#lardo duan my beloved

[be-bisexual-eat-hot-chip-and-lie]

this is a reminder that i love lardo

[makeshittyknightproud]

Lardo Duan, my beloved...

Ducklings on some lily pads.

[omgnotanothercpblog]

And I Fell In Love Instantly

Day 1: Meet Cute  @charmerweek

Hello, Wellies! 

Before we get started, the Samwell Governing Board asked me to make a short announcement: People are not allowed in the LAX frat. You might see LAX bros in the LAX frat. Do not approach them. Do not approach the LAX frat. Do not look at the LAX frat. It will not harm you.

Okay, now for some news.

Bitty, my teammate on the Samwell Men’s Hockey team – he’s ‘swawesome! – wanted me to let everyone know that he’s got plenty of pies, so stop by the Haus and try a slice. He’s been baking since this morning, and he’s running out of places to put them all. The porch is just covered! If he doesn’t already have your favorite kind made, he’ll whip one up for you while you wait. Bitty’s pies are ‘swawesome and I promise you, the five minute wait is totally worth it.

A new player for the Women’s Volleyball team came to Samwell today. She has perfect and beautiful eyebrows. I wonder if she likes hockey, specifically the Sharks? She’s so athletic. Well, many of us are, but she’s ‘swawesome! Anyway, she moved into the Women’s Volleyball house, the one next to Jerry’s.

Nobody does brunch like Jerry’s. Nobody.

An important safety reminder: the geese who live in River Quad are not to be approached. Or looked at. Or photographed. If you happen to make eye contact, run. Students and faculty are reminded to wear running shoes and protective head coverings if you plan to walk through River Quad.

This morning, hockey practice was disrupted by the mysterious appearance of an oversized puck. Seriously, it was the size of a Zamboni. It disappeared again after about ten seconds and nobody was hurt. It was probably the work of Yale Men’s Hockey. They’re always trying to throw us off our game. Not cool, Bulldogs. Not cool.

The new volleyball player – I just learned her name is Caitlin Farmer - announced an exhibition match. She has beautiful blue eyes and her eyebrows are perfect. Everything about her is just… perfect.

Bitty dropped by with some of his mini pies. They were apple pies, except he ran out of apples, and they are the most delicious apple-less apple pies I’ve ever tasted. Bitty is expecting a good harvest of apples though, from the orchard he planted behind Faber just last week, so expect those soon. Very soon.

I was piggyback racing with my teammates in the quad, as one does, when I stumbled into Caitlin Farmer. We fell into a leaf pile and I fell in love instantly.

I know what you’re thinking, but only the leaves from the trees in Lake Quad are used for love potions, which aren’t even a thing, according to Samwell Student Services. But we were in the Old Quad, you know, the one with the graveyard? And the trees there don’t even have leaves, so you see it was a miracle.

Great news from the Samwell Athletic Association. They’re going ahead with their planned outdoor ice rink on the Pond. I’ve seen the new facilities and they are fantastic. There is some concern that the Pond isn’t frozen over for the whole hockey-playing season, but we’ve still got Faber as backup! Anyway, we can share the facilities with Samwell’s swim team, if the Athletic Association ever figures out what to do about the sentient pondweed.

On a related note, Professor Atley’s cat has gone missing. He was last seen by the Pond. If you happen to find him, send word by carrier pigeon. She’s offering a reward of ‘the feeling you get when you do a good deed without expectation of reward’. That sounds ‘swawesome!

The SMH booster club – which is actually just my teammates Ransom and Holster, they’re ‘swawesome! – is selling bumper stickers to raise money during their fundraising week. I’ve got one right here in front of me and it’s one of the greatest bumper stickers I’ve ever seen. It’s Samwell crimson and it says in bold white letters: We are the ice and the ice is us. It’s ‘swawesome and I’m going to get two! Order yours now in the usual way. They’ll be delivered on the next full moon that’s on a Thursday.

Caitlin and the rest of the Women’s Volleyball team won their exhibition match when the other team failed to score any points due to being incorporeal.

“They were actually just us from another plane of existence,” explained Caitlin and her perfect eyebrows. “As a matter of fact, in their plane, they won the game. We’re pretty happy with our win. We’re also going to put this loss behind us and keep giving 110%. We’re looking forward to a rematch during the regular season.”

There have been sightings of Wellie the Dancing Well wandering around the campus. I know Wellie is a beloved Samwell icon, but whatever she says, do NOT drink deeply from her bucket. Do not.

Caitlin says volleyball practices are going well and the team loves the new volleyball court, which is scheduled to be built in about three years. Be sure to check it out at whatever point in time it happens to exist, everyone.

Class cancellations and other changes:

The Astronomy 210 class that was scheduled during tonight’s partial lunar eclipse has been pushed back to tomorrow night. While the eclipse won’t actually be visible at that time, students are free to use their imagination while viewing the moon. There will be a quiz on the eclipse next week, so take good notes!

All computer courses are cancelled indefinitely until the instructor can be removed from the computer program they wrote themself into. That’s too bad! See your advisor about replacement credit hours.

And now the latest piece from Samwell Men’s Hockey’s own team manager, Larissa “Lardo” Duan, available only on this program.

[1 minute of dead air]

Wow, that is ‘swawesome! What a great painting. Or maybe it’s a sculpture? I don’t always know what to say about abstract art, but this is really interesting. Don’t forget to let Lardo know what you think, guys! She’s taking comments by semaphore and telegram, so brush up on your Morse code!

According to Caitlin, the new volleyball court, which hasn’t been built yet, is back to being yet-to-be-built, and the Women’s Volleyball team is looking for a new place to practice. I think it would be great if they could share the ice with us, I mean the hockey team, until they find other accommodations. There really should be more cooperation between sports teams – except with the LAX bros – and also more ice sports, and I think ice volleyball could be the wave of the future. I would play ice volleyball.

Public service announcement:

Sharks: are they the best sea creatures ever? Yes. Also the best NHL team.

Jack Zimmermann, captain of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team – he’s ‘swawesome! – reports that there is a second ice rink under Faber. It is about one quarter of the size, as are the players who use it, and we can expect a friendly match against them any day now.

Caitlin, perfect and beautiful, came to visit the studios while looking for a new practice space, but she couldn’t stay for an interview. She says the studio, while large enough, is a little too unsteady due to the floating. She’s really passionate about playing volleyball, you guys, and I hope she’ll stop by again soon!

So that’s it for today, listeners. Tune in tomorrow for more general Samwell news, specific Samwell Men’s hockey news, including Dex and Nursey’s latest argument over who gets to control the body they’re temporarily sharing, and an update on Caitlin – I mean, the volleyball court situation, if anything changes.

Goodnight, Wellies. Goodnight.