#kurt cobain with no penis

[nightguide]

WONDER BOY (HE BROKE YOUR HEART FIRST) STAGES OF A COWARD IN REAL LIFE (DONE ME DIRTY, HUH. KILLINITMURPHY)

actors hell: stargazer stage

SMWC: you hate everything in due time that you'll be great one day (like the star can burn in hell for all i care) and it's you in real life (that one moment) and you're done forever cuz she related to you in one point of time that she needed your help (but you got that joke well deep inside you to know what happens next) see ya l8r (probably the reason why pedophiles in the UK got more reasoning than you do

SH: YOU TELL EVERYBODY YOU LOVE 'HER' (actually the sore loser in real life before she came of age (admit it you're into teenagers without you even saying it)

SH8: *you intuitively tell her 'he ain't worth it' without you 'establishing proof that you had no wit no nothing' (you expected her to worship you)

2. harbingers: well done (insert statue erected in your honour cuz u had ur ass handed over by an intellectual/emotionally swarmed battle over your life as 'king' when you knew you weren't)

SMWC: you knew south park logic (you got dumped)

SH: you enjoying it (your society now, you won that) she doesnt like you frrrrrrr (gay man is not you cuz u had a wife and she plannin to dump you to join the baby gorl party you made up in your head(she was on her side too also)

SH8: you don't like teenagers but you have a thing for 'fluff fan-fic in real life' cuz you now have a reason to go emo-metal like you wanted but you have the same reasoning as Demi Lovato is into Djinns in real life (u emo levelling her journey as her now)

3. maestro become: shut the fuck up, Linna put you in your place. sit there you oh so holy mr reeves (she got a song about you with that) et centera memoriam ___________

SMWC: you hate life (like she did, congratulations, you can breathe air like the rest of us)

SH: time goes by so slowly (Madonna references is how trouble matches your ingenuity bro, u got another mentor since you hated her (actually her in real life)

SH8: this time (actually heartbroken now)

4. dante's paradox: sit with it

SMWC: complete your chores (you procrastinating)

SH: enjoy what's left of you

SH8: your mom is alive

5. judgement day: you knew all along but had that sudden attack realisation that her father does not like you and it's true

SMWC: you felt like her once and this is it (she wanted the best for you but she did her homework (like you wanted her to) but it was never for you: her father is a dajjal to you now (you started the fire now you live in it)

SH: her dreams 'with you' have a maiden voyage and you ain't on it

SH8: you hate living (you knew why)

6. gaiman's hell: now you do it (this time, it's all your fault. not the woman or anybody)

SMWC: you have a lot in your mind that you delayed that you should do (she was once a university student that gave up her job to work for you is now in reverse, it's her kingdom now)

SH: she actually is you (you made her do it and you live it (her home is your hell abode now)

SH8: this is you (you ain't in her psyche, get out)

7. babylon unbroken: hay day (freedom come is you living her life)

SMWC: you knew the party but did not have you running 9gag on her behalf to hate you right back (your religion did not match her high heaven ideals but you hate what you like so you took it out on a- and it's not yours anymore)

SH: you died for tha- and it was her who lived your life (you're an asshole in real life)

SH8: take a look what you've done (she hates you cuz you had what she always dreamed of and you did not like her 'being better' but you hate her world made for you now much more than intuitively possessing her gut for your mistakes to unfold (ND baby did you ugly, didn't she?)

8. kingdom come: world ended (now)

SMWC: what did you do! (she made you think but you kept her slave hunger by tragedy heartbreak cuz you think you can prey on a baby in real time)

SH: you're not in her home anymore (you made her pray for 'you' all along, so you have her craft in you to take over the world as a happy giant not even you can find)

SH8: you did her a massive favour (she got her dad involved and now it's trauma he asked for: good luck with that)

9. pythagorean theorem: what now (you the hero now)

SMWC: live it (your reason to be)

SH: you have a life (she doesn't believe in your traps anymore that control came in the form of you taking her own world with it (what you possessed in actual reality)

SH8: this time, i'll do it for myself (you plan to leave her with a dream reason of you that you'll never be (you hate yourself right now as her but that was what you always wanted, to be a Linna Riaz is you making strings that she can never be a slave, so you realised that you got her in chains as you possessing a baby is you being a dajjal to.... nobody. you a shit head in real time.

[kiri-cuts]

Wooing a dreamboat's grave in "Lisa Frankenstein"

Warning! Spoilers! If you’re my type of person, then you likely relate to a scene in ‘Lisa Frankenstein” where Lisa (Kathryn Newton) steps awkwardly into a party and immediately recoils in disinterest at its prospects: Normies, popular people, jocks, bad jokes and even worse conversation. Awash in a sea of coddled conformity and vanilla personalities, Lisa wants to disappear. And she does – via a drink spiked with PCP and its vile consequences. 

The scene is in stark contrast to an earlier one, which establishes Lisa as a romantic goth whose happy place is to sit beneath the handsome bust of an expired hottie’s grave and read poetry to it. Dead or not, Lisa is in deep with the dead. Her comfort zone isn’t with people. Hell, it’s not even amongst the living. All she needs is the fantasy of a cute guy – pulse be damned. For many teen girls, dead celebrities make for the perfect untainted crush: Kurt Cobain, Heath Ledger, Brittany Murphy, Tupac, River Phoenix, Elliott Smith Aaliyah, James Dean, Jeff Buckley, Anton Yelchin. For decades (hell, probably centuries), teen girls have been able to project their fantasies onto the pin-ups of the formerly living – the more tragic, the better. Dead celebrities can’t age, make gross missteps, or date someone you hate. As a result, they can never disappoint you or let you down. They simply remain beautiful and idealised – a butterfly pinned within a frame. “Lisa Frankenstein” takes this fantasy to the ideal next level. Lisa’s wooing of a corpse and her unbridled passion for him is so gigantic it’s almost a cosmic event. Sure, it’s the lightning bolt of a storm that wakes The Creature (Cole Sprouse). But to anybody who’s ever swooned so hard that their heart has felt big enough to swallow the whole universe, there’s an obvious truth: Lisa’s love was so electric that it woke the dead. 

