#legend has a bad day and needs cuddles

[mothfables]

Legend sniffled. Today was awful. Everything hurt, and all he wanted was to lie down and sleep for as long as possible. Preferably wrapped in as many blankets as he could get his hands on. Hands that were currently shaking too hard to even set up his bedroll.

They’d stopped for the night, and Legend could hear the others getting ready for dinner. He sniffed again, giving up on his bedroll, and instead wrapped his arms around himself as he stumbled over to his brothers.

Twilight paused in his conversation with Warriors when Legend appeared and pressed himself against the rancher’s chest. The younger boy grasped at his shirt with shaking hands and Twilight didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around his brother. Then he lowered the both of them to the ground, holding Legend as he trembled.

“Shh, shh, I gotcha,” he murmured, running a gentle hand through soft pink hair. Legend hiccuped and pressed closer.

Suddenly he was dissolving into black particles and Twilight panicked, scrambling to grab onto him as the other hero shrunk before his eyes. He could hear his brothers shouting as Legend seemed to disappear before their eyes, then shocked silence when the twilight magic dispersed to reveal a small, pink rabbit.

“What in the goddesses’ name-” Wars exclaimed and Twilight chanced a glance upwards to see him gaping like a fish in a net.

“Don’t yell, yer gunna scare ‘im,” Twilight chastised quietly. He turned back to try to continue soothing his brother-turned-rabbit. Legend’s trembling had gotten worse and he hunched in on himself at the noise, making himself even smaller.

The rancher shushed and cooed, reaching forward to scoop up his brother’s tiny body and tuck it against his chest. Legend whined at the movement before giving a shaky sigh as Twilight ran a hand along his back. He tried to burrow into the pelt wrapped around the older hero’s shoulders, giving him an idea.

Shifting to hold Legend in one hand he pulled the pelt off and draped it over his lap. Then he lowered his brother down and wrapped him gently in the fur, creating a warm, protective bundle that the younger immediately huddled into.

Twilight continued to pet him; soft gentle strokes that made Legend shudder and sigh. The bunny in his lap shifted for a moment before settling and Twilight felt him go lax, trembling finally easing.

It was quiet for a few moments. Then Wars spoke up, his voice low and worried.

“...Is he alright? Does he need anything?” Twilight moved his gaze up from the bundle in his lap to find all of his brothers staring at him, worry and concern clear in their expressions. Sky subtly laid a hand on the Master Sword with a questioning tilt of his head. Twilight shook his head in return.

“Jist havin’ a bad day an’ needed sum comfort, s’all,” he replied. Sky nodded and the others relaxed, reassured their rancher had it handled.

Twilight would give his brother all the comfort he needed, no matter what form he was in or how long it took. As long as Legend needed him, he would be there.

[leviscolwill]

— dad!jude bellingham headcanons !

pairing: dad!jude bellingham x fem!reader

req: could you write dad!judebellingham ml <3

note: i tried writing headcanons because i feel like my writing is very 👎👎🍅🍅🍅 at the moment, i hope you'll like it still !! reblogs are VERY appreciated since the tags are in a silly goofy mood right now #useless 😝🤪

tag list: @ceofmercedes &lt;3

it's well established on judeblr that he is a girl dad, so girl dad it is

i think he would spiral a bit over the fact that you're growing a whole human being in you

he would say random shit like “no but do you feel her legs grow ?”

and you're like 😐😐😐 of course not

but the poor boy is just clueless 😪

he would always remind you of how you're the most beautiful woman on earth, even when you're crying your eyes out because ron fell off his chess piece in the philosopher's stone

now,, i think we're all well aware he would spoil your daughter rotten

getting her new clothes or new toys whenever he passes in front of a store because “she might need it one day”

but !! he would never let her turn into a “daddy i want a squirrel” kinda girl

you would both make sure she's very well mannered because he is very aware his parents' education played a big part in who he is today

i feel like being strict wouldn't be a problem for him either

yk being the eldest in his family, he wouldn't be swayed by your girl's pleading eyes when she acts wrong

he would 100% cry on her first day of pre-school (it's the cancer in him)

and he would try to drop her / pick her up from school as much as he possibly can with training and stuff

if you speak another language, you'd learn it to your daughter and use it to talk shit about jude 🤭

“have you seen what he wore today ?” “yeah daddy's shirt is very ugly”

in my case she would say quoicoubeh to him

i feel like he'd get so frustrated and start sulking amd pouting before your daughter reassures him

okayy bc it's spooky szn rn 😋

family matching costumes !! (call it corny 😡 i do not care)

monsters, disney characters or the adams family... he'd have soooo many ideas

he'd go trick or treating just to eat all the sweets

playfights with your daughter for their girl's attention

“it's my mommy !”

“oh yeah ? but mommy liked me before, so i'm the number one in her heart”

“it's not true ! mommy tell him he's a liar”

you can only roll your eyes because he really has beef with a whole child ???

but he's just a kid himself !!

everytime she gets to see uncle jobe she's overly happy

and jude would smack the back of his head when he says a bad word

(like he's not the one to curse at home yk 🙄)

is it a bad thing i think he would secretly hope your daughter has a bad dream so she'd have a good excuse to sleep in between you both ?

because he would

just to cuddle with her

then he regrets it when she wakes him up early in the morning

when she grows up he would be soooo invested in her school's dramas

like, actually asking for updates during dinner like he's dan from gossip girl

“what do you mean ben is dating his ex's best friend ?? he's such a di... bad person”

he'd be so gassed whenever she would wear his shirt (especially at school)

like you got all these clothes but chose this particular england shirt ? 🥹🥹

(as if half her wardrobe isn't his jerseys from every club he's been at)

(+ jerseys he exchanged with other players and signed jerseys by football legends)

he would sooo show her off to his teammates

“yeah my girl knows how to read now” ��

and show every picture of her EVER

even the embarrassing ones

100% would introduce his friends as uncles

“say hi to uncle gio” (🫠)

now hear me out bc i think it's my favourite idea

he would totally look up hairstyles tutorials for your babygirl and try them out

once he gets the hang of it, he would never stop finding new ones

and since he doesn't have a sister, he would go to his mum for advice

on hair, but also girl stuff so he can pretend he already knows it all in front of you

you'd also go to his mum to advice tho, because being a parent (especially a mum) is never easy

and she would gladly share all of them with you

when you get into fights with jude your girl would always try to make it better

“dad says he's sorry”, “mum said she's not mad anymore”

of course you both know she's lying but somehow it always works ???

so your relationship is the prime example of what she's looking for when she grows up

and she secretly hopes she gets to love her s/o just like her parents love each other (too corny now ?)

anyways jude would treat you both like his little princesses, and he's so so so grateful he gets to live a lifetime with you two

or maybe more than two who knows 🚶‍♀️

[sapphicseasapphire]

Chain as Cryptids au: Huggability

My back hurts, have some comfort! Characters are ranked by who gives the best hugs to the worst hugs, and a little bit of an explanation!

(Under the cut because long)

1. Sky

Do I really need to explain myself? He’s Sky. He’s the softest, sweetest, most cuddly hero to ever exist and we love him for that. He’s kind of known for taking a random hero into his arms, wrapping his mighty wings around them, and then flopping onto the ground and falling asleep. He’s just. So soft. His wings? So warm. Every hero- even Legend, who’s pretty touch averse- would kill to be wrapped up in his crimson feathers. (Eh, except maybe Time. At first). He has a knack for finding whichever Link needs a hug the most and seeking them out.

2. Twilight:

This guy? Is extremely gentle. He’s so incredibly strong but also so incredibly soft. His Hylian hugs are second only to Sky’s, but he also had the added bonus of being a Shapeshifter! One moment, he’s got a Link all wrapped up in his arms and the next, he’s a purring cat on their lap. A wolf wrapped protectively around them. Warm and cuddly and always so careful. Gotta love Twilight.

3. Suprisingly (?), Legend:

Legend’s pretty touch averse most of the time. But when people need him, he’s there. He has so much love in his heart that he keeps bottled up. He has experience, and he has a knack for reading people. He knows exactly what they need.

4. Wind:

Little big brother. He’s surprisingly good at comforting the others and when he wants to be, he’s biggest cuddle bug in the world (second only to Sky, I guess haha). He’s really good at curling up and holding on tight, and he definitely 100% uses his younger age to his advantage. You wouldn’t tell the child to let go, right? You wouldn’t tell the child to get up. Even though, in reality, he’s comforting them more than they’re comforting him. He lets them think that they’re being the strong ones- it’s his little trick haha.

5. Hyrule:

Little guy. His hugs are always warm and gentle since he’s absolutely buzzing with magic. Fairy magic is inherently healing, so even if he’s not actively casting spells, the others are affected by his Good Vibes when they hug him! Having a bad day? Not anymore, Hyrule won’t let it happen. (Disclaimer: when he’s in his True Form, the two inch tall fairy, it isn’t wise for the others to try to hug him. Unless they’re Four and are also two inches tall.)

6. Ravio:

TOUCH STARVED BABY!!! GIVE HIM A HUG!!! Ravio is so eager to be affectionate haha! He kind of jumps directly on top of Legend like all the time, and when be hugs people, be squeezes them tightly as if he’s making up for lost time. While this is comforting to some, it might catch others off guard. I think he should be tied with Hyrule and Four but that’s not how these things work haha.

7. Four:

Four’s hugs are good hugs! They would be higher up on the list if it weren’t for their horns getting in the way. Sky’s go-to move is to rest his chin on peoples’ heads when he cuddles, but the top of Four’s head is deadly. Because they’re shorter than almost everyone in the Chain, the horns will get in the way. It’s no problem! The others can work around them! But they are gonna knock them down a few points. Sorry, Four.

8. Time:

This man. This God. Is so incredibly bad at being social. He’s awkward and not very good at reading social cues. And that’s not because he’s not mortal, it’s because he was raised by a tree. He’s not sure when it’s appropriate to hug the other Links (he’s more confident with Malon and his children), so he just tends to leave them alone. His philosophy, in this and in everything, is that if he gives them space, they’ll eventually come to him. That’s… not always correct. His hugs have great potential- he’s big and gentle- but he can’t give good hugs if he doesn’t give hugs.

