#lady pirate hock

[llama-aesthetics]

Lady Pirate Hock 🏴‍☠️

"The sun shines brightly again today… Oh sun, your light is not what I need today. What I need is the beautiful light of the moon.”

Lady Hock is Captain Hook's second in command and the most popular among the lady Recruiters. She is suave and often flirts with all the guests. Many of her fellow Recruiters often swoon when she offers to escort them anywhere, which has made her even more popular then the male Recruiters.

While she is very charming and charismatic, she is childish at times, as she enjoys playing pranks and stealing the men's props. She is also protective of her female Recruiters, often retaliating against the men when they fight back.

“The sun’s light is dazzling, but dazzles me most right now… are all your beautiful smiles.”

[littlesistersti-backupandspam]

Do Ms. Villa and Mr. Polite have signatures?

Signatures

Quick compilarion of the recruiters signatures :)

[blackpoison66]

Lady Hock and Captain Hook

Art: 緑茶117

[hannahhook7744]

The Hook Family in my au (including their 'partners', pets, and next gen) Moodboards (Part 1);

Past:

Zarina Hook.

First wife of James Hook.

Bio mother of Peter Pan, Harriet Hook, Harry Hook, Calista Jane Hook, and Ally Liddell (she was adopted by Alice and Pinocchio in this).

Stepmother of Ginny Gothel.

Adoptive mother of Hannah Hook.

Daycare teacher and worker at the Hook's inlet and shack as well as at Hook's Clock & Curiosity Shop.

No one is quite sure how old she was when she died because she's a fairy.

Severin 'Bluebeard/Le Barbe Bleu' de Montragoux.

Husband of Lucretia 'Great Grandmumsie' Hook.

Father of Adelais 'Mama/Grandmumsie' Hook I.

Pirate and Aristocrat who murdered his first six wives and got murdered by the seventh.

He was around 47 when he died the first time.

He was brought back with everyone else when the isle was created and was killed again in year 11 when he was 58 years old by his wife.

Present:

Lucretia 'Great Grandmumsie' Hook.

Wife of Bluebeard/Le Barbe Bleu/Severin de Montragoux.

Mother of Adelais 'Mama/Grandmumsie' Hook I.

Pirate and rich widower whose husband was 'lost at sea' (she still has his ship).

She is around 100 (no one knows how she's still alive).

Adelais 'Mama/Grandmumsie' Hook I.

Mother of James and Jasper Hook.

Ex-Wife of Davy Jones and 'Friend' of Nanny Nell.

Former teacher at Neverland Academy of Pirates and Mermaids (which has been renamed to Neverland Academy).

Current Teacher at Serprent Prep.

She is around 80 years old physically.

Nell Frost.

Childhood nanny of James and Jasper Hook.

'Friend' of Mama Hook.

She's around 80 years old physically.

Davy Jones.

(Alleged) Father of James and Jasper Hook.

Pirate captain.

Ex-husband of Adelais 'Mama' Hook.

No one is quite sure how old he is.

Captain Jasper 'Patch' Hook.

Oldest son of Adelais 'Mama' Hook and Davy Jones.

Partner of Arabella Smith-Hook.

Father of Atticus, Ian, Greyson, Nevin, and Morgan Hook.

He works at the Hook's Clock & Curiosity Shop and he's also a pirate captain.

He is around 60 years old physically.

Arabella 'Bella' Smith-Hook.

Partner of Jasper Hook.

Mother of Atticus, Ian, Greyson, Nevin, and Morgan Hook.

She works at and owns the Lucky Bride tavern.

She's around 55 years old physically.

Captain James Bartholomew Hook.

Youngest son of Adelais 'Mama' Hook and Davy Jones.

Bio father of Peter Pan, Ginny Gothel, Harriet Hook, Harry Hook, Calista Jane Hook, Ally Liddell (she was adopted by Alice and Pinocchio in this), and Hope Hook (future).

Adoptive father of Hannah Hook (now), Hort Hook (future), and Hookling Hook (future).

Works at Hook's inlet and shack & Hook's Clock & Curiosity Shop.

He is around 50 years old (give or take) physically.

Lady Hock.

She is a villain recruiter for the Hook family (mainly James) and also babysat the kids when they were younger. She also works at Hook's inlet and shack & Hook's Clock & Curiosity Shop.

She is rumored to be related to the Hooks in some way but no one is quite sure how or if it's even true.

She's around 35 years old (give or take) physically.

------------------------------------------------------------

Next up will be more of the present Hook family members and after that will be the pets and future Hook family members.

[littlesistersti]

new obsession thanks to Twisted Wonderland, an accident really

Now to scour Youtube for more videos

Disney Villains Recruiting: An Introduction

Better late than never, I hope? There’s a few out there already, and I’m way too late considering the shows are over, but here’s my take on a introduction to the world of Tokyo Disney’s Villains Recruiting program.

 This introduction includes a run down of the show and its amazing characters that took social media by storm. 

 If you’ve the courage to seek true beauty of elegance than proceed… into the Villains World.

Keep reading

[princess-ibri]

Can I just say, as a Disney Villain Recruiters fan: I’m absolutely OBSESSED with your take on Veil! It’s so creative and cool, and I’d kill to see more of her and your take on the other Recruiters as well! Your version of Veil actually kind of reminds me of Double from Skullgirls a bit, and I could definitely see her true form being similarly eldritch and horrific. I could also definitely see her saying “What IS a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!” to boot as well.

Thanks!!! I don't have any art of them at the moment but I did have a list of ideas of how I'd incorporate them into my DisneyVerse project!

Disney Villain Recruiters/Apprentices

Mr V-- Valentin Duvalier ( either Faciler apprentice or possibly his Shadow given human form, haven't quite decided yet)

These three would all be Loa (Friends on the Other Side) given human forms to walk around in on the mortal plane

Ms Scatter

Ms Villa

Mr Polite

Apple Poison --Griswold Vergiften, Son of Grimauld, so Queen Grimhilde's nephew

Jack Heart--Jester of the Court of Hearts

Mr Dalmetia-- Is apparently a puppy called Prince who was changed by dark magic to enact Cruella's will/act as her personal agent. And actually, I'll just keep this xD . The second book had flying dogs. Magic has canon precedence. Plus Cruella in my DisneyVerse is descended from Princess Ivy so, magic precedence there too. Let her ascend to true devil mode xD

Malfi-- Look its the exact thing as Diaval, so that's who he is, Diablo the Raven given human form by Maleficent

Eight Foot Joe--Octopus who made deal with Ursula to become a cecaelia, simple and to the point, I'll keep him as is.

Lady Pirate Hock-- Harriet Hook from my Canon Descendants rewrite

Veil-- Female demon linked to an Enchanted bell sent into the world as a reliquary/agent of Frollo, trying to get out of Hell by doing something to the Bells of Notre Dame, to stop their protective ringing over the city -(gets involved in redone HOND 2, with Claudine and Madeline and whatnot)

Pretty Scar--Nzuri, a hyena (could also just be Shenzi?)