Stories rarely allow women to not only fantasise in this way but to take the opportunity to make their fantasy flesh. There are countless stories about lonely, misunderstood, and horny men who see their most potent sexual and romantic dream babes conjured into a living, breathing fuck machine: “Weird Science”, “Ex Machina”... “Splice” (though, good grief, how I wish that last one didn’t go there). While other movies like “Poor Things” and “Frankenhooker” approach this tale from a perspective that pokes holes in such tropes and empowers the object of affection, such a story nonetheless persists. Outside of an episode of “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” where Sabrina uses a dubious ‘Man Dough’ recipe from her chronically single aunts to create a date for the dance, I’m stumped as to recall any others. (Since I know you’re intrigued, Sabrina adds too much enthusiasm into the mix, and a supremely cute but overly perky Brian Austin Green pops out of the oven like a young Nick Cage on “Wogan”. He’s no Harvey Kinkle, that’s for sure). In “Lisa Frankenstein”, our titular heroine very actively indulges her romantic and sexual feelings toward The Creature. Tongueless and speechless throughout the film, Sprouse’s character exists solely for Lisa’s gratification. As she helps rebuild and restore him to the living, she also restores herself. Previously, Lisa, too, had developed reactive mutism following the murder of her mother. But with The Creature, she confidently begins to get her voice back – even if she does use it to enthusiastically encourage the occasional cold-blooded murder (hey, nobody’s perfect). 

By the end, it’s just like my boy Nietsche says: She who fucks a monster might take care lest she become a monster. Except Lisa’s pretty okay with having the abyss gaze back into her. That abyss is her happy place, and that monster is her boo. This is the place where poetry becomes born into flesh and blood, creating the cutest boy she could have ever hoped to have sewn a severed penis onto. A place where love – even the mere fantasy of it – is all a person needs to sustain them. Pulse be damned.

[loplainlointhemorning]

green flags:

loves cafeteria food ✅

will clean your house ✅

intelligent and intellectual ✅

loves penis ✅

red flags:

i make a document in my head every time you’re absent from class 🧨

i make a note in my head every time you haven’t done the reading for class 🧨

i texted the only other Kurt Cobain fan who’s ever understood how I feel abt him if Kurt would have liked me and they said “you’re literally him”🧨

i need no encouragement to kill you 🧨

i am always caffeinated bc otherwise I will rot and die and this isn’t in a fun millennial way I sincerely think there’s sth wrong w me 🧨

[mrpokaboo]

i got bored and wrote down my thoughts throughout the day. My headphones are broken.. Satan why am i so obsessed with my friends oc. COTTON CANDY, ACOUSTIC, POSE STUDY..  Is it weird to have an inside joke between me and my f/o? Its the thuggish, ruggish bone Dude.. I dont have a penis.. Kurt Cobain is such a rolemodel.. Beans, beans, beans really speaks to me. Augh i need to make poisons mixtapes grr I should make music again My ankle hurts I wonder if their uncomfortable with me simping for their oc Lmao the ride ever Oblivion.. I wonder if it makes Tex uncomfortable that im drawing them for an assignment.. Eh im already coloring it. I wonder if any of my creations are original, are my ideas just memories from shows and movies that i can't remember what i watched them from? Is anything i think of really mine? horoboro…

[baddiedaddy7]

𝗝𝘂𝗽𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗜𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀🍀🧡

🌺𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔽𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🌺

i don’t associate a height with this one. i’ve seen all types of heights with these ppl. may be thicc/curvalicious lmao. the guys here may be buff. forehead may be big, or may have a big head in general. laidback vibes. knows how to look on the bright side of things. at first you may be/come off as friendly, annoying, honest, loud, and cheery. chatty, and good at conversating. most likely extroverted. you can be humorous. celebrities:Rihanna, Whitney Houston, Ashton Kutcher, Richard Gere

💸𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕊𝕖𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕕 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖💸

attracts money, fortune, and just lucky in the financial world lol. may win the lottery, or just get rich by luck in someway. may love or hate/dislike foods from other countries, tropical/exotic fruits, wine, alcohol in general, etc. may like fruit based perfumes(strawberries, peaches, etc). may be attracted to nice legs, or thick thighs. athletes may be attractive to you also. you may have a big/thick neck. style may be with what’s popping/trending. the way you dress may be extra lmao. may dress according to a culture. idk why but i see bright colored clothes mainly here. a fan of name brand. you need to make sure to not burn a hole in your pocket, and buy useless things. generous.

celebrities:Madonna, Britney Spears, Jay Z, Robert De Niro

📚𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕕 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖📚

talks with upbeatness. joyful voice. may get lucky chances through neighbors, neighborhood, or siblings. a story teller that’s extra lol(adds details to their stories). may be a foreign student/go to school in a different state/country. may be the class clown, not go to school a lot, or just noisy at school in general lmao. lucky when it comes to school(may miss a lot of work but pass). may be popular among peers. you may have fat hands. siblings may have jupiter/sagittarius/9th house prominent in their chart. you’re most likely the sibling that plays too much, buys your siblings stuff, and your siblings may view you as chill, and happy/positive. has long convos w/siblings, and may have many siblings. driving may be fast, and reckless lol. may get overconfident on the road.

celebrities:Lana Del Rey, Hilary Duff, Jim Carrey, Dwayne Johnson

🧸𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔽𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🧸

i see road trips with the fam here lmao/may have travelled a lot as a kid. may have had a big house or yard, and may have had extras at your house(pools, trampolines, etc). may have moved a lot/lived in many places. probably was taught abt other cultures as a kid. most likely has a huge family. mother may have been spiritual or religious, open minded, fun, free spirited, honest, and probably taught you not to be judgemental/close minded. if negative, she may have been rude, irresponsible/negligent, selfish, and arrogant. mom may have sagittarius/9th house/jupiter energy in her chart. gals here may have big boobies, or guys here may be buff.

