#leafyishere fan fic

[feltlove]

Cam Boy Cal (leafyishere fan fiction)

Hey guys! I wrote this all on my two hour flight home from Orlando! Hope it tickles your fancy 

also!!!! if you have any feedback or requests or want a part 2 please tell me, i’m always happy to hear constructive criticism or compliments <3 <3

 Warnings: NSFW

word count: 1171

 •••

“3:36 am, perfect time to start.”

Calvin is 19 years old, in his college dorm, it’s been 2 weeks in computer science and he already wants to quit, he never knew what he wanted to do. He was considering YouTube, after a while he just gave up because nothing was happening, he had an okay following, but after YouTube started fucking itself, he decided to just let go and start doing something practical like go to college. He luckily was able to use some of the money he gained from making videos to start him off in college, but he really needs a job, which is impossible for him because of his social anxiety, he can’t get himself to even apply for a fast food joint.

Calvin wasn’t anything near ugly, he had a very fast metabolism which helped him keep a slim pale figure. He logged onto the twink cam site with his username redlanes777. It took him a lot of courage to explore his sexuality until realizing he was probably as bisexual as a human can be, but this website he’s explored, it’s mostly old creepy gay men, but there’s always a few girls, probably just more gay men. The site also had a good opportunity for new users to get their start, Calvin got a free premium membership trial, he really hope he can make enough tips tonight to get himself not ramen for a while.

He takes a deep breath, and presses the “Go Live” button and creates his title. He knows that he could use his mixed ethnicity to its full potential so he decides on “shy white/asian twink” he knows he looks predominantly white, but he doesn’t plan on showing anything above his nose unless on incident. His dark room leaves him glowing only from his laptops full brightness. He is wearing a loose vans sweatshirt and some boxers. 5 users enter the room, it just hit him that people are probably jerking their dicks just to him sitting there, kinds creepy. He does a small wave and says “Hey I’m redlands777, if you have any requests type in the chat please”. A donation sound pops up.

$5 - anonymous - take your shirt off cutie, and rub your nips.

He is so nervous, but he has to do it. He grabs the bottom of his sweatshirt and pulls it over his head and hopes to God that nobody he knows will be here and recognize him. He takes his index finger and starts rubbing around his nipples, he’s not even horny so he has to find a way to make himself more into it. He grabs his phone and checks his tumblr dashboard. The idea to start doing cam work originally came from tumblr, he watched a few other cam girls and boys and he knew it turned him on a lot. He scrolls through a little, trying to look at pictures so maybe a boner will pop up and make it easier, while continuing the rubbing of his nipples. The chat is just people shooting average compliments about my body, do they even mean them or are they just trying to encourage me to do more. Right as a boner starts growing in my pants, another donation pops up.

$2 - brandoRS8 - I wana se you cock fukn twink.

The spelling mistakes throw him off, but he gets the just of it. Calvin has only sent a few nudes pictures and now he was about to be showing himself fully naked on live video, he just gets more and more nervous. He gets up onto his knees from his crossed leg position and grabs on the waistband of his boxers. He takes his right hand and puts it in his pants trying to hide the little bit of sanity he hadn’t shown to the now 23 viewers he has. He pulls down his waistband and people in the chat are demanding he hurries up. Almost now fully exposed, he throws his boxers onto the ground and sits with his legs bent and his ass on his heels. Still shy, he checks the chat and at this point it waiting for another donation so he doesn’t feel weird showing his penis on the Internet for $7. And he gets another donation.

$10 - Hekkup3 - you’re cute but slow as fuck, hurry up and show your cock so I can cum before my step mom comes home.

“I guess it’s now or never” he mumbles under his breath. He removes his hand from hiding his cock and starts to slowly stroke it towards the camera. First chat that comes up is something about his cock and being Asian, typical. A bit of the whole publicness of him jerking off turns him on. He types in the chat “who wants to see me cum the most.” And he gets another donation.

$1 - SBCtwink2 - I wanna see you cum the most daddy

“Really SBCtwink2? I think a few people want it more, but they’ll have to to prove it.” He’s just begging for money at this point. Continuing to stoke himself dry, he gets 3 more donations at the same time.

$3 - anonymous - I do most ;)

$5 - beltdaddy - I’m cuming right now

$25 - rambo82 - you’re doing great :)

“25 fucking bucks? Holy fuck I’m lucky, who needs a job?” He thinks to himself. The motivation of money makes him just more horny. “I can’t believe I’m a money whore, haha” he always makes jokes out of awkward situations. He starts to sit up again on his knees. He can already feel himself getting close to orgasm. “Fuck I’m close, who wants to see me cum?” Another money beg, hope he can get a few extra bucks before he ends.

