#lena “listen I know he made dwight look like a pizza but he also bought me paint and gave me Stockholm syndrome”

[lostgrimesgirl]

"What made you want to go into that?" Lena asked genuinely curious. She found it interesting to hear about the way people talked about their lives before, it often helped her figure out a lot about a person. She remembered how often when they sounded bitter about the past they'd lost the person wasn't really someone she wanted to be around. "Is the homeless thing why you were the one who found people for this place?" Lena asked. Her face flushed for a moment unsure if that was still something Aaron did, " sorry, my dad mentioned you being the one to bring his group here."

" I think sometimes Simon was a lot of the problem in the Sanctuary," Lena said softly, " he was power-hungry and mean. I don't think I ever saw him do anything if it didn't benefit him."

Lena wasn't naive, she hadn't been in years, not since Rick was shot. She knew all too well someone like Simon wouldn't have survived, let alone thrive, if Negan hadn't built an environment for someone like him would be attracted to. "I think..." She'd never admitted this to Negan, wouldn't have dared say it in the walls of her old home," I think things were failing long before Negan ran into this place. I think it was only a matter of time before someone like Simon did far worse than what the war was."

Lena remembered the boundaries Simon had tried to cross with her when she had first arrived, the way he'd never forgiven her for rejecting him and treated her like nothing more than a trophy for Negan, the way he'd glare at Negan when he thought no one was watching. Lena had never trusted the man, the way he'd bragged about the deaths he caused had made her sick to her stomach.

" I know Negan is to blame, I know what he did was awful and fucked up, but he also saved my life... I was a mess when he found me, I shouldn't have been alive but he made sure I did. It's just hard to reconcile the man who burnt people's faces off for the same things he did and killed people with that stupid fucking bat was the same man who I mentioned a book to once, went out of his way to find a copy for me and made sure I never went hungry the minute he took me in."

"It's not like when we had history books and stuff where we could take a peek at what life was like in the past. Eventually, there's not going to be any real proof of what life was like before all this," Lena mused frowning a bit. Lena smiled at his words, " I think it's one of those things where the universe tells you what's right. Isn't that why they tell people to trust their gut or whatever?" Lena wondered if Rick felt that way about Judith, that no matter what the truth of the entire messy history that led to her was, the little girl was meant to be his daughter.

Lena nodded listening as Aaron explained the origins of Alexandria. It shouldn't have been a surprise to her that people in the government had a safety net like this built before the world felt but it didn't stop the pang of bitter anger that flashed in her. Though none of it mattered now, no one was able to escape the outbreak.

"Were you a politician before all this?" Lena asked looking over at Aaron. He looked too young to be in any big jobs in the government from what Lena remembered. But she hadn't really paid attention to anything in politics until the world began to fall.

"Yeah," Lena agreed shrugging a little as he tried to stay neutral in his tone when talking about the Sanctuary. "I think people were always like that in the privacy of their own homes but suddenly a lot of people's homes became so much smaller."

Lena remembered waking up in the early hours of the morning getting woken up by men fighting and being too afraid to get out of her bed to go get any help. She'd practically begged Negan at one point to change rooms until he finally let her switch. It had helped a bit but she'd still wait till the halls were nearly silent most mornings to get up.

"It wasn't all bad," Lena added, " I started painting again, read a lot of books, and we had food and a safe place to stay. I.." she paused before speaking again. " I just don't want people to feel sorry for me or think..." she sighed a bit as she found her words. " It just wasn't all bad, most people there are good and just trying to do their best with the mess the world became."

Lena smiled, "I feel that way too if after all of this shit people can still manage to find love and the people who love them..." She looked at the ground for a moment, " it can't all be bad and maybe the bad is worth it in the end."

Lena watched Aaron's face light up when he spoke about his daughter. She remembered seeing that look on Rick's face when he talked about her or Carl to the other people at the station or their teachers.

"That's beautiful," Lena said earnestly. " I think her and Judith and the kids that grow up with all this are going to be the ones to really build something stable for this world." She knew Gracie was the child of someone at Negan's outpost though she was sure she didn't know the family personally. "I'm happy for you, you'll be a great dad."