#last mclennon meeting

[foryouwereinmysong]

Do you think John and Paul ever saw each other again after ‘76? Or even talked on the phone? I know Paul says they did but every so often doubt creeps in and I start wondering if Paul isn’t just making up stories to convince himself that they were still friends. Your thoughts?

Thank you for the ask! It made me look back at John's last interviews and some of Paul's earliest after the murder. I don't think Paul made up the phone calls, because he has been consistent in talking about them since the early 80s. In his interviews shortly after John's death he talks about it quite detailed and I don't think he would make something like this up. For other speculations about their last meeting I found this great blogspot post: https://mccartnet.blogspot.com/2012/04/when-was-lennon-and-mccartneys-last.html

What I do wonder is, if they maybe saw each other for the last time in 1978. John mentions in 1980 he thinks that the "turning Paul away incident" was like 2 years ago and Geoffrey Giuliano claims that John, Yoko, Paul and Linda went to see the movie "Pretty Baby" together, which was released in April 1978. (The lost Lennon diaries) - but people say he's not a reliable source... But maybe John didn't turn Paul away the day after the SNL evening (24th of April 1976), but after the movie night? But then again Sean was already a toddler in 1978...

WELL if somebody did more research on this, I would love to know, but I'll end it here, because I think in the end there won't be a really satisfying answer. And maybe the important part is that the love they had for each other never went away either way.

(Newsweek, 1982, by Jim Miller)  Q: "Did you see much of him before he died?"

PAUL: "I saw him quite a bit. Always, the problem was talking business. Whenever we got into business, we got into an argument. It wasn't a pleasant framework for a relationship. When Sean (John and Yoko's son) was first born, I visited him a few times at the Dakota (Lennon's apartment house in New York). And then it had gone snotty. I used to turn up without calling him. One time, he got annoyed with me. He said, 'Well, look, man... Why do you just keep turning up here and surprise us? Why don't you just call first?' And I took that the wrong way. After that, I don't think I did see him. I phoned a few times. As long as we were talking about family, about life, it was good. The last time I spoke to him, I got off the phone and it felt like old friends again. I've talked to Yoko since then, and she's said to me, 'You know, he really was quite fond of you.' I think we were pretty close. But, sometimes, with brothers, you argue. They can be the most intense arguments, too."

(Playboy, 1984, by Joan Goodman) PLAYBOY: "Do you remember your last conversation with John?"

PAUL: "Yes. That is a nice thing, a consoling factor for me, because I do feel it was sad that we never actually sat down and straightened our differences out. But fortunately for me, the last phone conversation I ever had with him was really great, and we didn't have any kind of blowup. It could have easily been one of the other phone calls, when we blew up at each other and slammed the phone down."

PLAYBOY: "Do you remember what you talked about?"

PAUL: "It was just a very happy conversation about his family, my family. Enjoying his life very much; Sean was a very big part of it. And thinking about getting on with his career. I remember he said, 'Oh, God, I'm like Aunt Mimi, padding round here in me dressing gown' ...robe, as he called it, cuz he was picking up the American vernacular... 'feeding the cats in me robe and cooking and putting a cup of tea on. This housewife wants a career!' It was that time for him. He was about to launch Double Fantasy."

(Playboy, September 1980, by David Sheff) PLAYBOY: "Aside from the millions you've been offered for a reunion concert, how did you feel about producer Lorne Michaels' generous offer of $3200 for appearing together on 'Saturday Night Live' a few years ago?"

LENNON: "Oh, yeah. Paul and I were together watching that show. He was visiting us at our place in the Dakota. We were watching it and almost went down to the studio, just as a gag. We nearly got into a cab, but we were actually too tired."

PLAYBOY: "How did you and Paul happen to be watching TV together?"

LENNON: "That was a period when Paul just kept turning up at our door with a guitar. I would let him in, but finally I said to him, 'Please call before you come over. It's not 1956 and turning up at the door isn't the same anymore. You know, just give me a ring.' He was upset by that, but I didn't mean it badly. I just meant that I was taking care of a baby all day and some guy turns up at the door... But, anyway, back on that night, he and Linda walked in and he and I were just sitting there, watching the show, and we went, 'Ha-ha, wouldn't it be funny if we went down?' but we didn't."

PLAYBOY: "Was that the last time you saw Paul?"

LENNON: "Yes, but I didn't mean it like that." (Newsweek, 29th of September 1980, by Barbara Graustark) Q: "Paul McCartney's theory is that you became a recluse because you'd done everything - but be yourself."

JOHN: "What the hell does that mean? Paul didn't know what I was doing - he was as curious as everyone else. It's ten years since I really communicated with him. I know as much about him as he does about me, which is zilch. About two years ago, he turned up at the door. I said, 'Look, do you mind ringin' first? I've just had a hard day with the baby. I'm worn out and you're walkin' in with a damn guitar!"

[pondanimal]

hi im sick and the fever is cooking my braincells so here's some insane mclennon analysis from the infirmed:

they're doomed yaoi to me because their natures made it impossible for them to be together. paul's number 1 driving force is his pursuit of "success." he needed to meet every societal milestone to feel successful, having a wife and kids was important to him for that projection of success (among other reasons I'm sure, but this was one he couldn't ever get from john). paul undoubtedly loved john and reciprocated in some capacity. i say this with confidence because while john is naturally obsessive and jealous, i don't think he would've had as hard of a time moving on from paul for so long (up until he died practically) if his relationship with paul was purely unrequited yearning. there's just no way. paul curates his image so thoroughly that even he struggles to find the "real" paul underneath it all. it's much easier for him to hide this part of himself than it is for john, and that's the simple reason we have more evidence from him than we do paul. for paul, whatever relationship he had with john was one he always knew would be sidelined. if the sexual side was something that he did expect to continue long term, i think he would've been okay having his wife and kids and john on the side at the same time. (i do fully believe he liked jane, but she was definitely a very convenient beard, and i think she knew that on some level. hence the sudden break up that she swore to never talk about?) that was always how they did it. im sure they had some unspoken understanding between the two of them that the other was always the most important one in their heart despite the girls and wives they kept around.

i say unspoken because i don't think john really saw it the same way. he needed paul and he needed the other beatles desperately. he was the one to suggest they live together on that greek island. cynthia saw this in him and tried to make him realize he needed them more than they needed him. i think he wanted paul all to himself, and the rational side of him probably knew it was a delusional dream, but it meant that whatever way he could actually get paul was never going to be enough for him. his life probably had an insistent undercurrent of disappointment and frustration. somewhere along the line i think they finally tried to talk about the future of their relationship and paul probably didn't give john the answer that he wanted. john needed paul so much that not having him at all was better than only having part of him. he's the type that needs a unfailingly loyal soul mate who's just as obsessed as he is, and i think he found that desire satisfied in yoko who was willing to play along. i think paul's answer probably made john vindictive and spiteful, but i think a part of him still believed that things would continue the way they were between them. maybe he still overestimated how much paul needed him, or underestimated paul's ability to move on from him. (a bit of projection happening there probably) but his surprise when paul married linda, who he thought (hoped?) was another short term girlfriend, and his belief that they wouldn't last very long tells me that he still was clinging on to the chance that paul would come running back and prove his loyalty and love to him. everything john did around this time reads like an act of spite as well as a kind of impossible test for paul. paul never passed them and i think that's where much of john's resentment that yoko talks about came from. paul could never give him what he wanted and john kind of set him up for failure in that way, but still blamed him for the aftermath.

anyways, moral of the story is, paul's rigid need to chase perfection doomed his relationship with john, and john's need for all or nothing love doomed his relationship with paul.

