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giant-sketches · 5 years ago

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Oh my gosh! This part is so long that I drew a total of four sketches for it instead of the usual three. I’ve been changing up my writing a bit so I do hope you enjoy it still.

Again if you would like to be added to the tag list down below just send me an ask or comment and I’ll make sure to add you.

Disclaimer: past trauma, crying, mention of eating people, people being treated like toys, swearing/cursing, pain, innuendos

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In the valley:

Roman: “VIRGIL! VIRGIL PLEASE WAKE UP!!! VIRGIL!”

Remus: “Hush now, your prince has fallen into a deep slumber thanks to my sleeping spell.”

Roman: “REMUS! What sleeping spell, you stomped on him until he passed out!?”

Remus: “It’s an original, I call it Stompus Knockoutus!”

Roman: “Ugh, whatever! Just let me down this instant you dirty marauder!”

Remus: “Woooo! Marauder, I like that. Thanks for the darling nickname Princey!”

Roman: “Aaaahhhh! What are you even going to do with me?”

Remus: “I’m taking you back to my little hole in the wall so we can play together like old times.”

Roman: “Li-like old times?”

- Roman shuddered at the memories of when his brother and he would play ‘games’ before the destabilization occurred. Once Roman and Remus had split from the same trait they stuck together still as brothers who had no idea how to be separate people. Those days started out pleasant with their creative minds expanding everyday. Roman imagined far off lands, magnificent castles, heroic adventures, and more. Remus, on the other hand, imagined tentacle arms, vomiting spiders, eyeball spaghetti, and more disturbing imagery.

- It quickly became obvious to the others that Remus was beginning to unravel once Roman started distancing himself from him. It’s all he could do as Remus’s thoughts were too extreme for Roman to take in as their imaginations interfered with one another. In response, Remus became a recluse and locked himself away to drown in his own madness. Roman tried desperately to talk with Remus, to find some kind of solution so they could stay together, but to no avail. Then one night a large crashing sound shook the fort awake. Roman dashed to his brother’s room in a panic and swung open the door, only to find a now 150 foot tall giant grinning menacingly at him.

Remus: “I’ve found a solution to our problem brother! If I simply take you away from here then we’ll never be separated again.”

Roman was petrified with fear and had no strength left to flee as Remus’s giant hand snatched him higher and higher into the air. There was no tenderness in his touch as Roman’s bones cracked and he yelped in pain.

Remus: “Singing cheers of our reunion all ready? Glad to hear them, keep it going!”

Remus squeezed even tighter as he violently pumped his fist in the air, with Roman in hand. Roman screamed loudly in pain and tears began to well up in his eyes.

Remus: “Tears of joy as well?! Oh brother, you really do know what I like!”

- Now fully enjoying his new stature Remus cheerily skipped away from the fort, into the forest and up the mountain to a cave that could fit him. For the next month Roman endured a variety of Remus’s ‘games’ and was treated like a plaything. He would be punished if he misbehaved and he was kept in a drawer with only a small hole where the knob should be for air. Eventually, Patton and Logan were able to find him when Remus was away and promptly rescued him. However, the experience left him traumatized.

- That’s why it had been so hard for him to adjust to Virgil being one of them. Luckily, with time, he realized that wasn’t true and that Virgil was special. He was special to him. Roman could feel his consciousness fading as he was still exhausted and slowly passed out as Remus carried him off into the mountains. He was simply too tired to fight back or stay awake. Roman could only hope his friends would be able to find him soon. --------------------------- Back at the fort:

Patton: “ROMAN’S BEEN KIDNAPPED!?”

Virgil: “I’m so sorry Pat. Remus snuck up on me while Roman was sleeping and I-I couldn’t do anything. I was too scared.”

Patton: “Oh Virgil, there’s no need to beat yourself up over it. We’re together now, so let's go get our boy back!”

Logan: “My thoughts exactly Patton, but we need a plan. Virgil, do you have any idea where Remus might have taken Roman? Last time he hid out in a cave up in the mountains, but that ridge is vast so it will take too much time to scan all of it.”

Virgil: “I think he’d still be hiding the same way honestly. I remember him bringing me to this one cave he had all decked out with all sorts of weird clothes and tiny buildings.”

Logan: “Promising, do you recall where that cave was?”

Virgil: “Yeah I do since it was just a couple of months ago.”

Patton: “Why did he take you there anyway?”

Virgil bit down on his lower lip as he decided whether or not to answer Patton.

Virgil: “Ugh, he wanted me to play with him...but he said we had to go out and find some toys first.”

Patton: “Toys!? Yo-you don’t mean...people?”

Patton was mortified at just the idea of people being played around like dolls. Virgil freaked out and responded quickly,

Virgil: “Woah hey! I never agreed to it. I never liked playing with that guy so I just shrugged him off and found a corner to read in instead. You don’t think I’d actually go out people-snatching with that loon do you Pat?”

Patton’s eyes softened.

Patton: “Oh course not kiddo, but the idea was really scary to think about is all. I know you don’t see us like that.”

Virgil sighed in relief and smiled. Logan coughed a bit to suggest they get a move on quickly in order to rescue Roman.

Gently, Virgil laid his hand on the ground and motioned for Patton to climb on up. Patton hopped right on enthusiastically as he was lifted up to Virgil’s shoulder. Logan reached out his arms to help Patton climb on and they held hands to keep each other steady as Virgil stood back up.

Logan: “One more thing before we disembark on our mission, Virgil, I suggest you increase in size substantially in order to better traverse the mountain terrain.”

Patton: “I agree with Logan. If you get bigger it will help finding Roman easier.”

Virgil: “Okay, you both hold onto my shirt collar then. I don’t want either of you falling off.”

Logan and Patton: “Got it!”

- With that Virgil shifted dramatically to a whopping 500 feet tall instantly. As they were being flung up rapidly, Patton and Logan hugged onto Virgil’s shirt for dear life until the shaking stopped. Both of them peeled their eyes open again to find their new view spectacular! They could see everything from the town, lake, valley, forest, and mountains. Neither of them had ever been so high up before. The entire experience was completely indescribable as they both stared in awe.

Virgil: “You both okay?” he whispered.

Virgil’s sudden question snapped Patton and Logan out of their starry eyed daze and back to reality. They both hastily answered,

Logan and Patton: “Yes, we’re fine!”

Virgil: “Alright, I’m going to start moving then. Prepare yourselves.”

- Instinctively, Logan and Patton both gripped onto Virgil’s shirt collar tightly and braised themselves. This was going to be a long trip as each step Virgil took, no matter how delicately, jostled the two of them around like wet noodles. ----------------------------- Now in the caves:

Remus: “Wakey, wakey sleeping beauty. Your tower awaits.”

- Roman was in a daze when he awoke to find himself lying on what appeared to be a play mat with the design of cobblestone printed on. Immediately, he remembered where he was and with whom. It took even less time for him to realize he was no longer wearing the clothes he previously had on as well. He was now donning a poofy pink dress, white silk gloves, and a puffed up blonde wig with a tiara attached. His face had been painted on with a fake beauty mark near his eye and plump red lips. Overall, he looked ghastly!

Roman: “Oh my gosh, did you undress me in my sleep?!”

Remus: “What’s a little nudity between brothers? Honestly you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You make a darling little damsel!”

Roman: “Damsel? Is that what this tacky dress is all about? You want to play damsel in distress with me?”

Remus touched his nose in delight.

Remus: “Bing bong! You got it!!!”

Roman: “Then are you supposed to be the prince or something?”

Remus: “Come now brother, do I look like a prin-”

Roman: “No.”

Remus: “Ouch, you didn’t even let me finish. Now I’m left all limp.”

Roman winced in disgust at that remark.

Remus: “No your prince is the brat I left out cold in the valley. I’m taking up the role of the big scary monster who's taking you hostage in my tower.”

Roman: “I’d hardly call this cave a tower.”

- Remus smirked as he flicked his pointer finger in the direction right behind Roman. A shiver ran down his spine as he cautiously turned around to face the looming figure of a tower, a real tower. It wasn’t something Remus had made, but stole from somewhere. Roman didn’t even want to think about what else Remus might have destroyed in the process of acquiring it, then an even more frightening thought flashed through his mind. Frantically, Roman looked around the room to see if Remus had snatched any people up as well.

Remus: “Now, now brother there’s no need to worry. You’re the only toy here and that’s because you’re so special to me. This game is just for the two of us, that is until your tiny friends find you.”

Thank goodness Roman thought as he sighed in relief. No one else had to suffer the way he had all those years ago. He had finally started to relax a little when Remus suddenly began poking at his backside.

Remus: “No time to waste princess! Time for you to get into the tower and start the game.”

Each poke was more forceful than the last, until Roman found it hard to keep his footing. He toppled over in pain to Remus’s dismay.

Remus: “Hey! Don’t ruin the dress, it’s my favorite.”

That was the last straw for Roman. He wasn’t going to be Remus’s plaything, not again.

Roman: “ENOUGH! I’m not playing your games anymore Remus! Not now, not ever! Screw you, this ugly dress, this stupid play mat, and the idea that I’m still afraid of you after all this time!”

- In a fit of rage Roman chucked the dress and wig off his person and hurled the gloves towards his brother in a challenging manner. Luckily, it seemed Remus had only removed his shirt as he was still wearing his pants and boots. Using his arm he wiped off the paint on his face and scowled at Remus. Remus was not pleased.

Remus: “It would appear you’re in need of some punishment in order to correct that boorish attitude of yours.”

Without warning, Roman was forcefully grabbed and lifted high up towards Remus’s face. While startled, Roman wasn’t going to keep quiet like when he was a kid.

Roman: “Just try me! There’s nothing you could do that would affect me anymore.”

Remus: “That’s what you’d think, but I’ve had a long time to come up with better punishments. I actually had an epiphany the other day that I think will work quite nicely in turning you docile.”

Roman gulped loudly. What could Remus be thinking of doing to him that he hadn’t already done?

Remus licked his lips.

Remus: “You know brother, at my size it wouldn’t be too hard to swallow someone whole. I’ve been playing around with the idea for a while now. I used to lick you all when I was a kid, but now I think it might be fun to try for something bigger than just a taste.”

Roman’s eyes went wide with fear. Remus wouldn’t actually eat him, would he? He must be bluffing, right?

Roman: “Woah, hey Remus, yo-you couldn’t actually be entertaining the idea of e-eating me would you?”

Roman was now visibly shaking and his throat had gone dry. The thought of being eaten alive was just too horrifying to imagine.

Remus: “I am actually, after all you look like such a taste morsel.”

- Remus stuck out his tongue tauntingly as Roman squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel himself being lifted up slowly towards Remus’s mouth as his putrid breath wafted over him. He really was going to be eaten, he thought. Miraculously, a familiar loud cry echoed from outside the cave,

Virgil: “ROMAN!”

Roman gasped as he flung his eyes open towards the cave entrance with excitement. He was saved!

Remus: “Looks like the party crashers have arrived! Ahead of schedule, but after this disappointing first act I’m looking forward to the clim-”

- Before Remus could even finish a massive hand launched itself into the cave and pulled him out into the night sky. Startled Remus was not at all prepared for what he would see next. He was now, somehow, locked in place by a giant fist and staring up at a now massive sized Virgil. Never in his life had he seen something or someone bigger than himself. In this moment Remus for once felt completely helpless and small in Virgil’s stern grip.

Remus: “Wh-what is this? How are you this big all of a sudden? I-I...this isn’t right.”

- Previously, outside Virgil had asked Patton and Logan to wait behind him as he went up ahead at max size. He needed them to stay a safe distance away as he confronted Remus head on. They both agreed and waited in the forest for his and Roman’s return. Virgil then walked a considerable distance away before shifting to double his current size, his limit of 1000 feet. This is where he stands now with Remus in his clutches and pissed off!

Virgil: “Let him go.”

Surprise, by such a suppressing voice coming from the once tiny Virgil, Remus completely missed what he just said. He was now overcome with fear he had never experienced before. He was now the weakling.

Remus: “Wh-what?”

Virgil: “I said let him go, now.”

Virgil repeated himself as calmly as he could. He was fuming with rage right now as he spotted Roman still being held tightly in Remus’s hand. Although, he did take pleasure in seeing Remus afraid of him for once. Still, Virgil couldn’t help thinking about what he had become if even the monsters feared him.

Remus: “O-okay….”

- Cautiously, Virgil raised his free hand up towards Remus in order to have a safe place for Roman to land on when released. As Roman fell out onto Virgil’s palm he gasped for air as Remus’s grip knocked the wind out of him when they were both pulled out of the cave. Concerned, Virgil gingerly lifted his hand up to his face to get a better look at Roman’s condition. He appeared physically okay, except that he was missing his shirt. Virgil wanted so badly to comfort him, but knew at his current size it would be too dangerous to try. He didn’t want another kissing incident after all.

- He decided it would be best to set Roman down for now while he dealt with Remus, however, before he started to move again the image of Roman running towards his face stopped him. Suddenly, Roman was clinging to the arch of Virgil’s nose and sobbing. All the stress and fear he had bottled up in order to put on a brave face melted away the moment he was safe on top of Virgil's hand. Virgil had previously been worried about Roman’s reaction to his now gigantic size after hearing about what happened to him as a child from Patton and Logan on the way here. It appeared his concerns were unwarranted as Roman felt safest when near Virgil.

Roman: “Virgil, oh my gosh Virgil, I was so scared!”

Virgil: “Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here now. You’re safe with me”

Roman: “I-I know, but he….he tried to eat me. I thought I wa-was going to die. I’m so glad you showed up when you did!”

Trying his best to keep himself from yelling,

Virgil: “He tried to do what?!”

Remus groaned as the fingers surrounding him suddenly tightened.

Virgil: “Oh I’m sorry did that hurt? Good! How would you feel if I tried to eat you right now?”

Remus chuckled, Remus: “That’d be one hell of a french kiss monsieur monstre.”

Virgil scoffed in disgust while Roman frowned at Remus calling Virgil of all people a monster.

Roman: “The pot calling the kettle black, I see.”

Remus: “You think I’m a monster? Have you been completely ignoring the behemoth you’re standing on? He was so small back in the valley and now he’s somehow ballooned himself to such a size that even my butthole clenches in fear.”

Roman: “Geez, did you have to use the word butthole?”

Remus: “It’s my word of the day in that I use it every day, all day.”

Virgil and Roman both groaned at this weasel's meaningless antics.

Virgil: “What should I do with him? Any ideas Roman?”

Roman: “Usually we use Logan’s dimensional splitter to just send him and Deceit back into the dark realm. I assume you left him and Patton somewhere safe so I guess that’s not an option right now.”

Virgil: “Actually, even though I’ve become a resident of the light realm I should still have the ability to form rifts still.”

