#kyle is going that he got his degree in friendship and girlfriend. and getting high every other weekend. < my personal belief.

[thedevotionaltour]

to me kyle was a junior year art school drop out bc i think this puts him at the sweet spot of a) dropping out at a young enough age that i think it gives him the time to establish his career to what i think it'd be around the age i headcanon him to be when getting the ring (26ish) and b) gives him basing off my own experience (so i cannot speak remotely at all to the universality of anything. purely my own personal art school experience alone) if he was taking 5 classes a semester he'd have about 20 classes under his belt minimum and if he dropped out after the first semester he'd have about 25 classes which gives him quite a broad range of classes he could engage with just like on studio classes alone not counting any art history/lib art etc type courses he'd be taking to set him up with the wide range of skills and mediums and styles he's shown to dabble in. always thinking about art student kyle forever. because of my biases. as an art student

[kyle-valenti]

Takes a Woman to Tell a Man (kylex drabble)- ao3

----------

“Valenti, when the hell are you going to ask him out?” Jenna asked Kyle one day under the horrible fluorescent lighting of the bunker where any blush he had might be drowned out. 

Luckily Alex wasn’t present. He wouldn’t put it past the blunt cop to ask the question no matter the setting, especially since their working relationship was still fairly rocky after their first meeting on Project Shepard. Frankly, Kyle is a little surprised that she mentioned anything personal at all. “Excuse me?”

 The look he was on the receiving end of wasn’t pretty. If he thought the Ortecho sisters could be stubborn and slightly condescending at times, Jenna had them beat by miles right now. “I'm getting real sick of your puppy dog eyes. Screw the town. Kiss the boy.”

“It's not like that.”

She snorted. “Oh, it's like that. Don't make me pull receipts and embarrass you.”

Blowing out a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding, he angrily defended himself. “He just got out of something, Cameron, and unless you haven't noticed we don't have free time.”

“You take that brave attitude with you in surgery?”

He glared at her, and all she did was give him a cocky smile in response. “Just saying. I'll even leave your clubhouse for a day.”

“Today?” he asked sarcastically. “Right now?”

“God you boys are dumb.” She huffed, rolling her eyes. Apparently she had given up because she turned back to the research on Caufield that all three of them had reluctantly been pouring over. Generally Cameron was more of an action person, but ever since Jesse Manes was in a coma, they had hit a wall on which direction to take.

To the comment on him being dumb, though, he stood up and decided he could leave early as he shot back, “Yeah well I gotta go use my doctorate degree to save lives, so lock up.”

 Ex-military soldiers were going to kill him if aliens didn't first. 

  __________________

Cameron had been hanging out in the bunker more and more often, hovering over Alex and waiting for something to do. Somewhere between the alien murders, the project to kill innocent beings, and the coma Jesse Manes had put in, she had been spooked. Alex understood the feeling, but he was starting to get tired of her increasing boredom.  

Especially when out of the blue she interrupted his concentration and sighed. “Valenti ask you out yet?”

“What?”

He swiveled his chair around in time to see her roll her eyes. “Come on airman, you heard me.”

“Kyle is straight,” he told her in pure bewilderment. Cameron didn't seem like the type of person to randomly wish people together, but she was clearly more than bored if she had imagined this up. 

“I think all those computer screens have blinded you.”

It was his turn to huff, and he turned around to face his browser again. “I think I know him better than you do.”

“Yeah?" she challenged. "Which one of us has been here around him in Roswell the past 10 years?”

He couldn't argue that, and he honestly doesn't have the time to, so he cut it off. “Not every queer person falls in love based on close proximity."

“How about shared past, friendship, goals, good looks?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “He's not that good looking.”

Okay, maybe that was a stretch. He didn't like being randomly assaulted with personal questions though, so he felt slightly justified. 

“Yeah okay, Manes. I'm headed out for patrol duty, you keep coming up with those alien theories and denial you've got going on.”

What was that about?

  ____________________

 “Cameron coming?” Alex asked Kyle awkwardly the following day. The doctor only shrugged, barely looking up. “Said she’s busy with some police thing.” 

Even though he had hoped Kyle would ignore his frown, he doesn’t, and Alex receives a raised eyebrow to which he shrugs. “Liz was just on the phone trying to get me to come to a movie with her and Max.”

“Ah,” Kyle said, and there was something odd in the tone that seemed all too similar to the way Alex felt.

“Has she talked to you lately?” he asked, trying not to seem weird.

It was still weird, but Kyle wasn’t meeting his eyes to even tell. “Not really. You?”

“Not really.”

Now, Kyle looks up, brown eyes searching. “She did, didn’t she? I told her you weren’t available.”

“That was your argument?” Alex demands, completely caught off guard. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, not by a long shot, and how was he ever going to go into another conversation with Kyle Valenti without feeling blind?

