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connan-l · 2 years ago

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Steins;Gate 0 scattered thoughts

Sooo I finally managed to finish Steins;Gate 0………… (NO I STILL HADN’T FINISHED IT…… I put it on hold last summer and didn’t get the occasion to continue it until now lmao. WHICH is stupid because I really didn’t have a lot left to read lol)

Anyway, it was okay! I enjoyed it overall but man, the story is really a mess and there were some parts particularly frustrating and disappointing.

I think S;G0 is interesting in how it is basically a Frankenstein story. The writers took some bits and pieces from other stories (ie the original Epigraph light novels from which it was inspired, and the Arclight CD drama/manga most notably), then added some other stuff and sew all of this together. Which, at times it does give some interesting things, but at others it just fumble really badly.

The original S;G was pretty flawed, but at least it was clear that the narrative knew what it was doing and what the plot was about; all the plotlines and characters had a purpose and it was able to come all together at the end pretty neatly. In S;G0, there are just a lot of story bits and plotlines that simply… never goes anywhere, never get concluded in a satisfying manner, or just seems to be forgotten altogether. Which means that even if they did an interesting and cool thing with the final and true ending in tying the two principal routes, the narrative as a whole still feel very disjointed and awkward. I honestly think they should have tried to do a more linear storyline, rather than doing the double routes thing.

This VN just isn't sure what it wants to be at times, so it does throw at you some potentially cool concepts and ideas but never know how to properly handle or explore them as it should. The pacing as well was all over the place, because in the first route it has a very slow build up and meander around until it all explose at the end but it doesn’t really feel super earned, and in the second it kind of get lost here and there, then throw at you some cool stuff to keep you entertained (ie Okabe going to the future), and then go back to just meandering around (seriously, the end of Kurisu’s route felt very… anticlimatic in a lot of ways).

The most glaring thing regarding this was that plotline with the encephalitis patients and where Okabe arrive in warzone Okinawa in the timeline where the URSS still exists or something, with also that Fubuki girl who apparently has Reading Steiner, and it just…. Never leads to anything?? Like what was the point of this whole thing? It feels like a plotline they originally intended to have but then scrapped at the last minute, but for some reason they still left some of its plot bits here and there??

Also someone will have to explain to me WHAT was the point of Fubuki and Kaede’s characters as a whole. I don’t have anything against adding new characters to the cast (I mean, I absolutely ADORE Maho, and even if her character have a lot of issues I still like Kagari), but in their case they… literally served NO purpose, to the point where they actually annoyed me whenever they popped up because!! I don’t care about you two!! Who are you, what are you even doing here. You could get rid of them and lose practically nothing of the story. They pissed me off because it felt like they were taking away plot points and screentime that could’ve been spent on, oh I dunno, some actual established characters like FARIS AND LUKA??

Seriously Faris and Luka were SO sidelined in that game it’s not even funny. Imagine how much better this whole storyline with Fubuki would have been if it had been with Luka or Faris instead! Imagine one of them actually getting Reading Steiner and the narrative making something interesting with it! How cool it would have been?? But no, instead we’re stuck watching those nobodies doing nothing for the entire story. The only thing I like about them is actually seeing Mayuri hanging out with her own friends without Okabe being invovled, but y’know, we could’ve had that without this bullshit.

It’s all very frustrating and confusing because, the encephalitis thing could’ve been so interesting if dealt properly! I really love the perspective of other characters getting Reading Steiner and the Evil Scientist OrganizationTM trying to experiment on this once they learn about it; I think it ties pretty nicely with Okabe’s conclusion in the original game where he thinks that in the end, everyone probably got Reading Steiner on some level. How come this plotline didn’t get actual consequences on the overall story and true ending. Hell, maybe have the real Yuki involved in there too! Poor Yuki as well was treated so badly orz

Now, to be more positive, on the things I liked better compared to the original game: the POV switch! I know some people will argue with me that it makes sense the og game had only POV from Okabe because he’s the center of the story and it’s kind of thematically important for him and us to have a very tunnel-vision of what’s happening, which yeah I get that, but man, the story felt SO much more alive and dynamic when we’re allowed to follow the perspectives of other characters. And it also does wonders for those characters; whenever Maho, Suzuha, Kagari or Luka were allowed to have their little introspectives tidbits it added so much depth to them.

I also really like that the labmems where allowed to have more relationships with each other; in the og S;G, most of them were friends with Okabe but didn’t have any relationship with others except some rare cases like Kurisu and Mayuri or Mayuri and Luka (but even then, it’s not like we saw a lot of these friendships given everything was in Okabe’s POV). Because of this the labmems have always been a bit weird, because sometimes the story tries to push for them to be this group of kind-of outcast, weirdo friends, but… none of them are really friends exactly, they’re just friends with Okabe and because the story is so focused on him we barely see any of the other potential relationships. So here it was nice to see Luka and Faris being friends, or Suzuha and Mayuri having a peculiar relationship, or of course Maho and Moeka’s slow burn romance budding friendship. It made them feel… you know, like an actual group of friends with different, complex dynamic. And I also really liked how most of them got to know and be involved directly in the time travel shenanigan right off the bat instead of being kept in the dark; in the original, it’s really only Okabe-Kurisu-Daru-Mayuri and Suzuha for a time who knows the whole truth, Luka and Faris are always sidelined and kept out of the group which I never liked. (It’s especially wild with Faris because like… with her wealth and connections you’d think she’d be super useful in the plot?? And with the fact we knows her dad was researching time travel with Suzu Hashida AND was a friend of Kurisu’s dad?? Gah, Faris was so wasted in the original story! And unfortunately she was wasted in S;G0 as well -_-).

