#let this stand as a warning that I may pop a random ficlet into any questions I receive lmao

[wickedwitchwc]

milo picks up mark bridal-style and gives him a lil squish on the butt (hi! it's zestyeli haha)

(Hi! I know you! I’m Angie, I’m sick and tired, and for some reason I took this message as a challenge. You’re welcome/I’m so sorry? I don’t know which...)

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“What th-” was about all that Mark could get out when he was suddenly swept off of his feet, not an uncommon occurrence in their household, frankly. He was still slightly caught off guard, especially when he turned in his husband’s arms and saw the mischievous look on the man’s face.

“Um.” Mark floundered for a moment, watching the other man carefully. “What’s the big deal?” He asked, even as he slid his arms around the other man’s neck, just for the added support.

“Well, my dear, my love, my life, we need to have a conversation.” Milo said, as he began to move, carrying Mark from his office and, conspicuously, towards their daughter’s room. “And I figure like this, you can’t so easily run away from me…”

Mark blinked, and blinked again at the man. What had he done now? And why was it so bad that Milo thought he’d run from him? “I already don’t like where this is going…” Mark noted, holding on tightly as Milo nudged the already partially open door with his elbow, carrying him inside. He was highly suspicious of what they’d run into in their toddler’s room, but when he examined it… it didn’t seem to be in shambles. Yeah, her toys were everywhere, but that was kind of a given for the way their kid played. He’d been more worried that she’d broken something, or colored on the walls, or something equally destructive, given Milo’s behavior. But seeing her angelic face glance up at them from her seated position on the floor wasn’t what he expected. 

He cast an expectant look back at Milo, who seemed to sense right away that Mark was waiting for an explanation. “Jenn?” Milo said patiently to the little girl. She perked up immediately at what Mark referred to as his husband’s ‘parenting’ tone. “Why don’t you repeat for daddy what your doll just said to the teddy?” He gently encouraged her.

Jenn blinked at him, seeming to try to remember. Then, her face abruptly brightened with recognition. She bent over, grabbing the mermaid stuffie in question, and shook it at the offending teddy bear. “She told him she doesn’t fucking want to play!” She said, and she said it so shrilly that Mark winced a little at the sound of it. But that wasn’t nearly as bad as seeing Milo’s knowing look shooting immediately in his direction.

Yeah now he knew why Milo had decided to just pick him up. If Mark had been standing for this display he totally would have made a run for it. “I can explain.” 

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this.”  Milo said, as he hefted Mark in his arms again. He glanced back down to their daughter, first. “Jenny? Are you supposed to be out of bed after we’ve tucked you in?” He asked her. After a couple of minutes where Mark watched uncomfortably as Milo talked their kid back into bed, (honestly, Milo got superdad points just for being able to do that with his hands full,) they left the toddler’s room, with Milo closing the door behind them.

With the two of them alone once again, Milo looked back to Mark, apparently awaiting his explanation. 

“Okay, to be fair, she was supposed to be napping…” Mark tried. “And Wade kept doing this stupid thing…” 

“In the game you were playing?” Milo said, nodding along with his explanation.

“And I might have let one or two curse words slip, and she walks in…” Mark continued.

“And instead of telling her that was a word we don’t say…” Milo replied ambiguously.

“I mean, I didn’t want it to come around on us one day, and have her use it as black mail against either of us, so…”

“Mark…” 

“I might have gone ahead and just taught her a whole bunch of cuss words and the context for when you would be saying them.” Mark finally just admitted.

Milo gave him a blank look, as he tried to wrap his head around that bit of information. It was like his brain had short-circuited and was taking a couple of seconds to reboot. His husband was smart to pick him up before hand. Mark would have seen that as a clear opportunity to make a break for it. 

Finally, Milo seemed more or less recovered, and he looked to Mark. “Why…?” 

Mark shrugged. “She was either going to learn it from us or from the kids at school, and I mean. I’m not about to get blackmailed by a fricking three year-old.” Mark said. “So I just taught her everything. And she cusses better than me now. And I would have given you a head’s up, but, I mean, judging by your reaction now…” Mark trailed off.

“Mark.” Milo said again, and now his voice was taking on a slightly more dangerous caliber. “We are about to unleash that precious, precocious little girl upon the unprepared masses at La Cadena Elementary, and while the other kids are learning their vocabulary words from such harmless entities as Sesame Street, or See Spot Run…” 

“Okay, well Jenn’s just getting a head start from the mean streets of Cincinnati.” Mark shrugged. “It’s not really that bad, a lot of kids pick up this stuff from their parents, she would have learned it anyways. I don’t think it’s as big of a taboo these days. Is it?” Mark asked, Milo got his answer in a sigh. 

“Well when her teachers send her home with a note detailing how she got in trouble at school for calling one of her classmates an asshole…” Milo said.

“Oh.” Mark said, after a moment. “Yeah I guess that would be a problem.”

“Yeah, and guess who I’m going to blame?” Milo continued.

“Oh, oh! And what are you gonna do, punish me?” Mark asked, and from the look he got he immediately regretted saying anything. 

Milo looked him over slowly, sizing him up, and it dawned on Mark that Milo absolutely did know how to punish him. Well, okay. Maybe ‘punishment’ was the best word for the somewhat sadistic streak that Milo could have in the bedroom, especially when Mark was learning to enjoy those games they would play. 

Carefully, Milo lowered Mark to the ground, letting him steady himself on his own two feet before releasing him. “Don’t tempt me.” Milo told him, using that dark tone that sent shivers down Mark’s spine. Then the man abruptly slapped his behind. 

“Ai!” Mark yipped, taking a few steps back for his own safety.

Milo shot him a knowing smirk. “As you were.” he said, brushing past Mark, leaving him alone in the hallway once again.