#leekow

[emilyssky]

Chapter 7: In For It

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, choking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

Things are starting to get out of control and the game has turned into something completely different. Changbin was gone by the time I came back from the bathroom cause apparently Lia was not feeling well, so he drove her home. Emma and Seungmin have given up on the game and are making out on the couch, completely ignoring us and the rest of us are utterly drunk at this point.  We continue to play nevertheless but the rules are probably none existent right now. Questions and dares are being asked around and everything is starting to become messy.

"Okay, no. That's not happening." Chan answers before I have the chance to.

"Chan-"

"Nope. You're drunk and you're not taking your shirt off." He throws Jisung a dirty look, who simply lifts his shoulders in defense.

"She dared me to go to the balcony and twerk for a whole minute in my underwear. It's only fair." Jeongin pouts.

I giggle at his expression. "I don't mind." I reach for the ends of my shirt, about to peel it off my body. Chris instantly moves to stop my hands but it's the low growl of my name from his lips that made me stop.

"You're not wearing a bra stupid," Chan whispers annoyed.

I slap my hand over my mouth. "Oops."

Jisung laughs, shaking his head. "I think it's time to call it a night."

I look around; Felix is sleeping beside him, well passed out probably, Emma and Seungmin are basically fucking in front of us, and Hyunjin-

"I think Hyunjin's going to be-" I didn't even finish my sentence before Hyunjin vomited all over the floor in front of him. "...sick"

"Fuck." Chris sighs, already on his feet.

Jisung gets up, not looking Hyunjin's way twice. "I'll bring the mop."

Chan pulls Hyunjin's head back, laying him down on his side. "Okay buddy, hold on."

"Great once again, we have no way to get home."  I groan.

Seungmin lifts himself off of the couch with Emma wrapped around his waist. They make their way up the stairs without breaking the kiss for a split second or even sparing a glance at us.

"Excellent." I groan again.

"You can stay here." Jeongin offers casually. "We have space."

"We don't," Minho says, his tone cold and sharp.

"Yeah, we do," Jeongin continues nevertheless, his gaze avoiding his friend, looking around almost nervously. "We all have double beds."

Minho's eyes stay fixated on him, narrowing slightly until he turns to Chan, who's trying to wake up Hyunjin with no luck. "Do you need help taking them home?"

Chan rubs his hands over his face, thinking. "I'll have to take Felix and Hyunjin back to the frat and then Y/n back to her place since I'll be staying here tonight."

"That's basically back and forth. Just take them back to the frat and I'll take the girls." He offers, with his face, expressionless.

Chan looks between me and Minho, and I can almost see all his thoughts clouding his head. "She's drunk, I don't feel okay about leaving her alone."

"I'm completely fine, thank you very much."I try to stand up, but I stumble over my own two feet. His arms come up around me for support as I reach him, but he doesn't even glance down at me, his eyes are on Minho.

"You don't have to worry. Plus you've been drinking as well." He points out with a natural face, unbothered by the way Chan's looking at him. "I've only had like 2 shots."

It takes him a few seconds but to my surprise he sighs, "Fine."

"But I don't wanna go yet," I quickly whine.

"Is Emma gonna stay here?" He asks Chan, both of them ignoring me.

"It looks like it."

"Come on." Minho's hand comes around my arm, pulling me away from Chan's comfort. His rough grip makes me stumble, losing my balance due to the dizziness of my mind and the numbness of my limbs, but I feel his palm on my back and my eyes shoot up to his, I sober up immediately.  

"Do you need any help?" Jeongin gets up from the couch.

Minho steels. "No, it's fine I got it."

"You sure?" He presses, taking a step towards us.

I feel his grip tightening on my arm, his sharp breath hitting the side of my head.

I clear my throat, noticing the sudden tension, and move away from his grip before he says anything back. "I'll be fine." I pull Jeongin into a quick hug. "I'll see you."

I grab my purse and jacket from the back of the couch, just when Jisung appears with a mop and a bucket in his hands.

"Are you leaving?" His face falls a bit.

"I don't want to." I pout back. "They're kicking me out."

"Let's go." Minho appears behind me, pushing me forward lightly and I send him a glare. "I don't have all night."

"Where are you going?" Jisung asks him.

He answers without looking at him, "I have to take her home."

"You don't 'have to' do anything, you offered actually. I can gladly call a cab." I turn around, not realizing just how close behind me he was.

"You're a child." He says with no emotion on his face.

"And you're an asshole." I fire back, getting annoyed. I never asked him to take me home. "I think I rather someone else take me!" I move past him, try to actually but his fingers wrap around my arm, sharply pulling me back.

