#last night I dreamt there was a shop called What Pigs Buy (it was pig themed for some reason it was pretty cute)

[black-and-yellow]

I’ve Got Your Number

New tablet, new Loudspeaker.

[alicedoessurveys]

Would you rather lose your best friend or your boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend anyway but id rather keep my best friend because he’s been my friend for as long as I can remember Do you think people who pay hundreds of dollars on perfume are ridiculous? each to their own, I personally wouldn't spend hundreds on perfume because I am poor  What is the last thing you tried on in a store? dungarees, which I bought  Do you know who Georgia Nicholson is? nope Do you ever sleep through your alarm? I do, but I hear the alarm in my dream until I eventually realise its my alarm and wake up 

Do you think Sophia Bush is a good actress? I don't know who that is  When did you realise you are no longer a child? I have no idea, I cant remember. I don't think it was a sudden change, it was a gradual thing like more and more having to do adult things Is sleeping naked more comfortable then in clothes? I like sleeping in underwear, but not completely naked Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of them? I used to be super self conscious about it but then when I joined the theatre and started doing shows that required quick changes I ended up just not caring anymore about getting my bra out infront of people

Does your best friend wear makeup? nope he doesn't  Who is someone you do not understand at all? majority of people What is your morning routine? depends on the day. usually get up and head to the bathroom, then go down for some cereal and watch something on telly while I eat. then go get dressed for the day and do whatever is on the agenda for the day. Tuesdays I get up, get dressed straight away and head to morning dance class. Sundays I get up get dressed and head to church.  Have you already met your true love? nope Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? yes, I dreamt last night that I was kissing someone but I cant remember who and its really bothering me  Do you prefer to fix the problems or just end the relationship? at least try to fix Have you ever accidentally stepped on a cat tail? yeah its a horrendous feeling  Do you ever go to Plyrics.com? nope I don't know what that is

Did you know that when a worm is cut in two both pieces grow again and continue living? thats weird  Do veggies gross you out? don't gross me out, I just don't like them  Do you know what Bluekaffee is? nope Chicken burger, fish burger or ham burger? chicken What is the best brand of ketchup? Heinz Would you run down the street completely naked for 1,000$? if it was dark and no one was around to see it then possibly yes because I am that poor and desperate  Have you ever dated someone in secret? yes How do you get splinters out?  with tweezers What is something all relationships need to be healthy? trust, communication, humour, love Do you know who sings ‘Lover I don’t have to love’? nope Do you bring pillows and blankets on road trips? yes If a stranger adds you on facebook, do you add them back? no Does walking by yourself make you nervous? depends where I am When dog’s bark, do you think it actually sounds like ‘ruff’? sometimes  What about when cows moo? yeah How far is the airport from your house? like 20 minutes away CSI or Crimnal Minds? csi Can you make cookies from scratch? yes I love baking Do you ever send people good morning texts? no Is there someone who makes you blush when you just say hi to them? not really  Do you kiss your pets? yes Have you ever forgotten where you parked your car? omg always  Does your leg itch right now? how did you know! What’s worse then a stomach flu? all of it  Can you fall asleep in cars? not easily  Why did you go to church the last time you went? I go every week Who made you dinner last night? the pizza takeaway place  Do you say mag or magazine? magazine  Would you rather marry someone repulsive or be alone forever? forever alone Would your parents approve of you dating someone of a different race? yes How old is the oldest person you know? late 80s Do you think Americans are pigs? no What was on the last sandwich you ate? tuna and cheese Whose the last person who asked your name? someone at the theatre  Remember the loot bags you used to get at birthdays? Weren’t they awesome? they were pretty awesome yeah lets bring those into adult life When is the last time you saw a monkey on TV? I have no idea Do you buy scratch tickets? no Who has it easier: adults or teenagers? Why? dude neither, life is just difficult. teenagers have it tough because they're expected to figure out who they are and what they want to do with their life while also having to deal with hormones and shit and adults have it tough because we’re expected to have it all figured out by now and know who we are and what we want to do and pay bills and just ugh  What’s the last thing you spent over twenty dollars on? pounds because England, it was grocery shopping yesterday Would you be sad if you were 50 and still not married? I mean I hope im married by then but id also rather be single than trapped in an unhappy marriage just because im scared of being alone  Have you ever been so drunk you couldn’t even talk right? hahahaha I mean maybe slightly yes  Do you know anyone with a million middle names? nope Are brand name food items really better then store brand ones? sometimes yes, sometimes no. usually yes  Is ceaser salad the best kind of salad? I don't like salad Is it dark out yet? yes, its 10pm Do you believe that love is just an excuse to get hurt? no Is there a Booster Juice in your city? ive never heard of that If its called INTERNATIONAL house of pancakes, why isnt there one in Canada? I don't think we have that in England either, false advertising Do hugs help when you’re sad? sometimes, depends what is making me sad. also is im sad someone being nice to me tends to make me cry  How did you meet the last person you kissed? we did a show together at the theatre  Do you buy more things online or in stores? in store What is the best thing to eat with fish? I don't like fish other than tuna, and I aways have it with cheese  Isn’t it annoying when people treat music like a trend? I don’t care, man. I have bigger issues. Do online dating sites ever work? depending on what you want to get out of the dating site, yeah they can