Farja-- Official apprentice of Jafar. Rename to Faja? Could also be his neice Jade by his sister Nasira if I want to go in a Canon Descendants rewrite way. She uses plant based magic, hebce her color changing flower

Ms Hades-- Orphne, a nymph of Hades, his personal secretary

[riddlerosehearts]

yana toboso is clearly a fan of the disney villain recruiters (drew fanart of mr. dalmatia at least once) and in twst we have:

vil, twisted from the evil queen and also epel, twisted from the poison apple. the villain recruiters have apple poison, who works for the evil queen.

riddle, twisted from the queen of hearts, and ace who in his school uniform R card makes a pose similar to that of jack heart, the villain recruiter who works for the queen of hearts (and not to mention jack's outfit looks a lot like the heartslabyul uniform).

crewel, twisted from cruella de vil. the villain recruiters have mr. dalmatia, a puppy given form by cruella de vil.

malleus, twisted from maleficent (and let's throw in crowley because of the possible connection to maleficent's crow). the villain recruiters have malfie, who is the personification of a crow and works for maleficent.

azul, twisted from ursula. the villain recruiters have eight-foot joe, who works for ursula and who is believed to be hiding extra legs that would prove he's an actual octopus.

rollo, twisted from frollo. the villain recruiters have veil, who works for frollo.

leona, twisted from scar, and ruggie who is twisted from the three hyenas. the villain recruiters have pretty scar, who works for scar and who is likely the personification of a hyena.

jamil, twisted from jafar. the villain recruiters have farja, who works for jafar (and who may be a personification of a parrot. too bad that twst does not in fact have an iago character).

idia, twisted from hades. the villain recruiters have ms. hades, who, of course, works for hades.

and... uh... nobody twisted from captain hook. meaning the beautiful lady pirate hock, who works for captain hook, has no equivalent even though there are characters with similar inspirations to all the other recruiters! yana where is the anime boy captain hook that we deserve?? 😔😔

[jinxthejubilee]

Disney Villain Recruiters Personalities: Part 9

The lawless lassie on land! The duchess of doubloons! The swashbuckling sailor of the seven seas, herself!

Put your hands of all kinds together for:

Lady Hock! (Or Hook)

For those of you who don't know, the Disney Villain Recruiters was a Tokyo Disneyland-only show held every Halloween. Basically, the minions of famous Disney villains come to our world to try and tempt us to join their villain bosses.

- By the way, they are not the sons, daughters, or genderbent versions of the villains. They are just minions.

- Also! I do not speak Japanese. Thankfully, there were a few that had English subtitles, but not a lot. These are just my interpretations of her based on the videos I've seen, along with my own personal ideas about his character. So, let's get started!

Lady Hock (Hook)🪝

Working as part of Captain James Hook's crew, Hock is one of the only underlings, aside from Mr. Smee, who her master trusts the most.

No one truly knows Hock's origin, but most speculate that, similarly to most residents of Neverland, were transported to the sacred land decades, or even centuries ago, by chance or destiny. Hock, perhaps, was a troubled young woman living in England who desired to escape her former life. Regardless, her heart belongs to the ocean and the boundless adventures Neverland has to offer, and whatever her life was before this place, before her joining her captain's crew, is long forgotten. Good riddance! Or, perhaps not...

Despite her stoicism, Hock is very social, charismatic, and gentlemanly to her fellow female recruiters, who she makes a habit of escorting on stage. Perhaps her behavior comes from the fact that she has been surrounded by men, her crew, for most of her life. She even speaks in a more masculine tone to her relatively quiet voice, all of which, in turn, makes her more "prince-like" in comparison to most of her colleagues.

As she is a pirate though, Hock has a mischievous side to her, often pulling pranks on the male recruiters, such as hiding props or annoying them by casually placing her arms on their shoulders.

As is befitting of her home in Neverland, Hock adores children and has been seen by many guests comforting little ones and caring for sleeping babies. This, along with her friendly, laid-back personality, makes Hock a fan favorite among guests and her colleagues.

Captain Hook: In spite of his temper and occasional bumbling on missions, Hock cares for her captain. Unlike most of the recruiters, Hock has the luxury of having an almost casual relationship with her master, as he views her and Smee as his closets confidantes, as proven by Hook trusting Hock with his famous hook hand that she carries around the park. She understands Hook's emotional vulnerability since she is aware of his insecurities and remains incredibly loyal despite his faults. However, Hock is aware of her captain's more sadistic side, and while she may harbor hatred for Peter Pan, Hock understands that the young boy is just that: a boy. Though, while she can excuse most actions taken by Hook and the rest of the crew against Peter, as he has magic that none of them have, she cannot excuse her captain's actions against Wendy, her brothers, and the lost boys; they are innocent children in her eyes.

Mr. Smee: Hock and Smee have an amicable relationship, as the two of them are the only ones to speak to Hook in a less formal capacity, even though they hold a slight fear of their captain, Smee most of all. Hock appreciates Smee's kind and gentle nature, perhaps reminding her of someone in her distant past. They have a strong bond between them, and while Hook dismisses their more kind and empathetic nature's as weakness, Hock and Smee understand each other. Maybe someday, should something ever happen to their captain, Lady Hock and Mr. Smee could rule the seven seas together, high-stake adventures and all, but more peaceful.

Peter Pan: Although Peter is her master's enemy, and she despises him for getting in her Hook's way, Hock can admit that his pranks on the captain make for good fun, and a challenge to capture the boy whatever it takes. Hock is not nearly as obsessed with capturing Peter like Hook is, preferring to travel and find sacred treasures, but that doesn't mean she won't try! She will strike, and she strikes fierce and hard. There is no escape from her. However, Hock refuses to kill him or any of the children they may fight, only wanting to wound or stop them however she can. Peter or Wendy may see this, this compassion she holds within, and talk to her one-on-one. Maybe the "boy who never grows up" isn't so bad after all. Annoying, yes, but not worth killing.

Apple Poison: If there is one thing about Apple that most of the recruiters are not aware of, is his fear of sharp objects. As such, he can't stand look at hook Lady H carries for longer than a few seconds. And the poor elder will get slightly irritated by her pranks and trying to steal his apple to eat. Aside from that, Apple and Hock have a fairly peaceful relationship. He appreciates that she's not as chaotic as Jack or Dalmatia, and is a lot more tolerable than the latter two. He also admires her for her ability to charm and comfort guests, even though she may be more sincere than she lets on.

Jack Heart: These two have a more "mature but still fun older sister" and "goofball little brother" relationship. While she may not approve of ALL the pranks Jack pulls, especially towards Veil, Hock often joins in on the fun. They have been seen playfully fencing and cracking jokes together. The little squabbles she and Dalma have are entertaining to watch, but because Dalma is more sensitive and prone to irritation, Jack will calmly stop the argument. And hey! Anyone who can pick on Apple and get away with it is a friend in his book.

Malfie (Malfi): Hock loves to mess with Malfie; a perfect target due to his ego. Especially when he stutters during his dramatic "I'm the most beautiful creature to ever exist" speech. She often steals his mirror right out of hands to check herself in the mirror, or just to startle him. Either way, Malfie doesn't appreciate being a target of ridicule, but that's not new, given Jack and Dalmatia's behavior towards him. The two of them have a pleasant relationship, all in all, and he might join in on the pranks every once in a while if he's up for it. Just don't touch his hat!

Eight Foot Joe: Hock doesn't find Joe to be so bad to be around. They don't really interact a lot, but that's partly because of Joe's hesitation to talk to women, aside from Ms. Hades. As a result, she doesn't bother pranking him as much as the others, though she may steal his umbrella from time to time. Once he and Ms. Hades have interacted long enough, Lady H becomes the second female recruiter he trusts the most. They might bond over their shared love of the sea, and how they both feel slightly homesick, despite Joe's less than enthusiastic experience at home. So, they have a fairly passive relationship.

Mr. Dalmatia: Hock's habit of treating Dalmatia more like a dog than a person irks the speckled canine to no end. She enjoys annoying him by using him as an arm rest, and playing fetch with him, much to his slight dismay. However, they share a likeness for stealing their colleague's stuff, and they have fun doing so. Both Hock and Dalma are great friends with Jack, so they have to interact with one another. But they themselves are good friends and enjoy each other's company. Besides, Dalma would take Hock over Pretty Scar any day (for now at least).