9. Wild:

Wild doesn’t really… hug. He’ll sit next to a Link and flop against them. He’ll lean. But he doesn’t quite understand to wrap his arms around, and he doesn’t respond well to someone wrapping their arms around him, feeling trapped. So the leaning is about as close as they’re gonna get haha! And that’s perfectly fine! He’s not heavy (like at all) but he is warm (absolutely buzzing with spirit magic), so he’s always a welcome snuggle buddy. Just as long as he doesn’t try to steal their things while he’s half on top of them haha!

10. Warriors:

I’m sorry, I truly am. He’s a sword. He doesn’t do hugs. And even if he did, his physical form is metallic. Cold and hard and just about the least comforting ever. I love the guy, but this just isn’t his strong suit.

[k-zu]

REALLY LOVE YOUR DRAGON LI FIC ITS SO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIABSUAVHA <33

is it okay if I request dragon zhongli headcanons with gn reader?

maybe you can add one where he’s in full dragon form and reader helping him out with grooming like brushing and untangling some matted parts of his hair or using products to care for his scales or horns? :o

(with or without reader is fine with me :])

feel free to decline this! Have an awesome week ⭐️💗

request and you shall be granted.

( i've never written anything in headcanon format, hope this is alright ! )

"after stepping down from his title as an archon, zhongli still isn't able to live a truly mortal life, for he still is a half-dragon even without the mighty exuvia. as his companion though, he's more than grateful that you're there to help him through it."

getting used to maintaining a fully human form becomes harder without his gnosis, that's why he lets some of his dragon-like features out while hiding them under his clothes. like his shining arms and hands under his suit and gloves.

he has the sharpest instincts, when he feels you're in danger he's quick to manifest geo shields around you, he might even get in a protective stance in front of you. like a dragon protecting its treasure.

after long days of dealing with his restless child boss, he comes home and, if he's comfortable enough with you, instantly lets his half-dragon form out. opting for rest under the sun or nuzzled in bed with you.

half-dragon zhongli is extremely sensitive to touch, perhaps becomes a bit more bold when seeking for your attention too. he'll become more touchy and will try to kiss you more often. if you do even as much as to reciprocate a kiss and put your hands on him, it's over for you. he's not letting go.

half-dragon zhongli is also extremely sensitive to how you're feeling, if he senses tiredness, fatigue or anything that might get you in a bad mood or sick, he will stand by your side and offer to help you with whatever he can to make you feel more comfortable. ( i have a drabble on this where reader falls sick ehe all fluff ! )

"my, but you're shivering! would you like me to get you some blankets, my dear? oh? just hug you?" he giggles, "you don't need to ask twice, my love."

half-dragon zhongli who purrs without noticing !!!

half-dragon zhongli whose golden markings shine in pulsating glows along the beat of your heart, they're on his arms and legs and perhaps even chest, where he likes to place his hand and watch as the light that represents your heart slips through the fingers covering it.

sometimes, he pretends to fall asleep on the couch so you can quietly join him for a bit, and after he's sure you've fallen asleep he cuddles you and kisses the back of your neck with such fondness.

now, full-dragon zhongli but a tiny version of the exuvia who acts a lot like a cat but is still able to understand you.

he lets you pet him and marvels at the little kisses you leave on his head. he also lets you help him untangle and take care of his fur, very softly at first fearing you might hurt him accidentally. he just stares at you attentively until you feel giddy enough to leave a kiss or two between your work, he'd close his eyes and smile in delight.

tiny cat-like dragon zhongli whose favorite place to nap on is your lap !

he can't afford to manifest the big exuvia form without his gnosis, specially not inside his mortal house. so he settles on a smaller form, perhaps the size of a small dog. he'd be always on top of you in some way, your shoulders, your head, or clinging to your pants until you pick him up.

maybe if you visit his adepti abode, he'd let you see the big dragon and then you'd understand all the legends and songs dedicated to his name.

perhaps if you meet each other after giving up his gnosis, he'd feel scared of telling you the truth, fearing you might think differently of him if you find out he used to be the geo archon and is now just a non-human funeral consultant.

i can imagine him wishing to really touch you, without gloves, to feel your warmth and the softness of your skin, to love every part of you without restrictions. ( i just thought of a very cute drabble idea for this ( ˙▿˙ ) )

half-dragon zhongli would be the most difficult person to get things done with, you need to get out of bed to work? are you sure?

"dearest, you're so warm…" "i hear you, but we really need to get up."

dragon zhongli who, in his big form, likes to walk/fly around just for you to admire him and compliment him.

dragon zhongli who makes a contract with himself to protect you from any and all harm for as long as he lives ( and has the ability to remember ).

a/n:

i am more than soft for dragon zhongli, the brainrot is so strong UWAAAA

no beta we die.

[blair-jbsn1]

Silly jealousy

Pairing : Jacob Black x reader

Warnings : none!!

Summary: user was once Bi and happened to get close with Leah Clearwater, remembering the fact reader was once bi, Jacob got a bit jealous!

Word count: 859+

A/N : ignoring spelling errors, if there are any lol. + Sorry if there’s any ooc stuff, lmk what i should work on if there is!!

Once you found out about Jacob imprinting on you, things have been different, or well, some things. Jacob and you were close as always, almost inseparable due to your bond, even if there was no imprint bond, you’d still be stuck together like magnets.

You two started dating, Jacob has been your best friend for as long as you can remember, not in any world would you think of seeing him romantically, but fate had different plans. Once you found out about the legends being true and everything (including the Jacob imprinting), Jacob was the one to comfort you when you had to take everything in, need alone time? He’ll go, need a friend? He’ll be there, need physical affection? He’ll be happy to hug and/or cuddle, you’re his imprint, he’d do anything for you, hell n’ back, and comfort is included, of course.

Once everything started to settle in and make sense, you spent more time with the pack, getting close with them all, you, Embry and Quil became a little trio to mess with Jacob sometimes, definitely a favorite thing to do when you all’re bored to death, it’s always fun seeing Jacob be annoyed, in a lighthearted manner, you’d all be in big trouble if he got mad, seriously mad.

And soon, Leah and Seth joined the pack, obviously, you were glad another girl would be around, unbeknownst of Leah, Sam and Emily’s history.

Obviously, you tried befriending her, walking up to her.

“Hey!!”

You said loudly, just enough for her to hear, she turned to look at you.

“Yes?”

“You’re Leah Clearwater, right? It’s so nice to have another girl around! I’m Y/N L/N.”

You spoke, Leah didn’t seem too fond on the idea of talking to you, having this cold look on her face as you spoke, you two were very, very different, clearly.

“nice to meet you, but i’m not interested in talking, go back to your loverboy.”

Leah spat, and walked away, you hadn’t done anything wrong or anything to upset her, did you?

“Fun isn’t she?”

Jacob asked, moving from behind you to your side, wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“..is she always like that?”

You asked, looking over at him.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Why?”

“Well.. she didn’t have much good history with Sam.”

Once he said that, yoy.. kind of understood, of course it had something to do with love, atleast, that’s what you were guessing.

“..what happened?”

“Well, long story short, while Sam and Leah were dating, Sam imprinted on Emily, he didn’t want to hurt leah, but emily was the one.”

“Ooh, that makes sense now.”

“Yeah, and thanks to wolf telepathy, we have to deal with that..”

“Must suck.”

“It really does.”

Ever since then, despite Leah’s attitude, you kept trying to befriend her, wether it was concersating with her while everyone was eating, following her around, etc, you just wanted to talk to her!

And one day, she caved

“Fine, i’ll be your friend,“

“Really?!”

“Yeah…”

You were OVERJOYED, finally!!

From then on, you got closer to Leah, trying to crack her tough shell, and it was working

You two spent loads of time together, around 5 of 7 week days, honestly, it was amazing, she was great company when you pass her tough exterior, and a great friend overall, but.. it was rubbing off on you and Jacob’s tome.. you obviously felt bad, but he’d be okay, right?

Wrong.

As time went by, you could notice Jacob become even more short tempered, if that was even possible. As well as watching you two constantly, like a hawk, you felt like his gaze burnt holes in the back of your head sometimes, scary.

Not to mention, he’s been giving Leah some glares, which was really odd, he’s never done that before, what’s with the sudden beef?

As it got worse, you decided to talk to him about it.

You walked up to him while at Emily’s it was just you two there since everyone else was out patrolling, and Emily was out buying groceries.

“Hey, you doin’ okay?”

You spoke up, moving so you were in front of him.

“No.”

“Why?”

He stayed silent at that, seemed to be debating on saying the truth or not.

“..we’re spending less time together, you’re always with Leah now, it’s so ahrd to find you alone anymore..”

He caved

“Jake… c’mon, y’know i’d always make time for you,”

“I know.”

“Then why’re you so upset about it?”

“…”

Quiet again.

“..y’know how you used to be Bi?”

Oh.

That makes a lot more sense

When you were around 13-14, you came out as Bisexual, even dated a girl or two , at the time, it wasn’r a big deal for Jacob, but now that you two’re dating, he couldn’t help but worry that girllover part of you was still there, despite the imprint bond, he’d always get jealous.

“C’mon Jake, that was in the past!”

He sighed

“I know i know, i still can’t help but worry though.”

You went up to him and hugged him, hos arms around you as well, like a reflex.

“You have nothing to worry about, i’m yours.”

You reassured him, squeezing him a bit tighter.

“I know, but even so.. just make more time for me, i feel left out y’know.”

“Okay okay, Monday, Wednesday, Friday?”

“Add Saturday and it’s a deal.”

“Fine, Saturday too.”

