#let me see whatever weird shitty meme ur trying to show me

[paterday]

I had a dream (I think) where there was this meme where you would show somebody a meme, and go to show them another one, and the next meme was an orange kitten on a motorcycle and the whole joke was that you would show it to the person for like a second, and then go ‘oh wait you’re not 18 yet!’ And run off and my brother did this whole song and dance to me like 5 times in a row and I was. So pissed. Shitty finger drawing of the meme

[birlcholtz]

any bittyholtz headcanons👀

holster knows he’s big ok? and he realizes pretty quick his sophomore year that bitty is Not Great at handling large guys coming at him quickly. so out of consideration for this tiny frosh, who is cute but holster can also tell is scared shitless by ransom and holster being their loud selves, holster tries to be conscious of bitty and respect his space (and also not yell too much around him because who knows what specifically bothers him)

and the great thing about ransom and holster being best bros for so long is that holster doesn’t have to explain what he’s doing to ransom, ransom just kind of matches him and that’s that

and holster is delighted every time bitty opens up a bit more and relaxes a bit more around the team, and when he comes out to ransom and holster holster internally is like oh. oh of COURSE. of course big loud jocks who talk about hooking up with women all the time and check people really hard on the ice bother him. duh holster

but holster would NEVER hurt someone for being gay that’s a huge asshole move and he feels it is Very Important That Bitty Knows That Holster Would Never Hurt Him. why does he feel it’s so important?? that’s a question for later holster isn’t a whole ‘analyze my feelings’ dude

so holster actively makes an effort to be around bitty in a non-threatening way. by a couple of months into spring semester they’re very comfortable around each other, comfortable enough that bitty jokes about their size difference and at one point he literally jumps into holster’s arms (who catches him on instinct) and then holster is like oh my god i’m holding bitty. oh my god he’s so small but so muscular. oh my god his hair smells so nice oh god oh fUCK

there is literally so much more under the cut. (send me ur headcanons for rarepairs/qpps!)

bitty, for his part, was initially very wary of ransom and holster for exactly the reasons holster figured out. it also doesn’t help that ransom dresses like a preppy frat bro and holster dresses like a messy frat bro. they’re both frat bros and bitty takes a long time to warm up to them.

but what does help is the way holster always lets bitty know he’s there before he gets too close (sometimes bitty is in the zone in the kitchen and doesn’t notice things like his teammates entering), and the way he doesn’t friendly-punch bitty like he does ransom. or jack. or shitty. or even lardo honestly nobody’s safe. except bitty is.

holster is also definitely responsible for putting some of bitty’s favorite songs on the kegster playlist and bitty definitely finds out and his heart warms a little more

and once bitty’s come out to ransom and holster and they don’t treat him any differently or weirdly and still profess their love for him when he bakes things without a single no homo, bitty finds himself hanging around with them a little more?

ransom likes to study in the attic without distractions so that means that bitty and holster wind up spending a lot more time together and listen. bitty can’t spend that much time with holster without noticing that the guy is a) extremely tall b) ripped and c) has an excellent jawline. and bitty is only human y’all

when he plays music in the kitchen holster will always dance (and sing along if he knows the words, or enough of the words to get them wrong in a funny way because bitty’s laugh sounds like angels singing and okay yeah holster is smitten)

holster Cannot make pies because he cannot touch pastry, bitty forbids him from trying before he even asks because his hands are too warm and he’ll fuck it all up. (holster, internally, is pleased bitty’s noticed. bitty, internally, is like fuck was that too weird) BUT if holster is in there he usually gets dragged into stirring things or chopping things or handing bitty sticks of butter from the fridge and basically whatever he can do without fucking up the pastry

and a while after that holster is like hang on wait it’s been a while since i realized i had a crush on bitty and it has Not gone away should i like. i don’t know. fucking tell him i’m into guys or something like that?? that would be smart

this is more how they get together than a list of headcanons LMAO i always get distracted and this is so fucking long omg

so he’s like rans. how do i do this. and ransom is like you should blast gettin’ bi from crazy ex girlfriend and holster is like weird. i love it.

