#kyle being the bitter uncle of the family gives me so many ideas 😂

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/ Eric Cartman (onesided) Eric Cartman/ Yentle (SP two-parter)

/Selfishness/ [part 2 ⬇️] 》》》》 [part 1]

~~~~~~~~~

After that day he only witnessed Cartman get closer to Yentle, he couldn't do much cause he feared people or Stan will pick up what was actually going on.

Still he did his research, printing piles of Cartman's criminal history, heading towards her house; that was across the block from his.

Knocking carefully the front door.

"Yeah?" She answered, tilting confused as she eyed him, "omy God, did Eric send you to give me a romantic note? He's such a tease~" she beamed in thought, guessing his why arrival.

"No, Yentle. I need to talk to you seriously," frowning slightly annoyed by that.

Her face went blank before gesturing to come in.

He pass her a notebook full of Cartman's shit, watching how the girl eyed carefully each page. The silent of the room was piercing deadly at his chest. He can only imagine how disappointed Cartman would be after being rejected by Yentle.

But, he can't say he feels any sorta of guilt for it.

Tapping his foot lightly desperately wanting to hear or see a reaction from her. Making sure it was a definitive she'll leave him alone.

But she seemed a little too unfazed by it, passing the notebook back to him. And pushing him to go towards the door as 'you should leave now.'

"Don't you have anything to say?" He asked confused by her lack of reaction.

"Eh, my dad has done worse," She shrugged before slamming the door in front of him.

He shuddered by the noise emitted, but he was left even more confused by what that meant, but it wasn't even remotely close of how angered he was for not achieving his goal.

Being back home gave him the freedom to look in to Yentle's own history, it didn't seem there was much more to the girl from what she had displayed in school but it seems her family was quite a reckless one. Her father was sent to a mental clinic two years ago because of his bad schizophrenia and murderous tendencies, he actually caused a lot of shit back in New York, which in one of those bad episodes was sent off to the clinic.

Her mother on the other side seem to be a narcissistic freak, the head of a model industry to be in fact. You can already see the arrogant personality in her interviews and written web articles describing her. She was definitely not the nicest person to deal with for what it's shown.

In his eyes this seem like a very a sad case, Yentle didn't seem to have a good and happy life.

The complete opposite of what she shows in school.

Maybe she can't even tell the difference between what was right for her and.. Cartman.

Cartman was like a mixture of both her parents, something she's already grown accustomed. So she probably found familiarity in him, but then again, he doubted Cartman would show his tendencies if he attempted to curt her.

°°°°

They were at starks pond enjoying their evening with no bother of the world until it was interrupted by no other then..

"Let's play gay chicken," Cartman blurted outta the blue.

"Okay," Kenny not so surprisingly agreeing to it, with zero hesitation, just searching for some fun and entertainment.

However he and Stan on the other side..

"Fuck no, dude!" Stan exclaimed baffling by the suggestion.

"No," He blankly stated, not very convincing.

The idea of being able to kiss Cartman with out it being questioned made him actually considered it.

His eyes landed straight on his lips as he heard Stan kept backing down to the idea.

"C'mon, Stan. Stop being such a pussy. Or are you afraid that you might actually like it?" Cartman taunt in his usual manner while Kenny snickered next to him.

"Shut up, fatboy. I'm not playing that shit."

"Aweee, you afraid you'll fall madly in love with you best friend~?" He kept edging Stan to his limits before he ceased in.

"Okay, fine," reluctantly giving up, "Kyle are you in?" He asked lightly.

"Fuck, no way dude." He denied with his head, even though internally he was already driving himself crazy to suck and flavor ever inch of Cartman's pink thin looking lips.

"Don't be a pussie, Kyle. If I'm doing it you're doing it too," Stan said with much more determination, probably just wanting it to get it over it before it even started.

He frowned but didn't protest on it, looking at Cartman who gestured them to form a circle.

"Rule number one, no one should know about this."

"As if we wanted people to know we kissed a fatass," Stan remarked sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"For your information, hippie, I'm a good kisser."

"Uhuh sure."

"Second rule, whoever budges out will have no complaints with our dares."

"Fair," Kenny added, beaming mischievously.

"Okay, that's much it," Cartman shrugged uninterested on adding anything else.

