#let me live in peace/lh

[iaminyourbones]

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I finally got over the fear of one of my mutuals

AND IM FUCKING SCARED OF IT AGAIN

If it finds this it’ll probably know who I’m talking about due to the choose of pronouns but AGHHHH

[spear-mint101]

listen-

i can't be trusted with sour gummies i'm guzzling this shit down like a hog that's tasted blood

[srjlvr]

[ LET’S GET MARRIED ! ] — lhs <3

PAIRING. lee heeseung!student X femreader!student !

SYN. the uni is giving away free dorms! under one condition, in order to save your desperate broke ass student’s life, you’d have to get married. and who’d be the lucky person to marry you if not your childhood friend? no feelings involved of course!…..right?

GENRE. he fell first but she fell harder, basically being in denial for feelings at first, childhood friends to a married couple, fluff fluff fluff !

WARNINGS. mentions of getting married(obv), rest of enha and lesserafim’s yunjin & chaewon are in it too, mentions on having kids(no, there will be no kids here its nothing serious!!), mentions of food, being broke because of uni student life. (pls do lmk if i missed something!) || NOT PROOFREAD AND VERY POORLY WRITTEN!!

WORD-COUNT. 5.1k+ (damn!)

NOTE. this is me being extremely sorry for not continuing my heeseung smau by releasing a heeseung oneshot yay!! i actually got the inspiration from HAPPINESS (one of my fav kdramas!) please leave some feedbacks!! i really wanna know what you thought about it<3

when you were younger, you’ve made a wishing list to you in the future, as soon as you turn an adult.

three important wishes were ;

first, never go broke while being a uni student.

second, never get married before the age of 25.

third, never ever fall in love with your best friend since childhood, aka lee heeseung.

first one is already being a huge failure. younger you would be definitely disappointed in uni student you, not that you care that much, but being a broke student sucks.

“my parents are literally about to kick me out, i get that, i’m a 22 years old uni student who’s still living up their asses, they probably want some peaceful and quiet life” you smacked your head over the lunch table, both of your friends looking at you concerned.

“maybe it’s time for you to pay for the dor-“

“never! yunjin, tell her how broke i am”

“she has like 1 dollar in her bank account, she’s still taking loans from her parents” yunjin nodded and you rolled your eyes.

“you didn’t have to go that far”

“oh i did”

“oh i know! what if you just start working?” chaewon raised her voice a bit.

“i have no time!”

“excuses excuses blah blah blah” she mocked you.

“look at heeseung for example, he works in a part time job at the convenience store right next to uni” yunjin pointed out.

you searched through the lunch hall and found the one person you’ve been looking for, lee heeseung.

you’ve been stuck to him ever since childhood, with your mothers being the biggest best friends you’ve ever seen, it was pretty hard to not see him every day in your young days.

both of your mothers even got pregnant at the same time, and gave birth around the same time, you’re two days younger than him.

your photo album is full with pictures of you and him, and so are the hanged photos on your house wall.

your mother and his mother were your biggest shippers, forcing you both to hug each other and even wear matching clothes.

your elementary school memories are filled with heeseung next to you and the whole class shipping you two.

highschool days weren’t better either, guys who wanted to try a move on you were always so scared of heeseung, they were so sure you and him are dating, with the amount of glares they got from him it was really hard to think otherwise.

your highschool crushes rejected you, always giving the excuse of not wanting to be in a relationship, hiding the fact that heeseung warned them that if they’ll say yes he’ll make sure they never see a daylight again.

he was joking, really. he’s not the violent type, and he couldn’t really explain why was he feeling so jealous whenever he saw you confessing to a guy who isn’t him.

heeseung got used to watching you from afar and protecting you, and you got used to search him everywhere you go even in crowded places and having his company ever since childhood.

“hee!” you called and waved at him, he waved at you back with a smile on his face.

“i swear if i didn’t know both of you were childhood friends i would’ve think you’re a married couple or something” chaewon rolled her eyes and you scoffed.

heeseung continued his way to his usual table with his friends.

“thinking about ways to confess your love to her?” jake smirked and heeseung shook away his thoughts.

“hm? who?” he asked.

“it’s obvious who! don’t play dumb come on!” sunghoon playfully pushed the older one.

“we’re talking about Y/N! everyone in uni are talking about you, even those who know nothing about the two of you” jay remarked.

“there’s nothing between us, we’re just friends” heeseung shrugged.

“and i’m queen elizabeth” sunoo tsked.

heeseung rolled his eyes and began to eat, “you know, even if i did have a crush on her, why would she even accept my confession?”

“ohhhh~” his friends teased.

“it’s kind of obvious she likes you, we’ve watched her ever since we became friends with you, and the way she looks at you is just different” jungwon shrugged and ni-ki nodded.

“she’s always searching you in a crowded room, as if you’re her guardian angel and she only needs you in her life in order for it to be perfect” ni-ki then stole a few bites of heeseung’s meal.

“hey! not cool” heeseung scoffed and ni-ki giggled.

“it’s not bad to have a crush on your childhood friend, you know?” jake smiled, “sometimes all you need is a miracle” jay added.

“hey, let’s go on a work search for yo-“

“no no no yunjin not you too!!” you sobbed, “i have no time to work and i need to search for the cheapest dorm, a one i can actually afford as soon as possible”

“why don’t you just go and ask heeseung for help” chaewon shrugged.

“it’s not that easy, i don’t want him to worry about it too much, he works hard for his money too” you pout and they nodded.

“by the way! how’s the money for the uni dorms is going?” jake asked heeseung who was busy fighting with ni-ki over his food.

“i’m just a few shifts away from getting enough money, i’ll ask y/n to become my roommate as soon as— what?” he noticed his friends looking at him.

“y/n and you? being roommates?” sunoo teased.

“hey, me and y/n spent all our childhood together, my house is her house and her house is mine, it has been like that for a while” heeseung sighed and they all nodded hesitatly.

“still, you said y/n’s parents told you about her not being able to pay for the uni dorms, are you really willing to pay it all?” jungwon asked.

heeseung shrugged and took a bite from his food again, “it’s either that or she’ll get kicked out by her parents”

“you really are her guardian angel” ni-ki whispered.

“good morning! you have afternoon classes today right?” your mother woke you up with a smile smeared all over her face.

“mhhm” you hummed, still trying to adjust the bright sunlight that hit your face.

“i need you to bring some medicine for ms lee! she’s been sick and i bought her some things” your mother helped you to get up and shoved you a bag, “here”

“can you please just let me get—���

“you can get ready at theirs! quickly quickly go!” she pushed you outside of your house. damn, she really does hope you’d get out as soon as possible.

she was right though, heeseung’s house is your house, and your house is his. you have a few clothes and even a toothbrush at his house and he has the same at yours, getting ready there was never a problem to you.

a walk to their house is even less than 5 minutes so you weren’t worried about someone from your neighborhood getting a jumpscare and thinking you’re some kind of a zombie.

you took out the keys and opened the door, heeseung was sitting in the kitchen and eating his breakfast.

“don’t ask, been a rough morning, where’s mom by the way?” you asked him and he pointed at her room. you got used to call his mom your mom too.

you saw her sleeping so you left the bag and the medicine next to her, leaving a note saying good morning and instructions of how to take the medicine, as if she doesn’t know all of that.

“you have afternoon classes too?” you asked heeseung while getting ready. he was in his room, lying on his bed while playing some games on his phone.

“not really, i don’t have any class today” he chuckled.

“since when don’t you have any classes today?”

“ever since i decided that im too tired to go to uni”

you rolled your eyes and threw one of the pillows at him, “don’t be stupid! get up and get ready to go!”

he giggled and shook his head, “i’m joking, i took evening classes for today”

you pressed your lips together and nodded, you don’t know why but hearing him giggling always made your heart skip a beat, but you don’t have any feelings for him, like, at all. right?

afternoon classes started and before you knew it, it was already lunch time.

“y/n! you won’t believe it!!” chaewon shout.

“what is it?” you shout at her back even though you were sitting right in front of her.

“i found you a solution! you can get a free dorm!” she shout back.

“what!” you shout.

“can you stop shouting! for god’s sake you’re literally a 1 cm away from each other” yunjin, who was covering her ears yelled.

you and chaewon shared an eye contact and froze. yunjin is so scary when she’s angry.

“continue please” she coughed and let chaewon continue what she had to say.

“it might seem crazy what i’m about to say,” chaewon sighed, “the uni is giving away free dorms—“

“no way omg omg omg please tell me i’m dreaming this is not happening right now right this is not real righ—“

“under one condition!” she cut you off and took her phone out of her pocket to read the terms.

“in order to get a free dorm, you have to have at least one option applied ;

one, you’re younger than 18. two, you’ve been scoring A+ on ALL of your exams and three, you’re between the ages 18-25 and got married, or engaged” she finished reading and turned off her phone.

“but chaewon, i’m not younger than eighteen” you complained and rest your head on your arm who was lying on the table.

“nor scoring A+ on ALL of your exams” yunjin added.

“thanks yunjin, i needed that”

“always here to help”

“then you know what’s left” chaewon smirked and you sat up, looking at her with innocent eyes.

“no” you let out.

“oh yes”

“i have no one to marry to” you argued.

“yes you do!” yunjin replied.

“i do not!”

chaewon and yunjin raised a brow and crossed their arms, “you don’t?”

as heeseung entered the uni entrance, you ran towards his direction and stopped in front of him.

“y/n why are you still here—“

“let’s get married” you said it out loud in front of everyone who was around.

your surroundings suddenly became quiet and everyone was staring at you two, starting to whisper and waiting for heeseung’s answer.

instead of answering he grabbed your wrist and dragged you out of the entrance into a place in the garden next to the uni.

the walk there was making you so nervous and anxious, what if you were a bit too much? asking your childhood friend to marry you just to get a free dorm? are you that desperate?

when he finally stopped, he let go of your wrist and cupped your cheeks, looking straight into your eyes.

“what did you say?” he asked, his eyes looking for any sign or answer from you.

“i said, let’s get married”

heeseung could’ve swore his heart skipped a beat because he for real felt like he died at that spot.

“let me explain!” you said before he could respond.

“the uni are giving out free dorms to anyone who’s between the ages of 18-25 and is married or engaged” you sighed.

heeseung let go of his hold and sighed, looking down and closing his eyes.

you really didn’t mean that genuinely, did you? something in him really hoped you did.

“hee?” you asked, biting your lower lips, suddenly feeling more anxious than before

“sure, let’s get married” he chuckled.

you broke your second main wish on your list.

heeseung was just a few shifts away from getting enough money to get the both of you a place to live in, he could have told you that too, but he chose not to.

only crazy people would agree to this idea, you were so desperate that you actually just asked him to marry you, and he guessed he was one of those crazy people, because he had no idea why he said yes.

he had other way, without marrying you, but something about the idea of marrying you made him feel excited.

“i knew it i knew it! only crazy people would agr— wait what” you blinked a few times after you realized his answer.

“i said sure, let’s get married” he smiled softly and you were about to faint.

“no feelings are involved….right?” you hesitantly asked him, hoping he wouldn’t agree with you.

instead, he nodded slowly and hesitantly, “no feelings involved”

you regretted that sentence so bad because the day after, when he kneeled on one knee and held a ring out for you in front of everyone and proposed to you, your couldn’t lie to yourself anymore, you actually broke your third wish on your list a few years ago, you were in love with lee heeseung for years.

“y/l/n y/n, i have loved you ever since i can remember, i watched you grow up and grew up with you as well, i got used to being with you 24/7, i can’t see the rest of my life without you in it, will you make me the happiest man alive and agree to marry me?”

even though it was an act(according to you), it felt so real to the point where you cried and sobbed so badly, while putting on the ring he bought for you less than 24 hours ago.

it wasnt planned. the proposal wasn’t planned at all.

the plan was that you and heeseung will go to the uni secretariat and request an application for the free dorm since both of you are engaged now.

heeseung had no reason to put on this whole show and show everyone that you’re now engaged. you have no idea why he did it, and instead of getting angry at him, you fell in love with him even more.

it felt wrong, it felt not right.

but you didn’t care, you always knew your feelings for heeseung were somewhere deep inside your heart. you tried to push them away all the time, because there was no way your childhood friend, the popular boy in your highschool, the kid who grew up with you, had feelings for you.

you tried to deny your feelings but now you realized thrre was no use anymore, so you let yourself love him as much as you can.

it wasn’t the desperation that lead you to ask him to marry you, because then you’d ask literally any other guy, it was your pure love to him, to the guy who was always there for you when you needed him.

“heeseung! explain what was that!” his six other friends gathered in a circle, surrounding him and not letting him go.

“what was wha—“

“you and y/n? married?” jungwon shout.

“have you gone crazy?” jake added.

“and she said yes! something is not right” jay joined.

“yesterday you told us you have no feelings for her!” sunoo remarked.

“you didn’t even believe us when we told you she’s obviously in love with you” sunghoon tsked.

“something isn’t sitting right to me” ni-ki gasped.

“explain now!” they all said at the same time.

“calm down!” heeseung coughed, “i’ll explain to you everything later”

by later he meant after classes, at his house, together with you and your friends yunjin and chaewon.

“yunjin, chaewon” heeseung nodded at your friends.

“lee heeseung” they glared at him.

“come on! both of you knew about it even before” you pleaded.

“doesn’t change the fact that he’ll be stealing you from us now” they rolled their eyes.

“i’m still so confused” ni-ki tried to quicken everyone and get to the point.

“me and y/n are getting married—“

“yeah no shit sherlock” sunghoon cute him off and heeseung glared at him.

“anyway, y/n would you like the explain why?” he turned to you and smiled.

“the uni is giving away free dorms to married couples between 18-25 so—“

“you decided to get married to get a free dorm” jay finished your sentence.

“have you gone mad? heeseung worked his ass to get enough money to get the dorms for the bo— mhhhhmmm!!!” sunoo roamed but jake covered his mouth before he could continue.

“sunoo!!” jake coughed and turned to you with a smile, “don’t mind him he’s been stressed from work and uni lately”

the rest of you giggled awkwardly and tried to ease the atmosphere.

after you yunjin and chaewon left, the boys stayed with heeseung, looking at him with concern.

“what?” heeseung looked at them back with his bambi eyes.

“i don’t know hee, it feels like….she’s kind of using you” sunghoon spoke, jay slapped his arm and he whined.

“he’s right though, marrying you only to get a dorm is quite crazy” jungwon nodded.

“he’s even crazier for actually agreeing to all of this” ni-ki said and jake shushed him.