[x-i-l-verify]

Title: Harmless Games (Went to My Head) Fandom: Linked Universe Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Category: Gen Characters: Four (Linked Universe), Sky (Linked Universe), Time (Linked Universe), Cia (Legend of Zelda), Minish | Picori Characters (Legend of Zelda) Status: complete Additional Tags: No Smut, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Sky (Linked Universe), Protective Time (Linked Universe), Protective Four (Linked Universe), Hurt Four (Linked Universe), Four (Linked Universe)-centric, Four (Linked Universe) Needs a Hug, Four (Linked Universe) Has a Bad Time, Good Sibling Four (Linked Universe), Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied Mind Rape, Cia (Legend of Zelda) Is Her Own Warning, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Hopeful Ending, Self-Sacrifice, Victim Blaming, Four Stans Come Get Y'alls Juice

Summary:

“I’m sorry, Four,” Sky said sorrowfully, wiping at his leaking nose with a handkerchief yet again. “I would go myself, but-” “Like hell you would,” Four retorted, gently pushing his brother back down into the pillows. “You are staying right there until you can at least walk to one end of the hallway and back without passing out. I can deal with Mistress Cia for a few days on my own, no problem.” Bloodshot, royal blue eyes gazed pitifully up at him. “But you shouldn’t have to.” “Is what it is, Sky. If it’ll give you a break, I don’t mind it.” And he didn’t, truly. He leaned in and briefly pressed his forehead into Sky’s burning temple as the older aspect shivered and trembled like a leaf against him, even bundled in three layers of blankets. “Just focus on resting, okay?” (or: In an AU where the dark witch Cia obsessively crafts intricate artificial humans made of magic in the hopes of perfectly recreating her lost love, her littlest plaything is forced to to make a terrible choice.)

link to fic

*emerges from my frenetic fugue state dazed and confused* What day is it?

[leffee]

What's one thing you think the pets would find most attractive (physical feature, quirk, something personality wise, ect.)

Oh, I will repeat myself but for Vinnie it's for sure being tall and/or muscular. Which is good because basically everyone is taller than him, but the taller and more muscular the better. Also, he's attracted to the color blue, guess why, bet you can't. I could yap and yap about him, but I'll just add one more thing - when someone is really touchy with others, well, him mostly. Oh yeah? You wanna touch him? Why? ;) There's a higher chance they will give him a hug or something without him needing to initiate it or ask for it

For Minka it's when someone is energetic like her. She finds it really attractive when someone matcher her energy. And I really mean matches, as in is on the same level as her or even higher. She wants to do everything with them and in a perfect world it'd be someone who is happy with it all and initiates other such activities as well.

What Pepper finds most attractive is when someone is gentle with her, sorta treating her like she's made out of porcelaine. There's just something so lovely about it, because in big part because of her own self-presentation and all it's just not how most treat her (I mean it not in a bad way, she's just more of a "bruh" kinda girl not "tehee :3"). So if someone treats her in this gentle way? Oh my~. She also is attracted whenever hearing someone else laugh at her jokes, so kinda to laughter, I suppose. She likes when someone laughs a lot. Yes, big part of it is due to her crush on Captain Cuddles, could you tell

For Zoe it's a widly understood success. She loves when a person has a lot of accomplishements behind them, something to show off. It can be anything really, but bonus points if it's something public so other people know about that person and their stuff too. In a good way that is. Weird considering she ends up with 6 losers. Okay, maybe not all 6 of them are losers like that, but there's Vinnie there so ya know.

For Russell it's when someone has a wide arrange of skills, especially if they're something he himself is not that good at and just someone who has some practical life experience. This way they can complete each other and everything will be done perfectly :D. Plus, he won't have to worry if he's out of the game for a while or two because they can take care of everything instead, for their and his sake.

When it comes to Penny I agree with her whole thing with her crush on Mr. Vonfuzzlebutt - she likes the strong, quiet type. She likes when a person is big, just in general, so she can feel small and dainty compared to them. But then again I think she would like smaller people too cause omg so precious and she needs to protect them! Anyway, she also likes when someone is protective themselves. She really can find anything attractive as long as it belongs to a decent human being.

The man, the legend, Sunil! What he finds most attractive is when someone is romantic. Yeah. Not what I mentioned here for her, but kinda like Zoe. Likes it when someone is all flirty, withonly him that is, as well as teases him. And when someone is kinda obsessed over him? Oh boy. You know how Vinnie freaks out whenever Sunil is not there? I headcanon he had no idea that he's like that. But then one day the rest of his friends tell him something like "Sunil, you have no idea how unstable Vinnie is without you because you never see it. He screams, yells, destroys, has murdrous intents, basically everyone is scared to be around him." And they all think Sunil would be petrified but he is actually like "Wait, really? That's kind of... attractive 😏. Could you record him the next time it happens?" and the rest of them are just "????".

[hel-phoenyx]

28) Vacation / Falling in love

Kaizarz and Skuld belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author, Meili to @azeler, Domhildr to @soupedepates and Oli to @thal-ent

He noticed, didn't he ? I saw his eyes when Skuld went towards me. I know her feelings are obvious, she doesn't try to hide them from him at all. Mine, I thought were well hidden. Hidden enough.

I don't know if the whole Sylphe bullshit broke the fragile seal of secret I put on my own heart or if it was never there in the first place. I only know that once again, I've hurt him.

I feel like it's the only thing I do.

Shouldn't think that way. Probably. I need to be happy, too. I guess.

But it shouldn't have to be at his own expense.

Not this time.

I don't know how to express my feelings. I have no right to. My life is not mine to live. It has been his since that fateful day. I don't want to give him a gift that will only be poisoned.

So I bury everything in my heart and just take a book from my stash.

One line particularly resonates, written in inkan by a writer that knew, maybe, people like me would read it.

I'm sorry I loved you first.

Sun is shining high in the sky, surprisingly considering I'm annoyed as hell. I guess I have better control of my powers since I stepped on that boat. That's good. We wouldn't want another seastorm.

Though, I would rather see rain by know. Because the sun makes Domhildr more daring. Yesterday she attempted to prove that she could jump in the ocean and get back at the sheer force of her wings only. Today she's trying to one-up the dragonfish that is swimming next to our boat.

Dragonfish are peaceful creatures. They're only seen in deep sea, and until today I thought they were limited to Krakeni waters. They won't mistake Domhildr as prey, even though she is quite tiny.

Nonetheless this is a really stupid move.

Yesterday Kaizarz stopped her with the powers of cuddle. Today he's nowhere to be found. So I have to catch her by the neck to stop her from jumping.

She screeches and insults me in the way I know it's only for playing. Each bad word is full of a fondness I only find in her voice.

The kind of fondness that brings a smile to my face.

Oli is once again in the sky. Since they got their wings back they're always flying, high, higher, the highest. Sometimes I think they almost reached the sun. Maybe they did. They're the only one the sun kissed after all.

I should feel jealous, or guilty of that jealousy, but the only thought in my head is affection. They look so free up there. Free of the burdens that chain me up, free of the weight of our sins. Free to love and be loved.

I've heard about how they managed to get an "I love you" from none other than the current estnothi king. They told me they didn't know if they loved him back the same way, but were happy with that nonetheless. Both of them.

I envy them for loving so freely.

I too want to love like that. Without chains and pain.

I want to love them like they deserve to be loved.

Meili is not out of bed since long, but he already looks so much better than when we left Sylphe. That's good. He's still haunted, still crippled, but that I understand. I may have wished for the end of that venomous present so badly, getting back my hand only to lose it was not a pleasant experience. And he has no reason to want his burns back. Or does he ?

I don't know. But as he doesn't ask, I won't. I know better. He will talk in time. maybe with me, or Kaizarz, or Domhildr and Oli, who knows.

Today we're just sitting on the deck, both of us with a book in hand. He's reading a report on the current situation in Shabbatai, and I indulge myself in a legend from that country. Obtained by very different means, and very different topics, but both of us wanted the same thing. Familiarize with our environment.

It's rare, that we just sit there and enjoy each other's company. Both of us are not the kind to see people for the sake of seeing people. Once, in another life, we would have fought, for the title of the King's best knight. Said title still belongs to none.

We don't have the energy to fight anymore, nor to talk. We just sits here in a comfortable silence.

He's the only one that makes me think silence is enough.

I get back to my cabin when the sun sets. I've eaten, I've talked, I smiled, and now I need respite. Alone time with a book and maybe a bottle of booze. Alone with my guilt.

But alone time seems to not be the plan. Because I hear my door opening and a blonde silhouette enters the room with a sly smile. I've fallen in love with that smile and tried, failed to hide it, and don't know if I want to hide anymore.

She deserves so much better that a relationship we will have to hide, with someone that won't give her his full heart because the one she's supposed to marry, that loves her dearly, holds the biggest part. She deserves better than a coward who hurts people trying to make things right. She deserves better than me.

Yet it's me she wants. Me, and our conversations full of sarcasm and teasing, back-and-forth like always. Me, and just talking about something else than duty and future. Me, and the comfort of being able to share all of our secrets.

I don't think I know hers, but she knows mine, and that is enough for me.

I shouldn't be wanting her. I shouldn't be needing her.

But I need this.

Maybe I needed that vacation.

Maybe I needed to see that those people I have distanced myself in so long, that were so persistent having me in their life, in their own way still could love someone like me.

Maybe I just needed the sun in my face and the sound of waves in my ears, muffled by laughing and enthusiastic talking and the occasional order from Valentina that I still can't pinpoint the exact goal.

Maybe falling in love is not only a source of pain and sorrow, with people I won't ever be able to reach.

Maybe I just need to learn to love life.

[cannibal-nightmares]

Lost With You

Viktor has a bad pain day that Jayce helps him through. Jayce considers their present and future together. Set sometime in the middle of season one.

Arcane (League of Legends) - Jayce x Viktor (SFW) // whump, sickfic, fluff, chronic pain, non-verbal Viktor, medication, bathtub cuddles, discussion of losing a loved one, domestic, angst

Word count: 3,777 -- [AO3 link] -- [Viktor Spotify playlist]

Something about a winter’s chill in the air made drifting light seem crystalline upon morning’s wake. Jayce gently raised his eyes to the tall window parallel to his side of the bed, noting the beautiful shade of slate gray of the sky, flickering with a jolt of blue as a Hexgate out of frame powered up, activated, and sighed to rest again. Every glance outside was a reminder that they were on a path to something great and greater still; as quickly as their ideas collaborated and conjoined, there were never any telling signs as to what would come to their minds–and, consequently, the reality of their lives–next. With a small grin of childlike wonder, Jayce put his hand out behind him to search the sheets for his partner, rolling over to find his usual space empty.

