#kunikida hates authority so much he unconsciously falls for the people who go against the most of his partner ideals

[zukkaoru]

kunichuuranzai is great actually because it combines my favorite bsd ship (kunichuuzai) with one of the funniest bsd ships (chuuran) and one of my favorite dynamics to study (dazairanpo) and also between the three of them, chuuya dazai and ranpo probably break every single one of kunikida's ideals for his future spouse in one way or another. which is basically the number one way to make kunikida fall in love with you

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 14: Truthful liar (Part 4)

Warnings: mentions of drug addiction

Author notes: quite a long part... I have to admit, I did not pay attention to its length ^^” I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

It was impossible for us to question the victim. As soon as he had set a foot in the nearest hospital, he had collapsed and had been immediately taken care of by the nurses. And he had not yet woken up… The white corridors smelled like medicine,but it was not unpleasant. Perhaps it was because I was used to the infirmary… My fingers clutched around my box of pills. I could not show a single health care professional that I was an addict, unless I wanted to be brought to the psychiatric unit… However, that stressful situation did not help with my withdrawal, and I was starting to grow uncomfortable. I sighed, and covered my hand to hide the fact it was trembling. Soon enough, Dazai reached me. He was coming back from the doctor's office, and his serious face did not reassure me the least.

"His condition is bad, isn't it…?" I frowned.

"Yep. He isn't going to wake up anytime soon." He stood next to me "We should find another lead."

"... I'm tired, already…" I groaned.

"Don't, the case has just started."

He took my trembling hand into his, and pulled me up suddenly. Then, he brought me towards his chest and used his taller body to hide me from anyone's eyes. I looked up at him, ready to question him, but he was quicker and grabbed the box in my pocket.

"Take that opportunity. Hurry."

"But people —"

"Who cares about what people believe? No one knows us here, anyway…"

He had rarely been that firm since my entrance in the Armed Detective Agency. Quietly, I nodded, before shoving up to three pills on my mouth and swallowing. It was burdensome to be an addict… I was glad that this pitiful life would stop soon. Soon… I closed my eyes a moment, before glancing up at him. He had not budged and, from an outsider's point of view, that scene must have looked like a hug… But to me, who had just drugged myself, it was just a convenient hideout… Gently, I cracked a smile and put a hand on his chest to push him away. Slightly…

"It's alright, now… We can go…"

"Really? Good~" He regained his usual playful smile.

"Should we head to the police station?" I suggested.

"That's not a bad idea." He pulled away from me.

"... Your hand…"

"Ah. My bad."

He had casually left it on my shoulder.

"Dazai… I'm fine, really. Besides, you've seen me take morphine countless times, already." I assured him.

"I have, yet that doesn't mean I am used to it. Every single time…"

"It's almost over. Don't worry… I'll never end up in such a state again…"

"Did you read my mind? That's surprising…~"

"I couldn't possibly… Not that I wouldn't want to…" I looked away.

"Mine will remain a mystery for you~"

"If I can't use my ability to understand it, I'll just strive to know you better…" I muttered.

"... You're right…"

I looked at him softly, and tugged on his sleeve to get him moving.

"We have some work to do. The case won't solve itself."

He chuckled, and we both headed out of the hospital. In front of our colleagues in the Agency, Dazai always behaved strangely, constantly acting like a buffoon, making a joke of himself. I had secretly resented him for putting on such a mask, and it hurt even more to know that everything was a lie. However, at the moment, there were only the two of us, and there was no need for him to keep playing the tragic story of the sad clown who was never allowed a single tear. In front of me, weakness was allowed, and I hoped he was aware that I would never judge him nor take advantage of him… Somehow, I felt special. I was the only one alive who got to see the sadness hidden beneath his mask… That in itself was exceptional enough, coming from Dazai, and it brought me back to our days in the Port Mafia. Thinking about it, he had been less secretive than he was these days, more willing to show his emotions, perhaps… I wondered if that was because of his mistake, because he felt as though he owed me, because he had hurt me… I was most certainly putting too much thought into that, anyway.

