#late capitalism take' which like *is* still important to keep in mind i just dont have anything useful to add or analyze there

[stupendousfoxthing]

To your last anon, I always thought that hybe would have loved to monetize on tk's huge clout together if that didn't posit a risk( they are a corporation it's all about clout and money) i know people think differently as in them being shown together wouldn't have been risky but if they were the official company ship the ppl who like them as a couple would have been the triple than they are now, that means more people paying attention to them in that context, more ppl who wants to find something more, just like jikookers do, the difference? Jikookers won't find anything ever bc there's nothing to find, they are friends and bandmates, so them being the official company ship is as safe as it can be, tk's case is not the same.

Now it's funny bc the moment the tae//nnie bs started I told my friend that we probably could except a bit more of tk content coming from the company and I wasn't disappointed lmao, this is my view: thanks to that rouse Tae is seen by the world as a straight man who was/is (many locals dont even know about the break up news)in a relationship with a female idol and that also takes off legitimacy from the ppl who noticed stuff about him and his bandmate, it's just shippers delusions, even many ppl who suspected tk left the wagon after that.

So yeah I think hybe can afford to slightly show them more and monetize (and that also includes aiming to not lose much of the many different demographics that "consume" the BTS members during their absence and shippers are part of the this) that compared to before and still in a very controlled way, there is a bit of a risk mitigation with this companies' pushed rumor which is of course still not enough and hence the still controlled bc the risk is still present and as you said we have to take into account tk themselves, their priority is protecting what's important to them too, if you see the most content from the company we have seen of them together lately is just them being close (which they always were);and supporting each other, nothing super big or elaborated, not them putting on a show or being put on a show or anything, the only reason is noteworthy and has jikookers crying is bc years ago even that was something that wasn't shown (eg burn the stage etc).

I have a lot more opinions on the company's way of moving but I'm keeping it short 🫶

There are so many interesting layers to the way the company deals with Taekook, and to how the fandom perceives and feels about them. Where a lot of Taekookers think they've been too extreme in underselling or undermining their bond in official content, I don't think it's been quite as bad as most do. They still get featured quite a bit, I mean BV and In the Soop have shown us some classic Taekook moments. And they did start out capitalizing on that, the Bon Voyage cuddle was teased in promo images and then eventually included in bonus content. That moment making it into official content still blows my mind. I think it's a pretty intimate moment, I've gone over the clip so many times and believe there are kisses exchanged. It's wild. But 2016 is where the most noticeable shift happened. At the same time, I have also felt they do a little too much at times with the editing and it results in some weirdness, and that because heteronormativity covers for _a lot_ they could probably get away with showing more. That bias is so strong and engrained in everyone. But you make a great point about there being an added inherent risk for something that would need to be hidden, even if it's something most people would brush off. Like I've said before, I'm not a fan of the company for many reasons but if what they're doing is what they actually think is the best way of protecting them it's easily understandable. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, sorry it took so long for me to get to answering this.

[fightmeyeats]

ACNH: Colonial Desires in the Context of Quarantine

Since finishing up my undergraduate studies in June, one of the major things I've been doing with my free time is playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons (please don't @ me but I've already logged something like 400 hours). As much fun as the game is, one of the things that's really stood out to me is how much AC:NH depends on and reifies colonial logics, and how important it is to unpack this in the context of the game's popularity and the ongoing pandemic.

One of the first ways I want to address colonialism in AC:NH this is through the way I was first introduced to it, namely through its connection to my thesis and what I refer to as the "terraforming imaginary". Before I started playing or had even decided to buy the game, I was working on my thesis "Constructing New Worlds: An Investigation of Climate Change and the Terraforming Imaginary" (which, shameless self plug but if you're interested you can check out my 10 minute video presentation for symposium at Johns Hopkins University here). During this time I was talking about my thesis pretty non-stop with anyone who would listen and as a result probably about half of my friends independently sent me this meme

[ID: meme from @animalcrossingmemes which shows two children; the one on the left is smiling and looking off into the distance with the label "daydreaming about terraforming" while the child on the right looks stressed and upset with the label "actually terraforming". Beneath this meme is text from @kaijuno which reads "I realize this is an animal crossing meme but as an astrophysicist I was really excited for a second that someone was finally seeing the light on how fricking difficult an a huge waste of time it would be to try to terraform Mars". Beneath this text is another meme with four hands gripping each other's wrists to make a circle. In the center is the initial animalcrossingmemes image and each arm is labeled, respectively, "Minecraft Players," "Sims Players," "Animal Crossing Players," and "Astrophysicists apparently"]

Although my thesis addresses terraforming in the context of space exploration/colonization, AC:NH's engagement with "terraforming" (alongside other aspects of colonial practices and desires) helps to expand on the stakes of this. The reason I put "terraforming" in scare-quotes is because…technically, there isn't any terraforming in AC:NH, given that terraforming is "the operation consisting of rendering other stellar bodies—mainly planets and eventually asteroids—appropriate for human life" (Frédéric Neyrat, 46). While I'm all down for an interpretation of the Animal Crossing world as a non-Earth planet and the villagers as aliens, the island is already suitable for human life and the use of "terraforming" in the game is generally more readily identifiable as geoconstructivism: players redesign and restructure their islands, shaping waterways and topography to create idealistic spaces (as opposed to making the island literally livable). Either way, it speaks to the terraforming imaginary—the underlying set of logics and desires conducive to the imagining and desiring of “terraforming”, ie the logics and desires of colonization. Even though AC:NH's terraforming isn't technically terraforming, it is an embodiment of the terraforming imaginary, centering desires for the "civilizing"/"cultivating" of a space into an orderly, colonized ideal. On even a very surface level it is useful to think about this through the island rating system: islands are ranked out of five stars, with deductions made for things such as having "too many" weeds or not "cleaning up" by leaving items lying around rather than placed with intention. 

Another, perhaps more obvious, way in which AC:NH embodies colonial logics is through the "Nook Miles Tickets". Players trade in Nook Miles (an achievement based currency) for tickets which they can take to the airport and use to visit other, uninhabited islands which they can destroy to extract all of the resources slash-and-burn style. Players also have an increased likelihood of catching rare insects, fish, and sea animals to display to their own island museum or sell. As Wilbur, a dodo pilot, explains about this process: "we run the 'finders keepers' protocol here. Lumber, fruit, fish, whatever? Yours if you can carry it", going on to emphasize the importance of not leaving anything behind as there will be no returning; they "burn the flight plans" after each flight.

Although the rampantly destructive extraction of resources is the most apparent embodiment of colonial logics, the centrality of the museum and the imperative to complete each wing by finding and identifying all of the bugs, fish/sea creatures, fossils, and artworks in the game is an equally significant connection to colonialism. Benedict Anderson argues in Imagined Communities that the museum, along with the census and the map, "shaped the way in which the colonial state imagined its dominion—the nature of the human beings it ruled, the geography of its domain, and the legitimacy of its ancestry" (164). The specifics Anderson goes into differ of course, because he's talking about actual colonial states while AC:NH has the fluidity of embodying the underpinning desires which colonialism as process requires to function, but what holds true is that these specific forms of producing, organizing, and displaying knowledge which produced "a totalizing classificatory grid, which could be applied with endless flexibility...to be able to say of anything that it was this, not that; it belonged here, not there" (Anderson 184). Essentially, in AC:NH part of a player's ownership of the island occurs through a player's ability to classify and collect artefacts for the museum. Furthermore, this imperative to collect and preserve fossils, art work, bugs, fish, and sea creatures is part of the way the player's island is positioned as a place of value. 

The museum also implicitly functions to reify positions of authority, legitimizing a kind of monopoly of knowledge. In AC:NH, this primarily means the positions of the museum curator (Blathers) and, to a degree, Tom Nook (who selected and invited Blathers) are secured as the authorities on knowledge. When Tom Nook tells the player that the island(s) are deserted, we must take this as truth...yet fishing both on the player's island and the Nook Miles islands can turn up trash items like old tires, tin cans, and boots. Colonial logics depend on a management of who counts as "people" and what counts as "inhabited" and the myth of empty lands; Tom Nook's instance that these islands are all deserted is haunted by these lingering traces of some other inhabitation prior to the game's start. 

Okay, so you might be asking what does this all mean and why should we care? Let's talk about both the game's popularity and the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic which contextualized its release (and continues to shape daily life). Animal Crossing: New Horizons has not only received overwhelmingly positive critical reception, but is one of the best selling games both for the Switch console and the Animal Crossing series. According to freelance journalist Imad Khan's New York Times article "Why Animal Crossing Is the Game for the Coronavirus Moment," the game's appeal centers in its function as an escape to an "island paradise where bags of money fall out of trees and a talking raccoon can approve you for a mortgage". Khan quotes Dr. Ramzan (a professor of game narrative at Glasgow Caledonian University) who refers to it as "the universe you’ve always wanted, but can’t get." Given the significantly decreased mobility and connection that has accompanied social distancing, as well as the increased stress and heightened inequality which have accompanied COVID-19, this probably isn’t particularly surprising. It makes sense that a cute, low-stress video game would be a valuable form of escapism.

Mobility is a particularly fraught discourse in this context: on the one hand, concerns surrounding containment/immobility are heightened in the context of neoliberalism and within colonial societies, which depend upon discourses of individualism and independence to demarcate the “freedom” which comes from capitalist economies. At the same time, the desire for things like connection/community, movement, and spatial autonomy/sovereignty are not inherently colonial, even as colonialist logics frequently position colonial/capitalist/neoliberal expansion as the solution. Animal Crossing is heavily situated within this entanglement, simultaneously offering a very real form of connection (and even protest) for many people while also implicitly speaking to latent beliefs that colonization is a legitimate form of mobility and escapism. To say that AC:NH is the universe we’ve always wanted but can’t get is to refuse to engage with the inherent contradictions of neoliberalism and reafirm the notion that colonial capitalist worlds are worth wanting; that the fantasy of individual wealth and success through destructive extraction and market freedom, when obtainable, is good.

None of this is to say that playing AC:NH is the same as colonization, because of course it isn't. However, the colonial undertones of the game reflect the pervasiveness of colonial logics and desires in our daily lives, subsequently further normalizing them. Journalist Kazuma Hashimoto, for example, emphasizes the importance of contextualizing AC:NH's colonial undertones within Japanese Colonialism in "Animal Crossing: New Horizons and Japanese Colonialism". As Hashimoto argues, "I am only asking that people familiarize themselves with Japanese colonialism and why something as innocuous as discovering a deserted island can be read as colonialism — especially within the context of a Japanese game".