On that note, I also loved the endings much more than the ones from the original game. The thing with the different endings from the og S;G is that, most of them are basically ‘here’s an ending for each girls that Okabe get to more-or-less date!’ in that typical harem fashion. Meanwhile S;G0’s endings actually focused on the characters individually and actually offered different interesting alternatives to the events? Like, I was SHOOK when I saw that Maho’s ending was ENTIRELY about Maho and her complicated feelings about Kurisu and her friendship with Moeka, or when Kagari’s ending was entirely about Kagari and Mayuri, and that Okabe had almost NO role at all in either of them! Like wow, a S;G game where its female characters don’t entirely revolve around Okabe, incredible, right?

Like it’s funny saying it like this, but thinking about it in a way S;G0 actually did a better job at letting its female characters exists by themselves and having motivations and goals that doesn’t relate to male characters — things like Maho’s relationship with Kurisu, Mayuri’s relationship with Kagari, and Suzuha’s relationship with her mom was even arguably more important that the one with her dad at times (they still fumbles with it and drop the ball after a while. But still. It was nice while it lasted.) Given how nonenxistent moms were in the original S;G compared to the dads, that was a neat improvement imo (I mean, we even got a brief cameo of Okabe’s mom lol!)

All in all I think S;G0 really worked the best when it came to (some) of its characters and emotional moments; there were some raw scenes that were well executed, especially for example with Okabe and Maho’s grief over Kurisu, or with Suzuha and her complicated feelings about her parents and her situation, or hell even if I have issues with them even some Mayuri and Kagari scenes were pretty effective. (Suzuha and Maho’s breakdown scenes in Mayuri’s route, for instance, were both very well build up and handled.)

But in the end the best thing the story has to offer to me is, hand down, Maho. Even when the plot isn’t necessarily about her, she’s still the character that manages to shines the most, and she’s just… such a cool, charming, complicated person with lots of intricates relationships; and she just always made me smile whenever she was onscreen. Like, if you ask me if S;G0 is worth it, then I’d say yes 100% just because of Maho.

And to be honest, that’s kind of an impressing feat to accomplish? Because the thing is that, the writers really weren’t in an easy position I think when they decided to make Steins;Gate 0; they had to make a Steins;Gate game where Kurisu isn’t in it AND with a new heroine, and given Kurisu’s literally the most popular character of the franchise and basically the emblem of S;G as a whole it must have been a bit of a challenge. I think I’m not the only one who were feeling not super invested in a big S;G story where Kurisu is just dead in it. So they had to make it so that new heroine manage to 1. stand on her own without feeling like a Kurisu 0.2 and 2. still not make it feel like she’s ‘‘stealing’’ Kurisu’s place as the original main heroine.

And somehow it worked? Maho is similar to Kurisu on a lot of points (young brilliant scientist lady, strong character and harsh and cynical personality but still pretty kind person deep down, asocial/lonely person) but she still manage to stand on her own, have a very good and compelling arc even in the route/ending that isn’t her own, and have a very interesting dynamic with the rest of the cast, especially with both Kurisu and Okabe.

I absolutely loved her complicated relationship with both Kurisu and Okabe; here too it’s actually impressive they were able to implement her friendship with Kurisu in a way that you can buy the both of them were really close and had a deep connection, despite the fact that this is a retcon (as originally Kurisu was meant to be a lonely person without any friends in America) and that Kurisu is dead for the entirety of the story. They do such a great job at portraying Maho’s complex feelings of admiration and resentment and jealousy, all while without never negating the deep love she has for Kurisu, and, as a result, how much she’s struggling with her death (once again, her ending!! is so good!! and her last conversation with Kurisu in there is aggghh. Or how in Mayuri’s ending Amadeus says to her she thoguht Maho was the real Amadeus all along… They’re the second best ship of the series, don’t @ me (even first depending on your perspective ;p)). And in parallel the relationship she slowly builds with Okabe is also very cool and interesting on its own, with how they instantly connect with each other through their shared love of Kurisu and grief over her and manages to develop a deep friendship over it and how it balances and contrast their own character development; I said it during my playthrough but those tow as well as their complex relationship with Kurisu are the actual driving force of S;G0. She basically manages to be a foil and parallel to both Kurisu and Okabe at the same time and it’s just. Very cool.

I also really dig the inherent tragedy of their relationship, because like… obviously I’m sure Okabe and Maho will be able to become friends again in the Steins;Gate world line, but it still will never be the same thing as the deep bond they formed in Beta. In Beta, they specifically became friends throughout Kurisu’s death; that’s something only the two of them can understand and the first thing they’re able to relate to each other, so without it, their relationship will inherently be different — and they know all that, yet are still willing to sacrifice all this just to bring back Kurisu in their lives. And I love how in that sense it also sorts of parallel Kurisu’s sacrifice in the Alpha world line ; just like Okabe and Kurisu’s meeting and romance, Maho and Okabe’s friendship could have only happened in world destined to die.

Although I absolutely could have done without Maho catching feelings for Okabe… I SWEAR I know that S;G is a pseudo-harem but not every single woman needs to be in love with this guy! Stop it, writers!! (I also rambled in lenght about it on my twitter back then but I genuinely think it harms Maho’s character.)

My only grip with them is that it’s actually wild that there is no actual proper confrontation or big reveal over Okabe killing Kurisu. Like it’s something they tease and build up in the two routes, and yet it’s another one of those plotline that is just never resolved? I know the game seems to imply that Maho must have guessed what happened, but there still should’ve been a more emotional confrontation between the two of them at the end; I think it should’ve also played a role in Okabe finally deciding to ‘revive’ Hououin and work towards saving Kurisu; especially if Maho had been the one to forgive him explicitely? But no, I guess, whatever lol.