celebrities:Miranda Kerr, Kesha, Jaden Smith, Wiz Khalifa

🎲𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔽𝕚𝕗𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🎲

generous, with little kids esp. may love to buy little kids toys, candy, etc. may have/want many kids. kids may have sagittarius/jupiter/9th house placements significant in their chart. may be too laidback when parenting/may not know when to set rules, may even be lazy with parenting from time to time. but on the bright side, they can teach their kids wise things and open minded ways. i feel like these ppl would accept their kids for who they are and love them no matter what. open minded, inconsiderate, free spirited, immature, and fun in the dating world/beginning of a relationship. your heart may be large lol(literally). may like to share with their partners, weather it’s food, clothes, gifts, etc. may turn up hard at parties, if not then they’re probably socializing with everyone, just knows how to have a good time. you may like dates where you can be outside(picnic, park, hiking, etc) or just have fun in general(amusement parks, beaches, dave and busters, etc)

celebrities:Kourtney Kardashian, Janis Joplin, Elon Musk, Will Smith

🍬𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕊𝕚𝕩𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🍬

doesn’t stay sick for long, and dodges illnesses. may have a bit of a tummy. big, & energetic pets might be what you want(i want a pet giraffe & this is my placement but that’s illegal lmaoo). so you may want a dog, horse, etc. may have multiple pets. most likely has many hobbies/activities. cares abt others, and doesn’t mind sharing. talented at many things. since jupiter indicates optimism, and 6th house rules everyday stuff, you know how to look on the bright side of things. can also be calm under pressure. we don’t have a routine, whatever happens happens, and we like to live in the moment. routines are too predictable and boring. caring

celebrities:Mariah Carey,Meryl Streep, Ben Affleck, Frank Ocean

🦋𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕊𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🦋

may have a love-hate relationship with ppl that have a lot of jupiter/sagittarius/9th house in their chart. enemies may have jupiter/sagittarius/9th house in their chart or lovers/friends. may attract these ppl a lot. may attract fun, inconsiderate, open minded, immature, spiritual, chill ppl. may attract foreigners. may like to travel with other ppl instead of by yourself. you need to figure out what you want in the romance world. you may be commitment phobic. may have a friends with benefits at some point or a one night stand. you can attract many pleasant relationships though. you may have a big butt

celebrities:Marilyn Monroe, Alicia Keys, Drake, Jimi Hendrix

🐍𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔼𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🐍

may be into mysteries. you may also attract money, or get it easily. may be transcendental. accepts change, and usually open to it. embraces the unknown, and death. intuition may lead you to luck. if you’re a vagina carrier, you may have big labias or clitoris, if you have a penis, it may be larger than average. high libido gangg lol. may like to fuck outside or like it rough, and reckless. doggy style lmao. fun filled sex is also seen here, and may want to have sex often.

celebrities:Taylor Swift, Tina Turner, Michael Jackson, Snoop Dogg

🍄𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 ℕ𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🍄

may major in religion, law, geography, culture, etc in college or university. knowledge refreshes your soul. optimistic outlook on things. values freedom. can either be rlly non judgmental, or judgmental and noisy. you may love to travel, and may have a love for trivia too. debates are fun to you, and you may have a knack for random facts. you may love to learn abt other countries, cultures, environments, etc. may know how to speak many languages, and may love libraries/books. you may have thicc thighs. wholesome

celebrities:Ariana Grande, Gwen Stefani, Johnny Depp, Keanu Reeves

🪐𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕋𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🪐

your reputation may be that your wise, obnoxious, funny, chill, and cheery. pilot, flight attendant, professor, teacher, philosopher, etc may be a career of yours or something you’ve thought of being. need a job where you can either travel or spread/learn wisdom and knowledge. may have bulky knees. ambitious, knows how to get to the top. may be lucky in the career world, and get many opportunities.

celebrities:Angelina Jolie, Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs, Kurt Cobain

👾𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝔼𝕝𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖👾

friends, and ppl that crush on you often may have jupiter/sagittarius/9th house placements in their chart. may have bulky ankles/calves. may have friends or be the friend that likes to party, is loud, funny, wise, and chill. may have many friends from different cliques, so they may not get along. may have friends from different religions, cultures, and countries. may want/like to travel with friends. gets along with a lot of ppl. may be obnoxious.

celebrities:Zendaya, Anne Hathaway, Prince, Elton John

🐣𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕋𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕗𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖🐣

you may not have rlly care abt material things. sees good in everything. you may do mediation, if not then you should. you may be spiritual. may have big feet. you may be able to feel vibes off of people, and may be psychic. sees the big picture. you’re thoughtful, and careabt others. might share something and not expect anything in return/genuine.

celebrities:Beyoncé, Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Barack Obama

[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

[mermaidemilystuff]

Non vuoi che la gente reblogghi i tuoi post in generale o solo quelli che sono evidentemente roba personale?

Buonasera anima notturna! Solo quelli -molto- personali. Non ho mai ben capito come alcune persone reblogghino con leggerezza post dove si parla in modo piuttosto preciso di fatti personali, intimi, della propria famiglia o simili. Per non parlare poi di quando alcuni post che ho scritto mettendoci anima -e lacrime- finiscono in mezzo a una sfilza di tette, culi, peni e vagine o un'infinita lista di reblog algidi di frasi di Hemingway, Bukowski e Kurt Cobain.

[rawiswhore]

Raven x Fem Reader- “I Like It Rough”

There's a word for people known as EGOT.

That term means someone who's won an Emmy award, Grammy, Oscar and Tony award.

Is there a word like that for wrestlers?

Because one wrestler has been in the big 5 of wrestling companies in the 90's and 2000's: the WWF/E, WCW, ECW, TNA and Ring of Honor.

Who is that wrestler?

Raven.

He changed his name and look he'll mostly always be remembered for when he was in a wrestling company known as ECW, a wrestling company remembered for being very violent, edgy, and hardcore, at least by some people who think that's what ECW was like.

Wrestlers bleeding profusely, getting smashed through tables, sometimes set on fire, and in more extreme cases...even being stabbed.

ECW wasn't the only violent wrestling company he was in.

Besides being in the WWF during the Attitude era and even having a stint in the WWE during the Ruthless Aggression era, he also was in TNA, which could also be very violent at times, and Ring Of Honor, which, again, could be really violent, especially in one match he was in with CM Punk.

Since he was in so many violent wrestling companies and bled profusely, you had an idea with him you shared.

You explained to him your idea with your words, and he grinned at your idea.

