#kwmonth 2018 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

himecchi · 6 years ago

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KW Month 2018 - Garrison

Summary: Takes place during Keith’s expulsion from the Garrison, and includes a flashback of Keith and Shiro based on the one we saw in season 7 episode 1.

Fandom: Voltron

For: Keith Whump Month

Prompt: Garrison

Cold, unwelcoming metal. Muffled, angry voices. Frustration stirring in his heart.

All of these things felt so familiar to Keith. He’d experienced this moment time and time again, but this time is different…

If Shiro were here, he’d have crouched down beside Keith, placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and told him he’d never give up on him, but this time is different…

This time, Shiro’s not here and Keith can’t quite bring himself to care about the consequences of his actions because of it. After all, Iverson deserved the swift punch to the face Keith had just given him. How dare he say that about Shiro. What does he know?

Keith thinks about it some more, then stops himself when he feels a mixture of panic and sorrow rising in his throat. No. Iverson’s wrong. Shiro can’t be…

He can’t even bring himself to finish the thought.

As moment upon moment ticks by, Keith is suddenly 13 again, sitting in the same cold, unwelcoming metal chair, listening to the same muffled, angry voices, feeling the same frustration bursting through his veins…

His hands are balled up in fists, clenching the fabric of his too-large pants tightly as he stares defiantly at the floor. James’ words still echo in his head.

“I can out-fly anyone in this building,” Keith states, staring intently.

“Oh yeah?” James taunts, “Is that what mommy and daddy told you befor-”

Before Keith had even realized what was happening, his fist was moving to connect with James’ face.

He knows he messed up. He just doesn’t fit in here, doesn’t belong here… doesn’t belong anywhere.

He was just so angry. Angry because he felt so lonely. Angry because he couldn’t connect with people. Angry because he could practically taste the words James hadn’t had the chance to speak.

Is that what mommy and daddy told you before they abandoned you?

Keith’s fists clenched tighter. He was just so angry. Angry because he wasn’t really angry at all. He was sad, but anger is a more welcome emotion that sadness, so Keith lets himself be angry. He’d gladly take anger over the bitter, sting of sorrow any day.

Suddenly, Shiro walks through the door.

Keith chances a brief look in his direction, then quickly averts his eyes, gluing them back to the monotone floor.

He notices Shiro kneeling down next to him in his peripheral vision, but Keith doesn’t dare shift his gaze. He can’t bring himself to look into Shiro’s inevitably disappointed eyes. Keith already knows he’s a disappointment. He doesn’t need the eyes of one of the few people he cares for to remind him.

Before Shiro can speak, Keith is blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.

“Look, I know I messed up. You should just send me back to the home already. This place isn’t for me.”

Send me back to the home.

It’s the last thing Keith wants. He doesn’t mean a word of what he just said. He doesn’t want to go back to the home, but at least there, he’s not a nuisance. At least there, he’s not constantly disappointing the one person trying to help him. The home suits him. It’s for kids who’ve been abandoned, who weren’t wanted, who don’t belong… and Keith doesn’t belong. He doesn’t belong anywhere.

A few moments pass in silence as Keith waits for a scolding from Shiro, but it never comes. Instead, Shiro places a firm, reassuring hand on Keith’s shoulder and gives a slight smile.

“Keith,” he says calmly, “I will never give up on you, but more importantly, you can’t give up on yourself.”

They’re such simple words, but Keith finds himself stunned speechless. He doesn’t understand. Why does Shiro keep helping him? Why are the words that should’ve been laced with exasperation so full of warmth and kindness?

Keith looks up, finally meeting Shiro’s gaze, expecting to find that his eyes contradict the gentleness of his tone but… no. Even his eyes are tender, filled with compassion and understanding.

Keith looks away as a pang of uncertainty ripples through him. Can he really trust this kindness? He’s not sure. After all, he’s “difficult,” “a problem child,” “a discipline case,” “a loner,” “abandoned.” What could anyone else possibly see in him?

As Keith continues to gaze towards the floor, away from Shiro, a hand suddenly comes into view. He pauses for a moment, then follows it from arm to shoulder and eventually he’s met with Shiro’s smiling face, patiently waiting for Keith to reciprocate and take the hand extended in front of him.

“Come on,” Shiro says, one corner of his lips tugging upwards slightly more than the other, “Let’s get out of here.”