Inattentiveness to the more subdued, invisibilized manifestations of violence facilitates their internalization and acceptance; educating ourselves and paying attention to and challenging places where we feel comfortable with these kinds of escapist fantasies is an important exercise in critical thinking which can help us to continue to refuse their real life manifestations. 

[whattodowithace]

I Hate You Part III (Byeongkwan)

Title: I Hate You Part III

Pairing: Byeongkwan (A.C.E) x Reader

Genre: Spice

Word Count: 2K Words

Writer: Whattodowithkpop

*****

I open my eyes slowly, looking around the room I was in. A room I had grown used to in the past three months.

The clock on the bedside table read ‘8:47’ making me sigh in frustration. I stretch out my body slightly, careful not to disturb the arm that was draped against my stomach. I turn around, facing Byeongkwan as his arm stays on my waist.

I take note of his features, my heart rate increasing as I watch his chest rise and fall slowly due to his breaths. I smile at him before speaking his name softly to wake him up.

“Byeongkwan, we’re late.” I tell him, scooting closer until our noses brush against each other.

He groans out in protest, his arm tightening around my body.

I giggle as I push his shoulder slightly, causing him to fall on his back with a whine. I crawl on top of him, straddling his waist as I look down at him. He peeks one eye open, smirking as he looks me up and down.

“Why aren’t you on top of me all the time?” He asks, his hands resting on my thighs.

I lean down, resting my chest against his as I kiss his neck, kissing the fading marks from our first escapade that still lingered on his skin.

“Can we just stay here today?” HE sighs out as my fingers dance along his chest.

“People will know what we are.” I tell him, gently dragging my tongue to his collarbone.

“What are we?” He asks curiously, grabbing my thighs tighter as I gently kiss his collarbones.

“Enemies with benefits?” I offer with a soft chuckle.

Byeongkwan shakes his head, not liking the idea.

“What do you want to be?” I bring my head to face his, looking deep into his eyes.

“Yours.” He breathes, his heated breath fanning across my face My eyes widen in surprise, scanning his eyes for any deception, not sure how to respond to his boldness.

“You don’t have to say the same.” He tells me, one of his hands reaching up to my face, his thumb pressing into my cheekbone. “But know that I’m yours, whether you’re mine or not.”

He leans in, pushing his lips to mine. I kiss him back, but my mind was plagued by his words, not sure how to process his statements and his feelings.

“We really should get ready.” I whisper into his lips, just barley pulled away enough to speak.

Byeongkwan whines as I get off of him to walk around his room to get dressed.

After I had gotten mostly dressed, I walk to Byeongkwan’s body that was still under the covers. I lean down to his ear, my breath tickling his ear making him tense.

“After today we have the weekend, two whole days of nothing but you and me in this bedroom.”

He quickly grabs my wrist, kissing me hard as his hand moves to the back of my neck. I smile against his lips, my hands resting on his bare chest.

I pull away with a laugh. “We have to go, get dressed.”

He reluctantly raises from the bed, getting dressed along side me as we prepare for the day.

~~~~~~

By the time Byeongkwan and I finally make it to the school, our two first classes were already over. Meaning when we entered, students were at their lockers, rushing to get their supplies for the next periods before their classes started. Byeongkwan and I walk in together, me avoiding my peers eyes as I look to the floor. I can hear them start to whisper as they see Byeongkwan and I show up to school late together. I bring my hand over my eyes, hoping no one would recognize me. A snapback appears in my eyesight making me snap my head up to Byeongkwan who was offering said hat.

“You can hide better with it.” He says sheepishly, his eyes holding a sadness as he keeps his eyes forward.

I take the hat with a thank you, placing it onto of my head, shielding me slightly from the stares.

“I’ll see you in biology.” I tell Byeongkwan as I spilt off from him, running to find Chan and attempt escaping the looming gossip and eyes following me.

~~~~~

“He is admitting to like you!” Chan exclaims quietly as we sit at lunch.

“Chan, it feels odd because I’m so used to hating his guts and now it’s the complete opposite and I’m just worried…” I ramble, anxiety brimming as I look over to Byeongkwan seeing his eyes on me.

“If a man says he’s yours whether you're his or not it's a high form of commitment and if you don’t capitalize on this you are going to miss out.” Chan reasons as his head nods to the table next to Byeongkwan’s where a few of the girls were making dreamy eyes at him as they attempted engaging him in conversation. I scoff with a roll of my eyes as I look to Byeongkwan seeing his attention solely on me, not registering the girls next to him. My heart picks up as he smiles and waves.

“You both have it bad.” Chan snickers, stuffing his face with food.

“Whatever.” I click my tongue as I go back to much lunch, only occasionally glancing up to look at Byeongkwan.

~

I didn’t get anything out of any classes I was attending, my mind too busy thinking about Byeongkwan’s words. To say he’d be mine even if I wasn’t. Chan made fun of me throughout the day, which only earned him glares.

The final period had ended as Chan and I set next to each other with Byeongkwan in the front row.

“I have to leave early again.” Chan tells me as he stands, his bag being draped over his shoulder.

“Chan, no.” I whisper at him as I pull his arm, making him sit next to me. “I can’t be alone with him.”

Chan rolls his eyes. “You literally told him you would be with him all weekend, well it’s the weekend why not start now.”

“Chan no, I’m not ready I don't have an answer for him.”

“You do have an answer you just don’t want to admit it.” Chan grumbles as he folds his arms.

He was right… I knew my answer but there was no way I was ready to admit it.

“What is possibly so important you have to leave early today?” I ask him in frustration as he stands again.

“Jun is helping me with math.” Chan smiles as he looks down to Byeongkwan who was already looking our way.

Chan offers him a wave as I pester Chan. “I can help you with math just sit down here with me.”

“We aren’t even in the same math!” Chan points out as he steps away from me. “This time please don’t actually jump him.”

“I’m leaving with you.” I tell him as I collect my items from my desk.

“You can’t come with me, Jun and I have to study.” Chan rolls his eyes as he starts walking past me.

“I’ll just walk with you until you meet Jun.” I bargain with him as I give him pleading eyes.

Chan groans as he rubs his face. “Fine.” I thank him before collecting the rest of my stuff as follow him down the steps.

We reach the bottom where Byeongkwan was and we are met with him smiling with his backpack slung over his shoulder.

“You guys heading out too?” Byeongkwan asks, making wince at the realization he was leaving early like the rest of us.

Chan smirks widely as he nods. “Yea, do you want to walk out with us?”

I pinch Chan’s arm, making him screech in pain to which Byeongkwan tilted his head in confusion.

“Yeah, okay.” Byeongkwan agrees as his eyes meet mine.

They softened as they met mine, making my heart melt at his gaze. Chan is what breaks us of our trance as he pulls by backpack strap to get me to follow him.

~

The three of us walked together out of the school. I walked in silence as Byeongkwan and Chan conversed about numerous things, things I didn’t realize they had in common. I would often find my eyes drifting to Byeongkwan, watching as he laughed with Chan my heart filling with a tingly feeling. His eyes would occasionally meet mine, making my whole stomach fill with butterflies, only intensifying whenever he smiled at me. In this moment, my heart was confident in my answer for him, but my mind still continued to doubt.

The sun was starting to set by the time we meet up with Jun. Jun was on the park bench, his glasses pushed high on his nose as his eyes scanned over the pages of the book the rested in his hands.

“Jun!” Chan shouts as his pace quickens as he runs up to the boy.

Jun lifts his head to see the three of us to which he smiles and waves.

“Are all of you here for math help?” Jun asks with concern, seeing as Byeongkwan and I were not in the same math class as him and Chan.

“No, we just walked with Chan, we will be parting ways here.” I explain with a smile.

Jun’s smile drops as he looks between Byeongkwan and I. “You guys are going together?”

I look to Byeongkwan who was looking at me. He sends me a wink out of sight from Jun and Chan as his smile widens. My stomach fills with butterflies again as I turn to face Jun, ignoring the burning that my cheeks felt.

“We get along now, dont worry.” I laugh nervously.

“They get along really well.” Chan smirks, making Jun’s eyes widen.

“There is a thin line between love and hate.” Jun nods in understanding.

“And on that note, we will be leaving.” I tell them as I grab Byeongkwan’s wrist to pull him away from the pair. “Have fun studying!”

~

Byeongkwan and I started walking down the sidewalk, our hands separated but brushing against one another as we take long steps towards his house.

We walked in silence for awhile, a comfortable silence, but one that held a lingering feeling.

Byeongkwan broke it with a sigh. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable this morning. It’s just that… You looked so gorgeous on top of me and it just slipped out..”

I feel my cheeks get hot as I think back to this morning, my body looming over his.”It’s really fine Byeongkwan, you just caught me off guard that’s it.”

“Then why did you avoid touching me in biology?” He asks with a quiet voice.

I bite my lip, feeling guilty that he noticed. “It’s not that I didnt want to touch you… I’m just nervous because I could easily fall for you but what if you decide you get bored of me after my heart makes that decision.”

He remains silence, making my anxiety sky rocket as I look to him to see his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He stops his steps as he grabs my hand, my body coming to face his as he stares down at me.

“I can’t see anyone getting bored of you.” He chuckles lightly. “I know we have our fun in banters and late nights, but that’s not why I’m yours.”

My heart jumps out of my chest at those words as he leans his head down to mine, our noses barley touching.

“You have captivated me in every way possible.”

It wasnt the most poetic speech out there, but the words definitely made my heart beat and my mind race.

“If you get bored of me, I’ll go back to hating you.” I tell him in a hushed tone as my eyes flicker down to his full lips practically begging to be licked, bit, and kissed.

He chuckles as he moves in to where his lips just barley touch mine. “Then we will go back to the sexual tension.”

With that, he pushes his lips into mine, kissing me hard as my hands find themselves in his hair.

“Byeongkwan.” I whisper to him before my words get swallowed by his lips.

“Let’s go back to my place, you have a promise to keep.” He whispers as he pulls away, grabbing my hand gently to lead me to his house where the promise of a weekend in his room with just the two of us was fulfilled.

Previous Part ~

MASTERLIST

[aleja-liveblog]

A LOT LOT LOT OF REALLY LATE ASKS

While I’m here, @lilietsblog send me a bunch of asks a while ago (back in october) that first I forgot about and then I felt awkward since it was months ago. But since I’m still here, I’ll push through the awkwardness i’ve been avoiding since December 

Note they send a bunch, some numbered but apparently the second one is missing. @lilietsblog i dont expect you to remenber after months but if you do...

Also this is so fucking long that im putting a keep reading 

About Catherine and Rat Company (1): these are war games monitored by adults. They are intended to be training, and even though winning/losing also matters, I imagine major breaches of discipline (ie straight up disobeying the person supposed to be your commanding officer, which was Catherine with Nauk incapacitated) would be remarked and punished anyway. In the army it's more important to obey than to be clever or the whole thing can't work.”