"Who goes first?" Kenny asked now looking at them expectantly.

"Well I suppose, if hippie dick right here has no worries about falling in love with my amazing kisses." Cartman once more gesture Stan in a provoking manner.

"Fuck you, dude," Stan blurted out but took the unspoken challenge, "watch yourself I don't want you to fall for me, fatboy."

"As if," Cartman chuckled in a laugh, before placing his face inches apart from Stan.

He and Kenny watched expectantly, eyeing the two boys In curiosity who just casually glared at each other before reluctantly closing the gap between their lips.

A small gasp came out from his mouth as he watched his friends make out.

Images of him and Cartman doing exactly that in a couple of minutes dreaded him.

Stan reluctantly placed his hands on Cartman's shoulders a minute after before moving his face away. Pretty much giving in the lost.

"Ha!" Cartman pointed at him victorious.

"Yeah, I can't keep this up man.." Stan winced in displeasure finally moving apart from him.

Cartman beamed while rubbing frantically his hands eyeing Kenny as if they were already sharing what to give Stan as punishment.

They made Stan pee on top of a police officer's car hood as they took a picture as evidence and– to laugh about it later. Running back to their first spot to continue the game.

"Stan, being our loser you must kiss the person of our choice," Cartman said in an arrogant manner making Stan huff.

"Jewboy if you give us the honor," He toothly grin, gesturing with his hand towards Stan.

He watched worrisome, as he gulped looking at his best friend in a mutual awkwardly stare.

Feeling his hands sweet he open and closed them a couple of times before leaning in to Stan's plastering their lips together, eyes now wide opened as he winced already feeling so weirded out by it, Stan pushing away after seconds in immediately sharing the same sentiment.

"Sorry, dude. But this is weird as fuck, it's like kissing family," he blurted out, eyes were still processing the whole thing.

He nodded frantically in understanding, he didn't like it all.

Cartman groaned loud, "uuuuuggggh you're all such pussies. We'll just wait after the next loser to give your dare, Hippie," he declared, gesturing Kenny; who grinned devilish.

Knowing that piece of shit he probably already made up a whole strategy to make them lose.

Moving excited, Kenny place himself in middle of the circle waiting for his competitor.

"Okay, so considering Stan is a pussie bitch and lost two times, I'll give this round to Kahal," Cartman stated smugly, shoving his hands inside his pockets.

"Hey, no fucking fair dude!? Kenny's a perv!" He exclaimed in disbelief.

"C'mon, Kyle. Do this for me," Stan pleaded with sad puppy eyes, clasping his hands together.

"Yeah, ky~ I'll be gentle," Kenny teased while Cartman howled in laughter.

"Make sure he loses, Ken," Cartman call him out, still having that annoying grin on him.

Kenny taunting nodded his head as he hummed some song.

And with out warning he smashed their lips together, he heard Stan gasped and Cartman snickering. Kenny kept on digging his tongue inside his mouth as he winced and tried to follow back, Kenny slid his hands on his chest provoking him to move backwards with he pushed forward in a huffed almost pushing him away, but backing down cause he didn't want to give that fatass the win.

It kept going for like two minutes before Kenny declared he was accepting the defeat.

"Can't keep it up, man," he sighed disappointed, panting heavily as he tried grasping for some air.

On the other end he was glad it was over, he felt like in any second he was gonna budge out.

"Dammit, kinny! What the fuck! You said you were good at that shit," Cartman exclaimed pissed off, he couldn't help but smile smugly by that

"I underestimated Kyle's determination on giving you that lost, fatboy," Kenny guessed right on his persistent.

He wiped with his hand any remaining saliva and licked his now drying lips, glaring daringly at Cartman.

"Sweet, that means it's our turn to pick the next player," Stan commented now more enthusiastic, pointing at Cartman with a grin as he gesture Kenny, "your turn, fatboy."

"Goddammit" he mustered after, accepting his lost, before smirking lightly at Kenny, "bring it up poor boy."

"I'll make you cum," Kenny teased, grabbing him from the waist.

"As if," Cartman rolled his eyes, resting his arms on his shoulders.

Both furiously began making out, Kenny with a loud thumped dropped Cartman on the ground gripping his brown hair as Cartman began sliding his hands under his jacket touching Kenny's bare skin.

