#let me find a new hyperfixation i beg

[daysofnights]

james potter drools in his sleep

[httpshujii]

BIG BOYS !

Your fave x f!reader

ᯓ Big boyfriend headcanons.

Big!boyfriends that love carrying you and would find any excuse to carry you. You got tired of your heels, just take them off and let him carry you, you're tired of walking around the mall and shopping for hours, he'll carry both you and your shopping bags.

"We're not even out of the house yet-"

"Just let me love you."

Proceeds to carry you all the way to his car that's parked outside.

Big!boyfriends that love holding your hand just to blush and fawn at how small you are. He just can't wrap his mind around the massive size difference between you two. Always takes precautions when handling you, he fears hurting you and will gladly get down on his hands and knees to beg for your forgiveness, you're confused every time he does that.

"Wha…what're you doing?"

"Forgive me, my love, for I have handled you with carelessness."

"You held my hand-"

"And I squeezed your hand a little too tight, please step on me and punish me."

Blinks.

Big!boyfriends that love treating you like a princess and even goes as far to speak and treat you as if you really are one.

"My princess, you look so beautiful."

Loves watching you blush and get flustered when he compliments you, always makes sure to use THAT tone when doing so as well.

Wraps his arms around your waist and just breathes in your perfume while swaying from side to side.

"You're so gorgeous, so perfect for me."

Always compliments his compliments by placing a gentle kiss to your neck, chuckles when your knees buckle at such simple words and actions.

Big!boyfriends that love resting on your belly when he's feeling needy, his large hands kneading your sides and thighs and every inch of you.

Despite his heavy weight, you relish in how cute he looks, knowing full well that you're the only one that gets to see him like this.

Big!boyfriends that take such good care of you when you're on your period. If you stain the sheets, he's quick to get up and change them. If you start cramping, he prepares you a heat pad even though his hand is much more effective than a too hot heat pad. If you're craving anything, he's running to the supermarket or tapping a few buttons on his phone and boom, your comfort food from your favorite restaurant is on the way.

He prepares you a bath and feeds you some cut fruit as you just focus on relaxing, afterwards he'll rub your body with your favorite lotion and massage your stiff shoulders.

He's especially careful with his cologne during your time of the month as well, it's when your senses are heightened and scents can sometimes be too much for you, he makes sure to ask you which one to wear and sometimes he leaves with one of your herbal perfumes sprayed on him, just in case you don't feel like smelling his options.

Big!boyfriends that can't leave the house without kissing you "good morning," "thank you for the breakfast," and "good bye."

Sometimes if you're feeling too tired to wake up, he gives you two good bye kisses, one on your cheek and another on your lips.

Before he comes home, he always asks you if you need anything from outside.

When he reaches home, he calls out for you and when he sees you, he falls in love with you all over again.

The way you basically float towards him, standing up on your little toes to kiss him, whispering a "welcome back" against his lips.

You tell him dinner would be ready when he comes back from freshening up, whether you're good at cooking or not, he eats your food with such enthusiasm.

"This is really good, baby."

"Really? I tried something new, please feel free to criticize it."

"Never, I love it so much."

He could get good poisoning even and proceed to tell you that you're an amazing cook.

Big!boyfriends that love hearing you talk about your hyperfixations, would secretly despise your fictional boyfriends but will buy you anything related to them.

Especially plushies, he took you to Build - A - Bear on your first date and both of you made plushies for the other based off of their personality.

If he finds something cute that he thinks you'll go feral over, he'll grab it and show it to you so casually as if he didn't just make you fan girl over him more.

"I'm giving you my first born as thanks."

"Oh?"

Big!boyfriends that wear rings and jewelry so you can fidget with them when you're bored. Even though you could be wearing your own jewelry, he always grabs your hands and guides them to his.

He needs to feel you against his skin, his constant fear of losing you in any way, shape, or form only gets heightened when you're outside the comfort of your own home.

Big!boyfriends that can't wait to put a ring on your finger, a large, shiny gem shimmering for the world to see as he holds your hand and walks with you with an aura that screams "yeah that's right, she's mine and none of you can have her."

Big!boyfriends that can't wait to make you a mom, seeing little you's running around.

He often fantasizes on how life would be when you build a little family. Whether it be during the day at work or in the middle of the night when you're fast asleep on his chest.

Big!boyfriends that will burn the world for you and your family because nothing else matters for them.

just a lil smth before i continue working on my series :>

[multific]

Modern Warfare Men as Sugar Daddies (Extra) - Preferences

Part 1

Warnings: Smut, Sugarbaby-Daddy relationship 

A/N: Since the previous post was very well-loved, I decided to write more details about the characters. Apologies if there are things which have been mentioned before. I also considered the vote and wrote this according to what people wanted to see the most. 

John Price

It was never about the money for John.

But now, he enjoyed every aspect of it.

Buying you everything you wanted, and in exchange, you would oh-so-nicely bend over his table without a question.

John is a very giving person but he does enjoy being taken care of. 

"I'll take care of you, Daddy." you would say with a sweet voice and John would be a goner.

He loves oral. Bot receiving and giving. 

But let's be fair, he is a giver after all.

He can spend hours between your legs and is not afraid to overstimulate his pretty little doll.

He likes to hear you plead and beg. 

But in the end, he would always give you exactly what you want.

And after sex, he would be a sweetheart. But let's be honest, he first needs his sleep. A little nap for Captain John Prince and then, he would be good.

He would be so hungry so no matter if you are as well or not, food would be a given. 

So be prepared for a nice order of any he craves at the moment.

You never had sushi naked before? Now you will. 

Johnny MacTavish

Let's be honest this man has a kilt.

And he fucked you many times while wearing said kilt. He would hike it up and then pound you.

The little devil doesn't even wear any underwear under his kilt.

Johnny likes you in pretty dresses. The shorter the better. Without anything under.

Just a dress. 

That's it.

Every restaurant you go to, you always feel people watching you.

"They are jealous, Bonnie." he would say. And you believe him.

Being with a handsome Daddy, wearing pretty dresses and jewellery, who wouldn't be jealous.

He likes to give you jewellery.

But his favourite is always that pear necklace he gives you every night.

Seeing you covered in his cum turns him on. It is a way to show that you are indeed his.

After the fact, showering is a must.

He would just kiss every inch of your skin while washing your entire body.

Kyle Garrick

Kyle likes to tease you in public. The thought of getting caught turns him on and you never object.

He likes to buy you things so he can rip them all off.

"I'll buy you something prettier. Let me eat that pussy now." he would always say.

And again, you don't object.

You couldn't even go to the movies without his finger soon finding your clit.

"Don't make a sound and I will give you a reward," he whispered into your ear.

You loved his games. 

And he loved to play with you.

Every outcome of his games was always so pleasurable. 

Giving you nice little rewards which could either be a night of long fucking or a new pair of shoes.

Kyle could be very kind even if he preferred to be a tease. He has his sweet moments when he just enjoys spending time with you. He would have such a sweet smile every time.

Simon Riley

Never call him Daddy. Ever!

Even IF he is your Sugar Daddy, calling him that would not work. Given how his father was with him, he banned you from calling him that after you did once.

You didn't ask why, the hurt in his eyes spoke louder than any word. So from then on, you called him Sugar or Simon. 

He would be fine with silly nicknames.

Just imagine the faces of people when you come running with a new bag to him asking him to buy it and you call him your little bunny.

Simon's favourite thing is when you tell him that he can do anything.

And you do mean anything.

So, for his upcoming birthday, your daddy asked you one gift.

Anal.

Without hesitation, you said yes.

Not like you can say no to him.

You weren't too surprised anyway. He always somehow managed to insert at least one of his fingers into your butt whenever he was fucking you, no matter the position or occasion.

But then, the next week his hyperfixation is your boobs. He wants nothing more than to fuck your beautiful boobs, no matter their size. 

After the fact, Simon would need a moment for himself, just like 2-3 minutes alone in the bathroom/kitchen to collect himself. But as the months pass, he would get more and more used to having you and he would stay in bed with you. He would pretend to sleep, he enjoys you cuddling to his side and he refuses to admit it.

König

After your little photos and videos you send him, he always sets his mind to punish you.

You deserve it, he always says. And he can be ruthless. Yet, he would never do something you don't like.