[mychemicalrachel]

I started thinking about Adam at college and I accidentally wrote a thing.

Read on ao3. 

Adam had anticipated college to be stressful. The good kind of stress, if such a thing existed. He’d expected the overload of homework and reading, welcomed it readily. But with a full ride scholarship to one of the best schools in the country, for once in his life, Adam didn’t have to worry about where money for his next meal would come from. And that was the kind of stress he would gladly live without.

For the first few months, Adam still saved every penny like it might be his last. He kept a cereal box under his bed stuffed with extra cash, eventually giving in to opening a checking account at Gansey’s insistence. After getting a job at the local mechanic’s shop, Adam slowly came to realize that he didn’t have to scavenge for money anymore. For the first time, Adam had money he could spend on whatever he wanted.

It started to show in small ways at first; Adam splurged the extra two-dollars on the good toilet paper instead of the sand-paper off brand. He ordered coffee instead of water when he spent late hours studying at the campus coffee shop. He was even able to fill up the BMWs gas tank instead of buying gas in ten-dollar increments when it started getting low.

So yes, Adam had anticipated college to be stressful, and it was, but withdrawal from Henrietta was even more so. The first few weeks were the worst. Nightmares were still fresh in his mind, memories of Gansey’s death and Ronan’s almost unmaking. More often than not, he still dreamt of his own hands on Ronan’s throat, squeezing until he could feel the breath stop. Some nights, he simply dreamed of Cabeswater, what it was now that it was nothing.

He called Ronan on those particularly bad nights. On the occasions that Ronan didn’t answer, Opal did. She would talk to him, sometimes in English or Latin or that other language he didn’t understand. Somehow, she knew it didn’t matter what she said. Just to know that she was okay, that her and Ronan were safe, it was enough.

The days were even worse. Something small could set Adam off into a spiral; a girl who, in passing, looked like Blue; a boy whose laugh sounded like Gansey’s; a breeze would close a door and Noah’s name would slip off his tongue before he remembered that Noah was gone. Adam did his best to cope with their absence alone-- he couldn’t very well call his friends every time he missed them. They had lives, and Adam needed to let them be without worrying about him all the time.

The first pack of cigarettes Adam bought was for a friend who didn’t have the cash on him. His friend gratefully handed him a single cigarette from the pack, saying thanks. He left Adam alone, staring at the thin white stick curiously; he’d never smoked before. It had never occurred to him, never been an option or a lure, but staring at it now, it seemed to call to Adam. A pull that he hadn’t felt since the death of Cabeswater. Adam went back into the convenience store and bought a lighter.

He choked on the first drag. It burned his throat more than anything, left his lungs feeling full and deflated at the same time. He took another drag, slower, and exhaled. Staring into the smoke, like searching for shapes in the clouds, Adam felt himself relax.

When he crushed the butt of the cigarette against the pavement, he told himself it was a one time thing. One cigarette didn’t make you an addict.

Adam went back the next day and bought himself another pack.

By the time Adam’s first year of college had officially ended, he realized he might actually miss this place when he goes back to Virginia for the summer. For the past nine months, this dorm room had been his home. Leaving it feels surreal. But the draw of Ronan and Blue and Gansey is even stronger. He packs up the BMW and leaves college behind.

It’s an almost seven hour drive to Virginia, and Adam spends the whole time anxiously tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. Blue texts him a few times, reminding him to pull over and rest if he gets too tired, but the pull of home fills him with adrenaline. He can’t wait to be back. Not to the town, or even to the Barns, but to see his friends again.

Everyone is waiting at the Barns when Adam parks the BMW and climbs out. He can see the Pig and his Hondayota parked to one side of the drive. The sun is kissing the horizon, the beginning of dusk leaving everything glowing orange and pink. Magical, as if the Barns could ever be anything but.