[menlove]

speaking of mclennon fics i need your help😩😩 i just finished i can only speak my mind & going nowhere & the jumper & on our way back home (which dear god were all excellent) and now i desperately need something similar and/or equally as good

those are some EXCELLENT fics. but hmmm lemme think! so I'll go for the vibe of like "mclennon through their lives" based on those. wall staring fics, if you will.

John My Beloved

explicit. 33k. major character death. user only.

They've always loved each other, in their own way...

I rec this one a lot but that's bc it's incredible and also made me like actually and genuinely start crying like. I'm not joking it was like 7am and I'd been up all night and I finished it and just stared at the wall and teared up. the last chapter is actually evil.

i was a younger man then (now) (post hoc)

mature. 27k. fix-it. (still major character death but not how you think)

John’s twelve when a bloke appears from a flaming pie and says, “From this day forward you are Beatles with an ‘a.’” The bloke is Paul.

Or: paul and john meet at all ages and eras and john is the time-traveler’s wife the way only john lennon can be

another one that I rec literally every time but it's my #2 mclennon fic of all time it makes me crazy

I Still Miss Someone

explicit. 64k. 3 part series. not a happy ending.

It's 1976 and Paul keeps showing up on John's doorstep with a guitar. Eventually John turns him away and Paul goes off to sulk in his hotel room the night before his flight from New York. Based on real events.

this one isn't through All their lives, but it has a similar vibe and made me stare at a wall, so

blood on the tracks

gen-mature. 66k. 11 part series. modern au. fix-it.

He was a grown man, a rock star, richer than Croesus, emotionally stable, and more than capable of handling a surprise visit from his ex-husband.

Paul married John when he was eighteen and divorced him at twenty-nine. Two years later, John pays Paul a visit.

this series is sooooo. I think about it Constantly. inspired me and millie's own married mclennon au that lives in our heads. I just love that like. it gets into the fact that even if they lived in a world where they could've been openly together and even married, it wouldn't have fixed the problems between them. a good character study!

Throw the Wine

mature. 51k. major character death. technically unfinished but it ends in a spot where it doesn't feel that way.

"But you realise that you're in real life, and you don't split up a beautiful thing with a beautiful thing."

-Paul McCartney

Or do you?

godddd I was hesitant to read this bc it's unfinished and last updated in 2018 but I saw it recced everywhere and everyone was so fucking right. this hurt. this made me want to die. it's so good. and like I said, it's unfinished but where it is is finished enough that you don't feel cheated. also, the author offers a spot to stop if you want a happy ending which is nice!

I Do

explicit. 73k. major character death.

A collection of stories about John and Paul’s developing relationship, with weddings as the theme for the day.

I'm on chapter 23/25 of this and I already know I'm about to get devastated. this is ruining me. but it's so good. my favorite part so far is that the love between them even while they're broken up is shown soooo well. like you really get the sense that they're still friends even at their worst times. they just love each other. it's making me crazy

[crepesuzette2023]

Hi! I love your fic recs <3

Do you have any old!mclennon recommendations? or old!beatles in general.

Thank you!!

I'm glad you enjoy them, and thanks for trusting my taste.

Old!McLennon is one of my favorites as well, so your ask made me very happy. Just recently, I made a list of fics "in which John is old and happy" in honor of John's birthday, and there are quite some Old Men in Love favorites on there. (The first, second, & seventh one count more as middle-aged, I think—but they're great regardless!)

Here are some additional stories you might enjoy:

Tomorrow may rain so I'll follow the sun (@mothmanmademedoit). AU in which Paul becomes a bookseller. "Paul feels lost after Linda's death, so he decides to leave his book shop and travel to New York for a month to see her city. He meets John there, a writer with a complicated marriage. Or: Old men falling in love again." Simply lovely...and sexy!

And when I go to town, I wanna see all three. (@dovand). Old Men Beatles Polycule — live on stage in Australia. Funny, hot, and so beautiful it hurts. The descriptions of them playing music together, in particular...! "In a world where the Beatles' breakup didn't last, 2025 kicks off in good fashion: with a concert."

everything to discover (@backbenttulips). This writer has so many great middle-aged/old Mclennon fics! In this one, "John and Paul exploring a romantic relationship with each other during the 2000s-2010s, and navigating life as famous old people and grandparents."

Stuck in the Middle With You (@toovirgins). "Lost in a corn maze and on a time crunch, eighty-year-old Paul and John Lennon-McCartney let grief-stricken disagreement take the reins." [Ends on a hopeful note though!]

our house is a very fine house (@friendofgeorgeharrison). Quiet story that reads like a poem, about Paul bringing home flowers for John, and two old men who made a home together.

[crystal--lungs]

Let me introduce to you The Beatles AU — Rubber Soul

When you're not sinful enough for Hell, but you're not good enough for Heaven either, there's always a place called Purgatory. Here, the souls of a past life are retrained, cleansed of the remnants of sinfulness, and can go to the Earthly Paradise or claim rebirth.

But this place is not a school or special courses. This is an imitation of earthly life, though a little worse.

In this world, you will not be able to taste all the food, except only the dishes of your last meal. Alcohol has no taste, just like cigarettes do not have nicotine and other things.

This is a prison for lost souls, whose correction is still hoped for by higher powers.

You can't die here, but you can feel pain and suffer.

The construction of Purgatory is quite simple. Sometimes it resembles a mountainous area divided into districts. I'll list them in order from bottom to top:

1. Prepurgatory (for those who did not repent before death)

2. The first area is Pride

3. The second area is Envy

4. The third area is Anger

5. The fourth area is Despondency

6. The fifth area is for misers and spendthrifts

7. The sixth area is Gluttony

8. The seventh area is Lust

There is no money here as such. All payments are transmitted by painful impulses, while the recipient gets "points" that increase access to the Earthly Paradise. For any violation of the rules in Purgatory, the soul's stay in Purgatory is extended.

There is also a cliff in the Prepurgatory, and if someone jump into it, their soul will incinerate and cease to exist.

Now that I've told you about how works Purgatory, I can tell you about the characters of the Rubber Soul AU.

Richard Starkey (Ringo Starr)

"It was unexpected. I just fell down. I didn't even feel any pain. It was so abrupt... I don't even know reason why I died..."

The whole story begins with him. On earth, he lived to be 87 years old, outliving all beatles. He lives in an area of Gluttony, perhaps because of his addiction-related past, despite the fact that he has recovered from it. Despite the fact that Richie's gray hair was gone, the scars remained. Since he is new to Purgatory, he don't really understand how it works here.