No comment since I know nothing about armies but i’ll take your word for it 

(3) You keep suspecting Name shenanigans, but you think if Catherine was a side character and someone else became lieutenant and then led them to actual successes against First Company they wouldn't be cheering that person on and swearing eternal loyalty (until evening anyway)? It's just how people work. Charismatic leaders are a real world thing, not just a story thing. Story can enhance what's already there, but Speaking has been explicitly called out so far. Catherine isn't doing that.”

Really good point. Also consider this, I will suspect Name shenanigans until the day I die. The story will end, I will be in my deathbed, and I will tell my grieving family that it was Name shenanigans in apgte

“(4) The subtler effects of Name shenanigans are mostly in coincidences and luck. What COINCIDENCE it is that Cat was placed in the loser company willing to rally behind ANYONE who gave them even a modicum of success. What COINCIDENCE it is that they went up against First Company, making Cat look even more impressive in context. And, uh, the fact Cat got lieutenant's position is explicitly no coincidence, just Black's fiat. That's being apprentice to the head of the army for you.”

See above for my take on this (also I truly hope in my deepest of hearts that you know its deep Name manipulation because you already read this and am trying to throw me off. Because I would love a story about confronting Tropeworld, please give me this) 

“(5) To bring characterterization together a little bit: remember how Sergeant Ebele in Rat's Nest liked Cat and encouraged her? Remember how Cat fast-talked her way into a rebel group? Remember how she called herself out for being too much of a brave idiot when she went to save that girl in chapter 1? She's just in the exact position to show off and capitalize on these traits that were there from before Black got involved.”

Really good Catherine analyzing and I agree. After all theres a reason Black picked her. BUT it can be Cat being charming and leadering material, AND name stuff. I dont trust the Names and Roles at all. 

“(6) These are TEENAGERS in a WAR GAME. LEEEEEROY JEEEEEEEEENKINSSS!!!!!.... tl;dr it would take a mind-controlling Name to get these children to act DIFFERENTLY in this situation lmao”

Oh yes, holy crap this is just lord of the flies. However,I’m still side eyeing everything

 “ God this will give birth to so many more rumors. Who laughs in the middle of fighting?" this is called adrenaline and I'm not saying ANYONE would but it's at the very least a real thing lmao (if you're of Catherine's temperament~)”

Are you sure? Absolutely sure?  I didn’t want to know that and I’m pretty sure there will still be rumors even if that only makes a small percentage of the ones that will pop up (hell we just seen the Blackguards take Cat in front of her classmates, god the rumors everywhere)

(I am not saying whether there are or not Name shenanigans involved, why that would be spoilers. Just pointing out that it comes together as is, either way)

Name shenanigans  Name shenanigans  Name shenanigans

(the psychological parts come together, anyway. No comment on jumping over rolling logs)

oh yeah we’ve already seen its pretty impossible and it tipped of Hellhound 

...

and a comment from when I returned last month

WELCOME BACK WE MISSED YOU 

I was gonna keep this one to myself but I’m already commented of everything else from lili so why not. thank you :)

[yung-gunshot]

In questions!

thank you denna @kisamas

1. What takes up too much of your time? rn its mainly vibeo game and anime. i still play djmax respect like almost every single day plus also playing ace combat 5 & 7 and i recently finished watching ergo proxy which was pretty cool

2. What makes your day better? cooking something yummy like pasta or curry makes my day better and just generally playing games something that distracts me from my problems at the moment

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? i made pasta with sausage, broccoli, and spinach for dinner and it was really good 

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? hm i havent really thought about this but i think it would be cool to see the netsphere from blame! but without being involved in all the fucked up stuff i just love the architecture 

5. Are you good at giving advice? i would like to think so but none of my friends i know irl reach out to me so maybe i think not i just speak bollocks 

6. Do you have a mental illness? hm not sure, i never got officially diagnosed but im pretty sure i may have developed depression ever since i graduated hs

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? i dont think i have 

8. What musician inspires you the most? not sure about musicians but deathgrips and jpegmafia have kinda inspired me at the moment just because they make whatever they want without being afraid of what people think of them

9. Have you ever fallen in love? yea its happened twice now

10. What’s your dream date? i dont really think about this just because i dont think it will ever happen but i think just hanging out and going hiking anywhere would be nice and i really enjoy checking out new places to eat in town

11. What do others notice about you? not really sure about this question tbh maybe that im really easy to get along with? and i dont like the fact that i exist outside of my own perception 

12. What’s an annoying habit you have? isolation? but also i tend to bounce my leg and play with my hair a lot

13. Do you still talk to your first love? nope 

14. How many exes do you have? 2

15. How many songs are in your playlist? im not really sure i just have 3 playlists on spotify that most songs go to depending on the mood they are pretty huge though so id say at least 100 per playlist

16. What instruments can you play? i used to be able to play the trumpet in elementary 

17. What do you have the most pictures of? i have lots of landscape pics from the places i go camping and hiking then its just anime girls memes etc

18. Where would you like to go before you die? i think it would be really nice to see japan, korea, and indonesia plus also visit every national park here in the us and some parts in mexico like cancun and puebla 

19. What’s your zodiac? aquarius 

20. Do you relate to it? sometimes but most of the time i think its stupid 

21. What is happiness to you? just living a life where i dont have to maintain a certain image of myself and free from the pressures of modern day life and capitalism 

22. Are you going through anything right now? yea i still havent registered for fall classes yet and also havent been able to find a job either and i lost my friendship with my best friend a month ago

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? i think telling my best friend i grew feelings for them is by far the worst thing ive done to date and its just something im never going to forgive myself for

24. What’s your favorite store? winco, samber and la chiquita (local hispanic stores) and grocery outlet

25. What’s your opinion about abortion? pro

26. Do you keep a bucket list? nope

27. Do you have a favorite album? ive had a few as my all time fav like Emily’s D+Evolution , To Pimp A Butterfly and Toxicity, rn though im really enjoying Dog Whistle by Show Me the Body, Infest the Rats’ Nest by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard and Veteran by Jpegmafia

28. What do you want for your birthday? maybe some new cardigans and candles would be nice

29. What are people’s first impressions of you? i think people see me as a quiet and distant person because i dont talk that often when meeting new people

30. What age do you seem according to most people? my age (21) -/+ 1

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? i keep it on the corner of my bed next to my head

32. What word do you say the most? bollocks, bellend, fuck, worm 

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 25

34. What’s the youngest you would date? maybe 20 but they would have to be a very specific type of person for me to consider dating them, safe bet with 21

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? art teacher

36. What’s your favorite music genre? it used to be hip hop for a really long time but now i like rock and metal but really ill listen to anything except for country and edm. ive also just been listening to a ton of vibeo game and anime music too 

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? i honestly think if the world wasn’t dictated by money i would want to live in mexico or japan tbh i like the us but just for the nature and landscapes 

38. What is your current favorite song? Camp Orchestra by Show Me the Body

39. How long have you had this blog for? i think i started in the middle or end of 2015

40. What are you excited for? i cant really say im looking forward for anything other than death stranding coming out and the dlc for ace combat 7

41. Are you a better talker or listener? i think im a better listener than i am a talker bc when i talk i cant even understand what im saying sometimes. listening is much more important to me bc i can actually process what people are saying 

42. What was the last productive thing you did? i talked to my adviser today and made some food and took my dog out for a walk at the park

43. What do you want for Christmas? i would like more board games to play with my cousins and friends and maybe some new pants too

44. What class do you get the best grades in? i dont know about best grades but its usually my painting and drawing courses 

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 5

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? i honestly dont know and the only thing that comes to mind is being a teacher? i just live day to day 

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? i guess after i graduated hs we were talking before we graduated but things sorta fell apart and i realized my feelings a bit too late to change anything 

48. What age do you want to get married? not sure since i cant see myself being taken seriously enough to want to marry but i guess ill say any age before 40

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i dont quite remember but i recall wanting to do space travel so maybe an astronaut? or astronomer

50. What do you crave right now? emotional stability, some taro milk tea, and more pasta\

im gonna tag @deredere @euthymiclurker and @dementatree :)

[citrus-feline]

going on facebook is always awful cuz ill want to share something with my dad but then see his most recent post is talking about “commie liberal shitheads” like. dad. is that what he thinks about me? he is definitely at least semi-aware of my political views. he’s accused me of being a communist in highschool back when i thought there was a point in talking to him about issues (but hes not going to change his mind). i dont get it either because he will get livid when i say that capitalism in its current state in america is ruining us despite being one of the people affected most by it. i grew up like hating late-capitalist ideals because i saw what my dad went thru and the hardship he endured trying to raise 3 kids all by himself when he was already having money issues. he grew up poor in a house with 5+ kids in it. is it just conditioning where he trusts a system that is so against him? he only just recently finally got a job that pays fairly for the amount of hardwork he does and his reaction to that isn’t being thankful to his hardwork or even his company, but making posts on facebook about how much he loves the president :/. dad... you’re opposed to raising min wage..... like....... he deserves the money for the work he does cuz hes like a genius with the machines he works but dude. go back 50 years and a job in a similar environment would be min wage. im happy he is getting more money but i wish he would like thank himself or his company instead of someone who perpetuates late-stage capitalism despite all of its harm.

generally i actually think my dad is okay but then i look at what he’s saying about people like me and it upsets me. i once made a post about how older people are so unsupportive to newer generations and he got so mad!! but im expected to see his posts that i can easily apply to myself and just be okay with it. im not gonna fight with my dad cuz like even the possibility of being told to move out will be really hard of my mental health and he takes care of me but........ i wish he was more respectful....... say what you will but the meanest i am to conservatives is when im venting about upsetting things i saw in the news on this website. when it comes to actually talking to people with different views i am really kind and understanding, and even on here i’ve experienced that. i’ve made angry posts before with keywords that attracted conservatives and have gotten angry asks about it before and my response is almost always “im sorry i upset you with that post, i was venting. but i am happy to have a conversation with you about this stuff.”..... i have only like once ever had someone take me up on discussing things in a mature way and separate from a personal post but i like to think that the way i handle it is respectful despite my own disbelief in those types of politics.