He’s not even up the porch steps when the front door crashes open and Blue is charging him. She flings herself at him, and Adam barely manages to grab her and steady them before they both fall down the stairs. He staggers back, laughing, as the familiarity swarms him. Gansey is right behind her, not even waiting for them to part before inserting himself into the hug. Over Gansey’s shoulder, he spots Ronan standing back, watching them. There’s a hint of a smirk tugging the corners of his lips.

Adam disentangles himself as best as he can. He stands at the bottom of the stairs, Ronan at the top, with four steps between them. Adam leans against the railing. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Ronan mimics.

“Your hair is longer,” Adam notes. “It looks good.”

Ronan lifts a hand to brush through his hair, like he’s just noticed. Then he shrugs casually. “I figured you might want something to pull.”

Adam grins at him. “That’s presumptuous, Lynch.”

Ronan jumps down to the ground, not bothered to use to the steps. He casts a look toward Blue and Gansey. Blue, seeming to take the unsubtle hint, grabs Gansey’s arm. “We’ll give you two some privacy.” She tugs him back toward the house, leaving Adam and Ronan alone. Without an audience, Ronan seems to soften a bit. He nudges his shoe against Adam’s. “I was serious, what I said about my hair.”

Adam reaches up to pull a few fingers through the hair. He gives it a experimental tug and Ronan’s eyes narrow, either an invitation or a challenge. Adam assumes it’s a mixture of both and he finally leans in to capture Ronan’s lips. The heat that immediately surrounds him, the warmth that seems to come from the inside out, it’s all familiar. It’s addictive and safe and tantalizing, all at once.

And then Ronan pulls back, frowning. “You taste weird.”

“I didn’t brush my teeth,” Adam admits. “And I had onion rings for lunch.”

“No,” Ronan shakes his head. “That’s not it.” He watches Adam for a moment, rubs his thumb along his lower lip in a gesture that seems distinctly Gansey of him. Ronan frowns a little more. “Have you been smoking?”

“Oh,” Adam realizes. “Yeah. A little.”

“How do you smoke a little?” Ronan demands. “Either you’ve been smoking or you haven’t.”

“Okay,” Adam corrects himself. “Yes, I’ve been smoking. What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so mad all of a sudden?”

“It’s fucking gross,” Ronan snaps. “Since when do you smoke?”

“Since school is stressful, I guess.” Adam shrugs. “What’s the big deal?”

“They’re bad for you--”

“Oh, you’re one to talk about bad habits,” Adam laughs. “You’re the one who used to drink himself into oblivion to avoid dealing with feelings.”

Ronan chooses not to acknowledge that. “What if Gansey and Blue found out?”

“So what?” Adam asks. “I’m a big boy. Gansey is not my father. I can do whatever I want.”

“And you want to kill yourself?” Ronan says. “There are easier ways, man.”

Adam is taken aback. “What the fuck, Ronan?”

Ronan’s nostrils flare. He looks down, shuffling his feet. At his sides, his hands tighten into fists. Ronan turns to walk away, but Adam catches his wrist.

“No, Ronan. Do not just shut me out. What the hell is your problem?”

“I’m self-destructive,” Ronan snaps. “I know that. Sure, you’re right; I drink myself stupid sometimes. But I’ve never fucking smoked because those things kill, Parrish. They fucking kill you. Slowly. And I cannot lose you.”

Ronan drops his gaze, sighs, and Adam can see the way his shoulders deflate. The fight leaves him. For some reason, this Ronan seems harder to deal with than an angry Ronan. Adam says, “You can’t tell me what to do.”

Ronan barks out a bitter laugh. “Thank God for that, huh? You’d never listen to me anyway.”

“I didn’t know you would hate it so much.” Adam nudges Ronan’s arm. “I figured it would make me look hot.”

Ronan rolls his eyes.

Adam clears his throat. “If you hate it so much, I can try to stop.”

“I’m not your fucking father,” Ronan says. “I’m not going to make you do anything. I’m not giving you some fucking ultimatum, like if you don’t stop I’ll break up with you.”

“I know,” Adam says. “But you don’t like it. Relationships are about compromise, right? And you grew your hair out just for me.” Adam laces his fingers through the hair and tugs at it again. It makes Ronan smile. “So I’ll try to stop. I’m not making an promises, though.”

“If it’s about stress, I can dream you something,” Ronan says. “There are millions of ways to relieve stress.” He pulls Adam into his arms, mouthing at Adam’s neck, his throat, his jaw. “I can dream you up a sex doll that looks just like me. Sex is shown to be a great stress reliever.”

