#laughing hysterically at these for 45 mins

[redstoneofaja]

Squirtalpaca, Giraaaaaffe, Neiko, Lupig, Elofen, and Cocodie collectible vinyl toys by Garbage Toyyyyy.

Garbage Toyyyyy on Instagram.

[hoe4sports]

Donkeys can’t cook

Alexia Putellas x reader

A/N: This is dedicated to my fav little hater on here, you can find her here. This is a short short piece, I hope you have a good laugh <3

Also a moment for Alexia with brown hair😮‍💨

Warning: Humiliation? Idk, I’d be pretty embarrassed if I was the anon over here .

Summary: In a world full of haters, it simply dosent phase you.

-

The weather outside is shit, like proper shit. For Barcelona, it’s out of character by a long shot. It’s raining, windy and absolutely freezing.

“Hola! Donse estas, amor?” Alexia sings from the entrance, today’s victory against Madrid fresh in her mind.

“Hola, living room!” you chirp back, eyes glued to you phone.

Alexia trots into the livingroom, her clothes and hair drenched in water.

“Did you swim home from the stadium?” You tease, looking up from you phone.

“What swim? Are we gonna swim? It’s cold,no?” Alexia responds, clearly confused.

Her English tends to get sloppy once she’s tired or excited, it always makes you laugh.

“Did you see any fishes on the way home?” You try, hoping the rewording will help her out. As soon as the words leaves your lips, you can’t help but break out in laughter.

“Huh? My love, did you want fishes? I can shower, and get the pink fishes?” Alexia suggestes, shrugging in confusion.

“Baby, I’m messing with you! You look like you have been swimming because you are soaking wet from the rain” you explain, giggling at Alexia’s confused expression.

After taking a second to think through your sentence, she breaks out a smile at you.

“Ai, amor! You know my English isn’t good, you and your poems!”

You look at her and raise your brow

“No, no poems! I mean dichos!” Alexia says shaking her head while her hands work to take her jacket off.

“Come here, baby. I’ll warm you up”

Alexia practically throws her jacket off before she practically lunges into your arms.

“Mmm, hueles bien” she says breathing in the scent of your hair.

“Si, I had a shower when I got home. It was freezing, but you played so well” you comforts her, rubbing circles on her back.

Her heads lays down on your chest, ear as close to your heart as she can manage. She takes a deep breath before her body completely relaxes, practically melting onto you.

After a good 45 mins of her softly snoring in your arms, you are reading comments under a picture posted by the UEFA from an earlier match.

“Y/N looks like a donkey!”

“Gosh, y/n is so annoying”

“I saw Alexia’s girlfriend sitting on her phone during the match, so disrespectful!”

“Alexia could do so much better, she could get supermodels”

The first comment makes you giggle, then as you read; your giggles turns into laughs. You are desperately trying not to laugh loudly as Alexia is sleeping on top of you which her head on your chest. The laughing is forcing tears to run down your cheeks. Then, you see another comment.

“I bet the donkey can’t even cook! Alexia looks like she’s starving! It’s disturbing to watch”

The comment pushes you over edge, and you lay there laughing loudly holding a hand infront of your mouth. Its not the cute kind of laugh, but the hysterical laugh which makes you blush. You can’t hold it in as much as you want.

“…amor, you good, si?”

“Yes, alexia, s-sorry” and then you break out in laughter again.

Alexia cocks her head up from you chest giving you a puzzled gaze.

“What so funny?” She says followed up with a yawn.

You can’t explain as you are in a full blown laughter attack, shaking as you giggle. You turn your screen towards alexia, and she instinctively grabs it to look further.

“Que? Am I donkey? What’s a donkey? And why you laughing of the donkey? ” Alexia questions, rubbing her neck in confusion.

Your laugh is filling the room, and you try to hold your breath to explain it to Alexia.

“Okay, so, a donke-“

The laughter sets in again, and you can’t help it; you are suddenly screaming laughing like there is no tomorrow.

Alexia looks at you with a raised brow, but she feels very entertained.

“Amor, as much as I love your laugh, you make me worry! Breath!” Alexia says, still not getting it.

You take deep breaths, this time way more successful than your previous breaths.

“Okay, it’s hate comments. They say that you are becoming skinny because i can’t cook. Well, if im a donkey, then how am I supposed to cook!” you explain, Alexia holding in a giggle as you speak.

“I am not skinny? I had to get a new size in shorts last week because my bootie is growing! And what’s a donkey?” Alexia huffs, looking at you.

“Ok, so, you know the movie shrek? The grey tiny horse? uhhh, Barra!” You scream out as you remember the Spanish name for donkey.

“Que? Shrek? Horse? Barra isn’t a horse? Mi Vida, I’m confused. Are you sad about the comments, no?”

Alexia’s confusion makes you giggle, but you try your best to choke it.

“I find it amusing, it’s actually very funny” you respond, finally calm enough to talk.

“Okay, you are my donkey, si? My donkey wife?” Alexia suggests, smiling at you still not knowing what a donkey is.

It makes you giggle again, but you hold your hand in-front of you mouth trying to choke another laughing fit. Then, you get the hiccups.

You nod your head at Alexia, who is looking at you with admiration in her eyes.

“I’m so proud of you for not letting it get to you, you a strong woman, a strong donkey” Alexia says, reaching for her phone. Her face breaks out into a smirk as she sits back on her knees, clearly planning something.

After a few seconds, Alexia grins at you.

“Go see instagram!” Alexia chirps, throwing her phone in the other end of the couch.

You reach for your phone, popping into alexia’s account. As you see the picture, a picture of you trying Ingrid’s mom cinnamon roll recently. Then you see the caption, you break out in another laughing fit. Alexia smiles and shakes your head at her reaction.

She leans in to kiss you, closing the distance between you before stopping.

“Mi esposa perfecta”

Liked by Ingrid_Engen, Fridolinarolfo and 374,737 others.

Alexiaputellas Mi esposa burra es la mejor panadera

Ingrid_Engen I call tax for giving her the recipe, payment expected Monday 😇

Mapi_leon.04 Make that two, girlfriend tax

[softyoongiionly]

Fear and Dumplings: Chapter Three

Confronting your fears for a final grade sounds unappealing but, with Yoongi as your partner, things might not be so bad.

 Summary: You’re in your final semester at University when your Abnormal Psychology professor assigns you a partnered project surrounding your greatest fears. Lucky for you, your partner just so happens to be a cute boy named Min Yoongi.

 Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

 Genre: College Au, Underground Rapper! Yoongi, Soft!!! Yoongi, Fluff!!!, some moderate angst (later), smut (later later), slow-ish? burn

 Word Count: 4k

 A/N: Hello friends! I hope you like the new chapter 😊

 Warnings for this Chapter: mentions of fear, suggestive language and, swearing cause let’s be honest, that’s going to be a warning in every chapter.

Warnings for the Fic: mentions characters confronting their fears, characters in uncomfortable situations, emotional moments between characters, mentions of bad parenting, explicit language throughout the fic, moderate angst, and very explicit smut later in the story.

Chapter 3: Self Preservation and Spooky Ghost Powers

 “Jimin move your arm, your elbow is digging into my ribs.” Jungkook whined, his brow furrowed in discomfort.

“I just wanna be close to you Jungkookie, just let me hold you.”  Jimin’s laughter was that of a pixie’s: light and full of mischief.

The four of you were currently molded together in a mass of limbs on Jimin’s red pull out couch. It was Friday night and, you could think of nothing better than spending it with your three best friends, and all the shitty horror films you could find. Taehyung smirks, his arm placed casually around your shoulders as he chuckles.

“Fine, just move your stupid elbow.” Jungkook mumbles, his features turned down in discomfort but, his cheeks were painted pink at Jimin’s comment; always so easily flustered.

Jimin snickers in delight at his victory, moving his arm from off of Jungkook’s ribs to rest it on his shoulders instead. He nuzzled his pink hair head into Jungkook’s chest causing the younger man to roll his eyes.

“Be nice.” You giggled to the two boys next you, your head resting on Taehyungs shoulder. Taehyung was an easy cuddle partner, he didn’t move much and emitted so much body heat, that you swore he was part radiator.

“Ok so, is the mirror like a monster with magical powers? How does a mirror just magically have time-altering, spooky ghost powers?” Jungkook demands, his forehead wrinkled in confusion, his one free hand coming up with his inquiry.

“I have no idea but, this movie sucks.” Taehyung states bluntly, his expression that of pure disappointment.

“Hyung,” Jungkook nudges him, as Jimin intertwines his leg with his. “You said this movie was good.”

“Noooo, I said I heard it was good.” Jimin protests as he holds hand up in defense.

“Well it sucks.” Taehyung reiterates smirking, no doubt trying to cause Jimin to ignite one of his mini tantrums.

“You guys wouldn’t pick!  We scrolled through Netflix for almost 45 minutes before, I said, let’s just do this one. And now I’m getting blamed? I didn’t direct the movie ok? I didn’t write it, I don’t know why the mirror has ghost powers Kookie! It just does! We like shitty horror for a reason no? Well, this is shitty so, be grateful!” Jimin is storming through his words as his puffy cheeks become more and more pink and, his chest becomes inflated with fury. By the time he finishes, the three sets of pursed lips amongst you burst open with hysterical laughter.

“Why do you always have to rile him up?” You say through the giggling, shoving into Taehyung who’s trembling with laughter.

Jungkook and Taehyung look at each other for a moment in silence before, erupting in another fit of laughter. Jimin is fighting back a smile as he shoots dagger back and forth between the two men.

“I’m sorry Jiminie.” Taehyung exhales through his laughter as he rubs a hand on Jimin’s shoulder. Jungkook presses a kiss to the pink hair on Jimin’s head, his nose nuzzling into it as he tries to contain his giggling.

“You’re both mean.” Jimin mumbles, a prominent pout taking over his features.

The four of you end up sitting through the rest of the movie and, admittedly, it was pretty terrible but, the three of you kept your mouth shut about it; choosing only to praise Jimin’s choice instead. After the conclusion of the film, you all rifle through Jimin’s extensive collection of takeout menus before choosing to order pasta from That’s Amore: a place below Jimin’s building.

“Do you think they will just bring it up here or are they expecting that we walk down there and get it ourselves?” Jungkook agonizes, his raven hair pressing into the cushion behind him.

“I’m paying the $8.95 room-delivery fee to prevent any of us from having to move.” Jimin assures him as he looks through the menu, his finger tracing over the many delicious options.

“Jimin, I’ll just run down there and get it, don’t waste your money.” You offer as you push your toes into the side of his thigh. Jimin’s face turns up in disgust as he looks over at you.

“You’re offering to leave my warm, cozy, vanilla-scented apartment to walk downstairs, into a cold, loud, parmesan encrusted building, just so I don’t have to pay $9?” Jimin’s expression is incredulous, his finger stalling on the takeout menu.

You laugh while nodding, nudging your toes against his thigh again in affirmation.

“Dude, you live on the second floor, it’s not that far, just call in for carry-out, I got it.” You insist as your fingers search blindly behind you for the black hoodie you discarded earlier.

“Yes mam.” Jimin concedes smirking, his finger dialing the number on his phone.

Roughly fifteen minutes later, Jimin receives a text, informing him that the food was ready. You pull yourself up from the warmth of the couch, cringing at the thought of following through with your plans to leave. Damn Jimin and, his cozy apartment. Swinging the door closed, you make your way out of the apartment and down the hallway towards the elevator. Literally, every single time you get into Jimin’s elevator, it’s playing the same cringey elevator song. Elevator music is fine and all but, like, at least get some sort of playlist going. The elevator approaches the lobby, the sound of the city pouring in as the main door swings open and closed.   That’s Amore was straight across the lobby from the elevator and, you silently thanked your group for deciding to order in because, the line was unbelievably long.

Jimin was right, as delicious as Amore’s food was, the place did smell a little too much like cheese and, a little too much cheese, smells like feet. You wrinkle your nose as you take your place in the carry out line, pitying all of the patrons who didn’t call ahead. As your eyes scanned around the bustling business, you let your gaze fall upon the person in front of you. Messy black hair, silver dangling earrings was that…Yoongi?  You feel your heart flutter slightly as you cock your head, debating on whether or not to say anything. Maybe it’s not even him? Your body leans slightly to the left to try and catch a glimpse at the possible stranger’s face. Button nose, pouty doll lips, cat-like eyes, yep, definitely Yoongi.

“Yoongi?” Your voice is a little smaller than you want it to be but, he heard you anyway. He turns around to meet the sound of his name being called before, you notice a barely visible shrink in his posture.

“Oh, hi, Y/N right?” His tone is definitely one of surprise, but the sound of his voice is so annoyingly smooth that it masks any obvious reaction.

“Yeah, I thought you lived downtown? Did you come all this way for pasta?”

He smirks, a short breathless chuckle passing his lips, nodding.

“Unfortunately, I did, my roommates are wasted and, the only thing that’s going to prevent their nasty hangovers is a shit ton of carbs.” He explains, his hand reaching up to rub behind his neck.

“You must really love your roommates if you’re willing to drive through downtown traffic for them.” The drive back through the city during this time of night was notoriously riddled with traffic. In theory, it should only take someone 15 minutes to make it across town but, with the traffic, it could take over an hour.

“It’s not out of love, it’s out of self-preservation. They are so annoying when they’re hungover and, I really don’t feel like listening to them whine for the 4th weekend in a row.” Yoongi scoffs as you mention loving his roommates, his posture shrinking again slightly as his hand continues to fiddle with the back of his neck. Cute, he was really cute.

“Besides,” He continues, “Traffic wasn’t too bad tonight anyway.”

 You nod, a slight smirk curving your lips, not fully convinced. Traffic was always a nightmare.

 “Well no matter what happens, at least you got some pasta out of it.” You offer, your eyes attempting to catch his murky gaze but, it’s shifting around too fast for you to do so.

 “That’s true.” He concedes as the older woman at the checkout counter raises a manicured hand.

 “Next in line please!” She requests, signaling Yoongi forward.

 “I’ll see you in class yeah? Enjoy your night.” Yoongi’s soft voice barely peaks out over his lips as he turns around to retrieve his order.