Roman: “Really?! Then hurry up and do it before this guy does anymore damage. We still have to locate which town he stole that tower from.”

Virgil: “He stole a tower?!”

Roman sighed,

Roman: “Yeah...somewhere in the realm, there’s a big mess for us to clean up later.”

Virgil: “Okay then, no more waiting. It’s time to send Remus back where he belongs.”

With that Virgil created a rift big enough for him to toss Remus into with ease.

Remus hummed as he flew into the rift,

Remus: “I look forward to the third act another time!”

Roman: “Good riddens!”

Virgil had now bent down to place Roman on the ground as he started shrinking down to a more manageable size.

Virgil: “You can say that again.”

- He rested on 200 feet in order to comfortably hold all three of them once Patton and Logan were retrieved. Roman told them about what happened as Virgil concentrated on getting everyone back to the fort. Once there, it was definitely time for bed. Before Virgil headed back to his room for the night he was stopped by Roman.

Roman: “Hey Virgil...I know you’re really tired and probably rather sleep in your own bed after such an eventful night, but do you think you could sleep with me instead?”

Virgil: “You want me to sleep with you for tonight?”

Roman: “If that’s not too much to ask. I’m...still really shook up from what happened. Even though in my mind I know Remus is gone I can’t help feeling I’m not completely safe yet.”

Virgil: “I don’t mind at all Roman.”

Roman: “Really?! Thank you so much! Come one, I’ll lead you there.”

Roman cheerful took Virgil by the hand and led him to his room. Inside the walls were covered in Disney posters and theater playbills. There was pink glitter on the ceiling and the bed covering was of a unicorn jumping over a rainbow. Overall, it was super colorful compared to his.

Roman: “Come on in!”

Roman had already tucked himself into bed and was waiting patiently for Virgil to join him. Sheepishly, Virgil climbed into bed and laid his head down on the plush pillow facing Roman. Roman did the same and smiled softly towards him.

Roman: “Thank you for saving me Virgil.”

Virgil looked away.

Virgil: “Even though I was completely useless at the valley?”

Roman reached out his hand to stroke Virgil’s face.

Roman: “Now you listen here. That wasn’t your fault and anyone else in your position also would have been knocked out cold if a giant stomped on them suddenly.”

Virgil chuckled as he lifted his hand up to touch Roman’s and leaned into it.

Virgil: “You’re right, sorry. I accept your thanks.”

Roman: “Good. Now for your reward.”

Virgil: “My wa-”

- Without warning, Virgil found himself locking lips with Roman in a passionate kiss! Stunned, Virgil simply let himself enjoy the moment until Roman pulled away slowly. Both of them were fully satisfied with the exchange and blushing deeply with embarrassment.

Roman: “We-well goodnight Virgil!” he stuttered as he hid himself under the covers.

Virgil: “Ye-yeah goodnight Roman!” he also stuttered as he turned to face the wall.

Neither of them could manage to face the other for the remainder of the night. Even though they had kissed in the valley when at the same height it was somehow more intimate.

To be continued.

@paranoidgurl @pattonvirglsanders @suckedinfandoms @crystalk17 @gentlegiantdreamer @enby-phoenix @sanders-sides-virgil @just-some-gt-trash @notkolaidoscop @bluegreeninbtwn @lgbtqiaemo @avenirunknown @rainbowbowtie @ncanspeak @maryann-draws @himeperson @perfectly-princely-emo-nightmare @daydreamburritoworld

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raysofcrosby · 5 years ago

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LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 11

"𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘐𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵, 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵." ━ 𝐒𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐡 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫

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series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: a nice heart to heart, some fluff and hoenstly nothing else.

word count: 9,128 [of PURE UNEDITED STORY WOW ITS SO LONG]

authors note: HI hi everybody! part 11 is finally here woooo! this is honestly where i had originally planned on ending the series and i hope you guys enjoy what would have been the original ending! i can’t believe this series is practically over bc i loved writing it so much and reading all of your guys’ theories, messages and tags. it literally warms my heart how much you guys loved it! so without further ado, here’s part 11!

[ DECEMBER 23RD, 2019 ]

By the time you made it to Victoria, you were exhausted. Your flight had been delayed twice and almost canceled due to the weather, but luckily you made it home before you could end up on Jamie and Katie's flight. By the time you had landed, your mom had texted you mid-flight saying that Jordie would be picking you up and gave you no reason as to why. The moment you read her text, you realized it was too late to turn back and go hop on to another plane– so it looked like facing Jordie was your only option. It's not like you knew if he was as angry at you as Jamie was. You were the one ignoring his text messages, not the other way around. When you found him just outside of security, you felt like you were going to be sick, and every step you took towards him was spent preparing yourself for the speech he was probably going to give you.

The one thing that you didn't expect though, was for him to wrap you up in a tight hug without even saying a word. You stood there, stiff in his arms for only a moment before wrapping your arms around him and returning his hug. There was a significant age gap between you and all three siblings, all three of them were out of the house by the time you were 10-years-old. But if there was one sibling you were close to growing up, it was Jordie. Sure, you and Jamie were close too, especially with the two of you being in Dallas most months out the year. And sure, Jenn was always the best big sister to you, giving you advice on things you could never go to your parents to. But Jordie, he was the ultimate sibling. He was always on your side, no matter what choices you made but was also never afraid to call you out on your bullshit– and of course, always helped you find a way to fix it. So his hug, his hug made you feel the most relaxed you had felt since everything well to hell.

That car ride home was when he asked you how everything had been, especially since you've been dodging his calls. And while you didn't want to just throw Jamie or Tyler under the bus, the words and feelings just poured out of you. You filled in the holes and gaps that Jamie hadn't told him from beginning to end. And while he did let you know that he thought you and Tyler could have found a different way to deal with things, you could also see that he was pissed at Jamie for treating you the way that he had. Your family had one rule that all of you abided by:

you always loved and supported each other, no matter what.

When you got home, Kennedy was there to greet you along with your parents and Jordie's fiancé Jessi, and you guys all hung out together until about midnight when you and Kennedy went to bed since you were going to be showing her around Victoria tomorrow morning and afternoon. Of course, the two of you stayed up a little later as she caught you up on how her few days with her parents were and what they had gotten her for Christmas. While you filled her in on what it was like to be Big Rig's roommate, your guys' future spring break plans with Paisley and of course, your big blow up on Tyler in the hallway. You felt proud when you told her how you got everything off of your chest that you needed to and even more proud when you saw the look on her face. The one thing you weren't expecting from her though, is her suggestion that maybe you do hear him out at some point in time when the two of you were back in Dallas again.

And as the two of you fell asleep, you didn't want to admit that you had been thinking the same thing from the moment you left that hallway.

❒❒❒❒

Jamie and Katie had gotten in a few hours after everyone went to bed. As far as you knew, they were greeted by the lone kitchen light your mom always left on if someone was expecting to come home late. They were still sleeping when everyone met downstairs for breakfast and by the time that they had a chance to wake up and come downstairs, you dragged Kennedy out of the house and gave her a tour of your hometown.

You managed to avoid Jamie up until dinner time when you had no choice but to come home. You greeted Katie like you hadn't just seen her yesterday and Jamie was too wrapped up in a conversation with your mom to even warrant a greeting. Dinner was probably as awkward as it could get. Sure, the conversation flowed easily from topic to topic: the hockey season, how life in LA was going, how Jessi's parents were doing, what our predictions were when Jenn and Andrew would welcome a new baby into the world, whether or not Kennedy and I were prepared for the real world after college– it was all so easy.

Except, as expected, there were those small pockets of awkward tension whenever a small silence fell over the table or something having to do with Dallas ever popped up into question. Leave it to your dad of all people to be the one to bring up the Winter Classic and of course, Tyler in a not so obvious way. He had said he'd been talking to Paul that he had asked if both families were going to get together for a dinner after the game. You could see the vein in Jamie's forehead beginning to bulge and you shot your mom and Jordie a desperate look. When she gave you a shoulder shrug back, it was then that you looked at your father and realized he knew damn well what he had done.

No one gave him an answer, so he answered it himself and said that they were already making reservations and the rest of dinner went by uneventfully. Your mom had made her holiday chocolate mousse pie and your group sat around in the living room in front of the tv and watched, like tradition, some Hallmark movies. But as the time got later, everyone started to go off to bed. You agreed to go up but laid there, staring at your ceiling as Kennedy was fast asleep next to you. You tried everything to make yourself fall asleep, but it just wasn't happening.

You sighed and quietly snuck out of bed, putting on your slippers before opening your bedroom door and walking out into the hallway. You walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, turning on the kitchen light and grabbing yourself a clean glass that was in the drying rack. There was a drink that your dad had made you and your siblings whenever you guys were sick. And sure, you weren't sick right now, but the warm drink and the hint of alcohol would be enough to make you feel a little more sleepy than you were at this very moment. You grabbed the makers mark whiskey from beneath the kitchen island and the rest of your ingredients from around the kitchen. You remembered the first time you had to drink it. Both you and Jamie had managed to catch a winter cold and your dad made you share the same cup. Jamie's twisted face of disgust was one that still made you laugh to this day whenever you thought back on the memory. And as you finished making the drink, you smiled only for a second before remembering where your relationship with Jamie stood today.

You walked into the living room and grabbed a canucks sweatshirt that Jordie had left hanging on the back of the couch and put it on before walking back into the kitchen, grabbing your drink and then making your way out onto the back porch. You turned the light on from inside before unlocking and sliding open the door, closing it behind you. The snow blanketed your backyard and as you looked out at the untouched scene, you played home movies in your mind. Over there in the far left corner, was where your parents had managed to keep alive an old playground set that Jamie and Jordie spent years fighting on. The ancient oak tree nestled in the right corner of your fenced-in backyard was where you broke your arm for the first time. You were eight and Jamie had held you on top of his shoulders so you could reach the hole that he had hidden his report card in from your parents. He lost his footing and the two of you fell backward, your arm taking most of the impact.

The fire pit buried beneath the snow where you had your first 'official' date at fourteen the summer after Jamie's second season with the stars. You parents were out of town, Jenn was on a vacation with Andrew, so it was left to Jordie and Jamie to look after you. Your mom had already told them that they had no authority when it came to canceling your date– but in fact, they were in charge of chaperoning it. Jordie took you guys to a movie and sat ten rows back, which wasn't all that bad considering you were too nervous to do anything anyway. But when it came to having a small bonfire in the backyard, you and your date were more comfortable with each other. If only your brothers were the same.

Every time he tried to scoot his chair near yours, one of the two older Benn boys would come out with water, food or even just straight-up move your chair further away. You would turn and see the two of them peeking from the sliding door and give them the death stare before they ducked back behind a curtain. The last straw was drawn when you thought you had a free moment to have your first kiss. Jordie and Jamie hadn't come out to bother the two of you when you moved into the same seat or when he held your hand. But the moment you and your date closed your eyes and went in for a kiss, Jamie shoved a bag of marshmallows in between you and said, "it's time for smores yeah?"

You were so horrified that you had your date call his mom to come and pick him up and he had to sit in the living room with your two older brothers while you hid away in your bedroom.

Thinking back on it now, you couldn't help but laugh at just how far your two brothers went to protect you. You even tried to tie that into your situation today– but it was hard to even draw up the similarities.

When you heard the door slide open and shut again and a presence appears behind you, it didn't take long to know just who had joined you on the front porch. "How did you know I was out here?"

"I saw the hot toddy stuff on the counter and I know how you like to come out here to think sometimes." He replied, letting the silence fall between you again before making his way closer to you and coming to a stop beside you, clearing some snow off of the deck ledge and resting his arms onto it– he too was holding his drink. "I'm not sick, but it just hits the spot for when you can't sleep."

"I thought the same thing," you replied, looking at him to see him looking out at the backyard.

You wondered if he was looking out into your old childhood backyard and thinking about all of the memories like you were. Or if he was just staring out for the hell of it, trying to think of what to say to you. Hell, you didn't even know if you were going to be able to start a conversation– you sure as hell didn't feel like you needed to. The fact that he had ignored you up until this very moment was almost enough to make you finish your drink and leave him out on the back porch without a word.

Almost.

"Why are you even talking to me?"

You could tell by his slight wince at the harshness of your question, that he was caught off-guard. Perhaps he was planning to initiate the conversation after all? He took a sip of his drink, sucking in his bottom lip before sighing, hanging his head. "Jordie. He was waiting up for Katie and me and when I came back downstairs, he kind of ripped me a new one about what I said to you..."

A huge wave of disappointment washed over you. Was Jamie only talking to you out of obligation to Jordie or was he really interested in fixing things between the two of you? Would your relationship ever be the same again?

"Oh..." You frowned, looking away from him and down at your cup.

"And he's right. I shouldn't have said what I did." His answer caught your attention and you looked at him as he nodded his head from side to side. "I know that you're...a woman now and that you can make your own decisions, no matter how wrong I think they are."

If it wasn't such a serious and long-awaited moment, you would've burst into laughter at how he had whispered the last part. Just Jamie being Jamie and still owning up to his own beliefs while trying to apologize.

"And it was wrong of me to insinuate that you were just another..."

He didn't need to be looking at you for you to see how severely uncomfortable he was starting to feel at repeating his own words. So, like he often did when you were growing up, you stepped in to save him. "It's okay, I know what you mean. And I'm sorry....for everything."

He didn't respond and only kept looking down at his drink as your apology went unnoticed and the silence settled in between the two of you again. You couldn't help but wonder if this was going to be it– the way the two of you would be around each other for the rest of your lives. Sure, the freshness of it all would wear down the road– but the two of you would never forget what started it all. It'd be there like a stain you'd always try to hide, but never could. And if he wasn't going to add on to your conversation, you were stuck– unsure of what else to do to get him to talk to you.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

For some reason, that question hurt you more than seeing his face the moment he recognized you in Tyler's theatre room. It wasn't as if you were planning on hiding it forever, you were going to tell him. And not telling him before he found out, was going to be your biggest regret for a long time– especially since you could hear just how hurt he was just by hearing him ask that small, simple question.

"I think I was scared of what you'd think...or do," you shrugged, taking another sip of our drink before holding onto it tighter, letting the hot cup heat your hands. "I didn't want you to be mad at me or hate me–"

"Yeah, well look at how that turned out," he mumbled, bringing his cup to his mouth.

You traced your tongue along the side of your cheek and ignored the sting of his hushed words. He had a right to be hurt and you knew it, so you were just going to take it and hope that it was the first choice he was feeling and not the second.

"I guess I just...I didn't want you to be disappointed in me, you know? You're my big brother, I look up to you. I should've told you, I understand that now and I guess I...I don't know."

"Yeah, you should've told me." He replied, finally looking away from his cup and turning towards you. "I still would've been mad, but I'd be a lot less mad than I was when I...found you two."