other things holster does to subtly let bitty know he’s bi: loudly discuss his plans for going to pride that summer, make a lot of bi puns and hope one of them lands, show bitty funny posts from the lgbtq+ samwell student group on facebook

eventually bitty is like . hm. holster is either a VERY supportive ally. or he is trying to tell me something. and after the 80th bi meme post from the facebook group he’s like holster. hon. are you trying to tell me something

and holster is like YES. I AM BISEXUAL and bitty’s like oh that’s great!! (internally: can i climb him like a tree yet)

and then bitty’s like well thanks for telling me! and holster is like uh yeah! (because listen he’s good at wheeling but he is SO bad at wheeling bitty because this isn’t just someone cute he found at a kegster u know??? it’s BITTY and holster kind of wants to sweep him off his feet but in like. a gentlemanly way that won’t scare him)

when holster relates this interaction to ransom ransom is like oh my fucking god holster you could have told him and holster is like yeah and i did not for some fucking reason???????? ransom. i’m dumb and ransom is like no you just caught feelings

(bitty, to shitty: hey so uh. if a guy aggressively hints he’s into guys for like. a month. and then when i ask him straight out he tells me he’s bi. what does that mean. and shitty’s like i mean i wouldn’t know unless i know the guy?? but i wouldn’t ask u to tell me bc like. hes gotta choose who he’s out to u know and bitty’s like yeah i mean u know him but maybe i’ll ask him who else he’s out to bc i need some advice and shitty is like hell yeah)

the next day, bitty’s like holster are u out to anyone else?? just bc the team seems kinda. hetero. except for me. and holster is like oh yeah rans knows and shitty knows. also johnson. and jack if he’s not stupid because i’ve definitely had guys stay over. but mostly just the guys in the haus yeah

then they go to murder stop ‘n shop and buy baking ingredients. holster carries a metric fuck ton of flour and butter and pretends he doesn’t notice bitty staring at his arms (but he might flex just a little more than necessary)

so bitty’s like EXCELLENT. and then he talks to shitty again and is like IT’S HOLSTER AND I’M SUPER INTO HIM WHAT DO I DO and shitty’s like hooooo boy. and then HE’S like well uh. holster doesn’t like. feel the need to formally come out to people usually like the way he told me was by just telling me about a guy he hooked up with last year with zero context or warning? like i don’t know holster as well as, like, rans, but he definitely wants you specifically to know that he’s bi.

and bitty’s like intriguing. i’m gonna go combust now. and shitty’s like cool catch ya later.

so then bitty decides there’s only one way to find out if holster’s into him. and it’s not asking him, what the fuck?? no obviously not. it’s wearing very short shorts and touching him a lot and watching him to see if he blushes or gets flustered. bitty may not be a blunt or forthright person when it comes to hitting on people but he can at least make it impossible for holster to try and hide any feelings he may or may not have.

so rip holster is what i’m saying. but he also observes how much bitty is still watching him-- usually when bitty is doing something like wearing very short shorts or dancing at a kegster or flinging himself into holster’s lap-- and he’s like HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. because also holster is like way more experienced with like. relationships in general? like he’s familiar with what someone flirting with him looks like. so he’s like alright well if bitty wants to make me suffer i’m going to make him suffer too. (’rans can i borrow your skinny jeans’ ‘is this so you can get back at bitty’ ‘yes it’s important’ ‘yeah sure whatever’)

holster knows he’s jacked, he just has to make sure bitty knows it. he also knows that bitty is comfortable with holster standing pretty close to him now so he’s going to use that to his advantage since holster is also tall as Fuck. (obviously he doesn’t do anything creepy like stand right behind him or smth but like. if they’re talking. holster is gonna get just a little in bitty’s space just so bitty has to look up at him a little. is this partially because bitty has really nice eyelashes? yeah)

basically what i’m saying is once holster decides to get back at bitty all hell breaks loose. literally nobody else in the haus can deal with the sexual tension when they’re in the same room. bitty is now pretty sure that holster is into him. shitty texts bitty saying ‘can you please bone for the love of god’. for good measure shitty also texts holster saying the same thing. he’s so tired but also this is hilarious