Like that one time when he was mad because you disturbed him during his debriefing, he arrived home and set his mind to fuck you senseless. 

And he did.

He fucked you first with his fingers, then a toy and finally, when you were so cock-dumb, he finally gave you his cock.

But before he did, he looked at your face, the tears and he stopped for a moment.

"Are you okay?" It was a simple question but it held many meanings. 

"Of course, Daddy."

"What's your safe word?"

"Diamond."

"Good girl."

To say that this man fucks is an understatement.

This man fucks and destroys furniture.

It got to the point where after your fifth bedframe, you two ended up with only a matress on the floor. 

The frame left marks on the wall, to the point where it needed a fresh coat of paint.

He was called King for a reason. And he is the King of your Pussy.

Logan Walker

He got used to you rather fast. To his brother's delight. 

Now the two often teased each other about you.

To your surprise, Logan is mostly normal in bed, nothing too freaky-deeky. 

Which did make you want to see the wild side of Mr Walker.

You want to know more, do more for and with him.

But you knew better than to ask his brother... that would be too weird.

You needed to find out yourself

And so, you pushed him to the edge. With what?

Jealousy.

Wearing a dress too short, looking at a man across the bar maybe for too long. 

And it did the trick.

Logan dragged you home, tied you to the bed and teased you for the entire night.

While he might not be freaky, he for sure likes to spend time with you.

You noticed he liked to just be in the same room.

Doesn't have to be sex.

But you promised to never make him jealous again. He made it clear, you were his and his alone.

He doesn't share. And the marks along your body were the proof of his claim over you.

Alejandro Vargas

Having him as a Sugar Daddy, you called him your Mexican Devil Daddy.

The one who whispers sweet things in Spanish into your ear while he does the most unpure things to your body.

He likes to have you in his arms at all times. 

Never ask him for a reason behind it.

He doesn't have to explain himself.

His hand is glued to your thigh as he drives.

Alejandro is not a huge fan of punishment but if you push his buttons, he wouldn't be nice.

He says he hates it when you whine but he actually loves it. He for sure has a thing for your brat side.

Keep telling him how much you missed him and he will give you anything you want.

"Chiquita, what would you like?"

"Dinner with you, Daddy."

"Hmm. At the place you like so much?"

"Yes."

"With the private balcony?"

"Yes."

"Do you plan on being naughty like the last time we where there? When you 'forgot' to wear your panties and I had to punish you right there and there?"

"I would never do that, Daddy. I am a good girl." 

He would laugh, you adore his laugh. 

But he would give you the world. 

Taglist: @fleursirvart @greenarrowhead @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster@capsiclesdoll @puknow @alwayshave-faith @alex12948 @lxdyred  @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @praline357 @trshngyn @avengers-r-us @violet-19999 @top1bbgloak   @manduse   @jacalineiscomingforyou  @mandoloriancookie @noname2246

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS  

[whillywisp]

Seeing a lot of talks about finnick as a dad/doting husband during pregnancy on the fyp and I must contribute to the conversation 🌱 (warnings: it's long and so fluffy you're gonna die). Part 1.

Part 2 ☁︎

The thing about Finnick is that he has a lot of love to give to anyone who would take it. His heart is overflowing with it, shining cerulean with it. So of course fatherhood came to him as easily as breathing—

Wrong. Have you seen that walking talking ball of anxiety, love and autism?

The day you tell him you're pregnant he passes the fuck out. On the floor. And when he wakes up he cries for an hour straight, thanking you enough times with kisses pressed into every inch of your skin he could reach that the words don't even sound like English anymore. He's so grateful, so fucking grateful and terrified but above all, completely and irrevocably in love with you.

Throughout the pregnancy, he's as paranoid as it gets to the point you have to beg him to please leave you alone and no, Finnick the baby won't be hurt if i eat too fast please breathe and let me breathe but it's all from a place of love. He's lost too much, almost everything in his life. The few people he could still keep were precious to him and he was not going to let any of them forget that least of all his babies. Or baby.

Finnick talks to the baby a lot. Asking the most bizarre question to your bump as if he actually expected a tiny, baby's voice to answer him. He was constantly on about something new and his favourite topic to talk about was whatever his new hyperfixation was and you just nodded and smiled because of course the baby wants to know how to do an alpine stitch! But it was so endearing and relieving to see him finally be happy, finally find a purpose, even if it was to just talk nonstop to your belly. He deserves this, these little pockets of happiness.

And one of his greatest happiness was taking care of you. Circling back to the fact that he starts hyperventilating when his lover so much as sneezes too hard, the hellscape that was pregnancy scared him. No, fuck it, it terrified him. So he did what he always did and loved to do and banned you from anything and everything that needed physical exertion. Chores of any kind were out of order. You were on a healthy diet of four meals a day and of course they included all your cravings that he always presented to you no questions asked thank you very much and you had to take naps, multiple of them, all with his presence as a requirement (you were sure those were just an excuse to cuddle you but you would rather take up another round of hunger games than call him out on it). He attended every appointment, had an alarm set for all the prenatal meds, and always a kiss for the belly and your lips just so you knew that this was it for him. You and your baby were the very centre of his universe and this was him orbiting you both. And you couldn't help but be grateful that you had him to love and cherish just as he did you.

And your favourite way of telling him you loved him was letting him take control over the one thing you knew he loved: baby shopping. With all due respect, this is the type of guy who bought baby shoes when he was eighteen with no baby in sight because look at how tiny this is it's so cute *big sparkly green eyes.* But it's particularly endearing watching him waltz around the store, arms full of onesies and plushies and you kind of just stand there, unable to do anything because what the fuck were you supposed to do at nine months pregnant and married to a man who you *checks notes* gifted a day where he could buy anything he wanted as a birthday present?

I promise you the answer was not 'go into an early labour the second he dumped the shopping bags in the living room' but who am I to say anything?

The baby coming two whole weeks early did not sit well with his anxiety. He was a mess, a complete and utter mess but he was also the most precious angel on this planet so seeing him holding back tears of fear so he could be there for you and hold you tight, so tight, because he was scared he would lose you broke your heart too. While the pain of the labour was bad, knowing he was close, holding you tight as he pressed gentle kisses everywhere, to cater to everything you needed, was enough to realise, he was the one. And you were going to fight through hell for him.

Such a wretched thing, love, you thought to yourself as you felt him shake beside you through the pain and haze, to ask you to hope against hope that the strain on your strength and your fading string of fate would persevere despite it all.

But you did. You survived and so did your precious little baby girl, and so did the last pieces of Finnick's soul, despite it all.

The first time he holds his tiny, tiny baby in his arms, something in his brain just clicks (or maybe his frontal lobe was finally fully developed because of course his baby picked the day before his birthday to make her own entry on planet earth) but whatever it was, it was perfect. His entire world narrowed down to the squirming little angel in his arms and he couldn't help but feel his heart leave his chest for the second time in his life to become hers. She fit right into the crook of his arms, the space in his neck. She fit into his life like another piece of puzzle that he never knew he was look for.

She was his little angel, his little girl. The person he never knew he fought through whole wars for but now, holding her against his chest as he watched you both sleep, he knew this is what he was meant to do. To love, to love, to love. For the sake of it. Simply because he could. Simply because he was alive and it was good enough reason to love with his entire being.

Part 1 because I don't exactly know if you people will like it enough to want more.

[hintsofhoney]

His Favorite Meal

Pairing(s): Rhysand x F!Reader

Summary: Rhysand hears your dirty thoughts while you're at dinner with your friends. It goes as expected.

Square(s) Filled: free space for @anyfandomgoesbingo

Tags: 18+, smutty smut smut, oral sex (female receiving), light dom/sub dynamics, use of magic, p in v, unprotected sex, light spanking

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: Hi, I just finished A Court of Mist and Fury and this is my new hyperfixation now. Funnily enough, I wrote this before I got to any kinds of sex scenes between Rhys and Feyre, and when I did finally get to Chapter 55, I was impressed with myself for how close to canon I wrote this 🤣 Anywho, I hope you enjoy!

You can also read me on Ao3!

MAIN MASTERLIST

You can’t stop thinking about him, not for lack of trying.

