#lammergeier if you WANT you can come over to my place

[hummingjay]

@nixaluminos' Lammergeier, the counterespionage bearded vulture! I saw her and something had to be done. Anyway Nixaluminos' original posts are here and here and you should go check them out because they're incalculably cool. not only do they have more info but ALSO nixaluminos' art does her proper justice.

[inspector2ndclass]

The Mechanisms as Random Birds I Found on the Internet

Did anyone want this? No. Do I know anything about birds? Also no. Anyways, here’s a shitpost I spent way too long on.

Jonny d’Ville: Northern Mockingbird

First and foremost, here’s Jonny! An asshole! A bastard! An all around terrible person! He shall be a northern mockingbird. This fucking bird has no redeemable qualities other than that it is pretty and a GREAT singer. This is a very aggressive bird. Very territorial. If it had opposable thumbs, it would probably shoot you in like the foot or something. I don’t think these birds are very smart. Just like a certain “captain” that we know. The state bird of Texas, among all places. Never trust a texas. In true Texas fashion, the 1927 legislation declaring the Northern Mockingbird the state’s official bird stated that the species is “a fighter for the protection of his home, falling, if need be, in its defence, like any true texan.” Now Jonny burned down a Texas - maybe not this Texas but whatever. I read somewhere that a mockingbird could peck someone’s dick off, and honestly? Valid.

Gunpowder Tim: Southern Cassowary

Okay, hear me out. This bird is a little bitch - or rather a b i g bitch. In a good way. Look at this fucking bird. It’s majestic. Doesn’t it look just SO trustworthy. What a trustworthy man. And very pretty. Pretty, pretty bird. Who could squash you like a fucking ant. This is one Violent bird. Tim is one Violent person. The cassowary makes a low roaring sound like a fucking dinosaur. I love dinosaurs. DID I MENTION IT LAYS GREEN EGGS. Now you might say, well Tim is a human and humans don’t lay green eggs. Fuck you. It’s never explicitly stated that our very own Gunpowder Tim doesn’t lay green eggs. Also comes with a built-in helmet. As everyone except Tim and the southern cassowary says, safety first! Strikes me as a very egotistical bird. If the cassowary weren’t a bird, I don’t think it would wear a seatbelt.

Ashes O’Reilly: California Condor

Okay, so. This is a cool fucking bird. Just look at it. M a j e s t i c. Do you know who else is really fucking cool? Ashes. They have so much power. Also condors are beautiful birds. Oh my god. California condors are very graceful fliers. For Ashes, I almost went with the brown falcon - one of “Nature’s arsonists”, but other than arson, it’s a rather boring bird. Just brown. And a falcon. BUT THE CALIFORNIA CONDOR. Now that’s a cool bird. The god of the sky. Actually, in the “research” for this post I found a blog post in 2011 from someone who has genuinely worshipped condors as gods since they were a teenager and honestly? Valid. (disclaimer; I am aware that many native cultures worship animals and nature, however I don’t feel qualified to talk about that. I don’t mean any harm by this post.)

DrumBot Brian: Shoebill Stork

Well. I did have a rather difficult time finding a bird that has a complex set of moral values. Who would’ve thought?? I did almost use a praying mantis, just for a little variety. I’ve never met someone who wouldn’t rip off the head of their lover. BUT ANYWAYS. Here we have Brian the Shoebill Stork. He looks so nice. But he will not hesitate to decapitate your baby crocodile. Also very patient!! Like a dinosaur! This bird has the most complex set of moral values of any bird I could find in about thirty seconds. If Brian didn’t decapitate so many young crocodiles there would be much too many! Too many crocodiles! The horror! I’ve also seen a gif of Boring Brian delicately picking up a duckling and placing it back down. Dunno what happened after, though. Don’t ask. Apparently the shoebill stork makes “machine-gun noises” which I think Jonny would enjoy fucking around with. A place that I forgot to write down reportedly called the bird “Abu-Markhub” meaning “father of the slipper” which,,,, yeah.