George Harrison

"I don't know why I'm in Prepurgatory. Maybe I'm so terrible that I wasn't assigned anywhere..."

The first soul Ringo met. He was really waiting for him in Purgatory and hoped that someday he would meet him.

He died of lung cancer on earth, and as a result, he can suffocate and cough even in another world. He's the only one in the group who has wings, but he doesn't use them much. He wasn't going to reorganize the band with Paul and John, because Ringo wasn't among them and Geo was loyal to him.

Paul McCartney

"I missed you so much, pal! Maybe all my life!"

Paul talked more with John and spent more time with him, due to the fact that he missed him very much. He is lives in the Pride area. Even here he writes music and gives concerts. On earth he died of a second heart attack.

John Lennon

"When you're always in this guise, you don't care about others and you start appreciating your body more."

The first of the Beatles who entered the Purgatory. Lives in the Lust area. Sometimes he goes naked, but he can get dressed quickly. During his entire stay in Purgatory, he became close to Paul. On earth he was shot by a psycho. He doesn't want to leave Purgatory because he's used to being here and don't want to lose memories when he will be reborn. He also writing music and performing. He insisted on forming a band, but later changed his mind because of George's arguments.

There are also ships in this AU - Starrinson (in the first place) and McLennon.

[merseydreams]

hi mersey! i saw your post on the way john and paul were weird about each other in re: their wives and the break-up and stuff. are there ways that they were weird or romantic or even just "different from other friendships" before all of that? in your opinion?

i supporse i mean, are there ancedotes or things about them that raise your mclennon eyebrows pre-break-up?

Hi anon! yes in fact i do think they were weird and romantic and different from other friendships even before any of the india/yoko/linda/break-up stuff comes into it -- only, it's a little hard to quantify because a lot of it is vibes and sharing looks and almost making out over microphones and cracking each other up rather than specific anecdotes.

but ok here are a few McLennon Lore examples that make me go hmmmm:

everything about the day they met and how romcom/meet cute it was, particularly in the way they describe it: paul saying john was the only one he noticed in the band; john loving elvis and saying paul looked like elvis; paul trying so hard (and succeeding) to impress john; john immediately knowing he wanted paul in his band. i mean, paul regularly talks about the way john smelled on that day.

the Lennon/McCartney name decision. these two teenagers decided almost right away that they were going to merge their last names and that even when they wrote songs individually they'd both get a songwriting credit. like, they knew so quickly that they trusted and respected each other and wanted to merge their talents and present the merged version to the world? it's such a commitment. partners forever.

the Paris trip. john getting all that money and wanting to spend it on taking Paul and only Paul on a holiday. the way their girlfriends and bandmates were mad at them for fucking off and canceling plans and shows. the two of them taking pictures of each other like a couple on their honeymoon. Paul using his own money to buy John a birthday dinner. the fond and romantic way they both talked about that trip for the rest of their lives.

the jealousy! the insane instances of jealousy! john crashing young paul's date and being a total nightmare to the girl. paul fighting stu. john cutting up a woman's dress. paul pouting his way through Tenerife because john went away with brian. john being awful to jane when he saw paul's interest. paul storming out of a recording session because john worked on a song with george. lol

the LSD story. all the high school drama of John wanting Paul to do LSD with him and Paul doing it with Tara instead and John being mad about it. the DRAMA. Then finally doing it together because Paul had to take LSD to be there for John during a bad trip. His man needed him!!!! and then they stared into each other's eyes for hours and "dissolved into each other" and paul had a vision of john as the emperor of eternity. ok gay boys

Those are the ones that come to mind first but there are other things I could also talk about like paul defending john unconditionally, always; their flirty little beetle crawl; playing tragic lovers/naming kittens after those lovers; john having The McLennon photo up in his music room; paul quitting his job because john told him to/john saying paul chose him over Jim. um or what about the fact that they wanked together.

[mclennonlgbt]

McLennon and "I know" thing

Paul and Mal Evans came to stay with us somewhere in the late spring of 1967 ... Paul and Mal, this time, were full of tales of this here LSD and what it could do. Unrecognisable psyches on familiar heads and shoulders: the voice was Paul's but the tone was ... God's? Paul said he and John had had 'this fantastic thing'; which really wasn't very informative, so I pressed him to flesh it out. 'Incredible, really, just locked into each other's eyes ... Like, just staring and then saying, "I know, man" and then laughing ... And it was great , you know.' ... Realising he wasn't getting through , Paul said, 'You'll just have to try it.

(Derek Taylor, Fifty Years Adrift, 1983)

1973: John's album "Mind Games" is released. It contains the song "I Know (I Know)".

I know what's coming down I can feel where it's coming from And I know it's getting better all the time As we share in each other's minds

Okay, 3 things: - the opening riff was copied from "I've Got a Feeling" - "it's getting better all the time" is an obvious reference to "Getting better" - "sharing each other's minds" refers to John's belief that he and Paul could read each other's minds AND their first LSD trip:

Me and John, we’d known each other for a long time. Along with George and Ringo, we were best mates. And we looked into each other’s eyes, the eye contact thing we used to do, which is fairly mind-boggling. You dissolve into each other. But that’s what we did, round about that time, that’s what we did a lot. And it was amazing. You’re looking into each other’s eyes and you would want to look away, but you wouldn’t, and you could see yourself in the other person. It was a very freaky experience and I was totally blown away.

— Paul McCartney (Barry Miles, Many Years From Now, 1997)

1983: Paul's album "Pipes of Peace" is released. In 2015 the album was re-issued. One of the added songs was "Twice in a Lifetime".

Who knows how we find love Stop before you give your answer Who knows where the mystery begins I know, I know I know because it's happening to me I know, I know

Also: Paul uses the phrase "one of those unspoken dreams", which reminds me of this fragment from Get back:

John: Hey! Have you dream about me last night? Paul: I don't remember. John: Very strong dream, you know. We both dreamt about it... amazing. Different dreams, you know. I thought you must have been there. I mean, I was touching you. Paul: Oh, you know, John, don't worry about it. John: There's nothing to worry about.

(notice that topic of telepathy comes up again)

The lyrics of "Twice in a Lifetime" refer to the idea of meeting the love of your life twice. I mean, it's about meeting two different people who are both the love of your life.

Which reminds me of Paul/John and Paul/Linda.

[i-am-the-oyster]

its like a very pink and cutesy aesthetic based on the 50s and stuff!! 😭 also questions yayayaya

Who is your favourite Beatles minor character?

hmmmmmm id say brian, astrid or pattie!! bri cause hes the worlds best manager, astrid cause she gave us the moptop and cause she took my favorite photos of the boys and pattie cause shes so dear to me 💗

What is your favourite solo-Beatle record?

ooooo thats a hard one!! id say rock n roll or atmp!! basic but good

If you could travel back in time to one moment to talk some sense into someone, who and when?

