking into that one as well! I think The sequel to The Fifth also came out this year? I have to double check. Great year for griffin book publications that will really help me hit my goal for 2025.

Goal Number 2! Reach 312 pages of Ghost Switch by June 18th! (Ghost Switch's 6th birthday) I did this one with relative ease! Great year for Ghost Switch over all, imo. We hit the half way point, we're chuggin' along through waterfall, and I got the majority of the comic mirrored to Pillowfort.social, as a back up in case tumblr goes down in flames. In fact, because I want pillowfort to succeed, I'm going to try and have pages be one week ahead over there to help drive traffic to the site. (patreon will thus be 2 weeks ahead). I'm also looking into comicfury to host Ghost Switch, but I may hold off on that until the comic is almost done. Having it update on 4 sites (patreon, tumblr, pillowfort and DA) is a lot to maintain already. I know I also thought about crossposting to webtoons as well, but I heard a lot of shitty things about webtoons this year, and I don't think I want to any more. (not like they'd make this comic an original anyway since it's not my IP, but I don't want to give them any more traffic if they don't start treating their creators fairly) So yeah! Go check out pillowfort if you aren't there already! It's free! It's small and a little quiet, but I believe it has the potential to grow and be like tumblr of old~

Goal 3; Build and maintain a comic buffer of 8 pages. Nope. Didn't do this. I got waaay too burnt out by september and could barely manage one page a week. whenever I make a buffer, it always ends up running out. The only way I could keep up a buffer at this point is if I make the comic in its entirety before I even post it.

Goal 4; go walking on 3 new greenways around my neighborhood. I didn't go walking once this year, aside from when I camped. I don't even know why I put this one on the list. As if I thought I would actually go outside on my own accord.

Goal 5; go camping by myself. I did this for the eclipse in april and it was wonderful. I should do this every year. you can read more thoughts I had about my camping trip further below.

6) Make one new song comic. I had planned to do this. I honestly thought I WOULD do this one, since I have a good track record of making one song comic at least every two years. I had even had this one planned for at least 4. It was going to be be a chara-centric comic to the song "It's Only" by Odesza, for Undertale's ninth birthday. I was going to try something new for this comic by using a limited color palette of 4 colors, those being solid black, pure white, determination yellow, and soul red. I thought it would have looked cool. I scripted the whole thing, but then... as the deadline got closer and closer, I just... didn't have the heart to do it anymore. I don't know why. When I opened up SAI t start drawing, I just... suddenly had no more drive. I'm kinda glad I didn't do it in the end. It was going to be a bit more of an edgy/dark lyrictale focusing on the no mercy route, but after we got some asriel/chara lore on the ninth birthday, I'm glad I didn't make it. if anybody else wants to make a limited color palette, chara focused lyrictale to the song "It's Only" by odesza, be my guest. I would love to see how it comes out~

7) Finish 4 video games (as close to 100% as I can.) I did this~ The games I played and completed this year were; Horizon Forbidden West, The Talos Principle 2, Original Pokemon Silver, and Carto. I had a lot of fun with all of them, even if I never 100% any of them, I did play them to completion. (I never fully got the hand of Carto's controls, though. Adorable game, terrible control scheme.)

8) Finish the rewrite of Featherlight's Sequel. I did not do this. I mostly focused on Featherlight instead. Made a lot of progress and even got half of it posted on line! (on pillowfort, where you need to log in to read it, but again, Pillowfort is free! Come check out my story if you like xenofiction and gryphons!) After working on Featherlight for most of november, I think I just need to do a major overhaul of the sequel, Greyscale, from the ground up. Even though I had forced out 50k words for it in 2023, it just wasn't working, honestly.

my last serious goal for 2024 was to write 4 oneshots for Blankets, Socks, and Pillow Talk, over on ao3. I didn't do this this year because I just didn't feel inspired. I don't feel "done" with writing Undertale fanficion, not by a long shot, but I don't want to force it out if I don't feel inspired. Writing is hard, I know that from experience, but trying to write when I'm just not in the mood is even worse. I still have ideas and prompts for BSaPT that I've had for years, but I just don't know how to go about executing. (I can promise you, though, once I know how to get the story started, the rest comes easily, so it's just the problem of getting over the initial hump)

So! 4 out of 9 of my serious goals were met this year! That's!!! not a good ratio. I had 4 additional casual goals, and just re-reading them I know I only did 2 of those four, those being "learn to code" and research every D.O.N.G. collected by Vsauce in the past. The reason I did both of these things WAS to work on my Neocities website that I made in 2023, and haven't touched since. I've been doing coding lessons on Sololearn and Mimo coding, (though I had to stop the latter after a couple months when I ran out of free lessons to do). It's been fun brushing up on my old html skills, and learning python for gaming reasons as well. I've made a couple of my goals for next year related to my neocities website, so let's see if I actually put those coding lessons to work!

So! in total, over all, 13 goals were made and six were met! That's about 50 percent, but that's usually what my record tracks to compared to past years! Now on to next year!

My Goals for 2025 are;

Read 12 new books (one a month)

Work on neocities website. (add at least 4 new pages; my song comics, my fan fics, my original writing, fun links)

Get to 400 pages on gs before Dec. 31st (CASUAL GOAL)

Write one fan fiction for one fandom that isn't undertale (Wandersong, fma, wof, the crackfic)

Watch 4 new anime (dungeon mesh, mha, hunter x hunter, mob psycho)

Start and stick to an abs and back exercise routine (CASUAL GOAL)

Get all of Featherlight up online (royal road?)

Do something for undertale's 10th anniversary

Play at least 4 video games in my steam library that I haven't touched before.

Start experimenting with Ren'Py and Godot (CASUAL GOAL)

Post one chapter of clemency

Don't really have any casual ones this year. I guess 3, 6, and 10 can be considered casual. I just hope I find the time to actually do most of these. I feel if I didn't have to work in order to maintain my right to exist, I would be reaching my goals much easier. But that's capitalism for ya, baby.

Now onto my thoughts that I had over the last year! I am mostly going to copy/paste these from discord as well, minus the ones that are waaaay too personal, so please pardon any spelling errors. Most of these are stream of conscious writings.

January 7th. New schedule at work has everyone on reduced hours as we enter the off season. I got to leave at 1pm. After going home and changing, I went back out to academy to buy new work and house shoes. It was CROWDED at the store. I saw these obnoxious purple nike shoes, and wanted to buy them so bad, but they didnt have them in my size. Bought some stupid bright ass white and blue shoes instead. I tried wishing Allyson happy birthday on the 1st, but my text sidnt go through. I wonder if she blocked my number. I wonder if she's doing okay..

January 10th. 1/3rd of the month is over already. On January 8th, I had to do a closing shift. It is so weird staying until 7pm and driving home in the dark. Why did it feel like people were more likely to tailgate me on the highway after 7pm? Should have worked on my comic or novel while at work, but was a little to anxious with the time change. I need to build a big buffer of comic pages in order to get to 312 by June 18th. I want to do so much creative stuff, like write fan fiction and animate and crochet, and I actually have the time now to I, but I'm getting paralyzed by choice.