Adam laughs, shoving at Ronan’s shoulders. “I would love to explain that to my roommate.”

Ronan bites down on his lip and watches Adam carefully, suddenly serious. “Promise me you’ll call if you get too stressed out. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night, I will drive your shitty Hondayota all the way to New Jersey if you need me.”

And Adam knew that Ronan would be there for him, was always there for him, but hearing Ronan offer like that… it made something in Adam’s chest swell. “Yeah, I promise.”

“Good.” Ronan laces his fingers with Adam’s. “Now, we should go see the others. Opal missed you…”

Ronan leads him inside, launching into a story about Opal and Chainsaw. Adam smiles as he listens, feeling more settled than he ever had before. For the first time in months, his fingers don’t itch for a cigarette. He doesn’t feel the tension and the stress like a physical weight on his back. He feels calm, relaxed. He feels like he’s home.

[mykatesingh-blog]

    The new year is coming.  I was bewildered when a documentary ask “what will you change in 2018?”  My first thought was how silly to asked that so soon.  It took the next morning for my muddled brain to realize that 2018 is within weeks.  By the time this post, it will be days.

I’m one of those die-hards that just love my New Years resolutions.  I’m getting pretty good at setting goals and reaching them.  The trick is to set goals you can’t wait to tackle and make plans you jump out of bed to accomplish.  It has to be fun things you love doing.  You then interweave the not so enticing task that will only improve the following lifestyle.

For example, my goals are to do as much homesteading as possible and to save a lot of money.

Easy peasy!  Except that building a homestead takes money, right?  Not necessarily.  We already have the foundation laid such as having land, having a huge compost rotting in the back of the detached garage as I type, we have chickens, raised beds…I even know where to get free horse manure.

I’m using my winter months wisely.   I have until the last frost in March to study and study I’m doing.  I’ve been browsing through backyard farming books, buying ones I feel are a library must such as The Encyclopedia of Country Living, watching anything on YouTube on gardening how to’s.  My new celebrity is Novella Carpenter that wrote Farm City, The Education of an Urban Farmer.  Fun book to read (not for the vegetarian though).  She and her partner moved to the worst part of Oakland and began farming an abandoned lot next to their house.  She raises poultry and goats, bees, even pigs for a time but that was too much.  The lot has a huge veggie garden with fruit trees.  I love this clip about her and her urban farm.  Vegans and vegetarians be warned, she does raise meat to eat.  There will be blood.

I would love to meet this lady.  But what I love about backyard farmers the most is when they spend almost no money to develop a mini farm that feeds them abundantly for years.  As one farmer calls it, “money on trees”.  They use what they find or is already there and create a sort of paradise.

I don’t know how well I’ll do or how far I’ll go.  I’m still a bit shocked that I have hens.  That was a move that seemed so advanced…so revolutionary, to have chickens in the suburbs, that I only dreamt big chicken dreams until grannie told me to get over it and get some hens.  Now I have 4 hens bossing me about my own yard.  They have a cute yellow cottage and a white picket gate to a yard that goes along the side of our house (all free).  I hear my girls clucking and scratching about under my bedroom window and I swear I hear them talking in the middle of the night even with my windows shut tight to the cold winter nights.

I’m already thinking bees.  I would be a very good bee mother, not stealing all their honey greedily and giving them sugar water for the winter as so many farmers do.  What a crime.  I think I’ll wait for the boys to get a bit bigger…or not, maybe just have some Epi-pens on hand just in case we have an allergy.

But gardening, that is something I can really get crazy on.  We have 5,260 square feet of yard.  It’s less than 1/12th of an acre.  I didn’t think it was much land until I saw a small family farming in the city on 4,000 acres and they were feeding themselves year round.  There were goats and chickens, trees and row after row of beds.

We have a cement patio in our yard.  We have a lot of grass…and fences.  There is so much potential in each situation.  We could grow grapes and berries on the fences, container gardens and a greenhouse on the cement, dig up the grass and make plots.

I’m really into the food forest idea.  I’m learning about companion planting of say corn, beans, and squash together.  I’m learning about growing bamboo to use for building fences, trellis, and more.  Potatoes grown in tubs, the magic of mulch, and how bees not only give you honey but make your crops more abundant.