A beat, and the councilman sat up with only a slight start. It wasn’t unlike Viktor to get up early on his days of study and projects, but, disoriented, Jayce had to take a moment to figure out what the date was. Was it the weekend? After instances of very clear overwork, Jayce–with the crowbar-help of Viktor’s doctors, of course–had convinced his partner that days off were just as necessary as the days kept over a grindstone. They were both fully aware of how “time wasted” frustrated and frightened Viktor, but with some persuasion of simply suggesting spending time together convinced him enough to take a day or two off every week. This eased Jayce’s mind from picturing his lover collapsed in the lab again.

Talis slipped on the t-shirt that was draped over the headboard and threw his bare feet to the cold floor, padding curiously to search the dead-silent condominium. Delicate steps through the darkening hallway, and Jayce peered around the corridor into the living area to find Viktor sitting propped up in the close corner of the couch under a light but functionally warm blanket.

“Hey,” Jayce spoke softly as to not startle him. He met his fingertips to Viktor’s shoulder. “What are you doing out here?”

Viktor was barely awake as much as he was barely asleep, so the gesture didn’t take much to stir him.

“Hm?” He hummed, dazed. “‘Couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“You didn’t sleep much the night before, either.” Jayce got down on his knee to convey his intended demeanor. His partner’s voice, too, was so low he had to focus hard to understand him clearly. He tenderly held the hand that peeked out from under the throw, which was warm with sweat.

Viktor closed his eyes, resisting a furrow, and let out the smallest of faux-amused huffs. “The cold weather is not treating me kindly.”

He didn’t have to speak. There were enough signs for Jayce to know exactly what was going on.

“Let me get you your medicine. Have you had it yet?” Talis wanted to react with haste, both to get his beloved exactly what he needed as soon as he possibly could get it, but also to hide the glimmer of concern he was all too aware was growing across his face. He knew, too, that sudden movements should remain out of the equation; Jayce took his time in standing upright again, taking a single step towards the kitchen.

“No,” Viktor’s gaze fluttered open again in the smallest of panic. “No, it needs to be taken with food–” He started to protest, but conjured a coughing fit, which he had to sit up to stifle with his arm and meticulous breaths. He paused, waiting, and sank ever-so-slowly back into the sofa.

“On second thought,” his small voice returned, “maybe that would be a good idea…”

There was not much Jayce could say to comfort him, and he tried to keep his heart together, regarding. Before walking away, he leaned from his height to kiss him on the forehead, his hand meeting the brave scientist’s jaw caressingly.

Viktor gently took his wrist for a moment before it could slink away. “Could you add some naproxen to my cocktail?” He chuffed with a half-attempt at reassurance.

“Of course. Just take it easy. I’ll be back with everything you need.”

Jayce passed into the kitchen, retrieving and sitting out a mild-flavored protein shake and began preparing an ice bath for a washcloth. It didn’t matter how many bad days they had together, his hands were still trembling as he flipped on the stove to heat a warm water bottle. Viktor asking for specific medication paired with the careful ways he was moving meant he undoubtedly had a migraine, often brought on by his already excruciating pain, and loop: Body pain meant headache meant more body pain. Jayce didn’t know soldiers who would put up with the torment that his lover did, but Viktor would not hear of it. He did not like to be praised and cooed over for something he had to endure. What he couldn’t see, though, was himself in the picture of his work; in other words, Viktor saw his completed projects and his name on their patents–he acknowledged the hours put in, but couldn’t consider the inherent physical struggle it took him to even make it to his workbench every day. No one could tell if it was pride or selflessness in this variant of supposed ignorance.

“We're going to get you right.” Jayce said with a hopeful smile. He rolled a standing lap table to the couch, set with a plate of plain bread slices, a rinse cup of several differently coloured capsules, a pre-opened protein shake, and a glass of water. In tow with Jayce was a bowl of ice water and a small towel over his shoulder.

Viktor utilized familiar microexpressions to express a more genuine appreciation than his voice allowed. He would have normally made some sort of argument or joke, but he now did not think to move.

“Thank you, Jayce.”

“Are you able to comfortably sit up?” Talis almost felt his words falter in his throat as he asked the question.

A slow exhale, and Viktor gestured from under the blanket for Jayce to gently pull it off of him. Anyone who has experienced a migraine before would know that even such a forgiving instance of touch like that felt like fire and ice picks all at the same time. He put his hands behind and underneath him, redistributing his weight to move his legs off the sofa, but he unintentionally drew in a sharp and raspy groan in response.

He was done putting up a facade.

Jayce took care in sitting next to him–hardly even on the edge of the cushions–being mindful, too, of the walking crutch that was revealed to have been lying next to Viktor.

“Tell me about your current pain. Let me help you.” Steady now, Jayce.

Viktor managed a hand to cover his brow. He couldn’t afford to cry, trying to prevent it from exacerbating the panging in his head he was pretending not to have in the first place. Without looking up to him, he reached out his other hand to meet the side of Jayce’s neck. His palms were hot with fever, yet he was very obviously holding back shivers. The contact shattered Jayce’s attempt at a calm demeanor of his own and his jaw went weak with surprise. Regardless, he knew his lover well enough to understand what he was trying to convey.

“Okay,” he started, becoming teary-eyed, “it’s okay, I’ve got you.”

Jayce doused the towel in the ice water and rang it out, bringing one firm hand to Viktor’s shoulder and dabbed the chilly washcloth with the other to the side of his cheek.

“Zmrd!” (pron. “zmehrt”) He hissed and winced, but let go of his strained countenance as fast as it had arrived.

“I know, I know,” Jayce hushed. He honed his focus on the task at hand, surely what the man in front of him did every day. How did he do this every day?

Eventually, Viktor let the arm holding his shielding fingers go limp to the couch, breathing in deep concentrated breaths of the scent of his caretaker. If you had asked him a year ago, there was no one Viktor would have allowed himself to be this vulnerable around, but his trust in his friend-become-high-councilor-become-lover far surpassed his ability to shade his ever-raging illness. He felt a shard of guilt in his chest, but quickly knew Jayce would have shut it down with any mention of it. They loved each other, after all. It’s what people did. Right?

The headache ebbed in waves, and it took a great deal of concentration to get the timing right to do anything without feeling like there were fingernails on chalkboards from the inside of your skull. This was all, of course, entirely disregarding the usual and incessant ache in Viktor’s leg and spine–he tried to pass it by himself as “the usual business,” but the migraine was only making it all worse. He had been honest from the start: The winter weather has always been a notorious catalyst for pain.

As the current wave momentarily subsided, shivering took its place. Jayce noticed immediately, and scrapped his previous considerations for being cautious about haste and paced across the room to start up the fireplace. When he turned back around after several beats, he felt a twinge of relief to see Viktor taking sips from his glass–albeit, that of which a hummingbird could have competed with.

“Is this melatonin in my medicine cup?” He tried to humorously tsk. The more tired he was, the thicker his accent paralleled.

"I figured we could cover all our bases." Jayce’s statement was genuine, but didn't expect to be called out on it. He hoped he hadn't offended him in some way.

"Probably best thinking." Viktor said shortly. Simply by the way he ended his sentence, it was obvious he was intently keeping his remarks brief. He used his current energy to his advantage by downing the capsules as quickly as he could, although generally uncomfortable, unable to maintain holding his water glass in tandem.

Jayce gracefully rushed over in one movement to help him. Once complete, he returned to patting the cool towel to his partner’s forehead.

“Don’t you have a council meeting today?” Viktor side-eyed him with the tiniest of smirks.

So it was Friday, afterall. Jayce shook his head. “They’ll have to have it another day. This is more important.” A realization made him sit upright from his task and tilt his head to search the man’s avoiding gaze. “You’ve never missed a day of work before. As much as I am proud of you for staying home, what is different this time?”

Viktor reached for and hesitantly fiddled with the shake on the tray. “Let’s just say vomiting from pain isn't in highest regards for productivity.” At first he chuffed at his own remark, but a sort of angry emptiness took over the shine in his eyes. He brought the bottle to his lips but sipped so minutely it seemed like nothing was happening at all.

“How long has it been like this?”

“Enough with the interrogation.” He gritted.

“I’m serious, Viktor.” Jayce held his ground sternly. “If there’s anything we can tell your doctors that may be relevant to your care–”

“There is no ‘we’ in this, Jayce.” He met his eyes with a familiar fury. “What is happening to me and my body is up to my discretion. Pity and dead-end medicine is not how I want to spend my time.” He took just a second to hear his own words and corrected himself. “Today is a setback shorter than what someone might force me into, otherwise.”

Talis held his tongue, taken aback. The message was received. As Viktor untensed with a concealed exhaustion, Jayce traded the cloth between his hands and swept hair out of his partner’s face.

“I would never let anyone make you do something you didn’t want, even if I didn’t understand.” It ached him to add the latter words. “It’s your fight, yes, but I will always be in your corner rooting for you.”

Viktor closed his eyes and nodded smally. “I should know this.” Upon calmly opening his heavy lids again, he continued. “I am sorry for snapping at you.” A quiet and deliberate inhale, and he leaned his weight into Jayce’s shoulder, gripping at his own right thigh to prevent it from acting up with the movement.

“I know.” He sighed with a reassuring smile. “There’s no need to apologize. I know.” The councilman took bread from the plate and brought it to Viktor’s free hand. “Here. Eat a little more while I draw you a bath.”

Surprised, he lit up. “A bath? You know how I don’t like to be babied.”

“We all deserve to be babied sometimes.” Jayce grinned as he repeated the wording. He rubbed Vik’s back before gently standing and stepping off into the other room.

Truthfully, Jayce was terrified, and, strides away, the fear that he hid exploded to his unwitnessed face. Would he really let Viktor make his own decisions to the bitter end? Talis wondered just how far he would let it get before inevitably needing to intervene. Viktor was stubborn, but was today proof of some reasonable leniency towards himself? Jayce fought against the thought–like many-a-loved one might, he considered–that hard love would one day need to be pressed against his will. While Viktor fought a battle against his illness, Jayce held a burning ember of wits. He had to give over his lover his own difficult choices, even if that decided his fate. It was his life, afterall. As much as they wanted there to be, there really was no tangible concept of “we” in the circumstance. One day too soon he would lose his Viktor.