“ni-ki is right, i am crazy, i have no idea why i said yes but she wasn’t forcing anything on me” heeseung shrugged, “besides, i’ve liked her for so many years so—“

“ah ha!! we knew it!” they all said at the same time and heeseung sighed. what have he got himself into?

after everyone left, heeseung texted you, asking you to meet him in your usual spot.

you got ready and for the first time, you took a while to do so.

you stared at yourself in the mirror a few times and even checked different outfits. this has never happened to you ever before, especially not when you knew that you’re going to see heeseung.

heeseung saw you at your worst, why are you dressing up for him now then?

“i must be crazy, crazy crazy!” you shook away your thoughts and got out to meet your soon-to-be-husband.

“hee!” you saw his back facing you and as soon as he turned around you froze.

did he dress up for you too? why does he look so breathtaking suddenly? his bambi eyes match the rest of his beautiful features on his face so much, you’ve seen this man grow up, you know every detail about his face and you couldn’t explain why it was so sudden that you got caught by surprise because of his beauties.

shaking away your thoughts, you walked closer to him and smiled.

“hey hubby” you grinned.

“hubby?” he asked.

“a new nickname for my soon-to-be-husband” you chuckled and he nodded.

“i actually thought about something,” he turned to you, “our parents will figure it out sooner or later, should we tell them the truth or—“

“no, let them believe we’re getting married without any reason other than being in love”

you have no idea why you just said that. but you hid your face as soon as you realized what just came out of your mouth.

heeseung felt too flattered and suddenly didn’t know what to say. you keep on making him speechless.

“ahem,” he cleared his throat, “you do know that they’ll probably rush out things and even take the wedding plan to their own hands“

i don’t care, i’d like to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you as soon as i can. is what you wanted to say, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so.

“y/n?” he asked. he noticed you were too deep in thoughts and waited for you to come back to sense.

“i’m aware” you nodded, “i’ve also got a text from the uni, we’ll be getting our dorm in the next week, so we should start preparing”

heeseung nodded and looked at you. you were suddenly feeling so nervous and shy to share an eye contact with him, so you broke it as he just kept staring at you and taking in your beauty.

“hey y/n” he said, “hm?”

“i don’t mind marrying you and spending the rest of my life being married to you”

you looked over him and he had the genuinest smile you’ve ever seen.

it felt like the world had froze, and the snow that was falling suddenly stopped, it felt like it was just the two of you in this whole world.

“YOU’RE GETTING WHAT?” your mother yelled.

you and heeseung planned a dinner with both of your parents, to announce the big news.

things became quite awkward between the two of you, ever since your last encounter with him you could barely face him.

his sudden confession freaked you out and the only thing that came out of your mouth was “oh, okay” in the most dry way ever.

you wanted to tell him you feel the same, you wanted to tell him that you’ve been in love with him ever since forever. but one moment that caught you off guard ruined your chance.

you were stupid, stupid and idiot. heeseung probably thinks you hate his guts now.

heeseung in the meantime felt like he was breaking apart slowly. oh, okay?? that’s all you had to answer?

he felt dumb, he felt hopeless. the confession was completely out of the blue and unplanned, your beauty hypnotized him and he was so mesmerized by you that the words just came out of his mouth naturally.

what if you hate his guts now? what if he made you uncomfortable? what if you’ll regret it the last minute because you weren’t feeling the same about him?

all of those questions were eating him alive, and you didn’t help either. each time he came up to you, you were suddenly in rush and told him you have to go, it was breaking him inside slowly.

the dinner was one chance to finally talk with you again.

“married, mom. we’re getting married” you repeat what you already said a few seconds ago.

“when? where? how?” heeseung’s mother asked.

heeseung looked at you and smiled warmly, “it just happened, we’ve been together ever since childhood, it already felt like being in a relationship for so long, so we decided to marry each other” he chuckled and held your hand tightly, “to belong to each other until the day we die”

your parents looked at the both of you. you were sharing eye contact for so long, with heeseung smiling at you, looking deep into your eyes, and with you looking at him with nothing but pure love in your eyes that was making everyone in the room feel so jealous of you two.

“now kiss!” your mother said.

you and heeseung broke the eye contact and blinked a few times.

“what?” you asked.

“kiss then! i want to picture it and keep it in my photo gallery forever!” his mother added.

you were about to speak up until heeseung held your cheek to turn you to face him and it was only a matter of seconds until you felt his lips on yours.

it was your first kiss ever, your first time kissing someone, and it was his as well, but he lead you on so good that it made it look less awkward.

you were his first kiss. you, his childhood friend, stole his first kiss.

“we knew that it’ll happen one day!!” your mothers cheered, “we even have a whole wedding plan ready!!”

you and heeseung broke the kiss and shared an eye contact again.

you didn’t need to hear him say to know how much love he holds for you, and how he cherishes you so much.

and your eyes told him everything, they held the answers to all of the questions that bothered him. you love him as much as he loves you.

“i can’t believe you’re getting married, my little angels” your parents cried altogether which made heeseung let go of his hold on you and grab some tissues to wipe their tears.

“i love that ring by the way! heeseung you did a great job” your mother gave him thumbs up and he chuckled.

if only she knew that it was a ring he bought you in less than 24 hours and even rushed your friends to come with him and help him pick it only because he wanted his whole life to properly propose you.

it was a moving day already and your parents helped you pack every last thing, they even cried through the way, how could their princess leave them so fast?

“you can visit our house anytime!” you tried to comfort them.

“we’ll update you before that, we don’t want to catch you while doing the thing you know” your mother winked and you rolled your eyes, “mom!”

“i see you’re all packed and ready” heeseung came in to check on you.

“she is! take her away already!” your mother complained.

“not before you take this with you!” she went away for a few seconds and came back with a huge wrapped photo frame.

“don’t open it yet!! only when you get into your new house and get everything in place!!” she excitedly hugged the both of you and you nodded.

moving in was quite rough, you had a lot of boxes to unpack and organized, and you and heeseung never felt more awkward after the first kiss you shared.

you’ve barely spoke with each other and your friends were starting to get concerned.

“he told me he doesn’t mind marrying me and spending the rest of his life with me” you pout.

yunjin and chaewon shout and giggled, “girl! he’s more than in love with you!! he’s lovesick!!” they both said.

“what did you answer then?” yunjin asked.

“i told him okay” you smacked your head on the table.

“no way” chaewon gasped.

“yes way” you whined.

“you’re stupid!!” they both smacked you.

“then!!” you shout, “we had our first kiss on dinner in front of our parents” you whispered that part.

“what did you say? couldn’t hear you” chaewon said.

“oh she said that they shared their first kiss on dinner with their— YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS WITH HEESEUNG??” yunjin’s eyes widened.

“what happened after that?” chaewon asked curiously.

“we just finished dinner, and now we barely even talk” you sighed, “each time i see him i’m just blushing and running away, i can’t face him!”

“you have to!! you’re moving in soon!!” yunjin argued and chaewon nodded.

“it’ll be the death of me” you sobbed and they chuckled.

you were right at first, but slowly and surely heeseung made a joke and both of you got back to normal in no time, as if nothing happened between you two.

you even helped him organizing his closet and his room, and he did the same.

after a long day you and heeseung finally laid down on your now shared sofa.

“it’s been a rough day” you sighed.

“should we order something?” he suggested and you nodded immediately. you ended up ordering your favorite food.

“let’s open up the picture!!” you said and grabbed the picture your mom gave you earlier today.

you and heeseung both unwrapped it together and revealed an old picture of you and heeseung hugging each other with a huge smile on your faces.

“look at us then and look at us now” he giggled.

both of you hanged the picture right above your sofa and kept staring at it for a while.

“hey hee,” you spoke, “yeah?”

“i wouldn’t mind marrying you and spending the rest of my days with you too” you turned to him, “until the day i die”

“is that your way of telling me you love me too?” heeseung froze for a second. you caught him off guard for the countless time already.

although he understood very clearly your feelings after you shared your first kiss, hearing your words made his heart beat fast.

it was a confirmation for him that all of his feelings for you were actually mutual all this time.

instead of answering his questions you grabbed his shirt and kissed him.

he put his hands around your waist and pushed you closer to him, holding you tightly as if he’s too scared to let you go.

breaking off the kiss was hard, but the lack of oxygen was kicking in, you pressed your foreheads together, still with your eyes closed.

“does that answer your question?” you giggled and you felt him smiling.

“i don’t think so, i need a bit more of it to feel certain” he teased and you tsked.

“i don’t need to be in a relationship with you to feel certain about my feelings and my willingness to marry you, i want to spend my life with you, i love you” you said and pecked his lips.

“i love you too, y/n” he pecked your lips again and it suddenly got into a fight between you two about who pecks the other more, until it ended up in a long, deep kiss.

“so let me get this straight. you and heeseung had been in denial for many many years and manipulated yourself into thinking that you don’t like each other at all at all, then when y/n’s desperate and broke ass heard of a chance to get a free dorm by getting married, she went up to you, heeseung, and asked her to marry you, you agreed to the proposal because at one point you stopped lying to yourself and realized you’re actually lovesick, and the rest is history” ni-ki finally breathed out after almost rapping this whole story.

“by history i mean y/n waking up from her denial and realizing her feelings to you” he added.

“yes, exactly” heeseung nodded and you chuckled.

you were sitting together with your friends on one table, yunjin and chaewon who were already aware of the story added a few notes here and there as ni-ki summarized your whole story.

“this is a story to tell your children” jay smiled and the rest nodded.

“we’re not planning to get pregnant anytime soon, we didn’t even have a wedding yet” you sighed.

“you never know y/n, you never know!” sunoo slowly nodded.

“why did you say that as if you went through something familiar” jungwon teased.

“you never know y/n, you never know!” sunghoon mocked sunoo.

“that was a good one!” jake laughed with him.

“children, literal children who found themselves in uni somehow” you sighed.

“at this point we won’t even need to have any children when we have them” heeseung agreed with you.

“it doesn’t matter, as long as i’m with you” you smiled and pecked his lips.

“get a room you two will you!”

PERM TAG-LIST ; @sungwhoonz @ohdudehesflirting @unlikelysublimekryptonite @deobiis @manooffline @miumiuoi @in-somnias-world @lovelovelovebts @filmofhybe @wonbinsnovia @daegutowns @aurumiee @soobywon @dhriti-stories @ariadores @firstclassjaylee @watamotee33 @moons-v (bold means cannot be tagged)

••• copyright © srjlvr all rights are reserved.

[minhosimthings]

Love Wins All - LHS

Synopsis: In which Heeseung is your true home.

Pairings: bf!Heeseung × fem!reader

Warnings: reader has a panic attack, reader has complicated relationship with her parents, crying, the eldest daughter syndrome, swearing, HEE COMFORT LETS GAURRRR, fluff, mention of food, me being poetic as always

A/N: whadup y'all I am unfortunately alive so I'm BACK with this here Heeseung fluff because I love him and he is mine and I am going mental. This is for the Hyuck to my Mark, my beloved @jaeyunluvr

There is a peculiar notion that exists in the human world that no one can love you more than your parents. The people who created you. The people who brought you into this universe, this magnificent galaxy of ours that we call home.

There is a notion that your parents are home.

But you learnt early on in life not to make homes in people. You learnt that people are like travelling rivers , like the flowing water in a forest stream, which brings about both peace and destruction, depending on how one's eyes view it. People would never allow you to make homes in them.

And no matter how hard you tried to make a home out of your mother and father, because you thought they were the only people you were compelled to live in, you failed. If people were asking to calm rivers, your parents were like the harsh nightly waves of an ocean, which brought out destruction as they hit the rocks of the shore over and over again and again, never ceasing to think about how the rocks are doing.

Nevertheless, you managed to find a home of your own. You were surprised you did, what with how much you didn't believe in homes and souls and all that bullshit you read repeatedly in books and saw on the screen.

But Heeseung was different, you thought to yourself. He was like a river you had made yourself a travelling home in, one which would be suited well to his serenely flowing water, which touched and kissed you like the skyline kissed the sea at dawn.

Heeseung was different, you knew that. He was that familiar pair of arms and that familiar, comforting scent that you always imagined you'd go home to as a child. He was the person who you had dreamed of as a teenager, someone who'd hang up your coat for you after a long day, someone who'd make you pancakes in the morning while you slumbered on, someone who'd talk with you deep into the starry nights about anything and everything, someone who'd kiss your forehead everyday before leaving for work, someone who'd love you and show you that your 17 year old perception of the concept of love was not wrong.

So there was no thinking about it when he was the first and only person you wanted to collapse into after a devastating, disastrous, draining day, filled with no calm waves and no love.

•••••••••••••••

The sound of your keys jangling, as they were set down onto the key holder, bought a smile to Heeseung's face, as he was cooking up the last portions of pasta. It was Friday night, which meant that you and him were going to eat Heeseung's notorious pesto pasta, drink some wine and relax into the night's clutches. Saturdays meant going out, so Friday was set aside for peace.

Heeseung's left the noodles simmering in the water as he shut the lid and took off his apron before going to greet you. He was excited for pasta night today, since it had been a long week, filled with work on both your sides. Additionally, you had been staying over at your parents' house for some time, so that added to the lonely hours Heeseung spent in bed hugging your hoodies because he couldn't fall asleep without the scent of you lingering understand his nostrils.

Now, he was hot on his heels, ready to engulf you into the biggest hug ever and kiss you for eternity. Perhaps he was exaggerating, but the taste of your lips on his really was asking to ambrosia to him. If the Gods had their nectar, then he had his.

"Evening, princess." Heeseung chuckled, leaning against the kitchen door as he watched you slowly take your coat off and hang it up on the rack. Lifting your head up, your mouth stretched into a smile on seeing him.

"Seungie..." You cooed, walking over to him and immediately locking yourself into his arms. Heeseung's left arm went to your waist, the other going to support your head. You layed your head gently on his chest, your own arms tied 'round his slender figure.

The comforting scent of him, cherry cologne, basketball tees and pasta sauce, filled your senses as you took a deep breath in, closing your eyes. Perhaps it was from the pure exhaustion you were feeling, but the mere scent of him brought you back to where you've wanted to be for the entire week.

Home.

Heeseung was your home wasn't he?

You felt Heeseung smile as he loosened his tight grip on you, pulling back to look at you. His bambi eyes traced your features one by one, making you feel a bit shy, as if the love of your life wasn't doing what he always did. Heeseung's eyes wavered a little as they landed on your slightly bloodshot ones. Ever the observant man, he was, he chose not to question you about it, knowing you would tell him the reason sooner or later.