him going off on facebook is so bizarre to me because i’ve seen him fight with people in comments before. i’ve heard my sister (who is much stronger than me emotionally) address his posts before only to get into arguments where she will avoid visiting us for months aside from popping in after work or something. and she barely does that anymore. i dont get how he is so happy to keep making such rude posts on a platform that everyone he knows will see. i post on here knowing that maybe one or two people i know in real life will see it, if even that. and THAT makes me nervous! i’ve deleted plenty of posts i was typing up mid-rant because i realized i didnt want people who know me personally to see that! like i know looking at my blog it seems like “oh she doesnt have a filter” but i do!! like once a day i will start writing a vent post only to delete it all without ever posting because i realize it could cause some kind of misunderstanding or bitterness between me and the people i care about who check my blog.

all “bleh i hate capitalism” aside, i don’t understand the disrespect at all. i just dont. i can theoretically look at very conservative people as a group and be bitter about that, and i do sometimes, but i usually try to be mindful that people have opinions for their own reasons and i have to remember that everyone’s experience is different. despite people saying things i disagree with, i still respect them as people and i’m willing to talk about things gently. i much prefer a mature conversation about more heavy stuff as opposed to being yelled at. a mature conversation can lead to things being learned, on both sides. being so vocal about your disdain for people who you could potentially have an actual conversation with upsets me. i go off about politicians and stuff on here but for real if one of them talked to me, one-on-one, i would absolutely still be respectful despite everything i dislike about their policies and behavior as someone of power. the only time i wouldn’t treat someone with respect is if they not only treat me disrespectfully but reject my attempt at keeping things civil. and even then i would give multiple opportunities in an attempt to keep things calm and respectful. when i discuss stuff with people who i disagree with, i listen to them. lots of the time i feel the same about the issue at the end, but hearing a point of view is important. brushing all people who disagree with you away is just in bad taste in my opinion. because there are people who will not believe in what you do but also show respect despite that. there are people who will listen, even if they are secretly a little upset about what you’re saying. conversation is important in any kind of society and for one so polarized in political beliefs like ours i think it should be a requirement to show SOME kind of respect.

it just upsets me how i wont even be heard with some people, like my dad. people who are so stuck in their beliefs that they refuse to even consider looking at them critically. i know the stuff i align myself with isn’t perfect. i know some things people who are head-speakers for in the political groups i openly say i agree with aren’t always exactly what i think. and i know that lots of things won’t be treated as serious as i want them to be. focus can easily be put on things that i think should come later compared to what i care about. i know that “liberals” aren’t perfect. a lot of kids i went to school with were heavily and openly liberal and generally i agreed with them but now and then they would go too far with something, or even just be one of those people who are so up in arms about political stuff that they don’t have any real personal experience with (which is fine, i just wish they wouldn’t act like it was them being attacked instead of the actual people suffering from the real-life issues). i know my beliefs, MY personally beliefs, aren’t perfect. i used to have a lot of trouble realizing something i believed in was not what i thought it was, but now its kinda normal for me. my beliefs for lots of stuff is fluid, but of course because its me, i usually end up aligning with most “liberal” ideals (but, again, theres stuff i disagree with in those groups too). i will ride in my dad’s car where the radio is still on a political station he listens to and some of the stuff they say makes me sick because i disagree with it so much. and i like to think that my dad doesn’t believe all of that. but i dont know because whenever i’ve tried to figure out i’ve just been called a communist who hates freedom, lol. he’s not open to conversation which is really weird to me. cuz like. things change?? opinions aren’t static? people are able to look at things from different angles. its not that hard imo? maybe its just cuz im overly-empathetic but like. i dont... get how its so hard for people to put themselves in others shoes... thats what i primarily do when talking to people about stuff where theres any sort of disagreement. lots of the time ill put myself in their shoes and still come out feeling the same about the topic, but its still important to do that kind of thing to at least get SOME kind of grasp to why they believe what they do.

im not sure why im making so many long political posts lately compared to usual but i feel like this is important stuff to talk about... i dont expect anyone to change their views on shit just reading a post where im getting my frustrations out, but if anything is questionable, i want people to know that i AM open to talking about it personally. if you approach me with respect, i’d be happy to talk to you about stuff. it’s something i practice regularly with non-political stuff in my relationship and with close-friends when something touchy comes up. lots of the times core ideas aren’t changed but we all come out of that stuff with a bit more understanding of the other person and why they think what they do. people aren’t perfect and you will disagree about things. that’s why it should be handled respectfully. if i reacted the way my dad does to people trying to make conversation about more serious things, im pretty sure i wouldn’t have nearly as many friends, lol.

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE FOUR: “I JUST NEED ME AND MY GIRLIES TO SURVIVE.” - JAKE

I'm jumping ship because Keegan voted for me TWICE!!! Bro I'm like Kelley Frickin Wentworth, I'm gonna underdog this game. Heck yeah I'm joining Andreas, Chris, and Dennis. 

The word of the day is definitely Tinky Winky. It’s a Tinky Winky revolution and all because I couldn’t get the fucking epic rap battle line “we’re in the endgame now Tinky winky” unstuck from my brain

Literally all my best friends are on the other tribe UGHHHHHHHH Sharifa, Trent, Kurt, Lukas we will be together at some point 😞✊ And Jake tbh imma miss him I have ned, Keegan, and Malik Ned doesn’t like malik Keegan thinks I voted ned Malik would’ve been voted out if he didn’t have immunity Sitting in a burning room with a teaspoon of water but ILL GET THROUGH THIS I PROMISE

I imagine Olivia, Trent, and Keegan as the episode 2 trio of Jamal, Jack, and Molly from Island of the Idols, specifically the line "we're really impressed with ourselves." They think they're playing some mastermind UTR game but in reality literally everyone knows their schemes.

Sooooo I received a vote and it was likely from Kage so that’s annoying… BUT here are my thoughts on the swap

1) I think Lukas told Kage I was trying to get him out. The way Lukas talked to me about Emma and the way he talked to me about Kage were very standoff ish. He was clearly trying to get info and just say things that didn't give anything either way. It was a very different feel than what I got with anyone else. 2) I think there's a winners alliance between Jake, Sharifa, and Kurt. Jake told me he got along well with Sharifa and Kurt. So clearly he's hoping we target Trent. BUT Also Sharifa knew I was a winner when I talked to her and made a point to bring it up. Yet, when I asked if there were other winners she mentioned Kurt and not Jake. That doesn't make sense. She doesn't know me at all. Why would she have that info about me but not have that info about Jake? 3) I think I'm losing Lukas a bit. Before we swapped Dennis told me that Kage mentioned something about the idol no longer being where it was originally. He also mentioned that Kage told Lukas. Me and Lukas had been sharing idol information but Lukas hasn't been coming to tell me things and he DEFINITELY didn't tell me the Kage info. Now that I've said all that, I wanna debate whether or not to tell anyone about the 5 that was created on our old tribe. Dennis might not enjoy it cause it would throw him under the bus. But he's no longer on my tribe. I could use this opportunity to inch my way into the winner's alliance and surround myself with threats. Get Lukas closer to me and make him a bit more sus of Kage. AND get Matt closer to me as well. My relationship with Sarah is interesting and I think it'll stay that way. I think we've been getting along nicely but I don't think she's actively going out of her way to work with me cause she likes me. I think at best, she wants to just get info from meAGAIN, all this said, one of the BIGGEST things I've learned in the past is to trust my perception. In both real life games I've played, I had a gut feeling about all of the important things in the entire game. I knew when things were happening that were shady and was able to sus it out. BUT in both, I waited too long to act on it and tried to logic my way through issues rather than trust myself. So I genuinely think what I'm feeling about all these relationships makes a lot of sense and I'm trying to really figure out what I should do with the trust I've built. I gotta a lot of ground to make up cause of my vacation and I can feel my relationships slipping. Jake and I rn are really close. As outside friends, I trust him to work with me for a while. He’s giving me lots of info and even shared an idol clue with moi And honestly, the only person I would care to push to go home rn is Kage and even then I don't necessarily think it's smart to take him out yet 

This was actually a good swap! Me, Andreas, and Dennis are in the minority, although I felt prepared that it would go this way! I talked to everyone and actually think all of them are cool BUT Matt claimed that Olivia told him Malik was the target on their tribe had he not gotten immunity and Sarah I believe said do not trust Olivia so I want to capitalize on that somehow! Also Malik and I know one another so that's cool! But we must downplay!

Just survived the double tribal. It was way more stressful than it should have been, but thats just because of my paranoid self. I had a 1/6 chance of going home, but luckily i didn't receive any votes. There were two rouge votes on keegan who was in my alliance but jake admitted that he and ned were the votes because they both got scared they were the vote and wanted to protect themselves in case of an idol. I thought for a split second there was a much bigger alliance controlling the game and I just got played. But luckily that didn't happen. Now comes a much harder part of the game. We swapped into our original roles, classic Heroes vs Villains. This would be fun expect for the fact i'm now in a 5-4 minority.  I'm going to have to work extra hard to not get voted out, but if they choose me, theres not much i can do unless i find an idol. Lukas I sorta knew threw olivia and she was hoping all three of us could work together, so i'm hoping he can protect me a bit. NIcklas I played BB pokemon with. We were never on the same side in that game, but hopefully theres so some sort of connection there I can use. Sarah Lynn also played that but she was inactive and first boot and I dont think she remembered me. The other two i just met for the first time last night. It's going to be tough to survive, but hopefully we dont even have to go to tribal.

To absolutely no ones surprise, we have swapped! But before I get into that, let me just unpack a little bit that happened at the last tribal because I am SHOOK. So the plan was for there to be a near unanimous vote for BIRCH. With Olivia throwing an extra vote on NED just in case BIRCH had an idol and was lying about who they were voting for. All is well and good. But then tribal happens and not only does NED get two votes but I get two votes. Record scratch. Hold up. What the absolute fuck? I genuinely though I was about to be blindsided and sent home pre-merge. So the end result was five votes for BIRCH, two for NED and two for me. In the brief chats I had before we actually swapped, as well as after with OLIVIA, MALIK and NED, it appears that it was KURT and JAKE who wrote my name down. Fair enough I guess, I hardly spoke with them at all this round. But it was still a shock. As far as I can tell, the McBITCHES all stuck together with the plan. SHARIFA, TRENT, MALIK and myself voted BIRCH with OLIVIA sticking with her NED vote. BIRCH definitely voted for NED and I’m pretty confident NED voted for BIRCH which definitely leaves KURT and JAKE as the two who voted for me. Which means they are close and working together. So that’s definitely something to keep in mind. In regards to the swap it is now a true Heroes vs Villains season and we swapped into those alignments. Which honestly I am okay with because I’ve got OLIVIA with me, who is probably my #1 ally at this point. I’ve also got MALIK who I trust a great deal. And NED, well NED I’m still working on gaining his full allegiance to me. ANDREAS, CHRIS and DENNIS are the other heroes from the original Molysmeno tribe. So far they’ve been nice and I’m bonding with CHRIS over horror movies so that’s been good. However, because of the late tribal we didn’t get a whole lot of time to talk last night. Moving forward, I’d like to win immunity challenges for sure. As much as I would hate to lose TRENT or SHARIFA on the other side, I don’t trust that OG AMMONIA will stick together if we end up at tribal. And who’s to say one of ANDREAS, CHRIS or DENNIS doesn’t have an idol and idols us out even if we do. I genuinely would like to stick with OG tribes for the time being though. As of this very moment, ANDREAS I think is who I would prefer to vote out right now. He seems to be the most difficult to actually talk with at the moment. But it’s still very early in the swap so we’ll see how things progress. 