The bath had been drawn, warmness steaming the room along with an alluring aroma of calming lavender. Jayce lost himself in the white clouds and rippling water, skating his fingers back and forth over its surface. He snapped himself out of it when he heard his partner coughing  down the hall, becoming attentive again and collecting himself.

“Fallen asleep yet?” Jayce light-heartedly joked as he returned to the living room.

“Hm,” Viktor muttered with an ever-so-slight pep in his voice now that only someone close to him could notice. “Not quite.”

Talis delicately picked up the shake bottle to feel what of it remained, but once he observed that there was still about half of it left, he noted he had no idea how to suggest to his patient to drink more of it without stepping on his toes. The boundary lines were blurring, he dared to realize, in Viktor’s times of struggle.

“Your bath awaits you, sir.” Jayce playfully extended a strong hand gallantly to his partner, provoking a chuckle. Some of the medicines in his cocktail–his words–were rather fast-acting and were already apparent to be helping.

Or so they thought.

Viktor swung his crutch over his lap and took a deep breath before committing to hoist himself up. Jayce stepped near to guide him, and it was with good timing, too, as Viktor’s leg gave out from under him and he shouted in what Talis wasn’t sure was surprise or pain, if not both. Jayce caught him under the other arm; vertigo seemed to have clobbered him over the head on his right side, and Vik leaned hard into his walking stick whilst accidentally grabbing onto the back of his lover’s shirt.

“Are you alright?” Jayce asked with his hand firmly to Viktor’s collar, keeping him generally upright.

“Yes, sorry, I–” he hesitated. He was startled by the timidness in his own voice. “I just felt dizzy all of a sudden.”

“It’s what I’m here for.” Jayce lended his confidence to him while he nodded away his instinct to search the man’s eyes at any sight of concern.

Viktor accepted his help into the bathroom, where he ended up leaning his crutch against the wall and slipped himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt; Jayce hovered his hands around his waist to ensure his balance. Before sitting on the edge of the tub to remove his pajama bottoms, he gave an unshy eye to his talisman.

“Will you be joining me?”

Jayce was immediately flushed. “Would you– Are you offering?”

“Well, you didn’t let me finish what I was saying earlier. I am grateful it is you I have to baby me.”

Boldness was not out of character for Viktor, but his advances always managed to surprise. Jayce copied him in taking off his own clothes and what followed were gestures of non-verbal planning in how they were both going to fit comfortably–and safely–in the tub. Talis stepped in and guided Viktor by his hands which he put his weight into with full faith; as Jayce sat down in the water, Vik led with his good knee and his shoulder into his partner’s chest to keep from slipping. They giggled about how silly it was for the both of them to be in the bath together, and, for just a moment, they forgot the whole reason why they were doing this in the first place.

Tiredness was then quick to hit Viktor–be it the comfort of his partner, the soothing water, or his medicines–and he sunk all of his weight and trust into Jayce’s arms. The pain in his hip seemed to dissolve in the warmth.

“You didn’t put any bubbles in.” He quietly joked.

Talis scoffed at the comment, amused. “I’ll try to do better next time, your highness.”

Viktor held back a few coughs as the floral oils stung his throat momentarily, to which Jayce rubbed his shoulder in reassurance as his body shook. After it steadied, he stared closely at the water. There was something particular about being so close to someone whilst not able to look them in the eye and resting on his stomach made him feel like a lost boat at sea. Jayce hummed a familiar song in his ear:

“Dear friend across the river My hands are cold and bare Dear friend across the river I'll take what you can spare I ask of you a penny My fortune it will be I ask you without envy We raised almighty towers Our homes are built of stone So come across the river And find the world below…”

“I don’t think you’re the one supposed to be singing that song.” Viktor slurred teasingly.

Jayce only grinned and hid his face in Viktor’s hair. They both knew he was reciting a familiar tune for the sole purpose of being comforting. It was kind of surprising he knew all the words. Half-awake, Viktor’s expression melted into a genuine but darker quandering.

“How much do you think about what little time we have left?”

Though Viktor couldn’t see it, Jayce shook his head, taking a glance to the ceiling and anxiously to the wall with the thought.

“Simultaneously not as much as I should and far too much entirely.”

They shared a silent moment of listening to their echoing breaths against the porcelain.

“I’m not going to insult you by asking how often you think about it.” Jayce dared to say honestly.

“I try to not make expectations of an otherwise predictable ending.”

They were both painfully aware of the intense reservations the great scientist had towards his fate and what progress on his work he’d make before the matter. It drove him mad. Even though Viktor writhed to readjust how he was resting, sleep was becoming more and more inviting.

“I am so lucky to have you. I wish I could return that luck to you.” He murmured.

“Nonsense. You already have.”

It would have been easy to assume that even a loving partner would have had to grasp for straws in an exchange like this, but Jayce’s dismissal was true. Viktor taught Jayce appropriate patience–when to wait and when to demand more. He taught him persistence and skillful haste; empathy and hard love. He showed him a new value in hard work and attention to detail–how to expect nothing nearing mediocrity. Jayce’s work as a councilman and inventor, alike, wouldn’t have achieved their levels of greatness without his partner’s collaborations and  perspective. Above all, though, Viktor taught Talis the grace it took to simply be human, whether he was aware of it or not.

They eventually lost track of time, and Jayce only figured it was time to get out by the cooling temperature of the water and the pruning of their fingertips. By this point, Viktor was snoozing deeply on the rise and fall of Jayce’s rhythmic breath and he was slightly worried about attempting to move him, though kind of curious to find out just soundly he was asleep. He was unfortunately notorious for all-nighters and early mornings, so Jayce knew any amount of rest was going to do a world of good for him in one way or another.

As quiet as one could be getting out of the water, Jayce adjusted his body to snake his arm under his loved one’s knees and stood with one near-effortless motion. He stepped carefully over the tub wall and around the corner into their bedroom, lying Viktor’s frame on his side of the bed where the sheets were already pulled back from earlier that morning. Jayce swiftly changed into the clothes he had left in the bathroom and respectfully covered Viktor’s lower half with a soft towel, despite being partners; he wasn’t going to attempt to dress him with his tender leg in mind. He brought the sheets and a duvet to his neck then fetched the rolling table and warm water bottle from before, sneaking it under his partner’s thigh. Finally–Jayce sighed with relief–he set a chair next to the bed and laid a cool damp cloth on Viktor’s forehead.

Coming to a rest in the chair, Jayce took Viktor’s hand. There was no way he could convince him to believe the same, but he almost considered for just a moment that it wouldn’t have even mattered if the walls of Piltover came crumbling down in that very instant. What mattered was the spark they cared for in each other and the efforts they reasonably made for their people, which is already what they pressed forward to do. Time would continue on with or without them, the infallible rule. It was perfect.

Viktor was perfect.

[AO3 link] -- [Viktor Spotify playlist]

[tuliptxffi]

Headache

Hello hello I am now going to write almost everyday now to practice my essays(I'm not good but I am the one who can find words easily)

enjoy a four-centric bitches

---------------------------------------------------------------------

All 9 heroes have settled in camp,all going to take a rest for the day,and sleep.

All of them seem to have no problem at sleeping,but one has it for the worst.

Four,the smallest hero and their smith, didn't stop flinching and moving around Sky's touch.

He was kicking,groaning,and moving his head a lot. Sky didn't know what's wrong with his cuddles,because he was the cuddle-monster.Sky sits up and tries to calm Four down.

Four's eyes flash a green,red,blue,Violet,repeating the colors all over again.

"Four!Four are you alright?Four!"Sky was starting to get worried,this wasn't normal.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The colors are fighting again. It's like a cycle of destruction in his head. The Four parts of him fighting.

"Red,for fuck's sake stop fucking crying!"

"Blue,stop yelling! You're giving Link a hard time!"

"Stop!please..."

"Oh goddesses,please stop!"

Fighting never ends. All Four wants is for the four spirits of the sword he wields to get along. But they never really made it come true.

Four tries to control himself,flinching,kicking,groaning, moving,holding his head.he can't take it anymore.

He wants to end it all,just once.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Four!Four!"the voices scream around him,but the voices in his head are louder.

"Can't you see your giving Link a hard time?"

"We must let him rest!"

"Shut up!"

Four's breathing goes heavier,struggling to open his own eyes. Sky was holding him gently,patting his back. The noise he was making woke all of them.

"What the fuck is going on?"Legend exclaims."I-i don't know!"Sky keeps holding Four in his arms.

Four was now screaming his lungs out. The colors don't know how much they're hurting his head,it was now an headache.

"He-he just started flinching and moving around..!"Sky explains to them. They've all gathered around the two. Sky has now tightened his embrace with Four.

Screams turned into sobs. But,his brothers were now helping him calm down. Comforting words coming out of their mouths.

"Four listen!Whatever it is that hurts please,tell us."Warriors started.

"Is it your head?What's wrong?Tell us." Hyrule follows up.

"Whatever headache that is,fight to control yourself,you mustn't ignore it!" Legend has took a turn.

"Smithy!Please tell us,we're all worried about you."Wild cups Four's face.

"You need to tell us,otherwise this won't stop."Time ruffles Four's long strands of hair.

"Listen to us,Four!Please tell us!"Wind encourages Four.

Twilight puts his pelt around Four's neck. "Keep yourself warm and calm."

The colors finally stops,giving Four the peace he needs. Four eventually calms down,falling asleep on Sky's arms,with Wild cupping his face,Time ruffling his hair,and the others by his side.

"He calmed down." Sky says while shushing the others and telling them to go back.

Sky returns to their pile of blankets,and cuddles like a monster. Four finally calmed down,and was able to sleep at ease.

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Ik it's short bit it's just my practice

It's bad but I think it's a little cute ^^

[legendofmorons]

hello! may i request platonic headcannons for both legend and twilight with a gender neutral reader? the type of platonic relationship where they’re physically close (eg. hugging, holding hands, cuddling and occasionally forehead kisses). neither party has romantic feelings towards each other. thank you!

Of course!

Legend

Legend probably won't initiate most of the time, but he totally lets you!

If you're close and ask for a hug he will give you one

His hugs start awkward and stiff, though. Even if you've hugged him a hundred times. He melts into them

He will hold you and rub your back after nightmares, though, no hesitation.