The policemen we met told us that they had never assigned any guards for Suda Hiroshi — that was the name of our client. Immediately, they deployed troops to arrest the imposters, but when we arrived, they had already disappeared.

"That's a fishy story…"

The detective in charge of the case put his cigarette out in the ashtray, and sighed.

"We were aware of the many assassination attempts on Suda-san's life, but we had received words that he was already guarded… That's why we never made a move…"

"What do you know of his research?" I questioned him.

"Wasn't it something about oil…? I have to admit that, as a proud citizen of Sapporo, I wasn't too pleased to hear about it…"

"So false information was spread about him… Why would anyone want him to be hated, though…?" I thought out loud.

"Is there anyone who would benefit from Suda-san's fall?" Dazai asked.

"Not that I know of… The only prominent family around here is the Ogawa family. However, they've come here around twenty years ago to retire. I heard their granddaughter lives with them, too." He told us.

"So, they aren't involved in business anymore…"

"No, not at all…! The granddaughter goes to school with my own children. She's well-behaved and polite, really, a kind girl…! They won't create any troubles."

We exited the police station, without much more information. At the very least, I knew that my grandparents were not involved in the case, which relieved me, in a way. I would not have to come into Ruriko-chan's life to destroy it once again… On the other hand, I had no idea about the motive of the criminal. Why would they sequester the man and let him die a slow, painful death, while running his reputation in Hokkaido? If there was nothing worth Suda-san's downfall, then it was surely…

"A passionate crime. A revenge." Dazai completed my thoughts "That's the only thing I can think of."

"I agree with you. It's the only option left, anyway. I'll call the Fox to get his background checked."

"Such a troublesome case… It doesn't help that the victim is a friend of your friend… Will you tell him?"

"Tell him what? That his friend is wounded, in a hospital between life and death…?"

"Wouldn't you want to know, though? If I was in this state, wouldn't you want to be aware?"

"... You have a point…" I conceded "I'll tell him…"

The call was short. My informer was upset and regretted taking so long to inform me about the situation. Although he had not been in contact with Suda-san for years, he was still his friend, and, knowing how he cared about the people close to him, I could only imagine how terrible it felt for him to know the researcher was hurt. He promised to work on the case, but I could perceive how disheartened he sounded. I did not insist and simply hung up. It was not my fault, yet I felt guilty; the Fox had entrusted me with his friend's life, but I had not managed to save him in time.

"Let's go back to the inn." Dazai suggested, slowly guiding me towards a car.

"Mmh… I want to rest…" I muttered, shoving the phone in my pocket "I don't want to hear about that case anymore…"

"You know we'll be back on it tomorrow."

"... I want to quit…"

"Don't be nonsensical, you're simply tired. A long bath in the onsen will make you feel better."

"Maybe you're right… I hate personal cases. Being emotionally involved doesn't go well with me… I should have asked Kunikida to take care of it." I regretted my choice.

"But the Fox made that request to you, his friend. You couldn't have refused either way."

"So, I was trapped from the beginning… Ah… That's the last time I go to Hokkaido."

"So it isn't entirely about the case." He noted.

I stayed quiet, unable to answer. I had not told him about my dream, after… Would he understand? Would he brush it off and call it "weird"? Would he laugh at me…?

"I'm bothered… By my sister…" I murmured "I'm torn between the wish to see her and my reason telling me that it would destroy her even more…"

"I see…"

As I was wondering if that would be all and if he truly did not care about my issues, he leaned towards the driver and changed our route.

"Where are we going?" I frowned.

"It's a surprise~ Do you have your sunglasses?"

"... Sure…?" I took them from my handbag "Why?"

"Wear them when we arrive~"

I did not question him, used to his strange yet meaningful behaviour from time to time, and obeyed him. Although the sun was playing hide-and-seek behind the clouds, I hid my eyes behind the darker glasses and followed him out of the vehicle. After walking a few meters, we arrived in front of a school, and I immediately understood which trick he had played on me. I grabbed his arm, rather brutally.