"Wow.. is that how we're supposed to play..?" Stan murmured still not taking his eyes off the two, bewildered by the intense playing of their friends.

Kyle bit his tongue holding in his jealousy, gripping his side as tension was felt in his body. The only thing that kept him from kicking Kenny off was by imagining himself in his place.

It was like three minutes until Cartman began gasping for air calling in a truce.

"No truce, fatboy. You lost," Kenny declared, giving him a hand to stand up.

"Goddammit!" He whined childish, before kicking some dirt in a grunt.

"Alright, alright, let the actual fun begin," Kenny added, rubbing his hands frantically before pointing at Stan, "seeing you two up your assess today made me realize how funny it is to piss you guys off, why not you give me the honors, Stanley?"

"God, give me the fatass again," Stan complained, chugging in some air before stomping his way towards Cartman.

"Aye! Watch yourself," Cartman warned, cupping Stan cheeks in a desperate attempt to lead.

He puckered his lips planting them on Stan, now best friend knew how to keep up the pace of the game, running his hand on Cartman's back then yanking lightly his hair.

Cartman began following Stan's lead as he was let slammed against a tree, Stan towering Cartman licking his lips before sucking them again.

He glance at Kenny who was recording discreetly while snickering silently.

"So, are we placing our dares after the game's over?" Kenny asked out loud, receiving a muffled as a 'yes' from Cartman who gripped hardly on Stan's messy hair.

This gay motherfucker was letting himself get riddled up by Stan, he was far from comfortable seeing both his best friend and Cartman make out in a desperate attempt of dominance.

Well, sorta if you don't count Cartman uncharacteristically rubbing his crotch against Stan's leg making the other groaned in response biting his down lip sliding his tongue inside his mouth one last time before calling quits.

"Alright, you fucking win, Cartman," he surrender almost dizzy, his hands raise up in the air.

"Sweet," Cartman mustered out laying himself against the tree arms crossed behind his neck, "you're next with Kenny."

Stan looked worrisome at the boy in question, who just licked his lips in a playful manner.

"Better do me just like Cartman, Stanley boy~"

Stan gulped, knowingly what he was about to get in to.

In a matter of seconds, Kenny lunged on to Stan gripping his waist and dragging him to the same tree he was previously pinning Cartman, now lifting him up as his legs hold on to Kenny's waist.

Stan yelped by the abrupt gesture, trying to grasp his hands on Kenny's cheeks but wasn't let to as Kenny shove harshly his tongue against him crashing their teeth together, opening his eyes in surprise.

"Damn, Ken's upping his game," Cartman mustered while checking out his nails, unfazed by the scenery.

In less than seconds Stan pulled away accepting once more defeat.

"Fuck no, dude! You crazy beast," He exclaimed grasping for any bit of air given.

Kenny licked his teeth in a beaming victory, then smiling innocently.

Now looking at Kyle with mischievous eyes and slowing eying Cartman while the fatboy laughed at Stan.

He gulped already knowing who was up next, twitching fingers as his nerves grew.

"Eric~" Kenny sang, getting Cartman to look at him, "pew pew!" He pointed in a 'bang-bang' manner at both himself and Cartman.

Cartman expression went flat, but immediately covered it up with a grinned.

"Alright, gaywad bring it on," Cartman challenged him already in the middle of the circle.

He unintentionally licked his lips moving forward and getting closer to him, already feeling himself be dragged by the heating feeling but a ring resonated loudly coming from Cartman's pocket making him stop in tracks.

Cartman took out his phone to check who it was, immediately answering the incoming call.

"Yentle?" He beamed excited, biting his nails intrigued, holding on to the phone for dear life.

Slightly walking away from him as he indulge in the conversation he was having.

"Ofcourse I'm available!" He exclaimed, almost forgetting he was being watch by three pair of eyes, "Yeah, yeah! I'll pick you up, see you there." And with that he hang up before walking away.

"Hey, what the fuck dude!?" He finally exclaimed angry, "are you chickenin' out?" He excused his jealous and disappointed outburst.

Cartman didn't bothered looking back, "Yentle just asked me out on a date! I ain't losing my chances by spending my time on you losers," he answered casually, his voice growing lower as he was far apart.