I watched "undertale under event" late last year and I'm kind of curious if I can join for this year 👉👈 wish I knew about this showcasing project sooner. It's finally getting cold! The weather is below freezing most mornings, then warms up during the day. I hope it doesnt rain ice or snow or I will be screwed because my car cant handle that weather. (Fun Fact, I completely forgot to apply for Undertale Event 2024, and absolutely missed it this year)

Been playing horizon forbidden west some more. Still just grinding for weapon and outfit upgrades. I looked it up, and there are 2 "comic days" each year, 24- hour comic day on the first Saturday in October, and comics day on February 1st. Ive always wanted to participate, but never knew the right date. Feb 1st is a Thursday this year, so I will likely be at work, but I want to do an all-day art stream on weds the 31st instead, and make it public for everyone just because I can.

January 19th, Been having a blast looking into old d.o.n.g. sites. A good half of them are defunct or broken due to the discontinuation of flash, but for the ones that still work- it is the old weird internet that I missed having as a kid. I need to learn to code so I can build a neocities website. Ive been doing Mimo daily for a month now. A lot of the lessons are locked behind a paywall, though. Might try to switch to sololearn once I finish all the free stuff I can access. Ive also been doing a free ASL app daily too. The app needs more work, but for what I can access for free, its pretty decent.

January 30th, I cant believe January isnt even over yet. One more day and then we're finally on to a new month. The one week of texas winter has passed. I highly doubt it will get below freezing again. Most days lately have been pretty nice. Low 40s in the morning, high 60s by the afternoon. I had another/first anxiety attack of the year! Work related like the last two. I was worried I'd be forced to go to a pet cpr class that I was signed up for without being asked. Been reeeeaaaally into learning ren'py and godot tutorials lately. It's exciting to learn code and how to program. I'm still chipping away at all the free lessons on mimo, but have started doing sololearn along side it. (Might just zero in on python because of ren'py and for it, and maybe c#). Still slowly going through dongs. Successfully clicked through 200 out of 1500. Been REALLY back into neopets as well because unconverted pet art was re-introduced to neopets. I am ashamed to say I spent over 150 actual real life dollars on the websites in order to buy slots and style kits. I'm finally transferring all my old pets onto 2 or 3 accounts instead of the 10 I rotated on as a child across my two emails(dont tell neo, I’m abiding by the rules now). Having fun pound surfing on lost and pound for old pets and cool names. Might get rid of some poorly named pets ive had for years, like the bori adopted back in... 2006? It's been so long and he was never a favorite because of his name. (I plan to straight-up "redo" him, by making a better-named pet his identical match, lol.) I lost my old pet stories on their pet pages when I transferred them over.

I plan to do an all-day comic stream tomorrow, so I need to go to bed early. I also need to sketch/scan some more pages.. Hope a few people stop by. I also want to make an April fool's post this year, but dont know if I'll have the time (or if it will line up with the comic's pacing for what I want to do.) I went to walmart and bought more seeds and dirt again. I started planting my seeds last week, extra early this year because im scared the extreme heat of the later months will kill them all again. But the temperature is perfect right now. I'm growing peas, carrots, asparagus, and even watermelon. Im also growing cat grass and a few different types of flowers. I hope my flowers have better luck this year than last.

March 7th, Been trying to be more conscientious of how happy i am. If things bother or upset me, i try to change them. If I'm bored or anxious I find activities to do to cheer me up. One of the things ive been doing this year was looking through old vsauce dongs. I found a website that does multiplayer puzzles and I've become hooked. The reason I started looking at dongs was to build a list for a personal website that harkened back to the early 90s internet days. I miss how weird the internet was back then. A lot of the old dongs are defunct, but a good handful still work. Sadly, a lot of them are not that interesting. Speaking of my personal website, i need to get back to it. I haven't touched it in a year, but I have been trying to teach myself code in order to improve it. Ive been using mimo and sololearn to practice coding, but only the free stuff they offer. I'm almost out of mimo courses, and the sololearn classes dont really have you practicing the code you're actually learning, so the lessons dont really stick. Ive also been looking into games that teach you how to code as you play. At work on my work phone ive been watching a lot of youtube videos that talk about video game development. I want to learn and do so much but all at once. It's almost paralyzing.

I started packing my suitcase for my camping trip next month. My trunk is already full of sleeping bags, the tent and a chair. I need to finalize my menu and shop for food. I'm excited and nervous, mostly about driving up there on my own. Pulling my suitcase out made me realize I really need to clean out my closet and organize my room in general. I have so many papers just strewn in my desk and so many knick-knacks crammed in my closet. I kinda want to itemize everything. Random memory- I got real obsessed with an old Wendy's ad campaign called "it's good to be square". Those commercials were so funny to me. Never made me want to eat at Wendy's though. I voted on super Tuesday. I wish voting wad mandatory and punishable by fine. I'm scared for this November, but I will vote for sure. Been slightly re-obsessed with neopets ever since they rereleased unconverteds. Bought neocash to buy extra pet slots and moved all my side pets over. Now I'm training them up just because I can. I gotta look into neocash item trading. There's a couple of things I want that are retired now..

In a fit of motivation, I edited the second chapter of featherlight yesterday. It took me hours, and im still not done, but it flows better than it's first draft. Hope I can stay motivated to edit the rest. I keep daydreaming of putting copies of my book in little free libraries that they have around neighborhood parks and such. Still debating if I want to publish my book to be free or to be bought and sold.. It should be nice to make a living off of my writing, but I doubt I ever will.

March 13, I went to half price books for the first time in a couple of years. The building hasn't changed at all, but I think they did away with plastic bags. I found the 3 gryphon books by Mercedes lackey and bought them, as well as joust, the dragon book she wrote, and two CDs, one being a Jesse cook CD. I recently bought a CD/dvd player to hook up to my laptop, but I wonder if I can find just my basic CD player that you use with headphones. I hate how many things are "wireless" and use usb and have rechargeable batteries. I want good ol' devices that need double As. Any way, it was healing to be in a h.p.b. I also went to 3 thrift stores to look for work pants. Goodwill and the salvation army sucked, but thrift city is always there for me. I found 5 pairs of men's shorts that fit me great and all of them have nice deep pockets! Hopefully I wont have to go shopping for work clothes again for a while.

March 21, Nani's gotcha day was on the 18th! Ive had her for a full 4years now~ I watched two movies on Netflix yesterday; puss in boots and the last wish, and the Mitchell's vs the machines. The puss movie was very fast pace, but had very tight writing. It was great, despite me being spoiled on it for well over a year and knowing every beat that was going to happen. (I do NOT like the new dreamworks opening though) the mitchells vs the machine movie was surprisingly funny! But also so. Damn. LONG. It was also a good soul cleanse, being so sincere and genuine despite the irony poisoned world we live in right now. I want more movies with this kind of heart. For the first time since January, ive noticed I haven't been as happy or content as I want to be. Boredom sneaks up on me and periods of anxiety are sneaking into my thoughts. For example- I've been a lot more strict with my "watch later" list on YouTube. It used to be so long. I'm slowly cutting it down, but ive noticed that not many of the videos make me happy, nor do I remember much of what I watched. I find that I mostly just watch/play youtube videos for background noise. Im not really multitasking like I thought. Now, as soon as I realize I'm not retaining what im watching or the moment I lose interest, I click a way. I don't want to waste my time on things I don't care about anymore. Been really interested in going back to my fox game. Maybe I will this year.