"I missed you." You beamed up at him, as a breathy chuckle left his plump, pink (perfectly kissable) lips, "Missed your pasta too." You nose wrinkled at the delicious smell coming from the kitchen, as you glanced towards the door.

"Only my pasta?" Heeseung's bottom lip jutted out to form an adorable pout, which you oh so missed, "Not my kisses?"

"Nope." You giggled, popping your lips, eyes wandering down to his again, "Only your pasta."

Heeseung smiled gently as he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. The gentleness of his touch made tears well up in your eyes, you had craved this love for a week now, as if you were Eve, starved of interest, and in her hunger, taking a bite of the apple to satisfy herself.

"Love?"

You snapped out of your stupor at the sound of Heeseung's honeyed voice, gently calling you. You felt the warm touch of his hand against your cheek, he gently cupped it and closely examined you with his eyes.

"Are you alright?" He asked, voice still soft as cotton, as if he would have broken you if he spoke any louder, "You don't look too good."

"I'm fine!" You responded, the words coming out a little more enthusiastic that you had intended them to, "I just need a shower." You laughed it off, but Heeseung knew (through what he called his boyfriend tingle) that you most certainly were not ok.

"Love, are you sur-"

"I'm fine, Heeseung." You firmly stated, putting your own hand on top of the one Heeseung had on your cheeks, gently pushing his off, "I'm gonna go take a shower." You smiled again at him before glancing towards the kitchen, "And you've got some pasta to make, mister, so get going."

Heeseung grinned before letting go of your waist, one last kiss was pressed to your forehead before he rushed off into the kitchen to put together a dinner fit for royalty.

•••••••••••••

The feeling of warm water hitting your skin, whilst you stood underneath the shower, brought about the waterworks. This feeling, this familiar feeling of showering in your own bathroom was ridiculous to bring tears to your eyes, but here you were. Soaking in despair, as memories of the week you had spent came rushing to your brain.

You enjoyed staying with your parents, you truly did. After all, they had been the ones to witness each one of your fails and each one of your successes, carefully shaping you, like a potter with his clay, to avoid the mistakes and focus solely on being the golden child. But they had failed to notice that even the golden child burns out sometimes, even the Icarus child loses her wings. That, combined with the never ending screams and shouts that envelope your childhood home, you weren't even sure sometimes whether your parents actually loved you or not.

Love, as you had believed it from ages six to ten, was the feeling of receiving ice cream, the feeling of someone running a brush through your hair, the feeling of rushing home from school and excitedly doing your homework, so that the teacher would give you a star the other day.

Love, from ages eleven to sixteen, was something that was fictional, something that was described so sweetly in the books that you thought 'of course it isn't real'. It was something to be bought and sold, something that couldn't actually exist between people, you blanked out at the fact that when you visited your friend's home, you found her parents talking merrily to each other, as if they actually knew one another.

Love to you, now, was a complex conundrum of ideas. It was full of paradoxes and oxymorons that you didn't want to spend hours decoding and deciphering.

For now, love had been the same cherry cologne, the same honey coated voice, and the same pair of doe eyes, staring lovingly into yours after a long day, whilst you lay with tangled limbs and slightly fuller hearts.

Stepping out the shower, with a warm towel wrapped around yourself, you stared at yourself in the vanity mirror, tracing your hands over your face, whilst your eyes did the same with themselves. Heeseung would definitely notice how bloodshot your eyes were, and you didn't want to put more of a burden on him than you thought you had already done.

Burden. That word again.

Always showing up when you least wanted it to. Of course you were a burden to your parents, why on earth would they even want you, now that you had a life of your own? Apart from the fact that you were the sole witness to the years of domestic bitterness, they had no idea who you truly were. And of course, you were a burden to the world, you had been taught that since the ripe age of eight. Who'd ever want a burden?

You quickly rubbed some of your face cream onto your skin, hoping it would make the tear marks disappear. As for the bloody eyes, well, there was always the soap in the eyes' excuse.

Your hands roughly blended the cream into your skin, you knew it was unhealthy, but at that point, all you wanted was a plate of pasta in front of you and a tall, pink haired man in your arms.

••••••••••••••••

Heeseung stood in the kitchen, frozen like a deer in headlights, staring down at your phone. An unread message proudly showed itself against your bright Studio Ghibli wallpaper. Messages from your younger brother. He was about six years younger than you, and he still stayed at his parents, being a year away from college. That was what Heeseung knew, based off of what you'd told him. Messages from your brother were peculiar, because for one, he was busy with his work, and two, apart from sending each other dozens of reels on Instagram everyday, you and your brother never really talked much. It was that kind of sibling-love, Heeseung thought, the kind which stayed on, even after not conversing with actual words.

So these many messages from your brother was weird, especially considering the fact that the first one started with "Are you doing alright?"

Out of curiosity, Heeseung had checked the texts, and his mouth fell open at what was before his eyes. His mind couldn't comprehend what your brother had been taking about.

Dozens upon dozens of texts, all taking about something with the keywords, 'argument', 'parents' and some or the other thing to do with 'I miss you'. Heeseung's brain seemed to do some kind of a backflip, as he finally realised why your eyes were so bloodshot when you had arrived.

"Hee? Baby?" Heeseung snapped out of his stupor at the sound of your voice behind him. He was quick to put your phone down and pretend like he was checking on the pasta.

"Need anything baby?" He asked, eyes visibly softening as he looked at you. You smiled gently at him.

"Have you seen my phone?" You ask, peering around for it.

"Yeah uhm..." Heeseung hesitated for a moment before picking up the phone on the counter behind him, "Here you go."

Your fingers gently brushed against his as you took the phone from him, offering him a smile as you did. Heeseung turned back to his pasta, while your eyes gravitated to the multiple texts that lay scattered on the screen. Quietly sighing, you sat down on the chair, and resting your arms on the table, scrolled through your brother's texts.

You felt your jawline tighten more by the second as you read each and every sentence, the drastic moments of the horrible week you had suffered flashing in front of your eyes. The air around you seemed to still as you read your brother's last text. Perhaps you had read it wrong, you thought, but no manges how much you tried to convince yourself that your tear-filled eyes did not just read 'I miss you, when are you coming again?' wrong, you couldn't.

Your heart tore itself into bits and pieces as you re-read the texts again, torturing yourself by doing so. You had told yourself that you'd never go back to the argument filled house again, back to bad memories and nightmares. But there was that pang of guilty sleeping inside of you, 'They are your parents after all', 'They raised you, shouldn't you be more grateful for it?'.

The air around you stilled as you felt the muscles of your chest constrict, your veins tangled into one another, like dark, flimsy ribbons. You couldn't remember when the last time was that you felt like this. Perhaps it was in high school, when you had lost a quiz, solely because you had one less mark than the winner. Or perhaps it was when you had won the tennis match, on the grounds that the other player had been cheating. Whatever it was, you couldn't recall the last time the world came swirling down on you like a tornado and you felt like your lungs were filled with weeds.

This feeling inside seizes you, holds you tight, and doesn't allow you to take a proper breath. And that's ok, you think. You don't need to breathe, not yet. But the feeling doesn't stop, and your body eventually screams for another breath. The thing is, though, you can't get any air in, so you panic once again. The cycle never ends. It keeps repeating until you're drowning in your sweat and anxiety

"Baby?" You faintly heard Heeseung's voice from afar, "Y/N, love, look at me." His voice was firmer this time, and you felt the soft touch of his fingers on your skin.

His gaze loomed over your blank expression, never before had he seen your eyes so devoid of any emotion. Heeseung takes in the painfully blank expression on your pale face, the way your chest is rising and falling in quick, shallow breaths that you couldn't quite seem to control, the way you were angled himself just slightly away from him, and suddenly his mind snaps back into place.

You're having a goddamn panic attack, one that you haven't had in a long time.

When he gets his fingers wrapped around your own, he can feel how cold they’ve gone, can feel the fine tremble of adrenaline working through them, and can’t quite choke down the noise of sympathy in his throat. He tugs on your hand.

“Baby, come on, breathe.” He said, slowly reaching out to you, “Love, look at me,” He said sternly, turning you around to face him. He immediately searched your eyes to get you to look at him.

As soon as your eyes landed on his— those beautiful pools of comforting chaos and shimmering stars that you wanted all to yourself—the lasso that was tied tightly around your exhausted brain, broke with an audible snap.

A loud, theatrical sob ripped through your chest as the dam at your eyes broke. Tears flowed down your skin rapidly, like raindrops in a thunderstorm. You probably looked pathetic at the moment, which caused you to double over in another trough of tears. You wanted this night to be perfect for Heeseung. So why couldn't you just be perfect?

Heeseung could sense your thoughts running wild in your mind. He tightly gripped you in between his arms as you sobbed. He blinks his own tears away, and bites his lip to stop himself from calling your parents every possible insult that existed in the English lexicon.

Heeseung hated seeing you cry. It was one of the few things that actually made him sad. Seeing how your beautiful eyes would fill up with tears, how your lip would tremble and how your entire body would shake like a life in the wind, much like it was doing now, he despised all of it.

"Shh love, it's alright." He hummed so softly that make you want to cry even more, "It's alright, I'm here. You're safe."

“I-I’m really sorry—…” you choke out between sobs, "—I'm sorry!"

But Heeseung only pulls you closer to him, his grip growing tighter, as if he wanted to squish all the despair out of you, "I'm here for you, princess."

You let your body go limp and rested your head on Heeseung's shoulder. His hand instinctively cradled your head and stroked your hair. You felt calm now, but weren't ready to move and Heeseung didn’t seem to be in any hurry for you to get up. However, he was in a hurry to get you to breathe properly.

“Love, come on now, look at me,” Heeseung said, cupping your cheeks and forcing you to open your eyes to look at him. “Come on, with me, yeah? Breathe.” He then took a slow, deep breath, and you mirrored his actions.

“And again,” he said, getting you to focus on slowing your breathing down. One of his hands held yours against his chest so that you could feel the pattern of his breaths. After several moments of slowing your breathing and getting you to breathe normally again, you finally sighed and looked up at Heeseung with tired eyes, muttering a small 'thank you' to him.

You stayed wrapped up in his arms for quite some time, stuck in the moment in quiet silence, the only sound being the sound of Heeseung's softly humming. His fingers drawing shapes on your back and his voice gently floating through the air slowed your world down to a still, a rare moment for you that you quiet enjoyed.

"Baby?" Heeseung cooed softly, "Would you like to go up to the bedroom?"

Exhausted from all the crying and unable to open your dry mouth, you mindlessly shook your head, only wanting to stay in his warm arms for longer.

"Then do you want to talk about what happened?" A soft smile settled on his lips, bringing your mind to ease and a little more saliva into your mouth. Sighing heavily, you spoke.

"I—my parents," you started rather lamely, the gravel in your voice was evident, "I can't deal with their taunts and scoldings everytime I go over to their house. That and the fact that they keep fighting all day." You sighed again, "I'm not saying 'don't fight' or anything–I get it they're grown adults, but fuck Hee, I can't deal with the fact that they don't even wait for my brother and I to leave the house before they're going at it on each other like bulls." You felt Heeseung's fingers slightly tighten, "And they keep fucking making me feel like I'm the least perfect person I'm this entire world when they, out of all people, know that I'm trying so hard."

"And I can't rid my brain of the fact that my brother has to suffer all that until he gets to college. And sometimes I feel like I've betrayed him by getting away from that stupid house." Your voice slightly cracked, the tears starting to form at your eyes again, "–and I feel so fucking selfish all the time for that. And then there's the fact that no matter how perfect I try to be for them, they just don't accept it!"

You breathed out a long held breath of air and melted into Heeseung's arms once more, your hand holding onto his shirt tightly, as if he's float away if you let him go. You felt guilty about his wet shirt, stained with all your dumb tears.

"Sorry about the shirt...." You mumbled, hiding your face, "And for everything else, I know I've ruined the night-"

"Oh princess." Heeseung softly cooed, a smile dancing on his lips, "You didn't ruin anything for me." His fingers went to your chin, grabbing your face and tilting it up to look at him. Your eyes met his and you relaxed at the true home you saw in his irises.

"I love you, you know that right?" He asked, to which you nodded. He let his grip on your chin fall down to rest on your waist again.

"Do you know why I love you so much?" He asked again, to which you meekly nodded a 'no'.

"It's because you're human." Heeseung said, making you snap your head up at him with a confused (or in Heeseung's terms, adorable) look.

"I don't love you only for the perfect version of yourself, or for your amazing cooking." You let out a tiny puff of a laugh at that, "I love you for all your flaws, all your fails and all of you. Baby, no one is ever gonna be perfect and if your parents can't understand that, then, pardon me for saying it, but fuck them."

You let out a raw laugh at his words, burying your head in his chest as you giggled, feeling the saliva come back to your mouth as he gave you a tight squeeze.

"You're the most perfect person in the world to me." He cooed gently, "No cap." A lopsided smirk decorated his face after his last words.

"Heeseung!" You laughed raucously at him, "What have Jake and Riki been teaching you?"

"It's the language of love mi amore." He smirked again, his eyes shining like nebulas.

"Can we have that pasta now?" You asked timidly, beaming up at Heeseung, who smiled his warmth back at you, "And watch Howl's Moving Castle?"

"Anything for you, love." Heeseung pressed his lips to yours in a short sweet kiss, one which you'd never get tired of, even as a thousand suns set and a thousand moons rise up from the horizon, you'd never get tired of Heeseung and his gentle love.

"I love you." You broke off from the kiss to take a breath.

"I love you more, princess."

[jerich0two]

Hi! I don't know if your ace or not, and if this question makes you uncomfortable ignore it, but is it possible for ace people to like, stop being ace if they find the right person? I just feel rlly guilty about reading alastor fics knowing that he's ace and ig this would make me have peace of mind or smth?

I am ace! But I can't speak on behalf of all aces, since everyone's experience is different. There aren't any “rules” to live by as an ace person. Honestly, you can do whatever you want and still be ace. You can also use the label and then find it doesn't fit you anymore, no harm done. That being said… the idea that asexual people will “stop being ace if they find the right person” is a very dodgy one. From what I've seen/read, it tends to be used to invalidate the ace identity. People on the asexual spectrum can and do take partners, and some people end up feeling sexual attraction (demisexuals and grey-aces, for example), but that doesn't make them any less ace.