"I said I'm taking you home. Now, get your ass out the door." He says, keeping his tone low.

"You don't tell me what I can and can't do." I take a few steps forward, tilting my head upwards to look at him. I take a look over his shoulder, noticing Jisung helping Chan with Hyunjin and Jeongin being nowhere to be found. "But I don't wanna cause yet another scene because of you and I'm tired. " I look back at him. "That's the only reason I'm walking out the door."

A smirk creeps into his lips. "Sure."

.

.

.

.

His car is a black Jeep and it's surprisingly clean. No condoms or bags from fast food places are thrown on the ground.

"Seatbelt." His raspy voice echoes through the small space. I feel chills running down my arms partly from the cold yet I do as he says, and put my seatbelt on. It's hard not to let my eyes linger on his side profile as he starts the car and drives out of his parking spot, silently admiring how perfectly calm all of his features are yet how strong and sharp. It's rare to see any intense emotion painting his face, the only source that proves he is not a robot, is his eyes. The corners of his mouth lift slightly, letting me now that I've been caught. Fuck, I'm too drunk for this, and the more I stare at him the harder the realization that he's undeniably handsome hits me, so I focus my eyes on the road, instead.

"Just so you know I tend to talk a lot when I drink," I speak up, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Oh, I know." A small smirk appears.

Heat rises to my cheeks as the memories of the first time we met come to my mind. I wonder how he remembers me? I wonder if he thought about that night just as much as I've thought about it. I shake my head and force the questions down my throat. He obviously doesn't care, but still for some reason my nerves grow just like the silence between us, and my leg starts to bounce up and down.

"Stop."

I turn to him confused but he keeps his eyes on the road. His right hand move from the wheel to my knee, forcing it to a stop and the action is so fast and smooth that makes me suck a breath. His hand doesn't move, it lingers over the top of my knee for a few more seconds until it starts sliding slowly down my thigh. I don't breath, I don't dare to, not until his fingers finish brushing their way to the top off my thigh like a feather, only a few inches away from where I'm now suddently craving them to be.

"Why are you nervous?" His smirk grows, probably sensing who tense I am.

'I'm not ' is what I should answer but my mind is a blurry mess, a shit tone of questions are about to slip out of my mouth before I can stop them and the confidence that the alcohol in my system offers me doesn't help.

"Cause there's so much I wanna say but I know I shouldn't." I say instead.

His features still for a split second and his eyes turn to me. It looks like he thinks about his answer as well but after a few seconds, he says. " Why shouldn't you?"

I chuckle. "Cause it's a waste of time."

His eyebrows come together. "Why?"

"Cause you don't wanna talk to me. For some reason, you decided to not like me." I say before I can't stop myself. "And normally I wouldn't care, but I have been nothing but nice to you. A lot of times I come off as rude or cold, cause I'm just a bit closed off, I guess you can say." I turn to him. "But I have been so nice to you," I say again, raising my tone but smiling a bit. I don't know why, but I'm smiling.

He stops at a red light and turns to face me, resting his head back on the seat. His eyes are glistening under the dim light of the headlights.

I tilt my head, almost hypnotized. "Do you know that your eyes sparkle?"

His face twitches with interest. A rare sight. "What?"

I giggle bringing my knee up and resting my head on it, my eyes not leaving his. He tilts his head as well, looking at me like his searching for something and I'm waiting for him to talk. He lets out a sigh and bites his lip, his eyes studying my face. I wanna save this moment in my memories exactly how it is but I'm afraid that my drunken mind won't remember it clearly. I like that he's looking at me. And I like that we're not talking. I feel comfortable and peaceful. I could stay like this for hours. My mind blurry, unable to think or worry about anything. No anxiety, no emotions making me physically sick, just silence. My body relaxed, not pressured to dance a certain way or look a certain way. My mouth close, not trying to keep up with conversations or entertain anyone. Simply staying still and being looked at by him without saying a single word.

"I like this moment," I whisper, my thoughts out loud. The light has turned green but he doesn't seem to care, we're alone on the road anyway.

He hesitantly raises his hand, the action so familiar in the most intense and unsettling way that  I close my eyes, mechanically.

"Open your eyes." He demands gently.

My eyes open, to meet his again but now with a different kind of light in them. Hard but soft, full of suppressed emotion. He brings his hand to the side of my head, tugging my hair behind my ear.