Raphaella la Cognizi: Kea

Also known as the “clown of the alps”, the Kea resides in the mountains, as the only alpine parrot. Pretty cool. I want to be a clown. But like, a cool clown - not one that hides in a sewer and eats children… Anyways, I’m getting off topic. The kea is the smartest bird I could find. Raphaella is the science officer of the Aurora so it seemed fitting. Look at this photo. That’s science at work! Kea can use basic tools! And reportedly have the intelligence of a four-year-old child! That’s pretty smart! Also it has wings! Raph has wings! Apparently kea enjoy attacking sheep, dogs, horses, etc. and just generally fuck around with people. Imagine what this bird could do with opposable thumbs…

Marius von Raum: Victoria Crowned Pigeon

My criteria for Bird Marius was essentially a stupid looking bird with a ridiculously long name. I was originally going to go with the King of Saxony Bird of Paradise solely for the name (just look at it! It’s so dumb! Who the fuck is the king of saxony!) however it bored me. So! Here we have Doctor Baron Marius von Raum as the Victoria Crowned Pigeon (also sometimes referred to as the Blue Crowned Pigeon). Genuinely, this was my favourite bird as a child. I fucking love this funky little bastard. Apparently, it’s the largest pigeon species in the world and can grow to be the size of a turkey. A turkey! What the fuck! This bird thinks it’s all that. (I mean, it’s not wrong). It was named after Queen Victoria but like,,,,, Fuck The Monarchy. Also eats a lot of figs. The bird - not the queen. Or maybe the queen I dunno. Marius seems like the kind of person who hates figs but eats them anyways so he doesn’t feel inferior to the Fig Lord. How the fuck is this bird not extinct yet.

Ivy Alexandria: Common Raven

Ivy Alexandria, the Common Raven. Ravens are extremely smart! Like seriously - near where I live, there’s an animal shelter with a raven and you can hold a conversation with it. It’s amazing! They also have great memories and hold grudges - so don’t mess with them. Oh! They can also use hand gestures, which for birds is insanely cool! They are the literal “birdbrain”. Sometimes they collect little trinkets, which I think is really sweet. Now, I don’t believe ravens can read but like,,,,, I dunno. I read an article recently about ravens doing “weird things with ants”. Apparently they like to play with them. Ravens have been known to sit in an anthill and let ants crawl all over their feathers for no apparent reason. Now, while nothing has been canonically stated involving Ivy and ants, you can’t prove Ivy doesn’t go sit and hang out with a bunch of ants.

Nastya Rasputina: Andean Potoo

The Andean Potoo is the most mysterious breed of the seven or so potoo species; almost nothing is known other than their vague appearance and their stomach contents (large insects like beetles and grasshoppers, if you were interested). While we do know quite a bit about Nastya, I thought this bird fit her pretty well. In answer to the question “Are potoos friendly?” a website said: “The short answer is ‘no’. The slightly longer answer is ‘it depends’.” This sounds like Nastya and her lesbian spaceship girlfriend. Potoos are VERY good at camouflage; like Nastya in Aurora’s veins?? I dunno, might be a bit of a stretch. They are shy, secretive birds. Sounds fun. Potoos are also VERY good at catching insects and shit. This point might not be relevant, but whatever. Andean potoos might mate for life; scientists don’t know. Let’s say that they do. If Nastya were this bird, she could be eaten by a weasel. Weasels said fuck Nastya rights. Fuck weasels.

The Toy Soldier: Atlantic Puffin

OH MY GOD. I love the Toy Soldier. The Atlantic Puffin. I don’t have many reasons for this one other that IT’S ADORABLE. This is my favourite bird. Just look at it!!! Hnnnnnnn. Baby puffins are called pufflingssssss. Oh my god. Also look up the bird call of the atlantic puffin; it is the best thing ever. Puffins are very sociable birds and live in like giant flocks or something. They’re very neat birds and also waterproof! Like wood! They shed the outer layer of their beaks once a year! Like wood! They live in burrows! Like wood! They can hold a fuck ton of fish in their beaks! Like wood! They have a really fucking wierd tongue! Like wood!

