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taylormarieee · 7 months ago

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Dollar bills and love Billionaire!Miguel O'Hara

🎶I'ma take her bougie ass to Rodeo and then let her pick up whatever she want. CC, Gucci, hit Bottega, whatever she want She piss me off, somehow she still get whatever she want🎶

Summary: You were bratty all day, no matter what Miguel tried to do, take you shopping, buy you food, he even bought you puppies, you were still bratty so he decided maybe fucking it out of you would do the trick.

Pairing: Husband!Billionaire!Miguel x Fem!Entrepreneur!reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Dom!Miguel, sub!reader, annoyed Miguel, bratty reader, PiV sex, oral(f), rough sex, mentions of arguing, Miguel being considerate, Miguel being slightly mean, degrading kink, praise kink, pussy whipped Miggy, mentions of height difference (reader is 5'7 Miguel is a 6'9 kingggg!), established relationship(there married), kinda angst/sadness, animal awareness(please be kind to animals, there so precious and adorable, especially puppies.)

A/N: I'm in the writing mood lol, ENJOY!

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Miguel was the best husband you honestly could ever ask for. He was kind and so loving and caring. He was the opposite of what you thought about him when you first saw him.

You own your own business called Size Flows. It's a business for making clothes for plus sized people. Many plus sized people don't get to have clothes like that.

They have to fit in clothes that don't define their curves and beauty properly because the clothes are made for skinnier people. So one day when you decided to throw a party for the celebration of your business being a success you didn't expect much.

Yes, you did send flyers out but you didn't think they were going to reach the higher-higher staff and people in the world. So when famous billionaires and Multi-billionaires and millionaires started showing up into your building, you were shocked,

One of those billionaires happened to be, Lord and Behold, Miguel O'Hara. You were intimidated by him for quite some time at the party. He was tall! That was a fact. He also looked annoyed and mean.

Not really engaging in a lot of conversation like the others did. I mean yeah, the party was at night but it wasn't that late and the party didn't go on for too long so people didn't start getting bored of each other in there.

Eventually you decided to make conversation with him because why not (though you did notice most people cowered and scurried away from him when walking by). So when you arrived at his feet it took about 3 looks to finally meet his eyesight.

He was staring down at you with a tight lipped smile and you looked at him with a wide, happy, inviting one. Your signature smile at most, as that's what your assistant Alexandria says.

"Hello! You must be Miguel! I've heard a lot about you and your work and I must say, I'm intrigued to know just a little at how your mind works.

Miguel had a completely different company from yours, obviously. Yours was about clothes, he built his own museum. It was about like history and about Aerodynamics. The museum was impressive and it was large. I'm talking like, really LARGE!

You honestly couldn't help yourself. You visited the museum about 13 times. A couple with your friends who were into that stuff and like twice with your family and other times with your co-workers who wanted to go on their lunch break. You introduced yourself by saying your name or at least trying to before he cut you off.

"I'm very pleased to meet you Miguel, my name is-" you start off.

"I know who you are hermosa. I've seen your face on the cameras at my museum every time you go." He says.

Your eyes widen. You were so shocked by the cameras bit you didn't even register the intimate name he gave you. 'He's in charge of the cameras. And he's seen me over and over again!?' you thought in shock.

"Your honestly probably one of my most frequent visitors besides a bunch of college boys." he says with a polite smile on his face that makes you feel the need to laugh. He chuckles and laughs with you.

"wow, so you're frequent with the cameras huh?" you ask in a playful tone. He chuckles as he takes a sip of his whiskey.

"Yea, if you say so. I like to make sure my museum is safe and the guests are happy." he responds with a seriousness in his tone.

"Well, I mean coming from number one guest, I must say... I'm extremely happy every time I see the front of the building. Just so eager to go inside."

He laughs again and for the first time, you see a twinkle in his eyes. You guys talk for the rest of the night to the point you're the only two left in the building.

He kindly walks you to your car, which you were forever grateful for and that night ended and more frequent ones with him in it began until you two finally got married.

You were more happy in your life now than you have ever been before. You have the hottest man in the world to wake up to every morning and to say goodnight to every night.

That was three years ago and now, your here dragging Miguel everywhere, looking and searching for stuff you don't need.

Miguel was pissed at you because you were being a bit bratty today. You weren't satisfied and you constantly gave him attitude and sass. He was slowly loosing his patience and his temper the more and more bratty you got.

It got to the point he yelled at you and told you to get in the car both of you arguing for a good 20 minutes on why you were being so bratty and why he was being so annoying and grumpy.

He took you to a pet store. He bought you a tiny little bedazzled blue collar and then told you, "Pick." he said just standing in front of the dog pen with a bunch of puppies running around your legs.

"w-what?" you ask quietly, some forms of your attitude gone. "Pick. One." he says sternly with his jaw clenched. You feel slight fear but get filled with excitement when you see the two puppies you've been wanting forever!

A Corgi and a Yorkshire terrier! They were the cutest puppies to you, well that's a lie, you wanted every puppy in this store but it's not that Miguel wouldn't buy them all, it's the responsibility and care you have to have for them.

The hours you work make it difficult to buy every single one. "Miggy," you start, batting your eyelashes at him, "Can I get them all?" you ask.

There were like 15 dogs in here and you wanted every single one. "mami, no. You can get 2." he negotiates. You pout and your bratty attitude comes back.

"no! I want them all! If not then how about like 8?" you argue the amount with him. He rolls his eyes, once filled with sincerity and love now filled with anger and annoyance.

He usually wasn't annoyed with you when you got like this sometimes but he had a really bad day a work and you arguing with him didn't make it any better.

"No, two. No more negotiating mama." he says as calmly as he can because the last thing he wanted was you flinching and crying at his temper and how scary he got.

He did that once and the last time he did it, you didn't utter a proper word to him face to face for a month. He made you so scared and for a second when he raised his hand you flinched.

You genuinely thought he was going to hit you. He immediately stopped raising his voice at you after that. You allow it sometimes when you're arguing but you don't raise your voice at him that much because you know his temper and his patience.

"ok, how about 4? is that ok??!" you ask with those puppy dog eyes and that cute little pout he loves to see in different circumstances if you know what I mean.

"ok mama, and that's it." You get 4 collars for their genders one pink, one red, one green, and one violet. You got a Dachshund, a Yorkshire terrier, and a French bulldog and a Shih Tzu.

-The Dachshund was a boy and you named him lucky. (he got the red collar.)

-The Shih Tzu was a girl and you named her princess. (she obvi got the pink collar)

-The French bulldog was also a girl and you named her cleo. (she got the purple collar)

-The Yorkshire terrier was the last you chose and he was a boy and you named him stripe. (the name is because he was black and had a brown stripe on his face and he obvi got the green collar)

"That'll be $1,375 sir. And would you like to donate to charity for dogs in need?" she asks with a smile on her face.

"Ok, and yes I would like to donate!" Miguel responds with a smile on his face matching hers.

"Oooo! No Miguel! Can I do it instead? Oh, please hermoso, lemme do it!" you beg you wanted to be part of that cause.

"Ok hermosa, go ahead but lemme pay for the doggy bowls and the food and all the beds and everything else ok?"

"Miguel that means i'll have to buy something! Leave the doggy bowls out, I'll buy them because you'll have to press decline." You explain to him.

"No, I'll pay some to charity and then you pay some." He says smiling glad that your attitude is over.

"If you both don't mind me asking, how much are you donating? I run the charity and I'm just curious." The lady who you now know her name to be Sam, asks.

"Oh I'm paying 500,000 dollars." Miguel says nonchalantly like it's nothing. Her mouth drops.

"And i'm paying 600,000." I add with a smile on my face. Miguel dips his head back down at me and narrows his eyes like it's a competetion.

"Never mind 700,000." he says eyeing me up and down.

"800,000"

"900,000"

"1,000,000" I say finally winning.

"I'll pay 900,00 Sam." Miguel says smiling at her. The lady is crying now and you rush over to hug her.

"Oh poor thing. I have just as much love for dogs as you do. My dog died a couple weeks ago and i've been dying for a new one. That's why we're here so i'm glad we were able to help." You reassure her hugging her.

She mutters a sorry for your loss as she's fighting back tears and you smile feeling tears run down you face as well. Animals were such a big part of life and they brought so many people happiness.

To see the way so many people mistreat animals really crushes your heart. You both pay and walk away with happy smiles and 4 happy puppies with a new home.

You wave to the other employees as they finally realize who you and Miguel were. They asked for pictures and hugs. You gave that to them and then bid them a farewell.

"Thank you Miguel, I really needed this." You say with more tears in your eyes. His face softens and he hugs you and kisses your head. "It's ok baby. I have one more surprise for you at home." He says with a smirk on his face.

You decided to be a tease. The entire car ride you acted bratty and all mad because he wouldn't let you get all the puppies.

You knew exactly what the surprise was so that's why you acted like this. The surprise was sex, you knew it was. That smirk he had on his face in the pet store showed it. He was horny and now frustrated so that only meant one thing...

ROUGH SEX! You loved rough sex with Miguel so much. He would always degrade you and then praise you. He was just so bipolar during sex but whenever you made him real mad and pushed his limits like you are right now,

It always led to hateful, angry sex, well maybe not hateful but really angry, rough sex.

"Get out." He says through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw. Your eye's go wide still keeping up with the act. "No Miguel! This conversation isn't over." You say stubbornly sitting in your seat.

"Fine. Then I'm getting out and I'm going to feed the dogs you're neglecting right now." He says with an eyebrow raised and a shrug.

You gasp and cross your arms over your chest. Your body and the car slightly shakes with Miguels slam to the door.

"what a jerk." You mutter under your breath but sometimes you forget your husband has super hearing and you also have a trunk, that happened to be open...

SMUT INCOMING: MDNI!!!!!

"Hmm love? What was that? Oh. I'm a jerk? mhmm mami, I'll show you a jerk." He says in that sultry smooth voice that had your knees buckling, every. single. time.

You let out a sigh as you watch him go into the house( aka a big ass mansion.) You wait until he goes fully inside. He closes the door but you still wait a little just for good measure.

When you walk in, something pushes you against the wall and Miguels lips are instantly on you roughly. You whimper and he grips your throat.

Your hand rushes to his hand around your throat and he growls biting your bottom lip, drawing it back before letting it spring back to it's original place.

His grip on your neck only tightens as he pushes his crotch against you. He flips you around roughly and your face and front part of your body hits the wall hard, his hand still on your neck.

You moan at the feeling of his crotch pressed against your ass now. "You wanted me to be a jerk right? Your so fucking ungrateful baby but damn are you beautiful." he growls in your ear, clearly fed up with your bratty attitude.

"Guess daddy is gonna have to fuck that attitude out of you huh? ¿Es eso lo que quieres, puta sucia?" He asks you. You loved when he dirty talked to you in spanish, it turned you on so much.

"Mhmm, want you to fuck it outta me papi." you say in return, your voice low and seductive. He grins against your neck before biting it roughly. causing you to. cry. out.

He licks over the bite and you whimper, your legs clenching to find some sort of friction. "Nuh uh mamacita, no trying to please your self. Spread em open baby." He says in a soft voice he didn't have a second ago.

You hesitantly oblige and spread your legs. "Good girl, look at that, mi niña bonita es tan buena para mí." he says proudly.

you smile to yourself before he's picking you up over his shoulder and carrying you up the stairs to your shared bedroom.

"Miggy, i-i'm sorry, I won't be bratty again! I promise." You beg him with pleading eyes when he rests you in the bedroom, on top of the bed as he slowly climbs on top of you.

"No. Don't do that. That's what you said last week, and last month. Every time you beg, I have mercy on you and let it slide, not today baby. Me lo tomarás como una buena chica, ¿verdad?"

"Yes daddy, I'll take it like a good girl for you! I promise, i'm sorry."you respond. His hand trails up. and down your body agonizingly slow and it's making you anxious and needy.

"mhm, daddy, can you fuck me now, please?" you beg. He looks at you and shakes his head.

"No, mi amor. Shut up, and maybe I will." He says roughly. Your eyes start to tear up, not from his words but from his actions.

I mean, I guess you deserve it but he didn't have to be this slow. You stay quiet for the next 20 minutes? you don't even know anymore cuz you lost count.

He finally dips his head, kissing down your stomach, your clothes long gone. He finally reaches where you want him. His warm tongue flat against your soaking cunt.

You let out a relieved sigh, "mhmm thank you thank you thank you miggy." you chant out breathlessly.

his tongue dips inside of you and that alone has you winded. Your breathing his ragged and your hands immediately flying to his hair as you tug on it.

"What'd I say, hmm love? shut up or I stop." He says sternly, your cunt now feeling empty without his tongue. He licked and sucked and prodded at your entrance multiple times.

Soon making you come undone. Your legs closed around his head and you cried out as he licked up every single drop you had, not letting any at all go to waste.

Once he stood back up and met your teary eyes, he smiled. Not a genuine, happy smile, no. It was this smirk that he made when he knew he won, when he knew that he had your little mind wrapped around his finger.

He begins moving the belt to his pants and all you hear is a grunt. You don't even register his cock slipping and sliding through your slick folds.

"Joder mi amor, te sientes tan apretado a mi alrededor." he moans out as he slides his cock into your entrance. You feel so tight around him. Like virgin tight.

"Gonna beat this pussy real nice baby, No quiero que camines por el resto del fin de semana. No walking at all mama." He whimpers when your walls clench around him.

He's pounding now. First it was small, slow thrusts to ease you into it but your pussy is just too addicting. Miguel was so lost in your pussy, he doesn't even realize how hard he's pounding in to you.

His pace unrelenting, even after he made you cum for a second time. Your pussy feeling overstimulated and sore but Miguel is too entranced to care, constantly muttering out cure words and how good you feel wrapped around him.

You felt your orgasm coming as your walls fluttered around him again. He groaned at the feeling and roughly thrusted into you yet again.

"This pussy is all mine, such a fucking brat. Now look who's a mess over my cock hmm hermosa? Mierda, eres una jodida puta para mí, cariño." he says aggressively, enunciating his words with his thrusts.

You scream out and chant Miguels name over and over again while your orgasm rushes through you. you claw at his back and pull on his hair. You've left little tiny crescent shapes in his biceps.

He finally cums inside you at the same time and he releases this animalistic, primal groan and you shudder at the sound. You moan when you feel his hot warm load burst inside you.

"Fuck Miguel." you pant out before sleep over comes you. You were so weak and so tired.

It's a little later in the night, 12:32 to be exact. You look at the clock and then look behind you to find a sleep Miguel with his arm under your head and the other keeping you close resting on your stomach.

You turn until your face is in his chest. You had Miguels shirt on and underwear. He's so sweet, he must've cleaned you up when you passed out.

Your hands run through his hair lightly and you smile at his resting face. You kiss his face, then his nose, then his lips and the his neck.

You loved everything about Miguel and you hope he knows it. How tall he was compared to you, how he had such a sweet soul behind that mean facade. Everything about him was drop-dead gorgeous.

If you had the option to relive one memory with Miguel, It would be the first time you met him. So kind and such a gentlemen.

Taglist: @oharaslover @ribbonprincess @willyoubemycherryy @cherryredstarsreblogs /@cherryredstars @versatilehater @dustbunniess / @evbunnie

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maybege · 6 months ago

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What If - Part 4

Summary: Mandalore approached and you cannot help but feel like something is about to go terribly wrong.

Pairing: alpha!Paz Vizsla x omega!fem!Reader

Wordcount: 6.2k | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, explicit sexual content, size kink (Paz is big-big), (semi-)public sex, oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex, creampies, knotting, cockwarming, dirty talk, praise kink, Angst with a capital A, fluffy fluf

As we say in German “Was lange wärht, wird endlich gut” which is what I am using as my excuse for why this took so long. The truth is: depression is a bitch, real life is a bitch and creativity and time for writing are like the same side of two magnets that do not want to even go near each other. Anyway, we made it!!!

There are a few people I gotta thank for this. First and foremost the iconic, the brilliant @mostly-megan who not only suffers through all the random AU ideas I have (and there are a LOT of them) but also brainstorms with me. The Ragnar Scene and also a very (very!) lovely scene towards the end of this part would not exist without her and for that, I am very grateful. Then, of course, the ever-present, ever-lurking genius that is the Boba Tea Anon who is in the Paz trenches right there with me and encourages me in everything I do (even if it is just a – I promise one day I will do a Lord Huron Paz piece!). Also, a very special shout out to Neyo (@galacticgraffiti) who gave the Mando kids their names, suffers through The Horn Knee with me and is always there to cheer me on. And then, of course, all you Paz girlies (gn) who make me feel like a sane person while I ramble about a faceless man who appeared for a total of 23 minutes (if that) and is – canonically – dead anyway. You make sharing my writing worthwhile in the first place and I will be forever grateful for getting to share my writing with you.

And with that – on to the last part (and the new canon for me lol). Please let me know what you thought in a comment or a reblog!

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

There was a certain impatience to him you had not expected at the last meal. When the announcement came that you were approaching Mandalore, Paz – who had spent the dinner between you and Ragnar – had pulled you into his lap, his arms like iron around your body. Ragnar had wandered off to the front with all the other foundlings, expectantly looking up at the clan leaders.

