#lawd jesus its a fire

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Oh hai, daddy.

HELP ME I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A TALL, DARK, GREEN-EYED MAN.

HELP A BITCH I AM WEAK.

HOE DOWN! HOE DOWN!

SEND HELP!

WAIT...

No, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm alright.

[a-desperate-simp]

He can't keep getting away with it 🥵🔥🔥 the tone in this had me #breedableandsubmissive and I won't stand for it!! 😡🥵

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Lee, I am without words. I do have GIFS, though.

This was freakin' DELICIOUS and I love you hard for writing it!!!

Disrupting Tommy's Work Day

A/N: A quick, smutty blurb inspired by this GIF by the very talented @alicent-targaryen. 🔞

"Mr. Shelby? Mr. Shelby?" the voice on the end of the line echoed. "Are you listening?"

Tommy cleared his throat as he stared down at his shoes. "I am, please continue."

"As I was saying..." the voice droned on unimpressively as you reached up from your place below Tommy's desk. He looked heavenly like this from your kneeling position, the chain of his pocket watch catching the light and reflecting back down to you in little winks. "Do it, do it," it beckoned like a siren song as he swayed on the balls of his feet. Unable to control yourself any longer, you began stroking over the soft fabric of his bespoke trousers, your mouth dropping open in appreciation of the way he was hardening under your touch. You watched the delicate material tent nicely, hoping he would soon find it unbearable to stay clothed. You bit your lip as you looked up at your lover, a hint of mischief in your eye as your nimble fingers reached for the fastening of his belt.

Tommy's icy blue eyes gave you a warning glare, his stern gaze full of fury. However, you had no intention of playing fairly today. He'd kept you waiting too long with promises to set the affairs of Parliament aside. You could have cared less if Churchill himself were on the line, you wanted Tommy and you would have him. Within moments you'd freed him from his confines and you were holding his cock like a prize, his thick length pulsing in your hand as you salivated at the sight of it.

Your tongue had barely swiped the first drops of precum from his angry red tip before you felt his strong hand lacing into your hair and pulling you back harshly. Your opposite hand flew to his, full lips in a pout as you batted your lashes at him. How dare he deprive you one more moment, you thought?

Then with a devilish smirk, Tommy gave in, nudging you backward and trapping you between his thigh and the desk. He plunged his full length down your throat in one harsh push, hips pressed forward and hand resting firmly on your shoulder as you whimpered. You struggled for breath at the base of his cock, nose pressed against the soft curls of his pubic hair, feeling the wetness gather between your thighs as you were rewarded with what you desired most. He held you there until your lungs burned, desperately tapping his thigh. A chuckle rose from his throat as he released you, commenting to the man on the other end, "I am in good spirits today. Thank you for asking."

As you heaved for breath, Tommy grabbed your chin harshly, wiping a string of saliva across your cheek and smearing your lipstick while you smirked back at him, understanding his game. He wanted this, wanted you to continue your perverted pleasure. He leaned down, tearing your dress from your shoulders to expose your breasts and you continued on licking and sucking at him greedily as he grasped the edge of the desk for support.

When his own breathing became labored he ended his call, slamming the receiver into its cradle as he grabbed for your elbow to pull you up. "What the fuck was that, ey?" he asked. Pinching your nipple so hard you gasped into his mouth, "I couldn't wait any longer."

"That was naughty," he scolded. "Do you know who I was talking to?"

"No and I don't fucking care," you spat at him in a bratty tone.

Tommy's eyes flashed with anger and desire melded into one dangerous impulse. "We'll see about that after I've punished you," he hissed into your ear as he turned you to face the desk. You shuddered as you felt him jerk your skirt up over your bare ass, listening to him pump his shaft behind you. When he was this worked up, only one thing could satiate him. You smirked as he pressed your cheek to the cool, wooden desk, pleased you were finally getting the attention you deserved.

[bjsrer]

well, i was walkin into @walmart to go get me a cold pop then i thought somebody was BBQin i said, "oh, lawd sweet lil baby jesus its a fire!" then ran iton da #Walmart, i didnt grab no cart or nothin sweet lil baby jesus i ran for my life!!! (at Walmart Pensacola - Pensacola Blvd) https://www.instagram.com/p/CpYSuJ3Psqc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[honeybaysims]

This is Daniel Rivera. As you can see, he gets himself into quite a bit of trouble sometimes haha. He’ll be a part of my Seasons gameplay coming soon! 

[derogatoryapparently]

That half a second has me DECEASED!!! OMMFG! 🥵🥴🥵🥴

okay but speaking of that wall scene in s12 (waves at tea anon) — that moment where misha has a split second break in character where the faint hint of a smirk can be seen tugging at his mouth and jensen’s natural, seemingly automatic response is to sway closer and slightly tilt his head... those kind of chemistry-filled subconscious reactions haunt me!! — 💖

amazing observation, i love it. their chemistry is deadly istg

[lihikainanea]

tiger's in a mood, like a MOOD mood and it doesn't matter what Bill says or does, she just doesn't care and doesn't want to listen. and Bill, sweet Bill is trying so hard because sometimes people just need to be moody, you know? but she's testing his patience, LAWD is she testing his patience. like she's physically pushing him away but if he goes to actually leave she gets big mad lol and Billy Boy, man ... he just doesn't know what to do with her

God do I feel this in my soul. I was so fussy this week and really just needed someone to put my stubborn ass in its place

Hear me out, right. When tiger is genuinely fussy, Bill always starts off with a soft approach. Comforting, trying to get her to settle a little. Because he gets it, she’s fussy and overwhelmed about something and instead of getting mad or frustrated about it, he needs to fix it for her. She’s vulnerable enough--man, I’ve run my mouth ad nauseam about this and I still always have more to say--she’s vulnerable enough to show this side of her to him, to be comfortable enough to do that, and he doesn’t ever want to betray that trust. Doesn’t ever want to give her a reason not to be this way with him, if she needs to be. So when she’s fussy, Bill realizes that she’s also showing a tremendous amount of trust with him, of vulnerability, and he meets it with all the care in the world.