If he's in a good mood and initiates things, he hugs you and rests is chin on your head/shoulder/wherever he can

I feel like you do most of the forehead and cheek kisses, though.

If you're having a really bad day, he will absolutely give you a forehead kiss and then glare at anyone who says anything negative or weird

He holds your hand a lot, mostly because he's worried you'll get lost and he won't know. He'd feel awful if that happened

He loves you like family- and unless he can't carry you when you're injured he's pushing everyone else away.

He does a lot of casual shoulder and hip bumps.

I think when either of you are tired you can be found sitting together one head atop the other.

You patch eachother up when magic isn't needed/available. You are the closest to eachother and the most comfortable with the other

Legend definitely hands you whatever item he thinks you need from his collection and helps you get it in place

He dosen’t get jealous when you go hug others, but he does get real mean when people try to force you into physical affection you don't want

After Legend has a bad nightmare, he seeks you out for late night comfort and to be held.

I think he would also probably do your hair if it's long enough

He's a real mother hen and does the back of the hand to your forehead thing at the slightest symptom of illness

He's the type of person to swipe hair from your face when your hands are busy

He likes to punch your shoulder lightly too

On hood days I think you guys hug and laugh.

When you do something particularly difficult or get reunited after a dungeon, he picks you up and spins you because you're both here and okay, and he's so happy about it

If you do get sick he stays right next to you, rubbing your back or petting your hair

He wants you to feel safe with him and, in general

Twilight

Twilight is more openly affectionate than most of the others

He grew up in a friendly village with good people who did a lot of physical affection towards eachother

He gives really good hugs, warm and string and just the right amount of strength used to keep you there

He also mostly does forehead kisses most often when you're upset or going on a separate mission than him

He will sking an arm about your shoulders at any moment, he likes when you're close. He just enjoys your company honestly

If you have a nightmare, Twilight just lifts up his covers and then holds you as you tell him about it. Very much like a big brother still

If Twilight has a nightmare - bad enough to wake him at peast- he will just come lay down with you. He won't wake you up. You'll just wake up in the morning with a full-grown man using you like a teddy bear.

He will just come up to you and wrap you in a hug honestly

He also has a habit of setting a hand on your shoulder or arm if he is behind you so you know it's him. If you aren't hiding he'll usually say something too.

He's very mindful of any thing that upsets you, so he'll either hold you after wards or avoid doing that again depending on the situation

He's really strong, so if you're asleep or injured but need to be moved, he will just carry you.

He ruffles your hair a lot, and grins you you duck down to fix it

He elbows you sometimes, not hard kust to get your attention when another is being extra stupid in a 'can you believe this?' way

He pretty much lets you lay on him, lean on him, kiss his cheek and forehead, and do anything else you like

He can't do much with hair but he did learn a basic braid and ponytail from people in his village. So if you are having a really hard time and your hair is long he'll help you out as best he can

If he's hugging you most days you also have your own nickname. I don't make the rules (except I do)

Twilight would absolutely love to wrestle it's fun!

As Wolfie he curls around you on cold nights, keeping you both warm

He also sits on you like a lug as Wolfie when you're trying to be stubborn

He probably holds your hand often from either habit or wanting to keep you close in a crowd or fight.

Twilight teaches you anything you wnat to learn and corrects your hands with his own pretty often

If you are in a fight, he will keep his back to yours because he knows you'll keep it safe, and he'll keep yours safe

Twilight rubs your back on bad days. He tells you that it's okay to feel this way

He's the person to set his head against your shoulders or arm like a cat headbuts you.

Twilight will also pick you up if something is coming by to fast to warn you.

He lets you fiddle with his fingers if you need to. He knows it calms you

[miniscrew-anon]

HSH Febuwhump Day 28 - “You’re Safe Now”

I wanted to end it on a sappy note so that’s what you’re getting.

-----

Time walks the perimeter of the first floor, hands stuffed into his pockets to keep the frost nip at bay. His hair is still damp from his shower and he wishes this coat had a hood because he was starting to feel his hair stiffen from the cold. 

He stops in the foyer and makes sure the door is locked. The winter winds blow fiercely at the windows, howling of the wind audible even inside. The trees on the street bend and creak ominously as the storm pushes against them. The conditions are nearly whiteout as snow continues to pile up, two feet deep already. Down the block, Time can just barely see the downed electrical pole that robbed the house of electricity. No one is going to be fixing it tonight.

The house is cavernous and cold without the heating. There’s frost on the windows facing the wind and it’s already too cold inside to be without a proper jacket. 

But there is a place in the heart of the house that is warm and inviting. 

Time sighs with relief as he enters the living room, letting the thick layer of fabric curtains separating that room from the rest of the house fall back into place behind him. The soft glow from the fire is the only light source.

All the boys have gathered in the living room to curl up around the fireplace. Earlier, Four and Sky had put up some sheets over the doorways and windows to act as insulation to keep the heat in. And Twilight and Warriors braved the whipping winds to bring a small stockpile of logs in just before the storm got really bad. The boys held a wood chopping contest in the garage and now they have enough fuel to keep the fire burning all month long if they need to. 

The room is not just warm, either. The boys were fast at work earlier in the day to prepare for the coming snow storm. There is an emergency bag in the corner of the room stock full of essentials - water, canned food, flashlights, flares, first aid supplies, batteries and a radio. It’s accessible but has been tucked out of sight by the other things the boys deemed as essential.

A small charging station was set up on a folding table, connected to the generator out in the garage. There are a few outlets for phones (and a strict timetable for who’s phone gets charged when taped to the top of it), as well as an electric griddle for tomorrow's breakfast. There is a small tea and coffee station set up with some freshly baked goods placed under a delicate glass countertop case. Non-perishable snacks and a few jugs of water are neatly balanced under the table. 

The room is stuffed full of things to pass the time, too. A pile of books from Four’s collection. Some of those plastic speed stack cups that Wind’s been obsessed with. A nice pack of cards and chips from Warriors and weighty metal dice that Time has seen Legend break out before. A small collection of board games from Sky and a thousand-piece puzzle that’s probably missing pieces. There’s nail gels and Wild’s makeup bag. Twilight’s set up a dartboard on the wall and there’s a supply of bottles and mixing cups. There is a pile of canvases with paint and books of landscapes from Hyrule, not a medical textbook in sight. 

Blankets, pillows and cushions lay on nearly every surface except for a winding path of bare floor to allow movement between the lumps of sleeping boys, all bundled in their warmest pajamas. Warriors claimed a couch for himself, leaving Twilight to get the recliner. Wind and Four have taken the prime real estate right in front of the fire as the most coldblooded of the boys. Wild and Sky are further from the fire but are cuddled together inside of Sky’s comfy. Legend and Hyrule dragged down one of their mattresses and are verifiably buried under a pile of Legend’s making. There is another couch and a thick comforter stolen from Time’s bed waiting for him. 

He ignores it for now and carefully steps over slumbering bodies to add more fuel to the fire. As he pokes at the logs to keep the fire breathing, his eyes go to the picture frame on the mantle. It’s nice. But lonely. Perhaps he’ll find the time to take some for himself. He does have that old camera laying around somewhere.

He exhales, heat on his face no contest to the warmth growing within. He’s not worried about intruders on a night like this. And there are no dark corners for his ghosts to haunt nor shadows for his nightmares to lurk. His boys are all in view, comfortable and safe from the cold. 

It’s quiet now. But tomorrow is sure to bring chaos when the boys inevitably get cabin fever from  being trapped in close quarters for hours. Arguments and headaches and exasperated faces loom over the horizon, but Time can’t help the smile that grows on his face. Because the house will be messy and crowded and loud.

And his home will be all the warmer for it.

----

My brain while I was writing: ~The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is sooooo delightful~ on repeat for the entire time

Omg guys I did it! Almost 24 thousand words, making this my longest fic to date! Wow I can’t actually believe I did it. I honestly did not have faith in my ability to write every day. But this just goes to show that if you love your blorbos enough - you can do anything!

Thanks for reading and for all the nice comments! All your nice words make me puddle into goo when I read them and it makes me so happy you guys enjoyed reading about as much as I enjoyed writing!

[plothooksinc]

For the fanfic ask game: 3 and 17.

19: In Underdark some of my favorite moments are Leo tripping and falling on his face. Feverish Leo cuddling up to Mike twice. In the shaft after they've fallen and Mikey hears Leo scream and goes "oh god, what happened??" Towards the end when the tunnel floods and Mikey's desperately trying to keep Leo upright when he just keels over. The comfort part in last chapter, love tired but relieved Donny and gruff Raph. And the heart to heart in Leo's bed.

In general I enjoy how Leo is written. He has a very calm and quiet presence. I'm not sure what makes the difference in this fic, but in my head I hear him as more soft-spoken than what he's usually portrayed as.( And I mean even before he starts getting sick.) I like it, feels fitting for him.

Ah, I'm glad the shaft scene seems to be well loved, that was definitely one of the high points of it for me. :D ...Leo being a little softer was actually mildly deliberate, because he was with Mikey and thus really being in Calm Big Brother mode because the situation was something he figured Mikey would find terrifying and he wanted to keep things on an even keel. (And then after that he got sick so...) It's also why he cuddled up to Mikey in that last part in sewers because he was feverish and like I can't leave him alone in the dark so I will just octopus so he knows I'm here, basically.

Anyway!

3. What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

Hmm. There are the two teasers I put up for TMNT, both being somewhat in medias res-- one is for '03 TMNT, in which there is a huge ambush meant to collect all turtles in one sweep; Leo escapes it only because he falls off the roof and they presume him dead (instead of merely Very Unhappy) and he needs help to track down his brothers and Casey and Splinter is unavailable for Reasons, so he goes to the only person left who can help him, which is April. He needs answers about who the ambushers were and she's a hacker. And then he still needs her for Reasons so the two of them go and try to break into a deathtrap (while meanwhile everyone else tries to break out, they'll meet halfway).

