#ld curtain fuckaganda

[cantfuckbracket]

#omg #everyone vote curtain plz#this man would zone out while he was trying to seduce you #this man would work a minimum of five (5) unsubtle jabs to your character into every flirtation #this man would do a little dance like one of those birds looking for a mate and he wouldn't even look good OR have fun doing it #also i BET you that he would have hsi chef walk in and serve you a manipulation salad literally during the act if he felt like it#curtain most cringefail unfuckable bastard alive

Can't Fuck Bracket. Round 1, Side A

Ken (Barbie) versus LD Curtain (The Mysterious Benedict Society TV)

[ID: The unfuckable pride flag overlaid with the "no bitches" meme. Over it are pictures of the contestants. Ken is a blonde doll, and is shown screaming; and Curtain has hair slicked to the side and is shown pursing his lips and throwing his hands back. Over them are sparkles and a heart with a butt, and in between them are peach emojis crossed out with the word "vs" in them. End ID]

Propaganda:

Ken: "he's built like. well. a ken doll perhaps. also re:barbie trailer ken doesnt know what sex is so. he cant fuck its canon godspeed"

LD Curtain: "He's both a cringefail loser (See: 1. repeatedly beaten by a group of literal children, at one point even saying "they have proven to be my only worthy adversaries" (<- man talking about a group of eleven year olds), 2. screaming at a child, while visibly tearing up, "I AM NOT SAD! I AM *FINE!*", 3. genuinely thinking he can simply say no to having narcolepsy, 4. keeps little painted figurines of his brother and co and does magic tricks with them to intimidate an eleven year old, sincerely thinks this is an extremely cool thing to do), a bad dad (terrible both in the sense that he's emotionally abusive and in the sense that he thinks he's doing suuuuuuuch a good job and he very much isn't), and just like. evil?? but not in the sexy way. and also he's in denial about it which makes it even LESS sexy. Negative sexy if you will. "I'm not bad. who thinks that" sir you are standing in your mind control machine. "Sticky! Friend! Evil is a bit harsh!" sir you psychologically tortured him. anyway he does stupid little magic tricks and is a complete failure but somehow manages to convince everyone that he's charming and actually very cool. while obviously like, starting a cult or being just visibly a cringefail maniac two seconds from flying off the handle. anywya this got out of hand the point is: UNFUCKABLE."

[cantfuckbracket]

#vote LD Curtain#and listen. here’s my reasoning#YES jeffers would be bad in bed but at least he’d be earnestly giving it his best shot#the reason Curtain is the worst is because he’d be an inconsiderate partner#and he prioritizes efficiency#so the whole thing would take like five minutes and he wouldn’t care if you were done or not#at least Jeffers would ATTEMPT to make you feel good even if he wasn’t great at it#and Garrison just needs to get eaten out then maybe she’ll relax

Can't Fuck Bracket - Group Stage. Group 8: The Mysterious Benedict Society (TV) Characters

LD Curtain versus Jeffers versus Dr Garrison

[ID: The unfuckable pride flag overlaid with the "no bitches" meme. Over it are pictures of the contestants. They are all tanned white people. Curtain has hair slicked to the side and is shown pursing his lips and throwing his hands back; Jeffers has a moustache and is grimacing; and Dr Garrison looks like she's about to sneeze. Over them are sparkles and a heart with a butt, and in between them are peach emojis crossed out with the word "vs" in them. End ID]

Propaganda:

LD Curtain: "He's both a cringefail loser (See: 1. repeatedly beaten by a group of literal children, at one point even saying "they have proven to be my only worthy adversaries" (<- man talking about a group of eleven year olds), 2. screaming at a child, while visibly tearing up, "I AM NOT SAD! I AM *FINE!*", 3. genuinely thinking he can simply say no to having narcolepsy, 4. keeps little painted figurines of his brother and co and does magic tricks with them to intimidate an eleven year old, sincerely thinks this is an extremely cool thing to do), a bad dad (terrible both in the sense that he's emotionally abusive and in the sense that he thinks he's doing suuuuuuuch a good job and he very much isn't), and just like. evil?? but not in the sexy way. and also he's in denial about it which makes it even LESS sexy. Negative sexy if you will. "I'm not bad. who thinks that" sir you are standing in your mind control machine. "Sticky! Friend! Evil is a bit harsh!" sir you psychologically tortured him. anyway he does stupid little magic tricks and is a complete failure but somehow manages to convince everyone that he's charming and actually very cool. while obviously like, starting a cult or being just visibly a cringefail maniac two seconds from flying off the handle. anywya this got out of hand the point is: UNFUCKABLE."

