#last time i went grocery shopping i spent like 60€ in???? god knows fucking what

[heavenknowsffs]

My math may be very wrong but the price of groceries is so incredibly high that if i ordered food out for every meal from this local restaurant it would be cheaper than buying groceries and making food everyday

[100layersofdaddyissues]

Angel - Chapter 2

Here is chapter 2 of angel, i hope it satiates you fiends.

Warnings: smut, conspiracy around death, swearing

this was co-written and edited by my main bitch @bonjour-je-mappelle-fuckyou

  It had been days and you’d neither seen nor heard from Maxwell, you were beginning to worry that he had forgotten you in this big apartment, worrying that you had quit your job and left your home just for him to forget that you’d agreed to an arrangement with him, but hey, at least he forgot you in this apartment, and not your old one. He wasn’t asking for rent, Darius had brought you groceries the morning you had gone to your apartment to get the rest of your belongings, you reckon you were good for at least a few weeks before you ran out of food.

             As you pondered how long it would be until someone kicked you out or you starved you heard a short knock on the door, well it looks like you might last a few more weeks than you’d anticipated.

            You opened the door to see Darius standing there, tall and proud, “good morning Miss, I’ve been instructed to take you shopping for some new clothes, it seems Maxwell has anticipated your start at his Lord Industries this coming Monday and I’ve been told to show you the dress code of such a company, though with us both knowing Maxwell like we do I’m sure you could assume.” Ahh so he hadn’t forgotten you, that’s a good sign. 

 “Darius please, if you keep calling me miss, I'll start calling you sir and I don’t think either of us would prefer that. Y/N is a fine name and I think I would like to hear it more often. And yes, I’m sure I could assume the dress code Max ‘requires’ though I’m sure most of my clothes would suit that.”

            Darius let a short puff of air out of his nose, what you had come to know as him laughing apparently. “while that is true miss- ahh sorry Y/N, the man is loaded and quite frankly a scoundrel, let’s go load up for the sake of it, I’m sure you would appreciate a new pair of boots, the ones I met you didn’t see you have any arch support.” He had a slight smirk on his face as he spoke to you. 

 “Darius that’s scandalous, also leave my Docs out of this, they might as well be vintage, my mother bought them in the UK in the 60s” you said looking down at your cherry red docs, which had obviously seen way more than they should have. 

 “Ahh so they’re definitely provided no support, your poor feet, we must amend this. Come on, get dressed in the next ten minutes or I’m going to drag you out of this door by those frayed laces.” 

 While it sounded harsh, the tone of his voice and the expression accompanied let you know that he was joking with you, he could be quite cheeky as you’d noticed the first night you met him, although he acted quite different in front of Max, in fact he didn’t act like anything in front of Max, he was silent, if you couldn’t see him you’d assume the car drove itself. The demeanor change between them concerned you slightly. 

 “Alright no need to get violent, I’ll be just a sec.”

             When Darius told you that you’d be going shopping you’d assumed you’d be going to a mall, so it confused you completely when you drove past the mall you’d shopped at so many times, only for him to drive into the rich side of town, the streets were lined with high end fashion stores and boutique cafes, and oh look at that, more illegible French on restaurant windows.

             Walking around this part of town in a miniskirt and a boxy blouse felt wrong, you really didn’t fit in here. Darius led the way, practically pulling you into stores, seemingly knowing every sales assistant in each shop, it made you slightly insecure, how many times had Darius brought someone like you to go shopping, you weren’t used to being one of many. Most of the men you previously had arrangements with had only been involved with you, and the occasional wife, (yes they know don’t look at yourself with such disdain), it didn’t sit well with you that you might be sharing Max’s affections.

             You tried on dress after skirt after blouse after horrible blazers with those horrible shoulder pads. God you missed the trends of the 70s. You really didn’t know what you were looking for, thankfully Darius had been leading the expedition, telling the assistants which clothes you would be requiring. Each time they took the item to the checkout you felt a sense of guilt, it was really starting to pile up, finally after a particularly hideous ensemble consisting of cheetah print, neon green and you guessed, shoulder pads, Darius called time, deciding that you had both racked up quite the amount on Max’s card, (though you really don’t think you could take any of the credit, or blame.)

             “Y/N I don’t mean to intrude but you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet through the last few stores, is there something wrong?” honestly you didn’t know if there is although you couldn’t deny your silence was out of place. “yeah of course I’m fine, I just get overwhelmed when shopping, that’s all, it's no big deal, it was nice that you knew everyone.” You paused for only a moment contemplating whether you should ask your next question but before you could even stop yourself our mouth was spewing out the words, “how did you know everyone by the way?”

             “Before I was Mr. Lord’s driver, I was a driver to Mrs. Lord. No, no it's not what you think. Maxwell and marriage aren’t two words that go in the same sentence. Mrs. Lord was his mother. She was quite the shopper and not the talker. So, while she was trying on clothes, I made friends with the clerks. It made both our times much more pleasant around her Highness.” somehow and for some reason it eased you to know that it was Maxwell’s mother that made the connection and not a line of women preceding you. 

             “What is Mrs. Lord like?'' Maybe the person who raised Max is an indication as to who he is now. 

 “Was, actually, she died when Maxwell was 17, along with her father, it was terrible really, their private jet went down over the triangle, it's such a shame, Max really needed his parents around that time, after that the house help and I remained the only thing close to family he had, he shut off and down, became ruthless and cold, he used to be such a bright and kind young man, I saw the life leave his eyes the day he found out that it had left his parents. I'm sorry Miss I’ve probably already said too much, I’m not really sure I should be speaking with you about this, it's not that I don't trust you but Maxwell is very private, if I hadn’t have been there to see it I would never know, he has never spoken about his parents, to anyone.” 

             Somehow what Darius said about Max and his parents really stuck with you, even after you’d gotten back to the apartment, you couldn't stop thinking about how horrible it must have been to grow up without parents, especially through such important years like his 20s, they’d miss every milestone he has in his adult life and he’ll miss having his parents there for them. You didn't have much time to think on it, you'd only been home about 30 minutes before the phone starting ringing on the nightstand next to you, you picked up the receiver to hear a breathy voice on the other side, “angel, I’m gonna need you to open the door,” and then the call was dropped.

             Maxwell. You rushed to the door, when you swung it open you noticed a slightly disheveled Maxwell staring at you with darkness clouding his eyes, ��you know you could have just kno-” but you were cut off when he pushed the door closed and slammed you against it, his lips smacking straight into yours in a fit of heat and passion, you weren’t sure where this was going but you weren’t going to complain, “just shut up, I’m pissed and I wanna fuck you. Now. go to the bedroom, make sure you’re naked, face down. Do you understand?” you just nodded, looking up at him with what he assumed to be excitement, you basically sprinted to the bedroom, quickly undressed and headed his note to be face down. As you anxiously anticipated what he was going to do to you, all thoughts of his parents had been replaced with possibility. 

             “God you're such a good girl for me aren't you” he was standing at the door staring at you, eyes raking over your naked body. You heard his footsteps get closer to the bed and then suddenly you were hit with a sharp smack to your ass, “god this ass is fucking incredible, I can’t wait to see how it looks in all those new clothes you bought, wanna give me a private show of them?” “yes, sir I’d love to” your voice was high and almost pathetic sounding, Max had done nothing more than briefly spank your ass and suddenly you're already so out of breath. “Not now angel, you’re going to let me fuck you good, and then you’re going to show me how well you can walk afterwards.” 

             You heard him undo his belt and then clothing hit the floor, the bed dipped either side of your thighs and suddenly both his hands were on our hips and he was pulling up to him in one swift lift, “god this pussy, is fucking beautiful, and you’re already so wet, is this what I do to you? You like being manhandled like this doll?” you just whimpered at him praying he would touch you. “Come on angel with your words, tell me how this is affecting you.” you could hear the devil's patented smirk on his face as he spoke, knowing how riled up he was getting you. “Yes sir, I love it, I love when you throw me around, you're making me so needy sir please I love it please do more” you could barely pause to take a  breath you felt so needy and so pathetic that he was affecting you in this way but after the last night you spent together you thought you were right to be. 

             “There's no time to play around tonight angel, I need you now.” His voice was harsh and low, it made you cower away from him, but his grip on our hips was strong and tight and he wasn't letting you go anywhere, he spanked you, one, two, three more times, “are you ready angel” you could tell he was impatient and so were you. “Yes, dear god yes please, please just fuck me.” and with your words, he slammed into you, his hips hitting your ass with the force of a freight train. For someone who sounded so desperate he was going admirably slow, every thrust into your pussy was forceful almost calculated, as he rammed into you. You felt frustrated at his pace, like he was holding back and that is not what you needed right now, you needed him to fuck you, rough, hard, fast. Now. “Please, Max don’t make me beg for it please just fuck me, use me, I need you to go faster, be rough with me please.” 

             “My pretty girl so whiny,” he quickened his pace, pistoning into you sending your brain into a frenzy, your legs already turning to jelly, “is this how you want it princess? Me fucking you like a little whore? Hmm?” his words were almost enough to drive you over the edge already, you had barely even started, and you felt like you were already close. “Please Max it’s so good fuck so good sir I love it when you use me.” 

             Max pulled out of you, and before you even had time to protest he had flipped you over, he shoved three fingers deep inside you, looking down on like he was ready to eat you whole. “You filthy little girl, you're ready to cum, aren't you? I've barely even gotten started and you're ready to finish? No that's not how this is going to work. Let's see how many times you can cum for me, let's see how many orgasms I can pull out of this beautiful cunt.” his words were as vulgar as the way he was fucking you with his fingers, if you both hadn’t been breathing so hard you’d be able to hear how wet you were, every thrust sending like heaven to his ears. He removed his fingers and lined himself up once again, no time for teasing he thrust back into you, resetting the fast pace he had previously set. “Tell me how rough you want it doll, tell me what you want from me.”

             Your mind swirled with the possibilities, all you could choke out was, “choke me, and smack me, I’m your whore please please please just use me.” immediately one hand flew to your throat, grasping it tightly but not enough to cut off your air supply. He kept ramming into you and you could feel yourself starting to get close as you moaned so loudly “Sir please, please, I’m so close, please let me cum” “do it doll, come all over my dick I want to feel your pussy cry for me.” and with his words you did just that, the hand around your throat tightened as you fell into sick bliss, your brain was experiencing an orgasm 100 times better than it ever had and you couldn't tell whether it was the lack of oxygen or Max’s dick that was making you feel higher than any drug could take you. As you came down, Max was still fucking you, slower than before but not as excruciating as originally.

             “I think if we had any neighbours up here you would have just earned us a noise complaint.” he smirked down at you. Yu were still dazed, pathetically smiling up at him when a harsh smack hit your face waking you up. “Already so fucked out baby how cute,” he knew just how to get you going, his lips were back on yours as he kept fucking into, drilling his cock deeper and deeper. You were whining and moaning not caring at this point if half of the city heard you, you were getting the fuck of a life time and as you screamed out Maxwell’s name you’d hoped everyone would hear how well the most important man in the city was fucking you. 

             “You ready for one more baby doll coz I’m getting close and I don’t wanna leave you behind.” he didn’t give you time to respond when his thumb flew to your clit rubbing it in circles almost as fervently as he was fucking you, and just as Max had planned you started to feel like you were on the edge again. 

             “Max please I’m close again.” you warned him, he sped up, quickening his pace even more somehow, “not without me doll you hold it until I say you can come you understand me?” you whined out a breathy yes, hoping you could head his orders, it felt like an eternity before he finally whispered, “Cum” in your ear and you did just that. Both you and Max were a moaning screaming jumble of limbs as you milked his cock dry and he pounded into you savouring the sweet release. He fell on top of you, both sweating profusely as you laughed out. “I don't know if you'll be getting that fashion show, I don't know if I can't even stand on these legs let alone walk. 

             He laughed as well, it was a nice laugh, you quite liked it. 

Max got up, helping you to the bathroom and sitting you in the shower, he told you to sit and wait for the water to warm but you told him it was no problem, your hot water got cut off a few times at your old apartment so cold showers were almost the norm for you. As you sat in the shower trying to regain what little focus you had, you had expected the door to close and for Maxwell to leave, but when you finally emerged from the shower you saw him sitting on your bed, well his bed.

             “Have a drink or you'll get dehydrated.” he said, pointing at the glass of water on the nightstand. You never expected Max to be so caring after sex, you’d fallen asleep after the last time, so you guessed he just didn’t care about aftercare. 

             “I think if you keep this up, I may be paralysed, my legs don’t work properly, if you want me to make it to work.” 

             “Yeah, I think I would rather see you at work on Monday, might fuck you on my desk to make up for lost time this weekend. How does that sound, angel?” God did that sound good, you wanted him to absolutely rail you if you were being honest, you had no concern as to whether anyone would hear you or not. 

             You woke up in the early hours of that Saturday morning, alone once again in bed, your legs felt like jelly and they were almost torture to walk on. You trudged your way into the kitchen, hoping to find something you could eat, when you saw Maxwell sitting on the counter, not on a chair at the counter, on the counter with his legs dangling like a little kid. “Good morning Maxwell.” your voice made him jump a little, clearly not expecting to see you there, he didn't move from his position on the counter though. You walked towards the emptying fridge and picked out an apple, placing yourself between his legs has you took a bite, “good morning to you too angel, we have got to get that fridge stocked up.” he must have seen how little you had in there, you'd spent so much on clothes and yet you spent less than 50 on groceries, where were your priorities?

             “Oh no it's okay, I’ll just buy some next week after I get paid. It's no big deal. I'm used to not having a lot to eat. I'll be fine.” you were telling the truth; you never had a lot of money to buy food after utilities and rent. “Well, be that as it may angel, I’m not letting you starve until then, you can just take one of my cards, we have a specific arrangement here and I know I got you a job at my company but I’d like to know you're living up to your own tastes and requirements, I have plenty of money to burn and this is an offer I will not let you refuse, do you understand me? 

“Yes sir, I understand.” 

                         “Don't you dare get me all riled up right now I don't think you could handle another round, or three.” he was right. You couldn't. But god did you want to. “Do you have any plans today or tomorrow?” he asked you, you weren't sure why, but now that you thought about it you did have plans. 

“Yes, actually I do. I've got lunch with my friend jade today and then we're going to see that new movie, Footloose. I think it's called, anyway, Kevin Bacon is in it and he's totally rocking so I don't care what it's about.” you couldn't be sure but you thought you saw Max tense up a little at your comment on Kevin bacon. Eh, who knows what goes on in that man's head. Who cares? 

           Meeting Jade that afternoon seemed to be a lot harder than it should have been, Max did not let you leave the bed until you were at least three orgasms deep and your voice was hoarse. “Maybe next time we can do it on that kitchen counter.” he says to you after he finally catches his breath. “Max! People eat there!” you were shocked at his remarks but honestly you thought it kind of hot. “Yeah and I want to eat there too.” his smirk was so heavy on his voice your pussy actually quivered at the thought of Max eating you out on the kitchen counter. 

           “Well I need to get dressed and meet my friend, so you better let me get up, or do I need another orgasm to get permission for that?” Max just laughed and waved you off, silently telling you to go get ready. 

Jade had been one of your closest friends since you moved to the big city you now called home. She was sassy and brilliant, an amazingly talented person, you were honestly jealous of her at times, she was an incredible writer and she was almost done film school, she was killing it and you felt like you were lagging behind in life, but that doesn't mean you couldn't be happy for her, (and gather potential black mail so she would put you in one of her movies when she becomes a big amazing director.) 

           “Hi, why haven't you called me in a week and a half?’ “well hello to you too Jade, and it's none of your business but it happens to do with a shared interest of ours.” you hadn't realized that you haven't spoken to her in that long, you can't believe it had only and yet already been a week and a half since you met Max.