The other is '07 verse, based on events in the Leo prequel in which he tries to hitch a ride on a ship in Portugal and realises it's full of trafficked children, and he uh. Goes and slaughters every trafficker on board he can find. Which is all well and good, and never mind his hypocrisy when he goes home and lectures Raph about vigilante shenanigans, but doing so canonically starts the legend about the wrath of Enugu the Turtle God against these traffickers and the leader of the ring suddenly finds it's really hard to get people on board to work for him. So he sets out to track this so-called Turtle God down and prove to his remaining men it's just a freak that can bleed. Great! The problem is, none of them expect there to be more than one giant mutant turtle and so they track down and take the wrong one. Whoops. Anyway, Mikey has a Very Bad Day. I also threatened at one point to write a Rurouni Kenshin/TMNT crossover due to the amount of flak I got back in the day of switching from one fandom to another (I could even do it canonically, Renet sure is a character that exists). I had a whole slew of Ruroken ideas that I will now never write because the Ruroken author is scum, so alas.

In other fandoms, just briefly: The Untamed, where Wei Wuxian goes missing presumed dead in a small village where people have slowly been disappearing, only there's flute music in Them Thar Hills that's been playing steadily for days, so Lan Wangji and Wen Ning investigate. Supernatural, in which Dean fetches up in a small town on an investigation and gets supernaturally drugged out of his mind and vanishes, and there's a whole plot to bring back not quite Lucifer but the echo of him, which is good enough for those involved (it's SPN v fae); Tiger & Bunny in which Tiger apparently goes on a rampage for as much human and collateral damage as possible and everyone races to work out why; and FFXIV where the Empire find a way to tap into the Echo and drive it haywire, thus doing their best to drive the WoL mad and the scions close ranks to deal with that issue. One Piece, in which Nami steals the ship for unknown reasons (totally known reasons, she's under a compulsion laid by a Navy Devil Fruit user) and tries to do it while everybody else is offshore. Only Zoro is still sleeping on board, so. That goes down well when he wakes up. ...these will probably never see the light of day, but they are fun to think about. (The two teasers, tho. Those will get written.)

17. Are there any writers and/of stories that you consider an influence?

Not in fandom, in any specific sense. I will absolutely get some kind of osmosis inspiration from reading a whole bunch of extremely well written fics because it will affect how I write if that's what I've been soaking in all day. The Untamed is full of extremely talented writers and I channeled some of that energy to finally finish my Snowblind chapter, which had had me stuck for 13 years because I couldn't quite reach the melancholy introspect I needed for it (but The Untamed writers have that in spades). Published authors? Definitely. I can spot my writing patterning after Janny Wurts and Guy Gavriel Kay, and I picked up Janny's ellipses and Kay's Dramatic Short Sentences, and I probably got my tendency to bracket small phrases from Stephen King, as you do. Thank you! These were fun :D

Ask meme here.

[bunnysdaydreams]

My Personal Head Canons for these Characters

Part 1: Apex Legends 1/2

Mirage

I personally believe that Mirage would sport some piercings

Two lobe piercings on his right ear and one on his left

He would also have one eyebrow piercing on his right eyebrow

He would have a tattoo, but he doesn’t really like flaunting it

It’s a dedication to him and his family

It would be five moons going up on the inside of his forearm

A Full Moon to represent his oldest brother Rodger, a Waning Crescent moon to represent Elon, a First Quarter moon to represent himself, a Waxing Gibbous moon to represent Ricky, and a New Moon to represent Evelyn

He likes to wear baggy hoodies with cool graphic designs on them and a nice pair of jeans

When times get hard and he needs a little break..or just to slow down his racing thoughts, he does an edible

He hates the idea of smoking but he likes the effect of marijuana

Mirage may be a goof ball, but he hates when women get beat

Holds a lot of respect for women because he was raised by an amazing woman

The only time he’d get really angry is if someone deliberately destroyed his bar

It’s a real family heirloom that he will protect with the rest of his life

Even though he and Crypto can get into minor arguments he goes to Crypto for a listening ear

He also has a very special Nessie that Wattson gave to him in case he has a panic attack

Panic attacks are a rare occurrence that plagues Elliotts mind

The only one who truly knows about Elliott’s attacks is Gibraltar

Crypto

So our lovely hacker has a tongue piercing, it’s purple and has soft spikes

That’s the only piercing he wanted

He usually wears thick hipster glasses when he’s completely alone in his room

He, like Elliott, loves baggy hoodies

Especially when it covers his hands…he likes to have paws

His favorite bottoms are basketball shorts or cargo shorts…and skinny jeans

He has a tuxedo cat named Bond, after James Bond

Technically Mila is the one who found the cat, but Taejoon fell in love with the cat

He’s an insomniac, his normal hours of sleep is 5 hours, but when his insomnia is bad he only gets 2.5 hours of sleep

He secretly likes when Mirage comes to him when he needs a shoulder to lean on

He knows certain legends secrets that he would never speak about

Like how Wraith likes to steal a certain soldiers jacket or how he always manages to hear lifeline grabbing a slice of New Castles red velvet cake

The only person he likes talking to besides Natalie and Elliott is Seer

He likes to sit in Obi’s room and sketch in his sketch pad while the other dances to calming music

Taejoon can get sensory overloaded to the point where he pushes everyone away a hides under his blankets

Even though he pushes everyone away there is one person who cuddles him and helps him with his overload

Dr. Mary Sommers has a soft spot for the younger Korean man

She’s the only one that he could never truly get upset at

Octane

This man has major ADHD

If he has to listen to something that he is not interested in his mind wonders to his next stunt

He has a bunch of fidget toys that he keeps on him if he has to slow down

His favorite type of fidget toy is an infinity cube, he likes to flip the pieces

All of his wardrobe consists of shorts and crop tops

He does have a couple of jackets that have the sleeves ripped off

He has a pair dragon wings that rest on his upper pecs and even though his favorite color is green he chose to get them purple

The purple is for Ajay

At times he gets phantom pains where his legs used to be, on those days he tends to get quieter and less energetic

He has a major crush on Seer but doesn’t have the guts to tell him

Rampart likes to tease Octavio about his “man crush” and loves making inappropriate jokes about both of them

Octane has a giant sweet tooth and has a knack for caramel candies

50 percent of the time Octane will be in the kitchen making delicious treats with Gibraltar

When Octane gets impatient waiting for the desserts to finish baking Gibraltar gives him a task

Which is to find the chocolate candy bar that is hidden in the pantry

When in reality Gibraltar has the candy bar in his pocket, by the time Octane is done looking for the candy the dessert is done baking

But being the gentle giant Gibraltar is he still gives Octavio the candy bar

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

10k Masterlist

angels choking on their halos (ao3) - aliciaxadrienne michael/luke M, 10k

Summary: Fame and notoriety mean nothing when the dead are coming back to life. Or; the zombie apocalypse happens at the worst possible time and things go haywire.

are we something to each other (or are we just blowing smoke?) (ao3) - bellawritess michael/ashton, luke/calum T, 10k

Summary: A startled laugh escapes Michael, and he gently pushes against Ashton’s chest, though his hand lingers as if for a moment he considers holding Ashton in place instead. “You’re lame. And you’re not kissing me like that in front of your friends. I’m a respectable fake boyfriend, I don’t believe in gratuitous PDA.”

A Sanctified Starling (ao3) - plushyluke luke/ashton E, 10k

Summary: Ashton didn’t know why humans were so fascinated by stories of things that could kill them. If it posed impending doom, humans spread it around. Then again, it was more than likely a trait passed down from the hunter-gatherer years.

“Regardless of if it’s a legend, you still need to be careful in unwatched areas. Murderers come in all forms.”

The cold bastard locked eyes with Ashton.

“Very true, Michael. How thoughtful of you to look after our Nobleman. Sometimes danger could be lurking right beneath your nose.”

(or Ashton is a grumpy old vampire who agrees to go on an adventure with his nemesis, where the run into the prettiest of undead discoveries)

Come Thru (ao3) - bitchnluke luke/ashton E, 10k

Summary: Luke was used to being a playboy bunny, and he loved the pampered life of a playboy bunny. So yeah, you could say he was a spoilt brat. One day, his daddy tells him he is no longer his daddy, and that he has a new one. That his new daddy was the CEO of playboy bunny, which happened to be the owners nephew, Ashton Irwin. His old daddy tells him to go make Ashton loosen up and have fun.

dancing with the demons (holy spirit, holy spirit) (ao3) - softirwin michael/calum, luke/ashton T, 10k

Summary: “You’re kind of a shitty demon,” he tells Calum, who scowls.

“Fuck you,” he says. “You’re kind of a shitty angel.”

“Oh, dude, I know,” Michael agrees.

-

angel/demon au

Domestic Cuddles (ao3) - antisocialhood luke/ashton N/R, 10k

Summary: Luke’s cold and he wants Ashton to cuddle.

(or, Luke wants Ashton in more than one way, and what Luke wants, Luke gets)

if you’re going to san francisco (ao3) - HeyHeyArnold, mukelftv ot4 M, 10k

Summary: In 1970s San Francisco, a rally brings together four somewhat unlikely friends. This is their story.

I need you to stay (ao3) - CutesyMe michael/calum, luke/ashton N/R, 10k

Summary: Apparently his parents have found a ‘perfect’ boy for him now, and apparently they expected him to woo this boy, win his heart over and marry him. Whether he liked him or not. How was that possible? It was the fucking 21st century and he was living in a country where he had rights. How can his parents arrange a marriage for him? This wasn’t Pakistan or India. He couldn’t believe that was happening, especially right after he met that cute red haired guy, and had lost him instantly but that wasn’t the point.

‘I wasn’t expecting that’ (ao3) - Forbiddenmichael calum/ashton G, 10k

Summary: when Calum and Ashton have waited for there soul mate tattoos for so long and what they get isn’t what either of them expected. they aren’t what each other expected either…

let me love you - @sup3rbloom​ (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) luke/ashton T, 10k

Summary: Luke Hemmings is a rockstar with a troubled past. He’s struggling with an alcohol addiction and a career that’s going downhill, but Calum isn’t giving up on him. Calum suggests Luke a fake boyfriend to help keep the bad press away. That’s where Ashton comes in, Ashton who is an embodiment of sunshine. Luke’s hesitant due to his failed past relationships, but he agrees, because he knows this is what he needs to save his career.

never know what you’ve got until it’s gone - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) calum/ashton, michael/luke G, 10k

Summary: Ashton’s had the biggest crush on Calum Hood since forever. Luke knew this. He only had the best of intentions when he brought up Ashton’s crush to Calum. He never thought about Ashton potentially finding out.

over and under (ao3) - kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum E, 10k

Summary: “We really need to stop doing this.”