Jeffers: "he's just. a sad little man. the biggest loser i've ever seen. [shrek voice] he can't even secure a perimeter! no but seriously the way he just like. fails at literally everything he does? he even annoys CURTAIN with his incompetence/general loseritude. if he tried to have sex i think somehow the bed would end up on fire and he'd have to leave literally with his head hanging. somehow his dick would just fall off and bounce on the floor like a sad little worm on a string. i'm so sorry for giving you that mental image and if you want to kill me for it i understand"

Dr Garrison: "Dr. Garrison is *the* representation for unfuckable insane women in STEM we’ve all been waiting for. She spends the entirety of the show conducting unethical experiments. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure if she’s ever heard of the concept of “relaxing” or “having fun.” She has the energy of “someone who should’ve had a girlboss villain arc and had a midlife crisis instead.” Actually, that is literally what happens. She was fired and framed by her boss and she *should’ve* had her hot girl divorcee revenge arc; instead, she’s hiding out in a root cellar paying off a gang of teenage lesbians to kidnap a 7 year old that she needs for further unethical experiments. The last time we see her on screen, she’s sobbing collapsed on a table as the 7-year old her lesbians kidnapped administers what I like to call “malicious therapy.” It is important to note that she is wearing what appears to be a potato sack throughout this entire encounter.

Basically, her cringe fail swag combined with her “never heard of the concept of fun” energy as well as her impending midlife crisis combine to create an incredible aura of unfuckability. (However, I am a fool. I could fix her <3)"

[cantfuckbracket]

#FOOD..... is like THEATER. and SEX. is like FOOD. which is like THEATER. and i am EVIL during the THEATER. #WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SALAD. #<- man who is actively attempting to do the sex. the in house chef wheels up with his little saladmaking station#you are in bed. the chef prepares the salad. #curtains just 👁️👁️

Can't Fuck Bracket. Round 1, Side A

Ken (Barbie) versus LD Curtain (The Mysterious Benedict Society TV)

[ID: The unfuckable pride flag overlaid with the "no bitches" meme. Over it are pictures of the contestants. Ken is a blonde doll, and is shown screaming; and Curtain has hair slicked to the side and is shown pursing his lips and throwing his hands back. Over them are sparkles and a heart with a butt, and in between them are peach emojis crossed out with the word "vs" in them. End ID]

Propaganda:

Ken: "he's built like. well. a ken doll perhaps. also re:barbie trailer ken doesnt know what sex is so. he cant fuck its canon godspeed"

LD Curtain: "He's both a cringefail loser (See: 1. repeatedly beaten by a group of literal children, at one point even saying "they have proven to be my only worthy adversaries" (<- man talking about a group of eleven year olds), 2. screaming at a child, while visibly tearing up, "I AM NOT SAD! I AM *FINE!*", 3. genuinely thinking he can simply say no to having narcolepsy, 4. keeps little painted figurines of his brother and co and does magic tricks with them to intimidate an eleven year old, sincerely thinks this is an extremely cool thing to do), a bad dad (terrible both in the sense that he's emotionally abusive and in the sense that he thinks he's doing suuuuuuuch a good job and he very much isn't), and just like. evil?? but not in the sexy way. and also he's in denial about it which makes it even LESS sexy. Negative sexy if you will. "I'm not bad. who thinks that" sir you are standing in your mind control machine. "Sticky! Friend! Evil is a bit harsh!" sir you psychologically tortured him. anyway he does stupid little magic tricks and is a complete failure but somehow manages to convince everyone that he's charming and actually very cool. while obviously like, starting a cult or being just visibly a cringefail maniac two seconds from flying off the handle. anywya this got out of hand the point is: UNFUCKABLE."

[cantfuckbracket]

#ok listen. I would argue that 'having unfuckable energy' is different than simply not fucking or not knowing what sex is #even though Ken re:barbie trailer doesn't know what sex is. he's an absolute sweetheart. my point is he COULD fuck #LD Curtain on the other hand. I genuinely would rather explode. fling myself into the sun #he just exudes loser energy while thinking he's The Coolest #on top of being inconsiderate of others and repeatedly gaslighting people #he explains his evil plans via shitty magic tricks that he clearly expects you to be impressed with (they are NOT swag) #he does a lil victory dance to Stand Back by Stevie Nicks and it genuinely looks like the mating dance of some exotic bird#he's evil but he acts all offended when people call him out on it #'Evil? MOI? [pearl clutching gasp] Whyever would you say that? (said to a kid he's kidnapped and is currently in a STRAIGHTJACKET) #if he tried to fuck he'd end up talking about his own accomplishments or his new evil startup for 3 hours #also important that he attempts to manipulate someone via a salad #will not explain how. anyways #sorry for rambling. you get the point #ld curtain

Can't Fuck Bracket. Round 1, Side A

Ken (Barbie) versus LD Curtain (The Mysterious Benedict Society TV)

[ID: The unfuckable pride flag overlaid with the "no bitches" meme. Over it are pictures of the contestants. Ken is a blonde doll, and is shown screaming; and Curtain has hair slicked to the side and is shown pursing his lips and throwing his hands back. Over them are sparkles and a heart with a butt, and in between them are peach emojis crossed out with the word "vs" in them. End ID]

Propaganda:

Ken: "he's built like. well. a ken doll perhaps. also re:barbie trailer ken doesnt know what sex is so. he cant fuck its canon godspeed"