 “Yeah, you too. Good luck with those drunk roommates of yours.”

 He turns back as the woman packs up his order, a smirk and a scoff making another appearance.

 “Thanks.”

—————————————————————————————————-

                You saunter into Jimin’s apartment, a playful smile on your face as you lean against the door. The bags, that were currently digging into your wrists, emitted a tantalizing smell of garlic, oregano and, cheese, causing the animals that were your friends to rush over to “help” you carry the food to the table.

“I ran into the hot guy from psych.” You announce casually, giggling as you watch your friends tear into their pasta.  At your announcement, Jimin’s eyes go wide before he smirks, his brow wiggling up and down.

“Did you talk to him?” Jimin inquires, tilting his head, the smirk never faltering.

“Did you say you were sorry?” Jungkook asks around a gargantuan bite of noodles.

Taehyung rolls his eyes, nudging Kookie, traces of a fond smile playing on his lips. Jungkook’s brows furrow in confusion, his head shaking as he continues to chew.

“Yeah, we talked for a second,” You move towards the table, taking the seat between Jimin and Jungkook. “he isn’t much of a conversationalist.”

“Do you at least know his name or? Are you just going to address him directly as the ‘hot guy from psych’?” Taehyung’s brow raises, his clever mouth curved in, what you have lovingly named, his ‘know it all’ smile.

Feeling your eyes roll, you take a sip of your wine before answering.

“His name is Yoongi.” At the casual drop of his name, two of your three friends, stop eating and stare at you, many emotions playing on their faces. Jungkook is continuing the deep dive into his pasta, his teeth bearing in pity.

“Kind of a weird name but, ok.” He comments but, your focus is on the other two men who stare you in curiosity.

“Wait, Min Yoongi?” Taehyung presses, his fork stalling on his plate.

“What does he look like?” Jimin adds, exchanging a look with Taehyung that signifies they are both thinking the same thing. You shrug, your eyes narrow in confusion as you gesture to them.

“I don’t know his last name and, he’s probably like Jimin’s height, black hair, pierced ears, kind of looks like a cat?” You offer, causing Jimin to snicker and lean into Taehyung as he laughs.

“What?” There is uneasiness bubbling in your stomach as your two best friends share some kind of unspoken knowledge.

“Do you remember that group of guys who were caught smoking weed in the south province?” Taehyung responds, his prominent brow rose, challenging you.

You do remember something like that happening whilst in your second year at your university but, you didn’t really see the connection. A bunch of guys and, apparently a few girls, were apprehended at an old abandoned house when passing drivers reported that they smelled something foul coming from the property. They were arrested on misdemeanor possession and trespassing charges and, instead of paying a lofty fine, all of them opted to have flyers of their faces posted downtown, depicting their crimes. You frantically wrack your brain for the images of the perpetrators to see if you were able to connect the dots before, your jaw drops in realization.

“Holy shit.” You murmur, your mouth turning up in a grin before a fit of giggles escapes your lips. “Oh my god was he one of those kids?” Your wide eyes search Taehyung and Jimin’s expressions as they laugh along with you, nodding. There were quite a few mugshots you remember seeing downtown and Yoongi wasn’t one you remember seeing but, you had to guess that if they were bringing him up in connection with that story, that he was obviously involved somehow.

“Oh god, maybe that’s why he always acts so nervous, he’s probably waiting for me to recognize him.” Your giggling falters a bit; another realization comes over you that causes your expression to fall slightly. “Wait that’s kind of shitty though, like I get that what they did was wrong but, that’s pretty humiliating.”

Taehyung splutters on his grape juice as he scoffs.

“Are you kidding me? They loved it! They went viral on twitter; they made t shirts with their mugshots on it!” Taehyung and Jimin are still chuckling as, Jungkook finally looks up from his food, realization finally reaching his features.

“Oh yeah,” Jungkook’s tone draws out the word, as a cheeky smile appears. “I got some good memes out of that. I’ll never let Jay live that down.”

“Wait, how do you guys know so much about it? That was more of a local story than national news.” The question passes your lips as you reach for another breadstick. Taehyung lets out another laugh as he looks over at Jungkook.

“We had a fraternity brother, Jay,” He nods to Jungkook, connecting the dots between Jungkook’s previous statement and his own. “, who transferred to your campus sophomore year.  I think he was only here for 3 months before, he was caught up. He called us the day they were released, laughing his ass off.” Taehyung shakes his head, chuckling as he takes another sip of juice. “He’s an idiot but, he sent us free t shirts so, I wasn’t mad. Honestly, it sounds a lot worse than it actually was. Jay told me that they had less than a gram on them and, not everyone was smoking. Jay was but, most of them weren’t so, maybe your darling Yoongi was just guilty by association.”  He offers, wiping his hands on the napkin.

Jimin giggles again, smacking Taehyung’s arm, his demeanor absolutely delighted. You roll your eyes, scrapping the last bit of pasta into your mouth.

“I’m sure he was lighting up with the rest of them.” You admit, smirking. The thought of Yoongi smoking wasn’t exactly appealing to you but, you weren’t going to judge him based on some stupid decision he made his sophomore year.

“Jay’s was in my 2nd tier modern dance class when it happened and, the day he came back, the girls were all over him.” Jimin chimes in, throwing back more wine. “Honestly, Y/N how did you not know it was him? It was all over campus.”

The answer was simple: your University was huge. There were over 45,000 students attending your school and, considering the fact that Yoongi was a music major, the two of you weren’t likely to cross paths.

“I’ve honestly never seen him before; we’re in completely different programs. Have you ever talked to him?” You inquired, looking at Jimin. You couldn’t understand why you were so curious. Yoongi was hot yes but, there were a lot of hot guys in the world. His appearance didn’t really offer any insight as to why you wished you knew more about him. He was just, interesting.

“He’s been in a few of my classes over the years but, as you said, he’s kind of quiet. I’m surprised you managed to have a conversation with him.” Jimin adds, his expression still holding a bit of humor.

“Well he’s my partner for our final project so, we kind of have to talk to each other.” You explain causing Taehyung and Jimin to ignite with mischief. Again.

“At least, the two of you will have plenty of time to get to know each other then.” Taehyung’s tone is suggestive, his tongue clicking in his mouth at his innuendo.

“Here’s hoping it’s a lengthy and difficult project.” Jimin raises his wine glass before chugging the last of the sweet liquid.

“Why would you hope for something like that?” Jungkook finally chimes in again, the confusion returning to his face before he lifts his juice box up. “I hope the project goes well Y/N, finish strong so, we can all finally YEET out of school together.” At that, you giggle, tapping your wine glass against Jungkook’s juice box.

“Thanks Kookie.” 

————————————————————————————————————-

“Alright guys, so, last class we got to know our partners and hopefully, you all exchanged some form of contact information now,” Professor James moves through the room with ease as he speaks, his brown eyes scanning the room for confirmation.

The rest of your weekend had flown by, as you had spent the entirety of it at Jimin’s apartment; wanting to spend as much time as possible with Jungkook and Taehyung before, you had to say goodbye to them until graduation. Monday was a drag, so you were thankful that your Tuesday’s were much more interesting. Yoongi was sat in the seat beside you claiming, that, ‘I might as well sit next to you so, neither of us will have to get up.’ Eyes glancing in his direction, you tried to mask the smile forming on your mouth as you recall the new information you had learned over the weekend. It was hard to believe that someone who literally looked like a kitten, could have been involved in scandalous activity. Min Yoongi: the troublemaker, you had to admit, it suited him.

“So, today I want to get into how the project actually works. You and your partner will begin by reviewing each others fear hierarchies, which I will be handing back today,” He holds up the stack of papers up in his hand “Well done by the way, no one submitted plans for crocodile wrestling.” He jests, adjusting the glasses on his face before, continuing. “After you review each others hierarchies, you will need to assemble some sort of outline for how this project should play out. Now remember, although I am not condoning any dangerous activity, I am encouraging that you do your best to study your fear as close as possible. My goal isn’t to change you or even to diminish your fear response. My goal and, the objective of this project is to show that there are ways you can become more comfortable with certain,” Professor James emphasize the word. “unpleasant situations, like looking at a spider or, taking an elevator to the top floor of a tall building.”

He moves to the front of the room, adjusting his argyle printed blazer as he leans against his desk. “My suggestion is that you and your partner each approach one fear at a time. As I mentioned previously, I am expecting the exposures to be light. I’m not expecting you to go bungee jumping or deep-sea diving but, with that being said, if you choose to confront a fear directly, please do so safely and with the assistance of a professional. If any of you are seeing a therapist or a counselor, I encourage you to speak with them before and after the experience. Overall, I would prefer that you focus on documenting how you feel during this process whilst supporting your partner along the way.”

Yoongi shifts in his seat, his long fingers coming up to rub behind his neck as his eyes stay locked onto Professor James. His gaze was almost innocent as he stared at your professor: eyes wide and glossy.

“I’m going to start handing these back to you and, I want you and your partner to share your list and, then decide when you will conduct your first planned exposure. I will need you to submit the date to me by the end of the class so, I can award participation points.”

The shuffling of paper is heard throughout the room as Professor James hands off the stack of papers to those seated in the front row. Your paper comes back to you a moment later with a red check mark at the top, signifying that the list was approved. Shifting slightly in your seat, your fingers pull down on the bottom of your sweatshirt before, nodding to Yoongi.

“Did he write any notes on yours?” You inquire. Yoongi shakes his head, his eyes trained on his list before, he looks up at you.

“No, what about you?” His features are in their usual place: uninterested, sleepy, ethereal, etc. Though, this time, he at least made an effort to continue the conversation, no matter how small that effort might be.

“No, I think I’m good. Did you want to trade papers really quick?” You offer, your hand extending out to hand him your list. Yoongi eyes it suspiciously, your paper reaching his desk before, presumably deciding to hand over his list. You can’t contain your curiosity as your eyes frantically scan the piece of notebook paper, the curiosity burning inside of you.

           1. Dyeing My Hair

           2. Roller Coasters

           3. The Ocean

           4. Horror Movies

           5. Night Clubs

You were relieved that Yoongi also opted to list five fears because, not only did it work out for the project’s sake but, it also made you feel like less of a baby. Yoongi’s features curve up in amusement as he reads your list and, you can already sense the question that is about to pass his lips.

“Opera, really?” Yoongi snickers as you roll your eyes, your expression one of incredulity.

“Look, I have my reasons ok? Once I tell you the story, it will make perfect sense.” You insist as Yoongi cackles lightly. He has the strangest laugh. It was sort of maniacal, like a child who got away with stealing the last cookie from the cookie jar. However, it was fucking endearing just, like everything else he does so, you can’t help but, giggle along with him as your finger zooms down to point at his list.

“What about you huh? Dyeing your hair? What’s so scary about that?” You pester, playing him at his own game.

“Look, I have my reasons ok? Once I tell you the story, it will make perfect sense.” Yoongi repeats as he attempts to imitate your tone, and, in return, he gets an eraser thrown his direction causing his rickety laughter to make another appearance.

The two of you decide to meet at your apartment on Thursday night as, Yoongi wasn’t free tonight and you weren’t free Wednesday night; Jimin had asked you to come over to help him decide what costume to wear for his dance showcase later that month so, Wednesday was a no-go.  Yoongi writes Thursday’s date on the paper and, drops it onto Professor James’s as the class finishes up. He seems like he was rushed so, you didn’t bother trying to say goodbye as he wove his way in and out of the crowd. You had to admit that these morsels of conversation weren’t really cutting it. Silence was much appreciated in your world however, conversing with Yoongi was interesting. He was witty and surprising and, as cliché as it sounded, he was different than most of the guys you had encountered lately. Adjusting the backpack on your shoulder, you begin to make your way back to your apartment, secretly relishing in the knowledge that Yoongi, and his pretty stupid mouth, would at least be in your world for the remainder of the semester.

[queeniewriteshockey]

Hi Ive had a really horrible day today so in a bid to cheer myself up, i was wondering if you could tell the funniest thing thats ever happend to you

At the drop of a hat, it’s hard to come up with something. 

BUT

One thing that made me die laughing was something a co-worker did last year. 

She and I worked the early shifts. 6am-2pm. She would get in and spend...idk 45 mins doing jack shit because that’s just who she was. I didn’t really care. Hey, I was happy to fuck around and not work and still get paid. 

Well, the thing about early morning shifts is that you’re generally tired and in massive need of caffeine. So one day, we went down to the break room - a normal affair. She made herself a coffee and put her lunch away. I hung out because work coffee is GROSS. 

So we’re talking and I’m over here ranting and raving about our bag of dicks boss who I would love to duct tape to a chair and push down the 17 floor elevator shaft. She’s just happy to listen to me go the fuck off about this guy because she agrees but I’m more colorful. 

She’s not paying attention to much but she’s got her creamer (brought from home because she’s just like that) and the coffee is done and she pours said creamer into the cup. Meanwhile, I’m talking to her and she’s fueling the fire of hate that burns in the belly and all of a sudden she looks down at her coffee and goes “...Why are there green things floating in my coffee?” 

This gets me to stop what I was going off about because “What?” 

She holds up her cup and goes “There are green things in my coffee.” 

So I walk over to her and sure enough, green little leaf things floating in her cup. I pick up the creamer container and hold it out to her, a smile on my face and say “Ranch Dressing” 

She had poured her salad dressing in her coffee and put the creamer in the fridge with her salad. 

She stops for a moment, stares at her cup and the bottle in my hand and just about dies right there on the spot. She’s in hysterics, can’t believe she did that. She really does need coffee. She’s also REALLY glad she at least looked at the cup before she drank from it. Which, tbh, makes me lose it even more. 

The break room services 17 floors of people and we are but 2 people from one floor but every single person that came in stopped and judged us for how hard we were laughing at 6am. 

We’re talking tears down the face, wet our pants, no sound coming out, gasping for breath laughter. 

Moral of the story... Ranch is a good condiment for a lot of things. Coffee isn’t one of them. 

[swiftdec13]

Meeting Taylor 7/27/2018

Ok... Get ready for a WILD ride.

Flashback to May 25, 2018. I flew to Denver to see Taylor with my best friend. He moved across the country after high school and we always make sure that we see a show wherever he is living at the time (he moves around a lot) and where I am, which is always Upstate, NY because I’m a homebody!!!