Pretty Scar (Mzuri): Although Lady Hock has a high tolerance rate for the people around her, she tends to avoid attracting the young hyena's attention. Hock doesn't despise Pretty Scar as much as others might, but she can find her cutesy persona grating at times. She does find it hilarious, however, that such a "cute" young woman can eat as much or as violently as she does. Hock is used to this, of course, given how disgusting most of her captain's men eat back at home. Mzuri admires Hock and looks up to her as a big sister, and over time, Hock helps Mzuri relax and comforts her as any good big sister would do. They'll get there, all it takes character is development!

Ms. Hades: Ah, the den mother, and one of Hock's greatest friends. The fire maiden and pirate gal are somewhat of an unlikely duo, but they certainly make up the collection of colleagues who are on good terms with one another. Despite how Hock's pranks, sword fighting, and overall pirateness can cause chaos and a lot of damage to their theme park home, she makes up for it in her laid-back attitude, self-control, and fabulous charisma. Hock, meanwhile, appreciates Ms. Hades' maturity, even if she may be a stick in the mud at times (though not nearly as often as Apple). Generally speaking, the two care for and respect each other, like sisters!

Veil: Hock and Veil are incredibly close and consider each other best friends. They have been seen holding hands, linking arms, gazing into each other's eyes...caressing each other's faces.......something tells me that these two are a bit more than just friends. Maybe, or they're just incredibly cuddly. No judgment here. Either way, it's adorable. Hock is protective of Veil, defending her from Jack when the card and bell clash in an argument or if the former goes too far with teasing her. Hock knows that despite Veil's "mysterious" nature, she's secretly insecure about herself, and based on her experience with her captain, Hock knows how to help boost Veil's spirits. Friendship? Sisterhood? Lovers? Doesn't matter! These two love each other.

Faja (Farja): These two are the female versions of Jack and Dalma. Chaos just follows them everywhere! Best friends and practically sisters, Faja is always excited to get up to some mischief, intentionally or not. Hock is used to seeing magic on account of her living on an island existing within a star, so she'll sit next to Faja, maybe sharpening her sword to pass the time, while the erratic bird lady unsuccessfully creates a potion. Hock is one of the first to calm Faja down when she's on one of her shouting rampages when she's frustrated, which is often. Again, older sister energy is a common feeling within the ladies' group.

Overall: Lady Hock is a confident, friendly, and not-so-secretly kindhearted "villain" whose previous experience with her fellow pirates and residents of Neverland has helped the lass develop her social skills, in comparison to her more socially inept colleagues.

As much as she cares deeply for her captain, Hock's refusal for harming children may one day lead her to oppose him. And her experience with her new crew, her new friends, her new family, may lead her to betray her old family.

Only time will tell...may the ocean breeze guide Hock the right way.

Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your patience, I know that it's taken me an eternity and a half to get this done, and I apologize for that. However! While we may be almost done with this series, this won't be the end of me talking about the Villain Recruiters forever! Nope! I have a few ideas in mind, but for now, stay tuned for the very last Personality Page: Faja (Farja)!

[littlesistersti-backupandspam]

Apple Poison -> the Evil Queen

Mr. Dalmatia -> Cruella De Vil

Farja -> Jafar

Eight Foot Joe -> Ursula

Jack Heart -> the Queen of Hearts

Lady Pirate Hock (it's actually Hock, not Hook) -> Captain Hook

Malfie -> Maleficent

happy valentine's day

Disney Recruiters (+Villains) x Reader || Drabbles

Plot: The Disney Villains have expressed interest in you! And, so, they send their recruiters after you.  

Includes: Apple Poison (/ the Evil Queen), Dalmatia (/ Cruella De Vil), Farja (/ Jafar), Eight Foot Joe (/ Ursula), Jack Heart (/ the Queen of Hearts), ), Lady Hook (/ Captain Hook), and Malfie (/ Maleficent). My apologies, but Miss Hades and Veil are not included because I couldn’t find much on their personalities a nd Miss Scar is just… odd to me 😅

Side note- I have started exploring the world of Twisted Wonderland as well finally and boy, I got very confused about Divus Crewel! He and Dalmatia look exactly alike apart from some very subtle differences! Also this is my first time even attempting to write for the recruiters, I’ve never even fantasised with them, so wish me luck XD

Apple Poison and the Evil Queen:

You’re picking flowers in the middle of a field when he first appears- and when you say that he appeared, you’re really not exaggerating or anything, you literally never heard him walk up or anything! And it would be hard to walk silently through this field, there’s lots of pretty, autumnal leaves that should cause a crushing sound when stepped on no matter how graceful a person you are.

But he had just suddenly been there, with you; Not 10 feet away.

Being employed - or enslaved, - as a a handmaid for the Queen, you had seen the man before of course, going about castle for no particular reason. Other maids would ask you about him, because he was handsome and oh-so-cold towards everyone (Much like your Queen herself) and you are the Queens favourite so if she would confide in any servant off-hand, then it would be you. You had even poured him wine in the Queens chambers before, but you still had absolutely no clue what his purpose there was, or even his name. Truly, the man was a mystery.

This made other castle staff all the more curious - and hot, - about him, but you just left it be. You left a lot of things be in that castle, in fact. Odd visitors like this man, but also odd smells, smoke coming from the dungeon, and curious orders for things like mugwort and eye of newt. That’s why, you suppose, that Queen Grimhilde truly preferred you over the rest of the maids. You didn’t ask questions or wonder- you don’t care much what she gets up to. It’s not your business to pry into the personal lives of the royal family, or their… constituents.

Yes, that was a fine word for the man. No need to consider it further.

Suddenly a gloved hand appears in the window of your vision, between you and the flowers you were picking, and you follow the arm that is attached to it, up to the man. The constituent. Oh-

Taking it obediently, you let him guide you up to your feet and then watch him with wide eyes as he presses a quick kiss against your knuckles. “I’ve seen you around the castle, Ms/Sir.”

“Ms/Sir?? Oh, you don’t have to call me- “

“Then what shall I call you?” As he lets go of your hand, you gently lower it back to your side. He seems just as he’s always been, even now away from the castle; Sensible and to-the-point. You appreciate it.

Though, having someone so high up as to be having regular private meetings with Her Majesty as you your name, is a little bit flustering. “… Y/N… “

“You may refer to me as A.P, for now. I’ve been sent by the Queen.”

“I was just picking her flowers for dinner tonight.”

“Yes, and she appreciates it.” Oh he’s a bit of a charmer, huh? Her Majesty would never express gratitude for you having just done your job. This is all rather… odd. Can’t you return to your duties? “But our beauteous Queen is requesting both of our presences, imminently. Someone else can complete this, I promise.”

“I… suppose… “This is all totally irregular, and you’re slightly thrown off by it. His name is A.P?? For now?? What does that mean!?

Nevertheless, you give a nod and he begins to lead you out of the field and back to your carriage and his horse- and this time, he makes the proper amount of crunching noises. You won’t say that all of this is not entirely peculiar, but you will keep your thoughts to yourself at least until you see your Queen. She likely has a perfectly good explanation for sending this man to come and separate you from your duties.

Dalmatia and Cruella De Vil:

“… HEY!”

“JESUS- “

You actually fall out of your desk chair at this, onto the marble floor that Cruella just loves to snap her heels into every time she walks by every morning and ow- it fucking hurts!! Your chair, on the other hand, does not suffer the dramatic fall you did and instead just… rolls away 2 feet.

Figures.

As you get up, denying yourself the mercy of rubbing your sore ass because the last thing you need right now is to embarrass yourself further, you glance at the asshole who irrefutably caused this mess. He’s laughing his bloody ass off, and you scowl at him. “What was that for!?”

“I was just saying hey! You didn’t need to go and throw yourself to the floor like that!!”

“I didn’t throw myself to the- I was startled by you!!”

“-Oh, sure.” He doesn’t seem convinced, but he does sober up a fair bit and waive his hand at you like ‘whatever’. Rolling your eyes deeply, you turn grab the back of your chair and drag it back to you; Turning back to your computer just to save your work so it doesn’t disappear while you deal with this wierdo. God forbid you lose all your progress on this horrendously complicated spreadsheet… Cruella would murder you.