(more thoughts below the cut-off)

  I'll throw in my personal opinion here (since this is my blog!): with Alastor specifically, canonically he seems uninterested in sex at the very least, and maybe even sex-repulsed. I don't think the people writing Alastor fics or drawing ship art are being malicious, and the same goes for the people consuming that content. Go right ahead and read those Alastor fics if you want. Personally, I don't care. I've seen some posts on here from other (aro)ace people endorsing the writing and reading of that kinda thing! But IMO, it’s been disappointing to see Alastor's canon identity thrown out so frequently in favour of making shipping/sexual content. There are so many other characters you could be shipping! And I don't think the vast majority of people are thinking to themselves, “he's ace, but there are so many different ways to be ace, and I'd like to explore that for his character”, they're just using it as an excuse to ignore his identity and give him the same treatment as the rest of the cast. But again, I don't think (most) people are being malicious. Just (maybe wilfully) ignorant.

  Anyway, sorry for the ramble! If you really feel guilty about reading Alastor fics, find fics with other characters you can comfortably enjoy. I reckon that'd be a better time for everyone haha /lh

(And do keep in mind that this is my personal opinion. Other aces might feel differently! If you think I've spoken out of turn here, feel free to let me know – I'm not used to talking about my identity online ^^”)

[niki-phoria]

hi! i have a request for jay or sunghoon:)

i was thinking of a high school au where one of the boys are in the basketball team for their school. they have a rival school and jay/hoon also have a rival component (it can be someone from enha or txt) and they both want y/n🤭🤭 y/n can be close to both of them since they’re a reporter for their high school and have followed all their games since they report them

so basically i was thinking it ends where like jay/hoon win the game and they get the courage to confess from the rush of winning<3

just an idea i got, btw i loooove ur fics 😭😭

blonde mullet hoon >>>

pairing: basketball player!sunghoon x school reporter!gn!reader (they/them pronouns used) genre: fluff word count: 1.7k

includes: high school au, poor basketball knowledge, i forgot what a dunk was and spent like five minutes googling it (is it even a dunk ??), blushy hoon, enha teasing hoon, txt cameos, chose beomgyu as hoon's rival but it's a good rivalry like they're friends they just play for different schools yk

a/n: choosing hoon for this bc this man will not let me live in peace /lh thank you so much for requesting !! it means so much that you enjoy my writing <33 this was such a cute idea, i hope you enjoy it :))

additional note: i used to be part of the yearbook club for a few years so i had to take pics of volleyball games so i have a little bit of experience with this i am aware that you don't scroll through cameras but i couldn't think of another word for it okay

requests open !! read my rules first

the referee blowing the whistle is your cue to prepare to start taking more pictures. you keep the camera close to your face, snapping multiple pictures at a time. beomgyu dribbles the ball, effortlessly guiding it along the floor as he runs to the other side of the court. he jumps, grabbing onto the rim and forcing it down through the net. 

cheers erupt from the crowd behind you. you continue on, photographing his team rushing to where he is. they wrap their arms around each other, jumping in celebration. a small smile spreads across your face at the joy that radiates from all of them. 

nearby, sunghoon sighs, leaning down on his hands. though his team lost the point, that’s not the reason why his lips quirk downwards into a slight frown. he leans forwards onto his hands, subtly looking at you through his fringe. 

“it’s okay hyung,” sunoo says, patting his shoulder. he drops his voice, leaning in as if they’re strategizing. “talk to them after they finish. you know they always make time for you.” 

sunghoon hopes the audience assumes his flushed face is from the game. their cheers quiet down when the referee blows the whistle again, announcing another round. sunoo squeezes his shoulder before he makes his way back to his own position. 

sunghoon glances over at you again. this time you notice him, smiling and raising your fist in a small ‘fighting!’ gesture. he nods, leaning back onto his knees. he takes a deep breath, letting himself refocus completely on the game. everything else seems to fade away - the audience cheers, his coach yelling, the pressure from everywhere around him, even you and how nervous you make him. he lets the tension relax from his shoulders. 

he isn’t park sunghoon, star basketball player constantly pinned against choi beomgyu who needs to live up to his reputation. he’s a teenage boy playing the sport he fell in love with secretly hoping it impresses the cute reporter standing at the other end of the court. 

“sunghoon!” the ball feels light in his hands as jungwon passes it over. he dodges kai’s blocking attempt, running past yeonjun and taehyun as he jumps, shooting for the hoop. he scores. 

the audience all but explodes. elation spreads through him as he pants. the referee holds her hands up, announcing their win. beside him, beomgyu holds out a hand. “congratulations,” he smiles.

sunghoon takes it, letting beomgyu pull him into a quick hug. “you too.” he quickly bows at soobin before his team swarms him, all of them trapped in a giant group hug. he laughs as they repeatedly pat his back and shoulders. 

“good job everyone,” jungwon pants. “we all did well.” 

“let’s get cleaned up,” heeseung smiles. “we could all use a shower.” 

sunghoon looks over his shoulder to where you’re standing. beomgyu is leaning down to look at your camera as you scroll through the various photos you’ve taken during the night. little pangs of jealousy sting him. “i’ll be right there.” 

he ignores the teasing “good luck” from jay, pushing his hair back as he makes his way over to you and beomgyu. beomgyu notices him first. “hey sunghoon.” 

“hi hoon!” you perk up immediately, stepping towards him to wrap him into a hug. he wraps his arms around you, relishing in your touch. your actions ease some of the jealousy that still lingers. “great job out there today! you were incredible!” 

sunghoon laughs, shaking his head. “thank you.” 

“i was just showing beomgyu some of the photos from tonight, do you want to see?” he glances over at said boy, a silent question passing between them. 

“you go ahead, i should get cleaned up anyways,” beomgyu smiles. “besides, it’ll be a long bus ride back home.” 

“i’ll see you later, gyu,” you call as he leaves. 

“see you hyung.” beomgyu gives him a small wink before he exits the gym. 

now mostly alone with you, sunghoon leans over your shoulder as you scroll back through the variety of pictures from the night. he can recognize some of the moments from them - beomgyu’s dunk, him leaning down on his knees, his winning shot, beomgyu’s high five, and his team celebrating. 

“i was thinking of using this one,” you murmur, moving back to a specific photo. it’s of sunghoon in mid-air during the winning shot of the night. even he has to admit that he looks good in the shot, even without editing. “mrs. lee wants the headline piece to be about the game tonight. i was hoping you could help me with basketball terms.” 

“of course,” sunghoon smiles. he hadn’t realized how close you’re standing until you look over your shoulder at him. your back is nearly against his chest. he blushes, refocusing back on the camera in your hands. it feels intimate but neither of you move away. he clears his throat a little awkwardly. “are you coming to the game tomorrow night?” 

“looks like it,” you sigh. “mrs. lee wants to assign me to sports.” 

“and that’s… bad?” despite your disappointment at the idea, a small part of him is excited at the possibility of being able to spend more time with you. 

“just not a huge fan of the screaming,” you shrug. “at least i’ll have you with me.” 

sunghoon can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. he’s grateful that you don’t comment on how quickly his ears redden, though he’s sure you can tell. “yeah?” 

“yeah,” you smile. “you make everything better.” 

he’s saved from the embarrassment of his blush deepening further when the door swings open. “sunghoon,” his coach calls. “the showers are open if you’re ready.” 

“yeah, yeah,” he nods before turning back to you. “so, i’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“you’ll see me tomorrow,” you confirm.

the giddiness builds in sunghoon as he leaves for the showers, letting the cool water calm him down. he washes up quickly, rinsing the sweat from his body and hair before throwing on an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt he brought with him. 

niki, jake, heeseung, and jungwon have already finished showering when he exits, rummaging through his bag to put his uniform away. “that was an awfully long talk with y/n,” niki says. “did you finally do it?” 

sunghoon purses his lips, pretending to continue looking for something in his bag. “no.” 

jake sits up, looking over at him. “really? you should. it’s really obvious they like you.” 

“sunoo said that too,” he sighs, sitting down on the bench next to them. “do you really think so?” 

“like jake said, it’s pretty obvious.” heeseung chuckles. “they flirt with you pretty much every time you guys interact.” 

this makes him pause, looking over at his friends. “do you think they know i like them?” 

“you look like a lovesick fool whenever they glance in your direction,” niki laughs. “i’m sure they know already.” 

“ah,” he playfully swats at niki’s shoulder. 

“i think you should confess, hyung.” jungwon says, setting his phone aside. “you guys would be cute together.” 

sunghoon turns away, looking down at the ground. he lets their reassurances calm his nerves, thinking back on the interactions he’s had with you. all of the little things he brushed off as your friendly personality or shared experiences. with a final sigh, he nods. “alright. they asked for help with their report. i’ll ask them then.” 

heeseung pats his shoulder again. “that’s my boy.” 

sunghoon rolls his eyes, silently grateful for the push into finally telling you about how he feels. 

sunghoon is standing on the court across from beomgyu with a ball in his hand again sooner than he thinks. he can see you snapping photos in the corner of his eye. the rest of the game hinges on this shot. the scoreboard on the wall shows a large white timer, slowly counting down. only 30 seconds left. 

he takes a deep breath, willing his nerves to calm down. everything feels like it’s going too fast and too slow at the same time. suddenly all of the eyes on him are no longer friends and classmates. they don’t feel comforting and excited. they simply increase the pressure he feels all around him - like he’s drowning. like the air is slowly being stolen from his lungs. 

“hoon!” your sweet voice breaks him out of his anxiety induced trance. he looks at you fully this time, eyes meeting yours. you raise your fist once again to cheer him on. “you can do it!” 

sunghoon smiles, taking a deep breath. finally, he jumps, forcing the ball through the air towards the hoop. it spins as it bounces against the backboard before falling down through the net in a single fluid motion. 

the audience cheers slowly come back to reality. he waits for the referee to blow his whistle, the timer letting out a loud ring to announce the end of the game. this time he doesn’t wait for his friends to swarm him or to congratulate the other team. he acts purely on instinct, running over to you and wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. you laugh, clinging onto his shoulders as he spins you around. he pulls back, looking down into your eyes. “i’m so in love with you.” 

your smile grows even larger before the words register to him. before he can react himself you pull him down, so your foreheads touch. “can i kiss you?” 

still somewhat in a trance, sunghoon nods. euphoria bursts through him when you finally lean up to press your lips against his in a sweet kiss. he brings a hand up to cup your cheek, coaxing you even closer and deepening it. you smile against his lips, pressing a final peck against them before pulling away. 

you’re both panting by the end of it, smiling at each other. “can i call you mine?” sunghoon finally asks. 

“i always have been.” unable to hide his excitement any longer, your - now boyfriend - pulls you into yet another kiss. 

[deusvervewrites]

okay good cus i have au brainrot and a sleeping problem

right now im working on lov traitor himiko bc she has done no wrong and possibly one of my favorite characters bc have i mentioned shes awesome /lh

also how do you make sure your characterization is right? ive deleted work before after working on it simply because they got slowy ooc over the course of the snippet lol

(sorry if im just barraging you with asks just tell me to stop if youre uncomfy as i mentioned i have brainrot haha)

yeah word dump (im sorry)

(This is the Anon from this Ask, but I didn't get around to this right away)

I'm not going to say Toga did nothing wrong but I love her, and the idea of her as a traitor is wild. Given her shapeshifting powers, she's probably the best situated for it after Shigaraki himself. Also she's a middle-school dropout homeless teenager so figuring out how she has the resources to do what she does could be fun

[Writing advice starts here]

For characterization, all characters are at their core comprised of three questions: 'What does this character want more than anything else?', 'Why does this character want it?', and 'How is this character going to get it?'

If you know those three questions you can handle pretty much anything. Here, let's give an example.

Bakugou:

What does Bakugou want more than anything else? To be the Number One Hero

Why does he want it? Because he has no self-worth unless people are praising him, so he's set his sights on the top celebrity in the world.

How is he going to get it? Going to UA High School.

On the other hand, Midoriya:

What does Midoriya want more than anything else? To help people.

Why does he want it? Systemic discrimination has given him a strong sense of justice and compassion for others.

How is he going to get it? Going to UA High School.

You can see how these answers inform other parts of their personality--Bakugou is insecure, so he lashes out. Midoriya is compassionate, so he empathizes with the antagonists. Additionally, Bakugou's answers change over time in response to his character development.

While thinking of characterization as a list of traits can certainly help, knowing these three questions makes it easier to keep a character consistent even as they develop in response to events.

Toga, for instance:

What does Toga want more than anything else? To live freely and not be judged for drinking blood.

Why does she want it? Her parents abused her, and she's never had the chance.

How is she going to get it? Running away from home. Later, joining the League of Villains.

Obviously, characters want more than one thing at a time, which can create drama when they have to choose between something they want versus The Thing they want more than anything else.

You can also use these questions to create character foils. As mentioned above, Bakugou and Midoriya have the same answer to the third question, but similarities and differences can come from any of those three questions.

Let's say, hypothetically, you're writing a fantasy story about three kingdoms in an uneasy peace. You might have characters who want to unite those three nations under one banner that look something like this.

Character A:

What does she want more than anything else? To unite the three nations.

Why does she want it? A mixture of nationalist pride as the crown princess and a desire for revenge.

How is she going to get it? A war of unification.

While Character B:

What does he want more than anything else? To unite the three nations.

Why does he want it? To put an end to the racial prejudice he faced as a child.

How is he going to get it? Diplomatic schemes and manipulations.

And you've got two characters who are suddenly very similar in some ways and completely incompatible in others.

(And you thought you had word dump!)

[niefics]

OVER IT — LHS X Y/N

Sypnosis : Y/n is over heeseungs and their relationships, but they just can’t get over him

Warnings : toxicity? Possible cheating from heeseung, cursing, and arguing, hella angst.

“Heeseung what the fuck.” I spoke getting up from the couch getting up and looking at him. He watch as I get up, “what’s with you baby-“ “don’t fucking baby me when you were talking to other bitches.”

He got up, looking at me as I crossed my arms. “What are you talking about, what bitches are you talking about ?” He spoke getting closer to me. “Heeseung you know exactly what I’m fucking talking about. My friends have been telling me about you.” I spoke, his eyesbrows charges from straight to scrunched together.

“You got your friends watching me now ? Your fucking insecure y/n.” He spoke pointing at me. “I- im insecure ? Do you not know why im like this ? It’s because of fucking you!” i spoke, growing irritated. “It’s always other bitches in the picture, there’s never peace in the relationship, do you even love me like you say you do ?” I spoke. “Of fucking course I do.” “You don’t show it, you didn’t even tell me happy birthday, you only come over when you ***need*** to.” I spoke backing up.