It’s very addictive.  With each step of self-reliance and green living, I find myself doing all sorts of little things to further slow down the pace of the modern world that tries to creep in through the cracks of our magical world.  The wood floor vacuum broke down and would be easy to fix but I chose a handmade broom that I’m currently in love with.  Dishes are hand washed and the thought of taking up precious space in my little 1940’s kitchen for a dishwasher is forbidden.  I hang my clothes on a line outside most of the year and felt like I was taking a step backward when the dryer had to be plugged in this winter.  I have a wooden rack on back up but we have the heating on the ceiling and clothes take so long to dry that they begin to stink.

I love my coffee and recently I replaced Mr. Coffee with a stovetop espresso maker and a stove top percolator.  Bali had a conniption the first morning he couldn’t work the espresso maker (it was 5:00 in the morning and he hadn’t been trained, I would have hit the roof myself).  Now he makes himself coffee every morning with either the espresso or the percolator.  He never used to make coffee in the morning before work so I know he loves it.

Paper books are still big in our house and waiting for popular movies from the library trumps renting from Redbox or Netflix.

For me homesteading means that I do a lot of garden therapy year round, we feed ourselves for pennies, there is a connection to the land happening, and an old pioneering instinct is tapped into.  Our farm is creative and fun to build, it gives my husband and myself great pride in every victory.  I am thrilled when I can eat from the yard.  We love our hens.

Bali is not thrilled with the idea of rain barrels because he doesn’t feel we have space but he always talks about grey water.  He agrees on digging up the grass and planting food but he doesn’t agree on wood chips everywhere, as in no grass just a land of mulch.  He also is completely against getting rid of the garage.  If I had my way and extra money I would tear out the detached garage and all the cement.  That ain’t happening on his watch.

Oh well, I’ll negotiate on grey water and more veggie plots on the lawn.  When I get more courage I’ll get bees and a couple more hens.  But that is it!  Maybe…

Homesteading is living like a farmer in the city.  You get the entertainment and convenience of the city and not the isolation of a real rural farmer but all the health and well-being benefits.  You also save a lot of money as you get better at it.  You are growing clean, organic food that is so fresh and packed with nutrition.

As for the budget, that is changed vastly when the gardens produce and the trees mature.  Until then I do what I can to save money in all areas while I buy organics at the Coop.

Do I want to be off grid?  Live in an eco-village?  I’ve checked all these out and I’d say not.  I like small towns, walking to the store, buying burger buns when lazy, having coffee in a cafe and monthly movies at the theater (I keep threatening my family I’m having this again).  I do love some of the modern conveniences.  But I love the old-fashioned ways and the quiet and slow pace.  I’m a walking contradiction.

But what I love the most is being a housewife and staying home with my family.  I don’t want this to ever stop and recently we encountered some issues and I was looking at possibly going back to work and putting my boys in a school and daycare.  Things worked out in our favor but it made me really pursue all avenues of self-reliance and trimming our budget to the thread.

My budget is simply mortgage, food, utilities.  Bali gets free gas at work as part of his manager benefits and we have begun walking a lot.  If we can shop or do the library within walking distance, we do it.  My DirecTV contract will be up in the spring and I will be relieved of that.  I have the smallest internet, home phone, and cell bill ever.  The utilities are small.  Even for AC in the summer we paid half of what our neighbors paid.  I am always looking into other ways to save.

Our groceries are purchased at a very nice health food store in Grass Valley.  It is my one luxury.  Everything is organic now.  I afford it by joining the Coop and getting almost everything in bulk.  I only buy rice, beans, produce, nuts, raisins, flour, coffee, and plant milk and cream.  I make all my food from scratch.    I make everything from granola bars to lentil loaf.  If I crave it I have to make it.  I have a list of things I want to make such as pickles, burger buns, soap.

I do little things too, I save all the bags to reuse, water down dish soap and shampoo, boil toothbrushes instead of buying new every 6 months.  I am back to making all my own house cleaners and will be making laundry detergent again.  I even make my own houseplants from trimmings off the main plants.  Then I get all my needs met with hit movies and popular books by the library.

I write books to make money.  I was a caregiver for a season and that paid for book covers, editing, and sending Arjan to Fox Walkers every Friday for a year.  I also redecorated the living room with beautiful new furniture all under $220 at a high-end thrift store.  My royalties are set aside in a far away bank and automatically deposited.  Any extra home job I get I use for all the luxuries.  I am now considering babysitting to bring in some extra money for vines and seeds, a greenhouse, and doing more work on the house.

Those to me are luxuries.  And the occasional theater movie with that God awful popcorn.

      How to streamline that household budget and building that urban farm. The new year is coming.  I was bewildered when a documentary ask "what will you change in 2018?"  My first thought was how silly to asked that so soon.