"Dazai…! You know… You know I can't…!" I protested "Let's leave this instant…!"

"No." He easily removed my grip from him "You want to see her, don't you? Then, at least, look from afar and check for yourself that she's alright."

"... Isn't that stalking her…?"

"Was gathering information on her via the Fox more legal?" He retorted.

As though I were scared they would fall, I readjusted the sunglasses on my nose, and leaned my back on a wall, waiting for the bell to ring and for Ruriko-chan to come out. Would she have friends? Most certainly… How many? I wished for her to have a lot of them… Would she see me? But she would surely mistake me for a stranger… She would not mind my presence too much, since she would not know I was her sister… In fact, I was terrified to meet her, and feel her look full of disgust on me… I was afraid she would scream "murderer" in the street and attract the police… Yes… I was scared that she would destroy my own life, the normality I had gained through so many hardships. In the end, it was the selfish side of myself which was frightened by Ruriko-chan. Unconsciously, my hand brushed against Dazai's, hoping desperately that his ability could cancel my feelings as well, where I knew it was simply impossible. Even so… It gave me the courage I lacked to face my precious sister.

The bell rang — an unfamiliar melody I was hearing for the first time, since had never attended school — and it did not take long before a flow of students came out of the building to head towards the gate. However, I did not see Ruriko-chan. I waited, and waited. My friend did not leave my side, despite the minutes passing and the sun slowly going down behind the buildings. I was disappointed. After bracing myself so hardly, all of my efforts had been in vain… I did not feel ready to experience such an unpleasant time ever again.

"Some clubs end later." Dazai spoke, out of the blue "Let's wait a bit more…"

"Even so, if she comes out alone… She'll be more likely to see me…"

"But will she recognise you? To be honest, you've changed…"

"How? Except for my clothes, I'm still Ogawa Yōko. If it weren't for my sunglasses, do you think these eyes of mine will go unnoticed? Sometimes, I hate them…" I crossed my arms.

"You can be so childish, sometimes~" He teased, wrapping an arm around my shoulders "These eyes are a part of you, as recognisable as they are, and I, for one, like them."

"Y-You do…?" I stuttered, turning towards him "I… Well… Thank you…? I suppose…"

Many people had already complimented my mother's eyes, but never had they paid attention to mine. The fact that it was Dazai, above anything else… It was… Surprising, to say the least… And oddly pleasant. It was impossible for me to suppress the smile from my face after his unexpected words, and even the nervousness I had felt upon waiting for my sister had faded away. Instead, it had been replaced by a strange mixture of warmth and contentment. Was receiving kind words always this agreeable…?

"There she is." My friend broke my train of thoughts.

Time seemed to stop as my eyes fell on the young girl who was Ruriko-chan. Unmistakably, it was her. The uniform of her high school seemed to fit her perfectly, the pleated skirt gently flowed around her legs as she walked, and her face had gotten thinner, more delicate… She had grown into a fine lady, although she was not yet an adult. And her clear blue eyes… They did not have the lavender colour of our mother's, but their blue, alike precious lapis lazuli, shone even brighter under the sunlight. My heart panged painfully in my chest as I refrained myself from running towards her. I could not…

"So that's her… She's cute~"

I could not repress a glare.

"Don't you dare even get close to her." I warned him.

"I'm not into younger girls, don't worry~" He laughed at me.

"Whatever…" I mumbled.

"She does resemble you, though…" He remarked.

"... Does she…? Are you blind…? Look at her gentle, pale face…! She is just like a doll…! And her long, jet black hair… Mmh… She's so beautiful, you really should get a pair of glasses…"

"Oh, really…~?" He smirked at me "I don't think so… But anyway, since she looks so good, I'll just have a word of two with her~"

"Dazai…! I forbid you…!" I ran after him "Come back here…! You're doing this on purpose…!"

However, he was much faster than I was, and he quickly reached Ruriko-chan in front of the gate. There, he put on his brightest and most seductive smile, and bowed slightly in front of her.