Rhysand and his stupid dark hair and violet eyes and the way the word darling rolls off his tongue and makes your thighs clench. 

You would even let him take you here and now, if it meant that the thoughts of him would subside.

He raises his eyebrows at you from across the table, Mor and Az and Cassian too caught up in their own conversation to notice. 

Really? Right on this table? With everyone watching? he sends down the bond. 

You shoot him a cold glare. Get out of my head.

If you didn’t want me in it, Y/N, darling, I wouldn’t be.

He isn’t wrong. You both know it.

I can make them leave, if the table is truly where you’d like me to fuck you. Personally, I find the bed —

Shut up, and eat your dinner . If you had said it outloud, it would have been through gritted teeth.

Rhys cocks his head to the side, briefly taken aback by your bite, and then smiles. Careful, darling , you hear in your head, if I have to take you over my knee, I won’t be asking anyone to leave first.

You squeeze your thighs together at the threat, the heat building between them becoming uncomfortable. You’re desperate. You need him.

That bad, hm? he asks.

You watch as he takes a sip of wine, his eyes never leaving yours.

Say the word and they’re gone, or continue to torture yourself. Up to you.

The prick wanted you to ask for it. Beg for it. As if your thoughts hadn’t been enough.

That “prick” will not hesitate to punish you in front of our friends. 

You feel yourself clench around nothing. 

Please, Rhys , you give in. 

He smirks, taking another sip from his glass. Please, what?

You swallow your pride. Not that there’s much left of it. Please fuck me.

Please fuck you, where?

This ass— 

His eyebrows raise — your final warning — and it stops your thought dead in its tracks. You take a deep breath. 

Please fuck me on the table, Rhys.

He grins. All you had to do was ask.

You put your shield up for a brief second so you can mentally roll your eyes in peace. When it comes down, Az, Cassian, and Mor are getting up from their seats.

“We eat here,” Cassian reminds the both of you as he stands.

Rhys is looking at you with hungry eyes as he replies, “Who says I won’t be eating?”

“Eugh!” Mor groans, making her way towards the exit. “At least wait until I’m out of earshot.”

Cassian snorts before following her out, Azriel having been the first to leave. 

And now it’s just you and Rhys and the table between you.

You blink, and suddenly his face is inches from yours, leaning over you with his hands resting on your thighs as he smirks at your shaky breaths. You can’t bring yourself to look him in the eye. He places a curled pointer finger underneath your chin, his thumb slowly tracing over your bottom lip, letting out a low chuckle at how your mouth begins to open ever so slightly.

He leans in, his lips meeting yours with a gentleness that doesn’t quite match the lust in his eyes, and you know you’re in for a long night. It could be hours before you were going to feel the release you had been begging him for.

“As far as I’m concerned, I shouldn’t let you cum at all, considering the names I’ve been called,” he murmurs, as he kisses your way up your jaw line, down your neck. 

You whimper at the notion, at the thought of being left reeling, wanting, on the table. Right now, you can’t imagine anything worse. 

“That’s very dramatic,” he whispers, his voice lined with a teasing smile. You watch him drop to his knees in front of you, slowly pushing your long gown up to your thighs. “But if you truly cannot imagine anything worse, then I suppose I’ll give you what you want, my darling girl.” 

You tense at his words, at the way he grabs ahold of your leg and places it over his shoulder, at the way he licks his lips, as if he’s about to dig into his favorite meal. 

He stops. “Of course, I had forgotten,” he says, and there’s a flash of darkness before you find yourself lying on the table, with Rhys kneeling at the end of it. His hands are gripping the underside of your thighs, pushing them upwards and outwards. In one fell swoop, he rips off the black lace covering your core, baring you to him. “I eat my meals at the table.” 

You let your head fall onto the hard surface underneath you. Fuck .

“Oh, I plan to,” he replies, placing a soft kiss on your inner thigh. “But I’m going to have my fun first.”

You swear his tongue has magic of its own with the way it moves between your folds, pulling short breaths from your lungs as he circles it around your clit, never staying in one spot long enough to grant you the release that you so badly crave. When he adds two fingers, your back arches off the table, and you whimper as you feel his magic pinning you down in response. 

“ Please , Rhys,” you practically sob, your thighs quaking as you try to remain still, trying to keep your orgasm at bay. 

“You’re not going to cum already, are you, darling?” he asks, but you know it’s not a question you can say ‘yes’ to. You know you’re his . You won’t cum until he tells you to. 

He chuckles at your thoughts. “Good girl,” he praises, his fingers curling inside you at just the right spot, and the combination of the two almost sends you over the edge. Almost. Minutes pass, but they feel like hours. You find yourself on the precipice of release too many times to count, having to take deep breaths to keep yourself grounded. Eventually, you accept this new tortured existence.

Very dramatic , Rhys teases.

You yelp as he stops his ministrations and pulls out of you too abruptly for your liking, standing up before pulling you to the edge of the table and flipping you over by your hips, your bare feet meeting the cool marble floor. It only takes seconds before he’s dragging his cock through your soaked folds, teasing you even further. You wiggle your ass — a silent plea — and he spanks it in return — an audible warning to be still that echoes through the dining hall. 

“Ow!” you whine, forcing your body to comply with his demand. 

Another smack, on the other cheek this time.

“Rhys!”

“Do I need to gag you? Or are you going to quit your whining?” 

Another hit, harder than the others. A test. You remain silent and still.

“Although I must admit… I do love watching your ass change colors.” You brace yourself for another hit that never comes. Instead, you get no warning as Rhys thrusts into you in one swift motion. “But I’ll save it for the next time you feel like mouthing off.”

You grip the edges of the table as he pounds into you, his hand coming to wrap around your shoulder for leverage, his cock filling you up, hitting your sweet spot with every stroke. Your moans are unsteady and never-ending, only interrupted by the expletives falling from your lips.

“Oh m-my —  fuck — Rhys!”

He smirks, grabbing a fistful of your hair and pulling you up off of the table, your back flush with his muscled, tattooed chest. You start to wonder when his shirt came off before you realize that his hands are holding your bare breasts, rolling your nipples between his fingers. Magic has a number of uses — making clothes vanish off bodies being one of them. 

He continues to thrust into you as one of his hands makes its way down to your core, swollen and throbbing. When his skillful fingers find your clit, you throw your head back onto his shoulder. 

“Pleasepleasepleaseplease,” you chant. You’re unsure of how much longer you can take it. Five agonizing seconds pass — then ten — and then —

“Go ahead, darling, I’m right behind you,” he orders, and you practically scream as your orgasm washes over you, as you feel his cock twitch inside you, filling you up. “Fuuuuck,” he rasps, his hands holding onto your hips now as you fall forward onto the table from exhaustion, letting the cold surface cool your skin. 

Moments later, Rhys collapses on top of you, holding himself up by his forearms, caging you in between them. He’s still inside you as he trails soft kisses from one shoulder blade to the other.

I love you , he sends down the bond, still catching his breath.

A tired smile creeps onto your lips. I love you, too.

[weirdmorefics]

I Don't Know Who I am Anymore

(Crowley x Platonic Reader x Aziraphale)

A/n- Sorry, I haven't been finishing requests it's hyperfixation time and this time it's Good Omens. This also can be read as romantic or platonic

Pronouns- They/Them

Word Count- 1,183

Summary- The reader is an angel more like was and gets cast out of heaven. When they fall they happen to fall directly in front of their good friend Aziraphale's bookshop.

I never expected falling to feel so cold. I just always assumed it would be burning hot as the air pulled you down to hell. I never thought it would happen to me though. I shut my eyes tight and waited for the feeling to pass. I tell myself this nothing I should embrace the cold before I am forced to an eternity of hell fire.

I hit the ground with a huge thud and cracked the pavement below me. I feel like I can't breathe which is a strange thing I have always been perfect as an angel. My wings shielded me from most of the blow from hitting the ground but I am missing a lot of feathers which are now on the ground. I move my wings around to see what is left of them and they are no longer the shiny white I once knew but a dark grey. Just when I started to breathe better from the fall the shock from the sight of my wings left me completely breathless. I start wheezing uncontrollably and try to stand up my vision blurring from my tears. I whip my head back and forth feeling many eyes on me expecting many demons to be staring at the incompetent angel that couldn't make it in heaven but instead, I see a shocking amount of humans pointing electronic devices at me. I turn in a circle and humans surround all sides except behind me there is a familiar bookshop.