March 31, Watched nimona finally. Very good story! Sometimes the lighting of the animation was distractingly flat, but the narrative was so strong you hardly pay attention to it. (Unlike in Wish, where the story was so unengaging that you DO notice all the tiny flaws.) Nimona's character actually kinda bothered me at first. I get that she's headstrong and boisterous, but even I think she'd want to keep a low profile and STOP TRYING TO MAKE BALLISTER LOOK BAD. If she KNOWS people are likely to jump to conclusions, why validate those fears around her to begin with? WHY would she especially do this to blackheart when she knows he's trying to prove his innocence? I wish this aspect of prejudice had been explored more in the movie. Oh, and also, am I really supposed to believe that in A THOUSAND YEARS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ELSE HAS QUESTIONED WHAT IS OUTSIDE THE WALL OR WHY ONLY THE UPPERCLASS GET TO BE KNIGHTS?? I could suspend my disbelief juuust enough to enjoy the movie, but these thoughts WERE on the back of my mind. Maybe I'm too aware of social inequality today to not have these ideas in mind when watching a queer coded film like this. I read the nimona comic in full the day after I watched the movie. It's.... Different. Not bad, but different. You can clearly see where the movie got inspiration and direct homages. I do think the movie is more coherent, and the action and gesture... Readability? Intensity? Is sorely lacking in the comic. All poses are rather flat and generic. Not a lot of interesting angles or poses. (Granted, the comic was updated twice a week for 3 years straight so I understand the artist had to streamline the process as much as possible to keep up such a pace.)

Watched another movie on Netflix called latte and the waterstone. Its... Passable. Okay story, bad character design (especially for the squirrel) weak dialogue, nice music. I reeeeaaallllly hated how tjum the squirrel would hiccup whenever he was nervous. The tick is never addressed, but his hiccuping is a minor plot point so you'd think they'd at least put a little light on it? Based of a book of the same name, I think this film was originally German? The lip sync seemed weak near the end.

April 1st dream; got fucking pranked by my own subconscious. I dreamed my neopets account got terminated right after I managed to get all my pets unconverted again. Not because I broke any rules, but because someone didnt like the original stories I wrote for my pet's backstories when I was 13. They said the stories were all too problematic, and so TNT just deleted my account. Not even froze it. Just erased it from existence.

April 7 Been trying to be more mindful of myself and my emotions. For the most part, ive been happy and content, but last night I suddenly got very anxious for frivolous reasons. Found out that kique N, creator of a webcomic I hate called asmundr and home, is sooo insecure and creepy, that he would watch videos critiquing him, then investigate everyone in who talked about his work in the COMMENTS of those videos and block them on as many sites as he could find. My fan art deviant art account is blocked by him (but not my personal because he doesnt know it, lol) and I'm even blocked by him on PATREON. How delusional can he be? I learned his longtime girlfriend broke up with him because she finally caught wise to how insane he is. Im not too torn up about it because I just know I'm one of COUNTLESS people he's blocked, so it's nothing personal, but it is kinda unnerving how far he'll dig to find you on the internet.

April 8th. Took 4 days off from work to see the eclipse and go camping. It was cloudy today, and I couldn't see a goddamn thing. Caught glimpses of the sun becoming a crescent through the clouds but saw nothing when we went into totality. I could hear all the kids at the nearby elementary school screaming when it went dark. I took Nani outside for her to experience, but she did not care at all. It didnt get as dark as I thought it would. Probably as dark as thunderstorm weather.

April 9th. I cleaned up my room, packed the ice chest, and drove 100 miles out to Fredericksburg to go camping. The drive there was nice and uneventful. I mostly followed behind a FedEx truck for all of i10. Fedex ground double length truck #56132... You were my friend on that open road and I will miss you... Got to enchanted rock pretty much bang at 2. Quite the line for camping check ins at that time! I was the first in my camping area to arrive. I parked next to a truck whose license plate said freeedom with 3 'e's. I also saw a license plate that said chiken with no second 'c'. I set up my tent (incorrectly, I later learned) and unloaded all my stuff. There were 3 other families in the same camping area as me. By the time I finished setting up, it was already 4pm. It was hot and I didnt want to climb the rock that day, so instead I hiked some of the short trails around the front of the rock. I was already drained by, like, 6;30 and turned in early for the night. That night I had a ham and cheese sandwich for dinner. It thunderstormed at 7pm and the wind was SO. BAD. That night, I thought the rain cover was going to be ripped away. I kept waking up every hour or so because of the wind. Around 12, it stopped long enough for me to run to the bathroom to pee. I heard coyotes howling around 2-3am.

April10th. I woke up early, but I didnt want to get up too early compared to everyone else. I told myself to rest, relax and take my time. Other early hikers were already headed to the rock. I should have gone too to see the sunrise. It was windy in the morning. All I ate for breakfast was a banana and some oranges (and a chewy bar, I think. Cant remember now). I did leave my campsite by 7:30 and started hiking the rock by 7:40, because I distinctly remember getting a text message at 7:50 from my mom. I learned then that the only way I could get cell service at enchanted rock was if I was at 1000ft or higher above sea level for my phone's internet/Wi-Fi to function. I then quickly took the opportunity to check all my websites, duolingo, neopets, tumblr, etc, to keep any streaks I had going. My sign language app worked regardless of if I had Wi-Fi or not, which leads me to believe it's not as frequently updated/maintained as I would have believed. I made it to the top of the mountain by 8:20 and it was fookin' WIMDY up there. I couldn't hear anything by wind. When though the sun was blazing, the wind made it like 20 degrees colder. It felt like I was being fucking scratched! I wanted to climb little rock next, but I was too cold, so I went back down to get a wind breaker and ear muffs.

I rested for an hour before going back out around 10. This time I blazed my own trail, climbing up the fallen uneven boulders like an idiot. I made it to the top of little rock, which is much prettier than enchanted rock, I must say, and wondered around for an hour. There was a third rock to the west of little rock I wanted to climb, but it was getting close to lunch, so I scrambled down little rock, again striking my own path, and stumbled out through someone else's camping site before getting back to my own. The wind was so violent I couldn't start a fire. I ate a lunch of a peanut butter and banana sandwich with Pringles on the side. I tried to read and write, but the wind was too distracting And shaking my tent. I tried to sunbathe and tan in my tent, but it was too cloudy. I tried to nap, but it was too noisy. Instead, I went on an interpretive trail, found a spot of Wi-Fi, downloaded a book to read off line and checked the weather. The wind was supposed to stop by 7pm. The longest hiking trail at enchanted rock took 3 hours to complete. I rested in my tent until 3, then went out on the loop trail to kill time away from the noise of my own tent. The loop trail was gorgeous! Prettiest sights and landscapes by far. I climbed some weird rocks and ripped my pants sliding down one. Thankfully I still had my windbreaker, so I did the tried and true middle school trick of tying your sweater/jacket around your waist, and thus my ass was covered and noone could see my underwear!