You had turned your face into Paz’s neck, trying to get his scent on you. You could not believe how you had only known this man for a few days – a week, at most! – and yet his scent was the only thing that seemed to calm you down. And it was no different for him.

The alpha’s hand immediately found your scent gland and you shivered as the soft leather brushed over your skin. It did not take long until he pulled his gloves off, settling them into your lap, before resuming his motions.

The nervous energy in the room was palpable but it was practically radiating off him and it inevitably affected you as well. Where you had been excited, if a bit reluctant, a few weeks ago at the prospect of reclaiming Mandalore, now there was only a strange sense of dread in your stomach. One that even the alpha could not dissolve.

“When you wake up tomorrow, some of us will set foot on our homeland for the first time in too many years,” Briggs announced, his serious gaze roaming over the packed hall, “I cannot promise you it will be easy. I cannot promise we will all wake up to the sight of Mandalore. But we will die trying.”

You could see Ragnar looking back at his father who tilted his head. A gesture meant to be reassuring but only resulted in you questioning whether Paz would be one of those dying. You shifted nervously, causing Paz to tighten his hold on your waist.

“Calm down, love,” he rumbled quietly behind you, “It will be alright.”

Forcing yourself to nod, you gripped his large hand tightly, trying to burn into your brain what it was like to touch him,

“Rest well and rest assured that tomorrow will mark the start of a brand new era,” Briggs raised his glass, “And let us toast to our home!”

“To our home!”

Everyone lifted their glasses and the conversations resumed, a constant background roar that reminded you of the countless fates that were tied to the success of this mission. A strange feeling started in your chest, and not the kind that Paz’s presence usually caused.

You shifted again, watching as the crowd dissipated and the foundlings were walked off to bed. Their excited chatter moved down the hall and something cold clenched your heart when you watched Ragnar wave at his father.

Immediately everything quieted down. With everyone returning to their own conversations and the hall being considerably more empty now, Paz did not waste any time. His hands landed on your thighs and you managed a wobbly smile.

“What is going on in your pretty head?” he asked you, his fingers skimming over your thighs, “You’ve been squirmy all evening.”

“Who says something is on my mind?”, you popped a berry into your mouth, grimacing at the sudden sour taste.

“True,” he laughed, “You might have just spent dinner thinking about when you can finally sit on my cock again.”

“Paz!” you gasped, “you cannot – I mean – what if –“ You glanced around with flushed cheeks, relieved to see that no one had seemed to hear his indecent theory.

He laughed again and the sound made your heart and body melt. “I will never tire of making you flustered,” he murmured, his big hands pulling you closer, “Though I actually would not mind having you cockwarm me tonight, sweet omega,” his fingers brushed the underside of your breasts and you shivered, “I would be lying if I said I could ever get enough of you.”

“I actually had something similar in mind,” you admitted shyly, slipping off his lap and enjoying the way his hands followed you and his body leant into you. As if he wanted to keep touching you, as if he never wanted to let you go. Your heart skipped a beat and you smiled.

“I … would like to try something?”

He leant back, his legs spreading with the movement and your teeth dug into your bottom lip at the sight of the obvious bulge in his pants. “Oh yeah, omega, and what would that be?”

You made a few steps away, making sure that your robe (a dark blue, just like his armour) swished around your form as enticingly as possible. Paz’s head turned to follow your movement from your place in front of him to a chair in a dark alcove, dressed in shadows where you knelt down right in front of it.

The big alapha hummed, rising to his feet, knowing exactly what it was you had in mind. “I think I can get behind that idea.”

From the other sounds that were floating through the cantina, you knew that illicit things were already well underway. Most of them likely more graphic and adventurous than what you had in mind. Still, you felt a little nervous at the prospect of sucking Paz Vizsla’s cock.

But for some reason, this was exactly what you needed. You wanted to bring him pleasure, so much pleasure.

You watched as he pulled off his cape, folding it expertly before motioning for you to stand. He dropped it on the floor, his hand steadying your elbow as you sunk down on the soft fabric. “Don’t want you uncomfortable,” he announced, before sitting down in the chair.

He looked big like this, bigger than usual. And oh so confident it already made your panties wet. His knees spread, the trunks he called thigh caging you in and you watched with bated breath as his fingers undid his codpiece, expertly freeing his cock.

He was already hard and dripping precome, the knot at the base slightly inflated and you squeezed your thighs. It was not like you had never seen his cock before and it certainly was not as if he had not fucked you before. Yet, the sheer size of him and the thought of taking him in your mouth overwhelmed you a little.

Where were you supposed to start?

But when one big rough hand closed around his shaft and Paz started to jerk off right in front of you, you could not help but to simply … dive in.

Opening your mouth as far as it would go, you closed your lips around his tip, one hand struggling to fit around him. The grunt he let out, paired with a twitch of his hips, had you smiling around him.

“Stars above,” he cursed, “Warn a man next time, won’t you, love?”

You looked up at him, teary-eyed, while your tongue licked the underside of him. Or at least the part you could reach. He was heavy in your mouth, heavy and big and he tasted of something that made you want more. Slowly, you moved forward trying to take more of him but soon enough, he bumped something at the back of your throat and you sputtered.

Before you could panic about breathing, Paz had pulled out of you, his large hand cupping your cheek while the other was still wrapped around the base of his cock. “Deep breaths, omega,” he soothed you, his hand leisurely stroking himself, “You are doing so good for, trying to take it all.”

“You’re so big,” you marvelled, wrapping your hands around him, “I want it all, alpha, I – Paz, I really want it all.”

“Want my help?” he asked, “Might have to be a little rougher, though, sweet omega, and I can smell how much that turns you on but I need you to tell me – Are you sure?”

You nodded eagerly, darting your tongue out to lick at him. “I am sure, alpha,” you murmured, pressing a kiss to the tip, “I promise.”

“If it is too much, tap my thigh three times, understood?”

You nodded again, shifting on your makeshift pillowed. Your thighs were already drenched at this point and you wondered whether you could come just from sucking him off. It seemed like you would be able to do a lot of things when it came to Paz.

His grip on your face loosened just the tiniest bit. “Open up for me,” he ordered, pulling your face towards him, “There we fucking go. Gorgeous.”

“I will never tire of this sight,” he groaned, “You struggling to take my size, trying to be so good for me,” he shifted, his hips surging forward and you smiled with pride when you did not gag this time, “Can I go deeper, love? Is that okay?”

With your position between his legs, your jaw wide open around him, you could not really nod. But Paz seemed to recognize the excited twinkle in your eye because you could hear the grin in his voice when he muttered a “Stars, you’re perfect.”

You took great care to keep your breathing even and through your nose, experimentally swirling your tongue around him every time he pulled out of your mouth. His thrusts grew heavier, his hold on you tighter and you swore you were this close to coming just from the sheer sight of his shaft covered in the sheen of you.

It was not long before he came in thick spurts on your tongue. You struggled to swallow it all, your throat working overtime as you did your best to swallow around him. “Good girl,” he praised you, “My good fucking girl.”

Your heart jumped in your chest as you licked him clean, not quite ready to let go of this intimacy.

His hand came to your chin, gently scooping up some of the come that had spilt from your lips. “Here you go,” he offered his coated thumb and you sucked the digit into your mouth without hesitation. You could never get enough of his taste.

“Let’s retire for the night, love,” he suggested, “We have a long day ahead of us.”

By the time you got settled in your bunk, you knew it was only a few hours before everything would start. Before you had to say goodbye.

Paz had excused himself, leaving you to get ready for bed alone before he appeared by your side, dressed completely in his armour.

“Are you okay?”

“Said goodbye to Ragnar,” he explained, sitting down on the little cot, hunching his shoulders over so he would not hit his head.

“Oh.”

Somewhere behind the curtains, someone snored.

Paz grunted when he laid down, his giant arm reaching out and pulling your back to his front.

“Is this okay?” you asked quietly, “It’s a tight fit.”

“It’ll be okay,” he murmured, grunting when he pulled the curtain closed, “I will not spend my last night without my calmer.”

“Aren't you uncomfortable?” you asked, your voice small, “With – with the armours and me and all the …”

“I will not spend my last night without my calmer,” he repeated, leaving no room for doubt. It took a bit of shuffling to turn you around but when you finally were facing him, you already felt much better. You tucked your face into his neck, breathing in his scent as he wrapped both arms around you.

Your heart was squeezing so hard in your chest that the emotional pain became physical.

What if this was his last night? What if you would never see him again?

And what if you did? Would it ever be like this again? Would he want to keep you as his calmer (or more?) when Mandalore was finally reclaimed?

Paz shifted, his large hands running over your back until one settled at the back of your neck.

“I got you,” he rumbled, “You’ll be safe, omega, I promise.”

You swallowed away the need to tell him that it wasn’t your safety you were worried about.

The next morning was worse. It barely qualified as morning and you were sure you had not found any sleep. You had just been shifting all night from side to side, desperately burying your nose in his neck to soak up every little bit of his scent that he could give you.

You were not sure if Paz had slept either but when the alarms sounded in the room at the same time, it took him a minute to get up. Everyone was shuffling around the packed room silently, most of them already dressed and armoured. Ready to descend to the surface of Mandalore.

Despair was clawing at your insides. You felt like you were watching something from the outside that you knew would fail. That you knew would destroy everything you held close to your heart.

And yet, you watched helplessly as they lined up, preparing to board the ship that would take them into the atmosphere.

It was silent – eerie – as if everyone knew something big was about to happen. And you couldn’t move from his side. You couldn’t even if you wanted to. You needed to be here with him.

You watched as Paz double-checked his weapons and your mouth quirked up as you remembered how the man had seemed like a weapon on his own the very first time you had seen him. And how true it was, now that you saw guns and rifles packed to every piece of his armour that could carry it.

Your smile fell just as quickly as it had appeared. Would this be the last time you got to see him?

You had been scared a lot of times in your life. Like when your parents had taught you how to swim and you had been convinced you would sink to the bottom of the sea. Or when you had taken a bad fall in one of the hiding places and scuffed your knee. But that childish fear of creatures and heights was nothing compared to the existential dread that settled in your stomach.

It wasn’t fear that something could go wrong it was fear that you knew something was going to go wrong.

And could you really risk this?

“You, uh, you will come back, right?” you whispered, already hating how needy you sounded. But you needed to hear him say it. You needed Paz Vizsla’s words to be the ones to tie you to the hope of a future together.

“Someone already scared for me?” Paz tilted his head and while you knew this was supposed to be a joke, his voice did not sound very light. Like he knew it too. That feeling.

“Well, I mean you have Ragnar,” you shrugged, pulling the cloak closer around you, “And I mean your tribe needs you, you are a great warrior and –“

“Exactly,” he interrupted you gently. You watched as he approached you, his steps heavy and measured and you swallowed. “I am a great warrior,” he repeated with his fingers under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him, “Which is why I will come back to you.”

“But –“

“Listen to me,” he whispered, his hand cupping the side of your neck, scenting you so gently your eyes fluttered close, “I vow to the stars, I will come back to you, love.”

That was the last thing he said to you before he boarded the ship.

If somebody asked you what happened during the time you were waiting, you would not be able to tell them. As soon as Paz embarked on the with the scouting group, it felt like time stood still. You barely knew what you were doing. You were pacing the entire length of the ship it seemed, Ragnar keeping you company for a few of those pacing trips before he distracted himself by playing with the other foundlings.

You tried to approach your feelings rationally. You had spent a lot of your time these past few days in close proximity with Paz. He was an alpha, you were an omega, obviously there were some biological components that could have contributed to your feelings for him.

But that was exactly it. Your feelings …

At the thought of Paz not coming back, it felt like your heart ripped into two. You could not fathom a world without him in it and, more importantly perhaps, you could not fathom your life without him in it. You wanted him to come back and when all the tribes settled in their parts of Mandalore, you wanted to be as close to him as now. You wanted to spend your evening with him and Ragnar and you wanted to know what his days were like, what his role was in his clan.

Whether he wanted to keep you in his life as well.

Waiting was pure torture. Communications were cut and all that remained was the cold silence of the ship. You avoided the cockpit and strategy meetings, Briggs (thankfully) seemed to understand your reluctance and did not press you on the matter. Until Axe Woves came to warn the ship of the Imperial that had settled on the planet and the fight that had broken loose.

That was the meeting you had insisted on attending, hoping that – in whatever capacity – the stoic alpha might drop some comments about the people on the surface.

“Is,” you swallowed, “Is he well?”

The beskar-clad man, much to your frustration, said nothing at all.

Which was not very helpful.

The fight continued and troops were dispatched and you stayed, keeping the foundlings safe and quiet. In fitful dreams, you heard yourself confessing your love to him just before he disappeared never to return again. You woke up with cold sweats until you crawled into his bunk, pressing your nose into his pillow and willing yourself to think of a future in which he came back to you unharmed.

Sometimes, you could hear Sluice and Chants converse about what to do if it all failed. Whether to settle back in Nevarro was another possibility or if the tribes should stick together to find a new home.

All you could think was that you would not leave Paz on this planet.

You could not leave him.

It was morning when the announcement came. You had buried yourself in his cot, his sheets pressed to your nose as you took trembling breaths when the PA system stuttered to life, the mechanical voice echoing through the empty hallways.

You had retaken Mandalore. The air was breathable and you could safely land on the surface to meet the victorious troops.

The joy and excitement that spread through your entire body could not be described. Nothing could happen to wipe the smile off your face as you frantically searched for the one good dress you wanted to wear when you saw Paz again. You wanted to please him and kiss him and tell him you loved him. And maybe, if you were very lucky, he loved you too.

Stars, how you hoped he would.

But that elation stopped short when you set foot onto Mandalore. You could not even look at the surrounding landscapes, the fallen home of your ancestors – when you spotted the group but no Paz. A quick glance around did not reveal him either and suddenly the feeling of dread was back again.

Briggs was standing there too, and you knew the man long enough that when you saw his eyes getting glassy at your sight, he did not need to say anything anymore for the tears to fall.

This was it then.

You always wondered what it would feel like to live with a broken heart. Now you knew.

The pain in your heart was unbearable and you suddenly wished that you had never left the bunk this morning. That you were still curled up in his scent and his blankets without the knowledge that the alpha you wanted to spend your life with was dead.

“Where is my buir?” Ragnar asked somewhere behind you and you could hear it in his voice. How he tried to sound strong but he was just a child. A child without his father.

He made his way to the front and stopped by your side. You put your hands on his shoulder.

“I am sure he will be fine,” you assured him, not believing your own words, “He – he must have … another mission somewhere, right?” you looked to Axe Woves who avoided your gaze, “Right?”

Ragnar grabbed your hand. “Bu said if he is late, I need to distract you.”

“What? Why?”

“Because we're family,” he said it so effortlessly, “and because I know he will come back but you might worry and you shouldn’t worry.”

You were not sure what happened first: the stopping of your heart or the break in your breath. Paz told him you were his family? Ragnar considered you … his family?

“Do you wanna play a board game?” the boy asked and the breath rushed back into your lungs, “Bu taught me a few games for when I wait for him to come back.”

“He did?” you asked, your voice faint as you followed him back to where someone had set up a small open-air cantina at the ramp of the ship. You ignored the looks Briggs and Chants gave you. Ignored the way that Bo Katan bowed her head as if to pay respect to you as if you had something to mourn.

Not now, you told yourself as your heart cracked in your chest. Maybe tomorrow you could bury yourself in Paz’s bunk, breathing in his scent until there was nothing left but your own grief.

Tomorrow, you promised yourself, Tomorrow I will know he is dead.

The sun was setting over the mountains and Ragnar made no sign of stopping the game anytime soon. He had patiently explained the elaborate card game to you before dealing the cards. And then he had continued to play with you the entire day. Sometimes, people joined you for a round or two. The first had been Din Djarin – the man with the green baby. He had not said anything but you could feel the sadness coming off him in waves.

Then there had been The Armourer who had stayed for only one round, occasionally speaking to Ragnar about his helmet ceremony (the first having been interrupted only a few weeks prior). She was followed by Sluice, Bo Katan and finally, Briggs.

“Mind if I join?” the older man had asked, only sitting down when you nodded.

“Not at all,” Ragnar spoke up, relieving you of the to find the energy, “Do you know the rules?”

Briggs had left after two rounds, his warm hand on your shoulder the only indication of what he had come here to say. My condolences for your loss.

The tears had burned hot in your eyes but you forced yourself to keep playing. Ragnar won most rounds and the one he did not, you were fairly sure he lost on purpose. “No worries,” he assured you with childish wisdom, “Sometimes it takes a little longer to get the rules.”

“That is okay,” you forced yourself to smile, “How about we take a break for some food?”

“Good idea!” the boy jumped up, “I will get some of the berries and you stay here and watch the cards!”

Before you could protest, he had raced to the small buffet table.

You both welcomed and feared the moment of solitude this afforded you. It allowed you to take a deep breath, to let your shoulders and your guard fall. Maybe even a few tears if you were quick about it. You did not want Ragner to see you like this. He seemed to be determined that his father was alive and well – that he would return – that you could not bear to be the one to break his heart.