Anyway, in the end I just… love how they actually allowed Maho to be this very flawed and messy person in her own right and not just go for the route of her being another cute additional girl with yet another crush on Okabe (…even if her STILL getting a crush was annoying but well sdsdfs). What I personally find the most compelling with her is that… honestly, in all of Steins;Gate she’s probably the one character the story... really allow to have ugly and messy feelings? To actively be unlikeable at times. Other characters had that in the og story with Okabe kind of, and a tiny bit with Moeka and Kurisu, but it was never to this level and because S;G0 actually let its characters other than Okabe have POV then she feels much more fleshed out and solid than just the glimpses we get. Honestly, dare I say that even Kurisu, for as much as I love her, doesn’t get as much as a proper arc and character exploration as Maho does in S;G0 (which makes me very mad tbh lmao) There is her entire ending/route dedicated to her to showcase this of course that is very good, but that scene specifically in S;G0′s bad ending ‘Gehenna’s stigma’ is the one that stand out the most to me about this (Gehenna’s Stigma is very messy and weird, but Maho steal the entire spotlight and is amazing in it so I still really like it just for her sdsfs).

It’s not like her character writing is perfect either, because like I said earlier the route structure make it that… in the end some of her development and conclusion either feel pretty rushed (the end of Mayuri’s route) and almost completely cut (Kurisu’s route), and it’s really only in her ending that she gets to have that proper closure. It’s frustrating, because man, it’s your main heroine, you should have done a better job with this! I think Maho’s arc should have been what she goes through in Mayuri’s route + her friendship with Moeka + her ending ALL throughout the game. Also her relationship with Moeka is one of the best thing of the VN and it should have absolutely been a more important part of the story, especially given aside from Maho’s ending Moeka is treated pretty shittily.

Also, man I really hate how in the true end Maho’s codename is ‘Kurisu’? Like!! You do realizes that the biggest point of her character arc is about how she wants to step out of Kurisu’s shadow and how she needs to learn to respect and love herself and her abilities as a scientist and person? Giving her the codename ‘Kurisu’ just goes against everything about this, it just sucks!

Okabe was pretty solid in this too. It was honestly refreshing to have him just be… a normal dude for most of the VN. Because to be honest, one of the things I like the most about Okabe is that he is not actually a ‘chuunibyou.’ He pretends he is one for Mayuri’s sake, but in reality he’s very self-aware about being a very average guy, who is even actually a pretty serious, socially awkward introverted person at heart. I’m always sad that’s not something that’s much more explored than that in the original story, and even here the duality with his made up persona is very… not dvelve much into, or at least not in the way I personally wish it was. Still, here in this case he just feels particularly relatable as a mentally ill, depressed college student desperately trying to run away from reality with the end of the world looming over his head lmao. It was… actually kind of surprising they handled his struggle with PTSD/mental heath seriously and this more-or-less throughout the whole story, with actually showing how much he suffers from panic attacks (well. They still could’ve done more with it though. How come his therapy sessions never come up again after the prologue? I’m so also pretty sure the Epigraph manga actually made a big deal of him being very dependant on his meds, but it’s not every seen mcuh in the VN which is a shame.) But his actual character arc still feel a bit either too rushed at the end or not well-implemented. I don’t like that they choose to have two separate occasions where he ‘revives’ Hououin, because it felt like it lesser the impact it should have had. Personally, again, I think the narrative should have been more linear, and that his ‘revival’ should have ultimately happened after a combination of Mayuri leaving with Suzuha + time travelling into the future + confrontation with Maho about Kurisu’s death.

(The bit with him time travelling in the future is such a cool thing too but I hate how much they... rushed it. Okabe should have stayed a lot longer in the future I think, and it made him seems like an asshole that he wasn’t even williing to interact with Mayuri & co. It’s also super weird that him staying in the future for, like, an hour manages to convince him that war sucks, but in the Vega & Altair route when he’s stuck in warzone Okinawa where he stays A MONTH he’s just like... ‘idk whatever, let’s ignore this and move on’?? WHY are you so inconsistent game!! Although I do hate the way they killed off Luka in the future just to further his angst, it felt veru cheap and shitty.)

One thing I got pretty disappointed about concerning Okabe, though, was the way they didn’t touch much on some of the impact and consequences his actions in the orginal Steins;Gate had, specifically regarding time travel. By which I mean, obviously we see the consequences the events of S;G had on him, but it’s mostly focused on his trauma regarding Kurisu’s and Mayuri’s deaths. There are zero mentions of his guilt regarding what he did to Luka and Faris, for instance; which feels especially off when this time around, Faris and Luka knows about the time travel stuff. You’re really going to tell me that someone as perceptive as Faris never connects some pieces together and confront him about her father? I know that really comes from the fact that, again, Faris and Luka’s presences in the game are nonexistent, but it’s so frustrating. There IS a little bit of something when it comes to Suzuha and Moeka; I really like how initially he feels very awkward around Beta Suzu because she is so different from Alpha Suzu, and how he specifically mentions her suicide in Alpha as one of the events that marked him the most and as to why he refuses to get involved with time travelling again, but honestly in the end there’s almost no conlusion in their relationship (like, they DO try a little in Kurisu’s route, but it still feel unsatisfying?) It’s wild to me there’s no followup, for instance, on Suzuha’s breakdown in Vega & Altair where she threatens him with a gun, we just... never seem them discussing this incident at all afterwards, like it’s just forgotten, when it should’ve been a big deal? And with Moeka/Tennouji, his reaction and relationship to them is also really bare minimum stuff, when again, with them being proper allies this time there should’ve been a lot more done.