"What about your dare, fatboy!" Stan screamed offended.

"Eh, I'll do it later, bye faggots!" Gesturing them the middle finger as he ditched them running away.

He tsk, clenching his fist tightly.

He couldn't bat an eye that night, still anger eating every inch of his body digging his nails against his skin until he felt blood dripping out from his palms, he tried distracting himself scrolling through his phone but he immediately regretted it as he saw a post from Yentle of a photo of her and Cartman infront of a movie theater; fatass laying his head on her shoulders smiling widely as she peace signed.

Caption: 'best night ever! 📌 @ EricCart_brah'

Cartman was the first to comment back with a 'madly in love with the most beautiful jew💕'

He threw harshly his phone to the wall in a huff, as he grunted under the covers, digging his nails furious in his pillow.

°°°°

"God, what happened to your screen?" Stan asked as he eyed his phone.

"It's just the screen protector," he mustered out not with much energy, scrolling endlessly on his social media.

He was in a bad mood.

Cartman and Kenny walked their way, and he greeted 'cheerfully', "hey, gay chicken."

"Seriously, Kahal? Is this how we are gonna play," Cartman rolled his eyes, but his smirk never vanished, "you guys should guess what happened yesterday."

"What?" Stan asked, glancing his way.

"I finally asked Yentle if we can go out this Friday night, I'm planning to finally ask her to be my girlfriend," he said cheerful, pride spread in those upward curled lips.

"Congrats man, wish you luck"

"Why thank you, Stan," he kept smiling, now glancing at him, "not gonna say anything, Kyel?"

"What's there to say? You're a gay chicken, wussed out on a dare."

"I did not wuss out on my dare, in a matter of fact I did it this morning. Kenny gave it to me the moment I stood out from my house," he defensively gesture Kenny who raised his hands in surrender.

"Oh shit, really?," Stan interested peeked in, "what did you give him, Ken?"

Kenny smirked taking out his phone.

"Dude, you did not smack Heidi Turners ass," Stan said baffled eying the video of Cartman doing exactly that at a pissed off Heidi.

"He also got the whopping of his life," Kenny added howling in laughter.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Cartman roll his eyes to that, "atleast she didn't accused me for sexual harassment."

"Oh shit, now that I look closer, you cover up your bruises with makeup?" Stan eyed Cartman closer.

"Yup, I have to look good for Yentle today, we're gonna go out for lunch this evening," Cartman explained with added disinterest.

"She did you bad," Stan continued snickering as he kept watching the video; now Heidi had Cartman pinned down in the ground punching him on the face endlessly a whining Cartman was heard in full blast.

'NAAH!! STOPP HEIDI STOPP! BWAAAAAH!'

'YOU PIECE OF SHIT!'

'AHHHH!! NYAAAH!'

'QUIT CRYING I DIDN'T EVEN PUNCHED YOU THAT TIME!?'

'¡YoU hIt mE iN mY aRm!'

With that they burst in to laughter and he couldn't help but smile because that was indeed hilarious. Cartman huffed, crossing his arms while they kept pissing themselves with all that humorous cry.

He glance at Cartman's lips, the disappointing feeling surging up again, watching back in sadness the road.

He waited until lunch time to grab Cartman by the collar, dragging him out to the back of the school.

"Owe! Kahal, what the fuck!?" He whined in protest finally letting go, "Jesus you've been acting like some rabid hymen."

"It's hyena, dumbass," he deadpan corrected, "you've never back down from a fight, fatass what's your deal?"

"What?," Cartman blurted out confused, "I haven't back down on anything, didn't you see how I took Heidi's ass whooping? That's some determination I got there."

"I'm talking about the challenge! You bailed like a complete pussy!" He screamed in an acussing manner.

Cartman eyed him amused, "OHH– I completely forgot about that shit."

"Ofcourse you did, cause now days you've only been a whipped bitch. You're completely acting like a love stuck Stan."

"Aye! Low blow right there! I'm in love, and being in love changes you in many ways, Kahal! I'm distracted cause I don't want to lose my chance with Yentle. I got alot of competition out there, dude! Try to understand where I'm coming from.

I'm still me and I won't change for some chick," he exclaimed frustrated, exhaling heavily as he rubbed his temples, "I just want to make things serious with Yentle and I'll go back to my usual self, kahal.