like it gets EXTRA. bitty and holster can both bend and snap and they DO. holster intentionally spills water on his t-shirt to make it cling more. when he sits at the kitchen table doing work bitty comes by and leans over his shoulder to see what he’s doing and if he brushes holster’s neck a little as he does it, well, that’s between them. at one point holster and bitty are both standing at the counter washing dishes and holster starts chirping bitty about not being able to reach the top shelf and asks if he wants to stand on a chair and bitty’s like hmm or you could just carry me. and holster almost has a conniption and it gets even worse when they finish washing up and bitty’s like oh great the counter’s all cleared off! and hops up and sits on it and that gets his face a little closer, vertically, to holster, who is suddenly aware that bitty is wearing very short shorts AGAIN, which like, seem to have become his uniform, and that when bitty sits like that holster can barely see those shorts, that’s how tiny they are, and it looks like bitty’s just sitting there in a shirt and nothing else and holster’s brain supplies a LOT of images once he thinks of that and hoo boy.

and holster’s like how can i get back at him. and bitty’s sitting right next to the hanging cabinets so holster grabs some of the plates from the drying rack that look dry enough and goes and stands *right* in front of bitty. like he’s not actually brushing bitty’s legs where they dangle off the counter but if he stepped forward like. half an inch. he would be. and they make eye contact for a second and then, without moving, holster starts putting plates away.

and bitty is like oh my fucking god WHAT else do i have to do (he doesn’t say this out loud) and then when holster’s done putting away the plates and it looks like he’s going to go grab more bitty just. wraps his legs around holster’s waist and pulls him in (and holster is like holy FUCK because he knew bitty’s legs were strong but not THAT STRONG HOLY SHIT) and at this point there’s really nothing else for them to do but make out at the kitchen counter and that’s what they do. (bitty does, in fact, climb that man like a tree)

okay so some actual headcanons lol. you thought you knew bitty was a clothes stealing fiend?? you were wrong. he absolutely is but you just didn’t know how much. does holster still have literally any of his sweatshirts? probably not honestly

the only way bitty will sit on the green couch will be if holster is sitting on the green couch and bitty is sitting in his lap because that way he can avoid any actual contact with the couch

when bitty makes anything with blueberries in it holster steals some but he also feeds bitty some because he’s mushy like that

they continue to go to extreme lengths to try and get each other flustered in public. shitty is so tired.

they share playlists constantly and even more of bitty’s favorites find their way onto the kegster playlist

when bitty moves into the haus holster is in his room c o n s t a n t l y. he just likes the space ok??? there’s lil reminders of bitty everywhere and of course if bitty is there too then that’s just the BEST

the puck bunny halloween costume physically murders adam birkholtz

[floralreddie]

Prompt au: reddie meets through richie trying to send bill a stupid meme on tumblr but accidentally sends it to eddie

Here you go, dude! And I totally might do a part 2 to this bc I loved writing it

Richie knows he’s fucking hilarious.

Like, he knows he’s hilarious.

Bill, Bev and Stan don’t see it that way, of course, but they’re fucking idiots because Richie knows he’s a God damn riot. He knows he’s sixteen and, yes, perhaps his humour is just a tad childish sometimes, but he’s got something that’s going to make Bill fucking die.

Because Richie has a new obsession.

And it’s memes.

(And Stan can literally fuck himself, because that fucking Kermit meme he sent him yesterday was hilarious. What does Stan know, anyway? His fucking username on Tumblr is Stan-The-Man and he runs a fucking nature blog, the dork).

(Richie’s is Trashmouth-Tozier69, because what the fuck else would it be?)

So, that evening he’s sitting at his computer and munching away on a tube of Pringles when he comes across a particularly funny meme that has him coughing up his food and kicking his legs onto his table as he drags his keyboard onto his lap.

Bill’s gonna fucking love this one, he thinks.

He clicks off his blog (it’s filled with bands like Led Zepplin and AC/DC and memes, and his Header is a picture of him and Bev at a Pride that was held twenty miles from Derry, because Bev and Richie like to refer to themselves as the Bi Brigade) and clicks on the jokes as fuck meme and presses the @ button to tag Bill in it.