So, regarding Kurisu/Amadeus… See, I actually really liked the idea of Amadeus. I think it’s a pretty neat way to use and showcase Kurisu’s research and neuroscience skills --- and yes it was also a way to have ‘Kurisu’ still be in the game even though she’s technically dead, but I think it worked really well in the sense that it ended up making her some sort of ‘ghost’. In general, for the most part I quite liked some of the ways they handled Kurisu’s presence, the way that even if she’s dead almost everything still revolve around her and her ghost haunt every single actions that is taken in the story, not just by Okabe and Maho, but by all the characters. Characters who are dead but still end up haunting the narrative is actually one of my favorite trope in fiction, and that’s why I really enjoyed that aspect of S;G0 because there is something very cool that they do in the way the different people remember and portray Kurisu after her death. So, Amadeus really works for this, in being there to haunt Okabe (and Maho) every step of the way and never letting him escape what happened, no matter how much he wants to (which is then made double so by Kagari’s presence). But it is a little frustrating that in the end… they didn’t do as much as they could have with her? There’s this storyline they hint at about Amadeus developping ‘normal’ human feelings (and specifically romantic feelings for Okabe) and the way she’s Kurisu but also not Kurisu, but they never really do much with this at all? I also dislike how little weight the story give her being deleted in BOTH routes when it should be a much bigger deal, especially emotionally for the characters (again, the only time where it worked for me where in Maho’s ending, which is truly the superior end of them all). So, yeah, Amadeus was a cool concept, but as most cool concept in S;G0 it ended up falling kind of flat at the end.

(On Kurisu, though, I was surprised her parents had no role at all in this. I would’ve expected her father, and hell her mother too, to have a bigger presence. Especially with the way moms appeared to have a much bigger role in S;G0 contrary to the og story, i would have really worked well thematically.)

And, on that sense, although I really liked the way the story make a point to presents Okabe angsting over Kurisu’s death in almost every scene and the whole OkaKuri tragedy (that one moment where they meet again in Alpha…. Yeah it worked for me lol), I felt disappointed that she… didn’t seem to play much of a role at all in the final part of the game. Like yeah obviously in the end Okabe still does all this for her, but that’s why I thought she should’ve been… idk. More integrated in the the final. It felt off, like she was almost sidelined.

And then, there was…. Mayuriiiii…. SIGH. So Mayuri’s the character who disappointed me the most. S;G0 is so damn weird about her, because on the one hand, it is INFINITELY better than what she had in the original game. Like them actually giving her some agency and an actual storyline that doesn’t involve Okabe? GOOD! Because let’s be honest, Mayuri in the original game doesn’t really… does anything besides dying and being Okabe’s motivation for most of the game. And yeah slapping him at the very end too I guess. So S;G0 was definitely a step further from that, and I also think that them deciding to make her a mother was such a great choice; you can argue maybe giving one of your most traditionally feminine female characters whose story only revolved around the male protagonist before now a story that now mostly revolve around her being a mother is not super great, but I think it works specifically because Mayuri’s biggest problem is that she’s always SO infantilized, not only Okabe but the narrative as a whole; so her getting a kid was a really good way to have her actually grow up and some great interesting character development. And she Does get it, for the most part — the last part of her ending where she decides to actually get invovled in all the time travel bullshit and went with Suzuha is one of my favorite things! But then, as I’ve rambled in those threads at large last year, they still… never do more than that with her. Even her big moment at the end of her route come off as not as impactful as it should be, because they don’t build it up at all throughout the route! (Especially since we get NO POV from her, even when the game actually does POV switch! Which is just WILD)

Her perspective on being a mother and her relationship with Kagari is dealt with a little bit in Kagari’s ending, but it’s very… superficial, it never goes into details about what it must be like to suddenly have a grown up traumatized daughter thrown at you when you’re barely an adult yourself, which sucks when that’s the most interesting part of those types of storylines (they do the same with Daru and Suzuha, to be fair, but yeah, it sucks here too lol.) They never let her get angry, never let her move on properly from her codependant relationship with Okabe, hell they STILL barely let her know about hte Big Plot Stuff happenings, EVEN when it concernes HER OWN DAUGHTER. It’s bonkers to me that she never actually get to know what truly happened to Kagari or that she plays no part into getting her back when she’s kidnapped by the Evil Scientists OrganizationsTM.

Mayuri should’ve just been A LOT more involved in the plot as a whole, not just at the very end of her route, and I’m endlessly frustrated that they consitently refuse to let her grow from her Innocent Ditzy Childhood Friend/Little Sister archetype whom Okabe is obssessed to protect, even when S;G0 gave them the perfect occasion to do so!! Her ending was good, but there should’ve been a more proper buildup throughout the narrtive, with moments including her POV; there should’ve been a narrative about her remembering her deaths from Alpha and actually deal with that trauma, there should’ve been an instance where she remembers KURISU too, have her interact with Amadeus and Maho and deal with her complicated feelings regarding her sacrifice, and it should’ve deeply impacted her finale decision to time travel and help save her (seriously, why was Kurisu and Mayuri’s friendship was so undermined??); and ultimately, I’ll always maintain that she and Okabe should’ve had a falling out of sorts at some point and gotten a Divorce Arc, and it doesn’t make sense that there’s no big clash between them other than the fact that the writers refuses to let Mayuri act like a normal, real young woman her age rather than a fantasy. Like… I’ve seen people who apparently complained about her big love confession at the end (although mostly from anime-only viewers, because in the VN Mayuri having feelings for Okabe is pretty explicit) but I’m going to be honest, it’s the least of Mayuri’s problems as a character. I don’t like her being in love with Okabe either as I much prefer their platonic, siblings-like relationship (and to be fair yeah, there are some parts they handled this in S;G0 that I think was shitty, like Mayuri having this speech where she says that in the end she’s the one who loves Okabe more than Kurisu?? Like okay??? Way to randomly do the misogynist trope of pitting your two main heroines against each other), but if they’d given us a proper arc with her where she’s treated like a real person I wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass about this. You people really have weird priorities.

(And on a personal level? I actually like the perspective of Mayuri feeling jealous of Kurisu and Okabe’s bond and feeling left behind (especially in S;G0 when it’s about a dead girl she knows nothing about and who, from her point of view, had nothing to do with Okabe up until now), if only because it’s the ONLY instance where Mayuri is allowed to have ugly feelings and, y’know, feel a bit like a multi-layered normal teenage girl; but it should definitely be handled with nuance and never undermine her love for Kurisu either, which... tbh I don’t trust the S;G to be able to write this lmao.)