“You’re fucking Maxwell Lord, aren’t you?” she deadpanned. You couldn't tell if she was psychic or just pulling a fake out, but alas you put her mind to rest with a (slightly) shouted. “HOW DID YOU KNOW?” okay, fake out, you put your foot in it now. “Yes, but oh my god you can't say anything to anyone okay?” your voice was much quieter now with a lot more stress laced in it. “Oh my god I have to tell everyone. OW! Okay I won’t tell anyone but hold fuck how?” and so you told her. You told her about the bar with the sticky floor, the sex you had in his apartment that night, his car, Darius, the fact that he didn’t want him living at your house so he gave you one of his to live in, the sex you had this morning and the job he gave you. 

“So, you're telling me you gave this guy such a good blow job he made you head of accounting? Your power of sex never ceases to amaze me. Hey when you’re rich can you buy me a house please I’m dying in that apartment, if my brother doesn’t find his own place soon I may actually fucking kill him, and you’re going to have to help me hide the body and I know you don’t like hiding bodies but this is my murder to-” “oh my god shut up, first of all, you say that like he’s gonna give me enough money to buy myself a house let alone you.” you cut her off, it was true, you didn't really anticipate him giving you that much and if Halo’s paycheck was anything to go by you won't have enough to buy yourself a house on that salary, you'll barely be able to afford rent when Maxwell, inevitably, tells you to move out. 

“Oh please I give it a month, two tops, before he's in love with you and asking you to move into his big fancy apartment on the other side of town.” you did like the sound of the big fancy apartment, but neither you nor Max seemed like the type to want a relationship out of your arrangement. “no, this is just sex and money.” you weren't sure if you were telling her or yourself, but you said it with enough conviction that she seemed to believe it. 

“Okay but if you do end up dating the bachelor boy be careful, from what I hear he's bad news and not just business wise. Rumour is that he killed his fiancée a couple years back, they got into a car crash in England and no one has seen her since. He said she lived and left him, but who goes to England and just leaves?” 

You weren't sure how, but you'd never heard that rumour before, sure you'd only moved here 3 years ago but you'd think something like that would be hot news around town for ages. “I’m sure that’s just a rumour Jade he really doesn't seem like the type to be involved in something like murdering his fiancée.” 

“I'm just looking out for you, I could be wrong, but if he tries to take you to England, I'm kidnapping you first. Deal?”

“Deal.”

to be continued...

tags: @mandoalorian-mainblog​ @mrschiltoncat​

[peanutbutterisland-blog]

Black Mafia - short story

Black Mafia- also in archives 

This is a fictional story written by Owami Jackson. Leave all assumptions and expectations at the door, welcome to a world inhabited by a few and run by many.

Chapter 1- Welcome to the Mafia

It is said that a city is the representation of its people, the rougher the edges the more connected the people and non could be  truer than the city of Fermount USA. It was a large industrial city, built on the backs of black Americans who had settled on the land after the emancipation act was introduced. The businesses were family owned and the community was forged together by hard labor and a deep engraved mantra for ‘fuck the man’ but this city was not backwards thinking at all,  it was 1970 and the world was changing and so was the city of Fermount. Throughout 1970 to 1975 the city came alive, with buildings being erected everyday, and in time the city lit up with new opportunities, clubs, hotels, stadiums and restaurants grew over night like wild mushrooms and one family struck while the iron was hot.

With every building that was erected in Fermount the Washington family had their hands in its creation. A prominent black family that had its soul engraved in Fermount, the family was so big that they inhabited both the East and West of the city and within the inner city is where they flourished. They owned every club and large property within the inner city or at-least had their hands in it. They grew there money from organized crime in the early 60s and invested it in the city of Fermount, they had close affiliations to the Mayor and governor of Fermount and where respected and feared within the city. With such a large family there had to be a large patriarch and his name was Luis Washington or better known as Father. He was the head of the family and all operations of the family business. He was a large man who had a lot of love and was fierce when he needed too Be. With everything that he had built he was most proud of his family, his eldest son, Rahim Washington was the next in line for the family business and he loved him dearly, he had a second son Sammy Washington who was always eager to learn the business and had his fathers ferocious temper. He also had twin daughters who ran his heart, he was married to his wife Debra for over 34 years and she was the only person who could calm Freddy down, she ran everything associated with the families money, dirty or clean.

It was a night filled with excitement in the Washington family household, uncles filled the air with inappropriate chatter, drinks flowed faster than a cheap bar and all women whether old or young where in the kitchen. Rahim was in his room trying out different leather jackets and awkwardly pacing up and down the room, he was nervous and exited, he sat on the edge of his bed and waited for the call. 5 minutes later his dad knocked on his door and summoned him down stairs, he came down and everyone was waiting for him. He gave his mom and sisters a kiss and was greeted by stern handshakes by his uncles. All the males in the family got in their bus sized Cadillac's and drove in a concubine to the cities oldest cemetery in the outskirts of the city. The cemeteries silence was pierced by a loud ruckus of cars. Out came large bellied men with hard liquor in their hands all jolly which was a contrast to where they where at. They all circled around the largest tombstone in the cemetery, it was the tombstone of the first patriarch of the family, William Washington who started the family business and created a lineage of men who would do great things for the city. Rahim was brought to the front of the tombstone, he said his respects and drinks where spilled on the floor out of respect. His dad came forward with a knife, asked for Rahims right hand. Visibly nervous Rahim put out his hand. “Rahim as you do this you not only represent the family, you not only represent the great men who came before you, you not only pledge with blood your loyalty to the family, you do this for your kids and grand kids and kids after that so they can look back and learn about your bravery. This is the proudest day of my life, I am not a man of many words so I will just say God bless your journey and welcome to the mafia” his father cut his hand and Rahim let the blood drip onto his great great grandfathers tombstone, a loud cheer was heard and the family guns blasted the cold night sky, Rahim was now a member of the most notorious Mafia in the world.

Chapter 2- Family First

Autumn had come with all its orange splendor, the trees had ruffles of hazel and the roads where littered with leaves that had fallen to their death from skyscrapers of oak trees. The city of Fermount was cold all year round, even when seasons changed they really didn’t change and on this chilly day on a lonely road a black Cadillac cruised through the outskirts of the city, Rahim had just gotten his license but he had been driving cars ever since he turned 5. In the passenger seat was his best friend of almost 22 years Owen Rochester. Rahim and Owens mothers meet in the hospital while giving birth to them. They where in the same ward and development a keen friendship. Owens father was a drug addict who would hop in and out of his life. He had not seen him in about ten years and frankly he didn’t even care, Owen and his mother where considered apart of the Washington family and lived a street away from each other, birthdays, graduations, funerals and dinners where all spent together. Owen was a brother to Rahim and as much as he didn’t want to admit it Rahim saw him as a better brother to him than his own younger brother Sammy was.

“So how was the induction?” Asked Owen. “It was good” Rahim answered.

“Just good?”

“Yeah it was good what else do you want me too say”

“I don’t know you’ve been talking about this shit since you where ten years old I don’t know I’m expecting a bigger reaction than just good you know?”

“You know how dad is with this whole family shit”

“Negro I am family”

Silence held the air for a while, Unable to contain the excitement Rahim squeezed the rubber steering wheel and burst into a whole monologue about how the night went and how he was now apart of the family business. Owen knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it away from him, the family kept their business hidden from everyone including old friends but Rahim and Owens bond was so intact they shared everything together.  

“So you really not doing this college thing huh?” Asked Owen.

“Don’t see how’d it help me when I’m already set you feel me?”

“I get you man, I’m not even tripping, guess I’ll have to get all this collage ass by myself “ Owen replied

“Now you know your ugly ass ain’t getting no ass”

They both laughed and talked about their love lives and how they want families in the future. They pulled into a field, everywhere you looked was just filled with green, sheep’s grazed robotically and farmers yoked bulls up and down the green sea, ploughing away harvest for the city. They drove even further into an abounded farm next to a hill, they got out the car and had a smoke

“Gets colder every time we come up here” Owen said

“Get me the fuck outta here I can’t even feel my balls” Rahim said.

“I don’t know man I’d move here” Owen said. Owen always wanted the simple life, he was never in any drama and barely had a temper. This was not to say he was not about to jump into the front lines of war if need but when it came down to it he saw himself retiring as a carpenter on a farm somewhere. Rahim had different prospects, his always been intrigued about how the world works, who had the most power and what that power could do.

“Let’s hurry up maybe if we drop 120 on the way back we’ll make it back in time for the game” Rahim said

“Isn’t Jacky Robinson on the field today?” Owen asked

“Yeap”

“That’s one bad brother, running a mud hole on all those white boys”

They both opened the doors of the back of the car, they grabbed two shovels, went to the trunk of the car, opened it up and a bloody naked man in tears was in the back. They got him out and proceeded to walk him to the top of the hill, when they got there they dug a deep enough hole to fit a man of his size in it, they removed the tape from his mouth and he started begging to be let go and ranted every prayer he could remember

“Please Rahim I’ve known you since you where a kid how can you do this to me”

“This is what happens when you steal from our clubs you fat fuck” Rahim replied

He continued to beg and plead till Owen kicked him into the hole they had dug

“Any last words old man” Owen asked

The man cried and started praying in mumbles and piss ran down his leg.

Rahim and Owen both unloaded shots from their guns, buried him and hit the road to make it back for the game.

Chapter 3- Cindy Jackson

Rahim knew how powerful his family was, every cop, jury and judge where in their pockets, every club was owned or invested by them, they had built schools and grocery stores in every part of the city and they had been apart of the rise of Fermounts industrial complex since its birth. Rahim was greeted with respected every he went whether it be clubs or coffee shops but he truly discovered the power his family held when his father asked him to tag along with him to the mayors office in the early hours of the morning. They both wore their best suits and where driven to the capital to meet the mayor. Mr Luis Washington had been dealing with the mayors of the city of Fermount  ever since he was put in charge of the family business, this was nothing new to him. The mayor knew that the Washington family where involved in some illegal dealings but they kept a pampered hand on the family because of all the money they funded to the city. They got to the Mayors house in the upper scale of Fermount, it was where old money came to retire and still had a prestige to it, the Washington’s,  as wealthy as they where, were still looked down upon by the upper echelon of white American liberals. Rahim sensed this when he was greeted by the mayors butler who almost seemed to refuse to give him a handshake, Rahim being the spiteful type, grabbed his hand, pulled his arm in and gave him a great big hug. The mayors house was big but not as big as the Washington’s, this alone showed the power dynamic between politics and the mafia. They where greeted by the mayor himself coming down a long flight of stairs, an elderly white man, with whisks of grey hair in a brown jersey, work pants and black shoes. Rahim stayed back and watched his father converse to the mayor about everything from family life to sports. His father introduced Rahim to the mayor, pleasantries where made with his wife and children and they all sat around the table and talked about the state of the city, later on into the evening the mayor asked Rahim and his father to join him in his office, he poured both men his prized aged whiskey and they toasted to prosperity and that the Bulldogs winning the state final.

“So Rahim your father tells me you’re apart of the family business now”

“Yessir”

“I thought you’d take a liking to politics”

“No sir, that’s way too gangster for me”

There was a slight silent stand still in the room until it was broken by the Mayors laughter.

“Listen boys we have ourselves a big problem here in the beautiful city of Fermount and we need your families help, our piping systems are beginning to rust out, now with what my team is telling me they will ride us out into late October 1980 but after that, the water will be contaminated by the rust and I don’t need to tell you how much of a mess that is, the government implements new piping every 5 years and basically swap the rusty shit underground with new rusty shit which is a waste of money for them, for us and most importantly for me”

“So what’s your proposal mayor?” Rahim asked

“I see we have a eager one here Lewi, anyways New Guinea has a large steel capital, and these mother fuckers pump out steal day and night, I was thinking you boys can go out there, gather up all that steal and bring it down here with all your connections to ports and what not, we will brand the steal tubes and chuck them underground, now because they are slightly cheaper, and I mean cheap cheap boys, we would be making a large amount of money when the government gives us the grant to put in new steel pipes for the city and even bigger money when we sell those pipes to buyers overseas which you boys have such good connections with”

“I see” Mr Luis said

“ So with all the risk that we will have to carry I’m assuming our cut will be slightly larger than yours and your partners?”

“Well I’ll have to speak to my partners about that My boy” the mayor said

Rahim had not heard anyone call his dad “a boy” and was expecting him to leap over the table and ring the mayors head till he choked out and ran out of oxygen but he knew his dad was calm and could separate business and disrespect.

They left the Mayors house at midnight and spoke about the meeting, Rahims dad told him that he would be responsible for this project and over see everything, this was the most responsibility his dad had ever given him and he did not want to let him down

3 months passed and the project was underway, Rahim, his best friend Owen and his little brother Sammy headed for New Guinea, the minute they hoped out the airport they where meet with the islands warm intense weather, nothing they had ever experienced in the cold old city of Fermount. For the past three weeks they would be delegating with the government of New Guinea and setting plans for the exporting of 67 thousand tons of steel pipes and tubing. In the day Rahim went from meeting to meeting making connections along the way and going to mines with Owen, his brother Sammy spent his time banging different prostitutes in his hotel room and going into the islands club scenes, in his mind he was there for a vacation since he felt that his father didn’t trust him with this project. Rahim and Sammy fought a lot almost on the verge of killing each other but they where family and there was nobody you could trust more than your family. On the 2nd week Rahim had had enough of the meetings and decided to go into the market to witness the vibrant culture of the island, Owen decided to stay in and only God knew where Sammy was, as he was in the fruit aisle he saw a girl with large frizzy dark hair. He walked closer and was meet with the most sculpted face of beauty he had ever seen, he offered to help her with her grocery bags. She refused at first but he persisted until she couldn’t fight anymore. As they walked to her car he asked what she was doing in New Guinea but she was dismissive of the question, when they got to the car she realized that some local criminals where trying to steel her hub caps, Rahim dropped the bag and chased after them, tripped one of the criminals and punched his face in, he was able to get away and Rahim ran back to check on the beautiful women he had left behind.

“Are you crazy you could’ve gotten hurt!” she yelled

Rahim smiled and said “So you where worried about me?”

She smiled and said

“My name is Cindy, Cindy Jackson thank you for your help”

“Nice to meet you Cindy Jackson my name is Rahim Washington”

“I’m sorry I was a bit dismissive back there I don’t really know anyone here so you know, always keep your guard up” she said

“I get that, by the tied hair bun and medical supplies I’m assuming you’re apart of the UNICEF relief aid here in beautiful New Guinea?”

She laughed and answered“yes, yes I am, and I’m assuming your some rich business man here for business purposes”

“You can say something like that, so when you’re not saving kids where do you like to have fun”

“Well I’m going to the beach party at about 7, I don’t know if you’ll be there”

“Trust me, anywhere you are I’ll always be there”

They meet later on that evening at the beach party and Rahim introduced him to Owen. They danced and drank the whole night, the next day they walked around the plaza together and talked about everything

“So I’m leaving next week and you’re pretty busy here so when will I see you again” Rahim asked

“I’m leaving in 5 weeks and going back to school in Texas”

“So we’ll meet in Texas then?”

“Wait you’d actually come to Texas just for lil old me”

“Ma’am where ever you go from this point on I will follow till death”

She gave him her address and phone number and after a successful first meeting in New Guinea the boys jumped onto a flight back to the cold embrace of the city of Fermount. 5 weeks passed and Rahim flew to Texas to meet Cindy, they meet at a cafè and before they could say anything Rahim kissed her infront of the whole café.

“Well that’s one hell of a first kiss Mr Washington”

“It thought we should skip the small talk you know?”

They spent the summer together switching from Texas and Fermount, they meet each others families and in the summer of 1978 Rahim proposed to Cindy in her hometown and they moved to Fermount to start their lives together.