One day, sometime when he was playing his depressed grunge rocker character in ECW or even in WCW, or if it's Raven from TNA/Ring of Honor or even the WWE you want, when he had braids circa 2002 or when he had that blond hair in Ring of Honor or that black hair he had in TNA in 2004/2005, you were completely naked, pressing your back on a hotel room's bed with your legs wide open, while Raven was roughly pounding and thrusting your twat with his cock back and forth.

He was dressed in his grunge gear he wears in WCW/ECW, jeans cut off into shorts that reached his knees, combat boots, a flannel tied around his hips and a leather jacket, but he was getting hot under that leather jacket from fucking you, so he shed that jacket off of his arms.

That's a good thing, because you want to do something to his back later on.

If it's Raven in the WWE you want, he was dressed in his gear when he was in those companies, wearing his platinum blond hair in braids, shedding the jacket off of his arms and back and had no shirt under that jacket, and his kilt/skirt was pulled down at his ankles.

If it's Raven in TNA or Ring of Honor you want, he let his hair hang down, not tied in braids or in a ponytail, and he had a kilt or skirt pulled down to his ankles.

He didn't really have any face paint on like he wears in the WWE, TNA or Ring Of Honor.

He fucked you like an animal, shoving his dick in and out of your pussy fast and vigorously, one of his hands was behind your head, his fingers grabbing a handful of your hair and pulling it.

He didn't pull it violently, enough to pull your hair out of your head, but he did pull it quite a bit.

You wish one of your hands could grab onto the back of his thick, curly hair, even slide down through his hair, and maybe you can pretty soon.

His other hand was pulling one of your nipples, pulling and stretching it out.

His fingers pinched your nipple, but not too hard.

He isn't just pinching and pulling your nipple, but also tweaking and turning it.

Your nipples are very sensitive, and it feels so good when he plays with it.

The bed was rocking back and forth and creaking as he fucked you, hopefully the neighbors next door won't hear you and the bed won't bump into the wall so much a hole is made.

If y'wanna know what it's like to be fucked by Raven, or at least ECW/WCW/WWE/Ring of Honor/TNA Raven, this is what it's like.

Though, Raven's depressed grunge rocker character is very mellow and mopey, but also quite sociopathic.

When he was banging you, your tits were bouncing up and down, and his eyes were squinting and his teeth gritted as he was thrusting in and out of you.

You were moaning and crying out while he was fucking you, your eyes closed and your mouth wide open, sometimes biting on your bottom lip as he banged you.

Blood is filling your clitoris up in sexual arousal, and your pussy feels like it's getting wetter and wetter as he's fucking you.

You aren't faking this orgasm, no, he really is taking you higher and higher.

Your hands are trying to reach out and grab onto his back, so you can sink your fingernails into his flesh and scratch down his back.

Your fingers managed to touch his back, but you tried to make your hands and fingers slide up to the top of his back.

It's probably no use, really.

His hand on your nipple moved behind your back, trying to squeeze in between the space of the bed and your back.

When the tips of his fingers reached your back, despite having short, stubby fingernails, he tried to dig his fingernails into your flesh and scratch and slide them down your back.

You could feel his sharp little nails scratching down your back, although his fingernails aren't all that long.

Even though his fingernails weren't that long, he tried digging them deeper into your flesh, the tips of his fingernails poking into your skin.

Your teeth bit into the bottom of your lip when he dug his fingernails into your flesh.

He leaned himself further into your body, until his face was close enough to touch your neck.

He slightly buried himself in the side of your neck, his face pressing on your neck, where his teeth bit a small portion of the skin on your neck.

He proceeded to press his teeth on that part of your skin, biting your skin.

He didn't just bite your skin, but suck on your skin as well.

You can feel his breath while he breathes heavily from fucking you, as well as feel his sweaty torso on your body.

When he's biting your neck, he's marking his territory, telling you he's yours.

Since he's lying on top of you slightly, now is your chance!

You placed your hands behind his back, your fingernails poking into his back.

You dug and sunk your long fingernails into his skin and slid those nails down his back, the tips of your nails poking into his flesh.

He could feel your nails dragging down his back, scratching and poking his skin, creating visible scratch marks in his back.

Even though running his fingers down his back can be a part of rough sex, what happens if he wrestles and people see the scratches on his back?

Ah well, he can cover his scratches up with a T-shirt, especially if the Raven you want to read about in this fanfic is ECW/WCW era Raven who mostly wore a shirt in the ring.

Some could say Raven is the Kurt Cobain of wrestling, his WCW entrance theme was even a knockoff of Nirvana's "Come As You Are", and there's this photo of a shirtless Kurt flexing his muscles and you can see his back covered in scratches, perhaps from Courtney Love dragging her nails down his back.

Wonder if the scratches you'll make down Raven's back will be visible and won't fade away for weeks?

As Raven penetrates and pounds his cock into you, he's making you feel higher and higher on the inside, and you keep making high pitched, staccato like moans when he bangs you.

You feel like your clit is about to burst, and pretty soon, your twat creamed all over his cock inside of you, your clitoris throbbing after you had came.

Although, it isn't over until Raven cums.

When you came, it made it easier for his dick to slide back and forth inside your twat.

While scratching his back is fine, you want to do other things to Raven besides run your fingers down his back.

One of your hands slid up from his back to the back of his head, where you slid your fingers down and through his hair.

Since you're having rough sex with him and he's grabbing onto your hair, your fingers grabbed onto his hair.

If it's WWE Raven you want, you wrapped your fingers around his hard braids.

Raven's WCW/ECW era hair was so thick and coarse, his TNA/ECW era hair was slick and easy for your fingers to slide through, and his WWE braids were rough and hard.

You pulled onto his hair gently, but not hard.

He could feel your hand pulling his hair, feeling it on his scalp, but you weren't trying to hurt him.

Meanwhile, he's bit and sucked your neck for a long time, so he let that part of your neck he was sucking free, leaving behind a huge, reddish pink hickey with his bite marks engraved in your neck.

His cock is filling up your pussy, his shaft stretching your tight cunt walls apart.

You wish that you could nibble and bite on his flat, broad nose while he fucks you, and maybe you can.