JOHN BEFORE WRITING HDYS orrrrr cyn before getting back together with john :(

Have you ever played a Beatles song on repeat?

ive had one after 909 on repeat more times than i can count

questions for oy 🦪🦪🦪

how do you sleep or too many people?

mccartney or mccartney ii?

meet the beatles or beatles for sale?

favorite mclennon moment? (can be ship or non ship)

favorite solo paul song?

george or john’s solo work?

lennon-mccartney or mccartney-lennon?

favorite scene from ahdn?

favorite bugs interview?

if you could be any beatle during any time period, which one would you be?

eeee luv ya sorry this is so long - 🥸

Astrid really did take amazing photos. If she had been a man she would have had a huge career. Instead she got pigeonholed and sidelined 😠

how do you sleep or too many people?

Oh that's an easy one Nonny! Too Many People. I love it, I love the way the emotion just hits you right from the start. I love that Paul's actually digging into his anger and frustration a bit.

How Do You Sleep could have been good, but you can feel the pettiness, which turns me right off.

mccartney or mccartney ii?

Oh that's really tough. But if I'm honest I listen to ii more often.

meet the beatles or beatles for sale?

I haven't spent much time exploring the American albums, but MTB does have This Boy on it!

favorite mclennon moment? (can be ship or non ship)

So many to choose from! Let's go with playing footsy in front of God and everyone while rehearsing for Pyramus and Thisbe.

favorite solo paul song?

I can't pick one. Mr Bellamy. Growing Up Falling Down. Demons Dance.

george or john’s solo work?

My first instinct was to say George immediately, but actually John's solo stuff has been slowly growing on me. They both have their moments.

lennon-mccartney or mccartney-lennon?

Hmmm. I'm not quite sure where you're going with this question. I'm going to say the ordering was an important part of the push-and-pull of their story, so Lennon-McCartney. (Sorry Paul!)

favorite scene from ahdn?

Running around in the field. It's so stupid.

Sorry we hurt your field Mr.

favorite bugs interview?

Post Manila. "Ordinary passenger! Ordinary passenger!", "I've been telling people there were 30 of them!"

Oh no, wait, actually "we were just trying to write songs about prostitutes and lesbians!" (<- their very last post gig interview 😭😭)

if you could be any beatle during any time period, which one would you be?

Oh gosh. John Lennon before Brian died. In the period where he was spending a lot of time at Paul's house, and Shotton said he was really happy.

[eloeloanna]

70s McLennon Post

This is for entertainment purposes only.

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Check my readings! here

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In my poll, the motels question was the winner, but I thought we needed more information to understand what was going on, so these are the answers to common questions that I’ve seen regarding McLennon in the 70s + the motels one.

Enjoy!

Did John and Paul meet more times in the 70s, that it is said in the press?

I would say yes.

It’s very interesting, because the cards start telling me about how they planned to meet, and how they thought about it. Every time this happened they would feel satisfied, but the thing is, they were very insecure. It was like if one of them was nice and loving, the other would suspect why he would be like that. There was also a problem about “flexibility”, it wasn’t like before, where they could be absolute fools. I think they had some sense of belonging though, familiarity. They enjoyed being together, but there was a lot going on in the moment, it was like you couldn’t know what was the actual problem, because there were lots of issues, and even when there was love, it felt like it wasn’t a balanced relationship. I think during the 70s timeline one of the parts actually addressed this issue, in a very mature way, the other part felt very good, very happy. But it seems to me that it was a thing of the moment, or probably lasted months (or a year), the thing is, some rumour, some news, something like that, stopped the happiness of one of the parts and he regretted “believing”. He thought that conversation was probably fake and the other did it to gain something, with a second intention, or in the best case, just for the passion of the moment.

It seems to me that after this part the cards were telling me about John’s lost weekend, which it is, messy 😭. I can do that if you want but I think it distracts us from the question.

So they did. But it was difficult to “really” communicate.

Did John and Paul still had some kind of relationship like they had in the 60s? (Romantic, sexual)

For me it seems almost impossible but, let’s start with the beginning.

The cards start describing a sensation that they had in a long time - someone is going to betray me. No matter what interaction they had, they ended up doubting anything. That wasn’t the ideal scenario for any loving relationship. It is obvious that they thought about this, how good it was, and also, one of the parts, possibly proposed something, but the other, firmly declined. I think this person felt “incomplete”, miserable, even when he was around famous people, very wealthy, and being in a “good state”. I think this situation let him to feel rejection in a way that he couldn’t actually choose what to do. He could see the difficulties of this relationship, was he crazy? I think he really wanted to try again, even with the good memories mixed with the unpleasant ones, but I think it was difficult to do something, even when he had something in mind because the other + wife couldn’t stop to do shit together and it actually blocked him for his intentions. I think he had to wait until some time, and then I can see him almost corner the other part between him and his wife. I think that reunion led to something, because leaving that one he felt amazing. They had to “solve” their imbalances, they knew they felt something. And I think, finally, after some time, this person sincerely offer him love, or the words, or actions. In that moment they felt like it was before. But I think again, rumours, or really bad friends would be saying again, that was a mistake, you are “not gaining” anything with this, etc. and this part saw it as the truth. All the peace, the passion, the conversations, the happiness, were shit. They couldn’t be real.

Could John and Paul solve all their issues during the 70s?

I don’t think so.

The cards start telling me about the break up. How they “didn’t” have a choice but to move on, it’s like they had to “surrender” to change. After some time they actually felt proud on themselves that they could do it, they “could” be without each other, but at the same time was a sense of being “incomplete”, and they didn’t like that they had some new rules to follow. Time to time they would remember “the good times”, everything that they left behind, but they didn’t like to appear weak, because they could see that they other was actually having a good time, like nothing happened. So that image that they had of each other, made difficult for them to actually start a conversation. It had to pass a long time until one of them brung it up. I think in this part of the timeline this person was VERY HONEST (or tried his best), very much upfront in what he felt (I can see the topics of love and sex in the cards). It seems to me this was a very passionate argument, it was like he could be almost screaming, but the other part couldn't accept this, it's like in his mind he had a very fixed image of the other, but the other would point out what they would "gain" with this. I can also feel the topic of music, writing. Work. And probably that didn't sit well with the other part. The thing is, this part, didn't actually answer. He just acted like everything in his life was going well, so what are you talking to me about this? I think the other part knew it was bullshit and tried to reach him again. The thing is, the other part didn't know what to do. For him it was "easier" to listen to the people who would told him that those kinds of plans were meant to fail, that there were second intentions there. This person would think about their relationship, how probably the other was saying some kind of truth, but then he would think that probably the other person was doing it as some sort of charity, because he was always "so good". And he felt "satisfied" thinking like that.

I think this was recurrent during the 70s timeline. The next cards are telling the same. One of the parts feeling very happy that he was contacted, feeling like 2 minutes of happiness and then regretting it, and feeling confused for the interaction.

As for the part who contacted first, I don't know how he had so much patience 😭. He actually would think time to time how to get the other person, even of he was "blocked", in some way.

Is it true that they would reunite in motels in the 70s?