"Hello miss~ I saw you from afar and couldn't resist greeting you, since you're such a beauty~"

Her face expressed disgust, and she took a step back.

"I'll report you, sir…" She threatened.

"I apologise on behalf of my coworker…!" I moved in between them "Don't mind him, he's always like that, but he doesn't mean any harm…"

"I see… Well, I suppose I'll let you go, then."

My sister looked me up and down.

"It's strange… I'm positive I never saw you around here, yet you seem familiar, somehow…"

"Is… Is that so…?" I cleared my throat "We're detectives from Yokohama. We're here on a case. This is Dazai Osamu, and I am Fuyuno Kasumi."

"Oh… You're here for Suda-san…? The man whose life is constantly threatened?" She realised.

How smart she was… Was she truly my sister?

"Indeed… We hope to solve it soon."

I noticed the case she was holding.

"You play an instrument?" I asked to change the subject.

"I do." She smiled "Since you're a detective, why don't you try guessing it?"

"Sure… May I hold it?"

She handed me the case, and I took a quick look at it. Then, within a few seconds, I had my answer.

"The violin." I stated confidently.

"That wasn't too hard, was it? That's the most common one after all." She shrugged.

"It could have been a trumpet. But I mainly looked at your hands, and most particularly your fingers. They are a violinist's." I grinned.

"... I see…"

"Is there a problem?" I inquired.

"No, just… For a moment… Your smile… There is someone whose smile I've never seen… I was just wondering… If it would look the same… But that's impossible, you're not her… And… She's possibly already dead…" Her face darkened.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to remind you of that person…"

"It's not your fault. She was very sick… Perhaps it was for the best, after all…"

I clenched my fists. If Ruriko-chan believed I was dead, then perhaps I should let her live thinking that way… Even if it did not seem like she resented me for my deeds.

"You seem to like her a lot." Dazai said softly, taking me aback.

"Yes! She was my precious older sister, after all… Although I once held a grudge against her… No, maybe everything is better this way, after all…" She whispered "Anyway, it was nice to meet you two. Good luck with your case…! I have to go back home, otherwise, my grandparents will be worried."

"Yes, it would be wiser to go back, indeed. Be safe on the way." I waved lightly.

As soon as her back was turned, I sighed slightly. Did she not  hate me for killing our parents…? Did she not want me in jail…? Or gone from this Earth…? Ruriko-chan truly had a gentle heart… She did not resemble me at all, her hands were pure, and produced beautiful music, unlike mine which only provoked screams of agony. We were different, and, despite the fact that I had gotten accustomed to living in a lighter word, it did not change the fact that I was tainted. I should not approach her anymore…

"Ogawa…!"

His sudden call, along with the screeching sound of a car's wheel on the concrete, made me act before my brain could even register what was occurring. I grabbed Ruriko-chan from behind, and pulled her out of the road before the vehicle could hit her. Her musician's hand did not let go of her precious instrument, even as we fell back on the sidewalk, which would have amused me if her life had not been in danger. Unable to help it, I wrapped my arms around her a moment, and kept her close to me, feeling my heart beat even faster at the thought of losing her so cruelly.

"How… How did you know my name…?" Her small and shocked voice reached my ears.

"That…" Dazai clicked his tongue, looking away.

He had made a mistake when calling me… Even so, I was grateful — the fraction of second gained when she stopped, hearing her name, had allowed me to save her.

"You must have misheard." I lied "Can you stand up?"

"Wait, Fuyuno…" My friend prevented me from moving "Your sunglasses…"

They had fallen from my face, and the car had crushed them, adding to my misfortune.

"Shit…" I cursed.

"Are you alright?" My sister turned towards me "I must be heavy…"

I immediately closed my eyes.

"Y-Yes… I… Just… I'm sensitive… To the sun, so… It's hard for me to see without my glasses…" I invented an illness.

She did not say a thing and, since I had deprived myself from my eyes, I could not see her face.