Chapter 4- We own this town

Houston Texas is bigger than the church hats mothers and aunties wear every Sunday in this deeply cultural piece of America. Everything is designed to pull you in like a gravitational force, the word subtle is not known in Houston. The restaurants and diners have food that would feed a whole village, the roads are wider to make way for every 20 year olds pimped out Cadillac. The women are chiseled from Gods personal special chisel, never lacking frame or body, it’s as if They were designed just to be looked at. There are churches in every corner of the town and the sun bullies the sky 20 hours of the day. Rahim always found it weird that Cindy would come from such a bombastic state. She was timid and slender, she never said a lot and when she did her voice was softer than the rustling leaves in the fall but her eyes held all the attitude that the state came with. She could look at you for a second and draw your attention from a mile away, she had the most generous heart it was almost bigger than her frizzy dark hair. Rahim had fallen in love with her all over again when he saw her walk down the aisle. The wedding came with all the dramatics of a church charity function, flights where delayed, uncles came from each direction with tales of their conquest and hard bottles of liquor, The Washington family alone came with about 200 people, each flying down from Fermount or driving. Weddings, baptisms and funerals where compulsory for the family and this was no ordinary wedding, it was the wedding of the future Patriarch of the family. Fermount was too cold to have such a joyous celebration and whether Rahim liked it or not Cindy held all the power of where the wedding was gonna take place. It took 7 months of planning and all the money invested into it you would think they where building a new club but this had to be huge, the Washington’s believed that a man only gets married once. The wedding drew mayors, delegates, owners of banks in both Houston and Fermount, baseball players and mobsters from all around the country. It was a 3 day festival with enough alcohol to fill the Nile and enough food to feed two starving countries. After the wedding Cindy and Rahim headed to Fermount where a 8 room mansion was eating for them, bought of-course by the Washington’s, 3 cars and  even a liltle puppy, life was blissful.

Winter had hit Fermount and it was colder than ever, the lake had frozen over, the trees where naked and everybody was inside. Not the mob though, trucks still moved city to city, clubs still operated and Rahim was busy delegating the implementation of putting in new metal tubes in the city. It was 3 years since Rahim stepped foot in New Guinea and it seemed like the project took years to get started but they where at the final stretch and money flooded in like well.. a flood. It was 7:30 in the evening and Rahim had just got back home. He shouted Cindys name and she answered, she was in the kitchen, Cindy was a genius in the kitchen. She spent her day working as a doctor in Fermounts top ranked private hospital and her nights going on romantic adventures with Rahim, He loved the fact that she was an all round working women. All the women he was used too including his mother had only been housewives. Rahim would get home, change, help Cindy in the kitchen and they would have diner and talk about the day and listen to records near the fire place with a glass of wine. Rahim was planning to do just that but as he was about to give Cindy a kiss he got a call, he went into the living room and picked up the telephone, it was his dad. His father never called unless it was something about business or family. Rahim knew it was important by the sound of his dads voice, he could always tell his dads mood by the sound of his voice and his dad was worried. He grabbed another leather jacket and leather gloves and jumped into his car. The house he grew up in was just a 15 minute drive. He got there in record time , kissed and hugged his mother and sisters, his brother was watching the reruns of the game, he was about to head out as well, they nodded at each other

“Where’s dad?”

“Where he always is”

Rahim went down to the office and found his dad in a dimly lit room smoking on a cigar.

“Hey pops”

“Hey, Rahim”

They gave each other a hug and took a seat

“How’s the wife?”

“You know still giving me orders”

Mr Washington laughed

“I’m waiting for my grandkids Rahim”

“I’m working on it dad”

“You better, I have a lot of spoiling to do before I leave this earth”

“You’ll be here for a long time old man”

They both took a sip of whiskey and with a heavy sigh Mr Washington reveled that his brother has been stealing from the family And selling critical information to the FBI.

“I can’t do it Rah, he’s my brother”

“Have you told anyone else”

“Only your mom knows”

“Fuck! His my uncle pops”

“I know”

“So you want me to off him”

“No! He’s family, he’s my brother, I’ll need you to take those brief cases, they have 500 thousand dollars, tell him to leave this city and never look back, he knows his family will be safe”

“I got you”

Rahim got in the car and decided to do it in the same night so he could get the weight off his shoulders, while driving to his uncles house he couldn’t believe that his uncle would do that, his own flesh and blood. He could see how broken his dad was, while Rahim went to deliver the news and brief cases to his uncle his dad went to the baptist church house, he always went at this time, he would just sit at the back of the church, say a little prayer and go back home, he believed he had done to many evil things to sit any closer. Rahim got to his uncles house greeted all his nephews and asked his uncle if they could take a drive around the block for some liquor cause he felt disrespectful coming into the house with nothing in his hands, he also didn’t want to tell him the news where anybody could get the chance of hearing. They went to the local liquor store, and when they came back into the car, before he could start the car he told him why he came to see him

“You dare accuse me of betraying the family you little shit stick”

“Dad sent me here Unc”

“Tell my fucking brother to come see me himself and not send his little fuck head of a son too send me a message”

“You broke him Unc, you broke us”

The car was silent until Rahims uncle asked

“So is that why you’re here with that briefcase, you want me to leave my family”

“We’ll give you time to say goodbye but you have to leave before the rest of the family hears about this”

“All the shit I did for this fucked up family and this is how you thank me! I gave my heart into this business, before you could even walk I was in the front lines of war and what do I get, FUCKING NOTHING! Your father does deals with presidents and what do I get nothing no appreciation no reward, I just want what’s mine”

A tear dropped from Rahim’s eye, he knew where this was heading,he knew that his Uncle was stubborn and this would end bad. His uncles voice turned raspy and he started crying

“I just wanted my share Rahim, I’m not going anywhere, I rather die than run away like a coward, they got the drop on us Rahim, you think all this fancy shit comes without a price, this car, your house our whole lives are built on the blood of our enemy’s, and I’m not going to go down without a fucking price, I need to go”

As he grabbed the door handle, Rahim held his shoulder and told him he can’t leave

“You think I’m gonna listen to you Rah”

His uncle took out his pistol and pointed it at Rahim

“Let me go Rah”

“Family first unc, family first”

With a quick motion, Rahim drew his gun and shot his uncle in the stomach, his mouth open in shock and tears coming down his face he drove back to his dads house, ran passed the living room and collapsed on the couch in tears, he told his dad what had happened and he burst out in tears. His mom came down and saw her son on the floor drenched in blood and her husband in tears and knew exactly what had happened. Rahim kept on saying he was sorry to his dad, his dad came back to his senses , asked Rahim where the body was and Rahim told him that he was in his trunk, he grabbed his jacket and his mom gave Rahim a kiss and told him it was all going to be okay, they drove to the local bar they owned, it was about to close and the owner, a close family friend was about to lock the door when Rahim and Mr Washington suddenly burst in, they told him the story and without hesitation he agreed to help, they layed his body next to the bar and staged it as a hit. Rahims dad told him to go back home and everything was going to be okay, he could not stop repeating the words “I’m sorry”. He drove back home and fell to his knees at the door, Cindy came down and helped into the shower, washed the blood from his body while Rahim told her what happened , she knew Rahims family was involved in the mob life but this was her first encounter with the seeds that the mob life had sworn, she grabbed his clothes and threw them in a fire and held Rahim the whole night.

As expected the next day the whole family was in awe when they heard the news, retribution had to be delivered, Mr Luis paid a hefty amount of money to another mob family to take responsibility for the hit and to sacrifice one of their men for retribution. For the next few months Rahim had nightmares and held a guilt that took over his days and nights. Cindy was there right by his side throughout the whole way. They decided to take a vacation to Rio and when they came back Rahim seemed to have left his guilt in the warm waters of Rio and came back ready for business

A new mayor had taken seat in Fermount and he had a no nonsense tolerance to crime. He worked with the government in stopping organized crime and had set out an investigation for the new metal pipes in Fermount. This was going to take a lot of money out of a lot of important peoples pockets and the family had no choice but to assassinate the mayor but they had two problems, if they did chose to assassinate the mayor they would start a war with the US government who was on their tale but for the latter part of the years has kept a distant leash on them, the family had the backing of men who only saw money so they could handle a war with the US government but the other problem was financial backing from banks, and even though they had investments in most of the cities banks, the government could stop all that cash flow. After numerous meetings with the family, delegates and dirty politicians they decided to go ahead with the plan. High investors decided to pay the family 20 million each as insurance that if the US did fledge out a war, their investment and money would stay intact, if the US didn’t start a war, which was unlikely, they would give back the money.

Mr Luis gave the job to his son Rahim. Rahim asked if he could take Owen and because Owen knew about the inner dealings of the family his dad agreed agreed, Rahims brother Sammy had left for Paris and did not tell any of his family members, atleast they knew where he was this time. Before he left for the job Rahims dad gave him a hug

“You know you get older everyday I see you Rah”

“Not as old as you old man”

They both smiled

“I wish your brother had as much  love as you do for me”

“Don’t worry dad his just going through a phase”

“I guess so, Rahim never forget that we are not rich because money and jewels alone but we are rich because of knowledge, with the right information we can bring a country to its knees”

He gave him a kiss on his forehead which was weird cause he never showed any affection. He only gave kisses to his wife and daughters.

“Oh pops I have something to tell you, uhm I was gonna save it for the family dinner but..”

“Then save it for the family dinner Rah, we’ve got a job to do”

Rahim and Owen waited outside the country club where the mayor played golf from 2 to 3pm, after that he took a drive to the barbers spot to get a shave and catch up with his father who was the owner of the establishment, after his golfing session they followed him to the barbershop, they took out their ski masks from the glove compartment and AK47s from the trunk of Rahims car and walked towards the window of barber shop and let all rounds go, glass and bloody bodies where on the floor, Rahim walked into the barber shop, looked the mayor in the eyes while he was on the floor trying to clench his fathers body and shot him dead.

They came back home ready to tell the family of the successful mission only to find a large fleet of cars at the family home, Rahim ran into the house and found out his dad had collapsed from a heart attack and had died. Every man and women had tears in their eyes. Rahim had cried out all his tears for a day and knew he needed to be there for his family.

The funeral was the biggest the city had ever seen, bigger than the mayors funeral, the government was on the family’s tale closer than ever before but that had to wait for now, mobsters and gangsters from around the world came to the funeral. If felt as if the president of the United States was being laid to rest. Rahim delegated the whole funeral, every flower in the city was thrown into Mr Luis Washington’s grave, speeches from Delegates and diplomats from around the world pierced the cold air and food was served to feed the whole city. Throughout the whole funeral Cindy stood besides Rahim and his mother, he went to say a few words with his wife Cindy in his hands.

“Goodbye old man, we’ll meet each other again, and I can’t wait for you to meet your grandson, I love you”

A few days after the funeral, Rahim was brought into a room with all the males of the family, all the investors of the family and all the mobsters of the city, he was being inducted to being the new leader of the family and family business. He walked to the head of the family, raised his glass of whiskey and said

“To the family”.

Chapter 5- From Russia with love

It seems every hospital has the same cold air rushing through it, the same bland light blue textiles and blinding florescent lights. It’s a place designed for anxiety and for being uncomfortable, but the Fermount Saint Private hospital was in for a rude awakening. The Washington family flooded the entire top floor maternity ward   With leather jackets, southern brute accents, wails from toddlers, chatter from Aunties and mothers and silent prayers from every grandmother that was there. Every doctor or nurse that walked by was harassed by endless questions that they had no jurisdiction answering. The walls swelled with belly carrying males with expensive clothes and pungent cigar aromas. The top ranked maternity ward in Fermount had now been turnt into the Washington family reunion. Rahim came bursting through the door with a face mask on, blue scrubs and gloves, after a second of silence Uncle Elijah finally asked

“Well boy, spill it”

“It’s a boy” Rahim answered.

Everybody in the ward cheered, mothers sang, and uncles shook hands as if they had broken a new millionaire dollar deal. Rahims mother walked towards him and kissed him on the check and said “Your father would be proud of you Rah” even Rahims brother Sammy came over to give him a handshake and a warm head nod.

It wasn’t minutes till the entire family trickled into Cindy’s hospital room to get a glance of the baby, mothers came in first, then Cindys family and some of Rahims uncles. Owen came in the room kissed Cindy on the forehead and gave his friend who he had grown up with and just watched turn into a dad a great ol hug. They decided to name the child after Rahims dad to honor his name.

The baby was greeted with a convoy of cars all hooting in tune, food was prepared as if it was a wedding or a great fest, in all sense of the matter, it was. After Mr Luis Washington’s death the family needed something new to celebrate, Rahim had taken over fully, only taking delegation from his mother, wife, Owen and Uncle Elijah Uncle Thomas who had guided Rahim into the big seat he had taken over. He had met all the big names he had only heard about in meetings and they all accepted him with warm arms, he knew that as long as he did a good job everyones pockets would be full. Since the government was behind their tail ever since the mayors death they had to operate all legal business only and lease or pause all illegal business but even that didn’t deter the government. They sent sanctions to every Washington owned asset , clubs, houses, cars, banks and new building projects. Rahim knew they couldn’t win a silent financial war. He knew at some point they would need aggression to either scare or hold of the government. So After 3 months of being home with Cindy and the baby. Rahim took Owen, Uncle Elijah and Thomas and his brother Sammy to Russia to negotiate a weapons deal Incase things went sour for the family. When they got there they wasted no time. The President of Russia invited them for dinner. The dining hall was full of deep colored tapestry and wild animal heads. After a dinner with jokes and impromptu Russian lessons they went to the president’s bunker to talk about why they where there. Russia was gearing up for a Cold War with the US and as far as they knew it, if the US could have a civil war it would be better for them but they needed assurance before striking an arms deal with the Washington family so they decided to give the Russians half of their crucial assets, mostly banks and government information they had acquired over the years.

More than ever the war was closer than it had ever been, the US had always had a vendetta with the Washington family and their power but now that envy would be put to the test and Rahim needed to make sure his family was safe, even if they lost.

Chapter 6- Cape of good fear

It is said that while the world sleeps, America watches it sleep. As soon as Rahim, Uncle Elijah and Thomas, Owen and Sammy set foot back on American soil, word had spread that the Washington family had made their way to Russia to negotiate an arms deal. This came to no surprise to Rahim because he knew that they where under immense pressure under the eyes of the government. In fact this is why he chose Russia. There are many countries that would agree to an arms deal but Russia was America’s biggest enemy and with the middle stages of the Cold War, it was bound to ruffle up some feathers. With this move Rahim put The Washington family in the four front of history. The US acted quick, by the end of the week it had already smeared the Washington family name in the press and used the only power it had, money and corruption. They seized all assists the Washington family had with ridiculous warrants and permits. Rahim knew that he was in the end game now. So he set up a meeting with the family delegates, elders and mob bosses from around the word. They all gathered in an underground bunker space in the towns baseball stadium that the Washington family had helped build a few years ago. As far as he knew it everyone’s house was already bugged so they needed somewhere neutral to congregate. The room was full of hazy grey smoke, the atmosphere of the room was heavy, all men in this room had something to loose and they all counted on Rahim to keep that. Rahim walked in the room with a butterscotch trench coat with black leather gloves and heavy winter boots. He took his seat and greeted all the men that where there.

“Gentlemen, as you know we don’t have enough time we need to strike with action, I am not here to waste your time and I am not here to cover my ass”

“Seems like your ass is blasted all over the newspaper every single day Rahim” one of the men shouted. Rahim wanted to respond disrespectfully, in fact he wanted to shoot the man right in-front of everybody but the man who made that jittery statement was the owner of the United States pharmaceutical industry. These men literally funded America and had ties to the mob. This was not a meeting with his drunk uncles or petty criminal bar meetings, every man in this room, with a flick of a button could shut down the United States and Rahim knew the stakes.