“Bu!” Ragnar shouted and you whipped around immediately. It took you a moment to find Ragnar but when you did, he had his arms wrapped around the legs of a large man. A man dressed in dark blue armour.

“Paz,” you sighed, feeling tons lighter. Ragnar threw himself at his father who caught him though you did not fail to notice the way his legs almost buckled.

Stars he was hurt.

A new wave of panic washed over you and you did not realise you had stood up until the stoll toppled behind you. Several pairs of eyes were on you but you only cared about one.

Paz set Ragnar down and whispered something to him. You watched as the boy nodded, skipping off to Din and the Armourer. And then Paz walked towards you. Though walk seemed too weak a word for the way his heavy steps came closer and closer, his looming figure soon right in front of you.

Paz was right in front of you.

“You,” he growled, taking your hand without slowing his stride, “Come with me.”

“Paz, what happened?” you asked, trying to look him over, “Are you hurt? Did – Were those Imperials we spotted on the radar? Axe Woves and Briggs and – oh stars, we need to get you checked out and wait – are you bleeding? Where does it hurt maybe I can –“

A door swished open and you glanced around in confusion. This was not the infirmary. This was not even a proper room if the cleaning supplies on the shelves were anything to go by.

“Paz, you need – oh!” your hands gripped his shoulders tightly when he lifted you onto a surface. Was it a table? A counter? Stars, you could not bring yourself to care. Not when he was standing in front of you, panting like he had the fight of his life behind him.

Which he probably did.

Your heart clenched again, from fear or joy you could not tell.

His large hand fiddled with your dress and with a rip, your entire front piece was hanging off you in tatters.

“Alpha,” you cried, moving your hands from his shoulders to his chest, “Alpha, are you all right? I was so worried.”

The big man stepped between your open legs and you took a deep breath. The smell of adrenaline burned your nose but you could not help but notice the arousal that was in the air as well. He was angry and determined and the way he did not even look at his hands when he tugged on his belt made you glad you were already sitting down.

“Keep calling me that and I will be,” he grunted, opening the snaps of his armour and finally his fly.

Your eyes were fixated on his hand around his cock. “Pull down your dress,” he instructed instead, “I want to see your tits.”

You hurried to do so, almost ripping the fabric entirely in the process but you could not care less. Not when you had your dream of an alpha standing between your open legs, getting ready to fuck you. The ruined fabric pooled around your hips and the cool air made your nipple pebble. But then Paz was right there, the bulk of his body between yours and you could feel his cock against the inside of your thigh.

He pushed the tip of his cock against your folds, slowly circling your clit and you whimpered. Why did everything he did feel so good? “Ready?” he asked, spreading your wetness around and you found yourself wishing that you could see. That you could see how big he was against you, how his hand gripped himself, how his brows might furrow in determination and the set of his lips as he pushed inside you.

But you could not have everything in life. And for this moment, the feeling of his cock stretching your walls was enough. He was here, he was alive and he made you feel so stars forsaken good.

“Fuck,” you sighed, “Paz …”

“That’s good, huh?” he grumbled, slowly pulling out before pushing back in. You could feel your walls ease around him, your juices covering his shaft and the gland on your neck pulsed with the need to have him scent you.

He remained still for a few moments and you took a deep breath, breathing him in again and trying to get yourself to realize that he was alive. Your alpha was alive.

Paz started to move, then, and slowly pushed inside you again before building up a steady rhythm that had him deep, deep inside you. And all you could think, between bouts of pleasure, was that he was alive. Paz was alive.

“Fuck,” you whispered, your hand shaking as you gripped the edge of the table, overcome with emotion, “A-alpha, I was so scared. “

A particularly hard thrust had your hands fly around his neck. “I was protecting you,” he replied, his voice shaking, “You were never in any danger, omega, I would not allow it.”

“I wasn’t scared for me, you di’kut,” you cursed as you hastily wiped away the tears streaming down your face, “I was scared for you!”

Paz grunted at your admission, pushing inside you again and pulling you as close as he could with the armour in the way. “And I was scared of never seeing you again,” he confessed into the darkness between your faces, “That I was breaking my promise to you.”

“Wh-What,” you gasped, feeling his cock grow inside you, “Alpha, what is happening?”

“Oh fuck,” he grunted, “Sorry, ‘mega, sorry, I didn't mean to – oh shit, love, you gotta stop squeezing me.”

Easier said than done. In fact, it seemed impossible. Because as soon as you realized that it was his knot swelling inside of you, all you could think about was what it would be like to be knotted by him. Which turned you on beyond belief.

The mental image of him filling you up to the brim, the giant size of him staying inside you, made your walls flutter and your high approach so much faster. Paz’s movements did not stop and you could feel the ring at his base growing and growing, catching on your entrance with every thrust and making you yearn to keep him inside.

“Alpha, will you – Can you – oh!” he hit that spot inside you again that made your blood sing and you fell back against the wall, completely at his mercy.

And then the light went out.

Your body tensed with fright and you squeaked, thinking something had gone horribly wrong. But Paz did not seem deterred and you faintly remembered that the light switch was somewhere on his side of the room.

There was a sound you could not pinpoint, followed by a loud clatter and then his hand was at the back of your neck, pulling you to him and you squirmed at how he folded you in half, his cock still nestled deep inside you and then he was … kissing you.

You gasped, the feeling of his lips familiar against yours and everything you had dreamed of.

“Fuck it feels good to fill you up,” he murmured, the praise making your cheeks warm.

Your legs were still trembling around his hips and you tightened your hold around his neck. Your nose bumped against his scent gland. Add that to the feeling of his smile against your shoulder and even retaking Mandalore could never rival the feeling of being scented by him.

“That good, huh?” he teased you, his lips moving against your skin.

He had some stubble that tickled your sensitive skin and you gasped, the sensation opening you up even more.

And then he pushed inside you one last time as you came around him. The knot at his base swelled with no signs of stopping, locking you together as he filled you up. You shivered at the feeling of him twitching inside you, spurts of come filling you up in a way you had never experienced before, increasing the pressure inside you that made your walls clench. He continued to rut against you, causing your clit to rub against his pelvis again and again, prolonging your peak.

After what felt like an eternity, you came down from your high, relishing in the feeling of him still pulsing inside of you. It was strange, something you had never experienced before, but the closeness made you sigh contentedly against his lips.

Paz was quiet save for a few grunts, his hands grabbing your hips, keeping you as close as possible.

“I’ve never been knotted before,” you admitted between kisses.

“Really?” Paz asked, his mouth pausing on yours, “How does it feel?”

“It feels kinda nice, alpha,” you whispered, pulling his face closer to yours again.

Paz did not say anything for a moment, his laboured breath loud in the small room. Then his hands cupped your face and you could feel his eyes on you and you wondered if he was able to see you despite the darkness. Probably not, after all, it was his visor that usually enabled him to do so. But he made you feel seen with how his thumbs brushed over the apples of your cheeks, still wet with tear tracks or how his lips softly landed on yours.

“I don’t think I told you yet,” he said against your mouth, “But you are beautiful. To me, you are the – the most stunning omega I have ever seen. When I was down there – when I … I dreamt of what it would be like to see you with my own eyes.”

A flutter started in your chest. An awful flutter of hope that had you thinking of futures beyond the next few days. He could not mean what you thought he meant, right?

“But you helmet –“ you started, trying to rationalize away the hope in your voice.

But Paz had other plans. “I want to court you,” he said, sounding as determined as ever, “Stars, I want to properly court you, love, whatever that entails for your clan but I asked Briggs and –“

“What?”

“I wanted to make sure that I did everything right,” he explained, his hand warm on your back, “So I asked him about any customs I might have to know, that last night before we left and – and for a second there it looked like I would never get to ask you. But I can, love, I can ask you now. Will you let me court you, ‘mega? Will you let me spend the rest of my life with you and Ragnar and all the other foundlings the stars let us have?”

“You – you want children, too?” you asked, feeling like the breath was stolen out of your lungs, “M-more than Rganar, I mean?”

You could feel his smile against your neck, the tip of his nose buried in the valley beneath your ear. “Course I do,” he confirmed, “Ragnar is the biggest gift of my life, I won't say no to that joy again.”

A laugh bubbled up in your chest and you could feel your walls clench around him. Paz moaned, his cock twitching inside you. “Is that a yes, then?” he asked carefully, his hand wandering up to cup the back of your neck. He moved away from you,

“Yes,” you breathed out with the biggest smile on your face, “Yes, Paz.”

The scent that surrounded you made you euphoric and you realized that it had been Paz all along. That sweet scent that made your heart beat faster and a smile appear on your lips? Paz fucking Vizsla.

“Open your eyes, mesh’la,” he asked you quietly, his breath warm on your face, “Look at me, sweetheart.”

And you did. Your eyes blinked open and it took you both an eternity and a second to get your eyes used to the seemingly blinding light of the storage room. But then your eyes met his and you saw Paz Vizsla for the first time.

He had dark eyes, just like you had daydreamed, and his hair looked just as soft as it had always felt. It was matted to his forehead in places and he looked … exhausted, like he had not slept in days. There were bruises on his cheekbones and you could see some dried blood and dirt on his jaw. But all of that was overshadowed by the brightest, biggest grin on his face.

It made the corners of his eyes crinkle and you could not help but smile back, absolutely in awe of the man in front of you. What were you supposed to say the first time you saw the face of the man you had fallen hopelessly in love with?

“You are handsome,” is what you settled on finally, carefully brushing your fingertip over his crooked nose.

He huffed out a laugh, his eyes twinkling with mirth. “Thank you, my love,” he rumbled and your heart skipped a beat at him calling you his. Because you were, truly, whether you had realised it before or not, his.

“I love you,” you blurted out, feeling oddly shy.

“I love you too,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, “There is no version of this life in which I do not love you.”

“You will have to tell me about your scars,” you whispered, your eyes roaming over his face, catching on one that cut through his eyebrow, “Every single one.”

“I will,” he promised, kissing you again, “We have a lifetime for it.”

#maybege writes #paz vizsla x reader #paz vizsla x fem!reader #smut

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wonwooslibrary · 11 months ago

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svt as boyfriends ♡ joshua edition

member: joshua x reader genre: established relationship, bullet points word count: 738 summary: joshua's boyfriend things ;) warnings: mentions of food and i think that's it! let me know if i missed anything! author's note: y'all i am almost two whole days late with this oh god it keeps getting worse. i am...very tired haha i've been working a lot to build up some money while i'm not in school so yeah. i lowkey forgot about joshua/taehyung day until i opened twitter and saw people talking abt shua and i was like WAIT THAT IS TODAY anyway moral of the story i'm tired and need a break but here is the joshua fic we've all been waiting for! ily all and enjoy <3

He lowkey gives the vibes of like. The foreign exchange student bf with a relationship with a deadline

He’s the silly bf!!!

He’s also one of the members I see the least as a boyfriend so this is going to be interesting to write…

Quality Time

Mans is a fan of everything fr !!! He absolutely loves spending time with you and your shared group of friends

Loves doing silly little activities with you like making bracelets and painting

He might just be the artsy bf we all want

Joshua loves to go to different places with you like thrift stores, arcades, cafes, literally anything as long as he is with you <3

Loves the feeling of mixing his friend groups - the day you meet his friends aka his brothers he will be imploding with love for everyone

Is the “i get bored easily” bf so y’all gotta be doing like ten different things at once

Will totally ask you to dance or just close your eyes and be with him when a slow song comes on at a party / get together / playing music at home

Words of Affirmation

You totally call him Joshy or Shua and he loves every minute of it bc he thinks it’s cute

“Darling, would you like to get coffee with me tomorrow morning?” SCREECHING

Believes the relationship revolves around pet names (ie. baby, sweetie, darling) he's adorable

Is always proud of you and encouraging!!!

Likes to leave little notes for you around the house. Maybe by your favorite drink in the fridge that reads, “I got these for you. stay hydrated, love”

At the beginning of the relationship he was so formal with you, that it took him saying “I love you” for the first time to relax for five seconds LOL

Physical Touch

Joshua loves handholding ‼️

This man always wants to have some sort of contact with you, whether that be holding hands, linking fingers or rubbing your back

Loves having you sit on his lap or lay your legs across his

His go-to move when you are in public is linking your pinkies together (how cute :3)

Leans on you when he laughs because he cannot sit still

I feel like Joshua would like. move his fingers on your leg in the way of playing piano keys but with guitar if that makes sense? Like where the frets are? Idk

Is also the type to be scared of touching you in front of others until you explicitly tell him that it's okay

Acts of Service

Loves doing the chores for you

“Hey, baby, I'm gonna fill my water bottle. Do you need me to fill yours?”

Or even a, “hey i borrowed your car, but i filled the tank before bringing it back” we love a man who can afford to fill a vehicle’s tank at this point in time

Likes to bring you lunch once or twice a week --- he’ll make it himself and pack it in a cute little bag and everything

Helps you in little ways like folding the laundry or helping you pick out outfits on those days that you struggle to do anything

Is always there for you when literally anything happens. You need someone to help fix your car? He’s on the phone finding a shop. You can’t reach a high shelf or your back hurts too much to bend down to get something from a low cupboard? He’s right there ready to help

Gift Giving

I touched on this a tiny bit earlier but !! handmade jewelry omg he would make matching bracelets for y’all or even a necklace or earrings for you if bracelets interfere with your job

Always buys little trinkets that remind him of you or your relationship

“Hey I found this little glass rose decoration and it reminded me of the time i got you flowers when i asked you out the first time”

HE WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE CUTE SHY SMILE WHEN HE GIVES YOU SOMETHING TOO as if you’ll ever tell him that you dislike something he got for you

He would also love if you gave him gifts too like, “hey joshy I got this little container that can help you keep your beads organized” and he’s melt into a puddle of goo onto your living room floor

Also gets something for you (usually your favorite snack or drink) when you’re especially sad or stressed out - like a super gift instead of his regular daily gifts or something

Idk just know he’s really sweet and enjoys crafting

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starluvsx · 11 months ago

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★𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐮��𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

proofread: yeaaa

word count:4k(lol plz send help)

WARNINGS: pt2 of jealous girl, toxic!Chris, smut but like for the plot yk, p in v, dick suckin, unprotected sex (safe sex is great sex kids😁👍), praise and degrading, crying, mentions of possible cheating, reader talks about being insecure, swearing, pet names, reader is def not standing on business.

A/N:here u gooo @urfavstromboli !this is too long holy shit.the smut part was so strange to write bc like I don't really like writing smut but I had to for like the story.also im sorry this took so long to makes started working on it right after pt1 and just forgot it was in my drafts LMAOOOO. also peep the special banner(I couldn't find any good lyrics).ok ill stop yappin and let you read.

𖦹 𖦹

✧SATURDAY

my heart beat sped up as I slammed the door in Chris' face.never being this upset with him in my life. I mean I never really thought he would choose another girl over me.Especially not one that has problems with me for no apparent reason. As I broke down into sobs I pulled out my phone and ironically called Nick, Chris' brother, knowing he would comfort me.

"Hey what's up?Did Chris apologize?" Nick asked through the phone.Once my crying was heard I think he got the hint of what had happened though.

"Can you uh..can you come over please really just... need someone right now."I stifled out as I paced around my living room.too many yet not enough thoughts running through my head.

"yea of course, do you want me to grab anything on the way?"Nick questioned sympathetically. I only responded with a small 'the usual' before we promptly said goodbye and I hung up.

✧NICKS POV

I heard the front door open as I shuffled down the stairs,Chris huffing and puffing as he stepped into my view. "How'd it go?"I asked even though I already knew how it went.I wanted to see if he would lie to me.

"horrible, its not even my fault though, shes acting like an insane bitch and is trying to make me choose between her and ash.fucking stupid.she needs to get over herself." Chris spat out.i was shock at his words about a girl who he used to love so much.the only time he talked about her behind her back was when he was saying how pretty she looked or how kind she way or how funny she could be.all of those feeling were now replaced by cold, rude, bullshit.

"don't talk about her like that, dickhead." I retorted.yes he's my brother and I'll love him no matter what but there is no way I would let him talk about her in such a way.especially when I knew that wasn't what he was like at all.

"what?! How am I the dickhead?" he yelled out as I turned my body to Matt's room in order to ask if he could drive me to y/n's.rolling my eyes and choosing to ignore the boy who had very clearly lost it.

"Can you drive me to y/n's?"I asked while poking my head into Matt's dark room. a small 'yea sure' being the answer as he got up from his desk.walking back into the kitchen area I was met with an angered Chris. God he was acting like such a child.

"don't ignore me,"he slightly shouted. "If I'm really a dick then there must be a reason!" my youngest brother said, looking at me soullessly.

"you literally were flirting with Ashley the other day, didn't say anything when she insulted your girlfriend, when y/n confronted you about it you don't even care, and then when she asked you to make the very reasonable decision of either her or Ashley you get all pissed and start calling her an insane bitch, so yea I think that makes you a dick."I rambled on frustrated.

Chris didn't say anything before I walked toward the front door.or maybe he was going to but just didn't because of the situation.either way I don't think he really needed to say anything else.as I was getting my shoes on I could faintly hear Matt say "I know your my brother but if you hurt her anymore after today I'll kick your ass." which was followed up by my silence and footsteps towards Chris' room.