SO, this is where life started to take a downhill for me. Before getting on the plane, I had a panic attack and I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make it to Denver. I kept reminding myself, it’s for Taylor, you have to go, it’s for Taylor. I was SO sick the entire time in Denver from anxiety. On show night, we found out that our seats were right at the barricade that Taylor was going to walk through and naturally, I was balling my eyes out, I could NOT believe that I was going to be THAT close to Taylor. I have seen Taylor live 8 times altogether throughout the years and NEVER have I EVER been able to be standing within an arms reach of her!!!! 

The show was rough. As I mentioned before, I was feeling SO sick. At one point I legit thought I was going to have to get security to help me out BUT I kept telling myself, you are NOT missing the chance of being able to grab Taylor’s hand, NO WAY NOT HAPPENING. So it was time for her to walk through the crowd and Mitch got mine and his reaction on tape, which was actually really hysterical so I posted it on Tumblr in hopes that Taylor would see it because seriously ya’ll it was priceless. 

So, fast forward to June 15. I was laying in bed minding my own business, reblogging my posts as per usual and ALL OF A SUDDEN, my Tumblr starts BLOWING up. Taylor had liked the video of Mitch and I... not only that, she straight up LURKED me and liked 7 things, including a selfie and I DIED. I called Mitchel and was BALLING, I’m pretty sure that he thought an emergency was happening but once I told him, we were both FREAKING out, we couldn’t believe it. Taylor and I have been mutuals for like 4 years and this was the first time she properly noticed me and I was living a dream. 

Alright, fast forward again to the beginning of July. I was sitting in the movies with Mitch while he was visiting and my entire body started shaking for no reason. I could not calm it down for the life of me. It continued to shake all night and I felt SO sick. The next morning, the 4th of July actually, I told my Mom for the first time that I thought I was suffering from an anxiety breakdown. We went to on call wondering if maybe it was dehydration but, everything checked out normal. I called my Dr. straight away and the office was closed for 5 days straight. For 5 days, I laid on my couch, sicker than I have ever been in my entire life. So nauseous, my body shaking off and on, it was literal hell. I finally got to the Dr’s. and explained to her that I believed I was suffering from major anxiety that just popped up and overtook me. She agreed and I started to see a therapist and began medicine. Ok, the first night on the medicine, I about DIED, I was so sick, getting sick in the trash can, with a non stop shaking body and I was so scared. I called my Aunt and cried and told her I needed to go to the hospital. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t move, I just wanted to die. My Aunt came over the next day and we sat down with my Mom trying to figure out what to do and I went to stay with my Aunt for a week because she has been through something similar. That week, was the scariest week of my life. I couldn’t go out in public, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I felt nauseous 24/7 and all I did was cry. 

OK, FAST FORWARD AGAIN, so now I’m like 2 weeks into my medicine and the Dr. said about 10 days things should start improving but you don’t see full effects until about week 6. SO, I still feel nauseous daily and my appetite is just starting to return. It’s still difficult to go out in public and my hands pretty much shake non stop, which is really annoying. I keep making myself go out every day because I know that it will be beneficial. SO, it’s a week before the Gillette shows and I had tickets to all three nights. I knew that there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to be able to go with how sick I’ve been. I called Mitch and sadly told him that I had to call everything off, and when I say sadly, I mean, SADLY. I was so depressed. That weekend is all that I was looking forward too all summer and I wasn’t strong enough to go. Mitch being the great friend that he is only cared about my health so he understood completely. 

FAST FORWARD to Tuesday, July 24th. I was leaving my therapist appointment and ALL OF A SUDDEN, around 12:30 in the afternoon, I have a DM from Taylor Nation. SO, I try to remain as calm as possible, because, anxiety, and I called Mitchel and staying calm didn’t work out so well. I was SO sick waiting for that phone call. Around 6:45 in the evening, I got a phone call from a New York caller and I FREAKIN’ REJECTED THE CALL BY ACCIDENT. I called back over and over and left a voicemail and talk about SICK. I couldn’t sleep the entire night, and my stupid body was shaking again, and I thought that was my one chance to meet Taylor and I freakin’ BLEW IT.

SO, the next morning, Wednesday, sick as shit again, I just prayed to GOD that they called me back. A little after 11 in the afternoon, I got a call again from a New York number and it was Taylor Nation and PHEW thank you LORD. SO I gave her all of my information and she was super nice. Later that day everything was confirmed for meeting Taylor Friday and WOW what a DREAM. 

Now the nerves set in. I had no idea how I was going to survive this trip. The night before, Thursday, I was a nervous wreck. I was so sick, legit like leaning over toilet dying and I was so scared. I was just praying that somehow I could myself together because I could NOT miss this opportunity. The next morning, I was feeling pretty calm and I was READY TO MEET TAYLOR SWIFT. I picked Mitch up around 8 am and we set off to Massachusetts. As the day went on, my anxiety started popping up here and there but it was manageable, I just kept reminding myself that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I’ve been waiting 12 years for and my stupid anxiety was NOT going to ruin it for me.

So we had to pick up the meet and greet paper at will call between 4-5 pm on Friday. This is when the nerves really started kicking in because other people were waiting for the paper too and it just wasn’t coming and we were all freaking out. FINALLY the paper came closer to 5. So, we went through security and the paper said to ask the guards for help. I went up to a group of security guards and they kept telling me, were told there was no meet and greets for this show, where did you get this paper? I was trying to explain and the guy TOOK MY PAPER AND WALKED AWAY and I wanted to DIE. He came back and goes yea, no meet and greets, after using his walkie talkie, So, I SNATCHED THAT PAPER SO QUICK AND SAID, I’LL FIND IT MYSELF THANK YOU!!!!!

I’m FREAKING out at this point because neither Mitchel or myself know where to go or what to do and we had 20 mins. at this point to get there. I ran into amazing Tumblr people who literally ran around the stadium trying to help me. I’ll be forever grateful to that group of girls because not only did they help us find the meeting spot, they stayed with us the entire time until we went backstage reassuring me that everything would be ok. At this point, the stadium is legit SPINNING and Mitch just kept telling me to breathe and take a minute to myself.

We finally get backstage and I CANNOT BELIEVE that I’m standing inside of the REP ROOM. There was polaroid cameras that we got to use and water and sodas for us. I’m not sure how long we were in there before meeting Taylor but, it felt like a lifetime and I was slowly sinking ship. FINALLY it’s time to start lining up to meet Taylor. Mitch and I were called second. We had talked in the car about what we wanted to say, etc. and keep in mind that originally I wanted to ask Taylor to sing Change, I’ve been posting it on Tumblr for months, but I told Mitch to forget about it because I was like, she never will. Before going into REP ROOM I ran into another Tumblr Swiftie and Taylor had told her the night before that she was thinking about singing Change for Friday night and I ABOUT DIED CRYING BEFORE EVEN GOING IN TO MEET TAYLOR. I COULDN’T BELIEVE??? DID SHE SEE MY POSTS??? HOW WAS MY LUCK FALLING INTO PLACE LIKE THAT??? THIS NEVER HAPPENS IN MY LIFE.

SO, it’s our turn to go in. I pushed Mitch in first because I was legit SCARED LOL. Mitch walked in and I followed closely behind and Taylor goes, oh heyyyyy, like she knew us forever. She hugged Mitchel and then hugged me. She goes, look at you guys, you look so good, I love the snake vibes you have going on!!!! Mitchel goes, WOW you’re so tall!!!! Are you wearing heels??? Taylor laughed and was like I know right, I am so tall, but yes, I’m also wearing heels. Mitch then proceeded to remind me to give Taylor the snake ring that I had for her, mind you I have yet to say anything because I was just IN SHOCK. She is so beautiful, and WOW like in person she’s not even real??? So, I hand her the ring and she puts it on and says oh my gosh thank you so much!!!!! SO there was like an awkward silence and finally I turn to Mitch and I go, I’m going to start crying, and I turn back to Taylor and I am full on UGLY CRYING SOBBING at this point. She was looking me in the eye, like she genuinely cared about what I had to say, and I said, I’m having a really hard summer and I just wanted to thank you for wanting to meet me. Taylor goes, aw of course, and I said, I just sit and listen to Change and I know that things will get better, your music helps me so much. Taylor’s eyes, I can’t even explain her facial expression like she genuinely felt my pain and cared so much. She hugged me and she was like I’m so sorry that you’re having a hard summer, I hate hard summers. Then when she let go she goes, would you like me to sing that song for you tonight? I was like yes thank you so much... she was like yea? That would be good? I haven’t played it in like 8 years but I can make it happen. I’m still full on sobbing guys. 

She goes should we take a picture?? So we walked over to the picture spot and Mitch goes, what side Britt, and Taylor laughed and goes, yea get your good side girl. At this point I’m so zoned out, I couldn’t even remember what I did for the picture. I don’t even remember Taylor’s head leaning on mine hahaha. SO, after the picture, Taylor hugged Mitch again and then came over to me hugged me for SO LONG GUYS. Like, legit I start sobbing again over her shoulder and she was like, I hope that your summer gets better because you don’t deserve this. It will get better, because these things will change, right? and I said right... and still full on sobbing. So we said bye and I said thank you, and I honestly can’t remember what I last said. I just remember I heard Taylor like sigh, a sigh like oh my gosh, poor girl, LOL. I never even once said I love you and you mean so much to me??? What’s wrong with me!!!!

ANYWAYS, flash forward to the show. At this point, I’m really losing steam. I can feel my body so tense and so nervous and the nausea started to return but I kept telling myself, you need to make it to the surprise song, there’s NO WAY you can miss this. So, FINALLY it’s that time. I had NO idea that Taylor was going to legit CALL ME OUT ON STAGE and basically dedicate Change to me but I was full on SOBBING AGAIN. I looked around the stadium and felt like 60,000 people were telling me to keep fighting because these things will change and I can’t even describe the feeling that went through my body.

There are NO words to express how grateful I am that Taylor did all of this for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve this all but, it was worth the 12 years of standing on the sidelines wishing for that moment. I still have a long battle to fight but I’m never giving up because these things will change, can you feel it now? Thank you so much, @taylorswift this night meant SO much to me. I love you!!!

[vickiabelson]

Stories, stories, and more stories, one better than the next, all fantastical! Peter Riegert exceeded my high expectations and that’s an exceedingly tall order.

Somehow 2 hrs and 45 min flew by in an instant, yet at the same time, we got to know so much about Peter, his life, his work, his thoughts, his heart, and his art. 

From the Bronx boy playing stickball to marching with Martin, who had a dream, to an underachieving student, teacher, and waiter, Bella Abzug, to improv, War Babies to Peter’s first resume and headshot––hysterical story! From Off-Broadway, a Marx Brother, to Mamet, aligning lives and love with Bette Midler, Mash, Coma, to the game changer, Animal House, how he got it, so many stories from there to here… Bette, F. Murray Abraham, Tom Matheson, John Belushi,  Karen Allen, Mark Metcalf, Chilly Scenes of Winter, John Heard, an Academy Award nomination, Crossing Delancey, Amy Irving, the pickle man––a chick magnet, Local Hero, how that came to be, what it meant to him, crazy stories, one of which brought a tear or two to both our eyes. Burt Lancaster, with whom he shared a long ago historical memory, to Tony Soprano and how James Gandolfini allowed Peter a searingly horrifying yet graceful exit from The Sopranos to Succession and the Amazon crime drama he begins filming on Friday. 

We hit highlights of Peter’s work, dug deep into the man, and I hope, gained a new friend.  As accessible and fun as Animal House’s Boon, as charming and emotional as Crossing Delancey’s Sam, and as savvy, transformative, and thoughtful as Local Hero’s Mac, Peter Riegert is a warm, complex, fiercely talented human whom I’ve adored since first sight, and respect and appreciate even more now. This time with him was a gift. He's a mensch beyond measure. I so needed the laughs and the eggs. 

Peter Riegert Live on Game Changers With Vicki Abelson

Wednesday, 9/7/22, 5 pm PT, 8 pm ET

Streamed Live on my Facebook

Replay here: https://bit.ly/3QojuLN

[guccisvt]

**DISCLAIMER** this story is literally 70% toilet humor. But its also a great story and everyone that ive told it to has laughed their asses off lmao

So I was in 8th grade, and we had a field trip to the closest high school for an orientation thingy. I was having some ~stomach issues~ the morning of, but i was all like "fuck it im a bad bitch i can go!" So I go to the high school, and everything is going great!!! But then, deep in my stomach, i can feel my intestines starting to twist. So im like fuck. I'm only 15 minutes in to this 4 hour field trip and my stomach is already killing me. So i have one of the BiG hiGhScHoOl kids escort me to the restroom. I'm literally about to shit myself, and this dude is walking 0.2 miles an hour. So we make it to the bathroom, and HE IS STANDING OUTSIDE THE FUCKING DOOR WAITING FOR ME. So I'm like "I cant let this hot older dude know im shitting, so i guess I have to let it all out in 2 mins MAX." I walk into the bathroom, and EVERY single stall is occupied. So I walk out of the bathroom and I'm like "hey dude, is there another bathroom? This one is full and i really gotta fucking piss." And hes all like "theres only one more bathroom and its upstairs." (Keep in mind this is a school in the middle of the city and about 3000 kids go to it. Only 2 bathrooms??) So im like fuck it lets go back, I'll just wait until lunch. Through this entire field trip I'm fucking dying, and I eventually end up in the nurses office because I need to shit so bad. My dad refused to pick me up, so i had to get on the bus and go back to my school and wait until 3pm for him to get off work and pick me up. And thats not even the best part.

Its 2:45, the school is empty (aside from the janitor slowly making his way up the hall), my phone is dead and my sister is at home sick. I had the sudden urge to go to the bathroom, so I left ALL of my belongings in the hallway and ran to the bathroom. Fast forward to after I'm done relieving myself, I go to reach for the TP and its empty. So I'm like fuck. I can hear the janitor walking towards the bathroom, I have no toilet paper, my dad is going to be here any second, and there is NO WAY I'm walking out of here with nast ass diarrhea on me. So I'm left with one solution. I have to use my fucking sock to wipe my fucking ass. I cried as I did it, it was a new low for me. I pull myself together and throw the sock in the sanitary waste bin and get the fuck out of there. The janitor walked in right as i was leaving (I'm sorry Mr. Garrison). I got into my dads car and started BAWLING. Hes like "Ema what's wrong??? What happened??" So I, with my big ass attitude, scream, "I HAD TO WIPE MY ASS WITH MY FAVORITE FUCKING SOCK BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T PICK ME UP." This man starts laughing hysterically, and I'm like how rude.