“I mean,” Kyle fumbles. “Yeah, and even if you were it’s not like we have time or--,” he’s red now, in a way that Alex hasn’t seen Kyle Valenti ever be since middle school, and it would be a lot more endearing if it made any sort of sense. “Why, what did you say?”

Alex stares. “Not every queer person falls in love with each other.”

“Right. Yeah, that too.”

There’s clear hurt that flickers across his face, but it’s gone in an instant and Alex can’t help the question that tumbles out. “Do you have a crush on me, Valenti?”

“Not right this second,” Kyle muttered. “We have actual work to do.”

“Isn’t that my line?”

The doctor won’t look at him, nerves pushed down, and now Kyle is hard angles with a blank but broody face that's pretending to read the scrawls of a 1950s military scientist. “I don’t hear you saying it.”

“Kind of busy deciding if you had a fever or if your cheeks were just that red,” Alex told him, pushing. Because fuck it, he had the right to push. After growing up with that pretty boy who was so smart but so dumb, then putting up with the ups and downs through the years, he had the right to push more than anyone else.

"Fuck you," Kyle snapped, with only a brief glance up of narrowed eyes, yet a firm tone. "I got off of a sixteen hour shift to come down to this place and help read files. Can we do the high school payback after I get sleep?"

Alex scoffed. "Not until you tell me if you have feelings for me."

Blowing out a breath, Kyle leaned back in the chair. "What do you want to hear, Manes? That I'm a hypocrite? Former stereotypical bully with repressed sexuality syndrome?" 

The tone was angry, but not toward Alex, and that's what softened some of the emotional blow. Sighing, Alex shook his head. "That hasn't been what I wanted to hear for months, Kyle. I want to know if you have feelings for me, and only that. No bullshit."

"Fine," Kyle said, but he was looking at the ceiling, the typical anxious nerve of his showing, before he cleared his throat and managed to look Alex in the eyes. "Yes, I have feelings for you. Do whatever you want with that."

"Whatever I want?" Alex asked. 

Kyle shrugged, barely making eye contact now, which made it easier for Alex to walk over to him and into his space. He stood as soon as Alex did so, and neither of them seemed to be sure of what will happen, but Alex made the quick decision to choose exactly what he wanted to do with the confession by kissing Kyle. 

Maybe some part of him had expected it to be fake, but nothing is false about the way Kyle inhaled sharply and folded immediately into him, grasping Alex's neck and pulling him in. They were only kissing, but everything was visceral and heady and Alex wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't pass out from the paradoxical familiarity and newness of it all. This was Kyle, the same boy he had sleepovers with before everything in life hurt, the first person to mean the world to him, and there was a stinging beauty to that… but this was also Kyle Valenti, whose hands were now rough from washing his hands to save lives and who smelled like sandalwood shampoo and whose growth into a man inspired Alex sometimes.

By the time there's no jackets, no shirts, and on the way to little pants, Jenna walked in on them. 

"Thank God," she announced, looking far too smug as they scrambled to find a way to look decent, even if she looked shamelessly unbothered. "Let me know when it's safe again. Also one of you owe me a girlfriend for playing matchmaker."

Kyle didn't have any more time than Alex did to come up with a comeback before she left, and both of them had to take only a second to think on whether she was serious before Kyle shrugged. "Isobel?" 

"Later discussion," Alex told him, a smile on his face, and then their interruption ended as they pick up where they left off. 

_____________

[spineandprose]

Chasing Slow | February 2018

Friends, welcome to our 2018 reading year! I’m excited to kick off our discussion with Erin Loechner’s Chasing Slow. Did you read along? It feels like forever since we last “met up,” so I’m anxious to hear your thoughts and insights.

I’ll break up my review based on the themes I found in the book. There was a lot in there: career, marriage, faith, minimalism, social media, recipes, and more. I pulled a lot of quotes for my review, simply because she is a great writer and presents ideas in a sweet and often times (though not always) way that I believe to be true. I have so many thoughts in my head that I honestly don’t know where to begin. Wish me luck and hope this makes sense! ;)

Minimalism

And here is what I want to say, then, about amassing: It is not powerful. It is simply a waste—of space, of time, of earnings.…Power is not to be found there. Joy is not to be found there. Love is not to be found there. Page 151

Though I don’t have a capsule wardrobe or a true to form minimalist house, I do tend toward minimalism. I love a neat and tidy environment free of clutter, where everything has its own place and there are lots of clear surfaces and rest for the eyes. While shopping is a fun, rejuvenating activity for some, it stresses me out and puts me in a bad mood. I am a huge fan (sadly...?) of the ease of ordering on Amazon.