Yentle is special to me, I don't want to lose her."

He huffed crossing his arm, dismissively.

"Then lets finished were we left off," he sneered, causing Cartman to raise his brows in surprise.

"What? You mean like.. right now?" Eying the isolated area before looking his way, "wouldn't that make it gay..? I mean, we're completely alone and there's no other witnesses here and-"

"Chicken?"

"No! I just- I think it's kinda weird to suggest.. I don't think I'm comfortable knowing there's no one else.. the whole point about witnesses is for it to seem it's a challenge and not two boys seemingly wanting to experiment," he kept on blabbering, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Fine," he spat sternly, looking for the first stray dog he could find, placing it in front of them, "there. Now there's a witness, comfortable now, fatass?."

Cartman arched a brow looking at the dog that was licking its balls, scratching his head in confusion.

"I don't know.. it kinda feels like you're actually desperate for me to–"

"KISS ME OR I'LL FOREVER CALL YOU A CHICKEN BACKTRACKING LOSER"

"Alright Goddamn!" Cartman exclaimed nervously ceading in, "who put you such immense piles of sand up your vagina," he mumbled out, before tentatively placing his chubby hand on his shoulders.

He leaned instantly closing the small gap between them, finally feeling himself relaxed from that previous tension. He cupped Cartman's cheeks deepening the kiss, flavoring Cartman's mouth as he licked them entirely before shoving his tongue in him receiving a 'hmph!' From Cartman who kept his hands still on his shoulders seemingly not moving a single muscle just letting him lead the entire thing.

He frowned already feeling the lack of hand grabbing from the opposite; with Stan and Kenny he was all over the place but with him he was all stiff and tense, it was really making him feel unwanted.

Which technically he was.. but still.

He began gently caressing Cartman's cheek with his thumb, kissing him in small pecks before deepening it further, somehow trying to make Cartman realize his feelings with the connection they're making.

He felt Cartman's hands carefully place on his neck before sliding down his chest, slowly backing himself away breaking the kiss. Eying him fanatically, still grasping what happened.

"I think.. I'll accept defeat just this once," he winced out almost pitying, removing his hands off pushing him lightly away.

He looked his way with his mouth agape, swallowing hard as he saw Cartman stand up. He didn't bother looking at him as he walked off, he knew damn well Cartman just rejected his ass.

Theres no damn way Cartman wouldn't had realized his feelings by that point, he may be stupid but he wasn't that stupid.

He felt his cheeks reddened with embarrassment as tears fell their way down, feeling his throat dry up as he clenched his fist frustrated, ashamed, humiliated and defeated.

°°°°

"I'm giving you a one in lifetime opportunity here, Kyle," Cartman said while laying on his bed with his arms behind his neck, "I'm letting this slide for the sake of our broship."

He had decided to go talk with Cartman after three dense days with out giving each other a single glance, luckily it didn't seemed to be questioned by their gang.

Cartman had different classes as him out of those three days sharing atleast two classes in each day, if you exclude wednesday where it was actually one. So it wasn't outta the ordinary to not be seen around together even though at the bus stop it was very noticeable the bickery absence of the two.

Gosh, he was even pronouncing his name correctly.

"Look, dude, I personally don't want to ruined what we have."

"And I COMPLETELY agree with you on that, jew. But it's kinda hard to not act like things haven't changed if you keep giving me the googly eyes," Cartman added with a weird hand gesture signaling his eyes as he bashed his eyelashes in a dramatic effect.

"I'm not giving you "the googly eyes", fatass," he spat dryly, "I just want things to be normal between us, that's it."

"Uhuh," he rolled his eyes, seemingly not believing that.

"What?"

"Nothing–" he dragged his word, before getting off from bed, "look, just.. don't expect me to correspond of some shit like that. I may be quarter bi but that doesn't mean I have to go and accept any confused jew my way," he exclaimed not so long, placing his hands on his hips.

"I'm in love with Yentle, and I'm planning to make her my girlfriend this Friday and I don't want you getting in my way from doing that," he pointed accusatory at him

He couldn't help but roll his eyes, "Okay, fine. Friends?"

"Rivals," he corrected with a soft smile.

He frowned, but nodded reluctantly after a few seconds.