So yeah that was the worst day of my life.

-berry

[katieamazeballs]

DWTS Tour Recap

I’m going to do this like I did SYTYCD. Most everyone has seen the dances so I’ll just tell you our faves then talk about the experience.

We left the house about 3:45 with a plan of finding the arena, finding our prepaid parking, scoping out the buses, finding dinner, doing the show, then standing at the bus after. (It is very important to know that while I have lived in Greater Jax for 34 of my 38 Years, I hate downtown and avoid it at all costs. I have no idea how to get anywhere and it’s all one way streets and it intimidates me so I just don’t do it.) We we’re following Siri and everything was wonderful and BAM!!! The street I’m supposed to turn on is blocked by police and I had no idea what to do because I have no idea where I’m going. So, much to Siri’s displeasure, I figured if I was supposed to turn left on this street, I’ll find another street that goes that way then turn once the roadblock is cleared. It worked out, we got there, and I saw the end of the roadblock about a block from the arena (also a very important detail). I found the arena to the right, the garage to the left, and holy crap.....that can’t really be the buses parked right there in front!!! The Landing (an always failing shopping center dining place) is right next door so we decided to just park and go for it. It was about 4:15.

We walked around the arena a few times with Abs stalking in the windows and we kept circling back to the buses while I checked Insta. All of a sudden the girls are posting stories walking over the overpass laughing about the roads being closed and I was like OH MY GOD!!!! They’re right over where that road block is!! I grabbed Abbie’s hand and we booked it over there. Right as we got to that corner of the arena (the other side from where the buses were) I saw them coming straight for us. I noticed Hayley and Morgan first. I said “Oh my god, Abbie!! That’s them!” She didn’t believe me until they got a little closer and she recognized Jenna. Her mouth dropped and it was adorable. They noticed the fangirling child waving and they came towards us as opposed to ducking their heads and heading past (Artem and Hayley......seriously though.....who intentionally ignores a star struck child like that?!?!). Jenna made eye contact with me, looked at Abs, looked back at me and her eyes got super wide and I know I joke about her reading here, but I swear she was like omg also.......it was probably a “damnit guys, I told you if you storied they’d find us” thing but I am choosing to believe she knew exactly who we were and was looking to me to say “you’re gonna contain her, right?”. We were both so star struck that we completely forgot Abs had a purse full of notes for everyone....whoops. She hugged both of us and told us she was glad we could come and asked if we wanted to take a picture. Both Abs and I were still in shock so sadly, we didn’t get to talk to her much other than telling her how excited we were to meet her. Next up was Morgan and Sharna. I went over and gave Morgan a big hug because I sometimes feel like with her being the new girl that she doesn’t get the fans like that. I gave her her cards and she grabbed me for another hug and told me thank you so much. Then I looked over and Abs was talking Sharna up. She can’t remember what they talked about but had given her her cards and Sharna asked me if I wanted to take a picture. She yelled “jump in here, Morgs” and I got all three of them. Then I jumped in and gave her a hug and told her I was a huge fan and she squeezed me and did the shoulder scratchy thingy and made that noise and it’s every bit as amazing as you think it is!!! Next up was Emma who was bringing up the rear of the group and had so very nicely waited for us so we could say hi. When Abs saw her she just lost it. She still doesn’t know why she cried and I honestly think she was just so overwhelmed at seeing those three faves that she got emotional. Emma was so freakin sweet comforting her! Gah! I love her! Abs has made Ruby a bracelet and put it in Sasha’s card so she dug it out and gave it to Emma. Emma was so sweet she grabbed her for another hug and told her Rubes would love it. Abs had asked both Em and Shar where Alan was and both said they had no idea and they hadn’t seen him all day.

We walked back towards the buses and she was looking at the pictures and I looked up and Alan was standing by the bus going through his suitcase. I said “Abbie look!” She was staring at him mouth wide open and he waved. She. Lost. Her. Shit. I told her to go talk to him and she was rooted to the spot and sobbing. He saw that and dropped his clothes he was holding, moved the security fence, and rushed over in his socks and sweatpants to comfort her. I was so busy grabbing the stuff she had just dropped that I didn’t get them on video but he was so sweet to her. She told him he had sent her a video and he told her Sgt Snippins showed him her response video and he might as well have just asked her to marry him. I took a few pics then he asked if she wanted to take “normal one where we could see her face”. She declined but let up her grip a little so he could breathe and I took a few more. Then I hugged him and told him thank you for being so gracious and for the video and he said he’d do anything for his fans and winked at Abs (yes, I revived her after she died). He gave her another hug and went back to his suitcase and went inside.

We went around the front of the buses and Brandon and Sasha were there. Brandon was spray painting his sneakers (yeah, you read that right) and Sasha was coming out of the bus. Brandon is adorable, btw. She gave both of them their notes and we chatted with Sasha because Brandon was on a white shoe mission and didn’t want us to get hit with the spray paint. Abs asked where Ruby was and he told her she was inside. She was telling him how funny she thinks he is when Emma came out of the arena to tell Sasha that his food was inside (they were all bearing food for those that weren’t with them) . She ran over and gave us hugs again and asked her if she’d seen Alan yet because she had told him that an awesome kid named Abbie was looking for him. I swear, she is the sweetest. Other people had found us by then (we had private meetings all that time) so we walked away to give others a turn. We saw Gleb walking over. I pointed him out and Abs took off running yelling his name and security chased her down....it was freaking hysterical even though he ended up ignoring the crazy short blonde.

She called my mom and I uploaded the pictures for y’all and then Alan and Jordan came out of the arena jogging away. He blew Abs a kiss and waved, Jordan pretended he was invisible. At this point the other 6-7 people came from where they were talking to Emma/Sasha/Brandon and we were comparing pics and chatting. We were the only ones who had met any of the others, including Alan. After about 15 min Alan and Jordan came jogging back up. Alan was on the phone and Jordan again played invisible. We hung out for about 10-15 more minutes and it was about 5:45 Abs we figured that at this point everyone was inside for good and we went next door and got dinner.

Now the show. It is, of course, amazing!! Y’all know that. My favorite dances were the Haylan + Brandon dance, Jenna and Alan’s dance, the entire Disney section, and the dance Keo and Linds do in his sparkly red suit. Abs loved all the Alan dances (duh) and the funny dance Esha does. She also loved Disney and got misty eyed during the Esha engagement dance. Frankie is absolutely hysterical and just as terrible of a dancer as week one....but he’s just so damn loveable and funny!!

After the show we headed back to the buses. The security guy came out and told us that everyone probably wasn’t coming out because some of them had plans and had to leave at about 10:30 and that he’d let us know when no one else would come out so we didn’t just stand there. Morgan, Sasha, Alan, Sharna, and Keo came out to greet fans. I chose to not take pics with Morgan and Sasha because there was a large crowd and a time crunch and we had already taken pics. Abs got them to sign her program though. Alan came out and ran over to us and gave her a hug and congratulated her on keeping it together this time and asked if I wanted a pic since she had some. Next came Sharna and she also remembered us because of Abs shirt and hugged us and asked if we loved the show and signed her program and our makeup bags. She told the guy next to us he had to figure his own phone out because she doesn’t do technology 😂. Keo came by last. He took his sweet time with everyone and was so nice! The guy next to us was telling him he hopes he gets a better partner and Keo balked and said he loves his partners. A couple of us said we loved Charo and he said she was his favorite. Abs misunderstood Charo as Sharna and said “Oh, she’s over there”. Y’all.....the look of terror that crossed his face was absolutely hysterical. He goes “what?!?! Where?!?!” While looking for his escape route. I said “No! She thought you said Sharna”. Keo took a breath, regained his coloring, and yelled “cuchi cuchi!”. Abs asked if he had seen Linds and he said that at this point, everyone is exhausted and in need of privacy and that a group goes off to do things each day and the rest spend time alone so they honestly don’t see each other if they’re choosing to not do the group thing that day. At some point during meeting everyone, 2 cars drove by behind us one laying on the horn with Jordan yelling “Hey Guys!” from the backseat. A little bit later the guy came back out and told us everyone else had gone in those cars and that he was so sorry if we didn’t get to meet who we wanted. Abs was bummed about not meeting Linds, me about Hayley. We asked the guy if he would give the rest of our notes to the cast and he must have because by the time we got home Jenna had liked my insta post, Alan my tweet, and Artem had posted my note to his story!!

All in all, it was the most amazing night and I’m so damn glad Abs and I were able to do it!

[shiroxkeith]

I am extremely scared and worried for one of my longest lasting best friends and I need some answers. Me and my best friend have been best friends since we went to our church’s pre-school and I’ve never seen this happen to her before. We are both 14 and this seems a bit weird for our age. We were driving back from dinner with our moms and her boy friend, when we stopped at a resting area, we were in the restroom and she was walking out with her mom who’s she extremely close too, but I asked her to stay with me when I was washing my hands, and she stood next to me and was looking in the mirror. she usually likes looking in the mirror, when there is one to look in, but there was something different this time, she started feeling her face and saying “there’s something wrong with my face, i don’t recognize myself” I shrugged it off, cause I thought she was just tired or being silly. We Wlked out side of the bathrooms and we stopped to look at some pamphlets, we grabbed some to a zoo(it was a Australian zoo) and aquarium, I asked her if she wanted to get some chips with me and she said sure, the vending machines aren’t connected to the rest of the place, so there aren’t any doors or walls on the place, and then she started acting REALLY paranoid but I thought it was just because it was around 6:30 and it was already dark. So I got my stuff and we started walking back to the car with her bf, then we started driving back home. We went to dinner about 45-1hour away from our houses, and the closest hospitals. We were about 15 mins away from the rest stop when she started uncontrollably sobbing and saying stuff like “I’m sorry mommy I forgot to take my pill this morning” I knew what she was talking about, it was her anti-acid and allergy pills. Then she would stop crying for a second, turn her head and then start hysterically laughing, I was sitting next to her and her bf was right behind her, and then he said to her mom “this had happened before but has only lasted a few minutes and then she would sleep, they’ve never lasted this long. My mom asked her to say her ABC’s and she did but then she would get really confused or side tracked very easily, which she doesn’t do, and she has a 4.0 gpa so this should have been easy for her, she would sometimes stop and then say them again, and them my mom asked her to count to 20, she did perfectly fine with that. This went on for about 30 mins until we got to her house, to drop my mom and her bf off, and I went with them to the emergency room, on the way there, she would scratch her neck and head and say “there’s something there I can feel it” and then she would talk to herself, and she would say “I like my eyes closed, I like the darkness” she would random things like “that big machine (a car) looks like iron man........ you like iron man!(she was talking to me)” and the next thing scared me, we were driving down a road to the hospital but there was a church and a apartment building on each side, she said “that place looks scary, I don’t like that place.” Her mom said “which one?” She said “both.” I told her “but we went to church this morning” she returned with “I don’t know where your getting that cause I don’t know what church is” That startled me because me she has literally gone to church with her mom every Sunday since we were kids. When we finally got to the emergency room, they asked her to pee in a cup, and so we all went to the bath room with her, but strangely she took off her boots and pants to just pee in it, and then her mom had to go take it to a nurse, so I was left in there with her, and she got dressed perfectly fine by herself but she I told her she had to wash her hands, she got scared my the mirror and so I held her jacket in front of the mirror so she could then we walked back out to the waiting room. She eventually got a x-ray and head CT and then she was taken to her room, me and my mom went back to her room and after a few hours of waiting.

I ran out of room so I’ll continue this on a new post..

[nothing-but-kpop-dreams]

BTS Reaction: You having a pet baby iguana (requested)

Sorry this took a bit longer than expected. Sorry for any errors.

Jin/Kim Seokjin:

“And this is my bedroom!” you said, showing Jin your bedroom in your new apartment.

“Wait! What is that?” Jin asked, pointing to the terrarium in the corner of your room.

“My terrarium…”

 “But what is in it?” he asked and he went up to the glass.

“My iguana. Her name is ______.”

“But when did you even get it?!? I helped you move out of your old place and like, there was no iguana! Not even talk about getting one!”

“Things change when you leave on tour for 3 months Jin.” you laughed.

“Yeah, yeah… Can I hold her?”

“Sure!” you pulled _____ out of her terrarium and held her out for Jin to hold.

He was hesitant at first, laughing nervously as his hands came closer to her. ”Wow!  She feels weird but cool!” he giggled as he brought his arm to eye level and try and make eye contact with _______. “You know what would be cute on her?”

“What?”

“Hold her again for a sec.” 

You did so, staring at him in confusion as he grabbed a sticky note from your desk and tore it in half.

“What are you doing?”

“Wait.” he mumbled as he folded that paper. “Got it!” Then he went up to you. “It’s a bow!” 

He smiled as he placed the paper bow on _________’s head. _________ kept still, completely unphased by the bow.

“She looks so much cuter now!” he cheered.

Suga/Min Yoongi:

“So this is your place?” he smirked as he walked in to the door way of your apartment. “And this whole time you were hinting that you lived so far away!”

“Well when you are as lazy as I am, everything feels far away.” you said as you threw yourself onto your couch.

You patted the empty sat next to you, inviting him to sit down.

“So what other secrets do you have?”

You laughed a bit. “Well my apartments isn’t exactly a secret.” 

“Aish, let me rephrase that. What other things did you mislead me about?” he asked jokingly

“…I have a cow.” you smirked.

He raised his eyebrows at you. “ A cow? How the fuck do you have a cow in this apartment?”

“Its a baby cow.” you giggled

“Nah, you’re laughing, that means you are just messing with me!”

“I’m serious!”

“Then show me!”

“I will! Give me a second.”

You ran to your room, gently picking up your iguana and walking carefully back to the living room. “Here she is!” you beamed.