I think it is. BUT -

The cards start telling me about the stress they went because of the “rules” that they had to follow, how they needed to act “mature”. They surely missed each other, they missed their love, but they couldn’t do anything about it, and it was like nothing good would come up of having those thoughts. It seems to me that also they thought that they were “in a good state” of their lifes, so why they would even bother. I think they thought a lot of trying to be the first on doing something, but they would regret, because nothing was like in the past.

It had to pass a long time until they would reunite. This reunion led to having more hope in the reworking of the relationship. The thing is, when A would propose something, it would be put in the set of rules that they didn’t like very much and B would feel that it wasn’t enough, but he wouldn’t say it directly. Obviously that hurt a lot, but A transformed the feeling into the fuel to plan something new. They had the chance again. But if I can illustrate it in some way, it’s like blurred. It was something that B probably felt like it was fake, a lie. A would propose a lot of shit but didn’t seem thoughtful of B’s feelings, it was quick, it was nothing. It was difficult to B to know what was the truth. He liked what would happen, but he would regret immediately also.

[guitars-and-kaleidoscope-eyes]

Here Today

Chapter Five: Two of Us

In case you missed previous chapters:

July, 1957

"John, your little friend's here." Mimi called from the kitchen. John cringed. 'Little friend?' How old was he?

"Alright, I'm coming." John said, getting up from his bed and running downstairs. He opened the door to the smallish boy who was standing on the porch.

"Hi Paul."

"Hey John."

Paul entered the house with his guitar case slung over his shoulder. The two lads headed to John's room and got their guitars.

"Alright, starts with D." Paul said to John. He was trying to teach John Blue Moon.

"No, that's a banjo chord." Paul corrected. John looked closely at Paul's fingers to see what position they were in on the fret board.

"Uh, hang on." John said. He reached inside the breast pocket on his shirt and pulled out a pair of black-framed glasses. Paul looked up at John.

"How's my Buddy Holly look?" John asked.

"Um, good." Paul nodded. "Uh, so from D it goes to Bm."

John peered at his guitar trying to perfect the chords.

"Then it goes to A." Paul said as he shifted to the next chord. "Then G, and it goes back to D."

The boys began playing in unison. After the first round, John began to sing along.

"Blue moon

You saw me standing alone

Without a dream in my heart

Without a love of my own"

Paul and John later made their way into the back sunroom that was connected to Mimi's house.

"So Mummy's cool about baby Paulie wanting to be Elvis?" John smirked.

"She would have loved it." Paul said.

"Huh?" John scuffed.

"Well she's not around anyone." Paul said. He really didn't want to have to get into this conversation.

"What?" John asked in a concerned way.

"Well she sorta died. Last year." Paul said, looking down.

There was some silence amongst the two. Paul sniffled a bit at the memories of his dad telling him and his brother, crying into his pillow, and visiting his mum's grave.

"Um, you know, if we're going to do this, we should write our own stuff. That way we don't get stiffed by record companies." Paul said.

"I write stuff. Poetry." John said.

"Any chance you could turn it into a song?" Paul asked.

"Why do you know so much?" John questioned. "I mean, you don't really seem like the rock n roll type."

"What you mean because I don't go around smashing things up and acting like a dick? No. It's the music That's it, just music. Simple." Paul explained.

Later, after Paul had left, John sat in his room thinking about all that had happened. Gosh, Paul was gorgeous. And he had the prettiest eyes he'd ever seen.

Paul was walking home and thinking about John. He was even better looking up close. But no! Don't think that! He's a boy! You only like girls! Not boys! You can't be... What they say. No, you can't.

[crashpit]

I don't normally post my music collection here... it was more something I did on Instagram but without that lately I might as well post stuff here bc where else will I???

here is The Changing of the Trees, an album by Dom McLennon. This album was one of my favorites last year. I like the mellow beats and introspective rhymes. Dom was part of Brockhampton but has been working on solo work and has a server called "The Block" where fans and creative minds meet. If I was on discord more often I'd definitely be around there more cause it's a chill space.

anyways, I had just ordered the CD but bc of technical difficulties with shipping, Dom threw in some extra goodies with my order to make up for that and signed the CD. Literally got two CDs actually the signed one and an extra copy. Plus the post cards, one of which has a little note left there and I got the t-shirt and poster that would've been part of the bundle. He mentioned he'd throw in extra stuff but definitely went above and beyond.

will have to share more of my music collection here... I got a lot of vaporwave lol

[heartsinthebasement]

Pass the happy! ✨ When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications! <333

Hurray! This has goaded me on to finally make a few fic recs. Here are some of the writings that have made me very happy recently. These are all Mclennon because hello and welcome to my mind:

Whatever Fate Decrees by thisbirdhasflown

An AU in which John sidesteps music for art, and meets Paul Mccartney (up and coming singer/songwriter) in London in the early 60s. It's really great, and of course there is still all the miscommunication, as well as Brian, Jane, fame, and a slow and careful courtship on Paul's part.

What Happens in Cheshire by cloudy_blue

Forty-five minutes in New Brighton, October 1962. Or, five conversations in a night. Multiple povs surrounding an unwise tryst in an alley while they're all waiting for Little Richard to show up. John is in lovesick puppy mode, George is in scathing mode, Paul is upset and Mo is seriously weirded out.

Arrow Through Me by inspiteallthedanger

The multi chapter fix it epic THAT EVERYONE NEEDS IN THEIR LIVES. Paul decides he's not straight early on in life, and this changes many things. Many many things.

Past Tense by paisana

This had me shrieking. Set in May 1968, they are both in Liverpool on separate breaks, and meet. Beautiful writing. The agony of miscommunication is intense, but with a resolution of sexual and emotional tension that made me feel a bit faint.

How much was mine to to keep by mynamesbetty (waltwhitmans)

Like, I don't know who else secretly suspects Paul of being a time traveller? Obviously he's not, but... You know? Anyway! This fic is amazing, stylistic Vonnegut (which I love btw). Paul keeps coming unstuck and is flung through time. Until at last he isn't.

You, Paul wanted to say, but not yet. It was a delicate situation.

[genderlessginger]

Get Back, McLennon: Day 4

Check out the other Get Back posts here.

Day 4 does not have much (if any) fun McLennon:

Paul's mad at John for being late. He was the latest to get there on Day 1, but I know that this is a pattern for John.

During what I would consider a John-induced music coma, Paul writes Get Back.

Here is the first look we see on camera

There's a lot of conversation about where the show should be, etc. John is high (presumably on heroin).

The conversation goes toward the band being in the doldrums for the past 18 months. Paul feels overwhelmed stepping into a "boss" roll. He's demanding a decision from the others. He's met mostly with silence.

"Maybe we should have a divorce," George said.

The camera shits to reveal Paul's reaction to what George said.

"Well, I said that at the last meeting," Paul responds.

Look at John.

John freezes after this is said.

He stays like this until he can figure out how to react. He leans down, grabs a cigarette and asks Paul:

"Who will have the children?"

"Dick James," Paul said.

As an act of reconciliation, they play Maxwell until time for lunch. George has to help John with the chords. I've read that during this day/session, John couldn't remember things and was a little too high to function.

So, they go to lunch, (and Mal has to get the hammer and anvil) and come back and play.