Like, really murder. Take off one of those heels and embed it in your skull.

When he doesn’t go to speak again, and explain his presence, you give a frustrated sigh and take the first step. “Who are you, anyway? And what did you need to scream at me for? Huh??”

For a moment he looks confused himself, and you’re about to call security because clearly the looney bin left the doors open today, but he comes to his senses just in time. “… OH. Well, I’m Dalmatia- Miss De Vil’s personal assistant. And I’ve been sent to recruit- uh, fetch you for her. Follow me!~ “

“Uh uh uh- ” You grab him and he turns his back on you, dragging him back around to face you by the back of a designer suit. “Hold on there- I’m Cruella De Vil’s personal assistant. I know I am, because otherwise there is no way that I would be missing my lunch break to do this damn excel spreadsheet from hell. So let me ask again; Who are you?”

“Iiii… “The man peters out, avoiding eye contact and fiddling with his fingers. “Well, my name is Dalmatia.”

You are in no mood for nonsense like this. Lunch was going to be pizza! “That’s great. What are you doing here?”

“To fetch you.”

“Wh- “

“For gods sake Y/N, just come into my office.” Cruella herself comes stalking out of her office at the end of the hall, looking non-too-happy at either of you, before turning on her heel and stepping back in. You let go of the back of the man’s suit collar like you were burnt, surprised that he’s legit. “And Dalmatia, how is it you usually do this? If you can’t even get my assistant into my office, I have some serious concerns… “

“Oh, I would’ve worn them down!~ “ You’re just collecting some folders and printed sheets and a USB in preparation for whatever Cruella might want in there, when Dalmatia links his arm through yours and yanks you off towards the intimidating glass door ahead somehow gracefully. He flashes you a wink and you roll your eyes.

What is going on??

Farja and Jafar:

Knock, Knock, Knock!

Slowly, you look up from the book you were struggling to get through, to the door to your chambers. Did someone just?... Oh, no way. Its just your imagination. Back to-

Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock!!

Oh! You didn’t imagine it! Whoops!- Setting your book aside quickly, you get up and race to the door before swinging it open and peaking out. Who could it be?

When your eyes land on her, a woman with long raven hair and a beautiful purple flower that is… glowing… you feel suddenly like you should have just pretended you weren’t home. She flashes a bright, kind smile though and that sets your nerves slightly more at ease. “Good afternoon! There’s a lovely sunset happening outside, have you seen??”

“Oh, um- No… “Who is this woman?? Why is she knocking on doors talking about the sun??? “I was just- “

“Oh that’s okay!~ Anyway, I’m Farja! It’s nice to meet you!~ Do you know Jafar?”

“I- I know of him, yes.” But you’re a servant and he sure as hell doesn’t mingle with the likes of servants- unless he’s terrorising them of course. You know men who have had to carry furniture here and there all day because of him and swear they saw him smile about it, and women who walk faster when they pass him alone in the halls because he’s been known to corner them.

He sounds like a bit of a scoundrel, really. What does this lady know of him?

She gathers your hand in hers, and gives another warm smile before turning to walk off down the hall and take you with her. “Wonderful! Come on, we have to go see him- “

“Wait!”

“What?”

“I… what’s going on??” It seems the right question to ask. Anything else would simply miss the big picture. Hopefully this covers everything, like, who is she?? Where did she come from?? What is her relation to the Sultan’s Vizier?? Why do you need to go see him with her??

What? What? Wha- Hey, was the flower in her hand always golden?

“Oh,” She lets out a giggle, and it’s a sound similar to that of bells, or the finest jewellery. “I apologise. You must be confused, I understand that. But I promise, he will make it all make sense. It will be okay- just come.”

This definitely feels like one of those ‘Don’t go’ sort of situations, so you stay behind the door. But she then reaches out and takes your hand in hers once again, this time much gentler, and tugs again and before you know it you’re letting Farja lead you down hallways- all the while, she natters on about this and that. The sunset and how magical it is, Jafar and how he’s going to make everything clear for you, and what she had for dinner the other night. She’s a little goofy and a little airheaded but theirs an odd sweetness to her, that just make you want to trust her.

You’re definitely not sure whether you should have let her take you, anxiety is biting away at you, but you can’t back out now.

Eight Foot Joe and Ursula:

You’re just tending to your coral bed, which is one of the best in the kingdom even if you do just say it yourself, and keeping a casual, yet watchful eye on the loiterer nearby. He’s been lingering for the past 3 hours, and you’ve never seen him around before, so he’d raised some red flags for you.

He hasn’t done anything bad yet, though, so you aren’t too concerned. Just cautious. And there’s nothing wrong with that- there are kids that live nearby!

Then you’re turning around to shoo away some sea horses from the area in your garden that you’ve recently sprayed with some weed killer- and your arm is grabbed!

You whip around to see the loiterer, and narrow your eyes. “Excuse you?- “

 “Come on.” His tone, nor his grip, is particularly strong or alarming - in fact he sounds bored, - but ‘Come on’?- Where!? You’re not going anywhere with a perfect stranger! Is he out of his mind???

“Let go of my arm.” You tell him sternly, the sternest that you’ve ever sounded, and glare as hard as you possibly can at him; Hoping he’s nice and weak-willed.

He just gives a sigh, not too bothered, by thankfully let’s go. Those hands go in his pockets and his shoulders slump and you allow your own arm to return to its regular place hanging at your side, still glaring at him. “Fine, come on.”

Is he serious? “… Where??”

For a moment he doesn’t respond, and you have a chance to get a proper look at him so you can assess what you’re dealing with here. He’s an octopus creature and he’s dressed rather well, but the way he’s slumped causes the whole look to be totally thrown off like he takes no pride in his appearance. That’s strike number two.

Strike number one was, of course, the grabbing.

Strike number 3 is the fact that he has yet to explain himself, and just hovers there thinking, like the dumbest and most inept kidnapper ever.

“… I have to take you to Ursula.” He finally says, shifty eyes flickering to you and watching your reaction. He’s taken a gamble, saying that name, and he must be able to tell just looking at how your face is transforming that it was a bad one.

“The sea witch?! No way- “You snap, turning around and going for your front door- but he reaches forward and grabs your arm again. His grip is a little bit tighter this time, but isn’t painful by any means. You think you could still peel his fingers off if you need to. But instead of trying that, you whip around once again, this time holding up a fist, and go for his face with it.

He catches it almost lazily, and lowers your arm so he’s holding both your wrists in one hand, and that’s how you discover how strong his grip really is. It may not be tight, but its powerful. You could not peel his fingers off. Jaw dropping, you look from your fist to him to the street around you, searching for some help but everyone else is either inside of out for the day. Turning back to your attacker, you grit your teeth and glare harshly. “Let go.”

Giving a shrug, he turns around then and starts half leading you, half dragging you off away from your little street and your coral bed. “Cant. Ursula wants to talk to you.”

“Well give her a message for me!” You force out, struggling against his hand. “I don’t want any part in her dealings!- “

This time he sighs, and its rather annoyed, but he doesn’t look back at you and he doesn’t squeeze tighter. “Not that you have much choice in the matter, but… you might change your mind, when you hear her offer.”

Oh, really? “Why would I do that!?”

Another sigh wafts back from him, and it’s your only response as the two of you venture into the deeper, darker parts of the ocean.

Jack Heart and the Queen of Hearts:

One moment you’re peacefully reading under a big oak tree, the roses nearby chattering away quietly together, when a WHOOSH sound interrupts the quiet and a man with curly brown hair appears upside down- right in your face. Startled, you accidentally smack yourself in the nose with your book, pulling yourself away from him.