The trail was so quiet and lonely, I only encountered 2 other groups going the other direction. At one point I heard a family catching up to me from behind, so whenever the trail sloped down hill, I jogged to keep distance, despite aching feet. Once I passed the buzzards roost camping site, I lost track of the trail and walked in the river bed. I managed to spot two other hikers on a cliff a bit above me and scrambled out of the river bed and found the path again. It was so narrow and rocky. The last third of loop trail isn't worth it imo. If you take loop trail in a clock-wise path like I did, turn and follow the baseline trail at the 2/3rds mark. Far prettier and easier to keep track of. Anyway, it was about 5:30 and still broad daylight when I heard a pack of coyotes howling from around turkey peak. I do not know if turkey peak or buzzards roost are off limits to climbing, since it has no dedicated paths. I was curious about climbing them, but if coyotes live there, then I think I won't. I made it back to mt campsite by 6, the wind had died down enough for me to light my propane stove. I grilled 2 hotdogs and they were the best thing I'd eaten all day. I took a full dose of sleep aid that night and was out by 9 thanks to physical exhaustion. I did take a shower around 730, but it was just a glorified whore bath with a scrubby because I forgot to bring soap. I read the offline book i'd downloaded for about an hour before passing out. If there was any wind or coyotes that night, i didnt hear them. (Oh, I did try to stargaze Wednesday night, but it was too cloudy. I saw a couple Tuesday night, but was too tried to hike out to a good spot, plus it rained.)

April 11th. I woke up early again today, but forced myself to stay in my tent until I could hear other campers waking up. I finally had to get up around 6:30 because I really needed to pee. I ate a quick breakfast of grilled sausage patties and the rest of my oranges (mostly for the juice) then began to roll up my sleeping bags and pack my suitcase and car. It seemed that 2 of the 3 other families also only planned a camp trip of 2.5 days and 2 nights, because they began packing up too. The sight of them packing kind of... Upset me? And it makes me wonder if I have abandonment issues that I don't know about. I don't like the idea of people leaving before me. Leaving me behind. I got all my belongings fully packed away by 8am, and my campsite was cleared before anyone else, but I decided to hike one more trail before I left (mostly to kill time so I could then by some souvenirs from the gift shop that opened at 8:30).

I hiked the turkey pass/baseline/echo canyon trails. When I got up high enough (around 9:30) I told my mom I was heading out soon, letting her know I'd be home by 1pm. I got lost on the trail change from pass to base, and ended up hiking an extra .6 miles. I saw some rock climbers/repellers on the back of enchanted rock. The saddle area between enchanted rock and little rock was like out of a fantasy (and the only place I saw any graffiti my entire time there). I got back by 11:30, bought some art by ira Kennedy that really inspired me to try a dot style like his, bought some enamel pins and an eclipse magnet to commemorate the trip, even though I didn't get to see the eclipse there myself. (Apparently they didn't have much better luck that day either. It was mostly cloudy during the critical 2 minutes totality happened). It was fun camping by myself, and I think 2 half days, 1 full day and 2 nights was the perfect length. I'd like to go again, with friends to show them the trails, or by myself to climb the more dangerous peaks and that third flat one I skipped. Id also like to go again to really try star gazing.

Just being at enchanted rock was really... Mentally cleansing. I didn't talk to anyone, not even out loud to myself. I didn't think once about work (though I did think about Nani because I missed her). I saw a lot of cool plants, reptiles and birds, but no mammals. I did hear the coyotes howl the morning I left, though. I got sunburned on my face. Most of the other camper's cars were gone by the time I finished my last hike, which still made me feel weird because they left before me, but after I got my prizes from the gift shop, I went straight to my car and left too. (I was really nervous about the drive home because my gps didnt work inside of enchanted rock, and I had to drive about 7 miles off of memory before I got a signal).

Camping at enchanted rock felt surreally long and surprisingly short at the same time. I had no schedule or itinerary. All I did was wonder and explore for roughly 48 hours while there. By the time I left, the eclipse felt like it had been a month ago. The drive back felt shorter than the drive there. Once I got to 1604, I knew my way home. Arriving home in the mid afternoon was weird too. I unloaded my car as fast as I could because I knew I'd be too tired to do it later, but p much as soon as I stepped inside I turned on my computer, snuggled my cat for an hour, and took a full shower to get truly clean before bringing most of my luggage in from the porch. I watched 2 nature documentaries on pbs to relive the wilderness I just returned from. I caught up on 2 days worth of tumblr posts I'd missed and learned oj Simpson died. I slept great last night though my body is still sore from all the exercise I did in 2 days. (I also slept like a rock Wednesday night, but I think that was mostly in part to the sleep aid)

April 14, Youtube is being a shithead and "updated" their UI. I must've been a "lucky" random beta tester, because when I did a Google search on an extension to undo it, nothing came up. (That, or YouTube's parent company, which IS Google, is suppressing results). I remembered the next day that I have tampermonkey, and when I did a script search on greasyfork, I found quite a few userscripts that could undo the change (and several had spikes in "recent downloads" over the last w days, lol).Also discovered a completely random deviantart user who has me blocked for some reason. Probably because they're overtly Christian and I dared to portray their religion in a negative light in my undertale comic. Doesn’t bother me none. Lord knows I’ve blocked completely nice people just because I didn’t want to see their art pop up in the groups we both submit to. Speaking of deviantart, they recently "updated" all the groups on da, and now submitting stuff to them is waaay more complicated than it was before with so many extra steps and clicking. I think once I'm done putting my undertale comic up there, I'll stop using tje site for good. Too bad there arent very many other good art community websites out there. I should really get back into making my own neocities site…

April 20, It's not even been a week since I last wrote in my monthly journal but I feel as if so much has happened. Amber, one of our new hires, silently quit only after being here a week. I hope she found something better.. Ive been wanting to get back into writing my gryphon book, especially after finishing the extremely underwhelming "griffin quest" duology. I could write something so much better. I HAVE written better than torro's has. I'm getting close to the half way mark of my fan comic. I wish I had endless energy to work on that too, so I could build a buffer (or just make so many pages that I'd be done already). It takes up so much of my free time, Idk if I ever want to tell stories in comic format ever again this way. (I half wanted to translate Featherlight into comic, but the story just may be too damn long if this is how long it takes me to make a fan comic. I still may do it for other short story projects like dragonfruit or dogs cant see color) Steadily still working my way through dongs. I found so many good ones, but at least a good half are dead. Im still doing sololearn everyday, but I may quit that soon. I still want to learn coding for my neocities site, but sololearn isnt helping me as much as I thought it would.

Aurgh! I want to write! I want to code! I want to draw! I want to create!

Deviantart is still getting worse and worse. Ive seriously been considering looking into art community alternatives like Sheezy art, inkblot, and artfol. I wont completely jump ship yet, but after my fan comic is done, I don't think I'll post to da anymore..