Keith hesitates, the consequences of taking Shiro’s hand weighing heavily in the back of his mind. If he takes this hand, he might just start to trust the kind smile staring back at him. Keith isn’t sure if he likes that. Trusting. It’s such a foreign concept to him, but Shiro has always been there when he needed him. Shiro has always believed in him. Shiro has never given him any reason to doubt him and honestly, going anywhere with Shiro sounds far better than being anywhere in this place where he doesn’t belong, so he slowly reaches out and accepts the hand waiting for him.

Suddenly, Keith is back in the present and his memory is interrupted when he registers a hand entering his field of vision. This hand isn’t the kind, familiar one Shiro used to offer him. This hand, instead, belongs to Commander Iverson, and in it is a piece of paper officializing Keith’s expulsion.

Keith raises his eyes to glare at Iverson before standing and snatching the paper out of his hand all in one motion. It’s better this way. Keith never belonged here anyways. He never belonged anywhere.

“You can’t give up on yourself.” Ha. What a joke.

Keith thinks as he storms down the garrison halls towards the exit. Before he can make it more than five steps however, he pauses, smiles sadly to himself.

Shiro… Where are you? I miss you…

“I’m sorry,” he whispers quietly.

A few more moments go by, then Keith continues walking, head down. It’s better this way. He never belonged here in the first place. He never belonged anywhere. Still, he can’t help but long for Shiro’s warm eyes and kind smile… but Shiro’s gone now, and Keith feels the familiar sting of abandonment creeping in. This was how it always should’ve been. He was always meant to be alone, but… if that’s the case, why does it hurt so much?

Finally, Keith reaches the exit and, as he walks out into the sunset, he can’t help but look back as a bittersweet flavor ebbs at the back of his tongue. Keith hates this place, but he also loves it. The garrison holds countless memories of Keith being bullied, getting in fights, feeling unbearably alone, hurting… but it’s also the place where he met Shiro and, even though it physically hurt him to think about right now, that’s something he wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

After several moments of reminiscing, Keith realizes with a crushing sense of defeat that he now has nowhere to go. He is utterly alone in the world. There’s nothing. No place. No one. Just nothing… so he wanders. He climbs on top of his motor bike, and he wanders aimlessly, not really searching for anything in particular, just letting himself drift through existence because the one thing tethering him to his sense of stability was Shiro… but now Shiro’s gone and everything feels unstable and volatile again, like he’s caught in a raging storm.

He doesn’t know where he’s going anymore. Nowhere, he supposes. There’s no sense of direction. The tears spilling from his eyes also aren’t helping. They’re blurring his vision, making it difficult to see… then again, what does it matter? Does he really need to see where he’s going when his only destination is nowhere?

Still, he presses forwards.

After hours of wandering, accompanied only by the dull roar of Keith’s motor bike engine, he sees something in the distance, just barely illuminated by the moonlight. He’s unsure if anything will come of it, but he moves towards it anyways and that’s when he sees it more clearly:

An abandoned shack in the desert… abandoned… just like Keith. It’s perfect for him. It’s rough around the edges, desolate, alone… in the middle of nowhere because it belongs nowhere… just like Keith. As he continues to gaze at this solitary pile of wood, he somehow feels a strange bond between himself and this tiny, lonely shack. It’s like him in a way that nothing else ever has been and, although it seems silly, this is a small comfort to Keith. This, he decides, will be his new home.

He climbs off his bike, then tentatively makes his way inside. It’s quiet, dull, rundown, but Keith reckons he can make-do with it. There’s a small couch already inside and as Keith stares at it, he suddenly realizes just how exhausted he is. He stumbles towards it, then plops himself down, curling up on his side and shivering slightly. It’s not at all cold, but for some reason Keith the chills won’t quit. He thinks of Shiro, wonders where he is… wonders what he’s doing… wonders if he’s even still… no. He can’t think that. Shiro’s fine. He has to be.

Keith curls in on himself more tightly as silent tears stream down his face through hushed breaths. He’s never felt so alone and, before he knows it, he finds himself falling asleep just like that: completely and utterly alone.

I hope you enjoyed! Thank you @kwmonth for the prompts and thank you @koganewest for letting me know about this :)

#kwmonth #keith #shiro #voltron #vld #vld keith #vld shiro #keith kogane #takashi shirogane #voltron legendary defender #whump #kangst #voltron whump #keith whump #writing this hurt my soul :')

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