He wishes he could flip you around, lay you on his thighs and spank you, that would be something to increase this rough sex you're engaging in.

"Ohhh God, Raven!!" you cried for him. "Harder!! FUCK ME HARDER!!!"

He increased the pace of his thrusts, fucking you faster.

He's been fucking you fast so much, you're afraid the tip of his dick will break the space that has your uterus behind.

He also has a rather large and thick penis.

As he's fucked you roughly, his skin was getting hotter and warmer, and he's even sweating a little bit from fucking you so fast.

His heart is beating faster from fucking you so fast, and even your heart is beating faster from him fucking you.

"I-I'm gonna cum!!!!" he cried out.

He suddenly made a throaty groan and jizzed inside your twat, his eyes shutting tight when he had came.

A few seconds after he had came, he breathed heavily, like he was finished with a wrestling match, and slowly pulled his dick out of your pussy.

The tip of his penis dripped his seed onto the carpet, and his cum as well as a mixture of yours was leaking out of your pussy hole onto the bed.

Since Raven has done "dog collar matches", where he and another wrestler have dog collars wrapped around their necks and they're attached to a huge silver chain, you did think of wearing a collar and having a chain/leash where Raven pulls it while he fucks you.

Though, that's a little bit dangerous, and autoerotic asphyxiation can kill you.

_______________________________________________________________

Dean Ambrose and CM Punk used to do some hardcore wrestling, Dean did really hardcore wrestling when he was in CZW, and I've thought of typing Dean Ambrose during his CZW days and late 2000's CM Punk in this fic so the fem reader can choose either Dean, CM Punk or Raven.

Y'all would rather choose Dean or CM over Raven, no doubt...

[news-wtf]

Elden has said he might have one of the most famous penises in the music industry. But if you are ranking the most famous baby penises of all time, the winner would be Jesus Christ. Stroll through any museum that displays art from the Italian Renaissance, and you will see one divine baby penis after another. And—by our modern standards—who seems to be ruthlessly exploiting him, but the Madonna? Christ’s own mother blatantly displays his genitalia for all the world to ogle. But that’s not what those penises meant, argued art historian Leo Steinberg in 1996. With painstaking care and excruciatingly erudite repetition, Steinberg proved that all those naked babies made a theological point, once upon a time. The youth and nakedness of Christ showed observers, back in the Renaissance, that God didn’t just save us. He willingly became the most vulnerable, helpless human being possible. And so, when he would suffer for our sins, he would really suffer.

It just doesn’t look that way to us now. Nothing much about the past looks to us now the way it was intended. I can’t tell you with certainty what Kurt Cobain was thinking in 1991. But as a scholar who has studied images of childhood, and a mother who had her own children only a few years after Nevermind came out (and who remains a fan of the album), I can tell you the album cover resonates very differently today than it did back then.

[dozdegoga]

Kurt Cobain's painting featuring a child with a warped eye and a crooked smile, an erect penis, a fetus, a black skeletal figure and a red seahorse.

happens to be my favorite.

[idrawstuffidk]

I found a list of 40 terrible writing prompts and have decided that i shall share them here and write some of them :3

Write a story set on another planet exactly like our own. Call that planet "Earth."

Tell the story of a man who must decide whether he wants fries with that.

I am thinking of a number between one and ten. What is it?

Describe purple from the first person viewpoint of purple.

Tell the story of an aardvark that is possessed by the devil.

Tell the story of a six-inch ruler that is possessed by the devil.

Tell the story of a single raspberry that is possessed by the devil.

A man awakes to find that all his socks are gone.

Think about the play Hamlet. Write something good like that.

Describe your most recent bowel movement. Use all your senses.

Grab the nearest book. Open it to a random page. Close your eyes and point to a word. Write a story using only that word.

Write a grocery list in iambic pentameter.

Image that the object closest to your left hand contains JFK's soul.

What if showers were what made you dirty?

A man makes a sandwich. Describe what happens next.

Write about your earliest memory but describe it as though it is happening right now with you at your current age.

Write a story consisting only of adjectives and exclamation points.

A girl duck has a maze-like vagina to avoid getting pregnant when a boy duck rapes her with his bendable, corkscrew-like penis. (You do not need to write about this. I just wanted to make sure you knew that nature includes some fucked up shit.)

Pretend you are a writer with a really great idea. Write that idea.

Write the story of a writer whose characters come to life and interact with her.

Write a love letter to your favorite toenail.

Begin with the line: Let me start at the beginning.

End with the line: And that was all.

Incorporate the line: You had me at Jell-O.

Write a story that includes this line: Inevitably the incongruity exacerbated Her Excellency.

The musical Cats but with electric eels.

Write a story set in a world where windows are opaque and walls are transparent.

What if a mime were actually trapped in an invisible box, it was shrinking, and no one would help him?

Write a story about Kurt Cobain rising from the dead to attend a Josh Groban concert and eat a cronut.

Rearrange the words in Green Eggs and Ham to tell a story that doesn't rhyme.

A woman watches a lot of television. It is her only interest.

A couple has a misunderstanding. Hilarity ensues.

Two people with the same name are constantly getting each others' mail. Hilarity ensues.

Due to a technical mishap a talking pickle is elected president. Hilarity ensues.

Something happens. Hilarity ensues.

What if spiders only had seven legs?

What if all Target stores were underwater like Atlantis?

Write what you know.

Write about how other mothers are inadequate.

Write a list of really awful writing prompts.

http://www.chicagonow.com/listing-beyond-forty/2013/11/40-really-awful-writing-prompts/

There’s the link to the article of you wanna see it.

[primarygrave]

god put me together perfectly as a edgy, antagonistic, philosophy studying, kurt cobain stanning, brodude but he forgot to give me a dick and make me attracted to girls, that particular white boy archetype is All there Except for the penis and thing for women, god got so close to making me That Guy but missed the mark by just a couple steps

[sassytarots]

Thank you for your help! I actually felt the wand one was a sexual card but wasn’t sure if I was just a dirty dickhead. There’s a tarot deck I think you’d like as it has Kurt cobain in it, it’s called “The illest tarot” they have a wand in there as well and is often used as the penis card

Oh cool, I’ll def look into those thank you for that. There are also a ton of erotica decks if you’re looking for something like that. I’ve been looking one up, it’s glittery and super cute. 