May 8th, 2024. I beat horizon forbidden west today! The ending was shorter than I thought it would be. Easier, too. I think I had a harder time with zero dawn's final battle, honestly. Maybe this felt easier because I spent well over 100 hours just grinding upgrade items for better gear. I was already maxed out on level and most abilities by the end, but honestly I could have finished this game 2 months ago if I wanted. I feel like tilda's heel turn was kinda forced. I wish she'd stayed a good guy. Alva is my favorite, but I do love ketallo and erand as well. Sad (pissed) that varl had to die. And while I'm curious about horizon 3, idk if I'll ever play it. It sure isnt coming to ps4, I know that. (I honestly thought we were gonna fight nemesis at the end of this game. I was shocked when it was a to-be-continued)

Yesterday I finished 6 comic pages. I was up till almost 1am. I want to hit 312 by june 18th. I still need to make 8 more. (9, if i want patreon to stay ahead). I am exhausted already just thinking about it. I want to write and read more.

Scared for the world, this year's election, war over seas in countries I dont live in. Why do I feel like we are progressing backwards. I dont watch the news and I hate it when mom turns it on every day. It's too sad and stressful.

I stopped doing my daily sign language app after I forgot a day sooo close to a 100 day streak. I was just doing basic lessons over and over anyway. Might look for a new asl app. Might not.

So tired of the repetitiveness of work. We've got a lot of new hires. I wish we could all have 4 day work weeks. I need a break, though. The general air of unease is slowly coming back to me, like something is wrong or something bad will happen to me. I try to do my best, but I'm scared I messed something up without knowing, and no one will tell me because they want to use it against me in the future in order to fire me. All the more reason to get back into writing, create a well-selling novel and have no fear of losing my job because I will live off my book sales instead. Daydreaming is fun, but not the best coping mechanism..

Made banana cookies today! Came out great! They're more like mini banana bread bites if I'm being honest, but I just wanted to use up this one over ripe banana we had before it rotted.

Been rewatching a lot of old caleb joseph videos recently. I feel like I had stopped doing that for a while. He hasnt been active on patreon or any social media for almost 3 months now. His twitter was hacked, but recovered. Hope he's doing alright.

May 21st. I am sick with a fever. My body aches all over and I cannot get comfortable to sleep no matter what position I try. I'm hot and sweaty. My throat is scratched raw. A bug has been going around at work, and I caught it. I went to target for the first time in... I think since January? I remember going to buy flower seeds. They completely reorganized the interior. I went to target to find a nightlight because the one in my bathroom finally died. None of the night lights they sold were cute or fun, though. I ordered one from Amazon instead.

My fever brain has been obsessed with chillchuck and senshi from dungeon meshi, when though I have not watched a single episode or read the manga. I don't know why, but that's all I could think about last night as I tossed and turned with my body on fire.

June 16, Has it really only been 10 days since I last put in a journal entry? It feels so much longer than that. It dawned on me this morning that I haven't been playing a lot of my steam games recently. Granted I just spent months grinding and completing horizon forbidden west, but I haven't touched carto in months. I still need to catch back up on snakebird. I still want to play the talos principle 2, but still havent bought it. I have so many steam games I own but never played... I should fix that, but i feel I dedicate so much of my free time to my comic/fan project instead. Dont get me wrong, its fun to create stuff, but I wonder if I'm ever gonna have enough time to do everything I want, recreational or creational. I slept really hard last night, which is good because the night before I only slept, like, 4 hours. Ive been going to bed early, which is good because I get more sleep and feel more rested, but it feels like I'm losing what little free time I have. I dont want to wait until my weekend to do everything I want to do. I want to be able to do things I like/want to do even on days I work. I dont mind if I have to do them before or after, but I just need the time and energy. (Aka, work days are too long. 8 hour days should be made illegal in favor of 4 hour shifts to allow me to have time and energy for my own hobbies and needs) I hope one day my creative projects are profitable/sustainable enough so I dont have to work full time.. I daydream about it often, but doubt ill ever get there..

Also just realized I havent looked at any d.o.n.g.s in a few weeks as well. Need to get back to that, and website coding, and game dev education, and learning how to do every hobby under the sun. Maggie recently pit up a short story on her writing website. I think it was supposed to be a horror story, but I gotta be honest. Nothing maggie has ever written has ever scared me. (Maggie, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad) It's made me laugh with how ridiculous it is, but never ever creeped me out or unnerved me. Its probably a "me" thing. I remember not finding hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy funny out side of one suicide joke which got a snort out of me, nor did I find Guards! Guards! Funny either, and have never had the urdge to pick up another terry pratchet book because of it. I think it has something to do with the way I read and my internal voice I have in my head. I have a feeling if a snarky British person read guards guards to me with the correct inflection on all the right words, the humor would have hit better. I think I'm just too serious a reader. Then again, I remember reading Marley and me when I was younger and absolutely laughing out loud at that book. I think that author's writing style was more my taste and allowed the humor to resonate with me more. Ive been on a real kick editing Featherlight. So much so that I almost dont want to draw a comic page this week. I suck at multitasking. Its hard for me to put one project down and start another if I'm really into it. I just wanna keep going and see how much I can accomplish and finish. Ghost switch's 6th birthday is on Tuesday. Im about half way done with the story. I'm already trying to plan what I will do next after it's completed, especially patreon-wise. I think ill take a break, work on some fan fics, then do some short story comics, like dogs cant see color, or dragon fruit. I kinda had half an idea to make a comic version of Featherlight, but just seeing how long ghost switch is going to take? (12 years of my life!) I dont think I will.. Or, at least not all of it. Maybe ill illustrate a chapter or two to entice people to read the book instead?

I remember at the beginning of the year I told myself to monitor my happiness. I think I've been slipping a but since may. Ive been more neutral, but no anxiety/panic attacks yet this year. I think work is really just what's been bringing me down. All these new changes and new routines that is NOT making our jobs more streamlined or efficient. They keep piling on new expectations without realizing were already maxed out. I wish my managers would work beside us just to see how much they are asking of us. At least the rest of the staff are pretty strong coworkers. That is at least one thing for me to be grateful for during these fucking hot summer days. I miss my friends. I need more friends. But it's too hot to go anywhere or do anything. I want to go swimming. Maybe I will this summer. I think the school district's natatorium is open to the public in summer. Today is father's day. I dont think I'll call my dad. I have nothing to say. It's also been almost 1 year since my grandfather died. Two nights ago, Milton, my neighbor and Alice's husband, passed away from Alzheimers. I dont know how to feel about this. I dont like alice, but Milton was always pretty nice.

Yesterday I saw a humming bird! Sometimes I fear they'll go extinct in texas due to their high need for nectar, but all the flowers dying from the stupid heat.

June 18, Had a dream last night related to work and prepping food bowls. One bowl was custom made, and called "the piñata pancake" that was as follows; 4 waffles heated up in the toaster. Use a cookie cutter to cut a whole in the center of three of the waffles. 'Glue' the three waffles together with syrup and cool whip. Fill the hole in the three waffles with a candy of your choice (in my dream it was m&ms) glue the last waffle on top with more syrup and cool whip. Add sprinkles if desired and serve.

This recipe was for a dog breakfast.

