#leadinglightfictive

[fictionkinfessions]

Guess who's back? Back again? Leading Light's back. Tell a friend. /Cj

Past actions from source are hitting me at the worst times. I'm scared. I'm scared something will happen. As if something just like source will happen again. I know it probably won't but it feels like it. I can't help but have this phantom feeling of the necklace I used to wear 24/7. I miss wearing that. But anyways, I can't help but see my ""science team"" in our irl friends. I miss MY science team. I don't care if they're all lovecored in my 'ending'. In one of my endings anyways.

Being a splitroject of Loverboy (Y2KVR and HLVRV) and Leading Light is sooooo fun when you deal with two sets of memories (/S); both so similar but so different.

To Bubby, Coomer, Tommy, G-Man, Darnold Forzen:

If you're out there, promise me you're okay. I'm sorry. Stay safe. Love you all. /P

I miss you guys.

[ #💗💌 as a personal tag if possible, please. /Nf ]

🧽

[fictionkinfessions]

Heyyy this specific Leading Light fictive is back and worse than ever!!! /Cj

I can't help but hold the jealousy, and guilt for feeling jealous and all of that, close to me. I can't get rid of it. Yes, it's all source directed but it's still shit. I can't look at myself or sleep some nights without thinking "how could they love me, with everthing I've done?" I RUINED Gordon B's life and there's no denying it. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to Gordon B for ruining his life and taking everthing for him; I'm sorry you felt like you needed to take that letter; I'm sorry I came into existence and took everthing.

I'm sorry to Spork for making you worry about your friend. But I'm not him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being everthing he isn't. I'm sorry for everything. I wish I could've been a friend to you as me and not Gordon B. I do remember a time when you called me "Loverboy" (Source memory wise) but I could hear the pain in your voice. I'm sorry, Spork.

I'm sorry to everyone.

I left you all in some shitty, lovecored state.

At least you were happy though.. Right?

- Leading Light / Loverboy ( HLVRV , Y2KVR ) fictive

❄️

[fictionkinfessions]

" I need someone to remember me. I need something bigger than the sky. Hold it in my arms and know it's mine "

Never had a Mitski song be so relatable.

Leading Light fictive : #💌💗🎤

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[fictionkinfessions]

God, after The Resort stuff, I remember going home and opening the y2k programme once again... somehow. I ended up just breaking down right there and then; I finally realsied how truly alone I had been; I had everthing yet I had nothing. B really had everthing I didn't: a happy life, a happy home and people he could call family - literally and in a friend way. The vague memory of breaking down after seeing everyone's lovecored states after The Resort will forever haunt me. At least I could still be happy, right? I mean, I'm happy now.

Leading Light fictive

[ #💌💗🎤]

[fictionkinfessions]

Sometimes I think I'm nothing more than just a lovecored freak.

I am in refusal to take off some dumb necklace I wear in headspace because what if that's basically the cause of how I am? I don't wanna lose how I am one bit. I'm feeling ashamed for being so lovey when I fully think about what I am - not who I am but what I am.

I am the 'lovesick frog' that turned into the scorpion; I turned the scorpion into the frog; I did his job and he dragged along behind me. I feel so dumb for feeling ashamed for what I probably couldn't control? I think I'm just in a bad mood at the moment but still...

...Feeling blue is the wost, especially because in the system, I have that vague blue tint like I did in source when I was sad.

I don't know if I need to apologise for what I did? But I know I'm sorry to Gordon B for basically terrorising him at The Resort. But hey, what can I say, I'm an 'evil counterpart', the resultof a 'bad ending' - whatever you wanna call it.

I've had my highs. I've had my lows. I know I'm more than just the result of someone opening a corrupted letter but part of me hates me for who I am. I don't understand it.

Again, I'm sorry, B, for making you scared of me.. and for everything.

-Leading Light (Fictive)

[ #💌💗🎤]

[fictionkinfessions]

I went from the frog in danger to the scorpion ready to trick and attack.

Love how the roles switched when I did what I had done. /Sarc

- Leading Light fictive ;; #💗💌

[fictionkinfessions]

I'm jealous of him. There, I said it. I'm jealous of Gordon B. He has everthing I want. He has people that loved him for who he was in source, it felt like I had nothing. "Oh but Leading Light, you're everyone's favorite and"- YEAH. ALL CAUSE I'M FUCKING BABIED WHEN IT COMES TO Y2KVR SHIT. I hate everthing loads. I just want go have things he has. I want a kid who I can call my own, like a whole family? Everyone else has someone they call call their little Joshua and all I get is the realisation that I basically fucked up Gordon B's life the second I was out of that computer. I don't want to be here. Why did Letterboy have to give Gordon B that letter? I hate my existence. I hate everthing about me. Then again, nobody that's close to us will know that I posted this. I don't want to be hated for some jealousy I can probably stop bitching about eventually. I mean. I will eventually. I just wish I could be happy and enjoy my life without the realisation I basically took everthing in my ""ending"" to y2kvr... He's canonically scared of me. I'm canonically jealous of him. It's a jealousy that'll never go away the more I realise he's happier than I'll ever be. Even if I'm a good example of what happens after being infected with that stupid virus

-- Leading Light (HLVRV and Y2KVR)

[fictionkinfessions]

hey everyone, you're favourite Leading Light fictive!! 😋😄😄😄 /j [for being a favorite]

I am engineering my fucking limit with the amount of absent father jokes I keep seeing about me!!! 😜😜😜 !!!! /cj

{ #💗 }