“I know.”

Luke says he won’t do this again.

They both agree they won’t do this again when they’re dressed, in Luke’s living room and not his bedroom, when Calum’s about to leave to see his other friends and Luke’s going to the studio to write.

It’s easy to agree not to do it again when Calum’s not touching him.

Something Better (ao3) - notonguexwithbutt michael/luke M, 10k

Summary: “It’s like Luke is trying to say so many things with one look and somehow Michael is understanding them all. Or is he? Because to him it looks like Luke is saying ‘push me up against a wall and fuck me’ or maybe it’s something more like 'do something, I dare you.’ Or maybe Michael’s just really turned on by the sight of his best friend covered in sweat and staring at him with dark, dilated eyes.”

Luke gets his wisdom teeth removed and feels quite affectionate and honest in the haze of his anesthesia. Later, he’s embarrassed about the things he confessed to Michael, so Michael does what he can to even out the field.

The Day the World Ended (ao3) - insomniacwriter17 ot4 T, 10k

Summary: “Reports state that people are experiencing incredibly high fevers, intense pain all over the body, and a state of delirium. Government officials have issued a warning: if you feel ill, seek medical attention immediately. If you do not feel ill, stay inside if at all possible and make sure to wash your hands often.”

there’s no need to run and hide (when the world leaves a scar) (ao3) -haveufoundwhaturlookingfor luke/ashton, michael/calum T, 10k

Summary: Luke is a new intern, and he gets along with pretty much everyone he works with. Well, everyone except for Ashton Irwin. Ashton is cold, and doesn’t give him the time of day. Certain events keep on bringing the two together whether they like it or not, and eventually, Luke finds out why Ashton is so cold.

Tinder Boy (ao3) - boomercal luke/calum N/R, 10k

Summary: After a few fateful swipes Luke and Calum ended up hooking up from Tinder, then they went their separate ways… at least they tried to.

two can play that game (but you win me every time) (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/calum T, 10k

Summary: When Calum tells people he works at IKEA, people tend to respond enthusiastically. Some of them joke, did you have to learn Swedish?, or make a crack about the meatballs. Some of them ask how many marriages he’s seen end amongst the aisles. Basically, everyone turns into a comedian the moment Calum mentions his job.

wait for me in the sky (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/calum T, 10k

Summary: Calum and Luke sit next to each other on a long flight.

wanna share? - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) calum/ashton, michael/luke T, 10k

Summary: Ashton supposes this is what he gets, though, for allowing the school to drop a random roommate in with him but he still expected to see the guy at least a little during the day

or, the one where Calum and Ashton are college roommates who only see each other at night.

you’ve got stars, they’re in your eyes (ao3) - lifewasradical luke/calum T, 10k

Summary: Calum leaves 5 Seconds of Summer.

[kyrodo]

As for Red and Choskey goes, I do have a limit for the amount of time I spend in a day doing stuff by myself. Moreso now that I actually can spend time with other people in the first place thanks in large part to vrchat. Red for whatever reason even back then I... don't enjoy spending time with that much usually. Borderlands he just goes off and dies a lot. Sea of thieves he gets us all killed for pvp practice. Apex Legends he gets us killed. Planetside for a good long while was the ONLY game he would play with me regularly. And I don't enjoy planetside pretty much at all. I had little hope for it when I just jumped in back when we lived in fallbrook. Even after getting a bunch of stuff and understanding the game more my impressions did not improve much. That's not good.

And my creativity as far as things to do when we go out is very limited. Red doesn't initiate lewd things and isn't very good at it when we do. Red doesn't allow us to cuddle during the day or when he's going to sleep so the only possible time to do so is in the morning during a day he doesn't go to work or when he's planning to be late. And while it'd be great if we slept at the same times, I do like having some wind down time to myself before I do, and I like staying up late.

So we have a lot of problems. When it's good it's good. We joke around a lot in the shower. It's just not good very often. Red only has at most an hour or two to do anything recreational with me before he's done for the day.

I don't know if anything will change for Choskey once he starts working but uh... I'm a little less in denial that things weren't the greatest for a while between me and Red. Not bad enough to want to get out and not good enough to want to keep things the way they are. I was doing better than those couples that argue a lot or yell/cuss if that's worth anything. But we have different issues. We don't know how to spend time together. Red lives a workaholic life and wants to engage in ambitious and inventive projects on the side but I've never developed a taste for it. So he's also missing a few things I can't really provide.

And my attention span when he talks dwindles after he talks for a solid 20 minutes straight about the same topic, usually work, and I've seen him talk with Marcus. He could go on for a couple of hours. I can't do that. I would be waiting to resume whatever I was playing, and if I completely married myself to Red's sleep schedule, he would tell me it's time to sleep and I would be kinda mad my last few hours I could have spent playing something just got pissed away and I'm being told to sleep. It was bad enough with the several hours we spent at the grocery store, that he forced me along since I am dependent on his driving.

He's less likely to do that now and recognizes doing such things is not enjoyable for me. And I definitely don't like having my sleep schedule determined by someone else. I absolutely need that time to myself before going to sleep, especially to post stuff like this or talk to stalkers and crushes apparently. I don't like having my sleep time fixed or under someone else's thumb generally.

And then there's Choskey which from a gaming standpoint much easier to find time to do things together, much more variety of things to do together, and talking with him isn't nearly as tiring if at all. Like for whatever reason the kinds of topics and the kinds of things Red talks about or the way he talks about it or the low level comedy he has when he's poking fun at things (potty humor, repetitive jokes that are hyper cringe) or the viciously spiteful things he enjoys watching like videos of people shitting on flat earthers or videos of police chases or cars eating shit. I don't enjoy those things even remotely. I don't enjoy getting stressed out because he's stressed out audibly while driving, and I can't spot all the drivers he's paying attention to. I don't have 360 vision like he does.

Kitsunary as mentioned before has her own problems, but at least we can play anything whatsoever.

Vrchat gave me brownie, beastner, Choskey, cattucino, light, there's bitt's groups, there's khnfucats in vrchat and mayu's, there's other people related to Choskey or beastner that we've played with. Choskey spends so much time with me. I am the beating social heart of discordant discourse now. Choskey notices people like brownie and cattucino show up specifically because of me. And in vrc people like mad mittens, denso and busker the cat visit me. And nearly every time I'm around their friends or I'm in any public lobby more people seem to make their way into my friends list because I'm being cute.

That is phenomenal. I've needed this for so long.I can't overstress enough that I desperately needed something like this. A place to make friends, a place to be social, be cute, hang out with people, play games, plan out things to do. And Choskey is the cornerstone of all of that. Choskey is who allowed me to be comfortable in vrchat, get this avatar, and now one of my lovers. I do enjoy talking to him more than Red. Cause usually it's about school or about fun things and funny videos or much lighter topics overall than Red's. Or about the future.

And Choskey is a natural need. I didn't just fall in love with him because of the cute avatar or because we hanged out a lot, I needed Choskey. My unconscious mind knew I needed Choskey. Especially once I realized we could talk for hours well until the sun comes up which we did many times. I needed Choskey so much and it's been such a long time coming that I got denied from once when Ronnie was still a possibility.

I've needed this. Somebody who would not only spend time with me better and be easier to talk to, but also help keep me and Red together too. He's always trying to get me and Red to spend more time together. And while even for Red for a while it was shameful to admit that we needed someone like Choskey in our life, things have gotten a lot better even for him because of Choskey. And he's growing into it extremely well now. He's loving me more because of him.

And socially it works out because I have the greatest range of interaction when I can express affection as well. I don't do very well when it comes to public speaking. Like if I were to try to pull off the same kind of funny speech dunkey has, or do any kind of impressions, like I can't do that. I can't come up with topics. I can't do the same kinds of things other people do with their regular friends. So if I could be affectionate with whuffy or cat noises like I do with Red, it becomes much easier to have a good time with someone even when I have nothing to say. And that is also partly why I wanted a third person in our relationship. Red and I have antics that we can do that I can't do with anyone else and that cuts off a massive amount of my social interaction when Red isn't there. Unless I were to do something similar with someone else. And that's also why I need Choskey. I've spent so much time with Red and I've been so reliant on him for anything social that I know my way around that type of social dynamic better than a normal one.

Ronnie was a predeveloped poorly thought out interest to solve a problem that we've had for eons. But Choskey fits us much better than he ever would have. And we are old. So it also works out that I am not robbing some younger adult's early years of their adulthood to be part of our relationship. It's a win-win even without you making me an enemy. If I hadn't suffered major damage and grew so mature afterwards I'm not sure if I ever would have been ready for someone like Choskey to enter our lives, so that is the only thing I have to thank you for.

The poise I have now, the easy way I can talk whenever we're talking about anything deep. The way I keep to myself these days on twitter. It's because I was deeply emotionally wounded and healed that I am able to talk so fluently and be so readily accepting. I am not the same angsty dynamite that I used to be. I can be so angry and so furious off stage in the backwaters where Choskey and Red can't see, but you know full well that it is deserved. You were extremely unlucky to meet me before you hurt me. Things would have been very different in the present with me fully learned and fully grown, whether things end well for you or not.

And I know how your shit works. I know the angrier I get the more you validate your hate. There is nothing easier to gratify than a group who's chosen a target. But I stopped caring the moment you broke into my life uninvited. Nothing will ever change the fact that my crimes were forgiveable and yours were not.

I aimed to be more mature because it is the one battlefield you couldn't even set foot on. The one place you can't even reach me.

And yeah I get that my relationship issues are not ideal from a traditional standpoint, whether it's a gay one or not. Most people would just stick with one and leave it at that by standard. And most people wouldn't want to be the one that disturbs that in any way. There are reasons to be cautious around me. But some people are not content to leave it at that. Enemies are enemies, whether the true reasons are trivial or not, the hate can wish for more.