He turned his attention back towards the snow as the two of you took another sip of your drinks. He sighed, probably making the same face as he did when he was a kid. More silence ensued, but this time it wasn't full of tension. Almost like the kind of silence the two of you could live with as if you were hanging out in the living room, playing on your phones.

"How have you been since...how are you?"

You raised your eyebrows in surprise as you stood up a little straighter. You weren't sure if he was really interested or asking just for the hell of it, but you were going to answer anyway as best as you could without giving too much away. "Alright, I guess," you sighed, bringing the cup back to your lips and leaning your head to the side. "Kind of wishing none of it ever happened?"

"Really?" Jamie asked, perking up a little bit as he looked at you again.

You went to answer, but the knot in your throat prevented you from doing so, so you just brought your cup to your lips and took a sip.

He sighed and you knew that he was well aware that you had just lied to him. "I was mad, Y/N. Like, the maddest that I've ever been in my entire life. Seeing you two like that, knowing you guys had been...and behind my back." He shook his head, taking a moment. "I honestly think I could've killed him then and there, and you...for a hot moment, I think I would've been one hundred percent okay if I never had to talk to you or see you again."

For the first time, you finally understood just how hurt Jamie had been and how seriously he took your situation with Tyler. His confession threw you for a surprise. He really would have been okay with never talking to or seeing you again– your own brother. The guy who was always one of the first people to comfort you. Who let you sneak into his room when you were younger because you were scared of the dark. The same guy who, once you stopped sneaking into his room thanks to a new nightlight, often slept on the floor of your bedroom because you were convinced there was a monster in your closet. His confession was enough to move you to tears and you couldn't have stopped them if you tried.

"I'm sorry," you nodded, shaking your head as your bottom lip trembled. "I-I didn't mean to hurt you and I swear everything with Tyler it just...it came out of nowhere." You took a shallow breath before going to speak again, only a small sob escaped instead.

Jamie turned slightly and stepped closer to you, bringing you into his side and rubbing your arm. He wasn't tense at the sudden hug, but instead relaxed and welcoming. "It's okay, Y/N," he said, not minding that you were getting tears on his sweatshirt. "I mean, I don't understand why you felt like you needed to hide it from me, but I do understand why you did. And I've forgiven you for it."

You sniffled, wiping your cheeks with Jordie's sweatshirt sleeve. "And Tyler?"

He paused and you could hear him holding onto his breath as he contemplated how to answer your question. He let you go from his side and sighed as the fear that you just ruined a six-year friendship, ran through your veins. "I don't know yet."

The two of you settled back in your spots on the deck ledge and sipped your drinks in silence as you both stared out at the falling snow. You got your apology, Jamie was finally acknowledging you and you can no longer feel the tension between the two of you...but something still felt off.

"Were you happy?" Jamie asks, turning towards you fully and resting an elbow on the ledge. "With Segs. Were you happy with him?"

You couldn't help but smile as you thought about all of the times you'd spent with Tyler over the last few weeks. All of the study sessions, the times you'd babysit the dogs. His facetime calls just so he could talk to you and Gerry. How you snuck him on to campus one night because he 'wanted to experience the college dorm life' and then only to have him leave the next morning saying that college beds were horrible and that you'd be sleeping at his place for the rest of the year. The time he added bubble bath to his jacuzzi because he's always wanted to do it, but then decided he'd never do it again because of the bill he had to pay to get it cleaned. Every moment was happy and giggly and left you feeling things that you haven't felt in years– not even in your few years with Cole.

"Yeah," you nodded, letting the smile fall when you looked Jamie in the eye. "Really happy."

"Why?"

You laughed softly at just how blunt Jamie's question was and how serious and bland his tone had been. You shrugged, holding your cup close to you. "I don't know how to explain it, really. I mean, we have chemistry–"

"No, please don't get into that."

"Not only that kind," you rolled your eyes. "It's like...we just get each other, you know? With Cole, it was like he never cared about my interests, my friends or my family. He didn't have the interest to know what I want to do in five years, where I want to travel. We didn't have the same sense of humor and when I'd chirp at him, he couldn't handle it."

"With Tyler," you laughed, tossing your head back softly before nodding and pointing at Jamie. "Do you remember that first roadie I went on with you guys? To Colorado? Well, on the plane ride there I had to fill out study cards, but I fell asleep. On the plane ride back, I found them already made in Tyler's messy handwriting that he tried to make neat, and he helped me study by letting me use him as an anatomy doll. I taped notecards all over him while the guys in the back of the plane laughed, and he just...let it happen. He even tried to learn it too."

You took a long sip of your drink, reminiscing on that first moment when you realized how much Tyler had meant to you. "He already loves and knows my family and my friends, but he still asks about them. Those first few weeks, he asked more about me than Cole had ever asked during our entire relationship. Not to mention, he can take my chirping and give it right back. He's saved me in a bar, picked me up at a party when I was stranded with no ride. He respects me, my choices, he understands that I'm an independent woman who can stand up for herself because she had two older brothers who taught her how to hold her own. But he's still...there, you know?"

Jamie looked at you in silence but seemed as if he was taking your words into serious consideration. Speaking about your time with Tyler made you sad and realize just how much you missed having him in your life. You haven't heard anything from him since the text he sent to you before the game and you figured that he was mad at you because you lied and told him you were staying instead of leaving. You wouldn't allow yourself to even being to imagine how his face looked when he walked into the hallway to see that you weren't there.

"It doesn't matter though, it's over. Tyler probably hates me and...it's over, it's all over." You sighed and chugged the rest of your drink, letting out a harsh sigh before pushing yourself away from the ledge. "I'm going to bed though, I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight."

You turned to walk away and towards the door, tugging on the handle and sliding it open. "Do you want it to be over though?" Jamie asked. "If you could be with him right now...would you?"

You held onto the handle and turned around to look at Jamie. "I love him, J." He opened his mouth to cut you off, but you shook your head. "And I know you think I'm stupid for saying that...and no, I don't know if we would've last or if it was just a short fling...but I do, J. I love him with my whole heart."

You stared at him, trying your best to get a read on his reaction as he just looked at you and registered your words while hoping more than anything, that he'd come to accept your feelings for Tyler. He sucked in his lips and nodded before turning back towards the backyard. "Goodnight, Y/N."

You felt disappointment come over you, a shallow ache echoed in your chest as you made your way back into the house, closing the door behind you. You placed your cup into the sink and tossed Jordie's sweatshirt onto the kitchen counter before walking up the stairs and back into your bedroom. You crawled back into your bed, the hot toddy making your body warm as you tried to focus on your breathing and the tears built up. You took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying not to wake Kennedy when another sob escaped.

You felt Kennedy shift and roll onto her side, reaching out and grabbing your hand. "Tyler?"

"Pfft, what?" You sniffled, shaking your head. "No, why would you think that?"

"Because you have 'The Summer I Turned Pretty' trilogy on your bedside table– and you always read it when you're sad."

You went to take another deep breath, only letting out a shuddered one. "Because it has a happy ending...stupid happy endings."

"Yeah, who needs happy endings," Kennedy replied, squeezing your hand.

"Me!" You cried, sniffling as you turned to Kennedy and laughing at how ridiculous you probably looked. "I want one."

Kennedy sighed, squeezing your hand again and staring at the ceiling. "I know, I know."

[ DECEMBER 25TH, 2019 ]

A Christmas Miracle, that's all you could call it. It was as if some Christmas Angel had been watching you and Jamie have your late night heart to heart, because since then– it was like the blip between the two of you never even happened. Everyone was thrilled to see the two of you joking and talking to one another again, probably no one more thrilled than your mom. He even indulged in his yearly Hallmark Christmas movie argument with you, like he did every year.

And, like they've done every year on your birthday since you could even remember, your two older brothers found a way to toss you into a snowbank as a morning wake up. After the age of 13, you found it extremely annoying and always struggled against them as they'd carry you to the backyard. But considering everything that happened, you were more than willing to participate in the festivities. Since your birthday took place on Christmas, your family always had a specific Christmas routine.

The two older Benn boys would toss you into the snowbank, you'd change into the clothes that your mom already had set aside. Then you'd all eat your favorite breakfast (which Jamie and Jordie groomed you to love their favorite breakfast from the moment you had a choice), everyone would settle in with their coffee and drinks of choice before relaxing in the living room. As the birthday girl, you'd always get to open the first present and then everyone would do their gift exchanges. When gifts were done, your dad would put in the first one many original classic Christmas movies and you'd relax all day until the night came. At night, the family would gather up and drive a few blocks down to the Wilkinson's Christmas Tree farm for pond skating and hot chocolate.

It was always a fun-filled day, and besides you finally turning 22 years old, you loved the traditions the day brought and the love and happiness that radiated all around you. The best surprise came when you had Kennedy answer the door to her Christmas present. She squealed when she saw Big Rig standing there with a Santa hat on and a cheesy grin. And when she jumped into his arms and he spun her around on your front porch, your heart swelled with joy. You knew he was coming, the two of you had planned it sometime after Kennedy had gone home. His family was already planning on visiting extended family in Vancouver on Christmas and he thought he'd stop by around late-afternoon to surprise her.

When she found out you were in on the surprise, she tackled you with a hug and then told you that she hated you– but you just told her that you loved her too and to go get her man. As the day dwindled on, you saw how happy everyone was around one another and realized just how incredibly single you were. You looked down at your phone and opened your messages, staring down at Tyler's contact and re-reading his last message over and over again. You opened the message and took a deep breath, typing one up.

Merry Christmas ☃️🎄

You stared at the screen as the small delivered appeared beneath your message. When the three moving dots appeared on his side, you felt your heart skip a beat and the grip on your phone get a little tighter. Maybe he wasn't mad at you after all and was just giving you space to reach out to him?

All of that hope went away just as soon as the three dots disappeared. You felt yourself literally crumble as you hoped that they'd pop up again, but never did. You locked your phone and sighed, before joining your family outside so that you guys could head to the Wilkinson farm.

The Wilkinson's were longtime family friends who owned a Christmas tree farm that had been passed down through generations of family. Over time, instead of just selling Christmas trees, they would sell hot chocolate, have pictures with Santa for the kids, a little 'Elfs workshop' where you could buy small gifts, and in the middle of the space, not too far away from all the small festivities, was a frozen pond where you could go ice skating for the small price of $5 if you had your own skates and $7 if you needed to rent them.

It was a tradition to not only get your Christmas tree from the Wilkinson's but on Christmas night, to go ice skating out on the pond with the Wilkinson's and a few other families as well. It was probably your favorite part of the day because just being around all of the close families and skating around with the kids you grew up with was the best.

But at the moment, that wasn't looking all too cheery.

"Can you at least pretend to be excited?" Kennedy asked, closing the car door behind her. "The look on your face could melt Frosty the Snowman if he was around."

"Oh, I'm sorry," you replied, clasping your hands together. "Let me just smile and wave while I tag along on this," you looked around your group, counting everyone. "This eight-person date. Nothing makes me happier than being the ninth wheel around couples."

"I can be your stand-in, pretend boyfriend if you want?" Big Rig laughed, fixing his coat. "It'd make me look good since I'd have two beautiful girls on my arms."

"I can share," Kennedy laughed, hooking her arm through his. "You can look, but don't touch."

You smiled and rolled your eyes. "Don't worry, he's all yours Kennedy."

"Are you guys coming or no?" Jamie called out. The three of you turned to see the rest of your group already heading towards the small cabin where you would rent your skates.

"Ugh, let's just get this over with, yeah?" You groaned, walking ahead of them and stuffing your free hand into your jacket pocket. You normally weren't such a grouch, but your mood hasn't been the same since you sent that text to Tyler and knew that he had read it. You spent the entire car ride trying to tell yourself that it wasn't your fault– that even before you left the arena, you knew that the damage had been done.

You were just now seeing how life would be without Tyler in it like he used to be.

"Go ahead and go to the pond, Y/N. We're just going to grab some skates." Jordie said, waving you off in the direction towards the pond.

"I'm sorry?" You asked, holding up your skates. "Did I miss the part where the three NHL boys and two parents of NHL players...forgot their skates?"

Jamie rolled his eyes and stepped away from the counter where Tyler Wilkinson, your first crush and three years your senior, was chatting with your parents. He walked over to you and gave you a gentle nudge away from them all. "We're helping Katie, Jessi, Kennedy and Big Rig get skates. Just go snag us a bench before someone else takes one."

You nodded but mumbled incoherently beneath your breath as you walked through the path that leads you directly through the Christmas trees and out towards the pond. The farm itself was looking barren since it was Christmas and the Wilkinson's had sold every available tree that was for sale. The further you walked, the more you could begin to smell the freshness of the trees that still had time to grow until they would be sold in the Christmas's to come. Lined up on both sides of the path were string lights on poles, linking together to light the path.

The trees began to thin out as you came to the opening of the skating area. Strangely, there was no one else around, which was extremely odd since your family was already running a little late than normal and most of the time you guys weren't the first family here. You walked over to a bench and plopped down, getting ready to put on your skates when you noticed something spread along the ice. You turned back towards the path to see if anyone from your group was coming before reaching for your phone and calling Jamie.

Only it went straight to voicemail. You rolled your eyes and waited for his automatic message to finish before speaking. "Is this place closed because nobody else is here. There's also like," you sighed and stood up, making your way over to the ice, carefully stepping on and sliding your way over to the object. "It's this shadow on the ice and hold on, I'm getting closer to it. It's– what the hell?"

Your eyebrows furrowed as you moved closer to what was previously a dark spot on the ice. As you got closer to it– you saw it for what it was...a bottle of wine and a box of your favorite cookies. Surrounding them were printed out pictures positioned to spell something out.

'I'm Sorry'

You slowly moved closer to the pictures, carefully squatting down and picking one up to see it was a candid of you and Marshall snuggling on Tyler's couch. As you looked at the rest of them, you felt your chest flutter. They were all pictures of you. Some of them were selfies of you and Tyler, but most of them were candids of you doing simple things– napping on his lap, studying on the couch, tanning with the dogs, glaring at Tyler after he had spilled flour everywhere on one of the nights you made pizza. Every picture held a memory, all of them you remembered, but none you realized had been captures. Your eyes skimmed them all and landed on the last one that was propped up against the wine bottle and cookies. You reached forward and picked it up, bringing it closer to you before you laughed.

It was a picture of a night where you, Kennedy, Big Rig and Tyler were all hanging out at Tyler's place. Kennedy or Big Rig must have taken the picture because it was of you and Tyler sitting on the couch, obviously trying to cuddle and Gerry was trying to force his way between you while Cash was sprawled out across your lap and Marshall was lying on the floor in front of you, staring at his two brothers. Tyler was laughing and trying to push Gerry off while looking at you with the sweetest eyes and you just had your head tossed back into a full-on fit of laughter.