So I feel that everything is coming together. Andreas/Dennis have told Malik on the Olivia stuff and he was hurt but it is going to have him come to us. While they think Malik's going to be all for them, there is a good chance he and I can snipe! Meanwhile Malik and Ned have expressed a little concern about Olivia/Keegan. I think my ideal tribal scenarios are 5-2 or 3-2-2 so stay tuned on THAT 

Today I've spent lots of time thinking about my odds in the game while at work and tbh I feel like I can surprise a lot of these people. For me, a lot of them want to play under the radar or downplay themselves, but I feel like perhaps the fact I am so new I can legitimately do so without it not looking suspicious and unbelievable. Someone like Matt or Sarah or Dennis or Ned or whoever I feel will have a hard time with that- at least I hope they will. So yeah. Still, I enjoy so many of these people that I feel if I do lose, then I certainly won't be sad about it! Having that said, I'm here to win and plan on doing so!

The swap happened as expected after Emma left. If Emma had stayed, this swap would've been a mess and a half, but she didn't and Kage (the rogue vote) prolly put himself really low into that swap. The swaptribe is amazing. Thanks to Matt's info, I was instantly able to form a really good relationship with malik, who didn't necessarily know he was on the outs, but is SO easy to talk to. He also seemed so so sad when I told him Matt's info, like literally heartbroken and I felt so so sorry for him :(. Ned also approached me about him being on the outs and even being close to Malik, so that is good... right?! Olivia and Keegan seem really nice, but we swapped into a Minority, so I will have to work every angle I can. There are a few concerns I have and those are mainly based on the fact, that things seem way way WAY too good and this just can't be?! I do feel like tho. My connections to Malik and Olivia would EVEN if they stick together mean, that I hopefully don't get targetted and that is actually my entire premerge strategy (or atleast until we make jury). Make connections and make people depend on you/like you enough that even if they betray you, it won't be you, who gets the boot. We just have to be careful, especially depending on what awaits us at Thera. The new Idolsystem is very very interesting to say atleast. It seems multi facetted and apparently Thera plays into it, so yeah

Music. Video. Challenge. No. I hate it. However, I stupidly volunteered to edit the damn video and I'm literally wasting almost three whole days of my life editing It's Raining Men. But I'm putting a ton of effort in so even if we lose I think I might be doing enough to make people feel sorry for me and like they can't vote me out. But by golly if I ever have to do another music video in my life I am RIOTING.

So for this challenge I’m really not feeling too hot about my tribes chances. It seems like not many people are excited about it, granted I did get a score of 8 on guess who. Hopefully we can pull it together.

Omg were back to original tribes..... it’s 7 heroes and it’s 4 original Armonia and 3 molysmeno. I’m with Dennis and Chris who were in the mystery inc alliance so I trust them. But then Malik is here who is someone I played a FB BB org with over a year ago and we went to f3 together and were extremely loyal. And then we have Ned who is one of my best friends from ORGs ever. Ned caught me up to date pretty quick about how he’s been targeted by Olivia and Trent. That’s dangerous for sure. He also said that there’s a Ned/Olivia/Keegan/Malik alliance that ‘plans’ on working together.... I have a plan to break that one up.

So I broke the news to Malik that Olivia led a campaign to target him and while he was really upset, he took the news well. Honestly, this has been the most gameplay I’ve done all season and it’s weird because I’m trying to be cool calm and collected. Also, Olivia and Keegan are so hard to chat with .... they just leave me on read so often, or will just react to my messages halfway during our chats and it’s just hard to chat with them. Neither of them want to talk game at all, and I’m thinking it’s cause they believe they’re going to be Armonia strong. Further to this, Dennis and Chris said the same thing is happening to them too. Malik approached me about a me, him, Ned, Dennis and Chris alliance. That works well for me honestly. I can get behind that quite frankly. As long as Ned and Malik can play both sides for at least this round, I won’t have much blood on my hands. My only fear is about idols or double votes or what not. If we split the votes and they have a double vote it could 3-3-2. That would cause a revote so all would be fine. But as long as they don’t sniff it out we should good. This is all dependant if we can win or not.

Woo we won immunity!!!! 😄😄😄 i worked so hard and Keegan kicked ASSSSS (pun on my password lol) I’m terrified for my buddies sharifa, Trent, Kurt, and Jake because they’re outnumbered. I hope Lukas can flip or something

Things got insane after the immunity, all of the other villains were messaging me except for Kage. Suddenly everyone wants to work with me...sounds fake but okay. Matt and Sarah were ALLLLLLLLL up in my dm's talking about how they weren't going to vote for me because of how hard I worked on the challenge. Do I believe them? No. We’re all villains, someone here literally voted out Isaac on his birthday LFKJASDKJFA. But I do think it’s smart for them to work with me, taking out the target on everyone's back eventually means yours is the only one people can shoot at. Yes I'm the biggest target, but that means I'm a shield for yalls bitch asses. I'm just never gonna fully trust Matt and Sarah, they think they have the game WRAPPED around their pretty little fingers, and their final 2 is BLATANT. Then Lukas messaged me saying the same thing, but it felt genuine from him. We ended up having a lovely chat and I trust that a lot more than anything Mattrah said to me. MATTRAH AKSDLFJALSDJ. I went from Trolivia to Mattrah I'm never escaping these duos GOD. Speaking of which, Matt revealed that Kage was bringing back everything Trent was saying to Mattrah. So I gave Trent the heads up and then proceeded to throw him under the bus to Matt. Initially the plan was to get the target on Trent and then use my idol on him...and I even said that to Trent. But there’s a whole day left to play tomorrow so I have ZERO idea what I’m doing as of now. It’s a huge risk not to play the idol on myself, and everyone could just be trying to make me feel safe...but a part of me thinks I might have an opportunity to get power. The most interesting convo I had was with Nicklas. I’ve just had a feeling about that one since the swap, and we had a really meaty game talk. Not even talking about the game but just strategy in general...that one is a smart fucking cookie, I like him. He reminds me of myself in a lot of ways, the more pragmatic side. I was open that I was really fucking with what he was saying, and he seemed to be vibing me. It just felt like a lot of effort for him to put in just to make me feel comfortable but YOU NEVER KNOW. Everyone, and I mean everyone said they wanted to talk about the vote tomorrow...I feel like everyone is trying to use me in their plots and schemes, but I’m the queen for a reason. I need to figure out how to not only survive, but put MYSELF in a better position by doing what I need to happen. I have to take paranoia out of it, I have to take my personal shit out of it, forget I'm one of the pieces and step back and look at the chessboard as a whole. Tomorrow is going to be a huge day, if I go home, I’m gonna leave SWWWWIIIINNNNGGGGGGIIIING!! YOU WANT TO TAKE ME OUT YOU BETTER EARN IT!!

All that work was worth it! We won the immunity challenge! By a glorious 2 points! The only thing that worries me is whether SHARIFA and TRENT can survive this vote. KURT or JAKE can be voted out and I won’t feel any amount of sadness over it. I still feel like it’s early enough in the game that anything can happen so I’m really hoping the McBITCHES can stay whole until another swap/merge and we can reunite. I think for my own safety I’m going to try to propose an alliance of sorts with ANDREAS and maybe CHRIS, maybe bring in OLIVIA. I don’t think it would be the worst thing in the world to lose NED, but if we lose the next challenge I think it would be in our best interest to vote out DENNIS or CHRIS, depending on who OLIVIA and MALIK would rather see go.

 This week was a bad week to go to NOLA. I can tell I'm not doing so hot with the people on my tribe. Not bad, but not good. Kage apologized for "not checking up on me" after tribal today. Days after I already told him I was feeling fine about it all and just wanted to let him know since other people checked on me. Lukas has been quieter with me. Sarah and I are still talking but it took a lot to get info out of her today. People are also talking about the game without me cause Kage told Sarah that Trent was trying to target her earlier this morning as an "easy vote". And only Sarah told me that but I doubt only Sarah and Kage know about it. So I’m aware of my spot here…

Ok so update: We won the challenge by two points! The other tribe did great but we ended up getting the win! And based on what I know, Olivia was likely really trying to gun for me and said that to Matt because they were able to talk as Olivia confirmed it to me herself, and there’s no way Matt can randomly come up with that when he doesn’t even know me. So the second we lose if we do, Olivia is going home. She did great in the challenge, but if I know someone’s after me I never just let them stay in the game. I also got an alliance going with me, Ned, Chris, Andreas and Dennis! We(or I atleast) called it the teen titans and everyone went with it and we have roles. I’m cyborg, Andreas is Starfire, Chris is Raven, Dennis is Robin and Ned is Beast Boy. I love that group, they definitely made me feel at home on the new tribe!

i can’t believe we lost this effing challenge. LITERALLY ROBBED. anyways, first lemme confess about my new tribe. of course the other tribe has majority. i’m with kurt and sharifa who are the ones i trust, trent is iffy especially since i lies about the keegan vote, but came forward after to try to put it behind us nicklas is here who i trust a lot but am trying to keep the connection low because tbh idek how far he would go for me, i’ll have to see what happens in the vote to determine that. sarah might have a grudge against me idk, matt can’t even be assed to talk to me, i know lukas a bit and me and kage are eh. sharifa is worried we won’t have majority but this queen tellls me she has the idol so we might have some luck nicklas told me he doesn’t trust kage so i’m gonna try to work that angle, i just need me and my girlies to SURVIVE.

I'm so happy that we won! I get we have ideal targets but if I can go as many rounds as possible without seeing tribal, it'll increase my longevity in making the bonds I need to! Teen Titans was created (Dennis, Andreas, Ned, Malik, and myself) and I honestly love it! Between that and Mystery Inc and Andreas & The Chipmunks I feel good!