[ivanreycristo]

VIRGINIA MAESTRO..por cierto..antes q actuará REM y HOLE o el grupo de Courtney LOVE viuda de Kurt COBAIN d nIrVANa en el GUTI FESTIVAL actuó MANTA RAY (grupo del apocalíptico y trágico NACHO VEGAS q me firmó AL REVES MI CARTERA de ABBEY ROAD q incluye SUN KING ..en el LUNARIO de MEXICO DF=20-09-09 donde presentó CD EL MANIFIESTO DESASTRE y CD VERANO FATAL en cuya portada sale JUNTANDO SU PUTO CIGARRO con su entonces novia Christina ROSENVINGE ex-mujer de Ray LORIGA director de TERESA, EL CUERPO DE CRISTO..fumador empedernido hasta después de estirparle un CANCER CEREBRAL q lo ha dejado TUERTO) y mallorquines SEXY SADIE (canción de THE BEATLES sobre el INTERES SEXUAL del MAESTRO HINDU de los BEATLES con MIA Farrow entonces mujer de SINATRA q era 30 años mayor y protagonista de LA SEMILLA DEL DIABLO..y cancion con la q hice un CHISTE contigo y tu compañera en PODCAST d BEATLES "STRAWBERRY FIELDS" FATIMA GARCIA de GODAIVA=personaje d la canción DON'T STOP ME NOW de QUEEN .. la cual se apostó con el DESPOTA de su MARIDO q si se paseaba DESNUDA con su CABALLO tapada solo con el PELO le bajaba los IMPUESTOS al PUEBLO..CHISTE Q ESPERO HACER REALIDAD en vez de tanta estúpida canción de lamentos o FRUSTRACCIONES de lo q llaman AMOR y que convierten en DINERO O ADORACION así como en VICIOS Y EXCESOS DEL DINERO xq además creo q es una manera de pedir PERDON con PENIs+senTENCIA" y q PURIFICA :

"..está eras TÚ con FATIMA García de GODAIVA haciendo una edición especial de STRAWBERRY FIELDS o el PODCAST sobre los BEATLES desde el HOTEL REVOLUTUM (=todo revuelto) de SALAMANCA sentadas frente al MURAL de SEXO SALVAJE (un TRIO en plena naturaleza) y bajo de mi habitación a tomarme unas COPAS frente al cuadro de la MUJER DESNUDA montando una TV con MAS SHOPPING..y os escucho HABLANDO de SEXY SADIE (sobre la decepción de John Lennon xq su maestro HINDU tenia INTERES SEXUAL x MIA Farrow protagonista de LA SEMILLA DEL DIABLO)..y os digo perdona que os interrumpa pero creo que soy mejor MAESTRO que el Maharishi Mahesh Yogi xq tengo INTERES SEXUAL por AMBAS pero no sé si alguna es o sera MIA jaja

[rawiswhore]

Raven/Timothee Chalamet x Fem Reader- “Hebrew Hammer”

I bet some of you Timothee Chalamet fangirls are like "Who TF is Raven? Raven Symone from 'That's So Raven'? From 'Teen Titans'/'Teen Titans Go'?"

This Raven I'm typing about was a wrestler in the 90's and 2000's whose character he'll mostly always be remembered for is playing a depressed grunge rocker.

He's like the Kurt Cobain of wrestling.

You can either read about Raven or Timothee Chalamet, though I bet you'll all pick Timothee...

I couldn't decide who I wanted to type this fanfic about, they're both hot!

Though I kinda prefer Timothee over Raven...

@hellworldprinc3ss, here's a fanfic I've typed of Raven.

________________________________________________________________

Raven has one of the best wrestling gimmicks ever.

What was his gimmick?

He'll mostly always be remembered for playing a depressed, angst ridden grunge kid in WCW and ECW.

A gimmick that was perfect for the 1990's.

And...he's one of the few wrestlers that's been in just about every wrestling popular company: WWF/E, WCW, ECW, TNA and ROH. How awesome is that?

And...he just so happens to Jewish.

If it's Timothee Chalamet you want (which is what I bet you fangirls all are gonna choose)...

There's many people in Hollywood who are Jewish, from movie directors to CEOS to actors and actresses and comedians.

And one of the many Jewish people in Hollywood nowadays is Timothee Chalamet, the latest "it boy" actor who people are saying is the next Leonardo DiCaprio.

I can see why they compare Timothee to Leo.

But enough about that.

Sometime during Raven's wrestling heyday in the mid to late 90's and 2000's (when Raven didn't have that awful facial hair he had during his time in the WWF), you were lying in a bed with Raven in a hotel room.

Raven was dressed in his grunge gear he had in WCW/ECW, although he wasn't wearing any combat boots in bed, and he didn't have any makeup on his face.

If it's Timothee you want...

Timothee was sprawled out on a bed in a hotel room, and you were lying in bed right next to him.

Timothee's hair was fluffy and slightly long, looking the way he did in 2017, like when he appeared on Ellen DeGeneres, Jimmy Fallon and James Corden's talk shows.

This is my personal favorite Timothee.

One of your hands, specifically the tips of your fingers, were brushing up and down his chest, whereas your other fingers were playing with a few strands of his hair.

His eyes shifted to the right side and looked at you.

"You're Jewish" you mentioned, your eyes looking at him and your lips grinning naughtily. "And you've got a big, juicy, spicy kosher sausage down there"

One of your hands moved over to his crotch and gently squeezed his crotch.

His mouth burst into an ear to ear smile, chuckling at you saying that, his face turned pink in embarrassment.

Even you couldn't help but chuckle a bit and grin from ear to ear.

You know he has a big, juicy cock, you've sucked it and rode it many times.

"A big, juicy, kosher pickle" you added, even though referring to his dick as a pickle isn't all that sexy. "With emphasis on the JEW-cy. Get it? JEW-cy? J-E-W-cy? And you're Jewish!"

He laughed even more hearing that, his chuckle going into full blown laughter.

"I hope you aren't offended by me making all of these Jewish sexual innuendos!" you confessed.