Some humans were asking me if I was okay, some were assuming I jumped, and others said I must be on drugs. Then a tiny human came behind and pulled painfully hard on my already sore wings and shouted "Mom their wings are real they are really real!"

At this shout the building from behind me door swings open at high speeds. I instantly recognized him as the angel Aziraphale he used to be my dear friend we even helped Job together. He probably hates me now because I am no longer an angel they probably sent me here to get tortured by the person it would hurt most from. I just wanted nobody to get hurt! All I said is why should we fight Adam he is just a tiny human, he isn't even fully grown yet. I just didn't want a war where all kinds of beings would die and now I am a traitor! I look at Aziraphale with fear in my eyes pleading with him to just let me run.

I try to turn away but he is quick to grab my arm and announce to the crowd, "Be assured this is just a costume for an advertisement of a new book that will be coming to my shop soon! We were just testing that? Isn't that right Y/N?"

I swallow hard and nod in agreement so as to not make the angel hate me even more. The humans find this as an acceptable excuse because they often will accept anything to explain the unexplainable.

Aziraphale pulls me the rest of the way into the building that is filled with shelves and shelves of books.

Another person walks towards us " What was the commotion angel?" His face instantly sours at my presence, "Who is this demon and what are they doing here?"

That can't breathe feeling is back I try to back up towards the door in preparation.

Aziraphale looks at me and back at Crowley "Surely you must be mistaken! This Y/N they helped us with Job!"

"I remember Y/N but they were an angel this is a demon," He states like Aziraphale is blind. He gets closer to look into my eyes "Though they do look remarkably like Y/N. The Y/N we knew though refused to leave heaven after the job incident for her guilt of disobeying God." He rolled his eyes.

I fall to my knees and beg, "Can we end this charade, please? I know I was only sent here to be tortured before my eternity in hell! By those I consider my only true friends."

Aziraphale's jaw lightly drops open in shock, Y/N is the last angel he would ever think of falling. He is stunned speechless and does not move.

Crowley shakes his head and immediately pulls me to my feet, "No, no, no there is no need for that."

"I- I have failed God. I don't know who I am anymore. I have no purpose in this world. I will no longer be accepted by Heaven and Hell will surely not accept me as you said I did not leave Heaven in decades and I fell trying to keep the anti-Christ safe and out of celestial affairs. I am no one!" I rant out so fast I can truly breathe no more I start wheezing and tears blur my vision.

"Crowley I am not quite sure what to do in this situation. I have never witnessed an angel fall in person." He looks at Crowley with uncertained worried eyes.

Crowley walks up to me but I hardly notice in my state until he holds my body still, "Hey breathe! Heaven is idiotic to let you go! You are the most loyal angel I have ever met and so kind it is nauseating. Heaven doesn't deserve all you have done for them and Hell doesn't deserve your kindness! What do you say and join our side!"

I pull out of his grasp still tearful, "Your side! Aziraphale protects the gates and visited me frequently in heaven! He is an Angel and you hardly know me!"

What Y/N doesn't know is that Crowley already knows he frequents Heaven to visit Y/N. She is a common topic among them during their visits to the Ritz. Aziraphale has always regretted getting them involved with Job because it made their love of God turn to fear making her scared to connect to humans and leave Heaven.

"Trust me, I know you Y/N. You have loved humans since day one when you praised Aziraphale for giving his swords to the humans and assured him it was the right decision."

I twiddle my fingers embarrassed "You know about that?"

Aziraphale pipes in nervously, "Yes, sorry about that. I may have told him since you made me feel so much better in my decision. We also may discuss you a lot… I have been worried about you."

This angered "Did you have doubts about me being a good angel and if so why didn't you say anything!"

"Y/N you have to know I didn't imagine anything like this happening. But there has to be a reason you ended up here and not Hell and it isn't to torture you. You are good Y/N and I know it even Crowley knows it. So as Crowley said join us in our mission to prevent armageddon and we will take it one step at a time together."

I take an unsure breath and look at them both, "Ok I will join you."

[r4vensheaven]

Loser!Ellie x Vampire!Reader

Authors note: hii guys, this is my first time posting on tumblr so please go easy on me lmaoo, also English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes, please don’t hesitate to call me out im always open to criticism!! (just don’t be mean about it lol)

>loser!Ellie who’s life is just so mundane and boring until she finds out the new girl in her class, who she has a little crush on , is a vampire but instead of being scared,she falls even more for the girl and offers to be her personal blood buffet.

>loser!Ellie that spends entire nights researching about vampires so she can know more about you but eventually develops into a hyperfixation .

>loser!Ellie that can’t help but whimper every time your fangs pierce her skin, it hurts but it feels so good at the same time (she can’t help but get a little turned on).

>loser! Ellie who would lay her head on your lap demanding that you play with her hair while she babbles about space and dinosaurs, stumbling on her words,all dizzy after you drank from her.

>loser!Ellie who would blush so hard when you tell her how delicious her blood is.

>loser!Ellie whose favorite book is now “Carmilla” (iykyk).

>loser!Ellie who gets addicted to your bites to the point she makes herself bleed around you in order to tempt you to bite her again.

>Loser!Ellie that could hear your stories of many year ago for hours. She’s so fascinated by all the lives you’ve lived (and she’s really grateful she can be part of one of your many stories).

>loser!Ellie who thinks you are the stylish person on earth.

>loser!Ellie who looks up at you with the prettiest green doe eyes you have ever seen after feeding on her.

>loser!Ellie who finally finds courage to kiss you, your mouth still stained with her blood, but she doesn’t care( she thinks it’s hot), a soft loving kiss that eventually gets more heated and aggressive, your fangs poking her lips,your blood red lipstick living kiss marks all over her face, Ellie is having the time of her life.

>loser!Ellie who’s addicted to your natural seductive vampire scent, always with her head somewhere on your neck, collarbone or chest.

>loser!Ellie that finds you the hottest when you just finished drinking from her, your mouth is covered in her blood, your chest rising from your heaving breathing, your eyes rolling back from how good she tastes…

>loser!Ellie that gets so shy and flustered because of the amount of expensive gifts you give her. She likes this new guitar? It’s hers. She needs more art supplies? You buy her the best ones. A telescope so she can see the stars and planets? Already in her room. When you have been alive for so long it’s not weird to have an insane amount of money to spend on your sweet girlfriend <3

>loser!Ellie who feels bad for not being able to buy you a bunch of stuff back,she wants to spoil you too :’)

>loser!Ellie who’s eyes water and is left speechless when you tell her that she is the greatest gift you could have.

>loser!Ellie that paints and draws you over and over again because you’re her muse. She also makes paintings to decorate your big mansion, every room has at least something made by her.

>loser!Ellie always losing card games against you, who after so many years became a master in them, but Ellie still has hope that she’ll win against you someday( when she does its because you let her win).

>loser!Ellie who’s had many sleepless nights thinking (and crying) about how she’s going to get old and die while you stay young forever :’(

>loser!Ellie that begs you to turn her because there’s nothing she wants more than to spend eternity with you.

Thinking of writing a full fic on this, i just need the time lmao

[healmydesires]

hi welcome to my masterlist! I tend to write whichever fictional character(s) I’m hyperfixating on at the moment/or they are a special interest!

my about/faq is here!

warnings: I tend to write mostly explicit/mature content! so I don’t want minors to interact with my content and my blog! pls respect this <3

⋆*｡ terminology: smut: ꕤ fluff: ❀ angst: ✸

⋆*｡ logan howlett

cross that line ✸❀ꕤ

summary: For a long time, you were content hiding your feelings, but lately, the longing for someone you can’t have has become unbearable. Despite knowing he could never be yours, you still cherished the sweet ache in your heart whenever he smiled or gave you a warm, platonic hug. Then, one day, everything changed.

sweet like sugar ❀ꕤ

summary: Now that Logan was finally able to call you his, he couldn’t get enough of you. OR Logan fucks you from behind.

getting no sleep ꕤ

summary: logan gets overstimulated while having sex.

you got my attention ❀ꕤ

summary: Though Logan lets you take control and show your appreciation, in the end, you're still the one begging for him.