“I know that Mr Johnson, this is why we are here to fix that” Rahim him replied

“Now, the United States has a problem with the Washington family, and since you are all tied to the Washington family they have a problem with you. I am here to tell you that this will not end pretty gentlemen. Men will be lost and money will follow. Now my job is making sure that money is not taken out of your pockets, yes this will be a bloody war but it will be a war designed to look bigger than it is”

They whole room perched eagerly to hear Rahims proposition

“We will strike war with the US government, but we will use the backing and power of mother Russia, now if we sell this properly to the media it will seem as if a US family made ties with Russia and decided to take down the government. And since Americans love their country so much and hate Russia and black people it will polarize all the other shit that we are doing on the side, but with this I will need your full cooperation, you have my word that money will return to your pockets and Business will run as usual but I need the word and trust of every man in this room, to stand by this family as we have stood behind you all these years. We will strike as soon as we can so focus is directly on us, the family. Till then I will need you to freeze all assets so that nothing is traced back to you, now obviously we know the government has been following us for years and know who we work with but removing all traceable evidence will make them look like fucking loons when they make these accusations, there will be no hard proof. We will set up mini hot spots where they can catch us and have a field day in the media while they suck each other off, yes we will loose a considerable amount of money but that will give us enough time for the Russian Calvary to strong hold the US and ultimately make a deal with us”

“And you sure this will work?” A heavy built gentleman in the back asked

“Sir this is the only option we have to keep  the United States alive”

To keep a low cover Rahim decided to take Cindy and the baby, Owen and his family, his mother and brother to Cape Town South African. He had a vacation home there and he wanted his family especially his wife to get out of the toxic environment that they had ended up in. Rahim took early walks in the open wine fields with an elderly farmer named Abè who was a family friend, his farm imported 80% of the wine in the United States.

“You know Mr Abè this place is so beautiful I wouldn’t mind living and dying here”

“Mr Washington if I may be frank with you, you will not die here”

“Why do you suppose that Mr Abè, do you think I’m not worthy to die in a beautiful place like this?”

“You are a soldier, your daddy was a soldier and his papa before that, ever since I’ve known your family all the men have died in cold places. This is not because you are not worthy, it is because you are a soldier! You make way for your family to live and die in paradise, this is your calling. You where forged in fire It is a thankless job and an even bitter death but I believe if you where to chose to die in paradise or die in the field of war for your family, you would ask me where the battle field was”

“The battlefield is looking clearer to me every day Mr Abè”

“I know Mr Washington, I know”

Chapter 7- The world needs you Mr Washington.

Rahim had cleansed himself of the guilt of going to war for his family in Cape Town and had come back to American with a clear mind and even clearer intentions. If this was going to be the families time to be introduced into the world, it would be a monumental introduction. When he got back home he received a phone call, he picked it up and it was the one and only, President of the United States. He invited Rahim to the a White House for a meeting. Rahim didn’t know what to say. He knew he was in the big leagues but he didn’t know he would be speaking to the leader of the free world in person. He told his family and they where worried that it was a set up but Rahim knew that if they wanted to make a hit they would have done it already. Later that week he went to his fathers grave with Owen, he stayed in the car as Rahim went to speak to his dad

“Hey pops, I know it’s been a while. Just needed the courage to come see you again. Anyway,  the family is doing good. Your brothers are crazy as usual, ready to die on the sword for the family, mom is doing better. She’s worried about everyone but herself, if you can just let her know that she’s doing the best she can. We have a war in our hands pops. All the greedy men who took opportunities from our people not so long ago are afraid of us now, we have a meeting with the President of the Fucking United States. Look I know things are not gonna end up pretty but I wanted to let you know that everywhere I go I hold the family name high. You’ve done such a good job pops. Thank you, I ask that you guide me as I enter unknown territory. I love you”

The next day Rahim took a private plane to Washington DC to meet the President. He walked into the White House and knew they where in too deep, but he was the first Black man from Fermount to step foot in the White House. He was greeted by the President who had a huge smile when he saw him, it wasn’t warm, he had been around enough gangsters to know when a person wants something from you. They entered the office and began making small talk, after a few minutes the President looked at him and said

“You’re not scared are you?”

“Excuse me?” Rahim asked

“I came into this meeting thinking that you’d see how deep in the water you’ve swam into and would want to forfeit or break a deal but you want this don’t you?”

“Mr President, this is deeper than me, many men before me where stripped of opportunities, land, names and basic human dignity, to build this beautiful country and for me to throw that away now, when we’re at the last quarter would be a shame”

“It is a beautiful country isn’t it Mr Washington? we wouldn’t want the beautiful people in it to worry about it now would we?”

“I said it was a beautiful country, nothing bout its people”

“Be that as it may, you know we have enemies that would like to see this country fall and rumor around the farm is that you’re ur in cahoots with those evil people Mr Washington”

“Well that depends, where  are the rumors coming from Mr President?”

“The chickens are clucking Mr Washington, now this is simple we can go ahead with this in which I guarantee we will win and not only win but make an example out of you and your family or you can relinquish all “power” you have, I give you 2 days to say bye to your family and lock you up for the remainder of your days, and the way I see it, you don’t have that much left”

“Well Mr President I suggest you strap your boots up, it’s about to be a cold winter”.

Rahim came back home took a hot bath, went into his sons play room where Cindy was playing with him. He kneeled down and hugged Them both, Cindy grabbed his head slouched on the floor with him and kissed him, she didn’t need to know how the meeting went. She knew the time had come.

Chapter 8- Too much Power

It was weirdly calm in the Washington household. Mrs Debra was handing out sweets to the kid’s running up and down the house, the wives where gossiping about what they thought was going to happen in the kitchen, and the men of the family where outside the yard around the fire. Rahim came in the house late with Cindy and their son, he had stopped to get more liquor and presents for his mom.

“Sammy can you help Owen with the shit in the car, his outside”

Rahim proceeded to hug and kiss everyone in the kitchen, the living room, the dining room and finally the fireplace. When the food was ready Mrs Debra called everyone in the dining room, Rahim was put at the head of the table. There was so much food it felt like it would fall off the table, when everyone had stuffed food to the rim of their plate Rahim stood up with his whiskey glass to make a toast.

“Family, we’ve Always stood firm against the storm of evil souls that have tried to destroy this family, as I look at you I see the generations that our ancestors helped build, look at us, beautiful as can be, intelligent as can be, wealthy as can be. And all this came with hard work, from each and everyone of you. I just wanted to thank you. For being what you where meant to be, Beautiful, well except for Sammy...I’m just joking”

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and reminiscent chatter, photo albums where open, Motown jams serenaded the atmosphere and children danced for hundred dollar bills. The next day Rahim took Cindy to the hair salon uptown.

“Ayt baby I’m just swinging to the hardware store for the drill and I’ll pick you up in an hour”

“See you soon Mr Washington”

They kissed and Rahim was off to the hardware store, he decided to spend an extra twenty minutes just glancing at things he was not going to buy, this was better than chatting about future baby plans with the ladies of Cindy’s salon. As he turned the corner into the road the salon was in he saw Cindy already outside talking to one of the shop vendors. He also saw a black car across the road from Cindy opening its windows. A silver pistol poked out the window and fired 7 shots, Cindy fell to the floor, opened her bag and fired 3 shots herself. Rahim sped his car but the the car sped across the intersection and had left a trail of cars jumping into the wrong lane. Rahim quickly came out of his car and ran to Where Cindy was. His heart felt like it would beat a hole out of his chest, tears already streamed down his face, he fell to the floor next to her.

“Baby are you okay! Are you hurt! Where did they get you!”

“I’m okay I’m okay”

Rahim helped her up and patted her body like a mad man to check for blood but she was okay. They rushed quickly into the car and sped to get home. Cindy rushed into the house and hugged her son and Rahim held them both. Later that afternoon Rahim sat by the fire with a glass of whiskey and a cigar. He knew that the government would attack but this was sloppy of them, they wouldn’t do it like this and even if they did want to send a message it would be more direct. He figured that one of the mobs had sold out. His head kept on seeing the silver gun that popped out the window of the car. The more he thought about it the more it came to him that he had seen that gun, numerous times, in fact his seen that gun ever since he was 17. He rushed up to his room, put on his trench coat and jumped into his car, he sped to Owens house and told him what had happened, Owen grabbed his gun and jumped in the car with Rahim, they drove to Sammy’s house, Sammy saw Rahim’s car and ran straight into the garage into his car. He backed up the drive way and before he could make a turn to speed off Rahim’s car rammed into his door pushing it against the wall. When the smoke cleared Rahim pulled Sammy out of the car and into his trunk, they drove to the harbor and dumped Sammy into an empty space used for wrecked boat parts and broken cargo containers. Owen  stood behind Sammy pointing a gun at him and Rahim took a chair and sat infront of him.

“Now I know you’re a stupid mother fucker but this stupid Sammy, this fucking stupid! You’d turn your back against the family? Huh!”

“What fucking family Rah? Ever since I was born I’ve been pushed out of this family”

“Shut the fuck up, you chose to do that Sammy, not anyone of us. it was you, you play this wounded dog act to gain sympathy and even when you do get the sympathy you grovel for it’s still never enough”

“Fuck you Rah”

“My wife Sammy, you where the best man in my wedding man”

“I don’t give a fuck about you Rah, your little make shift brother here Owen, this family or that bitch you call a wife”

“You know, as I was driving here I thought of ways of killing you and to be honest, I didn’t have any, I realized I ran out of em, ever since we where young I’ve thought about killing you and I realized I’ve finally ran out of ideas cause I ran through them all, so I’m not gonna kill you Sammy. You’re still my brother. What you gonna do now is hop into that boat, it’s gonna take you to county island where you will hop into an aero plane that will fly you to Spain, to the worlds top ranked disability and injured rehabilitation center where you will spend out the rest of your miserable life, you’ll call mom every week and tell her nothing of what you did or what happened, tell her you couldn’t stand being in the family anymore or whatever pitiful shit you can muster up your ass this time”

“Why the fuck would I go to a disability center in fucking Spain”

“Because Sammy, when we’re done with you, you’d wish that we killed you”

Owen grabbed a chain saw and gave it to Rahim, Owen then singled three men into the room and they rolled a table into the center of room. They pinned a screaming Sammy onto the table.

“So I cut right into the born doc?” Rahim asked one of the men

“Yeap, he’ll feel everything we just have to make sure he doesn’t bleed out and stays conscious”

Sammy cried and pleaded with Rahim, he screamed for help but only heard his own echo and the motor of the chain saw, Rahim cut  Into the flesh of Sammy’s legs, blood splattered in every direction, Sammy’s cries could be heard from the end of the world, Rahim slashed and cut both Sammy’s legs, he put down the chain saw, looked at the agony on his brothers face, looked backed at the chain saw and asked the doctor

“Can we cut his hands aswell?”

Sammy, leg less and armless was then put into a boat with medical equipment to keep him alive. Rahim had taken the one thing that Sammy used his whole life, his freedom and without that he was good as dead. as the boat disappeared into the dark blue waters Rahim gazed on it with tears in his eyes, and a pool of blood drenched on his body. Owen put his hand on Rahims shoulders and said

“It’s time to go home man”

The US governments had sent their first shot and used Rahims own flesh and blood. He knew that they would play dirty but this was a hit he was not expecting. He gathered up all his family members and sent them into different parts of the world, the Washington family had friends in every part of the world, they also had money invested in every part of the world so it wasn’t hard to pack everyone up.  He flew his mother, Cindy and his son, uncle Thomas and Elijah and Owens wife and kids to South Africa in Abè’s estate. He then made a call to Russians to send down fire arms. Within 5 days they where packed and delivered to the Fermount boat harbor. Rahim ordered bombs to be set off in the heart of the United States, Washington DC. On March 2nd 1987 the first civil attack by the Washington family was felt the world over, twelve thousand people in the senate where killed as the US presidency held their annual democratic  state meeting. News traveled fast of how a terrorist family had shaken the very foundations of  the United States. The president called for an immediate call of action to stop the Washington family. Rahim knew that they needed more help from Russia but when he called the president he told Rahim what the US had done, the US government knew that the Washington family was getting backing from Russia so they promised to send a nuclear bomb if they didn’t stop working with the Washington family as they would have grounds to consider Russia as an accomplice to US terrorist attacks.

The US army and Federal Bureau of investigations took to the city of Fermount to find and kill Rahim, he knew that they would eventually catch him so he decided to meet his family in South Africa, and fly with them to Alaska. As he loaded his getaway truck with Owen, US soldiers burst into his yard, they had gotten through the heavy guarded gates and made a B line for the drive way. Rahim and Owen Took the underground get away bunker, a bullet hit Owens legs and he fell to the floor. Rahim tried to pick him up as they made it out the bunker into the exit to the woods. But Owen had lost a lot of blood, He couldn’t continue anymore, with tears in Rahim’s s face he pushed to carry Owen and fell to the floor. Rahim screamed and used all his might to try pick him up but they were slowing down. Owen grabbed his friends hand and said “it’s okay”

“No man I can pick you up don’t fucking give up on me Owen”

“Mate we can’t do this, you need to go, we’ve made it this far man this is where our journey ends”

“No Owen please” tears flowed down Rahim’s face and it felt like he was crying out his soul.

“Listen, tell Elizabeth I love her man, tell my kids about me everyday and tell them that daddy loves them with all his heart, take care of my kids man, take care of my fucking kids Rah, please man”

“You have my word brother, I love you”

Rahim kissed Owens hand, got up, looked back one more, nodded his head and said goodbye to his friend”

Owen took out his gun and put it to the temple of his head.

As Rahim ran through the woods he heard a bang, stopped, looked back for a second and continued to run.

Chapter 8 - let blood run

Rahim had thought that there was no place colder than Fermount, until he spent his first night in Alaska. It was so cold that you would think your thoughts where frozen, it didn’t make it any better that they had a house on top of a mountain but like any good Washington he adapted, his family adapted,  to the conditions, to the constant paranoia, to the inevitability of being caught and to the realization that they would probably never see their families again. Two years had passed since the US government seized every Washington asset known to man. Many of the Washington men had been incarcerated on false chargers and the government paraded the end of organized crime. Rahim’s promise held strong though, none of his business partners where harassed and business continued to run as normal even if it was on a smaller scale. The government realized that Rahim’s plan worked, they had chased the wrong people and because they paraded the end the Washington family in the media they could not go after the real partners of the Washington family. Firstly because they didn’t know where to start without the head of the Washington family. with every Washington man who entered those jail cells not one word was uttered about the families dealings and partners and secondly the public would accuse the US government of wasting money in finding the sole proprietors of organized crime when they had experienced their first recession in 70 years and still had a drug and Cold War to fight. The US President was persistent on finding Rahim and after two years of sniffling him out, the US government made its way to The Alaskan mountains.

Rahim and Cindy walked down the mountain every morning to collect bore water while Mrs Debra and Rah’s sisters set up the table for breakfast. Luis Jr loved the snow and would play in it all day. He had grown so much and looked exactly like Rahim. The morning was colder than usual but the sky was clear, Cindy noticed that Rahim was tense and didn’t talk much during the hike down.

“Baby, you okay?”

“Huh?”

“I said are you okay?”

Rahim looked into her beady eyes, the same eyes he had fallen in love with when he meet her in New Guinea. Her nose was colored with a brush of red, her skin glowed and her hair was full and vibrant. He kissed her and said

“It’s time hunny bunny”

“Time for what Rah?” She replied

He put down the buckets in his hands and grabbed her shoulders.

“They’ve found us”

As if choreographed, one tear dropped down Cindy’s cheek and she asked

“How long do we have”

“How long do you You guys have”

“Wait what, you can’t stay Rah they’re gonna kill you”

“If I leave with you guys you’ll always have a target behind your back, we’ll never grow old and sit on a porch in our big home in Texas and watch our grandkids play in the yard if I don’t do this”

“But babe-“

“Baby listen, what did I tell you in that island bar in New Guinea?”