It was a perfect representation of what your relationship was like– always laughing and pure joy.

You heard someone else join you on the ice and you immediately knew who it was, just based on how the hairs on the back of your neck stood up and your heart pounded against your chest. "Hey, Y/N..."

You wanted to turn around and just run into his arms before the tears got the chance to fall down your face, but you reminded yourself of the hell he had put you through the last two weeks and for once, your body listened to your brain. "What are you doing here?"

You heard him move closer but kept your back to him, fearful that if you even got the tiniest look at him, your courage and defense would come crumbling down in an instant. "You didn't meet me after the game and I..." He sighed, frustrated, "we need to talk about everything."

"I meant what I said Tyler, you had two weeks to reach out to talk to me– to explain everything, but you never did. So why should I give you the chance to do it now?"

"You shouldn't, that's the thing." You hadn't expected him to agree with you if anything you expected him to plead his case and beg for a chance. "But if you do give me the chance...I'll take whatever time you give me."

You took a deep breath, your eyes looking down at the display that suddenly made complete sense. He had set this up on the ice. He had printed off these pictures he'd taken of you and saved– obviously you had meant something to him more than you previously thought. You cleared your throat and put the picture in your hand in your pocket as you brought out your phone and opened the timer. You set it for five minutes before turning around and showing him your screen and pressing the start button. "You've got five minutes."

You were right. One look at him and you wanted to run over to him and just fall into his arms. His hair was disheveled and curled. He was dressed down in jeans, sneakers and a Dallas Stars sweatshirt that you knew all too well. He was in his relaxed element and it was how you loved him the most.

"Okay five minutes, phew okay, um," He stuttered over his own words as he simultaneously struggled to get his hands out of his sweatshirt pockets. "I'm sorry that I never texted you after everything. I meant to– I even typed up a bunch of messages and I just...I never sent them because I don't– I don't know why. God, why is this so hard?" He groaned, rubbing his hands down his face.

"Four minutes."

"Shit, okay I guess I didn't text you because I wanted that to be a face to face conversation? I just, I didn't want to drop shit like that over a text. And the uber thing, God, I fucking wish I could take that back so much, Y/N. Cassidy and Candace even told me how much of a douchebag I was for that. I didn't mean to make you feel like you were just another side piece and I think, I think I was just in fucking shock over how everything just imploded right in front of me."

"Three." You said, taking a glance at your phone before looking back at him. He had maintained eye contact with you every moment he vented, which only made you more emotional. He was covering his bases well and the desperation in his voice and pain in his eyes helped you know that he was meaning every single word. But he still hadn't talked about the one thing you wanted him to explain most of all.

"You were right, about me still being that kid in Boston. I mean, I'm not– I don't want to be. I've worked hard on myself and I've grown up since being here in Dallas– a lot of that was because of Chubb–Jamie. And I think, I think I just panicked over losing not just you...but him too." He stepped closer to you, shaking his head. "I, he's one of my best friends, Y/N. And the pain of even thinking about not having you in my life was horrible– like that shit gave me a migraine. But losing the both of you? I don't think I could even fucking survive."

"Two minutes."

His eyes looked at your phone and you saw them widen in fear. He had so much to say and knew he was running out of time to say it, but couldn't quite phrase it just right. "That's why I didn't text, call or even talk to you in person to explain. I just– I wanted to fix things with Jamie and explain to him that what happened with us, that it wasn't malicious or a stupid hit it and quit it situation– that I actually cared for you and he just, he wouldn't listen."

"You called me an obsessed hook up in the locker room." You said, speaking for the first time other than reading out how much time he had left. "Care to explain that?"

He opened his mouth to speak and closed it, the pattern happening twice before he shook his head and tried to blink away the faint tears that shined in his eyes. "I was frustrated at your brother and that stupid comment Draisaitl made about you and me to Jamie and just," he stepped towards you reaching for your hand and grabbing on to it, staring at it when he realized you hadn't pulled away. "I didn't mean it, I'd never mean that. You're–"

"45 seconds." You said, pulling your hand away from his.

He blinked a few times before nodding his head and licking his lips. "I never invited Maisy to the game, she came herself with her boyfriend and his cousin and her roommate. She just picked those seats because she liked the view and her boyfriend had never been to a game before."

You wanted to ask how he knew that, but you knew there was really only one way he'd find out– he'd have to ask.

"I called her, that same night after the game. I was an honest ass about it too, wondering what the hell she was pulling and she told me everything. She was never there for me. I didn't invite her and I didn't buy her those tickets, Y/N. I would have never done that to you," he reached for you only this time his hand came up to your face. "You were never just a hook-up to me. You were so much more than that and I think that I even lo..." He paused, looking down as your phone timer rang, erupting in between the two of you and signaling that his time was over with. His Adam's apple bobbed as he looked back up at you with hope in his eyes. "You're still so much more to me than that," he whispered, his thumb brushing away a tear on your cheek that you hadn't even noticed started to fall down your cheek.

You took a small step away from him, holding up your phone. "Five minutes is up. Tha–" you cleared your throat and took a breath, relaxing yourself. "Thank you for explaining everything."

He sucked in his bottom lip and nodded his head taking a step back and stuffing his hands in his sweatshirt pockets. "It's the least I could do after putting you through all of that. Thank you for letting me talk, I know you didn't have to do that."

He turned to walk away and paused mid-step, smiling at you. "Happy Birthday by the way. 22 years old? God, what are you an old lady now?" He added a sad mimic of his usual glowing childlike smile.

You gave him a small smile back. "Better than 27 and having joints that crack like an 80-year-olds every time I walk."

He laughed a small and genuine laugh before giving you one last look and turning his back to you, shuffling his way across the ice slowly. You watched him walk away, your heart screaming not to let him go while your brain was wondering how the hell he even got here in the first place. When you went to put your phone back into your pocket, you felt the picture and a quick flashing memory of that day and every day in between, passed by your eyes. The smiles, the laughter, the way you felt comfortable and safe in his arms– you missed it all.

"Tyler, wait! You called out, causing him to stop before he could even get that far away. He turned as you started to shuffle your way across the ice the short distance he managed to travel. "These pictures," you brought out the photograph and pointed at the rest. "Where did you get them?"

"Are you kidding?" He laughed, digging into his pocket and bringing out his phone. He typed away on it before turning it handing you his phone and showing you an album that had been strictly dedicated to you, the dogs and himself.

Titled: 💚🌎

"Honestly, when you rightfully chewed me out in the hallway, I just had this gut feeling that it was over and that maybe I should delete the photos but," he leaned over and looked at the screen, shrugging his shoulders. "As you said, my times with you were some of the greatest memories I've had in Dallas. And even if you didn't want anything to do with me anymore...I still wanted to keep those. Because to me, these pictures," he pointed at the screen and smiled at you. "Those are my favorite memories, the ones that never fail to make me smile. You're my favorite memory of Dallas, Y/N. Not the partying, the people I've met or the fancy events I go to. But you."

You scrolled through the album and saw even more pictures than the ones he had printed out and your heart was feeling like it could just erupt. You looked up at him with tears in your eyes and your bottom lip trembling. "You really hurt me Tyler..."

"I know," he said, shaking his head and the pain and understanding in his eyes evident. "And I will never fucking forgive myself for that, Y/N. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to say 'fuck you' and kick my dumbass to the curb and never talk to me again." He stood closer to you, closing up any space between your bodies. "And if by some Christmas miracle, you decide to forgive me and give me a second chance...I'd do anything to make it right."

"Anything?" You asked, looking up at him to see him nodding. "Can I have my '#1 labrador mom' keychain back? I miss my puppers."

He laughed and pulled the lanyard along with his house key out of his sweatshirt pocket. "They miss you too, almost as more as I do. Keyword, almost." He handed you the keychain and looked back at you with hopeful eyes. "Anything else?"

You held onto the lanyard tightly and nodded. "Kiss me?"

This time, his real smile took over his face as he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you against him, pressing a kiss to your lips. You wrapped both arms around his neck and pulled him into, savoring the kiss before tucking your head into the crook of his neck and closing your eyes. He wrapped his other arm around your waist before picking you up and spinning you around in a daring circle.

"Tyler, no skates!" You squealed, holding onto him tighter as he put you back onto the ice.

He smiled at you, catching his breath before ducking down and kissing you once, twice, three times and pulling you back into his chest. "I missed you so fucking much, Y/N."

"Say it." You said, looking up at him and resting your chin on his chest. "What you were going to say before the timer went off."

He gave you a knowing smile before brushing a piece of hair out of your face and resting his hand on the back of your head. "I love you."

You smiled and jumped up and more into his arms, knocking him off of his feet and onto his ass. The two of you laughed as you straddled over him and pressed another kiss to his lip while your left hand, still holding onto the lanyard, cradled his face. "I love you too." You whispered, feeling his grip around your waist tighten.

He smiled, nudging his nose against your own. "I know."

"OKAY LOVEBIRDS, GET OFF THE ICE SO WE CAN SKATE, EH?" Big Rig yelled out, causing the two of you to look over and see that you had an audience waiting for you at the edge of the pond.

You felt your heart hammer against your chest as you saw Jamie standing there with Katie. You were nervous about what he thought about Tyler's trip here on Christmas to rekindle what you guys had started months earlier. Tyler took the initiative to stand up first, helping you off of the ice and dusting you off before holding onto the hand and leading the two of you to the edge of the pond.

"I forgot to ask," you said, looking at him as he stepped off of the pond first. "How did you even know I was going to be here?"

Before Tyler could say anything, he was cut off. "I called him." You turned to see Jamie stepping towards you and not stopping until he was standing directly in front of you and Tyler. "After my conversation with Jordie and then talking to you...I reached out to him."

You looked at Tyler who gave you a smile and a nod. "We talked everything out and he told me to come out here."

"You helped him plan this?" You asked, looking at Jamie with a confused look.

"Cassidy, Candace and I helped him plan the pictures, cookies, and wine," Kennedy smiled, snuggling into Big Rig's side. "But everything else was him."

"I wouldn't say everything else. I just got him here and kept everyone back at the skate rental." He said, looking back at Kennedy and then at Tyler. "But the rest was Seggy."

You looked at Jamie and tried to read him. There wasn't any tension in his stance towards Tyler, nor was he sending him secret death glares. Instead, he had the same protective brother energy radiating off of him like he did on your first date or around any other guy who tried to date you.

And for the first time ever, you didn't care.

You rushed from Tyler's side and practically tackled Jamie with a hug, squeezing him as tight as you had your eyes shut. He hugged you just as tight, even lifting you off of the ground just a tad. "I love you and I just want what's best for you, Y/N. And if that's Seggy, then I'm on your side...100%." He whispered, kissing the top of your head.

"I love you too J...thank you." You pulled out of his arms and looked back at Tyler with a smile before turning back to your family group. "So, are we skating or what?"

"Well, considering there's a big romantic gesture in the middle of the pond, I don't know how we can do–OW!" Jordie said, looking at Jessi before sighing. "Okay, I guess we can go pick it up. Come on Jamie."

Everyone sat down and talked as they got their skates on and as you looked around the group, you felt like you were once again floating on cloud nine. A hand appeared in front of your face and you looked up to see Tyler smiling at you and nodding his head towards the ice. "Skate?"

"Sure thing, Seguin. As long as you don't go breaking a hip on me." You replied, rolling your eyes.

He laughed and pulled you up off of the bench and the two of you skated around on the ice, hand in hand. "I'll save the hip breaking for the Family Skate at the Winter Classic." He looked down at you. "You're coming to that, right?"

"As a part of Jamie's family or..." You didn't dare say the other option, fearful that you were jumping into a whole nother conversation.

But Tyler smiled and held up your intertwined hands in between the two of you. "You can go as Jamie's family, sure. But I was kind of hoping that you'd you know...skate with me..." He nodded his head side to side, hoping that you'd be able to fill in the blanks but you just smiled. "As my girlfriend? Unless you're totally scared of me beating you in the race we will most definitely be having."

"I'd love to," you smiled, reaching up and kissing him on the lips. "And for the record, I'd totally beat your ass."

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Would you like to test that theory?"

You smirked, dropping his hand and winking at him. "You're on."

#tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin oneshot #tyler seguin writing #tyler seguin one shot #nhl imagine #nhl writing #nhl oneshot #nhl one shot #hockey imagine #hockey oneshot #hockey writing #hockey one shot #ldyk fic #my writing

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1095

survey by pinkchocolate

What was last film/TV show you watched, that starred an attractive actor? Erm Friends, I guess, since it’s all I watch these days. My biggest crush is on Courteney Cox, though I first gained a crush on her from watching Scream and not Friends.

When was the last time you had a bowl of soup? What flavour? If we’re talking of just a bowl of soup, probably in March last year when I had that Yabu dinner with Gab - meals there come with a bowl of miso soup. But a couple of months ago my dad made laksa for dinner; I slurped the leftover soup after I finished the noodles and other toppings.

Do you have any tinned foods in your cupboard at the moment? Yeah, we have a lot. It’s a cheaper alternative and generally, it lasts longer.

Have you ever worked with someone named Julie? What was she like? I don’t think so. Can’t remember anyone from school, either.

What foods have you been craving lately, if any? I craved shawarma yesterday but I was able to get it, woooo. Right now, my macaron craving is still going pretty strong.

What was the last savoury snack you ate? Salt and vinegar chips. LOL funny story on this - I originally planned Christmas gifts for Gabie, back when I was still hung up on her. I put in a lot of effort (and money) into the presents, which included several bags of chips. The whole gift bag has stayed in my room since December because I could never figure out the right time to have it sent. Eventually I started to get over the whole thing, and I since have not felt the need to give any of the contents to her. This means gradually eating the food I initially bought for her, lmfao. The salt and vinegar chips were the first to go yesterday.

What was the last sweet snack you ate? I had a doughnut from Dunkin’ the other night. I hate filled doughnuts, but the only other option in the box was choco butternut and I’m pretty sick of that flavor already, so filled doughnut it was.

What was the last food item that you tried for the first time? It was the same filled doughnut. It had chocolate glaze on top with vanilla filling.

^ How was it? It was fine; I liked it mainly because of the chocolate glaze. The filling wasn’t bad, but I’d still look for other doughnuts if there were any.

Does anyone in your family have green eyes? Nope.

Have you ever known anyone named Phyllis? What was she like? Nah, but this just reminds me of the Friends episode where Phoebe was writing a self-help book using Chandler and Monica as subjects, but renamed them as Chester and Marsha; when they found out about it Monica got back at her by writing her own book, but using Phoebe as a subject and renaming her Phyllis hahaha. I love how there’s a Friends episode for nearly every situation.

What was the name of your first ever pet? I think I had just named it Goldie, because it was a goldfish.