And honestly, I also didn’t like the fact that Okabe end up going to ‘save’ her and Suzuha at the end, because it feel like it undermines the ONE heroic moment of agency that they gave Mayuri, to still makes it all about goddamn Okabe in the end. Mayuri and Suzuha DIDN’T need to be saved, because regardless of what they do they’ll get to Steins;Gate afterwards either way so? Did we really need to STILL relegate Mayuri to a damsel in distress status AFTER her big moment?? CAN’T MAYURI HAVE ANYTHING IN THIS GODDAMN SERIES

Related to this, Kagari was… god, she’s such a mess of a character lmao. Okay, so, the thing is that for some reason I can’t really explain I’m actually kind of fond of her. Maybe blame it on Megumi Han’s voice acting that manages to makes her super endearing, but yeah I do actually like her and I genuinely think there could’ve been… so much they could’ve done with her. She’s just a pile of wasted potential. Her story with Mayuri was very touching, and one of my favorite part of the game actually, but they could’ve done MORE. Because in the end, she only really feel… either very bland or annoying. And it’s like, I’ve seen some people who called her… ‘cringy’? Which is a bit of a weird term because, what does that even mean concretely, but it kind of bugs me a little bit because I don’t think there’s something inherently wrong with the way she’s portrayed. She’s a war orphan who was then forcefully separated from her mother and family and was tortured and groomed most of her life, to the point that even as a 22 years old she still has the mind of a child. She’s heavily traumatized. To me her behaviour about being so clingy to Mayuri and throwing tantrums about not wanting to change world lines makes sense, because Mayuri is quite literally her whole world and there’s nothing else that matters to her. Like… it’s wild to me how dismissed her concern that she wouldn’t get to be with her mother again if they go to the S;G world line is, because she’s right? Suzuha seems to have at least some guarantee she’ll still be born (and even then, it’s weird that it’s not something really questionned either), but Kagari has no such thing. Her very existence and only happiness was threatened. So calling her ‘cringy’ annoys me because she’s literally a mentally ill child with such heavy baggages, like what else would you expect from her?

However, I do agree that her writing and characterization is way too over-the-top and super clumsy at times, which makes the character feel very off (…and, also, there’s this fucking stupid twist with Yuki BUT it is one of the worst twists I’ve ever seen in any fiction so let’s just pretend it doesn’t exist lmao). The thing with Kagari, is that I’m very invested in the idea of what she could’ve been; of her being this traumatized girl who has this idealized version of her mother as this perfect, kind person, but who still felt horribly hurt by her when she had to abandon her, and then when she goes to the past she actually has to reconcile those two things all while actually meeting her mom’s younger self and realizing she is her own, flawed person as well. At the same time, I think I did like the arc they tried to give her in her ending of her deciding she couldn’t just cling to Mayuri forever and actually take the active decision to time travel with Suzuha (even if honestly it doens’t make much sense… like what would Kagari do once she gets to the past??), but it didn’t really feel… well build up or earned. I also dislike that the abuse and grooming she went through is like, heavily brushed aside; and her relationship with Okabe was… interesting but also really messed up, and it’s never properly addressed. Because like, Okabe heavily project Kurisu on her, at times even struggle to see Kagari as her own person, but this and the whole plotline where she gets Kurisu’s memories implemented in her just… never really leads to anything…

And honestly, same thing with her having Kurisu’s appearance, like what was up with that? I DID thought it was interesting, and I was so sure they were going to reveal something about how she was a baby created with Kurisu’s DNA for X reason or something, but no?? Apparently she just looks like Kurisu for no reason. Like man. Why. It’s just… I think the idea of her being both Mayuri and Kurisu’s daughter in SOME way was a pretty cool concept, and it especially would’ve been nice to explore this with Okabe’s projection of Kurisu on her and the memories implant where you could’ve had an arc with Kagari ultimately asserting herself as her own person.

And also… I kept thinking that honestly, I think that she could’ve been a very cool final antagonist in a way. Because again, I do believe Kagari’s motive to not go to Steins;Gate are very emotionally resonnant and valid, because from her point of view that’d mean losing her mother and her entire life altogether. This plus with her being abused and groomed by Leskinen, it would make sense she would try to stop the group from saving Kurisu (which would be darkly ironic if Kurisu had been her kind-of bio mother), and actually give her some agency in that story where she’s not just a victim who, in the end, doesn’t really do much of anything in the storyline. And you know, I kept thinking that, I hate what they did with Moeka and her relationship with Kagari in the Vega & Altair route, but I genuinely think that Kagari and Moeka’s relationship could have been very interesting because of how similar they are (both are heavily traumatized and orphaned young women who are desperate for love/parental approval and get used/manipulated into doing terrible things because of this). Imagine if we had a proper redemption arc for Moeka that would have paralleled Kagari’s descent into villainy, and how in the end Moeka could have fought to save her because she knows what it’s like to be in her place?? And how they could’ve done something with Moeka and Mayuri’s relationship through this as well??? (Yes I’m just writing fix-it fanfics at this point but!! Idk it would’ve been cool.) Kagari’s ending in the true end also feel… kind of off but whatever.

Also it’s a detail, but man, I think it’s really ridiculous they gave her some Upa as Mayuri’s memento instead of Mayuri’s grandma’s watch. Like what the hell, the watch would make a lot more sense thematically and emotionally than some random Upa. …Actually, it made me realize that Mayuri never ever bring up her watch at any point in S;G0 which, honestly, is super fucking weird. Did the writers just forget about it???

