#lae'zel romance just feels so raw and i love it

[badasserywomen]

Taking lae'zels romance to the next level...worth it

[nomomio]

TW: Allusions to SA, CSA, and physical abuse

Something that's been really driving me nuts is the reading of Karlach as a metaphor for healing from years and years of a physically and s*xually abuse, notably abuse that occurred during formative years.

- Too hot to touch + Practically throwing herself at you if youre slightly good: As a survivor myself the impossible to touch just screams how much touch feels like it will legitimately burn after getting out of a situation. The years of *desperately* wanting loving touch but something always telling me it's wrong, that it will hurt, that somehow I'll hurt them even.

And combined with the moments where you feel you can get touch and you jump on it like a poor child in a marshmallow test. It's normal to want touch, love, affection, intimacy. But how often do we jump into it without a single thought prior when traumatized, because of that near desperate want. In my second playthrough romancing Shart, my sweet angry baby did her little "hey soldier, you awake?" scene second night of being in my camp, with the only companion approval level lower than hers being Lae'zel. Legit just be nice to her, and get the first upgrade for her heart, and she wants more. And lawd I relate.

- Dammon's upgrades: To me these are early understanding in healing. Early jumps in therapy. Finally finding a medication that works. You feel so elated, ecstatic, alive! You can be fixed! You can be okay! You get told by professionals that C-PTSD, BPD, dissociation, whatever. It never truly goes away. Just managed. But you don't care, you don't really integrate that notion because holy fuck for the first time in years, ever even, you can see a light of fucking goodness at the end of the tunnel.

*MAJOR SPOILERS*

- Getting to Act 3, the "it doesn't go away" catches up and she starts burning hot: Just about everyone I know who's gone through/going through this intense of healing all have a point where we relapse in some way. The dissociation gets bad again. Mood swings get volatile again. SH tendencies creep back in. The reality sets in that you can't distract from things with how good things can be when you're okay. It's *always* there. You're stuck with what happened forever.

- Total meltdown after killed Gortash: This monologue GUTTED me. I hid and the washroom and SOBBED after it. I have had similar internal meltdowns so many times. No matter what happens to my abuser. Despite the fact that I can still go to court and send him to prison if I wanted. It won't change that what was done to you has been done. When it sets in that everyone around you who loves you will get to have a normal life and you *never* will. You can put in as much work, as much effort, as much heart as possible to try to fucking heal, only to realize that some things will never go away. Some wounds simply will not heal. And you get angry. So so angry. And then you collapse. It isn't fair. It's not. Fair.

The writers at Larian did SUCH a good job capturing the sheer degree of pain in her lines. Samantha Béart's performance deserves all the awards and accolades because capturing that nuanced raw emotion is so so hard. I so desperately wish we could fix Karlach properly, let her stay in Faerun. But. Maybe her good ending being returning to Avernus with you is truly her realistic good ending. I won't ever fully be free of what happened to me as a child. Its a naive hope that ill ever be completely free of it. But I know I don't have to go it alone. My husband, my friends, those I've chosen are with me through it. Karlach can't change her past, but with Tav, Wyll. She doesn't have to go it alone.

[thefangdomcryptid]

With Astarion, it was just manipulation at first. Eve fell through a portal on earth and ended up in Faerun. She'd been trying to survive as a musician instead of selling her body as she'd done countless of times during her lifetime, but it was hard. When the mindflayers took her and she woke up on the beach, found Astarion and learned he was a Magistrate, her instincts kicked in, and like so many other powerful men (or so she thought), she did was she was good at and seduced him, making him think he was the one pulling the strings. After all, there's nothing more attractive for a man who craves power for whatever reason to have someone worshipping at their altar. Eve thought his connections could get her home, and little did she know that he was running a con as well. They both ended up falling in love with each other, despite their efforts not to.

Lae'zel provided protection since Eve wasn't really a skilled fighter. Yes, she knew how to stick someone with the pointy end, but she had never really had to take up arms, since she had always talked herself out of sticky situations, or into someone's bed who could provide her with whatever she needed. So when the Gith approached her quite quickly, she did what she had to do, but then slowly more feelings grew over time and they became more.

With Gale, it was different. Here was this deeply intelligent and awkward rude man she had no idea how to seduce, because he seemed...distant and uninterested in her, but they bonded over magic and the Gods. Eve's wild magic surges turned out to be quite challenging, but befitting of her nature as a wereleopard, wild and untamed. Back home she had no magical abilities she knew of , and in our world magic was much more raw and harder to grasp than in Faerun. He helped her control her magic. As for the Gods part, what Gale had with Mystra, Eve had with Zeus, being seduced at a young age, and then cursed by Hera because Zeus couldn't keep it in his pants and she found out. The immortality Zeus granted her was great, but her beast side, which was a "gift" from Hera, not so much. Anyway, when they did finally fall in love, they fell hard for each other.

With Halsin, it was much more natural. As a druid, even though her transformation was different than his, her being excruciating due to every bone in her body breaking every time she transformed (it had gotten easier over time, but never painless), he did understand her nature better than anyone. He cared for her, hunted with her in bear form, helped her through her heats, in the beginning by restraining her with his own body, then later on by having intercourse. They were perfect for each other. There is also a poly option if she is with Astarion on a good run, because while she did try to overcome her nature, Astarion felt she needed someone who could "help" her cope with her animal side and her sex drive that went with it. He wasn't quite ready for that yet, and Eve respected that. After all, their stories of prostitution are similar, and if it weren't for her condition, she probably would choose not to have intercourse if she didn't want to.

Shadowheart was... not her cup of tea. I have no idea how it happened, but it happened. She went from not liking or trusting the Sharran to something resembling friends, and then lovers.

Karlach and Wyll were also unexpected, but both of their relationships with Eve were so natural, much like Halsin's. She didn't even have to try. From the moment they met there was a spark there and it just evolved naturally. Even with her beast problems, Wyll/Karlach was there to take care of her, to help her through her pains. Wyll even taught her how to fight. (obviously they're separate romances, but they just feel the same because Karlach and Wyll are just the epitome of Good, and Eve deserves that, and so much more.