Where was the last place you went out for lunch? What did you order? I don’t really go out for lunch, not even during the pre-Covid days. Dinner was always my favorite meal and I preferred treating myself then. I should do this more often, now that I think of it.

Where was the last place you went for an evening meal? What did you order? It’s a Korean restaurant called Geonbae. It was unlimited Korean meat, noodles, side dishes and also unlimited sashimi so let’s just say I had a bunch of different food.

Have you Googled anything today? What? I had to Google ‘laksa’ just to check if I got the name of the dish right in the soup question earlier.

What do you like to eat for breakfast these days? Uh, water? Haha I skip breakfast nearly every day. When my family has breakfast together every weekend, I don’t really look forward to any particular food anymore.

Is anyone in your family a nurse? Not in my immediate family, but yes we have several nurses in my extended family (cousins, aunts, great-aunts, and uncles).

Do you like to wear lipstick? What colours do you think suit you best? I don’t wear makeup.

Who was the last person to recommend a book to you? People in my circle know I don’t really read, so I’ve never been anyone’s first choice when it comes to with whom to share recommendations. The last one I can remember was my Aunt Claire, but that was probably at least two years ago when we briefly talked on chat.

What colour is your shirt? Any pictures, patterns or wording on it? It’s a plain olive green sleeveless top.

Name something you own that is green. The notebook I was given from my first internship.

Do you know anyone named Sally? What about Sidney? None for either name.

Have you ever heard anyone talk in their sleep? Yes.

^ If so, do you remember what they said? Yes. But it was my ex, so you’re not getting anything more than a yes because that’s all I’m willing to answer this late into the breakup.

Who was the last person to tease or joke around with you, in a friendly way? Angela.

What was the last beverage you drank from a mug? Coffee.

Are there any framed photos in your living room? Yeah. Well, technically, they’re positioned on the stairs but our stairs are in the general living room area.

Is there a jar of peanut butter in your house? Yes, my dad likes peanut butter so we always have a stock.

Are there any foods that you loved as a child, but wouldn't eat now? I don’t think so. The opposite happened since my palate was very limited as a kid; there’s a number of food I wouldn’t touch before, that I love now.

Give me a fruit or vegetable that starts with the same letter as your name. Radish.

Look around the room - can you see any objects that are orange? I’m in a car with my family on the way to Tagaytay, but I’m not sure if we have anything that’s orange here.

What brand is your facial moisturiser? I don’t use anything to clean my face other than classic H2O.

What brand was the last lipstick you wore? I also don’t wear makeup.

Does anyone you know own a tabby cat? How about a cocker spaniel? I probably do, butttt I don’t really like cats so I don’t keep track of my friends who have one. I’m not sure if I know anyone with a cocker spaniel.

What was the last book you read for the first time? Some PR book I needed to read for work.

^ What did you think of it? It was mostly an unnecessary read given that I already know most of the stuff that got covered, but I still finished the whole thing in case my employer will ask me about the book.

When was the last time you ate cheesecake? Not since June/Julyish when my uncle made me my favorite cheesecake as a graduation present.

Do you have blinds or curtains in your bedroom? What colour are they? I have blinds; they’re off-white.

What was the last beverage you tried for the first time? Coconut water, I think.

^ How was it? Terrible.

Who was the last person that said you were beautiful? I posted a new profile photo on Facebook and got some compliments, but I’m not sure about the last person who commented.

To you, what makes a person beautiful? What they do or think when no one’s looking.

#survey #surveys

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toyahinterviews · 4 years ago

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TOYAH TALKS SHEP FARMING IN BARNET WITH PHIL MARRIOTT 13.11.2020

PHIL: I'm so thrilled to be with Toyah Willcox on zoom! How are you? TOYAH: Woooo! I'm OK. It's really good to see you. I haven't seen many people in the last seven months so it's so good to see you! PHIL: I was just going to say – likewise. The last time I saw you was at Wise Buddha, a studio just off Oxford Street in Central London and we could see each other face to face TOYAH: That was about 18 months ago PHIL: I know! How have you been? TOYAH: I'm really good. Well, I'm really confused because I live in a market town, on a square, one High Street and I'm bang in the middle of all of this. I have a chemist next door, we did have a bank next door but we bought it and that's now our offices. So I'm looking outside my window and there is all normality. There's no sign of any kind of lockdown and I'm wondering if I'm being lied to because I've got people on park benches, drinking coffee, talking to everyone, eating and I'm thinking “I thought this was a lockdown!” I'm so confused! PHIL: It's crazy, isn't it? I went past a bar yesterday and they were walking in and out and my partner said "hang on a minute! It's meant to be lockdown!" I think it was take-away, it just felt like normality, it just felt normal. It's weird TOYAH: This feels normal. None of that terror of last April. Everyone's just having a lovely time out there and I'm thinking someone's played a joke on me because I've been indoors for so long PHIL: We do need it though, don't we … By the way I've been loving your lockdown shows every Saturday. It's been a real ritual. I've been pottering around and then I've been switching onto your Toyah At Home show on Saturday morning TOYAH: Oh, thank you PHIL: It's been fantastic, really enjoyed those. And they've been really honest as well because you've been talking about your life and feeling nostalgic and talking about what's happening at the moment and we don't normally get to see that – you walking around your house, showing things in your house, your books. It's been brilliant

TOYAH: I'm going to keep it up because normally on my working year I'm running an office. I run the band, I run the record side of things, I run the gigs – booking them and I never get time for any of that so it's been fantastic for me and for my husband Robert. We've been kind of been able to address what fans need

That might sound silly because fans just need to see you live and (to) do your music – well, lockdown has proven much more than that. I'm going to try and keep it going and try and prioritise the connection we've made with the fans and stop prioritising the ridiculous amount of bureaucracy we both have to deal with. So it's been great on that level it's been a fantastic year! PHIL: It's been really good for the fans as well like you say because they really appreciate it because they're feeling a bit lonely and isolated and it's good to have that company as well, isn't it? TOYAH: It's been shocking. We do a lot of celebrity messaging. We were a bit doubtful about it at first. We thought "oh gosh is this a step too far?" It's been a absolute joy and occasionally you get the odd message from someone saying "I'm so desperate, I'm so alone, can you just say something to help shake this blackness off me" We've really really loved every minute of doing these messages and also realising that our broadcasts have a deeper meaning than just us going "look at us". It's all become so much deeper and that is beautiful. It's affected my writing. The new album Posh Pop is really deep, it's really passionate and it really rocks and that could only have happened because of this exceptional year PHIL: We have to talk about Sheep Farming In Barnet. I can't believe it's 40 years TOYAH: Look what I've got! (Waves the box set about) PHIL: I know! I can't wait to see that TOYAH: This is an exclusive! PHIL: Amazing! TOYAH: It only arrived two days ago

PHIL: It's new images as well isn't it, like you've shown there, new photographs that we've not seen before. This is an album that was released in 1979 as an AP – an Alternative Play (above) and then it was released as an album in 1980 so you're obviously celebrating the 40th anniversary. What are you memories of this though because obviously a lot of stuff gets forgotten about. You've got a very good memory I have to say, watching your Toyah At Home videos. You seem to remember a lot of detail. Do you remember detail of that period? TOYAH: It's shockingly bad. My wonderful archive manager and he designed this, Craig Ashley, designed with Alan Sawyers – he writes a essay about each project. We're already onto Blue Meaning and then we're onto Anthem so we're 12 months ahead. We put this (Sheep) to bed three months ago. My memories were jogged by an essay that Craig had to send me. He knows more about my life than I do. He prompted my memory with this astonishing essay that's in here (shows the boxset) I thought "I did that?! I did that ?! Oh my God!" This is a long time ago this album but what I will say about it – I've always remembered that I think it's the one of the most relevant, one of the most original, ingenious albums of that period and it's never had that credit. Cherry Red (the record company) have really taken this on board and they are giving it the 100%. It's a beautiful album. There's a beautiful innocence but there's also so many pathways we opened for other people with this album. It's a fun album. It's a real danceable album. It's about youthful energy. It's beautiful and it's a side of punk that isn't that well known. It's great. I adore this album

PHIL: So this album was recorded – correct me if I'm wrong – Chappel Studios, New Bond Street wasn't it, in Central London - TOYAH: Yes! PHIL: Which is now the Mulberry store. There's something about quite poignant about that – it should always be that studio I guess but what are your memories of recording there? Do you have many memories of you actually recording it? TOYAH: Next door was Chanel and Hermes and I just pooh pooed them “Who wants to spend that on a handbag?” I don't want to spend half a million quid on a silk scarf. If only I knew, hindsight is a beautiful thing. The studio was upstairs, very very traditional. Almost old fashioned because the studio was a song writer's studio. There was quite a few studios in the corridor I was in. We were one of the first punk acts to go in. I found the whole recording process in this particular instance very difficult because we now know I sing without headphones on. I cannot do that (puts hands over ears) It just affects me emotionally. So this took about four albums to discover that. Steve James, our producer, realised that he was going to get the best performance out of me if he just put speakers in the room and I performed as live. That was a learning curve - it was a big learning curve. So the first songs we recorded - for me – were emotionally quite tough because I was just trying to learn how to work within this dead space. Recording studios – if you haven't been in one – have no sound reflection.

So we've got sound reflection here, I'm surrounded by mirrors, I can hear myself speak but in a studio it's a dead sound. It's really difficult to form notes in that kind of sound so … You asked me what was the experience like? It was a major learning curve of dealing with working within dead sound. Now, if I'm acting and I'm in a studio there's nothing more beautiful than dead sound because it makes you forget about the camera. So it was very very enlightening, it was energetic, we were an energetic team I think it was challenging for the whole band because Keith Hale was brought in as an arranger and that was frustrating for Pete Bush who is the main keyboard player on this album and he felt very threatened by that. But all this rather glorious usurp thing and power play is the result of this album. That and the fact that we honed every song in front of a live audience, which is such a privileged thing to so. We would do these incredible long encores that were as along as the actual show because the audience would never let us go We would run out of songs so we'd start to play them stuff we were formulating in soundcheck and this is how we came up with these glorious arrangements because we knew what affected the audience before we went into the recording studio. That is something that all young writers should have the privilege to do today because to watch an audience affected by a bridge or a chorus – you just know what you need to do as a songwriter. So much of today happens away from a live audience and this is all about live audience work. It was magnificent PHIL: The album title itself – it still raises eyebrows today, doesn't it? Sheep Farming In Barnet. It's one of those really distinctive album titles that really stand out -

TOYAH: I know! Well, I lived in Barnet and bang in the middle of this urban kind of chaos with the A406 was a field with sheep in it and I just thought "sheep farming in Barnet?" So I wanted to call the album something that didn't relate to an emotion and didn't relate to another song. I wanted something completely out there. This is me (show the album cover) having broken in to Fylingdales - the early warning system - where they had sheep grazing and when we broke in we found an awful lot of dead sheep and we were arrested ten minutes after that was taken Bill Smith the art director was with me as was Gem, my boyfriend at the time and we had to hide the film down my pants. We knew we would not be body searched. We were literally just marched off the premises so we got the film out. So that whole "sheep farming in Barnet" was just a big question mark of what is our reality? PHIL: Is that something you do today? Stuff the - TOYAH: Guerilla filming? PHIL: Just stuff the evidence? TOYAH: Everything? Yeah, everything goes down my pants. As I get older it it's one of my things I do with my personal dementia – everything goes down my pants (Phil laughs) PHIL: I remember NME did a review – I think it was a three star review, it should've been more obviously but for the NME that was pretty good. At the time they called you a "post punk Grace Slick" - TOYAH: I have no problems with being the punk Grace Slick. My goodness that woman was a great voice PHIL: It's a nice comparison. Now, the album was split into two parts – much like Kate Bush's Hounds Of Love which had the Ninth wave as the 2nd part - TOYAH: Yeah! This was 1979! (waves the box set about)

PHIL: I was going to say – you did that before her. Both brilliant albums obviously but this had Heaven and it had Hell and there is a lot of darkness in this album because there's a lot of vivid imagery when you listen to those lyrics. I suppose it's the horror and sci-fi fan in you, is it? TOYAH: It's very dark poetry. I mean Neon Womb is quite innocent. I was making a movie with Katherine Hepburn called The Corn Is Green. I had to get on the tube train. The first tube train of the morning in Battersea which was six in the morning and I had to walk over to Victoria to get the train. And I just remember being alone in this tube that was neon lit and I thought "this is like a neon womb."

So that's where that name came from. Indecision I wrote in my home in Birmingham, the lyrics came there and I was doing lots of TV promotion for the film Jubilee and I just couldn't make up my mind what to wear so Indecision came out of that. And then Waiting is very dark Waiting is about if we looked at the planet and it only had burn layers and every burn layer was a war and you'd cut through them you'd see a very different planet. We wouldn't see a green planet. So Waiting is about layer upon layer upon layer of wars that we've had in the past … Let's say – let's be brave about this – 50 000 years? It's an endless theme on this planet. So that's what that one is about. Danced is about a second coming because I was brought up in extreme religious education by parents who weren't religious So because I was a rebel and because I was really out there as a child and I've always been a bit like this - they thought to cleanse my soul I should go into extreme religious education which I had from the age of about 10 ten right through to 14. So that has affected the poetry of my life a lot and that's what Danced is about.

Danced is saying the 2nd coming is coming – this is fantasy – but it ain't going to be a human being! It's someone coming from up there so that's what Danced is about. I'm always questioning the metaphor of what I've been taught and there's so many metaphor's in this (shows the box set). But I think that's what the fans like is that I use the imagery of metaphors to question things

PHIL: And there are so many anthems on this as well, particularly for fans that have been with you from day one. You know, Danced. You mentioned Neon Womb as well. These are real live favourites. There's a couple of of tracks I've never seen you perform live, Computer being one of those. Is that something that you would think about playing? TOYAH: Yeah! In lockdown we had to do the DVD filming (for the disc in the box set). Nigel Clark of Dodgy, my neighbour, came round and we performed Computer. He performed it beautifully, he even did backing vocals and that's on the DVD version of this (shows the box set). It's gorgeous so we could put that in live now but there's so much material, my whole back catalogue, I have to capture in shows today, an hour and half shows I have to capture about 28 albums. And remember 14 of those songs are hit singles. So we chop and change and we try and fit everything in. Computer might come into the show but then we'll get people complaining we can't fit in Neon Womb, Danced and everything else PHIL: Too many songs to play TOYAH: There's just too many songs to play. You got Our Movie as well. I get a big call for Victims Of The Riddle but that is impossible to sing live. It's in an octave higher register than I normally sing in today and also it's one of those songs once you've done the first two lines everyone goes to the bar or starts talking. So we've decided if the fans demand a song and they don't listen to it – we don't do it!