And he really does have all the patience in the world when it comes to her. They’re probably out running errands, her week was packed and she has a lot of things she needs to get done on the weekend and he just goes with her. He makes sure she eats before they leave, but she woke up kind of fussy and has been pouting for most of the morning so he gently suggests that maybe they just have a quiet day in, and he can help her run all those errands tomorrow. But no Bill, because tomorrow she has 8 million other things she needs to take care of. He sighs but kisses her, tries to give her a hug but she wiggles away, and off they go.

They stop for coffee after completing one or two of the errands, but tiger likes filtered black coffee and this fancy ass place only has americanos, which are not the same fucking thing. Bill offers to drive to another cafe but goddamnit you giant tree we don’t have time, so tiger sits there with her bad coffee and pouts. Scowls. Is blatantly not paying attention to anything he’s trying to chat with her about. 

“What do you feel like for dinner tonight?” he asks kindly with a smile, but she huffs.

“Don’t care.”

“We can order in, there’s that new Lebanese place around the block from you,” he tries again, and reaches for her hand--but she takes it off the table to fiddle in her lap instead.

“Fine,” she snaps.

“You doing okay?” he says, “I know you have a lot going on these days.”

“Fine,” she snaps again. Bill is still patient.

“Tiger, I know you’re stressed. But we’re going to get it all done kid, I promise.”

But she rolls her eyes. Bill has the patience of a saint, but he draws the line at her rolling her eyes.

 Sneaking a quick glance around, he leans and grabs hold of one of the legs on her chair and yanks it towards him. When she falls on his shoulder, he wraps his arm around her and keeps her there. She's staring at the table, refusing to meet his eyes, and that’s fine.

“Watch it, kid,” he growls lowly in her ear, “You’re pushing it.”

And then he smiles to not draw attention to it, kissing her earlobe softly and tangling his fingers in her hair. Tiger just glares, swats his hand away, and moves further.

It’s much of the same for the entire afternoon, except she’s getting increasingly more unbearable. They stop for lunch at one of their favourite places, and tiger won’t even open her menu. Just deadass stares at him from across the booth, her arms folded.

“I’m not hungry, Bill,” she snaps.

“You’ll eat,” he’s non-plussed, flipping the pages casually as he bites his lip in thought.

“What’ll it be?” the kind waitress asks.

“Nothing,” tiger says immediately.

“I’ll have the club sandwich and a beer, please,” Bill loves club sandwiches, they just aren’t a thing in Sweden, “And she’ll have a burger and fries. Mayo on the burger. No onions.”

“I don’t want--”

“Thank you,” he says to waitress with a big smile, handing her back the two menus.

And when the food comes, it’s no better. Tiger shoves her plate away immediately. Bill doesn’t pay it too much attention--still approaching it with kindness.

“Just try for a few bites, kid,” he coaxes.

“No,” she says. He lets it go for now, but when he’s halfway done his meal, he starts to get a bit stern. She hasn’t eaten since breakfast.

“Tiger, eat,” he commands.

“Bill fuck off, I said I’m not fucking hungry,” she doesn’t say it loud but she’s seething with anger. Bill calmly puts down his sandwich, dabs his mouth with a napkin, then leans across the table.

“God kid, it’s like you’re begging to not be able to sit down for a week,” he threatens lowly. Tiger doesn’t even flinch.

“Are you done? Because I have a lot of shit I still need to get done, and you’re holding me up,” she snaps.

“You got a smart fucking mouth today kid. Keep it up,” he says.

He’s slowly losing his patience, because it almost seems at this point that she’s trying to push his buttons. That she’s so fussy and upset and irritated that she’s trying to make herself feel better by goading him. Bill senses that, and he just takes a few deep breaths and still tries to approach her with calmness, kindness.

But he loses it when they finally get home. He pours her a glass of wine because Jesus maybe that will fucking help take this stick out of her ass.He cooks dinner, and she doesn’t offer to help but maybe Good Dude Bill, with a few more gray hairs, offers to draw her a bubble bath so she can relax. Tiger doesn’t even answer him, just grabs her wine and leaves the room. Bill takes a few steadying breaths, counts to 10 in Swedish, and keeps cooking.

And when he calls to her that dinner is ready, he motions to the salad bowls on the counter. She grabs them, but then she huffs and all but throws them back on the counter.

“I hate this kind of lettuce,” she says, “it gets soggy as shit and it’s slimy.”

Bill just slings the dish towel over his shoulder, stirs the pan once more and grabs a ladling spoon.

“So don’t eat it,” he shrugs.

Then he scoops the food onto two plates, places them on the counter for her to grab. She stops, glares at him.

“Pasta again? Fuck this, I’ve had pasta every--”

“Tiger, enough,” he roars, and god she actually shrinks back a little, “One more word out of your mouth that isn’t thank you, and I swear to god kid.”

He lets the threat hang idly in the air. She stares at him, a little wide-eyed, and he’s instantly full of regret but also...god, was that a tiny bit of relief he saw on her face? He worries he went too far--he never raises his voice at her--but also this is the first time that she hasn’t bitten him back with some verbal cut down.

He pauses, leaning his hands on the counter and bending until he catches her eyes.

“Take the dishes to the table, and sit down,” he says it through clenched teeth and while she’s quiet, he also sees the flash of fire across her face a second later. Kid’s got spunk, he’ll give her that.

“Fuck you,” she snaps. And then she turns on her heel, and goes to leave the kitchen.

“God give me strength,” he mutters, and then he tries something. Eating up the distance in two big steps, he grabs onto her elbow--but she twists out of his grip and shoves him hard.

Ah, so she does want a fight.

He grabs her again, solidly, and drags her back. 

“I have tried to be patient with you today,” he snarls, “I have tried to be understanding that you’ve got a lot going on. I have tried to be tolerant and give you what you need.”

Grabbing a handful of her hair at the base of her neck, he bends her over the counter and slams her front onto it as she grunts. He’s listening for a safe word--he’s always listening for a safe word--but she hasn’t said much of anything. It’s the first time all day she’s quiet. He yanks her pants down, his other hand still tangled in her hair.

