#ladyintree: 94.

[manslaught]

based on everything shauna told her nearly a year ago, mikayla's surprised the two of them have lasted this long— since then, she's been waiting, praying, for a falling out between the two of them, simply because she would have enjoyed watching jackie struggle without shauna. it's not the same now, because she's not sure if they need to deal with that drama on top of everything else, even if it still feels inevitable, especially with how useless jackie's proving to be. “ yeah, probably. we're not as annoying. ” and they don't try to make shauna be someone she's not. despite all the effort she's put into not ever laughing at anything tai says the past few years, mikayla doesn't stop herself from giggling at the joke tai makes at jackie's expense, sounding lighter than she has in months because, for just a few seconds, she's able to feel normal again.

she rolls her eyes, not at tai, but at everyone else, because tai's probably right. it almost makes her consider slamming her fist down against the floorboards, just to hear some of the others freak out downstairs, but this is the first civil conversation she's had with taissa since they were kids, so she's not eager to end it just yet, even for a laugh. “ oh, you're giving me permission? ” she scoffs, brows knitting together. “ i was going to keep coming up here whether you wanted me to or not. i don't have to listen to fucking misty or jackie up here. ” maybe she's exposing herself, because her distaste for those two has always been genuine, but she's seemingly so quick to forget that, just yesterday, she appeared to hate tai, too.

it makes her nervous, being close to tai like this, but she forces herself to be brave, rolling onto her side to face her, too. she's finding it hard to believe they'll actually be rescued in time to not have to worry about what might happen with shauna and her... problem, but she's not going to voice that concern, not when she's sure they both feel the same. “ yeah. right, ” she mumbles, shifting uncomfortably. that discomfort only worsens when tai mentions her relationship with shauna, because it's far more complicated than the two of them just never talking before, but it's not something mikayla wants to revisit, especially with her. “ she's going to be okay, ” she says, mostly just to convince herself of it. “ especially if she has two of us. ” not that the two of them could actually stop it all from happening, or keep jackie from finding out once it gets more obvious, but if mikayla's friendship with nat has shown her anything, it's that having someone does help, even if it doesn't actually fix anything.

taissa’s nose immediately crinkles at the thought,  because though she would have appreciated any sort of company last night,  the thought of shauna and jackie walking up here together might have only made it worse—  there’s something about shauna without jackie that was surprisingly comforting,  and taissa and jackie had only butted heads since they got here  ( and, really, for years before. )   ❝  — i can tell,  ❞   she says,  easily reassuring mikayla that she’s not wrong to say it out loud.   ❝  and,  honestly,  i think she’s better off with us.  ❞    that’s not to say her whole friendship with jackie is doomed —  taissa hopes it isn’t, for their sake —  but she can still tell shauna needed it.   ❝  i don’t think she’s ready to tell her all of that.   and it’d probably be good for her,  anyway.   having a break,  ❞   she insists with a soft scoff.  ❝  plus,  if jackie was up here,  she might’ve summoned a ghost for real,   just to tell her to shut up, ❞    she jokes,   a laugh spilling from her lips as she tries to focus on that and not the idea of actually summoning a joke—  because of course, taissa turner doesn’t believe in them.   

she gives her a look of admiration for saying that,   like it was validation she was desperately seeking.    mikayla’s wrong, though.   taissa isn’t willing to admit it to herself yet,  but she feels the same way the others feel—  like she’s trapped in a horror movie,  the feeling of dread clinging to her ever since she found that dead body,  haunted by how lottie had a bad feeling about the cabin that taissa quickly shut down.   and she’d do it again,   just to keep telling herself that that’s nothing,  but she's starting to fear it’ll only get worse.  ❝ yeah,  well,  we’re stuck out here with a bunch of children who’d jump if i stomped my foot too loud up here,  ❞   she points out,  rolling her eyes.   she doesn’t even have it in her to hit her back with a similar insult that she would’ve months ago — even just yesterday— instead,  she grins back at her and shrugs her shoulders.  ❝  guess you can keep sleeping up here, then.  turns out you’re not as bad as the rest of them, either,  ❞    she admits.

she instantly raises a brow, her head leaning back dramatically in shock— already being annoying, despite having said anything yet.  as mikayla lays back down,  tai takes a breath before joining,  this time laying on her side to face her.   ❝  yeah,  well,  can’t say it was my favorite class, either,  ❞    she mumbles, shaking her head.   ❝  hopefully we won’t have to worry about that.   we’ll—  be out of here before we get to that point,  ❞    she claims,  though her confidence is shaky,  because it’s getting harder to believe.   ❝  just,  for now,  you know, i think she trusts us.  which,  is like,  a lot,  considering you two don’t talk and she and i have never exactly been best friends.  just as long as she doesn’t feel like she’s alone,  she’s not going to do anything to hurt herself.  ❞    at least,  she hopes.       