I admired her thoughts on minimalism and largely agreed with her approach and lifestyle, but nothing she detailed inspired me to change my life when it comes to my possessions and how I use and think about material items. I feel I’m in a good spot there, so a nod to her for how she does it and a high-five to myself.

Do you have a minimalist lifestyle? Have you created a capsule wardrobe? Did reading Erin’s book inspire you to make any changes to your possessions?

Faith

It’s interesting to see Erin’s thoughts on her Christian faith from the bird’s eye view of a finished book while I comb through ideas I underlined. When reading throughout the book, I was frustrated at how she would propose deep questions and then never complete the thought with biblical truth. It felt as if she almost closed the circle—and although verses were used to help provide closure—I wanted more of a direct “this is how Jesus changes my heart in minimalism/motherhood/marriage/etc.” I felt a restlessness from her when she described her struggles, as if she came from the standpoint of knowing what is right but not trusting that it was right—and ultimately overthinking it too much.

Overall, I think Erin’s faith discovery throughout the book was a struggle with accepting grace, accepting Christ for sufficiency in all things, and that she (we all) contribute nothing to our salvation or good works. Seeing the quotes I pulled all grouped together here (again, that bird’s eye view), it actually creates a fairly logical path of belief in Christ. From the struggle of being a good person to accepting God’s gift of grace, these quotes seem to provide the pathway of faith that Erin is experiencing.

When you’re raised in the church, it is likely your faith will manifest itself on a souvenir shelf....Will my souvenirs be enough? Can they be? Page 43

I live daily in the hope that if I work hard enough, if I paddle fast enough, I might out swim the sadness....Surely I am strong enough to overcome it all? Page 47

Oh, but it sounds so tidy. It sounds like if God helps those who help themselves....We get to interchange good works with any works....We get to nearly guarantee that this God we believe in, this God who helps those who help themselves, will flood down our due blessings as long as they’re earned. Page 88

We all deserve very little, nothing at all, because if gifts were based on merit... Page 138

God’s version of grace is this: You did this wrong, but look, I did this right. You have everything you need now. Follow me in peace. Go now in freedom. Walk now in abundance. Grace is giving yourself a free pass and realizing that it isn’t free at all. Grace is giving someone else a free pass and realizing God has already passed his along. To all of us. … We’re too much and we’re too little and we wonder if we’ll ever be enough. If we’ll ever deserve favor. We’ve been tried, and we are guilty of it all. Surely we don’t deserve goodwill? But goodwill is not what we have been promised. What we have been promised is grace. Page 218

It is difficult to be patient…to offer grace…to offer forgiveness…to accept all of it—the love and the grace and the everything else—when you have failed. Page 263

And so here is my beef with surrender. What happens when we do it? What happens when we release the control, when we allow the inevitable, when we shed the protective layers we have tricked ourselves into believing we don? Who, then, do we get to blame for the wreckage? Page 275

From these quotes, it seems as if Erin is working out what trusting in the Lord and accepting his grace looks like day to day, task by task, emotion to emotion. It’s a life-long journey!

Motherhood

“Can you try feeding her again?” Ken asks. “I just fed her!…” … Do not bring up anything important, if you can help it, until the baby is six months old. It will not end well. Page 174

Those statements above hit so close to home for me. When Oliver was a newborn, I had to tell Kyle not to say, “I think he’s hungry” or “Could you feed him again?” because although I would (and did!) I had just fed him. Oliver’s cries were signal enough for me to feed him again—I didn’t need another person to ask the same thing on top of it. Instead, I needed a moment to breath and set my heart and pick up my baby to nurse again.

I also happened upon that six-month discussion advice either right before Oliver was born or just slightly after. I’m so glad I did! Because when month four comes around and you feel as if you and your husband are living on different planets (and how did everything get so difficult?), it’s refreshing to remember that advice and hold to it. It’s advice I used, have given, and will use again when our daughter is born. You just need time to let your family settle and six months seems to be the sweet spot.

Motherhood is hard in a way that you must learn to sweep cereal bits off the floor without sweeping your own self right out the door with them. Page 192

Yep. Anyone else?

Recipes

The “Love Your Kid Unconditionally” Smoothie Page 227

I’m curious: did anyone create a recipe from Erin’s book? I made the “Love Your Kid Unconditionally” Smoothie and oooh boooy was it tart. Made me pucker and hunt for a sweet but healthy alternative. I settled on a chocolate smoothie that I made up. It provides varying degrees of satisfaction—never a bomb, likely rare to be a hit—but works for those afternoon chocolate cravings.

Beth’s Chocolate Smoothie 1 ripe banana (not frozen) 1 tbls. sunbutter (or your choice of nut butter) 2 tsp. cocoa powder 5 ice cubes 1/3 cup chocolate coconut water

Blend and serve with a straw!