He turned around to you. “That’s not a cow, that’s a lizard!”

“She is an iguana. Female iguanas are referred to as cows… So I have a cow.”

He slapped his hand over his face. “You are just too much for me.” he groaned playfully.

You moved your iguana close to his face. “You want to hold her?” 

He slid his hands down, trying to make eye contact with your pet “cow”. “Well, she looks cool so I guess so.” There was a slight smile in his face. You could tell he was trying to hide his excitement. 

He held her carefully, running his finger down her rough back. He let out a small chuckle, so small you barely noticed. 

“This thing- Your cow is pretty cute.” he smiled

Rap Monster/Kim Namjoon:

“So this is our third date, what other superficial fact do I not know about you yet?” he asked after taking a sip of his drink.

You contemplated what other tiny things about yourself you were willing to reveal. You took your time doing it, laughing to yourself as you saw him getting antsy.

“C’mon, I just told you the embarrassing speech I made in middle school, the least you can do is try to change the topic.” 

You laughed, replaying the story in your head. “Ok ok” you giggled as you stuffed your mouth with fries, stalling to actually think of something. “Ummm… I… I have have a pet iguana!”

“An iguana?”

“Yeah!”

“An actual iguana?”

“Yes! Haha, I have an iguana. It is a little baby.”

“Why don’t I believe you… I need proof!”

“Well,I could drag you over to my place,” you smirked. “But I don’t feel like doing that just yet. I do have pictures though!” you said as you pulled your phone out.

“What, pictures from google?” he giggled.

“Shut up!” you laughed, nudging his shoulder. You opened the folder you had of you and your little pet and shoved your screen in his face. “Look at these!”

He took the phone from you. “Oh shit! An actual iguana! I never met a girl with a pet iguana before.” He said as he zoomed in on the first picture of you with your iguana on your shoulder. “You know I used to have a reptile phase when I was a kid” His voice drifted.

“Yeah? You ever look into iguanas?”

“Yeah… You know, there are great swimmers.”

“Oh really? What else do you know?”

“They can survive falls of 40-50 feets with no injuries and they can hold their breath and stay underwater for 28 minutes.”

You just stared at him, amazed by his brain “Wow, you are more of a nerd than I thought you were!” you giggled.

Jhope/Jung Hoseok:

“Why didn’t you tell me you got a new pet?!?”

You shrugged at him, “I wanted to surprise you I guess.” you said with a sneaky smile.

“What kind of pet did you get? A dog? A cat?”

“Nope. You’ll never guess. Let me just show you!” You said jumping off the couch.

“A hamster? A fish? A hermit crab?” He continued to guess.

“Just close your eyes!” you said as you went down the hall.

You scurried down the hall and quickly returned with your precious baby iguana, _______. You found Hoseok with his hands slapped over his eyes as he eagerly waited for you.

“Ok, I got him! Open your eyes!”

He did so and quickly his bright face contorted into a look of horror. He let out scream and jumped over the back of the couch.

You couldn’t help but laugh hysterically at his reaction.

“Y/n, what the fuck?!?” He shrill voice overpowered your laugh as he peeked over the back of the sofa.

“Hobi, you should have seen your face!” you cackled.

“Shut up! Go put that thing away!”

“But don’t you think he’s cute?!?” you asked as you moved up to him,

He quickly jumped up and backed away form you. “Cute my ass! He is cool from a distance, but not an inch away from my eyes!”

“Oh don’t be such a baby.” you said finally catching your breath.”I’ll go put my little baby away so you don’t have another heart attack.”

V/Kim Taehyung:

You turned the keys to your apartment and opened it up for Tae “And here’s my place” you told him as you let him look around a bit “I’m going to start cooking the ramyeon, feel free to look around” you say and disappear into the kitchen. 

He walked around your apartment, finding all the cute details endearing. Like the picture of you two at the amusements park, the random stone with ‘don’t be a stone’ carved into it really he thought, and lastly a terrarium with an iguana…

Hold on.

AN IGUANA? He’d press his face close to the little lizard in the terrarium, starting to speak with it. “Hello little one, and what’s your name?” he’d talk like if it was a little child. 

You hear his voice and wonder if he’s talking to himself, just to walk in on him making weird faces at your pet iguana _______. 

“Uhm… What are you doing?” you say while giggling. 

“Y/N!” he shouts and turn around “Why didn’t you tell me you had a pet iguana?! It’s so cool!” his eyes were sparkling like a kid’s on Christmas.

“I don’t know, it just never came up? And his name is _____.” you tell him. He smiles returning his gaze to the terrarium “Hello____. My name is V” he says and puts up two fingers. You roll your eyes at his silliness but chuckle nonetheless. 

“Can I like… pet him?” he asks and you nod “Of course” taking _____ out of the terrarium and putting it in his hands. 

He’d just look at you, then _____, then back at you.

“I love him” 

Jimin/Park Jimin:

You let Jimin in your place and immediately his eyes caught something. “There is a lizard in your living room!” Jimin’s eyes were glued to your pet iguana that was resting on the arm of your love seat.

“Haha yeah that is my baby iguana, ______.” You said flopping back down to your seat on the couch.

Jimin stayed in place, just standing and staring at your iguana. 

“You okay Jimin?”

“Uh, yeah… Just looking at the lizard… making sure he doesn’t move around anywhere.”

“He won’t move. Just come sit down, the drama is about to start.”

He awkwardly went around your whole couch, avoiding the short path that involved walking past _______. Still he kept his eyes on ______.

The drama started, but throughout the whole episode, his eyes constantly flew over to your iguana.

“You are really interested in _______ arent you?”

“It’s just, he barely moves… Its like he’s fake…. Why do you even have a lizard?”

You shrugged. “Why not? He’s adorable.”

Again his eyes flew over to ________.

“You aren’t scared of him are you?” you asked teasingly.

“What? No!”

“You want to hold him then?”

“Um… Nah, I just want to see the next episode.”

“You at least want to pet him. I can see it in your eyes.” you teased again.

“Eh, I guess I c-can pet him.”

You went up and grabbed _______ and went back over to Jimin. “Go ahead, pet him.” you offered, holding your baby right up to Jimin.

He let his hand out, but then pulled away really quick. “He doesn’t bite right?”

“Actually, he does. He loves eating little worms, so when you pet him, don’t let your fingers get too close to his face.”

“What?!?”

“I’m kidding!” you laughed. “Oh my- Jimin, iguanas mostly eat fruits and plants and all that.”

“Ugh, you jerk!” he laughed. Again he moved his hand towards _______. Well, not his hand, just his index finger.

After what felt like hours, his finger finally made contact. He only moved his fingers ½ an inch down _______’s belly before he pulled away. “Woah, his skin is weird!” he smiled. 

“You can keep petting him. You can even hold _______ if you want.”

“…I’ll just keep petting him for now.” Jimin said in concentration as he slowly moved his finger down ________’s back. 

Jungkook/Jeon Jungkook:

>>[7:44 pm] Where are you?

 >>[7:45 pm] Well you  better hURRY, I have a surprise ;)

>>[7:45 pm] Yeah blame others for you not planning well enough…

>>[7:46 pm] And HEY don’t text and drive 

You giggled to yourself a bit as you read his message at the table while taking out your pet iguana, ____, from him terrarium.

The knocks on your door let you know it was Jungkook and you ran up to open it.

“Hellooooo” you said in a sing-song voice. 

You knew you threw him off already. He looked at you warily “What have you done?” he asked while squinting his eyes.

“Nothing” you said innocently as you looked up at him through your lashes. 

He squinted his eyes some more, moving his face closer to you “I’ll believe you for now” he backed up a bit “Now where’s that surprise of yours?” he asked while looking over your shoulder trying to see inside your place.

“Ok hold on, uhm…” you start “stay here” you say as you ran to the bedroom. “Wait… Where’s _____?!?”  You thought as you didn’t see him in the terrarium. “Oh no!”

“How’s it going babe?” you heard Jungkook’s voice from the hall.

“Uhm… Wait a minute!” you said as you started to check under the tables, behind books and other things. 

“Is everything alright?” you heard him ask again as he walked into the room, no even bothering to hold his hands over his eyes for the surprise.

“Well… okay no. So my surprise kinda… uhm…” you looked at him before diverting your eyes and searching for _____ again. 

“Go on” he told you while chuckling a bit “My surprise ran away…” you said, more as a question to yourself. 

“Ran away?” he repeated

You sighed deeply “Yes, he ran away… Will you help me look for him?” you asked quickly, continuing to check under different pieces of furniture and clothing. 

“I’d love to… If I knew what I was searching for” he said and giggled as you facepalmed.

“If you see a little green iguana, about this size” you showed him with your hands “it’s ____” 

“Hold on iguana?” he questioned and gave you a look. 

“Yes an iguana, now help me find him!” you say angrily

You heard him sigh before he moved to help. “There porbably isn’t even an iguana, this is a trick.” he grumbled to himself

However, it didn’t even take 3 seconds before you heard “Is this him?”

You turned around to see him holding ____ in his hands. “Aren’t you cute?” he said, looking into the reptile’s eyes. 

“H-how did you? W-Where?” he just looked at you with a very serious face before;

“Babe, I am the golden maknae.” he smirked. “But I guess now you can call me the lizard man, a top notch lizard whisperer!” he said and broke into a silly smile.

You rolled your eyes at him. “Whatever.”

-Admin Boat and Admin Satellite 

[camdenfringe]

CHANGES TO THE PRINTED PROGRAMME

Since we printed the glossy A5 brochure for the Camden Fringe there have been a number of additions to the line-up and a couple of cancellations. Here is a list of changes. Always check https://camdenfringe.com/index.php?id=3 for the most up to date line-up information

**ALTERATIONS**

 The times for this show are different to those printed in the brochure You Have Absolutely No Sense Of Time The Black Box Theatre 2, 9-11 August at 4.30pm, 3-4 August at 6pm, Hen and Chickens https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2453

 365 S.o.S Theatre Company No longer showing 29-30 July, but will still be on 31 July at Phoenix Artist Club and 17 - 18 at The Chapel Playhouse https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2513

 Isabelle Farah: Ellipsis Now on 7.45pm on 21 August at the Albany (moved from 4 August) https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2505

 Dannie Grufferty: How Brexit sent us all slightly mad 9pm 5-7 August + 9pm 18 August at The Albany (4 August cancelled) https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2421

 **EXTRA SHOWS**

 David Mills: A More Dynamite Future 7:45pm 30 July The Albany Focus people! Shit's about to get real. Comedy for a world in crisis from a comic who’s not kidding around. A wander through our terrifying 24-hour reality television cartoon dystopia with an eye on the amazing a frightening future that awaits us. “A class act. His jokes are beautifully crafted, little sparkling middles loaded with wit." SCOTSMAN. "Hysterically funny." SF BAY GUARDIAN. "David Mills is heading for the big time. Most definitely one to watch." TIME OUT. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2416

  Joseph Parsons: Baggy Point 5.30pm 4 August The Bill Murray Joseph Parsons (as seen on Channel 4) presents his uplifting, sell-out stand up comedy show, Baggy Point. With his lovable and electric energy on stage, Joseph tells the story of discovering his sexuality as he clumsily navigates his way through social gatherings, love and living in a different country. Joseph also looks at how the perceptions of sexuality in smaller towns and homophobia in football affect younger people growing up. All proceeds to this show will go to Football v Homophobia.             https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2708

  Sea Changes Marina Jenkyns Productions 12.30pm 5-9 August Etcetera Theatre Sharon; `You know what? He was jealous. Never been outside Shepherd's Bush. Imagine fucking a man who's never flown!'Mair: `Soft on my face. Her skin, her tears. Must go on. Mustn't stop. Must do it'.Maeve: `Sally and I lay down, sun on our faces, just touching, like our hands.Understanding the past in order to create the future. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2719

  The Feminazis Curious Dispute 4.30pm 5-7 August Etcetera Theatre The Feminazis' juxtaposes a classical duo comedy format with explicit imagery, presenting the question 'how far is too far'? Frustrated with the lack of progression in modern day society regarding gender equality, Sal and Libby decide to take matters into their own hands by creating a terrorist organisation. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2716

  The Party Pilgrim Productions 9pm 5-9 August The Cockpit In September 2018, the president's nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court, was accused by a woman of sexual assault 36 years earlier. This revelation, broadcast worldwide at a Senate committee hearing, has since become a major cause celebre. 'The Party' by Sam J. Stewart is a 2-act play which re-lives and examines this drama. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2688

  Jet Set Go! Pump House CYT 7.30pm 9 – 10 August Theatro Technis A delightful, inventive and witty new musical about 24 hours in the ordinary working life of a transatlantic airline cabin crew; sex, romance, optimism and jaded cynicism are thrown together into a bitchy, campy but essentially tender-hearted cocktail. "A production that’s warm, funny and wonderfully scored” **** The Scotsman. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2720

 Love Is... Spitball Theatre Company 9.30pm 9-10 August at London Irish Centre Two women and one non-binary person delve into love, in all its many forms. We all remember our first love, don’t we? Have you tried to block out that painful memory? Does that fleeting eye contact still play on your mind? Featuring movement, music and true stories we take you through loves lost and won. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2698

  Fraser Gibson: Self-ish 3.45pm 10-August The Bill Murray Fraser Gibson's debut show is a wrestle with the Self-ish pursuit of being a stand-up comedian. Explained through tall tales, uncanny impressions and a good ol' song or two... A hilarious session of self-therapy! https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2711

  Matt Blair – Mattinée 3pm 11 August The Bill Murray An hour of musical comedy, jokes and references from the mind of a movie fanatic. Join Matt on his journey to find out why we love movies so much. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2556

  Ordinary Days Pump Priming Productions 7.30pm 11 August Theatro Technis A romance on the rocks, an artist's vision stalled, and a graduates thesis in peril lead four young New Yorkers through a series of humorous and touching musical, intersecting vignettes, as they search for fulfilment, happiness, love and cabs.This melodious one act musical, performed by an award winning cast, is a hidden gem. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2721