"I'm not" he admitted when he stopped laughing.

That's a good thing.

Remember, in the 90's, Raven once crucified the Sandman (a 90's wrestler some could say Stone Cold Steve Austin stole his character from) on a cross when he was in ECW, and even the audience for ECW found this offensive and Raven had to apologize to the crowd immediately after he fake crucified Sandman.

"Y'know, Jewish men have circumsized dicks" you mentioned, which is actually true "And I'm hungry for your big, juicy kosher sausage and play with your matza balls"

You sounded sexy when expressing how you want his dick, leaning into him and your eyes looking at him while grinning naughtily from ear to ear.

He smiled sheepishly from ear to ear, chuckling at you saying that.

Where does she come up with this stuff?, he thought. And how does she know so much about Jewish culture?

Unless some of you fem readers are Jewish.

"Maybe even taste your matza balls too" you added, your fingers squeezing his crotch gently.

You could feel his hard erection and his nuts when you squeezed them.

His cock was growing harder and harder while you were lying next to him and caressing his chest and hair, and his shaft got even harder when you expressed how much you want his dick.

You lifted yourself off of the couch and sat on all fours on the bed, like how babies crawl, and displayed your ass in front of him.

You were wearing a tiny little miniskirt and a thong underneath, showing your ass cheeks off in front of him.

You dressed like this even before you got into bed with him, you had plans for him.

When you were standing on all fours in front of Raven, you were reminding Raven and referencing when some chick in ECW was crawling on all fours in front of him while he sat in the corner of the ring by the ropes.

This is reminding WWE/ROH/TNA era Raven of when he was in ECW and some babe in a pink nightie crawled on all fours in front of him.

"Am I giving you a hard-on, Raven?" you asked him, slightly wiggling your ass in front of him.

"Mmmmmhmmm" he admitted, nodding his head.

You smiled back at him and crawled towards his crotch area, turning your ass away from his face, where you undid his belt, separating the buckle from the strap, and slid his zipper down and unbuttoned his jeans.

"Do you want my ass in your face?" you asked him.

"Well, whatever you want" he suggested, shrugging his shoulders.

Confession: you don't really wanna fart in his face, though you didn't mention that to him, although you haven't eaten anything that might give you gas.

He probably is afraid you might fart in his face too.

You then placed your hands on the sides of his pants and slid his jeans and his boxers down, until his bare naked genitals were exposed.

His erection sprung out of his boxers like a clown in a jack in the box, and your eyes were staring at the tip of his circumcised penis.

Your eyes could light up looking at the tip of his circumcised cock and you could nearly grin from ear to ear.

Your fingers wrapped around his shaft, and you leaned your head down into his genitals until his cock was inside your mouth.

When his dick was inside your mouth, you proceeded to suck on his cock, your head bobbing up and down his shaft as you sucked it, your mouth automatically going up his shaft while you sucked it.

Your other hand, meanwhile, moved to his balls, where you cupped his scrotum in the space in between your thumb and fingers.

You gently squeezed and fondled his balls, brushing the pad of your thumb above one of his nuts.

Your mouth could feel a little bump from his penishead/glans when you sucked on the top of his dick, your mouth going up from the bump, like a car driving over a bump in the road.

No, that bump is not herpes, it's his penishead.

When you reached the top of his penis, you rolled the tip of your tongue around his glans (as its referred to), that's where he was cut and circumcised as a baby boy.

Raven/Timothee, meanwhile, was looking at you sucking and licking his cock and playing with his nuts.

He grinned and smiled at you sucking his cock, and he enjoyed you sucking his dick.

His eyes rolled in the back of his head and his skin was getting warmer.

Precum was spilling out of his penishead's slit and trickling down his shaft, and your tongue pressed on his shaft and licked up any precum that spilled down his shaft.

You began to use the tip of his cock like a lipstick, holding it up to your lips, where you brushed the tip of his penis across your bottom lip.

His precum lubricated your lips like it's lipgloss, and luckily you weren't wearing any lipstick or lip gloss while sucking his cock.

When his penis head reached the corner of your mouth, you shifted it up to your top lip, brushing and dragging his penis head across your top lip.

You could feel the slit of his penis head on your lips as you slid his penis head across your lips.

"You're so juicy" you gushed and expressed while sliding his penis head around your mouth, your voice trying to sound sexy.

He watched you rub the tip of his penis like it's lipstick on your lips, which was strange, but he doesn't mind this.

Your other hand was trying to squeeze and caress his balls all while you're sucking and licking his cock.

Your tongue licked up any precum that dripped down his shaft, his precum tasted salty but yummy.

When there was a drop of precum that trickled down his shaft, you licked up that drip of precum from his shaft all the way to his slit where it came from.

Since his precum is trickling down his erection, and while you enjoy licking on his shaft, you also enjoy sucking cock as well.

You put his tip in your mouth again, gently sucking on his penishead, sucking and swallowing any precum out of his slit.

You sunk further down his shaft, his shaft getting inside your mouth, until you reached where your fingers were wrapped around his shaft.

You sucked on his cock, your head going up his shaft while you sucked it, sucking up any cum that trickled down his erection.

He does have a hot, juicy (and JEW-cy) cock and precum.  

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm" you mumbled while his cock was in your mouth, your onomatopoeia buzzed around his shaft, which tickled his erection.

Your wet, moist mouth lubricated his shaft, cleaning it from any precum dripping down it.

You moaned while you sucked on his cock, letting out some breath around and on his shaft, and your lips looked visibly perfect wrapped around his erection

Your thumb traveled around his scrotum and balls, the pad of your thumb stroking and caressing his nuts.

His balls were very sensitive as well and felt so fuzzy, like a peach.

Your throat, meanwhile, swallowed any precum that spilled out of his slit.

As you're giving him a blowjob, you wonder if you should suck his balls afterwards.

Your mouth could feel the veins in his shaft while you sucked his dick.

The tips and pads of your fingers slid and caressed across his scrotum, your fingertips feeling gentle and soft.

Raven/Timothee is lucky to recline his head on a pillow, this is perfect for him: lying on a bed, relaxing, while you're giving him head.