FINALLY, HERE'S SOME MCLENNON, GOOD GOD.

There's not a huge amount, but when we do see Paul during Day 4, he's regularly trying to engage with John:

That's the end of Day 4, babes!

[mimikyugirl]

He's Leaving Home

-one shot-

John's heart breaks into a thousand different pieces seeing the abuse that Paul goes through at home. After so many years of trauma, Paul finally has a chance to be free.

.McLennon.

TW: description of psychological and physical abuse; description of trauma; discussions of death and homophobia.

John had arranged to meet Paul at the pier before he even left. The lone bench tucked away on the docks was the couple's favorite spot and they knew that the city's prying eyes rarely reached it, giving them complete freedom to be together.

John was away with his aunt for a week to visit some relatives, and it was the first time he had been away from Paul for so long. He split his mind between ardently missing Paul and worrying about him. Paul didn't have great family stability, and John knew full well that his safety was a issue. All it took was Paul's father to be in a bad mood, and the boy would get a new scar somewhere that couldn't be seen.

The night John finally arrived back in town, he just wished he had Paul safe in his arms, even though the latest assault had already taken place many months ago.

John walked to the pier, a single red rose in his hands, unable to control the smile on his face knowing he would finally have Paul back.

Already seated, he enjoyed two cigarettes in the company of the calm waves below the pier, watching a few ships pass over the dark horizon and checking the watch on his wrist restlessly.

Paul announced his arrival discreetly. He walked towards John like a frightened cat, quiet and taking advantage of the dark edges of the dock. He checks if they were safe even before saying hi to his boyfriend.

John got to his feet with a big smile, the rest of the third cigarette falling to the ground to be forgotten for the rest of the night now that nothing else mattered to his lips but Paul's. It wasn't more than three steps away from the boy, in the yellow light of the docks, when John realized that beneath the shy smile, there were already new scars.

He hugged Paul gently, his heart racing and his smile once again turning to concern.

No words were exchanged before John's hands found his and guided Paul back to the cold bench on the pier. They sat there, hands still clasped, and for several minutes Paul avoided all the questions he heard and just stared into John's eyes, as if trying to melt into them once more.

When the questions could no longer be avoided and the red rose rested peacefully in his hands, they began to talk. John, despite loving his boyfriend's voice, knew he wouldn't love the things he would hear about his period of absence.

"Have you at leats been able to rest, love?" John asked a few minutes later, his eyes unable to stray for a second from his beloved.

The two were sitting so close together that the rest of the bench could easily not exist. They leaned against each other, looking apprehensively over the bench in case anyone showed up. Paul closed his eyes and let himself sink for a few seconds in the scent of John and the safety of his embrace. A small relief to what he went trough.

"I'm not sure when was the last time I slept well. Between all the fighting and screaming my head has been having trouble shutting down" Paul whispered "It's like I've been listening to the echoes for hours and hours and hours, y'know."

John held him gently, afraid to cause discomfort with the bruises. His hands slid under Paul's hair and he tried not to be swallowed up by the impotence he felt.

The first time Paul sought him out was no different from a night like this. A knock on John's bedroom window let him know Paul was there, and a glance at his face made it clear why.

They snuggled in bed together and imagined happy scenarios that involved running away to Paris together or even John going over to Paul's house to teach James a lesson. Paul was crying softly so as not to disturb, and John held him tight so he would know he wasn't alone, all until he slept soundly against John's chest.

Sometimes the nights were more frequent, sometimes months went by without Paul appearing with bruises, but the two always knew it was not the end. The next time always existed, and John was never prepared to see his lover hurt.

"Sometimes I think I deserve it, y'know. I think it's these nights that nightmares find me easier." Paul's voice brought John back to the pier. He pulled away from John to light a cigarette and cross his legs as if trying to take up less space in the world.

"I think I should be a better son or…" Paul trailed off, looking away, trying to make sense of what he felt "I don't know, maybe I should be something different."

"It's not your fault, Paulie" John started to say, his eyes roving painfully over the bruises on the other boy's face "You don't have to be someone different. You're perfect this way and it's not your fault your dad doesn't agree."

Paul knew that John spoke the truth, and that he loved him for what he was. He also knew that in an ideal reality he would be free to love John and not feel guilty one second for it, but when he felt his face burn under yet another slap from his father and heard all the grievances about his love for John, he couldn't help but think that maybe he wasn't so worthy of the love John felt for him.

"I thought they had stopped" John said, feeling his chest sink "The nightmares, I mean."

"Well..." Paul continued "They stop when my dad stops."

Paul's most recent nightmares were enough to make him wish to never sleep again. He always started out alone in a completely dark place, a single light walking slowly towards him, growing more and more as it comes. With his heart already beating desperately, Paul realizes that it is his father walking towards him holding a torch, so high that he could easily be a tower. James then threats to set fire to the music sheets and instruments of Paul that, trying to rescue them, realizes that he is tied up and helpless. Even worse, when his father turn in the dark, he sets John on fire and Paul is forced to listen to him burn slowly, helplessly aswell.

John knew that Paul's nightmares could be quite cruel. He remembers many times, when they shared a bed at Mendips, where Paul would wake up in the middle of the night sobbing so hard that not even John's whispers could calm him down. John knew Paul relived the moments of pain and fear from home, and he felt devastated that he couldn't help. No more than just stay there and listen.

"I make an effort to get out of them, to wake up" Paul blurted, smoke trickling from his lips "But I never quite know why, y'know. There's no relief in waking up."

At least that, John could understand. He remembers all the nights he spent thinking it wouldn't matter to the world whether he woke up or not. The feeling of waking up and forgetting for a few seconds who you are or where you are, only to have all the emotions and pain thrown in your face again.

He pulled Paul against him, John's eager eyes sliding over every detail he loved, which were now corrupted by bruises far deeper than showed on the surface. "Look at me, luve" he whispered.

Paul turned with some difficulty to meet John's gaze and listened intently to everything he said.

"Remember that poem we read together that day? About how spring will still come if we die?*" Paul nodded attentively before John continued "Reality doesn't need us, luve. We have no commitment to the task of existing, y'know, no commitment to what other people expect of us."

"I love you" John said, a gentle smile on his lips "And spring comes for me, even if I love another man. It certainly comes for you, no matter what your father thinks of our love."

Paul remembers the poem. The night he and John spent debating how beautiful it was to live just for the joy of living and how far away they were from it.

"I...I love you too John" Paul whispered, pressing his forehead to John's "You're the only thing that gives me hope of being what I really want to be."

They didn't need to say, they knew the thing Paul wanted to be was free. Simply free.

John glanced over his shoulder quickly before sliding a gentle kiss over Paul's lips, a kiss that sealed their agreement never to give up on being together one day. Free.

"Remember when we planned to run away?" John whispered, his eyes searched Paul's lips for a hint of a smile "We even wrote the farewell letters."

"Dear Mimi..." Paul tried to keep his laughter low, leaning his body gently against John as if whispering a secret "Oh boy... that could have turned out so different" He finally concluded.