That’s not before he sees that Bev (redhair-don’tcare) has posted a particularly pretty picture of that Mike dude (Richie has never spoken to him, but Bev thinks he’s cool as shit since they were partnered up in Chem a few weeks ago) who hangs around with chubby kid and the little pretty kid. He’s sitting on that graffiti covered brick wall near the Aladdin, and the sun is setting behind him and it’s a pretty lit picture, to be fair.

Richie throws it a like. He’s nice like that.

He types in Bill’s username (D-D-Denbrough), which is an all-together witty name because Bill has a fucking stutter and the dude has just stopped giving a shit and started owning it, of which Richie is just all about.

Then he taps reblog and cackles as loud as he wants, because his mom is passed out downstairs and his dad is probably off banging that woman Sharon that he works with, who Richie has seen him driving around town with more than once.

He glances at his smashed-up iPhone and pushes up his glasses, just waiting for the moment that Bill messages him, because that shit was funny and even Bill can’t deny that.

A minute passes.

The another.

And now Richie is kinda pissed because that meme was fucking funny, and he doesn’t give a fuck if memes are cringe as shit nowadays.

Then suddenly, both his iPhone and computer are making that annoying beeping sound that nearly gives him a heart attack, and he peers at his battered monitor and frowns through his thick lens glasses when he sees he has a message on Tumblr.

Why the fuck would Bill message him through there when he could just fucking text him? The only people who messaged him on there were people who complimented the guitar shit he posted when he could be bothered to record himself.

He blinks in surprise, though, when he sees that the message isn’t from Bill.It’s from someone with an icon depicting them sitting against a very pink sunset in a pastel pink jumper, their dark hair half blowing in the wind and their face hidden.

Their username, Richie finds, is doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s.

And he thinks he recognises this blog, because it pops up on his dash sometimes an it’s mostly reblogs of 80’s pop music that, whilst Richie prefers rock and punk, he can’t help but not-so-guiltily enjoy. He clicks on the message, dark eyebrows shooting up when he reads what the person has said.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: why the fuck did you just tag me one of those weird mr. krabz memes about asking your crush out and them saying yes?

Richie squints, realises what the fuck he’s done, and lets out a bark of laughter. He must have just clicked on the first thing that came up after he typed in D. Damn, and Bill would have found that shit funny…or gotten super pissed off that Richie was once again taking the piss out him and Stan basically being a fucking couple since Bill stuttered out a confession of his feelings to the curly headed boy.

He’s about to type out a short apology when his computer and phone beep again, drowning out the low sound of his Spotify playing Like A Rolling Stone by Bob Dylan.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: Wait, what the fuck? You’re Richie Tozier.

Richie blinks and kicks his socked feet onto the floor and bangs out a reply in a few seconds flat.

Trashmouth-Tozier69: do i no you dude?

He waits only a few seconds.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: You don’t really seem to pay attention to anything but making a dick out of yourself at school or annoying your friends, so probably not.

Richie laughs in surprise. So, it was someone he went to school with? Not uncommon, really, for those who had public blogs. Richie knew Bill would never admit it, but he was 100% sure the idiot had a fucking Lord of the Rings blog hidden away somewhere.

He hastily clicks on the blog and sees no sign of a name written in the bio, along with a pale pink background and a few dozen links to various music pages and a Spotify account. It’s a pretty blog, Richie has to admit, and the content is cute and funky and it’s definitely ran by a gay dude.

Trashmouth-Tozier69: ah. so u do no me

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: I shouldn’t have said anything. You’ve got the biggest mouth ever and only my friends know I have a fucking blog dedicated to 80’s music. I take it that dumb meme wasn’t supposed to go to me?

Trashmouth-Tozier69: nope. but now i wanna keep talkin. u in my grade?

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: Would it literally fucking kill you to type properly?

Trashmouth-Tozier96: ye

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: You’re hilarious. Truly.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: u don’t need to tell me that

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: Since when do you follow me? What the hell are the chances of that?