“Ow,” The guy winces, but doesn’t stop his grinning. “That looked like it hurt.”

You give a pout in return as you rub up and down the bridge of your nose. “It- it did!”

“My bad. Hey, look, I’ll get you a tart to make up for it!” He exclaims, swinging slightly back and forth with excitement from the branch his legs are curled around above your head. You take a glance up, to make sure that the branch he’s chosen is nice and sturdy, and isn’t about to fall on you because that would really hurt, before allowing curiosity to get the better of you.

“… what kind of tart?” A tart does sound rather nice right now-

“Cranberry! It’s the best. The queen swears by them!”

“Th- the queen!??” Even referring to her is startling. Is he one of her guards? He doesn’t look like a royal guards, you think as you assess him, but… you can never be too careful. You work as a kitchen maid in the palace, and you’ve seen quite enough beheadings to be quite wary of the possibility. Not that you really needed the visual proof that it would be nasty, but… It has made the fear worse.  

Which is funny, because contrary-wise you might think that seeing so many beheadings would rather numb you to the fear of having your own head chopped off, for the bodies only twitch for a little while and then they die pretty quickly, but… no… it hasn’t.

“Yeah!” The man, enthusiastic as he seems to be, doesn’t notice your concern. In fact he takes your quietness is an opening to talk more. Meanwhile, you can’t help but wonder whether his blood is all rushing to his head, yet. “I work for her in the palace- like you! That’s why I’m here, actually. The Queen’s requesting an audience, with you!”

“Requesting?... “

“Yeah, well, demanding actually. Pot-Ay-Toe, Pot-Ah-Toe though, right?” Just as you’re worrying about what you could have possibly done to get on Her Majesties bad side, the guy flips off the tree branch and lands somehow gracefully down on his feet in front of you. It’s a spectacular trick, and you wonder how he pulled it off, staring up at him with eyes the size if tea plates. “Ta-Daa!~ C’mon,” He lowers a gloved hand down in front of your face for you to take, and gives you a wink. “We’ll pinch you your tart on the way!”

“Oh, I don’t think I should be… pinching her tarts… “You say hesitantly, inching your fingers into his palm delicately so he can pull you up next to him. God knows what you’ve done to anger her already, you aren’t about to make it worse by stealing her favourite snack inside her own castle!

Once he has dragged you - again, somehow gracefully, - to your feet, he brushes his thumb over your knuckles and carries them up to his mouth. Your cheeks are heating up and your jaw is dropping as he lands a kiss against them, too. Then looks up at you with the most intense eyes you’ve ever seen, and say… “I won’t let you get hurt.”

And all you can think is- Who is this guy???

Lady Hook and Captain Hook:

“Y/N.” A female voice calls your name; Muffled because of the water but spoken very clearly, and full of intent. You hear the sternness and debate emerging at all, but at receiving a few frustrated glances from various other sleeping mer-people who the woman above is interrupting.

Sighing, letting lose a few bubbles that fly up the surface and surely give away your position anyway, you let go of the seaweed pillow you were cuddling, and swim up to where the voice came from. “Yes?” You ask, resting your arms on the land before the woman’s boots, craning your neck to look up at the woman.

“I’m known as Lady Hook.” She says frankly, before giving a sigh and offering the fake hook-hand up as explanation for her name. You give a hum, and rest your elbows on the rocks near where she’s standing, lace your fingers together, and set your chin atop. Can this be over? You’re so sleepy… “I’m here to recruit you for my Captain.”

“Your Captain? Wow… “Giving a breathy chuckle, you tilt your head to the side as you look up at her; Eyes fully open finally. “I didn’t know you two-leggeds were like that~ “

Glaring, she furrows her brows and scrunches up her nose and the expression would almost be cute… if she didn’t give you the feeling that calling her that would get you a kick to the teeth. “Like what?”

“Oh, just… “Kinky. “Nothing… “

“Hm… “She gives you one more hard glare, before returning to her more neutral expression- which is, curiously, still rather angry. “Furthermore- I am to take you to him.”

“Look, I don’t really have any interest in joining Hook’s crew, so sorry you made the trip, but, its actually my nap time right now so I’ll just be goin- “

“It pays well.” Lady Hook interrupts, and your eyes flash at her. No. No, that’s not going to do.

“I don’t need gold. So- “

“No, not in gold. We discovered recently that you’re warring with the boy- which means we’re working toward the same thing. Together, in water and on land, we may have a better chance at vanquishing the brat.”

… Okay, that does get your attention. Turning back from the waters again, you tilt your head at her. “… You have a point, there.” Its common knowledge that the pirates hate Peter, Hook especially. And though the other mermaids may love the stupid kid… you sure don’t. There’s just something about him that has always left a bad taste in your mouth, and he’s just always flying around here… making a terrible racket and interrupting your peace… Your life would be perfect, without him around. So- “What kind of offer is Hook making?”

“Come with me, and find out.”

Hmmm, giving Lady Hook a scrupulous look, you push off of the rocks. “Show me the way, then~ “

Malfie and Maleficent:

One morning while you’re hanging up a particularly large bed sheet in the sun to dry, struggling a little bit with its size, you fail to notice the big, black raven land on the table you have your tea set on. It takes you a couple minutes, but as the raven watches you, you manage to get the damn sheet hung up as well as the rest of the laundry- before turning to your breakfast that had been cooling down while you worked.

You see the raven immediately, of course, perched a little too close to your porridge, and narrow your eyes… inching towards the table just a little bit at a time, hesitantly to waive your hand at it. “… Shoo.”

It doesn’t make a sound back, doesn’t even move. The thing just stares at you until you get as close as you dare, a couple steps, and stand there quite put-out at its gall. You are the human, aren’t you? It’s the woodland creature. Shouldn’t it… scatter? Huphing, you set your hands on your hips with a frown. This just wont do.

… Narrowing your eyes and thinning your lips, you attempt to vocally request it leaves your food alone- why you thought that speaking fairly to the bird would help you, you have no clue. But it wasn’t responding to traditional waiving and shooing, so why not try? “… excuse me? That’s my breakfast, sir- or ma’am? I’d really love it if you flew a bit away from it.”

At this, miraculously, the raven actually does lift up into the air with a flap of its wings, and you watch with wide eyes as it lands then on the chair beside the table- and promptly turns into a man.

Your jaw drops open and you breath in deeply to scream at the horrifying impossibility, that this aviary just transformed into a man, but he who is currently gazing into a black hand mirror at himself, oh-so-delicately raises a finger at you as if to shush you- without even glancing away from his reflection.

Promptly you shut your mouth, and frown again in an unamused, perturbed sort of way. Well, he’s a bit cheeky.

God- what are you thinking? You should be freaking out! This man was just a BIRD!-

You’re about to go ahead this time and scream at the top of your lungs, but just in time he actually looks away from the mirror an his soft gaze falls on you. “Please, don’t.”

Letting out the air again that you had in preparation to scream, you clench your fists in frustration and shake your head. “I think I have every right to scream!”

“Sure, of course you do- laying your lucky eyes on ME!” Oh- seriously?? “Aha, but please, I have business to attend to with you and it’ll be a lot easier for us both if you just keep your enthusiasm for later. Thank you.”

What- Looking around, you half wonder if this is a crazy trick of some kind. Loki? Are you around??

Who even is this man????

“Uh… you have… business, with me??” What kind of business would a bird-man have with you? Gods, so many questions.

“I do,” Giving a sweet smile that you don’t trust one bit, considering the mischievous nature of transformation magic and the almost sickly-sweet sound of his voice. While he pushes out of the hair you were going to have your long-forgotten-about breakfast in and stalks around you- long, long legs taking him in a circle around you swiftly.  “See… “Oh, he’s gazing at his reflection again. “My Mistress thinks you have a quality she could use. And she would like for you to join forces with us. Of course, there’s more to it then that and… you’d have to learn to live near me without becoming too enamoured all the time... but there are perks. Protection, for one- “

“Wait wait wait,” You cut in, turning just in time to cut him off from another circle, setting your hands back on your hips and leaning towards him; A stern look on your face as you tilt your head to the side. “Who’s your mistress?”