[manslaught]

having a normal, civil conversation with tai feels strange after years of forcing herself to only interact with her through arguments, convincing herself it would be safer that way— she still thinks that, but it's harder to care when nothing about their conditions feels safe. it feels just as strange to talk to shauna again, because after homecoming, she's kept her distance, despite knowing that she wouldn't have to worry about shauna telling anyone about what they did. “ she tried to get jackie to go with her, ” she admits, shrugging. clearly, jackie rejected the idea, and mikayla's not exactly disappointed about it. “ but honestly— i think some part of her's glad she didn't. ” mikayla's not sure if she's supposed to be saying that, even if she thinks it's true, based off what little shauna has told her. “ even shauna's getting sick of her. ” everyone is, but mikayla knows this has been happening since long before the plane ever crashed.

mikayla rolls her eyes over-dramatically, letting her head fall back for a moment in feigned annoyance. “ shut up, ” she groans, but it's more playful than actually irritated. “ you're just— one of the only people here that's not acting like we're stuck in some horror movie. ” one of the only smart people here, she means to say, but that's too direct of a compliment. “ i guess that's how i know everything's fucked— you're actually a breath of fresh air, ” she teases, although that's not entirely true; it's hard to breathe around her, but it's been that way for as long as mikayla could remember. she'll just have to learn how to ignore it.

she also has to ignore the disappointment she feels when tai pulls her hand back, acting like she hadn't even noticed whether it was on her arm or not. she nods, glancing toward the ladder again, grimacing slightly, because she has no idea how to actually help shauna. “ don't be fucking annoying about me saying this, but— you're right. ” with a sigh, she runs her hand through her hair, lying back down, deciding she's not ready to go downstairs and face reality any time soon. “ i didn't even pay attention during the whole... pregnancy lesson. ” it felt irrelevant to her, not just because she wouldn't be in that situation, but because she doesn't want kids. “ but if you have any ideas, i'm listening. ”

she starts to smile,  at least amused by her response,  because it’s valid,  considering what their relationship has always been like.   ❝  good point.   even though i wouldn’t exactly call shauna shipman a peacekeeper,  ❞   she points out with a small, quiet laugh.    ❝  i’m still surprised she came,  too.   especially without  .  .  .     ❞    she probably doesn’t have to say it,   because she’s sure everyone has the same exact question,  but she does it anyway.   ❝  — jackie.  ❞

she’s not offended,  especially since she's the one who implied it first,  but she’s caught off guard as mikayla goes on.   ❝  wow,  ❞   she says quietly,   and for a moment,  she searches for one of her typical comebacks—  but she finds nothing,   other than something that’s presented more teasing,  rather than accusatory or judgmental as it might’ve before.   ❝  so you have a heart after all? ❞    she asks,   lips tugging into a smirk,   all in an attempt to deflect on how much that actually means to her.  

she lets out a breath of relief and nods her head,   just now realizing that she has no reason to keep her hand on mikayla’s arm.   she clears her throat,  finally sliding it away,  back into her own lap.   ❝  i don’t think you’re that shitty.   for the record,  ❞    she points out.  ❝  but i think we may have to figure out a way to help her.    it’s just—-  with where we are,  i don’t want her to do anything stupid.   you know?   ❞    and maybe if they’re helping her through this together,   it’ll be easier for shauna to get through it,  knowing she’s not alone.  

[manslaught]

she would have joined her immediately if it weren't for the way she felt— it was tempting when tai first offered, because she thought everyone else was being ridiculous about what happened the previous night, even if she admittedly felt uneasy about it, too. but she'd kept tai at a distance for years for a reason, so she couldn't just let herself go upstairs, not unless someone went with her. “ i just thought it would be bad if we killed each other, ” she jokes, letting out a sigh. “ so... at least we have a buffer. ” not someone she would have expected, especially since she hardly knows how to be around shauna at all, but last night wasn't as horrible as she assumed it would be, so maybe it'll work.

“ maybe i would've a few months ago. ” mikayla thinks their arguments since then have gotten tamer, mostly because there's no more soccer to use an excuse anymore— and lately, she finds herself unable to argue with the things tai says, because while she used to have no trouble pretending to disagree, it's becoming harder when some of the other ideas are so stupid. “ i wouldn't have let you be alone. ” the confession comes hesitantly, like she's making a mistake admitting that all, but she thinks it's true— if nobody else had gone up stairs, eventually, mikayla would have given in, following her upstairs because she does care about tai, more than she's ever let on.