Matt huffed as he walked down the stairs and walked out the door to his car with me.Once we got in the car we both sighed deeply. "He's so stupid sometimes."Matt breathed out as he started the car and began to back out of the driveway.

"seriously, also we need to stop by the gas station."I replied.even though I was going to her house in order to comfort her and hopefully make her realize he's not treating her well and that she should just leave I know it would be to no avail.shes a hopeless romantic and there not much I can do about it.

✧YOUR POV

tears sprung out of my eyes like frogs with no hesitation. “Please please please let me get what I want” by deftones playing on my speaker. I looked into the mirror across from my bed as I laid on my side, locking eyes with my own reflection.I slowly picked my body up and now simply sat on my bed.still staring at myself intently.

I found myself simultaneously messing with different parts of my body and face.silently wishing they would morph to look like Ashley.she was perfect.the perfect weight,perfect skin,flawless makeup, model like hair.no wonder why Chris didn't mind her being on top of him.he probably wanted people to think that was his girlfriend.not me.why would anyone wanna be seen with me anyways.

The doorbell ringing for the second time this night broke me out of my thoughts.I slowly brought myself to my feet and dragged myself to the front door.as I opened It I was met with a sympathetic looking Nick holding a gray bag. "hey girl..."he slowly said.

I'm not sure if it was just my brain trying to distract me or what but I couldn't help but notice he had dyed his hair red again. "your hair...its not blonde anymore..."I quietly said.my words making Nick smile

"Yeah I know, just kinda felt like another change, i don't know.do you like it?"he questioned.

"I love it, looks really cool man.''I answered, tired eyes looking at him and realizing he was still outside. "oh shit sorry"I said while moving out of the way. as he stepped into my house I made eye contact with Matt who had most likely been waiting for Nick to go into my house.I waved to him with a small smile as he reciprocated through his car window.

I sighed heavily as I shut the door.remembering what happened earlier. "Okay so I got you red bull, skinny pop, oreos, mints and Lindt chocolate, oh and I got nerds for myself, you can have some though."Nick said once he walked over to my kitchen table, placing the items on said table as he listed them.I don't know how he remembers what I like to eat when I'm sad but this does happen a lot I guess.

I put my head in my hands and let out a deep breath.trying to unwind somehow.a ping was then heard from across the table.i knew it was Nick because my phone had been left upstairs. "Oh God, look who it is."Nick said as he turned his phone to face me. it was Ashley.she had sent him something on snap.

'half swipe it."I said as I made my way around the table, peering over his shoulder to see his screen.

"I don't know how."he responded, panicking.

"Just pull it from the left." I tried to explain.my help wasn't very useful though because he opened it instead. 'Are you mad at me?' read the message "is she fucking stupid.of course your mad at her?"

"She is stupid, that's why she looks like that.im just gonna say no to see what she says."the boy next to me said as he typed out 'no' followed up by 'why would I be mad at you?'.

she immediately opened the message and began typing "wow I'm surprised she opened that fast, probably cause she has no life."I snakily said as we both watched her bitmoji type.

''Oh bc of what happened with y/n the other day. 'she clarified. He was about to start typing again before she beat him to it. 'yk when she was a psycho bitch for no reason' was the next message. "psycho bitch?!oh I'll show her a psycho bitch!"I said as I shot up from my leaned over position on the counter. walking angrily towards my front door.

"y/n you are not going to fight her right now, especially not when you look like that.'' Nick reasoned as he set his phone down. "just forget about her.she's just an irrelevant cunt that has nothing better to do with her life but hate." the red-head said.

he was right.i don't know why I cared what she thought.but when I really think about it,I don't.i couldn't give less then a fuck about how she saw me.it was Chris' opinion I cared about.i wanted him to think I was beautiful, funny and kind.i wanted him to think i was perfect.i wanted him to be able to see me over Ashely.

"did Chris say anything about me?"I asked.switching topics to something more relevant in my head. The face he made when I said this made my stomach drop.Mainly because I knew how mean Chris could get at times and considering what had happened earlier tonight I don't think he said anything good.

"Do you want what he should've said or what he did say?"he asked as I made my way back to my previous placement.

"Tell me what he actually said."I answered.feeling like I was taking a leap of faith.but I knew if I wasn't told the truth then I would never have a chance of getting over this man.

"he was all like 'it went horrible, it’s not even my fault though, she’s being an inane bitch and is trying to make me choose between her and ash.she needs to get over herself.'"Nick said, mimicking Chris' voice to make it more light hearted.it was a little funny but the words made my eyes well up with tears nonetheless.

I was feeling so many different things.sadness, anger, stress but most of all betrayal.i mean he said it wasn't even his fault basically saying it was mine.my fault for being upset for a little bit.he would rather call me an insane bitch then just admit he was wrong and stop being friends with Ashley.that fat pig.

"what!?Ugh I hate him so much!!Why do I even like him?He treats me like shit,never listens and is always on top of other girls?!I don't even think I've heard him say he loves me in like 3 months!? do you think he's cheating?oh my God he probably is!"I rambled on.placing my head in my arms at the end of my words.i slowly began to sob into my own arms.once Nick heard my sobs he hugged my hunched over back.

"no don't say that.he's obviously not cheating on you."he reassured.his words didn't do much though because my cries only got louder and more emotional.my best friend ushered me up so he could hug me normally.i pulled away from the hug once I was able to actually breath.looking up at Nick with tired, sad,eyes.thankful for him being here but also embarrassed for crying over his brother. "wanna watch a movie?" the boy sympathetically asked.i nodded a small yes before I grabbed all my snacks and headed over to the couch.

watching the movie was a good distraction for some time.but nonetheless I found myself thinking of him. how much I missed him and just wishing he was here right now.im not going to apologize though.I did nothing wrong no matter what he thinks.so if that means that we never speak again then I'm fine with that.oh who am I kidding, I'm definitely not fine with that.

✧THE NEXT DAY, SUNDAY

'come over please' and 'I miss you' were the two messages I had been staring at for at least five minutes.the sender being chris made this all the more strange and confusing.i mean he was just calling me an insane bitch yesterday and now he wants me to come over.but for some reason I caved.maybe he wanted to apologize or something.

I threw a zip up over my lace tank top and tied my gray sweatpants.sliding my crocs on as I stepped outside started walking to my car.

Once I began driving I found myself more fidgety in anticipation than what felt like ever before.fingers tapping against the steering wheel rhythmically and constant glancing at the ETA were I knew this.

As I entered the house using my key I felt anxiety rush over me.Matts keys weren't here and neither was Nick's jacket which he never leaves the house without during this time of the year.meaning that it was only the two of us in this house.

My footsteps felt heavy as I walked down to his room.something I had done many times now feeling unfamiliar.I knocked on his bedroom door lightly once I approached it. though as the door was opened I wasn't even aloud a greeting before he placed his hands on my hips and smashed his lips onto mine hungrily.i wish I could say I rejected the kiss but I couldn't.it was like he had put a spell on me.

he walked backwards as we eventually crashed onto his bed.i straddled over his lap as I deepened kiss.he swiftly flipped me over onto my back and moved me so I was sat up a little.i took the hint and unzipped my hoodie, throwing it off to the side while trying my best not to break the kiss.

he then removed my tank top.now revealing my bare chest to him "no bra huh?so you are still my slut." he said as a smirk formed on his lips.

"I was actually about to go to bed but whatever you wanna believe."I retorted.

"do you want me to fuck you or not?"he questioned, looking into my eyes.i stayed silent though.letting the wetness between my legs make my decisions. "that's what I thought."he darkly said. pale arms taking his own shirt off.toned body now all in view for me.

"you know what to do.''was my signal to take my pants off.i undid the tie on my sweats and slid them off.leaving my white laced panties on. "sit up and go on the side of the bed"he demanded.i did as he said.sitting on my knees a on the side of the bed I was closer to.he then came around to the side I was facing.once he was directly in front of me he dropped his baggy jeans and boxers at once, cock springing free.all 8 inches now stood in front of me.his pink tip leaking pre-cum.

I looked up at him innocently.as if I had never done this before.i then, on instinct, began to pump him with my hand slowly.my actions making his breath hitch.i placed my lips on the tip and began to lower my head.pace increasing every time I brought my head up.eventually his hands made their way to my hair and began to push my head into his cock roughly. "fuck just like that.keep going.use that perfect little mouth for something good for once."he harshly spat out looking down at me as he said that.i ignored his words though and continued to suck him off.

This feeling being lost on me for almost a week made my throat sting pleasurably.his grip on my hair tightened which told he was close.the signal making me go faster.if even possible.small whimpers fell from his cherry lips as I continued to work. “Oh God yes,please I’m…I’m almost there”he mumbled out, the words working as encouragement for me to keep going.then without warning I felt his cum shoot itself into my mouth.the salty savory flavor touched my taste buds as I swallowed.

Once he came down from his own high he looked down at me.i kept my eyes on his.looking up like a lost puppy. "fuck your so hot" he said as he grabbed my middle area and situated me on my back and so I was on his bed longways.once he laid down with me he whispered "sit on my lap baby"

I complied and did as he said.placing myself more on his legs then his actual lap because I knew he wouldn't be that easy. "you want me to fuck you?"he asked.i nodded 'yes' in response. looking down at him with pleading eyes even though I was on top right now. "use your words.you had so much to say before, what happened to that?"he teased.

"please chris just fuck me, ive been waiting for days!"I squealed out.thankful there was nobody else home right now.

"good girl.."he hissed out.his words being my command to lift my hips up and hover over his cock.then without warning he thrusted up into me after lining himself up with my entrance.the sudden feeling making me yelp.he continued to buck his hips up into mine as I bounced simultaneously, placing my fingertips on his chest for some sort of stabilization.

moans that were higher pitched than my actual voice spilled out of my mouth along with swears and small pleads.my body was hot as I went up and down on him.his hands were at my waist, guiding my every move harshly. The pale boy grabbed my waist hard, making me wince at the pleasure mixed with pain.the idea that the boy who I was crying over last night was ramming himself into me right now made me feel guilty.but I can't help it.his touch is intoxicating.

my jaw fell open as pornographic noises flowed from my lips.eyes screwing shut and head being now hung low.i was so caught up in myself that I didn't even register the small whimpers coming from the boy underneath me. The noises being my key to realize he really did miss me.at least a part of me. "keep going baby, don't stop, i'm gonna-"I rambled on before being cut off by my own already familiar noises

"Me too..shit.."he whispered.

"chris fuck fuck fuuuuck"I strung out as I came undone on top of him.laying my body on his as he thrusted up into me again,chasing his own high. Whiny whimpers made their way into my ear as I felt him twitch inside of me.knowing he was close I decided to tease him a little by kissing his neck and leaving a trail of hickeys.my sensitive body not mattering at all to either of us.

"fuck baby" he groaned out as I felt his load shoot into me, coating my insides.we sat there in silence.sweaty bodies catching their breath.once we calmed ourselves he pulled me off him and situated me so I was laying on my side, facing the boy who replicated my current position."lemme get you a towel."he said before promptly getting up, putting his boxers on, and doing as he said.

When he came back and cleaned me up I couldn't help but stare at him.all his features slithering into my eyes. "Can I have a shirt?"I asked softy.not wanting to put my tank top back on because of the temperature.he only hummed an ‘mhm’ before tossing me a random black shirt with a white design on it.

"Can we talk? ''he awkwardly said as we both were now sat up and at least partially clothed. I nodded my head to signify I was listening."listen y/n im...im really sorry about earlier.i was a dick and I shouldn't have acted like that.i know you don't like Ashley and i'm totally fine with dropping her.i would rather lose her then you any day and i'm so sorry if I made you feel otherwise.a-and if your ever upset again don't be afraid to say something cause I promise I won't act like a dick again."he nervously rambled on.

I wish I had it in me to stay mad at him but I couldn't.i know this apology was just so I wouldn't leave him lonely and he would pull something stupid in a few weeks.but I can't help it.i'm in love with him and there's nothing I can do about it.

✧MONDAY MORNING

my eyes screwed shut almost immediately after they fluttered open, the bright sunlight causing this.i turned my head around to the best of my abilities to see if chris was awake and it didn't seem like it. I turned my head back and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. "you're finally awake."Chris said from behind me,startling me a little.

I hummed a small 'mhm' before trying to get up but to my dismay he pulled me back down to my previous spot. "I have to pee."I giggled.

"pee later"he mumbled, pulling me closer if possible.

"yea no thank you"I said before breaking out of his limp arms grasp and standing up to go to the bathroom.taking a mental note of my sore legs from last night.

"I see you limping!"he teased once I got into the bathroom.

"oh fuck off"I lightly shouted back.once I washed my hands I began walking towards his door, the idea of food in mind.

"Where are you going?"he asked from his now sat up place.holding himself up on his elbows.

"I'm hungry"I said while throwing on my sweatpants that had been tossed here last night.

When I got up the stairs Nick turned his head to me.shock and disappointment coated his face. "Okay I thought we agreed you hated him?"he questioned.Keeping his voice low knowing Chris was still in the house.

"ugh I know but he texted me last night and told me to come over and then one thing led to another and...look he apologized."I tried to reason.nick though, was not having any of this.i made my way over to the fridge and grabbed my strawberry smoothie from Thursday that had been left here by accident.Taking a sip from it while I turned around to face my best friend again.

"yea and he apologized last time, and the time before that, and the time before that.you have to let him go y/n.he's not good for you."Nick explained to me.I know he was right but I couldn't just get over him.I wasn't the type of person to just get over stuff like that.

"Well last night seemed genuine, okay?I seriously think he meant it.''I said before footsteps were heard coming from chris' bedroom which ended me and Nick's conversation.

Chris hugged me from behind and kissed the top of my head.nick shot me a "you need help" look and I couldn't do much besides give him a "yea I know" look back.the brothers began conversing but it was more like background music to me.

I know nick is right, he’s not good for me.but I can't help it.everytime I look into his eyes I feel like i'm sinking deeper in this pit of love I dug so long a ago for him.i hated that I loved him and how I knew he was gonna do me wrong.but with his arms wrapped around me like they were right now I can't help but leave that as a problem for future me.

#sturniolo triplets #influencers #x reader #youtube #celebrity #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #cute #matt sturniolo #chris surniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #smut #angst #toxic relationship #i need his cock

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anundyingfidelity · 6 months ago

Text

SHOULD HAVE KNOWN — Brother Day/Cleon XII

Summary: Brother Day seduces the queen of a powerful realm with the objective of taking everything away from her in the middle of Hari Seldon's outburst, but forbidden feelings flourish and a secret relationship with Empire is a sharp threat to the genetic dinasty. Demerzel knows the Cleons are not allowed to see past pleasure, but that never stoped you or Brother Day from seeing each other. Now, he's not the only Brother Day that's awake. Or so you thought.

Pairing: Past Brother Day/Cleon XII x female reader, Dark!Brother Day/Cleon XII x female reader.

Word count: 2.7k.

Warnings: dark smut, some choking, some possessiveness, angst, language, threats of memory loss, betrayal, Demerzel being a heartless bitch, this is situated in the beginning of S1. And just for some context, the Cleon XII that did fall in love with the reader is replaced with a new Cleon XII, hence they are the same name of Cleon in the pairing, I'm sorry if it's confusing lol but just wanted to clarify.

If you'd like to be added, the taglist is here!

notes: this was a request part of my 400 followers drabbles made by @curiouswildi but i decided to make a long one shot because brother day deserves it. long time since my last foundation fic lol. sorry for the looong wait, hope you like this!

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

GEN MASTERLIST!

You remembered his kisses. The way he would talk to you. The soft side of the emperor he saved for you and only you to see; for you to know he cared about you with small but kind actions. To know he loved you with each and every one of them as he took you around the palace.

Love was a strong word as much as a strong sentiment, and certainly was not on your plans once you finally landed on Trantor to meet Brother Day and reinforce your political alliance. After centuries of your lineage not having any contact further than trade with the Empire, it seemed wise to accept the emperor's invitation to come along.

Brother Day, of all of the three Cleon’s, was interested the most in your planet. Rich in culture, religion, natural resources such as potable water, rare plants and medicines, and a small population suitable to subsist in a green forest, he seemed fascinated by how you managed your government with such strength and boldness. When it arrived, his invitation looked perfect to maintain a business relationship and develop the trade between both planets.

Everything looked good for your arrival, more than that to be fair. As the queen, you were to participate in different programs and meetings assigned to your schedule while in Trantor, letting you and Brother Day know each other more and more as those events went by. And as months passed, the political alliance you had was becoming something else and more personal.

It wasn’t just because you wanted the best for your people, but because you fell in love with Brother Day. Deeply, you knew it was prohibited and that you were playing with fire once the physical pleasure started to become something more than just that. Scared and anxious, you confessed your feelings to Empire. Surprisingly, he confessed to be in love too.

The hidden encounters didn’t stop, but you were more cautious than ever. Demerzel had been noticing your shared looks and your body language. Being the all observant assistant to the Cleons, she was so, very aware that what you were doing together was more than just fucking, which was already wrong. You had no wiped or erased memories since you were no whore from the court, meaning you remembered every encounter together. And deep down, you never expected this kind of plan coming from her.