$6 - anonymous - I wanna eat your cum

He starts to jerk himself harder, nearing his orgasm. He bites his lip and makes sure it shows in the camera, he knows he loves seeing that. He lets out a pretty loud awkward moan, hoping his dorm neighbors can’t hear him through the wall. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He quickly grabs a tissues to catch anything before it goes onto his bed sheets. He throws his head back and starts to cum and moan for the 55 viewers. Squeezing out the rest out of him, he waves goodbye but waits just in case of a last minute donation.

$3 - galedrop - good show, we cummed at the same time

“Perfect.” He clicks the stop button and wraps up his tissues and tosses them in the trash next to his desk. He walks over to the washroom and wipes the few beads of sweat from his forehand and goes to the the toilet to pee out anything that might had been left. Talking to himself, “Well, that was good, I can probably eat actual food this week. God I’m a fucking loser.” He washes his hands and goes back to his bed where he throws his laptop off and goes to sleep.

[fanfictionreviews-blog1]

Fan Fiction Review - Dan Howell x Reader ~ It Doesn’t Have A Title What  A Great Way To Start This Off ~

Before I start this off I’d like to issue a disclaimer:

If you wrote this fanfiction, or you know who did or whatever, I don’t hate you, and this isn’t made to bully people who write fanfiction, I’m just having some fun, you know? Don’t get butt hurt, essentially. Also, I’m no grammar-Stephan Hawking, so don’t be surprised if I make a few mistakes myself, I am human after all, but as I say - this is just for fun.

This fanfiction can be found here.

Right then, let’s get started. *Purposely avoids making a Keemstar joke.*

~Analysis:

I walk around he cold streets of London. I am wearing my leather jacket a llama shirt and skinny jeans. I walk down the streets listening to alphabet boy.

So we’re four words in and we can already see that this author evidently doesn’t proof-read their work. Also, just in case you didn’t pick it up, they’re walking down the streets, alright?

I mumble the song. “My alphabet boy..Alphabet boy..” I then walk into a anime store where I see a tall man looking at the death note things.

Aside from the speech, every sentence has started with ‘I’. How captivating. We can also see that the author doesn’t like to capitalize names, apart from one occasion, but that was almost definitely due to the two full-stops placed directly before the letter A. That’s another thing. An ellipsis has three full stops in it, like this:

...

No more, no less. Three. So when you use two, it just looks like you had a second long stroke when you were pressing the period key and only managed two full stops before passing out.

~~~~ This means I skipped a paragraph or two by the way. 

I saw him on a book. The Amazing book is not on fire. I looked at one page of the book. (And only one.) His name is Daniel. He likes the color black and also llamas are his animal of choice.

Back at it again with the lack of capitalization! Is that a stale meme yet? Anyway, on this occasion, we got the first word of the sentence AND the next word capitalized in ‘The Amazing book is not on fire’. This is, truly, random capitalization. Author, do you know what sentence variation is? Please use it, because, correct me if I'm wrong but, I haven’t seen one comma so far.

~~~~

“Yeah me and my best friend are sorta like the people who made ‘PROTIP’ and ‘don’t cry.. Craft’ I’m the comments on every YouTube video..” He laughed.

 So they’re ‘sorta like’ the people who made ‘PROTIP’ and ‘don’t cry... Craft.’ Some say that Pyrocynical is ‘sorta like’ leafyishere. See what I mean?

It seems to be a reoccurring theme in Dan Howell fanfictions to often refer to Phil as his ‘best friend’ and not just Phil and vice versa... Why? And I’m pretty sure Dan isn’t the comments on every YouTube video, as he probably would have killed himself by now.

“So that’s why ok pewdiepies beard video people commented PROTIP.. Thank god you told me! I was worried a tip was taking over the world!” (Woah you’re so funny.) I say in a sarcastic voice. “to be honest it sorta has” he puts down something he picked up.

Guys, today we don’t even get capital letters at the beginning of a sentence. 

Thanks for more evidence to support the fact that you don’t proof-read your work.

You know, the rule ‘new speaker, new line’ is a very useful one, as it allows the reader to distinguish which character is talking without having to read the passage seventeen times, but it is also a rule that many fanfiction writers don’t use. Shame. 

“Want to go get some coffee or something?” He asked. “If not I can give-” I cut him off. “Sure we can get some coffee. Do you want to buy anything first?” I asked him. He nodded and grabbed a L plush. I went with him when he got it and we walked out together.

I don’t know Dan aside from watching a few of his videos, but I’m pretty sure if he just met a fan, he wouldn’t ask them on a date straight away. Have you ever seen Evan Edinger’s video on dating a YouTuber with Ash Hardell? Watch it. 

Grammar lesson time! When addressing an object that begins with a vowel, (in this case, the name ‘L’.)  you would USUALLY use ‘an’ instead of ‘a’, if you don’t it just kind of sounds bad.

As we walked down the side walk we talked about movies, songs, bands.. At coffee we honestly most likely won’t have anything to talk about.