  Si Deaves - Si's Matters 8pm 11 August Camden Comedy Club Nuclear annihilation!! Brexit?! Rabies?? There are so many issues in the world today, yet Si Deaves still finds time to worry about the little things, in his own unique way. Join Si‚Äôs world as he tackles "inspiration", fears of inadequacy, *that* drunk guy at the pub and much more in his official debut stand-up hour, Si’s Matters. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2722

 G(L)ORY

Ocular Seven Productions 9pm 11-13 August The Hen and Chickens True crime, murder mystery, serial killer docs, you name it Bobby's binged it. Just like everyone else in the office, so what makes him so different? Through Bobby, we explore the public and media fascination and glorification of violence. Why do we keep watching? https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2712

 Be More Bee 12.30pm 13-14 August Etcetera Theatre Feeling broken or lost in a scary world? Looking for a Marie Kondo type, but more Home Counties? Well Bea has got just the ticket to cheer you up. It’s the bees! They’ve got the secret to happiness! Let her guide you through the honey-soaked life-hacks of the British Bee. Preposterous new comedy by Jenni Mackenzie-Jones. With a tombola. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2717

  Together For Seven BearFoot 2.30pm 13 – 15 August   Etcetera Theatre This is the last place you would expect to find yourself; a police station. You cast your mind back to the good, the bad and the ugly. Teetering on the edge of disaster, wondering whether forgiveness will find you, do you favour the truth or favour yourself? What risks would you take to protect your family when the odds are stacked against you? https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2706

  Dougie Dixon: Proper Belter 8pm 13-14 August Camden Comedy Club Meet Dougie Dixon. He's the reality TV star you didn't know you knew. Original TOWIE cast member. As seen on Tipping Point Lucky Stars, Celebs On The Farm (reserve contestant) & Embarrassing Celebrity Bodies. Series winner of The Celebrity Etch-A-Sketch Challenge. Come join Dougie as he launches his first ever debut autobiography; Proper Belter! https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2723

  Sam Mitchell: Wham Bam Thank You Sam 9.30pm 13 August The Bill Murray 45 mins of stand up comedy from one of the greats* about growing up**, committing*** and M+M World. * if you ask him ** trying to *** see above. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2707

  Faye Treacy is a Work in Progress 8pm 15-17 August Camden Comedy Club As seen on BBC Three and heard on Radio Four, Faye Treacy is back with a new work in progress show. "One of the most unique performances you'll see at the Fringe this year... simultaneously childish, genius and inescapably memorable." **** (1/2) (ShortCom)

https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2715

  Dan Horrigan's Riot to Heaven Sky or the Bird 8.30pm 16-20 August at Aces and Eights High octane stories from men who would steal the eyes of ya and you wouldn't know until you went to read the paper. Laugh, weep and laugh again as we break into heaven. Raconteuring, storytelling, and theatre of the highest calibre. Second chances are rarer than rocking horse manure so get your ticket before we're off to rob another town. Cheers. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2549

  Fatiha El-Ghorri & Katherine Atkinson: Mocking Birds Fat Kat Comedy

4.15pm 18 August at The Bill Murray Join Fatiha El-Ghorri and Katherine Atkinson (both 2017 Funny Women Awards Regional Finalists) for an hour of stand up as Fatiha smashes Muslim stereotypes and challenges you to re-think what you think you know about Islam and Muslims, and Katherine offers up an acerbic, sideways view of motherhood, if she can be bothered. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2728

 Dane Baptiste: Work in progress 9.30pm 18 August at The Bill Murray Star of Live at the Apollo (BBC Two), Tonight at the London Palladium (ITV1) and 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (Channel 4) - Join Baptiste as he workshops brand new material for his next tour show. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2727

  Red Richardson: Red Notice 8.15pm 21-22, 9pm 23-24 August The Taproom In 2017 Red Richardson left a building in Central London to see thousands of people running down the street screaming, for the next 35 minutes the whole of the country (Thanks to Pop star Ollie Murs tweeting from a basement in H and M) believed it was a terrorist attack. It wasn't. This is an hour of stand up about the human condition in crisis. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2390

  Nico. No Regrets. 8.30pm 23 August The Chapel Playhouse A show by and with Margherita Remotti in association with Actors East London. Directed by Alberto Barbi. Text by Fernando Coratelli and Margherita Remotti. In this one woman show, we explore the life of Nico, better known as Andy Warhol's superstar, muse and rockstar singer of the Velvet Underground. But you will discover this was only the surface. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2729

  The Golden Child William Desmond 5pm 24-25 August The Chapel Playhouse William Desmond has always considered himself the Golden Child. Today, people need to standout in a crowd of hundreds of faces. Will is a twin, and during this 60 minute show he explores what it is like to be in constant competition with his brother. With musical parody and silliness, Will explains being good at everything isn't always the answer. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2718

  Ross Drummond & Harry Monaghan: The Orb 5.30pm 25 August The Bill Murray Have you touched The Orb? Want to meet two that have? A mainstay of science, wonder and amazement since its inception in the late 80s, The Orb is science’s greatest invention. What’s its purpose? We’re not sure. Perhaps it merely exists to inspire us. Anything is possible with The Orb. https://camdenfringe.com/show.php?acts_id=2709

  **CANCELLED**

Darius Tabai: Schrodinger's Mum

Sara Barron: Enemies Closer

Comic Quartets

Lloyd Langford: New Things (A Work in Progress)

[dnghn-relocated]

92 truths

Rules: tag 20 people at the end

Tagged by: @zxco & @yoochann [thank you~!]

Tagging: @wowx93 | @wacested | @houseoface | @junbxee | @binsmoon @kim-seyooned | @fairychans | @junsjason | @lovdonghun | @7ace | @yoo-channie | @youngest-k | @wowza-ace | @cacetus | @kang-chan

the last...

1. Drink: water :D

2. Phone call: my mom bc i was excited that i got my cat to take his pill

3. Text message: “i... i don’t know” too my friend leesha

4. Song you listened to: Shut Up & Groove by HEIZE ft. DEAN

5. Time you cried: a few days ago over something horrible :l

have you ever...

6. Dated someone twice: we had a one week break? i don’t think that counts though...

7. Been cheated on: i don’t think so

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: oh god yes

9. Lost someone special: at the time they were special

10. Been depressed: fuck yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i don’t drink enough for that

3 of your favorite colors

12. pale mustard yellow

13. mint

14. coral pink

15. Made new friends: yes~ @networkace

16. Fallen out of love: yup!

17. Laughed until you cried: only when it’s past 2AM and everyting is hysterical

18. Found out someone was talking about you: more times than i’d like

19. Met someone who changed you: most definitely

20. Found out who your true friends are: gotta love college :))))

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: omg no

in general...

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i don’t have a facebook :D

23. Do you have any pets: 2! a cat and a puppy

24. Do you want to change your name: i’d like for my name to be erin

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i went out to lunch with a friend, stuffed myself with quesadillas and gelato, then two hours later had hibatchi with my family

26. What time did you wake up: 10:52 ;)

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: murdering myself by publicly writing fluff stories with my friends on my main blog

28. Name something you cannot wait for: going abroad in august!!!!

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: maybe 10 min ago?

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: probably holding myself back from doing things for the sake of my parents

31.What are you listening to right now: my creaking fan, help

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yup, he was annoying

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: this creaking fan, and toxic tumblr fandoms

34. Most visited website: tumblr and youtube

35. Elementary: i was nicknamed bambii

36. High School: yearbook editor ;)

37.College/university: TWO YEARS DOWN BBY

38. Hair color: dirty/light blond

39. Long or short hair: short, just below my shoulders

40. Do you have a crush on someone: nah

41. What do you like about yourself: my body, in a comfortable way

42. Piercings: ears only

43. Blood type: O+!

44. Nickname: pidge, courtesy of bangtan bookclub

45. Relationship status: single

46. Zodiac sign: gemini

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite tv show: The 100 and Sense8 [RIP]

49. Tattoos: nah, but i love drawing on myself

50. Right or left hand: right

51. Surgery: no way

52. Piercings: uhh... ref #42

54. Sport: some softball and ultimate frisbee!

55. Vacation: definitely to the Netherlands or Sweden

57. Eating: god give me pizza or pasta and I’m happy

58. Drinking: water or... water...

59. I’m about to: start another edit!

60. Listening to: Better Life by Sik-K

61. Waiting for: myself to finish all these stories

62. Want: to finish all these stories

63. Get married: hopefully oh man

64. Career: book publishing/magazine design

which is better...

65. Hugs or kisses

66. Lips or eyes

67. Shorter or taller

68. Older or younger

70. Nice arms or nice stomach

71. Sensitive or loud

72. Hook up or relationship

73. Troublemaker [although i’m not] or hesitant

have you ever...

74. Kissed a stranger?: nooope

75. Drank hard liquor?: once, but it was super anticlimatic

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses?: my glasses...

77. Turned someone down?: oh hell yeah

78. Sex on first date?: fuck no

79. Broken someone’s heart?: yes...

80. Had your heart broken?: yes :l

81. Been arrested?: LOL no

82. Cried when someone died?: yup

83. Fallen for a friend?: gotta love the friendzone

do you believe in...

84. Yourself?: sometimes~

85. Miracles?: i’d like to

86. Love at first sight?: it’s a nice idea

87. Santa Claus?: i miss those days

88. Kiss on the first date?: if it was a REALLY good date, maybe

89. Angels?: i’m not really religious...

other...

90. Current best friend’s name: /sweats/ ben, sam, leesha, lu, bri, becky, katie, nadine, and kim

91. Eye color: stormy blue-grey

92. Favorite movie: oh god, um, Dear Rosie?

[kookienomster3]

I Want The Headline (Pt. 48)

Written By: suga-of-daegu BTS Fanfiction Angst WARNING: MATURE CONTENT Mafia/Gang

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50

“I don’t remember why I love her.”

Taehyung eyed Jungkook oddly, head tilting to the side. That certainly wasn’t a conversation he anticipated having. The older of the two licked his lips, handcuffs clinking together as he raised his hands up to scratch at this temple. The room was too warm, he noted, and warm temperatures tended to make Jungkook rather testy. He’d have to be careful with his wording.

He had wondered when his brother was finally going to go pay him a visit. In the past Jungkook was rather speedy in getting his father to get the other organization members free, but right now it looked like he was stalling. Taehyung’s eyes boredly passed over the slouch in Jungkook’s shoulders; he’d bet money it had everything to do with you. He should have killed you when he had the chance. Whatever the hell you were doing or saying to Jungkook was clouding his judgement.

The family came first. That was the first rule.

Had he forgotten the rules so quickly?

“Jungkookie.” Taehyung’s low voice rumbled. Jungkook lifted his gaze to Taehyung’s unusually stern expression. Why did it sound like he was about to be scolded? Perhaps voicing his troubles with you to Tae wasn’t the best of ideas, but there was no one else to talk to about them. Didn’t you say talking things out was the best way? Quietly, the man studied his younger brother. Jungkook had dark bags under his eyes, ruffled hair partially hidden under a knit cap and rumpled clothes concealed by his jacket. “What are the rules?”

“Number one: Family first.” He whispered softly,“The boss before all.” He added after a breath. His head bowed, a bit shameful that he had broken the first rule so easily. How had he gone so long without being punished for it? Jungkook fell silent, hands wringing together as he struggled to continue. He knew he had broken the second rule as well. “Tae, I-”

“Number two, Jungkook.” Taehyung hissed. “What’s the second rule?”

“If they’re not family, they’re the enemy.” He mumbled gruffly. His hands started to sweat; yes, your weren’t in the family technically, but you were there. You were with them, shouldn’t that have meant something? Jungkook considered you family couldn’t that be enough? He licked his lips, Taehyung was just going to make him list all the rules.

All the reasons why he shouldn’t be wasting his time with you.

But the rules were just rules, they didn’t take into account how he felt. Or at least, how he thought he felt. Tae nodded slowly,“She’s not family. Three?”

“If it’s for only you, then it’s not for the family and it needs to be cut out.”

Taehyung held his hands up smugly, an arrogant gaze plastered across his face as he shook the handcuffs on his wrists. “You’ve been stomping all over that rule, haven’t you? Four?”

“The boss’ word is law.”

“Hm, I’m pretty sure Namjoon’s told you to stay away from her or something along those lines and yet..you’re still chasing her down even when she’s trying to avoid you. Five?”

“You don’t leave family.”

Taehyung laughed out loud, dramatically looking around the small conference room. “And where the fuck is the family? Stuck in this shithole while you dance around town. You’re on a roll with breaking the rules, Jungkookie. I don’t even think Namjoon’s favoritism towards you is gonna keep you safe. Six?”

Jungkook closed his eyes. He didn’t want to reminded of how he had broken this rule. “You don’t cross family.”

Surprisingly, Taehyung didn’t give an examples, instead just moving onto the final rule. It wasn’t always a rule, it only sprang up after Namjoon had announced that he wanted Jungkook to one day take his place. Many members had been angered by the biased addition, but Namjoon had made it simple and clear.

And left no room for argument.

Taehyung blankly stared across the table at the suddenly pale man. “Seven?”

“Jeon Jungkook can never leave the family.”

“I think by breaking all the previous rules, you’ve pretty much broken the last one, don’t you think?” Tae scratched his chin,“But you’re family and we protect each other. You know this, I know it, Namjoon hyung knows it.” He rubbed at his eyebrow,“Before all this shit happened, Namjoon and I were talking about the girl. She’s…there’s something wrong with her. There something wrong with the whole way she came into our group.” Tae watched his younger brother lift his head up curiously,“Choi Yoongi traded her for a ring; his fiancee’s ring. It’s fucking weird, but I guess he loved her that much, I don’t know. She said she didn’t know Yoongi at all and that she was abducted on account of her brother, Jin. Then she’s put in the Waiting Room because what the fuck else are we supposed to with her, right? And the first thing she does is pick you out of everyone in that book, weird right?” He leaned forward lowering his voice,

“Not only does she pick you, she fucking attaches to you and pretty soon all you’re doing is seeing, breathing, thinking, speaking about her. At first, I didn’t pay any attention to it, but after watching her and how she acted, she reminded me of someone. Remember Yojun?”

Jungkook furrowed his brows, “I..I don’t think so.”