“you never take me on dates, you never show how much you love me. Are we just fuck buddies ?” I spoke, it shut him up for a bit. “Y/n I want you.. I want no one but you. I may not show it but I do truly.”

my frustration fades to me looking cold and tired. “Heeseung, you don’t love me, you love the idea of having me. All we do is argue, people telling me how you talk to other bitches, heeseung I hate This.. I hate this relationship. There’s truly no live in it.” I spoke taking him aback. “I’m done, I’m tired of you.. over it, let’s break up.” “Fine by me.”

That how I would’ve loved to end it, but here I am, looking at my ex at my front door at 2 am, .. it’s like no matter how much I do I just .. leave him.

[redstringraven]

TMNT’s 40th anniversary ask game ~ May I ask for number 22) , 26) and 35) ? Lots of love <3

TuT!!!! THANK u, cherry. loves of love to you, too 💜✨

(please excuse that this ask is visually a bit more of a mess. i wrote too much again for tumblr to be chill with my usual formatting. why am i like this.)

TMNT's 40th anniversary ask game!

22.) what is your favorite kind of pizza?

terrible news, everyone: i'm a pro-pineapple bitch. you may block and unfollow me now; i forgive you for being incorrect (/lh). i tend to be pescatarian if i can help it (i'm flexible due to money, and also i hate inconveniencing others especially if i'm a guest), so i prefer pizza without meats. i'm happy to eat any kind of veggie combination with the exception of banana peppers. never liked those for some reason. i also really like mushroom and eggs as pizza toppings. i'm kind of just an egg fiend in general; i love the taste of a well-made egg.

26.) what is one of your favorite pieces of TMNT fan art?

these things keep asking for one, but i'm gonna continue responding with however many i feel like. because it's not my dad. the scarf, by @hamsterandturtlesoup weakness is a sickness and a virtue, by @tatortart various candid illustrations by richard chen vis dev by kellan jett

35.) which character relationships are your favorite to write/draw?

...since we're both OC people, i'm gonna take this as an opportunity to gush about canon and OC relationships: two of my favorite brotps. because they're character relationships i adore writing with all my heart and soul.

mikey, gwyn & ash i mentioned previously that @plantdonutwrites (jenn) writes for mikey in our RPs, so i consulted her for mikey's perspective on this brot3. i will paraphrase her answer in this paragraph:

"all his life, mikey's been used to only having his bros as company; they're family in a way that puts the rest of us to shame. but as they grew older they met all sorts of people, some became an extension of that family. raph has casey or maybe angel when he wants to dip for a bit. don has leatherhead or the professor (bree, too), and leo has usagi even if he's not 'as regular' (and min-ji, too). his brothers have their separate circles of friends, but, against all odds, mikey doesn't seem to have that (at least not until cassia shoved her foot in the loneliness door). then he bonded with gwyn and ash... but then they left. he realized that it wasn't just that they didn't treat him like 'the annoying brother who tags along' but because they'd actually become friends, and they were friends who didn't humor him. they liked the comics he talked about, they love klunk, and they're interested in his art and ideas. it meant a lot to him to have that--to know what it was like--and when they weren't around, he really felt the difference. in an odd way they helped him become a more empathetic person, too."

it's harder to answer in ash's perspective because she has a lot less agency than gwyn and, because gwyn's paranoid/won't let ash out of her own hands much less her line of sight, ash doesn't get a lot of one-on-one time with mikey. she's interacted with him a LOT more than she's interacted with most people--which absofuckinglutely means something--but since she does consider herself 'dead' and is at peace with the possibility she'll be a literal shapeshifting weapon for the rest of her sentience, i think a lot of his meaning to her (right now) is very rooted in what he means for gwyn. THAT being said.

mikey is gwyn's first real friend. like. ever. in all the time she's been alive. very much in the same way that the brothers only had each other for most of their lives, gwyn only ever had ash. her community considered her a parasite and an omen, so she was essentially outcast. gwyn grew up feeling she wasn't wanted, had to earn any love she received, and when ash died and became trapped in the weapon, all that transpired and followed afterward re-enforced that. i haven't talked about darach a lot--deliberately--but know that he's a masterful manipulator in more ways than one. if ch'rell was brute force and intimidation, darach is more like the pot you put a frog in and slowly turn up the heat. you don't realize you're being boiled alive until it's too late. thanks to his influence, gwyn's been tricked, back-stabbed, cornered, and watched people suffer 'because of her' countless times. when i said she was paranoid, i wasn't really being hyperbolic. she has SEVERE trust issues. ...then came mikey. someone who, unknowingly, had already given them a taste of his character.

gwyn and ash had heard of mikey's rematch with kluh during their travels--that the match was made mortal, that mikey had not only won but had spared kluh's life when he had every reason not to. darach wouldn't approach someone like him, they figured. and as time passed, mikey continued to not just be open and kind with them, but again and again he's emphasized to gwyn that they just... CARE. to quote him "we don't keep you guys around for any benefits other than being able to know you". which, in so many ways, is unheard of for gwyn. she still struggles to believe him sometimes, but she trusts him. mikey is her first and best friend, he's someone she admires, and he's proven time and time again that ash isn't the only person capable of loving her, and that she's worthy of that love by just being herself. i had to spend a lot of this answer on exposition because OC, but... i earnestly can't emphasize enough how much mikey's come to mean to gwyn. he asked her not to leave again without them, and she promised she wouldn't. that promise to him has kept her from running away and isolating. even though she's terrified--for herself, for ash, for them--she trusts him. writing them makes me so happy. it's been such a delight to see their relationship evolve and the influences they've had on each other and their worldviews. i love this brot3 so goshdang much.

min-ji & raph min-ji belongs to jenn and, oh my god, i love her relationship with raph so, SO much. when we rp, jenn's obviously writing for min, and i write for raph.

again! consulted jenn! her answer paraphrased below:

"raph's pretty much the first assertive person in her life that had her back early on? her home life is complex; her family DOES love her but sometimes that love can veer controlling and toxic (responsibilities/obligations). raph was a type of personality she'd never been around before, and he cared about her well-being in a way that was unconditional. hanging out with him more helped her become more assertive and in touch with parts of herself she was forced to suppress to be more palatable to her family. she's found that being angry about something that happened to her, or something that was said to her, doesn't make her bad or a burden. raph doesn't expect her to shy away from her flaws or nuances. he lets her be a person."

as for raph's end, it's kind of hard to put into words. but i love that min-ji has become one of the very few people he will allow himself moments of vulnerability around. like. instead of it just happening, he makes the choice to let a wall or six down. they've created a mutual safe space between each other.

i think this has cultivated from a lot of things. min was much more timid when they met--raph even made a bit of a point, initially, to not interact with her so much because she was skittish and on-edge thanks to surrounding events. but through the events of our writing, he's watched her grow in self-confidence, be more open, and allow herself to 'take up' more space. she's also survived two major threats to her life, now, both of which have scarred her physically and emotionally, yet she persists and continues to extend kindness to people who, in his opinion, don't deserve it. but that's HER business (while he makes his feelings known, he stays out of it unless she signals him otherwise). she may not be a fighter in a literal sense, but he sees her as an equal. like, he's still protective of her in dangerous situations since she's not trained to fight--obviously--but... i dunno, i guess it's more like "i've been through shit; you've been through shit; if i say things look bad right now, you won't like it but you also won't give up". he doesn't feel a pull to coddle her if things are looking grim, i guess is what i'm trying to say?; he'll shoot straight with her because he knows she IS a fighter. even if she doesn't fight. does THAT make sense?

like i said, it's hard to put into words. but i think it's a combination of min-ji's emotional strength and kindness as a person, as well as the fact she's not an immediate family member, that make it easier for him to let those barriers down around her and have severely needed moments of vulnerability where he doesn't dismiss pain or fear or anything else he might be feeling. he knows min would never lash out at him, physically, emotionally, or however else. min-ji is kind, and she's strong, and she's safe. he trusts her, values and respects her judgment and input. much in the same way his presence lets her feel like a person, she's extended that grace to him. just in a different way. i love getting to write interactions between them. there's always something warm and comforting in their exchanges, light-hearted or more melancholic. it's nice. the love is very much there.

[whattraintracks]

Adventures in Turtle-Sitting - I have been warned that this episode is nothing like the ‘87 ep of the same name. Sad day.

uh, Leo, quick q: what does it mean to get turtle waxed?

ahhhhhh, it’s double-mutated Donny already 😭

holy heck, he’s HUGE

April and Casey dressed up for each other in different directions

they’re so sweet and clearly didn’t communicate their plans, I’m cracking up

can Donny not be trusted at home alone??? why did they drop him off at April’s???

honestly, one of THE most sibling things to me in this show is April’s willingness to drop everything for the turtles and how often this gets in the way of Casey romancing her

sickly mutant ninja turtle lol

gosh, Casey is so sweet with Don here

good future big brother-in-law behavior

why was it so easy to black out the city, though? seems like a serious design flaw

ahhhhhh poor Donny

Stockman lives

again

true comic book character behavior

rude. how come double-mutated Donny gets a tail but not normal Donny

I’ve heard about this, but gosh 😭 I can’t believe Don goes down to Kirby’s old apartment

like he's so scared and stressed and in pain, but he still remembers this is a safe space

probably also knows it's somewhere he can go where no one will get hurt

ack my heart

mad respect to Casey for fist fighting double mutated Don

okay April, I get that you’re stressed and kind of in danger, but you could have explained that so much better

“why couldn’t you let me finally rest in peace!” oh really love that Baxter says this

good to know he’s tired and done with this, too

this might be my fav shot of the episode

no, no, Leo, let Raph finish, I wanna hear what he’s gonna do to Bishop

had to check it wasn’t my imagination, but yeah LH does have a new voice actor in this ep

darn, I really liked FB Owens’ voice

and now Don’s trying to go home 😭😭😭

Mikey verbally gulped lol

this has got to be bringing up so many bad memories for LH

really glad we have optimistic, hopeful, fearless leader Leo back for all of this

[loosesodamarble]

heyooo erika. congrats on 300+ followers. if it's alright, how about a yuno x reader scenario with prompt c9. “it would be selfish of me to want to be with you, right?”

Hello and thank you so very much, Anon! And don't worry. Your request is more than alright~! Ah, a tragic line for sweet little Yuno. Let's see where this goes.../lh

Summary: Yuno likes you. You like Yuno. But circumstances seem to be pulling the two of you apart. Genre: romance, slight angst Word count: ~1000

..........

It snowed that night. But Spade had snow every day of the year really.

Yuno blew on his mug of cocoa before taking a tentative sip of it. He flinched, realizing it was still too hot for his cat tongue. You sat beside him, simply holding your own mug and enjoying the warmth it spread to your hands.

“Couldn’t you just use your magic to cool it off a bit?” you asked with a quick laugh.

Yuno glanced at you before shrugging and muttering, “I could. But not now.” He blew on his drink again.

“Okay then.” You drank a bit of your cocoa before looking ahead of you.

The lights of a rebuilt Spade Kingdom glittered below the two of you, perched on the roof of the royal castle. Never in your wildest dreams did you imagine the world you lived in. One without the Dark Triad as a looming threat. Where peace was restored within Spade and between the kingdoms. With the long lost prince found and seated beside you. But there you were.

You smiled and did an excited wiggle. This was more than happiness. It was bliss.

“Hey.” Warmth wrapped around your shoulders and pressed against your side. “Getting cold? We can head inside,” suggested Yuno, suddenly side-by-side with you. He’d even tried to place his cloak around the both of you, though it wasn’t large enough to serve as a blanket.

“Of course not. I’m used to it,” you assured. Yet you leaned into Yuno’s touch.

“Your face is all red though…” Yuno tilted his head to rest it upon your crown. “But if you insist.”

You loved that, those little affections that Yuno showed to you. Kind and relaxed, like him you had insisted. Warm and inviting, like yourself according to Yuno.

Moments like the one you experienced weren’t all that exciting but you wouldn’t trade them for the world. Because you had Yuno. and he had you. The two of you and beautiful views and warm drinks—your mug was already almost empty you noticed—and so many things that replaced the years of strife you once knew.

But, this can’t last… you thought. You drummed your fingers against your mug. “Yuno, did I ever tell you that I like you?”

“Hm?” The arm Yuno had around your shoulders squeezed you closer. “Y-yeah. Yesterday. A few times last week.” He chuckled softly. “You’ve been telling me for the last five months.”

“I have, huh?” You smiled and hummed. A blissful five months.

“And don’t worry. I like you too.” Yuno spoke calmly but you could hear his unwavering conviction.

And that made the thoughts you were trying to say all the more painful.

“Would you say that we’re dating?” you asked.

“Would you?”

At his question, you pulled back and raised your head. Yuno looked at you, brows furrowed at your change in mood. In your heart you apologized and planned to say it aloud later.

“No. Because…” Your heart hurt to admit it. There were no tears; you couldn’t cry since what you were doing was for the best. “It would be selfish of me to want to be with you, right?”

“Not at all. If feel the same so it’s not—”

“But you’re going to return to Clover, aren’t you?” you asked which made Yuno stop. “If I start calling you my boyfriend then I’ll want you to stay here in Spade, away from all your friends and family. And away from your dream So… So we can’t be together.”

Yuno had his squad and family in Hage waiting for his return. It wouldn’t have been right for him to leave behind so many people that he’d known for years for the sake of two he’d only known for months.

“I like you, Yuno. So much. I might even love you” You stopped to inhale deeply, to tell yourself not to cry or shake. “And so I… I’m okay if we’re not together. For your sake.”

Yuno’s tense expression softened. He moved his arm from your shoulders and placed his hand over one of yours. You clutched your mug with one hand and held Yuno’s. His skin, cold due to the air, did little to comfort you.

“What if you came to Clover with me?” whispered Yuno. “I’m sure we can find you a job. Maybe even in the Gol…den…” His voice trailed off. He must’ve realized what he had almost done.

Yuno abruptly pulled away, taking his cloak off you with that motion. That was fine. You quietly set your empty mug aside on the ridge which was your seat. The silence between you two grew.

Longer. Tenser. Colder.

You clenched and relaxed your hands on your knees.

“What’s the plan then?” Yuno asked at last. You didn’t look up. Didn’t want to see whatever painful expression must’ve been on his face. “To cut things off now and give up?”

“Maybe. I doubt we could keep up a letter correspondence for long.”

“You don’t even want to try?”

I do. Your hands began to shake. By gods I don’t want this to end but he has so much going for him that he’ll probably just… “No. I’d rather not delay the disappointment. I’m sorry, Yuno.”

Again, silence. Usually Yuno’s quietness was comforting. But at that moment, you couldn’t stand it.