June 30, Made a financially unwise decision yesterday and spent 50$ on 7 video games from steam. Don't know when ill have the time, energy or desire to play them, though. Curse the steam summer sale.

Raven, one of our newer hires at work, got fired yesterday for falling asleep and lying about it. Honestly, she will not be missed.

It's been a while since I listened to an audio book. I did listen to 12 this year, and I want to save more for next year, but I enjoy listening to stories on my commute to and from work. (Better than drama videos anyway.) Listening to overly negative videos is kinda starting to make me feel... Sick in a way? I'm constantly asking myself now "do you REALLY want to listen to this even though you know it will make you upset?" Sometimes it's hard to say no, but I'm getting better.

Played flightrising for the first time in over 2ish years for the light flight holiday event. (I honestly just wanted the familiar. They're doing gryphons this year~)

I always have so many little things I need to do on my weekends, but then I just don't do them when the time comes. Like cleaning my book shelves or buying new socks. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to do anything. All these small chores are starting to pile up. I have Thursday the 11th off, but, like, I think I need a whole week's vacation to stay sane now.

Been thinking a lot of writing/drawing more short stories/comics. Ever since ghost switch turned 6 and we hit the halfway mark. It's still gonna take me another half decade to finish gs at least, but I'm already trying to plan for what I'll do after, if I'll do anything after. I always premeditate this stuff for years in advance, it seems. I think for the first time since I started drawing the comic 6 years ago, I'm finally getting tired of it and really want to do something else. (This inst entirely true. I just have to draw action/fighting poses next week which I'm not looking forward to. I usually feel better once I draw them and get it over with. I also miss having a buffer. Getting out 3 pages a week felt great and rewarding with all the constant feedback, but now back to a page a week feels very slow) I keep wanting to try to make another buffer, or at least plan/block out a couple pages in advance, but when ever I sit down to draw, I just want to nap instead.

July 16, Has it only been two weeks since I last updated this? I feel like so much has happened since then. I kept meaning to update sooner, but kept forgetting. The 4th of July came and went. It got a bit busy at work, but nothing unmanageable. Bri got appendicitis and had to have surgery. She was out for a week, but is back now. Ashton quit, but I feel like it was under duress, Austin was "on leave", but ally crossed her name off the contact list as well as her position, do I dont think she's coming back, and Alex wad fired for reasons I dont know and dont care about. All of our current staff is really on top of things and pretty good at communicating. I really like our core group of people at work right now~ I took the 11th off, and boy did I need it. I slept, like, 14 hours on Wednesday the tenth. I also got five comic pages done that week! It's a tiny buffer, but a needed one. I wanted to make more pages and get even further ahead, but I am going to see my friends tomorrow for the first time in about 9 months, do more comic pages will have to wait until next week. I want to buy a new mattress. I think I might have a uti. Not sure if that's causing me back pain or if it's bad bed springs. Caleb Joseph uploaded a patron video for the first time since... March? He sadly broke the news that his dog wally had unexpectedly passed in mid april. He wasn't even 6 years old yet. I no doubt blame the Amish breeders wally came from. (I gave my condolences, but did not say anything about bad breeders) now I've been researching all he old videos with wally in them since I now now we won't see him again. The last time he showed up in a video was the shaggy d.a., and he was barely over 2.that was 4 years ago.

August 2, Joe Biden dropped out of the presidential race and it is likely that kamila harris will be the next democratic nominee. I was really worried at first that people's hatred for women and poc would hurt her chances, but the republican party has been shooting itself in the feet a lot recently, so I'm feeling more hopeful. Oh yeah, there was an assassination attempt on donald trump about 2 weeks back. The shooter was a white republican registered man. He missed, but good try. It's been raining a lot this July. It's certainly helped keep the heat down. I want to do more puzzles before this summer ends. So far we only did one. I learned how to download an emulator, and ive been playing a looooot of pokemon silver. Its been so nostalgic~

Mom told me she's been dating a guy for about a year now. I kinda figured since she's been constantly leaving the house to spend time with "a friend". I don't like that she's been hiding it, but this is her house and she's an adult so it's not really my business. It does make me want to move out faster, though. When will the housing market crash... I want to buy a house with no hoa so I can paint it purple. That is my current life goal.

July went on foreveeerrrrr. Artfight is over. I cant believe it's august. I need to start working on a song comic for undertale's ninth birthday. Ive been slowly editing my griffin book again, but I need to do some major overhauls for some sections and massive rewrites. I bult a small buffer of comic pages for ghost switch, but that's almost used up, so I gotta draw more of that too.

The Olympics are happening. Funny I forget that that's going on. I dont think we had one in 2020.

August 11, Two Saturdays ago it rained in the early morning and I saw a rainbow at work. I couldn't remember the last time I saw a rainbow irl and that made me kind of sad. The rising sun through the falling rain was quite beautiful. Liquid falling gold. I wish I could use the phrase golden showers but I cant because of kink reasons. Not to yuck someone's yum, but the piss kink community really stole such a nice descriptive phrase from us writers with that one.

August 17, Today I learned that the version of Mad World who I thought was written by Gary Jules was actually a cover of a tears for fears song. I do not know how to feel about this. It was disorienting and upsetting a bit. I wanted to deny it so hard. The original song is more "new wave" and waaay too up beat for my liking. I like Jule's version better.

I looked at pictures of lemurs today and was filled with joy.

August 25, Ordered a new mattress for myself on Friday. I felt that I had to for weird mental reasons. I told my mom and she gave me a disappointed look, saying "paqui says those mattresses aren't good".

Well, paqui isn't my friend. And even if she thinks its a bad idea, why can't she just try to be happy for whatever decisions I make? Speaking of mom, she's been spending so much time with her new boyfriend al. It makes me upset. I feel like she's rarely ever home anymore. It's really fucking up how we cook/eat dinner. I hope she doesn't plan to move in with him, or him to here. Makes me want to move out more and not tell her I'm doing it. She spent a lot of nights at his house.

September 3rd, 2024. Super busy day today. The helix mattress I ordered arrived on Sunday, but no one was home when FedEx put it on my porch. I got the alert at 11:51pm. I told my manager I had an expensive package waiting at home for me, so on my lunch break I sped home (avoiding no less than 2 cop cars) hauled the box in my house as soon as I pulled up, kissed Nani on the head, then immediately turned around and drove right back to work. 80 minute round trip. 4 gallons of gas burned that day. Today I was finally able to set up my mattress. I woke up at 7, pulled my old mattress off, then put my new mattress on and let it expand for 2 hours while I then went to the dentist. It has been POURING all day. As soon as I got on the road, all through out my dentist visit. After the dentist I went to the vet to buy more cat food for Nani. Visibility was so low even for those 5ish miles. After the vet I went to petsmart. The drive down down one street took nearly 30 minutes because the roads were so flooded. I wanted to get a heated cat bed for Nani since my heat pad broke, but they didnt sell any. Neither did target or Wal-Mart. I went to the chiropractor but the guy who adjusted me wasnt very good at it :\ my neck didnt crack at all. The rain lessened a bit on my way home. My mattress was pretty much fully expanded by now. I washed my bed sheets and made my new bed. It's noticeably taller than my old mattress, but the old mattress is also over 10 years old. I did my laundry and ironed some patches on some warn down parts of my work pants. I still need to sew them down, too. I listened to wings of fire audio book 15. Almost done with the 3rd arc.