“Umm… “The guy looks upwards, thoughtful and only a little bit startled that you’re acting so gutsy with him. “I think you’ll have to give me an answer, before I tell you that.”

“Well, what’s the question??”

“Will you join her?”

“I don’t even know who ‘she’ is!!” This whole thing is mad-

“My apologies sweetheart- “

“What’s your name, then??”

“Oh,” The man drops down gracefully to one knee at once, then, and takes your hand in his; Guiding it towards his lips while you just seethe with frustration above him. “I’m Malfie~ “

You wrench your hand quickly away from him before he can kiss it, and his eyes go wide- looking up at you with a sudden awe-struck wonder. And- what- Is that a blush on his face? Is he serious?? “Take me to your Mistress, Malfie. I think I’d rather conduct business with her, if I must conduct it at all.”  

“As you wish, love… “

[artctrlcee]

「 Dance, dance!

　　　　　Rock this Park! 」

5 Days until Halloween

[capesandshapes]

Yo

Romance recs?👀👀👀

For real, i've been looking for good romantic books but idk what to check out other than the bestsellers on goodresds and I'm tired of those rec lists. Do you have anything that comes to mind?

Bookwise:

Scifi:

-Ice Planet Barbarians, but everyone already knows that. No one talks about her Corsairs series that's equally as good-- think space pirates who find hot babes while just hanging around. I've also read Choosing Theo by Victoria Aveline, which isn't great, but you know what it is? Entertaining. Essentially some girl has been kidnapped and brought to another planet to be sold as a wife to someone, but before that can happen she runs off to the government and eventually joins their program where she gets to pick her husband from a line up of five or so men who have been training their whole lives to become beloved himbos. She chooses the ugliest and meanest one and he eventually learns how to be a tolerable being, there is a TW: for sexual assault but not from him, and I'll try not to completely spoil it for you in case you decide to read this book-- but the man goes through A MAGICAL GIRL TRANSFORMATION TO BECOME TWICE AS UGLY AND STRONG AT ONE POINT USING HIS MAGICAL GIRL GEMS. ICONIC.

Fantasy:

I loved Bridge Kingdom, it's falling off of recommendation lists lately but essentially the plot is this: she's there to marry him and then kill him. He's surprisingly not stupid.

Astonishing.

There's a lot of betrayal and violence in the books, but my god do I love them.

I also recently read Only a Monster, it's slower paced but my god is it interesting. It's got time travel and life stealing, enemies to lovers at every corner, and a somewhat likeable main character, which is the highest praise sometimes. Her main love interest kills her family in the first ten pages, and she decides she's not cool with that or dying herself and has to do something.

I'm in love with the Kanin triology by Amanda Hocking, which is like if troll dolls met vampire academy met one idiot heroine who was mistakenly given a knife. It's unhinged.

A Far Wilder Magic is boring as hell for the first half but really compelling characterwise and has the pretiest cover you'll ever see. It's got strong agatha christie vibes and I refuse to elaborate on it.

I HAVE BEEN READING THE VENYS NEEDS MEN SERIES AND MY GOD. Summary: Weredragons. The first human they touch is their lady and while they hate that for themselves, there they are, grumpy pieces of shit saddled with cutie pie girlies. My only complaint is that these men are constantly horny and my god I just want them to go like five chapters without touching themselves smh. But yeah there's a lot of in fighting with the women but it's more about them genuinely wanting to have a husband so that they can keep their tribes from dying out. Also in one book two girls freaking marathon sprint to touch a dragon first and it's hilarious.

Contemporary:

I can't in good conscious recommend the Deal by Elle Kennedy nor her Off Campus series because it's not the height of morals or anything and there's so many triggers in that series but I can say I read them all in three days nd then tried to convince myself I like hockey romance. They were fun but it turns out I do not and can't tell you shit about hockey.

The Roommate is about a woman who lives with a porn star even though she doesn't want to and while you might think it would be full of smut with that description, it's not and he helps her get over her hang ups about sex and reputation. Also he's really funny and gives off James Potter going through a bender vibes.

[springfieldstills]

Look, lady. I’ve got a peptic ulcer, my wife’s hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal. Willya stop bugging me about the stupid pirate?!

[ceeyuin666]

Hi this is the main account for @yourgildedcage I'm featuring the recruiters in a special Halloween fic and want to make a last minute ask about the Recruiters personalities. (I'm aware I can search around Tumblr but I like having multiple sources)

If all the main recruiters are too much I can settle for Apple Poison, Malfie and Jack Heart.

Hi there, I'm always happy to be a source of info for the Recruiters! You've probably seen it but I do have a intro post on each Recruiter here if that's helpful at all: link

I'm not sure what info you'd like exactly so I'll do a basic summary of their personalities. Hope it helps!

Apple Poison: The stoic, tall, dark and handsome "uncle" of the Recruiters. He's professional and takes his job seriously, when he goofs off it doesn't seem to be on purpose but he's just funny like that.

Jack Heart: The natural "Entertainer" Jack is very bouncy and acts like he's always in the spotlight. He has young, playful energy but can be a bit of a brat, such as when he picks fights with Apple or is dismissive of other's Masters.

Mr Dalmetia (Daru): He is the personification of a puppy so naturally he is bratty and full of energy. He will pick fights by teasing others and he gets along really well with Jack. He does not hide his emotions and will jump on you if he's happy and bark at you if he's not.

Malfie: The Narcissist of the group, nothing matters more to Malfie than his own appearance and telling others how beautiful he is. Overall he gets along with everyone, he's not as outspoken as say Jack or Daru but will eagerly participate in conversation

Eight-foot Joe: He's just a tired guy here to do his job. He performs at the bare minimum of what is required of him but seems to genuinely care for the other Recruiters who have become his family. He is mostly dismissive or reluctant to participate in antics but can be seen chatting away in the background.

Lady Pirate Hock: She is very serious and takes on the role of a big sister to the other ladies- she is authoritative and can often be seen flirting with Veil and Farja. She takes her job seriously and clearly holds great pride in being a pirate in Captain Hook's crew.

Veil: She can seem a little air headed but she clearly takes her job seriously. She is devoted to her master and her roots, with the motif of the bell of Notre Dame, she sings most of her feelings and has an amazing voice. She is often picked on by the men because she's less likely to snap back at them.

Pretty Scar: She's energetic and loud but also very "cutesy" which is seem as a bad image for a villain. She's the type that would say "UwU" unironically and ask you isn't she "so pweety and cyute". She is madly in love with Daru and clings to him any chance she gets and while she doesn't seem to get along very well with any of the others, she holds pride in herself.

Farja: The other louder member of the ladies group, Farja is obnoxious and the brattiest of the women. She will straight up ask for praise and get mad if you don't give it to her, she could be considered selfish but gets along with the others well enough. Farja loves magic tricks and teasing others.

Ms Hades: She's the more standoffish, 'cool' one of the ladies. She is here to do her job and that's about it. She will have quiet conversations with the others but usually keeps to herself. She is professional and graceful but is the type that gets giddy and excited at mentions of her master.

[hannahhook7744]

Badun Detective Agency Detective Profile (Edited on December 2nd, Year 23 due to new information):

Name: Hannah Artemis Hook.

DOB: December 2nd, Year 8.

Status: Dead.

Last Known Address: The Stormbringer Crew (Part Time),

The flat above Hook's Inlet and Shack (Part Time).

Previous Address: The Jolly Roger.

Country of Origin: The Isle of the Lost.

Race: Caucasian. 

Gender: Female.