⋆*｡ anakin skywalker

you’re my medicine ✸❀ꕤ

modern/lifeguards!au

summary: you’re convinced you don’t like anakin, and that he loves to get under your skin. but one summer, you find out just how wrong you’ve been.

needy ❀ꕤ (kinktober 2023)

summary: you surprise your boyfriend with your sexy ensemble.

it’s warming up ❀ꕤ

summary: anakin edging you. that’s it.

caught your fever I’ll be feeling it forever ❀ꕤ

summary: You and Anakin have always been the best of friends; who just happen to be in love and are refusing to do anything about it. OR You go on a ski trip with several of your friends and have to share a bed with your best friend, whom you’ve been harbouring feelings for years. (part one)

if you make me feel in love, then I’ll blossom for you ❀ꕤ

summary: The morning after Anakin and you have finally confessed your love for each other, your friends can’t help but tease you relentlessly about your new relationship. OR the one where you both have morning sex. (part two)

⋆*｡ joel miller

forever in your eyes (also known as soft!joel universe) in chronological order (but u can read most of them on their own as well! they just belong in the same universe)

forever in your eyes ✸❀ꕤ

summary: It wasn’t like you hadn’t dated before. You had been on plenty of dates since you’ve been in Jackson, too many actually, you’ve even been in a semi serious relationship, but unfortunately, nobody had really charmed their way into your heart like they were supposed to. You’ve never been in love, always thought that falling in love wasn’t meant for you. Until one day, you meet a certain grumpy man.

I wanna hear you say my name ❀ꕤ

summary: Your shower is still broken and you’re on your period, leaving you a frustrated mess. Thankfully, Joel is here to help you out, in more ways than one.

nasty ❀ꕤ

summary: On a hot summer morning, you wake up with Joel’s mouth between your thighs.

⋆*｡ anthony bridgerton

melt away ❀ꕤ

summary: The night you give your love and body to your husband.

⋆*｡ steve harrington

enchanted (teaser only) ✸❀ꕤ

prince!steve/royal!au

summary: You’ve been in love with the prince for god knows how long. For the longest time you were content with admiring him from afar, knowing your adoration for your favourite prince could never be revealed. Until one day, everything changed.

[thaddeus-is-perfection]

Wouldn't you like has his claws inside me and it doesn't want to let me leave😭😭😭

P.s.: We need more Hermes ff, like I already read as much I could find on AO3 ( props to @FictionForLive (I'll be home with frayed feathers) and @OleandeQuill (Actually, I want my deadbeat dad back) for my favorite ones)

P.P.s.: if someone has recommendations, I beg of you, TELL ME.

I MUST FEED MY NEW HYPERFIXATION #Epicthemusical

[thatoneautismwithgreenhair]

please tell me all about your hyperfixation/srs

dude, like I'm so interested now.

the second i saw i got this in my inbox, my laptop shut down, which is a pretty accurate representation of what happened to my brain.

I HAVE SO MANY WHERE DO I EVEN START WOFBORB

idk which you mean so ill simply chapter them :]

I'll also put a list of trigger warnings beneath each chapter name.

Chapter 1: Mouthwashing

TW: R*pe, forced pregnancy, suicide, murder, hallucinations, alcoholism, body horror, injuries.

For those who are unaware, Mouthwashing is a indie game made by Wrong Organ. It follows 5 crew members upon a cargo spacecraft called the Tulpar, run by Pony Express. Curly, the captain, a respectable and intelligent man who's blinded by his own loyalty. Jimmy, the co-pilot, a deeply mentally unwell and dangerous person who's been friends with Curly for presumably years, and Curly is who got him the job at Pony Express. Anya, the nurse, who failed medical school but had enough training to be hired for the job. Swansea, the mechanic, an older man who's stern and surly and frankly quite rude. And Daisuke, the intern mechanic, the youngest in the crew who's mom got him the job so he'd do something with his life. We'd be here for hours if i talked about the symbolism and foreshadowing, and i will include some but not all. Anya is repeatedly sexually abused by Jimmy, to which she tells Curly. However, whether it be he's blinded by his loyalty to Jimmy, know's Jimmy's mental state and therefore pities him, or simply can't comprehend his best friend would do something so disgusting and vile, he unfortunately doesn't do much to stop Jimmy, merely attempting to seperate them as best he can whilst juggling all his other responsibilities. Before the crash of the tulpar, there's a scene between Anya and Curly where they're sat together in the lounge, staring at a large tv screen that takes up a majority of the wall, which displays a fake night sky. Anya describes she actually enjoys coming out to look at the night display, and says that if you look very closely there's a dead pixel in the top right corner. Curly tries, but cannot see it, noting he's used to looking at the bigger picture. Anya then asks when they'll reach their destination, and Curly approximates it to be 237 days, to which hauntingly Anya immediately knows is nearing 8 months. She then asks why Curly thinks Pony Express placed a lock on the medical wing door but not the sleeping quarters, to which Curly responds ''I suppose for the same reason they put a lock on the cock-pit. Safety.'' An unfortunate and rage inducing blindness to Anya's situation, that she 'should' feel safe in the sleeping quarters near her abuser. Later, Anya tells Curly that she's pregnant, hence her asking how long it will be until the journey is over. Curly begs her not to tell Jimmy, that he'll do it. But, she tells him, and she takes a locked box containing a gun that only the captain can open out of fear of Jimmy finding it. Curly doubts this, however he finds Jimmy in the cock-pit, and after searching and failing to find the gun, Jimmy had smashed the control panel. Curly runs to the control panel, only to be hit with the strongest force of the crash of the Tulpar. Curly is left without hands or feet, or skin, only features remaining are one of his eyes and his teeth. Jimmy becomes the new captain, lying saying the now incapacitated Curly was the cause of the crash. Anya does her best to administer him medicine, however she cannot handle the disturbing sights and screams of agony from him. Jimmy takes over this job, but he is rough and violent with the man, saying 'I hope this hurts' whilst forcing the pills down Curly's throat. Swansea refused to let anyone into the utility closet, saying its filled with foam meaning that foam is covering an airlock breach and if anyone goes inside they could all die. I'm running out of space o_o So, i'll have to post this and continue. hehe.

[sidekick-hero]

WIP Weekend

The most wonderful @hbyrde36 tagged me in the WIP Wednesday but because this week has been hell I didn't get to it. Now it's Friday night here and I'm ready to write all weekend 🥰

That means it’s time for WIP Weekend, which means time for a little accountability, sharing your work, and getting a kick in the pants.

Here’s how it works:

In a reblog of this post (so people can find you in the notes) or new thread (w/ rules attached) if you want to play on your own, post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to play!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from (for example, an event or gift fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post.

If you’re reading this, you’re invited!

If you see someone posting a WIP Wednesday Game snippet, send them an ask! Make them write.

WIP filenames (which are often titles as well)

emotional motion sickness

caught in the careless arms of lust again (aka my metaldeputy pwp)

Hold my like a grudge (final part to hold me close I'm shaking apart)

End of beginnings

Metaldeputy: let there be plot

emotional motion sickness (under the cut because it's a bit spicy):

He groans at the thought of wearing Eddie's mark, a visible reminder of the things they have done.

"Eddie, please," he begs, not even knowing what for, only that he needs it, whatever Eddie has planned for him.

With one last lick along Steve's neck, his skin already aching from the abuse, Eddie lets up and leans back, just enough to cradle Steve's face in his hands while the rest of his body remains pressed against Steve's.

"Shhhh," he coos, "I'll give you what you want, sweetheart. I promise. You just have to be good for me, yeah?"

Steve nods without hesitation. He's played enough, now he just wants.

A sweet kiss on the tip of his nose, another on his cheek, the corner of his mouth. "So good for me. Come on, good boys get their reward."

No pressure tags for some of my dear writer mutuals: @starryeyedjanai, @thefreakandthehair, @shares-a-vest, @just-my-latest-hyperfixation, @runninriot, @steveseddie, @steddieas-shegoes and of course tagging @hbyrde36 right back 💜

[dukeoftheblackstar]

x

I miss being here. The only space I know that will always be home. Where art is everywhere, fics galore, people talking about things — the background noises, the passerby, friends in a different room.