BONUS: Dr. Carmilla: Lammergier (Bearded Vulture)

Do I know anything about Dr. Carmilla? Nope! I think she’s a vampire but like???? Anyways, just look at this bird. It’s pretty self-explanatory. The Lammergeier is one Badass Bird. It is one of the largest old-world vultures. I don’t know what that means. It can grow up to four feet tall, though! And has a wingspan between seven and nine feet. That’s a big fucking bird! They have no natural predators, much like a certain immortal vampire (maybe???). It eats primarily bone and bone marrow and has a nasty habit of carrying off lambs, calves, and dead children. Remind you of the Good Doctor and her Band? Probably not. I bet Jonny has eaten at least one dead child, though. The lammergeier can also live up to the ripe old age of 45 (old in bird years?). Supposedly a lammergeier killed the greek playwright Aeschelus by mistaking his large bald head for a rock and dropping a turtle on it. Sounds very Carmilla. BUT WAIT I HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO THE BEST PART. This bird dies it’s fur the colour of blood to look more intimidating! Supposedly this is a mark of status, as well. That’s one badass bird!!!

WELL THAT WAS AN ADVENTURE. A useless adventure, sure. Fuck you. I had fun.

[birdy-rps]

The camera shifts slightly ad her face comes into view. Checking the settings one more time she smiles and waves to the camera,

"Hi! Today we are going to go through the various creatures I own and how I got them! Now, while I own an aviary, many of the birds just visit momentarily and then return home either to their owner or they are relocated to a proper habitat after rehabilitation. I own around 9 different birds, 2 different reptiles, one amphibian, one arachnid and 5 mammals."

She turns the camera around, showing her walking to a door. The door opens to reveal what appears to be a animal paradise, different glass domes showcasing brilliant fauna from different ecosystems. The first dome she walks into appears to be a north American forest, and the camera shows her sliding a thick leather glove onto her hand.

"First up, let's meet Arthur. Arthur is a Male great horned owl, who used to be a pet until his owners got tired of him. Instead of bringing him straight to a place like mine, they just let him out into the wild, leaving him defenseless and vulnerable to predators. He had no idea how to hunt for himself and hardly flew around unless he wanted to perch."

She makes a whistle noise and theres a barely there sound of flapping as a large owl swoops from the trees and lands on her gloved hand. The owl settles himself and preens lightly under the view of the camera.

"He was given to me by someone who found him practically starving to death out in the woods. I taught him how to fly and how to hunt by using treats whenever he did it well, but since he had been a pet most his life he refuses to leave and thus cannot be rehabilitated. He's very friendly and behaves well around all age groups so he is one of my best models for photographs when I go to teach kids about animals"

Raising her hand and making another whistle noise, Arthur flies off into the trees. Moving to another patch of trees, She reaches into a bag at her side and pulls out a small piece of raw cubed beef, clutching it between her thumb and index within the large glove. She makes a high pitched scree noise and a more noticable flapping noise is heard from directly in front. A gyrfalcon swoops down and lands on her hand, quickly gobbling down the beef.

"This is Fawkes, my gyrfalcon. Hes about 8 years old, and came to me about a year and a half ago, suffering from an injured foot. He was given to me by a retired falconer and very quickly got used to being pampered because of his injury and prefers to stay in the aviary where he can stretch his wings whenever he pleases but still get attention."

Raising her hand like she did with Arthur, Fawkes flies off into the trees. Taking the large glove off, she flips the camera to face her again,

"Those were my north American birds, now on to my tropical species"

There's a jump cut and now Sarah is shown standing in an area of lush fauna, two different species of macaws on her shoulders. The one on her left shoulder is a scarlet macaw, the one on the right is a hyacinth macaw. Adjusting the microphone on the small headset, she introduces the pair,

"This is Bow, the scarlet macaw, and Beck, the hyacinth macaw. Both are around the same age, about 4 years old, and I got both from a rescue program after their habitats were destroyed due to logging companies. Both are very friendly and will attempt to take any buttons you happen to have on you, hence why I'm wearing a regular T shirt without buttons on it. They hang out here in the tropical dome with each other and anyone who happens to stop by, so they're never lonely"

The camera now shows her sitting on a low branch next to a toco toucan, the bird walking back and forth along the branch.

"This is Tulio, the toco toucan. He has been with me ever since he was a hatchling, his species being a very popular pet. He was the runt and was gifted to me by a very reliable avian breeder. He's very friendly and loves to eat fruit, and I often let those who pose with Tulio feed him a berry or two as a treat for good behavior."