"She would never understand what she did wrong" John said, putting a finger to his mouth and biting it nervously " She would have spent the rest of her life saying I was ungrateful and treated her badly."

"Of course..." Paul took a long drag on his cigarette before pulling John's face to look him in the eye "Because how dare you not like having your mental and physical space violated? How dare you, boy?"

"I missed... I missed you so much that sometimes you didn't feel real in my head anymore" Paul whispered apologetically, as if he still needed confirmation that John was there with him.

"I don't feel very real sometimes either, y'know" John completed, lifting Paul's chin towards his face "But now, with you, I'm pretty sure I am."

John got lost in Paul's eyes for a few seconds, before starting to speak as if he were pleading, "Let's go, Paulie. The two of us."

He held Paul's face in his hands and whispered ardently, as if this time it would be enough to convince Paul "We can be so happy together. And I... I can take care of you."

"I really wanted to go" Paul said, the sad smile filling his face once more "Whenever I imagine running away with you I... I imagine finally having a safe place I guess."

"So let's do it" John said, stroking him hopefully "You're the only thing I care about in this place, there's nothing stopping us!"

Paul always felt guilty about being the one to burst John's bubble, always reminding him that he couldn't just walk away.

"Love, it's not that easy" He replied seeing that John's hope had already dissipated "I hope you can understand that... I don't... I can't just go."

A small part of John needed to work harder to understand than he wanted to admit. Sometimes he thought Paul could rebel better, or maybe simply hit back.

"Simply."

Even John recognized that he wasn't the best person in the world to have a conversation about abuse, and he cared enough about Paul to try not to make matters worse.

"Ei" John whispered, gently stroking Paul's face "The only reason I even talk about running away is because I wish I could protect you... protect better than dis, y'know."

"And I love you for that but... I can't just go" Paul concluded, looking away to the calm waters below the pier "I think... I don't know. I really don't know."

John's hands rested nonchalantly on Paul's shoulders until the boy finally announced that he needed to walk back home.

The only sign left by the couple on the bench was a small cigarette remnant and the faint scent of John's perfume, festering in the air for a few more seconds after they finally parted.

The farewells were long and graced with whispers of undying love. If it weren't for the fact that they were both dreading the goodbye and that they never knew when they would see each other again, it would be a farewell worthy of the most passionate couple in any movie.

"You know where to find me, luve" was the last thing John said before he walked away. A single sad nod signaled that Paul knew, but somehow hoped that he wouldn't need to go there once more.

The walk home was made in the company of another cigarette, and for Paul, a beautiful red rose, still safe between his fingers.

Even before opening the small rusty gate at the entrance to the house, his heart sank when he realized that the figure of his father was already waiting for him. James was looking out through the small glass cutout in the door, as if making it clear that Paul was about to enter enemy territory.

For the first time in the night, and perhaps in his life, Paul felt the pain in his bruises intensify, and he hesitated. He knew what was about to happen but this time something inside him changed. Paul felt he had something to lose and for the first time, that he deserved to be waited on by something better, something warmer. Something like John and the love they had for each other.

Even before his cigarette hit the dirt path under his feet, Paul had already turned around.

The small metal gate slammed into his back as if warning him to leave faster. Paul backed away from there, taking a deep breath, holding John's rose tight between his fingers.

The only scar that Paul would proudly bear for all the years to come was the small hole in his right hand, the hole made by the single thorn of John's rose. He would remember her as the last wound in that house, the wound that represented his freedom.

He wouldn't notice the thin streak of blood coming out of his hand until later, when he finally arrived at John's house and announced that he was ready to live an uncertain future with him.

His nightmares would be as forgotten in the past as his scars and John would become his family, the one he deserved and would finally fill him with as much happiness as he'd hoped his entire life.

He left home to finally understand what a home really was.

*Quando a Primavera Vier (When Spring Comes) is a poem by Fernando Pessoa (under the pseudonym of Alberto Caeiro) and can be read in english here .

[crepesuzette2023]

Could you recommend me any dark Mclennon fics ? Dark themes, sex, ect. Thank you and love and appreciate your blog sm, it’s one of my fave Beatles blogs :)

Hi there, thanks for the ask and the compliment!

I have some angsty mclennon fics here.

Here are other dark fics that are not on that list:

Sadness & Heartbreak

only the lonely (@dailyhowl). Businessman John is meeting Paul for the last time (AU).

Lost, Nude, and Silence (@ohjohnnysblog). Three short stories in which Paul feels the irretrievable loss of John.

Horror/Nightmares

Odontotos (bookofapril). Paul can't let go of John after his death.

archangel (edcoda_). Paul thinks he's possessed by the devil.

ETA: I forgot two!

How Do We Sleep at Night (@dailyhowl). Paul is swallowed by a painting; John abandons the boat called Paul. (Two Nightmares about the breakup.)

I Found Out (@dailyhowl). John during Primal Scream Therapy.

Dark takes on Paul's childhood

At Night (three-part-series) (orphan_account). Paul grows up in an abusive home and survives thanks to his musical and romantic bond with John. I tried to forget this, and failed. Pain, beautiful pain.

Can You Take Me Back? (Lovely_Rita). Paul grows up as a lonely boy with a sick heart. Still, he meets John and the Beatles happen. But it's not easy. There is something relentless and hypnotic about this story.

The Cast Iron Shore (@m1ssunderstanding). John pays Paul to have sex with him. This ends well, but both of them have to struggle through self-loathing and angst.

In the year of our Lord nineteen sixty-eight: relationship disintegration.

Days Like This (@eveepe). They have sex, it solves nothing.

Bad Luck to Talk (7intheevening). Paul spends an evening with Johnandyoko.

a great threat (@pauls1967moustache): Yoko enters the scene. Paul (a woman, and 'mostly a dyke') does not react well. Psychological warfare and hate sex, winner-takes-all, with the Beatles as trophy.

(P.S. I have no hard rules about the stuff I read, but I tend to stay away from stories that explore topics like torture or rape, deep trauma, pain, and hurt without comfort (esp. outside of canon events)—which means I'm probably unaware of stories that do this well, and would be good answers for your ask. Perhaps someone well read in that category can add recommendations...and there's always the bookmarks-breadcrumbs system on AO3.

I hope there's something in this list you like, regardless.)

[johns-prince]

Let's play the speculation game and say McLennon was real. Going with the common idea that Paul dumped John in India, wasn't the "let's all be friends, write together and go on double dates with our wives" angle Paul seemed to hope for completely delusional? Why would someone with John's issues stick around and celebrate Paul's happiness with someone else after being downgraded?

I have great respect for Paul's decision of not being John's nanny/handler for the rest of his life. But I've always been annoyed by his inability to let the man go for good. Paul, you've made your choice, my friend. Enough with the sad songs about not being called back or turning up on John's doorstep with a guitar when the he was spending time with his own family. People hate that but some things in the world really are black or white. You can't have it both ways.