Friendship

Math Lesson 015 // Stress + 20 minutes with a girlfriend + Truth = Perspective Page 222

Yes.

Personal Growth

No additional thoughts on this theme, but here are my favorite quotes around personal growth (which really could fit into the theme of faith as well).

I sometimes place this time period, this brief year and a half, in a category of immense personal growth. It’s a humiliating quantification because I realize that when it was over, when everything had changed, when we had all become different, I was still a deeply selfish person. Page 105

It was simply a difficult time and sometimes we confuse difficult times with bad times. Page 121

When it’s time to tally up, how many wrong decisions will I have made? Hundreds? In one day? I am a wretch. … I do not yet realize that, without grace, pursuing the slow life is just as exhausting as pursuing the fast one. Without grace, minimalism is another metric for perfection. Chasing slow is still a chase. Page 158

I used to think the opposite of control is chaos. But it’s not. The opposite of control is surrender. Page 179

“We’re all fools,” said Clemens, “all the time. It’s just we’re a different kind each day. We think, I’m not a fool today. I’ve learned my lesson. I was a fool yesterday but not this morning. Then tomorrow we find out that, yes, we were a fool today too. I think the only way we can grow and get on in this world is to accept the fact we’re not perfect and live accordingly.” -Ray Bradbury, The Illustrated Man Page 213

I don’t want to have it all. But I realize, …that I do want to have what I used to have: control, freedom, predictability, confidence, time, energy, flexibility. Page 223

…the imperfection lies only in my perspective. I see that a messy pantry is cause not for a reorganizational purge but a prayer of gratitude for plenty. Nourishment. Page 232

Beauty

My Real Eight-Minute Beauty Routine, On Most Days Nineteen minutes later… Page 116

I laughed at her honesty here! Loved reading that it took her nineteen minutes to complete an eight-minute beauty routine.

Marriage

Phew boy. Her reflections on marriage hit me whole-heartedly in a season of marriage that has been hard (moving, pregnancy, making friends, finding a church, starting a new job, etc.). I’m glad to have read these words and yet I’m struggling to put them into practice. Anyone else? (Currently taking marriage advice.)

I haven’t yet learned the value of service, of selfless sacrifice, and am still operating with a give-and-take mentality. … And so it goes: he says something true, she says something imagined, he says something practical. …he said the first kind thing in the middle of unkind things, and that’s all it takes. It takes one kind offering. One kind word. Page 72

When we serve from this place, from a place of expectation, of mutual back-scratching, of deeds for praise, it is not true service. When we decide that “Got it—thanks” does not properly reflect the effort we have put into an act of service, this is not a place of true sacrifice. … And this is where I am on a Tuesday when I’m finding it difficult to pick Ken’s socks up off the floor without a resentful tsk-tsk in my mind. Page 182

It takes strength to pick up his socks from the floor, softness not to mention he should know better. … No, the answer to a happy marriage is the same as the answer to a happy life. It is simple, and it is not at all simple: Give freely. … Service doesn’t require a willing recipient. Love doesn’t either, really. … “Freely you have received; freely give.” Matthew 10:8 Page 186

Social Media (and An Honest Life)

The definition of inspiration is the drawing of breath, an inhalation, a gasp. A filling-up that offers an abundance of energy for your day, for the task, for that project, for this life. … I love the eucalyptus branch in the shower! You will not explain that you have added the eucalyptus branch in the shower for the photos alone, that it does not remain there on the regular… Page 137

One of my 2017 resolutions was to check social media only on the last day of the month. And I did it—and loved it! So much so that now the last day of the month arrives without my anticipation, celebration, or day-long scrolling. It arrives and I don’t notice and so I don’t check and it feels lovely. My Facebook and Instagram accounts are still there for when I’d like to use them, but my use is increasingly conservative.

But over the course of the week, I stop taking photos altogether. I find that I can observe the beauty without capturing the beauty, and that I don’t need to keep the memory for later. It is the moment and it is fleeting and it is lovely and that is that. Page 250

Years ago Kyle told a friend that taking a photo ruins your memory of that moment, and the quote above reminded me of that idea. What are your thoughts? How photo snappy-happy are you?

Final Thoughts

Overall, I was less impressed with the book than I was hoping for. Though she brought up great ideas and struggles and realizations to multiple spheres of life, at the end of the book I was left restless emotionally. I would give the book three stars: beautifully written and at times insightful, but largely just a circling round of questions and hesitations that made me feel unsettled. However, as evidenced above, there are some wonderful quotes I was able to pull from the read if I’m ever needing a little inspiration.

How did you enjoy the read? How many stars would you give it?

P.S. Did anyone watch her HGTV.com series? I did and it is so interesting to think of her life at that time! Also, has anyone read her blog? In truth, I used to enjoy it more prior to reading her book.