Richie goes about exploring the blog some more. Maybe he can pinpoint who the hell this kid is. The guys list of people he follows is small, and within a few minutes of scrolling through he finds a blog he recognises. It was the one Bev had tagged in that picture of Mike. smoothcriminal. After only one click, he finds that it is, indeed, Mike.

Hm.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: idk dude. i was probably high listening to weather girls or some shit and found ur blog. plus my friend bev likes that shit too

The dudes reply has Richie snorting into his closed fist.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: …You like the Weather Girls?

Trashmouth-Tozier96: i like a lot of stuff.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: hey do u no mike hanlon?

The pause is longer this time.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: Are you stalking my fucking blog to find out who I am? Not cool, dickweed.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: dickweed? nice

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: You’d know about weedy dicks.

Richie gapes and giggles. He fucking giggles, because this guy is hilarious.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: ur insults are getting better. i gotta no who u are amigo.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: u no mike

Trashmouth-Tozier96: ur obviously gay or bi or some shit judging from ur blog and the fact u r totally a dude

Trashmouth-Tozier96: shit was that shitty to say

Trashmouth-Tozier96: i totally did not mean to like gender u or whatever

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: No. Whilst I’m not exactly out to the whole school, most people pretty much assume I’m gay (a gay guy, thanks) from looking at me. Which is, yeah, pretty shitty of them.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: Now you’re going to fucking know who I am.

And then Richie blinks and grins a smile that stretches his whole face, because he fucking knows who this kid is. He knows the dark hair from the dude’s icon, and the pastel jumper he was wearing. Hell, the kid who he was talking to had been one Richie’s very short list of the guys he would actually hit in Derry.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: holy shit

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: Here we go.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: ur eddie kaspbrak

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: There we go.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: i always knew u were cute but wtf since when were u this funny dude

Richie leans back in his chair and smirks, because it’s a full two minutes before Eddie even replies. Suddenly, Richie is so aware of who he is talking to that his stomach twists and his eyes brighten. Eddie Kaspbrak. He had spoken to him only a handful of times. He hung around with Ben and Mike, but Bill insisted that the kid was okay and that they used to hang out a little when they were super young. It was well known in Derry that his mom was a fucking weirdo after his dad died.

Richie had only paid attention to the fact that Eddie was pretty as fuck and always wore oversized jumpers and shorts that showed off his legs, but other than that he was quiet as fuck.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: You’re a dick.

Richie grins.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: for sayin ur cute? thats me being nice!

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: I know what you’re like, Tozier. And don’t go spreading that I run a fucking blog that has shit like the Weather Girls and Madonna on it, because Bowers already takes great joy in pointing out what a fucking girly-boy I am.

Richie narrows his gaze at that. Fucking Bowers.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: nothin wrong with being pretty as shit, eds. and fuck bowers. hey, u wanna come and sit with me and my friends tomorrow? we’re all pretty fuckin gay so u will fit right in, amigo

Trashmouth-Tozier96: mike and bev are pretty buddy lately so it won’t be awkward

He blinks in surprise at his own words. Why the fuck is he so desperate to have the quiet Eddie Kaspbrak sit with him, Stan, Bill and Bev? Maybe, he wonders, it was because he was starting to realise he’d judged the kid a little too quickly, because with the way Eddie was firing back comments, Richie half thinks he might have found his witty ol’ match.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: You serious?

Trashmouth-Tozier96: yh. why the fuck wouldn’t i be?

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: Oh, my God. Literally why do you have to type like that? I know for a fact that you’re actually pretty fucking smart, Tozier.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: And don’t call me Ed’s.

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: And yeah, okay. I’ll sit with you guys. Ben and Mike, too.

Trashmouth-Tozier96: sick dude. now can you level with me for a second

Doyouwannatalk-aboutthe80’s: What?