You've been giving fellatio to his penis for quite a long time, such a long time, that pretty soon, he groaned and shut his eyes.

The slit of his penishead released his jizz out finally inside your mouth.

Hearing him groan and finally cum inside your mouth, yeah, he came.

You swallowed his jizz inside your mouth and your tongue licked up any cum or precum that trickled down his shaft, cleaning any cum off of his dick.

When you couldn't taste any cum or precum on his dick, you moved your head away from his genitals and crawled up to him.

When you were snuggled and close to him, your fingers played with strands of his hair.

If this is Raven that you want...

"I know you have Jewish ancestry" you mentioned "But you look like you could be biracial, like half black"

Raven's eyes grew wide hearing that.

"You have such thick, curly hair and a wide, flat nose" you said to him "You even have some pretty full lips and your skin looks a little darker"

If it's 2000's era Raven you want (when he didn't have curly hair)

"You had such thick, curly hair in the 90's and have a wide, flat nose" you said to him. "Your lips also look a little bit full and you used to have some slightly dark looking skin"

You leaned into his face and put his nose in between your teeth, where you gently bit and nibbled it.

He can smell the sperm on your breath.

Raven's eyes grew even bigger when his nose was in your mouth, and he put his hand on your chest, pushing you away, until his nose wasn't in your mouth.

The sides of his nose had slight little bite marks on it, the nibble marks from you.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking confused.

"I just wanted to gently nibble on your nose" you confessed. "Maybe even suck your nose"

You're crazy, he thought.

Even though he could giggle and chuckle at you nibbling on his nose, not taking it seriously.

Later on, you sucked on Raven/Timothee's scrotum, licking and sucking his nuts, running the tip of your tongue on his scrotum.

________________________________________________________________

I hope you don't find this fanfiction offensive.

I wonder if people who love the wrestler Raven would think of this fanfic where the fem reader could also read about Timothee Chalamet.

[sawyersick]

fuck you all of them

at first I was very confused but then I remembered the ask game thingey

anyways I’m sorry for assaulting you with words lets go

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I did a lot when I was little, when I was like 4ish I had a theory that everyone around me was actually just the same 50 actors constantly switching outfits to make me think the world was larger than it is

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

I'm afraid of bugs and ghosts so like... 2.25

3. The person you would never want to meet?

idk??? hitler??? Mike Pence??????

4. What is your favorite word?

phalanges, trivial, cordyceps

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

eucalyptus?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

damn I actually look good without makeup tf

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a purple Hawaii t shirt with surfboards on it

8. What do you label yourself as?

gay???????????????????? punk? tired???? idk

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

trying to fall asleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

8 or 14

12. Who told you they loved you last?

my parents after I started crying after they threatened (again) to kick me out

13. Your worst enemy?

myself I guess

14. What is your current desktop picture?

a flying turtle sharting a rainbow

15. Do you like someone?

I like a lot of people!! but romantically, nobody right now

16. The last song you listened to?

Aderall, by Livewater https://livewater.bandcamp.com/track/adderall

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Mike Pence???? idk

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

this chick who fucked over all my friends or my ex

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

nobody that's fuckin weird and also a little kinky

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

my hair always looks pretty good and rarely requires styling/upkeep and my natural colour is actually pretty nice

not showing a pic because I'm lazyyyy

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I would be a fucking HOT short king and I guess I would try to jack off even though I don't even masturbate and then like....... call men out on their misogyny and privilege

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I think I'm a good singer!! But I don't sing for anyone because I'm afraid of being judged

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

snails

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

UHHHH burger

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

save it or donate or spend on lolita

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Japan because I am a WEEB

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? 

I don't drink so I just googled "best brand of alcohol for cooking" and then "best brand of red wine for cooking" and apparently downton abbey has their own brand of wine because that was the first result so yeah that I guess

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? 

don't be a little bitch

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

Squid Vicious, the giant me-sized squid plush my friend made for me

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

none of them because they made me who I am today even though that’s cheesy sounding, so maybe something embarrassing rather than abusive/traumatic

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

see #26..... Japan because I'm a WEEEEB

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

luckily nobody close to me has passed yet, so I guess Freddie Mercury because I don't think Kurt Cobain would want to be brought back

34. What was your last dream about?

an awful nightmare about genetically-engineered rabid penis-dogs (i am afraid of sex so it was worse than it sounds)

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

artist? ehhh I guess

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

(gore tw)

yeah I tried to sew my prom dress in a day and the needle stabbed me and broke off inside my finger and they had to surgically remove it from the other side

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

NO AND I REALLY WANT TO

38. What is the color of your socks?

they're a mossy/slate green with little pixel illustrations of totoro characters!!

39. What type of music do you like?

anything rock.............. alt, punk, grunge, etc but I also like a lot of alt/indie stuff too

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets are prettier I think!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate!!!!!

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

ew sportz

43. Do you have any scars?

a LOT, mostly from weird accidents/self harm

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i don't even know anymore..................... hopefully a healthcare professional I guess

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I wish I could concentrate better

46. Are you reliable?

online? no im a shitty texter. but when it comes to hanging out? yes absolutely I HATE cancelling plans

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

will I be okay?

48. Do you hold grudges?

yeah I take a lot of shit without saying much so when I get angwy I fuckin lose it

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

cat dolphins!

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

whether or not consensual cannibalism is technically vegan (I say yes and you can fucking fight me)

51. Are you a good liar?

yes.......... unfortunately

52. How long could you go without talking?

I once went without talking for a month and a half

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

growing out my bangs while having this weird noncommittal side part

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

I do all the time!! I also bake birthday cakes for foster children's birthdays

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

not really? I kinda suck at accents..... I can only partially do asian, british, and southern accents

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter usually! Sometimes lemon curd or blueberry jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

a house on a hill at night

58. What would be you dream car?

idk I'm not really into cars.... probably a sporty lil vintage sedan

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I sing in the shower a lot!! and like do little dance moves with my hips

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yeah bro!

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

only if it shows up on social media/in a magazine, I won't seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Q! Z! X!

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

DRAGONS

64. What do you think about babies?

they're alright!! They scare me a little tho because I don't want to hurt them...... I prefer kids that are like 6+