Pacing on the cell Demerzel had brought you in, forcefully under your night sleep, you lost count in the hours you had spent down there. What if Cleon was dead? Did she already have a plan to replace him? Would she kill you soon? Endless and unanswered questions filled your head, wondering if it had been wrong to declare your feelings to the Emperor like that. Your demeanor switched when Cleon came down the stairs, followed by Demerzel. There was a stern and harsh look on his face as he approached you, and you did your best to keep calm, walking to the invisible wall and the lights that separated both of you.

“Cleon, what is this—”

“Don’t speak,” he cut you off.

“Brother Day already committed treason to the Empire. You must not be together anymore,” the blonde added with an expressionless face.

You gasped and your gaze was directed towards her, demanding answers. “What? Demerzel, what did you do to him?”

“Only the necessary to keep the Dinasty alive. You are a threat to Trantor, and should know better than to see past myself,” she replied.

Looking back at him with a hurted look, you clenched your jaw. “Cleon, you promised!” you shouted, making the voice an echo in the prison down the palace.

“Can you leave us for a moment?” he said calmly to Demerzel, not even bothering to look at her, as his eyes remained on you.

She gave a nod and a small reverence and left, her steps on the stairs fading away.

“I demand to know what is happening, Cleon,” you sternly said once Demerzel was gone.

“I do not owe you anything but to say this is not going as planned,” he answered with a serious look on his face that was kind of hard to decipher. “What we had was wrong and I must take the lead to complete the main objective.”

“I’m sorry?”

His robotic demeanor started to scare you, and you doubted that the Cleon you got to know was the same one that was standing right in front of you, with just an invisible wall separating both.

“Your planet is mine now,” Cleon announced. “It belongs to Trantor and the Empire.”

You let out a loud gasp, suppressing an unamused laughter under your breath at the sudden news. “No, no. That cannot be— That’s not possible!”

“I’m afraid it is. My tropes are already taking care of it right now, while you’re here.”

The look in his eyes didn’t soften, and you were just expecting his words to be a kind of harsh and rude joke. But you knew they were not. He was being damn serious about it. There was a pain in your chest as he broke your heart with his statement. You knew he didn’t love you anymore, but also the question was there, floating in your head. Was he capable of doing so the whole time you spent together? The empty promises of destroying the genetic dynasty, having children on his own, and uniting your kingdoms by loving marriage were gone.

“You lied to me,” you muttered, locking your eyes with his own. A mix of anger and sorrow began building up inside as a tight knot on your throat started to grow up.

“No, you lied to yourself,” Cleon plainly answered. “You should’ve known better, my queen.”

The way he dragged your title with his mocking voice caused you to clench your fists together by your sides. “What did Demerzel do to you?” you demanded. “Did she just get rid of your memories? Did she clone you? This is not human, Cleon, I think you remember us talking about that.”

“Oh, I do remember,” he replied and a greedy smirk formed on his lips. “But the previous me was so… sentimental. I am awaiting a crisis and I need all the resources that I can get for Trantor. Your planet fits perfectly for those plans, but we would’ve gotten nothing with that thing you call love. I cannot let anyone interfere, not even myself.”

“So that’s why she just dumped you for a new doll?”

Your words seemed to trigger something inside him. His fist bumped on the invisible force field keeping you locked, and you jumped slightly, taking two steps back at his sudden reaction.

“Careful with what you say,” Cleon threatened in a dim whisper, his lips were put on a tight line now as the smile faded quickly away from his face.

In a swift motion, Cleon opened the barrier with his fingerprint on the side of the cell. His tall figure approached you gracefully, looking down at you with something you interpreted as hatred and longing, but you were not sure. You remained on the same spot while he studied you carefully with his narrowed, hazel eyes.

“Do not try to scare me away,” you began as you held his gaze once it was back on your face. “I am not one of your subjects.”

“Maybe not, but you are more than that to me,” Cleon whispered, angling himself so his lips would brush one of your ears softly. “Right?”

You froze in place, feeling the palm of his hand brushing your cheek when you tried to look away. He held your jaw, his gesture forcing you to lock his gaze with yours and you admitted to yourself he was right. You had fallen deeply for him, believing every word that he would recite to you. The gentleness that was now long gone had you wrapped around his finger, and now, this was the price. You should have seen it coming. Cleon, as much as he professed his love and the desire of feeling human again and conceiving a true empire by your side, had created a dynasty system that endured for centuries and back up plans for situations like these should’ve been there even before your arrival. He was so stupidly selfish. And the worst part was that your heart somewhere still loved him.

When Cleon leaned down to kiss you, you only hoped your people would fight with claws and teeth for their freedom.

There was a cruelty you sensed coming from him once he attacked your lips. However, it didn’t stop you from responding to the gesture. The physical touch was the beginning of everything; even if you knew now it was utterly wrong, you reciprocated his desire. Probably, the last time you were able to touch him and feel him again, you thought as he forced you to walk backwards, until you felt the cold wall pressing against your back.

A breathy moan escaped your lips as his long fingers pulled down the straps of your dress and his mouth nipped at the skin of your neck. He left wet kisses down your collarbone, until he kissed over your bare breasts, the dress falling off from you easily until it hit the floor and he took you in between his arms as if you weighed nothing. Cleon looked over at you, your legs wrapped around his waist, just giving yourself to him one last time before what was coming after.

“See?” he began, using his thumb to play with your swollen lips and enjoying the way you fought to catch your breath. You were getting wet already and somehow, you hated yourself for being so weak for him. “You’re always more than a pretty subject to me.”

“Are you going to kill me?”

He arched a perfect brow at your question. “I might have different plans for you.”

“Just do what you have to do already, Cleon,” you berated, both of your hands cupping his cheeks and pulling him towards you closely before kissing him again. “Do it.”

“Well, then I shall take what belongs to me,” he mumbled.

And so he did. He pushed your panties aside immediately as you went to grip his groin, earning a low growl from him, still tasting your lips in the process. You quickly undid his blue shirt in a swift motion while breaking the hot kiss you were sharing, and you finally felt his chest pressing against yours. Cleon accommodated your body firmly between his own and the hard wall, grinding his hips to feel some friction. He gasped once you slipped your hand inside his pants and worked on his hardening cock with soft, but firm strokes.

Enjoying the feeling of your warm palm and fingers, he moaned against your neck, biting and licking on your sweet spot. His fingers went to work on your wet slit, rubbing and teasing your entrance with his index and middle fingers. You let yourself relish in the moment, thinking this would be the last time you could feel his body pressed against yours so intimately, remembering the softness of his skin and the roughness of his touch. How he would embrace you sweetly if you asked, but you could have it rough if you pleaded good enough for his excitement. Cleon would comply with your deepest wishes with such passion, as much as he promised before to stay by your side and create a better empire together. But those were not possible things by now, and the only thing that really mattered was his kisses and his firm body against yours.

“Please, just do it,” you begged with a breathy moan, feeling one long finger sinking inside your cunt.

He slowly set a pace while marking your neck with his teeth, stretching you open for him. His cock already aching to fill you up completely and rip you apart just like he knew how to make you squirm under him. The pace of his fingers now made a obscene noise as he fucked you with them, and you clinged to his huge frame, digging your nails on his bare shoulders and bucking your hips. And just as you were about to reach that sweet climax, he stopped, pulling his digits out and accommodating you around his legs. You whimpered softly when you felt his cock pressing against you, aligning with your wet heat.

“This is your last wish,” Cleon breathed out. “And since I’m merciful, I can make it true.”

With a particular hard trust, he slid inside you. A rather loud moan filled the empty room once he started to fuck you harshly; his hands groping at your hips to keep you in place as he used you to get what he longed the most: sweet release, just before you’d be sent away for the next phase of the sinister plans prepared ahead of you. You clenched repeatedly around his shaft, and the sound of skin hitting against each other made echo under the dim light of the prison.

As seconds went by, you tried to fight the urge to cry out his name. You would not give him the satisfaction of hearing his name being moaned beautifully with your voice. And you could barely think straight as he kept fucking you, taking in the grip on your hips that would leave bruises and marks on your skin, the gasps and deep breaths he used to take, his face focused on the sight below where he entered inside you for his own pleasure, reaching the deepest places that made you roll your head back when his hand wrapped around your neck, cutting off air for a moment…

Despite everything, you loved him. And the ache of Cleon not being yours anymore kept growing and growing, as much as the pleasure did. For a moment, you didn’t want this to be over. You didn’t want to know what type of destiny they had prepared for you. Instead, you could just die there and then, after he’d be done with it. At least you’d die happily in his arms, feeling the warmth of his skin against your own, completely filled by his cock and marked by his teeth on your collarbone. That was all you could think. He was everything you had in mind.

The careless pounding sent you to bliss, triggering a long, yearning orgasm from you with a breathy, broken moan. Your walls clenched tightly around him and he growled, holding you close, his grip stronger than before. The frenzied pace of his hips slowed down eventually, as he came too, filling you up with his hot seed. You remained together, clinging to his broad figure and feeling his hot breath against the skin of your neck. Cleon held you in his arms, softening inside you. You turned to take his face between your hands, forcing him to look at you directly. There was an expression in his eyes you couldn’t deduce.

Maybe it was just the aftermath of what you just did. Maybe it was really a sadness coming from him, knowing he wouldn’t see you ever again. Maybe he did love you, even if this was just another clone.

“We need to go,” Cleon spoke softly, pulling out of you and setting your shaky legs on the floor once again. You took your dress and put it back on as he fixed his clothes as well.

“Where?” you asked, with a hint of hope.

But his eyes darkened anew, and you realized there was just a fantasy haunting your brain of Cleon suddenly stepping back on his plan and keeping his promises for you.

“Demerzel will take you,” he said, now coldly. He looked at you as if you were some kind of inferior being. “There is no way in the galaxy we should be together.”

This made you clench your jaw. “You’re a fucking selfish irony of a human,” you spat through your teeth.

He took his hand and cupped your neck with it, cutting you from breathing for a moment and he leaned to watch your face contour in slight pain and shock.

“Now, be careful with your words, queen,” he whispered against your lips, teasing a kiss that never came. “As your memories will be erased, I don’t think you could remember every single detail of you being here. Even less, about your precious realm… Or your life.”

“Do it. I told you, I do not care.”

He smirked when Demerzel’s familiar steps were heard, coming down the underground prison. It was time.

“I bet you would not.”

#cleon xii x reader #cleon xii x female reader #brother day x reader #brother day x female reader #foundation apple tv #foundation tv #foundation lee pace #foundation brother day #brother day fanfiction #lee pace #cleon 12th #cleon xii #lee pace x reader #lee pace fanfiction

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yakumtsaki · 1 year ago

Text

-Oh Sunset, I'm so lucky to be in a loving relationship with such a kind, loyal and non-criminally insane person such as yourself!

You're so on the money, buddy, the only thing you missed was 'sexually repelled by cousins'.

-I CAN'T DO THIS, TYLER, YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME -I'm sorry! Also my name is Ty! -I KNOW BUT IT'S A STUPID NAME AND I'M NOT CALLING YOU THAT

She's right, Ty, and to top it off your last name isn't Union, it's like you're not even trying!

Bruh.. This chain of interactions from the hugging to the insulting to the making out took place in about 1 minute, I can't believe Stacy and Julian of all couples produced Sunset. Why can't you be more like your parents?? They were my cutest, healthiest couple ever!!

-They only thing they cared about having sex 50 a times a day! Aunt June basically raised me!!

Omg I'm looking at the pics of the spare updates I never posted because I suck and YA SHE DID, that explains so much, June is truly the platonic ideal of the hot-batshit combo.

Speaking of batshit-

-And hot!

If you say so, Barth is putting the moves on Marla Biggs, whomst we last saw when June (there she is again) used her to dump Erik-

-Yes, and that one wolf whistle from June turned me gay for all eternity, so don't even bother!

-UGH. So I guess I have no choice..

-..but to sleep with another one of my second cousins! -Oh Barth, I can't believe this is finally happening!!! -I know, Cyan, it took way too long!

We've been here for a week.

-Don't worry, nothing will interrupt this magical moment-WHAT THE FUCK I'M BEING CHEATED ON GOTTA RUN SORRY CYAN CATCH YOU LATER

Ok apparently I was laughing too hard to take a decent pic, but yes, BARTHOLOMEW CAUGHT HIS COUSIN 'CHEATING' ON HIM AS HE WAS HOOKING UP WITH HIS OTHER COUSIN. I HATE MY GAME.

-AND I HATE YOU, SUNSET. YOU BROKE MY HEART -FUCK YOU, BARTHOLOMEW, I'M NOT GONNA BE PART OF YOUR SECOND COUSIN HAREM -I HOPE YOU DROWN IN THE POOL -This was so beautiful, Sunset, I think I'm falling in love with you�� -GET OUT OF HERE, TYLER -It's Ty! -NO ONE CARES, ASSHOLE -DON'T TALK TO TYLER LIKE THAT -That's not my name! -IT IS NOW, SHUT UP

I gotta hand it to Ty, he's in it to win it, whatever it is one could possibly 'win' when it comes to Sunset.

-Oh Sunset, you're the queen of my heart! -Gross!🥰

-Aw baby, I love spending all our awake time woohooing and doing nothing interesting, huhu!🌞 -It really is the best, thanks to your horrific LTW we don't even have to try! It's so awful people are bound to vote for us just to watch the trainwreck!

Ya I wish I had a counter-argument but you two really have this thing figured out, even I wanna watch me have a mental breakdown trying to raise your 6 asshole kids.

-Our kids are not gonna be assholes!🌞

LOL YA OK MEADOW, whatever helps you sleep at night.

-Meadow and Felina are not the only ones with a perfect relationship! Britannicus and I are also deeply in love!! I'm writing a novel about it as we speak!!!

Jimmy no offense but I literally forgot you live here and I can barely remember who Britannicus is half the time.

-THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED

Oh Britannicus here you are, thank God, you're so indispensable to this legacy!

-All you main-houser bitches look down on me but I have a lot to offer!! I'm grandpa Gunther's heir!!!

Of course you are, now give us the pizza so the people who matter don't die.

-I'll show you! I'll show you all!! >:(

Yes yes, it's been lovely catching up-

-and now it's time to get serious and break Cyan and Barth up! Hit us with your best shot, Marg, we've been on a winning streak lately with those matches, please don't go back to Cyn's leftovers.

-Got you, say no more..

-Here's Kennedy Cox!

MARGARET

-Well it's very hard to find someone Cyneswith hasn't banged!

Ok ya that's very true but Cyan is understandably like 😬 so let's try this again, here's another dollar.

-Alright, you didn't want Cyneswith leftovers..

-How about Sandy the Zombie leftovers??

I hope I don't have to explain to you why that's SO MUCH WORSE

-And I hope I don't have to explain to you that you get what you pay for when you give a dollar for a date!

Fucking touche, Marg, get out of here.

And now for another sequence of events so absolutely ridic I'm just gonna describe it with no dialogue:

So I send Cyan inside to check the college directory thing and see what available bachelors we might booty call up, but there's no one that I like for her so I send her back out to ask Margaret for another dollar date-

-once outside, we find BRITANNICUS SERENADING BARTHOLOMEW, to which Cyan has no reaction as she's probably too shocked-

-poor dumbass loved up Jimmy has no clue and is inside getting high-

-Cyan asks Marg for another date as Barth is performing the Second Cousin Vagina Monologues-

-Margaret gives us Neon Vest Zomb AGAIN and I'm like wtf-

-at which point Britannicus, who just one moment ago was serenading Barth, WOLF WHISTLES AT CYAN-

-CAUSING BARTH TO FEEL CHEATED ON AND DUMP HER

-BETRAYED BY MY OWN BLOOD TWICE IN ONE DAY! OH, THE SHAME!

BARTH SHUT UP. BRITANNICUS WHAT. THE. HELL

-I told you! >:D

Ok you know what, at least with this I feel we have peaked and there is simply no way the situation in this house can get more insane and degenerate-

-Think again!

NO FUCKING WAY. NO. SPICE WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU'RE DATING ELDERLY GOOD WITCH, I SPECIFICALLY FOUND YOU A GF TO KEEP YOU OUT OF THIS BS

-I know but there's something almost genetically inherited drawing me to Cyan! -Yes, It's almost like our parents were into each other but there was some invisible force separating them!

YA THAT WAS THE LAWS OF NATURE

-Oh please, it was the extended family mod and we no longer have to function under its oppression!

NOTHING IN THIS HOUSE IS REMOTELY FUNCTIONING. You know what, enjoy this while it lasts because I'm breaking every single one of you mofos up, istg I feel like I'm fighting the Hydra, I chop one semi-incestuous head off and two others pop up. WELL I'LL WIN LIKE HERACLES

I'd like to end this disgusting update with this image of the rose Ty left for Sunset next to the flaming shitbag Neon Vest Zombie left for Cyan. What is this world coming to that men no longer appreciate you cheating on them with 2 of your cousins during a date?? Chivalry is dead!