My gut has been telling me Kage is in trouble and so if he does get voted I'll feel horrible for not warning him that some people in MI think he had the idol. Hopefully he, Matt, and Sarah at least can pull through but I dunno, I have a bad feeling for one them going home

Omgggg so I had a very cathartic and explosive meltdown last night. I think this is my first time I’ve ever let like... true emotions trickle into an org. But I don’t regret it and I think it was a valuable experience. In terms of the vote tonight, I have no idea. I want to vote with Matt and Sarah because I think they will be a good lotus of power to cling to for awhile. I want to keep Kurt and Nicklas close as well, but Nicklas is kinda elusive. I assume the vote will land on Kage or Trent, which are both completely fine options to me. Both are a little unpredictable but Trent is super nice so I would feel bad.

*later on*

I feel like I’m in an okay spot! I helped launch the Kage vote (which hopefully will work) but I don’t think anyone sees me as the mastermind. I’m getting super close with Kurt and Matt. Jake seems to not hate me. Trent is def weary of me, but I’m weary of him too, so I’m not offended. My plan as of now is to just play this middle zone as much as I can!

I’m beginning to think that there’s nothing at all in the “idol system” and it’s all an elaborate ruse. Or I’m just that unlucky. I’ve also spent a bit of time on the blog typing random things into the URL in hopes of it revealing something useful but no luck with that yet either.

[roadinvader]

You bought a Versys and you have done two long rides of 4000 km each, the last ride was in January and its already 8 months itching for a same kind of ride.

With the itch missing that pain in the butt I started planning my ride to somewhere which would have good roads and as well some beautiful places to see.

I was just checking my Instagram and a Photo that really stayed with me was the Canyons of Gandikota or also knows Grand Canyon of India, Gandikota.

Next thing that I did was to open the Google map and check out the number of Kms from Hyderabad to Gandikota, it was just 700 km to and fro and I know I wanted to do some more. I chalked out a way through Nalamalla forest reaching Giddalur enjoying the off country roads and twists that Nalamalla forest was to offer. To add to my excitement it showed a  Total 967 km on Google map.

Well, the next best thing to excite would be turned in to a Camping trip like Sipping a hot coffee out of your tent on the canyons of Gandikota making it more memorable and bringing in a new experience.

As this was going to be my first time to try to root a tent on the ground, make food and sit back and relax, My bro Kaustubh came to rescue and said I also join.

Planning.

Where to find a tent on rent- Google has really made our lives very easy, Within minutes I connected to Naresh who quoted me 275 rupees per day for tent and I agreed on even if it sounded expensive because I knew this is an operating cost and not a capital asset to me.(recently learnt these words)

The plan was chalked out by first visiting the Malella thirthum waterfalls which fall underway, then Nemaligundla waterfall by afternoon and reaching Gandikota by evening.

September 01-2017

We started with a big goof up, I ordered a Tent, 2 Sleeping bags, Lamp, and two floor mats but the tenting guys just delivered tent,  Lamp, and two mats but no sleeping bags, I was in the mind that sleeping bags are necessary and it would be delivered only by 10.30 in the night and we had to start our trip by 4.00 in the morning.  It was delivered a late night to Kaustubh and after receiving confirmation from him I went off to sleep by 11.30. I dont like when my sleep is deprived on a day before my ride.

Sept 02-2017,

3.00 clock in the morning the alarms went off to start the day with packing all my stuff and I was ready by 3.30 to set up the following things in my bag,

A pan

First aid box,

Bedsheet

2 pairs of clothes

Towels and toiletries

Cain lube and clean,

Puncture kit and air pump

Tent

Rubber Mat

Packed all  the above stuff in Giant loop bag supplied by Motousher (http://www.motousher.com/) and I was off to go when I receive a call from Kaustubh that he will not be able to carry the sleeping bags as they are quite big,

Packing all my stuff in Giant loop supplied by Motousher

We i.e Sahil and Kaustubh had decided to reach the Wells Fargo meeting point by 4.15 in the morning which was now going to get delayed if I had to visit Kaustubh to pack the sleeping bags on my bike and then start off.

I packed all the stuff on the bike and tightened it with bungee cords and pushed off to Kaustubh place at 4.00 AM to pick the sleeping bags.

The Camping trip in making – Packing stuff on motorcycle

Reaching Kaustubh place saw him still getting ready and I was sweating inside which made me irritated and  I don’t like this last minute change of plans and he knew he if he says any word now I would blast at him. He made sure that everything was done is a wink of an eye and started to our common meeting point at 4.30 AM.

We reset our Odos and started off to meet Sahil at the discussed meeting point and reached there by 4.45 AM

At the meeting point, Sahil observed that the Engine lamp of his Z800 is not going off even after riding. I requested him not to take any risk and if he could to bring his new Yamaha FZ250 to the ride to ensure he enjoys his ride.

Seeing this I and Kaustubh pushed off to the airport and told him we will be waiting at the start of the srisailum highway till he rejoins us with his new Bike.

We reached the end point of Airport road and waited there for 20 min and saw Sahil joining us at 5.50 AM.

With no time more to lose, we started to head our ways to the first point i.emalellathirthum waterfall.

189 km showing from Hyderabad we expected to reach there by 8.30 as targeted previously to reach by 7.00 am.  we reached Malella Thirthum by 8.10 which was pretty decent as the roads were nice, no traffic and it was a Nonstop run from the last point that made us reach soon.

To reach this waterfall is by taking left after you ascend the Nalamlla forest hills towards srisailum and when you see a board showing 50 km more to Srisailum is where you have to take left to reach this place. The approaching part to this viewpoint is a 22 km trail road made of soft gravel. The video below gives you an idea of how the road is. Its approx 16 km of trail road to cover and reach this point.

Mallela Thirthum waterfall approach road status

After reaching this point total of 365 steps to be taken down the hill to reach this beautiful waterfall. The Mallela thirthum waterfall is known for its beauty as it lies amidst thick forest and the way it looks. The pictures below will justify the looks.

  We had some tomato Bread that we carried with us and a tomato was supplied by the locals there. We really enjoyed it as we were very hungry and the heat was already taking a toll on us. the 365 steps down.

Cold water droplets

We spent time for about 45 min taking rest and started our way back climbing the not so maintained steps towards our motorcycles. We were exhausted and dehydrated with jackets on us and Sun rising high wet weather becoming from cooler to warmer.

After 230 kms of ride and you see a bench near waterfall.

We started our journey to Nemali Gundla waterfalls at 10.00 AM and stopped for chai. We checked the timings and as per our plan, we had to reach Gandilota fort by evening so that we can have some time for cooking and setting up the tent.

We decided to skip Nemali gundla visit and start afresh direct to Gandikota,

Crazy leans, lovely green surrounding, well-marked black tarred roads and the cool breeze is what you get when you pass the Nalamalla forest via Gidaalur towards Gandikota. The roads are just made so good that you would love to redo that stretch and enjoy everything once again.

This road is made to its best with great leans

Dam with such glory

Gandikota was showing 16 kms and we had reached Jammalmagadu a small town which is the nearest to the Gandikota fort and you can get everything here from wood to food. We collected everything needed and started to gandikota fort.

I had seen in pictures before riding there that the fort is massive and the fort is built around the Gandikota gorge which makes it look more beautiful. While we were entering the Gandikota fort in the evening at 7.00 thoughts were running in my mind that it’s already dark, finding a place for camping going to be tough and we will have to investigate our surrounding meticulously because we do want to be a bait for the creature present there.

We analyzed the surrounding and found a place in the which looked perfect to set our tent and start dinner.

Now, who is going to set up the tent? Now the basics of setting up a tent were required which we did not have, We had this tent laid out in the dark figuring out what these long rods do and where do they go so that the would look like a tent. I hope you guys understand what I am trying to say. We had never set up a tent, We did not know how to do it, We were in pitch dark looking at the tent, trying to figure what should we do and it was a chaos as we were hungry within and minds were tried with tent not showing its shape.

Alas eureka and we get it, we got the Tent to how it would look like when its a fully formed tent by holding it and then we slowly put all the puzzle together to form the tent. aaaah a sigh of relief otherwise we shiting to sleep on the rocks that night with the open sky above us was not a good option with all the insects and rains expected that would help keep awake whole night.

We lit the fire using petrol and had our delicious dinner and went off to sleep, with a loud thunder we all woke up to realize after that it was going to rain and all our gear was lying outside.

We moved major stuff inside the tent and other things are packed in a waterproof bag. Thanks to god I was carrying my Giant loop bag which is completely waterproof.

September 03-2017

5.48 Am was the sunrise, the time had come to see the Gandikota gorge in the sunrise, to capture the time-lapse moment of the sunrise and enjoy the beautiful views it had to offer.

Words tend to be less to describe the beauty of it, it’s only when u experience it is when you have the special feeling about it.

With smiles on our faces, we returned to our tents and started packing our stuff on motorcycles.

Belum Caves,

The Belum Caves is the largest and longest cave system open to the public on the Indian subcontinent, known for its speleothems, such as stalactite and stalagmite formations, underground cave system was formed over the course of tens of thousands of years by the constant flow of underground water.

it’s very humid inside and you tend to sweat a lot inside the caves, so be hydrated before you start your exploration in Belum caves. Guides are free but they will ask you a tip at the end. The guides are locals and they show you all the important locations inside the cave which takes around 2 hours finish looking inside the cave.

guides will show you Indian Bats that are in the cave which is hanging upside down on the walls of the cave. not much of attraction to me though. \

Then started our return journey to home, 370 km of mixed roads till Kurnool and super fast plush roads from Kurnool to Hyderabad. We had our lunch in Kurnool and I started to feel sleepy while riding. I had done approx 50 km slowly and way ahead I could see my bro waiting. He too was feeling sleepy. We chit chatted for 10 min and started, it was 150 km from there and we did that in flat 90 min. second fastest run for us after our Rajasthan ride.

We reached out home safely by 6.30. We got freshened and reached OTM straightway to celebrate this ride with beer.

All the best guys, keep riding and enjoy, be safe.

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  Gandikota – you need to see to believe it!!! You bought a Versys and you have done two long rides of 4000 km each, the last ride was in January and its already 8 months itching for a same kind of ride.

[celiacposterboy]

Who wants (will listen) to a slightly bruised Pellagra Prophet AKA as Celiac Today?

Part 1 This was getting long so I broke it into two posts but both are still kinda long

Who wants (will listen) to a slightly bruised Pellagra Prophet AKA Celiac Disease today?

(I speak as a man)

I have taken a break from my Tumblr blog for a while because I have blogging/commenting on Celiac.com lately  .  . ..  but I find I am often not wanted or my opinions anyway are looked on as suspect.

One commenter said it was dangerous to recommend a Vitamin for their health.

Quoting

“its not just those specific examples its the bigger picture no one is saying that Vitamin B3 is not important or that B3 deficiency doesn't exist.  