"You never have to close your eyes around me." He rubs his thumb over my cheek, my skin tingling underneath it. "I don't ever wanna see you flinch or cover your face when you're with me 'cause every time you do you push me closer to pulling up to that motherfucker's house and making sure he won't have fingers to lay on another female ever again." He says, his eyes darkening with each word and I can feel my heart warm. Warm by his words, warm by the way he's looking at me and touching me.

I nibble at my bottom lip, trying to cover up my smile unsuccessfully.  "Are you bipolar?"  At that, his face breaks into a smile, his perfect teeth on display.  "No really, I'm curious, 'cause man you're confusing me."

He shakes his head, his bright smile slowly fading until it turns into a sad one. "What am I gonna do with you?" He whispers and I feel like he's talking more to himself rather than me.

"You're gonna drive me home, " I answer either way. "And we're gonna forget that this happened. You're gonna go back to you either being a dick to me just to get my attention or ignoring my whole existence until we get drunk and can be real with each other again." I say, trying to keep my eyes from closing.

The wave of comfort that suddenly came with the softness of his words and overall presence hits me hard. I feel his tender touch slide from the side of my face and I swear he said something but my brain had shut off and sleep took over me before I had the chance to hear what.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Tomorrow is the first official day of our winter break and normally, since it's Sunday night we would celebrate all together but somehow it's 9 p.m and I'm alone in my apartment, getting ready to binge-watch the Harry Potter movies for the 100th time. Hyunjin has made plans with Jisoo, Felix is hanging out with Changbin at the frat, probably watching some stupid basketball game and Emma has a date with Seungmin. And when I say date, I mean a fancy-ass dinner date, that I hope will make their relationship official. Chan's with Jisung at the studio but I'm not really in the mood to join them, so I decided to stay inside, which I've been craving actually. It's been a while since I've had a night to myself but 2 hours in and I've already regretted it. Being alone comes with having none but your own thoughts to keep you company and that is one thing I desperately wanna avoid. The thoughts about me, the thoughts about him. Thinking in general. Ever since we started hanging out with Chan's friends I've been constantly stepping out of my comfort zone. I went from staying inside every single day to going out every single weekend. I don't regret it though, I'm grateful for meeting them. I've really grown to like hanging out with them and I can see that Hyunjin, Emma, and Felix feel the same way, it's just that everything has been happening so fast, that I need to take a step back and collect myself a bit. I feel my head being all over the place, especially with everything that's happening with Minho. It's been definitely a while since I gave any man a single time of my day, let alone allow him to conquer my every thought the way that he does. I've been forcing myself not to think that much into anything about him but each time he will do something or say something that will just completely throw away all my logical thoughts and self-control. I have no idea how he sees me or what are his thoughts about us; if there's even an 'us' to begin with. I try to push the thoughts about him to the back of my head as I wrap my arms around my body tighter. I push the door of the convenience store, hearing the 'ring' sound echo throughout the store.

"Hey, Y/n." Nick greets me with a smile for his position behind the counter.

"Hi." I return the smile and walk further into the store, finding my way down the all-too-familiar hallway. I stand in front of the limited wine collection, searching for my favorite bottle of red wine but instead, I throw my head back and a small groan escapes me as I realize they're out.

"Great..." I mumble to myself.

"Y/n?"

My head snaps to the left, seeing Jeongin standing towards the end of the hall. A few beers, a bag of chips, and my favorite bottle of wine in his hands. With his face half-hidden inside his hood, he walks towards me.

I narrow my eyes a bit, focusing on the bottle in his hands. "You stole my favorite wine."

My words make him pause slightly and he looks down at his hands and then at the shelf.

"Sorry, but it's my favorite too." He half-smiles.

I take a deep breath. "Look it's been a long day and I really need to chill, watch a movie, and drink my comfort wine." My incredibly horrible mood begins to make an appearance, yet his smile doesn't falter.

"Well, someone's grumpy." He jokes.

"Yes, someone is."

"Well, it's been a long day for me as well. " He walks towards me. " And I wanna drink my wine and watch the game."

I groan in his face and he lets out a laugh. "Come on, Jeongin please."

My eyes must have really looked desperate cause his smile grew a little in the few minutes of silence.  "Fine let's make a deal then." He offers.

I cross my hands. "I'm listening."

"We'll share." He smirks.

"I'm not watching basketball." I shake my head.

He rolls his eyes, taking a few seconds to think. "You like movies?"

On any other occasion, I would completely avoid any offer by a guy to watch movies and drink in my apartment but tonight I don't let myself think too much. The truth is that I need company to distract me from my thoughts that are eating me alive and also a few glasses of my favorite wine. If these two options come in a package deal with Jeongin, then so be it.