“But I don’t tolerate brats,” he spits the word out angrily, and before she can even react he delivers three harsh, fast spanks to her exposed backside. They’re hard, and they hurt--he knows it, and it’s done purposely. Then he pulls her up, spins her around, and pins her to the counter with his hips. He pulls at the base of her neck so she’s looking up at him, and he’s leaning in real close to her face.

“I don’t want another word out of you that isn’t thank you or I’m sorry or yes tonight. You are going to sit down, you’re going to eat--and you’re going to finish your fucking plate. Understand?”

She’s looking up at him wide-eyed, and when she hesitates in her answer--because Jesus, she’s still a bit stunned--he tugs on her hair a bit.

“Understand?” he  says forcefully.

“Yes,” she mumbles.

“Good,” and he releases her abruptly, taking a step back and crossing his arms. She pulls her pants back up, gets her feet moving, grabs the plates and sets them on the table before sitting down obediently.

It’s then that Bill realizes that most times when she’s fussy, she likes and needs the soft approach--understanding, a bit of his calm, his reassurance. But sometimes--sometimes when she’s real messed up, she needs something a lot harsher. A lot more forceful, maybe even a bit of pain to help snap her out of it. Bill watches her as she pulls the chair out and sits down gingerly, her ass already sore, but it’s the first time her shoulders are not hunched up by her ears and it’s the first time her features aren’t pinched in a scowl.

She waits for him to sit and then picks up her fork, eating slowly. She’s watching him, and he knows she wants something. But if she’s going to be a brat, then he’s going to make her ask for it. Eventually, after a sip of wine, she stares at her hands in her lap.

“Bill,” she starts, and it’s meek, “Can I ask you for something please?”

“Eyes up,” he says, and her eyes snap to his, “Yes.”

“Can I get closer?” she asks. And he knew that’s what she was gunning for. He was planning on some aftercare for her after dinner--it’s okay when she’s like this, if she knows he’s angry with her--but if she needs it now, then he’s glad she asked for it.

“Yes,” he says and he pushes his chair back, moves his plate to the side to make room for hers, “Come on over here.”

And she goes to grab her chair but he puts his hand on her wrist lightly, pulls her gently towards him and settles her in his lap. She breathes a sigh of relief, and they eat the rest of their meal in silence.

It’s probably not until some time later when he’s doing the dishes that maybe she sneaks up behind him in the kitchen, wraps her arms around his waist and rests her head on his back.

“I’m sorry,” she’ll murmur against his back, “And thank you.”

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode Six: King of King Falls

View on Google Docs

Summary: July 15, 2015 - In an effort to learn more about his new hometown, Sammy books an interview with author and King Falls historian, Howard Ford Beauregard III, however Ben questions Sammy's intentions as well as Beauregard's facts.

[Podcast intro music]

[jazzy church organ music]

Deacon Reggie Back by popula’ deman’ from tha Lawd On High, tha King Falls Stompin’ Out Tha Devil Revival will be extended two extra Sundays. Join us for a fi’th consecutive week as Reverend Xavier “Get Right With God!” Hawthorne leads the King Falls faithful, the most turnt up celebration of tha year! Come raise your haaands to the skyy an’ annoint the son o’ God! Tha Holy Spirit will be so strong, your granny bound to get ratched!

Reverend Hawthorne God is’a Good. God is’a GreaT-a. Satan is on your back because he likes ta haTe-a. Shake ‘im off for Jesus! Just shake him off! Before it is too late! Glory, Glory Hallelujah!

Deacon Reggie Come celebrate with the most highly favored congregation in town! Just outside the city limits, off’a Route 72 and MLK. (That’s Mary-Lou Kilpatrick Drive for those coming out o’ town.) [rushed disclaimer] King Falls Stompin’ Out the Devil Revival is a trademark of Right With God Productions, all use and reproductions must have written consent from Reverend Hawthorne, or the Lord above. To God be the Glory.

[KFAM intro music]

Ben [in bg] I don’t want to do this!

Sammy And we’re back! You’re listening to King Falls AM, that’s 660 on the radio dial, and that was a perturbed Ben Arnold. We got a packed show for you this evening. We have a special guest, in the house—

Ben Sorry, folks!

Sammy What are you so fired up about, Ben?

Ben You know.

Sammy Well, our dear listeners don’t know, and we’ve got a few minutes before—

Ben B-before we talk to your guest.

Sammy Our guest.

Ben Oh, there’s no wa— I would never book that guy in a thousand years. He’s all yours.

Sammy [pleading] Ben.

Ben It’s just ridiculous! If you wanna make fun of me, do it off the air! This, is not cool.

Sammy I’m not making fun! Listen folks, I did a little research—

Ben On his own.

Sammy On my own, about King Falls history- and moreso, its history with the paranormal! So I go out of my way to book a guest that is an expert in this field!

Ben HOH! BULL!

Sammy And now Ben thinks I’m just messing with him when actually I’m just trying to get a better grasp on the supernatural phenomenon that happens in our beautiful town!

Ben [quickly] You never believe it when it happens on air, why would you bring- this guy in. You’re- you’re trying to break him. Which should be easy since he’s a—

Sammy I’m serious! I’m just trying to get a better understanding of what we’ve been dealing with the last few months, Ben. And this guy, our guest, has written a book about just that!

Ben It’s an e-book, Sammy. My mother can publish an e-book. He’s a whack job.

Sammy Why are you acting like he’s not sitting right in front of us?

Ben Oh, you’ll see.

Beauregard [HFB3 has a “High Class-Better Than You” drawl at all times] “Whack job”? You must be speaking of the 1957 3rd Street Massacre— or your journalistic career.

Sammy Uh, good evening sir. Thanks for making it down to the station tonight.

Beauregard [insincerely] Charmed.

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, we’re being joined by- an author—

Ben [cutting in] E-book.

Sammy —and King Falls paranormal expert—

Ben Self-proclaimed.

Sammy —Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard.

Beauregard The third.

Sammy Of course. Howard Ford Beauregard the Third. How are you doing this evening, Howard?

Beauregard Mr. Beauregard. And as the common folk call it: I’m swell.

Ben *clears throat* So, Mr. Beauretar[sic]—

Beauregard Is your man speaking to me, Mr. Stevens?

Sammy [confused] No— Man?… Ben?

Beauregard You shan’t be too careful these days.