I miss being here and hyperfixating.

I'm at my limit with stress that I'm feeling the apathy from having shut down to a new level of exasperation. My emotions are whacked; falling in out of love on things and people I hardly know. There is anger in me that I still don't know how to handle and guilt isn't far behind from feeling so.

I'm so tired. God. I've said this so fucking much, it doesn't mean anything anymore even to me.

I feel like I'm being punished for being careful. Punished for overworking, for dreaming, for wanting peace. I feel like at every turn, I'm supposed to move because I **have** to.

There's no choice in there. There's no 'just walk away', there's no 'let them deal with it', because it also affects me because i am here. I am here and I cannot simply walk away no matter how badly I want to.

I'm sinking so far down I don't even know who I am anymore or what I am. I know I'm someone who's **supposed** to work constantly to make ends meet, to thrive through the days and weeks and months and my fucking god, why another year?

I'm starting to abhor sleep. Finding it so fucking wasteful. Starting to think capping overtime at work for mental health and wellness is a load of bull.

I can't even enjoy the daydreams, delulus have come to dissipitate like marbles begging to be chased for some fucking semblance of happiness and escape.

I've started to hate things and I don't know how to fix it.

[yostresswritinggirl]

Niwa’s lover finds out and punishes him with no kisses for a week. He is a man starved. Dying. Withering. He’d rather face the Almighty Shogun than this. Kabuki-mewmew pleads for leniency on his father’s behalf.

Niwa thoughts. He’s got broad shoulders and excellent arms from all that lifting and smithing. He carries his lover and you can see the shoujo manga sfx. Flowers? Blooming. Hearts? Beating. Lovemaking with him should be called babysmithing. Can’t have weak pull out game if he doesn’t pull out in the first place. Typically squeezes their thigh when he’s in the mood. Otherwise, always has a hand on their hip. Less horny is that he fixates on his partner for that reason. He can see a future with them and wants to be together for as long as they draw breath. He would like to have kids. Biological or adopted, he will love them. A true family man. Very upfront about what he wants and is pretty understanding.

The fact that I can see Tighnari befriending Niwa’s lover in modern au has me in stitches. Really, he sees the partners of the Babeblades and decides that they are friends. Besties. These people? Can be trusted. His favorite bitches to bitch about bitches with. (I have a stemless wine glass with that on it.)

Anyway. Viktor. Has no family back in the homeland. Just wants to buy stuff for the memories. Last I checked, he was stationed in Sumeru. He even carves wood. Friendship with Childe ended. Viktor is my new Fatui sussy boy. NPC fucker era. Steadily adding more simps to romance.

Bloom anon

*Insert Niwa in babygirl poses* And also this for Niwa the whole time he was punished, he was so gloomy and uncharacteristically silent that everyone in Tatarasuna was creeped out and worried, Kabukimono had to beg and kneel for forgiveness to them to forgive Niwa and not be so harsh. And Niwa's lover didn't even think it was that big of a deal until they saw their lover look so soulless, as if dehydrated for days

"To think you could be so evil..." "Me?! Evil?!" "Worse than the Shogun..." "The Shogun?!?!?"

Oh oh you know what Niwa reminds me of!! Finnian from Black Butler! Super strong babygirl, he picks them up so nonchalantly that it's comical, like "oh careful there's a gap on the stairway up to the furnace" and he just picks them up in one arm and hops over like wtf - oh yes yes sorry, the shoujo part yes yes the lovemaking too PFFT

It's also very important to keep the bloodline going for the future of Tatarasuna and the continuation of the Isshin Arts yeah! But ahhh family man Niwa is such a nice and cozy headcanon, just wanting a comfortable life for his family, a normal family for once

Omayghad Tighnari hahaha he's always befriending them that's true, he really just gets along with anyone at this point (maybe not so much with Kazuha's lover since they're more focused on being nomadic and surviving, he'd be more in line with Kazuha haha)

Speaking of Viktor, huh is he in Sumeru for me, I kinda forgot - he might actually not be, I need to work on that. But I'm glad you're hyperfixating on him, let's just hope this ain't some red herring shit that Hoyo uses in the future to break our hearts

[autisticburnham]

all of the hyperfixation icons for prodigy. i'm sorry i forgot to message you.

You're fine!

📃 Plot:

You already know this because you are THEE Prodigy blogger, but for everyone else, it's about a group of kids who are enslaved at a mining outpost stumbling upon the ship that it turns out they were enslaved to find. Rather than telling their overseer though, they work together to get the ship turned on, get help from its built in training program, and break out- though the breakout does go wrong and they end up accidently kidnapping their enslaver's daughter. Pursued by their overseer, they decide to flee to the Federation and seek asylum after learning about it from the hologram, and along the way explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, boldly go where they have never gone before

✨️ What draws you towards it/what's interesting about it?

This is what Star Trek fans have been begging for for years! A cast of non-Federation aliens! That's so cool and opens up so many opportunities for worldbuilding! And the constraint of being designed specifically to be a good show for someone's first Star Trek means that they have to focus on telling a good story with compelling characters instead of just throwing nostalgia at you. Of course they do still have nostalgic stuff because old fans will inevitably watch, but the show doesn't depend on that the way a lot of new Trek does. And make a good show with compelling characters they did! That was the strongest first season for Star Trek ever. Holy shit I love these characters and I'm so heartbroken we won't get to see their whole story play out

🎥 Favorite scenes

Sorry to go for sad shit, but Rok coming out of the time loop and Gwyn realizing her father cares more about the ship than her really stick with me. On a brighter note though, I really love Zero breaking out of the Borg's control and Dal and Janeway swapping back bodies

🎶 Favorite music piece from it?

Imma be honest, I don't remember any music from it other than the theme song, so I'm gonna go with the theme song

💕 Favorite character and why you like them

Oh, it's so hard to pick! I love all of these kids so much! If you asked me again, I would undoubtedly give a different answer, but for now I'm gonna go with Rok Tahk. I don't know if she is fat or if her size is normal her species, but she certainly read to the audience as fat. And fat characters are never portrayed as smart and kind and delicate. So to see this little girl who is so wonderful and sweet be told her whole life she's strong and scary because of the way she looks, knowing that's wrong, and finding people who listen to her about that and let her be a soft kid and who encourage her when she finds she's smart and she loves science- that's so special and I'm so glad the kids who did get to see her did. I know she's gonna mean a lot to them too

💔 Least favorite character and why you hate them

I feel like it's a cop out to say the villian, but it's the Diviner. He enslaved children. From a doylist, a character is good if they serve their function in the story well standpoint, he's great from. From a watsonian, these kids only ever deserve good things in their lives standpoint? Kill

🏳️‍🌈 Do you have any diverse headcanons that are important to you?

Every single one of these children is autistic. I don't have any solid queer headcanons for them though; I'd be open to any interpretation of them

🍀 Comfort characters?

All of them, really. I love them all very much, but not any of them particularly more than the others

💎 Any fun facts or trivia you'd like to share?

I don't think so? I don't think I know any trivia about Prodigy

💢 Something you don't like and would change?

The cancelation 😭

[melody-garnet]

for an outside perspective of what it’s like being near someone who reacts like this to even the thought of setting a boundary = rejection... Okay so i had girlfriend for over a year. I’m big on boundaries and opinions and openness, so I’d check in all the time. What do you want to eat, do you think this activity sounds cool, would this fit your budget, how does x or y make you feel,...

 It was my first meaningful romantic relationship, and at the time i thought she had more experience, so i tried following her lead at first. Except, there was no lead to follow. She was letting me decide so much, all the time, because her previous relationships were presumably with very pushy men. So at first there was just...nothing coming from her. She was too scared to upset me, and wouldn’t respond for days or weeks scared of saying the wrong thing or assuming i didn’t really want her input. We knew she did this, because she’d occasionally rant about one of us romantic partners or friends overstepping a boundary to another one of the group. And we’re all friends willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt, so we’d ask for their side of the story and find out she just hadn’t communicated the boundary.

She’d bend over backwards or minimize her own needs so much and so often, her entire friend group and all of us romantic partners were all hyperfixated on guessing what she was too scared to say for herself and trying to provide that. We’d have team meetings.