#unions #gen 4 #ts2 #long post

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earlgreytea68 · 6 months ago

Note

i dont actually know the general consensus on I Am My Own Muse but to me it very clearly feels like pete addressing the fans directly - almost like a conversation? like the opening lines "here i am not sure you should take a chance. I like playing dumb letting you figure me out" basically completely summarises petes relationship with us during the early parts of this era. His uncertainty coming back but also the way he likes to keep us on our toes (like hes always done). His constant surprise that even one person appreciates his art. His odd fourth-wall-esque relationship w us - he always knows more than he lets on. like. these are crazy opening lines.

Especially looking at other songs petes addressed to us (namely thriller and our laywer). Those songs still feel like petes putting on a persona for our benefit. Hes talking to us through the mask he thinks we'll like best - but for his benefit not ours. In those songs he still wants to show his appreciation for the fans but hes afraid to be vulnerable about it. He hides behind tongue and cheek self deprecation (put this record down, we are bad news, we're only good to have almost famous friends... that whole song tbh) or like implication of rejection/disaster (we r not making an acceptance speech, car crash hearts, only thing i havent done yet is die) and its all glitz and distraction bc thats what he does. he will tell us their hearts beat for the diehards but not before telling us why its a bad idea. its defensive from the get go but in Muse he doesnt do that. yes he defends himself but his tone is balanced between resigned and resolute. its stripped down to just his own thoughts voiced aloud. it feels so much more genuine despite how much vaguer in address it is.

Also the general theme of this song is feeling hidden/secret (e.g. the angels didnt know his name, him feeling faded, feelings were tucked away) but trying to draw attention anyway(throw the year away, smash all the guitars, drop a bomb on things we care about) even if its hard/painful (twist the knife again, trying to keep it together).

This coupled with the title is a perfect representation of his journey as an artist in this era no? The vulnerability hidden in old songs and spoken word poems that he relives each night of the tour. An amalgamation of every little moment he created and tucked away is reborn on stage. And who has he shared this particular journey with??? The fans. It was us who he finally trusted with his works and words in the shows and we sang them back at him. Patricks journey alongside pete has felt more obvious bc of his whole demeanour but its pete who wrote his heart out to us. I think this song is a way of pete kinda of juggling this idea in his head before it ever took shape in thw real world. A way of connecting back with his audience. Not as an act of nostalgia but as moving on together. its a gorgeous song and it feels like a love letter to us in the very oarticular way a love letter from pete wentz feels like. its not soft or even sweet but it leaves you feeling comforted and stronger anyway. its solidarity yk.

ANYWAYS thats my ramble for today hope it was worthwhile <33 i really had to get that one out otherwise i may have exploded. can you tell smfs as an album and an era is my baby. sorry this is such a long one lol. hope you r having a great day :)

Awwww I *love* this. I *adore* "I Am My Own Muse" and I always have and I love everything you say about it. To write a song that sounds like that and then call it so deliberately "I Am My Own Muse," like, that we are there and ever-present but in the end he's got to come from his own authentic place. And it's like his instinct is to play a little coy and not be so vulnerable, but also he just wants to scream so someone hears him: Smash all the guitars 'til we see all the stars, like, he's screaming so that we will all see. He's trying so hard to keep it together, keep it together, so smash all the guitars 'til we see all the stars, because we are all in it together, and throw the whole year away and start fresh.

Look, i am Peterick all the way, we all know, and I think I've even used lyrics from this song in a Peterick fic, but in my secret heart of hearts, if you really ask me to be serious, what do I think Pete Wentz is writing about........I kinda think he's always writing about us.

#peterick #pete wentz #fall out boy #fob

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diagonal-queen · 2 years ago

Note

hey girlyyyy ❗❗❗ why do i feel like im bothering you when its quite literally just a request box🧍

but anyway !!! Following with the previous request of meeting with chuuya after years. Can i ask for like, a glimpse of their relationship? Like they're keeping it a secret from both their agencies so they have to be sneaky to meet each other like silly little lovers💗🤞😭😭

sakjhjkhfahfsh oh my god nahhh the sillies 🙈 you are never bothering me by sending me an ask. i am a pathetic and lonely creacher and i kick my silly little legs and let out my horrendus little giggles whenever someone sends me an ask. i am elated every time.

Star-Crossed

♡ pairing: Chuuya Nakahara x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: Romeo and Juliet, but you and Chuuya aren't as fucking stupid as those kids were. (sorry, I'm just having a goof- you and Chuuya are navigating secretly dating while being members of opposing groups)

♡ wc: 1.6k

♡ cw: Reader and Chuuya flirt and talk about sex (they're a couple guys. C'mon now), swearing.

note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUUYA!! Good timing for me to finish this one hey? lol I hope you enjoy it! Apologies for errors- maybe I should write a Chuuya birthday thing?

Part 1 (you don't have to read it but it provides context for this)

Chuuya had gotten there before you. He was sitting on a bench across the footpath from the restaurant, absentmindedly on his phone. It was no fancy place, one may say casual or even rustic. But once, a long time ago as teenagers, Chuuya had taken you there one evening when you were feeling down and you'd enjoyed yourself enough to decide that it would be a good place to go back to. Maybe get the same meals as that time, and recreate some cherished memories.

You stood around the corner of the block, making sure that there weren't too many witnesses around. You'd gone through a world of effort to conceal your relationship with the mafioso. You'd changed his contact name, turned off your notifications and even made sure to eradicate all traces that you two spent time together, which hurt the most of all. You felt that just a simple picture of the two of you wasn't asking too much.

The two of you seldom contacted one another during work hours. Considering the Agency tended to work within the daytime while the Port Mafia took over the night, you didn't have much time to communicate with one another, much less meet up in person. When you did, you both had to be cautious that none of your coworkers were around. It had gotten exhausting rather quickly, but the two of you continued to try nonetheless.

Weekends were really the only days that you could sometimes see one another. That's why, on an overcast Sunday, you and Chuuya had decided to go on a lunch date together. You were mostly sure that you wouldn't be bumping into any other Agency members, and yet you scurried along the street like a cautious mouse.

You called his name, and when he turned and saw you he smiled.

"How are you?" You asked him as you approached. He stood up and pulled you into his embrace once you reached him.

"I'm glad to see you, baby."

"You ought to be! It took so much effort to get here without rousing suspicion," you whined, pulling away and squeezing his shoulders. Chuuya cocked an eyebrow at you.

"Huh? Have you told them anything?"

"They're detectives, Chuu!" you responded, giving him a nudge. "It's hard to keep a secret when you're surrounded by detectives all the time. I'm pretty sure Ranpo knows already- or at least he's caught on to the fact that I'm seeing someone."

"...who?"

"Y'know, the one with the hat and cape...he trapped you in a book once?" Chuuya pursed his lips and nodded. "He's a genius."

"I know," he sighed. "At least Dazai doesn't know...probably."

"Nah, he doesn't," you confirmed, "If he did, he'd have brought it up with me by now. And I dunno how I'm gonna approach that conversation at all."

"Just give me a call when it happens. I'll beat the shit out of him," he muttered, sourly. You giggled, pulling him back into your arms.

"I can always count on you, can't I?"

"'Course you can, babe," he pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Sorry you gotta go through all that, by the way."

"I can't imagine it's much easier in the Port Mafia? Y'know, to be dating an Agency member."

"Eh, it's not so bad when you're an executive." He shrugged with a sigh. You cast him a mischievous grin.

"Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting you're all authoritative and strong like that," you teased. Chuuya blinked, before he wrapped his arm around your waist.

"Forgetting? Maybe I should jog your memory." You narrowed your eyes at his suggestive tone.

"Oh? How so?" You smirked. Chuuya tapped his lips.

"Hm...got any more kinks I don't know about?"

"Keep it in your fuckin' pants, Chuu!" You laughed, swatting his arm. "Imagine if there were children here."

"If you keep encouraging me there might well be," he retorted, and you gasped.

"You're a goddamn menace." Chuuya chuckled at your blunt statement. "Ah...anyway, we should go inside. We'd be less conspicuous that way, and we've been loitering around here long enough as is."

He nodded, and you both went inside. After entering the door Chuuya opened for you, the scent of the place filled your nostrils and it was like you'd visited for the first time. You stood in the entranceway for a moment, a small smile formed on your lips.

"Something wrong?" Chuuya asked, passing you and shutting the door. You shook your head.

"No, nothing's wrong," you quickly replied before taking a step forward. "It's just...been a while."

"...it has, yeah," Chuuya agreed, placing his hand on your back. "Glad to be back here."

~ ~ ~

Fifteen minutes flies by so fast when you're enjoying your time. Fifteen minutes with Chuuya felt more like fifteen seconds. You'd ordered your food, caught up on each others' recounts of the past week, Chuuya made an obligatory complaint about Dazai, and then Chuuya's phone rang twice.

The first time he'd just ignored it, and you'd tried to do the same, but the second time he let out an aggravated breath and pulled it out of his pocket, eyes briefly flickering towards the screen which you didn't have the time to get a good peek at. Chuuya glanced at you, both apparently frustrated and apologetic.

"Sorry, hon. I have to take this one, but I'll make it quick, alright?"

"It's okay, don't worry about it." You smiled as you said this, but your facade dropped once he disappeared to take the call. You didn't blame Chuuya for being busy, but lamented the fact that the two of you couldn't seem to spend any amount of time together uninterrupted. It was almost as if everybody really did know about your relationship and were doing all they could to keep it apart.

He was back before long, taking his seat across from you at the table and letting out an exhale.

"Did something bad happen?"

"Nah, just got into a bit of an altercation. Managed to sort it out though, so it's fine. Nothing to worry about." Chuuya placed his hand atop yours. "Where were we?"

"...I think you were bitching again. About Dazai?" You replied, balancing your hand on your palm with a grin.

"'Again'?"

"Yep. It's your favourite thing to do, right?"

"Besides you..." he mused, and you bit back a laugh. "I'd say so. But I can't help it. You know that best, don'tcha?"

"He's still lazy at the Agency. In fact, he's probably gotten worse. Sometimes I have to physically force him to come with me when we have jobs together," you rolled your eyes. "That being said though, he can be so overbearing sometimes, fuck's sake."

"Eh, if I were him I'd be protective of you too. Maybe the single thing I can't blame him for, actually," Chuuya scowled, taking a sip of water. "Wish I could spend as much time with you as he does, though. That might be nice..."

As you acknowledged that sentiment, an idea popped into your head. You suddenly sat upright.

"You and I should go on a trip. A road trip, or a vacation or something like that."

"A trip?" He repeated, confused.

"Mm. We wouldn't have to worry about anybody seeing us, and we'd be able to relax and actually spend time together," you explained. "We could even just...go camping or something. That's not that expensive, right? We'd have to travel pretty far, though..."

"I'd be willing to go anywhere as long as you're there," Chuuya shrugged. You turned to him, before smiling.

"That's adorable of you, sweetie."

"Money wouldn't be an issue. It's the time I'm worried about, and how we'd both be able to leave at the same time without suspicion," he continued.

"I just called you adorable and you're gonna go ahead and ignore me?" You scowled, folding your arms over your chest. "I see how it is."

"Aw, sorry babe. I didn't mean for it to come across like that," he apologised, taking your hand and pressing his lips to your knuckle. "I'm just concerned, that's all."

"I know, I get it..." you gave him a sad smile. "I wish we didn't have to be like this. I get so jealous when I see couples together out and about. I want that to be us!"

"Maybe one day. Just...not today though. Neither of us can afford it right now, y'know?" He murmured. "I would want absolutely everybody around me to know that you're my partner. If it wouldn't put you in danger, I mean."

"You're that proud of me, huh?" You queried, rubbing your thumb over Chuuya's gloved hand. He looked at you as if that were a stupid question.

"'Course I am. I can't really show it now, but I promise I am," he answered sincerely, staring into your eyes. "Okay?"

"...I'll choose to believe you for now," you replied, sarcastically. "But one day you better prove it in the most dramatic and flamboyant way possible, got it?"

Chuuya smiled. "I'd give you the whole world if you asked for it, Y/N."

"Oh, maybe that's a little too dramatic," you hastily replied. "...maybe we should just stick to dinner dates for now, m'kay?"

"Whatever you'd like, baby. I'll just save the world for another time."

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fedyushka, @flower-of-darkness

and thank you @bibilovedit for the request!

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #x reader #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya #bsd chuuya nakahara #chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #bsd fanfic #bsd fanfiction

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wanderer-six · 2 years ago

Text

Heartaches

AN: This is my first fic on tumblr aaaa I hope u love! As a Crosshair wife and a Tech wife I wanted to invite any forlorn Tech kissers to the dark side by writing the least dark, most generous interpretation of Crosshair known to man LOL - also I made this take place during TCW but pretend Phee smooching Tech at this point makes any timeline sense sdlkfhl. please lmk what u think!!! Hope it's cute💖

Relationships: Crosshair x Fem Jedi!Reader, implied history of Tech x Fem Jedi!Reader (unrequited)

Summary: After seeing the clone you had your eyes on smitten with someone else, you head to 79's to drown your sorrows. An unlikely friend arrives to offer some comfort. (minor alcohol mention)

Word Count: 1.6k

Of all the places you’d hoped to be tonight, 79’s—all by yourself—had to be at the bottom of the list.

Sitting at the lonely bar, you frowned over the little martini glass swirling in your hand. You’d never been one for drinking, but if anything could compel you to take a sip of the stuff, it’d be the events that brought you here in the first place.

How could you have been so foolish? Maybe all those lessons you’d learned in the temple about forming attachments hadn’t been hollow talking, after all. You felt the lowest you’d ever been—worthless, alone… jealous. So very jealous.

“What are you doing here?”

That sly, breathy voice slithering into your ears could only belong to one person. When he took a seat beside you at the bar, you could barely manage a smirk in his direction.

“Hey, Cross,” you sighed. “Good to see you, too.”

Crosshair’s demeanor didn’t change in the slightest, but that much was normal for him. He kept his cards close to his chest—frankly, you could learn a thing or two from him in that regard.

“You’re drinking?” he observed, a hint of judgment buried in his tone. Bitterly, you rolled your eyes.

“Trying to. It’s not working out, though.” Languidly, you slid the martini glass over to him. “You make it look so easy.”

Though he caught the glass by the stem, he kept his eyes on you. You couldn’t bear to look at him. On missions, you always tried to look your squad in the eye when they spoke to you, to prove to them that you see them as your equals. Try as you might to continue that behavior off the clock, these were not ideal circumstances.

For a moment, the two of you fell silent. The low drone of music carried through the speakers, along with the chatter of the bar’s sparse attendance that evening.

“Is this because of Tech?”

Just hearing his name caused an uproar of emotions in your chest. Shame, sadness, insecurity, dejection. Though a soft chuckle parted from your lips, the heel of your hand wiped away the stray tear in the corner of your eye.

“I hoped it wasn’t that obvious…” you huffed. Crosshair hummed, idly pulling a toothpick from his belt and placing it between his lips.

“I don’t think I’d need a scope to notice,” he snarked. “What’s the problem, anyway? So he fancies someone. What about it?”

Your lip trembled, the weight of your thoughts much too heavy for your tongue to carry. It was already dangerous for a Jedi to have feelings like this, let alone for one of her soldiers. And while the Bad Batch was a bit more lenient with rules, you still felt you couldn’t be fully honest in these instances—for their sake as much as your own.

With a long sigh, you rested your head in your hands.

“I’m just… happy for him. That’s all,” you said.

Crosshair scoffed. “Clearly.”

“I am!”

“Look at you.”

“What do you want from me, Crosshair?!”

Your question came out louder than you’d expected. You looked around the bar, thankful that it held so few patrons that evening, though you were still embarrassed.

Crosshair, thankfully, didn’t seem disturbed by your outburst. He leaned in closer, looking you in the eyes.

“I want you to be honest with me,” he muttered. He jutted his finger against your sternum emphatically, “and with yourself.”

With misty eyes, you shook your head in defeat.

“I just… wanted him to like me,” you mumbled.

For the first time that night, Crosshair’s expression seemed to change. He leaned against the bar, his usually furrowed brow softening slightly.

“Tech?” he asked.

You nodded, drawing idle circles on the bartop with your finger.

“I always thought he was so sweet. I know the Order says it’s wrong, but whenever he would talk about… you know, anything, I just couldn’t help but fall for him,” you explained. “I never said anything because I didn’t want to cause problems—I’m his general, you know? I thought maybe when the war was over, I could finally tell him how I felt.”

Despite your best efforts, the slightest scowl found your lips. “But now this new girl’s here, and he’s just… smitten. It makes me wonder if he ever thought of me like that in the first place. And I…” You pinch your eyes shut, trying not to let your tears slip past. “I just feel… pathetic.”

Again, silence falls between you. The longer it lasts, the more humiliated you feel. It really would be just like Crosshair to listen to your little sob story and walk off without a word, wouldn’t it? Maybe the friendship you shared with him had been all in your head, too. Hell, maybe every last person you thought you were close with was just a surface-deep connection, and you really were alone…

“He’s a fool.”

You perked your head up, wiping your eye with the back of your hand.

“What?” you murmured.

Crosshair hummed. “You heard me.”

You pouted at him, giving his shoulder a light shove.