September 18, Been a couple weeks since I last wrote a diary entry. Let me see if I can recap the last half month. My new mattress is amazing. For the first time in months I woke up without back pain. In fact, I can actually sleep on my back now without it cramping up! Its wonderful! It is extremely firm, which some people may not like. Heck, even I found it a little weird at first, but knowing how much better my back feels in the morning, you grow to like it really quick. I should start exercising more. Work has been fine. Same old grind. Still pretty slow. I have a 3 day weekend this week just because. I have to work my least favorite area on Friday, though, which sucks. Been having a lot of spiraling negative thoughts lately. Not sure if I should specify which things I keep remembering, or dont list them to help me forget them. Old middle school memories and family conflicts that never properly got resolved. I can't help but fall back to them when I'm doing mindless cleaning at work, usually in the morning. I need to try and think of better things. Maybe try distracting myself with story ideas I need to work on. That might help. I know at the beginning of the year I said I wanted to monitor my happiness. I think ive forgotten about it in these past 2 months, which is why I keep returning to the past. Never got around to making a song comic for undertale’s birthday this year, but it honestly wasn’t a huge loss. We got some nice asriel/chara lore, and if I had gone through with my comic idea, it would have come across as tone deaf (it was a no mercy comic when the chara lore we got heavily implied they Went Through It ™ on the surface)

For the first time in my life, I went to a grand opening. It was for the new barnes and nobles. I went with my friends. It was exquisite! There was actually A LINE wrapping around the building when we got there right before opening! We were afraid there might be a capacity limit inside. The inside of the Barnes and noble was completely redone. It was not like any I'd ever been in before. Taller book shelves, more intimate lighting, a nice flowing floor plan that felt well connected with no one section walled off from another. Sadly, it did feel a little smaller than other BNs ive been in in the past, with smaller selections per genre, and an absolutely pitiful digital media section that was poorly organized. Still, I spent almost 200$ on new books, mostly hard covers that were reference books on animals and one fantasy book about dragons. There were a couple author signings and we saw the Arthur Reed in the fursuit. I'd like to go back soon to get more books I left behind this time. I never got a chance to ask the authors there if they were local. This new bn used to be an office max, which I think sadly went out of business and doesnt have any physical stores anymore?

We explored the bn for 3 hours before leaving, and then we went to a daiso right across the strip. I bought some Japanese snacks. Then we had a late lunch at kneaders, which I have driven past many times but never eaten at. It was really good! Then we went back to my house where maggie did palm readings for us, Bee did tarot readings for us and Nani as well. Nani was being super affectionate and attention-needy. It was so nice to see my friends after, like, 2 months. I hope we can get together again. And who knew grand openings were so much fun? I want to go to more, now~.

October 4, 'S been about 3 weeks. What's happened in that time? I finished reading 2 books I saw at barnes and noble (one I bought, the other I read online) I finished my first play through of the talos principle 2 and have started a second play through for achievement hunting. My back's been acting up again. Im waking up a little sore, but it goes away quick. I don't blame my bed. We're getting a new hire at work. Her name is kaitlyn. She has a service dog. Been prepping for nanowrimo. (Honestly im just excited to not be doing comic pages for a month). I think I'll either re-write greyscale, or do some charisk one shots. Maybe both. I feel like mom's out of the house a lot more these days with her boyfriend. I dont want to cook an entire meal if she's not going to be there to eat it fresh. On the 24th, I got a note on da from a user called fancomics-official asking me to check out their website, which was to be a hub for fan comics. It didnt impress me, so I ignored it, but then 4 days later they messaged me again asking for feedback, so I gave them a scathing review of their website and how sketchy I found it. I knew they'd delete my comment, so I took screen shots for the internet archive, and would you believe that they completely deleted their da account yesterday? Big red flag and I feel like I dodged a bullet. I'm gonna expose them more in my year end review~ I can't wait~

I finally met my mom's boyfriend today. I got to leave work 30 minutes early and found him fixing our sink. He's nice enough but I wish he was weirder. Polite but a little awkward. He drank 2 cans of beer at dinner then drove home with my mom (separate cars) but that makes me uneasy.

October 20, Another 2 weeks. I meant to update sooner, but got busy, as is always the excuse. Went to pep boys for a routine oil change and tire rotation. What originally would have been a 45 minute procedure turned into a 6 hour ordeal because they alerted to me that my shocks were bad and the ball bearings in one of my rear tires was worn down to nothing, which isnt good. I agreed to have them both replaced but none of the replacement shocks would fit my car because it's such an "old" model. Thankfully the 4th set of shocks they tried did work, but if it hadnt, they would have had to call the car manufacturers. I love obsoleetism.🙃 I did read about half of the book "illborn" while waiting. It's an interesting indie fantasy, very character driven. My favorite character is corin, followed by allana (because she's a hot mess) then the priestess, then the soldier, who I forgot the names of. I dont like reading about religious abuse and the political games go over my head, so those story lines lose me a little. While drawing page 331 of ghost switch, I remembered the song "ready steady go" by larc en ciel which was used as an fma opening. Out of nostalgia, I rewatched brotherhood and binged it in a week. I then ordered the entire dvd set, manga collection, 2 art books and 3 enamel pins. I forgot how good this show was. I'm currently trying to rewatch 2003, but it is painful in comparison. Good thing I'm not lactose intolerant, because 2003 is FULL of cheese.

November 3, I forgor today was daylight savings time. Im sitting in tje parkinglot at work an hour early. Fml.

Halloween came and went. I voted. Hopeful about the future but terrified for the worst outcome. Doing my own thing for nanowrimo. Finally gonna share the story ive been working on for the past 2 years. Hoping for feedback.

November 6. Well this is the shittiest birthday of my life to date.

November 23, Jeez, it's almost been 3 weeks since I wrote a diary entry? November has been.... Going. Not too hopeful for the next 4 years, but im going to keep living out of spite. This country just really fucking hates women, huh. Worried for online privacy and the destruction of communities both irl and online. There's a bill trying to be made into law that would tax nonprofits which is horrible in its own right, but would also target ao3. You want to donate to charity? Fuck you, they have to fork over some of your donation as taxes so we can continue to fund genocide over seas.

Not doing comics for a month has really recharged me mentally. So much so that I went ahead and made December's first comic page already, so I dont have to worry about it next week, lol. Been slowly editing my xenofiction novel. Stuck on chapter 9. Wanted to get at least to chapter 10 (50%) before the month is done. I have been able to write some new stuff, this month. My rewatch/reread of fmab really inspired me. Now I'm planning a song comic for it, which I hope to do by 2026, which would be the 25th anniversary of the manga's first printing. I'm going so far as to do some armature music editing to extend the song I want to use. Might get fancy and make it a song comic/video hybrid and add some flashy effects to the video (if I can figure out how. I need to learn how to use shot cut) Been listening to English covers of all the fma openings and endings almost every day on my drive to and from work for the past two weeks now. Kinda want to ranks them for fun. It's so nice not to worry about comic pages for a while. I kinda want to start taking 2 months off out of the year, maybe 6 months apart or something? But I know if I do that, it will take me a whole extra year to finish this comic. I really just gotta get better at making/maintaining buffers, honestly. Work has been fine. Very slow, which is unusual Right before thanksgiving. We'll probably fill up literally the day before.