When she did ask for something we’d be extatic, and we tried to make it work very hard because it was uncommon, and then she’d also feel bad for bothering us.

I reached my first breaking point with that by month 7 or 8. I had us have a great big talk. She explained the above reasoning. I think cool, so i have to ask her opinion EVEN MORE. I  really made clear that i value her input, that everyone valued her input, told her just how much her loved ones are putting in an effort to hear her. 

For minimal chance of miscommunication, i deadass made a bulletpoint list of what i’d like (please dont ghost me for days at a time out of perfectionism, can i see you once a week, please treat me like the committed partner i am and let me meet your parents) and urged her to give me hers. What have i screwed up, what could be better, anything! i BEGGED HER for honesty, input and boundaries. 

And then she interpreted me asking her input as being even more pushy. So she’d lie about her boundaries and opinions even more.

((she also never gave me a bulletpoint back, or told me improvement points. i asked at least once month.))

She got so busy working on a PhD application and juggling all her romantic partners’s requests that she stayed jobless for months trying to give us all time rather than admitting she had too many partners. She wouldn’t always admit when she was with another partner, or ‘forget’ to mention a new one had passed the three-date-treshold. Her appartment building once didn’t have electricity for over a week in dead of winter, and just stayed in that appartment the whole time rather than ask if she could stay with any of her partners.  Eventually, we didn’t go on dates anymore. We did date night once a week, after dinner, at her place, and i’d walk home after midnight. The more casual the better, because those were less decisions to screw up. 

Her unexpressed resentment had made her so stressed her parents deeply disliked me even though they hadn’t ever met me. I was stressed all the time trying to guess what she wanted and seemingly never getting it right. I always had to take initiative and wondered if she even liked me anymore all the time. I would cry at random moments during the day or night, but it was all worth it because once a week i had a date with her discussing books and plays on her couch and i fell in love all over again.

 It was my first real romantic relationship, and people say relationships take work, and i kept trying to make it work. I was so sure there wasn’t a mistake she could make big enough to make me call it quits, and i felt greedy for even wanting to see her that often when she already had other partners. But i kept taking initiative and i kept asking her opinion, because if i didnt take initiative i’d get nothing at all.

By the end of month 13, I’d lost a fair bit of sleep and self respect. Then an opportunity came up and her parents were in the country for several days and she’d be with them the whole time. I asked her if i could meet them. It was one of the three things i had expressed i wanted from the relationship. She’d met mine. She’d been invited to new year’s and then a family holiday in may, and mother’s day brunch. She said i could meet her parents. Then she, otherwise the organizer extraordinaire, somehow screwed up getting two groups (their trio and i)  to meet up sometime in a 5 day period, and I’d have to make some serious sacrifices and take unexpected time off the next day to meet her parents. Whoopsiedoodle, you won’t do that, you love your work, guess you can’t see them now.  I was SO SURE she had botched it on purpose like a coward rather than just say ‘no’ honestly, that I LEFT MY JOB ON HOLD FOR HOURS just to check it was an actual mistake, to meet her parents, and then worked unpaid overtime to make up for it. 

She collapsed in relief when i told her i didn’t trust her enough to be in a romantic relationship anymore. I was still in love with her, but i just couldn’t anymore.

And then she laid out all the times i didnt respect a boundary. She was fine expressing all my screwups AFTERWARDS, of course, because the rejection had already happened and she was “free from judgment”.

I had screwed up

- the times i told her what i expected from a committed relationship, even a polyamorous one, and she didn’t agree out loud.  -the times i guessed what she wanted, and guessed wrong because i couldn’t read her mind - the times i did respect her boundaries and interpretations, but i shouldn’t have had to ask about it. she would have taken initiative herself. eventually. maybe. - or the times she did take initative to give her opinion, but it made her feel guiltier for being a bother. 

There had never been a way to win. 

(())

Tl;dr: 

My girlfriend bottled stuff up for so long, quote, “trying not to hurt my feelings” because she “didn’t want to be a bad guy”. In reality, she made me hurt and insecure and distrusting and abandoned for MONTHS just for her selfish fear of getting pushback. Eventually the relationship broke too far for me to consider her a mature and honest adult worth committing to, despite still being in love with her at the time.

That’s what happens when you erase your boundaries. You don’t evade rejection. You just make life harder all around.

There is just no way to win against rejection sensitive disorder by simply never being rejected.

There is no way for the other person to always guess correctly what you want if you are too scared to communicate what you want. There’s no way the other person can get you to state your needs if you dont believe they have the right to.

And those people want to! They want to know you! They want to reach you! They want to share the puzzle that is making life work, together!

By denying yourself and everyone honestly and open communication, you’re guaranteeing the people around you are left with a feeling of defeat and self-blame.

You are a human and you need things and want things. If you try not to have needs, you’re still gonna become angry over not getting them. That’s how survival works.

You can’t self-efface yourself into being a better person. You just become an erased person that hurts their loved ones by their absence. You become a person who represses their needs until the lack of those needs consumes them.

Btw when someone says "don't talk to me like that, I don't know you" the normal thing to do is apologize for the perceived overfamiliarity and correct the behavior. Just in case anyone was wondering

[babypinkhearts]

mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness.

pairing: fushiguro megumi + fem!reader

summary: you love him. so you let him torture you further.

warnings: angst! megumi is complicated (what’s new), but comfort!!! the sweetest of sweet things. mentions of being emotionally unavailable.

a/n: inspired by the song “woman” by john lennon. one of my favorites, i definitely recommend you go listen :) i have been writing my heart out these past few weeks, i feel like it’s my biggest hyperfixation at the moment. thank you for all the love recently <3 i am so happy.

two knocks will do it.

or a third. megumi’s hand stills.

his eyes scan the scenery. the outdoor mat he recognizes too well on the floor, decorated with images of small woodland creatures. the hummingbirds gather around the greeting words in minimalistic font.

he finds it less welcoming than anything, his teeth chewing the inside of his cheek.

this was a stupid idea.

the sound of rustling comes from the other side of the door, and his careful eyes observe. he hears a click. the door opens, barely, and he’s able to briefly see your wide eyes.

megumi sticks his foot in the gap before you have a chance to slam it shut.

“what the fuck.” you deadpan, eyes now locked on the floor where megumi was now trespassing. the audacity. “dude, take a hint.”

fifty missed calls, all intentional. messages that haven’t even been opened clog your phone, and you had planned to keep it that way for much longer. yet megumi only straightens a little more, and stares.

“let me in.” he responds, gaze unrelenting. and sure, this wasn’t the reaction he wanted, but you seemed less upset than he imagined you’d be. “please.”

megumi kept that same stoic look on his face, despite his stomach feeling like it was being twisted in two — all anxious and troubling. his pride hurt. he wondered if he would have to start begging on his knees for your forgiveness, or maybe kiss your hands and write the most obnoxiously long love letter ever created. admittedly, for you, he’d let himself with no hesitation. how weak he had become.

narrowing your eyes at him, you give a few futile attempts to close the door, growing increasingly frustrated as he continues standing, relentless. he simply refused to budge.

megumi watches as your eyes instinctively shut tightly in annoyance, and he tests his luck, leaning just the tiniest further in.

“megumi—“ you sigh, running a hand down your face, exasperated. and there’s some hope megumi hears in your voice. you shut him down immediately, though, and shake your head without a second thought. “no. leave me alone.”

a part of you wants to add in — ‘like you have been’ — but you swallow the bitter sentence.

don’t fall in love with boys who don’t know how to love.

or, more importantly, don’t fall in love with boys who can’t love back.

it’s a treacherous battle, you’ve learned. megumi has always been abrasive, and those moments where empathy shines through have (without failure) been blocked by gloomy clouds before it’s able to reach you. he’s pretty in theory, but uncovering him has it’s ugly bits. he’s aware.

for a serene, peaceful moment, you think that megumi listens to you. he slowly turns to his side, and you expect him to walk down the patio steps and go back home.

but he stands there for a little too long, his foot still nudged in the crack stupidly made by your naivety. every rational (and ethical) thought seems to leave his mind as he finds himself forcing your door wide open.