“That wherever I go you would follow till death”

“And I’m not gonna break that promise, okay”

“Okay”

“Immediately after breakfast a car will come to fetch you, mom, my sisters and Luis Jr. it will drive you to an old military flight school, if you don’t see the military flight school in about 30 mins after you leave from here I want you to shoot that mother fucker clean in the head. You’ll be put in a plane that will fly you guys to New Guinea”

Cindy smiled and kissed him.

“Now I want you to take the black brief case under our bed and give it to Abè, he’ll be waiting for you when you land, and whatever happens-“

Before he could finish what he was about to say Cindy hugged him and said, nothing will happen, we’ll see you soon okay”

“Okay”

Night hit the Alaskan mountains and the fog had masked the house in blinding white snow. Rahim sat alone in the dining room of the small wood house he had made a home for the last two years. He looked around the kitchen and smiled thinking about all the meals they had in here, maybe it was the cold or because the wooden house was so small that they had to be in each others faces but this house reminded him of Fermount, it reminded him of when his dad used to take him and his brother to baseball games, it reminded him of the nights in parking lots he would speed with fast girls and his best friend Owen and it reminded him of waking up 10 minutes earlier just to watch the sun kiss his wife’s face as she woke up. He knew that he would have to sacrifice something if he wanted his families name to live on, he knew the stakes would be high when he drenched his blood on that grave and he knew his dad would be proud of him. As the night lingered he heard commotion and he knew they had arrived. The Alaskan police force together with the US army burst into the property with vehicles going up to the house. Helicopters flew over the mountain with bright lights illuminating the little wooden house. Rahim waited until the vehicles made it close to the house and without warning a huge explosion blew up the house together with the mountain, and an avalanche of fire engulfed every army and police car that was close to the mountain. Alaska was on fire.

In the next few weeks the press was flooded with news of how the US government had killed the terrorist Mob boss Rahim Jackson in Alaska. The New Yorker read

“The Washington’s wicked rain of terror has finally ended.”

Chapter 9 - We multiply

On the noon of August 24th 1991, US government files where leaked to the media. With evidence linking the US government to war crimes, plans to invade Oil countries and civilian surveillance with news of government corruption being leaked on a daily basis. This hit the US government like a shit storm, the public wanted answers, the United Nations condemned the US for its inherent evil human right violations and in every state of the US and every country in the world civilians rioted and protested for answers. The US economy took a hit and trade sanctions were discussed. The White House was frantic and no one had heard anything from the president, he was not answering any calls and he didn’t send out even one press conference. As the president talked to his delegates in his office his secretary burst into his office and said

“Sir you have someone on the phone for you”

“I think it can wait Mika I’m busy with something here”

“Sir, you’re gonna want to take this”

He knew who it was but he didn’t want to believe it, he walked slowly to the white plastic telephone waiting for him on his secretary’s desk, as the delegates, counselors, mayors and military advisors watched, he picked up the phone

“Mr President, I believe I have something you need, I think it’s time we struck a deal don’t you think?.”

The end.

[junkyardlynx]

i feel like oversharing right now

it was always just me and my dad since i was very young. my mom was never in the picture, she passed when i was very young due to narcotic abuse, so he took care of me himself. his family shunned him for the most part and by extension, me.

we moved from the west coast to the midwest and settled down. at this time my father was already struggling with a few medical issues (a drop foot from an incident back in ‘89, a left hand near-permanently stuck in a claw shape due to an infection after a drywalling accident, a thumb that was torn off and re-attached on his right hand, chronic pain from rheumatoid arthritis) but he was capable of work. he worked at a die shop. on saturdays i’d end up at his work, napping on a forklift or playing a game on my gameboy. 

after that die shop closed, he got a job at a steamer / griddle manufacturer and moved up slowly. he eventually headed the shipping department and got a job that mostly consisted of being at desk and managing other people. since he needed the money, they gave him some extra to come in saturday and take care of a bunch of cleaning and odd jobs around the cubicle farm. i’d end up there, and played a metric fuckton of Diablo II on his computer. sometimes i’d help out, but he never made me. if i did, he’d throw me a few bucks for some cards and we’d go get lunch. 

i was happy. he did everything in his power for me. he raised me right, he taught me love and respect, he’s honestly the reason i get people i deliver to saying shit to me like “I just wanna look out for you because you remind me of my son.” he taught me compassion and kindness. also taught me some snark and gave me a love for sci fi. i still fondly remember him telling me i’d probably have the day off from school, so i could hang out in his room with ice cream and watch x-files all night.

of course, happiness doesn’t last in stories like mine. when i was 12, going on 13, my father was involved in an accident at work. he’d been taking care of things at a warehouse and a steamer fell and crushed his hip. it caused part of his hipbone to break off. being the stubborn man he was, he refused to go to the hospital until he couldn’t walk. turns out he was suffering from spinal cord compression and ended up accruing permanent nerve damage. 

my 13th birthday was spent with my dad in an understaffed, underfunded nursing home. i brought my ps2 up there so we could watch movies on DVD. a coworker of his picked me up late at night and asked if i wanted to get food. i declined. she took me home and said she’d be staying the night. i told her it was fine and she didn’t have to. i just wanted to be alone. she relented on the terms that if anything happened, i called the police immediately and then her. 

my dad was my man. he was my hero. still is, honestly. it just shook me. i’m not trying to brag or anything, but i was a pretty smart kid - blind as a bat by the time i was in third grade so i got sucked into reading and other shit that involved being close up so my idiot eyes could see. i knew things would never be the same. in the last three months i’d seen my father cry out of fear and pray to god. god never answered. 

eventually, he came home. he used a walker from that point on. before, due to his drop foot, he always wore a sort of leg-boot-brace that supported his foot and ankle, but he could still play catch and everything with me. ah, he fucking hated that walker. my dad was only 60 when he died, so from the time he was about 48 until he was 60, he used a walker or a wheelchair. the image of my father swearing and burning with embarrassment on the few times he tried to go to the store with me is burned into my mind. it makes me so sad i feel like i want to puke. my dad was a handsome man and had a budding romance with the woman who’d taken me home. it didn’t go anywhere after his accident. 

as i turned 14, i ended up driving around town for all of the errands and groceries, only letting dad drive for his doctor’s appointments so they wouldn’t ask questions. i matured relatively quickly, i had facial and chest hair in my freshman year. thankfully i was never pulled over or anything. 

my dad and i felt guilt towards each other and it showed. we were overly cautious of each other’s space as i turned 16. for me, i basically blamed my dad���s poor health on my entire existence, reasoning that if i had never been born, he would still be out on the sunny west coast, living life to the fullest, probably happy and in love. for him, he confessed years later that he felt like he’d failed me because i never ended up going out much in high school, always being at home to make sure he was okay. i just wanted him to be okay. comfortable. happy, if possible.

we continued like this until i got out of high school. i had very poor credit when i was 18 due to bills being put in my name and then subsequently being unpaid due to my father losing his disability benefits several times over, and even then, i felt like i couldn’t really devote myself to my studies because his health was always getting worse. he was constantly plagued with MRSA and cellulitis in his legs among other things, leading to weeping sores on his frightfully small-but-swollen legs that never went away. i never ended up going to college. 

i got a job, and i’m still at that job. i’ve managed to grandfather myself into a somewhat ridiculous hourly rate while still working delivery, so other prospects are incredibly noncompetitive. i started paying the rent for him and trying to do what i could to help, but we could never get ahead. copays and equipment costs piled up, culminating in him requiring a nurse to come by every week and check on him. 

i remember coming home to our apartment one day to find a box of my dad’s medical supplies unceremoniously ripped open and scattered along the stairway outside of the apartment proper. all that was in the box was gauze, medical tape and a bunch of xeroform patches (commonly used to treat burned flesh, but used for my dad’s sores). the upstairs neighbors apparently thought he’d had some drugs delivered right to his door or something. i think that was the most murderous rage i’d ever felt in my life. i did nothing about it, other than stuffing the contents into the box and telling my dad that i’d accidentally ripped it open, laughing it off. 

things continued like this until i was 23, with my father sliding further and further down the scale of healthiness. i tried to live my own life. i fell in love. it was good. i had a bout of almost dying of sepsis at this time and even in the hospital, my main concern was my dad. i made sure that nurse showed up once a day to check on him instead of once a week. it took my entire tax return but it gave me peace of mind.

a few months after i got out of the hospital, my father went back in. he’d been passing out for periods of time and his lungs were heavily degraded along with the rest of his body. they shuffled him around to a few nursing homes, but eventually, there was no chance of recovery and they sent him to hospice.

i still remember the call. i was playing destiny and eating dinner alone in my new apartment that i’d been forced to relocate to (it’s where I live now) after they refused to sign the apartment lease over to my name where i was. i was doing good. i didn’t know they were about to give up on my dad. 

he called me. went a little like this.

“hey buddy”

“hey pops, how ya doin’?”

“i’m alright, are you playin that one game? still having trouble with that deathmatch stuff?” 

“nah, i finished that. what’s up? did you need me to run something down? you want some more peanut butter m&ms? i picked some up at walgreens on the cheap.”

“nah buddy. you don’t have to worry about that anymore. they’re gonna put me in hospice.”

his voice broke; i lost mine. it was a solid minute before i could speak. my fingers kept moving out of sheer rote muscle memory.

“hospice? but i thought you said you were doing okay.”

“i am buddy. i don’t wanna live in pain anymore, and i had a good life. i’m really proud of you, and i love you. i gotta get off the phone now, but you’ll be okay. they’ll call you in the morning to tell you where i’m being moved. i love you so much, spencer.”

that was the last time i ever really got to talk to my dad while he was lucid. we had a few rambling conversations while he was drowning in pain medicine, and i ended up leaving just a few short hours before he passed one morning. i still regret it.

i miss him so fucking much. my girlfriend broke up with me the week my dad died, telling me i was “too sad about it” and that “she couldn’t help me deal with that.” turns out she was cheating. 

i lost everything i ever loved two years ago. i nearly died the year before that. i’m not okay, really. i’m still not. i’ve been pulling the broken pieces back together but all i am is a collection of scars and bruises. i can’t find the places that don’t ache anymore. 

it was just my dad and i, and i still feel like i ruined his glorious, brilliant, shining life by being born. i know it’s not what he believed at all. it just hurts. it hurts so bad and it’s hurt so, so long. 

i wish you guys could have met him.

he was so fucking funny. he said the craziest things and always had a witty reply. he liked to mess with me and others. 

he was tender. the face he made when he met Kitty Pryde (my cat that i drove an hour to pick up) was the first real spark of joy i’d seen on his face in years. they were joined at the hip. she basically just settled for me after we left - if she had a choice, it’d always be snoozing on dad’s lap. when i’d leave for work and they’d be asleep on the couch, curled up together, i felt like things were gonna be okay. 

he was kind. even to those who treated him poorly, like the doctors that ignored his pain and refused to treat him like a human being. 

he taught me how to cook. he’s the reason i’ve been able to function like an actual person since i was young - he believed in self sufficiency but not pointless pride. 

he never once berated my interests. my dad grew up in the 60′s and 70′s and his spheres of interests were pretty far from mine until later in his life - man, i got to burn my dad a CD of my favorite music. and he loved it. and made me put all my favorite tracks on his phone. he watched anime stuff on netflix. he wishes he could have played games with me more, but his hands were so bad.

my dad was the best person i’ve ever met. if i turn out half as kind and giving as him then maybe i won’t waste the life he’s given me. 

i just. miss him. i had a good dad. he was the only family i really had, but he was all i needed.

and now he’s gone. 

and i’m alone, struggling to make ends meet, struggling with my creative outlets, struggling to make sense of everything in the calm waters of absence and loss.

[littledonkeyburrito]

My neopets account is old enough to drive

1. Why are you at home? Because it’s 2am and I’m not working tonight 2. This time last year, were you single? Sort of, leaning towards yes

3. What are you listening to? "Big Tings” by Skindred 4. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope 5. Are you a big fan of thunderstorms? Yeah, that’s one thing I missed when I was living in Spain - tropical thunderstorms

6. Is there anyone you would do anything for? Sure 7. When will your next kiss be? Depends if I end up going on that date tomorrow night and how well it goes. Otherwise idk, sometime in the next month probs. 8. Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? Yeah. I’d rather be living in a different country but I can deal 9. Do people ever think you’re older/younger than you actually are? People usually think I’m younger, like 16. 10. Have you ever liked someone way older than you? Yeah but he liked me too so it worked out fine 11. How many texts are in your inbox? I don’t text except to the work phone. I prefer messenger/whatsapp. 12. Who last left you a wallpost on Facebook? First thing that came up on my page was Patrick who tagged me on a screenshot of when I said “I don’t know anything about politics but I sure am drunk and have opinions”. That counts. 13. Assuming you have various kinds of electronics (phone, camera, iPod, etc.), are you currently charging any of them? Laptop is currently plugged in.  14. How are you wearing your hair today? Messy. Got out of the bath and towel dried it. Didn’t bother combing or styling because I’m going to bed soon. 15. What are you eating/drinking? Chips and Pepsi 16. What will your outfit be today? Was wearing a stripey shirt and jeans earlier. Now in my jimjams 17. When’s the next time you’ll be traveling somewhere (anywhere) and where will you go? Maybe going out on a date tomorrow night. If not, will be hanging with a friend. Maybe at my place, maybe out at some bars. Also working on Sunday night.

18. Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? Sometimes wear sunnies inside at work because I’ll be staring out the window the whole time.

19. Are you putting off doing something right now? If so, what is it? Nope. I do what I want.

20. What’s the most daring thing you have ever done? Idk, probably moving to a foreign country on my own and barely knowing the language.

21. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? Currently playing Horizon Zero Dawn on PS4. Whenever my PC is working again I’ll eventually finish playing Dragon Age Inquisition.

22. Are you sitting in front of or by a window? What can you see out there? Blinds are closed but all I’d see is the construction site next door.

23. Do you ever dance to the song playing in your head? Sometimes

24. How long have you had an online presence for? I think my first account was on Neopets. I just logged into that old account (god knows how I still remember the password) and the account was made in 2002. So, 16 years ago. Oh my god my neopets account is old enough to drive

25. If you got a chance to go to space, would you? Depends on the situation but yeah probably!

26. What’s something we do every day but they don’t depict in movies? The cleanup after sex. Okay not really every day but still. They always just roll over and go to sleep. Like, bro you still got a condom on your dick, and you’re just gonna sleep like that??

27. Do you enjoy travelling? Definitely

28. Where’s the most beautiful place you’ve been to so far? There are many beautiful places I’ve been to. Although I think I have to give an honourable mention to the High Atlas Mountains in Morocco for being so beautiful that I was actually speechless.