"Okay, but– now that you know about my-"

"Kahal, you better not come to me with that shit of being some clingy obnoxious pursuer, I made myself clear to you that NO gay shit!

Just us, being completely ourselves, the normal casual 'i do that, you disagree with that" type of stuff."

"Fine. But I can't promise you shit."

"Wooow, fine whatever. Just don't ruin my thing with Yentle and I won't try killing you," he shrugged, before looking through his closet, "do you want to.. play video games?"

He supposed their was no choice but to reluctantly having to accept the 'no' just this once. Even if that meant having to see the boy he's been pursuing for almost the entire years of his life get entangled with a girl who knows so little about him.

"Sure, but I take the white controller."

"What!? Nu-huh, kahal, that's the good controller!"

Even if he still didn't manage to fully do what they agreed on, having a couple of slips and making some moves on Cartman. It was still inevitable to prevent him from marrying the woman he hopelessly fell in love with and now building a family together after finishing their college years.

He won't deny Yentle has done a great job on calming Cartman down as a person, being experienced in the matter, he felt quite envious. But grateful too.

Sometimes he wonder, if he had manage to convince himself on falling to Cartman's little set up play with Yentle, would things have been different?

“Uncle Kyle, uncle Kyle!” He heard Moisha call him from outside his house, entering his home like if it were his own like a complete Cartman would. Menorah following behind, beaming.

“We got the best of news!” The girl exclaimed, now both children stood infront of him while he was just laying on the couch with a glass of wine.

“Let me guess, your father finally divorced your mother?” He responded quite unresponsive, eyes drifted to the ceiling, definetly the alcohol talking.

“Dont be silly, uncle Kyle!” Moisha ignore his obvious remark, already very use to his bitterly attitude by now, “my dad is gonna take us to disney world next week!”

“Oh, how fun,” he said sarcastically, before resting his head on the couch leaning deep of the abyss comfort as he closed his eyes.

Moisha climb the couch gripping on his shoulders shaking him frantically, “uncle Kyle stop being such a sore loser because our dad rejected your ass in high school and listen to usssss!”

“Alright, what?” He spat almost shoving the boy off, but was met with the most pleading big eyes. He soften now looking at both children.

Moisha jump back on his heels next to his sister still beaming happily, “papa said we can take two friends along with us, we were wondering if we can take Adam and Eve with us?”

He stare blankly in thought. The idea of letting his children go with the Cartman's thrilled him in many ways. But then again..

“Dont you guys not get along? Im pretty sure Adam doesn’t like you Moisha.”

“But he likes Menorah! And we don’t really have many other friends their parent would trust enough to let them go with us on a trip that long,” he admitted, sadness appearing in both their face.

“How long exactly this is?”

“Two days!”

“Pretty much the weekend, but daddy is gonna get us back on the road before 8 of the night so we arrive at south park early before school!

So mr perfect attendance won’t miss school either, and our mom and dad would be switching turns so you don’t have to worry about sleep crashing like the paranoid ass you are,” Menorah now added, also a small insult towards Adam's way.

Not that he was faze by it either, those two didn’t get along at all, but he resonated with his son’s determination to pursue the girl he likes so much.

Ironically also being a Cartman, maybe even hopeful he could have the luck or chance he wasn't given.

“Well, if you convince Adam on going, then sure, why not?” He shrugged before sipping on his wine while both kids cheered excitedly while dashing back outside.

°°°°

"The fuck dad!?" He heard his son scream from the living room slamming the front door while he was making a sandwich in the kitchen counter.

"Hmm?" He mustered still unfazed by the curses his way, finally giving a bite to his sandwich now eyeing his raged son who glared from the frame door.

"You told the Cartman's I'll be going to their lame ass trip!?"

"Well, not exactly completely settle things out–" the phone ring and he pick it up, still munching on his sandwich. "Hello? Oh, hey fatass. Yeah dude, your kids told me already," he glanced Adam's way, who was basically murdering him with a stare, "totally cool for me, was just— talking to Adam about it he's super thrilled to go. Yeah, okay. Alright then it's settle, Friday morning you can pick up my kids, m-hmm Alright, bye."

And with a clack, he hang up.

"Okay, now it's settle." He finished, giving another bite of his sandwich, now placing it on a plate.