“Don’t say that—he’s your brother,” you scolded, “not to mention the smartest man in the galaxy…”

“I didn’t say he was stupid,” Crosshair corrected you. “He may be able to build a starship out of spare parts. But to blow his chance with you?” He clicked his tongue, shifting the toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other. “Foolish.”

A half smile found your lips. You knew you didn’t agree with him, and on any other occasion, you’d stand up for Tech. But just for tonight… just this once, despite every lesson on compassion you’d been taught since the day you arrived at the temple… it felt a little nice to hear.

“... thanks, Cross. It’s nice to know you care,” you said.

Crosshair’s intense eyes softened, his gaze leaving yours briefly. He almost looked… shy. But that seemed so unlike him.

“Well… someone had to step in,” he muttered. When his eyes met yours again, he wore a dry smirk. “Who knows how long you might have been moping otherwise?”

Your smile widened into a grin for the first time that evening.

“Right. That’s your job, isn’t it?” you snarked back at him.

Wordlessly, Crosshair got to his feet. When he started off in the direction of the door, you worried that your lighthearted jab had truly pissed him off. But before you could panic too thoroughly, he stopped in place, looking at you over his shoulder.

“Are you coming?” he asked. Caught off guard by his question, you quickly fumbled for your things. You dropped a handful of credits on the counter before hopping down from your barstool, hurrying to Crosshair’s side.

“Where are we going?” you asked, going in stride beside him.

Crosshair pulled the toothpick from his lips, flicking it expertly into the waste receptacle by the door. You walked outside, and the cool night air felt refreshing against your skin.

“I figured once you were done wallowing, I’d take you somewhere nice,” he explained, all too casual. “I’ll be damned if I spend a date in that run-down old bar…”

Date?

Now it was your turn to stop in your tracks. Crosshair walked a few steps further before noticing you hadn’t joined him. He stopped soon after, looking back at you again.

“What?” he asked.

“A date?” you returned softly.

The slightest pout formed on Crosshair’s features.

“Problem?” he asked.

Try as he might to put on that cool demeanor, you could read him better than that. In the Force, you could sense the way his heart raced in his chest, the quiet panic that built in the back of his mind.

But even without your Jedi abilities—even just as someone who’s known him as long as you had—you could see a side of him he never showed anyone. His eyes pleaded wordlessly with you: if you were to let him down, please don’t make him regret being so vulnerable. He made that mistake so rarely… and this time, he clearly hoped it wouldn’t be a mistake, at all.

To be honest, you had never looked at Crosshair with that kind of interest. Of course, every man in your squad was perfectly handsome, but with the sniper’s reserved and aloof nature, you’d assumed from day one that he tolerated you at best. But perhaps you hadn’t been looking closely enough. After all, he cared enough to watch over you on countless missions, clearing droids out of your proximity with unmatched diligence. He cared enough to follow you through short battles and long campaigns. And he cared enough to see that you were hurt tonight, giving you his shoulder to cry on.

No, you wouldn’t make him regret being vulnerable with you. In fact, you hoped you could help him see just how worthwhile it could be.

Finding a shy smile at last, you walked up to Crosshair once more—though this time, you hung on his arm as you joined his side.

“No problem at all,” you beamed. “Where are we headed then, handsome?”

You met his gaze, and his intense golden eyes looked back at you with the most sincerity you’ve ever seen from them. When he looked away at last, a flustered smirk appeared on his lips.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he snarked.

You rolled your eyes, though the bright smile you wore never left your face. Though the night hadn’t begun as you’d hoped, ending it on the arm of someone who could make you smile despite it all meant the galaxy to you.

You only hoped this could be the first date of many with the sniper who stole your heart.

AN: Thank you for reading! Like I said above, this is my first fic on tumblr, so any feedback on formatting/tagging etc is appreciated ✨✨

#the bad batch x reader #tbb x reader #crosshair x reader #the bad batch x you #I actually think phee and tech is very cute but im def sympathetic for the parasocial girlies who feel a little bummed lol #this is for you! look at this sad man give him a smooch!#W6Fic

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brighttears · 1 year ago

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hi i hope you’re doing well!! i want to start off by saying that i’m loving the dusk series so far!! like always your writing is just so captivating. I’d like to send in a request, but first, what do you think joel’s love language is? i think it’s definitely physical touch and words of affirmation (or quality time). The request is maybe some scenarios(for lack of a better word) where we see the reader find out Joel’s love language and show joel love the way he likes. I thought it could be a cute drabble, please take any liberties you’d like, and if you end up writing this then thank you so much :)

I decided I’ll just do drabbles (just learned that word lol) for each (except for gifts) and put all my opinions and reasoning at the bottom because it's kind of a lot. Also oh my god “show joel love the way he likes” 😭😭😭 PLEEEASE

I feel like I don’t see a lot of this!! I LOVE VULNERABLE JOEL!!! LETTING HIMSELF BE LOVED WITHOUT ANYTHING IN RETURN!!! GOD DAMN I JUST WANT THE MAN TO BE ABLE TO RELAX!!!! Also thank you for the request and the praise I appreciate you so much ❣️❣️❣️❣️ (sorry this took so long, writer's block Took Me Out for a couple days)

no physical description, gender neutral, no use of y/n

Warnings: mentions of sex, pet names (baby, sweetheart, lovey dovey, honeydew (sickening i know))

Word count: 2k

ACTS OF SERVICE

Joel is known by what he does for others. At this point, it’s basically half of his identity. He’s a father, a protector, the one who will give you the shirt off of his back, take both watches so you can sleep, catch a bullet without blinking an eye. This is one of the things that attracted you to him in the first place, how he wears the love in his heart on his sleeve, even if he doesn't talk or touch much. When you started really seeing each other, you began learning his eyes and the words behind closed lips, and you found so much below the surface. To his core, Joel is a giver, that has always been the case, but he tries to never let on his needs, his wants. You have found it in his eyes, though, especially at the end of a long day.

Today is one of those days. Joel walked in with tense shoulders and tiredly drooping brows. He barely mumbled a ‘hey’, just plopped down on the couch next to you, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“Hey honeydew,” you move to slide your hands around him and rest your cheek on his shoulder, “Long day, hm?”

“Mhm.” he replies, leaning into you, his hands still in his eyes. You stay quiet to see if he wants to talk about it, but he doesn’t, so you stand from the couch, wrapping a hand around his wrist to lightly tug him to his feet, and then lead him into the bedroom. He follows and lays down for you, eyes already closed. Silently, you undo his laces, pull his boots off, he lays still as you pull his pants. You undo the buttons of his flannel and pull off his undershirt, and then you tuck him into bed. You draw the blinds to keep out the afternoon sun and lay next to him on top of the blankets until his breathing slows to sleep. Then, as quietly as you can, you remove yourself and gather his dirty clothes to wash.

It took awhile for him to let you do this for him, and the first time he did, when you’d tucked the blankets around him, he cried. Some days he’ll give you a look that tells you to get in with him, and then turns his back for you to wrap yourself around him. He goes out like a light when you do that.

This is the only thing you’ve seen Joel willingly let someone do that is just for him, without him needing to do anything in return, just for what he really needs and wants. He has tried to crush the notion that he wants or needs anyone to do anything for him, shut down the craving to be taken care of, but you’ve weasled your way into it. Joel is the most giving person you’ve ever met and you’re just glad to be able to give something to him, even if it’s just clean clothes and a warm, comfy nap. Nothing is as gratifying as being able to hold Joel the way he wants to be held.

PHYSICAL TOUCH

The sun was shining in the forest the first time Joel slipped his hand into yours. The leaves were a bright light green, the path’s dirt almost gold in the sun. He didn’t say a word or look away from his boots on the ground. So, you didn’t say anything either, just held his hand, smiling wide, and kept walking.

He didn’t say anything the second time either, only barely glanced to you at his side, then looked back down to hide in his footsteps. That time, you started to swing your clasped hands a little, and you could tell he was smiling just as wide as you were.

At night, he started by just resting a leg over yours, only after you’d been laying for a while, eyes closed, without a word. You experimented by putting your hand in his open palm one night, just resting it there. The next night, he pulled you in. The night after that, you woke up to him wrapped around you like a monkey on its mothers back. And the next night, he held you like that but from the front, his slow deep sleeping breaths warms on your neck.

It felt wonderful. Not only because it was him, but because of the nature of it—it was for you to be holding him. You wouldn’t have known that that was something he wanted, he presents only as a holder, a big spoon, but really, he’s the baby. Just about every night after that, you’d come to him first and wrap him up so all he’d have to do is squeeze into the embrace (sometimes he makes a little hum as he does).

The sex changed after you started doing this, too. It’s more intimate, deeper, he’s loosened up and it’s become more fluid. He’s more vocal, too. The first few times like that he couldn't last more than half as long as he usually does, but he cums a lot harder and it’s just as hot to you as it must be for him. It’s just pure intimacy.

He started doing more outside of the covers at night, holding you from behind when you were standing for awhile sometimes, sneaking a kiss to your head here and there, and he likes to walk close enough to you that you bump and brush against each other as you go.

He does all of this without saying a word. There’s no need for him to, he’s telling you clearly through all of this touch that he trusts you completely and loves you deeply.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

The first time you said something to him, Joel paused, and when he looked back at you, asking, “Really?” his eyes were lit up. You caught on and kept slipping in praise here and there, watching him break out in big goofy grins.

Tonight you’ve seemed to have caught a bug of it, crowding him on the bed and showering him in it.

“I love you so much handsome man,” you peck his cheek as he turns it away, grinning pink and humming laughter, “You’re so good, you’re so special, lovey dovey, I’m so proud of you,” he giggles, eyes closed, “You’re my world.” Kiss his cheek, “baby I’m so glad I found you,” kiss, “you’re so strong and brave,” kiss kiss, he laughs, “you’re so funny, you’re my goofy guy,” he laughs harder and you can’t help but laugh with him. “I love seeing you happy.” You get yourself on top of him, folding your arms over his chest to see his plump, rosy face, still smiling ear to ear, eyes half lidded as he looks back at you. “My beautiful,” you peck his lips, “beautiful,” you peck and he starts laughing again, holding your waist lightly, “gorgeous,” kiss, “dreamy,” kiss, “handsome man.” kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you.” He coos. He blinks, thinking, and just looks at you for a while, smile fading but not leaving. Then, in the softest, most innocent tone you’ve ever heard from him, Joel says, “Thank you.”

QUALITY TIME

Joel seemed pretty cold when you first met him. He barely ever seemed anything other than annoyed at best. So, you assumed he hated you. When you found yourselves left alone somewhere, usually to keep watch for something or other, it was for a while completely silent. It wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, but it made you sad. You didn’t know him and, yeah, he seemed like just a massive grump, but you’d watched him with people he was close to, and you wanted that kind of attention from him.

Maybe it wasn’t, but it felt like you found yourself alone with him often. You were ready to just stay quiet and not bother him while he waited out this time with you, set on your idea of what he thought of you, but then he started making small talk. At first, you, again, assumed he was doing it through gritted teeth, but then he started laughing with you, and then you were trading stories. Then you started seeking each other out to be alone together.

You started taking walks, but you’d get so caught up in conversation you’d have to stop, and found a spot on a large, fallen dead tree by the water. Skipping rocks, you'd talk about the past, he’d follow you around while you trailed away to pick flowers, then let you teach him how to make crowns with them.

The fallen tree by the water and flowers became your place of solace to go and be alone. Just you and him, him and you, with each other until the sunset, or he’d wake you up early so you could go watch it rise from there, side by side in silence.

You talked about anything and everything, sometimes nothing at all. Silent in the grass, you’d watch the clouds or the stars. It’s just nice to be around each other.

He told you so today, and it made you think of how he looked when you first met, the stone cold downcast eyes, hands ready on his rifle, hardly moving except to chew on his lip or grind his jaw. Today his eyes are soft, golden in the sunlight, an earnest, innocent smile playing at his lips, lax face showing off his cheeks, crows feet highlighting his contentment.

“You know, I thought you hated me the first few times we… hung out, as in, got stuck alone somewhere.” You admit.

“No, sweetheart,” Joel’s eyes twinkle and neither of you are able to twist away your smiles, “you just made me nervous.”

“Why’d I make you nervous?” You laugh.

“Well,” he looks down, still smiling, “I just wanted to find the right thing to say. Wanted to impress you I guess. Not anymore though,” he looks back up at you, “don’t feel any kinda nervous around you. I’m lookin’ for all the time alone with you I can get.”

“Well I’m glad we still have all day…” you tilt your head, “and tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. If you’ll have me.”

He shifts a little closer, “I’ll have nothing else.”

MY OPINOINS

Don't ask me questions unless you want a mini essay lol i’ve always been that bitch

Omg. I think about this while writing and it's an interesting thing to explore bc what is hidden under there? What was he like before? Very fun to play around with.

(Side note I have only seen the show, I have not played any of the games so that’s where I get all of my context from) They didn’t show a lot of pre outbreak Joel obvi, and I’m kind of nitpicking the shit out of it, but what Joel initiates with Sarah is quality time. Although there was also physical touch, and I saw a post about Joel and Sarah’s closeness when they’re watching the movie, where they so naturally move into each other, and I dig that, but I feel like the focal point was spending time together for his birthday.

Pause to say that I don’t think that gift giving is his love language because he gets the watch here and that's the only gift giving like ever, also the other gift was a movie to watch together, that’s why I didn’t write for it.

So my automatic thought is that his love language is acts of service, but the more I’ve thought about it I want to say that that as a priority has been an add-on. Like he forgot to get the pancake mix when he was supposed to, the cake, he got home late—he broke these promises he made to Sarah, and now, I think the pressure on acts of service is one of the lasting effects of her death. I bet he feels guilt for those promises he broke that day, and now he doesn't want to ‘let her down again’; he couldn't save her (ALL THAT MAKES ME SCREAM AND CHEW THRU MY ARM BTW), and now he craves control over things like that, so he does everything he can to try to make up for it, to protect the ones he loves.

Joel doesn’t really talk much and he’s said he’s not very good at it. He delivers some killer fucking lines but they’re only big moments, so I think that one would be the hardest for him. Also, I can count on one hand the amount of physical contact he had at all, not all of them he even initiated. However, I DROOL over the idea of him re-discovering that he loves physical touch.

The one thing Joel always does is he is always there. Simply that it is his number one priority, and then he fits other stuff into it, like talking more and being more open, letting himself touch and be touched, etc. (although part of it is he literally has to be with Ellie all of the time, so that complicates it a little, but still)

So my big two are acts of service and quality time but I think his core love language is quality time.

Lol im sorry im just straight up disagreeing with you but for real for real, I think that’s one of the most beautiful things about all this, being able to take these things and run with it; we get to chew through all of this stuff and share all these different thoughts on it and it’s really cool to be on this platform and hear some thoughts that never would have occurred to me and that is so fucking exciting and fun to me. I think it is so cool to be able to take this art and explore more of it and just keep pumping life into it ykwim. So if you are reading this far thank u very cool 2 be here

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 5 months ago

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6 month solstice/full moon check-in livejournalstyle

youtube

So i've been advised to recap the past 6 months. Especially since this current Capricorn full moon is exacting at 1 degree Capricorn which happens to be the same degree as My Ascendant. (Pinkmoondoll number 1 :@!!!!!)

The Cancer full moon happened at around 5 degrees on december 26th 2023. That is my ex's birthday. On winter solstice 2023, exactly 6 months ago, i cut her out of my life. We were already broken up for a long time before that but i continued to let her stay in my life for a few reason, namely guilt & fear. Guilt because of the emotional turmoil she projected onto me & fear because, well, we are married and i didn't know what would happen to my immigration status if i cut her off. I still don't! This has not changed yet.

Pretty much everything else about me & my life has changed though. internally at least. Having her out of my life has allowed me so much freedom to get back to who i am & live with integrity. The only people left in my life now are ones who are respectful, kind, have their own shit going on, appreciate that i am my own person too, allow me to breathe, don't expect anything specific from me, don't toy with my mind & emotions. They are just glad to let me be who i am. No one tries to control me anymore. i feel so wonderful because no one can control me.

So the past 6 months has been a series of stages of getting back to Me. unraveling all the lies i was fed for years, healing from the pain of being manipulated, feeling that so much of my energy was wasted. Truly truly wasted. i'm not one of those people who can live without regrets lol. i wish i broke free so much sooner, the stress destroyed my health for years. But ultimately, this is how it went down, so i strive towards acceptance.

For the first few months of this year i was really on a huge substance abuse kick! im not gonna specify what, but iykyk. Like i really just could not bear the weight of what i was feeling. Every day i was finding out more and more info about lies i'd been told, stuff happening behind my back. All i could rly do was take pills & tunnel vision into ableton or drawing or whatever. it helped repress my emotions & i got a lot done during this time but it was unhealthy & the more it progressed i saw how unsustainable it was.

around spring equinox shit HIT THE FAN e_e So this would be the quarter year mark. Well it was march 15 when denji ate the ziploc bag and had to get emergency obstruction removal surgery. That immediately halted all projects i was working on. I was still taking a lot of pills to cope with the stress of that situation & at that point i needed them just to function at a base level. Then i think april 4th or 5th was when i found out Sammy died, which...i mean yeah i've spoken a lot on how horrific that was & still remains to be.