But anyway. Suzuha is also a character that I really like, and I specifically really love Beta Suzu, and during the first part of the game they actually… do some pretty interesting things with her. At least in Mayuri’s route. For the first part of this route, I love the way they characterize her as being this traumatized, no-nonsense young woman who is struggling between her responsability towards her missions and just spending time with her family that she never gets to have while growing up. I think they do a good job at portraying her complicated feelings towards her parents, and especially towards her mom, and the way at first she keeps exhausting herself until she has a breakdown and threaten Okabe on the roof. That’s one of the rare arc that was actually build up and earned properly in the whole story. However… well, the thing is that after her breakdown they really drop the ball hard with her? There’s no actual proper conclusion to her arc, not with her mother, not with Okabe (they have a little something in Kurisu’s route but not by much), not with trauma. They seemed to put forth an arc where she learns how to be, like, a normal girl her age again in the present era,bu they just… never deliver in the end. I was also surprisingly invested in her relationship with Kagari; the responsability she felt towards her as a big sister and how she failed her and is struggling about the perspective of having to fight her (and the guilt she felt towards Mayuri because of this too!), but here too it’s just… never lead to anything, except for a little bit in Kagari’s ending, but barely so.

And then in Kurisu’s route she doesn’t even get an arc at all. No like seriously, she’s only there to occasionally be a badass and say stuff sometimes, but that’s it. Like?? That’s so disappointing. I’m very sad they didn’t do anything, with, like the resentment and anger she’s implied to have towards her parents and Okabe at times. I swear, Beta Suzuha has so many interesting aspects but in the end they all feel glossed over. (And also, unlike Okabe they do a pretty poor job at handling her trauma… Like guys she was a literal child soldier, you’re not going to tell me she doesn’t have a minimum of PTSD.)

Special kudos too to that one Kagari/Suzuha fight scene where she’s completely naked, and she doesn’t have any scars or muscles or anything. Like okay, man. I think S;G0 in general had a lot of inappropriate fanservice that actually deviated from the story too; like obviously the original game had these too, but they didn’t feel as overwhelming as those and they didn’t pop up in serious moments at least. Seriously, why was S;G0 so horny with no reason sometimes, wtf.

I do really appreciate that they actually took the time to develop her relationship with Daru this time. Daru is also a character that is greatly improved in SG0 because this time around he actually feel… well, you know, like a character, instead of a plot device. He’s still not Good and I hate that they won’t let got of his gross jokes but at least he feel more like a person than just a walking stereotype who’s here to facilitate the plot (that scene in Mayuri’s route where he punches Okabe?? That was very cool. And there’s even one scene where he comforts Okabe after he’s had a panic attack which is… surprisingly sweet?? Like, wow, some genuine feelings between thos bros that let you know they do actually like each other, amazing.) I love how somehow the writers suddenly woke up and where like ‘Hey what if we Tried to write this guy as an Actual Character who's allowed to show varying emotions instead of as a joke?’ But anyway, yeah, it was nice and it really reflected in his relationship with Suzuha; which, again, had its issues but at least it was a lot better than what they did in the original game. Here I could buy at least that he genuinely come to care for Suzuha even while being a bit awkward with having this grown traumatized daughter thrown at him out of nowhere, and even despite some bullshit moments they still had a few nice scenes

Yuki’s character on the other hand was just… fucking bullshit lmao, like god. You know, initially I was pretty excited to learn that Suzuha’s mom would be introduced and play a major role in that story, because I always disliked the way she was completely non-existent in the og story, just as a joke “lol Daru will end up marrying a hot wife.” (Seriously, Suzuha herself barely talk about her when she’s the person who RAISED HER?? ALL ALONE? She should be a lot more importnat to her than her dad!) But in the end... well, there was one of the stupid twist I’ve ever seen in a story with the whole ‘well she was actually Kagari all along!’ in the Vega & Alair route and it’s just!! WHAT was this twist! It’s so ridiculous and in the end serves absolutely zero purpose I’m just… why! Why what the point of showing us those scenes of Daru & Suzuha bonding with Yuki if it was to undermine all of this for that….. And then in Kurisu’s route idk. She’s just there I guess. Being almost as useless as Kaede and Fubuki. Man, would it have really killed the writers to give her some personality and an actual arc and role in the overall story??? Even just a SMALL one? PLEASE? Even her romance with Daru was subpar and like I said her relationship with Suzuha lead to nowhere, so EVEN at just being A Wife and A Mom she fails at it!! (And again, that sucks because imo, her relationship with Suzuha could have been very interesting and nice, and HELL even her romance with Daru could’ve been cute (as long as they portray him as an awkward smitten nerd and not a gross perv)). I hate you, S;G writers. I hate you.

The rest of the characters though were just… kind of there. I’ve already rambled about how useless Fubuki and Kaede were, and how Faris and Luka really SHOULD’VE had their screentime as well as a bigger rôle; but honestly I could say the same with say, the Tennoujis. They also had no purpose in this story, just popping up to reminds you they still exist I guess. Moeka was lucky enough to get a pretty nice short development in Maho’s ending, but it WAS very short and ONLY in Maho’s ending ; the rest of the story she’s either pretty sidelined or treated pretty shittily (like seriously… the way they handle her character in Vega & Altair makes me want to punch someone. She deserves better than this!!) It sucks because her friendship with Maho and the development she gets in her ending is the best thing that happened to her character! I don’t understand why we couldn’t have gotten something like this throughout the entire game? Have her (and Tennouji too!) get a proper, actually ‘redemption,’ this time around (even if they don’t remember what they did wrong) ; let Moeka have a more solid character arc where she learns how to value herself properly thanks to Maho and have her actually interact witn Tennouji so that they resolve their issues too? Idk. I DID like they were allies to Okabe this time, but like… they could’ve done so much more with them it’s disappointing.