The point is you may think that you are helping people but in reality you are giving people dangerous advice based on inaccurate information you have quoted from unreliable / questionable sources. then trying to present this information to us as facts by writing in an somewhat academic style when you clearly havn't even fully researched what you are repeating or who these crazy doctors making these claims are.  

im not trying to be mean but it reads like you want to believe Niacinamide can magically cure celiac disease so much that you have convinced yourself its true.  

taking high does of vitamin B3 can be toxic and cause serious side effects like liver damage or stomach ulcers.  

your blog is on tumblr which is primarily used by teenagers, what if someone sees your posts (who isn't as informed as the people on this forum) and starts taking high doses of Niacinamide for celiac, DH, or acid reflux and gets seriously ill. you probably wouldn't ever find out about it or be held accountable.”

Note this is after I had quoted (unknowingly) a doctor who was being reviewed by their medical board (not in the US) for giving too much credit to Vitamins for their ability to heal/help our health issues.

This is known as quackery in the medical field or at least they would like you to think a Vitamin can’t help you.

But they have a rebellion in their ranks.  Functional Medicine doctor’s first rely on Vitamins to restore your bodies functions before prescribing medicine when a Vitamin would do as well.

She might be considered (this type of doctor) who saw the “emperor” had no clothes if you will -- meaning giving medicines for a life time and more medicine when that medicine doesn’t work as failing her patients.

She got in trouble in part because she gave too much credit in (their minds of other doctor’s) who were prescribing the same medicines she had rejected or at least called in to question their effectiveness.

So it is no wonder they attacked her out of fear others too would stop using their medicines that would only lead to more medicines to mask the other/more symptom’s that would continue to develop because the underlying cause had not been identified – often a Vitamin.

Now I know there is a lot of confusion about this topic because it has not been seen in the U.S.A. for three quarters of a century  (75+ years) but Pellagra THEN and NOW are causing people heartburn and in its advanced stages their life the fourth D of Pellagra.

I had written a book that might could help them . . .. so naturally they don’t want to hear about it (competition) that might unlock/freeze up their profit from medicines.

I don’t know if it (Niacinamide) will help you or not but I know it  won’t you help if you don’t try it.

Here is the thread I am talking about if you want to read it for yourself (it is kind of long) so don’t link to it if you don’t want to spend the whole time reading the thread. https://www.celiac.com/gluten-free/topic/115445-relief-and-it-isnt-dapsone/?page=2

The dispute came to a head on the 2nd page so I have linked the 2nd page here.

So this prophet (I speak as a man) is not wanted by those who could use this information the most.

Sadly it doesn’t work that way.  The people who could be helped most.   Celiac’s or Chron’s etc that could be helped by the knowledge that Niacin treats digestive problems

http://www.yourhealthbase.com/database/a124b.htm

See my summary of how it could be Pellagra and the doctors have not figured it out yet in a clinical setting.

Quoting

“I was serology confirmed as a Celiac. It is true I was not "biospy proven" but there are others on this site like Gemini and I think Ironictruth who were only blood test confirmed but we are no less Celiac's. Than those who have had a biopsy proven diagnosis I believe.  

we had a gluten antibody response while consuming gluten and our antibodies when down when I/we stopped consuming gluten.  

I think Gemini said hers are still slowly coming down.  

And why this considered controversial by some . . . the ideal that biopsy is required for a "positive" not false positive indication of celiac disease is beginning to take hold among research and experts in the field.  

A noted author and I would say expert Dr. Rodney Ford of New Zealand the author of the "Gluten Syndrome" notes like squirmingitch that he believes celiac is actually a "Neurological disease" just as squirmingitch noted she had "neurologic aspects" and "psychosomatic reactions" and is what Dr. Ford says.  

I have had these same reaction of clinical depression I believe tied to my gluten consumption in addition the GI symptom's and most doctor's today don't connect the two diseases in these aspects.  

but my "gluten brain fog" got better when I went gluten free but most doctor's won't agree they are connected even to this day.  

Dr. Ford summarizes well what he calls the "Unmasking of Celiac" as reported in the Journal of Gluten Sensitivity.  Link provided herehttps://www.celiac.com/articles/23853/1/The-Masking-of-Celiac-Do-Not-Ignore-the-Smoking-Gun/Page1.html 

Please read the whole article for yourself but my point is the same as his.  

quoting dr. ford  "What an odd thing to say: “Do not mask the appearance of celiac disease.” Inferring that you keep on eating gluten, despite early signs of celiac disease, until you get enough damage to your intestines that it can be seen under a microscope. I (He) totally disagree with this concept—but this is still a common belief of medical practitioners.  

I am actually glad my doctor was educated enough about the topic to diagnose me as a Celiac without a biopsy.  

Dr. Ford goes on to say 

"Have you ever heard of a doctor “masking” the diagnosis of heart disease by failing to treat high blood pressure or high cholesterol until the patient has a heart attack? Ridiculous! Have you ever heard of a doctor “masking” the diagnosis of depression so that the person is suicidal before given help? Ridiculous!" He says!  

He admits it is contentious but I think it is high time we admit serology is enough to diagnose someone as a celiac before a biopsy can prove "well the blood test was right about you having celiac and not NCGI/NCGS  phase of the disease where a biopsy proves what the blood test told us" my words.  

Then dr. ford goes on to mention 12 different points about why only blood exams are rejected as proven celiac disease in the absence of a biopsy.  

I will note two or three points that I think as he terms it is a "smoking gun" for a serology proven diagnosis.  

Quoting Dr. ford  

* 7) "The “masking” concept originated a few decades ago when biopsy was the only way to diagnose celiac disease;"  

According to Dr. Ford but  

8) "now, the blood tests for celiac disease (EMA, tTG, DGP) are more accurate than the biopsy, and can turn positive BEFORE there is any histologic evidence of gut damage;"  

He capitalizes this fact but we still want people to use an archaic standard when no other method was available to "Prove" a celiac diagnosis.  

Dr. Ford goes on to note  

* 1) "Celiac disease is a progressive condition—it slowly gets worse the longer you eat gluten;"  

*  2)"In the early stages of celiac disease, it cannot be diagnosed by endoscopy biopsy;"  

* 3) "The biopsy test is inaccurate and relies on experts to recognize early disease;"  

So I think it is high time like my doctor does and more enlightened researchers/practitioner's like Dr. ford and demand serology confirm a celiac diagnosis and stop demanding older more unreliable methods.  

He (Dr. Ford)  notes summarizing  

quoting

"a) a Gluten challenge is detrimental to your health; 

 "b) A gluten challenge (to create serious bowel damage) can take years, during which time ongoing body damage (brain, skin and bowel) is ongoing;"

 Now it should be noted I am not saying this I am just quoting what an expert in the field says about a "biopsy proven" celiac diagnosis. 

Though I do agree with it because other dr's like dr. Mark Hyman said as much 5+ years ago in the Huffington Post 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-mark-hyman/gluten-what-you-dont-know_b_379089.html

quoting Dr. Hyman 

"Many doctors consider elevated anti-gliadin antibodies in the absence of a positive intestinal biopsy showing damage to be “false positives.” That means the test looks positive but really isn’t significant. 

We can no longer say that. Positive is positive and, as with all illness, there is a continuum of disease, from mild gluten sensitivity to full-blown celiac disease "

 Quoting Dr. Hyman again for emphasis "If your antibodies are elevated" . . .  Positive is Positive 

according to Dr. Hyman and now the the noted author who was the first I know of to link neurological aspect  i.e, gluten ataxia as a real component of the "gluten syndrome" Dr. Ford says blood serology is better quoting Dr. Ford again and "more accurate than the biopsy, and can turn positive BEFORE there is any histologic evidence of gut damage;" 

He Dr. Ford thinks and I agree this day can not come soon enough for the Celiac's still suffering waiting on a "biopsy proven" celiac diagnosis that "Biopsy is not the Gold Standard" and he even dedicates' a page of his practice to educate people of this fact.  It is very informative and should be read by anyone who has a positive blood test for celiac disease.

 Here is the link

 http://drrodneyford.com/extra/documents/236-no-gold-standard.html

IN summary he believes there will be quoting an "Ending of Endoscopy . ..  to diagnose Celiac disease" 

"Ending of endoscopy

 In the next few years, blood tests (particularly the DGP tests) (Dr. Ford says) will take over the endoscopy and we will see the end of the endoscopy to diagnose celiac disease." 

I just hope it comes soon before more people have to "ridiculously" endure eating gluten sometimes for years according to what 5+ years ago dr. Hyman concluded a "positive (blood) test is positive" for a Celiac diagnosis.  

So please don't say I didn't have celiac disease. I had 30+ years of horrible GI problems from the time I was a very small kid.  I developed Celiac disease no to mention the many IBS, constipation, diarrhea issues that go with such a diagnosis including early onset Arthritis in my late 20’s with a formal diagnosis in my early 30s by blood serology.  I could not of survived as other on this site have said a "biopsy proven" celiac diagnosis.  

I will be glad when other get it.  "Positive is Positive".  

I actually think I was as Knitty Kitty said on this site "I was/am a Celiac who developed Pellagra" and why I think Niacin helped her the way it did me.  

The International Journal of Celiac disease notes this possibility concerning being a Celiac and a Pellagra sufferer Co-Morbid. 

See this link http://pubs.sciepub.com/ijcd/3/1/6/ 

Note what they say about Celiac and Pellagra being Co-Morbid in 58% of Celiac's in paragraph  

3. Celiac and Pellagra.  

This is because it is not YET well understood that 58 percent of Celiac patients are Co-Morbid with Pellagra and it it might take years for people/doctor's to understand this.  

See this link where Dr. Haney's discusses why this is so.  

http://blogs.creighton.edu/heaney/2013/11/18/pellagra-and-the-four-ds/  

Where quoting Dr. Heaney he correctly states “it is doubtful today that most health professionals would not recognize it (Pellagra) if a case happened to come to their attention” Today!  

If you can believe the research in the International Journal of Celiac disease then "Pathology presumably would qualify the Pellagra patient as a Celiac Patient if the Pellgarin was first diagnosed as a Celiac first as often is the case TODAY!” in the majority of Celiac's quoting the Celiac Posterboy.  

And why I keep trying to educate people of this fact before more people sufferer unnecessarily.  

*** Remember as always this is not medical advice and should not be considered such. Always consult your doctor before making any changes to your medical regimen. But mine has taken/uses The Niacinamide Challenge /protocol in his practice and his  patients digestive/GI problems are in remission i.e, they burp, their stool sinks and and they go once a day without distress after taking Niacin/Niacinamide 500mg 3/day  for 6 months proving at least in the majority of his patients they are also Co-Morbid Pellagrins among his IBS patients at least and according to the International Journal of Celiac disease their is at least  50/50 chance a Celiac or/and I believe a Non-Celiac Gluten Sensitivity  (NCGS) patient might be too or as cyclyinglady terms it talking about me Non-Celiac Gluten Intolerant - NCGI.  