Another jump cut and now she is standing holding a greater bird of paradise, the bird preening his feathers as he perched on her arm.

"This is Tico, the greater bird of paradise. He is about 3 years old, and loves being in the spotlight. I got him after he was injured in his habitat by some logging crew after he refused to leave. Since being brought to me, he has recovered fully but now thinks I am his mate and consistently performs a display to hopefully get me to accept his proposal."

She visibly sweatdrops as she mentions this before the scene changes to her opening the door to another dome, this one lacking very many trees and instead having tall Savannah grass. As soon as she closes the door, a pair of wings can be heard getting closer, and the moment she turns around, a large African crowned crane is standing in front of her.

"Oh! Hello Majesty, heheh. This is Majesty, my African crowned crane. She was gifted to me by a local zoo after she got involved in a pretty bad spat between her and another of their female cranes. She enjoys attention and pretty much demands the focus be on her at all times, and there has been one or two incidents of her pecking at someone who didnt give her the attention she wanted. Because of this, I rarely have her pose for photos, although she loves having her picture taken."

The scene cuts and now she has the camera pointed to a secretary bird, standing tall with his head feathers moving in the slight breeze. He steps toward the camera and pecks at it before Sarah moves the camera away, laughing softly,

"This is Jaques, my Male secretary bird. He has a habit of pecking at anything he can get his beak on, Haha. Despite that though, hes much more behaved than Majesty and thus I have more pictures of him. He tends to stand on people's shoulders if I have them crouch next to him. He was also given to me by a zoo as they needed more space for different animals they had received and had no where to put him. He enjoys being scratched under the beak and that's usually what he's asking for if he shoves his head in your hand."

The camera cuts again to show Sarah holding a large bearded vulture on her arm. He has bright orange pigment in his feathers.

"This is Steve, my bearded vulture, or lammergeier. Their diet is primarily bones, and they put pigment in their feathers to make them more intimidating. Steve prefers to be left alone and thus keeps to himself when I'm not around. I've had him for about 3 years now, after being injured by a trap someone had set. These fierce birds are captured and poisoned in acts of illegal persecution, and seldom make it out before the person who trapped them comes back to check their traps. And that's all of my personal avians!"

The view changes to being inside a fairly spacious room with terrariums lining the walls. She walks over to the closest one, opening it to show an African fat tailed gecko, carefully reaching her hand inside for the small reptile to crawl into her hand.

"This is Kiwi, my African fat tailed gecko. She's very friendly and her favorite place to sit is on people shoulders or head so she can get a good look around. Kiwi is an oreo morph, one of the rarer ones as this morph type is recessive. She likes to lick things and it feels very ticklish when she does, heheh. I've had her for about 2 years, and I got her for my birthday."

Placing Kiwi back into her tank, she moved down to another one, opening it and carefully removing a piebald python. The snake immediately slithered itself up to rest around her neck, causing Sarah to flip the camera view.

"This is Cookie, my piebald ball python, shes about 3 years old and was probably the best Christmas present I ever received! She enjoys curling around people's necks and she's extremely photogenic, she poses in just about every picture I've ever taken of her. And given how comfortable she is around my neck right now, I think itd be best if she stays there for the rest of the video."

There's a cut and the camera focuses on a black salamander with yellow spots, leisurely resting in a small pool of water.

"This is Mino, my black and yellow spotted salamander. I got him from my college professor who told me she couldnt take care of him anymore because of her new apartment having a strict no pets policy. He prefers to stay in his tank and it's best to not handle him because the oils from human hands could hurt him very badly. So most of the photos I have of him are of him in his tank."

The scene changes to show a large tarantula crawling on her hand. Sarah whispers softly into the microphone to avoid startling the arachnid,

"This is Luna, my rose haired tarantula. She is one of my oldest pets, being 13 years old. I've had her since I was in highschool and she's been with me through pretty much everything. She's very docile and is very okay with being handled but since she's so special to me I only let her take pictures with those I know personally."