Dental:? (Profiler does not know what dental is and thus cannot answer the question). 

Height: 3"0 (36 Cm).

Weight: 47.7 lbs (21.63636 Kg).

Hair color: Dark Brown (with a white streak on the left, a teal one on the right).

Eye color: Dark Brown.

Languages: English, Pirate Speak, and Fairy Speak (Fluent),

Latin, English, Greek, Ciazarn, Spanish, and French (Sparsely).

Title: Detective-in-training Hannah Hook, Captain Hannah Hook, The Messenger, and Angel of Vengeance.

Identifiable markings: Mild freckles, very short nails (from her biting them), sideways anchor scar on her right knee, small dot scars all over her left hand, a mild thin scar on her scalp, and several jagged scars on her feet (from stepping on glass).

Family:  Severin 'Bluebeard/Le Barbe Bleu' de Montragoux (Adoptive Paternal Great Grandfather)(Deceased),

Lucretia Hook (Adoptive Paternal Great Grandmother)(Living),

Adelais Hook I (Adoptive Paternal Great Grandmother)(Living),

Nell Frost (Nanny/Potential Adoptive Paternal Step Grandmother)(Living),

Davy Jones (Alleged Adoptive Paternal Grandfather)(Living),

Jasper 'Patch' Hook (Adoptive Parental Uncle)(Living),

Arabella 'Bella' Smith-Hook (Adoptive Parental Aunt-via-marriage)(Living),

Atticus Hook (Adoptive Parental Cousin)(Deceased),

Greyson Hook (Adoptive Parental Cousin)(Living),

Ian Hook (Adoptive Parental Cousin)(Living),

Nevin Hook (Adoptive Parental Cousin)(Living),

Ian Hook (Adoptive Parental Cousin)(Living),

Morgan Hook (Adoptive Parental Cousin)(Deceased),

James Hook (Adoptive Father)(Living),

Zarina Hook (Adoptive Mother)(Living),

Lady Hock (Babysitter/Backup Godmother)(Living),

William Smee (Godfather)(Living),

Molly Smee (Godmother)(Living),

Samson 'Sammy' Smee (Godbrother)(Living),

Sterling 'Squirmy' Smee (Godbrother)(Living),

Skipper 'Squeaky' Smee (Godbrother)(Living),

Adelais Hook II/Allison Liddell (Adoptive Sister)(Living),

Calista Jane 'CJ' Hook (Adoptive Sister)(Living),

Harriet Hook (Adoptive Sister)(Living),

Peter Pan (Adoptive Brother)(Living), 

Ginevra ‘Ginny’ Gothel (Adoptive Parental Sister/ Biological Maternal Aunt), 

Harrison 'Harry' Hook (Adoptive Brother)(Living),

Icarus (Owl)(Living)

and Midas (Racoon)(Living). 

Education: 1st grade (Partly).

Employment: Worker at Hook's Inlet and Shack (Occasionally),

Worker at Hook's Clock and Curiosity Shop (Occasionally),

Isle Messenger (Occasionally),

Pirate Captain of the Stormbringer (Permanently).

Badun Detective Agency Employment: Detective-in-training.

Skills/abilities: Thievery, people reading, improvised weapons, escape artist, and researching.

Signature:

HaNnAh HoOk.

Notes: 

—Agent is impulsive.

—Agent has little to no self-preservation skills.

—Agent is partially blind and partially deaf, as well as extremely clumsy.

—Agent is not the best at fighting but is good at providing a distraction, running away, and being a swordsmen.

—Agent is also good at improvising and figuring out people's wants/needs (and using them to her advantage).

—Agent has debilitating migraines and sensory overloads. She also gets overstimulated and under stimulated a lot.

—Agent has a debilitating fear of spiders.

—Agent hates shoes.

Edited on December 2nd, Year 15:

Note(s):

—Agent Died on December 2nd, Year 15.

—Due to Agent Hannah Hook's deaths, the 'If I Go Missing' and 'Will' Files have become mandatory for all members of the B.D.A.

Edited on December 25th, Year 17 :

Note(s): Agent has been spotted multiple times after her death in a ghostly form. For theories on how, check theories file 077.

[thechanelmuse]

There was once a time when mid-level bands with a modest following could make a pretty decent living playing music. They’d put out a record, sell a couple hundred thousand copies and then go on tour to promote it – which would drive additional sales, even as the tour itself was lucky to break even.

For the largest acts, this formula was a bona fide moneymaking bonanza, lining the pockets of all involved, including the musicians, managers, promoters and record labels. For everyone else, it didn’t produce vast riches but nonetheless supported careers and promoted the creation of new music.

Times, however, have changed. Besides a handful of superstars, it’s impossible for bands and musicians to generate significant revenue taking this approach. And the reason is simple: Consumers won’t pay much for music.

Napster jump-started this trend back in the 90s, pirating content and making it available online, producing a generation of listeners who didn't value music because they were able to download it for free. Then, streaming services basically continued the practice.

The likes of Pandora and Spotify don’t steal content, but they still offer it for free with the support of ads. Others such as Apple Music and Amazon Music obviously aren’t stealing either and do charge users, but it’s a nominal fee. Both models result in most artists getting the shaft, receiving, in most instances, less than a penny per stream.

(Incidentally, the streaming services themselves aren’t faring much better. Pandora and Spotify have always struggled to turn a profit, while Apple Music and Amazon Music are money losers, in place as part of broader distribution play that merely supports other parts of their company’s other businesses. Another irony is that music has become devalued at a time when there are more ways than ever to promote it, thanks to social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat.) 

Because of this, musicians have had to adjust. Some have begun to focus their efforts on brand building, using their music, in effect, as a form of advertising to hock products and services for companies. Megastars like Beyoncé and Lady Gaga, and Michael Jackson before them, have always done this, pushing everything from soft drinks to clothing to fragrances.

But more and more, musicians from across the spectrum are pursuing this path to prosper. One good example is Gary Clark Jr., a talented artist but hardly a household name who has endorsement deals with Lincoln and John Varvatos. In the past, purists probably would have called him a "sell out." Now, it's called getting paid.

Ostensibly, playing concerts is another way to boost the bottom line. But save a precious few, most musicians are neither able to draw big audiences nor command the type of prices that make touring worthwhile – and the ones who can are senior citizens who play to audiences that are either roughly the same age or only slightly younger.

[...]

Who are the next generation of stars that will replace these aging performers, and does it matter given the current generation’s preference for festivals like Coachella, where the music is almost incidental to the experience?

Some probably question why anyone should care about all this. After all, the consumer is winning, since the principal fallout has been that accessing music content is cheaper than ever before. Further, large industries have always gone through difficult transformations – what makes the music industry’s struggles any more noteworthy?

The reason is that without meaningful changes to the way musicians get compensated, creativity will suffer immeasurably – and with it, the entire music industry. Consider that the revenue streams created by record sales and concerts once formed an informal infrastructure that continually bred new artists. Without such revenue streams in place – or something similar to replace them – the time will come when musicians will have no practical way to stay afloat, forcing them to give up and many would-be ones never to try at all.

All of which means that the music business may not be a much of business at all before too long.

Read more

[hmcvirgo92]

Bart Gets an F (7f03)

Alright! It's time to start summarizing episodes of Season Two! The reason this season started with a Bart-centric episode was because Bart was the star of the show at the time. The original premiere was going to be “Two Cars in Every Garage, and Three Eyes on Every Fish.” Homer didn't get his time in the spotlight until circa Season Four. This is also a groundbreaking episode because it's full of cries, laughter, and feel good moments. Let's begin.

Blackboard Gag: "I will not encourage others to fly."

Couch Gag: The Simpsons sit on the couch, but it falls through the floor, leaving a crater.