And then there were the bad guys, which…. Ugh, okay, not gonna lie but Leskinen and Reyes were very weak antagonists. See, one thing I actually really like in the original S;G is that there is not really a ‘proper’ villain. Moeka and Tennouji all play the part of antagonist throughout the story, but in the end they’re mostly like, victims of circumstances (well, there’s Kurisu’s dad too but he’s something else entirely). The ‘true’ big bad are either : SERN, which for the entirety of its story is just some formless entity that we never concretely ‘meet’ or really understand what it’s about, or it’s just… ‘fate’ or the ‘universe’ itself, as the the thing keep killing Mayuri over again (or Kurisu at the end). And I think that’s one of the coolest aspects of S;G that works very well as its overall theme of coming-of-age story for Okabe. So it was pretty disappointing that they decided to have a pretty classic ‘bad guy’ in Leskinen. Like he and Reyes feel very flat and corny, the story never tries to give them any depth and deeper goals beyond being Evil Mad Scientists,’ and yeah it makes sense as they’re mirroring Okabe what with them being Actual Mad Scientists and all but they still… could’ve had more? There are some instances with Leski & Okabe and Maho & Leski where I thought they had the opportunity to make them interesting, what with him feeling a bit like a father figure for them at times — and the story was very centred around parenthood — but they just never do it, so their ‘betrayal’ are incredibly predictable, and end up feeling ridiculous when Okabe seems so hurt over it too, so in the end they mostly made me cringe. (They could’ve very compelling stuff with Leskinen’s relationship with Kurisu compared to his relationship with Kagari, but noooope... Like I said, it would’ve been SO much more interesting to get Kagari as the final antagonist but ohhh well!)

Anyway, yeah, that’s pretty much it. So I complained a lot, but I do think S;G0 was an interesting ride in the end. I’m glad I got to finally play it because I’ve been wanting to try it since, like… 2015 lol. I feel like there’s some very mitiged receptions on it; I’ve seen some who says it’s better than the og game, and others that it’s worse. Personally I’m somewhere in the middle, but in general I dont think both stories are comparable, they feel more… complementing?

There’s a lot I liked about it, sometimes more than in the og VN (again, stories that dealt with messy grief are always my jam), but also I’m just very disappointed about cause so many cool concepts that could’ve been so much better. I’ve also seen some complaints that the time travel stuff was less well-written than in the original, like with things like Mayuri and Kagari’s song being a bootstrap paradox, but... I dunno, I think there are problems that can be easily found in the original story too. Like, yes, I do think the worldbuilding and time travel science is generally well put togeter in the original story, but at the same time it was never mean to be very grounded or realistic, so those type of details don’t bother me. Same with the ridiculous bigger plot points and all, where it’s like... obviously the whole thing about World War III and the two secret organizations and all are kind of silly, but that’s a type of silliness and over-the-top-ness that’s expected from S;G and that works within its universe. I’ve sait it before I think, but to me Steins;Gate have always been more of a coming-of-age story for Okabe than a time travel stotry, really, and that’s how it works the best.

Now an odd criticism from me maybe but I... didn’t like huke’s art in this? Like, it is a lot more... polished and ‘standardized’ than the art in the first game, and as a result didn’t feel much like S;G. I don’t know, I’m aware some people don’t like it, but to me huke’s arstyle is definitely one of the most charming and defining aspect of the VN (and why the Elite version sucks ass, just like the anime’s artstyle), so I didn’t like seeing it being made more... ‘normal anime,’ I guess. I was pretty disappointed with the music as well too? Like most of the tracks were either the same than the original game, or utterly forgettable...

But yeah! The only thing I really take from it is Maho (she’s now officially my second fave S;G character <3) and everything related to her; her ending is just the best, as well as Maho/Kurisu and Maho/Moeka, truly the best parts of the story, the Okakuri angst, and a liiiittle bit what they tried to do with Mayuri and Kagari. A little. The rest is kind of *shrugs* to me.

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starsofcybertron · 2 years ago

Text

"I'm Sorry."

FANDOM: JJBA

CHARACTERS: Kakyoin Noriaki, Kurisu (default person/oc I use instead of Y/N.)