29. What’s something cool about the city/town you live in? River got sharks

30. Is your style feminine, masculine or somewhere in the middle? Masculine side of neutral

31. Do you usually carry a backpack, a shoulder bag or something else? I don’t carry a bag unless I’m at work and then it’s a duffel bag, or I’m travelling then it’s a backpack

32. What smell brings back a memory for you? Woodfires make me think of winter at my grandparents’ house when I was a kid, even though we never had fires there. Also sawdust reminds me of my dad’s workshop

33. When was the last time you went in the car past midnight? Couple of nights ago when I last did a nightshift 34. Who was the last person to message you?  Maggie

35. What did you do today? Played PS4, Maggie came over, went to Dan Murphy’s, watched some Will & Grace, had a bath with a lime coconut bathbomb and now all my skin is lovely and smooth 36. Why did you last laugh really hard? Okay so I bought a pack of tiny squeaky rubber pigs online and I have an ongoing treasure hunt in my apartment with Maggie. We re-hide the ones we find. Anyway, I laughed a lot when she adjusted her position in the beanbag and the piggy under it squeaked 37. Would you be able to name everyone you kissed? Nah, I’ve kissed one or two people I don’t know the name of 38. Where is the last person you kissed? No idea 39. What color shirt are you wearing? Navy blue 40. Did you have a fling this summer but it didn’t really go anywhere? I only had half a summer because I moved back from europe. I slept with an ex a few times. Does that count as a fling? Probably not. 41. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? About to bang 42. What was the last thing you bought? Bottle of rum and a case of beer 43. Ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing? I have no idea. Maybe..? 44. What about a lip piercing? I don’t think so 45. Nose piercing? Again, I don’t think so but it’s possible 46. Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/girlfriend? Lmao yeah made out with both of them  47. Did you like kissing the last person you kissed or the one before that more? The one before 48. Ever made out in a pool? Uhh I don’t think so? 49. When was the last time you went shopping for new clothes? Do you remember what you bought? I bought undies and singlets a couple of days ago. Not as glamorous as you were expecting I’m sure 50. What sort of compliments make you feel the best? An acknowledgement of something I put effort into

51. What would you say to a twenty year old version of yourself? idk she was pretty much already on the right course 52. Name a few things that make you happy? My lil squeaky pigs drinking/hanging out with friends making plans to travel again 53. If you were going camping for a few days (or to a fancy hotel for those that dislike camping), who would you want to bring with you? Friends that would actually enjoy the camping 54. How long have you been living where you are now? Is this somewhere you intend to stay for a while, or is a move in your future? I’ve been in this apartment for 5 months. I’ll renew for a second year so long as they don’t try to bump the rent up too high. After that idk. I want to move overseas again at some point 55. What was the last thing you put away? I put the towel back on the rack 56. When was the last time you were near a large body of water? I was along the river the last shift I had 57. How much time do you spend in your bedroom? Only when I’m sleeping 58. Do you secretly like to go grocery shopping? No, I put it off until I basically have no food

59. Breakfast; yay or nay? I have vegemite on toast before work but if I don’t have a shift I forget to have breakfast 60. What’s the most creepy experience you’ve ever had? Nothing in particular comes to mind 61. Yay, you’re going out on a date! What do you wear? Fuck I hadn’t even thought about that -_- 62. What’s the last movie you saw in theatre? Was it good? It was either Antman or Deadpool 63. On average, how long would you saw your on the computer per week? When my desktop is broken (now) I usually just use my phone. Laptop is pretty slow. 64. Do you like your music loud? No 65. If you had to lose one of your five senses, which would it be? Smell 66. Would you rather have no computer or no cellphone for a week? Computer. 67. What’s you favourite thing to have for dessert? I don’t really eat dessert at home. I just eat whatever I’m in the mood for whenever. I guess sweet stuff I usually go for timtams or a nutella sandwich 68. Do you tend to straighten or curl your hair more? Neither 69. What’s your favourite summer sport? Sitting inside with the AC blasting. 70. Can you dance, or do you just completely fail at it? I cannot dance. 71. Do you get nervous when you’re about to get a haircut? Yes! And I don’t know why 72. Choose one: Hanging out at the beach, or playing some winter sports? SKIING 73. What’s the coolest place that you ever been to? What’d you do there? Oh man I’ve seen some cool shit. The roundhouses in Tulou village in China were rad. Varanasi in India was a weirdly spiritual experience and I am very much not a spiritual person. Ziplining through the jungle in Panama was fun. Sagrada Familia in Barcelona was super cool in the afternoon with the sun coming in through all the yellow/orange windows. And I’m sure I have more to see in the future 74. What’s the earliest time you ever had to wake up? Was it hard for you? I often wake up at crazy times for work so there is no “earliest” because it loops back around to late 75. What radio station do you listen to most? I have 97.3 playing in the car 76. Whenever you take pictures, do they always end up posted on Facebook? The good ones go on instagram

77. You have unlimited money, what do you do with your life? Travel indefinitely. Pay for friends to travel with me. Give away money. Basically just do whatever I want and hope that nobody tries to kill me for my money. 78. What was the last thing you spent under $5 on? Hmm I have no idea. I can’t think of anything recently. According to my bank statement it was the icecreams I bought from Woolies a couple of weeks ago when I was with some friends 79. How many times have you cried in the past week? None, I don’t really cry 80. Have you ever used your cell phone as a light source in the dark? I need it to see if there’s anything in my mailbox. For some reason I always check the post when it’s dark. 81. Is there anything written on the shirt you’re wearing? “Max Rager” it’s the energy drink from iZombie

82. Where were you living in 1997? I think my family and I had just moved to australia 83. How was your first kiss? eh 84. Do you still talk to the person you shared it with? No 85. How long has it been since you showered? I showered this morning and had a bath a couple of hours ago 86. Have you ever dated someone who had kids? Not dated 87. Have you kissed someone 4 or more years older than you? Several 88. How about younger? Not that I’m aware of 89. Were your parents married when you were born? No 90. Are there any candles in the room with you? No, I don’t like candles, they make me anxious 91. Does the last person you kissed have tattoos? No 92. Do you live within 20 miles of where you were born? Nooooo. more like 10,000 miles 93. Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? Nope 94. Where was your current profile picture taken? In a camping ground in southern Spain. I was visiting my dad’s friends

[homo-pink]

First off: you are everything fucked up and beautiful in this world. Second: I'll be going on my first ever visit to NOLA for my birthday in May, and (since you love it so much) was wondering if you had any tips/recommendations for places to go/see/eat. I'm thinking a ghost tour is definitely in order. Any personal favs? Too touristy for you? Would love any ideas you have to offer — thank you!

1) i just went to new orleans again over spring break weekend and it was unbearably fucking dreamy and decaying and weird and wonderful. expectedly.

2) i’m so so excited for you. you’re probably going to leave part of your heart behind when you have to say goodbye. at least a little throb of it.

3) of course i have recommendations. of course, oh god, so many.

i’ve never been on a ghost tour, personally. i tend to be weird about anything structured or laid out with guidelines, go here, do that, gasp at the right time. i like to do my own poking around, seeing what i can see, meeting who i’ll meet.

if you can, don’t stay at a hotel chain, something you can find anywhere else. the whole charm of being there is being there authentically, i think. i love le pavillon with the big statues in front (there’s more up on the roof around the pool). it’s noted for being one of the most haunted hotels but i’ve stayed there so many times and have yet to be touched by any dead darlings, sadly. but they do offer free peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and hot chocolate every night down in the lobby. everybody leaves their rooms in masses to go down. it’s fun.

also highly rec the creole gardens b&b. cutest, most charming place i’ve ever stayed.

for food:

– the camellia grill on carrollton. expect a line on the weekends anytime before noon. always. there are no tables, just one long winding countertop with stools. it doesn’t seat more than 20-ish at a time but it’s worth it to wait, very much. park across the street in the shopping center where sally beauty supply is at. 

– reginelli’s pizzeria. there’s a few locations and all are good. i like the poydras one best for sentimental reasons. it’s not just pizza. they have good everything. i always get the pesto tortellini and the garlic knots. cheesecake is also A+

– betsy’s pancake house is a must must must every time. it’s easy to pass if you’re not looking for it. there’s nothing special about it on the outside but it has a lot of history to it and the food is so so incredible. the silver dollar pancakes are knee buckling if you’re a pancake slut. the owner was murdered a few years back and it was a kind of big thing. it’s bittersweet to see her photo inside.  

–  ideal discount mart’s a tiny little grocery spot that sells the best cookies in the center of the store. and the house made rice pudding is almost ambrosia???

places to go:

– anne rice’s old house. whether you’re a fan or not, it’s fascinating to peek into the gates and think about someone living in there, looking out those windows, sitting in that garden, and coming up with dreamworlds to write. right there.

– holt cemetery. it wasn’t always gated up the way it is now. you used to be able to (mostly legally) get in at any time. but you can still go during daytime hours. there’s something extra sorrowful clinging to this particular yard.

– larry flynt’s hustler clubs. because because because. ♥

– the market (it’s down in the french quarter near decatur. you’ll know it when you see it. tons of vendors. who will push you to spend $50 on a $15 item. just say “i only have $10 on me” or whatever and 95% of the time, it’s yours.)

– and if you’re a supernatural fan, there’s a little voodoo shop that i can’t remember the name of (but it’s on decatur street near an antique shop that sells dead butterflies) and they have this high shelf of candles. it’s mostly memorial stuff, dead musicians and actresses. but they have a pair of saint sam winchester and saint dean winchester candles up there, arranged together sweetly. ♥ ♥

– audubon park. there’s a special tree there that hangs low to the ground and you can sit down on it and watch life walk by. it’s written into one of my favorite PZB books. 

– the prosthetics room @ st. roch. it’s filled with artificial legs and false teeth.

– maskarade. they sell high quality handmade masks. mostly animal faces. kind of expensive but so worth going in to look at. and you’re allowed to put 1 mask on and take 1 photo of yourself. most mask shops won’t allow that. 

– every shop on magazine street but especially the trashy diva boutique.

– the museum of death. thank you @dollylux for this one. i hadn’t known it was there until this past trip. i thought it was only in california. it was one of the most gratifying experiences. you can’t take any photos but it’s magic inside. the first room is purely animal corpses in varying stages of death. some are taxidermy heads or bodies, and some are in jars. some are framed. some are rare. it’s mostly dedicated to serial killers though. the next room plays a video on BTK in detail, shows clips from his trial, etc. they have old body draining tables on display and burial dresses hung on the walls. a section of mourning dolls. graphic crime scene photos in glass cases, including sharon tate. and dorothea puente’s cookbook (!!!) and in the very back is a theater but the seats are pews and it feels very much like a small church. it’s dark and quiet and there are altars in the corners and the film that’s playing is food-yanking gore set to some upbeat maybe-60s music. it’s graphic as f. 

an entire little corner of the museum is for jeffrey dahmer. i spent most of my visit there. they have his entire confession (nearly the size of a phone book) that you can flip through and read. you can also see his old request memos and letters to his friends. in one sent out for thanksgiving, he wrote, “i suppose you’ll be eating turkey and pumpkin pie. i don’t know what i’ll be having.“ 

in the last room right before the end of the exhibits is a podium of notebooks. one where you can write in your ideal death (it’s both wonderfully dreamy and fucking hilarious to flip thru it and read what others have written. mine is in there too now) and another for how you think your light will actually flicker out.

when that’s done – there’s the death merch. i almost bought one of everything.

oh and the bathrooms in back are labeled as embalming rooms ♥ ♥

i hope you have so much fucking fun when you go. please tell me all about it!

[hisvault]

For my tenth anniversary the wife and I decided to go to Ireland.  This pleased me beyond belief.  I have been to some great places but for what ever reason never thought that I would find myself in Ireland.  Yet here we go.  We got some pretty good deals so far, the flight was booked round trip through Aer Lingus, and we got a small studio apartment using Home Away.  All in all we have only spent 2800 bucks so far and we took care of the two biggest items.  Are expectations are high, but our itinerary is low.  We are going to relax and take it all in.  The main goal is to go and enjoy the people, the pubs, and mainly the scenery.  We are only a few days away from setting off onto our journey, and I couldn’t be more excited.

Day #1 Pre Trip (Friday)

The pre-trip excitement and jitters have begun, more so for the wife then me.  She has made many statements that don’t seem all that logical or maybe I just don’t get it.  All of a sudden there is zero time, even though we leave on Sunday, and everything needs to be cleaned as if the damn Pope is coming over.  The biggest thing is that she wants to clean weird shit all of a sudden like “Do you think we should mop the ceiling”, or “Eww, HONEY WE SHOULD PROBABLY DUST THE INSIDE OF THE FRIDGE BEFORE WE LEAVE”, WTF.  I try to remind her that there will be no one here for a week, and trust me the cat doesn’t give a shit what the house looks like.  The other things that need to be accomplished fall in very different categories such as needing to get haircuts, shaving all of my body hair off, getting her toe nails done, shopping for more clothes, checking the weather in Ireland every 15 minutes, searching our closet for 30-60 minutes as if new clothes will magically appear each time we re-enter this den of outdated cloth.  While I begin to pack I will be reminded over and over again that I shouldn’t take that and pack this, and constantly asked will this fit in your bag.  Oh the joys of travel.

9:00 AM

Showers are complete, the wife and my oldest are headed to the mall soon to purchase a shit ton of items that will only be worn once.  They will eat a crazy good lunch, and I am sure that when she gets home she will only pack half the things she bought.  Me I am off to find barber to cut my hair, not just any barber though it has to be one the can cut my hair so it doesn’t burn my wife’s eyes when she gazes at me.  This has been an ongoing battle.  I usually don’t get to caught up in it, I pick the first place I see and get it cut.  I remind you that I have been overseas a lot and have had some wild people cut my hair.  My favorite was a gay Filipino with long nails that would sing Christina Aguilera’s “DIRTY” while cutting my hair, and this took place in Riyadh Saudi Arabia.  Yes a gay Filipino hair stylist in the middle of Saudi Arabia.  Dude was good though.

11:35 AM

Back from my hair cut.  The girls are still shopping.  I take this valuable time to wonder around the house and just think about all the things I should be doing.

12:55 PM

Fuck I got shit to do!

1:00 PM

Cold Beer?

1:05 PM

Well I guess I better Mop.

8:25 PM

The puppy has gotten a bath at PETCO, more laundry is in, and I believe the wife is a bottle deep on some white wine.  Me, well I have had a couple more summer ales.  Time to relax and enjoy the night.  I think I have been asked to vacuum the lawn tomorrow.

Day #2 Pre-Trip (Saturday)

8:30 AM

The wife is up and ready to leave so that she can get her hair done.  Most mornings it takes what feels like 47 and half hours for her to get ready in the morning.  Since she is trying a new hair dresser it took 20 minutes to get ready.  Where is this motivation every other day.  I have been told that her hair will take up to 3 hours.  Holy shit, 3 hours!  That’s insane.  For what ever reason the woman that is normally  the most impatience person I know, all of a sudden has the patience of  a Buddhist Monk.  Crazy,  is 0930 to early for a drink?

9:33 AM

So I didn’t grab a drink, but I did start the laundry.  I am beginning to feel like she has a master plan where I do all the cleaning while she runs around.

10:38 AM

I cut the grass one last time for this week.  Started some more laundry and now have become anxious about my pancreas.  Three weeks ago I had Pancreatitis which was by far the most painful thing I have ever felt.  It was like a tiny dwarf made of razor blades was doing laps in my stomach and back.  So fast forward I had three beers yesterday and now I think I have awaken the beast again.  Probably all in my head.

1:56 PM

I went and tried to pick up my dry cleaning and it wasn’t ready.  I hate when that happens.  I am going to start prepping a beef brisket for tomorrow, I just want it to marinate over night.  Going to jump up early to cook it.  The family requested it, and I shall deliver.  Although I wont be able to enjoy it to much because of the law fat anti pancreatitis diet I am on.  FUCK YOU PANCREAS.

5:00 PM

Bags are pretty much packed. The wife’s hair looks great, yet she still hasn’t noticed mine at all.  Off to pick up my dry cleaning again, it better be done.

5:15 PM

God dammit the place is closed.

6:00 PM

I am sitting on my couch my stomach continue to act funny, what the hell.

7:18 PM

We have successfully died Easter eggs.  This was the cleanest it has ever been, no dye anywhere.

Day #3 (Sunday Easter and the Day we travel)

3:00 AM

I wake to smoke the brisket, nothing like getting the smoker ready at 3am.  That smell is good at all hours of the day.  The best part was is that it was quiet, almost tranquil and bliss.  This is because everyone else was still asleep.