Sammy So, Mr. Beauregard. How did you come to be an expert in the paranormal and supernatural aspects of King Falls?

Ben [sounds like someone whose point is about to be proved] This should be good!

Beauregard As well you know, my family settled this town of King Falls many many moons ago, so its lineage is pure and unfiltered through my veins. My family has witnessed it all and, of course, that has been passed to me and now, through my memoir, passed down to you.

Ben *laughs* Right.

Beauregard May you ask your manservant to please hold his tongue as the adults speak?

Sammy Excuse me?

Ben Sorry! Beauregard. A-also, uh, in this century, where we live, I’m the co-host of this show.

Beauregard [condescendingly] How splendid. Your mother must be co-proud of you. Mm?

Sammy Okay. To make a U-turn back to the original point, you were saying—

Beauregard Yes. We founded this city. We know every minute detail of its hellish existence. Especially when it comes to the oft spoken about ghouls, goblins, and extraordinary happenings we are known for.

Ben [offended] King Falls is a magnificent town. There is nothing “hellish” about it.

Beauregard You’re. Welcome.

Sammy So, it is true that one could say you are a self-proclaimed expert in these matters.

Beauregard The same one might say that you are a good radio host, but… doubtful.

Ben *exasperated sigh*

Sammy Alright let’s take some callers, shall we?

Beauregard [insincerely] What fun. I love hearing from the lowlies.

Ben [muttered]Jesus— Line 3.

Sammy Good evening, you’re on King Falls AM with Howard Ford—

Ron Yeah yeah, Sammy, let me just get right down to business. First off, am I live right now?

Ben Double live gonzo, Ron!

Sammy Ron Begley, from Begley’s Bait Shop, ladies and gentlemen. What’s goin’ on, sir?

Ron Howdy boys. [angrily] But seriously this message right here is for you so-and-sos that have been comin’ down to the lake, every damn night since this tournament, lookin’ to poach on Kingsie.

Sammy Wait a second. People are attacking Kingsie?

Ron They’re tryin’.

Ben Why?

Ron I assume it’s a bunch of hillbilly heroes tryna come serve up a side of podunk justice on our majestic lake creature for the John Doe. However, it’s a damn fact now that Kingsie, who wouldn’t hurt a damn fly, had f[bleep]kall to do with that body at the Bass Tourney. But these damn perpetrators need to listen and stop comin’ on my land and into the lake with malice in mind. Lake Hatchenhaw is a place of serenity, peace and fishing, you damn fools.

Ben [fiercely] Kingsie is a King Falls treasure.

Beauregard If I believed in lake lizards living in a water puddle I call a lake—

Ron I’m sorry? Just who the f[bleep]k are you, you hoity-toity—

Beauregard Aww, the salty tongue of the smartest man in the trailer park. I do not answer to your kind.

Ron [aggressively] Son, I could get from my lake house to the top of that mountain in about 22 minutes, so you best get your gazelles on and start putting pads to pavement. You pillow bitin’ son of a b[bleep].

[click, dial tone]

Ben Kingsie is a fact, Mr. Beauregard, unlike a great deal of what you have listed in your… “book.”

Beauregard I’ll bite. What is fiction in my memoir?

Ben Sammy? Please. [“let me tear this guy apart”]

Sammy [conceding] We’re all about the facts here on King Falls AM, Ben.

Ben [rapid and eager] Chapter 2, “Smokey and the Banshee.” Hate to break it to you? but there certainly isn’t an apparition driving a “ghostly Trans-Am through town square” late night every third Sunday.

Beauregard Says you.

Sammy Says facts.

Ben Chapter 5, “Bombing Range Road Rage” you mentioned General Abilene here, saying he goes out of his way to spook people on old Bombing Range Road.

Beauregard Your point? If you have one.

Ben Indeed I do! Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows that the general is seen in Sweetzer Forest. Lights emanate from Bombing Range Road. Possible UFO activity. All of that unrelated to Abilene.

Beauregard [laughingly] Sweetzer Forest? Hah! Imbecile.

Ben [getting increasingly worked up again] And furthermore, what’s this baloney about there not being an ancient burial ground under where your family built its textile factory? And you know what? let’s just come out and say it: Why has no one in the town ever seen you in the daylight?

Beauregard We have gone on record! time and time again. There is not now nor has there… ever been an “ancient Indian burial ground.” There have been… no disturbances either. I will not tolerate any more of this tomfoolery. And furthermore! not that it’s any of your business, but as far as my complexion is concerned, I have… an aversion towards the sun! I tend to do my deals and business… in the night-time hours! You might even call me… nocturnal.

Sammy Riiight… Nocturnal. Okay. Moving forw—

Ben It’s a well known fact that your family bought that land at a steal. And it was so “reasonably priced”? because it was on the ancient burial ground of the Hatchenhaw Indians.That said, there are sightings all the time- hell, there are videos of the ghosts trying to scalp your employees during work!

Beauregard Hogwash!

Sammy Y’know, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, I think. Ben pulled up one of the YouTube videos a while back and- I’m usually skeptical but I saw—

Beauregard Graphics and special effects or what-have-you! I’ll have the two of you know I did not come on this show to be mocked. One more retort from you valley-dwellers and I’ll have you expelled from the city limits. Mayor Grisham is a close ally, so tread trepidously.[sic]

Ben Bring it.

Sammy Whoa whoa whoa! everybody, let’s just relax. This is a conversation, Mr. Beauregard. Ben here is our station’s foremost expert on King Falls history, sir. It just seems like maybe the facts and your book’s stories aren’t exactly jiving.

Beauregard Let me be quite clear, this is my last warning. If you speak ill of myself or my family one more time, I will crush you. Your livelihoods depend on this fact.

Sammy Come on.

Ben [sarcastically] Oh I’d never speak badly about your family. They had the good sense to die before you turned into this joke, bringing down their hard earned reputations.

Beauregard Fire this insolent manchild at once. He’s nothing more than Channel 13 leftovers.

Ben I… B-but I—

Beauregard Aww. Did I touch a nerve Benny? Dispute this fact to all five of your listeners. Channel 13- a respectable organization- rejected you not one, not two, but three separate occasions. You working class cretin.