“I’m sorry too…”

After his footsteps had faded, you let yourself curl up and cry.

On that particular evening, you felt how cold Spade was.

…..

Forgetting Yuno was hard. Because Spade loved to announce news about the not-quite-their prince. Apparently he’d achieved the second-highest rank in the Magic Knights.

You smiled and cried when you heard. Because you had given up… He could achieve his dream.

Then, a few days after that news came, you received a letter… addressed from Clover.

[I want to be a little selfish. Would you be willing to visit Clover?]

You should’ve known better. Yuno really was determined.

[fadingdaggerr]

rose infusion - l.w.

pairing: (college) larissa weems x gn/fem!reader (reads more fem but no gendered terms/pronouns for r)

summary: larissa smoking weed for the first time with a “good friend” (and r practically foaming at the mouth over her the whole time)

warnings: marijuana use, smoking, shotgunning smoke for the plot, rolling tutorial, discussion of drug use, making out, references to drinking, friends to lovers <3

note: this was fun to write considering smoking is one of my very few talents /lh. i also based a lot of the background on stuff that’s i’ve done or seen when i lived on campus lol

after probably breaking several traffic laws, i finally got to my destination. amir’s house was up the street a little ways, but i desperately had to change my clothes. putting my car in park, i fling my upper half into the backseat in search of the spare clothes i left there to change into. after a delightful struggle to remove my work uniform of khakis and a black button up, i finally got my jeans and long sleeve on. the black converse sneakers could stay, they were only part of the uniform that i had any say in.

opening the glove compartment to my right, i fish around until my hand knocks against a heavy piece of metal and a sandwich bag. grinder, check. weed, check. i look in my middle console, blindly moving the napkins and random plastic utensils until i find my prize, slowly raising it out like a claw machine. baby blue lighter, check. papers were the only thing missing.

i drive up the road, praying they remembered, then clapping to myself when they did, i see the spot in the driveway they left open for me. once in park again, i grabbed the grey, oversized zip up from my backseat, wrapping it tightly around me as i began to make my way to the house. finally making it to the door, i open to a sea of people. dancing, talking, yelling, oddly dangerous making out on top of the oven, beer cans littering the floor, and loud music blasting through the speakers. this was definitely an ‘amir and co. party,’ as it had been coined by himself, and himself only.

i find him by the makeshift pong table, a bookcase that has been brought face down, balancing on milk crates placed at each corner. incredibly stupid, but inventive, so i let this one slide.

“oi, you got papers?” i say loudly as i stand to his left, trying to be heard over the music.

he yelps, “you scared the shit out of me, you god damn ghoul,” he sinks a ball into a cup, followed by a happy fist bump to his partner, tomas.

“nice one. now, papers?”

“nah. go check out back i’m sure one of them has a pack of ‘em. if you can’t find any, sneak to my room and use one of my glass pieces. i don’t need you cranky at my party,” he smiles to me, before groaning at mikal when he lands a ball in a cup.

“you’re the best,” i say, turning and walking towards the back porch. i had opened at work, and been asked to stay later, and i wanted, no needed, was to sit and smoke in peace.

i get outside, and find my usual smoking buddies. i greeted them, gladly accepting a hit off of one of their pipes. after asking, more like begging” for only one or two papers, i was gifted five little sheets, and a couple spare filters dominic had prepared before the party.

“if i wasn’t gay, i’d so kiss you for this,” i joke.

“if we’re both gay, does it cancel out?” he jokes back, and we talk back and forth for a bit. i move to sit down to finally roll for myself, my very own joint. all i had been thinking about since leaving work.

i put some weed in the grinder, turning and turning the cover. grabbing one of the papers, i gently fold it in half to create a crease for the bud to sit. just as i reach for the grinder, the seat next to me dips down. i almost made a comment telling them to get lost, thinking it was amir coming to fiend off of me. every cell in my body thanked me for looking before i spoke.

when i looked to see who sat next to me, i’m greeted by the greatest sight for sore eyes the gods have ever created. larissa weems. ever since freshman year move in day when i first spoke to her in the hallway, she’s been the only thing on my mind. we had somehow been in the same english class every semester for the last three years, and i always had admired her from afar. she was always top of the class, peer reviews showed her masterful writing, and sitting close to her let me see her kindness up close.

we had become friends. most of first year we were just ‘school friends’ mostly, only sharing the one class each semester and sitting close to each other. second year the ongoing classes together became funny coincidences, now sitting directly next to her and coming in early to talk with her in the longue. this year, third year, andrea started crushing on tomas, so they both were becoming frequent guests of amir’s house, and larissa and i would just sit and talk the whole time.

i took her in, still not used to her outside of a school setting, or with her hair down for that matter. she had her long legs covered by light blue jeans, a fitted, white university t-shirt, and a golden necklace with a sun pendant. she finally looked back at me, realizing she had sat with someone.

“oh, hey,” she said shyly, eyes only looking in mine for a second, like she was checking to see if i was bothered by her presence. i was most definitely not.

“hey, larissa. i didn’t know you’d be here tonight, how are you?” i pray to every god that could hear me that i sounded normal.

“i’m good, i guess. and i’m here because andrea dragged me here. tomas asked her to come by and she ‘had to say yes’ because finds him ‘yummy in eight languages.’ her words, not mine,” she shakes her head at the thought. i fake gag muttering ‘straight people’ with a shiver, making her bark out a laugh.

“i definitely wouldn’t word it that way, not even if i was held at gun point, but tomas is a sweetheart. andrea’s in good hands, a little stupid, but good,” she laughs at this, tomas wasn’t known for being the brightest student, but he was the kindest kid out there.

“anyways…” wanting to get away from the topic of andrea and her conquests, i change the subject. “you decided to join us here in the smoking lounge. can’t say i’m not surprised, you never mentioned that you smoked,” i say lightheartedly.

“i don’t. well, i guess it’s more that i haven’t. this is the first year i haven’t lived in a dorm since before high school. never really got the chance,” she looks almost embarrassed by her confession.

“that’s totally fine. did you… did you want to? you can smoke with me, if you want. if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. i don’t want you to feel pressured into doing anything,” i make eye contact with her to try and prove my honesty, wanting her to know she’s not going to be judged.

“i want to… i just have a dumb question first,” she says in a small voice.

“no such thing as a dumb question, i’ll tell you anything you want to know,” i give her a assuring smile.

“is there a way… to make it, i don’t know. is there a way to make it not taste as gross as it smells?” she asks unsurely.

i think for a second. when we were in high school amir and i would take mint and lavender from his mom’s garden to lessen the smell. this wasn’t an option now, seeing as amir’s apartment was closer to growing blue cheese than mint, but mr. cho next door had a rose bush. i close up my grinder, and put the papers and baggie of weed under it, using it’s weight to secure them there. i stand up, offering my hand to larissa. she slowly reaches out, placing her warm hand in mine. her hand is so soft, and the weight of it in mine grounds me.

i pull her in the direction of the fence that lines the yard, stopping when i reach the hole that brings you to the other yard. i drop her hand, and get lower to slide through the opening, but before i can, she grabs my elbow.

“what in fresh hell do you think you’re doing?” she whisper yells at me, not letting go of my arm.

“getting something to help with the taste, you asked if there was a way. i’m getting the way,” i say, trying and failing to loosen her grip by shaking my arm.

“that is someone’s yard, you’re gonna be trespassing,” she said, making it clear that she was not coming with me.

“you’re worth it,” i say, and she goes to say something but i cut her off, “plus, i’m barely going into the yard, just to the side of the house to grab one little, tiny thing. he’s asleep i’m sure, he’s like a thousand years old and he only has a cat,” and with that, i drop down, finally losing her grip. i carefully go through the fence, trying not to get dirt on my clothes.

i look back, seeing larissa staring back at me. i wave to her, she lets out an breathy laugh before waving back. i run low and quick across the yard, coming up next to a rose bush. i stick my hand just a little, a few thorns digging into the top of my hand and wrist, but i pluck the head off of one rose. looking around, i make sure i’m in the clear, before grabbing swiss army knife from the pocket of my sweatshirt, detaching a perfect rose from the rest of the bush, closing and sliding the knife back in my pocket. i turn and head back to the fence, sliding under it. i pop back up into standing position, the head of the rose in my palm, the full one hidden by my sleeves.

“tada!” i say with a smile, “this should help a bit with the taste, and the smell.”

“you trespassed, on a man old man’s property, for a rose bud.”

“yes, now let’s go,” and with that, i begin making my way back to the porch. larissa follows after a second, walking by my side. she walks around the table, i follow her with my eyes as she moves to sit back down, a little shiver going up her spine as she does.

i grab and open the grinder, tearing up little pieces of the rose and adding it to the already grinded weed. ideally this would be dried rose, also ideally not from mr. cho’s yard, but the fact that i would be smoking with larissa made both of those facts mean nothing to me.

“i’m guessing you don’t know how to roll,” i state, looking larissa as she nervously plays with her hands, she shakes her head, confirming my assumptions. “that’s okay, i’ll show you. come here,” i motion her to come closer, and she immediately does, making me blush just as fast.

“you do it, i’ll talk you through. sound good?” i ask her, she nods, “okay, gently hold the paper in half the long way,” she does. “good, now reopen it, and put a filter in at the end,” i pass her a filter, my skin tingling at the short brush of our fingers. she lays the filter against the end closest to her left hand, “now, we just add the weed and rose, then the hard part.”

she looks at me desperately at the mention of ‘the hard part,’ i place my hand on her knee and caress the skin with my thumb, “nothing you can’t handle.” i don’t miss the blush that creeps up her neck, but i hope she missed mine.

i watch as she sprinkles the weed and rose mixture into the paper. long fingers grabbing small bundles of the plants, distributing it evenly. her rings make little noises as her hands move, and i can’t help but watch. she looks at me for confirmation each time before adding more, i only stop her by putting the cover back on the grinder.

“alright, now we roll it, get it all packed and into the right shape. it doesn’t have to be perfect, most of the time they look quite sad,” she giggles at the last bit, and my heart flutters, my smile growing.

i adjust her hands, showing her the motion to make, but when she gets frustrated and mutters something about “should be smart enough to figure it out,” i stop. i grab her hands, moving them manually, showing her the motion myself. she initially freezes, and my hands drop from hers with an apology ready on my lips, but she pulls them back with a ‘it’s okay, i’m just jumpy.’

my eyes go back to her hands, my own coming to help her again. she takes a deep breath, before focusing on the motion harder than before. after i see that she had gotten used to it, i moved away, watching the small smile on her face grow from pride.

“now, we seal it up. tuck, roll, lick, twist, done,” i say quickly, she chuckles warmly. “okay, for real this time. wrap this around the weed, start by the filter,” i start the tuck for her to show her, she quickly understands what to do next, beginning to finish rolling it up. she looks at me for the next direction.

“you have to lick it,” i say, barely being able to look her in the eyes, “ya know, to seal it.”

“is that really necessary?”

“what did you want a little water dish to dip your fingers in? that’s marijuana not a spring roll there, babe,” her eyes widen at the pet name, mine do too. i was not expecting myself to call her that either.

she looks at me before asking, “can you do it? i don’t want to mess it up.”

“you wouldn’t,” i say quickly, not liking how she talked down on herself twice now, “but i can do it, if you want,” she quickly passes her little creation to me, “this looks much better than the first joint i ever rolled, you should be very impressed.”

“i’ve had a pretty great teacher,” she says with a smile, but i’m frozen because her hands hadn’t left mine yet, both our hands cradling the almost finished joint.

with all my strength, i move my hands away from hers. i make eye contact with larissa, raise the joint to my mouth, poke my tongue out, and drag it alone the paper. her eyes are not subtle as they watch my tongue with intent, instead of my eyes. sealing it, i grab a twig off the ground to pack it down, then twist the end. i hold the joint by the filter and hold it up.

“our marijuana and rose mixture, m’lady,” i say with a smile that she matches instantly. i hold it out to her, offering the first hit, but she shakes her head.

“you first, it’s your stuff and you were patient enough to help me. plus you trespassed on someone’s lawn, lots of hard work,” she quips, making me laugh. i was not going to live down the rose bush, was i?

placing the joint between my lips, i look around for my lighter. it had just been on the table, i was sure of it. my head whips around a couple times before i hear a little click, click click.

larissa hold up the lighter, flame glowing. the orange hue lights up her face, her pale skin warmed by the fire. she was so close to me, faces only about a foot apart, knees touching as we faced each other on the couch. the shadows of her face and hands accentuated, her lipgloss shining, eyes reflecting the light. i knew in that moment that nothing more beautiful had ever existed.

she brought the flame to the twisted end of the joint, lighting it gently. no words between us, eyes on each other. i inhale for a few seconds, hoping to get it started as well as calm myself, before my hand rises to my lips to allow myself to exhale. i hold it out for her to grab, but she doesn’t move.

i lower my hand, “you don’t have to if you don’t want to, i’ll put it out if you want.”

“it’s not that, i just don’t want to make a fool of myself. you know, like cough my lungs out in front of you,” she looks at her lap the whole time, twisting her rings around her beautiful fingers. goosebumps grow on her arms as the wind picks up, the sun now past the horizon.

i sit up as i start talking, “you will not make a fool out of yourself,” i slip off my zip up, “everyone coughs when they smoke, if they make you feel bad about they’re idiots,” i hold out the sweatshirt for her, “and i most definitely will never think anything bad of you.”

she accepts the sweatshirt with a hesitant grasp, but once she puts her arm through one sleeve, she’s rushing to pull it fully on. she wraps it around her, i’m giddy at her in my clothing, but i try to remain calm.

“i mean, there is a way that might make you cough less. but it’s a little different and i’d be in your personal space,” i say, not wanting to pressure her or scare her away.

“what is it?” her eyes perk up, looking into mine.

“it’s called shotgunning. basically i’d take the hit, then exhale it into your mouth while you inhale, like passing it along. you can say no, i know it’s weird.”