I let my lips form a smile. "Obviously. "

"Your place or mine?" He smiles back.

There's no way I'm going over to that house, with all the guys there. It's not gonna end well and I really need to relax tonight. I don't want the tension that comes with seeing Minho right now.

"Mine."

"Cool." He walks past me.

.

.

.

.

.

"It's not fair, I should have paid half," I whine for probably the 10th time, taking a seat next to him on the couch. It does feel a little bit weird to have a guy, besides my Hyunjin, Felix, and Chan, sitting comfortably in my living room, but nothing about Jeongin is or feels uncomfortable. In fact, our whole way back from the store was filled with easy-flowing conversation and the second he entered my apartment he acted as if he's been here many times before.

"It's whatever. " He brushes me off. "Just buy me coffee next time and we're even." He makes himself comfortable on my couch, spreading his arm at the back and letting his tall body lean backwards, fully relaxed.

I set the bowl of popcorn and the bottle of wine along with two glasses on the coffee table in front of us before taking a seat next to him. I keep a little amount of space between our bodies, my small couch not really helping, and grab a blanket, throwing it over my bottom half, trying to get comfortable as well.

"So what are we watching?" He pulls the blanket over to cover his legs as well. I can't help but giggle at how he tries to fit his tall body under the blanket, pulling it all to his side, leaving me completely bare.

"This is not gonna work." I shake my head.

His lips are in a loose smile, his eyes big, almost puppy-like looking back at me. He opens the side of the blanket, a silent offer for me to scoop a bit closer to him.

And so I do, without much thought. "You like Harry Potter?"

"Who doesn't?" He mumbles with his mouth already filled with popcorn.

I press play and grab my glass of wine.

. . . .

It was unexcepted honestly, how addictive his company was becoming each minute passing, or how fun. Even though I've never hung out with Jeongin one on one, it surprised me how comfortable and at ease I felt. His whole presence was like a light breeze, so easy going and smooth. Throughout the movie, he made jokes or comments, opening conversations effortlessly about the scenes or the movie in general, and the conversation continued to flow even after the movie ended. It felt easy getting to know him, from his upbringing to his first year of college, he talked to me like an open book. His dreams of becoming a singer and his passion for any form of art were no surprise to me but I didn't expect just how driven he is by his love for music. He talked about the rest of the guys and everything they're currently working on with stars in his eyes. I was a bit hesitant to offer him the same honesty he did to me but the hesitation didn't last very long and I found myself talking more than I've had in a long, long time. I purposely avoided sensitive topics and focused on my own journey with dance, what I really wanna do,my hopes and dreams along with a few small details about myself that I never really thought anyone would like to listen about yet he kept his eyes on me the whole time, listening patiently.

"Was it painful?"

He shakes his head with a small, sad smile. "Awfully painful, but worth it. She was my first love."

"My first love," I start already feeling heavy but the mention of him. "was awfully painful as well, but if I could go back, I would tell myself to run as far away from him as possible."

"Cheated?" He tries to guess.

"The cheating was the least painful part." The truth behind my words, so loud, that it made my chest tighten.

He nods lightly, his eyes moving all over my face, noticing the sudden sadness. "Love can be painful, but partly that's the beauty of it."

I look at him, my head tilting, intrigued. "What do you mean?"

"What's the point to be loved if not getting hurt as well?" He continues, with the same softness in his gaze. "Pain is a reminder that the love was real."

It's hard to not let the wave of emotions that came with his words take over me completely and It's hard not to break down in tears in front of him.

"But what if the pain never stops?" I whisper, my breath trembling.

His face softens even more. "It will. It will take time but it will go away, and you will heal. Maybe by yourself or maybe with the help of someone else."

I blink, feeling a tear rolling down my cheekbone but before I have time to catch it, his thumb comes up and gently slides across my face. My eyes shoot to his, facing nothing but pure understanding in his gaze.

"I think it's time to call it a night." He softy says, dropping his hand from my face. His body stays close to mine and I stay almost frozen. "I don't want you to get all emotional on me."

I smile at his attempt to joke the intensity of the conversation away, as he lifts himself off my couch.

"Thank you for the company." I lean against the doorway, as he adjusts his jacket.

"Anytime." He winks. "Come by the studio tomorrow, with that coffee you owe me."

A playful scoff escapes me, his flirty personality already growing on me.

"Maybe, I will."

My answer seems to satisfy him enough cause his face breaks into one last smile. "Goodnight, Y/n."

.

.

.

.

.

