#lambert owes the cookie jar approx ten dozen cookies for swearing

[catscraftsandcommentary]

Can't remember if I've made this post before, but eh, why not repeat.

The Accidental Warlord AU needs a daycare/nursery at Kaer Morhen, SPECIFICALLY so that Geralt can go play with all the babies, toddlers, small children, etc and hide from his responsibilities.

Just IMAGINE how adorable he'd be, buried in little tykes, play-wrestling with them, or reading to them, or cuddling them to sleep.

Their parents come to pick them up, and are immediately like "....uh, I need to have FIVE DOZEN MORE CHILDREN NOW, just so I can hang them off the horribly terrifying Warlord of the North, who can be completely disarmed with exactly ONE (1) small child."

After about the fifth time that various members of the council have to pry Geralt away from the nursery, the children start hiding him.

Well. Attempting to hide him.

Please imagine:

Eskel has been sent to fetch both Geralt and Jaskier, who had previously been sent to fetch the runaway lord. He walks in to find

- 1 suspiciously Warlord sized lump, covered in a truly hideous afghan (it was an early project of Ciri's, Geralt adores it but made the mistake of taking it to the nursery ONCE and has never been able to able to reclaim it since)

- 3 gleefully giggling children sitting atop said suspiciously-sized blanket-covered lump

- one missing Consort instructing said children - and several stuffed animals - on proper tea party etiquette (he may or may not be playing his lute - I bet one of his spares has made its way down there after how many times Geralt has hidden among the children)

- one Consort's bodyguard (Aubry) with two toddlers in his lap and three more cuddled close, all listening to a story about birds (illustrated by Aleksander, obviously)

And if you think that Eskel escapes the tea party ding dong you're wrong