“i wouldn’t mind you in my personal space,” she whispers, “i’ll try.”

i look at her quickly, making sure she’s serious, and she definitely was. i mumbled ‘okay’ before bringing myself closer to her. i stand on my knees, straddling one of her thighs. one hand on her shoulder, the other holding the joint. i slowly get closer, but she seems to be more impatient. her hands move to my waist, pulling me closer quickly. now fully straddling her, i decide to stay standing on me knees, my hand now around the back of her neck.

i bring her face closer to mine, she tilts her head back just in the slightest while her hands slide down to hold my thighs. i lean over her, moving my hand up to cup her face, stroking her jaw. i look into her eyes, asking permission once again, and she nods.

smoke fills my lungs and mouth, the joint resting between my lips, pulled away a couple seconds later. the smell of weed and a hint of rose surrounds us, but it’s nothing compared to her perfume. i raise my eyebrows while looking at her, letting her know to start inhaling.

i exhale slowly, my lips puckered so no smoke is wasted. smoke smoothly starts to flow my from mouth to hers, her hands grip was steady the entire time, my thumb never stopping the slow, circular motion against the bottom of her jaw. when all the smoke cleared my lungs, i watched her exhale a paler cloud. still perched over her lap, i take a hit from the joint again, this time for myself. i exhale slowly again, blowing the smoke up and away from her, not only to be polite but as to not cover her face.

her hand grabs my wrist, pulling it towards her mouth, this time taking a hit on her own. my eyes never leave her lips, watching as they wrap around the filter and how they leave a shiny print of her lips from her lipgloss. how the smoke leaves her mouth, swirling and dancing around her. her and i just look at each other for a minute before she squeezes my thigh and speaks up.

“i prefer your way,” she whispers, a tiny smile toying at her lips. my heart races.

“i think i do too,” i say back, though i wasn’t just thinking it, i’m fully in love with the idea. i never wanted her fo smoke another way ever again, always like this, me in her lap and her hands on me. i would be content living as her personal cigarette holder. taking another hit, i tap my thumb against her jaw, telling her to inhale once again.

by the time the joint is halfway down, she tells me she ‘believes it’s starting to kick in’ with a slightly more dopey smile, eyes now lightly tinted red. thighs beginning to tire from holding myself up on the cushions, i decide to sit down on her thighs. her stiffens, only for a moment, until her hands comfortingly rub my own thighs, before her hands slide up to my waist, pinching my side playfully.

she takes a hit herself again, choking on the smoke a bit when i bend away from her. i crawl off her lap, grabbing the rose i had plucked for her. i guarded the rose from her sight, i use my knife to remove the thorns so they wouldn’t hurt her.

“what is that you’ve got?” she asks through a giggle, trying to peek over my shoulder. her efforts unsuccessful as i practically fold myself in half to block her view.

“none of you business, now just sit there and look pretty,” i laugh, then wince as i jab my ring finger into a thorn. once the last thorn is removed, i look over my shoulder to look at her. her eyes are already on me, big, blue, and beautiful. “close your eyes,” she does so without hesitation.

i grab the joint from her hand, placing it in my lips, “okay, pretty. open,” i let smoke come out between my words. i had the rose held out to her, nervous smile on.

her eyes open, first focusing on my face then the rose. her smile grows instantly, eyes now flicking between the flower and i. i held it out a little more, urging her to take it.

she tentatively reaches out, hand grazing mine. her fingers wrap around the stem, eyes watering a little, “for me?” her voice was so small.

i nod, letting go of the flower so she can inspect it. her smile makes me heart race and stomach fill with butterflies, but the way she looks at the flower is what makes me weak. she looks at it like it’s precious, like i have gifted her the first rose to ever grow. her arms move around my shoulders within seconds.

“thank you,” she whispers into my ear, my arms wind around her waist, squeezing tightly. i mumble an ‘of course’ into her hair, i nuzzle my nose into her. when we part, she stays close to me. i roll another joint while she rests her head on my shoulder, her eyes watching my actions closely.

with the joint in my mouth, bringing the lighter up to the end. before the flame can reach, a pale hand swipes the lighter from my hand. she lights it in her own, lighting the joint for me. her eyes stay on mine as i inhale, hold, and exhale, still making the point to exhale away from her face. she stays facing me, an expectant look on her face.

with her face held in my hand again, i take another drag, exhaling slowly into her mouth again. she smiles, i smile back. the slider door opens, and larissa nearly jumps out of her skin, but doesn’t move from my side. andrea peeks her head out, grinning largely when she sees larissa. as she makes her way over, she grabs the joint from me, taking a hit, and puts it back between my fingers.

“okay, so on a scale of one to ten, how mad would you be if i stayed the night here?” andrea asks larissa, begging hands in front of her.

a sigh leaves larissa, “solid 8. you’re going to make me walk back to the apartment alone?”

andrea is practically pleading, larissa is irritated. i turn and see tomas in the window trying to see the outcome of this conversation. i shake my head at his antics. i take a long pull off the joint, breaking the ash off and putting it out, then cutting andrea off.

“alright! you have fun with tomas, just don’t use the bathroom in the hallway. boys live here,” they both look at me weird, “larissa, i’ll walk you home, if you want,” she smiles softly. andrea squeals loudly, running inside, no doubt to tomas.

“you don’t have to walk me home,” is all larissa says.

“i know i don’t have to, i want to. i would offer to drive you but,” i pointedly hold up the joint and take a drag, “so i will gladly be walk you home.”

— — — — — — —

the party had died down, the only people left were amir and his three roommates, some ‘too drunk to leave’ stragglers, larissa, andrea, and i. sitting on the couch inside, larissa’s head was resting on my shoulder, an arm wrapped lightly around mine. andrea and tomas slowly disappeared from the living room, larissa and i both chuckling at the clumsy duo sneaking away.

i lean my head onto hers, speaking into her hair, “want to head home?” the only response i receive in a gentle nod against my shoulder.

i begin to stand, saying my goodbyes, then give mikal and amir hugs. larissa finally stands, wobbly for a moment. she makes her way to stand by my side, polite goodbye and thank you’s sent to the guys. after grabbing my grinder and weed bag, i pick around the pockets of my sweatshirt, which was still on larissa. finally getting a hold of my keys, i pull her gently along to start the leave.

the air had gotten much colder during our time inside, my arms wrap around myself tightly. there was no way i was going to ask for my sweatshirt back, the view of her wearing it was enough to keep the cold from consuming me. always observant, larissa notices my shivering and wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her side. my own arm goes beneath the sweatshirt, hand now resting on her waist.

i pull the remainder of the joint from earlier, it’s a little bent but can still do the job. i hand larissa the lighter, and she takes the hint, lighting it for me as she had previously tonight. we pass the joint back and forth as we walk.

“thank you, for tonight,” she says when we’re about half way to her apartment, she’s gently playing with the rose between her fingers.

“of course. i wanted to make sure you got home safe. and you’re welcome over to smoke, or not, whenev- i mean if you want,” i say, hoping that she’ll take me up on my offer to at least hang out. i just needed her presence, she was too beautiful to lose.

“be careful with that offer, you may never get rid of me,” she chuckles, smile bright and eyes glowing. she was a star plucked from the heavens and placed here on earth, just for me.

“maybe that was the plan all along,” my voice is quiet, i’m stuck in a trance by her beauty.

we arrive at her building, climbing shaky stairs to her door. she opens the door, motioning for me to come inside with her, and i follow with no hesitation. she walks quickly down the hall, to what i assume is her room, before coming back out with a sweatshirt. with an amused smile, she hands me her own cream colored zip up to wear.

we sit crisscross on the couch facing each other, my arm resting on the back of the couch to hold my head up. larissa just sat up, playing with her hands in her lap as we spoke.

“why did you give me that rose?” she asks, her eyes back on my face.

i can only be honest with her, “because it’s pretty, and so are you. i didn’t really think much before cut it, just that i wanted to give you a flower.”

she presses her lips together to hide her smile, but the blush on she cheek betrays her. when she finally allowed herself to look at me, she whispers, “do you actually think i’m pretty, or are you just high?”

i’m taken back by the question, my heart cracking at her thinking i wouldn’t find her beautiful. i reach for her hands, leaning close to her, “i think you’re beautiful. i always do, sober included,” i tilt my head to catch her eyes that dropped to our hands, “i gave you the rose because i like you. like a lot, like so much that amir has banned me from talking about you when we’re in the car because it’s ‘too tempting to kick me out while moving’ in his words,” this both shock and amuses her, so i go on, “i was sober when i picked the rose for you, i wasn’t when i have it to you, but the rose was always for you, larissa.”

she looks me in the eye, probably in search of a lie, but she won’t find one and she didn’t. her hands tighten their grip on my own, “i really like you too, incredibly so. and not just because i’m high. i’ve liked you ever since freshman year in that intro writing seminar, you lived right down the hall and i never got the courage to just knock on the door.”

i have no words to offer her, only an awestruck stare. my heart was frantically beating in my chest, my hands frozen in hers. in a sudden rush, i throw myself at her, and wrap my arms around her shoulders, back on her lap after hours away. her strong arms wrap around my waist, pulling me in further, her head burying in my neck. god, she was just so warm and she was so close, this was what heaven felt like, i’m sure.

her head picks up, now only an inch from my face, “can i kiss you?” her voice is so small, but the grip on my waist is confident. my arms slide from her shoulders, hand coming up to cup her jaw on both sides

“please,” and she does. her lips are so soft, gently dancing with my own. i pull her face in more, needing her closer, closer, closer. my hands slide into her hair, gently threading through soft tresses. her hands grasping my back, gripping my clothes. sliding down, her hands are on my ass, pulling my body in as much as she can. and i let her, and i’ll keep letting her. her tongue asks for entry, and i allow her in immediately, moaning into her mouth at the contact. the high from the marijuana mixing with the high of her touch was creating an addicting feeling, one i didn’t want to live without ever again.

she pulls away slightly, and i whine as i pull her in again. she gives in, laughter lightly vibrating in her chest. i pull away this time, breathing becoming necessary. i rest my forehead against hers, not daring to open my eyes so i can’t ruin this perfect moment. lips press against my cheek, gently moving up to my temple, before she’s back resting on the crook of my neck.

“stay,” she says into my neck, arms wrapping around me tightly. i definitely didn’t want to walk back to amir’s alone, and i most definitely didn’t want to leave her. i just hug her tighter, pressing kisses to her hair.

we stayed like this for a little while, wrapped in each other’s arms and mumbling to each other. i could feel her relaxing against me, likely ready to fall asleep, and i wasn’t far behind her. i pull away from our hug, holding her face in my hands. big blue eyes, soft from sleepiness were staring back at me, a barely-there smile on her lips.

“bed time?” i whisper, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“you have to stay with me,” her voice is like honey, eyes never leaving mine.

“i wouldn’t dream of leaving,” pressing a kiss to her lips, i move off her lap and stand in front of her with my hand out for her. she grabs my hand so gently, as if she’s afraid she’ll hurt me, and lacing our fingers together. she leads the way down to her room.

with the lamp turned on, i could see her room is impeccably clean, only mess is her unmade bed. she lets go of my hand to walk over to her dresser, and i walk around looking at the photos and decorations. a photo of her and a girl with long black hair stand out, arms wrapped around each other, wearing matching uniforms. ‘cute,’ i think to myself. a little rainbow flag rests amongst pencils and pens on a desk in the corner, a matching little lesbian flag with the makeup brushes in the cart next to the desk. these make me smile, knowing she’s proud of herself had my heart melting.

she taps my shoulder, presenting me with sweatpants and a t-shirt of hers when i turn around. we both move to stand on different sides of her bed, she turns away and i copy her. we get changed quickly, or at least i did, wanting to be able to have my eyes on her again. she throws an ‘okay?’ over her shoulder, which i only respond to my picking up my clothes and folding them neatly, moving to put them on top of her dresser. she busies her self with pulling back the comforters and sheets, fixing her many pillows.

settling into bed proves a little awkward at first, both of us laying side by side, not speaking, lamp still on. she moves first, turning the lamp off before settling back in, now on her side, facing me. opening my arms, i motion for her to move closer. she scoots into my side, head resting on my chest as my arm wraps around her at her shoulders, our legs wrap around each other.

“larissa?” i whisper out, she nods against my chest, “i really like you,” i say quietly, my free hand grabbing hers and playing with her fingers. i’m fully aware she can feel my heart beating quicker.

she squeezes my hand, “i really like you too.” she places a kiss to my clothed chest before resting her chin there. “can we get breakfast tomorrow?”

i laugh at her sudden change in conversation, “of course we can, we can go get my car and we’ll go wherever you want, and you can get whatever you like.”

“french toast from the diner on dawson street?” she bites her lip with a smile, and my own smile grows huge on my face. she’s so impossibly adorable, and i get to witness it.

“it’s a date,” i say, relishing in the excited look on her face. she stretches up and presses a long kiss to my lips, then a short one right after, then gets settled back on my chest.

once i hear her breathing even out, her grip on my shirt loosen, i finally allow myself to close my eyes. i thank my lucky stars for this moment. to be holding larissa, falling asleep in her bed, wearing her clothes. heaven has got nothing on this, nothing on her.

hope y’all like this one, i actually really loved writing this and how it turned out. all feedback is appreciated <3

[pink-tk-a-latte]

Fish in the Pool

⋅��₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆝⋆.˚ 𓇼⋆ ｡𖦹 ⋆｡°𓆉✮⋆⭒𓆟⋆｡˚𖦹𓆜✩⋆𓇼

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KOKOMI!!!!!!!! My favoritest character ever!!!!! Fun fact her bday is the same day as one of my friends and the girl I have a crush on kinda and her twin brother which is pretty wacky. Anyway take this lovely fic bc she (plus most of the Genshin women let’s be honest) needs more content /lh!!!!!

(Also happy late bday to Hitori Gotoh aka Bocchi!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so sorry I love Bocchi the Rock sm it’s my comfort anime but it’s hard to write for rn 😭😭)

“

Painfully professional and introverted to the end, Kokomi spends her birthday alone, even when her devotees conspire to give her the day off. That is, until the Guuji Yae, with her impeccable and enigmatic ability to read people’s hearts, arrives.

”

Tickle fic!! Lee!Kokomi, Ler!Yae Miko (platonic, or whatever you prefer). I had to write this fast, and in the dark, and without my glasses lmao, but it’s all for my best girl!!!!

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆝⋆.˚ 𓇼⋆ ｡𖦹 ⋆｡°𓆉✮⋆⭒𓆟⋆｡˚𖦹𓆜✩⋆𓇼

Kokomi was not the type of person who should have been the Divine Priestess.

Sure, she could contrive for victory with minimal casualties, negotiate peace with a fearsome god, keep the economy of Watatsumi afloat (ha, fish pun), and memorize the faces of all its inhabitants, but it was the workload and the public image upkeep that left her drained and achey at the end of the day. Lately, she hadn’t even been able to get through a chapter of her book without falling asleep in the middle. And it always ended up as wasted effort because she could never remember what she’d read.

So it was only a minor surprise that, on the one day of the year where she should get a break, her soldiers and priestesses did everything in their power to give her one.