I love cold weather. I love the rain, the snow, the wind. I love feeling cold and wearing layers and layers of clothes. Today is one of those days and I couldn't be happier about it. I'm wearing a pair of baggy black jeans and a black turtle neck with my leather jacket and a huge scarf on top as I make my way to the studio. I had completely forgotten that I made plans with Chan to meet at the studio at 11 am. It's now 1:14 pm and prepare myself mentally as I open the studio door.

"I'm so sorry" I apologize the minute I lock eyes with Chan, his face dead serious.

"I'm changing my best friend to Felix, that's it." He turns his back on me. He's sitting in his chair as usual, while Jeongin, jisung, and Changbin are sitting on the couches. I offer them a nod with a smile and find myself scanning the room for any sight of him but I find none.

"First of all. Felix is your best friend and second I slept late I'm sorry." I spin his chair around. He crosses his hands, keeping his face straight. "I'm here aren't I?" I pout.

He lets out a breath. "Fine, you're forgiven." He says and I grin at him, satisfied.

"I swear sometimes you guys act like a married couple." Jisung appears at my side passing Chan some papers.

I elbow him playfully at which he laughs. "What are you guys working on?" I ask, making eye contact with Jeongin, across the room. He offers me a small smile, and I can't help but smile back. I didn't want to admit it but when he left yesterday, my small apartment felt a tiny bit bigger and a little more empty. It's been a while since I enjoyed someone's company that much.

"We've finally finished the song." Changbin stretches his hands. "So 4 more to go."

"Oh my god, can I hear it?" I say getting excited.

"Sure. Hold on a sec" Chan nods. I turn around walking towards the couch to sit with the guys when the door opens.

"Hannie, I couldn't find apple juice anywhere, so I grabbed orange juice instead." Minho enters the studio, holding a bottle of orange juice. He stops in his tracks, as we stand almost face to face, my expression probably mirroring his. He seems a bit lost, definitely not prepared to see me but he recovers quickly, eyes blinking the shock away and face shifting into his usual bored-looking expression.

"Why are you here again?" He sighs.

I blink back at him, forcing myself to look away, and forcing the memories of the last time we saw each other that immediately rush into my mind with only a glance at his face, away. His tone was expected honestly, but I was kinda hoping that something would have changed between us. Nothing much, nothing major, but just a little something.

"Who's Hannie?" I clear my throat, looking at the guys.

"Oh, I'm Hannie." Jisung grabs the bottle from Minho. "My last name's Han."

"Oh." I nod a few times, focusing my eyes on him as I feel Minho staring at me, not moving. "That's cute. Can I call you Hannie too?"

"No, you can't,"  Minho mumbles and walks past me, taking a seat on the couch. Clearly, nothing has changed.

"Where's my coffee sunshine?" Jeongin grins at me, changing the subject, completely and I can't help but I get a feeling that he somehow sensed my discomfort.

"Shit." I slap my forehead. "I completely forgot, I'll go grab one right now."

"What coffee?" Changbin looks between us, confused. From the way everyone's looking at us I'm guessing that Jeongin didn't tell them that we hang out yesterday. I make eye contact with Minho, waiting for Jeongin to speak up. For some reason, I can't bring myself to say anything.

"Oh, Y/n and I hang out last night."

Minho's face immediately twitches.

"I met her when I went out to grab a few beers, and since we both had nothing to do we went back to her place and watch a movie."

The words make him inhale a deep breath through his nose. His tongue makes a circle on the inside of his cheek and the over his teeth, while he slowly leans forward, resting his hands on his knees. I can't help the small smirk that sneaks into my lips and the satisfaction that I feel seeing him trying to contain his annoyance. His eyes are completely still, focusing on me, not even blinking. And then, in a split second something shifts, as if a flame of anger passes through them, and then it's gone, leaving only a small smile on his dark pink lips. A dark smile that sends chills down my spine and makes my pulse raise in a fucking second. It's almost like something crossed his mind cause he drops my gaze and leans back taking his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger.

I clear my throat. "Yeah and h-he paid so, I offered to buy him coffee today." My face feels hot and Minho's eyes snap back to mine when he hears me shutter. I thought that I had the upper hand but right now I feel completely and utterly controlled by him. His eyes shine in the most challenging way.

Come on, Y/n focus.

"Chan, do you want a coffee?" I turn to him.

"Yes, please." He throws his head back.

"Great, I'll be right back." I move towards the door, but his voice stops me dead in my tracks.

"I'm coming, I want on too."

"I'll grab it for you, you don't have to come." I mumble, but he's already off the couch and walking towards me.  