My cat has been extra clingy and vocal before feeding time. Sometimes I wonder if she threw up somewhere I cant find. She's not under fed by any means. (In fact, the vet might even say she's overweight at 10 pounds) Still trying to stay happy. This month has made it more difficult though. Can't say it's entirely my own fault though

December 5, I made creamed corn on thanksgiving and it came out FANTASTIC. Tasted just like bill Miller's recipe. I might stick to making this every year instead of a new desert. Saturday was the first day I had to wear long pants to work because it finally got cold... On the last day of November. I was back to shorts on Monday, but today was wet and rainy so I'm wearing pants again.

November flew by in the blink of an eye! I can't believe the year is almost over. I lazed around on Tuesday and did errands, and I spent a lot of time online ordering gifts for myself. I'm buying 4 shirts from redbubble. Two are fma related, one is stitch from lilo and stitch, and one is a "redo" of a kingdom hearts shirt I own, but the sleeves were too tight. I'm trying to get all "essential" style shirts instead of "classic", because I find their shirts are rather.... Thin? And the sleeves too short. Hopefully essential is the style that I like. I have one other kh shirt from them that I love, and it fits just fine. I cant remember what "type" of shirt it was, but it feels great and fits great. I also ordered them all in xl because I dont think I'm ever getting skinnier.

Yesterday, wed, Dec 4, maggie came over and spent the day with me. I drew one comic page and read entries from my middle/high school journals. I laughed until I cried, it was so funny. I also finished looking through all of the vsauce d.o.n.g.s, which was a new year's resolution of mine. It's about that time I start thinking of new ones for 2025. I think I'll brainstorm some here before making an official list.

As of today, december 5th, 2024, I have successfully maintained a streak on duolingo for 10 years. (And I only practice 2 languages (and am still not fluent in either)

December 15, It's only been ten days since I last wrote here, but it feels like a month. Work is unnervingly slow right now, but will ramp up this Friday. Can't believe christmas is in 10 days. I watched all of frieren; beyond journey's end. It's... Alright. Pretty middle of the road as far as story goes. Animation is nice, but that's a given nowadays. The story doesnt do anything groundbreaking or innovative so far. Maybe the manga is better? Overall, I just dont understand why it's currently number 1 on myanimelist (as if this site is the end all, say all on anime) I might watch season 2 when it comes out next year, but I'll probably explore other anime first.

I wrote 1.5k words of smut in 4 hours last night since I was drugged up on caffine and couldn't sleep. Ive been writing a bit more since rewatching fmab. Hope this motivation carries over with me into the new year. (I hope it just stays with me through Christmas, tbh) I saw wicked in theatres with my mom and her boyfriend. It was right before thanksgiving. It was good! Amazing choreography, beautiful sets and fantastic acting. Some of the songs went on for just a little too long (like dancing through life and defying gravity) but overall enjoyable experience. There's one line that sounds kinds low-key racist (the milk flowers one) and bok is way too tall to be a munchkinlander, but I'll probably go see part 2 next year.

Been spending a lot of money recently. Mostly on stuff for myself. Im trying to order a book from Japan. The seller is trusted, but shipping times are long and slow. I hope I didnt just throw away 33$ for nothing. (Im trying to order the book; fma chronicle. It is only printed in Japanese and French, and I am going to attempt to scan and translate the book myself since I can't find any translations online. I might end up buying the French version too in order to cross-reference translation accuracies. Wish me luck.) Caleb Joseph unlaunched his patreon again. Hope everything is alright with him. His dog died earlier this year and he's been struggling with finding work from the last I heard. Watched illumination's migration movie. It was really good! Fun colors and character design, simple story. I think I liked it better than orion and the dark. I liked all the characters, even uncle dan. Kinda weird how all the ducks had one syllable names. Totally clocked akwafina as the pigeon. Story is nothing remarkable, but done well. The music was astounding, then I learned it was by john powell, which tracks.

December 25, It's hell week at work! I actually got christmas day off, which is a first. Still hectic and not as organized as it could be. My back has been weirdly hurting a lot recently, but like, not in my neck or hips. It's smack dab in the middle of my ribs. Ive been trying to watch more anime. It's a new year's resolution for me. I finished frieren, and now am looking into neon genesis and hunter x hunter. Im liking the slower pacing of evangelion so far. Hunter x hunter is a little too cliche for me right now, but it's also an older anime so I know it's tropes and mannerisms weren't cliche at the time it was released. Still, I'm glad it's not dripping with irony poisoning. It's sincerity in it's tropes helps save it.

Nani had a medical emergency on the 16th, where it looked like her back legs suddenly gave out. I rushed her to an emergency vet almost half an hour from home, paid 1400 dollars for them to do every test they could, and came to the conclusion that she has early onset arthritis in her hips and knees. She's been on bed rest for the past week, being forced to stay in my room so she wont run around or jump off of things. I have to medicate her with gabapentin and prednisone. She's gotten a lot better in just one week, but may have a permanent limp now, and cant jump like she used to (she doesnt know that yet). I just hope she's not in pain.

Still been really obsessed with fma. I ordered two books to manually translate. One is in the og Japanese, the other is in French. They should both arrive in January.

December 31, Last day of the year. I get new year's eve and new year's day off this year. Kinda surreal. Nani is doing better, but I need to start looking into pain meds because she might have a permanent limp now. God! there's still so much I want to do! I can't believe 2025 starts tomorrow! Work STILL has been busy, even though christmas is over. My book from japan arrived! It was delivered on friday, but I was at work, so I had to drive out to the post office and manually pick it up. new experience for me, but not a very fun one. Gonna try and do a stream tonight and get next week's page done. I couldn't do one this week because of work. Still waiting on the french one to arrive. I don't have tracking information for that one, sadly, so who knows when it will get here. I don't like having my weekend days split up. It disorients me. Been watching a lot of netflix. I hope to do that more next year as I explore more anime (at least until I run out of choices on netflix and have to watch it illegally somewhere else)

Aaaand that’s pretty much all my biggest thoughts I had throughout the year. I definitely wrote more this year than last (and cut out a lot of personal stuff too). It’s always interesting to see what I focused on, or what concerned me the most over the course of the year through this look back. If you made it this far, thanks for reading! I just remembered myself that I wanted to make a post on this very sketchy site called fanon.co. Basically, it’s a new website to host your fandom webcomics, but I am concerned about AI scraping, the lack of transparency on where the owners of this site are hosted, the fact that you can’t read any of the comics there without making an account, the fact that you cannot DELETE your account after it was made, and I am very curious as to how this website makes money because it doesn’t look obvious to me, which makes me think they are using our fan creations for ulterior purposes. Maybe I’ll work on that later this week.

#2024 year in review #new year's resolutions #year in review

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