“oh my god—” you exclaim, hands thrown in the air, mouth open in disbelief. you’ve backed up from the door, brows furrowed. “megumi, seriously, what the fuck!?”

dumbfounded, you watch as he simply lets himself inside, leaning back against the door to shut it. the ‘click!’ is audible with the deathly silence.

“it was cold.” is all he says, before swallowing thickly. “and i need you to stop ignoring me.”

yeah, he wished he had a better approach.

megumi was normally calculated and a lot more thoughtful. he’d weigh in pros and cons, analyzing everything to it’s minute detail. you were probably the only factor that could lead him into spontaneity.

you laugh a little. it’s a sound that comes out bitter, and lacks any real amusement. bewilderment, really. you can feel some ice crack, and megumi stills.

“what the fuck.” you repeat, quietly now. and it’s clear that you’re seething — all the animosity is clear on your face. this wasn’t like megumi at all. he was always patient, and he usually understood boundaries. enforced them, even.

you momentarily glance at him. he’s pleading with his eyes.

“please.”

megumi’s cheeks are flushed, he can feel it. the color comes from the freezing weather outside, and the sudden embarrassment that clouds his head. the realization of his actions, how he forced his way in. his eyes grow wide, alarmed and seemingly more sensible. he hastily turns to you, saying, “i’ll go back outside, i’m sorry, i just really need to —“

“you’re already inside.”

your hostility had yet to dissipate, and if you could think clearly enough, you’d be able to feel the burning sensation of your nails digging into your palms. this felt like a bad dream. but the desperation in his voice is almost unbearable to listen to, and there is the glimmer of the north star guiding you, naturally searching the idiot in front of you. like it always does. “whatever you say better be worth it.”

it’s mature, your resolve. let him talk, and then he can leave peacefully.

but, what did he want? closure? because you never got that. and you weren’t sure if you wanted it. it’s why your phone idly sits on your bedside table, constantly on do not disturb. for the mere purpose of avoiding him. and everything, really.

you come to a cruel realization that megumi would probably be the only person benefiting this sudden appearance. he could leave, and you’d still be left quite broken. mangled, at this point. no room for repair.

but you love him. so you let him torture you further.

megumi nods feverishly at your response, visibly relieved. “okay, okay, just give me a second.”

he looks small against the door. cowering into himself, fidgeting.

you raise a brow, tilting your head. “for what?”

yes, megumi had come all this way to see you without a single plan in mind.

spontaneity.

“i’m nervous.” megumi quickly replies, and while it isn’t a lie in the slightest, it isn’t the answer to your question. he doesn’t know how to say what he wants to tell you. he’s bad with words, bad with communicating, bad with you.

your hand impatiently beckons him, urging to spill whatever he seems so bothered by. “it’s okay. just get it over with.”

you make it sound too easy. it’s not that easy.

megumi’s hesitance is almost awkward, and you find an excuse to look around at everything in the room but him. your head hurt. every part of you was overwhelmed, the presence of your ex-boyfriend too unbearable to keep an unbothered act.

he looks the same, maybe a little more restless. you hope he had been sleeping well. two months without him, and yet you can’t seem to notice too much of a difference. the familiarity is comforting, in some weird, twisted way.

but, why come now? all the texts, the phone calls — all in one singular day.

bad things only start appearing once the past issues are nearly faded. salt rubbed into a healing wound.

you try to be optimistic and convince yourself that he doesn’t know how much he’s hurting you by being near you, but you know megumi. it’s not unlike him to be selfish. he’d already shown you that.

“megumi, it’s late. just—“

“i want you.”

and heat rises to your face, warm enough to mistake as a fever. every word is caught on your tongue, and it feels like the world caves in for a moment.

now, the anger returns. stronger than ever.

you hold so much resentment. it’s unhealthy for a person to feel what you have within the past two months. bitter, betrayed, and yet helplessly enamored. but now, you’re frustratingly confused. it makes you want to rip your hair out. why couldn’t this be normal? it’s barbaric, the way that agony doesn’t have a limit. you suppose you’ll stay with the ache forever.

“you-“ and your breath is shaking, eyes a little blurry in fury. you want the ground below you to split in half and swallow you whole. for the world to naturally end, mimicking the feeling in you that it already has. “fuck you, megumi.”

you’re scolding yourself, mentally screaming, because your chest stings as you watch him silently bow his head.

he’s not allowed to feel shitty. he ended things, and now he has the audacity to act hurt. as if two whole months haven’t passed by, and he isn’t here to remind you (cruelly, in person) how much heartbreak you’ve had to endure.

“why are you here?” your voice sounds so little, all bite manifested into exhaustion. because it’s taking everything in you to stand up straight. to not have your legs give out, and let him have you again. “why are you doing this?”

you’re blunt because you can’t drag it out for much longer. maybe you did need closure. you would like to think you deserved it.

megumi stiffens, and his hands instinctively find themselves in his pockets. it’s a habit you are well aware of, a part of you expecting waiting for it to happen. you know him like a book.

“…because i love you.”

he says it simply, as if it’s the answer to everything. the casualty of it makes you want to cry.

but you can’t remember him ever saying that before. and maybe that’s why your skin is suddenly wet, glistening with reminders of just how strongly you felt for this boy.

he awaits an answer, quietly. staring like he’s afraid he’s made the worst decision possible. it’s genuine, every word is more meaningful than you know, and he prays you know it.

but your head bows low, and you think he might be some form of evil.

“you’re being mean, megumi.”

and megumi knows he is. but the desire of you is too strong for him to handle. truthfully, he’s never doubted the intensity of what he feels for you. megumi is complicated, though.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry.” he mumbles, and it takes him all the willpower in the world to blink away his own emotions. because he’s not the one that should be hurting. “i’m sorry for all of it.”

after you’re accustomed, it’s hard to get rid of something. megumi doesn’t think he could live without you. it was a mistake to believe he could. endless weeks of just staring at remainders of you everywhere. walking by the aquarium where you had your first date, eyes never missing the shampoo you used to buy at the store. he still has a few shirts with the faint fragrance of your perfume. he can’t bring himself to wash them.

“i miss you.” his voice is strained, and he hopes again that you believe him. “you deserve everything, and i want to give you that.”

your arms are hugging your sides, and you’re painstakingly aware of the slow steps megumi has began to take towards you. they’re wary, but you know you don’t have the strength to step back.

“i love you.” he repeats, and you close your eyes tightly.

again, megumi is normally calculated. and thoughtful. his rashness settles, and he watches you carefully. you don’t stop him. a hand raises, and he wipes your tear-stained cheek, all warm with frustration and emotion. the touch is soft, and you really can’t remember him ever being this careful. his guard is down, his eyes are watering, and you can feel his hand shaking. vulnerability in megumi, as rare as it comes.

he always had trouble expressing his thoughts with you. you can’t blame him, because you know his past hasn’t been ideal. you always hated seeing him suffer in silence. nonetheless, you were patient. so sickeningly patient it made megumi’s stomach do flips.

it’s his biggest regret, telling you to leave him. all you ever tried to do was help.

“i thought,” he brings his head towards you, gently resting his forehead on yours. his hair tickles your face. you shiver. “i thought it’d be smart to end us. i never want to see you sad.”

megumi knows it was a double-edged sword. he ended up hurting you anyway, and himself in the process. too weak to overcome the natural human emotion that is love.

“i’m stupid, aren’t i?” and he chuckles, a regretful smile on his face. a few tears fall. “i’m so, so stupid.” he takes in a sharp breath.

he knew your breakup was a mistake the second he had watched your face fall. he was certain when you had walked out the door. you tend to realize just how great you had it after it’s already gone.

and you’re very forgiving. too good to him, megumi thinks, because he feels you nod against him.

“so stupid.” you affirm.

communication is something you can never hold against megumi. he struggles with it, and it’s why you’re so lenient. this, to see you, pour his heart out, and tell you he loves you, is him trying. him trying so incredibly hard.

you feel his body start to shake, and you wordlessly go back to your natural instinct, brushing his hair aside to place a tender kiss on his forehead.

“i love you, megumi.”

it’s an easy admission. you’ve expressed it dozens of times, and finally, those words can be heard back. this time, it’s muffled through your hair as he buries himself into your very being. the saying is repeated endlessly, and his grip tightens.

i love you.

it’s stability, and it’s delightful.