PHIL: I want to talk about the digipak that you have in your hands of this album because it's a real treat isn't it, for fans because there's a lot of versions they've never heard before. We mentioned Computer just then. That sounds quite different in its demo form. Are you quite happy to release these demos because obviously these have never been released before. It's so great to hear these now after so long TOYAH: This is the first album released where Joel Bogen (the original Toyah band guitarist and composer) and myself have actually been corresponded with about having permission of them going on the album. So one of my top selling albums in the world now is an album called Mayhem which is demos that Joel and I never wanted to be heard and ironically that is the world top selling Toyah album

So this time around now Cherry Red own the whole back catalogue they have agreed that will never happen again so we're even re-vamping Mayhem for its re-release. So there are 30 additional tracks, most of them unheard going onto this. It's a double LP and a live DVD and there's even DVD footage that's never been seen before PHIL: It's a real Christmas present, isn't it? TOYAH: It's perfect! PHIL: Yeah! TOYAH: When we do demos they're pre-producer arrangements so obviously when you get into the studio and having heard the demo and hopefully played the song live in front of an audience you can then re-work it. So doing a demo is like trying out a recipe for a cake and if you feel that you can improve – then you improve and most of the time that's what people do do PHIL: So Victims Of The Riddle is your debut single which is featured on this album. There was another version on the single B-side which was called Vivisection. To me that seems like a kind of outspoken view of your hate for animal experiments. Was that the case? Was it that obvious? TOYAH: Yeah PHIL: It was?

Above: Toyah with her rabbit WillyFred in 2016

TOYAH: Yeah. I like to think it's not so awful today and I think a lot of people, a lot of human beings stepped forwards and said "you can test that on us." So stop breeding animals to test on. So I put my hand up here – I'm against vivisection but I've had hip replacement, I've had life saving surgery for cancer. Animals have paid so that I can live. So it's not as if I've even avoided every aspect of the results of vivisection.

Where my argument is and if the make-up industry - which has something like a £6 billion fund for testing - keeps testing on animals they're never going to change the world and protect and do good husbandry to animals. Now at the time we were making this … '79 … this was … I mean it was rampant. Animals were just being treated so badly I was a very experimental singer in the beginning, I use my voiced as an instrument thus the stylisation on Vivisection. And I wanted to use this as a wake up call to those who didn't know about the cruelty to animals but also the amount of people who were willing to be human test people.

And it was just – if you don't bring that into your audience's intelligence then no-one could do anything about it and I think the greatest revolution we have had in the 40 years is we've stopped buying things unless they adhere to an ethic we believe in.

So good husbandry, non-cruelty to animals, respect for animals, understanding that animals do have souls, they do have an emotional life, they feel pain as much as they feel joy and this was what that was about PHIL: I'm glad you answered that question that way because I certainly saw it as very influential at the time – like you say it was a different time back then, in the 70's and the late 70's. There was a lot more of that nastiness going on and as a result more people have become vegetarian and vegan as well over the years, particularly the last five years people have become vegan which is great. So it's a good shift, isn't it?

TOYAH: It's very good. I think in a year's time when we have a vaccine for Covid and there has been human guinea pigs involved here ... I think one of the biggest outcomes of Covid and Covid history we probably, worldwide, will become vegetarian. What I mean by that is the easiness within Covid is mutating within the animal circuit and if we keep consuming animal flesh we are probably going to help Covid mutate even more. I'd like to think that one of the kind of strange blessings of this exceptional year is that the majority of the planet will become vegetarian PHIL: Siouxsie and The Banshees did the Kaleidoscope album a few years ago which I saw at South Bank, I know you're a fan as well, of Siouxsie - TOYAH: Yes! PHIL: Is that something that you (want to) do with Sheep Farming? Do it as a whole? TOYAH: (I'll) do it with any album but people want Siouxsie. I've had to - this is my career “Let me in! Let me in! (bangs the air with her fist) “Give me a fucking job!” Siouxsie, you know, gets invited because people absolutely adore her. I'm not on Siouxsie's level but I think what will change for me because in the last 40 years my catalogue has been with a record label that has actively allowed it to die and now Cherry Red- as soon as they announce these releases – I mean this went number one in the pre-order charts across the board and Cherry Red have released the demand is huge But if you don't have the record company behind you and the PR behind you and the team behind you … I don't get invited to play whole albums at the Queen Elizabeth Hall. So I now think this is going to change quite radically and hopefully my work will get the respect it deserves. But it has to be out there for that to happen and in the last 40 years it's just been buried

PHIL: Last Goodbye, another track on this album, last time we spoke we talked about your love of horror TOYAH: Yeah PHIL: And you told me watch The House That Jack Built, which I saw after your recommendation and yeah – it disturbed me very much (laughs) TOYAH: That's an astonishing film. There's another one I'll recommend to you and it's very gentle. It's a love story but it also it also tiptoes into the surreal and horror and it's called Border. I just adore this film - PHIL: I've seen it, it's amazing. It really gets under your skin, doesn't it? TOYAH: It's gorgeous. That is like reading a really good book. It translates beautifully PHIL: Absolutely, a very atmospheric film. But Last Goodbye on Sheep Farming – it's quite an evocative lyric. Again quite a dark lyric. There is lightness as well, obviously, on Sheep Farming but I'm just going to read the lyric here : “He points the knife between her eyes. Its light reflects on the one he despises. Here's one for the pain, here's one for the lies. When flood flows out I watch her say goodbye” That is quite - TOYAH: It's a revenge song but I mean this is about the vulnerability of men and men are vulnerable and this is the ultimate revenge. He can take on someone who is more powerful than him and it's a woman. So I always like to kind of invert what people see as normal. I think woman are just as easily aggressive as men are and devious and plotting so it's revenge on someone who has psychologically destroyed someone else.

And I think historically – I need to place it in context – 40 years ago and even 50 years ago you never heard about women's prisons, you never heard about female criminals. It was always men. There were only three that we heard about when I was young that were serial killers. I'm not going to name them, let's not give them the publicity but what you didn't hear was about was petty female criminals, female prisons and female aggression. It was never reported 50-40 years ago as it is today. You know you've got Piers Morgan doing “Female Serial Killers” today so here we were in the punk movement, '79, and it was such an opportunity to be one of the first women in this movement that I could invert everything I'd been taught And one of them is about women being psychologically cruel which kind of covers a lot of the early work. So I was just inverting stories and turning them into myth really. And another thing that was emerging at this time … computers were being programmed at this time on a mass level. So a lot of people we worked with, our roadies would disappear at night to go and do binary programming into computers and this was going on 24/7 to get computers how they are today. So there was this kind of secret technology going on that fascinated us but we didn't understand I mean if we ever knew we would have a phone in our hand (shows her mobile) or we'd be able to talk like this (on Zoom) … that was science fiction. And another thing that science fiction back then … was … oh, it's going out of my head … ah yes! Was how games were developed. So Dungeons and Dragons was very much a fantasy game then and it was the only fantasy game as was – Lord Of The Rings was a book, you never realised it would be made into a really brilliant digitally composed film. So fantasy for me was very very important. It was escapism from a normality that could be not only boring but could also be dangerous so all of that reflects in my work as well

PHIL: I could sit and talk to you Toyah for hours. I know you've got other interviews to do because you've got so much to do in the coming weeks before this re-release, this re-vamp of Sheep Farming In Barnet. It's out on the 4th of December but I have got one last question which I invited people to send in and this is a question from Darren Anthony and he's asked which 3 things, if there are 3 things, would you change about your debut album if you could? TOYAH: Ohhh! Do you know, Darren, this is such a good question and the only thing I would change – because there's a beautiful innocence about this album – I would change nothing about the music. I would've changed immediately the technique I use for singing because I've only in the last ten years really gleaned my 100% technique. And I would … just … how can I put this? If you're a singer you understand “opening the throat”. I would open the throat more, I would've had more confidence as a singer Instead I'd get into the studio and lack of confidence would make me go (pulls shoulders in and head behind hands) I would just close up like that and the voice became quite small. So that's one thing I would change but I can only answer that in hindsight. Elusive Stranger is an incredibly popular song and I would've just not sung the intro in that octave. I would bring that down an octave which would make it far easier to sing live today.

And I can't find a third thing I would've changed. Perhaps the one thing I would've changed about the whole of the beginning of my career – I was very against my natural femininity where women who are hugely successful not only exhibit their femininity but they control their femininity and I saw my femininity as a barrier that I needed to either kind of break down or walk away from. So I probably would exploit it - in the right way, in the Madonna way – my femininity PHIL: I should say it's also out on white vinyl which I've ordered and I can't wait to see that either! TOYAH: Wahey! PHIL: To represent the golf balls on the sleeve TOYAH: Oh, I know! It's a clever design. It's clever. Phil - thank you so much and I hope see you sooner than the 18 months - PHIL: Yes, me too. Good luck and stay safe. Thank you, Toyah TOYAH: Good luck everybody!

You can watch the interview HERE

#toyah #toyah willcox #toyahwillcox #the toyah willcox interview archive #thetoyahwillcoxinterviewarchive #toyah interview #toyahinterview #toyah2020 #toyah 2020

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kinomiakai · 5 years ago

Text

Fic Decade in Review!

I thought I’d do something a little different this year - so, instead of going over all the fics I’ve written this year, let’s talk about this decade! They’re all SNS (except for the original stuff I’ll throw in there for the sake of accuracy) and will be under the cut :)

If you want to check out the actual summaries and stuff, this is my fanfiction.net account, here is my ao3, and here’s all my original work!

2010:

August: Konoha’s Number One (a dramatic dark!naruto thing that I only keep up to show that I’ve grown as a writer oh my god please don’t read it I’m just putting it here for the sake of honesty ajkhdksa)

2011:

...whoops

2012:

August: Alcohol Induced (my first ever attempt at smut)

September: Perceptual Organization (my attempt to both study and write fic)

October: Worthless (my only ever attempt at first person)

2013:

...uh

2014:

nope

2015:

we’re getting there

2016: (we take off!!)

October: How To Break a Mask is finished after 10 years (whoops), and I get an ao3 account!!! (HtBaM, Alcohol Induced, Perceptual Organization & Worthless are moved there - in the interest of time I’m only going to put ao3 links from now on but everything is also on ff.net!)

Still October: Both Name? and Strictly Professional are posted!

November: Home and The Jutsu are posted! (what the heck I wrote so fast back then???

2016 + prior word count total: 88,285!

2017:

January: I post Sleepless and Miscommunication and Masquerade! Woooo!

September: Posted both The Bet and Can’t Stand You! Can y’all tell I was trying to get better at smut lmao

October: Speaking of smut, Stress Relief was posted this month :D

December: I pause writing Enter Naruto to write Rebuilding in like a week like some sort of fever dream, and somehow have it ready for sns month! (I think this was a big turning point ksjdhkshf)

2017 Word count total: 60,784!

2018:

January: I post the first chapter of The Birthday Chronicles! (which was originally supposed to be a oneshot, oops)

February: I immediately follow it up with the prequel, The Present

April: I post Long Enough! which is definitely long enough to not be a oneshot but is the first fic I genuinely couldn’t bring myself to break into chapters

May: I update The Birthday Chronicles with another chapter that kinda sorta maybe stands alone?

June: I post Unnoticed!! Nice to be back in canon :)

July: I post Some Nights are a Storm! The first time I’ve wildly rewritten a fic. You guys are nice enough to want to read the first draft, too :)

July (again) to August: I start posting Enter Naruto on Sasuke’s birthday! I post a chapter a day and you guys read along and it’s amazing. It’s a culmination of at least two years work and every bit was worth it, I have such fond memories of that :) (A whole bunch of firsts here - writing Sasuke’s parents, writing Kakairu, writing slowburn, writing this MUCH, writing that many smut scenes, writing consistently over a long period of time)

September: I try my hand at one of my favourite tropes in (6+1) Times :) Also the first time I’ve ever written them as kids!

October: I post the third bit of The Birthday Chronicles!

November: I write Online for one tumblr prompt and A Night of Poor Choices for another!

December: I give a christmas gift to all my readers in the form of ‘Tis the Season (and I made a hard deadline!! Woohoo!)

2018 word count total: 203,850!!!! (lmao thanks Enter Naruto)

2019:

January: uhhhhh Under Pressure just kind of happens

February: I write C’mon in a burst of speed in the hopes of cheering up a very sweet anon!

March: we’re back in canon again for a flame, a cave and a feeling!

April: I fiiinnnaaalllly get around to write that Proposal x Wedding prompt and I take lots of liberties with tradition in Reborn by Flame!

June: I finally start posting Something Good! And you guys are all so sweet, even when I make you cry. (Definitely a sadder fic then I generally post, but I’m so glad you came along with me for the ride!) - /// - I also make a patreon and start posting my original work for the first time ever - starting with Some Sort of Feeling!

July: we celebrate Sasuke’s birthday to his unending annoyance in Sasuke’s “Not a Birthday Party” Birthday Party! - /// - (July’s patreon fic is The Worst Date Ever!!)

August: I give you guys a teaser & give a lovely anon a oneshot they requested in the form of Bite Me! (it’s gotten so long now friends. there’s so much happening please help) - /// - I also finally post a wlw fic on my patron as 🍀 (the girl from the bus stop)

September: I post Waiting for an Answer, based off an idea I had yeaaarrrsss ago! - /// - (Similarly, on patreon, I post The Woodcutter and The Witch, set in the world I’ve been thinking about for absolute ages!!)

October: I spend a whole bunch of way too late hours in a haze writing A Hostage Situation until somehow a fic just kind of morphs out of it

November: I finally get to share Moments, the piece I did for @eclipsed-zine! I also post Undeniable, linking all my fics together :) - /// - On patreon I make up for last month by posting chapter 1 & chapter 2 of my long-term project: The Forest!

December: I forgo the christmas present in favour of making your yuletide gay with The Best Best Man! I get to finally write some proper inosaku in :D - /// - I post chapter 3 of the Forest on patreon, and my patreons vote for their christmas gift to be chapter 4 :D <3

2019 word count total: 137,965 of fanfic & 40,100 words of original content!

Stats of the decade: 39 fics - 539,984 words!

I’ll try to beat it in the next ten years :) Thanks for being part of my life, guys! It’s really been awesome to be able to invest myself into writing like this. I hope I can bring you all even more happiness in the next few years!

#kinomi talks #fic year in review #fic decade in review #fics #sns #I normally post summaries and stuff #but I thought it'd be fun to make this a little more reflective #you guys like it!!!#ep3otp #mywriting #writing stuff #long post #text post

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vcepsis · 6 years ago

Note

hi hello i am also loving your shiro whump so much, god bless. can i request I + 5 for the drabble prompts, with sheith or miro?