LD Curtain: "He's both a cringefail loser (See: 1. repeatedly beaten by a group of literal children, at one point even saying "they have proven to be my only worthy adversaries" (<- man talking about a group of eleven year olds), 2. screaming at a child, while visibly tearing up, "I AM NOT SAD! I AM *FINE!*", 3. genuinely thinking he can simply say no to having narcolepsy, 4. keeps little painted figurines of his brother and co and does magic tricks with them to intimidate an eleven year old, sincerely thinks this is an extremely cool thing to do), a bad dad (terrible both in the sense that he's emotionally abusive and in the sense that he thinks he's doing suuuuuuuch a good job and he very much isn't), and just like. evil?? but not in the sexy way. and also he's in denial about it which makes it even LESS sexy. Negative sexy if you will. "I'm not bad. who thinks that" sir you are standing in your mind control machine. "Sticky! Friend! Evil is a bit harsh!" sir you psychologically tortured him. anyway he does stupid little magic tricks and is a complete failure but somehow manages to convince everyone that he's charming and actually very cool. while obviously like, starting a cult or being just visibly a cringefail maniac two seconds from flying off the handle. anywya this got out of hand the point is: UNFUCKABLE."

[cantfuckbracket]

#listen I hate to be clinical and serious about this#but also it is necessary#sorry for any mental images these tags may make you endure#anyway. dr garrison could have game. face it. you say the kind of weird ass shit she says but in a lesbian bar?? someone absolutely would#also the scientific approach and general cringe would do it for someone. there is a butch out there who wants to introduce her to brunch#and spa days and then help her reorganise her illegal chemicals. and you know in return that butch would be treated with love and respect#mutual connection there you help her build a bomb she makes you a car that truly is all terrain for your hiking needs babe#jeepers. Christ why would anyone. but if you were to do that. I think he could take instructions.#he shuts up so fast when Curtain gets mad at him. and he’s also said he wants to improve on his failings.#you truly could fix that. an investment piece for someone with low low standards#however Curtain??? God no. rude. self centred. bossy with no skill. 5 minutes then leaves. probably discusses evil plans during too#absolutely not

Can't Fuck Bracket - Group Stage. Group 8: The Mysterious Benedict Society (TV) Characters

LD Curtain versus Jeffers versus Dr Garrison

[ID: The unfuckable pride flag overlaid with the "no bitches" meme. Over it are pictures of the contestants. They are all tanned white people. Curtain has hair slicked to the side and is shown pursing his lips and throwing his hands back; Jeffers has a moustache and is grimacing; and Dr Garrison looks like she's about to sneeze. Over them are sparkles and a heart with a butt, and in between them are peach emojis crossed out with the word "vs" in them. End ID]

Propaganda:

LD Curtain: "He's both a cringefail loser (See: 1. repeatedly beaten by a group of literal children, at one point even saying "they have proven to be my only worthy adversaries" (<- man talking about a group of eleven year olds), 2. screaming at a child, while visibly tearing up, "I AM NOT SAD! I AM *FINE!*", 3. genuinely thinking he can simply say no to having narcolepsy, 4. keeps little painted figurines of his brother and co and does magic tricks with them to intimidate an eleven year old, sincerely thinks this is an extremely cool thing to do), a bad dad (terrible both in the sense that he's emotionally abusive and in the sense that he thinks he's doing suuuuuuuch a good job and he very much isn't), and just like. evil?? but not in the sexy way. and also he's in denial about it which makes it even LESS sexy. Negative sexy if you will. "I'm not bad. who thinks that" sir you are standing in your mind control machine. "Sticky! Friend! Evil is a bit harsh!" sir you psychologically tortured him. anyway he does stupid little magic tricks and is a complete failure but somehow manages to convince everyone that he's charming and actually very cool. while obviously like, starting a cult or being just visibly a cringefail maniac two seconds from flying off the handle. anywya this got out of hand the point is: UNFUCKABLE."

Jeffers: "he's just. a sad little man. the biggest loser i've ever seen. [shrek voice] he can't even secure a perimeter! no but seriously the way he just like. fails at literally everything he does? he even annoys CURTAIN with his incompetence/general loseritude. if he tried to have sex i think somehow the bed would end up on fire and he'd have to leave literally with his head hanging. somehow his dick would just fall off and bounce on the floor like a sad little worm on a string. i'm so sorry for giving you that mental image and if you want to kill me for it i understand"

Dr Garrison: "Dr. Garrison is *the* representation for unfuckable insane women in STEM we’ve all been waiting for. She spends the entirety of the show conducting unethical experiments. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure if she’s ever heard of the concept of “relaxing” or “having fun.” She has the energy of “someone who should’ve had a girlboss villain arc and had a midlife crisis instead.” Actually, that is literally what happens. She was fired and framed by her boss and she *should’ve* had her hot girl divorcee revenge arc; instead, she’s hiding out in a root cellar paying off a gang of teenage lesbians to kidnap a 7 year old that she needs for further unethical experiments. The last time we see her on screen, she’s sobbing collapsed on a table as the 7-year old her lesbians kidnapped administers what I like to call “malicious therapy.” It is important to note that she is wearing what appears to be a potato sack throughout this entire encounter.

Basically, her cringe fail swag combined with her “never heard of the concept of fun” energy as well as her impending midlife crisis combine to create an incredible aura of unfuckability. (However, I am a fool. I could fix her <3)"