At Springfield Elementary, Bart's fourth grade class is giving out their book reports. Martin has concluded his report Ernest Hemingway, and Mrs Krabappel loves it. Next up is Bart, and his report on Treasure Island. However, it is clear that Bart did not read the book, because his report consists of this:

"Well, as Mrs. Krabappel already mentioned, the name of the book that I read was Treasure Island.  It's about these... pirates. Pirates... with patches over their eyes...  and...  shiny gold teeth... and green birds on their shoulders. Did I mention this book was written by a guy named Robert Lewis Stevenson? And published by the good people at McGraw Hill.  So, in conclusion, on the Simpson scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, one being the lowest, and five being average, I give this book... a nine. Any questions? Nope? Then I'll just sit down."

Class and Krabappel:

Krabappel then asks Bart if he really did read the book. Bart says he's insulted! Is this a witch hunt or a book report? So Krabappel asks Bart to name the main pirate, so Bart seeks through his memory to answer: "Blackbeard... Captain Nemo... Captain Hook...  Long John Silver... Pegleg Pete... Bluebeard..." he guesses the last one, which is wrong of course.

This is the only Bluebeard I've ever heard of:

As punishment, Bart has to write "I will not fake my way through life" on the blackboard after class. While he does this, Krabappel tells Bart that his grades are slipping, then she asks if he's aware that there is a Colonial history exam tomorrow. Bart is obviously not paying attention, and just says "yes" at Krabappel. Krabappel then tells Bart that he isn't paying attention to her, but Bart denies this. When Krabappel asks him what she said, he replies with, "Straighten up and fly right." Lucky guess!

Later, Bart wastes his time playing "Escape from Grandma's House" at the arcade, and watches an episode of Itchy and Scratchy with his sisters.

Today's Itchy and Scratchy episode is entitled "Let Them Eat Scratchy." The cartoon features Scratchy dressed as a musketeer chasing Itchy. Itchy then runs under a curtain, and Scratchy looks through. However, he accidentally puts his head in a guillotine, and Itchy beheads him. Itchy then puts some dynamite in Scratchy's mouth, which explodes and leaves Scratchy's skull.

Bart then plans to study after dinner, but Homer ruins Bart's plans by inviting him to watch movies for Big Gorilla Week. Much later, when the movie is over, Bart goes upstairs to study. Unforunately, he falls asleep shortly after.

 Reminds me of when I fell asleep in the middle of study hall, and my teacher had to wake me up.

When Homer and Marge catch a glimpse of Bart sleeping at the desk, they put him to bed. The next morning, Bart is like:

So when he gets on the bus, he asks Otto to get into an accident, but Otto says he can't do that on purpose. So Bart goes over to Sherri and Terri, and asks them to give out some answers for the test. They give him wrong answers to screw him over. Here's what they answer:

1. What was the name of the Pilgrims' boat? The Spirit of St Louis (actually the Mayflower) 2. Where did they land? Sunny Acapulco (America) 3. Why did the leave England? Giant rats (persecution)

When Bart gets off the bus, Martin warns him that the answers are all wrong. Fucked, Bart fakes illness when test time begins. When in the nurse's office she asks what symptoms Bart has.

Bart: Sharp stabbing pains in my stomach. Nurse: Oh dear, I've heard of this. (gets a book on Amoria Phlebitis) Do you feel a shooting pain in your arm? Bart: Both arms, ma'am. Nurse: Temporary loss of vision? Bart: Who said that? Come closer.

Anyway, Bart is sent home where his parents take care of him. Bart even asks for the TV, much to Homer's chagrin. Lisa on the other hand knows that Bart is faking it. Bart then calls Milhouse and asks for his answers.

The next day, Bart uses some of these answers for his test, but these answers are all wrong! Krabappel tells Bart that this is the last straw, so after school, she calls in Homer and Marge to discuss Bart's bad grades. Krabappel then brings in Dr J Loren Pryor and he recommends that Bart repeat Fourth Grade. Bart however, doesn't want to do this so he vows to study harder.

The next day, Bart bemoans to Otto about his troubles. Otto isn't much of a consoler because he says he got held back twice, and "now he drives the school bus." Later, during class, Bart has a daydream where an elderly Krabappel asks a middle aged Bart what the name of the pirate was in Treasure Island, but Middle Age!Bart says this:

"Look, lady.  I got a peptic ulcer, my wife's hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal.  Willya quit buggin' me about the stupid pirate?"

Middle Age!Bart's son then says, "It's Long John Silver, dad!" Elderly!Krabappel then asks to see them both after class. (Thanks a lot, son!)

Later, Bart runs into Martin and asks if he tutor him for a price: Bart will help Martin be cool instead of nerdy. Martin agrees to the bargain. Martin examines Bart's study area and says it needs to be gussied up. So the desk is cleaned off and a fern is added onto the desk.

On the bus, Bart tells Martin to sit in the back because apparently, that's where you can do mischief without anyone noticing. This also goes with classrooms and church.

We then see a montage of Bart and Martin teaching each other their ends of the bargain. One day, Martin is egstatic over the latest prank he played. Bart then asks Martin about helping him study, but Martin backstabs him by saying that "Life is too short for tests."

That night, Bart is diligently trying to study, but Marge tells him that's it's bedtime. Before he does so, Bart prays to God and asks him for a snowstorm or a power outage, even a teacher's strike. Meanwhile, Lisa pities this and says to herself that prayer "is the last refuge of a scoundrel."

Anyway, Bart thanks God in advance and finally goes to bed. Outside the Simpsons house, a single snowflake falls to the ground, followed by more snow and a church choir singing, "Hallelujah."

The next day, Bart doesn't want to get up, but Marge shows him the snow that fell last night. 

Bart is stunned and he rushes down to the kitchen where the family is attentively listening to the radio on closures. Homer is happy because the Nuclear Plant is closed. When it's time to announce school closures, Bill can't announce because he's too excited. Marty then takes over by saying Springfield County schools are- Wait for it- Closed! Homer and Bart are so happy, while Marge and Lisa just smile at them.

Bart is about to play outside, but Lisa stops him and reminds him of why he wanted a snow day. Bart then goes upstairs when he realizes that he asked for a snowstorm to have an extra day of study.

Unfortunately for Bart, everyone in Springfield is having the time of their lives out in the snow, even the grown ups. The people of Springfield then hold hands in a circle a la How the Grinch Stole Christmas and sing "Winter Wonderland."

Doesn't this look like a nice Christmas Card photo?

Anyway, Bart snaps out of his yearning to join in the fun and gets down to work. He studies in the basement and slaps himself to motivate himself to study harder.

The next day, Bart takes his test. When class is over, Bart asks Krabappel to grade him now. Bad news, Bart got an F. Bart is so devestated that what happens next is one of animation's most heartbreaking scenes. Just as bad as Twilight Sparkle being fired from being her brother's Best Mare, just as bad as the ending to Sailor Moon R episode 15, just as bad as the climax to Toy Story 3... you get the idea. Bart breaks down right now and then and cries really loudly!

Bart, me, and anyone else who has a heart:

Krabappel asks what's wrong, and Bart said he really DID study this time. Krabappel says that the F is higher than usual, but that doesn't help Bart. Now he knows how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French in 1754. Krabappel is intrigued, so Bart clarifies what he was referring to. Krabappel checks a history book, and lo and behold, Bart is right! Krabappel then bumps Bart's grade up to a D-. Know what that means? He barely made it! Bart is on top of the world,

 and in blind joy, kisses Krabappel.

Bart then dances out of the school celebrating is victory.

 He suddenly pauses and starts spitting, realizes that he kissed his teacher.

Later, Bart's family puts his test on the refrigerator. Bart then proclaims that "part of this D- belongs to God."

The End

My Thoughts: This episode really struck a chord with me, since I struggled in school a lot. I even failed two high school classes (though I took them again) and didn't graduate from college.