Coming up to the last few minutes of the video, the camera shows two ferrets, a cat, and two dogs, playing next to a couch. Of the two ferrets, one is a dark eyed solid white and the other has a standard sable coat, and they seem to be playfully fighting over a toilet paper tube. The cat is a ragdoll and is leisurely resting in a patch of sun coming from the window. The smallest of. the two dogs is a pomsky, the larger being a albernese mountain dog.

"To end my video, I'm going to introduce you all to my five mammalian pets, Jinx and Greg the ferrets, Maria the ragdoll, Skye the pomsky and Kiba the albernese mountain dog. Out of the five, Maria is the oldest at 10 years old, Kiba coming in second at 5 years old. Jinx and Greg came from the same litter, both being 3 years old, Greg being the runt. And Skye is the youngest at 2 years old! I got all of them from reliable breeders and I cherish all of them dearly. And that concludes all my personal pets! Thank you for tuning in, see you next time!"

The video ends with a slideshow of various pictures of the animals with various people.

[heedra]

Exalted Secret Santa

I’m excited to jump in on @shiftingpath‘s Exalted Secret Santa for the first time! A busy quarter meant I didn’t really have time to get adequate reference material for everyone I wanted to add to this list (there’s always next time!), but here are two of my (terrible) favorites.

Avenging Phoenix- Dawn Caste Solar (Formerly Ravenous Vulture Picks Clean the Bones of Creation, Dusk Caste Abyssal)

Orphaned at an early age, Phoenix was adopted by a Guild mercenary and raised as such. He spent his later mortal life as a city guard captain in Thorns, where he exalted during the fateful siege itself, disillusionment and rage at the circumstances of his death making him an easy recruit for the Mask. His path has weaved far and wide since then, a slow painful crawl from rebellion to eventual redemption; a journey that ultimately gave him a place among the saviors of Creation. He now helps command an organization that trains mortals, ghosts, and renegade deathknights alike to combat the forces of the Underworld (is it based on the BPRD? yes.). As long as his soul is on this side of Lethe, he is determined to fight against the Void- not because he considers himself antithesis to it, but because he has known it and survived it. He has impostor’s syndrome when it comes to his redemption by the Sun, and still feels uncomfortable thinking of himself as a peer to the other members of the Solar Host.

Phoenix is of Western descent, very short, fat, and beefy, with warm brown skin and a round, open face.  He keeps his burgundy hair closely shaved, not fond of dealing with the mess of wavy curls it becomes when allowed to grow out. His eyes are dark brown, almost black, the outside of the iris rimmed with the faintest edge of golden yellow. His nose looks like it has been broken multiple times in the past, and never properly healed. Due to unfortunate wyld misadventures his tongue has been mutated to resemble and function like that of a frog or chameleon’s, though this is only really apparent when he opens his mouth to use the damn thing. He is frequently found wearing his armor; black jade lamellar embellished with cruel-looking spikes, and often a shaggy grey fur cloak made from the pelt of some hunting trophy. A horned skull helm, made from the skull of a nephwrack’s war-body, often completes this ensemble. The helmet is a minor artifact: when worn, it causes his eyes to glow balefully behind its sockets and makes his voice gravelly with deathly menace. He is reluctant to take it off unless he feels at ease in a situation. Phoenix’s casual clothes tend to be simple, comfortable, loose, and in sharp contrast to his prickly combat garb. He enjoys floral patterns. He does not dress fancily unless pressed to for big occasions, and in those cases usually grudgingly follows the fashion direction of the one twisting his arm.

He usually tends to give off a vibe of someone who is tired, stressed, and sad but trying to seem laid back and amiable wrt expression and body language. Other common emotions include: ‘concerned dad face’, polite confusion, grumpy confusion, blank confusion, tired confusion, worried confusion, exasperated confusion, “is it time for me to fight something yet” confusion, and general gormlessness. This all hides a talent for strategic leadership and a stoic determination that gets fiercer as the going gets tougher. On the battlefield, he is brutal and bloodthirsty. He goes out of his way to make sure his enemies are intimidated, and few of his threats go unbacked. 