I had to include this because, guys, WE GOT OUR FIRST FUCKING COMMA. Hell yeah, it’s not like we’re halfway through the narrative or anything! They don’t even use the commas in a correct way to form a list, like you’re meant to have ‘and’ before the last item in the list.

Who refers to a coffee shop/cafe as just ‘coffee’? Actually, that whole sentence sounds like a seven-year-old wrote it - I think it’s descriptive enough to use one adverb. Look:

‘we honestly most likely won’t have anything to talk about.’

Or

‘we honestly won’t have anything to talk about.’

Which sounds better? I think the only time you would use more than one adverb in this particular context would be to add emphasis, but there is no evidence in this passage to suggest that that’s what the author was trying to do.

We walk into scooter (no Starbucks) and get our drinks. (Damn you’re so original and unique, yeah, Starbucks is for trashy white girls and basic bitches.) Once we sit down Dan puts his phone on the table. “Wanna like.. Swap numbers?” He asked in a shy tone. “Yeah! Sure.” I handed him my phone and he handed me his. I went to the contacts and added a new one. I put my number and the name as ‘weird anime girl’ (weeaboo) and handed it back in him.

What, you just put his phone in his mouth or something? At least I hope that’s what you meant by ‘in him’. God, I’ve got no one to blame but myself for that one.

The fact that you felt the need to clarify that you’re not going to Starbucks made me laugh and cringe at the same time. Thanks.

This would be the perfect moment for a crazy-stalker-fangirl to steal Dan’s phone and make a run for it, so I think the chances of this happening in real life is slim to none. Sorry guys.

~~~~

A bunch of basic white girls look at us like we are crazy. (Most likely cause we are) and we but out lip trying not to laugh.

I’m full on fucking cringing now.

Damn, those pesky basic white girls we so much better than them because we’re crazy!

I guess the basic white girls found your even-more-hipster coffee shop, better go to the strange man in the dark alleyway who sells ‘human poop’ coffee beans, I’m sure they won’t find you there.

What the hell does ‘but out lip’ mean? I honestly don’t know what they were trying to say either. I have no fucking idea.

~~~~ Dan invites Reader to go to Dan’s flat. Reader accepts the invite.

I looked at Dan again. (Why did we just switch tenses?) His eyes where (ugh) on phils computer. Looking at what Phil was scrolling though. I bit my lip. Not on purpose I just.. Did it.

I was thinking about what I could compliment about this fanfiction, and I thought that I should mention the author’s ability to stay in the same tense. But no, you blew it. Sorry.

This is where Reader gets really dreamy about Dan, by the way.

Dans perfect his hair.. (Makes perfect sense.) His eyes. His eyes are not even blue they are just so beautiful. His everything. Then his personality. It’s perfect. It’s a mix of so many wonderful things. He is just so..

Great.

Perfect.

I can relate to him too.

I feel in love at first site.

Oh, fuck, just that last line with the janky English and the wrong use of ‘site.’ That’s it, this can’t get any worse from now on. 

No, it can. It definitely can.

When I read this, all I can hear is James Veitch reading it to me, like he does with the scam emails and the broken English. If you have no idea what I am talking about, click here.

There’s a three years time skip into the future from now on by the way.

Mentally prepare yourself for this next part. 

I think. That’s how I met my boyfriend. “You know.. I feel in love with you at first sight.” I turned over to him. “I did too. And that’s why” he got down on a knee and took something out.

“Will you merry me?” He asked opening the box up to showed a wonderful ring. “Y-yes!” I managed to say and he stood up and kissed me. I kissed him back.

I can’t believe it.

WILL YOU MERRY ME? FUCK. The ‘a’ key isn’t really near the ‘e’ key on a keyboard so I have no idea how you fucked that one up. 

The sentence ‘I feel in love with you at first sight.’ makes you sound like English isn’t your mother tongue. And to be honest, it’s fucking hilarious.

That’s the end of it by the way.

~Conclusion:

That was painful.

I'll give credit when it’s due, at least this isn’t the Hat Fic. Who the fuck actually wrote that anyway?  

Right.

I suppose it wasn’t the worst, but it was also nowhere near the best. Author, you still need to make some improvements. I give this one shot three Casey Neistat Okay-Hand-Signals out of ten.

On a serious note, I think it’s definitely worth proof-reading, as when you make grammar mistakes it just makes your work look half-arsed.

Try not to use scenarios that wouldn’t happen in real life, otherwise, you might just become the early Review Movie World of fanfiction. (Can you tell I watch Pyro?) I suppose this includes writing about dating and sex if you’ve never dated or had sex before because that can definitely lead to some inaccurate scenes. Not all sex is like porn, horny fourteen-year-olds.

Thanks for reading guys, do feel free to leave me some constructive criticism. (That’s not gonna fucking happen, is it?) 

One like = One kid who identifies as an attack helicopter, sent straight to your door.

And yeah, I’ll see you in the next review!

-Pluto