Trashmouth-Tozier96: did u honestly not find that meme funny at all

[6-v-6]

hey daddy can u give me a rundown on some of them worst tumblr moments on that post u reblogged

like a description of what they were? Sure thing

“reblog this post if you aren’t a peasant” this was basically like a Really Popular post.. for whatever reason.. that went around a lot back in the day. I think it had a lot to do with the trend of calling people peasants as an insult which was like a weirdly popular thing too

mishapocalypse aka the Worst fuckening thing. So Misha Collins is an actor in the tv show Supernatural, which we all know is already a yikes fandom, and this mishapocalypse Mess(tm) was basically a time period in which Everyone In That Fuckening Fandom changed their profile pictures to Misha’s face and they’d put the picture all over posts and it was terrible. Everywhere you looked you’d see that man’s face and they thought it was hilarious

tumblypoos I don’t really know what this one is and I’m glad for that

the year when “your fave is problematic” blogs became popular and were literally Everywhere so I feel like this is a little straightforward, but yeah basically a bunch of blogs popped up that were Dedicated to creating discourse over every single character from anything ever. Some were focused on one character, one fandom, etc. Others were just general. It became a trend to like... find the tiniest moment that was “problematic” and blow it up and be like “see!!!! they’re problematic!!!!” basically because this website hates happiness and has to villainize everything

the era when progressive discourse was “gay men are terrible and just like heteros” okay this one was Really Really Weird and I didn’t get too much of it on my dash but I remember seeing really confusing posts that would talk about how gay men are priviledged and how they use that priviledge to look down on other sexualities or something and they were pushing this rhetoric that leveled them on the same wave as heteros

find john green I’m not 100% clear on this since I’m not a fan of that book and I’ve never seen the movie, but I feel like people were trying to find him on tumblr or something

sonic for real social justice THE BEST FUCKING THING EVER. Okay so this blog opened up one day, and literally within the span of a few hours had garnered so much attention and a ton of followers. It was basically like... an anti sjw blog except all of the mods on the blog used a sonic character as their persona. And then there was drama between the mods they started fighting and banning each other it was fucking amazing

kin drama I’m not kin or anywhere near that side of tumblr but from my perspective this whole kin stuff blew up everywhere with people claiming to be kin with like, 500 different things and I Vividly Remember this one post or blogger or something that blew up because they were kin with grass and were telling people not to cut their grass because they were murdering their family 

“i like your shoelaces” “thanks i stole them from the president” another terrible tumblr idea that I feel in part led to dashcon but this was like.. “code” .. for what to say to someone if you met them on the streets in order to find out if they had a tumblr too. ie person A says “i like your shoelaces” and if person B had a tumblr they would respond with “thanks i stole them from the president”

superwholock probably the most iconic and I’m sure everyone on this site has seen what became of this. A real tragic mess that will go down in history books. But lets not forget how it tried to extend into superwhoavengepottermerlock like the 7 deadly sins coming together

potterheads get your horcruxes, dr who fans get ur screwdrivers… THE ICONIC FCKING POST I think i reblogged it on my blog a while ago even. Just..... oh my god a bunch of 13 year old kids thinking that a fandom granted them power. Like the supernatural fans being like “I know how to exercise a demon!!!111!!” and sherlock fans being all “I know how to hide a body and make it look like I never did anything” and the rest of us were just like...... chill..... we get it u sit on ur couch watching television all day... 

tumblr prom tumblr trying to hold a virtual prom to make people feel better about the fact they had no prom date. Pretty sure someone printed out a url and brought it to their actual prom and said that was their date. Another tumblr mess. 

skeleton war halloween madness that extended beyond halloween where people were very adamant about skeletons and fighting a skeleton war and there was lots of talk about joining the Fight after you die and memes about skeletons just lots of skeletons

dashcon the accumulation of everything bad on this site. A convention... that was planned on tumblr for tumblr... that said they’d have famous guests like popular voice actors and actors in general and creators. Raised 17k to fund it. People paid it in their eagerness. Turns out no one remotely famous showed up, and the convention center was more like a giant empty warehouse with the most memorable thing being a small shitty ball pit. People got mad and started to realize they’d been scammed so the ppl in charge tried to offer “an extra hour in the ball pit” to appease them. Someone peed in the ball pit at one point and gave everyone else a rash. Fuckening amazing