She’d issued directives on what should happen if she needed to step away for a full day, but she’d never seriously intended to use them for something as trivial as her birthday. They were only for important overseas meetings and such matters!

Yet, Gorou had clandestinely arranged for him, the priestesses, and the rest of the army to take over for Madame Sangonomiya so she could have her day of rest. All without her knowledge — and only mild suspicion.

Kokomi was endlessly grateful and majorly anxious, but Gorou reassured her that everything would go smoothly.

“It’s only for one day! Besides, since the war is over and everything is settling down, we don’t have as much to manage,” Gorou yipped with a canine-filled smile. “So rest, Your Excellency. And have a happy birthday!”

“Thank you, General. You don’t know how much this means to me.” Kokomi smiled, eyes liquid, which instantly flustered Gorou as he tried to prevent her from crying. Then they sent her off with a huge cake and congratulations.

And, Kokomi was… alone. As she blew out her candles, she blew also a chill into her bedroom. No one there to sing. No one there to cheer. No one to touch.

That was another thing: Kokomi was not the type of person to have many friends.

Most people spent their birthdays with family or friends, didn’t they? Yet, where were hers? Occupied, either running her island or off on their own. All she had were her books and the pop of the jellyfish droplets that floated about the island to keep her company.

Kokomi pulled her fingers through frazzled salmon-to-periwinkle hair. She curled into herself on her bed, and her Hydro fish pressed into her skin where she wished another source of warmth could. Her searching stare found her window.

Maybe… she should go out to the sea.

Kokomi fixed her hair and trotted downstairs. Everything was pink and made of seashell, pearls, or coral. But there was one addition to her living room that was, while still pink, made of fur instead.

Kokomi gasped.

Yae Miko, her pen pal, lounged on her satin couch and toyed with the jellyfish lamp on the table next to her. She turned to regard Kokomi with a satisfied grin. Kokomi narrowed her eyes at the vixen, even while her heart leapt.

“‘Fried Tofu with All the Frills,’” she called, “how did you get into my house?”

“Did you forget? My connections are infinite. I’m impossible to hide from.” Yae chuckled. “And I could never miss our precious Priestess’ special day, now could I? Especially since you seem to be all alone.” Her voice pouted with her, a tone Kokomi knew all too well. “I can practically see the tears falling from your big, blue eyes.”

Kokomi did not wipe her eyes with her sleeve, because she knew better. “I’m surprised the cold-hearted Lady Yae would put in the work to come all the way over here. Especially since she’s always so focused on stealing my general,” she jabbed back.

“Possessive, are we?” They both glared. Then they fell into laughter as Kokomi fully descended. She floated into the kitchen for a kettle and a pair of teacups.

“Tea, my lady?”

“Oh, no. I couldn’t ask you to lift a finger on your special day. I insist.” Yae ushered Kokomi away from the stove and took the dishes from her hands, already holding a bundle of sakura leaves. Kokomi looked at her in surprise.

“Well, thank you, Lady Yae.”

A moment later, Miko and Kokomi were on the couch again, catching up and discussing the latest Yae Publishing House novel. Leaning against a pillow, Kokomi was effervescing about The Legend of Sword again, which Miko was so sick of hearing about, and Kokomi was, honestly, starting to drift off when—

Yae’s claw-like nails fanned over her knee, a shiver that tore straight up to her brain. Kokomi yelped and immediately covered her mouth.

“Don’t fall asleep on me now. And, my my, what was that adorable sound?” Her near purr was anything but quizzical. “Was it… because of this?”

Again, Yae scribbled over her knee and was met with an almost-giggle and a kick. She tutted.

“You’re always so jumpy when I come near.” Speaking slowly, she met Kokomi’s prey-round eyes with a simper. “Could it be that you’re not used to touch like this? You must not be, always buried in your books. Even on your birthday.” With each word, her nails inched farther up Kokomi’s leg.

Kokomi squeezed her eyes shut and pulled away. “Wahahait, Yahahae!”

“You must’ve wanted this, right? I could tell from the beginning.” Yae shifted closer, skating her nails under Kokomi’s chin. She inhaled. “Well, then, allow me,” said Yae. “Consider it my gift to you.”

Yae’s fingers traced the tops of Kokomi’s thighs. She pulled her closer by her wrists, sitting on her shins. Kokomi buried her face in the pillow under her.

“STAhahahap! It tihihickles!” Giggles rose out of her like bubbles.

“Does it? How shocking.” Yae’s Electro tazed her nerves. Jumping, Kokomi squeaked.

“EHEHaha thahahat’s unfahahahair!”

“Come now, you should be familiar enough with the policies of war.”

She was right. Maybe Kokomi could have tried to strategize her way out of this, but in all practicality, she was trapped. And maybe she wanted to be.

Licking her chops, Yae dug into Kokomi’s hosiery-clad flesh. She squealed and gripped the pillow and shook her head until her hair was mussed.

“THIHIhis is so undihiHIHIgnified AHAHa nohoHO!” her shrill voice pleaded.

“And?” Yae laughed. “Who are you to be embarrassed of? Me? I already don’t revere you nearly as much as that fluffy dog child does.”

“Hehehe’s my GEHENeraHAL!” Kokomi screamed as Yae found her hips, disregarding the loose fabric that flowed around her. The fox traced circles around her bones, pinched and prodded at her soft pudge, flicked her nails over shivering muscles. Kokomi found herself flat on her back, shadowed by the predator that was Yae Miko.

“I can’t neglect this little one, can I?” Miko rested the points of her nails on the pocket of Kokomi’s abdomen, rising and falling with breaths and laughter. Her shuddery giggles answered. Tactically, she sucked in her stomach wherever Yae’s fingers hovered.

“Ehehehe nahahat THEHEHEHERE!” Kokomi hiccuped and squealed again while Yae squeezed her sides and scratched the ridges of her navel. Her hands flew to defend from Miko’s weapons of choice, but defeat was imminent. “AWAHAHA ohohoKAHAY! CeheheHEHEASE!”

At that divinely ordained moment, a wheezing and whistling that did not belong to Kokomi could be heard from the kitchen. Sighing as if disappointed, Yae halted her attack and slipped off the couch to the sakura tea. Kokomi curled around the pillow and buried the remnants of her tears and laughter in it.

“Youhohu’re a cruhuel mistress…” Kokomi breathed as Miko returned. She peeked up from her pillow and accepted the offered cup of tea. “Thank you. For keeping me company.”

Yae laughed in the way she always did, a laugh that betrayed nothing, but Kokomi thought she could read the sincerity between the lines. “Why of course. Anything for a forlorn, needy little pet.” Their teacups clinked. Miko smiled sharply at her through the steam. “Happy Birthday to you.”

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆝⋆.˚ 𓇼⋆ ｡𖦹 ⋆｡°𓆉✮⋆⭒����⋆｡˚𖦹𓆜✩⋆𓇼

I love Kokomi bc she was my first five-star and she’s the prettiest and she’s so sweet and I kin her but she’s also powerful and intelligent and she’s pink and ocean-themed and just eepy and a bookworm and she was so underrated and I want her to have more lore and her name and she’s jst so CUTE and dragon and war and—

[flickersprout]

hello would you be willing to say your million opinions about the mystery twins?

WHY YES

I am unwell about these people thank you so much for asking /gen (long post incoming)

I'm a little more familiar with Cellbit's character than Bagi's, so probably have more headcanons about him. I am actively trying to get more unhinged about Bagi because she is so cool and everyone should tell me their Bagi headcanons

Bagi headcanons/opinions:

She should be transfem. as a treat. her being transfem lets me make the twins identical, and anything that makes it more obvious how related they are makes them funnier

Her being transfem also adds fun layers to her relationship with Tina, as Tina is a demon pretending to be human. All I'm saying is you could do some fun parallels and contrasts about presentation and the self

Also if you make her and Jaiden and Baghera all transfem, you get the fun fed-sisters-plus transfem solidarity that exists only in my head

She can only barely cook. She never learned as a kid and then got fucking frozen, and she's tried to learn as an adult but it's not going well

When she thinks about raising Empanada, she gets kinda caught between wanting to pass on the pacifist, live-and-let-live mentality that she pretends to have and the more defensive/aggressive ideas she actually has. She does like the idea of pacifism and doesn't want Empanada to grow up bitter, but... peace isn't what's kept her safe and alive

Empanada's first death resolved a lot of those conflicts. A kinder world isn't coming, so she has to raise a fighter

Her "pretending to be an ethical vegetarian" thing is hilarious to me. girl you aren't pretending to be a vegetarian you just are one. you can lie about your reasons but girl. you don't eat meat

Cellbit headcanons/opinions:

He can't cook even a little bit. Federation pet -> child soldier -> jail-> struggling adult? yeah he never fucking learned to cook

Relatedly I think he's a picky eater but has weird tastes. Like i think he eats instant microwave/just add water foods raw and likes it because he learned to eat it like that at some point, but can't stand a lot of "real food" because he just never got used to it (this is partly based on me lsjkhd)

He owns a butterfly knife and he's good with it. He picked it up as a hobby after Fuga when he was in therapy because he needed something to fill his time and it was a socially acceptable way to carry a knife. He can do all kinds of tricks now

Just pre-purgatory (and probably still now tbh) sometimes the butterfly knife suddenly reminds him too much of a real knife or triggers some kind of intrusive thought that scares him. His reaction to this is to just let go of the knife midair. He's very lucky no one's gotten hurt yet

He 100% remembers more of his childhood with Bagi than he admits. He pretends he doesn't because even acknowledging that he was a child once undermines his image of himself as a monster (upsetting, unhealthy self-image, sure, but one that's kept him safe. monsters aren't afraid of anything. monsters can't be hurt. children, though?)

As much as I understand and will read about autistic!Cellbit headcanons, I don't agree (i am autistic, for the record). He's actually really good with social cues, like scary good, and obviously has really strong theory of mind. Like I get where people are coming from but we need to defend an allistic guy's right to just be a fucking freak (/lh /nm)

I want to call Cellbit and Baghera "hunters" instead of "chainsaw killers." again I get where people are coming from. it's funny and I'll use it. however hunters would go so hard. same genre as codebreakers and bloodhounds. do you see my vision

[kieshartzishere]

I PUT ONE FUCKING FOOT INTO THIS DAMN DEATH HOLE I MAY AS WELL HAVE PUT IN THE DAMN OTHER ONE.

AND FOR FUCK SAKE

*head in hands*

What has this devolved into.

NONE OF YOU NEVER EVEN SEEN MY ASS I ALSO WEAR COAT WHY Y'ALL JUST AGREED THAT IT'S FAT i dont mind BUT LIKE

[whilmsy]

nothing bad ever happens to tcd!mumbo (lie)

Hello miners and crafters welcome back to another episode of I Cannot Stop Thinking About TCD and I now blame @stiffyck for this because of their incredible askers (@buzzybeeboi thank you but also i blame you too, thank you for starting this au i’m very normal (lie) about it /pos) for making a very beloved au where Mumbo has been thrown into TCD and gets to witness Scar’s past before joining hermitcraft (there is more to the rambles than just this, and the incredible @5ievel-w-c-q is the very person - blame them for the dialogue used as he started it <3 /lh)

It’s ironic, really, that the one that's technically already undead is the one that gets bitten. It couldn’t be any more ironic.

The scene still replays in Scar’s head: the world going slow and yet moving faster than he could ever run. Teeth sinking into skin, the thought of I’m too late ripping his hopes and dreams apart, his brother in everything but blood showing him that love still existed in this god forsaken world being the one that’s taken.

Mumbo calls his name, he tries not to think about how he told him it.

‘Scar. I forgot my name, so I just named myself after my favourite gun.’

He’s starting to hate the weapon, hands trembling as he aims it at the floor and attempts to remember how to turn the safety on after so, so long.

Mumbo’s hold on the gun doesn’t go unnoticed; he could take it from Scar’s trembling hands and shoot him with it. Scar would let him.

“No!” His voice betrays him, weak and broken and everything he told himself he wouldn’t be in the beginning. “You’ll be fine, you’re-” In the beginning you learn not to make promises, you learn to give up on the little things, because nothing good survives here; it’s why he’s still living. “We don’t know Mumbo, you could be fine. You’re not human! Maybe you’re immune!”

He hasn’t felt so childish in so long, hasn’t tried to be naive like this in a long, long time.

Mumbo hasn’t let go of the gun, he doesn’t stop staring him down like this is a contest.

Scar would live through breaking his leg over a hundred times if it meant he’d never have to live this moment.

“Please. Scar, we know what happens.” They both do, Scar taught Mumbo about it just like Mumbo taught him about vampires. “I don’t want to hurt you.” The recent scar marking his face stings.

You didn’t mean it, he thinks, clenching his jaw and trying to stop the way his chest feels tight, you were protecting me and I didn’t stay out of the way.

“You can’t just leave me.” Scar begs, foolish and young and yet never regretting letting another person into his life. It was all going so well- it’s not fair. “I’m not going to- I won’t. We said we’d get out of here. Together.” I will let you kill me if it means I do not have to, I will drop this weapon and I will finally give up. If it means I don’t have to be alone, I will give up.

He is tired of loneliness, is tired of this world and the struggle to live in it; and when he was, Mumbo offered comfort. He cannot lose it.

His hands keep shaking, Mumbo doesn’t let go of the gun.

“I’m sorry.” Mumbo says, and it says everything it needs to and nothing at all, and Scar wonders, choking on his own sobs, if this is what heartbreak feels like.

Mumbo guides the weapon back towards himself, it’s steadier with his brother’s hand holding the barrel of the gun on top of Scar’s own that’s not at the handle of it. Mumbo’s hand is warm, but it’s cold in a way; comforting. Even through the choked tears, held back with bitten lips and heaving breaths, the sound of the safety clicking off echoes like it’s in a theatre.

Normally, Scar aims at the head. This time he can’t, because he knows that wouldn’t help his brother. That would not give him peace. With a heaving breath and a barely held back whimper, he aims the gun at his brother’s heart; he is glad Mumbo is holding it with him, because the tears in his eyes blur his vision.

Mumbo takes a breath that sounds as shaky as Scar feels, and he tries not to think about final breaths. Mumbo closes his eyes, and finally, Scar lets the barely-there facade fall. Mumbo is trusting him to do this; is asking him to so they don’t have to find out if vampires can die any further the hard way.

When you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go, and Scar wonders if pretending to hate his brother will let him feel nothing again.

He can’t bring himself to look, trusting that Mumbo will help keep him steady one last time as he shuts his eyes and pulls the trigger.