#lessa drabble

[auntieoneandauntietwo]

Also! This fic nails the emotion of the brekke and lessa convo

For people (like me) who didn’t initially notice some of the details in the scene I’m talking about here, here’s some bits of the text:

(Sorry for my crappy photos of the book)

At the hatching feast after Jaxom’s impression, Lessa tries to Jedi mind trick some of the lords because they’re being difficult, and they all have reactions along these lines:

Now here’s F’nor in the scene where Lessa is telling Brekke she’s worried about F’lar going to the Red Star and F’nor’s trying to reassure her:

So clearly she’s using her mind powers on him, and also she and Brekke have their little moment where Brekke figures out exactly what’s going on

Right before F’nor leaves, he even realizes it! Not necessarily that Lessa “pushed” him, but definitely that both she and Brekke were aware of the situation

I wonder if “Lessa’s tactics” refers to the way she’s influenced him or to staying alive for a giant between jump? (Also I feel like there’s more to unpack in the fact that both he’s not even upset about it because of what she’s done. Something something about dramatic sacrifice and romanticizing dying a hero)

Here’s some of Lessa’s feelings on the matter:

Like I mention in that other post, I’m torn between whether Lessa choosing to risk F’nor instead of F’lar is personal sacrifice on her part (intentionally risking someone she loves because F’lar needs to live for pern’s sake) or selfishness (forcing F’nor to take the risk because she could handle his death better)

[playpretendx]

You Ain’t My Family

[ This was written before it was decided that Gizmo would live through the shooting. ]

The night was clear save for the few wisps of translucent clouds dimming small patches of starlight as the wind pulled them along the sky. Tiny specks of ethereal light reflected on the surface of the sapphire pools staring up at them from beneath full lashes. Alessandra was unsure of exactly how she had found herself alone in the middle of the familiar desert highway, but she did know that she had just left work from the glitter laced bits of cloth that barely offered her any coverage. Bare feet on cold sand ferried her robotically along the road. A sudden gust of the night air brought to her the comforting scent of Kurt’s cologne. She stood still for a moment, closing her eyes and breathing it in deep as her lungs would allow. The spice of the aroma paired well with the cigarette smoke that perpetually lingered around him.

A motorcycle’s rumble opened her eyes and brought her attention to a light just down the road. It was dim and small but illuminated enough of the darkness for her to recognize the silhouette of the trailer it shone over. Overcome by its magnetism, she started to walk toward it, the air now thicker with his scent, but the more she walked, the farther the destination became. Her pace quickened from a walk to a jog and eventually she was sprinting along the pavement. Heart racing and bare feet aching from the small rocks scattered about the road, she took notice of the darkening of the sky. Keeping her running pace, she looked upward to find the silver of the moon was fading away to red, casting down a bloody light. Her stomach twisted when she finally made it to the door of the trailer. The windows were dark and Giz’s bike was nowhere to be found. She’d heard it, though, she was sure of it. Dread bore down on her so heavily, she began to shake under it. Trembling fingers found the silver latch of the door and pulled it open. Inside, she found nothing. Not a speck of dust on the counter in the kitchen or a cigarette in the ashtray; it was as though no one had ever lived there at all. Swallowing back anxiety, Alessandra allowed herself to call out, “Kurt?” All that followed was a silence so thick, she could hear her own rapid heartbeat thumping in her ears. Frantic and short of breath, she searched through the small space for any sign that anyone had been there before her but found none. She was hyperventilating now, her chest heaving and tightening as she stumbled out of the trailer and back into the night. The moon and stars were gone, shrouded by rolling storm clouds. Thunder broke through the silence and brought with it a cascade of thick, red rain. It fell gently at first, but as her anxiety rose, the sprinkle turned into a downpour. Drenched and nearly freezing, Alessandra’s tears mixed into the red on her cheeks. She let out a shriek and fell to her knees. “KURT!”

---

Alessandra.

 A touch of a hand pulled her from the sea of red and into a blinding white light. Was she dead? No. If she were dead, her surroundings would surely have more of a red tint with an aroma of sulfur. Blinking away the haze in her eyes, she looked over to make out the distorted image of Maria Del Toro sitting in the chair next to the bed Lessa found herself lying in. Even through the blur of bright lights and a migraine, her mother looked beautifully disdained in her presence. It was hard to think of a time when Maria didn’t have some degree of contempt twisting her face except a night a little over thirteen years prior. All her life, her mother had hinted resentment at missing the opportunity to take a trip to the clinic and fix the mistake she made that weekend in Vegas, but it was finding Lessa half-naked and her legs wrapped around her latest sugar daddy conquest that sent Maria over the edge. Her man fled the scene as soon as she began throwing everything within reach in their direction, leaving the thirteen-year-old to face the hurricane on her own. That was the last night Alessandra had seen her mother until she decided to saunter into town unannounced.