Sammy [awkwardly] I think maybe we should wrap this up.

Ben No wait. Sammy, I’m gonna use a lifeline. Phone a friend?[1] and ruin this douche.

[phone ringing]

Emily [sleepily] Hello?

Ben Hi! Emily.

Emily [suddenly more awake] Ben? Everything okay? It’s pretty late.

Ben It’s- it’s okay now that you’re on the phone. *shy, awkward laugh* You’re live by the way.

Emily *giggles* Ben! Hi Sammy! Hi King Falls.

Ben The lovely and knowledgeable King Falls Librarian, Emily Potter, everyone.

Beauregard The library? They can’t even keep my memoir in stock. What do you think about that?

Sammy [quietly] I don’t think that’s how e-books work.

Ben Hey! Miss Potter is trying to speak, Beauregard? Emily, can you… shed some light on a certain topic for everyone out there listening? All five of them.

Emily Yes. Anything for you and Sammy.

Ben We have… Howard Beauregard on the phone.

Emily Funny enough, I just finished your book, Mr. Beauregard. “King of King Falls”?

Beauregard Alas, finally someone with good sense and better taste.

Ben I’m glad you brought that up, Emily! Can you fill the listeners in on the history of the King Falls Library- which, Mr. Beauregard discusses in chapter 15 of his e-book. Did you- find any… discrepancies?

Emily Sure, Ben. Well, Mr. Beauregard mentioned the library a few times in various stories. However, he stated that during World War Two? the secret apartment was built inside the library. However, it actually—

Beauregard Ahhh! The Hitler Suite! Yes, it was commissioned by Germany, October 7th, 1944 as a possible hiding place for their infamous leader, Theodore Waldorf von Hitler.

Sammy Adolf?

Beauregard Gesundheit.

Emily I’m sorry but the apartment was actually built when the library was, in 1912. I’ve seen the blueprints and everything. Funny story, it was actually used as—

Ben Y’know, Emily, maybe we should hear him out on this one. I can see a connection forming here.

Emily *giggles* Oh Ben, you’re so funny.

Beauregard Miss Potter.

Emily Yes, Mr. Beauregard?

Beauregard You are a simpleton of the highest order, and should not be tasked to watch over a magazine, much less a palace of learning such as the King Falls Library.

Ben You son of a b[bleep]!

Sammy Ben! It’s not worth it, calm down, he’s just an old nutcase!

Beauregard Of course the two of you are thick as thieves. I should have known I was in for an ambush in this rrramshackle radio station. You two lowlifes should be honored by my presence!

Sammy Beauregard, please take yourself and go honor the dust in your mansion. We’re done here.

Beauregard How dare you. Turn this radio broadcast off this instant! I demand it. I will not be treated like this!

Ben Go.

Sammy [aggressively] If you don’t leave, Mr. Beauregard, we’re gonna be forced to call the sheriff’s department

Beauregard Well there’s no need to wake my personal friend, Sheriff Gunderson, from his slumber. He’d only throw the book at you rapscallions anyway.

Ben Your e-book isn’t worth the paper it’s not printed on.

Beauregard [sound of a chair being shoved back] [voice getting quieter as he storms off] You merry fools! I can buy this radio station! Just to fire you! Mark my words!

Sammy We’ll be waiting on those pink slips! but until then, get out of our studio, please and thank you. Well then.

Ben I hate to say “I told you so” but…

Sammy I’m sorry Ben, *sad sigh* [increasingly mumbled] y’know I was just trying to understand this stuff a little bit better.

Ben [sincerely] I appreciate that.

Sammy Folks, we’re just going to take a quick break here to get back on track but let—

Emily [softly] Hey, Ben?

Ben Hello?

Sammy Oh! Line one is still engaged.

Emily Thank you for sticking up for me, Ben.

Ben Ah! I mean, any time! I mean you, uh, you're- you’re… welcome?

Sammy Ladies and gents, Ben has just invented a new shade of red from all this blushing. You know what? tweet me @KingFallsAM right now and I’m gonna post a pic.

Ben [hissed] Shut up, Sammy.

Emily Hey, Ben?

Ben Yeah? I’m here.

Emily I was just wondering… Well, I’ve- I’ve been wondering, um, maybe, uh- And you can- say no! if you want. But, would you, possibly, like to- go out? uh, maybe to Rose’s Diner this weekend?

Ben [voice cracking slightly] Yes. I mean… Sure- maybe- we could do, something, like that! I’ll- I’ll, I mean I do. I need to… *clears throat* check my schedule. But um—

Emily Okay then! I’ll- talk to you later! Goodnight, Ben.

[click, dial tone]

Sammy Well I think—

Ben Don’t. [whispering] Let me savor this.

Sammy *chuckles* We’ll be right back after a word from our sponsors, kids.

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References

[1] Phone a friend- probably well known, but this is a reference to the show “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire”

[faunusrights]

‘AFTER THE FALL’ - LIVEREAD III

The more I hear about the latter half of this book, the more depresso espresso I’m drinking. Let’s see how it goes, huh?

(Since there’s more chapters in the latter half than the first half, short chapters will probably get combined together for the sake of. I’m lazy.)

CHAPTERS EIGHT AND NINE

I love that Velvet’s the one who enlisted Weiss and Yang, expecting shit to go sideways. She saw these two gays on main and went ‘they look like they can party’. Was she wrong? No. Did she invite Cinder for the express purpose of drama? Yes. Can you make me stop shipping Sinnamon Bun? Also no.

Okay, this book has read my mine though!!! Ruby pitches a Beacon Battle Club where they play music as they fight, and no word of a fucking lie, that happens in Great Weiss Shark AU! I am not kidding! I had this whole story planned out! This is theft of the HIGHEST order.

“Doilies are absurd and elitist,” Yang said.

This is simultaneously the least Yang-like line and also the most Yang-like line I’ve ever heard. The duality of idiot, I suppose.

I like Fox! I really do, actually! He’s my son now. Although, the bad news is I dunno if I can replicate him in The Frapp Logs, so he’ll just have to keep dragging Coco to the ends of the earth. Same thing, right? R-right?

“Leaders can’t be the comic relief.” Fox raised his eyebrows. “Jaune.”