7:00 AM

My peace is broken by children searching for the for Easter baskets.  They look like junkies who were just given clues to where drugs may be stored.

8:30 AM

Final touch up cleaning and then it’s off to the outlaws, I mean in-laws. No really they are the greatest people ever.

12:30 PM

Kids are dropped off, we give a quick hello and goodbye all in one breath and it’s off to Ireland.

1:45 PM

We still had to drop the dog off.  At this point I am beginning to fade, 3am was a bit early.  Time to suck it up and head to the airport.

2:50 PM

Chickies and Petes for a beer and some grub, the pre flight meal.  This isn’t the Easter meal I was looking for but who cares I am heading to Ireland.  Side note I haven’t pooped in two days.  I know that this isn’t relevant but it’s frustrating and I had to get it out.

4:10 PM

Frontier Airlines just held a jelly bean contest, you know the one where you have to guess the amount of Jelly Beans in the jar.  Kinda weird, at least they didn’t beat anyone up, or hold a fight club for seat upgrades.

DUBLIN DAY 1 – Hell yeah.

7:15 AM Dublin is 5 hours ahead Thee Time Traveler is in the FUTURE.

I awake from my slumber, we are landing soon and I am juiced.  The wife not so much, she didn’t sleep well on the plane.

9:30 AM

Gary our driver has picked us at the airport, friendly gentleman and gives us a brief on the way over for some things to do today.  He pulls up in front of a boarded up  home and says “alright we are here”, Funny Gary, we    are actually staying a next door.  The place is small but comfy, and has everything we need for the week.  We just can’t seem to figure out the stupid outlet deal, so many prongs.

10:00 AM

We walk down to the grocery store and pick up eggs, tea, Doritos, and water.  You know the basics.

Times will be omitted from this point forward  (They begin to get a bit blurry)

We left the apartment to begin touring Dublin.  The weather was damp, which I am guessing this is what most days are like.  If you could imagine it’s kind of like a damp basement all over the place, a little wet, little cold, and pretty grey.  You wouldn’t be able to tell this from the people though because it’s like the sun is always shinning for them.

Our first stop would be a local pub called Kavanagh’s Pub just down the street from us.  The Bartender was an awesome women named Rose who was well traveled and offered a wealth of information for places for us to go and see.  The rest of the pub was filled with older men wearing scally caps or duckbill, drinking Guinness and reading the paper.  For the first pub to pick it was exactly what we thought it would be like.  Rose knew each person that came through the door.  We sat and chatted for a bit said our goodbyes for the day and off we went to see what Dublin had in store for us.

Dublin was still celebrating Easter and the Easter Rising Rebellion of 1916.  Most shops were closed along the way but there were festivities going on throughout the city.    The first one we went to was a place suggested by Gary the Driver and Rose the barkeep called Smithfield Square.  The square was blocked off for various tents to do things, food trucks abound, and a concert stage on the far end.  We walked around checked out a few things and decided to grab a bite to eat.   Dublin is very westernized so it has a familiar feel when it comes to the eateries, the place we chose was called  Oscars Cafe and Bar. The wife got a veggie burger with chips (French fries), I got a normal burger and chips, both were delicious.  She drank a glass of wine and I drank a Galway Hooker.  This was not a real Hooker it’s the name of the beer, stay with me people.  We finished up and off we went to see more of Dublin.

Ken a local at Kavanagh’s suggested St. Stephens Green, much like Smithfield Square there would be festivities, family oriented activities and a concert.   The park was amazing and packed full of families enjoying the day.  We walked around the park for a bit until the wife got home sick seeing all of the families with their kids.  I have to admit I felt it a bit as well.   So the only way to solve this problem is to head of to another Pub.

When we were searching for St. Stephens green we passed a few pubs along the way, yet ne stuck out to us and that was Brazen Head Pub.  This is the Oldest Pub in Ireland, opening in 1198.  Unreal I know, it’s almost hard to wrap your head around how old some of the things are here, manly because the U.S only became independent in 1776.  The Pub was hundreds of years older then that.  We found to stools at the bar pulled up and ordered two Jameson and Ginger Ales.  Looking around the history of the bars patrons were all over the walls.  Dollars bills from all over the world were taped and tacked to the walls along with patches from first responders, military, and law enforcement groups from all over the world.  The bartender, whose name was Gary, offered up some great advice on more places to go and see.  He laid out a tour that would show us the history of the 1916 Easter rebellion.

We finished our drinks grab the map provided by Gary and took off towards wear we were staying.  At this point of the day we had walked a few miles already and were beginning to tire out.  We got back to one of the main streets near our studio apartment and stopped in at a pub called L. Mulligans Grocer L. Mulligan Grocer.  This would be the final pub of the night, but maybe one of the best.  We sat at the bar and struck up a  conversation with Harry the English bartender.  Nikki would nickname him Harry the Prince.  It was at this point when we were trying to finish our drinks we realized how tired we were getting, I could have fallen asleep right at the bar, so we finished up and headed back towards the apartment, not before we stopped and picked up a bottle of Captain Morgan and some diet Cokes.  Gotta have a night cap right.

We stumbled into the room tired and slightly drunk and tried to map out the next day while having another drink.  Neither one of us at this point could understand the other one so we decided to call it night.  It was only 6pm at this point.  Hey don’t judge us, we were jet lagged and drunk, and tired from walking around the city.  We laid down and fell asleep before our heads hit the pillows.

2 HOURS LATER we sprung from our sleep, I don’t know who woke first but we were up thinking that we had slept through the night.  NOPE, we couldn’t have been more wrong it was only 8pm.  We only discovered this after stumbling around the room in search of our phones to check the date and time.  It looked like the scene from Stepbrothers when they were sleep walking around the house.  Nikki yells to me that it’s still the same day and only 8pm.  I don’t believe her at this point and continue to look at my phone with one eye open and look of WTF on my face.  After checking the time 38 different ways, we went back to bed.  Hopefully tomorrow will be go just as good.

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Day 2 DUBLIN – What did we get ourselves into

We laid in bed until about 9 am.  I decided to get up have some tea, and write down some notes from the previous day.  As I am sitting there smiling and reflecting on the previous day, could smell a slight hint of pee.  Sorry for adding this but I found it funny.  In my drunken state the night before I had attempted to use the bathroom, I guess I didn’t get him all the way out before I started and got a little on the front.  Men you know this has happened at some point in your adult lives, women I don’t know what to say I am disgusting.

After making the wife some eggs and tea we decided to start our day off the same way we did the previous day and that was by going to Kavanagh’s and seeing Rose to have a pint.  The wife has adopted Rose as our Irish mother by this point.  She seemed almost to excited to see us and gave a plate a various chesses and some chutney to spread on them along with some soda bread.  If you don’t know what chutney is look it up, go by some, and enjoy, your welcome.  We finished our drinks, through down some cheese and headed off to the Jameson Tour in Smithfield Square.

I have been to Kentucky and done the bourbon trail tours, which are excellent tours.  Now the Jameson tour isn’t anything like the Makers Mark tour, but more like the Evan Williams tour on bourbon row in downtown Kentucky.  I don’t want to diminish the Jameson tour though, because it was excellent.  Our tour guide for the day was Lawrence a Californian relocated to Dublin.  They give you a wonderful brief on the history of John Jameson, and how much the distiller meant to Dublin.  At the end of the tour you get to conduct a tasting, equally excellent.  The facility is amazing and the tour is just long enough.  Once the tour was complete we sat at their bar and had a couple of drinks.  Jameson is no longer distilled at that location, but you still get a wonderful experience.

We left Jameson and headed towards St. Michans Church where we wanted to go and see the crypts below the church.  The have a short St. Michans tour were they take you below to see ancient bodies that have been amazingly preserved over time.  the crypt’s temperature never changes, and the limestone rocks, and methane coming from the gerund keep the bodies in amazing shape.  The oldest one we saw was nearly 800 years old.   Crazy right. Pictures couldn’t really be taken down there because it was considered a sacred place, and the tombs that were still technically in use no light could be shown in the room.  This added to the eerie fill that the crypt held.  I did manage to touch and old skull sitting on the floor.  Nikki made me use hand sanitizer almost immediately after I told her.  The history above and below the grounds of Dublin are fascinating.

After we were down playing with the dead we headed off to a pub.  I mean come on guys we are in Dublin, I believe it is illegal if you don’t drink while you are here.  The Pub we went to was called O’Sheas Merchant.  We sat down and talked to a lovely lady named Caroline.   She looked to young to be a grandmother but went on to tell us about her son in Australia, and the 2 year old grandson that she missed dearly.  We talked about this while we had drinks and ordered lunch.  Nikki went with the fish and chips (as a reminder those are French fries), I ordered a sandwhich called the Dubliner, it was a smaller panini with beef, and cheese, also it came with a side salad and chips.  Both meals were delicious, especially the fish, awesome grub and an awesome pub.  We finished up there and decided that we would go see Christ Church Cathedral.

I highly Suggest the tour of Christ Church Cathedral.  When you enter this place you are immediately shot back into time.   The church was founded in 1030, yeah 1030 not like that morning but the year.  Pay for the tour also, you could conduct a self tour but you won’t be able to go to the bell house and ring the bells.  This place gets older and older.  The tour guide gives you some amazing history, and tour of the church, the bell house, and the crypt.  The crypt isn’t as creepy as the one at St. Michans but has some amazing artifacts.  The weirdest of which was the cat and the rat mummy’s that had gotten stuck in an organ which were found in the 1850’s. You will need to be mindful of the stair case that leads to the bell tower and the doors as well.  The seem to have been built for children, if you are a man of average height it’s going to be a tight fit.  Once the tour ended we were off to go pub hopping.  MMMM Drinky Time.

We decided at this point that it was time to do some pub hopping around Dublin and the first pace we went to was called Peadar Kearneys Pub, named after the man who wrote the national anthem for Ireland, so we were told, I will have to fact check that one.  I googled it, it’s him.  We ordered a coupe drinks and began talking a man we named drunk Sean.  He talked about a couple of other pubs that he knew where we could hear some Diddly Day Music.  We kept talking and when he found out we were from Delaware he screamed the “THE FIRST STATE” and he said to quote him on it, so there Drunk Sean your quoted.  We left Kearney’s and found a bar called The Auld Dubliner, which was a great little bar with a guy playing some music.  Awesome little place, and the beer was flowing.  We had one a piece and left to find anther pub.  The next stop was going to the trendy Temple Bar.  It was packed, a great atmosphere but almost overwhelming with the amount of people in there.  Plus not as sociable as the smaller off street pubs, but we still sat and had some beers, and Nikki was onto Captain and Cokes by this point.  After drinking there we left and found a place that Drunk Sean suggested called The Old Storehouse.  This place was great, and also had live music.  The solo artist was playing some classic irish tunes, and the place was very much alive.  We sat at the bar and almost immediately struck up a conversation with a unique older fella.  I heard him say his name was Tim, Nikki thinks it was Ken, so he is now TIMKEN.  TIMKEN was an older fella with Phil Donahue hair, no top teeth except for the right K9, a sport jacket, and bow tie.  He had a heavy accent, and proclaimed to know Drunk Sean.  This was not a shock.  Nikki kept leaning back more and more as he spoke, I would later find out that his breath had some history also, it was bad.  So after finishing our drinks and ending our conversation with TIMEKEN we headed off again to find another pub.  It really isn’t hard to find them here they are everywhere, you can’t drink at all of them.  NO WAY NOT NEVER.  The next place was called Bad Bobs, which like The Temple Bar was packed full of patrons.  We found a spot in the back of the bar sat down and orderd drinks.  Nikki struck up conversation with Peter, Johnny, and Rob, three bartenders working that night.  What we did find was that the drink prices in this part of town began to get higher as the night went on.  This will be a little confusing, but TEMPLE BAR is an area as well as a bar also.  So in the TEMPLE BAR area the bars attract a lot more tourists and the prices seem to flow as fast as the beer.  We finished our drinks there and headed of to some local pubs near the apartment.

Along the way Nikki decided that Facebook live was going to be her new addiction, but she isn’t that great at it.  For anyone that saw it, I am sure it was hilarious, after re watching it I laughed probably as much as you all did.  This continued on even when we reached L. Mullgans, we sat down and talked to Prince Harry, Gary, and Steven.  Yes there are a lot of Gary’s in Dublin, this was the third one we met at this point.  It was getting late and we traveled a ton again today, so if was off to one more pub and then back to the apartment. We hit Tommy O’Gara’s but didn’t stay long.  We knew we were well on our way to time traveling so it was time to roll.

We stopped in at Tesco’s, the local supermarket, grabbed a pizza, Captain Morgan, and some other junk for the room.  When we got back I made drinks and a pizza.  We ate it like caveman and threw Doritos down our necks like someone was trying to steal them.  I then began to Time Travel so telling you anything else would be just made up stuff at this point.  Day 2 in Dublin, awesome.

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DAY 3 in Dubiln – The Chance Meeting

WTF is that noise!!!!! Oh it’s my goddamn alarm on my phone going off like a bomb in my head.  I jump up and turn it off with my eyes closed.  What I would have seen if my eyes were open was the full glass of Captain and Coke that I was about to spill completely into Nikki’s purse.  Yup one swift hand movement and this drunk Ninja just emptied that glass of amazing into her purse.  She jumped out of bed like the damn thing was on fire and emptied the contents in like two movements.  I stood there dumbfounded by my actions.  We cleaned it out, set it out to dry, and back to bed to we went.

We would late wake and begin our day.  We figured out a strategy for the things we wanted to see and off we went.  We stopped at Cowtown Cafe to get a little breakfast to fuel up for the long walk ahead.  We walked for what felt like ever trying to find The Kilmainham Gaol, which is an old prison and suggested by many as one of the best tourist attractions around.  We finally arrived after walking about and hour only to discover that the next tour wasn’t going to be for another five hours.  So we bought tickets for the next day and off we went.

Across the street was the Modern Art Museum that cut through the area we were in and expedited our walk.  The grounds of the Modern Art Museum are an amazing sight to see and offer some tranquility in the city.  This was a nice and peacful walk, the kind you don’t say much and just hold hands and enjoy.  It was nice to share this moment with the love of my life.  We just walked quietly taking in the sights, and enjoying each others company.  We never made it inside the Museum, only because we aren’t big art fans, but also because we were headed to the Guinness Storehouse.

We arrived at the Guinness Storehouse to take the tour, learn about the history and brewing process for Guinness.  This, much like the tour of Jameson,  was awesome and you get a free pint of Beer.  We decided to get our beers at the Gravity bar at the top of the Guinness Storehouse.  One of the best views, if not the best view, in all of Dublin.  The bar offers a 360 Degree view of the city which you can see for miles, and it’s nice to just take it all in.  Plus we were tired as hell from all the walking over the last three days, so it was nice to sit a moment and enjoy the views.

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Once we finished our pints we muscled up and headed to the Dublin Castle.  This is located in the City and is almost hidden, you turn down street just up from Peadar Kearney’s and there it is.  We went in and did the self tour where you get to see the state rooms, maybe next time we will do the full tour, but we were getting tired and hungry so we wanted to start heading back towards the apartment in Stoneybatter.  The full tour would have taken more than and hour and we didn’t want to spend that time, so we started moving again.

We casually moved through the city up and down different streets working our way back to home base.  We had passed through Jameson and into Smithfield Square tired and only thinking of grabbing something to eat and relaxing.  We got almost to the end of the square when a gentleman passed in front of me that looked all to familiar.  I have told my wife many times over that timing is a funny thing, and in this case ten seconds later or earlier and I would have missed this chance meeting.  So this man walks passed me and I don’t see his face at first but the back of his head, and his gate is a bit different.  I knew almost right away what I was looking at, my wife on the other hand had no idea and may have thought that I was having stroke, nope I was looking at the Champ and my chance meeting was about to occur.  I tell the wife “hey thats the champ Conor McGregor“, in her really cute voice she sates ‘who”, I said the champ the biggest fighter in the world right now, at which she says ‘OK”.  So like a hippo chasing a cheetah, I follow after the man and sure enough it’s the man himself.  He looked like he didn’t want to take the photo at first but was gracious enough to do so, and I appreciated that.  He turned smiled and took the photo.  We didn’t think or even count on seeing the man but there he was, and the chance meeting happened.  My wife took the photo blasted it to social media, of course after googling who he was, and I guess that makes if official since it’s now on Facebook.