"Dude! I had plans this Saturday. Me and the guys are going to the haunted mansion of Donovans!"

"Was. I already told Cartman you and Eve are going."

"Ughhh not fair!" He groaned exasperated.

"You know, back in my day me and your uncles would've died by the idea of going to Disneyland," he commented nostalgic, opening the fridge and grabbing some juice.

"Yeah, it's sooo fun to go to a place of greedy money eating homophobic mother fuckers and mascots that sexually assault their target audience. How fucking exciting—" he stated sarcastically, "Oh and let me add being around the most cringe lovingly family of all South Park!"

"C'mon it's not that bad."

"Would you stay a night at the Cartman's!?" He declared incredulous.

"I would if I could," he mustered, not paying much mind and grabbing a glass.

"Ugh, here you go again with your creepy obsession with uncle Eric."

"In my defense he started it!" He barked back pointing accusing, "it doesn't matter, you're going to disneyland you like it or not."

"Agh! I hate you!" He grunted out loud before storming off to his room.

He sighed drinking his orange juice.

Having a family himself he's learned to mellow down his anger, but not so surprisingly his children heritage his.. attributes. Or as Cartman would say his 'Jewish rage'.

Anyone would think he'd keep himself away from finding love elsewhere even if he has to repress his urges on pursuing a married man.

Though, during that period of love searching he only found a woman who eventually cheated on him with the Amazon deliver guy and in all honesty didn't love at all, but it really left him feeling bitter about it.

Only good that came out from that reckless marriage was his children: Adam and Eve.

Adam has always been a caring and nice boy, but ever since his mother abandoned them he's become quite rebellious. Though, he truly doesn't blame him.

And Eve, however, was very young when their mother decided to bail so she didn't seem to take the affect as bad as Adam did. She did feel the absence of a mother figure but she's the same as always; sweet, caring and loving.

Sometimes he wonder how the hell did Cartman manage to he a better father than him?

"Okay, is that it?" Cartman asked shoving two small suitcases closing the truck.

"Yeah, that's all of it," he stated now looking at his children, Eve getting inside the car and being warmly welcome by Mrs. Cartman with a baby in arms.

Adam on the other hand watched reluctantly at the two other children who peeked from the window.

"C'mon you little wuss, what's taking you so long!?" Menorah mustered out loud, annoyed.

"Don't call me a wuss, you bitch!" Adam hissed back, glaring.

Yeah, his ways weren't very affectionate or romantic at the minimum.

But Adam never grew tired of ranting how 'cute Menorah's frown was' or that she looked 'cute with the new hair ties' she'd use. Being victim of his son's caramelized crush, having to endure hearing all of his mix rants about how Menorah was both an 'hypocrite little snake' to a 'adorable sweet caring girl'.

"Don't call me a bitch you ass licker!"

"Don't call me an ass licker you–"

"Can you guys both shut the fuck already and get inside," Moisha chimed in bored, "pussy whipped."

"Shut up fatboy, don't tell me what to do!" He spat, before reluctantly entering the car and slamming the door harshly.

"Aye! I ain't fat you dumb jew!"

"I swear, Moisha I would not hesitate on punching you on that smug face of yours and you're also jewish you dumbass!"

"It's MOISHE not Moisha! M-O-I- SH-EEEE pronounce it right!"

"Language children!" Cartman scold a little too late, not taking it too seriously as he cleaned the lenses of his glasses unbothered. But they all kept their voices low after that, "anyways, I'll call once we're there," he added heading towards the car and entering the driver seat, following behind he leaned against the window knocking lightly as Cartman lower the window.

Both Cartman and Yentle looking confused at him.

"Just wanted to wish you guys a nice trip and–" he smirked mischievous, seeing how Cartman turned the engine on, "I'm— sailing away set an open ofcourse for the virgin sea~"

"Goddammit, Kahaaal!" Cartman screamed frustrated hitting the wheel, holding it out before bursting, " 'CAUSE I'VE GOT TO BE FREE FREE TO FACE THE LIFE THAT'S AHEAD OF ME‐" he kept singing now driving off with confused children and a concerned wife at his full care.

He snickered as he watched the car leave from sight.

It wasn't too bad being given a no.

Though, now he wasn't sure if he could consider Cartman as family.

Prev.