I am so sorry this took so long oof but thank you so much for the request!! Taken from this drabble request meme (fever + in public)

Have 2k of my first ever vld AU (college AU whatup) and my first ever Miro woooo (thought I’d do something different for ya) massive shout out to @feverflushed as always for reading it over and listening to me whine

—–

Matt had to fight the impulse to sprint down the hall, pulling out his phone again to check the time. Damn, he was coming up on being thirty minutes late. While being a TA meant he didn’t have a set clock in time, but he always tried to be in the office when Professor Shirogane got in. Matt always liked to be around to help with anything he could: grading papers, sitting in on exams, even writing test questions from time to time. Professor Shirogane—Shiro, he insisted Matt call him—trusted him with a lot, and Matt tried to keep a somewhat timely schedule in return. It was the least he could do, after all.

He finally stopped at the door of Shiro’s office, trying not to look like he ran all the way here from his car. Even after six months of being Shiro’s TA, Matt couldn’t stop the butterflies from dancing in his stomach every time he showed up. Not only was Shiro the most attractive professor on staff—the most beautiful person on campus at any given time, if Matt’s being honest—he was wickedly smart, and kind, and wonderful, and—

Get it together, Holt. Sometimes he felt like a kid crushing on his teacher, instead of a twenty-four year old man with an adult job and half a Master’s degree.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked softly on Shiro’s door.

No answer.

Huh. That was weird. Shiro had class in forty five minutes….he was always in his office at least an hour before.

Matt turned the doorknob, and, finding it unlocked, gently pushed the door open. Shiro always insisted on a casual relationship, even going so far as to give Matt a key to the office if he wanted to work when Shiro wasn’t around. Even so, it felt almost intrusive to enter the room uninvited. “Shiro? You in here?”

It didn’t take Matt long to find Shiro, who was sitting at his desk as usual, but it did take a few moments to register the scene before him.

Shiro’s head was pillowed on his arms in front of his laptop, his glasses pushed up to rest on top of his head. Sound asleep.

Matt gaped, unable to help it. It was rare to see Shiro ever slow down by even a fraction, let alone sleep.

Closing the door as quietly as he could, Matt tiptoed up to Shiro’s desk. The laptop’s screen was dark, and Matt wondered just how long Shiro had been asleep. His breathing was deep, but slightly uneven, and he was snoring softly.

It was the cutest goddamn thing Matt had ever seen.

His face was smushed against his arm, the glasses resting precariously on his white bangs. Matt couldn’t help but smile at the sight. It was nice to see Shiro get some actual rest, for a change.

The smile faded when he noticed the red flush across Shiro’s cheeks and the slightly congested sound of his breathing. There was also a box of tissues on his desk that had most certainly not been there yesterday. Was he getting sick? It was that time of year (then again, in a school this size, it always seemed to be that time of year) and Shiro wasn’t exactly great at remembering to sleep enough. Matt bit his lip, unsure of what to do.

But then, Shiro’s breathing suddenly stuttered, and he lifted his head, blinking tiredly at Matt. His glasses slipped down his forehead to land somewhat crookedly on his nose. Combined with the ruffled hair and the sleepy expression, Matt couldn’t help the way his heart clenched in his chest. Too cute!!

At the same time, though, the flush on his face was darker than Matt had originally thought, and there were dark smudges under his eyes. Matt was beginning to grow concerned.

Clearing his throat slightly, he put on his best not-creepy smile. “Hey man. You feeling alright?”

This seemed to snap Shiro awake, and he sat up so fast it looked like it made him dizzy. “Shit,” he mumbled, rubbing his tired eyes with his palms and straightening his glasses. “What time is it?”

“Don’t worry, you still have…” Matt pulled out his phone. “Thirty-eight minutes until your next class starts.”

Shiro nodded, yawning into the back of his hand, only to have it turn into coughing on the exhale.

“But….” Matt hesitated, feeling like he was overstepping. “Maybe you should cancel?”

Shiro smiled sheepishly, sniffling a bit. “I look that bad, huh?”

God, no, Matt thought silently. A little rumpled, sure, but still the hottest fucking thing within a fifty mile radius. “Nah, just…tired.”

Shiro hummed in agreement, leaning forward on his elbows and rubbing his temples. “Yeah. Think I’m coming down with that bug that’s been going around.” He eyed Matt warily, looking a little apprehensive. “You might not want to work here today. Wouldn’t want you to get sick, too.”

Matt waved his hand in dismissal. “Don’t worry about me, dude. It’s not like anyone can avoid getting sick here, anyway.” As if he’d leave Shiro alone when he looked so miserable. Plus, Matt’s heart jumped at the prospect of taking care of Shiro, even if it was just doing little things like making sure he had enough tissues, or that he didn’t die in his office.

“Still—” Suddenly, Shiro’s breathing hitched dangerously, cutting him off. He swiped a few tissues out of the box with a desperate urgency, swiveling in his chair away from Matt to sneeze harshly a few times into the folds.

Matt resisted the urge to rub Shiro’s back as he blew his nose in the aftermath (because that would be the exact opposite of professional), but he couldn’t help make a comment. “You sure you’re ok? You sound kind of….terrible.”

“I’ll be fine, Matt.” The words sounded a bit dulled, the congestion evident in his voice. He sniffled again and tossed the tissue in the trash. “It’s just a cold, anyway.”

“Sure,” Matt said, not convinced in the slightest. “But isn’t the best part of being a professor being able to cancel class whenever you want?”

Shiro shot him an exasperated look. “Most people would say it’s the joy of teaching,” he said flatly.

“Ok…sounds fake, but ok.” Matt deposited himself in one of the plush chairs opposite Shiro’s desk, rummaging through his bag to find his notebook. They lapsed into silence then, save for Shiro’s occasional sniffle.

Matt tried to concentrate on his work, but it was difficult to ignore Shiro’s deteriorating condition. The cough he was trying to keep contained was sounding worse and worse as time went on, from dry and quiet to crackling and harsh. It sounded downright painful. Matt knew Shiro thought it was “just a cold”, but he also knew Shiro had the tendency to work himself into the ground and turn a simple illness into something worse. And sure, Shiro was an adult, but Matt couldn’t help but worry.

Soon enough, though, Shiro was packing his bag to head to his class. Matt sighed internally, knowing Shiro would work through literally anything. So he did the only logical thing.

“What are you doing?” Shiro asked as Matt shoved his notebook back into his bag.

“Coming with you to class,” Matt said, as if that was what he always did and there was absolutely no reason to be suspicious about it.

But Shiro was, of course, not buying it. “Ok, but….why?”

Matt shrugged, trying to make it all seem natural. “Because you’re teaching a class that’s relevant to my Master’s? You know…the one you’re helping me with?”

“It’s an intro level class,” Shiro said slowly, rubbing his pink nose with the back of his wrist. “You probably know this stuff better than I do, at this point.”

Matt scoffed. As if that was possible. Shiro was probably one of the smartest people he knew. He did have a point, though; Matt did know this stuff inside and out. Mostly he wanted to make sure Shiro didn’t traumatize his students by passing out halfway through the lecture.

Shiro sighed as Matt zipped up his bag. “Alright,” he said, slightly exasperated. “It’s not like I can stop you anyway.”

Matt beamed as he slung his bag over his shoulder. “Nope!”

—-

To his immense credit, Shiro did not, in fact, pass out during the lecture.

By the end, though, he looked pretty damn close.

Matt sat in a chair off to the side, where the podium with Shiro’s laptop sat. He got some odd looks from a few students—normally they only saw Matt during midterms or exams—but he ignored them, focusing his energy on monitoring Shiro.

Shiro had started off strong, only a hint of congestion in his voice giving away his condition. But as the class went on, his voice got worse, his energy seemed to wane, and he had to stop a few times to sneeze into the crook of his elbow. The ugly fluorescent lights of the lecture hall did nothing to hide the dark flush across his cheeks and nose. At some point, Matt realized had completely tuned out what Shiro was actually saying, keeping a close eye on the time, waiting anxiously for the class to be over.

After what felt like an eternity, Shiro finally dismissed the class, and Matt jumped up from his seat. Shiro made his way to the podium and started packing up his bag, taking longer than usual, his movements sluggish. Matt wanted to help, but didn’t want to cross the boundary of their professional relationship.

Well…he did. Very, very badly. But now wasn’t the time for that.

“Hey.” Matt leaned against the podium, looking up at Shiro’s flushed face. “I really think you should go home.”

Shiro checked his watch—of course he wore a watch, what an old fashioned fool, and Matt’s chest grew warm with affection. “I have my fourth year class in an hour—”

“So?” Matt straightened and put his hands on his hips, the picture of defiance. “There are like, ten people in that class. They’ll survive. Plus, you’re sick. They’ll understand.”

“But—”

“No!” Matt exclaimed, frustration welling up inside him. God, why was Shiro so bad at taking care of himself? “You’re sick and you’re miserable and you definitely have a fever. You need to take care of yourself too, you know!”

Shiro at least had the decency to look admonished. “It’s not that bad…”

“Not that—” Matt choked on the words. And in a move of absolute rage-fuelled insanity, he shoved his hand under Shiro’s bangs, with his palm on Shiro’s forehead.

Shiro’s eyes went wide, and Matt suddenly realized what he’d done. But before the mortification could eat him alive, the heat searing into his palm demanded his attention.

“Holy shit dude, you’re burning up.” He dropped his hand as quickly as possible, as if that could salvage the situation. His hand tingled in the aftermath, and Matt wasn’t sure it was just because of the heat. “Let’s get back to your office so you can email those students because you are cancelling your next class.”

Shiro’s shoulders slumped under the weight of Matt’s words, and finally, he nodded. It was a testament to how terrible he was feeling that he relented so quickly. He turned away from Matt as another coughing fit took over, the sound wet and harsh as he buried his face in his elbow. Matt’s heart hurt from the sound.

“This hit you like a truck, huh?” Matt felt his frustration evaporate, only to be replaced with concern as Shiro used one hand to steady himself on the podium. As Shiro stopped to catch his breath, Matt circled around the podium, grabbing Shiro’s laptop and his various papers and stuffing them in his bag. It wasn’t the neatest thing ever, but it would do for now. With his own bag on one shoulder and slinging Shiro’s bag on the other, he reached out a hand to tentatively touch Shiro’s back.

“You ok?” Matt asked softly, feeling a little guilty about his previous outburst. But Shiro didn’t seem upset, until he looked over and saw Matt with his bag.

“Matt, no, I can take my bag…”

“I got it, Shiro,” Matt said. I got you ran through his head, but he managed to quell the thought before he did something stupid, like use it to confess his undying love. “Now let’s get you home, alright?”

Shiro ran a hand over his face, letting out a congested sounding breath. “What would I do without you?”

Matt grinned. “Probably be dead in your office.”

The smile Shiro sent him in return was a little tired, a little exasperated, but it was bright and beautiful and it melted Matt’s heart.

Ah, shit, Matt thought as his own smile grew wider. I love him.

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elizabethschoices · 7 years ago

Text

The Freshman, Book 4, Chapter Three: My Thoughts

Are we even legal to drink alcohol?

Alright, so the chapter starts off with Zack being a horrible driver on a bad road. #IBelieveIt We’re headed to the Ashtons’ summer home in Roxbury, and apparently it’s hella off the grid because there’s no maintenance on the roads. Lovely. Zack’s tires are gonna be fuuuuuuuuucked.

Same, Zig. Same.

Zack is poking fun at how snobby Mr. and Mrs. Ashton are, and good guy Chris defends them. We’ve met them before, so we of all people should know, right? Well, I didn’t love them, but they were tolerable. I did have a thing for James and they actually kind of brought us together, which I love. Even though I broke up with James, I still respect him greatly and would be open to getting back together under the condition he quits wearing that hipster outfit and that he’s not a douche anymore. It was hard breaking up with him because I was so whipped for him in all three books, but then he kind of turned into a fuckboy and that is #NotMyStyle.

I’ll say James’ parents are an acquired taste, because that’s exactly what they are. Some will like them, some won’t. MC advises them that while it’s okay for us to stay at their place, we should be on our best behavior. And honestly, that’s what any decent guest should do. Don’t act like an ape at someone else’s expense.

Good news! James’ parents are letting up on the writing thing, which is great! I was hoping they would come around. James is such a natural at writing and he genuinely loves the craft. That should be enough for parents, even if I do understand wanting the legacy to continue on and wanting a good, stable life for their child. At some point, you have to learn to let baby bird fly away.

Hopefully his parents aren’t still upset about the fiancée thing, ‘cause that would suck. Build a bridge, bruh. They’d probably be less upset though if we were still with James. But alas, that ship has sailed and I’m not getting back on it unless I see changes.

That’s right, Zig doesn’t know about basically anything our group has gone through in the first two books! Story time?

Almost story time. Damn you, Zack, for finding the house and shit. And apparently James has left the house unlocked for us, which I think is dumb. Just because you’re in the middle of nowhere doesn’t mean people won’t come steal your stuff. Also, be a good host and greet your damn guests at the door!

Alright, we get the staircase from the Cordonia’s castle! You’d think they could be a little more original with it. We first meet up with James’ mother, Olivia. She remembers us! Kind of hard to forget the woman that pretended to be engaged to your son though. Especially on the same night that your son admits he’s been lying to you for months now and is actually planning on doing nothing with the family firm you’ve been guiding him to all his life...

The boys leave the room and we’re left alone with Mrs. Ashton. She’s being very hospitable, and I wouldn’t have really expected anything else. What’s the point of being rude to someone you allowed into your home? We’ll tell Mrs. Ashton that it’s a pleasure to see her again, because it is. I’d rather just start from scratch with James’ parents, honestly.

Approval points for politeness!

She smiles at us!!! She seems to be on the same page as me. Mrs. Ashton then apologizes to us for being pulled into the middle of family problems that we had absolutely nothing to do with and she says she doesn’t hold our deceit against us. At least she knows how loyal we are to her boy!

‘Dear friend’

Is that all he said about us? And by us, I mean the people who dated James and then broke up with him when he was being a fuckboy?

All of the boys come back from moving the luggage, and Mrs. Ashton asks us about our trip. Honestly, during school, I never had anything to do over the summer, so I’d be looking forward to this trip. Approval points for not wanting to be lazy!

‘I’m not really one to sit around the house all summer’

This MC is not me. The past six summers I was forced to stay home and babysit. :/

James’ father George arrives! I hope he’s also chill with us. He says it’s nice to see us, so it’s a start! He introduces himself to the boys. Mr. Ashton pinpoints Chris as the football star of our group, and says he used to play rugby before school got in the way. Chris can sympathize, as being student body president isn’t easy to juggle life with. We can all recognize that, after all the shit from Book 3 that went down.