“Well, Yojun worked for Choi, he said he was a lower ranking, but he saw some things.. gave up a few secrets on his own that proved useful and Namjoon left him in. Yojun got to know almost everyone in the organization. He spent a lot of time downtown with the Jungkook posed as a busboy. Those two were always together. You probably don’t know him, you never talk to anyone. Well fast forward to the warehouse before the fucking devil, Hoseok showed up; who’s she crying all over? Big brother Jin.” Taehyung hissed,“Who looks an awful lot like Yojun who had just disappeared one day.”

Jungkook felt his heartbeat speed up. It made too much sense. He angrily ripped his hat off, throwing it at his feet. A burning sensation built up behind his eyes, but he grit his teeth holding it back. Now wasn’t the time to cry like some hurt little kid. “Her brother told her to choose ‘Jungkook’ in the Waiting Room?”

“And she fucking picked the wrong one.” Taehyung murmured,“Hence why she stuck to you so quick and tried to skip as soon as she saw what you were really like.”

“She said she loves me.”

The handcuffed man softly whispered as he met Jungkook’s confused stare. “I’m sure she doesn’t know why she supposedly loves you.”

Jungkook shook his head, burying his face in his hands. “She knows why.” he muttered,“She knows exactly why and exactly when. She might have picked me by mistake, but she’s been with me. She knows me and what I’m like and she still said she loves me. She loves me and I..I don’t know how I feel about her.” He bit his bottom lip harshly,“I..I’ve spent so much time and energy trying to get her back and now I can’t even look at her. I can’t talk to her. I can’t kill her or drop her off somewhere or send her to someone else. I don’t know what to do after this. I don’t know what to do with her.”

“The rules, Jungkookie. She’s not family, she needs to be cut out. You can’t just let her go. I’m not going to force you to kill her, but someone has to.” Tae reminded him carefully,“She knows too much about us. She knows too much about both sides.” He worked his hands inside the cuff, absently trying to slip his wrists through them. “You’re the only one on our side who wants her around, but now..you’re not even too sure.” Taehyung subtly shifted his chair back,“Give her to Min.”

“What?” Jungkook blurted out. Yes, he was unsure of what to do with you, but that didn’t mean that his only option was to hand you over to Min Yoongi?

Taehyung blinked slowly,“Jimin is dead and I think she was the one who did it.”

“What makes you so sure? What is your point?”

“She was the last person with him..Something was wrong with him, but then the raid started and I had to go. I left them a gun for protection and when the smoke’s all cleared away he’s dead and she in hysterics.” Taehyung pensively studied the handcuffs,“You didn’t see Jimin like how he was in that room, but he was off. I think he wanted it and she gave it to him. Either way, he’s dead and it’s her fault…and Min’s got a code.”

“I’m not giving her over to Yoongi so she can be killed.” Jungkook growled,“He’s fucking hurt her enough.”

Taehyung sighed loudly, “Didn’t you come to me because you’re confused and need help? Why are you throwing out all my ideas?” Suddenly, the man slammed his hands down onto the table between them,“I’m trying to pretend I give two shits about that bitch, but you’re making it hard Jungkookie. Fucking kill her and everything will be fine again. Park Jimin wanted her dead for a reason,” Taehyung murmured, “And the more I see her, the more I think that whatever reason he had was a pretty damn good one.”

“She hasn’t done anything to anyone!”

“Stop defending her!” Taehyung shouted,“You don’t even know why you’re still around her, stop defending her! You gonna start defending Min fucking Yoongi now, too? Shut your damn mouth and pull your head out of your ass, Jungkook! You don’t owe her anything! The only people you owe are your family! Us! And you’re fucking letting us rot in here, while you play butler to some little bitch who should have died months ago!”

“Tae-”

“Don’t 'Tae’ me, I’m about ready to kill you my damn self for turning on us! We fucking raised you and as soon as some little whore spits out shit about love you’re abandoning us!”

“I didn’t turn on you guys!” He protested, “You’re all still my family, you’re all still first-”

“You came here to talk to me about a girl, Jungkook.” He seethed,“You don’t give a shit about the family.”

“I do!”

“Prove it.”

“What the fuck do you want me to do!?” He yelled,“I’m going to get everyone out. I-I think I’m done with Y/N-”

“You think?” He repeated slowly,“When we’re out, you’re done and she’s Min’s or she’s dead. That’s how you’ll prove it.” Taehyung saw Jungkook’s mouth snap shut, wide eyes unsure. “You’ve got a week to get us out or when we finally do I’m killing her and you if you’re not already dead. You have a week to decide who’s really your family.”

Jungkook sighed heavily,“Tae, can’t I prove it some other-”

Taehyung scoffed at him, standing up from his seat and heading to the door, “You’re not my brother.”

“Tae-!”

“You’re not my brother.”

[aurulenthuntsman]

-- aurulentHuntsman [AH] 8egan pestering decastichAmazifier [DA] at 17:38 --

AH: Greetings, Kavi! ~}==>

DA: o hey

AH: How are you faring this fine afternoon? ~}==>

DA: lmao uh like ngl im p much blastd

DA: so i mean its a thong

DA: 8thing

DA: wow

DA: charasistic typos

DA: fuckin noice

AH: Hmm???????? ~}==>

AH: It seems a little early in the day for drinking! ~}==>

DA: hey listen

DA: friend

DA: man

DA: len me ur ear

DA: consider this

DA: concept: its night in at least 5 places rn

AH: A fair point... Time is relative! ~}==>

AH: And perhaps that is a social construct that we put too much weight into ~}==>

AH: But traditionally, early drinking is something of a red flag... ~}==>

AH: I beg your pardon if I'm being presumptuous, but is everything alright? ~}==>

DA: uh lol i mean hello no

DA: well yeh but no

DA: idk its complicated

DA: so

DA: shrugmojis

DA: jus think about me like the fun winemom on Facebook

DA: or like those old sitcoms where its funny

DA: and not a issue like yah kids w/e

DA: u n your bottlerockets and blowin up hotdogs in microwaves

DA: i'll go get my xanex and gin

DA: laughtrack

DA: or Karen

DA: you saucy bagel u

DA: fuckin #relatable #classic #same #mood

AH: I see... So, if it's purely recreational, then the fun would only be doubled with company, correct? ~}==>

DA: oh uh....... yah gimme

DA: 45 mins

AH: Certainly! ~}==>

AURYHN: *exactly 45 minutes later, there's a little CLUNK at his window... followed by another a few seconds later.* ~}==>

KAVI: *Shitpissufck now he's gotta... he's gotta... SHOWER. And clean up. He can't be a mess anymore that's enough of that. He got all gross and pathetic on Nellie and he doesn't think he can take looking like a goddamn fool in front of another one of his friends. He quickly got showered and stumbled about his room. Now he only SLIGHTLY smells like vodka. NICE.*

KAVI: *Jumps at the window clunk.... o fuq. He goes to the window and opens it*

AURYHN: *on the ground, waving up at him with a big stupid grin on his face* ~}==>

KAVI: *WOW that's far.... also he's a smiley guy.... lays right against this window sill... Leans and lays, sliding down to chinhands at him..... casually* hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeyyyyy *calls while sliding*

AURYHN: ... HELLO, KAVI ~}==>

AURYHN: If you would please stand aside so I can climb in through your window, that would be much appreciated! ~}==>

KAVI: o

KAVI: yah

KAVI: *flumps back.... but at least he didn't see that*

AURYHN: *scurries up the tree like he had the night he slept over until he's swoocing through the window, landing gracefully on the other side.* I've arrived! ~}==>

KAVI: *Stays right here on the floor... WHY? HE DOESN'T KNOW..... but his leg is on the wall*

KAVI: *peace sign* sup

KAVI: hey

KAVI: ur sup

KAVI: is was up

KAVI: for me at least

KAVI: wbu

AURYHN: *stands over him, hands on hips, for a moment... before he drops down next to him with his feet propped against the wall as well.* Oh, you know! Exploring the city and what not ~}==>

KAVI: *Hello mountainous man tiddies, oh, hello the whole Auryhn* o... yeah sounds fun

KAVI: still gogogoin

KAVI: none naps n shit

KAVI: s'not good

AURYHN: *chuckles a little, turning his head towards him* I've managed to find time for sleep in my busy schedule... At your behest ~}==>

KAVI: *grins a lil* hah really? well damn... good yeah

KAVI: that's good, i'm glad you r

AURYHN: It was sound advice! After all... Early to bed, early to rise... Makes a man strong, wealthy and wise ~}==>

AURYHN: *grins cheesily some more, but then looks back up at the ceiling... not without a little side eye, though* I do hope you're exercising similarly healthy habits... ~}==>

KAVI: ............. *Feels the side eyeing and sweats mildly* i mean

KAVI: lol

KAVI: so

KAVI: i can

KAVI: i have some off dayz

KAVI: zzzz

KAVI: ss

AURYHN: Ah ha, so you are having an off day! ~}==>

KAVI: ...... *oh gdi* uhhhh

KAVI: alternattitvely.....

KAVI: what the fuck are on days even???????

AURYHN: Kavi, PLEASE ~}==>

AURYHN: You must know, I don't fuss over others often... ~}==>

AURYHN: I only wish to know if you're alright ~}==>

AURYHN: And if you aren't... then I would like to offer you comfort in whatever way would best help you ~}==>

AURYHN: You're my friend! And a very important one ~}==>

KAVI: *Makes a face... why does everyone have to be so supportive... why can't he just be sad and miserable and he kinda feels like shit for just dancing around it when Auryhn DOES give a shit. Even still it makes him sad to talk about and just the friendfection and the sad feels his face gets a little red.. sighs*

KAVI: *rubs his face up so he doesn't start crying again. So he just.... rubs the tears back in his eyes with his palms. Ace strats* me and.. Den, broke up. guess i'm bein a pissbaby about it idk w/e w/e

AURYHN: *oh... now he feels bad prying so much, but maybe he would have felt bad no matter what kavi said. he only knows this wasn't what he expected to hear, and he gazes at the other boy sympathetically* Oh... I... am sorry to hear that ~}==>

AURYHN: Kavi... It's only natural to feel so hurt over something like that, isn't it? ~}==>

AURYHN: *offers him a hand to hold* I certainly can't blame you ~}==>

KAVI: *Looks at the hand then at Auryhn, his brain still going way faster than his mouth can currently keep up but he looks incredulous? And definitely teary* how can u be so sure? how, how do you know i didn't fuck everything up? i can fuggin blame me easy,

KAVI: gee Kavi, maybe you can't shut the hell up about how goddamn gay you are for p much everyone??

KAVI: or maybe ya try so fuckin hard for the approval of others that you backflip off the fuckin deepend as far as people close to u are concerned

KAVI: oh, oh, here maybe you just plain weren't fuckin good enough to handle anyone on an intimate level because you're too wrapped up in your own shit to connect really?

KAVI: or just that you THINK relationships can fix anything and everything and that's myth goddamn busted because look at you!

KAVI: you can definitely blame me, i can blame me and it's deeper than that and why the fuck does anyone GIVE a shit for a fakeass dumbass when they just DON'T. KNOW. *And he's being hysterical... nice. Good job. Just. Gurgles and puts his hands back over his face, get back in there tears. Maybe it was for the best Auryhn kept seeing him like this. An Ass. His final form* i'm, fuck

KAVI: i'm sorry i, ffffffuugghhhh *gibberish and just rolls over, good bye forever*

AURYHN: *stares at him stunned for a good long moment. he doesn't have that much experience dealing with high emotion coming from other people... but listening to all this, he did understand one thing: how it felt to be critical of yourself, the need to always be impressive, the self preservation... he knew those pressures, even if he always denied them. seeing how they effected someone he cared so deeply

AURYHN: for, it sure put things into perspective for him.* ~}==>

AURYHN: Perhaps I don't know you quite as well as I think I do... As well as I would like to ~}==>

AURYHN: *flexes the hand kavi didn't take, deciding to place it on his shoulder* 8ut I have seen your compassion... When you treat me with kindness, do you mean to say it's out of selfishness? I dou8t that very much ~}==>

AURYHN: If you've made mist8kes, that's all that they are! You are not defined soley 8y your worst moments... Nor are you defined soley 8y your 8est ~}==>

AURYHN: I only mean to say... You should allow yourself this heart8r8k, Kavi ~}==>

KAVI: *While he tries to hide his shame and cry lowkey. super lowkey like... no one would suspect. He listens to Auryhn's words. Quietly sniffing and trying to keep his breathing even. They made sense.... which was good but he also didn't feel like he deserved those kind words. Like he's dropping this plate of Hot Mess(tm) that's his own damn self and no one is backing up with their hands in the air*

KAVI: ....why're u so nice..

AURYHN: *scoffs* You know, not many people would agree that I am... I know that for a F8CT... ~}==>

AURYHN: *sighs* But it is easy to be kind to someone who has been kind to you, I believe ~}==>

KAVI: *that's so.. cheesy but also.. it helps. He loves cheese. Sniffs again and wipes his hands on his shirt, trying to calm down* cheddar... pure... 100% milk gdi, ugh... i'm so gross rn

KAVI: you came here for a good time and now idk ur nice you probably don't feel attacked rn

KAVI: it's like playing the floor is lava and we're laying in this shit right now

KAVI: because we're on the floor

KAVI: no imagination required on that part

AURYHN: *snorts* Then what are we doing on the floor? Allow me to rescue you from a fiery demise! ~}==>

AURYHN: *rolls to sit before scooping up kavi with no real warning* I used to play "the floor is lava" when I was a wriggler ~}==>

AURYHN: And I would pretend to be a wise dragon sentinel in my castle upon a volcanic mountain! ~}==>

AURYHN: Which I later went on to insist upon a hive of my own... Though I could not find a volcano, the snowy Avalon mountains suited me just fine ~}==>

AURYHN: *carries kavi over to his plush pile and sets him down. there. he's safe here.* ~}==>

KAVI: *Oh he got scooped. His face is all red from the crying as he looks up at Auryhn while he talks and walks with him. The story is a cute one, he breathes out a short laugh then looks away. Not now dokis gdi* wow... hah

KAVI: yeah they, they did you good *sniff* that's pretty cute tho

AURYHN: *kneels in front of the pile, grinning at him* A young Auryhn would disagree... It was quite a noble pursuit ~}==>

AURYHN: But present Auryhn has the insight to agree that, yes, it was rather adorable... ~}==>

AURYHN: Also, are you comfortable? ~}==>

KAVI: its cute and noble lol he'd have to deal with it *settles back in all this gd plushness*

KAVI: also

KAVI: hell yes

AURYHN: Excellent! ~}==>

AURYHN: Would you like anything else? A blanket, perhaps? A pair of strong arms to cry into? ~}==>

AURYHN: *FLEXES* ~}==>

KAVI: .....