Is this the second time Jaune’s been dragged? I’m living for it. Also, sleepy Blake! And CFVY knowing she’s (they’re) a Faunus! And the second book behind a book! I love you, Blake.

Velvet correcting Yatsu’s ‘catnap’ joke! I wrote a ficlet about this exact thing once, so I TOLD you my Velvet’s NEARLY CANON. SHE JUST NEEDS TO EAT MORE PROTEIN IS ALL.

Onto chapter nine. God, these chapters get thinner by the second, huh?

BACK TO THE DESERT WE GO, and there’s... fog? Which is now gone! Wow! Is this a plot device? Foreshadowing? I sure hope so, because why on earth it would warrant a mention we’re just not too sure!

A sandstorm is incoming and hidden tracks are gonna get blasted away. I’m trying to figure out if this is all pathetic fallacy or if I’m reading too much into handy-dandy plot devices. Why not both?

Heart-to-heart with Coco and Yatsu... and we’re back to Yatsu giving Velvet all the hugs. Now that I’m sensing the Velv/Yats vibes, I’m extra suspicious. You stop that. Let Velvet have a fashionable GF at least if you won’t let her kiss Weiss!!!

‘[...] even the women were down to halter tops. Focus, Coco, she thought.’

Ah, lesbian as always. I’m soothed. Carmine enters the tent and Coco gets even gayer. I’m very soothed.

‘What was Jaune doing after losing a member of his team, a friend... someone he clearly cared about.’

I don’t care about what Jaune feels. Why the heck would Coco even care? There’s literally so many more people that impacts than just Jaune, lawd.

CHAPTER TEN AND ELEVEN

Back to Fox, who is honestly the shining star of this book by now. I love you, my blind and sassy son.

I love Ada and the battle mechanic she has! I’m really enjoying how Fox interacts with the world around him and using his Scroll and AI as an accessibility device. It’s neat! I didn’t expect them to go as ham on him as they did, but they did.

“Update,” Ada said. “Weapon has projectile capabilities.” “You mean it’s also a gun.”

Obligatory gun meme.

Combat stuff happens, Fox wins a fight against a confused Edward, and it turns out Gus is the one summoning Grimm and Fox just got jumped, so we slide into another flashback for chapter eleven. Lemme tell ya, this book ain’t afraid of moving fast.

“I guess you slightly oversold your ability to track the survivors,” Coco said.

Again, this is one of those lines that reads as very... callous? Kinda mean? I’ve always had Coco in my head as someone who very broadly puts her team (and their feelings) first, even if it’s rough, so lines like this make me go 🤔

Velvet falls, Yatsu panics, Coco gets up in everyone’s grill. There’s a lot to this dynamic I am not enjoying right now, and even then this seems inconsistent with the CFVY we’ve seen in the book itself. I know the author’s trying to communicate that Coco is tired and frustrated, that I get, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t how... it would really happen given her character? I dunno. ‘S weird.

Was that a fat joke I spotted there? From Coco? I need a nap. Also COCO LET VELVET DO THINGS JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!!!!!!!!

Coco has claustrophobia! I wrote her as having agoraphobia, so this is a hilarious turn of events. Also Coco has two brothers, not one: Mate and Toma.

Coco is fighting Grimm in a cave with CFVY, but still finds time to criticise Velvet in combat. Hey, maybe if you let her do things, she’d prove you wrong, dingus. And then she does! See!

Aaaaaaaand the six survivors are all dead. This was a pretty traumatic event, all told, which makes it weird that they look... less affected in the show? Still, this chapter was VERY weird for the characterisations because Coco seems especially inconsistent, alas. Anyway, onto:

CHAPTERS TWELVE AND THIRTEEN

The sandstorm is approaching and catching the wagons, which I have just realised are actually vehicles that use fuel. Mostly because that’s the First I Heard Of It.

‘Velvet noticed a pistol tucked in the back before she closed the door.’

Hi, can Chekhov please pick up his gun from aisle twelve? Thanks.

GIANT SAND TURTLE. AVATAR AANG C’MERE Y’ALL GOTTA LEARN HOW TO DEFEAT THE FIRELORD.

“You said it’s big enough to ride on?” Velvet asked.

Maybe this is why Coco dismisses Velvet so often. She only pitches the craziest ideas, which is why I love her. That said, Coco finally lets Velvet do something! It’s a miracle of man! Climb that turtle, bihh!

Yatsu calls Velvet V. I’m so used to Velv that V sounds entirely too cool for this idiot.

Everyone’s pissed again, but-- IS THAT THE SAND WORM THING FROM ARRAKIS?! What A Tweest!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nobody coulda seen THAT coming!!!!!

So let’s go to chapter thirteen, where Fox has had the shit beaten out of him behind a Denny’s. Sound about right.

So what’s-his-name-- Bertilak, whomst from now on shall be called Bert because what sorta water tribe name even is that (wow the ATLA references are on fire today). Anyway, Bert is being paid by someone else to deliver people with Stronk Semblances like summoning Grimm! Gee I Wonder Who That Might Be (I don’t actually know but I’m honestly not going to be surprised either way).

“Yeah, [Bert]’s a real bastard.” “Even I can see that,” Fox sent.

I love it. Fox really has been the highlight of this book for me.

Fox is on the ground and the referee is counting him to ten, so it’s mid-chapter-flashback time! We learn how Fox’s parents died (sinkhole) and how that became his motivation for... going to Beacon? Okay, tenuous link at best, but I’m going with it.

Carmine is full of trouble and Fox is determined to take Bert with ‘em. Let him DIE.

I’m gonna keep going since we’re not four chapters from the end, so:

CHAPTERS FOURTEEN AND FIFTEEN

Flashback time! Again! Only it’s CFVY’s POV of their return to Beacon. I wouldn’t mind this if like. We hadn’t already seen this from RWBY’s perspective in the show? People know this from my tastes in fanfic, but I’m not a huge fan of retellings of canon events, it’s soooooo boooooring. So I’m just gonna grind through this asap.

(I do like that RWBY and CFVY have all these parallels being called to. As they should.)