"I'll help you carry them." He says and it's not until his back is fully facing the rest of the guys that he lets his expressionless face fall into a smirk.

Fuck me.

"Minho grab one for me too." Jisung smiles and Minho lifts his eyebrows at me, the smirk not leaving his face. I sigh and walk out the door, not waiting for him. I can already feel the sweat building on my palms, my stomach turning and my heart rate rising but I continue to walk down the hall. I hear the studio door close and Minho's footsteps approaching me. Fast, maybe too fast. And then the air is knocked out of my chest as he grips my jacket and pulls me backwards so hard that my back colliding with his front was almost audible.

His sharp laugh vibrates on my back. "A movie huh?" He says, his voice sounding almost careful. As if he's trying to control himself. And that gives me a little boost. I take a breath collecting myself and masking my face. I turn to look at him, not moving my body.

"And wine" I add, shaking his grip off, and continue to walk, acting unbothered when in reality my whole back is on fire. Burning, from his touch and his breath against my neck

It takes him a second but he catches up and appears right beside me. "You're really testing my patience," He says so low, that it sounds like a growl.

"How so?" I keep my voice, loud and steady. "Why do you care?"

"I don't." He sharply laughs, shaking his head.

I break into a chuckle. "Oh my god, you're so entertaining." His head snaps my way so hard, that I'm surprised it didn't break as we keep walking, exiting the building. It's pretty clear that there's something between us, but of course, we're gonna go into fucking circles.

"Watching you use Jeongin, to get my attention is what's entertaining. You're trying too hard."

"I'm not using anyone." I scoff. "I like Jeongin, that's why I hang out with him."

"Hang out all you want with him." His face turns dark. "Just make sure that I don't find out  if he laid a finger on you in a non-friendly way 'cause then I won't be that much entertaining angel." My heart does a little jump at the use of the nickname. It's the second time he calls me that and it tickles my ears in the most attractive way.  The boys always use nicknames for me and Emma. Babe, baby, princess. I've heard them all, but none of them really stick out to me.  

Angel. None's ever called me that before.

I stop in my tracks, his tone and words forcing anger out of me. He flashes me a devilish, satisfying grin.  "Dude you're-" His eyes flicker to something behind me, his whole expression shifts, and suddenly my words disappear down my throat as the wind gets knocked out of my chest. In a swift motion, his hand wraps around my waist, making me crash into his body. I see black, my face buried in his chest and all I hear is a car honking as it drives away alongside my own heartbeat. I look up, so hesitantly, still holding my breath.

"Fucking asshole." He curses, following the car with his eyes, and then looks down at me. Concern. It's concern written all over his slightly wide eyes.

"Are you okay?" He brings his hand to the side of my head, searching my face, eyes moving everywhere, all over my face and body. I let out the breath I was holding and finally inhaled again, the air in my lungs hitting me like a train, almost burning me from the inside. 'I'm fine' I want to say but the words won't leave my mouth. I keep staring at him, my body freezing in his hands completely. I go numb and all I can hear is the sound of my own heartbeat.

His grip on my waist tightens. "Y/n."

I try to take another breath but it's hard. My stomach tightens and I can feel the unsettling feeling of panic making its way through my body. My ears start ringing and I tear my eyes away from his face, looking around, trying to focus on something. Anything.

"Hey," He cups my face with both of his hands, forcing my eyes back on him. "Focus on me yeah? Look in my eyes." His whispers in a soft voice. I exhale and try to take breaths from my nose. But the lump in my throat grows and my eyes begin to water. No, I won't cry again. I'm sick of this, this feeling of pure panic and inability to control my own mind. But the memories come rushing back, and suddenly I'm 13 again, covered in blood, screaming my lungs out. And it hurts. It hurts my brain and my heart so much that I suck a breath and bury my face in his chest. I feel him freezing, going still but it takes him only a few seconds for his arms to wrap around me.

I let out a silent sob, almost inaudible but his arms tighten even more. His hand brushed my hair softly before sliding down to my back, comforting me silently. As though he understood. As though he cared.

It felt like minutes passed but we stayed like this, glued to each other as his vanilla scent consumed me the more I buried my face into his chest, and slowly I felt like I could breathe again. But I didn't pull away. And he didn't as well. His arms felt good around me. So good, that it made my heart beat faster for a completely different reason.

I slowly lift my head, his big eyes, softer than ever looked down at me.

"I'm sorry." I pull my arms away slowly, unwrapping myself from him as the realization of what happened hit me almost as hard as that car was about to. "I'm so sorry." I flinch further away.