"You know… I'm not a detective, but… If you truly were sick, you would take better care of these glasses… You could have tied them, for example… And you should own a spare…"

She really was too smart… It was my defeat, and I had to face its consequences.

"You're right… I'm not sick… I was just… Hiding."

I opened my eyes, and glanced at the shock in her look, before helping her up. Then, I smiled — or smirked, it seemed like a weird way to lift the corners of my lips up.

"It's been a while, Ruriko-chan…"

"Ah… I see… It was one of your horrible tricks…" Tears fell onto her cheeks "You're the worst… The worst…! Even after everything I told Fuyuno Kasumi, even after losing your only way of hiding, you're still dishonest… Why are you always, always lying…?!"

"Ruriko-chan…"

"Don't touch me…! You're a liar…! I don't… I don't want to see you again…!"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… But… I thought you hated me… So, I… I just… I just wanted to know… How you were doing…"

"If you truly wanted to check on me, you would have come in person, instead of lying, as always… As expected…"

"But you said you didn't hate me —"

"I don't hate you, but I don't trust you either. Go away, now. Don't… Don't try to reach out to me anymore. My sister is dead to me."

I was not able to hold her back and, powerless, stared at her silhouette fading away in the remnants of the sunlight. Being alive, yet dead in another person's heart, felt like the ground had shattered beneath my feet.

"... It was a mistake…" I breathed out "A terrible one…"

"Ogawa, that was my fault… I should have given you more time… Or maybe I shouldn't have insisted in the first place…" Dazai sighed.

"Yes… It is your fault." I cried "Everything… It is your fault… If only I had waited more, I would never have hidden myself, had I been ready…! But you had to butt in and convince me otherwise… Why did I even follow your lead, in the first place…?! This is my business, my sister, yet you interfered again! You always do! And now… And now she… Whereas she didn't hate me…"

"Ogawa…"

"I'm dead to her…! Do you understand…?! I do not exist anymore…!! I stopped living in her mind…! She might as well have killed me, I would have suffered less… That's your fault…" I sobbed, falling to my knees "I've lost my sister… Ruriko-chan…! Ruriko-chan…!"

"... I'm sorry…" He crouched down to face me "I'm sorry that it turned out so badly…"

I reached for his collar, and pulled him towards me to bury my face in his coat, to hide my pitiful tears. Even when he had left, I had not cried this much. Why was this one loss so painful…? Was it because I had expected something…? What was the point of desiring and hoping, then, if these feelings only brought pain by crushing my heart…? What was the point of longing, if the person I wanted to see did not want me by her side…? I should have known and abandoned these useless emotions long ago, I should have learnt from my experience with Dazai, but I was as ignorant as I had been years ago.

"It's alright… Blame me all you want, if it alleviates your pain…" He murmured "I did miscalculate, this time…"

"... I'm sorry…" I sniffed, slowly calming down "I got carried away…"

"I said it's fine."

I looked up at him, but far from a face matching his comforting words, his expression was… Well, he was expressionless. Or perhaps annoyed. I had vexed him.

"There is something I've come to understand, with time…" I pulled away from him "Human feelings… Are kind of unpredictable. You can manipulate them, you can play with them, but at the end of the day, you'll always end up surprised… Besides, you made a mistake because you're not familiar with Ruriko-chan…"

"And what's your point?"

I grabbed his cheeks and forcefully pulled them up to force a smile on his face.

"A genius strategist can make mistakes. And, you're a human too. You have a brain, and emotions, not a chessboard which pieces you move thanks to calculations." I told him.

"I don't have enough ego to be angry about failure." He avoided my eyes "Rather…"

His fingers tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear, and he sighed again.

"Nothing… The night is falling, let's really go back now." He took my hand to help me up.

"Mmh… There is no use crying, anyway… What's done is done, and I can never go back. I'll just have to live without her." I wiped my tears away.

"... But you have me…"

"... Did you say something…?"

A car had passed right while he was talking, and I was afraid to have misheard. He cracked a smile.

"Nothing at all. I'm just excited to try the onsen, that's all~"

"True." I giggled "We do deserve some rest."