WARNINGS: S/H

FLUFF? AT THE END

~~~ <3 ~~~

My phone dinged, signifying a text message from Kakyoin.

[Hey, love, I'm on my way home. I stopped by the store to get some groceries :)]

Oh shit. The bathroom was messy. There were drops of blood on the floor and smears of red on the razor in my hand. I have to clean up before Kak sees this mess. I fumbled to hide my razor from sight and clean the beads of blood coming from my thighs and arms.

Flushing the blood-stained toilet paper down the toilet, I carefully pulled up my shorts. I hissed from the pain but managed to get them buttoned up. I pulled the sleeves of my shirt down my forearms, the blood smearing on the inside of the shirt.

I hope it doesn't bleed through.

I rushed to clean up the rest of the bathroom. Five minutes. Five minutes until Kakyoin gets home. Despite the sting, I succeeded. The bathroom was roughly organized, and all evidence of my "habit" had disappeared. I quickly washed my hands and exited the bathroom.

I heard the lock turning and bags rustling. "Hey, Kurisu. I brought food!"

I walked to the kitchen, where Kakyoin had set all the bags. "Hey, Kak. How was work?"

Kakyoin started rambling off about a problem at his job as I began to put away the groceries. My heart was racing; my anxiety was growing by the minute. And so was the urge to go back to the bathroom and continue.

"Hey, you ok?"

Kak's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Hm?" I hummed, turning my head in his direction.

"You seem distracted. What's wrong?" Kakyoin asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine, I promise." I wasn't "fine." I was so anxious my hands and legs were shaking, and my mind was foggy.

"Cici, you're trembling. Please, tell me what's wrong."

The ball of anxiety in my stomach rose to my chest. "Excuse me, Kak. I need to use the bathroom."

I hastily walked to the bathroom and locked myself in. I glanced at my sleeves and saw red beginning to seep out. Good thing I was busying myself with the groceries. Kak must not have noticed. I sat against the wall and took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

A knock sounded at the door.

Kakyoin.

"Love, something's wrong, I can tell. I'm not stupid."

That was all it took to push me over the edge. I opened the drawer and pulled out a razor.

"Cici, come out of there. We can work through this together."

I shook my head, even though I knew he couldn't see. My blank face was replaced by one of pain - mental pain. Hot tears welled in my eyes and made it hard to see where I was cutting. I didn't care.

Another knock.

"Kurisu. Please, open the door."

I could hear the rising panic in his voice, but I couldn't stop. Tears ran down my cheeks and mixed with the blood on the floor.

"Kurisu! Open the door!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I choked through sobs. "I'm sorry."

I was starting to get dizzy.

Keep going.

Don't stop.

You deserve it.

You don't deserve him.

"Kurisu! Open the goddamn door!"

More blood.

More tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I kept repeating the phrase over and over and over again.

More banging on the door.

You're such an idiot.

Are you sure he's not just staying with you out of pity?

You're a loser.

You're so stupid.

You can't do anything right.

What's wrong with you?

Monster.

The voices wouldn't stop.

You're such a terrible boyfriend.

You're so clingy.

Useless.

This is the best you deserve.

At this point, everybody would be happier if you were dead.

Poor Kakyoin has to deal with you.

He's put up with you long enough.

You're a horrible person.

Even you're against you.

More voices.

More blood.

Keep going.

"Kurisu...Please,"

Was he crying?

No. Kak couldn't be. Why would he cry over me? I'm not someone anybody should be upset over.

My hands shook, my breathing was heavy and uneven, and my sight was blurry. Thin green and white tendrils began seeping through the door cracks, and the lock came undone.

What a sight I must've been.

My shorts were on the bathroom floor, abandoned the second I'd walked in. Dark red gore seeped from the gashes on my body. There was red on the tile, red on my arms, red on my hands, and red on the razor. My sleeves were pulled up, and the blood started to drip down the inside of my wrists and forearms. Tears raced down my face, leaving traces of mascara and lines where the foundation and blush used to be.

Everywhere the razor had touched burned like hell, but I couldn't have cared less. I had never hated myself more than I had at that moment.

"Kurisu! Nantekotta! Nani do shita no?!" Kakyoin rushed to my side, slipping the razor out of my hand and turning up my wrists. He looked at me, his beautiful violet eyes glistening.

He deserves someone better than you.

"Kak, I-" A choked sob escaped my throat. I looked him in the eye and felt like a knife had ripped through my heart. But it was still beating; that was worse than if it had stopped.

"What did- why were you-" Kakyoin seemed at a loss for words.

I opened my mouth and closed it. Apparently, so was I.

Tears began to tumble down Kak's cheeks. "Why did you do this, watashi no ai?"

"I'm sorry." I began to sway, and my knees failed to hold me up any longer. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," was all I could say. "I'm sorry I'm not smart. I'm sorry I can't do more to help you when you're feeling down. I'm sorry that I'm a terrible cook. I'm sorry I'm such a horrible s/o. I'm sorry I'm not enough. I'm so-"

"Stop apologizing."

He said it with such a sharp intensity that I couldn't breathe.

"Only children cry."

"You shouldn't apologize for something you can't change."

"You can't even say sorry the right way."

"Stop being such a crybaby."

All the memories I had buried came back to haunt me.

"Look at what you did to your brother!"

"I didn't do it! I swear!"

"I should have left you in that hellhole to rot like the monster you are."

I couldn't stop the flashbacks. They flood my foggy brain, clearing up my thoughts and replacing them with sheer panic.

"You're so useless!"

"B-but I cleaned the whole house?"

"If you really cared, you would've done better!"

"An A-? Really? That's the best you can do?"

"I did my best, I promise!"

"This is not your best! Your best is straight A's, and that's not what I see on this damn paper!"

"Kurisu..."

"The next time I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it the right way!"

"But I did-"

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT!"

"Kurisu!"

I suddenly realized I was kneeling on the floor yelling, my hands tangled in my hair.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I had said it so harshly."

I looked up to see Kakyoin, tears streaming down his face, sitting in front of me. "I know you're hurting, but you need to stop doing this to yourself." He gestured to the gashes on my arms and legs.

"I'm so sorry..." I said through trembling sobs.

"You don't need to apologize. You just need to understand that this?" Kak gingerly ran a finger under a cut, "...this isn't helping. I know it's hard to stop, and I know it's hard to ignore those voices in your head, but you can't let them tell you what to do. You're in control, not those voices saying these things about you.

"You let them speak louder than you. When the voices start yelling at you, saying that you're worthless, you need to scream back that you're better than them." Kakyion cupped my face in his hands. "I love you more than you'll ever understand. I know it's hard for you to believe that, but it's true."

I looked down at the tiled floor; there were still drops of dark red. My mind had gotten fuzzy.

"You're getting pale. Let's patch you up before you lose too much blood, ok?" Kakyoin suggested. I nodded my head.

I didn't know how much time had passed when Kak came with a first aid kit. He ran a cloth under warm water and carefully cleaned the cuts. I barely noticed when he started rolling gauze and wrapping them in Ace. I stayed silent the whole time, the only noises coming from me being sniffles.

"There. All done." Kakyion took a step back and gave me a small smile.

Tears welled up in my eyes again. I don't deserve this guy.

Kakyoin must have noticed. "Oh, love..." He pulled me into a hug that was gentle but strong enough that I felt supported. For several moments, I stood there, letting myself sink into his embrace. "How about we go to bed, hm? You're exhausted and drained."

I hummed in agreement, but it came out as more of a whisper with a small voice crack. Kakyoin led me to our bedroom and helped me lie down.

"Hey," He spoke after he'd laid down next to me. "You know I'd do anything for you. If it means you're happy, I will stand by your side through all of it."

I said nothing as he carefully pulled me close to him. I could hear his beating heart, his even breaths, and the warmth from his chest.

And for the first time in so long,

I felt safe.

#content warning #cw bl00d #sh trigger warning #star writes #short story #fanfiction #jjba fanfic

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