"Stop apologizing. " He shakes his head and takes a large step forward, closing the gap between us. He tilts my face to him, his eyes searching mine.

I wanna freeze time and keep this moment. This moment, that he's not being a dick, that he's not ignoring me, that his face is not hard and his eyes are soft, and I slowly realize that I want more moments like this with him, I wanna keep the feeling of his hands on me and the weird sense of safety that comes with it.

"Yeah." I snap back to reality. "I'm-" I clear my voice. "I was in a car accident a few years ago." The words come out before I can stop them "I'm sorry. It just happened so fast." I add, laughing awkwardly.

"Oh," Something flashes in his eyes and his hands slowly drop from my body. "I understand." He nods his head to himself a couple of times, not saying anything else. He lifts his eyes to mine, no words come out of his mouth but I feel like his gaze is silently questioning me if I wanna talk about it. I chew on my bottom lip, shaking my head lightly and trying to look anywhere else. I'm grateful that he doesn't press the matter further, not that I was expecting him to start any sort of conversation for anything.

"Come on let's go." I turn around and begin to walk. His hand comes around my waist once again, pushing me to the inner side of the sidewalk.

"Sidewalk rule." He smiles.

.

.

.

.

"Look who's back for his second coffee of the day already." A girl with long. blond hair and big round glasses say as we reach the counter of the coffee shop.

"Hey, Maddie." Minho smiles at her and she smiles back. I stand beside him awkwardly staring at the menu, in front of me, even though I know exactly what I'm getting. "I love your hair today." He complements her and I almost snorted out loud. I wanna laugh at the way he speaks to her, I've never heard him use this tone or words to anyone.

"What can I get you? " She tugs a piece of hair behind her ear and looks at him through her glasses. I try not to roll my eyes at her classic move. Her focus stays completely on him, not even acknowledging me, standing right next to him.

"Can I have 3 iced Americanos, an iced latte, and..." He turns to me, leaning closer, and puts his hand on the counter, on the other side of my hips, kind of trapping me between his hands.

"What do you want angel?" He says close to my ear, making the blood rush into my cheeks. The girl's face visibly drops and I feel a spark of satisfaction.

"Um," I try to find my voice. "I'll have an iced latte as well." I smile at the girl, nevertheless.

She looks between us and nods with a smile. "Coming right up." When she leaves to make our order, I push Minho away, glaring at him and he laughs under his breath.

"Jealousy doesn't look good on you."

I roll my eyes. "I'm not jealous stupid. I'm uncomfortable." I pull my credit card out of my pocket.

"I'm paying." He says.

"No way. I offered to get coffee."

"I don't care." He steps in front of me, placing both of his hands on the counter.

"Fine. Then I'll pay for Jeongin's and my coffee and you can pay for the rest." I offer, trying to squeeze my way back to the counter.

"There you go" The blonde girl comes back with our coffees.

"Thank you, Maddie." Minho nods with a smile. He grabs the 3 Americanos. "Y/n, can you grab the resto for me?"

"Yeah, sure." I grab the other two but before I have time to do anything he places his phone in front of the little machine and I hear the familiar 'blink' from apple pay. "See you, tomorrow." He smiles at her.

"You're not buying him a damn coffee." He says inches away from my face and then walks out of the coffee shop.

We made our way back to the studio in almost complete silence but I was too lost in my thoughts to realize. He seemed in his head as well, cause whenever I would steal glances at him as walked, he didn't look at me once. I would kill to know what he was thinking. Or what he thinks about me in general.

.

.

.

" You have a beautiful voice." I turn to Jisung, with a genuine smile. Chan played me their song and I must say that I'm completely shocked. It's amazing how all of their voices blend in perfectly together.

His cheeks turn pink. "I sound okay."

"Oh my god," Minho rolls his eyes. "Take a compliment for once."

Jisung buries his face in his hands, blushing even more. I let out a giggle and try to take his hands off of his face. I hear Minho release a breathy laugh, drawing my attention. He's staring at Jisung with a small smile on his lips, his face is relaxed and his eyes hold a softness that I don't usually see in them. Their friendship is really interesting to me. Somehow I'm interested in anything that involves him. I have this urge to just unravel him and learn every little detail about him. Maybe cause he's been a mystery to me all this time or maybe because I'm simply drawn to him in a way that I can explain and absolutely hate.

"Seungmin, Jeongin, and Minho are the vocalists. I just help sometimes." He mumbles with a shy smile.

"I offered to change spots." Minho says.

"First of all, you can't rap to save your life."

"Bullshit" Minho scoffs.