His anima banner starts as burst of gold-and crimson fire that solidifies into the form of a fierce and predatory-looking phoenix, with aspects of a garda bird and a lammergeier both. It moves as he does across the battlefield, swooping and rising with each swing of his axe, its fierce eyes focused on his prey. Refs: [1] [2]  Quick sketch of the skull helm (messy, sorry!) His grand grimcleaver looks like this, except made of solar essence (a la Glorious Solar Saber).

Example of the sort of casual clothing he wears

Feel free to get creative with the armor if you want. I’ve never had a fully cemented design for it, besides the fact that it is black jade lamellar and has those spiky shoulder pads. The one thing I would say is that it likely has spikes elsewhere as well, and has clawed gauntlets.

Harvester Of Corpses from Bones of the Barren Wasteland- Daybreak Caste Abyssal Necrosurgeon Harvester grew up in a small villages of ancestor-worshipping farmers that had lived next to the shadowlands southeast of Thorns for generations upon generations. He exalted at 19 in an unceremonious manner when he was ambushed and gutted by bandits upon returning from selling crops and wool at the market. Fueled by bitterness towards his previous life of powerlessness and poverty and the rush of newfound power he received, he served as a loyal deathknight for several years, but mounting attacks of conscience and growing fear of his master eventually led him to abandon his increasingly half-hearted servitude and flee with what little he could take. He now lives a destitute life on the run, hiding beneath rags and the veneer of disease, adrift in a world that rejects his essence, still reeling from just how far in over his head he’s managed to get himself. Harv is 6ft8 (or rather, the Creation equivalent in comparison to average height), very thin, bony and gangly, with greyish, clammy skin that used to be brown. The tips of his fingers and toes are marked with the black of necrosis, and his skin is marked by leprous boils and sores. Hardly any of his hair is left, only his big eyebrows and one small, scraggly patch remaining. His eyes are tired, underscored by heavy shadows, and often seem to have a pale, unhealthy yellow cast to them. He has several scars, most of them from his ‘trials’ as a new deathknight and one from the moment of his ‘death’, a giant scar across his stomach that still looks supernaturally raw and unhealed. The scar on his nose, however, is just from a time he got attacked by a chicken as a kid, a scar which got repeatedly reopened throughout incidents in his childhood and is kind of there to stay.

Harv wears an ever-shifting litany of ragged and grimy cloaks and bandages, prefering to conceal his body as much as possible. Beneath, he wears an unadorned soulsteel breastplate, nabbed from the armory on his way out of dodge, which fits poorly on his scrawny frame, and beneath this a sleeveless high-necked shirt, also black. His one accessory is a pair of obsidian earrings, tokens that marked the passage to adulthood in his village, which he wears at all times. His weapon of choice is Famine’s Mouth, a relatively unadorned artifact soulsteel war-scythe. 

Harvester is an unsettling deadbeat drifter with a penchant for drink. He comes off as defeated and glum, prone to melodrama, cowardice, passive-aggression, and extremely dry humor. Deep down he’s still the gentle and caring farmboy he once was, though it is hidden behind paranoia, avoidance, a nasty passive agressive dramatic streak, and immense social awkwardness. Despite his fear of his deathlord and peers and self-hatred towards his abyssal nature, he is also a zealous underworld nerd, fascinated with necromancy and the Neverborn alike (tho certainly not interested in being loyal to the latter). His passion for his craft is such that he makes use of pretty much any corpse he finds, and is not averse to graverobbing (he’s big on recycling). Harvester can often be found with a retinue of equally cloaked and bandaged zombies, frequently with bizarre and dangerous modifications made to them; this has gotten him in trouble one more than one occasion. He daydreams of one day having the workspace, safety, and materials to create much more ambitious constructs. He is also, despite himself, too fond of dogs to avoid them for resonance’s sake, and the local strays frequently trail after him once they realize that he hands out treats. His anima banner is a sickly green and black swarm of locusts that coalesce thickest behind his head in a grim halo. 

Refs: [1] [2] [3] (old, but good outfit ref] [4 (not my art!)] [5 (ignore the silly outfit and tatoos, but there’s colors here)] The top three drawings here show the weapon his grimscythe is based on. I don’t have a cemented design for it, but it resembles a basic war scythe like the one shown here only much larger, crueler, and made of soulsteel. If you choose to depict it, feel free to get creative!