Your results might vary.  

2 Timothy 2: 7 “Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things” this included.  

Posterboy by the Grace of God,  

I was posting (trying to help) someone who has DH and telling them someone else on celiac.com used Niacin to help their intense itching associated with a Celiac diagnosis and  after I pointed out in the above referenced thread that Niacin helps dermatitis/skin issues too I was promptly run out of town and told to in their words  . . .  

“I will make this perfectly clear . . . GO AWAY!” and the thread ends soon after because I went away.

Will you tell me to go away too?  Listen if you will Pellagra can and does in most people cases makes more sense.

If you get the correct diagnosis then you get better.

I summarize these things/findings in my post looked beyond celiac to Pellagra linked below.  

https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2016/02/16/look-beyond-celiac-to-pellagra-for-your-gi-issuesproblems/

I wrote Celiac Central too now “Beyond Celiac” and they too will not listen or have not heard the Celiac Prophet (I speak as a man) that Gluten Juneteenth has been proclaimed. https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2014/07/16/gluten-juneteenth/

For over two year now and 200+ pages latter on my blog and still I have not convenience one Celiac they could have been diagnosed with Pellagra instead.

Quoting the Celiac Posterboy “Pathology presumably would qualify the Pellagra patient as a Celiac Patient if the Pellgarin was first diagnosed as a Celiac first as often is the case TODAY!”

And their own prophets agree see citation above in quote from celiac.com blog thread  http://pubs.sciepub.com/ijcd/3/1/6/

Quoting the International Journal of Celiac Disease

“The two diseases can be connected in two aspects. 58% of pellagra patients were shown to have malabsorption and many had intestinal pathology on biopsies [36, 37]. Alternatively, Pellagra was described in CD [38]

58% percent people that is a MAJORITY!

A majority of the people reading this blog could get better if you have been diagnosed with the wrong disease as I was.

As I said above to celiac.com  quoting “This is because it is not YET well understood that 58 percent of Celiac patients are Co-Morbid with Pellagra and it might take years for people/doctor's to understand this.”  

Do you have the time to wait?

Some people discredit or question the good news when they hear it.

What have you got to loose (other than your bowels and your mind) it is just a Vitamin.

I do not have a USP (Unique Selling Position).  You don’t have to buy my Vitamins.  

I don’t sell Vitamins.  I did write a book call “How to Fight GERD/Gluten and Win or How the Doctor’s Almost Killed Me”  that summarizes this research but you needn’t buy it either.

Almost any blog post I write tells you what you can do and should do if you are experiencing undiagnosed or misdiagnosed Pellagra.

It is now up to you (class/reader) to believe it could help and take the Vitamin or not and continue suffering why the doctor’s keep giving more medicine to hide/mask the symptom’s.

If it is indeed the “Elegant” solution I propose/theorize it is you will get better in 6 months of taking Niacinamide 3/day UNTIL burping and your stool SINKS (where today it still probably floats) and your GI symptom’s go into remission.  Or I was wrong.  Then tell me and other’s so but I don’t see the point of criticizing what you won’t try?

But the test of a prophet/theory is what does it/they do or say come true!  If you take the Niacinamide and you BURP then the Celiac Posterboy prophet has the right disease.

A witness of two is true!  Did you begin burping and your stool sink after 3 to 4 months of taking the Niacianmide 3/day THEN it is true you have had Pellagra and the doctors have not diagnosed it correctly.

I don’t know what else to write any more.

I will include the key words for reference and easy search results.  The blog comes up better on Bing but use whatever search engine you are most comfortable with.

As I have said before in this blog. A healthy child burps at 6 months of age and you can too in six months by taking the Niacinamide Challenge putting your Co-Morbid Pellagra (digestive) symptom’s into remission if indeed we can believe the International Journal of Celiac Disease  and your Celiac Disease is presenting as Pellagra the majority of the time.

In case this is the only post you read I will repeat here for knowledge sakes ****** the number one mistake people make when taking Niacinamide is they don’t take it long enough.  It should as I have said elsewhere in this blog it should be taken UNTIL you are burping and I might add burping without bloating.   Most people will burp when taking Niacinamide in 4 to 5 months or less taking it 3/daily — ie with each meal.

It takes 3 to 4 months to overcome your dependency on this Vitamin for your mucus membranes (GI lining) to heal itself.

Once repaired you can maintain them barring some future stress/trauma depleting your reserves at which time Heartburn/GERD/IBS symptoms will return and you will lose your burp again.

And the cycle repeats and the Pellagra symptoms come back with a vengeance.

Remember **** This is not medical advice and should not be considered such. Results may vary. Always consult your doctor before making any changes to your regimen.

Then tell someone (share) is all I ask https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2015/12/28/are-you-a-starfish-part-2-of-a-former-sufferers-journey/ tell others is all I ask – however that is (facebook, twitter, comment on my blog, email a friend this link or link this blog to yours, reblog on your site (cite your source) or review my book on Amazon when you are BURPING for the first time in years or (EVER) – tell a friend about this blog or my book is all I ask but don’t let the chain break with you.

Stop the Madness!  Once you have the Correct diagnosis you get better!

I say admit it IJCD (International Journal of Celiac Disease (Pellagra my words)) (YOUR own research bares this out but you don’t believe it)   (58% of Celiac’s at least) (and probably more) because they are not even looking for Pellagra they just note the Co-Morbidity as an oddity) 58% is not rare it is the (MAJORITY) can and will show improvement when taking Niaciamide UNTIL burping is induced (occurs) like Prousky proved scientifically 15 years ago that “Niacin treats digestive problems” and yet we (most of us  Celiacs’) still are looking for a cure for our disease.  Maybe as high as 90+ percent (I would say higher) are being misdiagnosed as NCGS/Celiac’s (or some other GI disease) because one disease has been confused for the other.

As always search for the “Celiac Posterboy” or “Celiac Poster boy” or “Fight Gluten Win” or “Fight GERD Win” if you want to read all my blog posts for as I have said elsewhere in this blog and it bears repeating “To Educate is to Free” Truly.

https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2014/09/11/to-educates-is-to-free/ and once free from error tell others there is hope!

Tell your doctor even so he/she can have you tested for a Vitamin deficiency.

https://celiacposterboy.wordpress.com/2016/01/23/to-educate-is-to-free-part-two/

And you think they will listen and want to learn how to help their other patients still suffering.

The Celiac Posterboy (Prophet) by the Grace of God, if what I say is true and you get better and you burp like a baby in six months.

It will take courage and conviction on your part to take a Vitamin when all you hear these days’ that the “average” person doesn’t need a Vitamin. Or put another way why ‘all the hate” for Vitamins? these days”  So much so the “average Joe” won’t take a Vitamin for their health?

Do some of the research of I have listed here and if you still feel the same way. I get it. But the power to change (knowledge) is now yours’ the question remains now what will do with it.

If I am right then I will be able to predict your GI future in a way (medically speaking) you will BURP!

When you start burping these other things go away as if by magic.

Either we have found the cure?/remission has occurred or CD/NCGS is the same disease by a different name aka one has been confused for the other Pellagra a Niacin deficiency is being diagnosed today as Celiac disease.

Quoting the Celiac  Posterboy ““I hope my words and experience will be enough to convenience you that medical science has discovered the cause of most digestive disorder(s) but medical practice (clinicians/practitioner’s) has not (does not) digested/recognized it (Pellagra) (yet) in a clinical setting.”

And I can hear you now.  

So let me verbalize it for you.

“NO that is not possible.”  The doctor’s took 5 or 6 years (if you are lucky and not more) diagnosing me.  They ruled out Lactose Intolerance, IBS, GERD, UC, Chron’s Disease and Non-Celiac Gluten Sensitivty etc.

Long before the vitamin age of the early 20th century.  Smart people figured out Citrus fruits protected us from scurvy and why the British Navy were loving called Limey’s.

Several symptoms are as follows:

•Easy bleeding or bruising

• Fatigue • Frequent infections

• Frequent nosebleeds

• Inflamed and bleeding gums

• Painful, swollen joints

• Poor development of tooth enamel

• Slow healing wounds or bruises • Vasomotor instability

Taken together all very complex symptom’s but had ONE single source of disease –

Vitamin C

Let me say it another way the The Scurvy Syndrome had according the medical dictionary “a combination of symptoms resulting from a single cause or so commonly occurring together as to constitute a distinct clinical picture”

But you can’t compare Scurvy to Celiac Disease.

But you can Pellagra a Vitamin deficiency/dependency which the majority of times presents’ as NCGS/Celiac Disease.

That is too Elegant to theorize/propose/diagnose Vitamins’ (more correctly the lack thereof) as the cause of (Celiac) disease/GI/digestive problem’s?

Vitamins are the very definition of ‘elegant’ a nutrient needed in a minimum amount without which we become sick and develop malaise, disease and syndromes (like Pellagra presenting as Celiac Disease and Scurvy develop and Beriberi etc).

The question is why hasn’t the medical community hit upon this simple and elegant solution or more appropriately does no longer support or encourage the use of vitamins in their patient’s as practitioners of medical science seeking a simple (elegant) cause of why the body is not functioning properly.

As I noted above in the quotation from the introduction to my ebook  “How to Fight Gluten and Win” The newly developing field of Functional Medicine doctor’s is the practitioner’s most familiar with the science of vitamins/nutrition.

These are doctors whom have questioned maybe all these messes I found my patient’s health in are not answered by drugs but a Vitamin instead.

Is this not TRUE for all Vitamins?

Remember **** This is not medical advice and should not be considered such. Results may vary. Always consult your doctor before making any changes to your regimen.

2 Timothy 2: 7 “Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things” this included.

I wish us all good luck on finding a solution that works for us all.

posterboy,

And I say this to all those who stumble across the Celiac Posterboy blog may God richly bless your health and your journey to truth whatever it might be.

If Pellagra is the true diagnosis then this will help you praise bee to God!

As always search for the “Celiac Posterboy” or “Celiac Poster boy” or “Fight Gluten Win” or “Fight GERD Win” if you want to read all my blog posts for as I have said elsewhere in this blog and it bears repeating “To Educate is to Free” Truly.

Celiac Posterboy by the Grace of God,

2 Corinthians (KJV) 1:3,4 3) “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 4) who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble (starfish), by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

2 Timothy 2: 7 “Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things” this included.

Joe “Rock” Pen Name