"And second," Jisung continues "Your voice is too good to waste."

"Aww," I place a hand over my heart. "You're too sweet, I can't"

"What can I say?" He shrugs. " I am a pretty sweet guy."

I take a deep breath, getting myself ready. "So you're a vocalist? I haven't heard you sing yet." I turn to Minho. This is the first time I address him in a conversation, without trying to pick a fight, so this can go both ways.

His posture remains relaxed and his small smile from before grows into a smirk. "I haven't seen you dance yet."

Some tension rolls off of me. "That will not happen."

"Then you won't hear me sing."

I narrow my eyes on him. "You know I can just ask Chan to play me the song you recorded last time right? Your demo specifically."

His smirk grows more. "And you know that I know where you practice?" He shoots back. "Right?"

"Shut up." I shake my head.

He lets his lips turn into a smile. His teeth are exposed to me for the first time. His smile lights up his whole face and I let my eyes admire him a bit.

"Y/n?" Chans calls.

"Yeah?"

He keeps his eyes on Minho for a few seconds before speaking. "I think we need to talk to Hyunjin," he says in an unsure tone.

"What?" I straighten up. "What do you mean?"

"Check his insta story and the group chat." he says staring at his phone. I pull out my own phone and open Instagram to check his story.

"He's listening to that song..." Chan sighs, making eye contact with me.

"What song?" Jisung leans closer to me, trying to take a look.

"And he's spamming the group chat..." I mutter.

"And what about it?" Minho leans in as well, trying to hide his interest.

"It's his break-up song.." Chan sighs. "I'm going."

"No," I get up. "I think it's better if I go."

I grab my bag and my jacket. "Okay, but text me." Chan says.

"I will."

.

.

.

.

.

.

He buries his face further into my arms as he sobs uncontrollably. For as long as I know him, I have never seen Hyunjin cry like that, he's a mess. When I walked into his room, I found him curled into a ball, under layers of blankets, staring at the ceiling with bloodshot eyes.

I smooth his messy blonde hair, trying to calm him down. "I'm going to kill her." I say through my teeth.

He sniffs. "How can she be so fucking fake?"

"I don't know." I honestly answer, shaking my head. They'd been with each other for almost a year now, she looked head over heels for him. Hyunjin went over to her dorm to surprise her and he caught her fucking some other dude.

"Wait, who was the guy?" The question that I had totally forgotten to ask, suddenly pops up in my mind.

He lifts his head to look at me through his wet lashes. "One of Jackson's friends."

I tense up. "What?" My voice comes out louder than I intended.

He nods his head. "Yeah, I swear once I stop crying, I'll beat the shit out of him." He says through sniffs.

"I'll do it for you, don't worry." I clench my jaw. " God, I fucking hate him and his whole group." Even when Jackson and I were dating, I never really got along with his friends. They were all just a bunch of stupid fuckboys with absolutely zero respect towards anyone.

"Actually, I have to tell you something." He hesitantly says.

"I don't like the sound of that."

"Well," He thinks for a second and I feel myself already getting annoyed. "Remember when I told you that I'll ask around for the club we were talking about? For New years? The one that has live performances?"

"Yeah.." After a lot of fighting and back and forth, we decided that on New Year's Eve, we'll stay at the frat until midnight and then go to this super popular club that everyone is talking about around campus. It's going to have live performances by unknown artists. Many people say that Drake and Jack Harlow are 2 of them. The problem is that we don't know how we're getting in.

"Um," He pauses.

"Oh my god, Hyunjin just say it."

"Jackson's uncle owns the club." He finally says.

I groan, blurring my face into my hands. "That's just fucking great."

"So we can't beat them up just yet. " He jokes.

Jackson is incredibly famous around campus and his career is pretty much set already thanks to his father's connections to the music industry. To be honest, he is talented but everything has been handed to him, he never really tried for anything.

"Fuck" I sigh.

"Yeah, fuck."

[hyvneskiss]

PLS HELP ME FIND THIS HYUNE FIC IM GONNA CRY

Okay so, i once found this hyunjin fic about a girl (y/n) who was done with the city life. She packed her stuff and moved to a small city. Chan helped her move in because his mom owned the place she rented. y/n went to the bookstore and she met hyunjin. y/n also had a dog, Kkami. Seungmin also worked at the bookstore, and Leekow owned a resteraunt. Hyunjin and y/n ended up dating. it has like 23k words. PLSPLSPLSPLSPLS HELP ME FIND IT I THOUGHT I LIKED IT STOP

GUYS I FOUND IT THANK YOUU