her brows furrow, head immediately shaking. “ uh, no. i'm a bitch, but i'm not that shitty. ” she has some morals, surprisingly, and exposing shauna to everyone goes against them, even if she knows shauna can't exactly hide it forever— but that's not her secret to tell. that, and shauna could easily expose mikayla in retaliation, tell everyone what they did homecoming night; mikayla doesn't need the threat of blackmail to stay quiet, but it's extra security on shauna's part, at least. “ i'm not saying shit. i promise. ”

tai scoffs,  shaking her head immediately.   ❝  no,   i didn’t.   actually—-  ❞    she starts,   her brows furrowing as she remembers a brief moment when mikayla was exactly who she was counting on to join her,   her eyes hesitantly trying to meet hers,   and yet,   she didn’t move.    she wrote that off as mikayla just not wanting to be alone with tai,   given that they’ve never really gotten along before,   but then she finally did join,   and she can’t help wonder what it was that actually got her to change her mind.   ❝  —  i kind of thought you might be the only one who would’ve joined me,  ❞    she admits,  her eyes meeting hers,  wondering if she’s ridiculous for thinking that.   ❝  even if you just wanted to fight,  for good measure,  ❞    she adds with a small smirk,   but she wanted her here.

she hums,  nodding her head slowly as she assumes she’s thinking of exactly who she’s referring to.   when she finally gives her some answer,  she’s not sure that’s all,   but it’s enough for tai not to press anymore.   ❝  kind of thought you might’ve taken the first chance you got to make me look like an idiot,  ❞   she admits with a small scoff.   ❝  but—   i didn’t  .  .  .    want to sleep up here alone,  ❞    she says,   glancing around quickly,   still feeling slightly uneasy about whatever happened last night,  and about the body she found the first night they stumbled upon thecabin,  but she doesn't want mikayla to think that she was afraid.   ❝  — not because i was scared.  obviously,  ❞   she claims.  ❝  it’d just be fucking cold.   and lonely, ❞   she adds,  because even though that’s vulnerable,  too—  it’s easier than saying it makes her feel unnerved.   

her eyes drift to the ladder again,  thinking about what they learned about shauna,  then she looks back to mikayla,   already feeling protective of shauna and still like she doesn’t know enough about mikayla’s true intentions.   ❝  you’re not going to tell anyone,  are you?  ❞   she says,  and though she doesn’t say what she’s talking about,  she hopes it’s obvious.   ❝  i mean, people are going to find out.   but she should probably be the one to tell them when she’s ready.   ❞

[manslaught]

it's not bravery that brought her to the attic last night, although she wasn't as afraid as everyone else seemed to be— the biggest reason is far pettier than that, unable to ignore the jealousy that settled in her stomach as she watched shauna gather her things and go upstairs, knowing that something could happen between her and tai, because it wouldn't be the first time shauna's hooked up with someone she doesn't get along with, something mikayla knows firsthand. it wasn't as bad as she expected it to be, somehow, but that makes her even stranger now, because she no longer knows how to act around either of them.

mikayla's arm burns where tai touches it, a shock going up her entire arm, but she somehow manages to keep herself composed, holding her breath for a moment. now would normally be the time she says something unnecessary, shoving tai away as far as possible, because it's safer that way, but that doesn't feel like the right move anymore— and it would be too ironic, shoving her away out of fear when tai's thanking her for not being a coward. “ you thought i was going to be scared? ” she scoffs instead, but her tone's lighter than it's ever been with her, almost like they're friends, even though they're not.

“ you're better than some of the people downstairs. ” she could name them specifically, but mikayla doesn't think she has to, not when tai seems to have a similar opinion of most of them. mikayla glances toward the ladder, knowing that she should join the others, that being up here with tai alone is dangerous for her, but she's not particularly eager to deal with all of them, so she doesn't budge. “ i didn't want you guys to be alone, ” she admits, which is the truth, but it's not entirely out of innocent concern for their safety— but she'll let it sound that way. “ and there's way more room up here. so— it could be worse. ”

none of them have said a word, not even as they watch shauna get up from their makeshift beds and head downstairs, leaving taissa and @manslaught alone for the first time. part of her feels like she should follow, too, but another part of her still feels like she's got a point to prove, needing to be the last one in the attic to assure those downstairs that she had no issue sleeping through the night. for the most part, that's true — but she knows that's because she had company, even if it was the most unlikely company she could've imagined. but after their brief talk last night, what shauna revealed and what taissa and mikayla seemed to actually come together on to support her with, she feels like there's some kind of olive branch between them all, at least enough for her to actually say something that isn't a quick dig towards mikayla.

❝  hey, ❞ she says, reaching her hand out, gently placing her fingers against mikayla's arms to stop her, just in case she was planning to follow shauna. somehow, despite the odds, she feels easier to talk to this morning than shauna does, mostly because she imagines shauna's not ready to talk. ❝  um, thanks. for not being a coward like the others, ❞ she says, unable to be too serious, certainly not too vulnerable, because what she really wants to say is thanks for not leaving me alone up here, i was terrified. but maybe what's hidden behind her words is still evident in the way her voice lightly shakes, giving herself away. ❝  i know neither of us are really your first pick for roommates. ❞ there's a question hidden in her words, desperate to know why she came, but she's afraid to ask, as if they haven't made it that far.