#late night bullshit thoughts from fangren

[fangren]

2020 sure was a year for me... started it off sick as hell with what i know now was almost certainly covid-19. got over it just in time for The Pandemic to start actually being A Thing in public consciousness, first false confidence in it mostly being in China, and surely it isn’t a big deal and will all blow over, to the first few (confirmed) cases in the US, to the dams breaking and panic washing over us...

to the world beginning to change, to people complaining and complaining and complaining about being stuck working at home and not knowing what to do with their time while meanwhile me, my coworkers, and countless others found their own jobs busier than ever (and others still found themselves on the brink of disaster...)

(what shutdown? what quarantine? it seemed like damn near half the county was shopping in my store, especially early on. no thought, no protection, bring the whole damn family because why the fuck not?)

the masks and directional markers and cleaning and all the other new rules that people largely didn’t ignore (though they do mostly wear masks now, at least...)

nobody that I knew died, fortunately. lotta people that I liked ended up quitting or otherwise leaving the store, tho. which... sucked, in its own way. I hope they’re doing well for themselves right now.

hell of a backdrop to a hell of a year, tho. a lot more horrible shit happened to a lot of people that weren’t me. most of which i can barely remember, because i’m terrible with that stuff.

(always reblog, never donate. that’s... me.)

but, hey! there were some good things too. the new Animal Crossing game released this year, remember that? (gotta spend the evening with the town...) also the Sword and Shield DLC. plus Among Us suddenly became a thing, which was pretty cool. played some good games of it earlier. also been enjoying a Digimon game, and also Civ 6 recently. all in all a pretty good year for video games as far as I’m concerned.

didn’t, uh, didn’t get to write nearly as much as I wanted to. started a weird fic that nobody wanted, then got sidetracked editing and reposting an older series. until, uh, I got kinda tired of that. so.. haven’t done much since then. so many WIPs, so little time and even less energy.... so that’s a bummer.

didn’t really make any progress with my, like, personal life? i guess? still living alone, closeted, with my shitty parents. still no driver’s license, still in a shitty retail job stocking dairy.

still single. still honestly kinda crushing on that one girl I’ve mentioned before with the two small children. still barely been able to talk to her since we’re usually so damn busy and don’t have much chances to interact.

(still have mixed feelings about the prospect of actually dating her. I don’t hate kids, honestly, i just don’t have the patience/energy/attention span to spend extended periods of time with the young ones. give me someone i can play or chat with briefly before we go our separate ways.)

i don’t think i can blame the pandemic for any of that. i know myself too well. i’d have spun my wheels doing nothing all year even without it, because even an uncomfortable rut is still hard as hell to get out of.

i don’t know where i’m going with this. i don’t think i’m going anywhere. just reflecting on things because im lonely.

awkward transitional phrase also the election! that sure was a thing that happened. it’s probably bad, but i can;t help but think the horrible plague that’s killed thousands also had our back by forcing this country to make voting easier, thus allowing That Shitty Old Bastard to narrowly beat The Orange One. even if, uh, the losing man-baby is throwing a temper tantrum about it that may or may not end in a coup.

also a show i never watched and don’t care about ended! that sure was a fun distraction for a little while, right? right?

um...

but anyway the year has to end, and so does this post. I have no New Year’s Resolution, because I don’t feel like setting myself up to fail again. especially at something so meaningless.

anyway, Fuck Off 2020! and just for good measure, Fuck Off 2021 because you’re probably gonna be shit too.

night all. I hope someone reading this enjoyed themselves at some point tonight.

imma go play animal crossing and try to have fun.

[fangren]

shitty superhero idea that’s probably already done: person with loads of different powers, all of them useless shit like ‘can hover exactly one inch off the ground but can’t float around’ and ‘can instantly teleport the nearest accordion into their hands’. Would still be absolutely determined to prove themselves as a superhero, but would have to carry around a notebook just so they could keep track of what they can actually do.