Why speculate when we know it was and is real 

Alright so, let me try to unpack my thoughts cohesively get ya tinfoil hats on y’all;

If we go with the theory that during 1967, when Paul and John were practically living together and conjoined at the hip, taking LSD together and sharing those intense and intimate experiences that even Pau’s girlfriend Jane had become envious of— John had come to the realization of what he wanted, finally acknowledged it and came to accept it. 

So in India, John tried to confront Paul about their relationship and their “relationship,” and openly admit to Paul that he wanted more, that he was now willing to leave Cynthia and Julian for a life he truly wanted or desired, and that included Paul (but to what extent is what we debate I guess) 

And now that I’m thinking about it, we also know John was sort of beginning to spiral downward in 1968. It was obvious his marriage with Cynthia was at it’s end, and he didn’t want to work on it anymore. He was surrounding himself more with druggies, an unsavory crowd that Cynthia really didn’t approve of (Yoko was part of this crowd) and he was actively pulling away.  

I think John was realizing that, he just wasn’t happy. That, putting everything he had into becoming one of the most successful musicians in the world, to become bigger then Elvis Presley, didn’t make him happy. It didn’t fix what needed fixing in him, what needed addressing. He was still drowning despite it all. 

So you’ve got the trip to India, the boys going in hopes that perhaps the Maharishi Mahesh Yog and his spiritual teachings would somehow give a new perspective on things, produce the answer that would save the band (save John and Paul) from what appeared to be an inevitable downfall. But as we know, that isn’t what was needed. 

John and Paul needed to talk. The lack of consistent communication between them for years and years, and the fact John needed a therapist, he needed rehab. So did Paul, during the White Album era. 

I don’t believe Paul dumped John, but I do think John could have easily misconstrued Paul taking a step back and not willing to just go blindly, impulsively jumping off a theoretical cliff with him, as being rejected. We know Paul had to sort of take the position of ‘think before you leap’, to be more conscious of the actions and decisions he and the others decide to take, and how it would effect them as individuals, and especially them as a band (because frankly the others wouldn’t) and we know that John could be incredibly impulsive, only thought of the consequences after the fact. That, and who’s to say such a proposition and confrontation from John hadn’t scared Paul? Got him feeling those insecurities of his own crawling up. 

Paul wanted a traditional family, he wanted to have a wife and children. But Paul also wanted John, he wanted and loved Lennon-McCartney, and he didn’t think (or he’d hoped) him getting married and having a family would really change anything between them (because John got married and had a kid and they were still able to do go and do whatever they wanted together, so what was the difference���) that he could still keep what he had with John, that they could still stay together after The Beatles split. Get around to writing that musical, and grow old together still writing and making music, still creating together.

How I see it, is that Paul wanted to have his cake and eat it too.

Paul, being fine with keeping the status quo between them, it was safe and enough (right?), but John vehemently wasn’t fine with it anymore, and it wasn’t enough for him. Nothing was enough for him, as we know; John was a very all-or-nothing individual, and expected complete devotion and love from someone, because receiving less felt like rejection and abandonment was only around the corner. This way of feeling and thinking for John was only exasperated by the drugs, his alcoholism, and his spiraling mental health. 

Paul could have tried compromising with John, and John still could have taken that as a complete rejection of his feelings and what he wanted, and what he had hoped and thought Paul also wanted. 

I believe Paul probably didn’t even know himself what he had done wrong, or that he did anything wrong. I don’t think Paul believed he was downgrading John to anything either.

If only they had talked.

Then they returned from India, and the rest as we know it...

“To me, a summary is something like: “gifted, disturbed boy with tremendous amount of drive to outrun a bad childhood discovers love for music and creative soulmate(s) and gives everything he has to become the most famous musician in the world, hoping it will make him happy. He does, but it doesn’t, and people who don’t have his best interests separate him from his friends, his creation and creative spark, and ultimately himself. He’s too screwed up by addiction, mental illness, and unaddressed traumas to change things, so he retreats further into addiction and mental illness, wishing he could somehow regain his lost spark. He makes a few halfway steps toward doing so, but they’re not enough, and ultimately he is killed in front of his apartment building where, 24 hours later, his wife installs the man she had been sleeping with behind his back.”"

— Michael Bleicher, The Artist as a Dissipated Man: Fred Seaman’s “The Last Days of John Lennon.”

Right, so both John and Paul made their choices in life. Some choices and decisions that we as fans and outside observers might never be able to understand, or agree with.

But who’s to say Paul (and John), couldn’t, didn’t, or don’t regret those choices and decisions? 

I get what you’re saying, I understand. Why can’t Paul move on? He made his choices, why is it 40, 50 years later, that Paul can’t just let John go? Let sleeping dogs lie, all that.

Because Paul loved John, still loves John, to this day. 

Because, clearly Paul has some regrets. He regrets how things were handled during the Divorce. He regrets not hugging John enough. He regrets not telling John, when he had the chance and time, that he loved him (and without the help of alcohol) When you love someone so deeply, and suddenly, without warning, they’re taken from you and the world, you regret a lot, and you miss what could have been, the ‘What if’s.’ 

Paul said that what he and John were, were soulmates. I don’t know how it feels to lose a soulmate. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to know how it feels to get the opportunity to love and be around them. 

How awful do you think it is to meet your soulmate, but you cannot freely love them? Can’t just, be, with them? Not in just one way, bestmates, legendary partners, but, as everything that the word Soulmate brings along and includes with it? 

That God decided to have them be of the same sex, during a time where it was illegal to love and be with someone of the same sex, and could even be a potential death sentence to be assumed or thought of as a ‘queer.’ 

So, you take whatever you can with them. 

Then that isn’t enough. One grows restless, desperate for more. It can’t happen, not realistically, not without consequences of varying degrees. 

Strain, miscommunication to none. They communicate through a musical, artistic language which just isn’t enough. Drugs, alcohol, mental illness and emotional turmoil, it’s all too much. It breaks. Soulmates are still flawed human beings. 

You have people who work to purposefully pin them against each other. Parasites and piggybackers. 

A nasty divorce and breakup between two lovers that never were.

And then, after ten years, it’s happening. You two are talking again, things are tense and awkward still sometimes, but something’s changed. You’ve planned on reuniting, couldn’t do it this year, because the studio you wanted was booked. So you plan for after the New Year. 

Then, your soulmate is killed. Just, taken away from you, like nothing. Violently and suddenly. And all the possibilities... The time... Gone. Ripped away from both of you.

I can’t blame Paul for not letting go. I can’t say I’d ever be able to understand the sort of pain and heartbreak he experienced. He still goes through it! It’s still there. He’s just learned how to manage it a bit better. 

I’d say it’s more pathetic then it is annoying— and I don’t mean it in a way to insult Paul. I really don’t. Because John was just as pathetic when it came to his obvious obsession, desire, and love for Paul, too. 

Love, that kind of soul-deep love, it can make you pathetic and hopeless. And it’s not something you can just... let go for good. 

Wanting, or expecting Paul to let go of John for good... Firstly would be impossible, and secondly, how do you let go of a soulmate? John is a part of Paul, whether some like it or not. Can’t really have one without the other. 

Can’t have Lennon without McCartney, and vice-or-versa. Forever intertwined, are they.