Okay we’re past the recap and OH LAWD I HEARD OF THIS BIT. Goodwitch is here (I love u Glynda no matter what) but yeah, I’ve heard this part is Big Oof so uh, let’s see this happen go down. Velvet is being requested to see Ozpin so /buckles down.

Velvet’s being questioned alone for the Whole Thing, and team CFVY have burst into the office demanding to know why, and Velvet’s a crying wreck! I’m still very >:I for everyone being overprotective of Velvet, c’mon, but also: Oz, can you please have tact? Just once in your life? Tact? Do you has it?

Anyway, CFVY have reconciled and we turn to chapter fifteen, in which: Yatsu.

Carmine has Gus, everyone’s on the Turtmobile, and shit’s hitting the fan. Yatsu’s going after Gus and Carmine alone, and I’m still waiting on Chekov’s Gun to Chekov its way right into someone’s butt. Unless it’s Chekov’s Red Herring.

Here comes a fight scene! I never have much to say during fight scenes, so, uh, yeah. There’s some real last-minute exposition in places, though, where it really shouldn’t be.

Eey, Carmine is telekinetic! Very powerful and also OP, gotta nerf that shit right down, Edward.

Yatsu’s very nearly defeated, Bert is back, baby, and shit’s getting real. Time for chaaaaaaaaaper sixteeeeeeeeeen.

CHAPTERS SIXTEEN AND SEVENTEEN

Today’s livereading soundtrack is Simple Things by Zero 7. The whole album, I mean. This is a fun little fact to make sure you’re still awake and aware, ‘cause I sure ain’t!

Roy Stallion of BRNZ is presumed dead, along with the whole team, so big RIP to May, who was cute and deserved better. Swear to God if ABRN are dead too I will kill a man. Two men, to be specific.

Velvet admits she never wanted to come to Vacuo, Coco promises they’ll return to reclaim Beacon in future. This reads like a protagonist’s last speech on hope and strength in friendship... and it should, as Coco gets swallowed by a worm! Straight up just down the hatch! This should be a tragic beat, but this is honestly so funny. Coco, pick better ways to die.

Anyway, we’re onto chapter seventeen. I was very kindly given this message:

And I-- OH HELL YES! HELL YES IT’S A SCHOOL DAY TIMETABLE!!!!!!!!!! THE LORE! THE CLASSES! THE NAMES! THE FACTS! THIS IS THE BEST THING IN THE ENTIRE BOOK SO FAR WHICH REALLY GOES TO SHOW I HAVE NO HOBBIES!

Is this a... flashback? Flash... forward? I’m not sure, actually. Either way, CFVY are in Beacon clearing the place of Grimm. Actually, this must be a flashback to before they went to Vacuo, I suppose, which would make sense to follow Velvet’s little admittance last chapter before Coco got swallowed like a paracetamol tablet.

Velvet waited for someone to ask her what she thought, what she wanted, by no one did.

Now I’m SAD why won’t people be NICE to VELVET just ONCE!!! God, this book really just gives her the short end of the stick every time.

Off go CFVY to Vacuo. Bye.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN AND EPILOGUE

Heremst we go.

Coco’s alive! I mean, no surprise. And full of the Joques as ever:

Coco figured sacrificing your life for a teammate was one way to be remembered as a good leader, but maybe that was just cheating.

RIP Coco and her claustrophobia! Hey, now that was good foreshadowing! That gets a whole Murphy Cookie of Approval. 🍪

Coco loses her Scroll and her hat, but Velvet swoops in to save the day! Meanwhile, Bert has been convinced that Carmine double-crossed him, so they’re battling it out! Basically, Gus cast frenzy. Finally, it works in everyone’s favour.

“I can’t believe I thought you were cute,” Coco spat.

Some lines in this book haven’t been very good. This one, on the other hand, very much is.

So Carmine goes underground and starts creating sinkholes everywhere like a weird desert gremlin, and Edward manages to block her Semblance and like. Carmine flat-out nearly suffocates herself to death. Another death I would have found both gruesome and hilarious for its irony. But Velvet uses Flynt’s trumpet to quite literally doot the sand away, and-- I’m so sorry, this line has me literally laughing to myself. She fuckin’-- doots the sand. Oh my god.

Anyway they win, catch up with Slate and the Nomad Fam, and meet team SSSN! The boys are back in town!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Things are looking good.

Epilogue time. I’m still laughing about the sand-dooting.

So, we don’t know who paid Bert and Carmine, I guess? I do believe there’s maybe a sequel or something in the works, apparently, so maybe this is part of an overarching plot type thingie. Still.

Ah, yep, Coco confirms that they’re not through with this line of investigation yet, But, Velvet wraps it up with a heart-felt, if not a little bit cheesy, segment about home being wherever CFVY is, and so the book comes to a close.

WRAP-UP

So, I’m definitely gonna have a second read-through of this without having to constantly stop and do a liveblog, but the book was... okay, I guess? I feel like this plotline wasn’t the greatest one for CFVY, and that the author doesn’t have a crazy good handle on the characters -- he’s likely more suited to original content, which is valid. It’s a good romp and we do get new lore, but as expected, I feel like CFVY would be best used in the show that conceived them in the first place. A book is nice, but I’d love to see their return in RWBY itself, especially since this book wasn’t really... long enough, I don’t think? Seriously, y’all’ve met me. I do write hundreds of thousands of words in this world and I still haven’t written everything I wanna yet! I’d also like to see more Velvet as seen in RWBY Chibi, in which was she Cool and Good, and maybe less Yatsu alongside her directly. But! It’s a book! It’s decent! It’s CFVY! For most people, it’s Good Enough. And they’re valid too.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Am I wrong for feeling even more feral about Manny with a tattooed face?

I’m not, am I?

That’s premium hot, isn’t it?

[blackkudos]

Moses Hogan

Moses George Hogan (March 13, 1957 – February 11, 2003) was an American composer and arranger of choral music. He was best known for his settings of African-American spirituals. Hogan was a pianist, conductor, and arranger of international renown. His works are celebrated and performed by high school, college, church, community, and professional choirs today. His most famous work today is The Oxford Book of Spirituals created in 2002. He died at the age of 45 of a brain tumor, and his surviving relatives include his mother, brother, and four sisters. His interment was located at Mount Olivet Cemetery and Mausoleum.