 Eyes wandered to their hands; Maria gave her knuckles a gentle stroke of the thumb in response. It was a normal, motherly gesture of kindness and comfort, but it felt alien. Fake. Lessa went to pull her hand from the touch only to find herself gripping onto Maria’s fingers when a dull pain in her shoulder reminded her why she was there. Closing her eyes, she tried to reflect on what happened at the trailer. It was a comfortably cool night with only the slight breeze. They had just gotten back home from sharing a few drinks with Travis and Delia. She could still taste the beer on Kurt’s lips when he blindsided her with a kiss as soon as the door shut behind them. The tickle of his stubble on her face was always a welcome sensation. They had just made their way to the bedroom when they heard the first pop.

 “Alessandra.”

 Even when she was trying to play the part of the concerned mother, Maria still had a timbre of irritation. Maternal instinct was never her strong suit, but she picked up on the stares laced with contempt and judgment as well as the tone of disapproval. Despite the long lapse in communication since the night Lessa was kicked out of the home they once shared, Maria was quick to vocalize her disapproval of Kurt. A walking, talking example of pent up daddy issues, she called him. That was two days before the night he died. Bringing her eyes to meet her mothers, Lessa let out a quiet sigh and shifted uncomfortably in her bed.

 “Don’t move so much,” Maria whispered, tightening her grip and giving a small smile, “you’ll pop a stitch.”

  Alessandra’s lips gave a slight twitch before she snatched her hand away. The pain pulsating in her shoulder put a strain in her voice as she mumbled, “Yeah, and you’ll pull’a muscle forcin’ a smile like that.”

 The façade left quick as it had come, leaving Maria with her usual deadpan discontent. A long moment of silence followed with only the muffled goings-on of the hospital on the other side of the door to lessen the tension. Leaning her head back against her pillow, Alessandra stared at the ceiling tiles, overlooking the water stains yellowing the once white tiles to make note of a bit of dust dangling from the plastic covering the fluorescent light directly above her. She could hear Alayna’s voice listing off her many complaints on the upkeep of the hospital and how she planned on making sure it would improve. Nearing on five years later, it was still just as shabby. As if they were in a game of follow-the-leader, Maria’s gaze also went to the ceiling causing her to let out a scoff.

 “Limbo General. Troglodyte’s Hollow would be more befitting. I thought that if there were one pristine place in this hell hole, it would be the hospital. We’ll go too a better hospital with more qualified doctors when we get back—”

 “Get back where, Maria?” Alessandra interjected, not taking her eyes off of the dust bunny that was proving to be a far more comforting visitor than her mother, “New York? Last time I checked, I didn’t have a place there. You ‘n Nonna made sure’a that.”

 “Stop playing the victim card, Alessandra, it’s beneath you and very unbecoming.” Maria replied, shifting a bit in her seat, “Wherever we wind up is a result of our own choices. Your choices brought you to Limbo. Your choices led you to Kurt and his choices brought us to this moment. You in the hospital and him in the morgue.”

 Kurt. Leave it to her mother to both distract her from the awful truth and remind her of it moments later. Lessa was so focused on figuring out Maria’s agenda that she hadn’t the chance to register that she would never see him again. She closed her eyes to trap the tears that stung them, but they spilled over the edge anyway. The popping of firecrackers rang in her ears.

 “Ain’t firecrackers.”

 Knotted stomach.

 “Get down ‘n stay outta sight.”

 Racing heart. Tight throat.

 “Alessandra… you did know that Kurt—”

 A slam of the fist against the railing of the bed nearly cause Maria to jump from her seat. Glacial eyes of equal intensity locked onto each other as Alessandra sat up straight.

 “You don’t get t’say his name in front’a me again. Kurt made a lotta choices. Just like you. Diff’rence is that he chose t’take care’a me. You chose t’take care’a yourself. You kicked me out and he took me in. You ain’t my family anymore. That’s the choice you made.”

 “Stop, I only ever—”

 “YOU AIN’T MY FAMILY AND I DON’T WANT YOU HERE. GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY FUCKIN’ ROOM.”

 That was all it took. Maria quickly picked her purse up off of the floor and hurried toward the exit. There was a moment that it seemed she was considering another comment, but when she looked back to see Alessandra’s wild eyes staring back, she bit her tongue and opened the door to leave. Chest heaving and throat raw, Lessa let herself fall back against her pillow and let her new reality set in on her.