KAVI: yes

KAVI: *lifts arms*

AURYHN: *here he comes, leaning in for the snuggles. welcome to his STRONG embrace.* ~}==>

KAVI: *This is a nice embrace..... He cuddles into it. Nice.... :'S :') :'S *

AURYHN: *squeezes him close, resting his cheek against his head. the closeness makes his face flare with heat, but... that's hardly appropriate right now! he ignores it as best he can.* There there... ~}==>

KAVI: .....*SNRK*

KAVI: where is my broom?

KAVI: where are my pets

KAVI: i need my awkward distant pets

AURYHN: Your broom???????? I thought you were a wizard, not a witch ~}==>

AURYHN: *LAUGHS. he might not get the Reference, but he thinks he's hilarious...* I can provide you with sincere, close range pets, however ~}==>

AURYHN: *rubs at his back* ~}==>

KAVI: lol i'll take those..... and also i'll show you memes later *snuggles into him*

AURYHN: Memes, hmm? Well, I look forward to it... ~}==>

AURYHN: *rumbles a little in his chest. he tries not to chirr much, but... now seems like a good time to break out the comforting bug sounds.* ~}==>

AURYHN: For now, you relax ~}==>

KAVI: you'll regret it... but we're makin it happen *laughs softly and cuddles up here against these bug noises... he does like him some bug noises...* kk i'll do that

KAVI: you're cozy

KAVI: great cuddlemate

KAVI: a plus plus smiley face

KAVI: and thanks lol

AURYHN: You're welcome, Kavi... You're welcome for my comforting embrace... ~}==>

AURYHN: *gentle snickering, but he's starting to get relaxed enough to nap himself...* ~}==>

[rickfuckingdalton]

Wrote this in 2001

Adam Sandler - Nicky

Ben Stiller - Greg

Drew Barrymore -Kristi

Cameron Diaz -Jenni

Matt Dillon - Jenni’s Brother , Patrick

Will Ferrell - Jenni’s other brother , William

Robert DeNiro-Jenni’s Dad , Mr. Jennison

Goldie Hawn - Jenni’s Mom Mrs. Jennison

Harvey Keitel - Guest at Party

Lily Tomlin - Guest at Party

Dick Cavett - Guest at party

Candace Bergen - Guest at party

John Goodman - Fat old lady at party

Danny DeVito - Fat Lady at party

Brian Doyle murray - Fat Old woman at party

Chris rock - Angry Woman at mall

Eddie murphy - Angry fat woman at mall

Arsenio Hall - Angry Fat old lady at mall

Martin Lawrence - Angry Fat Old Lady  at Store

Jamie Foxx - Angry Fat Old Lady  at Store

David Alan Grier - Angry Fat Old Lady  at Store

Tommy Davidson - Angry Woman neighbor

Shawn Wayans - Angry Woman neighbor

Marlon Wayans - Angry Woman neighbor

Damon Wayans - Old Angry Woman across the street

Keenan Ivory Wayans - Angry Old Woman in the house next to the one across the street

Horatio Sanz - Man in apartment

Hank Azaria - Man who gets shot in the butt with archery darts

Paul Reubens - Man who Greg mistakes for a “crazy lunatic“

William H. Macy - Johnny Peterson , their dumb neighbor

   Great Movie

Absolutely Hilarious!

Hysterical!

Laugh till the devil comes to get you

Rated PG- 13

   Songs

 1. Video Killed the Radio Star - Buggles

2. Tainted Love - Soft Cell

3. I Ran - Flock of Seagulls

4. Who Can It Be Now? - Men At Work

5. Hold Me Now - Thompson Twins

6. She Blinded Me With Science - Thomas dolby

7. Don’t You ( Forget About Me ) - Simple Minds

8. Oh Yeah - Yello

9.  In the Name Of Love - Thompson Twins

10. Twist and Shout - Beatles

11. Danke Schoen - Wayne Newton

12. Day-O - Harry Belafonte

13. Shout Pts. 1 & 2 - Isley Brothers

14. Cool Jerk - Capitols

15. Surfin’ Bird - The trashmen

16. Surfin’ Safari - Beach Boys

17. Surfin’ USA - Beach boys

18. Fun , Fun , Fun - Beach Boys

19. I Get Around - Beach Boys

20. Little Honda - Beach Boys

21. Surf City - Jan & Dean

22. All Summer Long - Beach boys

23. Barbara Ann - Beach Boys

24. Ya Ya - Lee  Dorsey

25. Stayin’ Alive - Bee Gees

26. Night Fever - Bee gees

27. You Should Be Dancing - Bee Gees

28. Jive Talkin’ - Bee Gees

29. More Than A Woman - Tavares

30. There’s Something About Greg And nicky - Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller

31. Brick House - Commodores

32. Le Freak - Chic

33. Good Times - Chic

34.  The Family Dinner Song - Adam Sandler and  Ben Stiller

35. Who Let the dogs out? - Baha Men

36. Pee Song Medley - Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller

37. Insence and Peppermints - Strawberry Alarm Clock

38. American Woman -  Guess Who

39. Another One Bites The Dust - Queen

40. We Will Rock you - Queen

41. We Are The Champions - Queen

42. Super Freak - Rick James

43 . Peter Gunn Theme

44.  Jump Aronud - House of Pain

45. Car Wash - Rose Royce

46. Love Rollercoaster - Ohio Players

47. Fire - Ohio players

48. Superfly - Curtis mayfield

49. Greased Lightnin’ - John Travolta ( from “Grease“)

50. 3am - Matchbox 20

51. angel - Shaggy

52. Allstar - Smash Mouth

53. All the Small Things - Blink 182

54. It wasn’t Me- shaggy

55. Rock And Roll All Nite - KISS

56. Graduate - 3rd Eye blind

57. Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

58. Music - Madonna

59. Monster Mash - Bobby Pickett

60. Wild Thing - Troggs

61. Hang On Sloopy - McCoys

62. Johnny B. Goode - Chuck Berry

63. Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf

64. Born to be Wild - Steppenwolf

65. Wooly Bully - Sam the Sham and the Pharohs

66. Little Red Rididng Hood - Sam the Sham and the Pharohs

67. Foxy Lady - Jimi Hendrix

68. You Really got Me - Kinks

69. Mony Mony - Tommy James and the Shondells

70. Devil with a Blue Dress on and Good Golly miss Molly - Mitch ryder & the Detroit Wheels.

71. Party Doll - Buddy Knox

72. Oh Boy - Buddy Holly

73. Rave on - Buddy Holly

74. That’ll Be The day - Buddy Holly

75. Maybe Baby - Buddy holly

76. California Girls - Beach Boys

77. Louie Louie - Kingsmen

78. Twist and Shout - Isley Brothers

79. Litte Red Riding Hood - Sam the Sham and the Pharohs

80. Get Outta My Way Now! - Adam and Ben

 These are all 80 songs in the film

150 mins

 Lines :

( At the dinner party visting Jenni’s parents)

Mr. Jennison : So ,Greg ,how has it been the last time I saw you?

Greg : Great

Mr. Jennison : Hi ,Nicky!

Nicky : Hey , Mr. Jennsion!

Mr. Jennison : Hows it goin’,huh?

Nicky : Great!

Greg :us two crazy buddies are still wild ,yeah

Nicky : Right , man!

Mrs. Jennison : Greg

Greg : Yeah ,Mrs. Jennison

Mrs. Jennison : You bought some ham ,could you show it to us?

Greg : No!

Mrs. Jennison : Why?

Greg : You’re really talkin’ about my butt!

Mrs. Jennison : Oh , really!

Greg : Yeah! Hey any of you wanna see my pork and beans?

Mr. Jennison: No!

Greg : Because it’s down here!

Nicky : He means his you know what area

Greg : Thanks for defining that!

Mr. Jennison : Oh!

Jenni : I have some cantaloupes!

William : oh ,really!

Patrick : Yeah , that’s right!

Jenni : No ,I mean my boobs

Greg : Oh!

Jenni : Greg ,you know , I’m your girlfriend!

Greg : I know! Iknow! Yeah Yeah ,I know! ( he and nicky talk gibberish while the others laugh)

Mr. Jennison : I’m having a big party tomorrow night ,you guys will al meet three fat old ladies!

Greg : Oh!

Nicky : None of our neighbors are comnig are they?

Mr. Jennison : No ,why?

Nicky : Good , Cause I don’t want Lugey Queen coming

Greg : oh .yeah The one who hocks lugeys at passerbys from her driveway! Good thinknig!

Nicky : Thanks!

Greg : You’re welcome

Mr. Jennison : It will be tomorrow night\

( the next night)

Mr. Jennison : Well ,isn’t this great honey?

Mrs. Jennison : Yes, dear!

Guest : This is great , Jennsion

Mr. Jennison : Thanks!  Anybody want some champagne?

Guests : Yeah!

Greg : Hey , Jennison ,we want to Budwiesers

Mr. Jennison : 2 Budweisers comnig right up for Greg and Nicky!

Greg and Nicky : Thanks!

Jenni : I want wine!

Pat and Will : We want Lite Beer!

Mr. Jennison : Okay!

( He gives the drinks to the others) So , guys what do you think of this?

Greg : oh ,it’s great ,love it!! You know ,mind I talk in front of all these people at this  party , So , these people are  my girlfriend’s parents ,these are their friends I believe , now there is something those three girls sitting on the couch have in common ,anyone..anyone?  

William : They are all big ,huge ,fat tubs of lard!

Greg :Right on the nose ,Will ,now these fat ladies have eaten too much ,their couch potatoes ,and big ,huge fat tubs of lard ,now this old lady is the fattest and also there is something strange about her , she’s old and she’s fat , this fat woman right here is little less fat ,but she is still a fat woman sitting on this couch at this party , and the other lady is also fat and also to accept the fact that this fat lady here is a MAN! ( pulls her hair)

Woman : Ow!

Greg : They’re all really men I can tell ,by their faces , you lied to me Jennsion ,ooh, you told me they were big fat ladies ,but they are just big fat drag queens who sit on couches at parties when ever they are invited , imagine that , now how do I deal with you? Do I think you’re a psycho ,yes! lying to me, ,what a freakin’ creep you are!

Nicky : Right!

Greg : Nicky and I are leaving in the morning ,with Jenni! , Come on! ( The three of them go home)

  Trivia

 The groups with the most songs featured in the film are Beach Boys , Bee Gees and Queen

 We Will Rock You by Queen plays about 4- 5 times in the film

 There is a karaoke party where they sing American Woman and Another One Bites The Dust.

 We Will Rock You  plays 5 times

 In a scene where Greg and Nicky accidentally let some dogs out , Who Let The Dogs Out? by the Baha Men plays.

 There are  a bunch of men playing women in the film.

  Another Bites the dust ny Queen is heard 4 times in the film.

[blushygalxx-blog]

Trip Diary: Dec 31st-Jan 1st 2017

well first off I dont recommend taking any psychedelics during a time like new years or daylight savings because time starts to throw you off hard. We dropped around 8:30pm, It was me, my ex, his best friend and his best friends gf (who i didnt like). Always trip with people you like, luckily i didnt see much of her because she was hiding or some shit lol. This was my first experience with any psychedelic, we took ETH-LAD i took a tab and a half (analogue of LSD). Right after dropping my ex’s best friend (lets call him Rob) and his gf (lets call her Cathy) started playing Kibry while my ex and I were playing around with a synth. 45 mins later I remember getting the strong urge to stand up and once i did i turned to look at the TV and the colors were so incredibly vibrant that it almost hurt my eyes, my ex followed me and sat down on the floor, i laid down in front of him and the floor felt really good against my skin so i started rolling around on the ground and he started hysterically laughing and said “You look like a yeti” his laugh was contagious and we both devolved into hysterical laughter, id say from this point we were tripping.

Theres a big gap from that moment to about 2 hrs later, we are all sitting at Robs mini bar, its about 11:50, I completely forgot it was New years, all of us did, we were just playing with a kazoo and eating vodka chocolates and listening to synth pop, but a bit later i check my phone and had a very strong “what the fuck moment” because it was 1:47 Jan 1st 2017, i turned to my ex and said something like “how did the year change??” then remembered it was new years, but i was still so confused because we didnt watch the clock change or anything. Sometime after that i starting rolling around on the floor again claiming i was “swimming” then i tried to eat gummy bears but was too afraid to swallow.

We listened to dark side of the moon ofc, i knew all the worlds, I embraced Rob and sang the last 2 songs in full with him while crying, i pulled some of my hair out after and claimed i was worthless, then forgot was i was doing and started to draw lol.

Going in a room with a closed door is weird while tripping because it feels like a different place, basically me and my ex when in the bathroom to fuck but i thought we went to someone elses house, acid sex is weird, i decided after to fill the sink up with warm water and baptize myself, then put all my clothes (bra and underwear included) on inside out.

It was now about 4am, so me and my ex wanted to head home even tho we were still tripping, we first laid on the floor looking at this disco ball light and with our “minds” made the light stop spinning and the room spin instead, then i laid directly on top of him and made out, i thought our bodies became one, we stayed there til 5am.

we smoked before out uber picked us up, then went outside, this was canada in January so it was freezing and snow was everywhere, i thought i was on the moon, our uber asked how we were and i responded “great, just was in a lake, it was great” my ex stayed silent.

once back home i had vivid dreams while still awake about being dead and getting dragged thru the snow while looking at my murderer. i told my ex if he didnt hold my hand til i fell asleep id die, i woke up at 10am the next morning feeling like the world around me was fake, smoked weed 6 hrs later and felt like the trip restarted, but then slept 12 hrs and felt midly okay.

10/10 enjoyed it