Childhood

Born in New Orleans, Hogan lived with five siblings and his parents, who gave their children a passion for music. He was an accomplished pianist by the age of nine. The family attended the A.L. Davis New Zion Baptist Church. Hogan's father was a bass singer in the church choir while Hogan's uncle, Edwin B. Hogan, was the Minister of Music and organ.

Education

Hogan was musically educated from a young age, first enrolling in Xavier University Junior School of Music. In his sophomore year of high school, he was accepted to New Orleans Center for Creative Arts High School and was in its first graduating class of 1975.

Hogan was awarded a full scholarship to the Oberlin Conservatory of Music where he studied piano and graduated in 1979 with a Bachelor of Music degree. Immediately after graduation, he began graduate studies at Juilliard School of Music, and later went to study classical music in Vienna, Austria. During his piano performance years, Hogan won several competitions including first place at the 28th Annual Kosciuszko Foundation Chopin Competition in New York. He returned to Louisiana State where he was offered the opportunity to work for his doctorate, but decided not to pursue it.

Achievements

Founder and conductor of The Moses Hogan Chorale and The Moses Hogan Singers

1st place in the 28th annual "Kosciuszko Foundation Chopin Competition" in New York.

Appointed artist in residence at Loyola University New Orleans in 1993.

Arranged and performed several compositions for the 1995 PBS documentary The American Promise.

Recorded and conducted several arrangements with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Critically acclaimed by The New York Times and Gramophone Magazine.

Brother of Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia fraternity.

Single-handedly introduced the professional choral spiritual and revitalized the Negro spiritual tradition.

Arrangements

Over seventy published works

Abide with Me

Ain't That Good News

Amen

Any How

A Spiritual Reflection

Basin Street Blues

The Battle of Jericho

Cert'nly Lawd

Climbin' Up the Mountain

Daniel, Daniel, Servant of the Lord

De Blin' Man Stood on De Road an' Cried

Deep River

Didn't My Lord Deliver Daniel?

Do Lord, Remember Me

Done Made My Vow to the Lord

Don't You Mourn

Down by the Riverside

Elijah Rock

Ev'ry Time I Feel the Spirit

Ezekiel Saw de Wheel

Fix Me, Jesus

Give Me Jesus

Glory, Glory, Glory to the Newborn King

Go Down Moses

God's Gonna Set This World on Fire

Good News, The Chariot's Comin'

Go Tell It on the Mountain

Great Day

Hear My Prayer

He Never Said A Mumblin' Word

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

His Light Still Shines

Hold On!

Hold Out Your Light

I Am His Child

I Can Tell the World

I Couldn't Hear Nobody Pray

I Got a Home In-A Dat Rock

I Got a Robe

I Have a Dream

I Know The Lord's Laid His Hands On Me

I'm Gonna Sing 'Till the Spirit Moves in My Heart

I'll Make The Difference

I Stood on the River of Jordan

I Surrender All

I Want God's Heaven To Be Mine

I Want Jesus To Walk With Me

I Want To Be Ready

I Want To Thank You, Lord

Jesus Lay Your Head in the Window

Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho

Let the Heaven Light Shine On Me

Let us Break Bread Together

Lift Every Voice for Freedom

Like a Mighty Stream

Lily of the Valley

Little David, Play On Your Harp

Lord, I Want To Be A Christian

Mister Banjo

Music Down in My Soul

My God Is So High

My Good Lord's Done Been Here

My Lord, What a Morning

My Soul's Been Anchored in the Lord

No Hidin' Place

Mary Don't You Weep

Old Time Religion

O Magnify the Lord

Only What You Do For Christ Will Last

Plenty Good Room

Ride On, King Jesus

Ride The Chariot

Rise An' Shine

Somebody's Knockin' at Yo' Door

Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child

Soon-Ah Will Be Done

Stand By Me

Standing in the Need of Prayer

Steal Away

Surely He Died on Calvary

Swing Low, Sweet Chariot

There is a Balm in Gilead

There's a Man Goin' Around

This is My Country

This Little Light of Mine

Trashin' the Camp

Two Hymn Settings

Wade in the Water

Walk Together Children

We Shall Walk Through the Valley in Peace

Were You There?

Who Built the Ark?

Witness

You Better Min' How You Talk

Style

Although Moses Hogan arrangements were quite unique, they would generally fall into these three main categories...

Traditional

Soloist vs Choir

Choral Layering

Holiday

Started on November 20, 1999, and is known as Negro Spiritual/Moses Hogan Chorale Day.

Discography

Voices - soundtrack to the 1995 PBS documentary, An American Promise

The Moses Hogan Choral Series 2003: This Little Light of Mine

Give Me Jesus - performed by the Moses Hogan Singers/produced EMI Virgin Records

An American Heritage of Spirituals - performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir/conducted by Albert McNeil and Moses Hogan

Deep River

The Moses Hogan Choral Series 2002

Lift Every Voice for Freedom, a collection of American folk songs, poems, hymns, songs of faith and patriotic songs

This Little Light of Mine: Moses Hogan Choral Series, 2003

Songbooks

Feel the Spirit Vol. 1, Mar 2008

Feel the Spirit Vol. 2, Jul 2008

Oxford Book of Spirituals, 1914 to 2001

Ain't That Good News, Nov 2005

The Deep River Collection, August 2000

Wikipedia

[2thineslfbtru]

Lawd Jesus its a fire! via Facebook http://ift.tt/2jPEP1G

[killerwombat1191]

Its surprising how many bic lighters one can accumulate when they don't hang out with party people anymore...

[waluiginasalsolo]

WHEN PEOPLE CREATE AU’S INVOLVING YOUR OTP AND YOUR HARDCORE KINK

[fenrispenris-blog]

jfc someone sent my mom of a dead body and went "I did it, now what?" and she text them back "Who is this?" and they were like "Oh wrong number, nevermind, that was just a joke haha!" and my mom was like "Who is this?" again and they were like "I sent you a picture of a dead body, just let it go" LIKE FUCKING STOP TEXTING THE PSYCHOPATH AND CALL THE FUCKING COPS WOMAN