James’ father is impressed with that! Aaaaand they’re kind of down in the dumps about James not having that to add on his résumé. Olivia seems really upset that the movie deal fell through. I wonder how much James told his parents about what happened in LA.

Hmm, what to say... I don’t really feel like I have the right to tell them that it’s James’ life and not there’s. That’s something only James can say. Also, where is James, exactly? Anyway, we’ll tell her he left because he was miserable.

Ooooh, approval points!

She understands. She loves her son and wants the best for him, but doesn’t want him to hit an emotional health low. Good mama. His papa was worried about him too. They really do love their son, people who said that they didn’t. So take that!

OH FUCKING HELL HE’S STILL WEARING THAT STUPID HIPSTER OUTFIT THAT IS NOT THE JAMES I FELL FOR EWWWWWWW

James enters the room suddenly and I hope he plans on changing his clothes before we leave because otherwise I’m not letting him in the fucking van. DON’T HUG ME WITH THOSE GLASSES ON DAMMIT I’LL LET THE FLANNEL SLIDE BECAUSE I LOVE PLAID BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

Honestly, I wouldn’t be so salty if the red in the shirt was a blue color. Like a darker blue, almost purple shade. And the glasses were gone because they look dumb. And honestly, I’m fine with the shirt he’s got on underneath the plaid one.

The Ashtons are heading for a vacation in Greece, so the place will be all ours. Oh lordy. There’s a winery; we’re gonna get smashed. Can we get some kind of drama to this story now? It’s kind of boring with all this setup. There better be decent payoff, because nobody likes foreplay without an orgasm. Well, some people do, but not in the literary sense, anyway.

Zack is teasing James on the plaid.

James says it’s summer, so he’s gotta stay cool. And then he mentions his lightweight sweaters are at the dry cleaners. <3 But, let’s be honest, PB didn’t feel like animating new designs. The only one so far who has gotten lucky is Zack. Bastard.

James tells us he’ll be at Hartfeld next year, as he didn’t get all of his credits the previous year. And I’m sitting here like ‘i thought he was a junior this whole time shit’

Super senior James! That feels odd to say.

He says it’ll be good for him and give him more time to figure things out. He may even stay longer! Might as well start on a master’s degree. He says he’d like to enjoy the real world though.

Tour time! Horses first! After our latest encounter in The Royal Romance, all I can say that will make this chapter worth playing is if Drake saves us from being run over. Otherwise, I’m pretty bored.

Same background as in The Royal Romance too. Does that bug anyone else like it bugs me? It’s just the continuity of it all and I’m kind of OCD in that sense and it messes with me, not because I think that PB should design a new background for everything.

Zack tells a total dad joke and James might as well just prep himself for the road trip because that’s all it’s gonna consist of.

AWWW ZIG IS PETTING A HORSE AND HE’S SO GIDDY ABOUT IT

He likes animals! Ugh, he’s such a dork and I love him.

Lmao a horse is using us to rest its head on. Same. We’ll ask for the horse’s name.

Shut up, Chris, that was meant for James to intercept and tell us.

Apples McHooves? What the hell, Zack? He must be inhaling leftover pot from the van.

The horse’s name is Ezra! Isn’t that the teacher dude from PLL? Idk, all I know about PLL is what’s on Episode. Also, didn’t they say they would update that in January? I haven’t seen an update on it yet!

YES I WANT TO EARN THE HORSE’S LOVE FOREVER AND IF YOU WANT TO EARN MINE TAKE OFF THE GLASSES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Yaaaay, we get to feed him! Maybe Zack should get a pet! He’d probably like a cat. They’re lovely. Assholes, but also lovely.

We inform James on the breakup and for the billionth time we’re hearing about it. Good god end this torture.

Fuck me I hope this is a premium choice ‘cause I’m gonna skip it so hard!

FUCK YEAH PREMIUM CHOICE WOOOO THIS DAMN CHAPTER WILL END SOON!

Sorry, Ezra. And sorry, Zig. But I have no interest in horseback riding as it is. At least James will back us up, even if he does have his sad face on. Fuck you and your attempted guilt trip, game.

Nap time!

Zack wakes us up when they’re done.

Wine cellar time!

Who needs this much wine?

Is this all this chapter is going to be? The boys amazed at the richness and me being bored out of my mind?

James takes us to where the magic happens, in his own words. I wonder if they make the wine themselves of if they have it made for them?

Little bit of both.

Ahh, here’s where the MC gets to make a fool of herself. We fall into the vat of grapes. Lovely feeling, I’m sure. At least James is cool about it.

OH FUCK FOOD FIGHT MAYBE JAMES WILL CHANGE HIS FUCKING CLOTHES AFTER

Chris, did you really need to remind all of us that you’re a quarterback?

Also, this is not our best behavior.

I just noticed Chris is wearing that hot white shirt of his again. Sweet!

Alone time with James now. I wonder if they were creative enough to do the ‘we were in a relationship and now we’re not’ kind of connection between books.

James grinning ‘wolfishly’ is so fucking hot omg

20 diamonds for a food fight part 2? DA FUCK?!

Nah, I’m fine.

After cleaning up and having dinner, we head to bed. Someone’s at the door though. James?

Yup.

We chat with him a bit about the bed and how he’s got plans for us in the Big Apple. And then we finally hit the end.

Until next week! Hopefully I’m more entertained by it.

#the freshman #the freshman book 4 #playchoices #choices #choices stories you play #choices stories we play #pixelberry #my thoughts #my review #my opinion #my choices #elizabethschoices

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squaredcirclesirens · 7 years ago

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PREDICTIONS: WrestleMania 34

Today is the day!nIt’s WrestleMania! With the most women’s matches on the card in WrestleMania history, this is sure to be a can’t miss spectacle! So who does the squared circle siren staff think will win at WrestleMania? Let’s find out!

WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal

SCOTT: Predicting a winner is going to be fairly tough since we don’t know the full list of women that will participate. The men’s battle royal has had a few as 20 men so I would presume we will have at least 20. There have been 14 women announced, so I anticipate some women from NXT. I think the majority of the story within the match will revolve around the conflict between Sasha Banks & Bayley. This is a storyline has been evolving for several months and I think it will continue to work toward complete implosion. I would love to see the return of Alicia Fox from injury knowing that she is in NOLA, but I’m not sure if she has been cleared to compete. One of the highlights of this match will be Beth Phoenix as a guest commentator. Given the state of both main brand divisions, my prediction is that someone from NXT wins. Hopefully, that will provide an injection of new life into one of the main brands post-Wrestlemania. PREDICTION: Ember Moon

CASEY: I’ve gone back and forth on who I thought should win this. I originally thought Becky Lynch should win this, having been in my opinion the top face of the SmackDown Live women’s division, however, with her performances since her call up I’m going to go with Ruby Riott. She has been nothing short of amazing since her call up to the main roster and I think the numbers came with the Riott Squad could play into things during this battle royal. PREDICTION: Ruby Riott

DENNIS: Well, there’s been just about everything now. And although I am more curious to see whether or not we will have a second elimination chamber match or a second Hell in a Cell. Or are we just focused on having the first and calling it a day? But here we are. A battle royal of everyone, and who knows what this could look like. I think WWE has put some weight on this battle royal with the under matches of Ruby and Becky. Nattie randomly beating Charlotte. Sasha and Baylee. Absolution. Mickie James. You could honestly make an argument for any of them winning. Which is why I think none of them will. I think there aren’t enough people to call this a battle royal, so I’m expecting some NXT Callups. And who better than the woman who just lost her NXT women’s championship (if my prediction is correct) to put herself on the main roster. I think it’s the only standout that makes sense at face value. And although I’ll continue to hold out for my Sasha Heel Turn at Mania, I think Ember Moon wins the battle royal PREDICTION: Ember Moon

RYAN: I feel like the winner will be someone that we don’t expect. For me, that would be Alicia Fox. Someone of her stature and longevity could use this win. Plus, she’s a veteran. But realistically, I could see Becky pulling through as well. PREDICTION: Alicia Fox

JAY: I just have a feeling Becky Lynch. Shes a hard worker and a trophy like this will give her more prestige. Who knows, will someone from NXT show up and steal the show? PREDICTION: Becky Lynch

RAW Women’s Championship | Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Nia Jax

DENNIS: Sigh. This match is really hard for me to comment on because I’m a HUGE Alexa Bliss fan and I’ve become a big Nia Jax fan, but in the midst of WrestleMania week, I am just not as excited about this match as I thought I would be. I like the idea of a Nia Jax face turn and I think that could do great things for her, and the roster overall. Alexa Bliss is magic as champion, and her promos regularly deliver. But I really wish Mickie was left out of this one. I wish it was just Alexa using Nia and Nia finally catching on and shutting down Alexa and Alexa always running leading to this match. But meh, here we are. I think for me, there just hasn’t been enough here for Nia Jax to take the championship. Which is my official prediction, Nia Jax does not walk out of Wrestlemania Raw Women’s Champion. Whether that means Alexa wins somehow or Carmella cashes in here. Whatever. I don’t think Nia wins it here. So my official words are Alexa Wins, but I won’t be surprised if Carmella cashes in or this ends in a dirty finish. PREDICTION: Alexa Bliss

RYAN: This one continuously has me second guessing myself. As much as I would love for Nia Jax to finally win the RAW Women’s Championship, I’m not too sure it will happen. On one hand, I could see Nia destroy Alexa, get over as a face, and WWE could have Nia stand tall against the bully. However, Alexa is incredibly over (as is Nia). So if WWE wants a heel to run a division as champion, Alexa is their go-to girl. Her beating Nia would put her over even more as a heel. But all in all, I see Nia getting her big moment.PREDICTION: Nia Jax

SCOTT: This is the one that I’m completely unsure of how it will end. I have loved Alexa as a Champion since day 1 of her Smackdown Live reign. She is probably the best woman on the roster with a mic and she makes matches really fun to watch. Nia’s booking, on the other hand, has been all over the place. She is pushed for a few weeks then forgotten about. Alexa is going to have an uphill battle if she is going to keep the belt. The way she and Mickie have treated Nia recently has enraged the beast that Nia contains. Titles have evaded Nia, both in NXT and on the main roster. This weekend, however, may be the time that changes. PREDICTION: Nia Jax

JAY: With the way the storyline is going I am hoping for a Nia Jax victory. Body shaming, something WWE says they are against, it would surprise me for the bully to win at Wrestlemania. WWE creative has made an interesting story the last month or so and believe Nia can be a strong force on Raw. But, don’t ever count out Alexa Bliss with Mickie by her side. PREDICTION: Nia Jax

CASEY: Since being called up Alexa Bliss has only been without a title for 45 days. Isn’t that crazy? Alexa has been a great champion but with the way this storyline has been going, I just can’t see her retaining here. Nia has turned babyface and has the crowd behind her. She hasn’t gotten her hands on Alexa and I think she’ll get her big moment at WrestleMania this year and win the title. PREDICTION: Nia Jax

SmackDown Women’s Championship | Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Asuka

RYAN: Asuka’s streak is going incredibly strong, and I don’t see it ending now. She’ll defeat Charlotte, win the belt, and move to SmackDown. The only other possibility I see is Asuka winning by DQ via Carmella and having her cashing in on Charlotte. You never know with WrestleMania. PREDICTION: Asuka

CASEY: I’m sure everyone will predict Asuka to win. How could you not with her streak and her winning the rumble? However, I don’t think she’ll lose technically. What I think will happen is Carmella will attack Asuka with the Money in The Bank briefcase, giving Asuka the DQ victory before focusing on Charlotte and winning the belt from her. I think Carmella will make the most and steal the WrestleMania moment from Charlotte and Asuka. PREDICTION: Carmella

SCOTT: I think this match will be the best women’s match WWE shows this weekend. Askua is one of the best women that WWE employs and has yet to find anyone that can beat her in the ring. She has the record for longest reigning NXT Women’s Champion as well as being the winner of the first Women’s Royal Rumble in January. She challenges the genetically superior Charlotte. Charlotte has held a title 7 times for over 800 days. While she may not have the winning streak of Asuka, she definitely has an impressive resume. Charlotte has had incredible matches with many of the women on the WWE roster and this match will be no different. These women will take each other to the limit. But in the end, I believe the streak will remain intact. PREDICTION: Asuka

DENNIS: This is hands down the match I’m most excited for in the sense of this will simply be a good match. We’ve been waiting for Charlotte vs. Asuka and it’s finally happening, even if the build is meh and if it weren’t for the fact Asuka was undefeated and Charlotte was a champ this match wouldn’t matter. Anyway, I’ve learned from past write ups to never bet against Asuka, so for the sake of predicting correctly, I’m taking Asuka. But I’m praying I’m wrong and Charlotte is the one to dethrone Asuka. But I doubt it will happen and we will see Asuka vs Ronda next year. PREDICTION: Asuka

JAY: If you are going to win, win it with Flair. I know its a long shot but we’ve seen other streaks broken at Wrestlemania (must I say more?) Now, do I think Flair is going to win, no, but I would like to see her victorious. Asuka is still a force to be reckoned with so putting her ahead makes sense. Woooo! PREDICTION: Charlotte Flair

Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle vs. Stephanie McMahon & Triple H

CASEY: I mean, you’d have to be Stevie Wonder if you don’t know who is winning this. No way Ronda loses her first match with WWE. PREDICTION: Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle

DENNIS: I feel I am about to be in the major minority here. But I actually haven’t minded this build. Is it a little cheesy? Sure. Does Ronda need to build more into her character? Yes. But overall, I’m still excited to see Ronda wrestle. I mentioned this on the soundoff, and it might not be for much as I still expect a Cena/Nikki Miz/Maryse Match. Nonetheless, I think this one is a toss-up. I don’t see Ronda taking the fall. I think for me there isn’t a sense to having Ronda lose. Therefore, I’m picking Stephanie and Triple H. Because the WWE needs a swing moment here and that’s probably it. PREDICTION: Stephanie McMahon & Triple H

SCOTT: Of all of the WWE matches this weekend, this is the match that I’m most unsure of how it will go. Stephanie McMahon was never a great wrestler. She has had some good matches with women that are able to help carry the moves. With this being Ronda’s first professional wrestling match, the jury is still out on how she can perform in the ring. Her draw is unmistakable and I’m sure she will definitely get some rough shots in on Stephanie. However, I anticipate this match will feature Triple H and Kurt much more. In the end, the pair of Olympians will surely stand tall. I can’t see Ronda being brought in with such fanfare to lose to a woman who has maybe a couple dozen matches in her entire career, with her last being in 2014. PREDICTION: Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle

RYAN: This is a no-brainer for me, and for most people I assume. Ronda Rousey is going to win her debut at WrestleMania. Most likely with her getting Stephanie to tap out. PREDICTION: Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle

Who do you think will win on the grandest stage of them all? Let us know in the comments or tweet us!

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