I mean , like, that shit, rearranged my whole brain, that shit reset me. this also marked the time period where like... my psychic senses really began evolving. idt it was necessarily linked to sammy's death, it just weirdly shifted around that time. i think the lunar eclipse in late march caused some type of quantum leap idk man idek. Then the solar eclipse in april sealed the deal. Ever since then the craziest stuff that i cant even rly talk about has been happening to me & i immediately felt compelled to like, quit all drugs and just fucking ascend lol.

Sooo first i started w pill numero uno, the really diabolical one, middle of april i just said fuck it, i am done. at this point i had abused it so hard it wasnt even doing shit for me anymore, even when i took tolerance breaks, it was genuinely pointless to continue. i did wonder how the fuck i was ever gonna function without it and i was scared. The final few weeks of april were just a total write off, didnt do shit, totally depressed & grieving & miserable but weirdly hopeful too. Like i knew i just had to suffer and get it over with.

pill 2 was actually pretty easy to cut back on because ive quit it a bunch of times before & know what to expect, and since i was already suffering so bad from pill 1 after about a week i thought yeah i might as well stop the other one too lol. there was no noticable increase in suffering from stopping it. So by the 2nd week of May it had been around 3 weeks of feeling like pure ass but i was starting to feel WAYYYY better and my normal goofy self again.

That is the worst thing about adhd meds for me lol they robbed me of my whimsy and goofiness T_T Like i was so serious all the time T_T it was even kinda affecting my relationship w slimbo. Like i couldnt be affectionate i was just a robot. All i cared about was working and i was so impatient. As i came off the meds i started to remember how nice it is to just be slow, be in the moment, enjoy simple things with my love, not constantly bound to this gnawing neurosis pushing me to squeeze maximum productivity out of every single second.

like i said , i'm 1 degree cap rising sooo this neurosis is something that exists firmly within my personality, for sure. i mean, if u cant tell, I Be Doing Things lol. And i get very competitive with myself. the dark side of me is that i want to be the best at everything. A big part of my adult life has been learning how to relax. learning how to have fun, learning how to be a little pointless. Without the meds this is a struggle for me so with the meds it was genuinely impossible not to be completely controlled by the rabid impulse to work.

So getting off the meds was a big exercise in confronting my fear of Not being the best. my fear of chilling, my fear of being still & unoccupied. But i did it! And i feel so much better. Like holy shit, i feel SO much better.

By the mid-May i was picking up steam in just being able to live again. a lot of the brainfog & physical heaviness lifted. I was still not very productive at art or music, but i was getting really good at not letting that bug me. spending a lot of time working in the garden, got back into yoga, reading, just doing leisurely stuff that felt expansive to my inner world rather than trying to externalize anything. psychic experiences continued to amplify. became interested in tarot again as i no longer felt i was living in fear of my higher self.

after getting off the pills i began feeling really fixated on the notion of quitting weed. Previously this had been genuinely unthinkable to me. Like, me and weed, we were One, every person i'd ever been as an adult had smoked weed, it was weirdly part of my identity, for 15 years i genuinely believed i could not exist without weed, like i would just lose my fucking mind if i stopped. i did not believe in myself.

But as the psychic experiences progressed i felt strongly that i want to go deeper. Previously i had been afraid to go deeper. In that regard i think i was truly afraid of my own potential. I wasn't ready for it, and that's actually fine. A lot of people aren't.. But as May was coming to a close i knew that i was ready, and actually, it was crucial of me to put an end to this. I was enjoying finally having some sense of peace & joy after how crummy it felt quitting the pills , i didn't really want to disturb that state of being, but i also was having that feeling again that i just need to "get it over with".

So when it struck June 1st i was like yeah fuck it. Let this mark a new beginning. as soon as i realize something is no longer in my best interest its almost impossible for me to keep going with it! like i can't live with myself. I guess that's where my fixation on being "the best" can serve me sometimes. if that makes sense.. Like i willllll always end up putting my foot down and saying NO :T

So yeah. it's recent enough that i don't really feel the need to detail how the first 2 weeks of june were sooooo sucky and emotional and generally dysfunctional. couldn't even read or draw or do any minor tasks i was sooo out of my mind. Not much needs to be said about it. i just had to simply allow time to pass. a lot of days spent in bed crying & dissolving.

right around the 2 week mark we went to missouri & this is when i started noticing myself feeling way way better. the whole time i didn;t even think about weed or my symptoms at all. i was so present in each moment and it was so easy to just feel....alive. also had some intense psychic experiences, one of which i haven;t even talked about on here, and i probably wont because its too sacred. The overarching theme between all the experiences i've been having since late march is that they feel too sacred to tell anyone. The high priestess emphasizes secrecy in some matters..

Which brings us to now, june 21, 21 days w/o weed, 3 weeks. I know that sounds like nothing but this has been 15 YEARS coming. that's half my lifespan so far. and now i just feel fine. i got thru the blues of quitting, all the repressed emotions, im sure they'll still pop up from time to time too. but ultimately i am just so fucking relieved to be free of that shit and like, functioning, able to sleep, not riddled with anxiety and self hatred like i was when i started as a grieving baby teenager.

i guess i wanted to write this to remind myself what a monumental shift i have made in my life in the first half of 2024, and how insanely far i've come in the grand scheme of my life, in a relatively short timespan. because i keep getting this feeling of self doubt where i'm like wait... it's almost july and i've barely completed any tasks, i still havent finished my music, wtf am i doing :( But i dont think i was supposed to finish it until i shed all these habits that were causing major roadblocks in my path!

shed my ex, shed pills, shed weed. shed grief! shed self doubt. emptied my vessel & it has allowed room for so much new life to come through. new forces being channeled. my mediumship abilities now are in focus and taking off at an accelerated rate. for the first time in my life i'm not in survival mode. i feel this is my reward for living through it all when i wanted nothing more than to give up for so many years. i prayed for death, every day, i really did. now i am dead! the old me died. and i carry her memory with honor, i carry on the parts of her that wished to remain and be loved, but she is effectively dead.

for the first time in my life i am really proud of myself. i don't feel so competitive with myself anymore. i don't need to prove myself externally. i do not require any validation of my existence. i can sit with myself without feeling extreme self induced dread & despair. i feel worthy even though i am still (from the outside looking in) at the exact same place i was at 6 months ago.

i'm finally feeling ready to work a little harder again, but not because i'm desperate to gain anything from it. just because it's fun, and fundamentally, as stated above, that drive is a part of my personality, a part of me that i love & cherish. number 1 is the magician. the mage patchouli ~~~ the alchemist. create for the sake of creating.

if anyone read this far, thats wild xD but thats dope too.. I guess one thing i'd like for the future is just to inspire people that you can alchemize the tragedies of your life and all the suffering into something much greater than yourself. You can get through it and be happy with your meager little life one day, even if it takes 30 or 40 years, it's worth it to try & worth it to get here. You do not have to wallow in sadness and self doubt forever, even if u see no way out rn.

i'm happy just being me ^_^ i have so much fun when i'm in my mind. bladee voice ~~be in your mind, be in your mind, be in your mind~~. i love how simple everything feels right now. i love how people & entities can come to me because they trust me to receive their messages & understand them. My own projections do not get in the way anymore. I shed so much. I am free. Happy Strawberry Moon everyone.

SIncerely, PMD9

#LONG AS FUCK post i dont expect anyone to read #tis just for my own purposes / future me ^_^

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kyogre-blue · 8 months ago

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Hey so, I wanted to let your know that I really love your Naruto: Dashing Rescue fic. It's one of my all times fave time travelling fic. I still have the tumblr tag followed lol it's a lil reminder to self to reread whenever I come across it in the 'followed tag' section

I don't ever if you ever confirmed that it's abandoned work or not, I was wondering if you had anything to share about naruto rescue? Maybe your thoughts while writing it or scraps. Maybe not, it's been years also

Anyways, the main purpose was that I wanted to let you know that I really love your writing and a lot of your old works (oh khr too! but esp Dashing Rescue). You were an author that made me smile whenever I see your name as a teen learning about fandoms and searching out fics. I really enjoyed reading a lot of your works!

(Dumb me refresh the page before sending so I had to retype that twice and ahh I realised this got long. My bad)

Wow, that's really nice to hear. I'm glad that you enjoyed those fics! Looking at the dates, it's been almost 10 years since I posted that particular one... hard to believe.

Time travel has always been one of my most favorite fic tropes, and Naruto was really great for those because we had so many time periods, each with their own cast. The possibilities were endless.

For Dashing Rescue, I can see I posted three parts. I dug up my old doc, but there isn't much in it past those. I think I considered part 3 a good stopping point, though it looks like I wrote about a page of part 4 and outlined a few general ideas after that. I'll add that under the cut, in case you're curious.

Aside from that, the only thing I recall is that was using the movies for material and visual inspiration, but that part was probably obvious.

Anyway, thank you again for this really sweet ask. I really appreciate it ^o^

Title: Dashing Rescue

Part IV: Sand and Black Iron

Summary: AU, time travel. Finding himself in the past, Naruto has so far managed to hold back the tide of the Third Shinobi World War. That proves increasingly difficult as the Sandaime Kazekage goes missing.

~.~.~

“Thanks for agreeing to see us, Jiji,” Kushina said, bowing deeply in complete contradiction to her impolite way of addressing the Hokage — she had picked it up from Naruto. Next to her, Minato did the same. Both of them spared a glance at Sakumo, who was also waiting in the Hokage’s office and greeted them with a friendly nod.

“This is about Naruto, isn’t it?” Sarutobi guessed, setting aside his brush to give them both his full attention.

It had been two years since Naruto became an official member of the Uzumaki clan, and thus Konoha. That time had been plenty for the Sandaime to start feeling like he was going grey under his hat.

Especially after Naruto took off for Suna a few months ago and refused to come back, despite the many diplomatically worded but rather displeased messages Sarutobi received from Suna. He just hoped that whatever this was didn’t turn out to be an international incident.

“Yeah,” Kushina said bluntly. “He, uh, sent me a message.”

Or rather, he and Kushina had set about abusing the fact that they held two halves of a single bijuu, which could communicate with each other regardless of distance or circumstances. Kurama had been nothing resembling pleased at being used as an elaborate communication system, but agreed to relay urgent messages in exchange for Kushina changing the form of confinement she used on her half. She still had no idea how Naruto managed to sweet-talk the bijuu into it from his side.

“The Kazekage’s disappeared,” Kushina relayed, “but Naruto thinks he has a lead, and he wants help tracking the person responsible.” He had been increasingly evasive about what exactly he knew or at least suspected, and why, but Kushina didn’t mention that. Naruto got like that sometimes.

Still not used to these sorts of things, especially stated so baldly out of nowhere — the Kazekage, really? — Sakumo choked a little, but quickly swallowed his surprise. The Sandaime simply closed his eyes and sighed. International incident didn’t begin to cover it.

“With the Kazekage has gone missing, it’s naturally a very urgent request,” Minato added. “I might be able to expedite the journey there, if I can be assigned to the team.”

Kushina nodded sharply. “And I can file the mission request for him,” she offered.

“There is no need for that,” Sarutobi said, forcing down the urge to massage the bridge of his nose. “I will offer our services to Suna as a peace gesture.”

“Who will you send?” Sakumo asked, as he finally processed what he had heard.

“Sakumo-sempai, perhaps you could…?” Minato suggested. After all, there was no doubt about who possessed the best tracking skills in the village.

Sakumo shook his head. “That would be a terrible idea. They hate me there,” he summed up. “I was on the Suna front during the Second War, and…”

There was no need to continue. That was where Sakumo gained his fame — and notoriety, upon a path of corpses. He didn’t regret what he had done for Konoha’s sake, but war bred hatred in a vicious cycle. Back then, he had been the same, hating his enemies for what had been done to his comrades and paying back with the same in turn.

“Sending me would be more like a declaration of war than a peace gesture,” Sakumo concluded.

“It would not send the correct message, and would be a complication in itself,” Sarutobi agreed. “Unfortunately, most of the others who would be my second choice are out of the village and won’t be able to return quickly enough. Do you have a recommendation, Sakumo?”

Frowning, the man looked out the window across the village. There was more at stake than first appeared — a situation like this, involving a Kage, no less, could easily deteriorate quickly and violently. So far, they had just barely managed to avoid the outbreak of another war, but the balance was delicate at best. If Suna faltered, it wouldn’t take Iwa long to strike. And then...

On the other hand, this was Konoha’s chance to build a strong alliance with Suna. It would put the Suna council, and possibly even their Kage, in Konoha’s debt. They would be able to present a united front against Iwa, and further strengthen their position with Kumo as well.

A chance to bury the ills of the previous war…

“Kakashi,” Sakumo said, startling the others. “I recommend Kakashi.”

“Sakumo, are you sure?” Sarutobi asked, his brow furrowing as he sat forward and studied his old comrade.

“I’m sure. Kakashi has been a chuunin for four years now. He lacks experience, but his skills are top notch. His nose rivals mine, he’s observant and analytical, and he can call on one of our summons to assist him,” Sakumo explained.

The pride was clear in his voice. Minato, as Kakashi’s jounin teacher, nodded in agreement, though he also still appeared surprised by the choice.

“And… This is our chance to bury the grudges of the past. We have to take the first step. What better way to prove that we trust Suna and are serious about this alliance?” Sakumo smiled. “And I trust Minato and Naruto to keep him safe, should something go wrong.”

“...I won’t let anything happen to him,” Minato promised, recovering first.

Sarutobi took several moments longer to consider the suggestion. Finally, he nodded. “Very well,” he said. “Then I will dispatch Minato and Kakashi to Suna in all haste.”

“What? I want to go too! We’ll be a four-man team then!” Kushina protested.

While Sarutobi tried to think of some subtle way to tell her that the Kyuubi jinchuuriki wasn’t going to be allowed off into a foreign village, which could very well turn unstable at any moment, all without letting Sakumo know the situation, Minato quickly spoke up, “I don’t think I could take you that far,” he said apologetically. “Kakashi and myself will already be difficult…”

Kushina eyed him dubiously. Even though she was one of the few who understood the theoretical underpinnings of Hiraishin, she didn’t have the experience to judge how much and how far Minato could teleport.

Theoretically, Hiraishin’s chakra cost depended on the size and weight of what he was teleporting, though there were some specific caveats regarding distance and the placement of the seals — it all depended on how you went about it.

Kushina was right to distrust him. Minato might have still been able to manage another person, but at least this way there was a legitimate reason for her to stay in Konoha.

But she didn’t call him out on it. “He better come home after this,” she said instead. “It’s been months.”

Minato nodded sharply. “I’ll bring him back once we’re done.” Even if it meant a quick ambush.

“I’ll let Naruto know you’re coming,” Kushina said, and both the young jounin took their leave.

Left alone with Sakumo, Sarutobi shot the other man a considering look. “Are you sure about this?” he asked. “I have no doubt Minato and Naruto will protect him to the best of their ability,” and that ability was really quite impressive, “but you don’t have to risk Kakashi on this. We can send someone else.”

aaaaaa

///////The Third World War was put off, but relations are rough, especially when the Kazekage suddenly goes missing. (Minato is eighteen, Kakashi is ten, and Naruto is twenty one.)

Naruto knows that the true cause is Sasori. He talks to Chiyo and takes off, with Minato and Kakashi following. Chiyo suggested that Sasori would have gone to the old Rouran ruins.

Naruto asks Sakumo to make Konoha into a village that never abandons even one of its people.

—————

Timeline

Naruto arrives 21 yrs pre-series, 25 yrs pre-Shippuden, 10 yrs before he was born.

Part I, Kumo's kidnapping attempt Minato, Kushina — 13 Kakashi — 5 Naruto — 16

(Part II — 3 years in between)

Part III, Sakumo's mission Minato, Kushina — 16 Kakashi — 8 Naruto — 19

Part IV, Kazekage abducted Minato, Kushina — 18 Kakashi — 10 Naruto — 21 Sasori — 15

Kannabi Bridge, old timeline Minato, Kushina — 20 Kakashi — 12

Kyuubi attack, old timeline Minato, Kushina — 22 Kakashi — 14

—————

Title: Dashing Rescue

Part IV: Bare Your White Fangs

Summary: AU, time travel.

The Third War almost breaks out when people with bloodlines start to go missing,

Pakura from Suna, Gari from Iwa, Toroi from Kumo, and Mei from Kiri.

Obito gets kidnapped by Hiruko, Orochimaru's childhood friend and assistant.

Orochimaru is disgraced for his support and participation in the research.

—————

Title: Dashing Rescue

Part V: Rose-tinted Dawn

Summary: AU, time travel.

Jiraiya gets word of his old students being in trouble and asks Naruto to look into it. It's Madara confrontation time.

Minato and Kushina get trapped in a genjutsu world where Naruto is their son, and blond. It's really weird for them.

—————

Because the third war never happens, Minato is not nearly as famous. Orochimaru is not a Yondaime candidate either. Instead, Sakumo takes it.

—————

#asks #Naruto Rescue AU

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