Well back on the path to food, we landed ourselves at L. Mulligans again to grab a bite to eat and enjoy another drink.  We were almost walking hunched over at this point with our backs, knees, and feet hurting from all the miles we have been logging walking around town.  It was nice to get out of the misty rain that had been falling for most of the day and relax for a few moments.  We order Scotch Eggs, and Bison burgers.  Awesome, and I highly suggest them, not because I have taken a liking to L. Mulligans but because they were really good.  We drank a couple of Jameson and Gingers and headed out, last stop was going to be the grocery store for some more Captain Morgan so we could go to the room relax, and have a nightcap.  I let the wife read this story so far and got the thumbs up for some minor editing but many for her approval, as my chief editor I need to run things past here just to make sure I haven’t said to much or to  little.  Well time to enjoy some alone time.  See you tomorrow.

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Day 4 in Dublin – The Last Dance

Our First stop for the day was to be the Kilmainham Gaol, a hostirical prison that held many of the more famous political prisoners during the Easter Rising Rebellion, The War of Independence, and the Civil war for Ireland.  If you want a get a quick lesson in Irish history this is the tour to take.  Plus the jail has a few creepy aspects to it.  We walked back through the Modern Art Museum one more time, there is an amazing Garden on the grounds that is absolutely elegant to walk through.  If you have the chance I highly recommend seeing the parks and gardens throughout the city.  Phoenix Park is massive but beautiful, St. Stephens Green as well, and the gardens at the Art Museum are all well worth the time.  Your eyes will thank you.

The rest of the day was filled with walking around Dublin doing a little shopping and just taking in the sights one last time.  Along our way back we stopped at Jameson for one last Jameson and Ginger, and a little shopping.  We continued to walk back until we hit L. Mulligans to fill up another glass or two.  We left Mulligans headed to the grocer and grabbed some wine and pizza so that we could head back to the apartment and start packing.  So there we were eating Tangy Cheese Doritios, waiting on a shitty 4 cheese pizza, and drinking some wine.  It was a great moment though we got to sit, drink, and reminisce about the week we just had.  There is nothing better than reflecting on the time you just had and knowing that you had it with not just your wife but your best friend.  We had a blast and will truley miss Ireland.  It will surely always bring a smile to our faces.

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Day 5 Dublin – Departure day

Up bright an early so that we could clean all twenty square feet of the apartment we were in.  We also had to pack, which took all of ten minutes.  It is amazing how slow time seems to move when it’s finally time to go home.  Gary the driver was waiting out front patiently for us.  The drive was quick yet quiet as passed through the streets of Dublin.   I won’t bore you with us sitting at the airport playing on our phones waiting for our flight.  Just know that if you ever want to take a vacation over the pound I would suggest starting with Ireland.  No shit right, but honestly the beer is great and the people are even better.

See you in the Future – Thee Time Traveler

Links below are some of the services that we used and recommend.

Aer Lingus

Aer Lingus Airline – The plane was excellent and the service on the plane was great.  Prices were very competitive, and best of all it was a comfortable flight.

Home Away – Greats vacations Places

We found our place on Home Away, we love this site.

Glencourt Apartments

The apartment that we stayed in was great.  If you are looking for a similar experience talk to Liam Travers.  dublinvacations@gmail.com

I can’t say enough about Liam and the resources that he provided.  The room had everything we needed, and the suggestions he left us were spot on.

For a list of the bars that we went to check out my story on DOW ( The Ireland Edition) coming this week on Hisvault.com

Ireland “Home of Great Beer and Even Better People” For my tenth anniversary the wife and I decided to go to Ireland.  This pleased me beyond belief. 

[littledonkeyburrito]

He just looked at me and my tiny serious expression and said, “No.”

1. What was the reason behind the last time you wore a bandage? I think the last time I wore a bandage was when I hurt my wrist in karate training when I was like 16. I really don’t get injured often.

2. What music artist have you listened to a lot lately? Genitallica. I love their music, so long as I don’t listen too hard and translate the lyrics haha. Then again, they’re barely more dirty than Despacito...

3. Have you ever been to a karaoke bar? Yeah

4. Who is taller, you or your best friend? She is. I am little.

5. When did you last go to a library? I think I went to a library in 2013 to print some documents and get them signed by a JP. That would have been the last time. I can’t believe I remembered that.

6. What did you last purchase at a gas station store? I think the last time I went to a gas station was when my Dad was visiting and we drove through the south of spain. I probably just bought a drink or something.

7. Which time zone do you live in? Central European. GMT +1

8. Do you remember what you wore yesterday? I had to think about it for a second but yes, I do.

9. When did you last lose your voice? It got husky a few times while I was travelling in Central America due to being drunk in clubs/loud bars and attempting to have a conversation with someone.

10. What was the last thing you looked up on the Internet? Give me a sec to check my search history... Last thing I googled was “Dahl Barcelona” because I was trying to find contact info for a shipping company

11. How much did you spend the last time you went out for food? I think it was about 20 euro which tbh was a bit more than I’d like to have spent. I don’t go out much though so it’s not like it broke the bank.

12. What was the last thing you purchased online? A sleeping mask for my brother for his birthday because he does shift work like I used to so I understand the need for a comfortable sleep mask.

13. Do your celebrity crushes tend to be more of actors or band members? Actors. I don’t follow many bands.

14. When was the last time you were at a coffee shop? I have no idea. I don’t drink coffee so I would only ever go if the people I’m with go. The last time might have been that super pretentious coffee place my friend dragged me to in Cartagena in Colombia.

15. Where is the farthest you’ve travelled this week? This week? To the grocery store.

16. Is your first language something other than English? No.

17. Are you a good cook? I’m alright. I like my food but I don’t know how other people feel about it because I don’t cook for others. Tbh I barely cook for me aside from the noodles I make.

18. Did you ever take music lessons for singing or playing an instrument as a child? I took drum lessons for most of highschool.

19. When’s the last time you ran? In the airport in Panama City when I almost missed my connecting flight to San José 20. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? No, I don’t like jeans with holes in them 21. Do you celebrate 420? No. 22. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? When I’m not working/travelling, yes.

23. Have you ever been on your school’s track team? No, but I made it to districts for javelin/shotput a couple of times, and to regionals once. 24. Do you own a pair of Converse? I own a few 25. Did you copy and paste this survey? Sure did. No shame. 26. Do you eat raw cookie dough? When the opportunity arises 27. Do you wear your shoes in the house? Sometimes when my feet are cold I just won’t take them off when I get home. But not in a carpeted house. 28. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn’t real? I approached my dad at approximately age 7 because I’d been having this debate internally about whether santa was real and I was conflicted about it. So I went up to him and straight up asked, “Dad, tell me the truth. Is Santa real?”  He just looked at me and my tiny serious expression and said, “No.”  “Easter Bunny?”  “No.”  “Tooth Fairy?”  “No.”  “Okay thanks,” and then I continued with my life 29. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? Just my 1 mobile phone.

30. Who would you call first if you won the lottery? I’d message a bunch of people but the first call would be either mum or dad, depending on what time of day it was. 31. Last time you saw your best friend? February. 32. Are you in high school? Fuck no, thank god  33. How do most people spell your name? Maddy. And then sometimes people get my last name wrong even though it’s really easy and not that uncommon. 34. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? Around the house I suppose I probably would 35. Will you keep your last name when you get married? Probably. Would maybe consider hyphenating if they had a cool name 36. When was the last time you left your house? Yesterday. 37. Do you have a dishwasher? No. My last 2 apartments had one and I never used it anyway.  38. Would you survive in prison? I hope I’d be able to keep my head down enough to not get shanked 39. Who is the youngest in your family? I have a little cousin that’s 14 I think. 40. Do you know anyone with the same name as you? I know several people with my first name but I’m not actively friends with any of them. When I was in grade 10 at school, there were 4 of us, each with slightly different spellings. 41. What’s the last thing you purchased? Groceries 42. What brand are your pants right now? C&A. I stood in the corner of the shop googling for like 10 minutes to find a comparison chart for australian and spanish jeans sizes. 43. Ever been to Georgia (the state)? Just in the airport. The accents are so thick and southern that I couldn’t understand the girl working at maccas 44. Do you watch movies with your parents? Mum and I would often watch movies together when I lived in Aus. Either at her place or at the cinemas. 45. Do you get your hair cut every month? I get my hair cut every 2-3 months. 46. Do you go online everyday? Yep

47. Have you ever experienced something paranormal? Aside from the party pirate ghosts that apparently haunt my apartment, no. 48. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? I don’t think it was the longest but when I left the San José airport in the cab we hit bumper to bumper traffic almost immediately and it took an hour and a half to get to my hotel.

49. Have you ever been to New York City? Not yet 50. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? Probably when my brother and I took mum out for her 50th birthday and we took her to a nice fancy place. I think in all it was close to $100 per person and of course we paid for mum too. 51. What’s your worst travelling experience? Oh god I’m sure I have a few but I can’t really think of any off the top of my head. Getting sick in India in 45 degree heat wasn’t fun. And then having diarrhoea during my flight stopover in southern china (read: squat toilets) was even less fun. 

52. Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? At one of my old apartments, my bedroom shared a wall with the bedroom in the apartment next door. They often had sex at like 3am which was super frustrating, especially considering I was still a virgin at the time and was like, “wahh why can’t I be the one getting laid” and then they stopped banging and started arguing and sometimes it sounded like it was getting violent. Anyway, my flatmate and I called the cops on them once because it sounded like she was attacking him and like throwing stuff at the walls. Cops came and spoke to them. They stopped fighting. Month or so later they started banging again. That was not a fun place to live. 53. Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? Nah, my teachers loved me. The trick is to suck up to them at the start of the year and from then on so long as you get okay grades you can basically do whatever the fuck you want and they won’t care. I could literally just get up and walk out of class and not come back and they wouldn’t even question it. Actually, I often did but it was usually for a music lesson. But a lot of the time I would go to my lesson super early because I was bored and my drum teacher didn’t mind helping me skip class. 54. How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It’s fun to drive with those people 55. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? A couple were fucking on my street a couple of months ago at like 5am. I only looked because I was still half asleep and didn’t recognise what the sounds were until it was too late 56. How reliable is your internet connection? Better than Australia 57. What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Confrontation 58. What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? 2 nights without sleep. Here’s a tip kids: Don’t start a 10,000 word research assignment 2 days before the deadline 59. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced? I grew up in the sub-tropics so there’s been quite a few. I fucking love storms and floods (so long as people aren’t hurt and homes aren’t destroyed) 60. How quickly can you write an essay? Doesn’t matter because I don’t need to 61. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? Yes, actually. It always took me way too long to fall asleep in class. 62. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Yeah, that time @aturinfortheworse​ got hi fived by Jack Black at a Foo Fighters concert and I didn’t because I have little arms. 63. If you have a job, who is your least favorite coworker/manager? From my old job, my least favourite was probably one of my staff, Dave, because he was such a pain in the ass and always made problems and bitched about people and thought he could do my job better than me.

64. Are your parents supportive of you? Yes. My parents are pretty great. 65. How often do you take the train to go places? Whenever I have to go somewhere that’s not walking distance and not the airport (I bus to the airport)

66. What is the closest grocery store to your house? The closest big grocery store is Carrefour but I don’t go there because it’s right on the tourist strip.

67. When was the last time you colored with crayons? At a mexican restaurant in Panama City called Orale. The table is covered in paper and you get a pack of crayons. Keep in mind that this place is really really not designed for kids considering the amount of tequila they give you. When I went there at the start of my trip I was talking to a guy in Spanish but the music was too loud for me to hear him properly so I just handed him a crayon and told him to write it down. It legit took me over an hour to realise he was hitting on me...

68. Have you met anyone famous? Just at conventions

69. Do you have any special talents? I am weirdly good with money. I can be on the exact same salary as someone else, have more bills to pay than them and somehow I’ll still always have more money than them. I don’t even necessarily hold back in my day to day life. I don’t know how but money stuff just always seems to work out well for me. I suppose that’s a talent. A very useful one.

70. Have you ever been to a nursing home? No

71. What kind of job did your mom have when you were growing up? She had a few different jobs here and there when I was a kid, mostly in retail I think. But when I got to highschool, she went back to college and studied her ass off and now she does really well as an architect (side note: I accidentally wrote arquitecta which is spanish) and she loves her job. It’s great to see her succeed. I’m very proud of my mama.

72. Have you ever known anyone that’s been on TV, including you? There was a guy that came like 3rd or 4th on The Voice a couple of years ago that I went to school with. I also went to school with a girl who now has like 3 olympic gold medals for swimming so presumably she was broadcast on tv.

73. What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild? One time an echidna literally knocked on our door. I’ve also seen dingoes, sea turtles, goannas, baby foxes, koalas, kangaroos, wallabies and so much more because I grew up in the Australian rainforest. More recently, I saw sloths.

74. What was the first video game you ever played? Crash Bandicoot 2 on playstation1

75. What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed? My passport because it would be expensive and a pain in the ass to replace.

76. What do you find yourself buying all the time? Flights. Haven’t bought any for a while though because I’m running out of money.

77. When was the last time you got a real letter in the mail? A few months ago from my health insurance company.

78. Were you born in the state you live in? Not even close. Firstly, I live in a province. Secondly, I was born in a county.

79. What is your favorite cheese? Probably camembert or brie. I like those soft cheeses. Also a big fan of feta.

80. What color are your jeans? Black. When I travel, I assume people think I only have one pair of pants when in reality I’ve probably got 4 pairs of black jeans on rotation that are not the same at all.

81. Do you get embarrassed when the buzzer at the airport goes off on you? I always dress so that it won’t go off. Except one time back in aus I had to go to the domestic airport and go through security to drop some documents off with one of the bosses on his flight changover and I completely forgot I was wearing steel capped boots and was so confused when it went off.

82. What does your last received message say? “NOICE”

83. What’s a smell that makes you feel ill? Puke

84. Have you ever deliberately tripped someone? When I was ~14 some boys at school were playing some tackle ball game thing and one of them ran right by where I was was so I stuck my leg out and tripped him. He got up and kept running. I hobbled to a seat, half thinking I’d just broken my goddamn ankle. It wasn’t broken but it did swell up so much over the next couple of hours that my friend told the teacher and they forced me to go the first aid room. Then my shin/ankle got the most colourful bruise I’ve ever seen in my life. I wish I had photos of it because it was fucking spectacular. I think the last of the bruising took about 3 weeks to fade.

85. Do you have any boxsets for TV shows? I had the boxsets for Buffy and Angel but I gave them to Mum when I moved

86. Are you tired? Usually

87. What was the last TV show you watched? Luke Cage

88. Is your door open right now? No

89. What was the last conversation you had with someone about? Whether I should agree to look after someone’s cat for a week

90. What was the last parcel you received? Probably a tshirt I ordered online a few months ago

91. Is the person you last messaged single? They both are, yes.

92. What color is your favorite bra? Red

93. What is the newest addition to your wardrobe? A red tshirt with little white birds on it

94. Do you have any currency that’s not your native country’s? I currently have 7 different currencies on my shelf, and I had 4 others when I was in Australia

95. Were you messaging someone right before you fell asleep last night? No.

96. Did you have any unread messages when you woke up today? Yep - it was a photo of their cat.